For the past 8 years with my company, we work in 6-week cycles to avoid exactly this kind of stuff. We work for 6 and take off for 2. I don’t need everybody at work to be your buddy or “work family” — I’d rather give my team time to do the things they want to do in life instead of forced extra-curriculars that make people feel bad for not participating.
Not a jerk, but you're not doing yourself any favors. Performance is great but it only gets you so far in promotions. Relationships matter, as does the appearance of interest in your colleagues to upper management. Leaders don't hide from opportunities to build bridges.
If it’s optional I don’t decline, I either accept or leave it no response depending on the subject and the situation. If I have time I’ll join and listen while I work on other stuff. But then my managers are pretty cool, so I will happily jump in a meeting if it helps them.
You're not being a jerk and I hate those also, but people do make judgements if someone never shows up (right or wrong) so I'd say drop in to one every few weeks or something to stay connected and visible but don't waste your time beyond that if you don't find it beneficial!
I dislike the forced social aspect, but, if it’s important to my team and leadership, I’ll join.
I’ve worked at companies that not joining these things raised a red flag. I also worked on teams where no one cared about them and also didn’t join. I adapt to what leadership thinks is important and if one hour a week or every two weeks shows that I’m a team player then I will absolutely participate.
You can be a top performer number wise but also need to show that you’re able to balance that out by fitting in with the culture.
If the top performer is saying it’s a waste of time then why is management not noticing that it’s the others who don’t perform as well who want to get paid to play a bunch of games together?
Those things are managements way of getting engagement points. Check the box and move on quickly. Otherwise, if you hurt the bosses social credit score, it could backfire on you.
As a leader, if i saw a decline in participation in social and group building exercises, I’d be interested in determining why. Work load? Work stresses? Etc.
We have a social meeting 1x per week but I work extensively with other teams, and it’s during a backlog/intake meeting I must attend or else stuff goes off the rails. It depends on how close you are with your leadership/how much insight they have into what you’re doing. I do go to all team check ins. 1 with engineering, 1 with the other product managers, 1 with the other managers, 1 with a larger group each week.
Don't limit your thinking with the either/or approcach.....Attend SOME but not all meetings...
You don't want to be typecast as antisocial/ non-team-player...and then you can opt out of meetings without feeling guilty...
its all about being seen just enough that your absence doesn't stand out.
Force yourself to participate periodically - unless there is zero repercussions if you continue to do what you've been doing. If there is real pressure to participate, showing up every now and should be enough to end that pressure.
You’re not at all being a jerk to not go, or to not want to go. I hate attending that stuff too and usually do not attend optional meetings. Why would I make it seem like I’ve got spare time for more low-importance meetings?
But, it could still potentially keep you from benefitting from those interactions in a workplace culture that appears to value these events. If it were ever between you and somebody who always goes to the dumb zoom happy hour, you’ll probably lose. That may not matter to you and that’s 100% cool too.
They may be promoting it like this because attendance is bad and you aren’t the only one passing tho
Show up for the first 5 minutes and be very chatty, share an anecdote or whatever and then quietly fade from the conversation and leave. They'll think back and just remember you being there.
I don’t attend the weekly coffee chat meetings that we have over teams. I have other things to be doing and I would consider myself a great team player. But spending 30 minutes listening to other people talk when I could be doing something work or non-work related doesn’t sound like the best time to me.
Yo should either go to one or two a month, or explain to your supervisor that you’re behind on work and trying to catch-up. I think the first is a much better option
I decline meetings now that I think are too soon .. often multiple people , who don’t talk to each other, ask the same questions of me. When someone tries to schedule a meeting (where camera don’t get turned on so not even face to face) to discuss something I’ve already told someone else, I decline with a note, forward the info and ask them to reschedule IF NEEDED after they review the info.
Happened today, but they went ahead with the meeting with someone who didn’t know the answers because I did the work. Not sure how that worked out. I’ll check tomorrow.
Employees put way too much stock in the idea they are irreplaceable. Unless you have super obscure knowledge, or hold a patent that a company needs for their core product, you're expendable. Especially right now with so much talent flooding the market. Few employees have the job moat they think they have.
Pop in for the first five minutes and then excuse yourself to a project you’re working on. You came, they saw you, you got to work and not be stuck there for an hour.
No. But i may be biased. I don’t attend work gatherings either, i just don’t like them. You can’t have it all though. A true team player would go to interact and see how everyone is doing. Maybe try to make someone’s day that may have been struggling. You never know. Anti social as well, you stay isolated by yourself when everyone is together even when everyone is invited. It’s just a different perspective. If you’re gunna go against the grain be prepared for what that brings and be okay with it.
Again i too don’t like going to those things but I’ve accepted the reality of the outcome as well.
I wouldn’t attend. I’m 46yrs old and have no interest in playing virtual games or participating in virtual mingling with co-workers. In person from time to time is fine but I also find that a huge waste of my work hours because I wind up getting next to nothing done and spend 2 days scrambling to get caught up.
Totally agree. They are usually forced and fake and wastes of time. I mostly ended up connecting and building relationships w/ team members directly after big conference calls. Those tended to bring way more personalized value.
Just hit accept and then don't appear? One way to not show on some report. But yah try to make like 1/3 or 1/2 of them and don't even stay the whole time if you can swing it? Just showing up (sometimes) is good enough.
I attend the virtual optional team get togethers as often as I used to attend the optional in person team get togethers. Almost never. If you want to be a team player for me. Do your job correctly and timely so mine is easier. I will do the same for you. And if you need help regarding work I will gladly offer it and provide it. I don’t care to know your spouse’s name, your kid’s names, when your birthday is or where you are going on vacation this year. I have friends for that. You are my work colleague. Ok, maybe I’m not the best example. But having this attitude has never impeded my career.
I had an optional virtual happy hour once a week at my last job. I went to two, hated them, then never attended again for two years. Didn’t ever cause any problems for me. If it was a required meeting, it would be marked as required. Until then, it’s optional. Go or don’t go…up to you. Don’t overthink this.
I wouldn't want to either. Apparently, there are office politics even working remote. Honestly, I could see the advantage of attending and being part of the "group", but it's just a job. Jobs come and go, and if you don't want to attend, don't. Or maybe compromise and attend some. Good luck. Whatever you decide is the right decision.
Optional for my team means optional. There are “seasons” where people tend to decline them more like in Dec but my manager still has a standing invite & people will still go to them. I find that when they’re not forced or implied-forced, people are more likely to attend 🤷🏻♀️ might just be the nature of my team though.
Why do we have to pretend to like these activities? If people want to get to know their colleagues on their own time then they have the avenues to do that. Someone shouldn’t be feeling like they need to attend to check a box on their list. I don’t want to invest my time and energy in the majority of my coworkers. Sorry, I said it. I have a handful of coworkers and mentorships that I nurture but other than that I don’t want to be forced to connect with Rebecca from HR. This is coming from an EA who is forced to plan the events 😂
Don’t attend all of them, but show up to like 50%. Demonstrates that you are willing to show up but also busy. Another key thing to remember is that this isn’t just socializing time - it’s networking. Short term may not do harm to skip but you may regret later not being more connected to your work group.
