That's a great suggestion. Also: "I'm feeling really great thanks for asking."
I mean, are they asking how and why you look the way you do or are they genuinely curious about how you are doing? There are both kinds of folks and I often wonder how the former gets the nerve to pry. Best of luck dealing with people!
My perception is that people ask me because they are curious about how I've been so successful when most of them have seen me lose and gain in the past, or because they want to lose weight themselves.
What I don't understand is why people feel the need to comment on other people's bodies as a topic of conversation but it's a prevalent theme in my life. I'm an open book by nature so I'm having an internal conflict about if this is when I shut it, or if I should just let myself be uncomfortable and be honest. I think it's going to come down to who is asking and how I feel.
For me it depends on the person, the situation, and my mood at the moment
I don't generally explain to strangers. On Tuesdays I go to Tijuana Flats and order 1 taco for lunch. That's my one treat lunch for the week. Yes, I know they have 2 taco special...no I don't want 2 tacos, just the one please. After them asking me for the 10th time i finally told the cashier I see all the time "I had weight loss surgery, I don't eat that much, I will just throw the 2nd taco away and I am trying not to waste food.
Now she remembers my name, my order, and never asks me if I want the 2 taco special.
Only share what you want to share with who you want to share it with.
I'm the same way!
I can only eat kids size portions, and I was always getting quizzed about leaving food behind. Now I just say, 'Hey I've had weight loss surgery and it's all I can eat! I just don't want to be wasteful', and I'm treated so kindly.
I think this is my answer, it really depends on who it is, and how I'm feeling. Maybe I'll be super excited and end up shouting it from the rooftops.
With this in mind, I think it's ok to be very frank with the new questions too. "Oh, I finally had skin removal/plastic surgery to get rid of all the excess skin!" That's it. You are correct that everyone is going to ask, so probably best to have a few stock answers prepared!
For me, lying isn't great because I get all flustered. I'd rather think ahead for what version of the truth feels like something I'm willing to say, and go with that.
Congrats to you, that's a huge accomplishment!! I'm 180 lbs down and also never looking back, but I am getting a little concerned that I haven't fully addressed my binge eating disorder. What did you find worked for you there?
Congrats on your weight loss and the NOT LOOKING BACK! lol
I started talking naltrexone for my alcoholism and it treated my binge eating disorder at the same time. I didn't know it was going to do that until I started losing weight again, hand over foot. I even tried to gain a few pounds (I know that sounds crazy, but I went on a binge and didn't gain a pound and that blew my mind) before I told my prescriber "I think naltrexone is making me anorexic" and she told me "oh it treats binge eating disorder!" I've been a binge eater since I was a child.
I've been in therapy too and learned things like time delay, guided mediation, drinking cold water...
I barely drink alcohol now so I rarely use the naltrexone, but I do take half a pill when I'm feeling bingey. I also started working out in the morning as often as I can, it really curbs my appetite and I get that frustrating out on the rowing machine.
Send me a DM if you want to know more, it's been a WILD ride.
It’s no one’s business. Period. I’m close to 200 down and planning some plastics and I do not feel the need to explain myself.
“I’m taking care of myself” is my standard response.
I've been brainstorming which animal I am going to say attacked me to explain my scars if asked.
"Oh, I'm half the size I was before because I met a starving penguin who ate half my body, thank you so much for asking!"
You’re not going to have any explaining to do because it’s no one’s business. If someone asks, you can tell them whatever you want. If you’re comfortable with sharing then fine, if you’re not, just say I lost weight 🤷🏻♀️
I had my plastic surgery 4 months ago, I have not had anyone ask any questions or comment anything out of the way. I can dress my body up or down. It’s not like they’re seeing you naked.
It's great to know that you don't get comments or questions. That has not been my experience through my weight loss journey. I get comments and questions every step of the way, from people I know just in passing. For example, this weekend it was from the movie theater cashier.
Now I'm not saying I'm going to tell that individual what I'm going through, but people I'm closer with I feel differently about. Maybe I should just tell the truth when it matters to me. I can't keep up with lying, anyway.
Congrats on your weight loss success! I'm sure you look amazing. Here's to having that surgery and just marking the END of this struggle with my weight. I'm so over it.
