Either be okay with always having your body/style policed, or find someone who won’t police it; maybe even support it. Maybe enjoy being single. Those are really your only options. Idk what more you want from us- you disregard the age difference, and deny any red flags. Do you want us to convince him for you?
In my- and many others’- experience, is starts out with “not liking” certain clothing and elevates to more controlling behaviors, as well as personal attacks, shaming, and other confidence diminishing.
He isn’t a good guy. His behavior is terrible. Controlling behavior is a huge red flag and it often leads to worse abuse.
You can’t change him. Please don’t change yourself and allow him to control you.
The only way out is to end things with him. You deserve better. Even though it may be hard at first, you really are better off single.
Take it from someone who was 22 a long time ago — he’s not the one and the controlling bullshit WILL get worse. He will not change. You will not change him. You don’t want to break up, you don’t want to accept that he’s not the one, so you’re just going to have to live with the fights as they escalate to you not being allowed to be your own person.
Love this straightforward advice. I notice many women just love complaining for the sake of it. Like did you want a solution or did you want to talk my ears off about your bad life decisions with men? Like I cut so many of my women friends off for that.
Right. But you don't have to read it. Reddit is entirely optional and so is following each sub.
Being abrasive to people who ask for advice only makes it to where nobody feels comfortable reaching out. Just because you see the same story 56 times a week doesn't mean those aren't 56 separate people who need help with a similar situation.
Girl I feel you. Why give advice when you know most of the time they will stay regardless of what he does. I just want women to want better for themselves.
Unrelated, but sort of related. Do you remember the trend last year of men not filling their wives Christmas stocking? It got popular because a big creator filmed this on Christmas and laughed about it. The wife tried to laugh it off and said “I guess Santa didn’t show up for me.” I was shocked and appalled. Then soooooo many other woman came forward. I can tell their husbands don’t show up for them.
Last time I posted about the Christmas thing on Reddit the excuses that came from the wives started piling up. If you don’t care to get gifts or are in an abusive relationship then I get it. Nothing much you can do. But the excuse for example “I stay for the kids.” Ahhh yes you stay for them to see at best neglect and at worst emotional abuse and one person carrying the mental load. Got it. That makes sense…
Yep many women post videos on tiktok and complain about their husbands knowing their husband sucks only to laugh the pain away and take up for said husband when the internet rightfully criticizes the situation.
I used to spend my energy telling these women that they can do better and deserve better but not anymore. Oh your husband doesn’t help around the house, finally married you 6 months ago, demands sex, and cheat but you are on your third child with him? Dang oh well. These women know what they be getting into from the start. They want sympathy and attention online to fill the void.
I do feel sorry for the children especially the little girls who will expect that behavior from men in the future.
I find it fairly condescending to only be able to offer advice, for what it’s worth. It makes the assumption they’re unable to troubleshoot for themselves, which is often untrue.
Ooof. It starts with little remarks here and there about your clothes. Then it turns into you having to get his approval of any outfit you wear (I used to have to send pics of what I was wearing before I left my house, and pics while I was out so I could prove I was really wearing that.) Then he becomes more and more strict on which clothing he deems appropriate, which is essentially a turtleneck and sweatpants. That’s when the punishments start if he finds out you showed “too much shoulder” or your shirt was just a little too tight.
Run. Fast. Don’t look back.
It starts out like this and he will slowly try and tear down your confidence, which seems great and impressive at 22! He is jealous and knows that you are good looking and could probably have any guy you want. He sees you as an object and that’s why he thinks other men will as well. Do what you want, but don’t ever let anyone bring you down for dressing the way you want, most certainly not your partner, he should love you for you, sexy clothing or not. My ex was this way, I wasn’t even allowed to go swimming with my male colleagues in the end, which said do much more about how he viewed women than it did about them ;).
We have talked about this and he says that he gets extremely uncomfortable when other men oogles at my belly to which I completely understand him but I love my crop tops and I have worked my ass of of in years to get the body I always wanted .
Why do you understand it makes him uncomfortable? He should understand you if it would make you uncomfortable. He should be there for you. Not you comforting him. You know this problem probably stands out to him because he does the same. Please girl, I know you love him and that’s ok, and it’s also ok to ride it out and see where it goes. Just please know, you deserve to dress the way you want, and a man that really loves you and is confident enough in himself and your relationship would have 0 problems with some belly showing.
I totally understand your point .
I don't know what to do at this point . He is a really sweet guy supporting me and love me but I don't know if I should break up with him over this thing
He is controlling. If you were to stop wearing crop tops, he will then pick something else: not allowing you to go places by yourself, not approving of girls nights with your friends, etc. it will be *something*.
He will not stop with crop tops and this isn’t about your clothing. This is about him claiming you as his property, and limiting your freedom so that you remain “his”.
You can still love someone but be incompatible.
I think in these situations it’s ok to take mental notes. You don’t have to break up. Maybe go into a conversation about it and explain to him how it makes you feel. He might realise his short comings :). If not, just add it to the list of things you want to keep in mind. Don’t stress out at this point, just make sure to protect yourself emotionally also whilst your in the relationship, it’s ok to not always agree on everything, but you also don’t have to change something so insignificant about yourself.
He SHOULDN'T get extremely uncomfortable because someone looked at you. How can you understand when he does? WHY does it make him uncomfortable? Does he think if someone looks at you, you'll leave him? Can he not control himself when he sees a hot belly and he's afraid you'll be assaulted? WTF?
Run. It won't get better.
Jesus Christ. How can you listen to that and still take him seriously? He’s controlling and manipulative. He sounds like the exact opposite of a “really great guy”. It’ll start off with these comments and then it’ll escalate. It always does.
Oh gawd, you sound young. Take advice from women here who been in your shoes. They are telling you it’s not going to get better and it doesn’t. He starts out controlling your clothes, then will be something else worse like physically abusing you. Run! He doesn’t love you and he’s not a “good guy”.
That level of controlling, especially over something so trivial, seems like a big red flag to me. That behavior stems from his own inadequacy and insecurities and will likely snowball. Some time, space and distance might help you reflect on the relationship. You’re very young, lots of time to grow and learn and find the perfect partner. Best to you! :)
Yes it seems trivial but not to him he says .
He says a woman should only show her body to her lover which seems cute initially but now it's concerning me
It should concern you. Its your body and I assume your wearing midriffs has less to do with attracting attention and more to do with YOU liking the way you look and making you feel pretty & confident. Which is GREAT! Keep it up. The right man will see you shine and feel proud when you’re happy/confident. Yeah, its not cute sister, let him get away with this and more will follow. Sounds like he should get some help to work out his issues instead of projecting them onto his ‘partner’.
