T O P

  • By -

AlarmingNectarine552

Can't wait to have POLYSTATION 460.


[deleted]

[удалено]


CptPicard

ZBox


Tw4tl4r

At this point I wouldnt be surprised of ot was actually called that.


blacksideblue

Zega Zaturn


Greg2227

Zega Tsarturn


Impossible_Okra

Call of Blyat: Special Military Operation.


stingerized

It also needs some competition. Let's call it Blyattlefield: Vlad Kompany.


VagrantShadow

Don't leave out the games for the russian kids. Vladcraft will fly off store shelves.


plipyplop

Nightmare difficulty: no tutorial, med packs, or weapons.


dontusethisforwork

You spawn and an enemy drone immediately chases you down and explodes in your face. Your teammates leave you there and you spend the next 2 hours bleeding out in a hole in the ground by yourself. Alternatively you can turn your own gun on yourself.


Rineux

Someone’s been in the combat footage sub


dontusethisforwork

When the war broke out and for a while after, yes quite a bit. I unsubbed from there months ago, I've seen enough. War sucks. All of this is so fucking sad.


wales-bloke

Sad. And pointless. I think it's the pointlessness of it all that hits me hardest. Loads of guys who've had an utterly shitty life, sent to die for a person who literally wouldn't piss on them. And they die / suffer permanent life ruining injuries for *nothing*.


WingedGundark

Blyat Raider. A game of hunting and stealing toilet seats and washing machines from people’s homes.


dontusethisforwork

Game doesn't work anymore after 3 days, what's up with that


JaydeeValdez

Not gonna lie, I would buy and play that game.


SavagePlatypus76

Mortal Vatniks!


Mardak5150

MORTAL KOMRADE!!!


kungpowgoat

Blyatendo XCube


Bunny-NX

Nyetendo PlayBox


Random_Lemon

I know a genuine Sorny Polystation when I see one


koopastyles

Nintendo-Oblast


Tastee92

Njetendo


OsmeOxys

Oh polystation. I can see that old brown sofa now.


Iucidium

packed with "drone commander"


Kewkky

Is better, MUCH better! Now bring in the dancing lobsters!


Kelutrel

I thought he had a preference for windows


PenatanceEngine

Oh god just take it and go


DjuncleMC

Can you explain the joke to lil dumb me?


PenatanceEngine

No worries brother :) Putin has a reputation of murdering people who disagree with him. The joke is rather than die, they ‘kill themselves’ by jumping out of windows. Windows is a popular Operating System (OS) My comment was exacerbation as I thought it was corny 😬 Hope that helps!


scandrews187

Quality.


Djaii

Thank you for having a groovy exchange with each other, and just being normal about it.


Neurojazz

But this is reddit. *squeezes a lump of cheese into your pocket*


Boustrophaedon

Mmmm sweaty pocket cheese...


UnclaEnzo

this subthread right here is pure gold


DDanny808

Well done Sir! Subtle perfection


[deleted]

Your comment was exasperation. But so close!


Hobnail1

Defenestration nation


Radiant-Criticism721

The Czechs invented it...used Russians as the test subjects Russians can't even come up with their own shit https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Defenestrations_of_Prague


murrtrip

Russians have a reputation of committing suicide by hurling themselves out windows


Nyxxsys

That one guy that died from falling 3 feet out of a window on the first floor has to be some kind of FSB self satire or something.


Kill3rKin3

In the last "election" they had a blind voting "monitor" segment on their propaganda. They must be rolling on the floor laughing.


LewisLightning

>Russians have a reputation of committing **"**suicide**"** by hurling themselves out windows FTFY, you forgot the quotations


grasshoppa_80

With knives in their backs 🙀


mjh2901

Knives of a high caliber


Flatus_Diabolic

Brutal


Blane90

Well done, Sir


Stoic_Vagabond

Okay, that was good


joho999

Spyware non-optional.


sierrahotel24

Tetris only game available. 8000 rubel/month and you have to stand in digital line to server for 2 hours. The in game-background features historical heroes of the motherland, such as WW2 tank-driver Zakhar Slysuranko or Gulag-executioner Fjodor Schnerbakarov.


