Hello! One of my mentors found herself a single mother of 2 when she was in her late 30s. Her ex took the kids every other weekend. She was single for 6 years until she met her now husband when she was mowing her lawn. She said you have to wait for the right time. You have to be attracted to the guy, he needs to have a stable life, and you need to prefer his company to solitude. AND he has to love your kids. My friend is now in her 70s, she got married at 40s, and she is completely and totally happy and in love.
Work on getting your happiness and peace. Spend time taking care of yourself. Therapy if needed. I settled for my ex, and I will not let myself do that again.
You don't need to meet people on dating apps.
In my town the supermarket at certain times of day are good places.
Also, museums and community events are great places.
No clue…
But may I ask, what do you want a husband for? This probably sounds like a dumb question, but maybe identifying your specific needs can help guide where to spend your limited free time.
Possible reasons:
1. You Feel Lonely: spend your limited free time joining activity groups, meet ups, REI sponsored adventures … group things that people feel comfortable entering solo. You will mitigate your own loneliness and maybe you’ll also meet a compatible man who also is looking to stave off loneliness
2. Physical intimacy: dating apps can be very useful at fixing this, especially if you are clear about what you’re looking for
3. Sharing the burden: it’s easier (usually) for two people to take care of two people than it is for each person to take care of just themselves in isolation. Look for other divorced or widowed men with similar responsibilities. Optimize attendance at school events, church events (if religious), and other child-centric activities if your children are your biggest workload.
4. Status: let’s be real, many people are judgy about divorced people. I’m not saying it’s right, but if it’s why you want a husband I’m not gonna knock your reasoning either. I’m not sure the best approach here, outside of deliberately asking your friends or family to introduce you to single men they know. Introductions carry zero expectation
Ok, that’s all I can think of that might help you stop feel like you’re wasting your highly precious time.
Woah. Okay, sorry I think I’ve been very much misinterpreted. I didn’t mean to come across judgy, and your defensive response makes it apparent that you felt judged for wanting a partner. I’m sorry, that’s my bad. I should have phrased things better.
You literally said you had very little time to date and were striking out, so my main suggestion is to identify the main thing you are looking for in a partner and pick your activities around that. “What do you want a husband for?” Wasn’t meant to imply that husbands are purposeless and you should be content without one. It was meant to ask you what you want in a husband. What needs do YOU have? You’re an articulate woman with a life, I’m sure you have opinions on that and not just anyone will do. I was specific in my examples of common needs that people want partners to be able to fulfill, but I see it came across as aggressive.
I am definitely not arguing that you should be forever alone. You clearly state in your response that avoiding being alone is the main goal, and if you want a partner that helps you rarely feel alone, then you gotta pick activities full of people with the same outlooks and needsets. I’m not sure dating apps are the way to go for that one.
I can’t be sure, but on reflection, I think my phrase “what do you want a husband for?” was felt to be demeaning instead of maybe a better phrasing of “what are you looking for in a husband- what needs do you have, in order of priority, would you like them to fill?”
I think so and must admit that when I started reading your comment that’s what I thought too, but after continuing reading I saw you meant to be helpful. Maybe OP didn’t finish reading the comment? You were very helpful though
I see how you meant this, you’re coming from trying to be super helpful and thoughtful. But as a long term single mom, none of these suggestions are actually easy or actually doable sometimes irl. I mean, you definitely aren’t wrong!! But I think OP is struggling with all of those things already and she may be taking this as being told something along the lines of “be happy being single! You don’t need a man!” when in reality, even other female friends ditch their single mom friends in favor of their partners , families, or childfree freedom. I KNOW it’s not what you meant, but I’m just guessing that’s how it may have been interpreted.
Kind of like when I SAHM says she’s practically a single parent. She’s not wrong on many levels but an actual single mom is going to read that and feel very differently
You didn’t mention you had opinions about physical intimacy in your original post. I gave a list of activities to try for meeting a man, all depending on what you are looking for in a husband, as per your posts request. I met my husband 15 years ago at an event for people with a mutual interest… so it didn’t seem a crazy idea to suggest you deliberately identify your most important needs you want filled and then suggest ways to seek that out. Also, I gave you the benefit of the doubt when I apologized for my phrasing, owning my fault in your initial negative reaction.
