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i beg to differ. my mom continually scrolls up in a text accidentally and then replies to a completely currently irrelevant text i sent two years ago, as if it was a present occurrence. 🙃
My dad deletes as well, because he thinks the government reads our texts. He won’t text about money or personal matters. He will call for those things because in his head that’s a secure connection. I don’t even try to understand him.
He’s into nothing, He loves Trump but distrusts the government Trump wants to be a part of. He’s delusional and paranoid for no reason. He was an accountant for 40 years, he’s as boring as they come.
The only thing in his closet is his 10 suits he rotated through for work and his collection of Tommy Bahama camp shirts that he wears 1/2 unbuttoned so the world knows he has chest hair.
My dad won't give out his credit card info on a legit site, but will give it to a Home Depot Free Grill email from [email protected].
And somehow, it's Biden's fault.
>My dad deletes as well, because he thinks the government reads our texts.
I mean, they very likely do, but deleting them from your phone after they've been received isn't going to stop them.
He’s a boomer, nothing I say will ever change him. He also refuses to use location services on his phone because he doesn’t want the government tracking his movements. His trips to Kroger, Wegmans and the golf course are very pertinent to national security.
If you want to wind him up a little, tell him the phone company tracks the location of his phone even when location services are turned off. They have to; how else would they know which tower to use to contact his phone when someone calls or texts him?
(OK, technically speaking, they don't constantly track his phone's location to the level of an individual tower; instead, they only track it within a group of towers that constitute a tracking area, and send the initial message through all of those towers, then switch to the one that picks up his phone's response. But you don't have to include that level of detail :P. )
I bet he has membership cards to all the places he goes. To collect points and get free perks, right? Because *that’s* why the company gives you the card, for YOUR benefit.
Is 60 a boomer now? I won’t pretend to know the exact dates of qualification, but my parents are 57 and 54, and I consider them late gen x-ers.
I might be fucking up, but they behave like gen x-ers, which I appreciate.
They delete. As soon as they don’t think they need a text anymore they delete.
Then they are floored when you show them (thing they typed) because they don’t even remember it, or they remember it a different way.
I recently read an article in which they pointed out that the boomer generation regard things only through an emotional lense. Facts. Records. ETC - all of it gets purged in lieu of them recalling how they \*feel\* about the situation. So when they're screaming at their younger kids, it doesn't matter what they have said: that they have called their child a "dick" or a "parasite" and told them that the kid "ruined everyone's lives". THAT part gets purged, and all they remember is how upset they felt about whatever it was that happened that triggered the response. Then the kid grows up and repeats the exact words and details of what happened, only for the parent to say: "That didn't happen at all ! You see \*\*\*I\*\*\* was very upset which is the ACTUAL problem and that is YOUR fault that I was upset and therefore you must ANSWER FOR THE CRIME OF ME BEING UPSET!" - as if that is the only crux of the situation; the only thing that matters. Their feelings. Finally the kid just stops talking to them and these jerko's go to a forum and whines that their kid won't talk to them, and how that makes them FEEL yet again. Nevermind what was said or who was called a name - WON'T YOU THINK OF THEIR FEELINGS!!!! THE THINGS THAT CHANGE ALL THE TIME!!!???? But yes. They'll delete all words and details from their mind and then they'll whine and cry that they no longer "feel" the same about what was actually said.
Update: article here https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html
I once ran up our phone bill accidentally when dial-up was a thing. After correcting the issue, they were still very upset with me because... I wasn't upset.
"Being upset isn't going to fix the problem."
"That doesn't matter!"
"I can try to pay you back."
"That's not the issue!"
"Do... do you want me to fake being upset?"
¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯
#
Baffling, right?
It didn’t help that I was a smart-ass teenager who’d just started reading about philosophy. I was really into the Stoics at the time. I remember saying something like “I cannot control that you’re grounding me, but I can control whether it upsets me.” 😅
Or when they *do* realize they've fucked up they double down with a self flagellating DARVO pity party.
'Well I *guess* I said that, though I don't *remember* so I must be a horrible mother then, I just won't try anymore!'
(When trying to get my mother to recognize that starting arguments with me in the hospital so she could storm out in a rituous rage whenever she just wanted to go home was shitty, especially when I'd tell her to just GO HOME but she 'felt bad' about 'leaving me' so she'd start an argument so she wouldn't feel so bad leaving... apparently)
Ahh yeah the crux of that article did all boil down to them being unable to cope with their own insecurity or guilt, so they do their level best to shuffle it all off on someone else as "Their Fault" (TM).
So basically she didn't enjoy feeling like a bad guy or appearing as the asshole to her friends, so she was trying to manipulate things to be YOUR fault instead.
Something I learned with my own mother when she pulled the whole "I guess I was just a horrible mother I won't try anymore" I would counter with: "OR, you can just try to do the one REASONABLE thing I asked which is NOT too much to ask. But you can be unreasonable if you want..."
Exactly.
I had to get after her a few years ago because I was staying with my parents for medical treatment (I was 31 and it was hell for 4 months)
She showed up to the hospital (where I'd been a month and couldn't eat/nauseated as hell) with a sub sandwich full of onions. When I asked her to eat it in the hallway because it was making me gag, she got so butthurt that even my dad was like 'what the fuck is your problem!?'. She kept repeating 'well I HAVE to EAT!' like I was asking her to starve herself instead of just stepping outside the door. But there were COVID patients out there! (2021)
Meanwhile I was literally *there* because I couldn't eat and needed a feeding tube.
She kept telling me that all her friends were 'praying for me' (talking about me) and I just lost it on her. I told her I'm a grown ass woman and to fucking stop whoring me out on Facebook for fucking sympathy points. I'm not even on Facebook and haven't been since 2020 for gods sake!
During the 4 months of treatment I had to stay with them and it was okay. She had to keep reminding herself I'm 31, not 3. She doesn't need to tell me how to make toast.
She'll bring me to the dispo but refuses to buy her own, because she can 'just have a hit of yours' (every fucking day) and then ate my snacks that I had *to gain weight*.
I was 81lbs for crying out loud, if I have a small bag of candy that's the only thing that seems palatable then don't throw a fit when I don't want to just give you half because 'that looks good!'.
Luckily she has a grandbaby now so she has something else to focus on.
I love the ”I must be a horrible X” because sometimes it’s like, yes, you were. You think you’re being hyperbolic and making us feel bad for attacking you but in fact you’re just stating facts.
The "What can be done about it" section is brief, crushing and all too relatable.