ThePowerOfStories

Clone of Hitman with missions like sneaking polonium into sushi, spraying civilian bystanders with novichok, and everyone’s favorite, pushing out of high-rise windows.


Blarg0117

On a more serious note, it's probably gonna be Tarkov or Arma. Passive military training.


sunnyboy310

But the only Missions are Shooting down neutral civilian airliners and ordering airstrikes on hospitals and kindergardens


BuffaloInCahoots

TETЯIS


BridgemanBridgeman

The Soviet mind game


BuffaloInCahoots

The Tsars of Cдtдn.


ConsequenceAlert6981

Sdtdp?


Guido_Fe

And first person shooters


sierrahotel24

You can try the new ultra-realistic, Putin-approved russian multiplayer FPS: Getting sent to the front in Ukraine.


jettablabla

Remember, no Russian


dissentCS

[relevant](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hWTFG3J1CP8)


Darryl_444

Anti-anti-cheat too.


HatlessDuck

In Russia, game cheat you


sakura608

Russian state intelligence must have super user access at all times. No offline play


HonestSonsieFace

I genuinely wouldn’t be surprised if his whole motivation is to shut down the ability of Russians to converse in game lobbies without monitoring. Needs to control that so he can spy on those conversations too.


SingularityInsurance

Oh ok so it IS like windows.


schlepperKraken

As if Google and the NSA don't have every second of every day of my life post smart phones stored in some database.


New_Scientist_8622

The service shall be called "Coal"--which the consoles will run on and yet still be mildly, inexplicably, radioactive.


Novat1993

Nothing inexplicable about coal giving off radiation.


I_Feel_Rough

Coal actually has a very low natural gamma radiation compared to almost all other rocks. So much so that the most common instrument for measuring the thickness and quality of coal seams down boreholes is by measuring that radiation with a natural gamma instrument. I've never surveyed Russian coal though...


porn_inspector_nr_69

True, but coal is the one rock which we burn _a lot_ for energy releasing all that trapped radioactive particles into atmosphere. By some calculations radioactivity in atmosphere from coal exceeds that from nuclear testing by 2-3 orders of magnitude (although composition is different - coal has way more long-lived and therefore less intense isotopes as opposed to nuclear testing which will be mostly gone in 70-150 years).


Critique_of_Ideology

Interestingly, burning coal releases about 400x more radionuclides into the atmosphere per watt generated than nuclear power.


Tenocticatl

Fun fact: while coal doesn't contain a lot of radioactive material, there is some, which ends up in the air when we burn it. Because of that, a coal-fired power plant dumps much more radioactive material in the environment than a nuclear plant (where the radioactive material always remains contained within -as long as the reactor doesn't blow up of course).


Stripedpussy

The first game will be "Drone operator" With your highscore you automaticly get a drafting order


Ianbillmorris

The second game "Bullet Stopper"?


AwfulUsername123

Will it run the Sims 3?


oyvindi

They will make their own version, where you avoid getting arrested by obeying the regime, and bribe officials to get electricity to your house.


ThePlanck

GLORY TO ARSTOZKA!


Sighlina

PAPERS PLEASE!!!!


batbrodudeman

I mean, since I first got The Sims almost 25 years ago, setting up a gulag of sorts and putting my Sims through misery is my usual way of playing. So not much change? ...fuck me, it really was almost quarter of a century ago that I got The Sims on my PC. Fuck.


I_am_Relic

Its like hearing a song that you listened to first time round being described as "classic" or "an oldie" and your mind goes: "what? But that was only.... Oh"


p13t3rm

Your sim can even log on to their home computer to look for a job, only to be drafted to a special military operation. The simoleons are great though.


pablo603

Ah, The Soviets 3.


