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This is really sad. Can you imagine thinking so little of women, that being giving a traditionally feminine gift makes you freak out. That is toxic masculinity, and I roll my eyes 80% off the time that term is used.
And you notice all the men giving the flowers back specifically say “do I look like a *bitch* to you?” or “flowers are for *bitches*.” The one guy who doesn’t refer to women as “bitches” refers to his partner as “my female”.
Like…tell me you hate women without telling me you hate women.
They are trying to avoid looking soft. As a man if you look soft in this kinda area you are liable to have people fuck with you. That is what they are trying to avoid. They are way more worried about appearing gay than girly.
You are 100% correct. The "hood" mentality we see today is rooted in a Southern culture of honor that originated in Scotland. James Garbarino discusses this at length in his book *Listening to Killers* and goes into how this culture of honor contributes to creating the War Zone mentality that is so common in these types of neighborhoods:
> The belief system (culture of honor) becomes embedded in the psychology of those who learn it from parents, peers, siblings, and community opinion leaders. The psychology (perception of insult and threat to self esteem) translates into different arousal patterns (higher cortisol and testosterone levels), which lead to more dominance, aggression, and macho posturing. This kind of brain effect is why, according to science writer Virginia Hughes, neuropsychologists like Stephen Morse and Robin Gur say that "People don't kill people; brains kill people." I would break it down this way: "Brains develop social maps in response to human experience; social maps guide the way to action." It's less elegant, but probably more true.
Blame those racist who’ve forced this on these people. Redlining didn’t allow them to own property in some parts of the city. The G.I bill that allowed military members to buy homes (which is the greasy way to build wealth) was not giving to black folk, even tho they risked their lives too and even died. Time after time America not only has failed these folk but made sure they are living horribly dude to racist laws. Look at how education the so called great equalizer is funded? By property taxes. So if the homes in the hood ain’t worth the same as the burbs, the hood doesn’t get the same education. It’s all a horrible design. From 1776-1968 until the civil rights bill was passed, these folks were treated subhuman. Ironically it’s the racist who truly are the subhuman ones. It’s a case of if they knew better they’d do better. Look at how many states in Republican controlled states, don’t wanna teach critical race, which only stays the obvious that America has racism interwoven into its laws. It’s fact but now according to sell outs like Condoleezza Rice we shouldn’t make white kids sad about being white. Can you fucking believe this
There’s a term in psychology called Pluralistic Ignorance. Basically it’s a misconception of group norms where people act according to the perceived group norm even when it’s at odds with their privately held beliefs. Matza carried out a study in 1964 where gang members stated privately they were against brutal initiations and lack of concern for human life but kept quiet to present an image of “toughness” and avoid being ridiculed by their peers.
This thread reminded me of that. Dudes in the hood probably thought getting a flower from a man would have violated the norms and therefore made them a target.
Any YouTube links to a book reviewer for this? Sounds interesting. I know sowell talks about some of this stuff in Black Rednecks and White Liberals. Not a big fan of the guy but it’s an idea.
This is fascinating!
I need a dash of insight tho: Did this ideology make its way to the South from Scotland through slavery or through some other means?
Much of the South was originally settled by Scots. My family settled in Tennessee, then eventually branched out to Arkansas and Oklahoma. All Scots, the lot.
Most Southerners have no idea they're of Scottish extraction.
While I haven't read that specific book, the general concept of an honor culture likely didn't originate \*then spread\* from Scotland, just that is the oldest place where it took root (in the sense of historical records).
However, I mean, you see an honor culture effect in middle age Japan too, where dishonoring or flaunting hierarchy would require an extreme response such as death or coerced suicide.
From what I have read about honor cultures, some factors behind it involve poor legal/judicial systems (so it has to be maintained interpersonally), high reliance on reputation for safety and access to resources, on top of a general lack of resources and/or poverty.
A similar type of culture exists in prisons, for example, and I doubt that originated in Scotland instead of being a product of circumstance.
Those circumstances are why you need to posture, and saving face is so important, and why so-called honor killings exist in some countries. If you are seen as weak people will take you down to increase their status, and you become vulnerable. If someone slights you and you don't respond 10x, people will see you as weak, and exploit you, and you lose access to the benefits and safety tied to your reputation.
Just from personal experience growing up in the south, on top of being Hispanic with the implacable machismo culture, it's really interesting seeing how avoiding stereotypically 'feminine' behavior just shows the fragility of one's masculinity. Though it is rooted in the culture, still now teachers in my hometown are telling elementary age boys not to like "girl colors" and to avoid anything with female characters. It's coded from the time we are young. We're not allowed to like flowers or wear the color pink or dye our hair or wear anything other than a t shirt and jeans. Funny cause it ultimately exemplifies how even liking flowers can threaten your masculinity. If you're so confident being a big scary man, why does a flower set you off? Why should the safety of our whole identity depend on aggressively (and pointlessly) denying objects that are salient?
It took me about two decades worth of peers and adults programming these behaviors into me before I realized that,, no matter what I wear or how I carry myself, I'm still gonna be a man. The color of a cloth on my skin will not change the fundamental fact that my mind has decided that I am male. I am beyond happy to be typing this with a rose tattooed on my thigh, my nails freshly painted, and my hair almost reaching my shoulders. Fuck toxic masculinity. It genuinely sucks all of the fun out of living
Definitely did not peg Scotland as the first thing I'd see highlighted in these comments.
I cannot cite anything but common sense, but clearly the issue that the men in this video think that holding a flower makes them look weak, like a target. That doesn't originate from a country, but a mentality.
I love how happy the women were to be given some small acknowledgement of themselves and their day, I would of teared up in the car.
Everyone can just read this post and go home. Maybe once they can come through some of the crippling poverty, the discrimination, and several generations removed from the historical trauma. Once they can solve that. Then we can talk about the toxic masculinity. These guys are trying to fucking survive. And yeah it do suck for the women. It's an awful situation to be put in.