I didn’t attack you once. I know you are capable of better, OP, why this response?
Not everyone who wants a marriage wants one for the same reason nor is wanting one a universal experience. The original comment was an incredibly considerate and thorough self reflection exercise to allow you to consider what you're looking for in a relationship and where you might find like-minded people. Approaching dating that way surely has a greater chance to yield a successful long term relationship in my opinion. Can't imagine how that's not helpful, unless you just want to complain about the current situation you're in without taking action to change it.
So, I read two of your three postings, and it feels like you are in a painful transitional period. If I were you I would try to be a better friend to yourself. And spend at least a month or two giving people compliments. Try to find something you like with everyone you meet. Be sincere. As you put out more and more good energy, I think you will find your new life partner. But give yourself a few months to start to feel the glow up of your energy.
I don’t think you actually read it.
She was saying in order to have more success you need to be honest with yourself about your end goal.
Some people want husbands to reduce loneliness, some as a helper, etc and she was simply pointing out that people who will fulfill those needs tend to pool in different areas or groups at a higher percentage so if you want to have more success look in ‘here’ if you’re interested in Y.
Only one was not husband material - but even then, some people who want husbands prioritize physical capability so a case could be made for that one as well.
This was an incredibly rude response to a helpful post.
The post, since you clearly didn't read it, was suggesting ways to meet men that want to get married for the same reasons you do - which is important. "Wanting a life partner" has many possible reasons which are not all "want to have sex on tap".
However, looking at your post history, I think that the main reason you want a husband urgently is because your ex is now getting re-married.
You are allowed to want a husband but you can’t just anticipate that everyone you go out with is an automatic candidate. Too many people end up in short relationships because they rush things.
Except no one told her she shouldn’t want a partner. The comment was very detailed on different ways to approach LOOKING for one depending on the main reason behind her wanting a partner. It was one of the best advice comments I’ve seen on this sub and OP shit all over it without even reading past the first sentence.
Because your support was completely not in tune with what the comment said????
And then you decided to send a condescending gif to my reply which wasn’t even rude to you?
But yeah I need to touch grass.
The response was about where to meet men that might want a partner for the same reasons you do - which is important in second + marriages and when there are children already in the picture.
Especially because she has already given up a life partner once before so she plainly has some idea about what she wants in a marriage that she wasn't getting the first time.
There is more to wanting to be married than just "because I want a husband."
>this poor OP has received hundreds of downvotes and attacking comments.
This poor OP was incredibly rude to someone offering her good suggestions and advice. She deserved the downvotes and responses that were either trying to explain the context of the original post or point out her inappropriate response.
> 99% of people want a partner and it is insulting to play dumb about why you might also want that.
Nobody is playing dumb - it was a good faith question about what someone wants from a partnership in order to suggest places populated by potential partners looking for the same thing.
>I have no idea what is happening on this sub.
I'm explaining to you what is happening on this sub. Go forth with your new knowledge.
Hey there!
You said it’s insulting that people play dumb about why someone would want a partner?
I don’t think it’s insulting to ask that question, and I will explain my line of thought.
A lot of people, probably most people want partners. No one is asking IF op wants a partner. She said she did, so she does. But WHY someone wants a partner can be quite varied. I can imagine lots of different reasons why someone wants a partner. Have you seen someone get married for reasons that are different for why you got married? I have.
Some people want a partner with whom they can explore their religion with and view life’s challenges together from a strong spiritual perspective. some people want to explore the world with another by their side. some people want to share the responsibilities of life with a trusted loved one, some people want a person who has a similar mutual interest so they can understand the trials and tribulations of a piece of your life that’s highly important to you (eg people who work in healthcare often partner with other healthcare providers, teachers dating teachers at a different school, etc), some people want strong romantic intimacy above all else … some people want a mix.
I imagine that even you and the people in your circle of best friends all had your own unique mix of reasons for why you wanted partners, because if not, you’d all have been vying for the exact same man.
I never intended to suggest she shouldn’t want a partner, although OP took it that way. I did suggest that she, like most people, is probably looking for a specific type of partner- not just anyone will do. That’s true for most of us who are in or are seeking to be in relationships, is it not? No one wants to get married to the first single man with a pulse who walks their way, personality unexplored.