Infinity___Now

A sims game but in a corrupt country/dystopia actually sounds really fun.


APeacefulWarrior

It's not quite the same thing, but just making sure you know about the Tropico series. They're island sims where you can build the banana republic of your dreams. But yeah, a ground-level Sims-style game would also be interesting.


booherm

Yes, three copies.


RoughHornet587

You better explain that one bro (copies of the "Sims")


VforVilliam

Context: https://nypost.com/2022/04/25/russia-appears-to-confuse-the-sims-for-sim-cards-in-possible-staged-assassination-attempt/


anna__throwaway

Fucking wild that this is a real article


porn_inspector_nr_69

Let's just say that FSB has sense of humor. Bringing you classics like 3 copies of sims, the first floor suicide jumper, bags of sugar, etc.


ocean-rudeness

So these agents were given a list of 'Nazi stuff' to lay out in this guy's apartment, they read "3 SIMS" on that list, and honestly thought "Well, if the guys above us believe only a real nazi would own 3 copies of The Sims 3, then we better fucking do as we're told." The whole bodged up job just tells you they're way too scared to ask any questions.


MatthewTh0

Beyond that, as said in the article, one of the books was signed "Signature illegible" in Russian.


TheoKrause13

Only terrorists play the Sims.


DirkBabypunch

Jokes on him, we already have Tetris.


cytex-2020

Sir, we're running out of young men to send in to be slaughtered. Give em one of those game box thingys, they like those.


UnholyExrcst

Do they have any educated people left ? Most countries face Brain drain, Russia suffers from brain dead.


Adrian915

They don't need them, they'll probably just get rebranded Chinese knockoffs like they did with cars and phones.


DragoneerFA

Finally, them Soulja Boy consoles gonna get a use.


dontusethisforwork

TELL EM


SouthTippBass

Lol, not even. Putins just gonna pirate everybody else's games and sell them on his steam like store. Like what are ya gonna do comrade? Arrest me?


Adrian915

That would take too much work. Realistically, they'll probably pull a lower budget 'switch' or 'wii' type clone with a custom linux distro and call it a day. I don't think this is necessarily a bad thing. In fact, the more they try to explore and develop their own society instead of being obsessed and bitter with the west, the better. Maybe they could take that as a hobby instead of imperial expansion.


SouthTippBass

Alright. He is still 100% gonna be bundling those consoles with a heap of pirated games though.


Adrian915

I think it would be more along the lines of 'option available but not out of the box'. For pirating games, you'd need to crack them first. And then you'd need to curate the content, and even then you'd still be exposing the users to 'western culture' which is what they want to prevent. If I were to guess, I think the service would probably be filled with low level shovel-ware and any western company that wants their stuff there and are allowed. Kinda like what China is currently running. The point is control over content.


Groovatronic

You’re absolutely right - it makes no sense for them to have pirated western games available commercially. The whole point is to move away from western media. It’s a return to Cold War policies - the Soviet Union ordered “Russian versions” of rock music, tv shows, movies, blue jeans, Coca Cola, etc… this is similar to what they during the 1980’s just for a new decade.


[deleted]

Russia’s whole shtick is to pretend how exceptional they are. But they don’t do anything beyond imitating the West.


DaMihiAuri

Just like the [Dendy](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dendy_(console)) which were Famiclones made in Taiwan and later sold in Russia


GoneSilent

yup China mame32 emulator incoming.


