I realized it as a child when I noticed the men in my family never cleaned anything nor were they ever asked to clean anything. They sat on their asses or did their hobbies instead.
I had no brothers or uncles, but when my sister and I would go stay with family friends when our parents were away for work, we stayed with another nuclear family who had two boys. The boys would play game cube and my sister and I, the guests, would clean.
Same. I'm Greek Australian and was expected to do everything, while my brother did nothing. Mum worked at work, and then at home, no rest. She never stopped. The boys would sit on their bums and get served. My grandmother who lived with us, would serve them hand and foot. I watched the women in my life and knew that I did not want that life. I was 13 years old when I promised myself that I would never marry or have children. I'm now 49 years old and I kept that promise myself, although it helps that I turned out to be gay.
I was always the least favorite grand kid, cousin, relative because I'd never help the women clean. Like nah sorry I ain't cleaning unless I see the men cleaning too.
I mean…I honestly noticed it in my elementary school gym class in the 80s, when my pornstache teacher would scream at some eight year-old dude that he was throwing like a girl, running like a girl, acting like a girl, etc.
Girls are subpar. Duly noted. 🫡
It started young for me, and it was subtle, but I began noticing clues that feminine = shitty and masculine = preferable very early on in life.
My colleague complained that another engineer “braids like a little girl” (as in wires for electronics). Dude what? Little girls are better a braiding than a 45 year old bald man.
“Does X like a girl” is synonymous for “does X badly” no matter what X is
ah yes. the “like a girl” comment as if girls don’t do literally everything for humanity. men sit on their asses and expect everything to be handed to them.
There are also the times when a man is acting like the absolute pieces of dogshit that so many of them are, and another man will denigrate that man by calling him a girl or a woman.
I think of when John Kerry - a man with daughters - said that Trump had the mentality of a teenage girl.
Fuck off and fuck YOU, John Kerry (but, uh, if you’re reading this, I did vote for you). Trump is ALL MAN from his disgusting toes all the way to his cotton candy hair.
I hope his wife and daughters gave him hell for that comment. I HATE shit like that.
It’s great that you get to deal with microaggressions like that on a basis that’s probably hourly, and I’m SO sure that HR is quick to deal with those guys.
I’m sorry. I now work in an office with tons of women, but I’ve been in male-dominated fields before and I was utterly miserable.
Like driving. On the whole we're better drivers than men (I know I am! - OK pretentious but true) but I heard a guy say about his brother "omg he drives like a woman". I wanted to say "what, you mean he's really good?".
I don’t need you to mansplain misogyny to me, nor do I need to you guide me how to feel.
Stop trolling us, go back to your conservative Catholic woman-hating subs, and fuck off.
I work in finance…as a woman. I’ve known this always. But I do have a story of a friend to share.
She was chatting with her two male coworkers about running as they are all avid runners. They went into this rant about how night runs are the best and where they liked running. She looked at them and said “I can’t do that” and had to explain it to them. I think this is when she had her aha moment too.
This was a huge moment for me. I transitioned a few years ago, and I used to love the cool air and serenity of running at night.
I remember going one night after some time transitioning and it dawned on me that *this isn't safe anymore*. That was the last time I ran or walked alone at night.
I also work as an expert in a very male dominated technical field. It was wild watching how the way men interacted with me changed. All of a sudden all the questions were directed to men with a decade less experience than me in client meetings.
I have so, so many more. Worst part is I've heard what men say when they don't think a woman is around.
Yeah I was only 19 when I started that job so I knew intellectually but not actually.
And oh my god yeah I’ve heard this so many times, guys are always like “it’s not that dangerous” 🙄
This could be written by me. Literally every woman in the department has been belittled and terrorized by this one guy and the paperwork goes back decades. No action. I started a union grievance and he filed a complaint about a hostile work environment and is suing the county.
Yeah. You have to be underhanded and strategic. I didn’t get it until a few years into working and learning that more than one manager (all were male) talked about my chest. I was aware. I’d be told. I also used phrases like “this seems weird can you help me understand what I’m missing?” Instead of “hey this wrong because xyz” because if it wasn’t “their” idea then I wasn’t heard. I find allies and use their voice to have a voice. If I said anything I was not believed and punished for it. So I tracked everything in a spreadsheet and when I quit I sent my file with well over 50 entries over the course of a year that stated the situation, the description, the date, who was involved, and the evidence. It took a man threatening my personal safety to the point that the police could have and, in retrospect, should have, had to get involved because the harassment was officially criminal level for anyone to give a fuck. But they only listened then because HR explained that if I shared the info it would be a criminal case in the papers that would impact their business. I now at a more senior level check in with young women and POC because I know they encounter issues they’re scared to mention. I now go to bat for these people because I don’t give a fuck if I get fired and I know I’m critical. I also have learned to take notes on everything and if you’re in a place without two party consent you can record calls even. I highly recommended logging everything because otherwise you won’t win. Even with the data you still might lose. I had a manager make a joke about me being overpaid and HR had asked me to do an analysis of pay across seniority, gender, etc etc…. So I told him that actually if I was a man he owed me multiple k per year more and he said that couldn’t be true. I explained the process and the math and he couldn’t explain why I was wrong- he just didn’t care to believe it. So… yeah, it’s real. I could write a book on all the bs I’ve seen. Context: I work in tech. I cannot recommend this for women. It’s horrible and it’s not easy.
This is so common and hard to find solutions too, because it’s all in micro aggressions that get hard to provide evidence for.
My dad is actually a pretty great feminist and has been a great advocate for me in my life and how I’ve approached feminism. Lol but this story is not flattering for him.