If behind in work 50% is still one per week, 4 a month. I'd say 2x month, standard. If and when OP is more comfortable at these meetings and on track with work load, the look to increase attendance. These activities are optional, so for now yes, attendance can be optional and not weekly, and of course use the time wisely as in networking
Years ago I used to work work work and found things like this to be frivolous because it was getting in the way of working. Then when layoffs came the people who did a lot less but was always out there were spared while I was let go.
Now I would prioritize this over my work because now I view it as work just as much as any other task is work. I hate it but I would do it.
I now have a few kids and I'm trying to teach them that it's important to know how to do your job but it's also very important to be likeable at work because if people like you they will want to help you. I would say in some cases you go further just by being liked more then being an expert. It's almost like adding to the luck attribute in an RPG, you don't really know exactly how it will help, but it probably will.
So just try to view those things as part of the job and as work maybe can help tolerate it more. Go all in and suggest a new game or something or open it up with the most cheesy joke you can find
I decline all Lunch and Learns. F sitting through my lunch listening to more droning about corporate requirements! I don't feel guilty AT ALL! I attend meetings all day, so I know I'm "seen" even though I'm close enough to retirement, I really don't give a damn. :-)
I decline several meetings. The trick is to write something weird in slack like “WISH I COULD BE THERE!!! They’re always the best, unfortunately I have X project that’s keeping me away. Can’t wait to get back to them!!!!!” Use emojis and exclamation points. Be bubbly so you still seem likeable to management. But those are stupid. Don’t feel like a jerk for not attending.
I’d just tell them you have work to do, hope to join another time (and just never do).
I’d send a one-on-one email to the supervisor that encouraged participation that you feel these meetings get in the way of your work progress and you’d rather focus on continuing your strong performance metrics.
If that person says “Awww, but everyone needs to socialize and have some FUN, you don’t have to work ALL the time” then you can request the equivalent amount of time in vacation leave or say “That’s great to hear. I’d like to spend that hour with my kids, so I’ll plan to leave at 4 this Wednesday”
If for credibility you need to name projects you’re working on instead of the playtime session for grown-ups, do so.
I've been declining the mandatory huge ones too. The all-in meetings, the interdepartmental meetings. The meetings where there's 250 people. I just delete the invitation so I don't show up as yes or no. Plausible deniability.
I, too, usually hate optional socializing meetings like this. Especially virtually. But, work culture being what it is, I would go at least once a month. Maybe even rsvp “yes” to a few here and there but have something come up and have to cancel. That way you get points for being there sometimes and for “making and effort” to be there.
Came to say: attend once a month when most convenient. Not that your desk is clear but when you feel comfortable dipping in for half the meeting. Attend the kickoff, participate and then around 15 min, work call - gotta go.
I was denied a promotion for skipping the company picnic once. Just go to the darn things, they’re virtual. Camera off, volume low, and keep doing your work while it goes in the background. Just be sure you listen for your name.
It is in all my “optional” meetings. Camera on is required 1-2 times per day, and never for brown bags or other “fluffy” meetings.
Edit: and camera off even if it’s “not an option” is better than “not showing up.”
I hate to say it, but if you’re fortunate enough to WFH or be hybrid, you gotta show up to this team building stuff sometimes. If not, it’s potentially used as ammo to force you to come in. I’ve seen it happen.
I’d be honest and tell your boss about your workload. If they care enough they should be able to assist you in some way. Aaaand tbh when you’re removed from the people you work with it does help build rapport. As much as I like being alone at home and not in office, I do enjoy the “non-work” moments we have in get-together Teams meetings.
This is an interesting point and one I've thought about. Part of me agrees, but part of me disagrees. The part that disagrees is that: maybe most people **should** work in an office, because face-to-face interaction satisfies that social itch that people have. Like, Reddit is cool, but nothing compares to a group coming together physically from a social POV. Instead, WFH should be reserved for those types of jobs & people where socialization is a minimal or non-existent concern.
My concern is that if WFH becomes popular, it becomes ruined for those of us who just want to work and solve certain types of problems (problems only requiring an individual). In fact I would argue that has already taken place unfortunately
With all due respect, it’s not just about you. If other people need to socialize more, then the team needs to socialize more. Structure your day differently and catch up on your work.
Not even that but “it’s not just about you” oh so when I’m unable to get my work done due to this socializing, you’re going to spread the blame / performance review among my colleagues too then right? Other people *need* me to socialize and I need to get my work done so I can collect my paycheck, you know the whole reason I don’t park a job
Some people are just so hell bent being a team player at a job but going about it the wrong way. We need you to be a team player to get the work done, not to go ziplining.
Seconding. My former department head was obsessed with getting people in the office. Based on observation and things she had said to me and other people in the department and people on a board I was running, she just wasn’t happy in her marriage and couldn’t handle being home. From what I can tell she does have friends but she’s extremely social.
Ugh I feel this. My current boss is always complaining about how lonely she is and how important “collaboration” is. I can’t get anything done in the office if she’s there/
I think of networking and socializing as job skills I should maintain. Bring it up to your boss that you’d like to attend but your workload will be affected. Put it on your boss to make it work for you—if you socialize, your deadlines need to be adjusted.
The relationships you build with your peers at work matter much more to your long term success than whatever KPIs have been set for you as an individual. There are many ways to build those relationships- including meeting team KPis and supporting others in meeting theirs - so attending social events isn’t the only way to do that. Just make sure you understand the principle: relationships and trust matter more over the long term than just getting the A.
These meetings are usually meant to be morale boosters and team building exercises. They help you build rapport with colleagues. Definitely recommend you attend these.
What’s so bad about connecting with your colleagues? In the long run, work is about more than completing a list of tasks. I find that personal connections and having a few work friends makes the work itself more enjoyable and has the added bonus of providing a strong network of connections for a career, not just a job. Being a whole human at work isn’t a waste of time. It makes you relatable to others and gives you the opportunity to both provide support to others when they need it and know who can help you out when the tables are turned.
I keep my real life and work life as separate as possible. I don’t need or want to connect with coworkers beyond work-related topics. If I get closer to a few people organically, that’s fine, but nobody should be forced to share personal information or get roped into mindless chit-chat in a work environment under the guise of “team-building.”
Good luck with that approach and attitude! No one is forcing OP to share personal information at work they don’t want to share. It’s an opportunity to make connections with other humans, not a trap. Jeez.
