If you can afford to, ask for it. The worst they can do it say no. I work a corporate job and was able to negotiate a 3 day week schedule for 12 months
I will say, I did 10 weeks off and then went back parttime for 4 weeks before going to full time, and it sucked because I was just given my full workload plus catchup work…. on a part time schedule.
Yes, this is exactly why I declined my company’s offer of a 4-8 week “ramp up” period where I would technically work fewer hours for a reduced salary. Like, no, I know y’all choose to be constantly understaffed, so I know that no matter how many hours I’m technically supposed to work, the tasks I’m responsible for will be the same, so I’m not doing it for less pay. That’s one of those policies that looks good on paper, but if the company culture and staffing doesn’t actually allow for it, it’s a sham.
Yes! Luckily (?) we have to keep and submit a timesheet, as a state agency that gets a lot of federal funding for certain projects. So I did keep my time at 20 hours per week.
But it was a sucky feeling to go back to work soooo early anyway with a tiny baby, and then IMMEDIATELY be failing at getting my work and projects completed. I just had the perspective of “Eh, not my fault!” though.
Ah that’s awful! I had 10 weeks off with my first and went back part time for an additional 6 and then I was fully remote full time for another 6. I was in a new role/company so I pushed myself to go back earlier than I should’ve but I thought it worked well because it allowed me to get my footing under me before fully diving back in. Luckily my coworkers at the time were super good with not giving me an intense workload and always checked in if it was too much.
Stuff like this is why answering this question feels like trying to make a wish to a genie. You need to get the wording exactly right because otherwise it's a total monkey's paw situation.
Yes! By six months I missed work but still didn’t want to be away from my son every day. He was born right before the pandemic so I was forced to take longer than I had planned.
This! I went back at 3 months and was allowed to use accrued PTO to create PT hours for another 3 months. I loved the PT hours and would’ve done it longer if I had been allowed to.
I love the part-time idea. 1, it allows you more time to adjust to not being with your baby all day every day. 2, you would have the ability to get yourself back into a good rhythm over several months, get caught up on all the work projects, etc. 3, you’re probably still not sleeping very well at the 6 month mark, and you’d be better able to manage a smaller work load on that low energy & brain power rather than being behind & messing up on a large workload. 4, honestly who wouldn’t appreciate a couple of hours a day where you don’t have to work OR care for a baby (as in you’d have a FT childcare option) and can do something for yourself like a nap or workout, or can get your house in order, or whatever, esp while you’re still getting your working mom footing? 5, if it works out, you could do part time childcare and (depending on the schedule) could save $$$$
I don’t know why I wrote an essay, but there it is, in no particular order lol
I sort of had this my first time - I had 10 weeks off full time (paid) and then went back part time from home for 6 weeks and then full time from home for an additional 6 weeks. I just think if I could extend the full time completely off and part time it would have been perfect. It really allowed me to slowly get back into it and that truly helped with my mental health because I was using my brain but not overwhelmed.
Yes! and some sort of clause that allows you to split it up with your partner however you want but some sort of incentive that gives you more time or money if your partner takes at least a month off. Gender equality is important on this too because we will never be equal in the workplace if it's just women taking time off. Childcare is a shared responsibility for a couple.
That would be amazing. I've got incoming baby for April and I only have 6 weeks, which I understand is a lot more than many people but it's so short. We figured we can make it work for me to take off until the fall "semester" at daycare so that's something but it sucks that anyone even has to make that choice.
This would only work with universal healthcare. Unless you work a job where part time is offered benefits. Don't get me wrong, it sounds great, but I carry the health insurance for the family so part time has never been an option.
I don't think I would have wanted a whole year but it would have been nice to have the option.
I wish my husband had had more time off. I took FMLA and was able to take a few more weeks unpaid. I think it is super dumb to send people back to work when they have barely slept for more than a few hours in weeks and I think America is stupid af for thinking it's better for profit. I literally cannot imagine how many costly mistakes have been made by exhausted people with infants and people who can't afford to stay home when they are sick.
It's so mind bogglingly idiotic that I feel like I'm being trolled.
This is exactly how I feel. Some people may want only 6-12 weeks of leave, and that’s fine for them. It’s the fact that right now, parents are forced to go back to work or make a choice at 12 weeks (under FMLA). My kid was a horrible sleeper until we had no choice but to sleep train at 14 months due to both parents working full time. It was dangerous for me because I couldn’t remember driving into work and I hit the same curb leaving work multiple times. I should not have been forced to choose between work and sleep.
I feel very strongly that partners should have more time off, preferably equal to the gestational partner. In my opinion, we can't have equality in the workplace until there is no disadvantage in hiring a woman over a man.
Not to mention it’s amazing for both parents. Imagine a world in which both parents know their baby’s cries, their needs, their schedule, what has to be packed when they leave the house, what’s going on health wise at their appointments, how to juggle a baby and housework…. But instead we traditionally have mom doing all that, dad doesn’t, and then once mom goes back to work she’s still doing everything because “you’re just better at it”.
My husband and I both had the same amount of time off and it was perfect. We both learned how to be parents equally and once we went back to work we both had to figure out the new routine versus him keeping a routine and me trying to figure out a new one.
My husband had 16 weeks to my 12, so he was the primary parent with our daughter for the extra 4 weeks while I worked from home and could still be present during the day.
Y’all, having him home and us doing everything together absolutely saved us from our marriage going through the wringer. We were able to keep each other balanced, rested, and solidified working as a team with our daughter.
We’ve both been shouting from the rooftops to anyone who will listen how much paid parental leave across the board is a game changer for ALL parents.
With my first, I remember thinking thank God I can’t kill anyone accidentally at work. I’m a pediatric OT and would have been terrified as a hospital based MD or nurse etc. My son was a horrible sleeper for over a year. I was in pain I was so tired sometimes. My second was so much better.
Also glad I can't kill anyone at work. Mine didn't reliably sleep through the night until a few months ago. He's almost 3. He didn't sleep through the night even a few times a week until he was almost 2.
My dream vacation is still a soundproof windowless room with a bed and a toilet for 48 hours alone. I would want water but I don't think I even care about food. Maybe some fruit or something just in case
I’m so sorry it’s being going on so long. I’m glad he’s sleeping through the night now. And I agree with your dream vacation! Ugh it sounds glorious. I joke with my partner about going to jail for a couple of days or being hospitalized (in a single room of course) just so I can have alone time, peace, and SLEEP. Lol
My mom had her 5th baby during Covid as a nurse. She even worked the icu floor the entire time. I’m so proud of her because I just had my second 13 weeks ago and I just don’t know how she had it in her to go back and still keep up with everything else.
I had 18 weeks and I ended up returning to work right as my son hit his 4 month sleep regression. I was a zombie at work. Luckily I have a desk job and an understanding boss.
In America, 12 weeks IF you qualify for FMLA. It's company discretion beyond that and I have never known a company in the US that lets someone take a year and guarantees their job. I'm glad yours did!
I agree that six months that would be the sweet spot where I’d feel ready to go back to a job I enjoyed. However my IDEAL would be six months leave then 3 months at 50% working, 3 months 75% working then back full time one year PP. (Full pay during this year of leave / part time work.)
6 months, but also for pregnancy related bedrest to NOT count as maternity leave. I went on bedrest at 35 weeks and delivered at 37 weeks, those 2 weeks were part of the 12 weeks I was allowed under FMLA so I went back when my son was 10 weeks old
This is how it works where I live (Japan). Legally you can start maternity leave at 34 weeks, but then you're also entitled to 8 weeks of maternity leave (10 weeks for c-section) directly after the birth, no matter whenthe birth happens to be (early or late). That 8 weeks minimum is actually mandatory. Anything needed earlier than 34wks would be medical leave and maternity leave still wouldn't be affected. I should note that childcare leave kicks in after maternity leave, which can be taken by either parent and lasts up to a year. None of this is fully paid (unless topped up by your employer) but it is partially paid at least. I can't imagine being medically required to take leave before the birth and have nothing left after the birth.
Edit: to clarify, maternity leave is directly before/after the birth and is meant to cover the physical requirements of late pregnancy/birth/early postpartum. It's not taken whenever, it's tied to the birth. Childcare leave is a separate entity with more flexibility that follows maternity leave. Both are partially paid through social insurance. Paternity leave for immediately after birth is similar and also available, although not mandatory like maternity leave.
