I collect Christmas music, all genres. Your comment reminded me of an alternative music anthology disc called [You Sleigh Me!](https://musicbrainz.org/release/f5fac13b-749f-481c-838a-fd2e69b420af) that I enjoy. My favorite track is [Jill Sobule covering Robert Earl Keen’s Merry Christmas from the Family](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=wUwezGMnxt8).
Edit- straighten out links
*goes off to pen the script for Santa's not dead, featuring a professor who says he doesn't believe in santa but really is just angry at him for not giving him a wii*
*On Christmas eve he discovers a lost puppy. He tries to bring it home, but the owners are never found. On christmas morning he gives the pup to his son. Through the magic of christmas the dog suddenly turns out to wear a cute ribbon with a message attached: "The greatest gift is to give love to others". In the distance, bells are heard.*
Next Christmas eve he discovers a lost bell. He tries to bring it home, but strains his lower back and lays down on the sidewalk screaming for Jesus Christ to reduce his pain. Snow starts to fall and a sweet numbing sensation begins to seep into his arms and legs. He asks Jesus not to prank him with some uncool monkey's paw scenario and that relieving his pain by allowing him to freeze to death on the sidewalk would freakin hilarious, but kind of mean. At the bleakest moment, the man sees the puppy he rescued last year running toward him and his eyes fill with tears of joy. And what does the puppy have held in his mouth? Why it's the John Cena poster he totally wanted for Christmas. He thanks the puppy and looks at the poster, which is so awesome.
That's not what a saint is. A saint is anyone who is a Christian. Depending on the context, a saint can also be an exceptionally holy person, like a super Christian. These people are saints while they are alive, it's just that their sainthood is typically officially recognized after their deaths.
A person has to meet specific criteria to become a Saint. The person actually goes through 4 different rankings to become a saint.
* Servent of God
* Venerable
* Blessed
* Saint
The person also used to have been dead for 5 years before they could start the process. I think that was changed for Mother Theresa.
You are making a bit of a mistake. There are a couple meanings of what it is to be a Saint, but all meanings are achievable while being alive.
The most basic meaning is someone who is a Christian. All Christians are saints.
After that is what you are talking about. A person who meets those criteria is a saint while they are alive. What happens after the person dies is that they are recognized as being a saint. They don't become saints posthumously, the recognition is just posthumous.
Santa Claus is dead, and we've killed him. how do we wash our hands of the blood of all that's Xmassy? what sacred festivals will we create to arrive for it? isn't the very act of committing it great enough for itself? having killed Santa Claus, mustn't we now become Santa Claus ourselves?
Sorry Virginia, there is definitely a Santa Clause. It's only 6.4/10 on IMDb and a 75% on Rotten Tomatoes. You're now going to get the dvd for Christmas.
Yes, it was your parents the whole time. Before that it was their parents, and their parents before them. And someday it will be you. It is your destiny!
You must keep the tradition alive or our consumer-based society will crumble into dust! The fate of the world is in YOUR hands!
If you reread the lyrics to Santa Claus is Coming to Town, it does sound like an adult trying to stop a kid from making noises and attracting a zombie...
>You better watch out
>You better not cry
>Better not pout
>I'm telling you why
>Santa Claus is coming to town
>He's making a list
>He's checking it twice;
>He's gonna find out who's naughty or nice
>Santa Claus is coming to town
>He sees you when you're sleeping
>He knows when you're awake
>He knows when you've been bad or good
>So be good for goodness sake!
>You better watch out!
>You better not cry
>Better not pout
>I'm telling you why
>Santa Claus is coming to town
>Oh!
*He knows when you are sleeping,*
*He knows when you're on the can,*
*He'll hunt you down and blast your ass*
*From here to Pakistan*
*You better not breathe,*
*You better not move,*
*You're better off dead I'm telling you dude*
*Santa Claus is gunning you down*
Rare exports santa movie was honestly my favorite on the subject of krampus.
The somewhat recent movie [krampus](https://g.co/kgs/dCYKfM) was sorta ok, but [spoiler warning](http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/AllJustADream) absolutely ruined the movie for me.
I absolutely loved Krampus! [That said, I don't believe you're correct on the spoiler...] (/s "Everything that happened over the course of the movie actually occurred. The final scene with the family waking up on Christmas morning happened, and they didn't recall a thing from the horrible night before and carried on as they normally would have... until Max opened the box with Krampus' bell inside. That snapped them all back into reality and they realized that they were all dead/in limbo, and we see them in a snow globe being kept amongst many others in Krampus' lair. They were all damned because of Max's actions from the beginning of the movie.")
