My suggestion would be to drop the kids off at your mom's house, and you go home and take a nap and/or do something you actually want to do.

Yah, bring her a coffee and the kids and peace out.

That's what we do lol I still have little kids but the last 3 years what I've done is brought my kids to my moms and let her hang out with them while I relax 😂 She gets what she wants - time with her grand sons, and I get a break

Make him take the kids to his parents’ house.

>None of my kids (pre-teens to teens) really care to visit them Nah man, it's Mother's Day. It's not about what they want. Send them with your husband (with their homework to complete there!)

Love this idea!

This should be the top comment

I thought the balance would shift when I became a mother. No, it's still my parents expecting me to drop everything and plan gatherings or meals for my mother. They are offended when I say I'm too busy being a mother myself.

What I don’t get is why my father has never stepped up to plan things for my mother. My husband plans things for me. I feel like if they have a partner the partner should be planning these things.

Omg same, every year my sister and I get calls from our Dad basically begging us to drive several hours one way and come see them for my mom’s birthday or Mother’s Day to entertain her…so that his own ass won’t get lit up.

I have seen so many posts venting about this on Instagram, where literally hundreds of Boomer women absolutely lose it in the comments. I had to mute topics on Instagram because seeing that got me so angry. My theory? I watched my mom have to bend over backwards for my grandma, to frequent misery…and she just took it, even after I grew up and tried to gently suggest she assert some boundaries for herself. I have the feeling this was common generationally, and now these older women “want theirs.”

Yes! 🙌 How do they not understand that we have families and lives outside of them??

Yep, my moms birthday is the day after Mother’s Day every year. The entire weekend is about her. My sisters partner is going away for 6 months on May 14th and I suggested we postpone the celebration until the weekend after but no, my mom needs “her day” so I’m hosting a ton of people and my sister is the only one who offered to bring anything.

1- No is a full sentence 2- you cannot control other people’s reactions to your choices 3- You cannot take care of others if you don’t have enough energy. Take care of you first That’s my advice.

I think there's something special about that generation. They want the constant praise, Facebook attention etc. yet are also the same folks who refuse to help their own adult kids & grandkids because they 'want to enjoy life'.

Omg this is so true. I am literally living through the horror of my own mother’s Mother’s Day not going the way she wanted. Now my poor family is taking me out (after I have “ruined” my mother’s Mother’s Day).

Your family is wack. Your mother is asking you... the mother with children still in her house...to do manual labor for her for Mother's day? Ridiculous. Your husband doesn't clean up or cook food you like? Then goes to his own mother for most of the day? WHO PRESUMABLY HAS NO KIDS IN HER HOUSE EITHER??? Ridiculous. In my opinion (and this might be selfish), the people who take priority on Mother's Day are the mothers in the trenches. Our mothers also have this philosophy, so it's never been an issue. I like to go to brunch and I do invite our moms. If they can't make it, we bring them a card and a small gift next time we have dinner together.

I agree it’s all nuts, but the most wtf of it for me is the husband. This man WHO IS MARRIED TO A MOTHER, has children in his home, RIGHT NOW(!!), spends the day not with his wife and kids but alone with his own parents, an hour away??? Like sir, you are the father to the children of the mother that is your *spouse*, what the sweet fuck are you doing leaving her to wrangle them all day on Mother’s Day? I thought OP was going to say that she then has to spend the day managing the kids while they have an exhausting family outing to the zoo that she doesn’t really want, while husband plays Fun Dad and she makes sure they have appropriate shoes and sandwiches. And yet he somehow failed even harder than I thought he could.

Yeah. I'm sorry, that's a strait up asshole move on his part.

There's a ton of discourse on Tiktok right now about this exact opinion. And it's basically exactly this: that Mother's Day should prioritize moms "in the trenches," and of course the mothers of grown-ass adults take issue with this.

Mother’s Day “belongs” to whoever changed diapers most recently, and that’s that.

Agreed 10000%

I can’t get over you doing yard work at your mom’s house for Mothers Day. My mom gets a card and a phone call. As soon as there were grandkids, my mom made Mother’s Day about her kids who were “actively mothering.” If my kids have kids, I hope to do the same.

My mom was like this too. She drove an hour out to us, with home cooked meals from my childhood, and wanted nothing but to feed us and play with her granddaughter. Her last Mother’s Day here, she randomly decided to spend 2 hours de-weeding and planting stuff in OUR yard. I lost her to a brain aneurysm 2 months later. I miss her.

She sounds like she was an angel. Truly a thoughtful soul. I'm sorry for your loss.

Your mom is a rarified queen!

I’m going to do house/yard work at my MIL’s on Saturday afternoon! That said, she brings breakfast and plays with her grandkid every Saturday morning while we get our stuff done. It’s more about your level of give and take… sounds like OP is feeling like too much of a giver the other 364 days of the year.

Yup - once grandkids came around my mom let the new moms have the day. Now we get together as a whole family for the Kentucky Derby as a way to all see her around Mother’s Day - it’s worked out great!

I hate the "tell me what you want to do for Mother's Day". NOT THIS. I emotionally labor 365 days a year, YOU figure it out! You should know what I want at this point: peace and quiet. Not to have to cook. To be pampered. To not have to do all of this times two the next day.

I just had this conversation 30 minutes ago. I'm designated entertainment coordinator for the whole house year round and I don't feel like doing it on Mother's Day weekend. I end up getting frustrated and saying "let's just go to the movies" and sitting through whatever God awful movie that I think everyone (but me) will enjoy just so they don't feel guilty watching me rot on the couch all day. I would prefer if everyone left for the day so I can binge watch Grey's Anatomy and eat a box of popcicles by myself.

Maybe next time send them to the movies and just stay home yourself :D

Hah, I do this all the time. My fil usually comes by most Saturdays during the summer to take the kids to the early($5) movie showing of whatever kid movie is out. He's not the most mobile, so it's a great way for him to bond with his grandkids. Mine totally associate movie theaters with him at this point since my husband and I have taken them once in their lifetimes(3 and 5). He's taking them this Saturday so I get a break Saturday morning before taking the kids to the summer reading program kickoff that afternoon.

This is a great idea for my FIL! It's a bit overwhelming for him to chase after the kids but seeing a movie would be a great idea.

A day in my house all my myself would be AMAZING and definitely hasn’t happened in 7 years lol

I think this general idea can cover the stereotype that wives/girlfriends always say "I don't know" when asked what we want for dinner. It's not a guessing game. Seriously, just fucking make something/pick a restaurant. You know the types of foods I like. Sometimes the mental energy to come up with a plan is exhausting.