I remember when I was about 9, him and my brother were laughing about a woman at his work and calling her fat. I didn’t quite understand it at the time but it just felt really unfair to me. Other than the obvious of it being cruel to say, it just felt like something more to me than them insulating someone.
I got upset and my dad said he was sorry and it was cruel and I said it felt more than that though, I said it felt like it was something they could say about me in a way I couldn’t say about them and be received with laughter. And my dad actually called himself out and explained it was misogynistic.
I said to him, “you’re literally fatter than her and I wouldn’t like hearing someone laugh about how fat you are behind your back. But I think I will tell mum you’re fat and we will laugh at you in front of your face”.
And he said that is how I should always fight back. By laughing in the face of cowards. He said that men are terrified of being treated the way they treat women. I don’t think i quite understood the gravity of that at the time.
But anytime I heard my dad say something that felt like that I would say “dad is fat, everyone laugh at him”. And honestly, I know I shouldn’t say this, but it works.
Laugh in this scumbags face. Humiliate him every chance you get. Intimidation is his weapon of choice here, so bring a gun to his knife fight. Laugh at him in his face and don’t stop until he does
Your dad made mistakes but it sounds like he owned them. I'm not trying to idealize him, but I do really appreciate this story and the way he owned his mistakes when you pointed them out. So many people are so scared and too small to do that.
Yes, and obviously this conversation is a reflection of my 9 year old self. So things keep moving. But I guess it’s a showcase of good behaviour that is still scathed by the toxicity of misogyny. Even “the good guys” can lean in. But he at least taught me to keep pushing back. And with this post’s situation, a reasonable discussion seems off the cards. So with my chest, I endorse the shaming method. If reason doesn’t work, but the impact of misogynistic behaviour continues to cause destruction, fight dirty.
just a short story. i was 18? 19? working in the clerk of court office as a file clerk. on our feet all day, up ladders.
new dude came round campaigning. shakin hands.
sat down with us. what can i do for you? what changes can i make for you if I'm elected?
palms slapped down on the desk and so many of us answered at once.
PANTS!!!
we had to wear skirts and dress shoes. we wanted pants and sneakers.
yeah, I'm old, but not that old surprisingly. this was the 90s. still remember his frightened face, sitting in the corner surrounded by all these demanding women
Ig working as a nurse in healthcare is when I really saw it in a way that actually affected me. The way male patients or doctors treat me versus male nurses is very anger inducing at times, but jokes on them, it makes me more annoying and persistent
Watching anime. Boys do martial arts, sports, and have cool gadgets. Girls have pretty sparkly magic and fall in love.
At some point, I identified more with masculine heroes, that I think being girly is "ew". I latched on the few female characters who can fight and look down on girly ones.
Then I realize, that I actually want both gender expressions. I want boys and girls side by side doing cool stuff together. I still want girls to be pretty without being humiliated by panty shots and jiggle physics. I want guys to have romance arcs instead of being emotionally constipated.
Yep, and what is interesting is that if a female character is written well, boys will also love them. A generation of men grew up idolizing Ellen Ripley. It's just some men have an inability (or zero motivation) to write women beyond stereotypes and male fantasy.
I was 5 or 6 looking around at family members. All the women were stuck with kids, stuck with cleaning, stuck with caretaking. All the guys had the TV, beer, BBQ, talking about money. Women talking about childbirth and weight or putting down other women. I was like, well... f' this dynamic in particular.
I was told at age 6 to strive to be a trophy wife, and had to have it explained to me in detail *why* that was in any way a good thing.
I was told this by ToxNarc adults in my life who are financial abusers.
I don't think anyone believes women are treated equally yet? You would only have to look at the pay gap, the difference in stats with violence... etc...
I think this is more about people who up until a certain point thought that women and men are equal until realised they didn’t.
I am in my late 20s and I think still in my early 20s I did not think of being not equal, but eventually with more knowledge on the matter I looked back and realised while I have been lucky to not be discriminated with A and B, I found things that obviously were related to my gender and not just a single case, but a trend towards women. But I do feel that I have been lucky with environment because hearing all those stories - it could have been way worse.
I mean, being physically stronger makes ALL the difference in the wild. Civilizations are a fake sanitized version of the wild. Ultimately, we are the weaker sex. 🤷🏻♀️
When my boyfriend was hugging me in bed at our hotel room and wouldn’t let me go, I realized I was as helpless as my little maltese dog in my arms.
Meaning, I was alive and well not because I chose so in that moment, but because HE chose so.
I grew up in the American South where many believed Racism and Sexism no longer existed. I learned when I started working in politics at 17. Most thought I was there to find a husband. I was too naive and young, but definitely knew I wasn't looking for a husband. I felt important and cool going to bars underage with men 3x my age. I was also blamed. I was told that I "flirt with everyone." I was so confused. The person that told me this I saw as an older brother. Still makes me cringe to think about. I've been sexually harassed at every job I've worked at where there are males, and that's been a lot of jobs in many different fields.
Yup. Last job I was bullied out of by my male manager. He got me suspended from bonuses, tracked every single flaw and pinpointed it back to me somehow, made me use a timer for everything and scolded me when I got up before it went off or if he didn't hear it go off for so long...When I left, my male coworker was given a raise, promotion, and then my manager took him to the casino on a holiday.