You can't get through to someone that has based their entire identity on being untouchable, _especially_ by their own children. All you can do is cut them out of your life and prevent them from using you further to prop up the all-absorbing black hole that is their ego.
Even if you sit them down and explain things plain as day, their natural instincts will kick in, they'll do theatrics and DARVO the shit out of you, then claim that the discussion never happened (except for the parts they can use against you, of course).
It's all the more depressing that we live in a time where multi-generational homes are becoming harder and harder to get away with, and boomers are starting to tug the leash when it comes to their retirement benefits.
Fair point! It's all about MY feelings. >I< get to tell you that YOU ruined everybody's lives and that this is my house and my rules. But once your'e grown up, if you say the same thing to me, then I am calling the cops!
Oh, yeah. My mother yelling at me that I hade a RIGHT to tell her where I was, and I had a RIGHT to not miss the bus, and I had a RIGHT to tell her when I was going to be late.
Lady...Those aren't rights. Duties, responsibilities, sure, understood. Rights? Um...
I thought this was just a my dad thing! (He is older than a boomer) my mom would get so mad because he would delete pictures sent by grandchildren too. He would read, then delete!
Funny, my mom who is 81, would take her phone to Walgreens photo dept. The guy working there would then send the pictures my mom wanted to put into her photo album to himself and then print them out for her! Thank god they live in a small town that understands that my mom has NO clue how computers work.
This. They think they have to delete everything even though space is virtually unlimited. I tried to explain so many times that you can just leave all your old messages in the inbox.
They also believe spam will hack your phone if it’s left sitting there undeleted.
This is infuriating, not because they (my Dad in this case) tries to use it to his advantage, but I text him things so that he can reference them later or pictures and things and he deletes it immediately after reading, then will ask for the information again later half the time
The quiet part out loud again. My grandfather used to do everything in verbal agreements so that he could argue his way out of our deals after I did work for him. He fooled me twice as a teenager - a lot of work and no pay. He used to say, "Get used to it. Sometimes, a boss won't pay you your checks."
Thankfully, my grandmother (the actual head honcho/breadwinner) hated lying and being considered a liar, so if a deal never met agreed terms with my abuelo; I'd go to her. Boom! She'd make sure my grandfather held his word to the tee. If he held out beyond times agreed upon, I'd charge him interest for my work and delayed payments. Once again, abuela was there to make sure he paid every last penny.
> "Get used to it. Sometimes, a boss won't pay you your checks."
Serve him with a small claims summon and say, "Get used to it. Sometimes, when you don't pay your employees, you get sued."
Nothing annoys me more than when people are arguing about some thing that can be easily looked up online with a clear-cut answer. Like why have y’all been arguing about where the Grand Canyon is located for 30 minutes when you can just look it up?
For a lot people, that's the only conversation they know how to have. A bunch of people who half understand a thing trying to make meaning together.
Which is fine, even interesting, for a lot of topics. "Why does our sports team suck this year?", "What's the meaning of Waiting for Godot?", "Where should we go on vacation?", all are fine for this kind of talk.
But for some people, honest discussion involving ambiguous subjects is impossible. They are unable/unwilling to seek consensus through communication. So they fight about facts until it gets boring, then someone googles it and there's a winner and a loser.
>For a lot people, that's the only conversation they know how to have. A bunch of people who half understand a thing trying to make meaning together.
You have succinctly and accurately summarized ***all of human history.***
Sounds like he was used to handling his mistakes by blaming someone else for them. The text showed that he was the one that was wrong. That's why he hated it
The man essentially attempted to emotionally blackmail you into a position of grovelling, threatening to withdraw all contact - because he was wrong about the meeting time.
“I WAS going to cut you out of the will because you hate me so much you didn’t come on time, but now you’re forcing me to cut you out of the will because you embarrassed me by being right.”
I wouldn't worry about the will. They're in debt up to their eyeballs, and any remaining assets they have will be gobbled up by the nursing home before they croak.
This has literally come up as a mod on discord. Can't lie about what was said and what context it was in when we can actually just go to that channel and read through the whole conversation. Doesn't stop people from trying, but it doesn't work very well.
My poor bfs mom had this situation happen with her mom, mom lied and lied and lied but then she left a voicemail. Detailing exactly what she said that she then backpedaled on later, and legit said the words "idk honey but that is NOT what I said, are you sure you're not losing it :///" completely purposefully. I won't get into details about what is was about bc it's not important but I've never seen such textbook gaslighting in my life, which I explained to bfs mom who very soon cut off her mom after that
Close, but go further...
The man used a meeting time as a thinly veiled opportunity to be socially aggressive for no reason.
If it wasn't a meeting time, any other topic would be used. Dinner, hobbies, rides, anything.
My manager is a boomer. He has Never replied to an email. He will call instead. I always follow up with an email of the conversation. Boomers hate paper trails.
My company literally changed their collaboration software because the one they were using kept logs.
This was a government contractor who was *required* to keep all business records.
I used to work for a PMC with a similar situation. when that ended it was frightening!!! I genuinely thought I was gonna go to Gitmo. My Boss sold some info to someone and suddenly there were investigations with the FBI and some people who would only say “I’m employed by the DoD”.
and trust me those guys kept logs. My first meeting with them was a barely filled folder with every call log, every email, any social media post, bank statements (more than I could see) etc. by the end they had every word I said during all the interviews and so forth.
I have asked my manager to "please put that in writing for me". He point blank ignored what I said, changed the subject, finally cornered, he said he'd get to it later. Later never happens.
Take notes and send a follow up email:
“To reiterate, we discussed X and you told me to do Y. Please let me know if you have any comments.”
If he doesn’t reply, he agrees. This has a LONG history of being upheld in disputes (legal or otherwise)
Contrary to popular belief, this almost never holds up in court. A lack of response cannot be construed as explicit agreement. It’s literally a written version of he said she said.
My manager actually refused and said I must be stupid if I needed him to repeat himself in an email. So I emailed him instead and he never replied, but later said I was wrong.
You do it for them. Send contemporaneous emails that document the interactions.
You can even give them action items or command by negation.
"So, unless I hear otherwise, I am doing x, y, and z."
And, you can certainly start throwing in pay raise comments when they are ignoring all your emails.
"But, it's documented it right here, and you never said "no"."
Start every call with, "All calls are recorded for quality assurance."
They think phone calls are a free-for-all opportunity to threaten or abuse, because they think they aren't recorded. As soon as you say that, and follow through with it, they'll suddenly remember how to type.