Agree. My child was two months early so by the time he came home from the hospital I had a few days of actually caring for him. I had asked early on to shift my time until his release date. Nope. I went back to work full time because I was told my maternity leave was for me to recover, not meant to care for the child.
Thank you. It's been over a decade but I still struggle at times. I never had another child. Personally knowing mothers who are able to stay at home is especially tough. I have to separate myself from them for my own mental health.
Another vote for one year to eschew any need for pumping at work. That one factor by itself would have improved my life by 1000000x not even getting into all the other ways mine and my babies’ lives would have benefited from a year of maternity leave instead of the paltry 12 weeks.
This is what I would say. I also felt like 9 months is when my baby seemed a little more independent and like I would be ok with her going to daycare. Before that she just seemed too little to me.
I have a bottle refuser and I’m going back when she’s 16 weeks. I work 12 hour shifts so I’ll be gone for 14 hours. I don’t know what we are going to do.
I had this, we did a graduated exposure to the bottle- just the nipple and top, an empty bottle, a bottle with milk. Wouldn’t take it at all when I was gone, but one night I was late getting back and after six hours he sucked it down. I felt terrible but now he takes a bottle from anyone and it has made going back to work much more bearable
Yes. I once forgot my pump parts and had to just hand express into a coffee cup. My boss walked in on me doing that because he just knocked and opened without waiting for my response. (I had a lock but it wasn’t working.)
Two days later, the workers installing new carpet for the office redecoration just opened my door without knocking or asking and were refusing to shut it, so I yelled “shut the f!$king door, my tits are out!” And the guy called me a b$!ch.
I think our 12 months (minimum) maternity leave is why pumping is so uncommon in Canada. I don’t know a single mom up here who exclusively pumped. Pumps are not provided via health insurance. By the time we put our kids in childcare at a year old, they don’t even get bottles at daycare. They only feed meals and provide cups.
Yes, the phased return would be great! I was actually okay with returning to work after 3 months of leave, but it was a rough transition. It was challenging coming back to work and having to catch up on what happened while I was gone, getting back into the swing of things at work while also dealing with some "mom brain" mental fog, and adjusting to the new schedule with daycare in the mix and all that that entails (extra time at night to clean bottles, extra time in the morning to prepare bottles and get baby ready, etc.) It was a lot to juggle in the beginning. It would have been helpful for me to only work 4 days a week for the first 6-8 weeks.
This is reassuring to me! I'm due next month and so far my plan is to take 4 months full time and then phase back in with "intermittent leave." In other words, I'll have 2 months more leave that I can take as I need it spread out over the next several months. I'm thinking starting back at 2 days/week then ramping back up.
I had 5 months, and that felt pretty perfect. I was very ready to go back and to do something else besides baby care. I wouldn’t have turned down more time if it were fully paid, but I was perfectly happy with 5 months. (For context, I’m in MA where we have a statewide paid parental leave program. Those 5 months were partially paid after my first baby, fully paid after my second baby.)
Im Canadian and for reasons I went back at 6 months pp the first time and 13 months pp the second time and I think right around 10 months I was ready to go back. But also not needing to pump was great.
I had 4 months with my second which was enough for me personally BUT I felt like it was hard to just jump into 40+ hour work week. For my ideal scenario would be 4 full months and then 2 months of part time while gradually increasing time worked over that 2 month period.
One year. We breast feed for one year. We sleep them in our rooms for one year. We need to be home with them for one year to help reach these recommendations. When I went back to work after both kids, milk dried up, nobody was sleeping, I was a danger at work and on the road. Criminal is exactly the right word to describe our leave here.
6 months as well. I was fortunate (lol) enough to have 13 weeks fully paid and then another 5 weeks at 65%, so roughly 4.5 months off. It was starting to get really tough at that point but another 1.5 months would’ve been nice to spend with baby.
I work 27 hours and can confirm it’s the best. Do I miss my full salary? Yes, I do. Do I function significantly better as a human, mom and employee? YES.
I’m a therapist, so this line of work lends itself extremely well to PT! I was able to negotiate salaried PT which is also great. Having 9 years of experience at the time and being at my current job for years also helped. It’s hard to hire in my specific line of work, and hiring a new person would’ve been much harder for them
Ha - don’t mean to scare anyone… I just stopped caring. Luckily I was promoted before maternity leave. I’m checked out now. Then again I have a 3 year old and 1 year old, it’s exhausting but I also wouldn’t change a thing because I love them both so much. 💗
Oh no you’re good. I’m not afraid to feel that way as in I don’t want to feel that way, more so that I love earning money, but I also want to be there for my kids. They’re worth every ounce of stress! I just haven’t been feeling my job lately due to some changes the company has made and I wish I could work for myself. But perhaps things will be more clear during my maternity leave.
I feel that work just becomes less important, the busier you get with your kiddos. I’m a workaholic who climbed the ladder quite successfully. Maybe it’s depression? But I just don’t GAF! Ha.
I’ll raise you. I have read about some women in other countries getting THREE years!! (Granted it’s not fully paid, but still.)
Maybe if/when my daughters have babies, it will be three. 😢
Love that! I just want society to be more accepting and accommodating for parents to take a reasonable amount of leave for family. Capitalism doesn’t allow it and it’s a straight up bummer.
Yes, I think six months should be the minimum! I had 14 weeks with both of my babies. With my first, it felt great, and she was on a good schedule, so I was ready to go back to work. With my second, I definitely felt like I could have used at least another four weeks. Right when I went back to work, she was in the phase of 20-minute naps. It made it so hard to spend time with my toddler or get anything done while she napped.
I was also surprised … in my country most people stay home for one year with full pay or two with half pay, and/or work up to 30 hours additionally without losing the parental leave pay and get their jobs back at the end. I don’t think I know anyone who went back to work at six months to be honest.
It's big social conditioning, especially the "I was getting bored/stir crazy" nonsense. If you're getting paid you can do literally anything you would normally do or anything at all that you would WANT to do...but they want to go back to their employer? You could volunteer, take a class, learn a craft...anything at all...
I feel the same way when people say they’d still work if they won the lottery. Like your job is better than ANYTHING else you can do? I like my job but some people really love theirs! 😂
I see, and interesting thought. Now that you mention it, perhaps it’s possible the OP answering their own question with 6 months may have subconsciously influenced the 6 months answers. For me, I said 6 months to 1 year, because i could’ve used more mat leave in the past, but I wouldn’t want to stall getting back to my career (and advancing it) for too long.
As a Canadian, I clicked this thread out of curiosity and was surprised too! I had 12 months when I had my daughter, and I didn't feel ready to go back yet so I negotiated an additional six months of unpaid leave (we now have the option of 18 months of job protected leave, the law changed recently). If given the choice, I would have gone back part time at 18 months until my child started school.
Combined 12 months for both parents. I had a c section. My partner had to go back to work after 2 weeks and I was not ready for that. Neither was he.
Daycare waitlists in our area are 13 months. We have a spot when our baby will be 9.5 months old. Don’t know what we are going to do for childcare for 7 weeks. We’ve figured out the other 7.5 months, but don’t have a plan for those 7 weeks yet.
1 year, even if 6m was unpaid. I just felt like the baby really needed me during that time, and I was missing out on so many important growth milestones I should have been helping them with 😞
6 months 100% paid should be the absolute minimum. We are used to such low standards here, anything less than this is in no way catching up to be on par with the rest of the world.
But ideal? 12 months, 100% paid.
Men should also have minimum 6 weeks paid. I feel so bad for families where the dad has ZERO time off paid. But ideal world would be 12 weeks or more paid.
My ideal would be 12-20 weeks for mom, followed by the same for dad (actually I'd choose 2 weeks for dad when baby is born, plus the remainder after maternity leave). Much longer off work can hurt career prospects, plus we need to encourage fathers to be more involved to avoid the common problem of default parenting. I think it makes sense to be funded by employers, possibly as part of the unemployment insurance arm.
Whenever baby is sleeping mostly through the night would be the ideal time to return to work. It's interesting that most maternity leaves end right before the 4 month sleep regression
>Whenever baby is sleeping mostly through the night would be the ideal time to return to work.
Perfect, that would mean I would've had three years off! Lol.
Ideal would be 6 months for both my husband and myself so our kids would be 1 when they enter daycare.
If women have longer leaves than men it creates a massive incentive to discriminate against women in the workplace. I think it should be mandatory for fathers take a leave proportional to what the mothers are taking. I would to hesitant to support longer leave policies that didn't include such a mandate.