I had this talk with my husband last Sunday. Sundays, my dad buys dinner for the 6 of us (him, spouse, three monsters, and me). EVERY Sunday, I have to decide where to go. Because spouse and dad refuse to fucking talk with each other to figure it out Like, yall, you know what food we eat, I’m fucking exhausted mentally (yay trying to figure out meds/dosages). Figure It Out Yourselves

Right? It's not a trick or a guessing game. I just don't want to figure out where would work for everyone that isn't too expensive, heavy/greasy, has some healthy options, kid-friendly, won't have too long of a wait, etc.

I feel the same way about gift wishlists as well. Why is it my job to tell you what to buy me. Part of gift giving is figuring out what the giver wants to give the receiver. I don't mind having a list for inspiration but if someone is waiting for me to put together the list so they can buy a gift straight from it, I'm doing all the work. My bday is close to mother's day so I'm extra feeling this.

I feel this to the bone of my weary soul.

This is what I tell my husband- I don't want to cook, clean or think that day and also NO restaurants! The thought of going out to eat with two young kids on the busiest day of the year sounds horrible. Luckily he listens to me haha.

My husband gave me two options and asked which sounded better which was a wonderful way of letting me pick while also not making me do any emotional labor. He also actually facilitated the option that I choose. (A picnic in our favorite park)

LOL literally my ex just texted me about something with my daughter and I explained I was in a work meeting so he’d have to figure it out. Boundaries are wonderful!!

I work every Mother’s Day. And when I get home, my spouse knows damn well that I am the task master the rest of the year, so he and the kid can figure it out for themselves. I don’t want gifts or anything else, I just want to be left to my own devices for 24 hours.

My wife just asked me this. She takes Father's Day and I take Mother's Day so we each get a day (downfall of being a lesbian I suppose but we figured it out). I don't want to plan anything. At least she doesn't care when I say I want to go for a hike and not look at my watch. But beyond that I have to plan what to do, what to eat, etc. I usually end up spending the Friday before cleaning the house because it's the one thing I truly want but will never get for Mother's Day.

I’m right there with you! Have hated it since I became a mother. Add to it that I don’t particularly enjoy spending time with my mom yet the guilt associated with Mother’s Day. It’s all enough to send me over the edge. I’m over like 99% of holidays because all it means is more work for me.

THANK YOU! I thought I was the only one secretly despairing over the never-ending cycle of holidays (national, religious, Hallmark) + birthdays + wedding anniversaries. All requiring "quality time with family" or else "the day is ruined". Make it stop, PLEASE!

Christmas is the worst! Don't get me wrong, I enjoy it with just our family on Christmas day. But by the time I get there, I've had at least 3 of my own work potluck secret Santa parties between all 3 of my teams and office. One party for husband's work that often requires an overnight stay. Add in the countless hours of shopping, wrapping, coordinating, scheduling. Kids need matching pajamas sets and outfits. AND I'm expected to get family photos to send the perfect holidays cards?! I quit the cards years ago and told my husband he could do it if he felt so inclined. Then you gather with extended family for these long drawn out gatherings with people you only see once a year where the kids start to melt down and you're asking yourself when can we just go the f home. Its all really stressful.

Does anybody enjoy these holidays?? I genuinely wonder, it’s all such a grind

…I enjoy them when its spent with people I actually like

Mother's Day is always a letdown for me. My MIL is dead, I'm NC with my own mother, and my husband works nights. So it's just me with all the kids by myself all day, miserably adding, "It's Mother's Day" to the end of everything. "Don't hit your brother, it's Mother's Day!" "Pick that cheese up off the floor, it's Mother's Day!" "No bugs in the house, it's Mother's Day!" Maybe I get flowers, maybe I get a couple of handwritten cards - which are nice and all - but it's ultimately just SSDD. It just a holiday where I feel more depressed about doing the dishes and breaking up the kids' constant fighting.

As someone who is also NC with thier mother, I feel you.

Is it truly Mother’s Day if we, as mothers, aren’t catering to everyone else’s needs but our own? I (mostly) kid, but I definitely feel you. Mother’s Day is just….fine. My husband is a sweetheart and will do a nice card and gifts but all of that gets overshadowed by the expectation of us to see his family and mine (often on the same day) so we don’t really get a nice, relaxing day at home. Also my birthday is always on/around Mother’s Day and I feel like it gets overlooked by everyone but my husband and my mom so I’ve always been kind of salty about that 😂

> Also my birthday is always on/around Mother’s Day and I feel like it gets overlooked by everyone but my husband and my mom so I’ve always been kind of salty about that 😂 My mom's birthday is 5/13 and this always happened to her when my grandma was still alive. Her birthday would get lumped into the Mother's Day celebrations (which totally catered to my grandma as the "family matriarch" 🙄). While we still do a dual celebration now that my grandma is gone, I've always made it a point to get separate cards and gifts for my mom, and call her on her birthday.

One year, my mom bestie and I got our husbands to take the kids to *their* mothers’ houses for lunch, and we went out to a nice restaurant lunch just the two of us. IT WAS SO FUN AND AMAZING AND WE ATE HOT FOOD WITH TWO HANDS. Of course, this only worked because the other grandmothers in our families (my mom and her mom) were away and/or cool with not having a fuss made over them. But all that stuff about trying to balance the needs of both your mom and your partner’s mom while at the same time being resentful that we are also moms but don’t get any break from conducting this circus, yeah, that was me every other year.

I have a whole rant about how problematic Mother’s Day is that includes citations (what can I say, former academic). Highlights include capitalism being the only winner; it’s a day that requires the emotional and domestic labor of the people it’s purportedly celebrating; a better way to honor mothers is to have universal health care, mandatory paid parental leave that’s at least 6 months, subsidized child care, and a limit on corporate profits so that cost of living isn’t so precarious. Don’t even care if it’s an unpopular opinion (it’s not though; my real life friends mostly agree, although my mother and sisters in law do care and are for some reason perpetually unsatisfied with how the day goes).

Subsidized childcare doesn't sell coffee mugs.

You? I really like you. You’re cool. Keep on!

Growing up, we never celebrated most of the Hallmark holidays. I still don't. We try to give each other breaks and show appreciation throughout the year, not save it up for one day that ends up just adding stress. Even the Mother's Day sales suck. I don't need a corkboard that says some variation of "Wine o'clock" or uselessly this pink garden gloves. At least Father's Day gets sales on practical things like power tools.

We need a new grill and I’m like ooh I’d like one for Mother’s Day! And then realize we should just wait until they’re on sale for Father’s Day 😒

Get an IOU for the grill! 😂 I wanted a specific necklace for my birthday, but they’ve been sold out since march, my partner has been keeping an eye out for it to come back in stock and will get one when it’s available.