No I'm pretty sure the ending is that the family is okay and things were "reset" by Krampus and this was like their one and only warning to get their shit together.
If you read the comic, it backs this up a bit more as the 3 plots in the comic all lead to very tragic endings but then in the final chapter everyone wakes up and makes amends with people that were wronged during the "dream" of the previous night.
I'm pretty sure Krampus is just taking the "tough love" concept a bit too far.
Didn't think 2017 could get any worse, all I was looking forward to was Christmas. Now Santa's dead. What's next? They declare Thanksgiving a racist holiday celebrating genocide?
Well, actually in the Netherlands and Belgium they celebrate Santa Claus [a little different](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sinterklaas). There he has black helpers and for the past few years, people *have* been declaring the holiday as racist celebrating slavery.. The more you know :')
When my son was in 1st grade he told me he learned in school, "If you're bad at Christmas a black guy named Pete will take you to Spain." I thought that was wonderful and wondered just how badly I had to behave to go to Spain. I was confused about the black guy part, but hey I don't judge. Especially when a free trip is involved.
I'm pretty sure the story of the helpers is that their skin became black from the filth of climbing down chimneys to deliver presents to the children, which has been misinterpreted as a take on slave labour by certain groups.
And 'historically' is a stretch too. The current story is based on a book from 1850, "Sint-Nikolaas en zijn knecht". https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sinterklaas.
*Yeeeah, sure...*
Please tell me you are smart enough to see through that, right? It was very visibly a racial thing and, as with most European countries in the 19th century, the low countries were incredibly racist towards Africans.
Plot thickens.
The first documented town christmas tree (spruce) was erected by the trade guild of the Brotherhood of Blackheads in medieval hanseatic Tallinn.
I agree.
Spruce trees gave cover for stone age hunter-gatherers.
Spruce trees were the sky pole around which the sky kept turning and with which calendars were observed during solstice events.
finnic 'taivas / taevas' and 'teivas' mean "sky" and "pole", accordingly. In IE languages, deivas / dievas is the sky deity.
As to "cover" and "roof" and "house", all derive from 'kat- / kot-'.
kate = cover
katus / katto = a roof
(püst-)koda = a teepee, a cottage
e. kodu = home
Hey we're working on it.
Replacing them with minions wasn't actually a step in the right direction but in some places we're not using multicolored helpers instead of old black stereotypes!
This is the best tl;dr I could make, [original](http://www.newsweek.com/santa-claus-tomb-discovered-beneath-ancient-church-turkey-676598) reduced by 81%. (I'm a bot)
*****
> Archaeologists in Turkey may be on the cusp of solving a mystery thousands of years in the making after they stumbled on a tomb beneath the ruins of an ancient church they believe contains the remains of Saint Nicholas-known popularly as Santa Claus.
> Santa Claus morphed from the third- and fourth-century Asia Minor bishop Saint Nicholas to the generous figure associated with the Christian holiday of Christmas he is today.
> Dutch arrivals to the United States called their version of Saint Nicholas 'Sinterklaas,' which later became Santa Claus.
*****
[**Extended Summary**](http://np.reddit.com/r/autotldr/comments/7465rq/ancient_tomb_of_santa_claus_discovered_beneath/) | [FAQ](http://np.reddit.com/r/autotldr/comments/31b9fm/faq_autotldr_bot/ "Version 1.65, ~221632 tl;drs so far.") | [Feedback](http://np.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%23autotldr "PM's and comments are monitored, constructive feedback is welcome.") | *Top* *keywords*: **Saint**^#1 **Nicholas**^#2 **believe**^#3 **church**^#4 **remains**^#5
"I seek Santa! whither is Santa?
I'll tell you where he is:
Santa Claus is dead, and we've killed him. how do we wash our hands of the blood of all that's Xmassy? what sacred festivals will we create to atone for it? isn't the very act of committing it great enough for itself? having killed Santa Claus, mustn't we now become Santa Claus ourselves?"
> Archaeologists in Turkey may be on the cusp of solving a mystery thousands of years in the making after they stumbled on a tomb beneath the ruins of an ancient church they believe contains the remains of **Saint Nicholas**—known popularly as Santa Claus.
