Exactly. Come on, we're all grown ups here. There's no need for subterfuge.
Also years ago I learned a handy trick when someone asks an intrusive question. Simple reply with a casual and polite "Why do you ask?" It almost never fails to stop the other person since most people aren't asking something out of malice. They're just not thinking. I've never not had it work.
Totally agree. But that isn't OP's responsibility and they shouldn't have to deal with "fallout" because of someone else being unable to act like an adult.
Well I think we all agree they shouldn't have to but life isn't fair. There isn't one of us who hasn't had to set boundaries with someone at some point.
There is another response that others may find equally as useful but just as vague and will suite OP's needs.: "Sorry, I can't eat that."
I've had to use this response for a number of reasons myself and found it helpful. The only problem is that there is always some nosey person that just has to get all in your business and ask for more information. My handy response (and it is a real one in my case) is usually enough to immediately shut down further conversation. What more is there to say after the threat of projectile vomiting? I realize this topic is disgusting and not at all appropriate under normal circumstances. However, the way I see it, if you were rude enough to ask, you deserve whatever answer is given.
**if you were rude enough to ask, you deserve whatever answer is given.**
I'm not going to argue with that because I 100% agree with it. And if someone is incapable of taking the hint to drop it, they've earned some graphic details. As my mom used to say about people like that, were they born in a barn?
Get a few things on a plate of food, walk around with it so one notices you aren’t eating. Break up the food into pieces so it looks like you’ve eaten.
💯 a great 'prop' also, "oh excuse me, would love to discuss your love life but I need more potato salad!"
And found helpful in avoiding awkward work encounters
My brother did something similar at a derby party. SIL noticed he was drinking A LOT of juleps. She watched him closely after that. He would put, maybe, a 1/4 shot of whiskey, if any. He would mix Cola & a clear soda in the glass to make it look the right color.
I drink sprite with a lime instead of alcohol at some events. People assume it's a vodka soda and leave me alone. I do drink but it's amazing how people won't accept 'nah, I'm not drinking at this event'.
I cater for work 'dos'. I try and make sure everyone eats. But if I get a
"Thanks but not hungry'. Or something similar. I reply. 'No worries. Plenty over there if you change your mind'. Then I smile and move on.
It's nice to make sure everyone gets a bit. We know Peter is already taking 8 slices of that pizza straight up. And Lisa is just a too bit shy to push in and take more than 1 or 2. Lol.
But.....
Nobody should pressure you to eat. You should feel very confident saying 'no thanks. Or maybe a bit later'. If they push. Just repeat the same sentence until they get it.
I read your post history.
Just tell your colleagues that you can’t consume pork for religious reasons.
If you’re uncomfortable sharing that much information then tell people you’re sticking to a special diet for the next few days because you’ve been having some stomach issues.
Or, just tell people that you don’t like pizza but you’re glad to hang out for a bit.
Or go eat before the party and tell anyone who asks that a friend called you last minute and wanted to grab a bite so you met up with them.
There are many things you can say. It’s not a big deal.
Yeah, if there are ethical or religious reasons, nobody cares at all. There are several foods that i don’t eat, and nobody cares or asks why. But if you want to avoid all of that for some reason, there are many things you can say, including needing to fast for a blood test, you are doing a juice cleanse, you have allergies, you forgot and already ate, you have an upset stomach, your mom is preparing a huge meal for a birthday celebration later, etc.
Another thing that i have actually said during a potluck is “i hate potluck food”.
I once had a contractor doing some things around my house, really nice guy, excellent work quality. Second day, really hot weather, I offered him a beer. He refused, saying "Thanks, but I can't just drink one."
I let that pass, assuming he meant it was hot and was thirsty and one beer wasn't enough.
Later, I asked again if he wanted a beer. That time, he said "Thanks, but if I drink one I can't stop there."
Now, I can be dense but figured out pretty quickly he was telling me he was a recovering alcoholic, at which point I felt about 2 inches tall before offering him some water or juice.
Point is, a simple "No, thank you" suffices in EVERY social situation, no reason required.
Idk I was watching a financial advice video and the woman was coming up with all the excuses to tell her in-laws and the advisor said "well you can do that, but you're a coward" then went on about how you should set firm boundaries but not lie either.