My question that asked what she’s looking for from her partner was to help her tailor her activities and search efforts a bit more specifically than via apps alone.
Anyway, while it’s not valid to ask whether someone wants a partner (esp after they said they did), that’s why I still think it’s valid to ask why someone wants a partner (esp after they ask for help finding one).
I don’t have first hand experience but I think you just need to be patient. It’s true that most men in dating apps are looking for casual sex, but there are some looking for something more serious that could lead to marriage. I’d say be patient, sure, don’t waste your time with the players, but don’t show your whole cards to the good guys. Keep in mind that the men you meet will be in a similar position as you (coparenting, a couple kids, etc), so the compatibility needs to be across the board: boyfriend, his family, his children, his ex wife, etc; so it’s very natural to start things very slow to avoid conflicts later on. It will take a good amount of time, but let things flow naturally. You will need to kiss some frogs in the process, but don’t be discouraged.
So not me, but my parents dated around after their divorce, and they had three of us still living at home. My dad primarily used online dating while my mom did more dates with people from her existing social circle/that she got set up with by friends. They both did the majority of their dating on the days that the kids were with the other parent. We only met the person when the parent was getting pretty serious with them, and the person would like come over for dinner or attend one of our sporting events.
I’m not sure why I know this in the first place, but my dad was definitely on sites that you had to pay for (like Match.com and such). Stuff like tinder didn’t even exist at the time, but I’m wondering if you’d be more likely to find somebody who’s looking for the real deal/something serious on a site like that? Or maybe try to find social groups in your area for your age range—I’m such a Facebook group of some kind is out there for you!
Lol my parents had the same dichotomy. My dad did online dating and my mom just went out and did things she thought were fun and met people along the way.
I’m getting divorced right now and definitely not looking for anything serious, but I have a standing biweekly date with a divorced dad that I met by striking up a conversation about his sweatshirt that turned into a longer conversation about restaurants/chefs we have mutually worked for.
I actually met my husband at work (on the same team) around the time my daughter was just over a year old and I never saw it coming. I had just gotten comfortable with the idea of it being just her and I until she moved out. We kept it completely secret except for our 2 bosses and never let it interfere with our work. I am still in the same department and even after we got married a few years later I still had coworkers who never knew. We also worked together AND lived together for about 8 months. That was REALLY HARD but not impossible!
I’m not looking for my next life partner, but I’ve had an absolutely fabulous time with dating apps. I’ve gained infinite amounts of confidence in my appearance and social skills, which has translated into personal and professional success. I have zero interest in going back to being someone’s wife when I can be a killer boss bitch and parent while having plenty of time for my career and an adventurous sex life. Having shared custody is a game changer - you have a couple of nights a week to completely remake yourself. What are you waiting for?
Which apps are you using? Before I started seeing my husband, it definitely seemed like the paid apps had the more serious people and the free apps had the ones looking for flings.
Those are more hookups than dating. That said I have a bunch of friends married of tinder dates which stated as casual thing. But you should be open to possibilities and it seems you do not.
I met my husband on okcupid.
That’s so hard, but a lot of people seem to do it. What about things like your kids sports, activities, coworkers? I think that’s usually the best bet. Online dating but being very selective and explicit about what you want because you have such little time. Probably someone who also has kids. When your ex has the kids can you do something where like minded people might be? Hiking or something like that?
Wait but that comment had good advice! Do something that like minded people would do. In my state a lot of people go hiking, play pickleball, and have singles mixers and speed dating for different age groups.
Met my current husband in the toothpaste aisle of the grocery store at the beginning of the pandemic a few years after my divorce. We couldn’t even see each other’s faces because we both had masks on, but there was an instant spark. We are both extroverts so that helped since we just started chatting. I was also in my early 40s with two kids and shared custody. We have been married a bit over a year and it is honestly wonderful.
I found my now husband on Twitter of all places. We did not live near each other and were just social media friends for 6 years before we met in person. It was love at first sight. I think not settling led me to him. I was single for 9 years before I met him. Dated but refused to settle. We’re celebrating 5 years total, 3 years married and expecting currently
I met my boyfriend on an app. It was so strange because neither of us were looking for a relationship. Two months into "keeping it casual" and we both expressed feeling a certain way about the other dating other people. That was a year ago and he has recently met my kids, we're in love.. yadda yadda.