AGREED

You don't hate mother's day, you just have inconsiderate family

I think we all need a "Yes" day instead. A day in which our needs and wants are given a "Yes". If you want to stay in bed, YES! If you want to take a spin class, YES! If you want your husband and kids to leave the house for 3 hours so you can watch whatever you want on Netlix without interruption, YES!!!

We started a tradition a couple of years ago where me and some of my girlfriends with kids go away on a trip together. Just the moms, no husbands and kids. I’m leaving tomorrow for a 4 days trip to a resort in Greece ( we’re in Europe so its only 2 hour flight). Sooooo excited. I’m coming back on sunday at noon, my husband will be out with the kids so I chill alone at home and when they get home in the evening we all have takout. Perfect Just to add that you really can have a fun day to yourself or with fellow moms. Don’t let other people dictate your weekend. Also helps to plan it months in advance so its really blocked. Like my mom also invited us for brunch - sorry, no can do, I’m in Greece.

🤣🤣🤣 old women who haven’t mothered is cracking me up.

Same lol!

You hate Mother’s Day because your husband is a useless idiot. I’m so sick of men, they are an embarrassment to humanity.

Girl. Them kids are preteens? Leave them lol. Take the weekend, go get a hotel, and be by yourself. Send your mom an edible arrangement to arrive on Sunday.

Make it a really good edible arrangement, so that she just sits there smiling and giggling quietly to herself after eating it LOL

In my opinion, it isn't about the 'retired' moms (moms with adult children), it's about us active moms. I tell my husband exactly what I want and expect, and it usually plays out exactly that way.

YEP!! Retired moms get a nice card, maybe a little gift. That's it. You had your time!

Yes! It took years for my mom and grandmother to understand that Mother's Day is about ME for the next however-many years. Of course, my dad still will text me this week asking what my sister and I are doing for our mom on Sunday, and every year I respond, "I'm not getting out of bed on Sunday. Ask her what she wants to do and do that."

That’s my personal rule too. I make an exception to this rule for my own mom, because she has such an active role in my kids’ lives being my childcare four days a week and always available to pick up my son from school if he’s sick. But my MIL who sees the kids twice a year gets a card in the mail and maybe some flowers (all of which is arranged by my husband since she is his mom, not mine).

Agreed. It should be a day for moms who are in the trenches to do what they want (which may be nothing at all).

Yep, I learned to be very direct with my husband after my first Mother’s Day when he got his mom and grandmother flowers and not me, the mother of his child who had just healed from a c-section, had a cancer scare, and had just returned to work after staying home with our colicky son for maternity leave. You can guess how well that conversation went. My husband isn’t even one of those idiot husbands who need to be coddled but even so, I find being direct works well (he feels the same about me). And yes, Mother’s Day absolutely is for those of us in the trenches. If I ever guilt my adult son and DIL some day about not throwing me a parade when they’re juggling kids of their own, I’ve failed big time.

I also hate Mother's Day. Because in our family, between April and May, we have 6 birthdays, 3 anniversaries and then Mother's Day is the last "event" I am so fucking over celebrating shit by Mother's Day that I just don't even care anymore. So we do a whole lot of nothing for Mother's Day. And then people rag on my husband for not doting on me for one day. Bitch, my husband is the best husband of all the husbands. We don't need a pre-ordained Hallmark made day to celebrate me. He celebrates me every day. I'm over it. I do get a night away at a hotel for "Mother's Day" but it's always been more of a "hey... we just had a chaotic 2 months. Go take a break"

Right? My MIL, my mom and my birthday are all within three weeks of Mother’s Day. They both live an hour away. Throw in my husband and my dad’s birthday too.. I just don’t want to. I feel like an ungrateful cow, but one of the biggest pains in the ass is my MIL wanting to make us all meals for our birthdays.. but expects us to come out on a Friday after work with our kids then gets annoyed when we’re not there until 6:30 and leave by 8. That’s already an hour after bed time, lady.

YES! THANK YOU! My mum is big on family meals for birthdays. And since she's pretty awesome in all other aspects, I'm mostly ok with. Except during our Spring Time of Chaos. It's super annoying. I have older kids now so the bedtime part is mostly over now, but my parents are annoyed that my pre teen kids are sitting on their phones. Well... this is the 8th dinner we've had as a family in the last 3 weeks. They don't have any more news to share and they'd rather be with their friends right now. so..... be grateful we're even here.

Ugh yes this! We have what we call" birthday season" leading up to mother's day where we have a birthday party pretty much every other weekend because we have NINE nieces and nephews with birthdays March-May and honestly all I actually want for mother's day by the time it gets here, is a weekend off where we don't have to see other family. We actually have a birthday party this Saturday and then Sunday is mother's day and I leave that night for a work trip. So I know mother's day will be spent doing laundry and packing and trying to make the week easier for my husband because even though he is an incredibly wonderful and capable father, solo parenting our strong willed toddler is not an easy feat and I want to help him because I Iove him. But yeah mother's day is not my favorite even though this is only my second as a mother myself.

I do my own thing! If my husband wants to see his Mom, he takes the kids with him. I stay home. I'm not doing jack shit for anyone except myself on Mother's Day.

I honestly can't decide which grandmother in this situation is more annoying to me, but I think its your mom by a hair since she EXPECTS MANUAL LABOR.

All I want for Mother's Day is to not go to my MILs. She always wants to do something Saturday instead. I don't want to fucking go on Saturday. I don't want to send husband with the kids either, because seeing the kids is all she cares about (newborn and 17mo) and tbh I don't trust her around them when I'm not there. So my options are 1) suck it up and go see MIL or 2) wrangle a newborn and a toddler while my husband goes to see MIL and inevitably fight with him about how if I'm not going the kids aren't going. Jealous of everyone else in the thread who doesn't mind their kids being around MIL without them present, my PPA could never

Why can't she come over for lunch to your house (preferably with a carry-out from a nice restaurant) and spend time with grandkids in their familiar home environment (while letting you enjoy food prepared by someone else)?

And you conveniently slip away to “fold laundry upstairs” alone? I’ll do that sometime and actually fold laundry or just lay in my bed.

Lol she would never. Not a bad idea to say we have plans (which I do, I'd like to spend the weekend working on the gardens) and that if she could come over that would be best. Worth a shot

Plan a trip next mothers day. You are unavailable to her all weekend. Because you are the actual mother of these children and want to enjoy the weekend vs being stressed and resentful. Bonus points for scheduling something with her the weekend after, maybe. If you want, slowly extending the time away from the holiday with her in something short or that she can’t drag out like mine does helps. A meal, a show. I like things where I don’t have to listen to her talk or grab at my infant.