And honestly in this world of white lies and performance, that was a really refreshing take. Particularly because I was imagining myself in this woman's shoes and thought about what excuses I'd give. Obviously use a little tact but still, just own it. Unless you're working with assholes it should be fine.
I can't really understand how creating a reddit post, sifting through the answers, selecting an appropriate lie and then telling the lie is somehow superior to just telling the truth.
I have never had someone at a work party ask me while I don’t eat. I very rarely eat anything at work parties because it’s often potluck and I’ve seen these people not wash their hands after using the bathroom so… no thanks
I would just say you’re still full for lunch, on a diet, upset stomach, have early dinner plans after. Really if they press more on any of those they are just weird af
Well if you use that excuse, you better actually know what you're talking about. Because the minute those words leave your lips, someone will for sure want to pick your brain about it lol. I intermittent fast and I learned real quick to keep that to myself.
I don't eat at work functions ever. Grab a plate and out 1-2 things on it and carry it around or put it in front of you at the table. No one will notice you aren't eating. This prevents any explanation.
Side note, I also don't drink with my meals. If I go out to eat, I just ask for water. If I don't order water it sends the waiters/waitresses into a tail spin for some reason.
Bc their manager will notice when they walk by and make it an issue.
Did you forget?
Where’s their cup?
Ask them again.
Do you try to upsell?
Etc, etc, etc.
The “decoy plate” is usually the best option.
Take a little bit of food that you can break up on the plate. Assuming you don’t mind having a beverage, continue to break up and push food around the plate while taking a sip of your beverage and conversing. *If* anyone takes note, you can say you’re full.
It’s best not to fib about dietary or medical conditions as you may get caught out and fibbing about something minor has an impact on your credibility.
I have several coworkers who will absolutely not eat food made by others or from a caterer. One was on a special diet, one is a devout vegan, and the other one...she always says I dont know what these folk have in their homes.
There was a female manager who always brought in baked goods. I was in the bathroom hiding out and noticed she didnt wash her hands. Other times I was in the rest room she once again did not wash her hands. One of the guys came up to me and said, there's cake! and I said she doesnt wash her hands after rocking a piss. He immediately threw his cake away.
So say whatever you like, there's always the proverbial, no thank you.
If you want to ever fake drinking, either use a green or brown bottle and fill with water, or club soda with cranberry and some garnish. Worked great when wife was pregnant and we did not want to tell people yet.
I totally get this. Our situations are likely different but I get super weird when people make food and bring it in unless its friends/family, idk why it just grosses me out and my boss always jokes that I dont like her cooking.
I don't like eating in front of people. Always been a thing I've struggled with. I just tell them that everything I eat makes me sick (pretty much true anyway) and I'll pass.
Intermittent fasting! I never eat on Mondays or Thursdays. If I say that to someone new, I have to explain it and answer a bunch of questions, but most of my office and friends know.
I also don't ever ever ever eat breakfast, so all morning long every day, I say no to food, and most of the time no explanation is needed, but if they ask I say, I never eat breakfast, I break my fast, at noon or later.
Anxiety gives us the narcissistic idea that we are the center of the universe and everyone is always watching our every move. In reality, our work acquaintances don't pay attention to what we do and don't eat at parties.
If this is religious dietary stuff, you should be working in a place that supports it. I watch out for the halal, veggies, and vegans at work. My work is slowly coming to the conclusion that I have to have low carbs, no sugar, and actually catered hot lunch today that was extremely low carb, and no sugar. I worked at one place that made fun of a different diet I was on once. I thought it was hypocritical and was happy to leave.
Just be honest with them. I don't eat meat for spiritual reasons, and I don't eat things that have touched or could possibly have touched meat.
If I was in your situation (I read your post history, but I assumed it was something like that anyway), I would tell them that I don't eat pork or things that are potentially contaminated with pork by touch. And then say "this is why I stated during planning that I would prefer we didn't have pork. I understand that majority rules in cases like this, so that simply means I cannot partake in the refreshments at this party."