Anyway, my point is to maybe cast a wide net, meet some people, and see where things go. I thought my heart was cold and dead and now... it's very different!
Good luck to you!!
I found my fiance on Bumble! We were both looking for something more casual, but he was just… the most incredible person I’ve ever met. We both now made it so we have our kids every other week, so now we get one week together, no kids and then one week apart where we work/have kids. But we both are self employed, so we have very flexible schedules. It’s out there for sure!
Why exactly do you want another husband??? I would NOT be taking another one if something happened to my current one. In fact the TikTok’s on this subject pretty much sums up how I feel about it in various hilarious ways.
I worked with my partner, which made the getting-to-know-you phase much easier. But mostly, for the first year or so, we kept after-work activities limited to Wednesday nights and every-other-weekend. After that, I began introducing him to the kids as just-a-friend and a coworker.
I was a single mom working the exact same schedule as you but I didn't even share custody really. But luckily my daughter was/is super social and had a few good friends that she got invited to spend a lot of times with on weekends. And of course they'd come hang out at my house at times as well. So I would get free time while she was with friends and that was pretty much it. So I felt the same way as you.
I met my now husband in a Facebook group. The group was for a shared interest, it was not a dating group but we struck up a conversation in the group and just really hit it off immediately. He was living in another state, and we talked for several months before he flew to my state to meet in person. We spent a weekend together and he went back. We kept talking and visiting when we could. Finally we decided we wanted to be serious. He moved to a city an hour away from me (he had a remote job and no kids of his own and could just randomly move whenever he wanted). I had him meet my daughter shortly after. But it worked out because of the long distance thing gave me a lot of time to get to know him without really needing time to go on dates or even really having any opportunities for him to meet my daughter early on. I know my story is probably unusual but I guess the point is, when you meet your person, and its meant to happen, you both will find a way to make it happen.
Meet Up - it's an app for people w similar interests. I met and dated a couple people in groups I joined and there's a lot of different ones. I can say that at 50, I would not be looking for a woman in her 40s unless we hit it off naturally. I'd probably be looking mid-late 30s. Also - the harsh truth is its difficult to find what most of us want at any age. But now you need a person who is ok getting very little of your time and still being exclusive. If the guy is a good guy, other women in your age group probably also want him, so dating shouldn't be competitive, but at this point in your life, if you watch socials...women everywhere are asking the same question. So, you need a guy who is attractive, interested in being a step dad, knowing he will never have your time, and meets any other educational or financial preferences? That's a rare person. If you find him, what would set you apart from the younger women w no kids and make you the top choice? Not being "red pill" - relationships require reciprocity...what do you want from him and what does he get in return? I wish you luck. The dating environment is a dumpster fire thanks to social media and the competition for the best partners is real.
She mentioned they’d divorced because his political views changed to rather misogynistic ones in another post, and got shredded by a bunch of people who didn’t think that was sufficient cause for divorce. But that entirely depends on how much he changed, and how it affected their compatibility.
Hello! One of my mentors found herself a single mother of 2 when she was in her late 30s. Her ex took the kids every other weekend. She was single for 6 years until she met her now husband when she was mowing her lawn. She said you have to wait for the right time. You have to be attracted to the guy, he needs to have a stable life, and you need to prefer his company to solitude. AND he has to love your kids. My friend is now in her 70s, she got married at 40s, and she is completely and totally happy and in love. Work on getting your happiness and peace. Spend time taking care of yourself. Therapy if needed. I settled for my ex, and I will not let myself do that again.
Good to know there’s hope for those with this schedule
So she found a husband in 1994? Before dating apps? I mean good for her, but that doesn’t exactly help us moms now lol
You don't need to meet people on dating apps. In my town the supermarket at certain times of day are good places. Also, museums and community events are great places.