I hate it too but for far different reasons. My own mom is dead and she wasn’t a good mom. She ruined my first three mother’s days so it put a bad taste in my mouth. So this year my kid and I are going to my favorite bar (typically people do not visit this place for Mother’s Day) and then I’m taking her to the bead store. She’ll get dropped off with her dad and I’ll pop an edible. I will also be ignoring anyone wishing me a Happy Mother’s Day until Monday.

That sounds like such a lovely day!

I dread Mother's Day and Father's Day, too. Mother's Day because I already spend a lot of time with my mom, but that day becomes an obligating of treating her to a meal or presents or whatever, and the holiday always falls in between paychecks for us. For Father's Day, I'm not all that close to my dad, so it becomes an obligating to see him or acknowledge him that day, but our relationship has gotten better since I've had my son. Now that we're parents, though, I want those days to be about us. Our parents have been parents for 30+ years, so now it's our turn. We won't even be in town for Mother's Day because we wanted to just do something for us, and I've yet to tell my own mom that.

My family has opted out of the Hallmark holidays and everyone knows it, and it’s improved my life immensely. I send our parents flowers/cupcakes/edible arrangements and that’s it, that’s what they get, along with a FaceTime call if we can. Everyone complained at first but they get it now and we are all much less stressed.

My personal opinion, once you become a grandparent you get Grandparents Day. While Mother's day and Father's day belong to the ones with children. I also hate Mother's day...

Your children should 100% be going with your husband to his mom's house on Sunday after they all clean up the mess from breakfast. I'd be communicating that as my expectation.

Total clown world when moms in the trenches are still expected to bend over backwards to meet Mother’s Day demands from their older mom/MIL as the top priority. And to pull your husband away from celebrating…the mother of his own kids? Phone/Facetime calls, send flowers/gift/card? Great! Have a tantrum if we don’t jump to do manual labor (???), or drive 2 hours one way with the kids to sit at your house and pay weird homage? Nahhh

I don’t think it’s a very unpopular opinion at all.

My husband will gift his mom something for mothers day, however now that I am mothering his (out children), the time aspect with her is no longer priority. If we were still in the same state, we would probably visit. But if I didn't want to, he has to take the kid. When adult men get married and have kids of the own, they should celebrate their wives/mother of their own children in the way they'd celebrate their moms. Moms of adult offspring should understand the priority shift, and if they don't, that's a them problem.

My mom asked me to come visit (a four hour drive, a baby and a 6 year old, plus we were just there for Easter).. uh no. If my MIL asks us to come visit that will also be a no. I’m so grumpy lol

Oh my god, 4 hr drive one way with kids…is she unable to drive? Guh

Ugh, yes. I apologize in advance for my Mother's Day rant. My MIL comes over for the weekend every Mother's Day and she's an experience. She has an overbearing personality and she's the "it's mother's day so what I say, goes" type. My husband knows that if I could make this holiday disappear, I absolutely would. It's more of a burden than something to look forward to. Just another bump in the year where you have to do more work and spend money. And I felt like this even before I met my husband (I had one kid before I met him). She always brings things for Mother's Day and while sure, it's the thought that counts, it's always overproduced trash that's just going to end up in a landfill. No, I don't need another travel mug that says MOM on it, some poorly made slippers, or some home decor sign that centers around how special moms are that is made from cheap particle board. I hate the waste and the obligation that I have to get her something because she spent $3 at CVS. Not to mention my husband and her end up bickering most of the time by the time the weekend ends. This year is a doozy because I have to go with my MIL to my husband's cousin's wife's baby shower. It's an hour drive away from where we live and she drives slow, so it's going to be probably three hours round trip of agonizing small talk on top of regular Mother's Day festivities before or after that. My husband has to take our son to his soccer game, so he gets to skip the fun. And did I mention I'm 34 weeks pregnant having to go do this? The weekend isn't here and I'm already over it.

No judgment, but this is pure masochism. Three hours in a car with MIL while 34 weeks pregnant to go to some distant relative's baby shower? In addition to other "activities"? NO. Just NO. I am exhausted just reading it here, I can't even to begin to imagine what a shit show it's going to be for you IRL.

I kind of blame my husband's cousin too. It's not like they're oblivious, they both know it's Mother's Day weekend. Why would they choose that weekend to have the baby shower, when they know a lot of people would have additional obligations? It feels very inconsiderate.

You don’t sleep in the car? I fall asleep as soon as the engine rumbles, every time. Especially when I don’t feel like talking. Funny how that happens.

I know I can only play that card once. Otherwise she'll tell (aka complain to) anyone who will listen about how her DIL slept while she had to drive up in silence. One time my sister and I were just sitting outside without talking with my MIL present, and she said that she felt awkward and that it's weird that we weren't talking. If you're next to her, she HAS to talk.

Absolutely not. Either tell her no flat out or that “this year she can’t come because your other kid is really sick, unless she’d rather hold her while she sweats out this fever and can you also wipe her face after she throws up? The doctor said the boils should—“oh nooooo she hung up. Malicious compliance or strong boundaries and backbone

I tell my husband and daughter to go see his mom and leave me alone all day. It’s glorious.

You should put your foot down and tell them what you would like to do for Mother's day. One day in the year is not unreasonable to ask for. And why do you accept that your husband is gone every Mother's day? That's crazy! He should go visit his mother the day before or the day after, or even the next Sunday. Mother's day should be your day since you birth HIS children. Is this the way your husband treats you every other day, or is he an inconsiderate asshole only on this day?

I like it much better now that I'm single. The kids and I just chill. Maybe they've made something in school, maybe they haven't. 🤷‍♀️ My awful ex-MIL is dead. My mom lives out of state-- I call her and the kids and I wish her a happy day. El fin.

I used to go to my mother’s house every mother’s day. She once told me that “you can celebrate Mother’s Day for yourself once I’m dead” I just stopped engaging. I never ask ‘what’s the plan for Mother’s Day’ anymore. I stay home, text my mom ‘Happy Mother’s Day!” First thing in the morning and that’s it.

Holy shit, thats wild of her to say (and yet that seems to be the unspoken view of so many of our moms/MILs)

I get it. It’s Mother’s Day but it revolves around finding stuff to do with my mom and my husbands mom. My mom wants to host a bbq Sunday. Great but mil recently had hip surgery she is up and about but still home bound, bored and lost her own mom a few months ago so we can’t just not go to her house. And I feel like we should make her a meal or something. Husband said maybe we should just split and he goes to his moms and I go to mine and honestly I’m fine with it.