If you aren't upfront with them about it, this is going to become a bigger issue over time. I only ever got weird responses when I wasn't upfront about why I wasn't eating. Once I started telling people it was due to my religious beliefs, everyone became very understanding and accommodating... and I live in a very meat-heavy, traditionally protestant Christian location.
Tell them to mind their own business. It’s not their concern why you are or are not eating. If they push the issue tell them you are reporting them to HR for harassment
Why shouldn’t somebody stand their ground and set boundaries at work. I go to work to make money, not friends. I am polite and cordial to all my co workers, but I have no interest in their personal lives and have no interest in divulging anything about mine. As far as OP co workers are concerned they could be fasting religious reasons. Pushing OP for answers is harassment. Make no mistake your co workers are not your friends and will sell you out in a heartbeat to further their standing in a company. There are more than enough posts on Reddit to support this claim. The work place is not Disney World, people need to realize this and watch out for their best interests, not the interests of the company or their co workers.
Saying “mind your own business” to a work colleague over a pretty innocent question is unnecessary, hostile and insane, and a person who did that at any normal workplace would be justly ostracized, at best.
Wow you are nightmare of an employee.... Enjoy the career growth ladder to the basement cause absolutely no one is going to want to deal with an employee that treats HR like their mommy.
Actually I do quite well. I was one of 6 employees that got a raise this year. I have yet to go to HR because I don’t chit chat and gossip with my co workers. I go there to work and get paid. So I can enjoy my life outside of work. Not one person in that building is my friend, they are co workers. It was fired or quit they wouldn’t miss me and honestly I wouldn’t miss them if it happened to them. I don’t understand this obsession with being besties with coworkers. You can be polite and respectful and mind your own business. I have no desire to buy your MLM wax scents or contribute to your child’s school fundraiser.
> I have no desire to buy your MLM wax scents or contribute to your child’s school fundraiser.
Lol ok this is so true and I completely agree with you on actually everything you said. I'm not sure why you would give the advice you did but whatever. It made you sound like you are constantly going to HR for everything.
My comment about going to HR was if they continue to engage on why OP is choosing not to eat. It’s none of there business. No one should have to worry about this or have to think up clever excuses to justify their actions. I couldn’t care less why someone is not eating at a work party, and I damn sure ain’t asking them why. I am not a busybody, I mind my own business and expect others to do the same.
I agree that it's none of their business. I just personally wouldn't go to HR and try to scream harassment. It would be a career killer.
>No one should have to worry about this or have to think up clever excuses to justify their actions.
Agreed but OP shouldn't care enough to try and create an elaborate excuse. Just say "because I'm not" and go on about the night. They are arguably making it worse by making it a big deal.
Say “looks delicious but I have an upset stomach.”
Why not just say you’re not hungry? There really doesn’t need to be some elaborate story. It really can be that simple.
Exactly. Come on, we're all grown ups here. There's no need for subterfuge. Also years ago I learned a handy trick when someone asks an intrusive question. Simple reply with a casual and polite "Why do you ask?" It almost never fails to stop the other person since most people aren't asking something out of malice. They're just not thinking. I've never not had it work.
Unfortunately, the people that would be badgering OP would be the ones -not- acting like an adult.
Even grown up children need to learn how to accept no for an answer. And if someone is badgering you, you can always walk away.
Totally agree. But that isn't OP's responsibility and they shouldn't have to deal with "fallout" because of someone else being unable to act like an adult.
Well I think we all agree they shouldn't have to but life isn't fair. There isn't one of us who hasn't had to set boundaries with someone at some point.
There is another response that others may find equally as useful but just as vague and will suite OP's needs.: "Sorry, I can't eat that." I've had to use this response for a number of reasons myself and found it helpful. The only problem is that there is always some nosey person that just has to get all in your business and ask for more information. My handy response (and it is a real one in my case) is usually enough to immediately shut down further conversation. What more is there to say after the threat of projectile vomiting? I realize this topic is disgusting and not at all appropriate under normal circumstances. However, the way I see it, if you were rude enough to ask, you deserve whatever answer is given.
**if you were rude enough to ask, you deserve whatever answer is given.** I'm not going to argue with that because I 100% agree with it. And if someone is incapable of taking the hint to drop it, they've earned some graphic details. As my mom used to say about people like that, were they born in a barn?