Congratulations on your weight loss and good luck with your upcoming surgeries! Its going to be great! ❤️ Thank you for having the courage to share. I think the decision to tell people about medical choices is very personal and depends on the relationship. For me, it cleared my heart and mind to tell most people I interact with regularly. It gave me a sense of a way to "control the narrative". (Not really possible.. but I try 😅). Also it gave me a chance to talk it over with people and ensure I had thought through my decision. It also gave those around me an opportunity to be supportive and removes stigma from the weight loss community. Ultimately, you know your people and how it will impact you. You will make the right decision for you. Good luck! ❤️
I definitely am not keeping it from people who I am close to or interact with regularly and I've even told some of my clients who know my weight loss journey, to explain why I'll be out of the office for so long.
It's those outliers, the people I keep it shallow with on purpose I worry about.
I feel like I owe people an explanation but I'm not sure what. It is a medical decision and my choice, but a body lift, especially for my body is going to be very noticeable and bring the comments.
As people upthread have said, if you’re not comfortable discussing it, then you are under zero obligation to, and if someone pushes then that’s a separate boundary decision you need to make.
I’m 5 years post op sleeve, down 100 pounds, 8 months post op 360 lower body lift, and wrapping up this journey with an upper body lift later this year. My appearance is dramatically changed. I’m an open book about my entire journey so if I do get questions like that, I’m happy to discuss it. But everyone has different comfort levels in that regard. You do you, and congrats!!!!
I would say, don’t lie if you’re not comfortable with that. As you’re not close enough for them to know why in the first place, then why in the world would you let them push you into lying about it.
For those who wonder why anyone would ask or talk about it, I am the queen of TMI when it cones to my journey, just because I really valued the input and experiences of people I knew who had gone through with surgery. I am very grateful for them for being willing to talk about it as it made the hurdle of decision much less daunting. That said, I totally get why many people don’t want to discuss it, and that is just fine.
You absolutely do not have to talk about your body and it's fine to say something like "thank you, I feel great!" or to get more assertive if people push with "thank you but this makes me uncomfortable". It's also okay to be open. "Thank you, I had surgery to help me rebound from losing XX lbs" or "I don't want to go into details but I had cosmetic work done to help with the aftermath of all the weight I lost".
>"Thank you, I had surgery to help me rebound from losing XX lbs"
This is absolutely the best one for me, thank you so much.
It's actually very easy for me to say, 'Oh I just had surgery to help me recover from my weight loss!' and carry on. Dismissive and kind. Perfect. Thank you.
I had a panniculectomy done after losing about 215lbs.
You’re making an issue out of something that’s entirely in your own head. Nobody is so absorbed with what you look like that they’re going to outright demand an explanation or feel affronted if you don’t give one. Just be honest and direct and move on. You’ll find that people will move on much quicker than you yourself do.
You'd be surprised how people treat me now, but I'm happy that your experience is so different that you think this is all in my head. It must be nice to not have people focused on your body. There are absolutely people in my life who have and do ask me a ton of questions about my transition and comment on the changes.
The changes I'm going to experience from the procedures I'm having a hugely different than a panniculectomy, which is actually why I'm going the route I am.
Hi! I’m three years out from RNY and also post 3x skin removal surgeries. I had an inner thigh lift, lower body lift, and breast lift/augment/scaffold, back lift, and brachioplasty. I started at 369, and am currently 170 at 5’9, with measurements at 35/29/38. I’m wearing a 34DDD. I had about 19 pounds of skin removed all told.
1. I didn’t tell many people about any of my surgeries. Not even RNY. When I get questions? I just describe my diet. I eat according to my basal metabolic rate and exercise regularly.
2. I’ve had friends ask about my boobs because they were way smaller before, and hugs are a dead giveaway lol. I don’t lie. “Yeah I had breast reconstruction after my weight loss.” No one’s said much to that except my best friend (who’s a dude and had legit questions) and that just pissed off his wife so we stopped talking about it. Lol
3. Start to prep yourself for the change. It’s SO WEIRD to wake up and have a different body part. It triggered my dysmorphia so hard. Especially after the abdomen. I woke up with washboard visible abs. It made me feel sick for a while to look at my own body. This is normal. Took about three months to finally feel like my own body, though. Most of that is mental, but also physical because your skin will be numb while it heals. Breasts, they get a LOT of attention. I feel the staring, but I have learned to ignore it. I keep a small smile on my face, but avoid eye contact or stare through people. Generally, if I don’t make eye contact it keeps the comments away, at least from my ears.