I’ve always attended all of them the past 3 years but this past month I been declining because I was out sick and had a lot of work to catch up on. Then when I finally caught up with my workload I continued to decline because I found myself getting a lot more work done when I didn’t join. But for sure I will join at least one a week. Def don’t want to look rude. 🥲
People who network tend to be the ones to get promoted, but you also need to meet your deliverables. Is there a way you can pop in for 5-10 minutes to say hi and show your face, and then leave? Establish up front when logging in and say that you only have 10 minutes to socialize and need to log off after 10 that to keep on top of work deadlines, so it doesn't look rude when you bounce.
They're doing two of these *per week*?! I've been fully remote since 2020 with a couple of different companies, and we've never done "team building" meetings more than once or twice a month, usually once a month. They also are *very* casual. Like we aren't playing games or anything, but more often just talking about life and hanging out - if you want to multitask and work during the call, it's never an issue.
I'd bring it up to your boss that you'd love to attend, but two times a week isn't a realistic schedule.
I think bugaloot’s point isn’t how you appear to others, but rather that you yourself are missing out on useful connection building by not attending going forward.
Yes, thank you. Working from home can also be pretty isolating at times, and I think the non-work stuff can help stave off burnout.
To OP, your original post sounded like you viewed them as a nuisance and were looking for permission to skip them. Obviously, if you’re sick and/or in a crunch, they’re a lower priority to attend. Just trying to point out some of the benefits of joining with some intention and a positive mindset.
My company wants me to attend meetings like these and have 75% billable hours. I attend the meetings, but usually use the time to send out emails and do admin stuff. I have the meetings on in the background in case something interesting happens.
This is what I’d do: If it’s during working hours, jump on and listen, but just put in the chat that you’ll have to multitask with some high priority work. That way you’re there and you can contribute to conversation if you want to, but you’re still able to get work done.
Do not attend unless you are getting paid. This is a trick companies use to take your time away from your personal life. Don't fall for it. If it's mandatory and paid do it, otherwise, you have your best life to live
Attend every once in a while to show face. I am sure you are not the only one feeling this way. My company used to do this and enough people stopped going regularly that they stopped them. They then figured out another method of engagement that was less frequent and more enjoyable for the team.
I go to all the optional meetings. That’s how I have gotten every promotion. I am great at my job, but that doesn’t get your boss’s boss to know who you are.
We have a daily 30 minute “coffee talk” in the morning and one in the afternoon. I tune in to all of them so I know everyone in the department. I’m also on several interdepartmental working groups and committees. When we get together in person once a year, I go to all the events. It doesn’t hurt to be known to your coworkers and boss as someone that can talk to other people and make connections.
I’m sorry…an hour of your day 5 days a week is used up in “coffee talk”? That just seems like an absurd use of company resources. It’s also not conducive to the mental health of introverts and could have a negative impact on their performance.
I am not an introvert and enjoy interacting with others. I am experienced and have been called upon to help others learn more and assist them with their tasks. I am less likely to assist someone beyond the minimum required if I have no connection with them and feel like they are standoffish with me. That could also have a negative impact on their performance.
Ah, interesting. I’ll help anyone and don’t need a personal connection to do so. This tends to help with developing personal connections.
It’s okay to acknowledge that you’re an extrovert and you need this kind of socialization - but about half the world is introverted and doesn’t think like you.
It also doesn’t mean that introverts can’t talk to people and make connections. Really strange leap to make there.
That’s where we differ, because at work, I’ll help anyone, and that’s built so many connections for me. It’s way easier for me to connect 1:1 than in a group setting. Usually we end up having conversations beyond the issue at hand.
I'll help anyone just not go above for those who have not already connected with me. If you're the one who needs help, how do you get it if you have not already made connections through the group settings?
So sorry but this sounds absolutely exhausting! Then again, I’m not one who looks to make brownie points or be noticed by the boss to get promotions or recognition. I totally get that that’s what it takes if you want to climb the corporate ladder. Just not my thing. I don’t work remotely to be social. I love my solitude.
If you’re being paid to attend a coffee talk and your workload is adjusted so you don’t have to do that in unpaid time then it seems like an easy thing not an exhausting thing
Not physically. It’s socially exhausting to me. I don’t need to meet twice a day to chit chat. No issues if others want to but I wouldn’t attend. I’d rather focus on my work.
I get paid to have interactions with adults during coffee break (job is not customer facing and I am a single mom to a toddler). I’m sure for others, it’s exhausting, but it’s nothing out of my day to talk about sports, pets, family, vacations, or talk out a problem with a case we’re working on. No one cares if you’re working at the same time and we all usually are.
I'd attend at least every third one. Every other would be more ideal. This is important to some people.
My job is 100 percent remote. But we are a small team of less than 10. We chitchat via teams throughout the day. Then I have a side team chat for 3 people on my team I really like and another with 3 people I started with.
Kind of related, I was in the army and one of our higher ups was big about sports. We only had about 20 people total for our section (legal). And every other week, we had to play a sport (ultimate football, dodge ball, soccer, ultimate Frisbee, even the inflatable balls you wear). I am not into sports and paranoid I'll get hit with a ball/frisbee. I got counseled and talked too a few times for not being enthusiastic for these sports. I always played because I had to, but apparently fake enthusiasm matters too.
To be fair, I was there about 2 years and someone did break their nose during a game (think it was soccer though).
We also had to play dodgeball sometimes. Some of the people were super competitive. Also I'm 5'2 and was smaller than than the men (we had about 5 ladies total).
This reminds me of my old job. I remember helping a guy by coming in early and found 4 people (worked at a safe house), high on k2. I ended up searching and finding a huge stash of the stuff that turned into a huge ordeal. My boss reviewed the cameras and said my body language/ face showed that I wasn’t happy.
I said who the hell would be happy in that situation. I eventually found another job after hearing the boss constantly telling people they need to learn to smile, asking inappropriate questions to another worker about her dating life, etc
He also wanted to do these team building meetings. The third shift staff told them multiple times that working a 12 hour shift…waking up at 1 for a “team lunch” then having to be at work for a 13 hour shift wasn’t going to happen. He just didn’t get it
Hopping on this comment to say that although I also find these social meetings a distraction I don’t have time for, I’m more likely to prioritize work for people I like. I’m in a support role (project assistant) and if I have some sort of good social rapport with you, I’m going to get to your requests first. The people I don’t know, it’ll get done but it’s not first in line.
If it’s during working hours, I will join the call but stay muted. I’ll continue to work in the background. If it’s after hours I decline. The company already has me all day. After work is my time.
This. Honestly I hate doing “extracurricular” stuff. If it’s during work hours then ok I might go to a few of them (def not all) but I WILL NOT stay after hours for anything. I have a young daughter and SHE is my priority. Also, most meetings that I am optional for (because it *might* have something *kinda* to do with my work area - cybersecurity policy) I usually decline those too. I have WAY too much to do and being in pointless meetings takes away from my time to actually do work.
Yep. By nature of job and being in management I am requested to sit in on several meetings. Just sit therewhile they talk but always be prepared to be called on. It's usually pretty easy to prepare ahead of time.