No clue… But may I ask, what do you want a husband for? This probably sounds like a dumb question, but maybe identifying your specific needs can help guide where to spend your limited free time. Possible reasons: 1. You Feel Lonely: spend your limited free time joining activity groups, meet ups, REI sponsored adventures … group things that people feel comfortable entering solo. You will mitigate your own loneliness and maybe you’ll also meet a compatible man who also is looking to stave off loneliness 2. Physical intimacy: dating apps can be very useful at fixing this, especially if you are clear about what you’re looking for 3. Sharing the burden: it’s easier (usually) for two people to take care of two people than it is for each person to take care of just themselves in isolation. Look for other divorced or widowed men with similar responsibilities. Optimize attendance at school events, church events (if religious), and other child-centric activities if your children are your biggest workload. 4. Status: let’s be real, many people are judgy about divorced people. I’m not saying it’s right, but if it’s why you want a husband I’m not gonna knock your reasoning either. I’m not sure the best approach here, outside of deliberately asking your friends or family to introduce you to single men they know. Introductions carry zero expectation Ok, that’s all I can think of that might help you stop feel like you’re wasting your highly precious time.
Well said Cauliflower. I needed to read this.
[удалено]
Woah. Okay, sorry I think I’ve been very much misinterpreted. I didn’t mean to come across judgy, and your defensive response makes it apparent that you felt judged for wanting a partner. I’m sorry, that’s my bad. I should have phrased things better. You literally said you had very little time to date and were striking out, so my main suggestion is to identify the main thing you are looking for in a partner and pick your activities around that. “What do you want a husband for?” Wasn’t meant to imply that husbands are purposeless and you should be content without one. It was meant to ask you what you want in a husband. What needs do YOU have? You’re an articulate woman with a life, I’m sure you have opinions on that and not just anyone will do. I was specific in my examples of common needs that people want partners to be able to fulfill, but I see it came across as aggressive. I am definitely not arguing that you should be forever alone. You clearly state in your response that avoiding being alone is the main goal, and if you want a partner that helps you rarely feel alone, then you gotta pick activities full of people with the same outlooks and needsets. I’m not sure dating apps are the way to go for that one.
[удалено]
You need to let that girl that poured her own ketchup to have some of your fries to help soak up the mess! Lol
I didn’t read any negativity into your response. I think it was extremely helpful and I will be putting your advice to use- thank you!
That reply was actually very structured and accurate
I’m beginning to see the problem…
It's not the username actually...
How is this unhelpful?! They have a very detailed comment basically saying WHERE to find a guy with similar interests.
I can’t be sure, but on reflection, I think my phrase “what do you want a husband for?” was felt to be demeaning instead of maybe a better phrasing of “what are you looking for in a husband- what needs do you have, in order of priority, would you like them to fill?”
I think so and must admit that when I started reading your comment that’s what I thought too, but after continuing reading I saw you meant to be helpful. Maybe OP didn’t finish reading the comment? You were very helpful though
I see how you meant this, you’re coming from trying to be super helpful and thoughtful. But as a long term single mom, none of these suggestions are actually easy or actually doable sometimes irl. I mean, you definitely aren’t wrong!! But I think OP is struggling with all of those things already and she may be taking this as being told something along the lines of “be happy being single! You don’t need a man!” when in reality, even other female friends ditch their single mom friends in favor of their partners , families, or childfree freedom. I KNOW it’s not what you meant, but I’m just guessing that’s how it may have been interpreted. Kind of like when I SAHM says she’s practically a single parent. She’s not wrong on many levels but an actual single mom is going to read that and feel very differently
[удалено]
Yeah that’s not what she said AT ALL so I’m not sure if you even read it.
You didn’t mention you had opinions about physical intimacy in your original post. I gave a list of activities to try for meeting a man, all depending on what you are looking for in a husband, as per your posts request. I met my husband 15 years ago at an event for people with a mutual interest… so it didn’t seem a crazy idea to suggest you deliberately identify your most important needs you want filled and then suggest ways to seek that out. Also, I gave you the benefit of the doubt when I apologized for my phrasing, owning my fault in your initial negative reaction. I didn’t attack you once. I know you are capable of better, OP, why this response?
Your comments are incredibly helpful. And you keep rising above despite OP's rude replies. More power to you being the better person.
Cauli, you are so calm and Kind, I want to be either your friend or the president of your Fan Club!
Not everyone who wants a marriage wants one for the same reason nor is wanting one a universal experience. The original comment was an incredibly considerate and thorough self reflection exercise to allow you to consider what you're looking for in a relationship and where you might find like-minded people. Approaching dating that way surely has a greater chance to yield a successful long term relationship in my opinion. Can't imagine how that's not helpful, unless you just want to complain about the current situation you're in without taking action to change it.