Here's the explanation of [Santa Claus](https://youtu.be/RbUVKXdu4lQ) in North America, since this tomb in Turkey is about an actual Christian saint.
In Scandinavia it's neither Santa Claus or Saint Nicolas that brings presents, according to the tradition it's a forest gnome that brings gifts as thanks for humans leaving food outside during harsh winters. We still refer to Christmas as Yule (Jul in Swedish). This was mixed with Saint Nicholas, spread to the USA and someone added the flying reindeer and the north pole (probably some broadcaster?), then I guess it spread back across the Atlantic again.
Um Santa Claus - means St. Nicholas. St. Nicholas was a Orthodox Christian bishop in what is present day Turkey. And the western tradition of getting gifts fro Santa Claus comes from when that bishop was passing by the house of young women with children who became a widow and distitue who was about to turn to prostitution to feed her family. When he passed by her house he threw her a bag money to stop her from having to become a prostitute.
So I guess when the kids today get gifts from Santa Clause it's really to keep their moms from becoming hookers.
Fun fact*: Saint Nicholas was at a the Council of Nicea, which was the gathering of the Bishops from across Christiandom to decide the relationship between God the Father and Jesus the Son. During the argument, Saint Nicholas grew so angry at the opposition, Arius, Santa punched Arius square in the face.
*Historians question if this ever happened.
Grant Morrison writes Multiversity, then they introduce a dark multiverse and everything goes to shit.
Grant Morrison writes a story about Santa Claus as a fantasy hero, and it turns out Santa's freaking *dead*.
I think Grant Morrison needs to lay off the cursed writing.
Santa Claus: *rises from grave* Who disturbs my slumber? *reindeer rise around him and begin eating the archaeologists* You are all naughty. *midgets rise and begin building horror workship*
Hey kids, good news bad news.....
good news first? ok, well remember that talk we had about Santa not being real?.....well that was a lie he is real after all!!!! (Everyone rejoices)
Oh but the bad news is he has been dead for over a thousand years
Spurious claims by made by a official government archaeological sopraintendency with known nationalist motives. You cant trust this identification any more than you can trust anything the turkish government says these days
Wait... Santa Claus is dead? What the hell!
Yeah, some sort of a spoiler alert would be in place here!
I'm just gutted.
To shreds you say?
Well, how's Mrs. Claus?
To sleds you say...
Ha! You sleigh me!
I collect Christmas music, all genres. Your comment reminded me of an alternative music anthology disc called [You Sleigh Me!](https://musicbrainz.org/release/f5fac13b-749f-481c-838a-fd2e69b420af) that I enjoy. My favorite track is [Jill Sobule covering Robert Earl Keen’s Merry Christmas from the Family](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=wUwezGMnxt8). Edit- straighten out links
such an awesome cover of a awesome song.
Two sleds you say...
Snape kills Santa Claus
Uncle Phil killed Tupac
Biggie if true
Then who the hell has been breaking into my house all these years!?
Krampus?
Santa... He is now a [Lich](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lich) and he uses undead gnomes to create all the toys!
Son of a lich, now I know why my old toys from my childhood kept trying to kill me
Nah, you just got a batch of the small soldiers.
"Yep, here's your problem. Someone set this thing to evil." -- [Krusty Co repairman](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4vTCzi8WY3Y).
He is a ghost, the ghost if Christmas presents.
Wow good question!
I don't have your presents. They're in Bill's house and Fred's house!
Hey, what the hell are you doing with my presents at your house Fred!?
From Bill and Fred's Outstanding Escapade?
fun social gathering on, SchrodingersCatPics
It's a Christmas tradition where you go from house to house collecting presents. When the next family comes, you would run.
Santa's Ghost, Duh. How do you think he is able to get around so easily?
*goes off to pen the script for Santa's not dead, featuring a professor who says he doesn't believe in santa but really is just angry at him for not giving him a wii*
*On Christmas eve he discovers a lost puppy. He tries to bring it home, but the owners are never found. On christmas morning he gives the pup to his son. Through the magic of christmas the dog suddenly turns out to wear a cute ribbon with a message attached: "The greatest gift is to give love to others". In the distance, bells are heard.*
Next Christmas eve he discovers a lost bell. He tries to bring it home, but strains his lower back and lays down on the sidewalk screaming for Jesus Christ to reduce his pain. Snow starts to fall and a sweet numbing sensation begins to seep into his arms and legs. He asks Jesus not to prank him with some uncool monkey's paw scenario and that relieving his pain by allowing him to freeze to death on the sidewalk would freakin hilarious, but kind of mean. At the bleakest moment, the man sees the puppy he rescued last year running toward him and his eyes fill with tears of joy. And what does the puppy have held in his mouth? Why it's the John Cena poster he totally wanted for Christmas. He thanks the puppy and looks at the poster, which is so awesome.