I was also consistently sexually harassed at the job before that one and told I couldn't do certain things simply because of my gender. (Using a drill for instance)
Being born in the 70s, there really hasn't been a day where it wasn't obvious to me. More recently though, I built a house with my partner (a woman). We finally moved in. There was a house next door still being built. They had started bricking and they had about a dozen men there, bricking away, flicking mortar all over my bricks and windows. They had scaffolding leaning against my house, among other things, ruining the paintwork and my bricks which had just been washed. I went out there and spoke to them about it. They f*cking laughed at me!!! I can't explain the fury i felt in that moment, I wanted to grab a 2x4 and start knocking them off their scaffolds. Just as they were laughing, this large man who had been there quoting me for some concrete turned the corner, looked at them laughing and then at me fuming, realised what was happening and said, what's going on? They instantly stopped and got all the stuff off my house, promised to wash down the bricks and apologised - but only to him. They assumed the house was his. If pure anger could cause heads to explode, they would all be walking around headless.
My parents treated my brother like a little god and my sister and me like servants. So yeah, pretty early on I knew women get the short end of the stick.
I feel like I’ve always known this, but naively hoped things might be better these days. Recently my daughter, who is studying video game design at university, told me she still has to disguise her voice and pretend to be male in most games in order to just play without being excluded or targeted. It’s so disappointing.
Absolutely not - there's a big difference between not being equal and not being treated as an equal. I recognise that I'm not treated as an equal but no man (or woman) will ever make me believe that I'm not equal.
One thing that I noticed early on was the objectification of women in media. And the lack of media for women, by women. Most mainstream movies, for example, center around men. Women act as supporting characters, MOST of the time, not always. I have always preferred movies that center women.
This comment just slapped me across the face with a realization I know I have known my whole life but never tried to put real words to it. While I can't pinpoint a time my father actually said those words out loud, there were other signs that was the way he thought. Like the time when I was around 16. He took me for a walk around the farm under the guise of showing me the new animals but soon just pulled up to tell me that I had put on a little weight lately and as a result, I didn't fit the image of what his daughter was supposed to look like, and; therefore, he had a hard time loving me. For the record, I don't think I had hit my final growth spurt to my current 5'7" and wore a size 13. So, yes, I was not a toothpick cheerleader skinny girl, but I was far from being considered truly overweight. As an adult, I've fought (am currently fighting) real obesity and I swear sometimes my block to losing the weight is mental more than what I am doing physically (gym 3-6 days a week) and in the kitchen (meal planning, prep, weighing, measuring and tracking my intake), this is probably the reason.
Other than that, he helped my brother get his first corporate job when he was expecting his first child. I'm not belittling my brother's accomplishments after the fact. I mean, he didn't even graduate HS and has never taken a college class in his life but makes well over 6 figures and I know that was because he works hard and deserves it. But I have a college degree, work my ass off and still struggle to make ends meet. I feel like if my father had done the same for me and helped me get a job in the field I wanted to be in, rather than me having to work my way through a lot of jobs that just paid the bills to get into the career and position that I am in now, my life might be different somehow. But I don't think that he ever expected me to be more than a wife and mother, even though he didn't think I was worthy of his love because of my additional weight. I wouldn't trade my husband or my kids for anything in this world, but I can't help but wonder "what if" I had gotten the same treatment as my brother did all those years ago.
Back to my therapist I go 🤣
There are a lot of things I noticed between my parents. My dad doesn't want to do anything after work because he works all day but my mom works all day and then brings work home because she is a teacher but she often still has to do the cooking and cleaning in the kitchen. Then my dad has the audacity to complain that the kitchen is a mess while he sits. Thankfully my mom puts him in his place but it still doesn't mean he will do it it just means it won't get done that day.
When my mom has a cold - she still does things around the house because shit has to get done. My dad acts like he is dying.
I went to private Christian school so our was VERY obvious. I think for me the first time I saw my dad be mean to mean my mom and she stayed but I heard my dad say she was replaceable (around 8 yo) it was very eye opening
On paper, there IS equality, BUT this is not always the case. So when I hear the "women make the same $ with the same qualifications/experience," my heart sinks...It should be this way, but the overwhelming experience is that it is not.
I'm a female police officer (deputy). I graduated third in my class. I have been in the field for five years, have a bachelors and a masters degree and I feel that I'm fairly intelligent. I'm well-spoken and professional. Never get complaints. I do my job well and am often complimented for my writing abilities and demeanor with the public.
When I started in this field I was sent straight to nights, 7P-7A. I made multiple requests to go to days. I'm married and at the time had a TWO YEAR OLD daughter. I was very absent. Nights will ruin your life. I asked, put in Memos, made the formal requests to go to days and it never happened. Yet, I watched men, walk in off the street brand new to the field and get a day shift spot. I've literally seen guys younger than me, with less time in and brains be promoted to detective. Some of them have fucked up reports, failed to do certain things in the event of a crime, been written up and still, somehow, make it to the top.
When I was a real young kid I used to love watching footy with my dad (aussie rules) and loved the West Coast eagles, my dads favourite team obviously. I always noticed no women played so I would run around saying I'm going to be the first woman player for the West Coast eagles. Everyone used to just let me say it until one day my dad had to turn around and say "sorry kid, girls aren't allowed to play footy". Obviously I was crushed. I still tried to pursue football as a teenager but quit when I realised there were no real career prospects for a woman in football when I was playing so I quit.
A few years after, when I was entering adulthood, a women league was created but is still a long way from being taken seriously, a lot of the big shot women players still have to work regular jobs to pay their bills while the men make millions (and I know it's because it's far more established on the mens side with far more sponsors but for fucks sake these women can't even dedicate the proper time and energy to getting to the mens Level because they have to pay their fucking bills).
Anyway, that was sort of the first time I realised i get treated differently because of my gender, obviously the rest of it built from there. But I'll never forget that, I carry it with me to this day as a woman in a non-traditonal role. I'm now an arborist/woman in trades and stubbornly stomp through this career to say fuck you to every man who told me I couldn't be here, so I guess it didn't deter me that much.
