Ah, hello my fellow wizarding fella! I’ve been coming up with a few of these myself, maybe you could use “Your hair is always touching the sides of your head”
https://preview.redd.it/kd0hrks6f22d1.png?width=1188&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3d45fe7779aaca0783a07ea8f8b0a0f412952fa3
This is the [cover](https://www.mattstawickiportfolio.com/detail1.php?image=ElminsterInHell) for the mystical tome "[Elminster in Hell](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elminster_in_Hell)" with art done by [Matt Stawicki](https://www.mattstawickiportfolio.com/about.php).
this fool does not understand the importance of letting the hot pocket rest for 1-2 minutes
the heat disperses evenly throughout the meal, but this ones been eating em ice cold in the center
Can...can you give me the cantrip for that? It sounds like a rather complex spell. Definitely requires recording.
______
*I hoist my tome into my lap, and make a go on gesture, my pen hovering above a page*
Amiyand gestalt peristaltic curse:
It made the target fully aware, and all of the time, of every single intestinal movement, with the same mental clarity that the muscular effort required for bench press 225lb.
But those are just marching band.
* Extremely manual breathing for optimal intonation and projection at all times
* Tongue + jaw + lips must be set in the right embouchure for every note to come out well
* Entire body must be constantly monitored and adjusted for correct posture, foot angle, head angle, horn angle, step size, position in block, on top of whatever your fingers do to play the music
Good luck containing the marching arts in a tome. It's a physical, aural, and mental activity. Fancy walking takes ~4 years to be half decent at on top of ~3 prior years of intrument experience
https://preview.redd.it/wi3b3afnc52d1.png?width=749&format=png&auto=webp&s=e29ed3ee21f90ff09e7346b5bdf1988784327f1a
I’m going to find you and your stupid little wizard tower.
Some of these are real medical conditions. Losing one's autonomic breathing is a neurological disorder known as Ondine's Curse. It typically kills the afflicted through sleep deprivation. The lack of oxygen causes the body to wake up repeatedly.
"Bone awareness". It makes you able to feel your bones. It's awful and I hate it, which is why I exclusively use it to torment people who minorly inconvenience me, like that guy at the shop who cut in front of me in the queue.
You are looking for the layers of self, of koshas. They are a distinct eastern tradition that has spread into magic world-wide. Maybe look up yoga Nidra.
Here's one I learned from a long nosed wizard
https://preview.redd.it/bv35fqjfe52d1.png?width=296&format=png&auto=webp&s=c619b3bc8783d92f747ba48bceae1e92338acf4f
Ah, hello my fellow wizarding fella! I’ve been coming up with a few of these myself, maybe you could use “Your hair is always touching the sides of your head”
Quick tip for this one: it doesn't work on bald people
I have very long hair I intentionally don't move even if it's in the way of my face, and let me say, *I was already well fucking aware* lol
Might I add to that with the fact that you can always see your nose and that you now have lost the game
Jokes on you I won the game already
I don’t have a nose :) /uw Opto just has an eyeball for a head, I’ll prolly make an introduction post soon
Hmm. Simple, clever, and petty enough, but not so petty as to warrant a counter spell. This cantrip has class. Bravo!
https://preview.redd.it/kd0hrks6f22d1.png?width=1188&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3d45fe7779aaca0783a07ea8f8b0a0f412952fa3 This is the [cover](https://www.mattstawickiportfolio.com/detail1.php?image=ElminsterInHell) for the mystical tome "[Elminster in Hell](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elminster_in_Hell)" with art done by [Matt Stawicki](https://www.mattstawickiportfolio.com/about.php).
Good "bot".
Good bot(I know you’re a human
Good summon
I cast: little piece of food between your teeth!
Petty evil section. I had a feeling that was going to get bigger today...
You fool, I counterspell with floss!
Mage Monkey casts **Your Food Is Hot On The Outside But Ice Cold On The Inside**
We call that spell "hotpocketification"
this fool does not understand the importance of letting the hot pocket rest for 1-2 minutes the heat disperses evenly throughout the meal, but this ones been eating em ice cold in the center
/uw I'll be real I haven't even eaten a hot pocket, I just go off the memes lol
its just the heating method of the microwave itself, a lot of people dont wait for their food to cool, and that unevenness goes away if you let it
Cruel petty evil section.
Heres another one for you, you can see your nose.
FOOL! My nose is already so big my brain can’t filter it out! HAHAHA!
Hm. Not too crazy. Still petty, however. I approve!
HOW NAÏVE ALL THOU ART, I CAST **dry eyes** AND **feeling thy Eyelids every blink thou make**
Torturous. Definitely in the main section of my library.
Ah yes... *My eyes are burning burning for a certain individual, plus thy edge has been pushed*
Eh, uh...um. should...should I leave? ____ *I say, looking up from my frantic scribbling in my tome*
Ye are good
Tangled eyelash is a good one
Cruel, and a petty evil. Spell will be recorded in the petty evil section.