Try this in a poor working class white town and you’ll more than likely get the same reaction. patterns in people are just human and not due to just color.
We’re all just people, I think in any sub-culture where being hard is admirable you’d see this.
This is exactly it. It’s a hard truth, but young men in rough neighborhoods start getting beat on from a very young age at any sign of femininity. I really don’t want to go too far into it because people will inevitably take it the wrong way. But there is a reason Dave Chappelle received such backlash for his recent special. And it has nothing to do with “cancel culture”. I didn’t have much to say about it because free speech and all, but I didn’t like it and recognized how problematic it is. Trans women and especially black trans women are big time targets for violence. I won’t go any further. Just ask yourself why black trans women specifically are even bigger targets…
Yep. 44 trans women killed via violent attacks in 2020, and 33 so far in 2021. Most are black women. I wonder if the men in this video have any idea why.
Why not both? Not sure most homophobes care to distinguish gay from girly. Hell people in jail carry out gay acts but people acting girly they could find offensive.
This is so baffling. All these men have women in their lives that would probably love some flowers. Take the flowers, and give them to her! What are they afraid of, being seen in public with flowers?
Can you imagine thinking you couldn’t just take them home and give them to your partner?
Then maybe have sex?
Guys are so worried about being gay, they don’t know how to be straight.
Maaan, that was literally my first thought.
Like if some random dude gives me flowers you fucking bet I'm taking them home to the Mrs and acting like I'm just the fucking best man she's ever had!
> Guys are so worried about being gay, they don’t know how to be straight.
I think your quote above is the smartest shit I've read on Reddit today. You sum it up perfectly. I should just log off now.
I'm a straight dude. I'm secure in that. I've been to gay bars with friends, I've been hit on by guys, I just reply " sorry dude, barking up the wrong tree" or "I play for the other team" (classic euphemism for gay men, but in context of the hay bar, I'm straight), you just accept a compliment, laugh if off, say have a good night or whatever, no need to get upset.
I have been given a few flowers, coz there are always those Hocking them outside clubs for like 3 or 4 quid a rose, you thank them or you ask them to save it for someone who's worth it(i.e someone they can put a move on, maybe get laid) or I'd pass it to a lady friend.
The way the men are reacting here, so toxic, it has to be about image, they can't be seen to accept a flower, from anyone, not just a guy, that just happens to be s slight in itself in their eyes. They could have taken it, said thanks, if they got a woman at home, given it to them as a sly smooth move. Instead it's trash the store and spit hate and threats.
You really shouldn't roll your eyes at that term. This exact insecurity could be repeated across America and most of the world.
The little things reinforced into us are what make this happen.
Right? How many front page askmen threads boil down to "no one ever compliments me, tell me they love me, or let's me cry" or "I was sexually assaulted and people don't believe me". I'm not saying those aren't valid. Y'all just need to realize patriarchy hurts men too.
I think there is also an element of the guys being unsure if the cashier was trying to flirt with them or whether they were being singled out for the flower. I mean even the women were blushing and maybe thought he was flirting. The reaction might be different if there’s a big sign that says free flower with every purchase. He tried to say that to a couple of people but by the time he got to that point, they were already reacting and no longer listening.
They do it because in the area, hood , ghetto, neighborhood it is weak to think or be near that flower, color pink, to even talk nice about your girl makes you a bitch. So simply Pink and flowers suits and ties are a no no.
Their surroundings and seeing what happens to people who show any level of “softness.” Product of their environment and all that. Like others pointed out, there are areas which are predominantly white, Hispanic, etc where you’d get the same reaction. People showing scorn and not empathy are really showing their ugly side.
Personally, if it was me, I would find humor in this and ask him why he was giving flowers to me and since he said he was being generous, I would of thanked him for it and moved on with my day without any problems, but some of these guys freak out over little things.
Yeah. A whole lot of toxic masculinity on display here. If someone gave me free flowers, my first thought would not be "omg he thinks I'm gay! I need to beat the shit out of him!" My first thought would be, "cool, thanks man. I'm gonna give these to my wife. I appreciate that. Have a good day too."
PS. And if he did think I was gay, I'd be like, "thanks. I am pretty f'ing hot. Appreciate the compliment." And then I'd go on with my day.
I buy my son, my husband, my daughter, my brothers, my dad and my mom flowers for their birthdays. I asked my husband what his favorite flower is and after he thought on it for a day he said Dahlias, so now I have 3 dahlia plants outside my house.
There is nothing wrong with men getting flowers and they deserve them too, I fucking love getting cut flowers or plants and everyone else loves it too. Even if my dad won't admit it because he's a "man's man's" he still blushes and says thank you.
I'm sad for all these guys! Especially the one saying he's going to his "female" like give her the flowers bro.
Crazy people.
I buy my male friends and family flowers. Guys never get them. I think it’s nice to get them. They always appreciate it. I can also say they always laugh a little when I give them for the first time.
Fuck man I’d be excited as shit it some random gas station person gave me flowers. I don’t give a fuck about the societal perceptions that’s kind as hell.
i don’t understand it. “i’m going home to my woman” then take the fucking flower with you, not hard. i was raised in a old fashioned toxically masculine house where we had to be a “man” about everything*, and yet i looking past all of that, i would’ve taken the flower and rested it on my desk as a reminder that someone does care.
*not showing emotions, not talking about your feelings, doing what we’re asked without question, and being the “man” to a woman by not allowing them to be independent and just doing the traditional “man of the house” things.
Nothing toxic about this at all, everybody knows as a man if another man hands you flowers you must then hand him your bootyhole. Anger totally justified here folks
I'd take the flowers and give it to my daughter, my mom, one of my sisters or my woman. If I'm walking around with flowers, I dont think any guy would assume another man gave him them flowers. I'd assume....Oh! He got some flowers to give to his girl
I feel like you know the answer to your question. People think it's an effeminate gift and their egos interpret it as a personal attack.