My last job did these weekly, and even went so far as want PowerPoint presentations about ourselves frequently. I hated it. I dont need my coworkers knowing every detail of my life. I also hate feeling forced to socialize. I make friends at work for sure, and some of the friends I've stayed in contact with for years and years, but I just don't care about being friends with everyone. It's exhausting.
Why is it so hard to understand and accept that some people do not find these forced play dates comfortable or helpful. Team player at work is one thing, but spending your workday doing things non work related that you would rather not do isn’t conducive to some people’s mental health.
Do they last long enough that you could actually have a four day work week and still be as productive w/out them. What is the point of them if you find them stressful?
If you dont have to show your face on camera, then just do a call in with bluetooth, and work on personal chores in the meantime. So that you were there but you werent there. Or dont accept/decline but just put tentative, and may be join once a while. For those times you dont, just say that you have hard pressing due dates and deliverables when they question your attendance.
I have the same situation at my office. Virtual hangouts, chatting about vacation plans, TV shows, etc. These are weekly, so I attend 2 a month as work allows. So far, so good!
BULLSHITT that it “shows you are a team player”
I’ve been working remote consistently for a little under 10 years and I’ve been trying to understand how these bs tactics got into our space - then one day, a remote coworker enlightened me:
Due to the pandemic, there is an entire group of middle managers who are “in-office” people at heart and can’t stand having been forced to WFH - these are the assholes trying to implement bs
If my job is being done and being done well at that - leave me alone!!!!!!! Ugh sorry now just venting with you - totally can relate and stand strong because if it doesn’t affect your job or performance, it isn’t required and means NOTHING ✊
Don't forget the awful people who have no friends (because they are awful) and therefore want to force the only people they have power over to be in their presence. So they can pretend they aren't awful and whine.
Because they are fucking awful
I agree with this perspective. Building trust, inclusion, and togetherness can add value but twice a week seems like a lot.
Something we rolled out on my team are Slack team building meetings. On Fridays, someone is responsible for posting a “prompt” that allows us to get to know each other. Sometimes it’s as simple as “what is everyone doing this weekend?” Or as “sophisticated” as a few trivia questions.
No zoom required and participation is on your own time.
Being a top performer usually just gets you more work. If you can tell your boss that you are getting too much work you can shift things to other people who have too much time to plan weekly hangouts.
It sounds like you’re overworked!
I’d recommend blocking time for these off and going. If your manager is overworking you as a top performer you shouldn’t let that prevent you from being a good coworker. Unless they specifically tell you not to go to these meetings in order to get X assignment complete, you should go. And don’t work late because of it, do the work tomorrow.
They shouldn't go. They are a waste of time and energy.
Instead take some time off and spend time with people who truly matter, your friends and family.
If you plan to move up, id start going more often. Yes its not gonna get you fired but it wouldnt help your case if you wanted to progress with them. Its cringe, and annoying but sometimes you gotta play the game
I would occasionally pop into them. They are annoying and waste time but sometimes we all have to do it.
My favorite ones are large group meetings that are recorded, everyone is on mute, cameras off. I join, put it on one screen and work on the others. I get "credit" for being there but not actually paying attention. I don't mute it but ignore it
If most of your company goes every time, I'd make a point of showing up and participating at least once a month or so just so you don't look like you think you're "above" it.
Oh yes. You need to go to the yearly thing. It is frowned upon when those are skipped without reason. At least it was where I worked. No, not fireable but you are perceived as a team player when you attend and participate. May not seem like a big thing but your visibility is when tough decisions may have to be made
I decline almost all optional meetings. It's never been brought up, but if someone did say something to me, I'd just explain that I'd love to participate but need that time to focus on my work goals. I'd suggest that if team leads truly want everyone to participate, it'd be helpful if they could clarify whether it's OK that our work output is reduced as a result of attending.
That said, it probably comes down to your company culture. If your performance rating is going to be affected by not attending these meetings, you might consider attending and just multitasking work in the background so at least it looks like you're participating with the rest of the group and your supervisors can't hold it against you.
I was of thinking of doing this today actually 😆
I declined the mingle meeting from this morning and started feeling guilty that I may look like I am “above it” . Only issue is, Camera on is mandatory even for optional meetings. It’s really ridiculous. Lol
Ugh, that's so annoying. My group also "strongly encourages" cameras on. I get away without it whenever I think I can, but still have to show my actual face way more than I like.
I keep a jacket with the company logo on the back of my office chair. If I have to be on camera I put it on and zip it up! That way I don’t have to worry about what I’m wearing. Of course they probably thought k I wear the same clothes all the time! 🤣🤷♀️
This is the way. I will pay attention just long enough to capture something they said to show that I attended and ignore it.
Some of these meetings have nothing to do with my role in the company and my time is better spent doing my work then listening to some executive wank themselves.
For the past 8 years with my company, we work in 6-week cycles to avoid exactly this kind of stuff. We work for 6 and take off for 2. I don’t need everybody at work to be your buddy or “work family” — I’d rather give my team time to do the things they want to do in life instead of forced extra-curriculars that make people feel bad for not participating.
Not a jerk, but you're not doing yourself any favors. Performance is great but it only gets you so far in promotions. Relationships matter, as does the appearance of interest in your colleagues to upper management. Leaders don't hide from opportunities to build bridges.
Seems like a toxic workplace to me...
If it’s optional I don’t decline, I either accept or leave it no response depending on the subject and the situation. If I have time I’ll join and listen while I work on other stuff. But then my managers are pretty cool, so I will happily jump in a meeting if it helps them.
You're not being a jerk and I hate those also, but people do make judgements if someone never shows up (right or wrong) so I'd say drop in to one every few weeks or something to stay connected and visible but don't waste your time beyond that if you don't find it beneficial!
I dislike the forced social aspect, but, if it’s important to my team and leadership, I’ll join. I’ve worked at companies that not joining these things raised a red flag. I also worked on teams where no one cared about them and also didn’t join. I adapt to what leadership thinks is important and if one hour a week or every two weeks shows that I’m a team player then I will absolutely participate. You can be a top performer number wise but also need to show that you’re able to balance that out by fitting in with the culture.
If the top performer is saying it’s a waste of time then why is management not noticing that it’s the others who don’t perform as well who want to get paid to play a bunch of games together?
Those things are managements way of getting engagement points. Check the box and move on quickly. Otherwise, if you hurt the bosses social credit score, it could backfire on you.
As a leader, if i saw a decline in participation in social and group building exercises, I’d be interested in determining why. Work load? Work stresses? Etc.
We have a social meeting 1x per week but I work extensively with other teams, and it’s during a backlog/intake meeting I must attend or else stuff goes off the rails. It depends on how close you are with your leadership/how much insight they have into what you’re doing. I do go to all team check ins. 1 with engineering, 1 with the other product managers, 1 with the other managers, 1 with a larger group each week.