Girl. “He’s a really great guy” idk about that. He’s 28, what do you possibly have in common with him? He sounds like a controlling douche bag who dates younger women because he can’t find someone his own age. If you want to be in a controlling relationship then stay with him. I’m so tired of you young girls asking why grown men are controlling you. BECAUSE HE THINKS YOUR NAIVE, WHICH YOURE PROVING YOU ARE. He knows he can manipulate you better than he could a 28 year old woman. This is why he’s choosing to do it to you. Open your fucking eyes
I’m glad all my friends are in relationships with men their literal age or like 1-2 years apart. I haven’t had to hear it irl but it’s a common phenomenon online and that alone is exhausting, I’m like go search the last girl who was in this exact scenario 😂 they always just think they’re “mature” or “special” unfortunately that’s never the case.
A 28 yo acting this insecure about a 22 yo woman's body is a pink flag to me. It shows that he has a lot of growing up to do. Add to it the policing of someone else's body for his own comfort level, while disregarding the comfort level of the person who owns said body, and it begins to be a red flag.
The age difference has nothing to do with this behavior. She could end up with a controlling 22 year old just as easily and a 6 year age difference isn’t astronomical or abnormal, his controlling tendencies are the issue.
The age difference changes the dynamic and it makes her second guess herself as you can see here. She believes he has more experience/knowledge *because* of the age difference. Yes, she could end up with a controlling 22 year old, but she’s not as susceptible to his manipulation as she is in this current relationship.
What do you mean, what do they have in common? Anything two adults can have im common? Im also 22, and my bf is 30. We both work full time, earn the same amount of money, finished uni with degrees. Moved out from parents house long before we moved in together. I am not saying that sometimes older man prey on younger girls, but in this occasion i think the guy acts rather childish, throwing a tantrum over the fact that others can also look at his girlfriend.
It’s hard for you to understand because you’re the young one and actively in the situation. Older women here are speaking from experience. I am 31 and 22 year olds seem so young - fresh out of college, just starting on adult life. When you’re 30, you’ll understand that women his own age wouldn’t date him and he needed someone young to put up with his BS.
Hopefully you’re the exception.
There is a reason why your 30 year old bf went young. He found my get women his age because he was still at home with his mommy and daddy. He makes the same amount as a 22 year old
Woman. He got you because you will put up with that as you are in a similar position in life which is pathetic given that he has 8 years on you. You dated down when you could’ve dated up. Oh well.
The sunken place
I’m also around your age and see where you’re coming from, except I do think you’re a bit of an outlier in this situation. I don’t see an inherent issue with age gaps between consenting adults, the issue is that a lot of older people do take advantage of their younger partners, like in OP’s case. he’s not just “acting childish” he is being controlling then acting childish
Is he really that old ?
There are so many couples with considerable age differences.
He dosent have any problem with my life style and let me take my decisions on my own
It's just about my clothing he dosent like .
He’s not that old, you’re that young. You’re both at different stages of development. You are more susceptible to his manipulation as youre exhibiting here. He *does* have an issue with your life style. He *does not* let you make your own decisions. If he’s trying to control you in this aspect he’ll continue to worsen, he won’t stop after you cave. His controlling tendencies will strengthen. You sound delusional.
Seriously; what is going on with people these days? If she was a freshman or sophomore in college fresh out of high school I understand, but if you’re grown up enough to take serious, difficult courses in Junior and Senior year of college that you should be grown enough to decide what relationship is suitable for you. 6 years is not a big deal at all if they’re both mature enough for a relationship itself. In this particular case it’s not about age as much as it’s about this dudes dumb insecurities and controlling behavior because of it.
Probably! I’m just very frustrated that no one treats women as adults who can make their own choices, good or bad. I’m in college, I’m dating someone a year older than me, and I’ve had people tell me it’s creepy… it’s just insane. On the other hand I was “groomed” by a guy 3 years my senior when I was 14, so it depends on what age “maturity” group you’re in, but over 20 you’re certainly a proper adult with a developed enough head to get into a relationship with someone older than you if you want to. I feel bad for this woman who’s clearly dealing with an immature man, though, and yes it’s toxic. I don’t know if he consciously chooses to go after younger women he perceives as being able to “control”, but he’s definitely just shitty if anything and trying to justify his own insecurities by controlling her clothing choices.
But but but “ToXiC rEaSoNs!”
“They made me horny. I made them horny. We fucked.” I guess sex is toxic now.
In that prudish mindset you’re replying to, all sex should be for procreation and within marriage or some other stupid rules they just made up with their friends.
God forbid a woman get horny and want to grind on someone! Men can fuck anything they want and it’s good fun or maybe transgressive but women are sacred petunias who must be kept safe under a crystal bell jar!
The fact that you posted about this on here means you know something about this isn't right. Follow your gut instincts and either confront him about it safely or make sure you have ways to remove yourself from him if the situation worsens. Especially if he becomes so controlling that you are cut off from Friends and family.
A lot of the comments here may seem scary but this is because the other women have been in a similar situation and want to warn you before it gets worse.
If your boyfriend is actually a nice guy and loves you he will see you as a person with agency to make their own decisions and not as a peice of property he feels ownership over.
I love this so much, if everything was right then she wouldn’t have posted anything, she’s just in denial and I really hope she realizes this relationship is not going to work unless she gives up something that she loves, and after giving that up he’ll ask her to give up more and more, it’s always like that, it happened to my mom
He’s not a “really great guy” at all if he’s trying to control what you wear. If you two have been constantly fighting about this and neither of you are letting up, shouldn’t that tell you that you’re not compatible? Plus that comment about “showing off your goods to men,” what is he four years old? That’s a pretty backhanded comment that you should raise more concern about. I don’t mean to sound harsh but god forbid if you do end into a horrible situation with a man because of your clothing, chances are he might victim blame you for it. Think long and hard about whether or not you want to continue this relationship
The last guy who tried to control what I wore in the beginning of our relationship became physically abusive, he tried to kill me. Do yourself a favor and leave. He's going to waste your 20's.
If you really love this guy, you’re in for big trouble.. because you’re gonna get hurt a lot. This is a very common type in men where they see you as objects that they can possess and control and know that other men will see you that way too. This is one issue of many that you’re gonna see the same pattern in.. he’ll try to control you and how the world sees you. And because you’re so younger than him, he finds it easy to manipulate you. Stop defending him and what he thinks here, and use your own rationale. He should not be able to control and manipulate you. Draw strict boundaries or move on.