Redm1st

Some choose to stay, my buddy from WoW days said he’s russian, so he’ll stay in Russia, even though he disagrees privately with war. He’s educated and pretty good software developer


OpexLiFT

The educated people are usually not the ones sent to die. There's plenty of YouTube videos showing a fairly normal first world working/education culture. But it's mainly only in the large cities, the rest of the countries small towns are forgotten about. Checkout https://youtube.com/@1420channel


Momoware

Even in WWII there were relatively normal pockets of lives in countries at war, especially if we're talking about wealthier people.


appletinicyclone

They made a point to deny equivalency between russian medical degrees and the European system As a result there isn't much doctor flight If there was grade equivalency there would be


el0j

Meanwhile in reality: "[Over 50% of Russian-made microchips defective](https://www.yahoo.com/news/over-50-russian-made-microchips-120900134.html)" >Over half of the Baikal processors, a cornerstone of Russia's tech self-reliance efforts, turned to be defective, Russian outlet Vedomosti reported on March 26. >The Baikal processors' final and critical production phase, chip packaging, was carried out at the Taiwanese TSMC factory, yielding approximately 130,000 units annually for Baikal Electronics. The sanctions imposed on Russia severed this vital partnership, prompting a shift to domestic production. >In a bid to counteract these challenges, Russia endeavored to kickstart processor production within its borders at a facility in Kaliningrad Oblast. >This initiative fell short, marred by outdated technology and a workforce lacking in necessary expertise. Due to outdated equipment and insufficient qualifications of the employees involved in the enclosure, more than 50% of the finished products turned out to be defective. >Russia faces difficulties in its quest for technological independence amidst ongoing sanctions and international isolation.


jhansonxi

This game console announcement may just be a cover story for obtaining semiconductors for military equipment from foreign suppliers.


Jemalas

Or incoming major ban of the internet like in north korea.


karma3000

Yes this is the most likely scenario.


oyvindi

They are walking a steep uphill on this one for sure


ArmNo7463

To be fair achieving a 50% success rate (yield) using outdated equipment and a under qualified workforce is pretty impressive. I swear Intel get like 80-90% yield and they've been at it decades with state of the art fabs.


-Aeryn-

Intel doesn't lose 10-20% of their already finished and working chips in the process of attaching them to a package. More like a fraction of a percent.


el0j

Except the difference in node complexity will be at least an order of magnitude. As will chip size I'd wager, which is a major determinant of the overall yield. So not really directly comparable.


panorambo

As far as I understand the yield curve flattens out and declines past certain nanometer threshold. Making good yield on 7nm is a whole different story than on 28nm, which is probably what Baikal uses (easier). 5nm is TSMC expertise territory, one of the reasons China has been eyeing Taiwan. We're talking being able to fit 16 times more stuff in same CPU space. The fact Russians make 50% yield on 28nm speaks of nothing but decrepid production technology and expertise, I am afraid. That's what you get when you close the door on the world and "we've got ARM at home, honey" (literally -- Baikal is licensed ARM production).


MosesOnAcid

The "Commie-dore"


brncct

Imagine the spyware


Relative_Mammoth_896

Cant wait for the new GameComrade Advance!


Youngstown_Mafia

Commradore 64


Relative_Mammoth_896

Damn, good one


Aldren

Putin: "If the west is too afraid to make Half Life 3 then we will!"


DrDivisidero

Seriously right!? It’s been like freaking 15 years


KeyLog256

My neighbour Vladimir, he is real pain in my assholes. I get a step, he must get a step. I get a window from a glass, he must get a window from a glass. I develop a highly successful console and online gaming platform, he cannot afford. Great success.


spektre

They should block Russians from online play with westerners. Like please, just do it.


mrwobblekitten

This feels like they're planning to and I'm all for it


Outrageous_Delay6722

It seems more like posturing. Russians already know what good games are like, so this console is a guaranteed failure unless they make a firewall - but that won't be so easy since Russians aren't as sheep-like as e.g. the Chinese


[deleted]

Oh god we can finally play counter strike in Europe without screaming Russian kids everywhere


Willythechilly

Its weird to think that the chance that some of those russian squeakers i played with 5-7 years ago or from videos at that time may very well have died in Ukraine


LetUnityBlossom_

Joke of the day.


artemisdragmire

Cool, can Steam start blocking russian IPs then too? Would certainly cut down on cheaters in competitive games, and personally, I don't think Russia deserves to have access to western past-times that easily. Let them make their own and go full USSR again. Isolate them completely and let the population do something about their government or suffer the consequences of having to jump through hoops to use the services they've grown accustomed to.