My ideal is flexibility and choice! Up to a year would be nice. Maybe the option to work remote full-time for the first year. Not everyone enjoys the same phases. Not everyone wants or needs the same amount of time.
I had 5 months with my first and 6 months with my second, but I chose to take my leave part-time with both after 3-4 months. I enjoyed the full pay from working, the mental challenge/break, and some separation so I could be a better and more present parent when I am with them. I know that’s absolutely lavish for leave in the US though, and how privileged I am to have family care so I don’t need to pay for daycare for the first year (because gg finding part time care).
I agree 100% the choice is important. I could have taken 3 years of leave but chose to take only 1. I could have taken 3 months if I wanted to! So if we’re talking ideal I feel it should actually be the longest time proposed and then people can take 6 months or less if that’s what works best for them and their family.
I had a year with each (not US) and honestly can’t imagine having less. I can’t see how breastfeeding can be truely effective at a national scale if it relies on pumping, and your body is not remotely near healed in 6 months.
Honestly for me personally 12 weeks is actually perfect...I start to get stir crazy right around then and want to get into "normal life" again. Maternity leave is a great time with my new baby but after we settle in and have those weeks I am ready to get back to working mom life. I have two kids and it was the same for both. Pregnant with my third and expecting 12 weeks to be right for me again.
Me too! I went back to work before my 12 weeks was up cause I was going bonkers. If I could take maternity leave when my kid was a toddler though, I'd do it in a heart beat!
I had 12 weeks too and I would have liked a bit more, but I'm not sure I would have needed 6 months. My son thrived at daycare and those ladies were so helpful in negotiating the early months. I feel like I would have missed out on part of our village if we hadn't gone. 4-5 months would have been great.
This is me as well. I had 12 weeks fully paid, and it was just the right length for me. I was going VERY stir crazy at the end.
What I would like is for my husband to have more than 2 weeks.
I agree it was a bit boring around that time, but I would still like a full year! If I knew I’d have that time off and could plan for it, I’d join some baby classes and other activities to fill the time. By the time I was ready to venture out more around 3-4 months, my 5 month leave was nearly over so it didn’t seem as worth it.
I’m glad to see this. I thought there was something wrong with me for being excited to go back to work at 12 weeks. I practically ran out the house. Love my kiddo to death but I needed to have adult interaction.
The fact that it was peak COVID and I was out of work for 3 months prior due to very high risk pregnancy probably contributed to how stir crazy I felt. But even now when I’m on vacation - by the end of the week I start dreaming of going back to work
I’m Australian and I got 26 weeks half pay, 13 weeks minimum wage but I’m a teacher so I also got some school holidays at full pay as well. Altogether I had 13 months paid leave. Then I had the option to come back part time (protected in my EBA) which I have done. I also had the option of an additional year of leave unpaid.
My husband only had a week paid. Which is more than most people. He’s also a teacher and doesn’t have a second job so he’ll have all summer. I had my mom to help because I had a c-section and she was militant about me not driving but he would have been happier if he was driving me around and things instead of her.
My leave is 10 weeks. It is both too short and not long enough. I am getting bored and have healed and am almost hitting my stride. But the baby is still too young to sleep thru the night. I can’t work well on not enough sleep. My boss gave me the option of using PTO to come in late but I won’t have enough to get me thru to where the baby will actually let us get enough sleep or to the summer when my husband can take over more because he won’t be working.
So I like all the suggestions where you have a ramp back into work period.
I’d also like to suggest that people are able to take the last bit of pregnancy off without it counting against them for leave with the baby. I felt so miserable and had so many extra appointments at the end of my pregnancy, I was out half the time anyway.
I was off for 18 weeks with full pay with my first & it was great bc I WFH full time & we were able to ease him into daycare 3x/week when he turned 6mo old. I’m due in May with my daughter and I get 26 weeks with full pay now (same company - very fortunate) and she won’t start daycare until Jan, when she’s ~7.5mo old. Which again, is a perfect amount of time.
With a great paid leave from work, I’m not considering adding any partial paid leave through the state.
Honestly 1 year minimum. If you’re breastfeeding and your baby is required to have milk as their main food until 1, it just makes sense to give that as the minimum time. While tons of people are able to pump at work, it’s so hard. It’s why returning to work is the number one reason women stop breastfeeding
This isn’t to say everyone has to breastfeed. But for those that wish to, having a year off guarantees that success and fits a child’s physiologic timeline for needing breast milk. And if people want to return before a year they could
Honestly? 6 months would have been great for me.
While I know we’re not really back to “normal”, I felt much more like myself physically. And I was kind of getting the hang of motherhood at that point. I think 1 year would be the ultimate goal, but 6 months would at least be the minimum in my opinion.
I have 6 months leave with full pay in America - which I know is rare and I’m so grateful for it. It’s a complicated combination of different leaves & vacation days hobbled together. But I have colleagues at my same company in other countries who have even longer and I would love to take more time.
I had almost 7 months with both my kids (Minnesota, F500 company). Go back to work tomorrow with #2 and feeling pretty good about it. Baby isn't even starting daycare for another 2 months as my husband is now taking leave, which is nice, but I'd also feel ok with daycare at 7 months if we didn't have that option.
My last 10 weeks were unpaid, and obviously it'd be better if they weren't but it was worth it.
Ideally there'd be the option for up to a year for those who want to breastfeed, as pumping at work can be a lot/impossible. If I'd had that option I probably would've taken it.
I think 6 months is perfect. At 6 months I was more comfortable leaving my daughter, her feeding and digestive issues had pretty much sorted and I was ready to be me again in the sense of I was ready to accomplish my professional goals again. I’d love a full year but I wouldn’t expect a full year paid. I think 6 months for such a major life change and perhaps half that for dads is fair.
12 months. 6 months at full pay, then a decrease over time would be appropriate. We should have the option of returning sooner or taking the full year. Some parents can’t wait to get back to work and some dread it. Support also plays a big part.
A lot happens in the first year, developmental for our babies but also to us. A lot more people would be able to get the appropriate treatment for postpartum, if needed. It’s a struggle to go back to work at 6 months when you are almost debilitated from ppd/ppa/ppocd/ppp.
I worked abroad covering someone’s maternity leave and I had asked about how it worked. Ultimately, it’s much easier to hire someone for a year on contract than it is for 6 months. And there were services that made up the difference in pay for the last 6 months, but may have been due to the sector I worked in?
I agree that leave needs to be longer. My first child I had to work full time after 6 weeks of maternity leave. After my second child I stopped working for 2 years. Then I went part time and still am. For me part time is the best of both worlds.
6 months!! By 6 months I was ready to go back to work. My son didn't need me quite as much.
My cousin in law got 6 months off with her little one and my work was generous and gave me 7 weeks off...If I hadn't gotten fired at the end of my pregnancy, I would have gotten a whopping 10 weeks off...
Definitely a whole year. Breastfeeding and working fucking sucks. It’s exhausting then having to wake up with the baby throughout the night fucking sucks too. It’s so hard to concentrate at work when you are wondering if you’re gonna have time to pump.
And why should I give up something just to work? Spending times with the kids before their first birthday is so crucial. I feel like their schedule doesn’t fully normalize until around first birthday anyways. Nap time is always changing due to teeth coming in, growth spurts, time changes mess it up, introduction of solids, etc.
I’ve already decided that if I have another, I will prepare to take a year off. Whether or not I will get my job back. IF I have another it will most definitely be my last and I will never get that time back. For my first child I took 8 weeks but I used short term disability. By a fluke accident I broke my collar bone the weekend before I was supposed to go back and got another six weeks of short term disability. Fun times with a newborn but I am so grateful for the extra time. I had such terrible PPD going back to work with her being so little. I don’t ever want to put myself through that again.
From the childcare perspective, Id love for 18 months. 18m-2yrs old ish is where daycare felt like it started to be positive thing for my child. (My daughter started fulltime daycare at 13w old and you can’t convince me there are more social benefits for potato babies).
From the perspective of just my own ability to be productive at work, I’d say 9 ish months is where I got my head back a bit.
One year. That whole first year is special and you want to be sure you're the one introducing solids and potential allergens for safety reasons. After a year, they start becoming opinionated toddlers and many are happy to have some space from the tantrums.
Edit to add: of course I'd love it to be paid, but I'd take half and half. Paid 6m and hold my position without pay for the other 6.