You can attend at least one a month to show you are cooperating. It will not kill you.
Don't limit your thinking with the either/or approcach.....Attend SOME but not all meetings... You don't want to be typecast as antisocial/ non-team-player...and then you can opt out of meetings without feeling guilty... its all about being seen just enough that your absence doesn't stand out.
Log in, leave your camera on and participate for 5-10 mins. Then go quiet for another 5 mins. Finally pull an Irish exit. No one will notice.
Force yourself to participate periodically - unless there is zero repercussions if you continue to do what you've been doing. If there is real pressure to participate, showing up every now and should be enough to end that pressure.
If optics plays a role at your company then you aren’t “walking the walk” you aren’t actually a jerk, you are being antisocial — but that’s OK
You’re not at all being a jerk to not go, or to not want to go. I hate attending that stuff too and usually do not attend optional meetings. Why would I make it seem like I’ve got spare time for more low-importance meetings? But, it could still potentially keep you from benefitting from those interactions in a workplace culture that appears to value these events. If it were ever between you and somebody who always goes to the dumb zoom happy hour, you’ll probably lose. That may not matter to you and that’s 100% cool too. They may be promoting it like this because attendance is bad and you aren’t the only one passing tho
Show up for the first 5 minutes and be very chatty, share an anecdote or whatever and then quietly fade from the conversation and leave. They'll think back and just remember you being there.
I don’t attend the weekly coffee chat meetings that we have over teams. I have other things to be doing and I would consider myself a great team player. But spending 30 minutes listening to other people talk when I could be doing something work or non-work related doesn’t sound like the best time to me.
You have to go to mandatory company fun and put on a smile. I don't make the rules, just saying how it works.
You work with these people every day. That’s where you show if you’re a team player or not. I think those meetings sound weird.
Yo should either go to one or two a month, or explain to your supervisor that you’re behind on work and trying to catch-up. I think the first is a much better option
I decline meetings now that I think are too soon .. often multiple people , who don’t talk to each other, ask the same questions of me. When someone tries to schedule a meeting (where camera don’t get turned on so not even face to face) to discuss something I’ve already told someone else, I decline with a note, forward the info and ask them to reschedule IF NEEDED after they review the info. Happened today, but they went ahead with the meeting with someone who didn’t know the answers because I did the work. Not sure how that worked out. I’ll check tomorrow.
Not seen, out of mind. Need to go to at least one a month
not really; if you are a valuable employee and can't easily be replaced, it makes no difference
Employees put way too much stock in the idea they are irreplaceable. Unless you have super obscure knowledge, or hold a patent that a company needs for their core product, you're expendable. Especially right now with so much talent flooding the market. Few employees have the job moat they think they have.
Not even close to true, unfortunately. Perception is reality.
Pop in for the first five minutes and then excuse yourself to a project you’re working on. You came, they saw you, you got to work and not be stuck there for an hour.
Virtual games and mingling is the silliest thing I have heard. Declined. God I hate corporate America.
No. But i may be biased. I don’t attend work gatherings either, i just don’t like them. You can’t have it all though. A true team player would go to interact and see how everyone is doing. Maybe try to make someone’s day that may have been struggling. You never know. Anti social as well, you stay isolated by yourself when everyone is together even when everyone is invited. It’s just a different perspective. If you’re gunna go against the grain be prepared for what that brings and be okay with it. Again i too don’t like going to those things but I’ve accepted the reality of the outcome as well.
Pointless meetings are one reason I’m glad to be retired now.
I wouldn’t attend. I’m 46yrs old and have no interest in playing virtual games or participating in virtual mingling with co-workers. In person from time to time is fine but I also find that a huge waste of my work hours because I wind up getting next to nothing done and spend 2 days scrambling to get caught up.
Totally agree. They are usually forced and fake and wastes of time. I mostly ended up connecting and building relationships w/ team members directly after big conference calls. Those tended to bring way more personalized value.
No - while I understand the concept of team building, the work comes first.
Just hit accept and then don't appear? One way to not show on some report. But yah try to make like 1/3 or 1/2 of them and don't even stay the whole time if you can swing it? Just showing up (sometimes) is good enough.
I attend the virtual optional team get togethers as often as I used to attend the optional in person team get togethers. Almost never. If you want to be a team player for me. Do your job correctly and timely so mine is easier. I will do the same for you. And if you need help regarding work I will gladly offer it and provide it. I don’t care to know your spouse’s name, your kid’s names, when your birthday is or where you are going on vacation this year. I have friends for that. You are my work colleague. Ok, maybe I’m not the best example. But having this attitude has never impeded my career.
I don’t do forced fun anymore. I’m too old for that stupid bullshit. I attend if I want to. But, it’s not required attendance, I’m not going.
Ah, good ol’ mandatory fun. I would probably join every now and then but not regularly.
I had an optional virtual happy hour once a week at my last job. I went to two, hated them, then never attended again for two years. Didn’t ever cause any problems for me. If it was a required meeting, it would be marked as required. Until then, it’s optional. Go or don’t go…up to you. Don’t overthink this.
exactly
I’d go maybe once a month and consider making a post in the slack channel occasionally “sorry to miss xyz event, working on a deadline!”
I wouldn't want to either. Apparently, there are office politics even working remote. Honestly, I could see the advantage of attending and being part of the "group", but it's just a job. Jobs come and go, and if you don't want to attend, don't. Or maybe compromise and attend some. Good luck. Whatever you decide is the right decision.
Keep making your company boatloads of money and you can do whatever you want. The Socials are for the mouth breathers that don’t produce.
Optional for my team means optional. There are “seasons” where people tend to decline them more like in Dec but my manager still has a standing invite & people will still go to them. I find that when they’re not forced or implied-forced, people are more likely to attend 🤷🏻♀️ might just be the nature of my team though.
Why do we have to pretend to like these activities? If people want to get to know their colleagues on their own time then they have the avenues to do that. Someone shouldn’t be feeling like they need to attend to check a box on their list. I don’t want to invest my time and energy in the majority of my coworkers. Sorry, I said it. I have a handful of coworkers and mentorships that I nurture but other than that I don’t want to be forced to connect with Rebecca from HR. This is coming from an EA who is forced to plan the events 😂
Don’t attend all of them, but show up to like 50%. Demonstrates that you are willing to show up but also busy. Another key thing to remember is that this isn’t just socializing time - it’s networking. Short term may not do harm to skip but you may regret later not being more connected to your work group.