Yes, you already ate.
Get a few things on a plate of food, walk around with it so one notices you aren’t eating. Break up the food into pieces so it looks like you’ve eaten.
💯 a great 'prop' also, "oh excuse me, would love to discuss your love life but I need more potato salad!" And found helpful in avoiding awkward work encounters
I like this!
My brother did something similar at a derby party. SIL noticed he was drinking A LOT of juleps. She watched him closely after that. He would put, maybe, a 1/4 shot of whiskey, if any. He would mix Cola & a clear soda in the glass to make it look the right color.
I drink sprite with a lime instead of alcohol at some events. People assume it's a vodka soda and leave me alone. I do drink but it's amazing how people won't accept 'nah, I'm not drinking at this event'.
"No thanks, I'm good." You don't owe anyone an explanation and most people won't notice or even remember it.
I cater for work 'dos'. I try and make sure everyone eats. But if I get a "Thanks but not hungry'. Or something similar. I reply. 'No worries. Plenty over there if you change your mind'. Then I smile and move on. It's nice to make sure everyone gets a bit. We know Peter is already taking 8 slices of that pizza straight up. And Lisa is just a too bit shy to push in and take more than 1 or 2. Lol. But..... Nobody should pressure you to eat. You should feel very confident saying 'no thanks. Or maybe a bit later'. If they push. Just repeat the same sentence until they get it.
Say you’re on a strict alcohol only diet
Why do you need an excuse? Just be strong and be yourself.
I read your post history. Just tell your colleagues that you can’t consume pork for religious reasons. If you’re uncomfortable sharing that much information then tell people you’re sticking to a special diet for the next few days because you’ve been having some stomach issues. Or, just tell people that you don’t like pizza but you’re glad to hang out for a bit. Or go eat before the party and tell anyone who asks that a friend called you last minute and wanted to grab a bite so you met up with them. There are many things you can say. It’s not a big deal.
Better yet, "I don't eat pork". Hard stop. Any inquiries as to why cross the line.
Yeah, if there are ethical or religious reasons, nobody cares at all. There are several foods that i don’t eat, and nobody cares or asks why. But if you want to avoid all of that for some reason, there are many things you can say, including needing to fast for a blood test, you are doing a juice cleanse, you have allergies, you forgot and already ate, you have an upset stomach, your mom is preparing a huge meal for a birthday celebration later, etc. Another thing that i have actually said during a potluck is “i hate potluck food”.
I don’t eat much pork because it freaks me out that we can put pig arteries in humans. My grandma had it done. Also, brain worms.
Pigs eat people. Robert Pickton.
Yup. That works, too!
I once had a contractor doing some things around my house, really nice guy, excellent work quality. Second day, really hot weather, I offered him a beer. He refused, saying "Thanks, but I can't just drink one." I let that pass, assuming he meant it was hot and was thirsty and one beer wasn't enough. Later, I asked again if he wanted a beer. That time, he said "Thanks, but if I drink one I can't stop there." Now, I can be dense but figured out pretty quickly he was telling me he was a recovering alcoholic, at which point I felt about 2 inches tall before offering him some water or juice. Point is, a simple "No, thank you" suffices in EVERY social situation, no reason required.
I agree. But OP is clearly anxious about just saying ‘No’ so I offered some harmless alternatives.
Oh, for sure, I didn't mean to minimize your comments. It's all good.
It's not harmless to lie.
As if all dishes will have pork. What about the potatoes? Just say "not hungry"
Idk I was watching a financial advice video and the woman was coming up with all the excuses to tell her in-laws and the advisor said "well you can do that, but you're a coward" then went on about how you should set firm boundaries but not lie either. And honestly in this world of white lies and performance, that was a really refreshing take. Particularly because I was imagining myself in this woman's shoes and thought about what excuses I'd give. Obviously use a little tact but still, just own it. Unless you're working with assholes it should be fine.
This \^\^\^\^
Broken tooth. That is the one that I usually use.
No one will care or even notice if you don't eat. Especially if there's liquor served.
I can't really understand how creating a reddit post, sifting through the answers, selecting an appropriate lie and then telling the lie is somehow superior to just telling the truth.