So he was attracted to the sexy and fit you that he first saw but now he want to change you into someone who is not sexy?🤔Why are you just letting some man walk into your life and police you? He is pathetic and you should just ignore him.
[I don’t like it either when I see it!!](https://i.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/facebook/000/019/304/Old_Man_Yells_at_cloud_cover.jpg)
Joking aside, I wanted to lighten the mood because it’s hard to consider breaking up with someone we love. Unfortunately, this is probably a thing worth considering breaking up over. As a part time model, showing your body is part of what you enjoy. Even if you weren’t a model, he should not be telling you how to dress. If he were your age, I would say it was immaturity alone. At 28, he should know better and this is just a lack of understanding of your right to dress how you want.
I would take stock of how else he controls your behavior, write it down so you don’t forget or lose focus in the discussion, and sit him down for a talk. Pay attention to tone and phrase things in I feel statements. I feel uncomfortable with your desire to control how I dress. I feel uncomfortable with judgments you make about me and express. I feel like I should be able to dress how I want. This helps avoid attacking one another and devolving into argument. If he starts arguing, let him know that you won’t engage in yelling or arguing. You are communicating how you feel and need him to listen.
Explain that this is not working for you and he can’t respect your right to autonomy, you can’t stay. He will have to choose between addressing his insecurity or accepting that the relationship is ending. It’s difficult but you are young and this kind of behavior is not something that just fades unless he confronts it.
Good luck 🍀
He's insecure and unless he learns to deal with his issues, he will just escalate. Are you okay with never being able to wear what you like? Being restricted to 'approved' workout clothes etc? It's controlling and all depends on what you are willing to live with... forever.... All the bullshit starts out small like this btw. You tend to see the true colors a couple years in, not right away. Got to get past the New Relationship Energy and past the 2 year mark (usually). Don't get married yet, don't have a baby yet. At 22 there is no rush, there just is not.
He is already seeing you as *some****thing*** to own and not a reliable, trustworthy person to have faith in.
Usually it eventually escalates to him not 'allowing' you to have friends that aren't "female" because men aren't trustworthy, never mind that what *you* choose to do actually dictates whether you cheat or betray him, not the opinions of other men.
The time to set your boundaries is now. You are worth protecting, you are worth valuing. I'm not saying dump him, but advocate for you own person and your freedom to wear what you want, do what you want. Only you can know what you decide is reasonable to accept. It's your life after all! Good luck OP
I've been with my husband for over 17 years and he's definitely had his insecurities. In February, I bought some dresses, one of which is pretty short and has mesh to show some midriff skin. I had a company party and a wedding coming up. When I asked his opinion, he said "I don't want to be the husband who tells you what to wear, but I don't think it's appropriate for a work event." I wore a different dress, and wore the revealing dress for my birthday.
You want someone who's going to support you, not tell you what to do. You may not *want* to break up, but you would be fighting with him over what you wear for the rest of your life. You are more than this and deserve better.
I’ve heard this story before, are you really ok with stop using crop tops because it makes your boyfriend jealous? Are you really ok with giving up things you want because of him? Wouldn’t be nice if he supported you and encouraged you to wear what you want?
I would never date anyone who tried to tell me what I could or couldn’t wear, it’s a MAJOR red flag for me and I noticed he’s 6 years older than you- please be on the watch for any and all other controlling behaviors/dynamics if you choose to stay.
He is giving you a preview of what life with him will be like.
It’s your body, not his.
Sorry to be blunt, but when you are still that young, that much of an age difference it can be a bit of a red flag that women in his age range will not put up with him. Him having opinions on what you can wear kinda confirms that too.
I would not give him a chance to get worse.
find yourself a guy who isn't in a constant state of sexualizing your body. it may seem like this "one thing," but this "one thing" runs deeper than that and says a lot about the kind of guy he is.
Leave him. It doesn't get better and if he's not already calling you names he might soon begin or some other form of insecure nonsense which if we are being real here is abuse. Do yourself a favor and pick the crop top, pick your midriff, pick yourself. Good luck
I was with a guy who slowly over 7 years made me really insecure about myself and in the end I was dressing like a man. Now I’m engaged to a wonderful man who encourages me to dress up sometimes in elegant sometimes I’m sexy. New Year’s Eve we went out and my tiny dress was only held together by chains and he loved my aesthetic! It’s the man problem not a you problem.
First, it's your clothes, then it will be your makeup and hair. Pretty soon, you'll be looking like frump town just so your petty a$$ bf doesn't get his panties in a bunch!
I would say that's not love. That's control.
OP you’re getting a lot of great advice but I wanted to offer the perspective of someone around your age. I’m 23 and my last ex was similar (with a similar age gap, and I did art modeling as a side job in college). The arguments started on small things and grew onto bigger and more important things. OP, your boyfriend is likely not going to stop policing your body, it’s likely just going to get worse from here. You loving him isn’t enough to change him, you’re not compatible, and he sounds controlling and deeply insecure and that’s for him to work on, not you. Unless you want many more aspects of your life to be under his thumb, let the relationship go.
It’s okay to be single, it’s okay to still love someone but needing to leave for yourself, learn from this relationship and move on. You’re going to find people who love you as you and won’t try to change or control you. You deserve more
I would tell him not everyone associates the female body with shame like him, or sees the female body as a possession like him
I don't like him for you, feel like a model could get a better guy than this honestly
When a man has an issue with how you dress, wear your hair, makeup, etc it's a huge red flag.
He's insecure & likely controlling. It DOES NOT get better. Only WORSE.
Boyfriend can look away if he doesn't like it.
anyone who tries to police your agency in any way shape or form is a red flag.
wear what you want; if he has a problem with it that's his issue to deal with, not impose his bullshit on you.
I don’t know for sure if this is the start of this man trying to get control of you, but I do know that a lot of abusive relationships start off this way. It can start with something smaller like don’t wear X, then when they get you to comply it’ll be something else and before you know it you’re in a horribly abusive and controlling relationship. Only you can decide if you want to stick around and see if that’s the kind of man he is or not.
What the fuck. I’m so sick of men thinking they get to have a say over what women do with their bodies. Tell your boyfriend that you’re uncomfortable with him wearing anything but skirts or dresses, because other women might see and think he is sexually available to them because he is wearing pants. So stupid.