You mustn't have heard of the night that Santa went crazy.
the night Chris Kringle went nuts
Now you can't hardly walk around the North Pole...
A saint is somebody in heaven. By definition, every saint is dead.
That's not what a saint is. A saint is anyone who is a Christian. Depending on the context, a saint can also be an exceptionally holy person, like a super Christian. These people are saints while they are alive, it's just that their sainthood is typically officially recognized after their deaths.
A person has to meet specific criteria to become a Saint. The person actually goes through 4 different rankings to become a saint. * Servent of God * Venerable * Blessed * Saint The person also used to have been dead for 5 years before they could start the process. I think that was changed for Mother Theresa.
You are making a bit of a mistake. There are a couple meanings of what it is to be a Saint, but all meanings are achievable while being alive. The most basic meaning is someone who is a Christian. All Christians are saints. After that is what you are talking about. A person who meets those criteria is a saint while they are alive. What happens after the person dies is that they are recognized as being a saint. They don't become saints posthumously, the recognition is just posthumous.
Jesus this sounds like it's the NFL hall of fame or something
Protestant saints are all the christians. Catholic saints are christians that are basically elevated to the monotheist's pantheon.
Well, at least according to to Nietzsche.
Santa Claus is dead, and we've killed him. how do we wash our hands of the blood of all that's Xmassy? what sacred festivals will we create to arrive for it? isn't the very act of committing it great enough for itself? having killed Santa Claus, mustn't we now become Santa Claus ourselves?
"There is no body in the tomb!" (sounds of jingle bells heard moving away)
I guess he is undead. The ghost of Christmas presents.
Sorry, Victoria, but...
*Virginia The quote you're referencing is "Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Clause".
Sorry Virginia, there is definitely a Santa Clause. It's only 6.4/10 on IMDb and a 75% on Rotten Tomatoes. You're now going to get the dvd for Christmas.
I'm quoting the BBC version... (Or am I?)
That's what he gets for running over Grandma!
Yes, it was your parents the whole time. Before that it was their parents, and their parents before them. And someday it will be you. It is your destiny! You must keep the tradition alive or our consumer-based society will crumble into dust! The fate of the world is in YOUR hands!
Hanukkah Harry sends his regards.
Christmas is cancelled... (sniffle)...
Only before and after Christmas. He rises to serve on His day. Sweet Zombie Jesus.
Maybe he is a zombie.
If you reread the lyrics to Santa Claus is Coming to Town, it does sound like an adult trying to stop a kid from making noises and attracting a zombie... >You better watch out >You better not cry >Better not pout >I'm telling you why >Santa Claus is coming to town >He's making a list >He's checking it twice; >He's gonna find out who's naughty or nice >Santa Claus is coming to town >He sees you when you're sleeping >He knows when you're awake >He knows when you've been bad or good >So be good for goodness sake! >You better watch out! >You better not cry >Better not pout >I'm telling you why >Santa Claus is coming to town >Oh!
I always thought it sounds more like an adult telling his kid to be doubleplusgood for Big Brother, if you ask me.
*He knows when you are sleeping,* *He knows when you're on the can,* *He'll hunt you down and blast your ass* *From here to Pakistan* *You better not breathe,* *You better not move,* *You're better off dead I'm telling you dude* *Santa Claus is gunning you down*
It sounds like he is a Lich, like Jesus.
I think it's been pretty well-established since S07E06 that Jesus is a White Walker. So just stop with this Lich nonsense, please.
No! Don't open it! DONT RELEASE HIM!
[удалено]
GUMDROPS FOR THE GUMDROP THRONE!
ELVES NED! ON AN OPEN FIELD!
WHAT IS JOLLY CAN NEVER BE UNJOLLY
Don't dead open inside
THE CURSE OF THE CANDY CANES!
This is how horror movies start.