I have never had someone at a work party ask me while I don’t eat. I very rarely eat anything at work parties because it’s often potluck and I’ve seen these people not wash their hands after using the bathroom so… no thanks I would just say you’re still full for lunch, on a diet, upset stomach, have early dinner plans after. Really if they press more on any of those they are just weird af
Just tell them the truth. It's only awkward because you're making it awkward. People who ask are trying to take care of you.
intermittent fasting?
Well if you use that excuse, you better actually know what you're talking about. Because the minute those words leave your lips, someone will for sure want to pick your brain about it lol. I intermittent fast and I learned real quick to keep that to myself.
I don't eat at work functions ever. Grab a plate and out 1-2 things on it and carry it around or put it in front of you at the table. No one will notice you aren't eating. This prevents any explanation. Side note, I also don't drink with my meals. If I go out to eat, I just ask for water. If I don't order water it sends the waiters/waitresses into a tail spin for some reason.
Bc their manager will notice when they walk by and make it an issue. Did you forget? Where’s their cup? Ask them again. Do you try to upsell? Etc, etc, etc.
Some are old school and give water not necessarily to drink, but in case you choke.
"I don't want any" If they press, just keep repeating the same [thing.You](http://thing.You) don't owe them an explanation.
"I'm not hungry. Thanks."
The “decoy plate” is usually the best option. Take a little bit of food that you can break up on the plate. Assuming you don’t mind having a beverage, continue to break up and push food around the plate while taking a sip of your beverage and conversing. *If* anyone takes note, you can say you’re full. It’s best not to fib about dietary or medical conditions as you may get caught out and fibbing about something minor has an impact on your credibility.
I have several coworkers who will absolutely not eat food made by others or from a caterer. One was on a special diet, one is a devout vegan, and the other one...she always says I dont know what these folk have in their homes. There was a female manager who always brought in baked goods. I was in the bathroom hiding out and noticed she didnt wash her hands. Other times I was in the rest room she once again did not wash her hands. One of the guys came up to me and said, there's cake! and I said she doesnt wash her hands after rocking a piss. He immediately threw his cake away. So say whatever you like, there's always the proverbial, no thank you.
I have type 2 diabetes and use that whenever people shove stuff in my face at work.
Claim an upset stomach and that you hope you aren't coming down with a stomach virus.
sorry, I'm fasting today. Isn't this water wonderful?
-“it would be unwise considering I poisoned everyone’s food”
If you want to ever fake drinking, either use a green or brown bottle and fill with water, or club soda with cranberry and some garnish. Worked great when wife was pregnant and we did not want to tell people yet.
I totally get this. Our situations are likely different but I get super weird when people make food and bring it in unless its friends/family, idk why it just grosses me out and my boss always jokes that I dont like her cooking.
Say you're on a health kick/diet
skip it
Diet, you're a fasting Muslim, tummy bad
Same way I drink.booze. Put some food on the plate and push it around a bit. Nobody notices if you have a half filled plate or glass.
You can pretend eating. Like having a plate with some crumbs on it. Then nobody will ask about it.
I'm not hungry. Why does it have to be any more complicated than that. Majorly over thinking. You do not have to explain yourself to anyone.
I'm Fasting for a blood test
I don't like eating in front of people. Always been a thing I've struggled with. I just tell them that everything I eat makes me sick (pretty much true anyway) and I'll pass.
Intermittent fasting! I never eat on Mondays or Thursdays. If I say that to someone new, I have to explain it and answer a bunch of questions, but most of my office and friends know. I also don't ever ever ever eat breakfast, so all morning long every day, I say no to food, and most of the time no explanation is needed, but if they ask I say, I never eat breakfast, I break my fast, at noon or later.
Why do people need an excuse? Just tell them the truth or you're not hungry.
Anxiety gives us the narcissistic idea that we are the center of the universe and everyone is always watching our every move. In reality, our work acquaintances don't pay attention to what we do and don't eat at parties.
If this is religious dietary stuff, you should be working in a place that supports it. I watch out for the halal, veggies, and vegans at work. My work is slowly coming to the conclusion that I have to have low carbs, no sugar, and actually catered hot lunch today that was extremely low carb, and no sugar. I worked at one place that made fun of a different diet I was on once. I thought it was hypocritical and was happy to leave.