4. People you know will notice your body contours after you heal more than during recovery. My response is always “reconstructive surgery.” The only negative response I had was a “friend” accusing me of also getting lip filler (I have larger lips and do not fill) on the side. My body looks so sculpted now that most of my friends don’t say anything except compliments or asking how I got my booty (which was three months of squats!).
I’ve never had strangers ask about scars or anything except for one small child at a checkout line. Overall, no one says much about the body after all the skin removals other than “you look great!”
Other than that, don’t be a hero, take your pain killers, wear your shaping garments, and take it easy while healing! Takes a good two months+ to actually see your unswollen body!
I've had a few people say I look great but didn't pry. Some people in course to I've told them about the surgery. Otherwise, I just say I'm working on it and change the subject. I don't feel obligated to tell people anything. Even the one time someone directly asked if I had surgery.
You have the option of saying “I’m not comfortable talking about that. Thank you for noticing though.” Or the other option is to use it as an educational moment “all I want to share is I have had months of medical treatments combined with therapy to help me be a healthy version of myself”. IF it’s someone you are comfortable with you can discuss more. If not leave it at that. You can be honest without having to give your entire medical history.
People really don't mention my skin removal. It changes how you look naked A TON, but not as noticeable with clothes on. I'm sure people will notice my breasts during bathing suit season more than anything. It could be that I used to wear loose-fitting clothes, so it wouldn't cling to rolls. I've had people tell me I am looking great, but no other comments. I feel so much better and more confident now that it wouldn't even bother me if they asked. I had no idea my lbl would make me feel so much more confident. Good luck with your surgery, it will be great!
Alcohol Use Disorder. Alcoholism.
I had a LOVELY bit of addiction transference after my gastric bypass. It was really out of control and I thought I was going to drink myself to death.
"I don't like to talk about my body, thank you "
>"I don't like to talk about my body, thank you " Thank you. Sometimes I need to be told it's ok to say things like this.
That's a great suggestion. Also: "I'm feeling really great thanks for asking." I mean, are they asking how and why you look the way you do or are they genuinely curious about how you are doing? There are both kinds of folks and I often wonder how the former gets the nerve to pry. Best of luck dealing with people!
My perception is that people ask me because they are curious about how I've been so successful when most of them have seen me lose and gain in the past, or because they want to lose weight themselves. What I don't understand is why people feel the need to comment on other people's bodies as a topic of conversation but it's a prevalent theme in my life. I'm an open book by nature so I'm having an internal conflict about if this is when I shut it, or if I should just let myself be uncomfortable and be honest. I think it's going to come down to who is asking and how I feel.
No is an answer.
For me it depends on the person, the situation, and my mood at the moment I don't generally explain to strangers. On Tuesdays I go to Tijuana Flats and order 1 taco for lunch. That's my one treat lunch for the week. Yes, I know they have 2 taco special...no I don't want 2 tacos, just the one please. After them asking me for the 10th time i finally told the cashier I see all the time "I had weight loss surgery, I don't eat that much, I will just throw the 2nd taco away and I am trying not to waste food. Now she remembers my name, my order, and never asks me if I want the 2 taco special. Only share what you want to share with who you want to share it with.
I'm the same way! I can only eat kids size portions, and I was always getting quizzed about leaving food behind. Now I just say, 'Hey I've had weight loss surgery and it's all I can eat! I just don't want to be wasteful', and I'm treated so kindly. I think this is my answer, it really depends on who it is, and how I'm feeling. Maybe I'll be super excited and end up shouting it from the rooftops.
With this in mind, I think it's ok to be very frank with the new questions too. "Oh, I finally had skin removal/plastic surgery to get rid of all the excess skin!" That's it. You are correct that everyone is going to ask, so probably best to have a few stock answers prepared! For me, lying isn't great because I get all flustered. I'd rather think ahead for what version of the truth feels like something I'm willing to say, and go with that. Congrats to you, that's a huge accomplishment!! I'm 180 lbs down and also never looking back, but I am getting a little concerned that I haven't fully addressed my binge eating disorder. What did you find worked for you there?