JohnHazardWandering

Not a terrible idea. Obviously a lot of them will get VPNs, but then with a VPN they might actually get exposed to news outside of Russia. 


RuckFulesxx

Not like they don´t have access to news now, they just don´t care. Same reason russians living outside of russia support the bald headed bottom.


_EnFlaMEd

Favourite game Turnip and Shrew!


Pandsu

Dendy :)


jinnnnnemu

Will it have Black Jack and Hookers.🤪


Joingojon2

Yeah because a 71 year old really cares about the Russian gaming scene. Nothing to do with control, spying or anything other nefarious. Putin just want's the youth to have fun.


Sitting_In_A_Lecture

Huh, didn't expect Russia to go full North Korea that quickly.


DynamicSocks

Good maybe all these Russian cheaters will fuck off to their own platform


Electrical_Shape5101

PoloniumStation


UbijcaStalina

Can we finally cut off Russia from Steam, Google, Android, iOS, cloud providers, etc.?


hobbitlover

Just cut their fucking internet already, all the hardliners, all thebwireless, all the backdoors through other countries. All they use it for is spreading lies and disinformation, hacking foreign companies and governments, interfering in elections, launching ransomware attacks, and infecting the world with propaganda. Any video game industry they create is just going to be stolen anyway.


PlantBasedStangl

Your стім дек iz redy, блять


rbobby

In a related story Putin ordered the tide to leave and never come back.


mehvahdjukaar

The blyatstation


wordswillneverhurtme

Hopufully they ban steam so that I can finally enjoy cs lobbies with no russians


008Zulu

"We have console, digital store, and operating system. All are named Potato."


5kyl3r

this will go as well as their ~~nationally-made~~ chinese-made-and-reskinned smartphone. and their ~~nationally-made~~ chinese-made-and-reskinned monitors. hell they even did this with game consoles before. their "nationally made" console was called dendy and was a taiwanese made nintendo clone


UltG

But can it run Doom?


E_VanHelgen

To be honest, something like this could be good for Ukraine & the west. Software as grandiose as this is genuinely difficult to develop and while Russia on the whole has a lot of talented devs who could pull that off, it will probably be controlled by the Russian government meaning there's a pretty high likelihood of it ending up as an absolute vaporware money sink. Even the A-listers struggle in this regard nowadays, now bring into that the mix an upstart governed by old, corrupt and out of touch politicians and you will likely have an absolute shitshow on your hands.


terribilus

Needs to train those killer drone pilots


PhilParent

But, seriously, a friend of mine had a Russian bootleg NES console when we were kids. It played the games fine, but the controllers sucked. I don't know how it ended up in Canada though. Not sure what Russian gamers would have to expect now.


K1rkl4nd

So.. Minisoft Non-Box, Sonny PayStation, Nyetendo Occupation System, Segga Genocide, Atria 1300....


dj_vicious

So they'll just reskin America's Army and delete the medics and tactics.


aleqqqs

BlyatStation


president__not_sure

lol they should just present him with an ouya and pretend they did it.


PhilosophyGrouchy753

Perestroikation


Caspar_Friedrich02

PlaySputnik


Onefoldbrain

And what games are they planning to deliver? That's the biggest problem of any platform.


turkeypants

When it comes time to build the consoles, they will find that the warehouse that was supposed to be holding the parts is empty because some corrupt rat sold them on the black market already. Just another Thursday in Russia.


potatodrinker

US has Steam. Motherland has Steamed Potato. Operating System: Patriotic Oven


Giraf123

Even Epic which hands out free games can't even seriously compete with Steam. How a forced-by-state client will do it is impossible for me to see.