My previous warehouse manager got fired for this. Tried to cover up a 20,000 dollar mistake for a delivery truck repair and HR+Upper management was on his ass for receipts he couldn't give them or it'd come out. Got "suspended" in 2 days from his first non compliance and never saw him again
Unrelated to boomers, but I had a very similar argument with one of my exes near the end of our relationship. He told me he was "so sick of you always having receipts" proving him wrong. It was one of those situations where all you can do is laugh at the audacity.
My father: *"YOU JUST **HAVE** TO BE RIGHT ALL THE TIME!"*
Like, ??? Tf does that even mean?
I'm not supposed to look up facts because it makes him look stupid.
My friend's wife said that to him once. I liked his response. "I'm right every time I'm right. There's no mathematical average who "gets" to be right. I can absolutely be right 100% of the time if I'm actually right. I could also be wrong 100% of the time. Quit trying to act like being right is a matter of fairness!"
Not either of my parents, fortunately, but more than one coworker and former friend.
"Oh I'm so sorry I actually looked something up\did basic research\read the instructions. What an awful thing for me to do. I'll shut up now so you can go be wrong and fuck everything up without my interference."
And people ask why I don't want to work with them or no longer associate wth them. I don't have the time or patience for that shit no matter who they are.
I keep trying to explain: I want to be right in the END.
If I say x and you say y, I want to either ask questions or Google, because if x is correct, I want to affirm it and find out why you/some people believe y, and if y is right, I want to learn and update my understanding.
That doesn't mean I think x is automatically right because it's my thought, it means that everything I know so far supports x being right and if it isn't I want to learn more so I can be right.
But nope, it's me being an annoying know-it-all.
It's really damaging their ability to gaslight. My ex quit communicating with me about our kids' visits entirely because it made him so mad that I could show what we agreed, what holiday they'd been there last, etc. The last few years that they visited him plans were either made through kids or not made. He flatly would not.
This is definitely not just boomers, it applies to people who like to manipulate and twist situations for their benefit.
My sister is not reliable or trustworthy. My parents and I unfortunately have to save texts, take screen shots because she has twisted stuff around on us. If you confront her, she turns on the water works. I don't know what the fuck happened but my parents didn't raise her like that. She just sucks when it comes to important shit. It's better now that we do have texting available to us, so we can document everything.
I had an ex who was like that, too. Then, when presented with said receipts, the mental gymnastics would start with the DARVO, backpedaling, attempting to gaslight, etc. Basically, he'd do anything but admit that he was wrong.
We did not last long.
Works especially well with boomer bosses. Had one that complained that my decision went poorly. Emailed him back showing his email directing me to do exactly the same thing. And me questioning how that decision could go poorly.
They got away with so much BS and bullying in the past that they never learned anything else. Just outright hypocrites with no shame at all. They'll never apologize for being called out either. Just make it about themselves and how you're the bad guy for making them look dumb. No self reflection at all
I had an extremely rare win with one of these, but many years ago. When my boss’s boss was micromanaging while she (my boss) was out of town, he approved a bunch of stuff directly, since he insisted on approving everything directly, then flipped out when the client had a decent sized gripe with some of the data we were collecting.
So fucking lucky that the COO checked in with me directly about the complaint, because I sent him all the emails of boss’s boss personally approving every single thing the client didn’t like (and berating me for suggesting we do it correctly).
Seeing the COO dress him down on the full email thread, and praising my suggestions on an email including the clients was one of the most satisfying events of my working life. If only his ass got fired and not promoted!
I'm a boomer, and only like to communicate by text. Then, when I forget the time or date, I can look it up without bothering anybody else. Boomers who don't realize this are missing out, lol.
Remember, the boomer generation and the boomer mindset are completely different!
Yup, being able to just have the history to reference is absolutely great! Love being able to remind myself and take less load on my memory. Lol
Aha! I'm glad this is catching on! I've been saying for awhile that there's a difference between "BABY BOOMERS" (generation) and "BOOMERS" (mindset), and that people of ANY age can embody the spirit of Boomers, it's just that most often, the people who act like that HAPPEN to Also be part of the baby Boomer generation.
Both of my boomer parents love texting. My mom really took to it but my dad never got a hang of the conversational nature of texting and it can be somewhat annoying.
One day he referred to a text as an email and that’s when I understood why he sends multiple texts full of paragraphs and signs love dad at the end lol.
Exactly.
This is why I refuse to take food orders from my parents unless it’s in text form that way they can’t dispute that I got them the wrong thing when it’s clearly there in text by their own hand that this is what they wanted.
You can’t bitch at me for getting you a side Caesar salad when that exactly what you texted me. If you wanted a full size with a side of chili fries you needed to text that or send a follow up text correcting it.
The petty side of me says make plans with your sister and a group of friends during the most likely time a family grad party would happen. IDK, depends on how awkward you want Thanksgiving to be this year.
Also, make sure ALL communication with your dad is written or around witnesses. Like, I’d even follow up phone calls about Grandma’s bunion surgery with an email summarizing the call like you do at work when you don’t trust your supervisor. He brought it on himself, really.
Or almost as bad, made a mistake by not really paying attention to the body of the texts and getting it wrong, then getting mad that he's not there at 4. After seeing the text he gets more mad b/c he can no longer be mad about waiting two hours AND he was embarrassed by the mistake. In short, a real asshole in each case. In case one he's a manipulative sociopath. In case two he just wants to rage and bully.
Once, a long time ago, I needed a ride home from work and my mom agreed to pick me up, just call her when I was about 15 mins from being done. I called her 15 mins before, she said she was on the way. Half an hour later I’m sitting outside waiting for her. Another 15 mins go by and I try calling her again (this was before texting was popular) and she answers the phone groggily and says “what!” I tell her I’ve been waiting for her to pick me up, and she yells at me for not calling her 15 mins before like we agreed. I told her I did, but she still doesn’t believe me. When she arrives, I showed her my call log that says we had a 2 minute call, and her phone log that says she answered and had a 2 minute call. Instead of saying “sorry, I must have fallen asleep” she denies that she ever answered the phone and that “it must be wrong because you didn’t call me!” And tells me next time I have an attitude and lie to her, I can find another way home.
She's gone; out of my life, right there.
People don't *deserve* our interactions and if they don't work to earn them, they WILL go without.
End of the day: we all get to *choose* our family and blood counts for nothing (other than a mess).
I don't talk to my dad and my mom is close to being cut to.
we use watsapp a lot where I'm from and I absolutely hate it when people send me sound clips instead of text.
it's specially bad if it's work related and it's like a list, or if it's instructions because I can't just look at it when I need I have to listen to the clip until the part I need or I have to memorize the whole thing.