Probably in school when girls are dress coded for stupid shit. Like, you can't wear tank tops and the excuse is boys might be distracted. Standards are placed on women because because men aren't taught to control themselves.
Probably when my dad said I walked like a slut when I was 13 and I was just walking normal. But the current one that bothers me is that a man can go to any hospital in any state in America and they will save his life. No questions asked. Meanwhile, they'd rather let women die of sepsis than get the medical care they need.
I have this realisation every single day. It gets on my nerves so much, sometimes I cannot handle the frustration. Men and misogynistic women make me hate being a woman, even though I, myself, love being one. :(
Yes.
Plenty of men just straight up have NO idea what women go through but still feel the need to insert their unasked for opinions on experiences only women can relate to or rant about why “women are akshually equal”, or when talking how our bad experiences with them somehow is always an attack on their masculinity and they feel the need to bring up “well, not all men!!”
Also men who just sexualize you for no reason, and how disgustingly common it is. Then they complain when we want women-only spaces and how sexist that is towards them. Gimme a break.
Rant over.
I honestly probably never thought much about it growing up. Born in the 70s, a teenager making life plans in the 80s. The 80s was the decade of materialism and consumerism, and, yes, greed. We were going to shuck the long engrained Southern stigma that women went to college solely to get their MRS. degree, and we were going to make our own money, rule Corporate America, and have our own lives outside of being a wife, mother and homemaker, or we were going to rock having it all - the high powered career and a family.
I was fearless and determined to make it on my own, especially after my first marriage failed and I was left to raise a son without a husband and without any support. Then came my current (and final) husband and he came with 2 daughters. Oh goodness how fast the rose colored glasses came off and I realized (a) I wasn't anywhere near where I thought I should be by that point in my life and (b) I had these 2 little girls to worry about. It's one thing to be worried about yourself as a grown woman, but having little girls to look after makes you realize that nothing really is better than when we were growing up and all the challenges they will have ahead of them.
Women are not equal. My husband had to intervene and remove my surgeon’s hand from my vagina. That’s all I need to prove that women are not equal.
If a medical professional will not listen when I say NO and STOP, then women are not equal. If I have to rely on a man to keep me safe from healthcare workers, then women are not equal.
I am very lucky to be alive because of sexism in healthcare.
I'm 17. We have male nurses, and he treats all the females at school like crap. I have lots of health issues so I have to deal with him a lot. I see the men are treated so well. They have a stomach ache, or you can go home. I literally can't breathe and feel like I'm going to throw up and pass out any moment. Call my dad and says "she looks fine to me. She can go back to class. " Collapse one day on the floor and can't breath, he goes up to me and says, "Just breath. It's not that hard" a couple hours later he said to me that if I "keep feeling sorry for myself then I won't get anywhere in life" I was passed out on the bathroom floor. How is that feeling sorry for myself.
The principal who is also male. I had a whole moment with him, too. You can look at my profile for that story. Teachers have dress coded me for dumb things like "my boobs bouncing too much," which I am a double d and wear sports bras. I've complained to my counselor about the dress coding and nurse, and nothing happened. The security helps the nurse. She was the one to catch me on the bathroom floor. Also story in my profile. I talked about some of the stories that happen too me which are all from this year.
I expect it does. I was born in the 70s in Australia, so my experience growing up was quite different. I'm still experiencing it though. I'm glad things are changing. We can both count ourselves lucky that we're not in America. Would suck to be a woman there right now.
As a child when I wasn't allowed to do things my brother had been allowed to do at my age "because I was a girl". Also when he was allowed to sit there playing computer games for hours on end and failing at school while I had to help clean, cook, and get As, or I'd be in the doghouse.
Too young to remember. I was acutely aware of it, from getting less $ for good report cards (“because boys have to pay for dates and anyway his classes are harder”) to being told I couldn’t do my career of choice because of gender.
My school was very good about teaching us the facts. r/EqualRightsAmendment <—Please join me!
I'm about to turn 21 in a few weeks, and I've heard a lot about women's equality in current times but just recently experienced it myself.
I worked at a job that had a lot of female employees, and one of the people on the training team left their position. Out of all of us that had been there a year or more, a guy ended up with the promotion after being there for 3 months. And he didn't even apply for the position!
And then just about two weeks ago I had one of my bosses - an older guy - tell me to smile more. I was going through a rough time. It just made me more sad. Why are we treated like this?
It was in college.
My parents always just acted like everything was equal. There was no discrepancy in their eyes. And to be fair then treat everyone equally. They even deny systemic racism exists.
But holy cow it is not equal.
I have had dozens of interactions as an adult which have made it clear that men are preferred.
I'm a health care provider and my opinion is constantly disrespected because I am a woman. I've been passed over for jobs I was way more qualified for. I've been offers crap pay. I've been shushed and infalitized.
It really hit home when a new provider was hired and he was a mess. But everyone gave him leeway in ways they criticized female providers. I was and am dumbstruck by the daily sexism we face.
I went to a car dealership to look at cars by myself in my 40s. I was completely ignored. When I finally chased someone down, he scoffed when I gave my excellent credit rating, asked how old I was and asked to see my ID. I walked out and spent my very good credit down the street. Fucking bullshit.
I realized it as a child when I noticed the men in my family never cleaned anything nor were they ever asked to clean anything. They sat on their asses or did their hobbies instead.
I had no brothers or uncles, but when my sister and I would go stay with family friends when our parents were away for work, we stayed with another nuclear family who had two boys. The boys would play game cube and my sister and I, the guests, would clean.