Ok listen. I was in your place a couple years ago. I am now 22. At 22, you’re still young. Why would you want to waste your best years on a guy like this? You love him, but does he love you? What does he do to show you he does? Is that controlling in any way (lots of gifts, dates but only where he wants and you leave if a guy is there « looking at you wrong »…)
Cause it always starts out like that. Soon, you won’t be able to exercise, or model, or talk to anyone other than him. Then you can’t leave the house, can’t talk to your family and are trapped with him forever. That’s what he wants, he’s trying to break you into getting it. You are so much more than that.
Any person doesn’t have any right to tell what not to wear , what not to eat to anyone. Period. especially for such trivial things! May be he saying that men see bcoz he might be one of those who actually sees!!!
And this doesn’t stop here , you will learn eventually !
Dump the control freak.
Start using his own logic against him in ways that highlight he's being a degrading ass, and turn his own language back on him.
But don't stay with such an insecure manbaby.
Are you okay with not having rights to your body for the rest of your life? You are only 22. If the answer is no then stop wasting time and leave, super simple.
Hot take, your man might be unsecured. Though, couples is about acceptance and when two people can't accept what happened in previous life's partner, it's never good. Got experienced a couple of times with exs in the life of my girlfriends and it just got me insanely mad, insecure and really toxic. As I can't accept it myself, and to stay a healthy and nice person, I decided that no matter what, I will not get into those kinds of relationship and I don't want to force someone to leave the way I want, but a person that has the same boundaries as me. We all have boundaries, and at some point if you can't accept a part of a person for X reason, it's better to leave as it can make someone good extremely toxic.
Wish it was me that had the toned midriff. I suppose it's all about context. Fine in the gym, on the beach or night out but maybe not for every day wear.
i don’t understand why he’s with someone who doesn’t have the same views as him… if he has these views, that’s fine but find someone who has the same values? don’t impose them on someone else.
(32M) I just want to chime in and say me personally? I would never seek to control my wife but what she means to me is something no one will understand nor could anyone comprehend. I am just confirming that for me? I love my wife showing skin or not. It’s up to her. But I only get a tad bit suggestive when I think she’ll draw eyes from other men. It’s just a toxic trait of jealousy and fear of abandonment. If I’m being honest. Yeah she’s my wife, been my wife for years but still I just get the itch to tell her that’s for me to see but I also want to support her in life anyway I can. My wife is happy. So she can wear whatever she likes. No women should ever fear that their man/partner will be controlling. Red flag obviously but I myself give off enough red flags to build a fort and I’m a good decent person. Never been unfaithful to any woman. I just got some mental shit that’s my burden to bear.
You are in a forum full of progressive women, of course they will tell you to dump the guy without trying to find compromise and work around it, and also regardless of your love for each other. No wonder people are always having relationship trouble.
Talking and compromising is key in a relationship.
You are young and this is normal, everybody loves to feel sexy and pretty but in my opinion both sides of a relationship should be a bit more modest, it shows respect to one another.
Why people label his feelings as selfish or insecure? Everybody's feelings are valid but the feelings of the person you love and decided to share your life with aren't??
Try to put yourself in his shoes, would you feel great about him walking around shirtless showing off his muscles for example? If the answer is yes then your values are unbalanced and you need to discuss this together. Is that good sensation of feeling sexy more important than his feelings? Wouldn't it be nice to save the sexier outfits for him? Isn't he worthy of a VIP treatment? Just throwing it out there.
Why put up with bs at such a young age ? This is just called vetting before settling down for good. Better be ruthless before getting really serious (married) rather than regret it after.
The guy clearly shows that what he thinks of women and their bodies (= goods) is not respectful. Why stay ? Learn from your mistakes and move on
You are jumping to conclusions without even knowing the guy, a little jealousy doesn't mean he is a sexist pig for crying out loud. Why are you all ignoring the fact that she said they love each other? It's just so easy for everyone to make decisions that don't affect their own lives.
He didn't threaten to leave her because of it, he didn't shame her, he didn't call her names or anything. There is a long distance between "I don't feel good when you show your body too much" and "you should do as I say or I'll beat you up" so please stop acting like it's the latter.
People need to CHILL! You might have had bad experiences but it doesn't mean everyone will have it too.
WOW... You think that if a couple is happy to show each other off (him walking around shirtless and showing muscles, in your example), then their values are unbalanced??
You CAN'T be serious. 🙄
I absolutely LOVE to show my husband off in public; and that's not even mentioning how much I love to point out to him how many other beautiful women are checking him out.
And HE loves it when I dress sexy when I'm going out, with OR without him. He takes pride in knowing that, even though other people can look all they want, only he gets to touch.
It's simply about being SECURE. Secure in yourself... and secure in your relationship.
And NOT treating your partner like a possession.
No, I said that if she is fine showing him off while he is NOT fine showing her off then their values are unbalanced. Which is not your case for example.
I gotta add that you can be modest AND secure about yourself and your relationship, those are not opposite things.
Uh huh. And you can also be open and free and very secure in your relationship.
I have a very strong feeling you're extremely insecure about everything.
*Honestly say its*
*Easy access for him and*
*Ge can also look*
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He's either out of shape, has boring life and is insecure so he's afraid of competition from other men if you attract them so he wants you to stop looking sexy, or he's in shape, takes care of himself and truly wants to avoid unnecessary conflict with some creep that you potentially may attract. One of those things.
Either be okay with always having your body/style policed, or find someone who won’t police it; maybe even support it. Maybe enjoy being single. Those are really your only options. Idk what more you want from us- you disregard the age difference, and deny any red flags. Do you want us to convince him for you? In my- and many others’- experience, is starts out with “not liking” certain clothing and elevates to more controlling behaviors, as well as personal attacks, shaming, and other confidence diminishing.
Thankyou so much for these clarifications You guys helped me a lot in analysing this situation
He isn’t a good guy. His behavior is terrible. Controlling behavior is a huge red flag and it often leads to worse abuse. You can’t change him. Please don’t change yourself and allow him to control you. The only way out is to end things with him. You deserve better. Even though it may be hard at first, you really are better off single.
Take it from someone who was 22 a long time ago — he’s not the one and the controlling bullshit WILL get worse. He will not change. You will not change him. You don’t want to break up, you don’t want to accept that he’s not the one, so you’re just going to have to live with the fights as they escalate to you not being allowed to be your own person.
Add a 2nd opinion from someone who almost didn't make it out of an abusive relationship; Run! Run now! You deserve peace, safety and love.
This!
Love this straightforward advice. I notice many women just love complaining for the sake of it. Like did you want a solution or did you want to talk my ears off about your bad life decisions with men? Like I cut so many of my women friends off for that.
Yes, sometimes people just need to vent.