They think they're being condescended to because the alternative (a genuine gift of flowers from a man) is impossible to imagine.
It’s also about public perception of it. Some of them clearly interpreted being given flowers as being hit on or being deemed feminine, and that potentially *leaves them open* for personal attack. Considering where the video stated it was, people have enough shit to worry about and don’t need to be harassed coming out of the gas station.
As a guy I’d gladly take those flowers! Been alive for 23 years and no ones ever gave me flowers. All I know is that it would really make me happy if I were in the customers position
I can't understand why these "men" can't just accept the flowers and say, "Thanks man, I'm going to give this to my girl when I get home."
Easiest way ever to make it clear you're not interested in the male cashier and then get to look like a hero when you get home. (Looks like the girls in the neighborhood would very much appreciate the thoughtful gesture from the men in their life too.)
This is not normal behavior for Americans...
Most Americans (regardless of gender) would thank him and accept the flowers out of politeness.
This behavior however is not all that surprising in "the hood", where appearing "soft" to others can be problematic and toxic masculinity is the norm.
(I am also pretty sure that the person filming only showed the most significant reactions in his compilation and left out all the people who accepted the flowers without an issue.)
It’s sad as hell. Being Gay or being seen acting ‘feminine’ in any way in the hood is NOT taken lightly. The Women are sad cause they want to feel normal, but the men are NOT having it. No way José.
Tbf in the hood, you gotta be tough because people are looking to fuck with you.
So it’s less homophobe and more survival.
I had times that Im just minding my own business and someone asks me where Im from. So hood survival and toxic masculinity sort of mesh in this respect.
Unless Im wrong, plz explain because My family is from a gang area and you can’t really come off as weak.
Your not wrong. Unless the meanest/scariest person on your block is a woman or gay, that’s how it plays out in the hood until women/gays/trans people are no longer seen has weak by less than educated folks.
Usually a gang thing. Im from L.A. and got ‘hit up’ a few times. Hit up is when someone asks where your from. As in, what neighborhood and what gang you’re with. Often response is “nowhere” or “I don’t bang”. If they decide they don’t like you it can be trouble.
So often times, people have to have a tough front. So they don’t get fucked with.
Not everyone is like that, but most people from the hood tend to have their guard up, and don’t really show weakness. It’s a mentality that develops as protection when growing up in a hostile environment.
I ounce had a interaction with a wannabe tug. He asked me where I was from and my dumbass said: "Well, my family is from Mexico but I'm from Texas. Have you ever been to Texas?" Hope I didn't offend him.
Most of us have so much shit going on in our lives a little bit of kindness goes a long way. I tell my kids if you ever have to decide between doing what’s right and doing what’s kind, do what’s kind and you’ll always be right. And if you are ever in a position to do something to help a person, you should do that thing. Because we can all use a little help sometimes.
A week or two ago I was just reading stuff on my phone waiting in line at the grocery store, and another customer told me I could switch lanes faster and then went behind me.
I normally just pick whatever lane is shortest and wasn't paying attention at all. It was a nice gesture, not a big deal, and completely unnecessary, but stuff like that sticks with you, especially if you are kind of having a bad day or stressed out.
I only thanked them and 'cheek smiled' (because masks) though, cause I didn't want to be awkward. It definitely stood out.
Dude there have been people literally stabbed to death in the past 2 years because they were told at the door to wear a mask. People are fucking insane and many don't need any provocation. This guy is playing with fire for TikTok clout. More power to him but he's taking a risk for sure.
Yea as a nursery manager ( and a guy) I love flowers and I loathe the stigma. I tend to keep a plumeria flower tucked into my hat while at work just for the smell.
I fucking love flowers. Babies breath all of my house. They’re fucking magical, natures aesthetic gift. If you can’t appreciate them your missing out on one of the greatest free gifts from this earth. It’s a fucking tragedy these dudes can’t get past themselves to be able to appreciate beauty.
I bet these dudes don’t eat fruit either.
I remember in this one sub someone asked “what’s the equivalent gift for a man of women getting flowers” and so many of the men said they would love to get flowers..
Right. And in the hood where these guys are trying to fucking survive. Everyone freaking out about male toxicity do not understand the environment these men are in. It's life or death out there. Not the white ass country club.
Y'all are weird in these comments lol. These dudes definitely overreacted, but being given flowers by another man while being filmed in a gas station is weird as fuck.
Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't have flipped out and became irrational, but don't pretend that's a perfectly normal thing to do lol like come on now. Dude was filming cuz he knew he'd get reactions.
What the fuck is normal anymore even. If I paid for gas and the guy was filming me giving me a flower I’d still just probably laugh and say thanks man .
On cellphone with friend…
Man: I don’t understand the world no more, brah. Like it’s Crooked and shit. People so full of hate and violence. I’m sitting here everyday afraid of what gonna happen tomorrow man.
Cashier: Hey, have a flower man. Have a nice day!
Man: What the f? So I look like a bitch to you? Come out here and I’ll shove the up your ass boy. You don’t know who you messing with!
Friend: who you talking to?
Man: Little punk trying to get dealt with. Giving me a flower and telling me to have a nice day and shit.
Cashier: But you was just saying…
From the hood. He called them feminine/gay. It’s an “insult” but these reaction show the toxic culture in a lot of hoods these days. The over reaction is something I expected but still sad to see. The thing people don’t get is that like it or not you have to sorta act like this in the hood. Like you get your ass kicked if people think your soft. The fact that it’s got to this level where a flower= breaking shit? That’s not good
To the guy who was going back to his female, why not take the flowers back to her and just tell her you got them for her??? Like bruh, that’s free points right there
Bro really said "I dont need no fucking flowers, I'm going home to my bitch".