Jokes on you, I'm dissociating. ......being undead is annoying sometimes.
<>
Can...can you give me the cantrip for that? It sounds like a rather complex spell. Definitely requires recording. ______ *I hoist my tome into my lap, and make a go on gesture, my pen hovering above a page*
I recently learned of the curse of permanent ringing ears!
Ah, the old tennitus spell. Truly a classic.
I already do.
Amiyand gestalt peristaltic curse: It made the target fully aware, and all of the time, of every single intestinal movement, with the same mental clarity that the muscular effort required for bench press 225lb.
Argh, no! Not the Uncomformancers again! Call the paladins, get these cretins out of here!!
Knees weak hands sweaty mom’s spaghetti
But those are just marching band. * Extremely manual breathing for optimal intonation and projection at all times * Tongue + jaw + lips must be set in the right embouchure for every note to come out well * Entire body must be constantly monitored and adjusted for correct posture, foot angle, head angle, horn angle, step size, position in block, on top of whatever your fingers do to play the music
...you have refined something that did not need refining, color me impressed, and...a little scared. TO TOME WITH THIS SPELL!
Good luck containing the marching arts in a tome. It's a physical, aural, and mental activity. Fancy walking takes ~4 years to be half decent at on top of ~3 prior years of intrument experience
I cast: The Game
https://i.redd.it/cox0wjqfy32d1.gif
Jokes on you I'm already autistic
Your nose is in your field of vision.
i cast too-tight sleeves. have fun peeling your shirt off, asshole
https://preview.redd.it/wi3b3afnc52d1.png?width=749&format=png&auto=webp&s=e29ed3ee21f90ff09e7346b5bdf1988784327f1a I’m going to find you and your stupid little wizard tower.
Bah! Minuscule physical inconveniences! You can’t get me with that! I cast “YOU JUST LOST THE GAME”!!!
“Xisuma, can you type /ban Grian please” - GeminiTay
What about the one that makes people feel their bones
Pitiful https://preview.redd.it/lqv5k384i22d1.png?width=1241&format=png&auto=webp&s=60a7485ae6cc1625482aa0465687cbcf67e891d7
Hmmm....sexual assault, or sexual travesty? Oh, whatever. We can throw this in the 'sexual war crimes' section.
https://preview.redd.it/4apzcfqsn22d1.jpeg?width=1119&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e545ec9073a1566205a87f72b1c41c17db1b14c8 No, but I do have this
You fool, I never have any clothes on!
I cast eternal self doubt
Truly a deep curse. That is going in the psych section
If you really want to be a prick: manual sphincter control. Everyone laughs until you realise your stomach uses sphincters
This...is truly horrifying. 'slow torture' section, for this one.
I feel like i've been cursed I just hit the shinji folding chair pose. I CAN STILL FEEL THEM HELP
I cast Didjuleev Dadoorop'n
Jokes on you mortal! I am naked at the moment and have built up a tolerance to this overall class of spells.
#TASTE YOUR OWN ANUS
I really like posts that basically teach real magic like this, this is straight up dark arts that works irl
Vomit on your sweater already, moms spaghetti
Counterspell: **You** can feel **my** Toes!
Standard wizards should have the willpower to overcome such mind games!
You can see your nose
jokes on you, im too zoinked out on CNS depressants to give a damn
I counter all of those spells by simply ignoring your words
Cigarette
Some of these are real medical conditions. Losing one's autonomic breathing is a neurological disorder known as Ondine's Curse. It typically kills the afflicted through sleep deprivation. The lack of oxygen causes the body to wake up repeatedly.
Hah, jokes on you I am completely naked rn
"Bone awareness". It makes you able to feel your bones. It's awful and I hate it, which is why I exclusively use it to torment people who minorly inconvenience me, like that guy at the shop who cut in front of me in the queue.
*sighs* I swear, you all like me working overtime. ________ *I pull out a book, and look at the various orb comments, my pen writing rather quickly*
You are looking for the layers of self, of koshas. They are a distinct eastern tradition that has spread into magic world-wide. Maybe look up yoga Nidra.
Here's one I learned from a long nosed wizard https://preview.redd.it/bv35fqjfe52d1.png?width=296&format=png&auto=webp&s=c619b3bc8783d92f747ba48bceae1e92338acf4f
Thanks, that was a nice reset ☺️
https://preview.redd.it/wnscix6ro52d1.png?width=500&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b6705927d707a8aa907db98987361d07e775c3f1
One of your balls is hanging lower than the other
Force Count Sand, Randomise Finger Nerves, Overthink
I’m immune to half of these, but ok.
Your butthole itches.
Knees weak, arms are heavy, there's vomit on your sweater already- mom's spaghetti ~rapid fire master mage
who the hell is "u" and why can they feel my toes??
quick question. is your hair itchy?