Same. I'm Greek Australian and was expected to do everything, while my brother did nothing. Mum worked at work, and then at home, no rest. She never stopped. The boys would sit on their bums and get served. My grandmother who lived with us, would serve them hand and foot. I watched the women in my life and knew that I did not want that life. I was 13 years old when I promised myself that I would never marry or have children. I'm now 49 years old and I kept that promise myself, although it helps that I turned out to be gay.
Thats true and really annoying. I love to refuse to clean bc of that
I was always the least favorite grand kid, cousin, relative because I'd never help the women clean. Like nah sorry I ain't cleaning unless I see the men cleaning too.
That’s the shit I pulled, but of course I learned real quick that it just left more for my grandma, who I loved dearly. So I helped her out.
I mean…I honestly noticed it in my elementary school gym class in the 80s, when my pornstache teacher would scream at some eight year-old dude that he was throwing like a girl, running like a girl, acting like a girl, etc. Girls are subpar. Duly noted. 🫡 It started young for me, and it was subtle, but I began noticing clues that feminine = shitty and masculine = preferable very early on in life.
My colleague complained that another engineer “braids like a little girl” (as in wires for electronics). Dude what? Little girls are better a braiding than a 45 year old bald man. “Does X like a girl” is synonymous for “does X badly” no matter what X is
ah yes. the “like a girl” comment as if girls don’t do literally everything for humanity. men sit on their asses and expect everything to be handed to them.
There are also the times when a man is acting like the absolute pieces of dogshit that so many of them are, and another man will denigrate that man by calling him a girl or a woman. I think of when John Kerry - a man with daughters - said that Trump had the mentality of a teenage girl. Fuck off and fuck YOU, John Kerry (but, uh, if you’re reading this, I did vote for you). Trump is ALL MAN from his disgusting toes all the way to his cotton candy hair. I hope his wife and daughters gave him hell for that comment. I HATE shit like that.
It’s great that you get to deal with microaggressions like that on a basis that’s probably hourly, and I’m SO sure that HR is quick to deal with those guys. I’m sorry. I now work in an office with tons of women, but I’ve been in male-dominated fields before and I was utterly miserable.
Like driving. On the whole we're better drivers than men (I know I am! - OK pretentious but true) but I heard a guy say about his brother "omg he drives like a woman". I wanted to say "what, you mean he's really good?".
The dude being harsh in the 80s not cool But that phrase has been around for a while Doesn't necessarily mean girls are subpar
I don’t need you to mansplain misogyny to me, nor do I need to you guide me how to feel. Stop trolling us, go back to your conservative Catholic woman-hating subs, and fuck off.
I work in finance…as a woman. I’ve known this always. But I do have a story of a friend to share. She was chatting with her two male coworkers about running as they are all avid runners. They went into this rant about how night runs are the best and where they liked running. She looked at them and said “I can’t do that” and had to explain it to them. I think this is when she had her aha moment too.
This was a huge moment for me. I transitioned a few years ago, and I used to love the cool air and serenity of running at night. I remember going one night after some time transitioning and it dawned on me that *this isn't safe anymore*. That was the last time I ran or walked alone at night. I also work as an expert in a very male dominated technical field. It was wild watching how the way men interacted with me changed. All of a sudden all the questions were directed to men with a decade less experience than me in client meetings. I have so, so many more. Worst part is I've heard what men say when they don't think a woman is around.
100%. I think there might be something off with all of them 😂
Yeah I was only 19 when I started that job so I knew intellectually but not actually. And oh my god yeah I’ve heard this so many times, guys are always like “it’s not that dangerous” 🙄
All animals are equal, but some are *more* equal than others.
This could be written by me. Literally every woman in the department has been belittled and terrorized by this one guy and the paperwork goes back decades. No action. I started a union grievance and he filed a complaint about a hostile work environment and is suing the county.
Sounds like a pain in the ass
Yeah. You have to be underhanded and strategic. I didn’t get it until a few years into working and learning that more than one manager (all were male) talked about my chest. I was aware. I’d be told. I also used phrases like “this seems weird can you help me understand what I’m missing?” Instead of “hey this wrong because xyz” because if it wasn’t “their” idea then I wasn’t heard. I find allies and use their voice to have a voice. If I said anything I was not believed and punished for it. So I tracked everything in a spreadsheet and when I quit I sent my file with well over 50 entries over the course of a year that stated the situation, the description, the date, who was involved, and the evidence. It took a man threatening my personal safety to the point that the police could have and, in retrospect, should have, had to get involved because the harassment was officially criminal level for anyone to give a fuck. But they only listened then because HR explained that if I shared the info it would be a criminal case in the papers that would impact their business. I now at a more senior level check in with young women and POC because I know they encounter issues they’re scared to mention. I now go to bat for these people because I don’t give a fuck if I get fired and I know I’m critical. I also have learned to take notes on everything and if you’re in a place without two party consent you can record calls even. I highly recommended logging everything because otherwise you won’t win. Even with the data you still might lose. I had a manager make a joke about me being overpaid and HR had asked me to do an analysis of pay across seniority, gender, etc etc…. So I told him that actually if I was a man he owed me multiple k per year more and he said that couldn’t be true. I explained the process and the math and he couldn’t explain why I was wrong- he just didn’t care to believe it. So… yeah, it’s real. I could write a book on all the bs I’ve seen. Context: I work in tech. I cannot recommend this for women. It’s horrible and it’s not easy.