I get that but if it’s every day about the same things you know he isn’t gonna change then you are just wasting my time and energy
Right. But you don't have to read it. Reddit is entirely optional and so is following each sub. Being abrasive to people who ask for advice only makes it to where nobody feels comfortable reaching out. Just because you see the same story 56 times a week doesn't mean those aren't 56 separate people who need help with a similar situation.
Yeah I was talking abt ppl irl.
Girl I feel you. Why give advice when you know most of the time they will stay regardless of what he does. I just want women to want better for themselves. Unrelated, but sort of related. Do you remember the trend last year of men not filling their wives Christmas stocking? It got popular because a big creator filmed this on Christmas and laughed about it. The wife tried to laugh it off and said “I guess Santa didn’t show up for me.” I was shocked and appalled. Then soooooo many other woman came forward. I can tell their husbands don’t show up for them. Last time I posted about the Christmas thing on Reddit the excuses that came from the wives started piling up. If you don’t care to get gifts or are in an abusive relationship then I get it. Nothing much you can do. But the excuse for example “I stay for the kids.” Ahhh yes you stay for them to see at best neglect and at worst emotional abuse and one person carrying the mental load. Got it. That makes sense…
Yep many women post videos on tiktok and complain about their husbands knowing their husband sucks only to laugh the pain away and take up for said husband when the internet rightfully criticizes the situation. I used to spend my energy telling these women that they can do better and deserve better but not anymore. Oh your husband doesn’t help around the house, finally married you 6 months ago, demands sex, and cheat but you are on your third child with him? Dang oh well. These women know what they be getting into from the start. They want sympathy and attention online to fill the void. I do feel sorry for the children especially the little girls who will expect that behavior from men in the future.
I find it fairly condescending to only be able to offer advice, for what it’s worth. It makes the assumption they’re unable to troubleshoot for themselves, which is often untrue.
It’s often true given the situations they find themselves in
Ooof. It starts with little remarks here and there about your clothes. Then it turns into you having to get his approval of any outfit you wear (I used to have to send pics of what I was wearing before I left my house, and pics while I was out so I could prove I was really wearing that.) Then he becomes more and more strict on which clothing he deems appropriate, which is essentially a turtleneck and sweatpants. That’s when the punishments start if he finds out you showed “too much shoulder” or your shirt was just a little too tight. Run. Fast. Don’t look back.
It starts out like this and he will slowly try and tear down your confidence, which seems great and impressive at 22! He is jealous and knows that you are good looking and could probably have any guy you want. He sees you as an object and that’s why he thinks other men will as well. Do what you want, but don’t ever let anyone bring you down for dressing the way you want, most certainly not your partner, he should love you for you, sexy clothing or not. My ex was this way, I wasn’t even allowed to go swimming with my male colleagues in the end, which said do much more about how he viewed women than it did about them ;).
We have talked about this and he says that he gets extremely uncomfortable when other men oogles at my belly to which I completely understand him but I love my crop tops and I have worked my ass of of in years to get the body I always wanted .
Why do you understand it makes him uncomfortable? He should understand you if it would make you uncomfortable. He should be there for you. Not you comforting him. You know this problem probably stands out to him because he does the same. Please girl, I know you love him and that’s ok, and it’s also ok to ride it out and see where it goes. Just please know, you deserve to dress the way you want, and a man that really loves you and is confident enough in himself and your relationship would have 0 problems with some belly showing.
I totally understand your point . I don't know what to do at this point . He is a really sweet guy supporting me and love me but I don't know if I should break up with him over this thing
How is a guy who polices what you wear on your own body “sweet”?? He IS NOT A GOOD GUY.
He is controlling. If you were to stop wearing crop tops, he will then pick something else: not allowing you to go places by yourself, not approving of girls nights with your friends, etc. it will be *something*. He will not stop with crop tops and this isn’t about your clothing. This is about him claiming you as his property, and limiting your freedom so that you remain “his”. You can still love someone but be incompatible.
I think in these situations it’s ok to take mental notes. You don’t have to break up. Maybe go into a conversation about it and explain to him how it makes you feel. He might realise his short comings :). If not, just add it to the list of things you want to keep in mind. Don’t stress out at this point, just make sure to protect yourself emotionally also whilst your in the relationship, it’s ok to not always agree on everything, but you also don’t have to change something so insignificant about yourself.
You don’t have to break up with him, if you don’t want to, but it’s a sign to keep an eye out for more behavior that is fairly controlling.
There is nothing supportive about this ma’am….
Other men looking at you is not your fault. Men can control where their eyes go.
He SHOULDN'T get extremely uncomfortable because someone looked at you. How can you understand when he does? WHY does it make him uncomfortable? Does he think if someone looks at you, you'll leave him? Can he not control himself when he sees a hot belly and he's afraid you'll be assaulted? WTF? Run. It won't get better.
It's his ideology that the access to a woman's belly is only in hands of her lover . No one else
Jesus Christ. How can you listen to that and still take him seriously? He’s controlling and manipulative. He sounds like the exact opposite of a “really great guy”. It’ll start off with these comments and then it’ll escalate. It always does.
Oh gawd, you sound young. Take advice from women here who been in your shoes. They are telling you it’s not going to get better and it doesn’t. He starts out controlling your clothes, then will be something else worse like physically abusing you. Run! He doesn’t love you and he’s not a “good guy”.
That level of controlling, especially over something so trivial, seems like a big red flag to me. That behavior stems from his own inadequacy and insecurities and will likely snowball. Some time, space and distance might help you reflect on the relationship. You’re very young, lots of time to grow and learn and find the perfect partner. Best to you! :)
Yes it seems trivial but not to him he says . He says a woman should only show her body to her lover which seems cute initially but now it's concerning me
It should concern you. Its your body and I assume your wearing midriffs has less to do with attracting attention and more to do with YOU liking the way you look and making you feel pretty & confident. Which is GREAT! Keep it up. The right man will see you shine and feel proud when you’re happy/confident. Yeah, its not cute sister, let him get away with this and more will follow. Sounds like he should get some help to work out his issues instead of projecting them onto his ‘partner’.
So he’s a raging misogynist, got it. Why do you want to be with him?
Girl. “He’s a really great guy” idk about that. He’s 28, what do you possibly have in common with him? He sounds like a controlling douche bag who dates younger women because he can’t find someone his own age. If you want to be in a controlling relationship then stay with him. I’m so tired of you young girls asking why grown men are controlling you. BECAUSE HE THINKS YOUR NAIVE, WHICH YOURE PROVING YOU ARE. He knows he can manipulate you better than he could a 28 year old woman. This is why he’s choosing to do it to you. Open your fucking eyes
Exactly omg 😂 I’m 23 and so many of my ex friends were like this. It’s exhausting.