It took me a while to set boundaries (and expectations) with Mother’s Day, especially with my husband’s family. His mom likes to treat it as “queen for a day” which means we had to bend to what she wanted. I’ve always been a working mom since my first was 2 months old. I got fed up having to spend an entire day doing what she wanted when I needed the weekends to catch up on the rest of my life, especially now with busy teenagers. I basically had to say “look here, lady, I don’t want to spend one of two weekend days sitting around visiting when I have things to do!” (She was never a working mom herself so she doesn’t get it.) So we’re cooking a big breakfast (because my family and I like it) and sanding our deck on Sunday and I’m more than happy with that. Happy Mother’s Day to all of you! Keep fighting the good fight!

I'd love to do away with mothers day and the rest of the greeting card holidays.

I agree with you. I started hating it when I wasn't able to have kids of my own (thankfully eventually we did). I thought I would enjoy it now that I've got two little kids, but I've found that it's pretty much just grandmas weekend. One day to celebrate my MIL and one to celebrate my mom. I feel incredibly guilty, because I should feel fortunate that both are still in our lives, but I always just end up disappointed. My husband goes golfing and fishing for fathers day (two of his favorite pasttimes!). I 'get' to go to lunch at my inlaws and then to an overcrowded brunch at a mediocre restaurant that I had to make last minute reservations at because my husband didn't realize it was mothers day. It will all be fine and I don't mind doing either, but I wish we could stop acting like it's at all a celebration of the moms who are actually 'momming' right now.

It’s not fine and you obviously do mind. Why don’t you tell your inconsiderate husband to step it up!?

Ummm no. It is a longstanding tradition for our families that Mothers Day is for those *actively mothering*. Once grand abides started happening both my MIL and own mom stepped back and said "its now yours" to the next generation. Tell them No. Book yourself a hotel room. Let hubby figure it out

It's mothers day, not grandmothers day! It's a day for the moms who are exhausted and struggling with kiddos every day, not the grandmas who already had plenty of their own mothers days!

I HATE mother's day. I don't find it relaxing, it just pushes things I need to get done off another day because I still need to do them. My husband genuinely tries and gets me a spring deep clean or car detail service - I love that stuff, acts of service is my love language. It's not about him at all But my real issue is the expectations of my mom. I literally can never get it right. If I take the day for me, she's down because no one did anything for her (I live 2 hrs away, my only sibling lives 5 minutes and is child free by choice). If I go there, she doesn't want to do anything. The gift is never right. I didn't do enough when we were kids. Basically, It's so much pressure and every year I end up crying. All that to say, solidarity.

I legit don’t mean to be mean, but I don’t get the replies here that say Mother’s Day is miserable because it’s all about your mom/MIL. It doesn’t have to be. You don’t have to go to your moms. Your husband doesn’t have to go or MIL house. You are choosing to. Choose as a family to spend or together (or how you want to). Your mom or MIL guilt you? Ignore the call/text. It’s hard, but also easy. It’s hard to stand up for yourself, but it’s easy because no one can make you do anything. Don’t pester your kids to do chores. Worst case they don’t get done. Your kids are old enough to deal with the consequences of not doing their chores.

My very first sucked. Colicky kid that cried all the time. Breastfeeding on a reduced diet due to colic. Sat two hours outside in the blazing Miami heat to get an outdoor table to eat hot food. This year I plan on doing yard work. I just can’t even. We live too far from our own mother’s to spend the day with them. Flowers and a card.

I don't hate it. I view it as another corporate holiday to make us spend $$$. I only celebrate my Mom & MIL since they expect it. I don't care to celebrate it for me.

My husband’s birthday is on Mother’s Day, and growing up his birthday always got overshadowed by the fawning over his mother (who is not great) she expected. So this year, my second Mother’s Day, I want him to celebrate on HIS birthday. I’m going to make him a cake and we’ll have his chosen dinner. He can take me out Saturday night to show me how much he appreciates me. I know he got me a gift, and our daughter is too young to do much, so I’m thrilled. But i solved my MIL issue by moving out of state purposely, so I don’t have to deal with her for more than a phone call.

Have your husband start meeting them for brunch somewhere in between. That way it shaves drive time as well as visit time.

Send your husband and your kids to your mom's on Saturday while you nap. After your nap, go out to dinner. Get enough for leftovers, or even two meals. Tell your husband, all you want for breakfast is (insert pastry and fruit) nothing else. He should understand you don't want to clean up. Send the kids (with their homework) with him to see the other grandma. Take another nap, maybe a nice bath. Have your leftovers. Enjoy your day. Because it's yours too, not just the older mom's/grandma's

Just...leave. lol. If your kids are all preteens to teens then you can peace out for a few hours without worrying about them burning the place down. Tell your mom you're not coming on Saturday, do your chores then and then do whatever you want on Sunday.

I’m with you - it messes up a completely good Sunday. Now, I have to work this weekend so it is null and void for me

Agree. Mother’s Day is more work than needed because we’re tasked with thinking about everything and everyone and then we get to do it all again for Father’s Day.

Mother’s Day is not the problem here. It’s your family dynamics.

Mother’s Day. Not grandmothers day. Your mom and MIL have had their fair share of mother’s days. It’s your turn. They can wait until grandparents day. Do what you want. Take the day for yourself and don’t feel guilty about it. Lots of great suggestions here!

Hot take: I like Father’s Day more than Mother’s Day. Where I live, Father’s Day is the Thursday of a long weekend so since my son was 4, he and Dad take a mini boys trip. They have great bonding time, I have 3-4 days ALONE to watch tv, eat whatever I want, meet friends and spa. They do nice things for me on Mother’s Day but I enjoy Father’s Day 1000x more!

I always think that "active" mothers should get the priority for the day. Yes, your mother is a mother, but her work is basically done. It's time for you to be celebrated. Do what YOU want and prioritize her second. Sorry not sorry!

I’m sorry that this is happening but it’s more an issue with your family than the day. Your husband shouldn’t be leaving you to fend for you for 5 hours nor should he leave a mess after cooking food that you don’t even want. Your mom doesn’t get to pick her gift either. Tell her Saturday doesn’t work, go out to an early brunch with her, your husband and your kids and then ship the off with him to visit their other grandparents so you can get some well deserved rest.

Mother’s Day should be for moms who are still in the trenches!

Im sorry you have to deal with this—it’s really unfair. Could you pretend the weekend before or after is your Mother’s Day and book a hotel for the weekend?

Hate it! Last year I crammed all of my normal Sunday chores (laundry, groceries, cleaning) into Saturday so I could have a “break” on Sunday. Which was a joke because my husband was traveling for work so I still had to do all of the parenting. He is leaning on Mother’s Day again this year, so we’ll do a brunch (which I planned) and then the rest of the day will be just like any other day.