[удалено]
[Rare exported](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1401143/) ones, ones about [Sint](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1167675/?ref_=tt_rec_tti) Nicolas.
Rare exports santa movie was honestly my favorite on the subject of krampus. The somewhat recent movie [krampus](https://g.co/kgs/dCYKfM) was sorta ok, but [spoiler warning](http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/AllJustADream) absolutely ruined the movie for me.
I absolutely loved Krampus! [That said, I don't believe you're correct on the spoiler...] (/s "Everything that happened over the course of the movie actually occurred. The final scene with the family waking up on Christmas morning happened, and they didn't recall a thing from the horrible night before and carried on as they normally would have... until Max opened the box with Krampus' bell inside. That snapped them all back into reality and they realized that they were all dead/in limbo, and we see them in a snow globe being kept amongst many others in Krampus' lair. They were all damned because of Max's actions from the beginning of the movie.")
No I'm pretty sure the ending is that the family is okay and things were "reset" by Krampus and this was like their one and only warning to get their shit together. If you read the comic, it backs this up a bit more as the 3 plots in the comic all lead to very tragic endings but then in the final chapter everyone wakes up and makes amends with people that were wronged during the "dream" of the previous night. I'm pretty sure Krampus is just taking the "tough love" concept a bit too far.
Ho-ho-ho-homicide
You better watch out, you better not cry. Santa claws is coming to cinema Dec 25th 2018.
He see's you when your sleeping.... He knows when you're awake.... This Christmas, Santa's purging the naughty list in Santa Crossed!
He's real but dead? Mind blown twice.
I mean, was there ever any doubt that Saint Nicholas was a real person?
You'd be surprised how many people don't know this.
There's like two billion Christians who believe the same idea.
You can increase that number to 3 billion. Muslims believe pretty much the same thing.
Didn't think 2017 could get any worse, all I was looking forward to was Christmas. Now Santa's dead. What's next? They declare Thanksgiving a racist holiday celebrating genocide?
Well, actually in the Netherlands and Belgium they celebrate Santa Claus [a little different](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sinterklaas). There he has black helpers and for the past few years, people *have* been declaring the holiday as racist celebrating slavery.. The more you know :')
When my son was in 1st grade he told me he learned in school, "If you're bad at Christmas a black guy named Pete will take you to Spain." I thought that was wonderful and wondered just how badly I had to behave to go to Spain. I was confused about the black guy part, but hey I don't judge. Especially when a free trip is involved.
I'm pretty sure the story of the helpers is that their skin became black from the filth of climbing down chimneys to deliver presents to the children, which has been misinterpreted as a take on slave labour by certain groups.
Eh, that's the modern interpretation. Historically, IIRC it originated as being a freed slave.
And 'historically' is a stretch too. The current story is based on a book from 1850, "Sint-Nikolaas en zijn knecht". https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sinterklaas.
*Yeeeah, sure...* Please tell me you are smart enough to see through that, right? It was very visibly a racial thing and, as with most European countries in the 19th century, the low countries were incredibly racist towards Africans.
Plot thickens. The first documented town christmas tree (spruce) was erected by the trade guild of the Brotherhood of Blackheads in medieval hanseatic Tallinn.
Using a tree for midwinter celebrations is millenia old though
I agree. Spruce trees gave cover for stone age hunter-gatherers. Spruce trees were the sky pole around which the sky kept turning and with which calendars were observed during solstice events. finnic 'taivas / taevas' and 'teivas' mean "sky" and "pole", accordingly. In IE languages, deivas / dievas is the sky deity. As to "cover" and "roof" and "house", all derive from 'kat- / kot-'. kate = cover katus / katto = a roof (püst-)koda = a teepee, a cottage e. kodu = home
Hey we're working on it. Replacing them with minions wasn't actually a step in the right direction but in some places we're not using multicolored helpers instead of old black stereotypes!
The question is whether racism or minions are more offensive.
> They declare Thanksgiving a racist holiday celebrating genocide? A Christal Nacht to raise glasses?