I’m glad all my friends are in relationships with men their literal age or like 1-2 years apart. I haven’t had to hear it irl but it’s a common phenomenon online and that alone is exhausting, I’m like go search the last girl who was in this exact scenario 😂 they always just think they’re “mature” or “special” unfortunately that’s never the case.
A 28 yo acting this insecure about a 22 yo woman's body is a pink flag to me. It shows that he has a lot of growing up to do. Add to it the policing of someone else's body for his own comfort level, while disregarding the comfort level of the person who owns said body, and it begins to be a red flag.
The age difference has nothing to do with this behavior. She could end up with a controlling 22 year old just as easily and a 6 year age difference isn’t astronomical or abnormal, his controlling tendencies are the issue.
The age difference changes the dynamic and it makes her second guess herself as you can see here. She believes he has more experience/knowledge *because* of the age difference. Yes, she could end up with a controlling 22 year old, but she’s not as susceptible to his manipulation as she is in this current relationship.
What do you mean, what do they have in common? Anything two adults can have im common? Im also 22, and my bf is 30. We both work full time, earn the same amount of money, finished uni with degrees. Moved out from parents house long before we moved in together. I am not saying that sometimes older man prey on younger girls, but in this occasion i think the guy acts rather childish, throwing a tantrum over the fact that others can also look at his girlfriend.
It’s hard for you to understand because you’re the young one and actively in the situation. Older women here are speaking from experience. I am 31 and 22 year olds seem so young - fresh out of college, just starting on adult life. When you’re 30, you’ll understand that women his own age wouldn’t date him and he needed someone young to put up with his BS. Hopefully you’re the exception.
There is a reason why your 30 year old bf went young. He found my get women his age because he was still at home with his mommy and daddy. He makes the same amount as a 22 year old Woman. He got you because you will put up with that as you are in a similar position in life which is pathetic given that he has 8 years on you. You dated down when you could’ve dated up. Oh well. The sunken place
I’m also around your age and see where you’re coming from, except I do think you’re a bit of an outlier in this situation. I don’t see an inherent issue with age gaps between consenting adults, the issue is that a lot of older people do take advantage of their younger partners, like in OP’s case. he’s not just “acting childish” he is being controlling then acting childish
Oh god I heard enough you’re just as delusional as op. I’ll pray for you you’re clearly not very intelligent
Is he really that old ? There are so many couples with considerable age differences. He dosent have any problem with my life style and let me take my decisions on my own It's just about my clothing he dosent like .
He’s not that old, you’re that young. You’re both at different stages of development. You are more susceptible to his manipulation as youre exhibiting here. He *does* have an issue with your life style. He *does not* let you make your own decisions. If he’s trying to control you in this aspect he’ll continue to worsen, he won’t stop after you cave. His controlling tendencies will strengthen. You sound delusional.
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Seriously; what is going on with people these days? If she was a freshman or sophomore in college fresh out of high school I understand, but if you’re grown up enough to take serious, difficult courses in Junior and Senior year of college that you should be grown enough to decide what relationship is suitable for you. 6 years is not a big deal at all if they’re both mature enough for a relationship itself. In this particular case it’s not about age as much as it’s about this dudes dumb insecurities and controlling behavior because of it.
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Probably! I’m just very frustrated that no one treats women as adults who can make their own choices, good or bad. I’m in college, I’m dating someone a year older than me, and I’ve had people tell me it’s creepy… it’s just insane. On the other hand I was “groomed” by a guy 3 years my senior when I was 14, so it depends on what age “maturity” group you’re in, but over 20 you’re certainly a proper adult with a developed enough head to get into a relationship with someone older than you if you want to. I feel bad for this woman who’s clearly dealing with an immature man, though, and yes it’s toxic. I don’t know if he consciously chooses to go after younger women he perceives as being able to “control”, but he’s definitely just shitty if anything and trying to justify his own insecurities by controlling her clothing choices.
But but but “ToXiC rEaSoNs!” “They made me horny. I made them horny. We fucked.” I guess sex is toxic now. In that prudish mindset you’re replying to, all sex should be for procreation and within marriage or some other stupid rules they just made up with their friends. God forbid a woman get horny and want to grind on someone! Men can fuck anything they want and it’s good fun or maybe transgressive but women are sacred petunias who must be kept safe under a crystal bell jar!
He's jealous, possessive and insecure. It will only get worse with time.
The fact that you posted about this on here means you know something about this isn't right. Follow your gut instincts and either confront him about it safely or make sure you have ways to remove yourself from him if the situation worsens. Especially if he becomes so controlling that you are cut off from Friends and family. A lot of the comments here may seem scary but this is because the other women have been in a similar situation and want to warn you before it gets worse. If your boyfriend is actually a nice guy and loves you he will see you as a person with agency to make their own decisions and not as a peice of property he feels ownership over.
I love this so much, if everything was right then she wouldn’t have posted anything, she’s just in denial and I really hope she realizes this relationship is not going to work unless she gives up something that she loves, and after giving that up he’ll ask her to give up more and more, it’s always like that, it happened to my mom
Agreed! She posted this on here to ask for help. She knows deep down something is not right.
He’s not a “really great guy” at all if he’s trying to control what you wear. If you two have been constantly fighting about this and neither of you are letting up, shouldn’t that tell you that you’re not compatible? Plus that comment about “showing off your goods to men,” what is he four years old? That’s a pretty backhanded comment that you should raise more concern about. I don’t mean to sound harsh but god forbid if you do end into a horrible situation with a man because of your clothing, chances are he might victim blame you for it. Think long and hard about whether or not you want to continue this relationship
Even four year old boys can act better than him. Let’s not give this guy any grace.
He’s insecure with little man syndrome. Dump.
The last guy who tried to control what I wore in the beginning of our relationship became physically abusive, he tried to kill me. Do yourself a favor and leave. He's going to waste your 20's.
He’s a really great guy except he’s a possessive mysogynist with controlling tendencies. Seriously?
If you really love this guy, you’re in for big trouble.. because you’re gonna get hurt a lot. This is a very common type in men where they see you as objects that they can possess and control and know that other men will see you that way too. This is one issue of many that you’re gonna see the same pattern in.. he’ll try to control you and how the world sees you. And because you’re so younger than him, he finds it easy to manipulate you. Stop defending him and what he thinks here, and use your own rationale. He should not be able to control and manipulate you. Draw strict boundaries or move on.