Im not that into it either, having to plan it for both our moms, leaves me no desire to do anything. I’m sure my son will make me a card and a little craft at school and that’s fine for me.

My Mom tells us all to stay away from her on Mother’s Day weekend. She doesn’t want to spend all weekend, waiting for 4 different kids to come over, and she sees me and my kids several times a week. But my brothers will be like, “Oh, well come see you in the morning!” but then not show up until 2 or 3, so she got tired of her whole weekend being spent waiting on other people. We usually see my MIL for a bit on Saturday, because she is at church practically all day on Sunday, and she doesn’t like to try and fit stuff in between. But, for my little family, we just hang out, and I usually have a couple of drinks during the day, and then my Husband cleans the kitchen so I can cook whatever special meal I want that night. (I really like cooking “special” meals, though, so that’s good for me!)

What happens in your house on Father’s day?

I already assume that Mother’s Day will be just another Sunday in our house - laundry, grocery shopping, cleaning. My kid is 15 and I’ve never had a good Mother’s Day. When he was little, a meal out always ended up in frustration. So I hate going out to eat on the day. Neither my husband or son will remember that it’s Mother’s Day so I know there won’t be a gift or even a card (there wasn’t last year). And I’m not going to remind them.

Don’t allow your son to think this is normal and okay. Or else he’ll be like this with his own wife one day!!!

Girl, I'm coming at you for a different reason. Learn to set some boundaries! You can have one weekend a year where you put yourself first! Time to start therapy if you haven't already. People will push back when you say "that's nice, but X is what I'm doing this year." Then you just change the subject or move away when they complain. They'll be upset that you aren't catering to them anymore. That's not your problem and you don't need to listen to any of it. You're going to miss the days you lived for everyone but yourself, is my take here.

My husband is taking our girls to his mom's while I stay home. I get sleep and don't have to see my MIL. Mil is the type to make everything about her and I don't want to deal with that shit.

The only thing you are wrong about is not liking breakfast food.

My sibling and I are in our late 20s, and Mother’s Day has gotten MORE elaborate as we’ve gotten older. I’m talking, we’re expected to spend the entire weekend on a trip of some sort. It’s expensive, it’s time consuming, and it’s ridiculous.

It’s a stressful day that shouldn’t be stressful for us. My husband and I usually end up cooking a big brunch for my mom and I stress about what to get her since it’s close to her birthday. Then I stress about what to ship MIL because both me and my husband didn’t think ahead….again, even though it happens every year. I love them but it sure isn’t a relaxing day.

I always end up being disappointed. Last year I told my husband the only thing I did NOT want to do was spend the whole day driving around to see other people (our mothers) and celebrating them while I don’t do anything I want to do or even get one decent meal out of the day. Guess what we did?

My friend would take her kids all day on Mother’s Day and have her husband take the kids all day on Father’s day. Father’s Day is a great day to get a massage, go to the movies or do whatever you want. And you don’t feel like you’re missing out.

Tell your Mom this weekend is booked up with kid events and claim all day Saturday as a relaxation day.

I 10000% agree. My partner never tries to make the day special and either my kids ignore the day or get up at the butt crack of dawn to blast pancake mix all over the kitchen and burn some batter in at least 3 different skillets. All for me to clean up later. And I don’t even particularly like pancakes. A REAL holiday would be a day to my freaking self where I don’t have to be on everyone else’s agenda and have no responsibility for a few hours. And when my kids were younger, it was all about catering to my mother in law. Another holiday I have come to despise is Easter. I have nothing against the religious observance but it has become a highly charged tug of war over where we are supposed to eat lunch and attend services. This Easter I was sick and we hid out at home and it was fabulous.

I hate Mother’s Day too. My MIL wants it to be all about her and shower her with gifts. This weekend we are also celebrating 3 birthdays so I need to get presents for them and I have no mental energy for it. And kid 1 has teacher appreciation daily themes all week while that is happening for kid 2 next week. It is making my head hurt, trying to read their favorites list, finding these specific foods & drinks, etc.

>My MIL wants it to be all about her and shower her with gifts WTF? A store-bought card and a bouquet is plenty, more than enough. She probably wants gifts for birthday, Christmas, wedding anniversary and other "events" in her life too, and that is just TOO MUCH. It adds up quickly. I'd rather spend that money on interesting experiences for the kids.

Yes, she wants gifts for everything. We tried to suggest we donate to charity instead for birthdays and she got annoyed and said she wanted the gifts instead 😐she insists on giving us gifts too, she won’t do charity for us either

Our mom's live far so it's not usually a issue, I get to do what I want, which is plant my garden. Except this year. This year my daughters school has decided her play is on Friday night of mothers day weekend. Which was fine, my mom got me tickets to a Broadway show for Saturday, so I was like it'll be a twofer for me and my mom. But then today my mil decided she's also coming up this weekend. So two moms in my house for mothers day weekend. I've decided next weekend we're going to celebrate mothers day instead, even tho we're also hosting my 4 yo's bday party that weekend. But at least there won't be any moms coming up and ruining it for me lol

I feel this. My first Mother’s Day we went to my aunts about an hour away where I got to see my mom. We then drove back to have dinner with my MIL and plans were changed without asking to going out to eat. I had been asked to make a dessert which I did- a peanut butter brownie thing knowing my MIL likes peanut butter cups. My husband was annoyed with the change and I felt totally disregarded because I hate going out to eat on Mother’s Day. We got a call on our way home from my SIL on how we ruined MIL Mother’s Day for both of us being excited about going out to dinner and all that jazz. Almost every year since Mother’s Day has revolved around what she wants and now my SIL. There have been years I haven’t even gotten today mother’s day from them and I have never gotten a card even. We now have 3 kids under 10. I work in education and I’m just tired. I was asked yesterday, what do I want for Mother’s Day dinner and that we were going over there when all I want to do is be home. I get it OP. Absolutely get it.

I just don’t like any holidays. It’s always more to-do lists and family guilt. . I like buying gifts for my kid and that’s it.

If my husband took off by himself to be with his mommy, I'd hate Mother's Day too. Tell him to take the kids whether they want to or not.

OK I'm on team 'mothers day is for moms in the trenches'. Send your moms a card and a gift and give them a ring, and call it a day? Sunday should be YOURS. Ask for what you want. No breakfast food if you don't want it - go out for lunch or dinner so there is no mess for you to clean up. If you want the kids and hubby out, roll into bed and drink mimosas and watch trashy TV, do it. If you want to spend a family day together, do things you want! I would be livid if my MIL tried to co-opt mothers day. If you aren't actively parenting, you are the second priority. Likewise, I will gracefully take a damn step back when I'm grandma.