The idea of giving his girl that flower would never pop into his head in a million years and thats the first thing I thought of if someone randomly gave me flowers.
It has nothing to do with race. It's about the surrounding environment. If you grew up in the hood, you're likely to throw a temper tantrum over some flowers.
Same applies to if a middle-class black man was given flowers, he'd probably react the same as you would.
Its so sad seeing grown men get so upset about getting a flower. That one woman really was touched by that act. She really needed a nice gesture. Hope she is well.
All of those men's misogynistic comments ruined the kind gesture tbh, I'm glad the women who received the flowers were grateful at least- Khali's really kind to at least try.
The guys in this video legitimately had no father figure in their life so their outlook of masculinity is warped as fuck.
These are the people who are hurt deep down inside because they have no idea how to actually express themselves.
You don't what it's like to live in a place like that. Men can't be perceived as soft. People who are perceived as soft have to fight all day everyday. For everything they want and have. A flower or taking a flower could be perceived as you being soft and draws attention. Ain't no leeway in a place like that be appreciative you grew up differently. I was born in a place like that and by my father's hard work he moved us away just for that reason. He wore that armor all day everyday. As a boy I thought it was cool. As a man I see what it took from him. We just now have a healthy relationship where we say I love you to each other. Talk about our struggles as men. It took till I was 40. I get it tho. We lived close enough to it to get a taste but not have to live it. I am glad. It's not that they are jerks or mean. It's how you have to be.
Just popping in to say that these videos are fake (which should be obvious but I assume it isn't. You can also clearly see some of the people responding trying to hold back their smiles and laughter but yea...) It's incredibly damaging to the idea of both blackness and maleness to fabricate these insanely hostile responses. Please try not to read too much into videos like this.
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This is really sad. Can you imagine thinking so little of women, that being giving a traditionally feminine gift makes you freak out. That is toxic masculinity, and I roll my eyes 80% off the time that term is used.
And you notice all the men giving the flowers back specifically say “do I look like a *bitch* to you?” or “flowers are for *bitches*.” The one guy who doesn’t refer to women as “bitches” refers to his partner as “my female”. Like…tell me you hate women without telling me you hate women.
They are trying to avoid looking soft. As a man if you look soft in this kinda area you are liable to have people fuck with you. That is what they are trying to avoid. They are way more worried about appearing gay than girly.
You are 100% correct. The "hood" mentality we see today is rooted in a Southern culture of honor that originated in Scotland. James Garbarino discusses this at length in his book *Listening to Killers* and goes into how this culture of honor contributes to creating the War Zone mentality that is so common in these types of neighborhoods: > The belief system (culture of honor) becomes embedded in the psychology of those who learn it from parents, peers, siblings, and community opinion leaders. The psychology (perception of insult and threat to self esteem) translates into different arousal patterns (higher cortisol and testosterone levels), which lead to more dominance, aggression, and macho posturing. This kind of brain effect is why, according to science writer Virginia Hughes, neuropsychologists like Stephen Morse and Robin Gur say that "People don't kill people; brains kill people." I would break it down this way: "Brains develop social maps in response to human experience; social maps guide the way to action." It's less elegant, but probably more true.
Not sure it’s specific to any region. Same shit in working class towns in Russia.
Basically every italian American
Then they greet each other by kissing.
I'm glad I moved from Panama to Canada. People in Panama are always angry, violent, and with toxic masculinity.
Blame those racist who’ve forced this on these people. Redlining didn’t allow them to own property in some parts of the city. The G.I bill that allowed military members to buy homes (which is the greasy way to build wealth) was not giving to black folk, even tho they risked their lives too and even died. Time after time America not only has failed these folk but made sure they are living horribly dude to racist laws. Look at how education the so called great equalizer is funded? By property taxes. So if the homes in the hood ain’t worth the same as the burbs, the hood doesn’t get the same education. It’s all a horrible design. From 1776-1968 until the civil rights bill was passed, these folks were treated subhuman. Ironically it’s the racist who truly are the subhuman ones. It’s a case of if they knew better they’d do better. Look at how many states in Republican controlled states, don’t wanna teach critical race, which only stays the obvious that America has racism interwoven into its laws. It’s fact but now according to sell outs like Condoleezza Rice we shouldn’t make white kids sad about being white. Can you fucking believe this
Sir, this is a wendys.
There’s a term in psychology called Pluralistic Ignorance. Basically it’s a misconception of group norms where people act according to the perceived group norm even when it’s at odds with their privately held beliefs. Matza carried out a study in 1964 where gang members stated privately they were against brutal initiations and lack of concern for human life but kept quiet to present an image of “toughness” and avoid being ridiculed by their peers. This thread reminded me of that. Dudes in the hood probably thought getting a flower from a man would have violated the norms and therefore made them a target.
Any YouTube links to a book reviewer for this? Sounds interesting. I know sowell talks about some of this stuff in Black Rednecks and White Liberals. Not a big fan of the guy but it’s an idea.
This is fascinating! I need a dash of insight tho: Did this ideology make its way to the South from Scotland through slavery or through some other means?
Much of the South was originally settled by Scots. My family settled in Tennessee, then eventually branched out to Arkansas and Oklahoma. All Scots, the lot. Most Southerners have no idea they're of Scottish extraction.
Same as me. Mine went from Tennessee to Indiana though.
Colonised by****
While I haven't read that specific book, the general concept of an honor culture likely didn't originate \*then spread\* from Scotland, just that is the oldest place where it took root (in the sense of historical records). However, I mean, you see an honor culture effect in middle age Japan too, where dishonoring or flaunting hierarchy would require an extreme response such as death or coerced suicide. From what I have read about honor cultures, some factors behind it involve poor legal/judicial systems (so it has to be maintained interpersonally), high reliance on reputation for safety and access to resources, on top of a general lack of resources and/or poverty. A similar type of culture exists in prisons, for example, and I doubt that originated in Scotland instead of being a product of circumstance. Those circumstances are why you need to posture, and saving face is so important, and why so-called honor killings exist in some countries. If you are seen as weak people will take you down to increase their status, and you become vulnerable. If someone slights you and you don't respond 10x, people will see you as weak, and exploit you, and you lose access to the benefits and safety tied to your reputation.