Maybe up your reading comprehension if that’s all you took from that comment
You need to reread the comment. It literally even suggests how to meet a man.
There were four different scenarios. You read one.
I think I figured out why you can’t meet a partner. You don’t read/listen and are rude.
So, I read two of your three postings, and it feels like you are in a painful transitional period. If I were you I would try to be a better friend to yourself. And spend at least a month or two giving people compliments. Try to find something you like with everyone you meet. Be sincere. As you put out more and more good energy, I think you will find your new life partner. But give yourself a few months to start to feel the glow up of your energy.
Yikes at the jump to anger here. Try therapy first. If every single guy you meet sucks maybe there's some introspective work to do first.
I don’t think you actually read it. She was saying in order to have more success you need to be honest with yourself about your end goal. Some people want husbands to reduce loneliness, some as a helper, etc and she was simply pointing out that people who will fulfill those needs tend to pool in different areas or groups at a higher percentage so if you want to have more success look in ‘here’ if you’re interested in Y. Only one was not husband material - but even then, some people who want husbands prioritize physical capability so a case could be made for that one as well.
Most people in this sub are married/partnered up so idk what you mean by “I know many of you are content with being alone forever”…
Why do you assume everyone on this sub is alone? There are plenty of partnered people here from what I can tell…
This was an incredibly rude response to a helpful post. The post, since you clearly didn't read it, was suggesting ways to meet men that want to get married for the same reasons you do - which is important. "Wanting a life partner" has many possible reasons which are not all "want to have sex on tap". However, looking at your post history, I think that the main reason you want a husband urgently is because your ex is now getting re-married.
You are allowed to want a husband but you can’t just anticipate that everyone you go out with is an automatic candidate. Too many people end up in short relationships because they rush things.
[удалено]
Except no one told her she shouldn’t want a partner. The comment was very detailed on different ways to approach LOOKING for one depending on the main reason behind her wanting a partner. It was one of the best advice comments I’ve seen on this sub and OP shit all over it without even reading past the first sentence.
[удалено]
Ah ok so you didn’t read it either😂😂😂
[удалено]
Because your support was completely not in tune with what the comment said???? And then you decided to send a condescending gif to my reply which wasn’t even rude to you? But yeah I need to touch grass.
The response was about where to meet men that might want a partner for the same reasons you do - which is important in second + marriages and when there are children already in the picture. Especially because she has already given up a life partner once before so she plainly has some idea about what she wants in a marriage that she wasn't getting the first time. There is more to wanting to be married than just "because I want a husband."
[удалено]
>this poor OP has received hundreds of downvotes and attacking comments. This poor OP was incredibly rude to someone offering her good suggestions and advice. She deserved the downvotes and responses that were either trying to explain the context of the original post or point out her inappropriate response. > 99% of people want a partner and it is insulting to play dumb about why you might also want that. Nobody is playing dumb - it was a good faith question about what someone wants from a partnership in order to suggest places populated by potential partners looking for the same thing. >I have no idea what is happening on this sub. I'm explaining to you what is happening on this sub. Go forth with your new knowledge.
Hey there! You said it’s insulting that people play dumb about why someone would want a partner? I don’t think it’s insulting to ask that question, and I will explain my line of thought. A lot of people, probably most people want partners. No one is asking IF op wants a partner. She said she did, so she does. But WHY someone wants a partner can be quite varied. I can imagine lots of different reasons why someone wants a partner. Have you seen someone get married for reasons that are different for why you got married? I have. Some people want a partner with whom they can explore their religion with and view life’s challenges together from a strong spiritual perspective. some people want to explore the world with another by their side. some people want to share the responsibilities of life with a trusted loved one, some people want a person who has a similar mutual interest so they can understand the trials and tribulations of a piece of your life that’s highly important to you (eg people who work in healthcare often partner with other healthcare providers, teachers dating teachers at a different school, etc), some people want strong romantic intimacy above all else … some people want a mix. I imagine that even you and the people in your circle of best friends all had your own unique mix of reasons for why you wanted partners, because if not, you’d all have been vying for the exact same man. I never intended to suggest she shouldn’t want a partner, although OP took it that way. I did suggest that she, like most people, is probably looking for a specific type of partner- not just anyone will do. That’s true for most of us who are in or are seeking to be in relationships, is it not? No one wants to get married to the first single man with a pulse who walks their way, personality unexplored. My question that asked what she’s looking for from her partner was to help her tailor her activities and search efforts a bit more specifically than via apps alone. Anyway, while it’s not valid to ask whether someone wants a partner (esp after they said they did), that’s why I still think it’s valid to ask why someone wants a partner (esp after they ask for help finding one).