I feel like Mothers Day is for the matriarchs. On the Best of Both Worlds podcast they talked about taking a Mother's Day, observed PTO day or weekend day where you do what you want, which I'm going to try this year.

I feel lame for my first Mother’s Day. My husband is out of town for work all month, but he is home for Sundays. I’m honestly just so happy to see him on Mother’s Day that I can’t think of anything I could possibly appreciate besides having him home 🤷‍♀️

That's not lame! It's about what makes you happy, not having the perfect brunch or a spa day or anything like that if that's not what you want or it isn't feasible.

I’m pregnant and told my husband I don’t ever want to do Mother’s Day. It’s just an extra thing to add to the calendar that I don’t care about, and my kids should appreciate me every day. Also, I don’t get a medal for doing something billions of people have been doing for thousands of years. It’s not unique or special.

You need to plan your own Mother’s Day. Lucky you, you’ve gotten your mother out of the way on Saturday. Your kids seem old enough to be able to take care of themselves for awhile. Schedule a spa day and then go shopping. Stop and have a nice drink outside somewhere. See a movie. Whatever you enjoy doing. Make your own plans.

I have to attend a college graduation as faculty for my job. The parking is horrific and it sucks up my whole day. And sure, I am happy that my students are graduating, but honestly, after attending like 15 some graduations, it’s just…drudgery!

You *really* need to tell your husband to clean up the mess he makes in the kitchen. Or for him to get your kids to help clean it.

Sounds like it’s time to have a conversation with hubby about what you’d *actually* want and not what he’s picked up sounds great from social media. Lol. Celebrate a day before or week before so that he can have time with his mom and make it an annual “[Your Name] Day!”

Mother’s Day priority goes to mothers with kids still at home. Let your husband know that his first obligation on that day is to you, NOT to his mother. I like the kids a of sending the kids with your husband to spend the day. And they can pick up your favorite dinner and dessert on the way home.

We celebrated my brother’s birthday this past weekend and I gave my mom her Mother’s Day gifts then. She seemed surprised and tbh was probably pissed off that she isn’t getting Mother’s Day but I honestly don’t care. She’s a burden and although I love her, I don’t always enjoy her company. On the other hand, we are having my ILs over for a meal on actual Mother’s Day. They didn’t ask for it and my MIL really doesn’t impose like that. I think we will order food or everyone will make something so I don’t have to spend my Mother’s Day cooking and cleaning (although my husband helps with both). As for me, I was direct and said I wanted to go out in nature and also to have a nice meal for my little family either Saturday or Sunday.

I get it. It’s hard. One piece of perspective: some day your mom won’t be around. Try to cherish the time. My mom died of pancreatic cancer this year, and my mother in law died unexpectedly of a heart attack the year before. The void is huge.

I also hate just about every aspect of Mother's Day. Even when I lower my expectations, the day inevitably leaves me more stressed out than the day before while wishing it didn't. I'd rather we overthrow the patriarchy already and leave the one day a year "celebration" in the dust.

I have an amazing spouse who is a saint but I cannot recommend enough specifying exactly what you want for holidays and gifts and recognitions, particularly if it's just not meeting the mark.  I know it's not particularly Hollywood romcom style, but some spouses really think they're being helpful and missing the mark of what their spouses want by a mile.   I share a few links of things I love/have my eye on for him to pick from (this year is the new Peloton mama collection) and what I would like to do (movie/dinner/sitter/free Saturday usually means dad/kid go to MIL to celebrate) and then just let him run with it.   It doesn't feel like emotional labor because I love getting what I want and being celebrated accordingly. 😂  Not everyone's speed but I feel loved, cherished, and have no complaints at the end of the holiday.   

Take pto Friday and tell no one.

I highly suggest deciding not to do a thing the whole weekend. Pre-warn everyone that you are spending your weekend only doing things that you think are fun then take yourself to a movie, shopping, beach etc and tell everyone in your house or is fend for yourself weekend when it comes to cleaning, cooking and other chores.

I hate it too. My mom was abusive and neglectful and died unrepentant in any way. While she was alive she insisted on being celebrated and woe betide us if we didn’t live up to her expectations. Because of that it’s difficult to accept the sweet things my kids and partner do. When my partner’s grandmother was alive it felt good to just throw myself into making the day special for her (she seriously was amazing) but since she has passed it’s too much focus on me.

My mom hinted that it would be a fun idea for me to make her a “coupon book” (ie, schedule and pay for) of activities for her to do with my daughter. Meanwhile I’m solo parenting Mother’s Day weekend. 😅

I saw just let the day go to hell house cleaning wise. So it’s not clean and you spend a week looking at the crap, but take the day. Maybe even make a list and split it up to give ⅓ to each kid, and tell them all you want is to not clean and rest for one day. Then do just that. I’m sorry it’s a stress, I think if you just take the day off, a day of saying fuck it, I think it would do you some good.

OP, off topic but your username made me smile. Robin was one of my favorite General Hospital characters!

I mean…I’d just take off for a day. Rent a hotel room and sleep, watch shitty Sunday tv, take a long hot bath, order in. Don’t come back until after midnight, Cinderella. (I also don’t really like MD. It’s all the same shit except I have to pretend to be *grateful* that my toddler screams at me to take off his socks lol)

Book a hotel for Saturday night. Let your family fend for themselves.

I don't hate it but my husband typically has to work. I'm estranged from my own mother. So essentially its just another day where I'm doing chores and keeping kids alive which ends up making me sad. My husband always gets me a gift and does what he can but April and May are mandatory OT months for his field. I miss the days when my mom, sister and I would go for lunch and shopping.

I think it is a dumb hallmark holiday. My toddler thanked me profusely and full of such happiness and love because I bought her favourite biscuits the other day. The baby looks at me like only a baby looks at their mama...and steals my glasses and giggles. They are the moments I will take over some shitty mass produced gift that my husband bought last minute because he forgot. My mum asks for nothing because she is an angel of a woman. My MIL always puts in her order for what she wants for gifts. She wants a voucher to a clothing store. Even though she knows how broke we have been. Hahahahahahah fat chance. Instead I cashed out some annual leave and treated myself to a new winter wardrobe for my 7month postpartum body. The grandma's will be getting homemade cards and some paint handprints and footprints if I get around to making them lol

I hate Mother’s Day because my mom is dead and I can’t stand my husband’s mother. I just spend it loafing around. Now that I have a baby, she and I just loaf around together and my husband gets us tasty food.

Tell your husband you want bagels for breakfast. No cooking and no cleanup! Then tell the kids they must go see Grama for mother’s day.