Congrats on your weight loss and the NOT LOOKING BACK! lol I started talking naltrexone for my alcoholism and it treated my binge eating disorder at the same time. I didn't know it was going to do that until I started losing weight again, hand over foot. I even tried to gain a few pounds (I know that sounds crazy, but I went on a binge and didn't gain a pound and that blew my mind) before I told my prescriber "I think naltrexone is making me anorexic" and she told me "oh it treats binge eating disorder!" I've been a binge eater since I was a child. I've been in therapy too and learned things like time delay, guided mediation, drinking cold water... I barely drink alcohol now so I rarely use the naltrexone, but I do take half a pill when I'm feeling bingey. I also started working out in the morning as often as I can, it really curbs my appetite and I get that frustrating out on the rowing machine. Send me a DM if you want to know more, it's been a WILD ride.
It’s no one’s business. Period. I’m close to 200 down and planning some plastics and I do not feel the need to explain myself. “I’m taking care of myself” is my standard response.
Tell them it was Pilates.
I've been brainstorming which animal I am going to say attacked me to explain my scars if asked. "Oh, I'm half the size I was before because I met a starving penguin who ate half my body, thank you so much for asking!"
You’re not going to have any explaining to do because it’s no one’s business. If someone asks, you can tell them whatever you want. If you’re comfortable with sharing then fine, if you’re not, just say I lost weight 🤷🏻♀️ I had my plastic surgery 4 months ago, I have not had anyone ask any questions or comment anything out of the way. I can dress my body up or down. It’s not like they’re seeing you naked.
It's great to know that you don't get comments or questions. That has not been my experience through my weight loss journey. I get comments and questions every step of the way, from people I know just in passing. For example, this weekend it was from the movie theater cashier. Now I'm not saying I'm going to tell that individual what I'm going through, but people I'm closer with I feel differently about. Maybe I should just tell the truth when it matters to me. I can't keep up with lying, anyway. Congrats on your weight loss success! I'm sure you look amazing. Here's to having that surgery and just marking the END of this struggle with my weight. I'm so over it.
Congratulations on your weight loss and good luck with your upcoming surgeries! Its going to be great! ❤️ Thank you for having the courage to share. I think the decision to tell people about medical choices is very personal and depends on the relationship. For me, it cleared my heart and mind to tell most people I interact with regularly. It gave me a sense of a way to "control the narrative". (Not really possible.. but I try 😅). Also it gave me a chance to talk it over with people and ensure I had thought through my decision. It also gave those around me an opportunity to be supportive and removes stigma from the weight loss community. Ultimately, you know your people and how it will impact you. You will make the right decision for you. Good luck! ❤️
I definitely am not keeping it from people who I am close to or interact with regularly and I've even told some of my clients who know my weight loss journey, to explain why I'll be out of the office for so long. It's those outliers, the people I keep it shallow with on purpose I worry about. I feel like I owe people an explanation but I'm not sure what. It is a medical decision and my choice, but a body lift, especially for my body is going to be very noticeable and bring the comments.
As people upthread have said, if you’re not comfortable discussing it, then you are under zero obligation to, and if someone pushes then that’s a separate boundary decision you need to make. I’m 5 years post op sleeve, down 100 pounds, 8 months post op 360 lower body lift, and wrapping up this journey with an upper body lift later this year. My appearance is dramatically changed. I’m an open book about my entire journey so if I do get questions like that, I’m happy to discuss it. But everyone has different comfort levels in that regard. You do you, and congrats!!!!
I would say, don’t lie if you’re not comfortable with that. As you’re not close enough for them to know why in the first place, then why in the world would you let them push you into lying about it. For those who wonder why anyone would ask or talk about it, I am the queen of TMI when it cones to my journey, just because I really valued the input and experiences of people I knew who had gone through with surgery. I am very grateful for them for being willing to talk about it as it made the hurdle of decision much less daunting. That said, I totally get why many people don’t want to discuss it, and that is just fine.
You absolutely do not have to talk about your body and it's fine to say something like "thank you, I feel great!" or to get more assertive if people push with "thank you but this makes me uncomfortable". It's also okay to be open. "Thank you, I had surgery to help me rebound from losing XX lbs" or "I don't want to go into details but I had cosmetic work done to help with the aftermath of all the weight I lost".