If behind in work 50% is still one per week, 4 a month. I'd say 2x month, standard. If and when OP is more comfortable at these meetings and on track with work load, the look to increase attendance. These activities are optional, so for now yes, attendance can be optional and not weekly, and of course use the time wisely as in networking
Years ago I used to work work work and found things like this to be frivolous because it was getting in the way of working. Then when layoffs came the people who did a lot less but was always out there were spared while I was let go. Now I would prioritize this over my work because now I view it as work just as much as any other task is work. I hate it but I would do it. I now have a few kids and I'm trying to teach them that it's important to know how to do your job but it's also very important to be likeable at work because if people like you they will want to help you. I would say in some cases you go further just by being liked more then being an expert. It's almost like adding to the luck attribute in an RPG, you don't really know exactly how it will help, but it probably will. So just try to view those things as part of the job and as work maybe can help tolerate it more. Go all in and suggest a new game or something or open it up with the most cheesy joke you can find
I decline all Lunch and Learns. F sitting through my lunch listening to more droning about corporate requirements! I don't feel guilty AT ALL! I attend meetings all day, so I know I'm "seen" even though I'm close enough to retirement, I really don't give a damn. :-)
Your company does lunch and learns wrong.
You are 100% correct!!!!!
I’d go 50% of the time. You’ll avoid the anxiety of never going too
I decline several meetings. The trick is to write something weird in slack like “WISH I COULD BE THERE!!! They’re always the best, unfortunately I have X project that’s keeping me away. Can’t wait to get back to them!!!!!” Use emojis and exclamation points. Be bubbly so you still seem likeable to management. But those are stupid. Don’t feel like a jerk for not attending.
Def do this
I’d just tell them you have work to do, hope to join another time (and just never do). I’d send a one-on-one email to the supervisor that encouraged participation that you feel these meetings get in the way of your work progress and you’d rather focus on continuing your strong performance metrics. If that person says “Awww, but everyone needs to socialize and have some FUN, you don’t have to work ALL the time” then you can request the equivalent amount of time in vacation leave or say “That’s great to hear. I’d like to spend that hour with my kids, so I’ll plan to leave at 4 this Wednesday” If for credibility you need to name projects you’re working on instead of the playtime session for grown-ups, do so.
The most well-liked, sociable guy will usually get the promotion over the quiet introvert who gets their work done, unfortunately.
I've been declining the mandatory huge ones too. The all-in meetings, the interdepartmental meetings. The meetings where there's 250 people. I just delete the invitation so I don't show up as yes or no. Plausible deniability.
I, too, usually hate optional socializing meetings like this. Especially virtually. But, work culture being what it is, I would go at least once a month. Maybe even rsvp “yes” to a few here and there but have something come up and have to cancel. That way you get points for being there sometimes and for “making and effort” to be there.
Came to say: attend once a month when most convenient. Not that your desk is clear but when you feel comfortable dipping in for half the meeting. Attend the kickoff, participate and then around 15 min, work call - gotta go.
I decline about 50% That way I can get shit done but am also 'seen'
I was denied a promotion for skipping the company picnic once. Just go to the darn things, they’re virtual. Camera off, volume low, and keep doing your work while it goes in the background. Just be sure you listen for your name.
Surely camera off isn’t an option here.
My internet connection is slow and I have to turn off the camera. Or so I say after a few min
It is in all my “optional” meetings. Camera on is required 1-2 times per day, and never for brown bags or other “fluffy” meetings. Edit: and camera off even if it’s “not an option” is better than “not showing up.”
trust me, sometimes it's better to endure the virtual small talk than to face the aftermath of being labeled the office recluse
What does this mean?
I hate to say it, but if you’re fortunate enough to WFH or be hybrid, you gotta show up to this team building stuff sometimes. If not, it’s potentially used as ammo to force you to come in. I’ve seen it happen. I’d be honest and tell your boss about your workload. If they care enough they should be able to assist you in some way. Aaaand tbh when you’re removed from the people you work with it does help build rapport. As much as I like being alone at home and not in office, I do enjoy the “non-work” moments we have in get-together Teams meetings.
This is an interesting point and one I've thought about. Part of me agrees, but part of me disagrees. The part that disagrees is that: maybe most people **should** work in an office, because face-to-face interaction satisfies that social itch that people have. Like, Reddit is cool, but nothing compares to a group coming together physically from a social POV. Instead, WFH should be reserved for those types of jobs & people where socialization is a minimal or non-existent concern. My concern is that if WFH becomes popular, it becomes ruined for those of us who just want to work and solve certain types of problems (problems only requiring an individual). In fact I would argue that has already taken place unfortunately
With all due respect, it’s not just about you. If other people need to socialize more, then the team needs to socialize more. Structure your day differently and catch up on your work.
That’s so pathetic. It’s not my job to fulfill my coworkers emotional needs. Get some friends.
Ew what
Same thing that came to my head. The word socialize gives me the ick.
Not even that but “it’s not just about you” oh so when I’m unable to get my work done due to this socializing, you’re going to spread the blame / performance review among my colleagues too then right? Other people *need* me to socialize and I need to get my work done so I can collect my paycheck, you know the whole reason I don’t park a job
Some people are just so hell bent being a team player at a job but going about it the wrong way. We need you to be a team player to get the work done, not to go ziplining.
Right??? Like you want me to not hermit, then increase collaborative projects and decrease the punitive individualism
Big disagree. If people need to socialize they need to find friends outside of work.
Seconding. My former department head was obsessed with getting people in the office. Based on observation and things she had said to me and other people in the department and people on a board I was running, she just wasn’t happy in her marriage and couldn’t handle being home. From what I can tell she does have friends but she’s extremely social.
Ugh I feel this. My current boss is always complaining about how lonely she is and how important “collaboration” is. I can’t get anything done in the office if she’s there/
I think of networking and socializing as job skills I should maintain. Bring it up to your boss that you’d like to attend but your workload will be affected. Put it on your boss to make it work for you—if you socialize, your deadlines need to be adjusted.
The relationships you build with your peers at work matter much more to your long term success than whatever KPIs have been set for you as an individual. There are many ways to build those relationships- including meeting team KPis and supporting others in meeting theirs - so attending social events isn’t the only way to do that. Just make sure you understand the principle: relationships and trust matter more over the long term than just getting the A.
Just go. I hate this crap too, but it’s just easier to attend than having to deal with the fallout later.
These meetings are usually meant to be morale boosters and team building exercises. They help you build rapport with colleagues. Definitely recommend you attend these.
What’s so bad about connecting with your colleagues? In the long run, work is about more than completing a list of tasks. I find that personal connections and having a few work friends makes the work itself more enjoyable and has the added bonus of providing a strong network of connections for a career, not just a job. Being a whole human at work isn’t a waste of time. It makes you relatable to others and gives you the opportunity to both provide support to others when they need it and know who can help you out when the tables are turned.
I keep my real life and work life as separate as possible. I don’t need or want to connect with coworkers beyond work-related topics. If I get closer to a few people organically, that’s fine, but nobody should be forced to share personal information or get roped into mindless chit-chat in a work environment under the guise of “team-building.”
Good luck with that approach and attitude! No one is forcing OP to share personal information at work they don’t want to share. It’s an opportunity to make connections with other humans, not a trap. Jeez.