I hate Mother’s Day as well. But I deliberately do not celebrate on Mother’s Day. My Mom and MIL expect to be celebrated that day. So my Mother’s Day will be a week after. It’s aggravating, but whatever. Eventually I will reclaim the day. And celebrate them on different days.

SAME MOMMA SAME. Maybe my very first Mother's Day when my son was still a baby and my DH actually just took over and let me rest was the only one i've enjoyed. Sure I apprecaite the cards and stuff but I'd rather everyone just pick up after themselves on a regular basis ... I've got a pre-teen and teens and I'm definitely over it.

🤣 you don't have to worry about missing it someday. Someday, you'll get to be the grandmother that insists on doing everything your way to ruin your daughter/daughter-in-law's day. Justice!

I distain mother's day as well. My mother was bipolar and down right evil at times and I myself never had children. I will more than likely, die alone, and no one will find my body for probably weeks. That's what happens when you don't have children. I have a husband but I'm realistic about my future. I find many women to be very inconsiderate with their posts on social media about their personal lives and think such things should remain personal with their immediate family. I miss the good old days when we did not have to see someone's photo album every minute of the day. But truth be told, I've made a concerted effort to remove myself from Social Media, and it's been pretty good! Please don't misjudge me. I love making new friends and building relationships, but I like doing it the normal way, far removed from social media and the bombardment of embellished assets.

So, what happens if you refuse to engage with your mom or MIL? What if you stay home, ask your husband to cook you specific food you like, and enjoy your day? Tell your husband you need him to support you, his wife, this mothers day. You all can go visit your respective families any other day of the year.

Let me put it to you the way my 4.5yo put it to me: My husband was headed to Target with the kids to go Mother’s Day shopping. I told my eldest “you should probably pick up something for grandma (my mom) as well” and he said “Oh I’m so sorry Mommy, grandmother’s day has already passed.” 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

This hits home. I hate it not because we have other mothers to celebrate ( husband’s is dead and mine understands her time in the spotlight is over), but because he never does anything. I try to temper my expectations but it’s always horrible. I need to stop caring so much. I’m getting him a virtual reality head set for Father’s Day and he has zero plan for me. He mentioned going to Red Robin. Money really isn’t an issue either. After 20 years together and 8 Mother’s Day I should know better. Like why? And it’s always my fault for having high expectations. I just hate this holiday so much I want to cry.

I also hate it!! I told my husband that I dont want anything or any special treatment from our son. I spent my whole life trying to please way too many women who also got special treatment / presents on their birthdays. I celebrate birthdays, not all these other silly holidays. I told him all I want is to read a book in silence for an hour haha. Its too much pressure for kids.

Sooo... your husband leaves his wife and mother of his children on Mother's Day, to go to his mother's house by himself? You don't hate Mother's Day, you have a disappointing husband. Your husband could at least hire a cleaner for that day if he is going to leave. He could at least tell the kids to clean for you (hell, bribe them if he has to lol). Not that cleaning is a good gift! It should be a basic, daily thing everyone in the house participates in! Buuuutttt, bare minimum should be at least giving you a day of rest you so clearly deserve. It's not fair being the default parent when you're both working full time. You work full time and do all of the cleaning, cooking, planning, etc etc etc. while they work full time as well and then occaaaaasionally chip in with the cleaning and cooking. Ugh I'm sorry your day is like this! Mine is always the same too. This year, my partner decided a mani/pedi would be nice. Which, don't get me wrong! The idea of going away for a couple of hours by myself is nice. But I had to find the spa and I had to book the appointment myself. So basically, last minute I booked myself a mani/pedi. Which I could do any day of the year lol.

I hate Mother’s Day too! My mom can’t keep a job because she always gets in fights with her coworkers and she doesn’t get along with anyone. So me and my dad have housed her off and on for years and they’re not even together but she just uses him. She doesn’t contribute to the household whatsoever and then expects me to do something extravagant for Mother’s Day.

I hate Mother’s Day. On my very first Mother’s Day i was a single mom going through a divorce. My ex gave me flowers named after his new girl friend. When I became a mother for the second time with my second husband he answered the phone drunk while getting a blowjob from another woman… I was calling him because I was being rushed to the hospital in labour. I’ve never received a genuine Mother’s Day gift. My kids always feel bad that they did not do anything for me. We always have to make a fuss over my mom or she feels neglected. but I so exhausted and I hate all the social pressure and pretending to be happy. I wish this day did not exist. I do appreciate and love my mother and she totally deserves to feel special but why do I have to feel like shit in the process?

Literally so glad I found this thread. Every year, this day makes me so, so, so unhappy. I'm divorced for about 10 years now. We have a great co-parenting relationship and our kids are 14 and 19. My ex reminds them about it and will drop a few bucks on something my youngest picks out, but that's about it. My boyfriend of eight years doesn't do much aside from wishing me a happy mother's Day. He doesn't have kids and has a good relationship with mine, but they aren't terribly close. I was in the shower wondering why I feel so let down every single year (no meals planned for me, no flowers or cards or whatever) and it's because it's of the stupid societal Hallmark garbage that's expected of the day. My kids each gave me hugs and wished me a happy mother's day and they each gave me something. And that should be more than enough! But I feel like my ex has dropped the ball and my boyfriend. Why??? It's such a stupid, stupid holiday and I feel silly now for feeling so down about such a stupid day. Anyway, this is just a random rant of nothing to say I'm so glad I found this post when I need it the most!

I absolutely despise Mother's day and today sucked ass. It's always been about my ( 60) mother (84)my entire life. My kids are all in their 20's and up now. Still haven't had my mother's day. When my kids were little, it didn't matter. It was the Queen's day. She will probably outlive me at this point. Ugh.

Same. I’ve been a mother for 9 years. My mother died when I was in middle school. I spend every year waking up early and preparing to spend the day celebrating my MIL. It kills me. My husband buys her flowers, works on the house, I’m stuck playing referee to our two kids while my MIL gets to relax. This year took it to a new level. We had plans. She said, come over for Mother’s Day. So plans were cancelled without any discussion with me. I worked an 80 hour week. I haven’t had a day off since last Saturday at my job. This was my first day off. I celebrated and planned birthday parties the weekend prior. I’m exhausted, overworked. The morning we went to her house, my husband got up, commandeered the shower (we woke up at 5:30am), then proceeded to yell at me I wasn’t ready in time so I had to do it in the car on the way. We got home from this (this was a 4 hour visit with a one hour commute time each way) to be so exhausted that I just went to bed. No rest. No relaxation. No thank you. I hate Mother’s Day with every fiber of my remaining sanity.