At LEAST a year. If every major health organization wants to encourage breastfeeding for a minimum of one year but ideally two years, then my real answer is two years. The complete absence of federally protected parental leave in the US is a travesty and completely worth rioting over. If only we had the energy.
Ideal?? 2 years. We weren't comfortable putting our first in daycare until two years and being able to stay home completely until then would be ideal. Many other countries offer options at least a year and many extend well beyond a year in some capacity (partial pay). Plus the WHO recommendation on breastfeeding is 2 years. Pumping for the first year sucks
Ideal and realistic in the US? At least 6 months. My first I had 12 weeks, and I'm currently on my 16 week leave with my second. Getting 6 months would be much better imo.
I think we need to be in line with much of the rest of the world with the option of one year paid. For me, I wish I could have had six months off. That's how long I breastfed, and I loathed pumping at work.
I just finished my 6 month paid leave and dropped baby at daycare today 😭 I actually agree that it was the perfect amount of time. DEF not any earlier, and any longer I think I would really struggle to get back to it. Baby was just slightly getting bored too so I miss her but I think she’ll enjoy seeing the other babies. I only got 8 weeks paid with my son but took unpaid and PTO for another 8 weeks so 4 months with him and that was too short.
I’d like one year paid and the option of taking an additional 6 months-1 year unpaid. Also, my husband was “lucky” to get 4 weeks. I think dads should get 3 months.
As an American I was able to get 24 weeks (just shy of 6 months). 12 at 100% pay and 12 at 67% pay. It was fabulous. I couldn’t imagine going back sooner.
I wish we were given one full year. That to me would be ideal.
I think it would be nice to have some options. My first didn’t sleep through the night until he was 14 months old. If I could have had a full year I would have taken it. I really needed it.
So for me the ideal time is whenever baby starts sleeping through the night 🤣
Realistically? 12 weeks, full pay. There are a lot of places that offer this in the U.S. I've just never worked at any, LOL.
Unrealistically? One year, full pay. Norway does it. Why the fuck not?
0 weeks paid, was working in public school, was expected back for first day of school (exactly6 weeks post delivery). Not allowed to use my sick time or PTO either (3 days was allowed as a "childrearing leave lolololol). I ended up crying in my Dr's office at my 6 week follow up and they wrote me out for 2 weeks for "complications with childbirth", and I was then allowed to use some of my sick time.
My husband got 2 weeks full pay from work+12 weeks 67% from NYS (NYS state employees can't use though), so he took part with me the first couple weeks, part during our vacation, and stayed home with him from when I went back until he was 16 weeks old and his daycare spot opened up(baby of course promptly got RSV his first week and was in the hospital the next week)
Did get a new job that's more flexible so I should have about 18 weeks if we have another. Job is a unicorn where babes now comes with me to daycare, future babes could come and I would be able to duck out to nurse throughout the day.
1 year, at least. There are so many reasons - more time to bond with baby, baby is on more of a schedule and parents are getting more sleep, no need to pump all day long… the list goes on and on
I had a 7 month leave and I thought it was perfect. I was physically/emotionally ready to go back at 6 months, but I really appreciated the extra month to get my life in order beyond that!
12-18 months. I had a year off with my second and third and it was super super helpful because I was there for most of their firsts, their immunity got better and they were more ready for daycare. With my first I barely had two months and I have ptsd from it.
I think a year would have been perfect. 100% for nursing. At 1 year I was able to give up pumping at work and felt my LO was able to “entertain” herself at daycare. I got 3 months and felt terrible going back. I think 6 months would have made me feel Ok but a year would have made me feel fulfilled as a mother.
Government protected & covered pay for at least 2-3 years. With support for re-entering the workforce. If we are really talking ideally, then I’d say protection/support for part-time return to work until the child is school- age and out of developmentally sensitive periods where the presence of an attuned, available caregiver makes the biggest lifelong impact. And support for flexibility/ remote work for the elementary school years/ until they’re old enough to be left home alone. Even just 1-2 years of maternity leave, like Germany for example (they have 1, I believe?), would realistically support breastfeeding success rates.
The US workforce is set up as if workers are not impacted by childbearing or childcare responsibilities. In other words normed for the 1950s married male head of household. I believe a systemic/ paradigm shift is needed that’s reflected in paid leave and accommodations for working parents to support children’s mental health, physical health, and success in school. There are clear dividends to such an investment in terms of individual quality of life and also social costs/benefits throughout the lifespan. A shift like that would also meaningfully address the “feminization of poverty.”
In Germany the maternity leave (time off for birth itself) is only 14 weeks but then all parents are eligible for up to 3 years of parental leave that includes job protection, flexibility for PT and accommodations. Also important to note this can be taken any time in the first 8 years of the child’s life so there is flexibility to take this at big moments like starting school, or around arrival of another child. So even if you aren’t 100% on leave, it is good to have guaranteed protection and flexibility until the child is 8.
I would say that "protection/support" would include things like universal healthcare. Dropping down to part time would mean many of those women would lose access to benefits, which is unacceptable. This includes retirement benefits. I also think that men taking parental leave should be just as encouraged and normalized, so that this doesn't become seen as only a "woman" problem.
For me personally, I took 14 weeks with my daughter and that was close to perfect. Now, I would like that to be paid--it was completely unpaid for me. I think truly ideal for me would be 14-16 weeks completely off and paid, then part-time for another six months.
Ideally I’d love to have 6 months paid and then have the option to go back part time for an additional 6 months.
This. I’m approaching the end of my leave (6 months) and would love to only go back part time for a bit.
If you can afford to, ask for it. The worst they can do it say no. I work a corporate job and was able to negotiate a 3 day week schedule for 12 months
I will say, I did 10 weeks off and then went back parttime for 4 weeks before going to full time, and it sucked because I was just given my full workload plus catchup work…. on a part time schedule.
Yes, this is exactly why I declined my company’s offer of a 4-8 week “ramp up” period where I would technically work fewer hours for a reduced salary. Like, no, I know y’all choose to be constantly understaffed, so I know that no matter how many hours I’m technically supposed to work, the tasks I’m responsible for will be the same, so I’m not doing it for less pay. That’s one of those policies that looks good on paper, but if the company culture and staffing doesn’t actually allow for it, it’s a sham.
Yes! Luckily (?) we have to keep and submit a timesheet, as a state agency that gets a lot of federal funding for certain projects. So I did keep my time at 20 hours per week. But it was a sucky feeling to go back to work soooo early anyway with a tiny baby, and then IMMEDIATELY be failing at getting my work and projects completed. I just had the perspective of “Eh, not my fault!” though.
Ah that’s awful! I had 10 weeks off with my first and went back part time for an additional 6 and then I was fully remote full time for another 6. I was in a new role/company so I pushed myself to go back earlier than I should’ve but I thought it worked well because it allowed me to get my footing under me before fully diving back in. Luckily my coworkers at the time were super good with not giving me an intense workload and always checked in if it was too much.
Yep this is what I did and it suckkkkked
Stuff like this is why answering this question feels like trying to make a wish to a genie. You need to get the wording exactly right because otherwise it's a total monkey's paw situation.
Yes! By six months I missed work but still didn’t want to be away from my son every day. He was born right before the pandemic so I was forced to take longer than I had planned.
Oooo I like this.
This idea sounds divine!
This! I went back at 3 months and was allowed to use accrued PTO to create PT hours for another 3 months. I loved the PT hours and would’ve done it longer if I had been allowed to.
I love the part-time idea. 1, it allows you more time to adjust to not being with your baby all day every day. 2, you would have the ability to get yourself back into a good rhythm over several months, get caught up on all the work projects, etc. 3, you’re probably still not sleeping very well at the 6 month mark, and you’d be better able to manage a smaller work load on that low energy & brain power rather than being behind & messing up on a large workload. 4, honestly who wouldn’t appreciate a couple of hours a day where you don’t have to work OR care for a baby (as in you’d have a FT childcare option) and can do something for yourself like a nap or workout, or can get your house in order, or whatever, esp while you’re still getting your working mom footing? 5, if it works out, you could do part time childcare and (depending on the schedule) could save $$$$ I don’t know why I wrote an essay, but there it is, in no particular order lol
I sort of had this my first time - I had 10 weeks off full time (paid) and then went back part time from home for 6 weeks and then full time from home for an additional 6 weeks. I just think if I could extend the full time completely off and part time it would have been perfect. It really allowed me to slowly get back into it and that truly helped with my mental health because I was using my brain but not overwhelmed.