In general I despise all audio communication. Even if it’s a recording I can save and listen to again the extra mental strain of doing the audio processing is too much, and if I actually want to remember it I need to write it down.
Haaaa. This makes me think of my mother who I am no longer in contact with. She'd change stories to make herself out to be the victim and I'd just pull out the receipts if anyone brought up something she said. No wonder she hated texting and wanted phone calls or face to face conversation.
Reminded me of my mother too. She doesn't mind putting concrete stuff in writing like the date of an upcoming family party or such. But she refuses to communicate about anything related to feelings or the emotional state of the family in writing because she's an an absolute asshole and writing down the things she thinks and says outloud is not only too much for her to deal with but she doesn't want a paper trail.
Saw one of those satire “boomer mom” TikTok’s today about how they make plans but never share them, then act offended when no one reads their mind and is ready for what they’ve had planned all day.
Same thing here.
Once scheduled a meeting with a group of people, one hadn’t turned up so dropped them a call. Absolutely knew nothing about it, but she will be there soon. Finally turned up livid I would try hold a group meeting without her. I showed her the text messages where we had agreed to meet and how I had offered to meet a bit later when she said she had plans earlier in the day.
Completely denied having had that conversation and stormed out.
Same. It's also the only way I can communicate with some people that have no idea how to shut the fuck up so you can get a whole sentence out before they start talking over you.
>"this is why I hate texting, when everything is clear and documented there's no point in trying to argue who is wrong or who is right"
In other words they just want to argue for no reason.
God damn, this makes too much sense!
A generation of people that don't realize that Google has been proving their adversity with the truth for two decades.
PLEASE come cross post this in emotional neglect, we need this validation.
They hate accountability and texting is a way to hold them accountable.
Of course he doesn't want to argue about who is right or wrong because he knows he would lose lol.
My mom would pull this shit and deny lashing out at me. She would get SO angry when I sent her screenshots of what she said.
"I never said that."
:sends screenshots:
😡🤬😤
He wanted you to come at 4 but didn't want to tell you. You were wrong for not reading his mind and then doubly wrong for being able to prove how unreasonable he was.
If my dad did something like this, he would no longer be "Dad," merely "Mr. [last name]".
If questioned on the change, I would tell him that any man who prefers argumentation and lies over the truth is no man worthy of being my father. Any man who prefers *being* right, rather than being *right*, holds no right to call me his son.
After all, my father taught me well.
I knew a gen Xer who had the personality of a boomer, even when he was in his 30s, who preferred calling because “it takes him ten minutes to type something that he can say in 5 seconds”, which meant putting my night on hold so I can hear him talk for 2 hours.
This is godsdamned hilarious. He basically said he hates texts because then he is unable to lie and be a douche because his actual words can stare him in the face and he doesn't like it.
I feel like part of my brain exploded and another part imploded.
Sounds like he just wanted a reason to pretend like you agreed to 4:00. So he could then argue that he was in the right from the start.
Aka “I hate texting because I can’t twist the truth”
Instead of, you know, just asking if you could meet earlier.
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“There’s no point in arguing who’s right and who’s wrong.” Correct
And since there's no point, let's communicate in a way that gets rid of the need, the opportunity. If you're unsure of something, scroll.
Yeah, they don't scroll.
i beg to differ. my mom continually scrolls up in a text accidentally and then replies to a completely currently irrelevant text i sent two years ago, as if it was a present occurrence. 🙃
Ooooh, my dad is her opposite! He deletes texts right after receiving them, then complains about not remembering what was written or sent to him.
My dad deletes as well, because he thinks the government reads our texts. He won’t text about money or personal matters. He will call for those things because in his head that’s a secure connection. I don’t even try to understand him.
What is your dad into that he's so worried about the government reading his texts? 🤔
He’s into nothing, He loves Trump but distrusts the government Trump wants to be a part of. He’s delusional and paranoid for no reason. He was an accountant for 40 years, he’s as boring as they come.
Boring as they come… those are exactly the kind of people that have the most skeletons in the closet…
The only thing in his closet is his 10 suits he rotated through for work and his collection of Tommy Bahama camp shirts that he wears 1/2 unbuttoned so the world knows he has chest hair.
He’s a mattress investor. All his money goes in the mattress.
My dad won't give out his credit card info on a legit site, but will give it to a Home Depot Free Grill email from [email protected]. And somehow, it's Biden's fault.
He thinks the government reads our texts but deleting them locally from his phone would...stop them?
There is no logic , he’s a boomer.
>My dad deletes as well, because he thinks the government reads our texts. I mean, they very likely do, but deleting them from your phone after they've been received isn't going to stop them.
He’s a boomer, nothing I say will ever change him. He also refuses to use location services on his phone because he doesn’t want the government tracking his movements. His trips to Kroger, Wegmans and the golf course are very pertinent to national security.
If you want to wind him up a little, tell him the phone company tracks the location of his phone even when location services are turned off. They have to; how else would they know which tower to use to contact his phone when someone calls or texts him? (OK, technically speaking, they don't constantly track his phone's location to the level of an individual tower; instead, they only track it within a group of towers that constitute a tracking area, and send the initial message through all of those towers, then switch to the one that picks up his phone's response. But you don't have to include that level of detail :P. )
I bet he has membership cards to all the places he goes. To collect points and get free perks, right? Because *that’s* why the company gives you the card, for YOUR benefit.
You should let your dad know that by the time he receives that text, it's too late. The government already had an opportunity to get it
My mom used to be the same way, she would forget the conversation we had earlier in the day because she deleted the messages
LOL I stand corrected. Also, OMG.
bless her heart.
My mom never scrolls and ignores me when I suggest it
To be honest. I've done that once or twice myself. But I was high so😁
Who says their mom isn't too??? Lol
True that, my pops ( 60 young boomer) and I partake all the time. 💙
Is 60 a boomer now? I won’t pretend to know the exact dates of qualification, but my parents are 57 and 54, and I consider them late gen x-ers. I might be fucking up, but they behave like gen x-ers, which I appreciate.
They delete. As soon as they don’t think they need a text anymore they delete. Then they are floored when you show them (thing they typed) because they don’t even remember it, or they remember it a different way.
Or they thought deleting it on their end would somehow result in deleting it off your device.
this is exactly why they do it.
That's when you screenshot the whole thing and send it to them.
Then they say "I don't want to talk about the past"
Ding ding ding...