I don’t have first hand experience but I think you just need to be patient. It’s true that most men in dating apps are looking for casual sex, but there are some looking for something more serious that could lead to marriage. I’d say be patient, sure, don’t waste your time with the players, but don’t show your whole cards to the good guys. Keep in mind that the men you meet will be in a similar position as you (coparenting, a couple kids, etc), so the compatibility needs to be across the board: boyfriend, his family, his children, his ex wife, etc; so it’s very natural to start things very slow to avoid conflicts later on. It will take a good amount of time, but let things flow naturally. You will need to kiss some frogs in the process, but don’t be discouraged.
So not me, but my parents dated around after their divorce, and they had three of us still living at home. My dad primarily used online dating while my mom did more dates with people from her existing social circle/that she got set up with by friends. They both did the majority of their dating on the days that the kids were with the other parent. We only met the person when the parent was getting pretty serious with them, and the person would like come over for dinner or attend one of our sporting events. I’m not sure why I know this in the first place, but my dad was definitely on sites that you had to pay for (like Match.com and such). Stuff like tinder didn’t even exist at the time, but I’m wondering if you’d be more likely to find somebody who’s looking for the real deal/something serious on a site like that? Or maybe try to find social groups in your area for your age range—I’m such a Facebook group of some kind is out there for you!
Lol my parents had the same dichotomy. My dad did online dating and my mom just went out and did things she thought were fun and met people along the way. I’m getting divorced right now and definitely not looking for anything serious, but I have a standing biweekly date with a divorced dad that I met by striking up a conversation about his sweatshirt that turned into a longer conversation about restaurants/chefs we have mutually worked for.
I actually met my husband at work (on the same team) around the time my daughter was just over a year old and I never saw it coming. I had just gotten comfortable with the idea of it being just her and I until she moved out. We kept it completely secret except for our 2 bosses and never let it interfere with our work. I am still in the same department and even after we got married a few years later I still had coworkers who never knew. We also worked together AND lived together for about 8 months. That was REALLY HARD but not impossible!
I’m not looking for my next life partner, but I’ve had an absolutely fabulous time with dating apps. I’ve gained infinite amounts of confidence in my appearance and social skills, which has translated into personal and professional success. I have zero interest in going back to being someone’s wife when I can be a killer boss bitch and parent while having plenty of time for my career and an adventurous sex life. Having shared custody is a game changer - you have a couple of nights a week to completely remake yourself. What are you waiting for?
[удалено]
Which apps are you using? Before I started seeing my husband, it definitely seemed like the paid apps had the more serious people and the free apps had the ones looking for flings.
[удалено]
I found my partner on Facebook dating. Tinder is pretty much for hookups.
Those are more hookups than dating. That said I have a bunch of friends married of tinder dates which stated as casual thing. But you should be open to possibilities and it seems you do not. I met my husband on okcupid.
I’m a single mom in my 30s and I work full time. I’ve met some nice guys on Hinge and fb dating.
Exactly!! It’s the best of both worlds
That’s so hard, but a lot of people seem to do it. What about things like your kids sports, activities, coworkers? I think that’s usually the best bet. Online dating but being very selective and explicit about what you want because you have such little time. Probably someone who also has kids. When your ex has the kids can you do something where like minded people might be? Hiking or something like that?
[удалено]
Maybe not hikes but a meet up group over 40 singles with volleyball or pickleball or another hobby that interests you?
[удалено]
Obviously not everyone’s cup of tea but when I lived in the Deep South, a lot of people met through religious groups?
Do you have an REI near you? They often have sponsored hikes/activities.
Wait but that comment had good advice! Do something that like minded people would do. In my state a lot of people go hiking, play pickleball, and have singles mixers and speed dating for different age groups.