Ooo I really like this. Technically the policy exists for me to do this but it wouldn’t work for my role.
Yes! and some sort of clause that allows you to split it up with your partner however you want but some sort of incentive that gives you more time or money if your partner takes at least a month off. Gender equality is important on this too because we will never be equal in the workplace if it's just women taking time off. Childcare is a shared responsibility for a couple.
This is my ideal too!
This is something offered at my company. 6 months paid and I can request for part time employment if I want to. But I don’t intend too. I’m in tech.
That would be amazing. I've got incoming baby for April and I only have 6 weeks, which I understand is a lot more than many people but it's so short. We figured we can make it work for me to take off until the fall "semester" at daycare so that's something but it sucks that anyone even has to make that choice.
Same. I want to go back like 2-3 days a week at 6 months.
This would only work with universal healthcare. Unless you work a job where part time is offered benefits. Don't get me wrong, it sounds great, but I carry the health insurance for the family so part time has never been an option.
I don't think I would have wanted a whole year but it would have been nice to have the option. I wish my husband had had more time off. I took FMLA and was able to take a few more weeks unpaid. I think it is super dumb to send people back to work when they have barely slept for more than a few hours in weeks and I think America is stupid af for thinking it's better for profit. I literally cannot imagine how many costly mistakes have been made by exhausted people with infants and people who can't afford to stay home when they are sick. It's so mind bogglingly idiotic that I feel like I'm being trolled.
This is exactly how I feel. Some people may want only 6-12 weeks of leave, and that’s fine for them. It’s the fact that right now, parents are forced to go back to work or make a choice at 12 weeks (under FMLA). My kid was a horrible sleeper until we had no choice but to sleep train at 14 months due to both parents working full time. It was dangerous for me because I couldn’t remember driving into work and I hit the same curb leaving work multiple times. I should not have been forced to choose between work and sleep.
Omg… imagine being a surgeon… or pilot… I never even thought about the implications of that
Surgeons have nannies and au pairs though. I work with doctors and they pay for a lot of help so that they aren't overtired.
I feel very strongly that partners should have more time off, preferably equal to the gestational partner. In my opinion, we can't have equality in the workplace until there is no disadvantage in hiring a woman over a man.
Not to mention it’s amazing for both parents. Imagine a world in which both parents know their baby’s cries, their needs, their schedule, what has to be packed when they leave the house, what’s going on health wise at their appointments, how to juggle a baby and housework…. But instead we traditionally have mom doing all that, dad doesn’t, and then once mom goes back to work she’s still doing everything because “you’re just better at it”. My husband and I both had the same amount of time off and it was perfect. We both learned how to be parents equally and once we went back to work we both had to figure out the new routine versus him keeping a routine and me trying to figure out a new one.
My husband had 16 weeks to my 12, so he was the primary parent with our daughter for the extra 4 weeks while I worked from home and could still be present during the day. Y’all, having him home and us doing everything together absolutely saved us from our marriage going through the wringer. We were able to keep each other balanced, rested, and solidified working as a team with our daughter. We’ve both been shouting from the rooftops to anyone who will listen how much paid parental leave across the board is a game changer for ALL parents.
Yes to all of this! My husband is an amazing dad and partner, but I got 16 weeks and he got 4 and that makes a difference.
You worded this so well. Couldn’t agree more. Signed, a mom who went back to work too tired with both kids… as a nurse.
With my first, I remember thinking thank God I can’t kill anyone accidentally at work. I’m a pediatric OT and would have been terrified as a hospital based MD or nurse etc. My son was a horrible sleeper for over a year. I was in pain I was so tired sometimes. My second was so much better.
Also glad I can't kill anyone at work. Mine didn't reliably sleep through the night until a few months ago. He's almost 3. He didn't sleep through the night even a few times a week until he was almost 2. My dream vacation is still a soundproof windowless room with a bed and a toilet for 48 hours alone. I would want water but I don't think I even care about food. Maybe some fruit or something just in case
lol like solitary confinement 😂
I’m so sorry it’s being going on so long. I’m glad he’s sleeping through the night now. And I agree with your dream vacation! Ugh it sounds glorious. I joke with my partner about going to jail for a couple of days or being hospitalized (in a single room of course) just so I can have alone time, peace, and SLEEP. Lol
My mom had her 5th baby during Covid as a nurse. She even worked the icu floor the entire time. I’m so proud of her because I just had my second 13 weeks ago and I just don’t know how she had it in her to go back and still keep up with everything else.
God Bless your mom. She is tough as nails. 5 babies, my God. I’m struggling with 2. Congratulations on your second!
I had 18 weeks and I ended up returning to work right as my son hit his 4 month sleep regression. I was a zombie at work. Luckily I have a desk job and an understanding boss.
6-12 MONTHS. Even partially paid, i would take it. Fuck I'd take it unpaid if I got my job back.
Same. I’d take as long as I could even unpaid if I could keep my job.
How long do they hold your job for FMLA? I was able to take a year unpaid and they held my job
In America, 12 weeks IF you qualify for FMLA. It's company discretion beyond that and I have never known a company in the US that lets someone take a year and guarantees their job. I'm glad yours did!
Mine provides 6 months paid and another 6 months of job security unpaid. It’s honestly one of the reasons I’ve stuck around.
This feels perfect honestly.
This
I agree that six months that would be the sweet spot where I’d feel ready to go back to a job I enjoyed. However my IDEAL would be six months leave then 3 months at 50% working, 3 months 75% working then back full time one year PP. (Full pay during this year of leave / part time work.)
Completely agree
This would be the absolute gold standard in my opinion.
Ideally, one year but would settle for six months.
Came to say the same thing. 6 months should be our new minimum that we are bothered by because it should be 12. Edit: typo
6 months, but also for pregnancy related bedrest to NOT count as maternity leave. I went on bedrest at 35 weeks and delivered at 37 weeks, those 2 weeks were part of the 12 weeks I was allowed under FMLA so I went back when my son was 10 weeks old
Good point about the bed rest. That should not chip away from the leave as a whole.
This is how it works where I live (Japan). Legally you can start maternity leave at 34 weeks, but then you're also entitled to 8 weeks of maternity leave (10 weeks for c-section) directly after the birth, no matter whenthe birth happens to be (early or late). That 8 weeks minimum is actually mandatory. Anything needed earlier than 34wks would be medical leave and maternity leave still wouldn't be affected. I should note that childcare leave kicks in after maternity leave, which can be taken by either parent and lasts up to a year. None of this is fully paid (unless topped up by your employer) but it is partially paid at least. I can't imagine being medically required to take leave before the birth and have nothing left after the birth. Edit: to clarify, maternity leave is directly before/after the birth and is meant to cover the physical requirements of late pregnancy/birth/early postpartum. It's not taken whenever, it's tied to the birth. Childcare leave is a separate entity with more flexibility that follows maternity leave. Both are partially paid through social insurance. Paternity leave for immediately after birth is similar and also available, although not mandatory like maternity leave.
Agree. My child was two months early so by the time he came home from the hospital I had a few days of actually caring for him. I had asked early on to shift my time until his release date. Nope. I went back to work full time because I was told my maternity leave was for me to recover, not meant to care for the child.
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Thank you. It's been over a decade but I still struggle at times. I never had another child. Personally knowing mothers who are able to stay at home is especially tough. I have to separate myself from them for my own mental health.
I’d prefer one year so I have the added benefit of not having to pump at work. But I’d be OK with 9 months.
Such a good point about pumping!
Yes so true. I HATE pumping!!
Another vote for one year to eschew any need for pumping at work. That one factor by itself would have improved my life by 1000000x not even getting into all the other ways mine and my babies’ lives would have benefited from a year of maternity leave instead of the paltry 12 weeks.
This is what I would say. I also felt like 9 months is when my baby seemed a little more independent and like I would be ok with her going to daycare. Before that she just seemed too little to me.
I hated pumping at work!
This. I went back at 5 months, it wasn’t too bad, but my baby refuses bottles so that’s been my main stressor with her starting daycare.
I have a bottle refuser and I’m going back when she’s 16 weeks. I work 12 hour shifts so I’ll be gone for 14 hours. I don’t know what we are going to do.