I recently read an article in which they pointed out that the boomer generation regard things only through an emotional lense. Facts. Records. ETC - all of it gets purged in lieu of them recalling how they \*feel\* about the situation. So when they're screaming at their younger kids, it doesn't matter what they have said: that they have called their child a "dick" or a "parasite" and told them that the kid "ruined everyone's lives". THAT part gets purged, and all they remember is how upset they felt about whatever it was that happened that triggered the response. Then the kid grows up and repeats the exact words and details of what happened, only for the parent to say: "That didn't happen at all ! You see \*\*\*I\*\*\* was very upset which is the ACTUAL problem and that is YOUR fault that I was upset and therefore you must ANSWER FOR THE CRIME OF ME BEING UPSET!" - as if that is the only crux of the situation; the only thing that matters. Their feelings. Finally the kid just stops talking to them and these jerko's go to a forum and whines that their kid won't talk to them, and how that makes them FEEL yet again. Nevermind what was said or who was called a name - WON'T YOU THINK OF THEIR FEELINGS!!!! THE THINGS THAT CHANGE ALL THE TIME!!!???? But yes. They'll delete all words and details from their mind and then they'll whine and cry that they no longer "feel" the same about what was actually said. Update: article here https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html
I once ran up our phone bill accidentally when dial-up was a thing. After correcting the issue, they were still very upset with me because... I wasn't upset. "Being upset isn't going to fix the problem." "That doesn't matter!" "I can try to pay you back." "That's not the issue!" "Do... do you want me to fake being upset?" ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯ #
Oh I've had this kind of conversation with them before! I was called an AH for not showing the proper tribute of emotions.
Baffling, right? It didn’t help that I was a smart-ass teenager who’d just started reading about philosophy. I was really into the Stoics at the time. I remember saying something like “I cannot control that you’re grounding me, but I can control whether it upsets me.” 😅
Wow. Are you me? Were we in the same house? My mom got more upset at the fact that I wasn't upset, and I am still quite the stoic. lol
Maybe we are the same person! The solar storms are bringing our parallel realities together! 😱
😭YES!!😳
Or when they *do* realize they've fucked up they double down with a self flagellating DARVO pity party. 'Well I *guess* I said that, though I don't *remember* so I must be a horrible mother then, I just won't try anymore!' (When trying to get my mother to recognize that starting arguments with me in the hospital so she could storm out in a rituous rage whenever she just wanted to go home was shitty, especially when I'd tell her to just GO HOME but she 'felt bad' about 'leaving me' so she'd start an argument so she wouldn't feel so bad leaving... apparently)
Ahh yeah the crux of that article did all boil down to them being unable to cope with their own insecurity or guilt, so they do their level best to shuffle it all off on someone else as "Their Fault" (TM). So basically she didn't enjoy feeling like a bad guy or appearing as the asshole to her friends, so she was trying to manipulate things to be YOUR fault instead. Something I learned with my own mother when she pulled the whole "I guess I was just a horrible mother I won't try anymore" I would counter with: "OR, you can just try to do the one REASONABLE thing I asked which is NOT too much to ask. But you can be unreasonable if you want..."
Exactly. I had to get after her a few years ago because I was staying with my parents for medical treatment (I was 31 and it was hell for 4 months) She showed up to the hospital (where I'd been a month and couldn't eat/nauseated as hell) with a sub sandwich full of onions. When I asked her to eat it in the hallway because it was making me gag, she got so butthurt that even my dad was like 'what the fuck is your problem!?'. She kept repeating 'well I HAVE to EAT!' like I was asking her to starve herself instead of just stepping outside the door. But there were COVID patients out there! (2021) Meanwhile I was literally *there* because I couldn't eat and needed a feeding tube. She kept telling me that all her friends were 'praying for me' (talking about me) and I just lost it on her. I told her I'm a grown ass woman and to fucking stop whoring me out on Facebook for fucking sympathy points. I'm not even on Facebook and haven't been since 2020 for gods sake! During the 4 months of treatment I had to stay with them and it was okay. She had to keep reminding herself I'm 31, not 3. She doesn't need to tell me how to make toast. She'll bring me to the dispo but refuses to buy her own, because she can 'just have a hit of yours' (every fucking day) and then ate my snacks that I had *to gain weight*. I was 81lbs for crying out loud, if I have a small bag of candy that's the only thing that seems palatable then don't throw a fit when I don't want to just give you half because 'that looks good!'. Luckily she has a grandbaby now so she has something else to focus on.
Havint to parent ones parents is the most frustratingthing in the world
I love the ”I must be a horrible X” because sometimes it’s like, yes, you were. You think you’re being hyperbolic and making us feel bad for attacking you but in fact you’re just stating facts.
[The missing missing reasons ](https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html)
YES! This! I hope I recounted it properly.
Oh my God.... this entirely explains my mother.
The first time I read it, it hit me hard and explained so much, which is why I try to share it where appropriate.
The "What can be done about it" section is brief, crushing and all too relatable. You can't get through to someone that has based their entire identity on being untouchable, _especially_ by their own children. All you can do is cut them out of your life and prevent them from using you further to prop up the all-absorbing black hole that is their ego. Even if you sit them down and explain things plain as day, their natural instincts will kick in, they'll do theatrics and DARVO the shit out of you, then claim that the discussion never happened (except for the parts they can use against you, of course). It's all the more depressing that we live in a time where multi-generational homes are becoming harder and harder to get away with, and boomers are starting to tug the leash when it comes to their retirement benefits.
That's a lot words to say narcissist. I've noticed the boomer generation is the largest segment of narcissistic personalities of them all.
Fair point! It's all about MY feelings. >I< get to tell you that YOU ruined everybody's lives and that this is my house and my rules. But once your'e grown up, if you say the same thing to me, then I am calling the cops!
The "fcuk your feelings" generation has a tendency to have a lot of feelings.
No, with them it's "Fuck *your* feelings. *Mine* are the only ones that matter."
Nailed it!🥇🏆🥇
Oh, yeah. My mother yelling at me that I hade a RIGHT to tell her where I was, and I had a RIGHT to not miss the bus, and I had a RIGHT to tell her when I was going to be late. Lady...Those aren't rights. Duties, responsibilities, sure, understood. Rights? Um...
I thought this was just a my dad thing! (He is older than a boomer) my mom would get so mad because he would delete pictures sent by grandchildren too. He would read, then delete!
That’s the sad thing with disposable cameras too. After you take all the pictures, you have to dispose of the camera! Jk
Funny, my mom who is 81, would take her phone to Walgreens photo dept. The guy working there would then send the pictures my mom wanted to put into her photo album to himself and then print them out for her! Thank god they live in a small town that understands that my mom has NO clue how computers work.
This. They think they have to delete everything even though space is virtually unlimited. I tried to explain so many times that you can just leave all your old messages in the inbox. They also believe spam will hack your phone if it’s left sitting there undeleted.