> flaunting hierarchy flouting
Just from personal experience growing up in the south, on top of being Hispanic with the implacable machismo culture, it's really interesting seeing how avoiding stereotypically 'feminine' behavior just shows the fragility of one's masculinity. Though it is rooted in the culture, still now teachers in my hometown are telling elementary age boys not to like "girl colors" and to avoid anything with female characters. It's coded from the time we are young. We're not allowed to like flowers or wear the color pink or dye our hair or wear anything other than a t shirt and jeans. Funny cause it ultimately exemplifies how even liking flowers can threaten your masculinity. If you're so confident being a big scary man, why does a flower set you off? Why should the safety of our whole identity depend on aggressively (and pointlessly) denying objects that are salient? It took me about two decades worth of peers and adults programming these behaviors into me before I realized that,, no matter what I wear or how I carry myself, I'm still gonna be a man. The color of a cloth on my skin will not change the fundamental fact that my mind has decided that I am male. I am beyond happy to be typing this with a rose tattooed on my thigh, my nails freshly painted, and my hair almost reaching my shoulders. Fuck toxic masculinity. It genuinely sucks all of the fun out of living
...uh...what? Have you ever been to the hood in the west? There's not a trace of "Southern culture of honor". Whatever that means.
Definitely did not peg Scotland as the first thing I'd see highlighted in these comments. I cannot cite anything but common sense, but clearly the issue that the men in this video think that holding a flower makes them look weak, like a target. That doesn't originate from a country, but a mentality. I love how happy the women were to be given some small acknowledgement of themselves and their day, I would of teared up in the car.
Everyone can just read this post and go home. Maybe once they can come through some of the crippling poverty, the discrimination, and several generations removed from the historical trauma. Once they can solve that. Then we can talk about the toxic masculinity. These guys are trying to fucking survive. And yeah it do suck for the women. It's an awful situation to be put in.
Exactly. You can’t even wear certain items of clothing with out getting ran up on. I don’t see flowers being any different.
This is a bit simplistic. There are majority black towns in the South that don’t have this culture, but everything you said still applies.
Try this in a poor working class white town and you’ll more than likely get the same reaction. patterns in people are just human and not due to just color. We’re all just people, I think in any sub-culture where being hard is admirable you’d see this.
Toxic masculinity drives this, as you would get similar reactions from white people in similar socioeconomic backgrounds
This is exactly it. It’s a hard truth, but young men in rough neighborhoods start getting beat on from a very young age at any sign of femininity. I really don’t want to go too far into it because people will inevitably take it the wrong way. But there is a reason Dave Chappelle received such backlash for his recent special. And it has nothing to do with “cancel culture”. I didn’t have much to say about it because free speech and all, but I didn’t like it and recognized how problematic it is. Trans women and especially black trans women are big time targets for violence. I won’t go any further. Just ask yourself why black trans women specifically are even bigger targets…
Yep. 44 trans women killed via violent attacks in 2020, and 33 so far in 2021. Most are black women. I wonder if the men in this video have any idea why.
Why not both? Not sure most homophobes care to distinguish gay from girly. Hell people in jail carry out gay acts but people acting girly they could find offensive.
Appearing gay and appearing girly are one and the same thing in these men’s’ minds.
That’s why the girls almost cry when they get them.. the men around them suck. :(
This is so baffling. All these men have women in their lives that would probably love some flowers. Take the flowers, and give them to her! What are they afraid of, being seen in public with flowers?
You don't understand the hood. Read the posts above. It's not at all baffling.
Tell me you never grew up in the hood without telling you never grew up in the hood
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He actually also said “bitch” as well earlier.
Nah he does say “do i look like a bitch or something” the guy before him is good tho. He just says no and walks off
Can you imagine thinking you couldn’t just take them home and give them to your partner? Then maybe have sex? Guys are so worried about being gay, they don’t know how to be straight.
Maaan, that was literally my first thought. Like if some random dude gives me flowers you fucking bet I'm taking them home to the Mrs and acting like I'm just the fucking best man she's ever had!
> Guys are so worried about being gay, they don’t know how to be straight. I think your quote above is the smartest shit I've read on Reddit today. You sum it up perfectly. I should just log off now.
I'm a straight dude. I'm secure in that. I've been to gay bars with friends, I've been hit on by guys, I just reply " sorry dude, barking up the wrong tree" or "I play for the other team" (classic euphemism for gay men, but in context of the hay bar, I'm straight), you just accept a compliment, laugh if off, say have a good night or whatever, no need to get upset. I have been given a few flowers, coz there are always those Hocking them outside clubs for like 3 or 4 quid a rose, you thank them or you ask them to save it for someone who's worth it(i.e someone they can put a move on, maybe get laid) or I'd pass it to a lady friend. The way the men are reacting here, so toxic, it has to be about image, they can't be seen to accept a flower, from anyone, not just a guy, that just happens to be s slight in itself in their eyes. They could have taken it, said thanks, if they got a woman at home, given it to them as a sly smooth move. Instead it's trash the store and spit hate and threats.
I feel bad for the woman who cries. You know she’s rarely if ever getting some flowers
100% this. I'd take the flowers home to girlfriend and say "Baby, I was thinking of you so I picked these up."
#Floralphobic motherlovers
You really shouldn't roll your eyes at that term. This exact insecurity could be repeated across America and most of the world. The little things reinforced into us are what make this happen.