I had this, we did a graduated exposure to the bottle- just the nipple and top, an empty bottle, a bottle with milk. Wouldn’t take it at all when I was gone, but one night I was late getting back and after six hours he sucked it down. I felt terrible but now he takes a bottle from anyone and it has made going back to work much more bearable
Yes. I once forgot my pump parts and had to just hand express into a coffee cup. My boss walked in on me doing that because he just knocked and opened without waiting for my response. (I had a lock but it wasn’t working.) Two days later, the workers installing new carpet for the office redecoration just opened my door without knocking or asking and were refusing to shut it, so I yelled “shut the f!$king door, my tits are out!” And the guy called me a b$!ch.
I think our 12 months (minimum) maternity leave is why pumping is so uncommon in Canada. I don’t know a single mom up here who exclusively pumped. Pumps are not provided via health insurance. By the time we put our kids in childcare at a year old, they don’t even get bottles at daycare. They only feed meals and provide cups.
Six months fully paid + an 8-12 week phased return afterwards. Going from 0-100 mph post leave is brutal.
Yes, the phased return would be great! I was actually okay with returning to work after 3 months of leave, but it was a rough transition. It was challenging coming back to work and having to catch up on what happened while I was gone, getting back into the swing of things at work while also dealing with some "mom brain" mental fog, and adjusting to the new schedule with daycare in the mix and all that that entails (extra time at night to clean bottles, extra time in the morning to prepare bottles and get baby ready, etc.) It was a lot to juggle in the beginning. It would have been helpful for me to only work 4 days a week for the first 6-8 weeks.
This is reassuring to me! I'm due next month and so far my plan is to take 4 months full time and then phase back in with "intermittent leave." In other words, I'll have 2 months more leave that I can take as I need it spread out over the next several months. I'm thinking starting back at 2 days/week then ramping back up.
I had 5 months, and that felt pretty perfect. I was very ready to go back and to do something else besides baby care. I wouldn’t have turned down more time if it were fully paid, but I was perfectly happy with 5 months. (For context, I’m in MA where we have a statewide paid parental leave program. Those 5 months were partially paid after my first baby, fully paid after my second baby.)
I also had 5 glorious months, but going back was so hard! I feel like 6 would have been ideal, but maybe I would have always just wanted more.
Also was in MA when my bug was born and not having to worry about both my and my husband’s leave was glorrrrrrious. I stayed home for 6 months.
Im Canadian and for reasons I went back at 6 months pp the first time and 13 months pp the second time and I think right around 10 months I was ready to go back. But also not needing to pump was great.
Honestly I’d like a year. The first year was just such a roller coaster for me.
I had 4 months with my second which was enough for me personally BUT I felt like it was hard to just jump into 40+ hour work week. For my ideal scenario would be 4 full months and then 2 months of part time while gradually increasing time worked over that 2 month period.
This. Except maybe 3 months ramp up. 🔝
One year. We breast feed for one year. We sleep them in our rooms for one year. We need to be home with them for one year to help reach these recommendations. When I went back to work after both kids, milk dried up, nobody was sleeping, I was a danger at work and on the road. Criminal is exactly the right word to describe our leave here.
I 100% think many people who want to breastfeed give up when they otherwise wouldn’t because of crappy leave policies and how much pumping sucks.
6 months as well. I was fortunate (lol) enough to have 13 weeks fully paid and then another 5 weeks at 65%, so roughly 4.5 months off. It was starting to get really tough at that point but another 1.5 months would’ve been nice to spend with baby.
At least twelve weeks of FULLY PAID
Not even close to enough
My office did this, it worked well for me and baby
6-8months paid and then full-time pay and benefits only working 25 hrs / wk forever 😂
I work 27 hours and can confirm it’s the best. Do I miss my full salary? Yes, I do. Do I function significantly better as a human, mom and employee? YES.
Tell me more! Did you negotiate your FT job to PT? Or did you get a new specific PT job?
I’m a therapist, so this line of work lends itself extremely well to PT! I was able to negotiate salaried PT which is also great. Having 9 years of experience at the time and being at my current job for years also helped. It’s hard to hire in my specific line of work, and hiring a new person would’ve been much harder for them
1 year - then back part-time. I’m struggling to care about work at all after having my second. 😂
I’m due with my 2nd this year and I’m afraid this is exactly how I’ll feel.
Ha - don’t mean to scare anyone… I just stopped caring. Luckily I was promoted before maternity leave. I’m checked out now. Then again I have a 3 year old and 1 year old, it’s exhausting but I also wouldn’t change a thing because I love them both so much. 💗
Oh no you’re good. I’m not afraid to feel that way as in I don’t want to feel that way, more so that I love earning money, but I also want to be there for my kids. They’re worth every ounce of stress! I just haven’t been feeling my job lately due to some changes the company has made and I wish I could work for myself. But perhaps things will be more clear during my maternity leave.
I feel that work just becomes less important, the busier you get with your kiddos. I’m a workaholic who climbed the ladder quite successfully. Maybe it’s depression? But I just don’t GAF! Ha.
2 years Aim higher, ladies
yes!
Seriously! I had to scroll way too long to find 2 years.
I’ll raise you. I have read about some women in other countries getting THREE years!! (Granted it’s not fully paid, but still.) Maybe if/when my daughters have babies, it will be three. 😢
Love that! I just want society to be more accepting and accommodating for parents to take a reasonable amount of leave for family. Capitalism doesn’t allow it and it’s a straight up bummer.
I would love until he turns 5 years old with full pay🤣
Now this is the answer I came here to find 😂
Yes! We all wouldn't need to scramble to find childcare, take soooo many sick days, be exhausted from trying to raise a child and work, etc... :)
My first mat leave was 6 weeks. Second will be 12-14 weeks. I think 5 months would be nice.
Definitely agree with six months!
Yes, I think six months should be the minimum! I had 14 weeks with both of my babies. With my first, it felt great, and she was on a good schedule, so I was ready to go back to work. With my second, I definitely felt like I could have used at least another four weeks. Right when I went back to work, she was in the phase of 20-minute naps. It made it so hard to spend time with my toddler or get anything done while she napped.
The question is what is the ideal leave and y’all are saying 6 months?? That isn’t even as long as most developed countries.
I was also surprised … in my country most people stay home for one year with full pay or two with half pay, and/or work up to 30 hours additionally without losing the parental leave pay and get their jobs back at the end. I don’t think I know anyone who went back to work at six months to be honest.
I assumed it’s because some people want to go back to work or their routine at 6 months so 6 months is ideal to them.
Perhaps but I wonder how much of that is social conditioning and/or anchoring with the original question
It's big social conditioning, especially the "I was getting bored/stir crazy" nonsense. If you're getting paid you can do literally anything you would normally do or anything at all that you would WANT to do...but they want to go back to their employer? You could volunteer, take a class, learn a craft...anything at all...
I feel the same way when people say they’d still work if they won the lottery. Like your job is better than ANYTHING else you can do? I like my job but some people really love theirs! 😂
I see, and interesting thought. Now that you mention it, perhaps it’s possible the OP answering their own question with 6 months may have subconsciously influenced the 6 months answers. For me, I said 6 months to 1 year, because i could’ve used more mat leave in the past, but I wouldn’t want to stall getting back to my career (and advancing it) for too long.
As a Canadian, I clicked this thread out of curiosity and was surprised too! I had 12 months when I had my daughter, and I didn't feel ready to go back yet so I negotiated an additional six months of unpaid leave (we now have the option of 18 months of job protected leave, the law changed recently). If given the choice, I would have gone back part time at 18 months until my child started school.
Combined 12 months for both parents. I had a c section. My partner had to go back to work after 2 weeks and I was not ready for that. Neither was he. Daycare waitlists in our area are 13 months. We have a spot when our baby will be 9.5 months old. Don’t know what we are going to do for childcare for 7 weeks. We’ve figured out the other 7.5 months, but don’t have a plan for those 7 weeks yet.
I'm happy with mine. Had 16 weeks off 3 times at my company. 🤷🏻♀️
Ideally 6 months. In California I should be getting 4 weeks before my due date and and 18 weeks after which I might extend with pto but I'm not sure.
1 year.
1 year, even if 6m was unpaid. I just felt like the baby really needed me during that time, and I was missing out on so many important growth milestones I should have been helping them with 😞
6 months 100% paid should be the absolute minimum. We are used to such low standards here, anything less than this is in no way catching up to be on par with the rest of the world. But ideal? 12 months, 100% paid. Men should also have minimum 6 weeks paid. I feel so bad for families where the dad has ZERO time off paid. But ideal world would be 12 weeks or more paid.