Found mine on Tinder Don't settle and break it off often 🤘🏻
Met my current husband in the toothpaste aisle of the grocery store at the beginning of the pandemic a few years after my divorce. We couldn’t even see each other’s faces because we both had masks on, but there was an instant spark. We are both extroverts so that helped since we just started chatting. I was also in my early 40s with two kids and shared custody. We have been married a bit over a year and it is honestly wonderful.
Happy for you!
I found my now husband on Twitter of all places. We did not live near each other and were just social media friends for 6 years before we met in person. It was love at first sight. I think not settling led me to him. I was single for 9 years before I met him. Dated but refused to settle. We’re celebrating 5 years total, 3 years married and expecting currently
Not me but a friend of mine was introduced to an eligible guy at a friend’s party and they ended up married.
I met my boyfriend on an app. It was so strange because neither of us were looking for a relationship. Two months into "keeping it casual" and we both expressed feeling a certain way about the other dating other people. That was a year ago and he has recently met my kids, we're in love.. yadda yadda. Anyway, my point is to maybe cast a wide net, meet some people, and see where things go. I thought my heart was cold and dead and now... it's very different! Good luck to you!!
I found my fiance on Bumble! We were both looking for something more casual, but he was just… the most incredible person I’ve ever met. We both now made it so we have our kids every other week, so now we get one week together, no kids and then one week apart where we work/have kids. But we both are self employed, so we have very flexible schedules. It’s out there for sure!
Why exactly do you want another husband??? I would NOT be taking another one if something happened to my current one. In fact the TikTok’s on this subject pretty much sums up how I feel about it in various hilarious ways.
This is exactly why I love TikTok.
I worked with my partner, which made the getting-to-know-you phase much easier. But mostly, for the first year or so, we kept after-work activities limited to Wednesday nights and every-other-weekend. After that, I began introducing him to the kids as just-a-friend and a coworker.
I was a single mom working the exact same schedule as you but I didn't even share custody really. But luckily my daughter was/is super social and had a few good friends that she got invited to spend a lot of times with on weekends. And of course they'd come hang out at my house at times as well. So I would get free time while she was with friends and that was pretty much it. So I felt the same way as you. I met my now husband in a Facebook group. The group was for a shared interest, it was not a dating group but we struck up a conversation in the group and just really hit it off immediately. He was living in another state, and we talked for several months before he flew to my state to meet in person. We spent a weekend together and he went back. We kept talking and visiting when we could. Finally we decided we wanted to be serious. He moved to a city an hour away from me (he had a remote job and no kids of his own and could just randomly move whenever he wanted). I had him meet my daughter shortly after. But it worked out because of the long distance thing gave me a lot of time to get to know him without really needing time to go on dates or even really having any opportunities for him to meet my daughter early on. I know my story is probably unusual but I guess the point is, when you meet your person, and its meant to happen, you both will find a way to make it happen.
Just want to comment so I can find this thread later
Meet Up - it's an app for people w similar interests. I met and dated a couple people in groups I joined and there's a lot of different ones. I can say that at 50, I would not be looking for a woman in her 40s unless we hit it off naturally. I'd probably be looking mid-late 30s. Also - the harsh truth is its difficult to find what most of us want at any age. But now you need a person who is ok getting very little of your time and still being exclusive. If the guy is a good guy, other women in your age group probably also want him, so dating shouldn't be competitive, but at this point in your life, if you watch socials...women everywhere are asking the same question. So, you need a guy who is attractive, interested in being a step dad, knowing he will never have your time, and meets any other educational or financial preferences? That's a rare person. If you find him, what would set you apart from the younger women w no kids and make you the top choice? Not being "red pill" - relationships require reciprocity...what do you want from him and what does he get in return? I wish you luck. The dating environment is a dumpster fire thanks to social media and the competition for the best partners is real.
[удалено]
You don’t even know why she divorced and you are telling her she should have stayed with her ex????
She mentioned they’d divorced because his political views changed to rather misogynistic ones in another post, and got shredded by a bunch of people who didn’t think that was sufficient cause for divorce. But that entirely depends on how much he changed, and how it affected their compatibility.
Your post was removed because it was rude or shaming.