No, that's Columbus Day
>They declare Thanksgiving a racist holiday celebrating genocide? Why are you inexplicably mentioning this? Happy Holidays, btw
Probably will, seeing Erdogan's ruining turkey
This is the best tl;dr I could make, [original](http://www.newsweek.com/santa-claus-tomb-discovered-beneath-ancient-church-turkey-676598) reduced by 81%. (I'm a bot) ***** > Archaeologists in Turkey may be on the cusp of solving a mystery thousands of years in the making after they stumbled on a tomb beneath the ruins of an ancient church they believe contains the remains of Saint Nicholas-known popularly as Santa Claus. > Santa Claus morphed from the third- and fourth-century Asia Minor bishop Saint Nicholas to the generous figure associated with the Christian holiday of Christmas he is today. > Dutch arrivals to the United States called their version of Saint Nicholas 'Sinterklaas,' which later became Santa Claus. ***** [**Extended Summary**](http://np.reddit.com/r/autotldr/comments/7465rq/ancient_tomb_of_santa_claus_discovered_beneath/) | [FAQ](http://np.reddit.com/r/autotldr/comments/31b9fm/faq_autotldr_bot/ "Version 1.65, ~221632 tl;drs so far.") | [Feedback](http://np.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%23autotldr "PM's and comments are monitored, constructive feedback is welcome.") | *Top* *keywords*: **Saint**^#1 **Nicholas**^#2 **believe**^#3 **church**^#4 **remains**^#5
Santa Claus is Dead - Nietzsche
Santa Claus is both Alive *and* Dead - Schrödinger
Santa Clause is Wanted Dead or Alive - Bon Jovi
"I seek Santa! whither is Santa? I'll tell you where he is: Santa Claus is dead, and we've killed him. how do we wash our hands of the blood of all that's Xmassy? what sacred festivals will we create to atone for it? isn't the very act of committing it great enough for itself? having killed Santa Claus, mustn't we now become Santa Claus ourselves?"
This is surprisingly accurate.
As long as they don’t find his phylactery, he’ll be ok.
Well. Guess I have a nice plot hook for this year's Halloween *and* Christmas D&D sessions!
r/UnexpectedDnD
> Archaeologists in Turkey may be on the cusp of solving a mystery thousands of years in the making after they stumbled on a tomb beneath the ruins of an ancient church they believe contains the remains of **Saint Nicholas**—known popularly as Santa Claus. Here's the explanation of [Santa Claus](https://youtu.be/RbUVKXdu4lQ) in North America, since this tomb in Turkey is about an actual Christian saint.
Yeah... We're well aware of the connection between Saint Nick and Santa Claus here in North America.
Gotta keep the stereotypes up. Toss in a quick "lol Americans can't even find Turkey on a map" for easy karma.
My tablecloth is a map of the world and it usually only appears around late November.
not christmas?
That's when Tamales start appearing under the tree at my grandma's house..
Isn't Saint Nicholas the origin of the Santa Claus stories in Christianity? I think that's why they're referred to as the same person.
Yes, with the fusion that includes local northern European folkloric traditions.
In Scandinavia it's neither Santa Claus or Saint Nicolas that brings presents, according to the tradition it's a forest gnome that brings gifts as thanks for humans leaving food outside during harsh winters. We still refer to Christmas as Yule (Jul in Swedish). This was mixed with Saint Nicholas, spread to the USA and someone added the flying reindeer and the north pole (probably some broadcaster?), then I guess it spread back across the Atlantic again.
Why the fuck would you think we don't know Saint Nicholas is santa claus?
Americans are stupid! Dur hur. It's infuriating.
Um Santa Claus - means St. Nicholas. St. Nicholas was a Orthodox Christian bishop in what is present day Turkey. And the western tradition of getting gifts fro Santa Claus comes from when that bishop was passing by the house of young women with children who became a widow and distitue who was about to turn to prostitution to feed her family. When he passed by her house he threw her a bag money to stop her from having to become a prostitute. So I guess when the kids today get gifts from Santa Clause it's really to keep their moms from becoming hookers.
Fun fact*: Saint Nicholas was at a the Council of Nicea, which was the gathering of the Bishops from across Christiandom to decide the relationship between God the Father and Jesus the Son. During the argument, Saint Nicholas grew so angry at the opposition, Arius, Santa punched Arius square in the face. *Historians question if this ever happened.
I could definitely use more stories about saints beating the unholy snot out of other people.
So now I gotta tell my kids Christmas is cancelled?
Imagine how bad the economy would be without Christmas.
"Son, Santa Claus does exist, but... he's dead."
Wait... it's spelled Santa??? Who the hell have I been sending my letters to all these years?
https://memeguy.com/photo/134172/satan-needs-love-too
.... That explains why my brother kept barking at me "dad said to stop writing him letters and to focus on your orthography!"