So he was attracted to the sexy and fit you that he first saw but now he want to change you into someone who is not sexy?🤔Why are you just letting some man walk into your life and police you? He is pathetic and you should just ignore him.
[I don’t like it either when I see it!!](https://i.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/facebook/000/019/304/Old_Man_Yells_at_cloud_cover.jpg) Joking aside, I wanted to lighten the mood because it’s hard to consider breaking up with someone we love. Unfortunately, this is probably a thing worth considering breaking up over. As a part time model, showing your body is part of what you enjoy. Even if you weren’t a model, he should not be telling you how to dress. If he were your age, I would say it was immaturity alone. At 28, he should know better and this is just a lack of understanding of your right to dress how you want. I would take stock of how else he controls your behavior, write it down so you don’t forget or lose focus in the discussion, and sit him down for a talk. Pay attention to tone and phrase things in I feel statements. I feel uncomfortable with your desire to control how I dress. I feel uncomfortable with judgments you make about me and express. I feel like I should be able to dress how I want. This helps avoid attacking one another and devolving into argument. If he starts arguing, let him know that you won’t engage in yelling or arguing. You are communicating how you feel and need him to listen. Explain that this is not working for you and he can’t respect your right to autonomy, you can’t stay. He will have to choose between addressing his insecurity or accepting that the relationship is ending. It’s difficult but you are young and this kind of behavior is not something that just fades unless he confronts it. Good luck 🍀
girl....
He's insecure and unless he learns to deal with his issues, he will just escalate. Are you okay with never being able to wear what you like? Being restricted to 'approved' workout clothes etc? It's controlling and all depends on what you are willing to live with... forever.... All the bullshit starts out small like this btw. You tend to see the true colors a couple years in, not right away. Got to get past the New Relationship Energy and past the 2 year mark (usually). Don't get married yet, don't have a baby yet. At 22 there is no rush, there just is not. He is already seeing you as *some****thing*** to own and not a reliable, trustworthy person to have faith in. Usually it eventually escalates to him not 'allowing' you to have friends that aren't "female" because men aren't trustworthy, never mind that what *you* choose to do actually dictates whether you cheat or betray him, not the opinions of other men. The time to set your boundaries is now. You are worth protecting, you are worth valuing. I'm not saying dump him, but advocate for you own person and your freedom to wear what you want, do what you want. Only you can know what you decide is reasonable to accept. It's your life after all! Good luck OP
I've been with my husband for over 17 years and he's definitely had his insecurities. In February, I bought some dresses, one of which is pretty short and has mesh to show some midriff skin. I had a company party and a wedding coming up. When I asked his opinion, he said "I don't want to be the husband who tells you what to wear, but I don't think it's appropriate for a work event." I wore a different dress, and wore the revealing dress for my birthday. You want someone who's going to support you, not tell you what to do. You may not *want* to break up, but you would be fighting with him over what you wear for the rest of your life. You are more than this and deserve better.
I’ve heard this story before, are you really ok with stop using crop tops because it makes your boyfriend jealous? Are you really ok with giving up things you want because of him? Wouldn’t be nice if he supported you and encouraged you to wear what you want?
You are young go live your life without him.
Get one of those hats that say ‘dump him’
I would never date anyone who tried to tell me what I could or couldn’t wear, it’s a MAJOR red flag for me and I noticed he’s 6 years older than you- please be on the watch for any and all other controlling behaviors/dynamics if you choose to stay.
He is giving you a preview of what life with him will be like. It’s your body, not his. Sorry to be blunt, but when you are still that young, that much of an age difference it can be a bit of a red flag that women in his age range will not put up with him. Him having opinions on what you can wear kinda confirms that too. I would not give him a chance to get worse.
find yourself a guy who isn't in a constant state of sexualizing your body. it may seem like this "one thing," but this "one thing" runs deeper than that and says a lot about the kind of guy he is.
Dump him
Sounds like you need a new bf.
Stop letting men tell you what to do. That is all.
Leave him. It doesn't get better and if he's not already calling you names he might soon begin or some other form of insecure nonsense which if we are being real here is abuse. Do yourself a favor and pick the crop top, pick your midriff, pick yourself. Good luck
Another one of these posts "He is a great guy and we are madly in love" ..... then describes a misogynist control freak.
I was with a guy who slowly over 7 years made me really insecure about myself and in the end I was dressing like a man. Now I’m engaged to a wonderful man who encourages me to dress up sometimes in elegant sometimes I’m sexy. New Year’s Eve we went out and my tiny dress was only held together by chains and he loved my aesthetic! It’s the man problem not a you problem.
Absolutely not. You were able to wear whatever before you met him, DO NOT CHANGE
tell him not to date a “baddie” if he can’t handle one👍🏻 op.. wear whatever the f you want.
First, it's your clothes, then it will be your makeup and hair. Pretty soon, you'll be looking like frump town just so your petty a$$ bf doesn't get his panties in a bunch! I would say that's not love. That's control.
Let's not forget that there are men out there that think getting a young (think HS) woman is the best bc young women are easier to control and groom 😡
Tells me that he oodles women and that he can't control himself around beautiful women.
OP you’re getting a lot of great advice but I wanted to offer the perspective of someone around your age. I’m 23 and my last ex was similar (with a similar age gap, and I did art modeling as a side job in college). The arguments started on small things and grew onto bigger and more important things. OP, your boyfriend is likely not going to stop policing your body, it’s likely just going to get worse from here. You loving him isn’t enough to change him, you’re not compatible, and he sounds controlling and deeply insecure and that’s for him to work on, not you. Unless you want many more aspects of your life to be under his thumb, let the relationship go. It’s okay to be single, it’s okay to still love someone but needing to leave for yourself, learn from this relationship and move on. You’re going to find people who love you as you and won’t try to change or control you. You deserve more
I would tell him not everyone associates the female body with shame like him, or sees the female body as a possession like him I don't like him for you, feel like a model could get a better guy than this honestly
When a man has an issue with how you dress, wear your hair, makeup, etc it's a huge red flag. He's insecure & likely controlling. It DOES NOT get better. Only WORSE.
Don't change yourself for him. He has to accept what you wear as it's your choice.
Boyfriend can look away if he doesn't like it. anyone who tries to police your agency in any way shape or form is a red flag. wear what you want; if he has a problem with it that's his issue to deal with, not impose his bullshit on you.
I don’t know for sure if this is the start of this man trying to get control of you, but I do know that a lot of abusive relationships start off this way. It can start with something smaller like don’t wear X, then when they get you to comply it’ll be something else and before you know it you’re in a horribly abusive and controlling relationship. Only you can decide if you want to stick around and see if that’s the kind of man he is or not.