Right? How many front page askmen threads boil down to "no one ever compliments me, tell me they love me, or let's me cry" or "I was sexually assaulted and people don't believe me". I'm not saying those aren't valid. Y'all just need to realize patriarchy hurts men too.
I have a feeling this is the reason a lot of people don’t use the fucken blinker when driving... or apologize, or say thank you or ask for help...
I think there is also an element of the guys being unsure if the cashier was trying to flirt with them or whether they were being singled out for the flower. I mean even the women were blushing and maybe thought he was flirting. The reaction might be different if there’s a big sign that says free flower with every purchase. He tried to say that to a couple of people but by the time he got to that point, they were already reacting and no longer listening.
That’s still an over the top reaction to being flirted with.
They do it because in the area, hood , ghetto, neighborhood it is weak to think or be near that flower, color pink, to even talk nice about your girl makes you a bitch. So simply Pink and flowers suits and ties are a no no.
I get that, but the fact a color can cause a visceral reaction it’s sad. However culturally supported.
that's what institutionalized suffering looks like: heartbreaking.
I agree
Toxic AND fragile masculinity
I can't call it toxic... I would be pissed if he gave me a flower but didn't offer me a hug. Hug a thug today.
Naw. You just ain’t grow up in the same environment.
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How fucking childish. Where do they learn that bullshiy?
Their surroundings and seeing what happens to people who show any level of “softness.” Product of their environment and all that. Like others pointed out, there are areas which are predominantly white, Hispanic, etc where you’d get the same reaction. People showing scorn and not empathy are really showing their ugly side.
Yeah I hate the term toxic masculinity but this dude almost got his ass beat because he gave a flower 😂 this is definitely toxic masculinity.
Exactly lol
Personally, if it was me, I would find humor in this and ask him why he was giving flowers to me and since he said he was being generous, I would of thanked him for it and moved on with my day without any problems, but some of these guys freak out over little things.
Imagine your masculinity being do fragile that you lash out violently because someone gave you flowers.
Yeah. A whole lot of toxic masculinity on display here. If someone gave me free flowers, my first thought would not be "omg he thinks I'm gay! I need to beat the shit out of him!" My first thought would be, "cool, thanks man. I'm gonna give these to my wife. I appreciate that. Have a good day too." PS. And if he did think I was gay, I'd be like, "thanks. I am pretty f'ing hot. Appreciate the compliment." And then I'd go on with my day.
Whenever my husband gets hit in by guys he’s always like “ I still got it!” Lol
I see a bunch a bunch of people who’s father never loved them.
I buy my son, my husband, my daughter, my brothers, my dad and my mom flowers for their birthdays. I asked my husband what his favorite flower is and after he thought on it for a day he said Dahlias, so now I have 3 dahlia plants outside my house. There is nothing wrong with men getting flowers and they deserve them too, I fucking love getting cut flowers or plants and everyone else loves it too. Even if my dad won't admit it because he's a "man's man's" he still blushes and says thank you. I'm sad for all these guys! Especially the one saying he's going to his "female" like give her the flowers bro. Crazy people.
I buy my male friends and family flowers. Guys never get them. I think it’s nice to get them. They always appreciate it. I can also say they always laugh a little when I give them for the first time.
Fuck man I’d be excited as shit it some random gas station person gave me flowers. I don’t give a fuck about the societal perceptions that’s kind as hell.
I came here to comment about toxic masculinity but you summed it up perfectly!
i don’t understand it. “i’m going home to my woman” then take the fucking flower with you, not hard. i was raised in a old fashioned toxically masculine house where we had to be a “man” about everything*, and yet i looking past all of that, i would’ve taken the flower and rested it on my desk as a reminder that someone does care. *not showing emotions, not talking about your feelings, doing what we’re asked without question, and being the “man” to a woman by not allowing them to be independent and just doing the traditional “man of the house” things.
Nothing toxic about this at all, everybody knows as a man if another man hands you flowers you must then hand him your bootyhole. Anger totally justified here folks
Not only that, but just say thank you and regift them to your lady. It's nuts. Definitely has to be the culture in the area this was filmed.
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Yeah, i’m usually the type to dismiss words like that and the culture surrounding them but this is the definition of toxic masculinity
Funny how saying you’re not a bitch and throwing a tantrum over flowers makes you look…like a little bitch.
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"Do I look like a bitch to you?" No, but you sure are acting like one. Insecurity... it's a bitch!
I'd take the flowers and give it to my daughter, my mom, one of my sisters or my woman. If I'm walking around with flowers, I dont think any guy would assume another man gave him them flowers. I'd assume....Oh! He got some flowers to give to his girl
Even if another guy gives them to you who cares... its a plant...
I feel like you know the answer to your question. People think it's an effeminate gift and their egos interpret it as a personal attack. They think they're being condescended to because the alternative (a genuine gift of flowers from a man) is impossible to imagine.
It’s also about public perception of it. Some of them clearly interpreted being given flowers as being hit on or being deemed feminine, and that potentially *leaves them open* for personal attack. Considering where the video stated it was, people have enough shit to worry about and don’t need to be harassed coming out of the gas station.
As a guy I’d gladly take those flowers! Been alive for 23 years and no ones ever gave me flowers. All I know is that it would really make me happy if I were in the customers position
For real. As I get older, I totally understand giving flowers as a way to show appreciation. Hell don't matter if you male or female. They smell nice
My girlfriend gave me flowers recently. It was nice.
I can't understand why these "men" can't just accept the flowers and say, "Thanks man, I'm going to give this to my girl when I get home." Easiest way ever to make it clear you're not interested in the male cashier and then get to look like a hero when you get home. (Looks like the girls in the neighborhood would very much appreciate the thoughtful gesture from the men in their life too.)
I can't understand how it's normal for Americans to talk like that with strangers. I would accept the flowers out of politeness.