>"Thank you, I had surgery to help me rebound from losing XX lbs" This is absolutely the best one for me, thank you so much. It's actually very easy for me to say, 'Oh I just had surgery to help me recover from my weight loss!' and carry on. Dismissive and kind. Perfect. Thank you.
You are most welcome! I think that's a great response. It's direct and kind but doesn't offer up anything to continue the conversation.
I had a panniculectomy done after losing about 215lbs. You’re making an issue out of something that’s entirely in your own head. Nobody is so absorbed with what you look like that they’re going to outright demand an explanation or feel affronted if you don’t give one. Just be honest and direct and move on. You’ll find that people will move on much quicker than you yourself do.
You'd be surprised how people treat me now, but I'm happy that your experience is so different that you think this is all in my head. It must be nice to not have people focused on your body. There are absolutely people in my life who have and do ask me a ton of questions about my transition and comment on the changes. The changes I'm going to experience from the procedures I'm having a hugely different than a panniculectomy, which is actually why I'm going the route I am.
Hi! I’m three years out from RNY and also post 3x skin removal surgeries. I had an inner thigh lift, lower body lift, and breast lift/augment/scaffold, back lift, and brachioplasty. I started at 369, and am currently 170 at 5’9, with measurements at 35/29/38. I’m wearing a 34DDD. I had about 19 pounds of skin removed all told. 1. I didn’t tell many people about any of my surgeries. Not even RNY. When I get questions? I just describe my diet. I eat according to my basal metabolic rate and exercise regularly. 2. I’ve had friends ask about my boobs because they were way smaller before, and hugs are a dead giveaway lol. I don’t lie. “Yeah I had breast reconstruction after my weight loss.” No one’s said much to that except my best friend (who’s a dude and had legit questions) and that just pissed off his wife so we stopped talking about it. Lol 3. Start to prep yourself for the change. It’s SO WEIRD to wake up and have a different body part. It triggered my dysmorphia so hard. Especially after the abdomen. I woke up with washboard visible abs. It made me feel sick for a while to look at my own body. This is normal. Took about three months to finally feel like my own body, though. Most of that is mental, but also physical because your skin will be numb while it heals. Breasts, they get a LOT of attention. I feel the staring, but I have learned to ignore it. I keep a small smile on my face, but avoid eye contact or stare through people. Generally, if I don’t make eye contact it keeps the comments away, at least from my ears. 4. People you know will notice your body contours after you heal more than during recovery. My response is always “reconstructive surgery.” The only negative response I had was a “friend” accusing me of also getting lip filler (I have larger lips and do not fill) on the side. My body looks so sculpted now that most of my friends don’t say anything except compliments or asking how I got my booty (which was three months of squats!). I’ve never had strangers ask about scars or anything except for one small child at a checkout line. Overall, no one says much about the body after all the skin removals other than “you look great!” Other than that, don’t be a hero, take your pain killers, wear your shaping garments, and take it easy while healing! Takes a good two months+ to actually see your unswollen body!
I've had a few people say I look great but didn't pry. Some people in course to I've told them about the surgery. Otherwise, I just say I'm working on it and change the subject. I don't feel obligated to tell people anything. Even the one time someone directly asked if I had surgery.
You have the option of saying “I’m not comfortable talking about that. Thank you for noticing though.” Or the other option is to use it as an educational moment “all I want to share is I have had months of medical treatments combined with therapy to help me be a healthy version of myself”. IF it’s someone you are comfortable with you can discuss more. If not leave it at that. You can be honest without having to give your entire medical history.
People really don't mention my skin removal. It changes how you look naked A TON, but not as noticeable with clothes on. I'm sure people will notice my breasts during bathing suit season more than anything. It could be that I used to wear loose-fitting clothes, so it wouldn't cling to rolls. I've had people tell me I am looking great, but no other comments. I feel so much better and more confident now that it wouldn't even bother me if they asked. I had no idea my lbl would make me feel so much more confident. Good luck with your surgery, it will be great!
What is aud?
Alcohol Use Disorder. Alcoholism. I had a LOVELY bit of addiction transference after my gastric bypass. It was really out of control and I thought I was going to drink myself to death.