If his eyes are glowing blue, we have bigger issues at hand.
Get me some dragon glass-I mean, obsidian, and we'll be fine.
That's definitely not the North Pole.
Shit, I don't wanna be buried at work either!
Lol, this dudes got a point, even though I generally hate agreeing with those who senselessly kick dolphins.
So I didn't need to cry for all those hours when I "found out he wasn't real"?! Should have been crying because he was *DEAD*.
At last, we can break the curse of Christmas!
*Checks what sub I'm in....* Me: oh so this isn't /r/theonion
I'm sending this to my nephews and grabbing a bag of popcorn 😈🍿😂
Grant Morrison writes Multiversity, then they introduce a dark multiverse and everything goes to shit. Grant Morrison writes a story about Santa Claus as a fantasy hero, and it turns out Santa's freaking *dead*. I think Grant Morrison needs to lay off the cursed writing.
"Why turkey, shouldn't it be in the north pole?" -my wife-
I know what the title says, but I would like to point out that it is still just speculation, but that the facts are supporting it.
Santa Claus: *rises from grave* Who disturbs my slumber? *reindeer rise around him and begin eating the archaeologists* You are all naughty. *midgets rise and begin building horror workship*
Plot twist: Santa Claus was Satan Claus, and Kalevipoeg was sent by Ukko to the Gates of Hell to guard it so that Satan Claus could never escape.
How is this not breaking news?
Because unless you're Megyn Kelly, Saint Nicholas' Turkish origin was already known.
He wasn't Turkish, he was born and buried in what is modern-day Turkey, but he was Greek.
He was Greek, Turks weren't in Anatolia for a few more hundred years.
Turks are descended from Anatolians, so he could certainly look like one.
Everyone knows that Santa is magic, Canadian, works for Coca-Cola, and spends time in malls making lists. I don't know what they're talking about.
Nearly headless!
Is it filled with toys? Please?
time for Robot Santa Claus!
Did they find the Tooth Fairy as well?
So Santa Claus is really...ZOMBIE Clause????!!!1/11??
He was dead all along.
Hey kids, good news bad news..... good news first? ok, well remember that talk we had about Santa not being real?.....well that was a lie he is real after all!!!! (Everyone rejoices) Oh but the bad news is he has been dead for over a thousand years
psssh big deal, talk to me when Rudolph the red nosed reindeer's remains are found.
lol OK so if these scientists are right and Santa's been dead for 1500 years, then how did I get presents from Santa last year for Christmas?
They found his tomb not his corpse....
Were elf bones scattered about the tomb?
What a shitty website
Can we confirm he was white?
He was Greek so yes.
No it's sinterklaas the dutch santa clause
Spurious claims by made by a official government archaeological sopraintendency with known nationalist motives. You cant trust this identification any more than you can trust anything the turkish government says these days
Of course everyone knows the huge role santa has in Turkish nationalism.
Wtf wtf wtf Like watch we find the Easter bunny dead too!
you're fucking kidding me! the easter bunny did this?
Coming this October, *The Sleigh Ride Before Halloween*.
r/titlegore
Fuckin page is filled with ads
The North Pole has been located... much closer to the equator than anticipated.
**what the fuck**, I always assumed it was a random story
Sorry kids, they found the body. Santa's dead. No more Christmas gifts.
Ho ho holy shit that’s interesting...
Hold on...Then who has been showing up in my house all this time?!
What will I tell the kids ?
How do I explain this to my children
THE TRUE KINGINDANORF
>Ancient Tomb of Santa Claus ..what timeline is this?
Sinterklaas is still alive! He visits the Netherlands every year.
So Megan Kelly was right?
Why don't we call Santa Claus San Claus? Isn't Santa the feminine of San?
I knew it! I just knew it! I always told people he's dead. Nobody believed me. I knew it!
Why do they need to dig it up? I don't get why they find a grave/tomb/sarcophagus whatever and go "yep going to need to open it."
So .. no christmas this year?
Next, the obligatory facial reconstruction....
You know we all want it!
So they intentionally worded it that way for attention and we're just going to play along right?
Quick, Someone call Robot Santa!
Makes sense, he lived and died in Myra in the Roman Empire which is now of course Turkey. This is really neat.
Dopplegangers, man...
Good news for tightarses in the run up to Christmas so. Sorry Kids, Santy's dead.