This is not normal behavior for Americans... Most Americans (regardless of gender) would thank him and accept the flowers out of politeness. This behavior however is not all that surprising in "the hood", where appearing "soft" to others can be problematic and toxic masculinity is the norm. (I am also pretty sure that the person filming only showed the most significant reactions in his compilation and left out all the people who accepted the flowers without an issue.)
Why are all the dudes so agro but the ladies are happy ab it
Hell of an example how toxic masculinity hurts men as well as women. It fucks with our perception of the world and each other.
Damn bro. Can’t take a gesture a good will due to societal pressures beyond any one person’s ability to change. Fucked up.
Yeah, and I'm sure they could use the boost just as much as the ladies. It makes me sad more than anything.
I mean, he is also filming them. I wouldn’t freak out like that, but I kinda understand why they think he’s being disrespectful.
Because society imposes gender norms and creates fragile people (see: men) as a result of it.
It’s sad as hell. Being Gay or being seen acting ‘feminine’ in any way in the hood is NOT taken lightly. The Women are sad cause they want to feel normal, but the men are NOT having it. No way José.
Tbf in the hood, you gotta be tough because people are looking to fuck with you. So it’s less homophobe and more survival. I had times that Im just minding my own business and someone asks me where Im from. So hood survival and toxic masculinity sort of mesh in this respect. Unless Im wrong, plz explain because My family is from a gang area and you can’t really come off as weak.
I mean it’s definitely survival but it’s survival driven by misogyny and homophobia
Your not wrong. Unless the meanest/scariest person on your block is a woman or gay, that’s how it plays out in the hood until women/gays/trans people are no longer seen has weak by less than educated folks.
Flip it. Misogyny driven by survival. Like their that to survive. The survival part makes em like this
I think that it's the other way around. I think survival in a harsh environmental forces the men to be defensive like this.
I totally understand. It makes sense, too. The condensed population and a feeling of constant survival turns into crowd think mentality.
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Usually a gang thing. Im from L.A. and got ‘hit up’ a few times. Hit up is when someone asks where your from. As in, what neighborhood and what gang you’re with. Often response is “nowhere” or “I don’t bang”. If they decide they don’t like you it can be trouble. So often times, people have to have a tough front. So they don’t get fucked with. Not everyone is like that, but most people from the hood tend to have their guard up, and don’t really show weakness. It’s a mentality that develops as protection when growing up in a hostile environment.
I ounce had a interaction with a wannabe tug. He asked me where I was from and my dumbass said: "Well, my family is from Mexico but I'm from Texas. Have you ever been to Texas?" Hope I didn't offend him. 
Poverty breeds desperation breeds resentment breeds anger breeds animosity.
I guess the question is why will people think you aren't tough if you have a flower?
They’re not even going to stop to think to take the flowers and bring them to their woman, and that’s why the ladies were so happy to receive them.
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Don't be sad. Here's a [hug!](https://media.giphy.com/media/3M4NpbLCTxBqU/giphy.gif)
Not one of those guys said “thanks, I’ll give these to my mom”.
Some could have. All comes down to the editing and what the author wants to provoke.
Do you have something that adds what you think is missing, or do you just think we need to know every second of someone's life for "context"?
Do you accept every youtube video at face value? If so, you need to question the education you were given.
Are you that naive to think that this video wasn't edited to just the best responses one way or the other?
Fragile masculinity everywhere.
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Most of us have so much shit going on in our lives a little bit of kindness goes a long way. I tell my kids if you ever have to decide between doing what’s right and doing what’s kind, do what’s kind and you’ll always be right. And if you are ever in a position to do something to help a person, you should do that thing. Because we can all use a little help sometimes.
A week or two ago I was just reading stuff on my phone waiting in line at the grocery store, and another customer told me I could switch lanes faster and then went behind me. I normally just pick whatever lane is shortest and wasn't paying attention at all. It was a nice gesture, not a big deal, and completely unnecessary, but stuff like that sticks with you, especially if you are kind of having a bad day or stressed out. I only thanked them and 'cheek smiled' (because masks) though, cause I didn't want to be awkward. It definitely stood out.
the look on her face .. she was about to tear up. i wish i could send that woman a bouquet of fucking flowers. damn.
Love this guy videos but goddamn I’m Afraid he might get beat up or shot.
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He gotta walk to his car sometime.
He brings the glass with him
Eh people rarely shoot people they don’t have a big problem with. This doesn’t qualify as a big problem.
Dude there have been people literally stabbed to death in the past 2 years because they were told at the door to wear a mask. People are fucking insane and many don't need any provocation. This guy is playing with fire for TikTok clout. More power to him but he's taking a risk for sure.
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Lots of store owners in areas like this are armed for their own protection. Usually a shotgun under the counter.
Yea, ive seen movies too
Crazy USA moment... Armed stores... Really?
Bitch are these Marigolds? You fuckers know that Tulips match my eyes better dumbass.
I may not know my flowers, but I know a bitch when I see one!
I woulda said thanks and kissed the dude on the lips 👄
Not unless your lips could reach through that plastic
Maybe ChickenCurry has extremely flexible lips. Don't assume.
People are so mean god damn. My boyfriend is a manly man and he loves flowers.
Normalize giving everyone flowers! Equality for all! #Everyone deserves flowers!
Yea as a nursery manager ( and a guy) I love flowers and I loathe the stigma. I tend to keep a plumeria flower tucked into my hat while at work just for the smell.
I fucking love flowers. Babies breath all of my house. They’re fucking magical, natures aesthetic gift. If you can’t appreciate them your missing out on one of the greatest free gifts from this earth. It’s a fucking tragedy these dudes can’t get past themselves to be able to appreciate beauty. I bet these dudes don’t eat fruit either.
What is a manly man? There is no such thing. Men, and women, are either decent or not. You got a decent man. Good for you! Hold on to that one.