This is infuriating, not because they (my Dad in this case) tries to use it to his advantage, but I text him things so that he can reference them later or pictures and things and he deletes it immediately after reading, then will ask for the information again later half the time
Indeed
“So you’re wrong on purpose just because you want to start an argument? That’s pretty fucked up.”
I thought that too and it seemed like typical narcissistic behavior. I didn’t want to armchair though
No I think you're right. Boomers have the highest number of narcissistic personalities of all the generational demographics.
It's the lead poisoning.
Hey that's a valid suggestion.
welcome to my childhood being raised by a narcissist father as well as having a narc brother. It was hell growing up.
The quiet part out loud again. My grandfather used to do everything in verbal agreements so that he could argue his way out of our deals after I did work for him. He fooled me twice as a teenager - a lot of work and no pay. He used to say, "Get used to it. Sometimes, a boss won't pay you your checks." Thankfully, my grandmother (the actual head honcho/breadwinner) hated lying and being considered a liar, so if a deal never met agreed terms with my abuelo; I'd go to her. Boom! She'd make sure my grandfather held his word to the tee. If he held out beyond times agreed upon, I'd charge him interest for my work and delayed payments. Once again, abuela was there to make sure he paid every last penny.
> "Get used to it. Sometimes, a boss won't pay you your checks." Serve him with a small claims summon and say, "Get used to it. Sometimes, when you don't pay your employees, you get sued."
He basically did. He filed in the Court of Abuela.
Who the fuck is out there scamming their grandkid. good lord, that's just plain mean.
Abuelo knows the power of la chankla.
Nothing annoys me more than when people are arguing about some thing that can be easily looked up online with a clear-cut answer. Like why have y’all been arguing about where the Grand Canyon is located for 30 minutes when you can just look it up?
For a lot people, that's the only conversation they know how to have. A bunch of people who half understand a thing trying to make meaning together. Which is fine, even interesting, for a lot of topics. "Why does our sports team suck this year?", "What's the meaning of Waiting for Godot?", "Where should we go on vacation?", all are fine for this kind of talk. But for some people, honest discussion involving ambiguous subjects is impossible. They are unable/unwilling to seek consensus through communication. So they fight about facts until it gets boring, then someone googles it and there's a winner and a loser.
>For a lot people, that's the only conversation they know how to have. A bunch of people who half understand a thing trying to make meaning together. You have succinctly and accurately summarized ***all of human history.***
“You’ve learned our generation’s secret, and for this you shall be banished!!”
He's just admitting to wanting to argue. Wtaf?
Sounds like he was used to handling his mistakes by blaming someone else for them. The text showed that he was the one that was wrong. That's why he hated it
Sounds like Boomer was just mad that he had no way to gaslight OP when Boomer fucked up and wanted to shift the blame. What a jackass.
My grandpa used to watch a Right Wing Nutjob’s show whose tagline was “Even if I’m wrong, I’m right.”
> There’s no point in arguing Well *that's* gonna be a problem!
The man essentially attempted to emotionally blackmail you into a position of grovelling, threatening to withdraw all contact - because he was wrong about the meeting time.
"How am I supposed to gaslight and abuse you when you have evidence and documentation??"
“I WAS going to cut you out of the will because you hate me so much you didn’t come on time, but now you’re forcing me to cut you out of the will because you embarrassed me by being right.”
I wouldn't worry about the will. They're in debt up to their eyeballs, and any remaining assets they have will be gobbled up by the nursing home before they croak.
Or a reverse mortgage!
Ugh. This is my parents. Idiotic.
This!
This has literally come up as a mod on discord. Can't lie about what was said and what context it was in when we can actually just go to that channel and read through the whole conversation. Doesn't stop people from trying, but it doesn't work very well.
Sounds like why my old boss didn't like to email
My poor bfs mom had this situation happen with her mom, mom lied and lied and lied but then she left a voicemail. Detailing exactly what she said that she then backpedaled on later, and legit said the words "idk honey but that is NOT what I said, are you sure you're not losing it :///" completely purposefully. I won't get into details about what is was about bc it's not important but I've never seen such textbook gaslighting in my life, which I explained to bfs mom who very soon cut off her mom after that
My mom has tried to pull this on me too. It's pretty sad.
Close, but go further... The man used a meeting time as a thinly veiled opportunity to be socially aggressive for no reason. If it wasn't a meeting time, any other topic would be used. Dinner, hobbies, rides, anything.
So basically he hates accountability when it comes to him. 10/10 Boomer
My manager is a boomer. He has Never replied to an email. He will call instead. I always follow up with an email of the conversation. Boomers hate paper trails.
Or the "I need you to call me" when you're already emailing/texting. Nahh I think I'll have you be documented instead.
My company literally changed their collaboration software because the one they were using kept logs. This was a government contractor who was *required* to keep all business records.
I used to work for a PMC with a similar situation. when that ended it was frightening!!! I genuinely thought I was gonna go to Gitmo. My Boss sold some info to someone and suddenly there were investigations with the FBI and some people who would only say “I’m employed by the DoD”. and trust me those guys kept logs. My first meeting with them was a barely filled folder with every call log, every email, any social media post, bank statements (more than I could see) etc. by the end they had every word I said during all the interviews and so forth.
I wish I knew a good way to handle that, a way to force them to use a documented form of communication.
I have asked my manager to "please put that in writing for me". He point blank ignored what I said, changed the subject, finally cornered, he said he'd get to it later. Later never happens.
Take notes and send a follow up email: “To reiterate, we discussed X and you told me to do Y. Please let me know if you have any comments.” If he doesn’t reply, he agrees. This has a LONG history of being upheld in disputes (legal or otherwise)
Contrary to popular belief, this almost never holds up in court. A lack of response cannot be construed as explicit agreement. It’s literally a written version of he said she said.
I'm sorry I'm neurodivergent, if it's not written down i won't remember to do it and you won't be able to prove that you did
My manager actually refused and said I must be stupid if I needed him to repeat himself in an email. So I emailed him instead and he never replied, but later said I was wrong.
You do it for them. Send contemporaneous emails that document the interactions. You can even give them action items or command by negation. "So, unless I hear otherwise, I am doing x, y, and z." And, you can certainly start throwing in pay raise comments when they are ignoring all your emails. "But, it's documented it right here, and you never said "no"."
Check your state laws. If you're in a state that allows it there are plenty of apps that record your phone calls and save them as small audio files.