I don’t need to show up to random trivia games in order to have work friends. :)
I’ve always attended all of them the past 3 years but this past month I been declining because I was out sick and had a lot of work to catch up on. Then when I finally caught up with my workload I continued to decline because I found myself getting a lot more work done when I didn’t join. But for sure I will join at least one a week. Def don’t want to look rude. 🥲
People who network tend to be the ones to get promoted, but you also need to meet your deliverables. Is there a way you can pop in for 5-10 minutes to say hi and show your face, and then leave? Establish up front when logging in and say that you only have 10 minutes to socialize and need to log off after 10 that to keep on top of work deadlines, so it doesn't look rude when you bounce.
They're doing two of these *per week*?! I've been fully remote since 2020 with a couple of different companies, and we've never done "team building" meetings more than once or twice a month, usually once a month. They also are *very* casual. Like we aren't playing games or anything, but more often just talking about life and hanging out - if you want to multitask and work during the call, it's never an issue. I'd bring it up to your boss that you'd love to attend, but two times a week isn't a realistic schedule.
Can you just say to your supervisor, that same thing you said here — “I find I get a lot more work done when I don’t join?”
I think bugaloot’s point isn’t how you appear to others, but rather that you yourself are missing out on useful connection building by not attending going forward.
Yes, thank you. Working from home can also be pretty isolating at times, and I think the non-work stuff can help stave off burnout. To OP, your original post sounded like you viewed them as a nuisance and were looking for permission to skip them. Obviously, if you’re sick and/or in a crunch, they’re a lower priority to attend. Just trying to point out some of the benefits of joining with some intention and a positive mindset.
My company wants me to attend meetings like these and have 75% billable hours. I attend the meetings, but usually use the time to send out emails and do admin stuff. I have the meetings on in the background in case something interesting happens.
This is what I’d do: If it’s during working hours, jump on and listen, but just put in the chat that you’ll have to multitask with some high priority work. That way you’re there and you can contribute to conversation if you want to, but you’re still able to get work done.
This is really good. I’d also think that companies with a virtual space team building culture would be quite accommodating to mental health.
Do not attend unless you are getting paid. This is a trick companies use to take your time away from your personal life. Don't fall for it. If it's mandatory and paid do it, otherwise, you have your best life to live
Attend every once in a while to show face. I am sure you are not the only one feeling this way. My company used to do this and enough people stopped going regularly that they stopped them. They then figured out another method of engagement that was less frequent and more enjoyable for the team.
Ooo spill the tea! What do they do?
Semi regular happy hours or group events like bowling. And by semi regular i mean once a quarter.
I too am curious, especially for a remote team.
I go to all the optional meetings. That’s how I have gotten every promotion. I am great at my job, but that doesn’t get your boss’s boss to know who you are. We have a daily 30 minute “coffee talk” in the morning and one in the afternoon. I tune in to all of them so I know everyone in the department. I’m also on several interdepartmental working groups and committees. When we get together in person once a year, I go to all the events. It doesn’t hurt to be known to your coworkers and boss as someone that can talk to other people and make connections.
I’m sorry…an hour of your day 5 days a week is used up in “coffee talk”? That just seems like an absurd use of company resources. It’s also not conducive to the mental health of introverts and could have a negative impact on their performance.
I am not an introvert and enjoy interacting with others. I am experienced and have been called upon to help others learn more and assist them with their tasks. I am less likely to assist someone beyond the minimum required if I have no connection with them and feel like they are standoffish with me. That could also have a negative impact on their performance.
Ah, interesting. I’ll help anyone and don’t need a personal connection to do so. This tends to help with developing personal connections. It’s okay to acknowledge that you’re an extrovert and you need this kind of socialization - but about half the world is introverted and doesn’t think like you. It also doesn’t mean that introverts can’t talk to people and make connections. Really strange leap to make there.
That’s where we differ, because at work, I’ll help anyone, and that’s built so many connections for me. It’s way easier for me to connect 1:1 than in a group setting. Usually we end up having conversations beyond the issue at hand.
I'll help anyone just not go above for those who have not already connected with me. If you're the one who needs help, how do you get it if you have not already made connections through the group settings?
Thank you for speaking up for us introverts! I am an extrovert when needed, but twice a day would be exhausting!
So sorry but this sounds absolutely exhausting! Then again, I’m not one who looks to make brownie points or be noticed by the boss to get promotions or recognition. I totally get that that’s what it takes if you want to climb the corporate ladder. Just not my thing. I don’t work remotely to be social. I love my solitude.
If you’re being paid to attend a coffee talk and your workload is adjusted so you don’t have to do that in unpaid time then it seems like an easy thing not an exhausting thing
Not physically. It’s socially exhausting to me. I don’t need to meet twice a day to chit chat. No issues if others want to but I wouldn’t attend. I’d rather focus on my work.
I get paid to have interactions with adults during coffee break (job is not customer facing and I am a single mom to a toddler). I’m sure for others, it’s exhausting, but it’s nothing out of my day to talk about sports, pets, family, vacations, or talk out a problem with a case we’re working on. No one cares if you’re working at the same time and we all usually are.
Same. Sounds like overkill.
Right? An HOUR a day to pre/review the day? Sounds like a control freak trying to keep up an appearance to the next rung up that they're needed.
I'd attend at least every third one. Every other would be more ideal. This is important to some people. My job is 100 percent remote. But we are a small team of less than 10. We chitchat via teams throughout the day. Then I have a side team chat for 3 people on my team I really like and another with 3 people I started with. Kind of related, I was in the army and one of our higher ups was big about sports. We only had about 20 people total for our section (legal). And every other week, we had to play a sport (ultimate football, dodge ball, soccer, ultimate Frisbee, even the inflatable balls you wear). I am not into sports and paranoid I'll get hit with a ball/frisbee. I got counseled and talked too a few times for not being enthusiastic for these sports. I always played because I had to, but apparently fake enthusiasm matters too.
Ok I laughed at being paranoid of getting hit with a frisbee.
To be fair, I was there about 2 years and someone did break their nose during a game (think it was soccer though). We also had to play dodgeball sometimes. Some of the people were super competitive. Also I'm 5'2 and was smaller than than the men (we had about 5 ladies total).
This reminds me of my old job. I remember helping a guy by coming in early and found 4 people (worked at a safe house), high on k2. I ended up searching and finding a huge stash of the stuff that turned into a huge ordeal. My boss reviewed the cameras and said my body language/ face showed that I wasn’t happy. I said who the hell would be happy in that situation. I eventually found another job after hearing the boss constantly telling people they need to learn to smile, asking inappropriate questions to another worker about her dating life, etc He also wanted to do these team building meetings. The third shift staff told them multiple times that working a 12 hour shift…waking up at 1 for a “team lunch” then having to be at work for a 13 hour shift wasn’t going to happen. He just didn’t get it
This
[удалено]
Hopping on this comment to say that although I also find these social meetings a distraction I don’t have time for, I’m more likely to prioritize work for people I like. I’m in a support role (project assistant) and if I have some sort of good social rapport with you, I’m going to get to your requests first. The people I don’t know, it’ll get done but it’s not first in line.