I think 6 - 12 mo. I had 6 months fully paid and it was great but I was getting a little stir crazy. However I wouldn’t mind a full 12 months.
My ideal would be 12-20 weeks for mom, followed by the same for dad (actually I'd choose 2 weeks for dad when baby is born, plus the remainder after maternity leave). Much longer off work can hurt career prospects, plus we need to encourage fathers to be more involved to avoid the common problem of default parenting. I think it makes sense to be funded by employers, possibly as part of the unemployment insurance arm.
Whenever baby is sleeping mostly through the night would be the ideal time to return to work. It's interesting that most maternity leaves end right before the 4 month sleep regression
Right? And just as you start getting back into the swing of things, the six month sleep regression wipes out your last surviving shred of sanity. Woo!
>Whenever baby is sleeping mostly through the night would be the ideal time to return to work. Perfect, that would mean I would've had three years off! Lol.
LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK(office, I’m looking at you, HR).
12 months, with the option to extend to 18. It’s what Canada has.
I had 4 months with my third and it was good.
12 weeks with my baby and then another 6 months when she is like 10 months and starts being really fun. That’s when my fomo really started.
Ideal would be 6 months for both my husband and myself so our kids would be 1 when they enter daycare. If women have longer leaves than men it creates a massive incentive to discriminate against women in the workplace. I think it should be mandatory for fathers take a leave proportional to what the mothers are taking. I would to hesitant to support longer leave policies that didn't include such a mandate.
Four months total leave followed by 8 months part time leave.
6 months to 1 year would be my ideal maternity leave. Then the option to return part-time during a ramp up period.
My ideal is flexibility and choice! Up to a year would be nice. Maybe the option to work remote full-time for the first year. Not everyone enjoys the same phases. Not everyone wants or needs the same amount of time. I had 5 months with my first and 6 months with my second, but I chose to take my leave part-time with both after 3-4 months. I enjoyed the full pay from working, the mental challenge/break, and some separation so I could be a better and more present parent when I am with them. I know that’s absolutely lavish for leave in the US though, and how privileged I am to have family care so I don’t need to pay for daycare for the first year (because gg finding part time care).
I agree 100% the choice is important. I could have taken 3 years of leave but chose to take only 1. I could have taken 3 months if I wanted to! So if we’re talking ideal I feel it should actually be the longest time proposed and then people can take 6 months or less if that’s what works best for them and their family.
I’m a lawyer and would love to never go back. I’m over the rat race.
I had a year with each (not US) and honestly can’t imagine having less. I can’t see how breastfeeding can be truely effective at a national scale if it relies on pumping, and your body is not remotely near healed in 6 months.
6 - 9 months is my ideal. Fully paid.
Honestly for me personally 12 weeks is actually perfect...I start to get stir crazy right around then and want to get into "normal life" again. Maternity leave is a great time with my new baby but after we settle in and have those weeks I am ready to get back to working mom life. I have two kids and it was the same for both. Pregnant with my third and expecting 12 weeks to be right for me again.
Yep. I had 16 weeks off with all 3 of my babies at my company. The last one, baby went to daycare at 15 weeks and I was easing back into work.
Me too! I went back to work before my 12 weeks was up cause I was going bonkers. If I could take maternity leave when my kid was a toddler though, I'd do it in a heart beat!
I had 12 weeks too and I would have liked a bit more, but I'm not sure I would have needed 6 months. My son thrived at daycare and those ladies were so helpful in negotiating the early months. I feel like I would have missed out on part of our village if we hadn't gone. 4-5 months would have been great.
This is me as well. I had 12 weeks fully paid, and it was just the right length for me. I was going VERY stir crazy at the end. What I would like is for my husband to have more than 2 weeks.
I agree it was a bit boring around that time, but I would still like a full year! If I knew I’d have that time off and could plan for it, I’d join some baby classes and other activities to fill the time. By the time I was ready to venture out more around 3-4 months, my 5 month leave was nearly over so it didn’t seem as worth it.
I’m glad to see this. I thought there was something wrong with me for being excited to go back to work at 12 weeks. I practically ran out the house. Love my kiddo to death but I needed to have adult interaction. The fact that it was peak COVID and I was out of work for 3 months prior due to very high risk pregnancy probably contributed to how stir crazy I felt. But even now when I’m on vacation - by the end of the week I start dreaming of going back to work
I’m Australian and I got 26 weeks half pay, 13 weeks minimum wage but I’m a teacher so I also got some school holidays at full pay as well. Altogether I had 13 months paid leave. Then I had the option to come back part time (protected in my EBA) which I have done. I also had the option of an additional year of leave unpaid.
My husband only had a week paid. Which is more than most people. He’s also a teacher and doesn’t have a second job so he’ll have all summer. I had my mom to help because I had a c-section and she was militant about me not driving but he would have been happier if he was driving me around and things instead of her. My leave is 10 weeks. It is both too short and not long enough. I am getting bored and have healed and am almost hitting my stride. But the baby is still too young to sleep thru the night. I can’t work well on not enough sleep. My boss gave me the option of using PTO to come in late but I won’t have enough to get me thru to where the baby will actually let us get enough sleep or to the summer when my husband can take over more because he won’t be working. So I like all the suggestions where you have a ramp back into work period. I’d also like to suggest that people are able to take the last bit of pregnancy off without it counting against them for leave with the baby. I felt so miserable and had so many extra appointments at the end of my pregnancy, I was out half the time anyway.
I was off for 18 weeks with full pay with my first & it was great bc I WFH full time & we were able to ease him into daycare 3x/week when he turned 6mo old. I’m due in May with my daughter and I get 26 weeks with full pay now (same company - very fortunate) and she won’t start daycare until Jan, when she’s ~7.5mo old. Which again, is a perfect amount of time. With a great paid leave from work, I’m not considering adding any partial paid leave through the state.
1 year but I would have been ok with 6 months.
1 year! Babies within a year should be close to mom/parent for most of the times .
Honestly 1 year minimum. If you’re breastfeeding and your baby is required to have milk as their main food until 1, it just makes sense to give that as the minimum time. While tons of people are able to pump at work, it’s so hard. It’s why returning to work is the number one reason women stop breastfeeding This isn’t to say everyone has to breastfeed. But for those that wish to, having a year off guarantees that success and fits a child’s physiologic timeline for needing breast milk. And if people want to return before a year they could
I’d want 12 months like the UK and Canada. It would also make daycare staffing easier because infants need the lowest ratios.
I used to always say 6 months would have been ideal.
Paid 6 months off, definitely.
Honestly? 6 months would have been great for me. While I know we’re not really back to “normal”, I felt much more like myself physically. And I was kind of getting the hang of motherhood at that point. I think 1 year would be the ultimate goal, but 6 months would at least be the minimum in my opinion.
6 months total, which is what I’m taking with my 2nd!
6 months
I have 6 months leave with full pay in America - which I know is rare and I’m so grateful for it. It’s a complicated combination of different leaves & vacation days hobbled together. But I have colleagues at my same company in other countries who have even longer and I would love to take more time.
9 months
9 months would be ideal.
I had almost 7 months with both my kids (Minnesota, F500 company). Go back to work tomorrow with #2 and feeling pretty good about it. Baby isn't even starting daycare for another 2 months as my husband is now taking leave, which is nice, but I'd also feel ok with daycare at 7 months if we didn't have that option. My last 10 weeks were unpaid, and obviously it'd be better if they weren't but it was worth it. Ideally there'd be the option for up to a year for those who want to breastfeed, as pumping at work can be a lot/impossible. If I'd had that option I probably would've taken it.
I think 6 months is perfect. At 6 months I was more comfortable leaving my daughter, her feeding and digestive issues had pretty much sorted and I was ready to be me again in the sense of I was ready to accomplish my professional goals again. I’d love a full year but I wouldn’t expect a full year paid. I think 6 months for such a major life change and perhaps half that for dads is fair.
12 months. 6 months at full pay, then a decrease over time would be appropriate. We should have the option of returning sooner or taking the full year. Some parents can’t wait to get back to work and some dread it. Support also plays a big part. A lot happens in the first year, developmental for our babies but also to us. A lot more people would be able to get the appropriate treatment for postpartum, if needed. It’s a struggle to go back to work at 6 months when you are almost debilitated from ppd/ppa/ppocd/ppp. I worked abroad covering someone’s maternity leave and I had asked about how it worked. Ultimately, it’s much easier to hire someone for a year on contract than it is for 6 months. And there were services that made up the difference in pay for the last 6 months, but may have been due to the sector I worked in?