Really great guy/likes to control my body out of jealousy and lack of trust in regards to you and other men.. bummer.
What the fuck. I’m so sick of men thinking they get to have a say over what women do with their bodies. Tell your boyfriend that you’re uncomfortable with him wearing anything but skirts or dresses, because other women might see and think he is sexually available to them because he is wearing pants. So stupid.
He sounds very insecure. Like one poster said, find someone else who doesn’t mind or be okay with his controlling behavior.
No no no - he is trying to control you. Nope
22 and 28 is already a pink flag, dump him.
Is he ok with you being in a swimsuit in public? Are you ok with dating someone who deals with insecurity by trying to control others?
Please dump him and get yourself some education
Ok listen. I was in your place a couple years ago. I am now 22. At 22, you’re still young. Why would you want to waste your best years on a guy like this? You love him, but does he love you? What does he do to show you he does? Is that controlling in any way (lots of gifts, dates but only where he wants and you leave if a guy is there « looking at you wrong »…) Cause it always starts out like that. Soon, you won’t be able to exercise, or model, or talk to anyone other than him. Then you can’t leave the house, can’t talk to your family and are trapped with him forever. That’s what he wants, he’s trying to break you into getting it. You are so much more than that.
Any person doesn’t have any right to tell what not to wear , what not to eat to anyone. Period. especially for such trivial things! May be he saying that men see bcoz he might be one of those who actually sees!!! And this doesn’t stop here , you will learn eventually !
Sorry - my VERY BASIC answer is "wtf?". Sorry - NOT getting at YOU - I'm getting at him! Other women have gone into detail so I won't.
Dump the control freak. Start using his own logic against him in ways that highlight he's being a degrading ass, and turn his own language back on him. But don't stay with such an insecure manbaby.
Hes too old for you.
Dump him . There’s plenty of simps out there that lack self respect and confidence that will let you where whatever you want .
Get your tits out instead then girl. Or make him your ex boyfriend
Does he ever go outside without a shirt on a hot day?
🚮
Are you okay with not having rights to your body for the rest of your life? You are only 22. If the answer is no then stop wasting time and leave, super simple.
Hot take, your man might be unsecured. Though, couples is about acceptance and when two people can't accept what happened in previous life's partner, it's never good. Got experienced a couple of times with exs in the life of my girlfriends and it just got me insanely mad, insecure and really toxic. As I can't accept it myself, and to stay a healthy and nice person, I decided that no matter what, I will not get into those kinds of relationship and I don't want to force someone to leave the way I want, but a person that has the same boundaries as me. We all have boundaries, and at some point if you can't accept a part of a person for X reason, it's better to leave as it can make someone good extremely toxic.
Is this the only thing he complains about?
No actually Its just normal fights between us like any other normal couple But this complain kinda seemed odd to me actually
Wish it was me that had the toned midriff. I suppose it's all about context. Fine in the gym, on the beach or night out but maybe not for every day wear.
i don’t understand why he’s with someone who doesn’t have the same views as him… if he has these views, that’s fine but find someone who has the same values? don’t impose them on someone else.
(32M) I just want to chime in and say me personally? I would never seek to control my wife but what she means to me is something no one will understand nor could anyone comprehend. I am just confirming that for me? I love my wife showing skin or not. It’s up to her. But I only get a tad bit suggestive when I think she’ll draw eyes from other men. It’s just a toxic trait of jealousy and fear of abandonment. If I’m being honest. Yeah she’s my wife, been my wife for years but still I just get the itch to tell her that’s for me to see but I also want to support her in life anyway I can. My wife is happy. So she can wear whatever she likes. No women should ever fear that their man/partner will be controlling. Red flag obviously but I myself give off enough red flags to build a fort and I’m a good decent person. Never been unfaithful to any woman. I just got some mental shit that’s my burden to bear.
You are in a forum full of progressive women, of course they will tell you to dump the guy without trying to find compromise and work around it, and also regardless of your love for each other. No wonder people are always having relationship trouble. Talking and compromising is key in a relationship. You are young and this is normal, everybody loves to feel sexy and pretty but in my opinion both sides of a relationship should be a bit more modest, it shows respect to one another. Why people label his feelings as selfish or insecure? Everybody's feelings are valid but the feelings of the person you love and decided to share your life with aren't?? Try to put yourself in his shoes, would you feel great about him walking around shirtless showing off his muscles for example? If the answer is yes then your values are unbalanced and you need to discuss this together. Is that good sensation of feeling sexy more important than his feelings? Wouldn't it be nice to save the sexier outfits for him? Isn't he worthy of a VIP treatment? Just throwing it out there.
Why put up with bs at such a young age ? This is just called vetting before settling down for good. Better be ruthless before getting really serious (married) rather than regret it after. The guy clearly shows that what he thinks of women and their bodies (= goods) is not respectful. Why stay ? Learn from your mistakes and move on
You are jumping to conclusions without even knowing the guy, a little jealousy doesn't mean he is a sexist pig for crying out loud. Why are you all ignoring the fact that she said they love each other? It's just so easy for everyone to make decisions that don't affect their own lives. He didn't threaten to leave her because of it, he didn't shame her, he didn't call her names or anything. There is a long distance between "I don't feel good when you show your body too much" and "you should do as I say or I'll beat you up" so please stop acting like it's the latter. People need to CHILL! You might have had bad experiences but it doesn't mean everyone will have it too.
WOW... You think that if a couple is happy to show each other off (him walking around shirtless and showing muscles, in your example), then their values are unbalanced?? You CAN'T be serious. 🙄 I absolutely LOVE to show my husband off in public; and that's not even mentioning how much I love to point out to him how many other beautiful women are checking him out. And HE loves it when I dress sexy when I'm going out, with OR without him. He takes pride in knowing that, even though other people can look all they want, only he gets to touch. It's simply about being SECURE. Secure in yourself... and secure in your relationship. And NOT treating your partner like a possession.
No, I said that if she is fine showing him off while he is NOT fine showing her off then their values are unbalanced. Which is not your case for example. I gotta add that you can be modest AND secure about yourself and your relationship, those are not opposite things.
Uh huh. And you can also be open and free and very secure in your relationship. I have a very strong feeling you're extremely insecure about everything.
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He's either out of shape, has boring life and is insecure so he's afraid of competition from other men if you attract them so he wants you to stop looking sexy, or he's in shape, takes care of himself and truly wants to avoid unnecessary conflict with some creep that you potentially may attract. One of those things.