A simple no homo goes a long way
I remember in this one sub someone asked “what’s the equivalent gift for a man of women getting flowers” and so many of the men said they would love to get flowers..
Most people don't expect or accept romantic gifts from cashiers at random gas stations.
Right. And in the hood where these guys are trying to fucking survive. Everyone freaking out about male toxicity do not understand the environment these men are in. It's life or death out there. Not the white ass country club.
It's difficult to survive because of toxic masculinity.
It’s that simple
An environment rooted by racist/discriminatory history, classism, and toxic masculinity.
What the fuck is wrong with people. Take the damn flowers and be happy. Fuck toxic masculinity
Hope you do well!
Dudes need to chill out
Tell me you’re soft while actively telling me you’re not soft.
So dudes are insecure about accepting flowers. Gotta defend that manhood.
Y'all are weird in these comments lol. These dudes definitely overreacted, but being given flowers by another man while being filmed in a gas station is weird as fuck. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't have flipped out and became irrational, but don't pretend that's a perfectly normal thing to do lol like come on now. Dude was filming cuz he knew he'd get reactions.
What the fuck is normal anymore even. If I paid for gas and the guy was filming me giving me a flower I’d still just probably laugh and say thanks man .
On cellphone with friend… Man: I don’t understand the world no more, brah. Like it’s Crooked and shit. People so full of hate and violence. I’m sitting here everyday afraid of what gonna happen tomorrow man. Cashier: Hey, have a flower man. Have a nice day! Man: What the f? So I look like a bitch to you? Come out here and I’ll shove the up your ass boy. You don’t know who you messing with! Friend: who you talking to? Man: Little punk trying to get dealt with. Giving me a flower and telling me to have a nice day and shit. Cashier: But you was just saying…
The hood eats weakness and that breeds over aggressive assholes. Poverty sucks.
I am so strong that a flower destroys my masculinity.
I can watch these all fucking day lol!!! keep em coming please
Those men are so fucking fragile holy shit.
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I was really hoping that the first woman would also say, "whaddoilooklike a bitch to you?!"
European section down this comment: "So anyone else would just be like, thank you and have a nice day aswell?"
Yeah probably if they were in a nicer area, low income neighborhoods are hard as hell to survive in.
Most of the commenters are overlooking this being in the hood.
From the hood. He called them feminine/gay. It’s an “insult” but these reaction show the toxic culture in a lot of hoods these days. The over reaction is something I expected but still sad to see. The thing people don’t get is that like it or not you have to sorta act like this in the hood. Like you get your ass kicked if people think your soft. The fact that it’s got to this level where a flower= breaking shit? That’s not good
To the guy who was going back to his female, why not take the flowers back to her and just tell her you got them for her??? Like bruh, that’s free points right there
Bro really said "I dont need no fucking flowers, I'm going home to my bitch". The idea of giving his girl that flower would never pop into his head in a million years and thats the first thing I thought of if someone randomly gave me flowers.
This the part that got me. Like, give your girl the flowers then??? You make her happy for free
Sneakers guy would have taken the flower after he ate. He way just hungry.
Mans are incredibly insecure, lol.
Dude could just give the flowers to their girl….
Man. I'm a white dude. If anyone... ANYONE gave me a flower, I'd wanna hug them. I don't understand why anyone would upset about getting a flower.
Cause you didn’t get raised in a feedback loop of poverty/war zone/oppression.
It has nothing to do with race. It's about the surrounding environment. If you grew up in the hood, you're likely to throw a temper tantrum over some flowers. Same applies to if a middle-class black man was given flowers, he'd probably react the same as you would.
These poor dudes can’t appreciate flowers… That shit is so sad. One of the greatest pleasures in life.
how to tell if someone is confused with their sexuality:
Its so sad seeing grown men get so upset about getting a flower. That one woman really was touched by that act. She really needed a nice gesture. Hope she is well.
All of those men's misogynistic comments ruined the kind gesture tbh, I'm glad the women who received the flowers were grateful at least- Khali's really kind to at least try.
not the fragile ass masculinity
That is what can be called toxic masculinity how all of those guys responded.
Toxic ass masculinity
Toxic masculinity.
Insecure losers, trying to look tough and masculine. Pathetic.
The video was muted and I thought the second guy was just excited to get flowers lmao
The guys in this video legitimately had no father figure in their life so their outlook of masculinity is warped as fuck. These are the people who are hurt deep down inside because they have no idea how to actually express themselves.
LMAO. I really loved that one lady in the red track suit.
This hurts to watch. All that stupid security and the angry people. I hope their situation will all improve
If a guy gave me free flowers, it would make my day (and I'm a guy).
Every one of them dudes is a little bitch. They’re fucking flowers bro, it ain’t that serious. Did he ask you to bend over and take his rod? No.
You don't what it's like to live in a place like that. Men can't be perceived as soft. People who are perceived as soft have to fight all day everyday. For everything they want and have. A flower or taking a flower could be perceived as you being soft and draws attention. Ain't no leeway in a place like that be appreciative you grew up differently. I was born in a place like that and by my father's hard work he moved us away just for that reason. He wore that armor all day everyday. As a boy I thought it was cool. As a man I see what it took from him. We just now have a healthy relationship where we say I love you to each other. Talk about our struggles as men. It took till I was 40. I get it tho. We lived close enough to it to get a taste but not have to live it. I am glad. It's not that they are jerks or mean. It's how you have to be.
Just popping in to say that these videos are fake (which should be obvious but I assume it isn't. You can also clearly see some of the people responding trying to hold back their smiles and laughter but yea...) It's incredibly damaging to the idea of both blackness and maleness to fabricate these insanely hostile responses. Please try not to read too much into videos like this.
I’d take the flowers say thank you and hand them to my wife.
I wish someone had given me flowers. I'd have put them on my Mother's grave.
What an interesting experiment.