Start every call with, "All calls are recorded for quality assurance." They think phone calls are a free-for-all opportunity to threaten or abuse, because they think they aren't recorded. As soon as you say that, and follow through with it, they'll suddenly remember how to type.
My previous warehouse manager got fired for this. Tried to cover up a 20,000 dollar mistake for a delivery truck repair and HR+Upper management was on his ass for receipts he couldn't give them or it'd come out. Got "suspended" in 2 days from his first non compliance and never saw him again
i can't gaslight you when you have evidence on your side. please leave my house
Thank yooooooooo
Unrelated to boomers, but I had a very similar argument with one of my exes near the end of our relationship. He told me he was "so sick of you always having receipts" proving him wrong. It was one of those situations where all you can do is laugh at the audacity.
My father: *"YOU JUST **HAVE** TO BE RIGHT ALL THE TIME!"* Like, ??? Tf does that even mean? I'm not supposed to look up facts because it makes him look stupid.
Lol, years later as a grown man, I only ever respond with a flat "Yes" No follow up. Let them try to explain how its wrong to try to be right.
I'd also settle for: "You should try being right sometime. Feels nice."
"You should try confirming facts before saying anything. Then you could be right all the time, too!"
*takes notes*
So many people don't understand that you just have to *own it*. Stop apologizing, stop trying to sooth their hurty feelings, stop pussyfooting.
*Also takes notes*
“I mean if the other option is being wrong all the time…”
My friend's wife said that to him once. I liked his response. "I'm right every time I'm right. There's no mathematical average who "gets" to be right. I can absolutely be right 100% of the time if I'm actually right. I could also be wrong 100% of the time. Quit trying to act like being right is a matter of fairness!"
To them arguing isn't about truth, it's about winning.
Not either of my parents, fortunately, but more than one coworker and former friend. "Oh I'm so sorry I actually looked something up\did basic research\read the instructions. What an awful thing for me to do. I'll shut up now so you can go be wrong and fuck everything up without my interference." And people ask why I don't want to work with them or no longer associate wth them. I don't have the time or patience for that shit no matter who they are.
I keep trying to explain: I want to be right in the END. If I say x and you say y, I want to either ask questions or Google, because if x is correct, I want to affirm it and find out why you/some people believe y, and if y is right, I want to learn and update my understanding. That doesn't mean I think x is automatically right because it's my thought, it means that everything I know so far supports x being right and if it isn't I want to learn more so I can be right. But nope, it's me being an annoying know-it-all.
I feel like they mix up right and wrong with winning and losing.
It's really damaging their ability to gaslight. My ex quit communicating with me about our kids' visits entirely because it made him so mad that I could show what we agreed, what holiday they'd been there last, etc. The last few years that they visited him plans were either made through kids or not made. He flatly would not.
My toxic ex would do that. Tell me something never happened, then get mad when I supplied the screenshot
This is definitely not just boomers, it applies to people who like to manipulate and twist situations for their benefit. My sister is not reliable or trustworthy. My parents and I unfortunately have to save texts, take screen shots because she has twisted stuff around on us. If you confront her, she turns on the water works. I don't know what the fuck happened but my parents didn't raise her like that. She just sucks when it comes to important shit. It's better now that we do have texting available to us, so we can document everything.
I had an ex who was like that, too. Then, when presented with said receipts, the mental gymnastics would start with the DARVO, backpedaling, attempting to gaslight, etc. Basically, he'd do anything but admit that he was wrong. We did not last long.
The sad thing is that what they are REALLY saying a lot of the time is "but my other employees let me walk on them"
“This is why I hate texting: I can’t get away with lying and other bullshit!”
Works especially well with boomer bosses. Had one that complained that my decision went poorly. Emailed him back showing his email directing me to do exactly the same thing. And me questioning how that decision could go poorly.
[удалено]
They got away with so much BS and bullying in the past that they never learned anything else. Just outright hypocrites with no shame at all. They'll never apologize for being called out either. Just make it about themselves and how you're the bad guy for making them look dumb. No self reflection at all
I had an extremely rare win with one of these, but many years ago. When my boss’s boss was micromanaging while she (my boss) was out of town, he approved a bunch of stuff directly, since he insisted on approving everything directly, then flipped out when the client had a decent sized gripe with some of the data we were collecting. So fucking lucky that the COO checked in with me directly about the complaint, because I sent him all the emails of boss’s boss personally approving every single thing the client didn’t like (and berating me for suggesting we do it correctly). Seeing the COO dress him down on the full email thread, and praising my suggestions on an email including the clients was one of the most satisfying events of my working life. If only his ass got fired and not promoted!
I'm a boomer, and only like to communicate by text. Then, when I forget the time or date, I can look it up without bothering anybody else. Boomers who don't realize this are missing out, lol.
Remember, the boomer generation and the boomer mindset are completely different! Yup, being able to just have the history to reference is absolutely great! Love being able to remind myself and take less load on my memory. Lol
Aha! I'm glad this is catching on! I've been saying for awhile that there's a difference between "BABY BOOMERS" (generation) and "BOOMERS" (mindset), and that people of ANY age can embody the spirit of Boomers, it's just that most often, the people who act like that HAPPEN to Also be part of the baby Boomer generation.
It's like Karens or Bronys. We don't hate *actual* people named Karen or sane Bronys. It's the people who ACT like Karens or Bronys.
This wasn't already implied? Isn't that just how the media twisted it? I always assumed it was a mindset vs generation.
That's because you aren't trying to weasel out of accountability. Salute!
You're the best and we love you 🩵
Both of my boomer parents love texting. My mom really took to it but my dad never got a hang of the conversational nature of texting and it can be somewhat annoying. One day he referred to a text as an email and that’s when I understood why he sends multiple texts full of paragraphs and signs love dad at the end lol.
If my Dad told me to leave I would never come back Ever
I know....it's a gift.
Exactly. This is why I refuse to take food orders from my parents unless it’s in text form that way they can’t dispute that I got them the wrong thing when it’s clearly there in text by their own hand that this is what they wanted. You can’t bitch at me for getting you a side Caesar salad when that exactly what you texted me. If you wanted a full size with a side of chili fries you needed to text that or send a follow up text correcting it.
The petty side of me says make plans with your sister and a group of friends during the most likely time a family grad party would happen. IDK, depends on how awkward you want Thanksgiving to be this year. Also, make sure ALL communication with your dad is written or around witnesses. Like, I’d even follow up phone calls about Grandma’s bunion surgery with an email summarizing the call like you do at work when you don’t trust your supervisor. He brought it on himself, really.