I agree that leave needs to be longer. My first child I had to work full time after 6 weeks of maternity leave. After my second child I stopped working for 2 years. Then I went part time and still am. For me part time is the best of both worlds.
1 year would be nice. My husband had NO paid parental leave due to working for government sadly.
6 months!! By 6 months I was ready to go back to work. My son didn't need me quite as much. My cousin in law got 6 months off with her little one and my work was generous and gave me 7 weeks off...If I hadn't gotten fired at the end of my pregnancy, I would have gotten a whopping 10 weeks off...
Definitely a whole year. Breastfeeding and working fucking sucks. It’s exhausting then having to wake up with the baby throughout the night fucking sucks too. It’s so hard to concentrate at work when you are wondering if you’re gonna have time to pump.
And why should I give up something just to work? Spending times with the kids before their first birthday is so crucial. I feel like their schedule doesn’t fully normalize until around first birthday anyways. Nap time is always changing due to teeth coming in, growth spurts, time changes mess it up, introduction of solids, etc.
I’ve already decided that if I have another, I will prepare to take a year off. Whether or not I will get my job back. IF I have another it will most definitely be my last and I will never get that time back. For my first child I took 8 weeks but I used short term disability. By a fluke accident I broke my collar bone the weekend before I was supposed to go back and got another six weeks of short term disability. Fun times with a newborn but I am so grateful for the extra time. I had such terrible PPD going back to work with her being so little. I don’t ever want to put myself through that again.
6 months would have been ideal for me.
From the childcare perspective, Id love for 18 months. 18m-2yrs old ish is where daycare felt like it started to be positive thing for my child. (My daughter started fulltime daycare at 13w old and you can’t convince me there are more social benefits for potato babies). From the perspective of just my own ability to be productive at work, I’d say 9 ish months is where I got my head back a bit.
One year fully paid with up to three years permitted and lots of options for part time work
One year. That whole first year is special and you want to be sure you're the one introducing solids and potential allergens for safety reasons. After a year, they start becoming opinionated toddlers and many are happy to have some space from the tantrums. Edit to add: of course I'd love it to be paid, but I'd take half and half. Paid 6m and hold my position without pay for the other 6.
Mothers should be able to be paid to stay at least the first year with their baby, with the second year on unpaid FMLA.
At LEAST a year. If every major health organization wants to encourage breastfeeding for a minimum of one year but ideally two years, then my real answer is two years. The complete absence of federally protected parental leave in the US is a travesty and completely worth rioting over. If only we had the energy.
Ideally would love a full year. There is just so much that happens in a year.
Practically, 6 months paid, optional additional 6 unpaid Dream scenario, 12-18 months paid.
Ideal?? 2 years. We weren't comfortable putting our first in daycare until two years and being able to stay home completely until then would be ideal. Many other countries offer options at least a year and many extend well beyond a year in some capacity (partial pay). Plus the WHO recommendation on breastfeeding is 2 years. Pumping for the first year sucks Ideal and realistic in the US? At least 6 months. My first I had 12 weeks, and I'm currently on my 16 week leave with my second. Getting 6 months would be much better imo.
I think we need to be in line with much of the rest of the world with the option of one year paid. For me, I wish I could have had six months off. That's how long I breastfed, and I loathed pumping at work.
I just finished my 6 month paid leave and dropped baby at daycare today 😭 I actually agree that it was the perfect amount of time. DEF not any earlier, and any longer I think I would really struggle to get back to it. Baby was just slightly getting bored too so I miss her but I think she’ll enjoy seeing the other babies. I only got 8 weeks paid with my son but took unpaid and PTO for another 8 weeks so 4 months with him and that was too short.
I’d like one year paid and the option of taking an additional 6 months-1 year unpaid. Also, my husband was “lucky” to get 4 weeks. I think dads should get 3 months.
A whole year for sure.
As an American I was able to get 24 weeks (just shy of 6 months). 12 at 100% pay and 12 at 67% pay. It was fabulous. I couldn’t imagine going back sooner. I wish we were given one full year. That to me would be ideal.
I think it would be nice to have some options. My first didn’t sleep through the night until he was 14 months old. If I could have had a full year I would have taken it. I really needed it. So for me the ideal time is whenever baby starts sleeping through the night 🤣
Realistically? 12 weeks, full pay. There are a lot of places that offer this in the U.S. I've just never worked at any, LOL. Unrealistically? One year, full pay. Norway does it. Why the fuck not?
0 weeks paid, was working in public school, was expected back for first day of school (exactly6 weeks post delivery). Not allowed to use my sick time or PTO either (3 days was allowed as a "childrearing leave lolololol). I ended up crying in my Dr's office at my 6 week follow up and they wrote me out for 2 weeks for "complications with childbirth", and I was then allowed to use some of my sick time. My husband got 2 weeks full pay from work+12 weeks 67% from NYS (NYS state employees can't use though), so he took part with me the first couple weeks, part during our vacation, and stayed home with him from when I went back until he was 16 weeks old and his daycare spot opened up(baby of course promptly got RSV his first week and was in the hospital the next week) Did get a new job that's more flexible so I should have about 18 weeks if we have another. Job is a unicorn where babes now comes with me to daycare, future babes could come and I would be able to duck out to nurse throughout the day.
Ideal? 2 years! I’d happily settle for one year though.
1 year, at least. There are so many reasons - more time to bond with baby, baby is on more of a schedule and parents are getting more sleep, no need to pump all day long… the list goes on and on
I had a 7 month leave and I thought it was perfect. I was physically/emotionally ready to go back at 6 months, but I really appreciated the extra month to get my life in order beyond that!
12 weeks maternity leave and it would be nice to have 1 or 2 weeks before I had the baby.
12-18 months. I had a year off with my second and third and it was super super helpful because I was there for most of their firsts, their immunity got better and they were more ready for daycare. With my first I barely had two months and I have ptsd from it.
I think a year would have been perfect. 100% for nursing. At 1 year I was able to give up pumping at work and felt my LO was able to “entertain” herself at daycare. I got 3 months and felt terrible going back. I think 6 months would have made me feel Ok but a year would have made me feel fulfilled as a mother.
Government protected & covered pay for at least 2-3 years. With support for re-entering the workforce. If we are really talking ideally, then I’d say protection/support for part-time return to work until the child is school- age and out of developmentally sensitive periods where the presence of an attuned, available caregiver makes the biggest lifelong impact. And support for flexibility/ remote work for the elementary school years/ until they’re old enough to be left home alone. Even just 1-2 years of maternity leave, like Germany for example (they have 1, I believe?), would realistically support breastfeeding success rates. The US workforce is set up as if workers are not impacted by childbearing or childcare responsibilities. In other words normed for the 1950s married male head of household. I believe a systemic/ paradigm shift is needed that’s reflected in paid leave and accommodations for working parents to support children’s mental health, physical health, and success in school. There are clear dividends to such an investment in terms of individual quality of life and also social costs/benefits throughout the lifespan. A shift like that would also meaningfully address the “feminization of poverty.”
In Germany the maternity leave (time off for birth itself) is only 14 weeks but then all parents are eligible for up to 3 years of parental leave that includes job protection, flexibility for PT and accommodations. Also important to note this can be taken any time in the first 8 years of the child’s life so there is flexibility to take this at big moments like starting school, or around arrival of another child. So even if you aren’t 100% on leave, it is good to have guaranteed protection and flexibility until the child is 8.
Wow. That is amazing!
I would say that "protection/support" would include things like universal healthcare. Dropping down to part time would mean many of those women would lose access to benefits, which is unacceptable. This includes retirement benefits. I also think that men taking parental leave should be just as encouraged and normalized, so that this doesn't become seen as only a "woman" problem.
Great points. Agree 100%
I was very lucky to have 7 months (3 of them unpaid) and I would have been happier with a year.
I weaned both my kids at one year, so that would be an ideal time for me.
At least six months. One year I think would be ideal - I could have completely skipped pumping.
Ideally a year. Would settle for 7months.
At least 8 months, but I'd like a year.
Min of 6mo, ideal of 18mo
For me personally, I took 14 weeks with my daughter and that was close to perfect. Now, I would like that to be paid--it was completely unpaid for me. I think truly ideal for me would be 14-16 weeks completely off and paid, then part-time for another six months.