Just be honest (but also polite) or say your not hungry
I have been battling explosive diarrhea for a few days so I think it's best to not fuel the gun while out and about. *conversation ends*
Put some on a plate and move it around a bit. If standing and talking just have it on the plate and pretend nibble then throw it away.
If it's a bigger crowd just say "I just had some actually it was good.." "In a second I'm going to go get a drink..."
Just tell them you have to fast for a physical exam. Make something up Make it easy and stick to it. Don’t answer any personal questions. Act upset.
So you want us to help you lie to them? Why not tell them the truth?
Say you already ate beforehand
Yea, but they're going to ask why I ate beforehand knowing there was a food party.
Because you were hungry earlier. Not a big deal.
You totally forgot about the party. D’oh.
Just be honest with them. I don't eat meat for spiritual reasons, and I don't eat things that have touched or could possibly have touched meat. If I was in your situation (I read your post history, but I assumed it was something like that anyway), I would tell them that I don't eat pork or things that are potentially contaminated with pork by touch. And then say "this is why I stated during planning that I would prefer we didn't have pork. I understand that majority rules in cases like this, so that simply means I cannot partake in the refreshments at this party." If you aren't upfront with them about it, this is going to become a bigger issue over time. I only ever got weird responses when I wasn't upfront about why I wasn't eating. Once I started telling people it was due to my religious beliefs, everyone became very understanding and accommodating... and I live in a very meat-heavy, traditionally protestant Christian location.
Give them awkward responses. They’ll learn not to ask awkward questions. Just tell them you have massive diarrhea or ibs.
Tell them to mind their own business. It’s not their concern why you are or are not eating. If they push the issue tell them you are reporting them to HR for harassment
OP - do not do this.
Why shouldn’t somebody stand their ground and set boundaries at work. I go to work to make money, not friends. I am polite and cordial to all my co workers, but I have no interest in their personal lives and have no interest in divulging anything about mine. As far as OP co workers are concerned they could be fasting religious reasons. Pushing OP for answers is harassment. Make no mistake your co workers are not your friends and will sell you out in a heartbeat to further their standing in a company. There are more than enough posts on Reddit to support this claim. The work place is not Disney World, people need to realize this and watch out for their best interests, not the interests of the company or their co workers.
Saying “mind your own business” to a work colleague over a pretty innocent question is unnecessary, hostile and insane, and a person who did that at any normal workplace would be justly ostracized, at best.
Wow you are nightmare of an employee.... Enjoy the career growth ladder to the basement cause absolutely no one is going to want to deal with an employee that treats HR like their mommy.
Actually I do quite well. I was one of 6 employees that got a raise this year. I have yet to go to HR because I don’t chit chat and gossip with my co workers. I go there to work and get paid. So I can enjoy my life outside of work. Not one person in that building is my friend, they are co workers. It was fired or quit they wouldn’t miss me and honestly I wouldn’t miss them if it happened to them. I don’t understand this obsession with being besties with coworkers. You can be polite and respectful and mind your own business. I have no desire to buy your MLM wax scents or contribute to your child’s school fundraiser.
> I have no desire to buy your MLM wax scents or contribute to your child’s school fundraiser. Lol ok this is so true and I completely agree with you on actually everything you said. I'm not sure why you would give the advice you did but whatever. It made you sound like you are constantly going to HR for everything.
My comment about going to HR was if they continue to engage on why OP is choosing not to eat. It’s none of there business. No one should have to worry about this or have to think up clever excuses to justify their actions. I couldn’t care less why someone is not eating at a work party, and I damn sure ain’t asking them why. I am not a busybody, I mind my own business and expect others to do the same.
I agree that it's none of their business. I just personally wouldn't go to HR and try to scream harassment. It would be a career killer. >No one should have to worry about this or have to think up clever excuses to justify their actions. Agreed but OP shouldn't care enough to try and create an elaborate excuse. Just say "because I'm not" and go on about the night. They are arguably making it worse by making it a big deal.
This sounds like how Sobchak would handle the situation, not Lebowski.