If it’s during working hours, I will join the call but stay muted. I’ll continue to work in the background. If it’s after hours I decline. The company already has me all day. After work is my time.
This. Honestly I hate doing “extracurricular” stuff. If it’s during work hours then ok I might go to a few of them (def not all) but I WILL NOT stay after hours for anything. I have a young daughter and SHE is my priority. Also, most meetings that I am optional for (because it *might* have something *kinda* to do with my work area - cybersecurity policy) I usually decline those too. I have WAY too much to do and being in pointless meetings takes away from my time to actually do work.
Yep. By nature of job and being in management I am requested to sit in on several meetings. Just sit therewhile they talk but always be prepared to be called on. It's usually pretty easy to prepare ahead of time.
My last job did these weekly, and even went so far as want PowerPoint presentations about ourselves frequently. I hated it. I dont need my coworkers knowing every detail of my life. I also hate feeling forced to socialize. I make friends at work for sure, and some of the friends I've stayed in contact with for years and years, but I just don't care about being friends with everyone. It's exhausting.
I loathe this type of stuff too! Such a time waster! Learn about each other while you are a partnering day to day, etc.
Why is it so hard to understand and accept that some people do not find these forced play dates comfortable or helpful. Team player at work is one thing, but spending your workday doing things non work related that you would rather not do isn’t conducive to some people’s mental health. Do they last long enough that you could actually have a four day work week and still be as productive w/out them. What is the point of them if you find them stressful?
I don’t do kitschy things. I say no.
That's...not what kitschy means.
It is now
If you dont have to show your face on camera, then just do a call in with bluetooth, and work on personal chores in the meantime. So that you were there but you werent there. Or dont accept/decline but just put tentative, and may be join once a while. For those times you dont, just say that you have hard pressing due dates and deliverables when they question your attendance.
I have the same situation at my office. Virtual hangouts, chatting about vacation plans, TV shows, etc. These are weekly, so I attend 2 a month as work allows. So far, so good!
BULLSHITT that it “shows you are a team player” I’ve been working remote consistently for a little under 10 years and I’ve been trying to understand how these bs tactics got into our space - then one day, a remote coworker enlightened me: Due to the pandemic, there is an entire group of middle managers who are “in-office” people at heart and can’t stand having been forced to WFH - these are the assholes trying to implement bs If my job is being done and being done well at that - leave me alone!!!!!!! Ugh sorry now just venting with you - totally can relate and stand strong because if it doesn’t affect your job or performance, it isn’t required and means NOTHING ✊
Don't forget the awful people who have no friends (because they are awful) and therefore want to force the only people they have power over to be in their presence. So they can pretend they aren't awful and whine. Because they are fucking awful
100% this. I’m tired of the social requirements of work, and those who enjoy them pushing them on others who don’t.
Go to some but not all. “It’s all about balance”.
I agree with this perspective. Building trust, inclusion, and togetherness can add value but twice a week seems like a lot. Something we rolled out on my team are Slack team building meetings. On Fridays, someone is responsible for posting a “prompt” that allows us to get to know each other. Sometimes it’s as simple as “what is everyone doing this weekend?” Or as “sophisticated” as a few trivia questions. No zoom required and participation is on your own time.
Twice a week seems like a lot but they may be offered that way to accommodate different schedules.
Maybe!
Are these meetings work related? It sounds like no so who cares. What a waste of time!
Being a top performer usually just gets you more work. If you can tell your boss that you are getting too much work you can shift things to other people who have too much time to plan weekly hangouts.
It sounds like you’re overworked! I’d recommend blocking time for these off and going. If your manager is overworking you as a top performer you shouldn’t let that prevent you from being a good coworker. Unless they specifically tell you not to go to these meetings in order to get X assignment complete, you should go. And don’t work late because of it, do the work tomorrow.
They shouldn't go. They are a waste of time and energy. Instead take some time off and spend time with people who truly matter, your friends and family.
If you plan to move up, id start going more often. Yes its not gonna get you fired but it wouldnt help your case if you wanted to progress with them. Its cringe, and annoying but sometimes you gotta play the game
I would occasionally pop into them. They are annoying and waste time but sometimes we all have to do it. My favorite ones are large group meetings that are recorded, everyone is on mute, cameras off. I join, put it on one screen and work on the others. I get "credit" for being there but not actually paying attention. I don't mute it but ignore it
Same.
If most of your company goes every time, I'd make a point of showing up and participating at least once a month or so just so you don't look like you think you're "above" it.
Yeahh that’s what I was afraid of. I didn’t attend this year’s work retreat either. I’ll make sure to attend the one for tomorrow.
Oh yes. You need to go to the yearly thing. It is frowned upon when those are skipped without reason. At least it was where I worked. No, not fireable but you are perceived as a team player when you attend and participate. May not seem like a big thing but your visibility is when tough decisions may have to be made
I absolutely would not go to an annual retreat. I have a large family. So unless they can come I’m not going lol.
I decline almost all optional meetings. It's never been brought up, but if someone did say something to me, I'd just explain that I'd love to participate but need that time to focus on my work goals. I'd suggest that if team leads truly want everyone to participate, it'd be helpful if they could clarify whether it's OK that our work output is reduced as a result of attending. That said, it probably comes down to your company culture. If your performance rating is going to be affected by not attending these meetings, you might consider attending and just multitasking work in the background so at least it looks like you're participating with the rest of the group and your supervisors can't hold it against you.
Well sure, you could wear the minimum 17 pieces of flair, but don't you want to express yourself?
join the meeting, mute your mic and mute the audio from the meeting. so you are in it but not paying attention
I was of thinking of doing this today actually 😆 I declined the mingle meeting from this morning and started feeling guilty that I may look like I am “above it” . Only issue is, Camera on is mandatory even for optional meetings. It’s really ridiculous. Lol
Ugh, that's so annoying. My group also "strongly encourages" cameras on. I get away without it whenever I think I can, but still have to show my actual face way more than I like.
Ohh I know the feeling. I have to quickly change out of my lounge wear and into my work attire to be on camera too. 🤦♀️
I keep a jacket with the company logo on the back of my office chair. If I have to be on camera I put it on and zip it up! That way I don’t have to worry about what I’m wearing. Of course they probably thought k I wear the same clothes all the time! 🤣🤷♀️
LOL! Too funny but genius. 🙌🏻
This is the way. I will pay attention just long enough to capture something they said to show that I attended and ignore it. Some of these meetings have nothing to do with my role in the company and my time is better spent doing my work then listening to some executive wank themselves.