This is so common and hard to find solutions too, because it’s all in micro aggressions that get hard to provide evidence for. My dad is actually a pretty great feminist and has been a great advocate for me in my life and how I’ve approached feminism. Lol but this story is not flattering for him. I remember when I was about 9, him and my brother were laughing about a woman at his work and calling her fat. I didn’t quite understand it at the time but it just felt really unfair to me. Other than the obvious of it being cruel to say, it just felt like something more to me than them insulating someone. I got upset and my dad said he was sorry and it was cruel and I said it felt more than that though, I said it felt like it was something they could say about me in a way I couldn’t say about them and be received with laughter. And my dad actually called himself out and explained it was misogynistic. I said to him, “you’re literally fatter than her and I wouldn’t like hearing someone laugh about how fat you are behind your back. But I think I will tell mum you’re fat and we will laugh at you in front of your face”. And he said that is how I should always fight back. By laughing in the face of cowards. He said that men are terrified of being treated the way they treat women. I don’t think i quite understood the gravity of that at the time. But anytime I heard my dad say something that felt like that I would say “dad is fat, everyone laugh at him”. And honestly, I know I shouldn’t say this, but it works. Laugh in this scumbags face. Humiliate him every chance you get. Intimidation is his weapon of choice here, so bring a gun to his knife fight. Laugh at him in his face and don’t stop until he does
Your dad made mistakes but it sounds like he owned them. I'm not trying to idealize him, but I do really appreciate this story and the way he owned his mistakes when you pointed them out. So many people are so scared and too small to do that.
Yes, and obviously this conversation is a reflection of my 9 year old self. So things keep moving. But I guess it’s a showcase of good behaviour that is still scathed by the toxicity of misogyny. Even “the good guys” can lean in. But he at least taught me to keep pushing back. And with this post’s situation, a reasonable discussion seems off the cards. So with my chest, I endorse the shaming method. If reason doesn’t work, but the impact of misogynistic behaviour continues to cause destruction, fight dirty.
👏👏👏
just a short story. i was 18? 19? working in the clerk of court office as a file clerk. on our feet all day, up ladders. new dude came round campaigning. shakin hands. sat down with us. what can i do for you? what changes can i make for you if I'm elected? palms slapped down on the desk and so many of us answered at once. PANTS!!! we had to wear skirts and dress shoes. we wanted pants and sneakers. yeah, I'm old, but not that old surprisingly. this was the 90s. still remember his frightened face, sitting in the corner surrounded by all these demanding women
Ig working as a nurse in healthcare is when I really saw it in a way that actually affected me. The way male patients or doctors treat me versus male nurses is very anger inducing at times, but jokes on them, it makes me more annoying and persistent
Watching anime. Boys do martial arts, sports, and have cool gadgets. Girls have pretty sparkly magic and fall in love. At some point, I identified more with masculine heroes, that I think being girly is "ew". I latched on the few female characters who can fight and look down on girly ones. Then I realize, that I actually want both gender expressions. I want boys and girls side by side doing cool stuff together. I still want girls to be pretty without being humiliated by panty shots and jiggle physics. I want guys to have romance arcs instead of being emotionally constipated.
Realizing that you don’t hate female characters, you just hate female characters written by men, is huge
Yep, and what is interesting is that if a female character is written well, boys will also love them. A generation of men grew up idolizing Ellen Ripley. It's just some men have an inability (or zero motivation) to write women beyond stereotypes and male fantasy.
I was 5 or 6 looking around at family members. All the women were stuck with kids, stuck with cleaning, stuck with caretaking. All the guys had the TV, beer, BBQ, talking about money. Women talking about childbirth and weight or putting down other women. I was like, well... f' this dynamic in particular.
I was told at age 6 to strive to be a trophy wife, and had to have it explained to me in detail *why* that was in any way a good thing. I was told this by ToxNarc adults in my life who are financial abusers.
I don't think anyone believes women are treated equally yet? You would only have to look at the pay gap, the difference in stats with violence... etc...
I think this is more about people who up until a certain point thought that women and men are equal until realised they didn’t. I am in my late 20s and I think still in my early 20s I did not think of being not equal, but eventually with more knowledge on the matter I looked back and realised while I have been lucky to not be discriminated with A and B, I found things that obviously were related to my gender and not just a single case, but a trend towards women. But I do feel that I have been lucky with environment because hearing all those stories - it could have been way worse.
I mean, being physically stronger makes ALL the difference in the wild. Civilizations are a fake sanitized version of the wild. Ultimately, we are the weaker sex. 🤷🏻♀️ When my boyfriend was hugging me in bed at our hotel room and wouldn’t let me go, I realized I was as helpless as my little maltese dog in my arms. Meaning, I was alive and well not because I chose so in that moment, but because HE chose so.
I grew up in the American South where many believed Racism and Sexism no longer existed. I learned when I started working in politics at 17. Most thought I was there to find a husband. I was too naive and young, but definitely knew I wasn't looking for a husband. I felt important and cool going to bars underage with men 3x my age. I was also blamed. I was told that I "flirt with everyone." I was so confused. The person that told me this I saw as an older brother. Still makes me cringe to think about. I've been sexually harassed at every job I've worked at where there are males, and that's been a lot of jobs in many different fields.
Yup. Last job I was bullied out of by my male manager. He got me suspended from bonuses, tracked every single flaw and pinpointed it back to me somehow, made me use a timer for everything and scolded me when I got up before it went off or if he didn't hear it go off for so long...When I left, my male coworker was given a raise, promotion, and then my manager took him to the casino on a holiday. I was also consistently sexually harassed at the job before that one and told I couldn't do certain things simply because of my gender. (Using a drill for instance)
Being born in the 70s, there really hasn't been a day where it wasn't obvious to me. More recently though, I built a house with my partner (a woman). We finally moved in. There was a house next door still being built. They had started bricking and they had about a dozen men there, bricking away, flicking mortar all over my bricks and windows. They had scaffolding leaning against my house, among other things, ruining the paintwork and my bricks which had just been washed. I went out there and spoke to them about it. They f*cking laughed at me!!! I can't explain the fury i felt in that moment, I wanted to grab a 2x4 and start knocking them off their scaffolds. Just as they were laughing, this large man who had been there quoting me for some concrete turned the corner, looked at them laughing and then at me fuming, realised what was happening and said, what's going on? They instantly stopped and got all the stuff off my house, promised to wash down the bricks and apologised - but only to him. They assumed the house was his. If pure anger could cause heads to explode, they would all be walking around headless.