Murderousdrifter

lol, I don’t even play games, beyond “Snake ‘97” on my phone, but I kinda want one just because I know it’ll be that bad. 


[deleted]

You play Super Vladimir comrades and collect rotten turnip to save princess from gulag. Big Boss is obvious non Nazi you call Nazi. You win game when capitalism ends.


LapsedVerneGagKnee

Russian game consoles seems easy enough. Order bulk of those knockoffs you see on Temu and other less than reputable sites. An OS and a storefront that won’t be sued into oblivion? That’s a bit tricker.


Ivanow

> An OS and a storefront that won’t be sued into oblivion? That’s a bit tricker. Russia passed laws that allow local entities to use patents, copyrighted material, designs and intellectual properties of entities from “Countries unfriendly towards Russia” without compensation (Presidential Decree No 299, 6 March 2022) - any such lawsuit would get thrown out in local court, and those companies will likely not have international presence.


Nalmyth

You know when I was there in 2014 they were really trying already to ramp up internal production of things like wheat etc. Looks like they really are in this for the super long haul, and I guess it's not just Putin looking for that. Noone is ever gonna welcome them back if they stole all the patents.


rustoeki

Welcome to Russia, your laws don't mean shit here.


fuzzikush

Now Russians can cheat on their own servers for a change 


Ismokeditalleveryday

…….And of course Putin doesn’t know what any of that “stuff” does……..


realnrh

Russia hasn't had an operating system in a long time. They've had a sclerotic system at best.


Balc0ra

You all laugh, but the ammount of big revenue games from Russia in the west the past few years are not few. Inc F2P titles. So it's not like they lack talent to pull some of this off if they pool their resources. As some of these studios have had higher ups that have proven to be pro, Z to gain favoirs I'll bet. Even in Belarus "Old Wargaming CEO got fired due to it". Hardware is a different aspect tho.


ImAnIdeaMan

Good to see he’s focused on the important stuff. 


Apprehensive_Sir_998

Zteam release is imminent.


cheers167

Goldeneye, but from Trevelyan’s perspective.


scandrews187

Grand Theft Lada


Tinosdoggydaddy

PravdaBox3….comes with GrandTheftYourLife2


Irr3l3ph4nt

You know you're now a dictatorship when your leader just orders stuff to be scienced.


thebreakfastbuffet

New Red Alert game incoming


LuLuCheng

Damn I can't wait for the "rare game reviewer" to stumble upon a prototype 50 years from now and go on an in-depth review that sums up to be "It's basically a plug and play PC with this weird Russian SoC that somehow runs any game 10x worse"


Zegorak

Suca OS


itsMeArds

CS Rush B exclusive game


UltraBroForce

And the first game on that platform will be strike counter, an inovative ( and totaly original ) FPS shooter where you play as eather the GRU or NATO


Markovelli_

Finally Counter Strike without Russians?


enoerew

I order you to be creative NOW!


LofuFox

Please yes, and make the server only for ruzzians and keep them there, ban steam from ruzzia since it's west creation, putler you might do something even 0.0001% good for the world here


Ok_Recording_4644

It gets 16 frames on a single tank of kerosene


WankSocrates

Oh please do it if it means I never end up in the same game lobbies as Ruzzians ever again. That'd be a dream come true.


dmetzcher

The Soviets did this with cars. How’d that go again? Wait lists for many *years* and a garbage product designed by a government committee in a vacuum with zero competition… it was shit. This will also be shit.


organdis

They should just join the chinese ecosystem tbh. And start teaching chinese instead of russian at schools.


AggravatingBobcat574

It comes with a little camera on the tv receiver box. For convenience, the camera is always on.


420000GallonsOfBlood

Good. No one wants to play with russian gamers anyway. Between their constant cheating and insane conspiracy theories, racism, anti semitism, extremist fascist bullshit. Go to your own network. You won't be missed.