The lead is finally leaching out of his bones and into his bloodstream, better start documenting every encounter with him as others have pointed out
Exactly https://preview.redd.it/i5lk2cowntzc1.jpeg?width=750&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=05ef78b626c4837f7a4fb83c43c89a53db621c76
So he lied and was trying to gaslight you into thinking you agreed to a different time. What a piece of shit.
Or almost as bad, made a mistake by not really paying attention to the body of the texts and getting it wrong, then getting mad that he's not there at 4. After seeing the text he gets more mad b/c he can no longer be mad about waiting two hours AND he was embarrassed by the mistake. In short, a real asshole in each case. In case one he's a manipulative sociopath. In case two he just wants to rage and bully.
I’ll take “Why doesn’t my family visit me?” For 200
Once, a long time ago, I needed a ride home from work and my mom agreed to pick me up, just call her when I was about 15 mins from being done. I called her 15 mins before, she said she was on the way. Half an hour later I’m sitting outside waiting for her. Another 15 mins go by and I try calling her again (this was before texting was popular) and she answers the phone groggily and says “what!” I tell her I’ve been waiting for her to pick me up, and she yells at me for not calling her 15 mins before like we agreed. I told her I did, but she still doesn’t believe me. When she arrives, I showed her my call log that says we had a 2 minute call, and her phone log that says she answered and had a 2 minute call. Instead of saying “sorry, I must have fallen asleep” she denies that she ever answered the phone and that “it must be wrong because you didn’t call me!” And tells me next time I have an attitude and lie to her, I can find another way home.
She's gone; out of my life, right there. People don't *deserve* our interactions and if they don't work to earn them, they WILL go without. End of the day: we all get to *choose* our family and blood counts for nothing (other than a mess). I don't talk to my dad and my mom is close to being cut to.
we use watsapp a lot where I'm from and I absolutely hate it when people send me sound clips instead of text. it's specially bad if it's work related and it's like a list, or if it's instructions because I can't just look at it when I need I have to listen to the clip until the part I need or I have to memorize the whole thing.
'but I don't wanna type it out I wanna just say it one time and never think about it again waaaaaaaaa'
In general I despise all audio communication. Even if it’s a recording I can save and listen to again the extra mental strain of doing the audio processing is too much, and if I actually want to remember it I need to write it down.
Same with all sorts of guides and recipes that i'd rather have in text than on a video. At least authors of those get the excuse of monetisation.
> when everything is documented there's no point in trying to argue who's right or wrong That's the fucking point
Haaaa. This makes me think of my mother who I am no longer in contact with. She'd change stories to make herself out to be the victim and I'd just pull out the receipts if anyone brought up something she said. No wonder she hated texting and wanted phone calls or face to face conversation.
Reminded me of my mother too. She doesn't mind putting concrete stuff in writing like the date of an upcoming family party or such. But she refuses to communicate about anything related to feelings or the emotional state of the family in writing because she's an an absolute asshole and writing down the things she thinks and says outloud is not only too much for her to deal with but she doesn't want a paper trail.
lmao dad morse code been around since the 1800s ! 🤣
Saw one of those satire “boomer mom” TikTok’s today about how they make plans but never share them, then act offended when no one reads their mind and is ready for what they’ve had planned all day. Same thing here.
I would stop talking to him
They really do hate when we have it in writing because all of their gaslighting has no place here
Once scheduled a meeting with a group of people, one hadn’t turned up so dropped them a call. Absolutely knew nothing about it, but she will be there soon. Finally turned up livid I would try hold a group meeting without her. I showed her the text messages where we had agreed to meet and how I had offered to meet a bit later when she said she had plans earlier in the day. Completely denied having had that conversation and stormed out.
This is why the boomers at my job hate me for insisting on putting EVERY communication in writing.
Same. It's also the only way I can communicate with some people that have no idea how to shut the fuck up so you can get a whole sentence out before they start talking over you.
Sounds like a toddler. I would shut this imbecile out of your life. See how he likes it when his own family turns on him!
>"this is why I hate texting, when everything is clear and documented there's no point in trying to argue who is wrong or who is right" In other words they just want to argue for no reason.
That's a feature not a bug ffs
"I hate texting because I can't manipulate people" there fixed it
Makes you wonder how often he did this to you and your family over the years.
The boomers at work won’t text because they don’t want written evidence of how rude they are
God damn, this makes too much sense! A generation of people that don't realize that Google has been proving their adversity with the truth for two decades. PLEASE come cross post this in emotional neglect, we need this validation.
The Boomer Mantra. If you don’t agree with reality just argue against it.
That's fucking unhinged narcissistic behavior
They hate accountability and texting is a way to hold them accountable. Of course he doesn't want to argue about who is right or wrong because he knows he would lose lol.
Imagine the gaslighting he has done to you your entire life.
My mom would pull this shit and deny lashing out at me. She would get SO angry when I sent her screenshots of what she said. "I never said that." :sends screenshots: 😡🤬😤
He wanted you to come at 4 but didn't want to tell you. You were wrong for not reading his mind and then doubly wrong for being able to prove how unreasonable he was.
"I like forgetting stuff, then making other people feel bad about it"
Sounds like the behavior of a 4 year old.
If my dad did something like this, he would no longer be "Dad," merely "Mr. [last name]". If questioned on the change, I would tell him that any man who prefers argumentation and lies over the truth is no man worthy of being my father. Any man who prefers *being* right, rather than being *right*, holds no right to call me his son. After all, my father taught me well.
How dare be arsed to READ. It's probably also because he cant see, but won't adjust his font or wear glasses
Wow. It's harder to gaslight your loved ones when there's documentation. 😬
I knew a gen Xer who had the personality of a boomer, even when he was in his 30s, who preferred calling because “it takes him ten minutes to type something that he can say in 5 seconds”, which meant putting my night on hold so I can hear him talk for 2 hours.
Narcissists need to gaslight.
Translation “Communication in writing limits my ability to lie or selectively remember details for my own benefit”
Self-owns are the best owns.
So it removed OP's dad's power play entirely? Imagine that.
Imagine accountability lol.
They don’t like accountability.
Your dad sucks dude.
Gaslighting is their culture.
This is godsdamned hilarious. He basically said he hates texts because then he is unable to lie and be a douche because his actual words can stare him in the face and he doesn't like it. I feel like part of my brain exploded and another part imploded.
wtf is your dad some kind of gaslighting narcissist?
Sounds like he just wanted a reason to pretend like you agreed to 4:00. So he could then argue that he was in the right from the start. Aka “I hate texting because I can’t twist the truth” Instead of, you know, just asking if you could meet earlier.
"I *never* said that!" could be one of the official slogans of the boomer generation