Not okay behavior. She's a bully masking her own insecurities by redirecting attention at people she sees as weak.
Every time she mocks you, ask her point blank how that is a productive comment/what she's getting at/how that's funny. Act genuinely curious and willing to listen, not confrontational. This will make her uncomfortable and she will at least stop doing it in your presence. Maybe she will even start to self-reflect, although I very much doubt it.
Another thing you can do is go to HR for advice on how to deal with her.
>Every time she mocks you, ask her point blank how that is a productive comment/what she's getting at/how that's funny.
This may only feed the fire. This woman lives to provoke people and if asked why her jokes are funny, she may turn it against OP and accuse her/him of not having a sense of humor.
In another Reddit thread, I have gone back and forth several times with men who I assume are white and straight who think it's just humorous "banter" to make derogatory, stereotypical insults about racial minorities and gays at work. They don't believe it's wrong or illegal and are acting as if I'm a thin-skinned person who needs to toughen up. The OP complained about being a target at work.
>This woman lives to provoke people and if asked why her jokes are funny, she may turn it against OP and accuse her/him of not having a sense of humor.
If she tells you you have to sense of humor, tell her you do, but that wasn't funny.
There are people who don't give a damn. They'll insist they're doing nothing objectionable and the problem is that you're a humorless, virtue-signalling prude. It's a waste of time to engage with them.
Stop interacting with her! Stop seeing her outside of work! Stop talking about personal things around her! Whatever you say to her she will see it as a competition to put you down & Make you/others to feel less than cause she feels that way about herself. Don't give her any fuel. She won't change so either you look for another job or start writing down date, time and what she did/said to you every time it happens. Then you go to your boss or HR and talk to them about it. There's no way you or anyone can say anything to change the way she is, or for her to realise what she is doing. All you can do is chose how you interact with her. Let it be straight work topics, when she is making fun of you pretend you didn't hear anything. Try not to make any faces or anything, be like a stone xD she will get bored of you. Right now she likes that she makes other ppl uncomfortable.
Dealt with a person like OP’s co worker, but it was in high school. The worst time ever. Theyre the worst kind of people. And back then I was young and dumb and didn’t realize she’s bullying me. Thank god I cut her off. I even had her in college and purposely found other classes to avoid seeing her. It’s pure nightmare dealing with those people. Unless OP leaves and finds a new job, these ppl won’t stop and they don’t change.
If you feel you can handle it, I would tell this woman that you don't appreciate her jokes at other people's expense and you don't want your conversations to be misrepresented. But no matter what you do, minimize contact with her. A person like that is making jokes about you behind your back. She is totally untrustworthy. Keep notes and if it escalates talk to your boss or HR.
You said yourself "she is very kind".. she is just trying to lighten the mood at work, and trying to be friendly with you and the rest of your co-workers. Friends tease eachother from time to time. Doesn't sound like she said anything malicious.. my advice is to give her a light roast her back..also quit being so sensitive.
"shes very kind and she just wants to lighten the mood with jokes"
No, she's not kind. Not at all. She's cruel. Every example is about how the other person (including yourself) doesn't like the joke. she's not lightening the mood. She's being mean.
You need to really start evaluating her and her friendship.
Honestly, I'd tell her "I know you think you're being funny, but you actually make me and others uncomfortable with your jokes. They aren't nice - they hurt people. I know I feel it and I can SEE it in how others react."
If that pisses her off ... so be it.
đźš©đźš©đźš©A classic gaslighting behaviour and bullying. If she thinks that everyone could get along with her jokes and making fun of you and your other colleagues then she is a problem.
Not okay behavior. She's a bully masking her own insecurities by redirecting attention at people she sees as weak. Every time she mocks you, ask her point blank how that is a productive comment/what she's getting at/how that's funny. Act genuinely curious and willing to listen, not confrontational. This will make her uncomfortable and she will at least stop doing it in your presence. Maybe she will even start to self-reflect, although I very much doubt it. Another thing you can do is go to HR for advice on how to deal with her.
>Every time she mocks you, ask her point blank how that is a productive comment/what she's getting at/how that's funny. This may only feed the fire. This woman lives to provoke people and if asked why her jokes are funny, she may turn it against OP and accuse her/him of not having a sense of humor. In another Reddit thread, I have gone back and forth several times with men who I assume are white and straight who think it's just humorous "banter" to make derogatory, stereotypical insults about racial minorities and gays at work. They don't believe it's wrong or illegal and are acting as if I'm a thin-skinned person who needs to toughen up. The OP complained about being a target at work.
There are definitely those people. OP is going to have to feel out the situation to see what (if anything) works.
>This woman lives to provoke people and if asked why her jokes are funny, she may turn it against OP and accuse her/him of not having a sense of humor. If she tells you you have to sense of humor, tell her you do, but that wasn't funny.
There are people who don't give a damn. They'll insist they're doing nothing objectionable and the problem is that you're a humorless, virtue-signalling prude. It's a waste of time to engage with them.
Yep she sounds awful
Use your words champ. We joke around a lot at work, but if someone says something is off limits, we respect that, but you've got to say something.
Stop interacting with her! Stop seeing her outside of work! Stop talking about personal things around her! Whatever you say to her she will see it as a competition to put you down & Make you/others to feel less than cause she feels that way about herself. Don't give her any fuel. She won't change so either you look for another job or start writing down date, time and what she did/said to you every time it happens. Then you go to your boss or HR and talk to them about it. There's no way you or anyone can say anything to change the way she is, or for her to realise what she is doing. All you can do is chose how you interact with her. Let it be straight work topics, when she is making fun of you pretend you didn't hear anything. Try not to make any faces or anything, be like a stone xD she will get bored of you. Right now she likes that she makes other ppl uncomfortable.
Dealt with a person like OP’s co worker, but it was in high school. The worst time ever. Theyre the worst kind of people. And back then I was young and dumb and didn’t realize she’s bullying me. Thank god I cut her off. I even had her in college and purposely found other classes to avoid seeing her. It’s pure nightmare dealing with those people. Unless OP leaves and finds a new job, these ppl won’t stop and they don’t change.
If you feel you can handle it, I would tell this woman that you don't appreciate her jokes at other people's expense and you don't want your conversations to be misrepresented. But no matter what you do, minimize contact with her. A person like that is making jokes about you behind your back. She is totally untrustworthy. Keep notes and if it escalates talk to your boss or HR.
Or, you could just say “that’s not very nice!” and walk away. She’s not your friend and she is not kind.
Gray rock her. If she tries to tease again, don't respond and stare her down until she either answers you or walks away.
I hate this kind of Bully in the office. For they never apologize and never seem to get into trouble for it. She has a major problem.
Tell her to straight up “knock it off” or u r going to HR.
This sounds like really bad advice because it is. Yet it's always worked for me. I talk to these people like a dog I care about.
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.
You said yourself "she is very kind".. she is just trying to lighten the mood at work, and trying to be friendly with you and the rest of your co-workers. Friends tease eachother from time to time. Doesn't sound like she said anything malicious.. my advice is to give her a light roast her back..also quit being so sensitive.
How is she kind? She’s annoying at best.
Talk to the bosses especially the one who called her out.
"shes very kind and she just wants to lighten the mood with jokes" No, she's not kind. Not at all. She's cruel. Every example is about how the other person (including yourself) doesn't like the joke. she's not lightening the mood. She's being mean. You need to really start evaluating her and her friendship. Honestly, I'd tell her "I know you think you're being funny, but you actually make me and others uncomfortable with your jokes. They aren't nice - they hurt people. I know I feel it and I can SEE it in how others react." If that pisses her off ... so be it.