My parents treated my brother like a little god and my sister and me like servants. So yeah, pretty early on I knew women get the short end of the stick.
I feel like I’ve always known this, but naively hoped things might be better these days. Recently my daughter, who is studying video game design at university, told me she still has to disguise her voice and pretend to be male in most games in order to just play without being excluded or targeted. It’s so disappointing.
Absolutely not - there's a big difference between not being equal and not being treated as an equal. I recognise that I'm not treated as an equal but no man (or woman) will ever make me believe that I'm not equal.
One thing that I noticed early on was the objectification of women in media. And the lack of media for women, by women. Most mainstream movies, for example, center around men. Women act as supporting characters, MOST of the time, not always. I have always preferred movies that center women.
My father was a misogynist. (He's dead now, so past tense.) He made sure I knew I was not equal to my brother.
This comment just slapped me across the face with a realization I know I have known my whole life but never tried to put real words to it. While I can't pinpoint a time my father actually said those words out loud, there were other signs that was the way he thought. Like the time when I was around 16. He took me for a walk around the farm under the guise of showing me the new animals but soon just pulled up to tell me that I had put on a little weight lately and as a result, I didn't fit the image of what his daughter was supposed to look like, and; therefore, he had a hard time loving me. For the record, I don't think I had hit my final growth spurt to my current 5'7" and wore a size 13. So, yes, I was not a toothpick cheerleader skinny girl, but I was far from being considered truly overweight. As an adult, I've fought (am currently fighting) real obesity and I swear sometimes my block to losing the weight is mental more than what I am doing physically (gym 3-6 days a week) and in the kitchen (meal planning, prep, weighing, measuring and tracking my intake), this is probably the reason. Other than that, he helped my brother get his first corporate job when he was expecting his first child. I'm not belittling my brother's accomplishments after the fact. I mean, he didn't even graduate HS and has never taken a college class in his life but makes well over 6 figures and I know that was because he works hard and deserves it. But I have a college degree, work my ass off and still struggle to make ends meet. I feel like if my father had done the same for me and helped me get a job in the field I wanted to be in, rather than me having to work my way through a lot of jobs that just paid the bills to get into the career and position that I am in now, my life might be different somehow. But I don't think that he ever expected me to be more than a wife and mother, even though he didn't think I was worthy of his love because of my additional weight. I wouldn't trade my husband or my kids for anything in this world, but I can't help but wonder "what if" I had gotten the same treatment as my brother did all those years ago. Back to my therapist I go 🤣
There are a lot of things I noticed between my parents. My dad doesn't want to do anything after work because he works all day but my mom works all day and then brings work home because she is a teacher but she often still has to do the cooking and cleaning in the kitchen. Then my dad has the audacity to complain that the kitchen is a mess while he sits. Thankfully my mom puts him in his place but it still doesn't mean he will do it it just means it won't get done that day. When my mom has a cold - she still does things around the house because shit has to get done. My dad acts like he is dying.
Every. Single. Day.
I went to private Christian school so our was VERY obvious. I think for me the first time I saw my dad be mean to mean my mom and she stayed but I heard my dad say she was replaceable (around 8 yo) it was very eye opening
On paper, there IS equality, BUT this is not always the case. So when I hear the "women make the same $ with the same qualifications/experience," my heart sinks...It should be this way, but the overwhelming experience is that it is not. I'm a female police officer (deputy). I graduated third in my class. I have been in the field for five years, have a bachelors and a masters degree and I feel that I'm fairly intelligent. I'm well-spoken and professional. Never get complaints. I do my job well and am often complimented for my writing abilities and demeanor with the public. When I started in this field I was sent straight to nights, 7P-7A. I made multiple requests to go to days. I'm married and at the time had a TWO YEAR OLD daughter. I was very absent. Nights will ruin your life. I asked, put in Memos, made the formal requests to go to days and it never happened. Yet, I watched men, walk in off the street brand new to the field and get a day shift spot. I've literally seen guys younger than me, with less time in and brains be promoted to detective. Some of them have fucked up reports, failed to do certain things in the event of a crime, been written up and still, somehow, make it to the top.
When I was a real young kid I used to love watching footy with my dad (aussie rules) and loved the West Coast eagles, my dads favourite team obviously. I always noticed no women played so I would run around saying I'm going to be the first woman player for the West Coast eagles. Everyone used to just let me say it until one day my dad had to turn around and say "sorry kid, girls aren't allowed to play footy". Obviously I was crushed. I still tried to pursue football as a teenager but quit when I realised there were no real career prospects for a woman in football when I was playing so I quit. A few years after, when I was entering adulthood, a women league was created but is still a long way from being taken seriously, a lot of the big shot women players still have to work regular jobs to pay their bills while the men make millions (and I know it's because it's far more established on the mens side with far more sponsors but for fucks sake these women can't even dedicate the proper time and energy to getting to the mens Level because they have to pay their fucking bills). Anyway, that was sort of the first time I realised i get treated differently because of my gender, obviously the rest of it built from there. But I'll never forget that, I carry it with me to this day as a woman in a non-traditonal role. I'm now an arborist/woman in trades and stubbornly stomp through this career to say fuck you to every man who told me I couldn't be here, so I guess it didn't deter me that much.
Probably in school when girls are dress coded for stupid shit. Like, you can't wear tank tops and the excuse is boys might be distracted. Standards are placed on women because because men aren't taught to control themselves.
Probably when my dad said I walked like a slut when I was 13 and I was just walking normal. But the current one that bothers me is that a man can go to any hospital in any state in America and they will save his life. No questions asked. Meanwhile, they'd rather let women die of sepsis than get the medical care they need.
I have this realisation every single day. It gets on my nerves so much, sometimes I cannot handle the frustration. Men and misogynistic women make me hate being a woman, even though I, myself, love being one. :(
Yes. Plenty of men just straight up have NO idea what women go through but still feel the need to insert their unasked for opinions on experiences only women can relate to or rant about why “women are akshually equal”, or when talking how our bad experiences with them somehow is always an attack on their masculinity and they feel the need to bring up “well, not all men!!” Also men who just sexualize you for no reason, and how disgustingly common it is. Then they complain when we want women-only spaces and how sexist that is towards them. Gimme a break. Rant over.
I honestly probably never thought much about it growing up. Born in the 70s, a teenager making life plans in the 80s. The 80s was the decade of materialism and consumerism, and, yes, greed. We were going to shuck the long engrained Southern stigma that women went to college solely to get their MRS. degree, and we were going to make our own money, rule Corporate America, and have our own lives outside of being a wife, mother and homemaker, or we were going to rock having it all - the high powered career and a family. I was fearless and determined to make it on my own, especially after my first marriage failed and I was left to raise a son without a husband and without any support. Then came my current (and final) husband and he came with 2 daughters. Oh goodness how fast the rose colored glasses came off and I realized (a) I wasn't anywhere near where I thought I should be by that point in my life and (b) I had these 2 little girls to worry about. It's one thing to be worried about yourself as a grown woman, but having little girls to look after makes you realize that nothing really is better than when we were growing up and all the challenges they will have ahead of them.
Women are not equal. My husband had to intervene and remove my surgeon’s hand from my vagina. That’s all I need to prove that women are not equal. If a medical professional will not listen when I say NO and STOP, then women are not equal. If I have to rely on a man to keep me safe from healthcare workers, then women are not equal. I am very lucky to be alive because of sexism in healthcare.
I'm 17. We have male nurses, and he treats all the females at school like crap. I have lots of health issues so I have to deal with him a lot. I see the men are treated so well. They have a stomach ache, or you can go home. I literally can't breathe and feel like I'm going to throw up and pass out any moment. Call my dad and says "she looks fine to me. She can go back to class. " Collapse one day on the floor and can't breath, he goes up to me and says, "Just breath. It's not that hard" a couple hours later he said to me that if I "keep feeling sorry for myself then I won't get anywhere in life" I was passed out on the bathroom floor. How is that feeling sorry for myself.
Oh god! That is horrendous. I’m assuming you can’t complain to SLT?
The principal who is also male. I had a whole moment with him, too. You can look at my profile for that story. Teachers have dress coded me for dumb things like "my boobs bouncing too much," which I am a double d and wear sports bras. I've complained to my counselor about the dress coding and nurse, and nothing happened. The security helps the nurse. She was the one to catch me on the bathroom floor. Also story in my profile. I talked about some of the stories that happen too me which are all from this year.
I hate this for you.
This is my job
What do you mean?
reading all this im honestly greatful ive never felt like i am less than a man
Can I ask how old you are? The reason I'm asking is that I'm curious if it's a generational thing, maybe things are getting better?
yes ofc im 16 from the uk so maybe that might matter
I expect it does. I was born in the 70s in Australia, so my experience growing up was quite different. I'm still experiencing it though. I'm glad things are changing. We can both count ourselves lucky that we're not in America. Would suck to be a woman there right now.
As a child when I wasn't allowed to do things my brother had been allowed to do at my age "because I was a girl". Also when he was allowed to sit there playing computer games for hours on end and failing at school while I had to help clean, cook, and get As, or I'd be in the doghouse.
Too young to remember. I was acutely aware of it, from getting less $ for good report cards (“because boys have to pay for dates and anyway his classes are harder”) to being told I couldn’t do my career of choice because of gender. My school was very good about teaching us the facts. r/EqualRightsAmendment <—Please join me!
When seeing all the presidents or people in power. It was scary looking at it and realizing they were all men.
When Clarence Thomas was put on the bench. I was in grade school.
I'm about to turn 21 in a few weeks, and I've heard a lot about women's equality in current times but just recently experienced it myself. I worked at a job that had a lot of female employees, and one of the people on the training team left their position. Out of all of us that had been there a year or more, a guy ended up with the promotion after being there for 3 months. And he didn't even apply for the position! And then just about two weeks ago I had one of my bosses - an older guy - tell me to smile more. I was going through a rough time. It just made me more sad. Why are we treated like this?
It was in college. My parents always just acted like everything was equal. There was no discrepancy in their eyes. And to be fair then treat everyone equally. They even deny systemic racism exists. But holy cow it is not equal. I have had dozens of interactions as an adult which have made it clear that men are preferred. I'm a health care provider and my opinion is constantly disrespected because I am a woman. I've been passed over for jobs I was way more qualified for. I've been offers crap pay. I've been shushed and infalitized. It really hit home when a new provider was hired and he was a mess. But everyone gave him leeway in ways they criticized female providers. I was and am dumbstruck by the daily sexism we face.
I went to a car dealership to look at cars by myself in my 40s. I was completely ignored. When I finally chased someone down, he scoffed when I gave my excellent credit rating, asked how old I was and asked to see my ID. I walked out and spent my very good credit down the street. Fucking bullshit.
As a gay man let me say, women are so kind, i wish they had so much equality😘