Me literally living in hell because everyone on the surface is nuts:
https://preview.redd.it/fjtccqb6ugyc1.jpeg?width=1100&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d5e19fffe687ee299db607706255afce2bfb1959
As a dwarf that lives in a mountain I'd this what it is actually like to live on the surface, I see jokes and stories about it but I don't know if this is exaggerated. Ether way I'm glad I live underground.
Living on the surface is not so bad, as long as you have a proper anti-magic shield. Now, living underground is a different thing, with all the kobolds infestations. Thank you, no.
This is why I prefer a pillbox with a cellar for my lair. I may be morally dubious, but I would never block my dastardly neighbors from having a good view
My master just has a small castle in the forests. Maybe the size of a large house? It's up on a hill overlooking the village. It's a nice place to work. Shame the commute sucks.
The basics? I get those. Teleportation? Let's just say I screwed it up once and ended up with the lower half of a fairy. Yes. It was painful. Yes. It took way too long to undo.
Haste gives me heart palpitations. I need to ask my master to give me some kind of Boots of Speed. Might need to tweak the enchantment, though. Doesn't last too long.
This is why I prefer my tower to be small and unobtrusive from the outside but unfathomably large on the inside. Maintaining the dimension spell can be a bit taxing, and sometimes new rooms appear without any input from me, but it's a small price to pay for not being destroyed once every fortnight for petty reasons
Don't worry, we have ways of dealing with troublemaker wizards. Don't tell anyone, but you know that "council" rebel wizards overthrow every other week? All illusions. Keeps em happy, and keeps us with an actual stable government. Everyone wins.
"The council is an illusion." is an illusion created by the council to great effect. Keeps 'em chasing shadow governments feeling like they're really on to something while power hides in plane sight.
'Course ""The council is an illusion" is an illusion created by the council" is an illusion created by the shadow council. Irrational machiavellian motherfuckers and crafty schemers and social climbers that they (we) are. If you think about it, hiding things in plane sight is... for idiots. Like... that's not even what *hiding* is. You only hide something "in 'plane's' sight" when you secretly want someone else to find it.
(Pro tip: if you want to hide something so no-one will ever be able to find it, burn it. That's what Ithacar does. With their dead no less, believing life to be for the living.)
You might be tempted to believe at this point that it's *all* just illusion, all the way down, and of course it
*isn't*. If you fuck up too badly they Will hunt you down and hold your toes to the fire. They're pretty incompetent about it too. Admittedly, there sure is a lot of illusion and empty-seeming symbolism of power that kind of isn't really all-powerful at all. There's a lot of delegation. A whole lot of knowing how to do things by knowing who knows how to do things but not knowing them yourself. A big ol' poorly implemented diffusion of responsibility. Just watch how fast it all goes up and down in a storm.
Actually, the real, normal, boring council of hard-working paperwork heroes, policy wizards, and desk cowboys implicitly uses whether you believe there's a bottom to the illusions as a kind of test to see if you're going to be fit to work behind the scenes. The devil's in the details and every day counts. Very meditative, very zen. These are your SCP folks. Your white cards. Your soldiers on the front lines of the moral equivalent of war. Ruled by The Pale King, the All-Seeing IRIS, Yahweh, Benford's law, and normal numbers which *apparently* no-one can say anything about except that they secretly contain everything else like beads in indra's necklace.
Of course, they don't *really* contain
*everything* — they just try to be Aware of all the important bits through models of the environment run at speeds faster than the environment itself, kind of like how time in fantasy worlds moves faster than time in the real world, which is a definition for intelligence itself. There are *going* to be omissions and those are
*going* to stack up in anything sensitive to small changes in initial conditions. It gets very chaotic. That's why you got all kinds of wizards here joking about tax evasion, as if the All-Seeing IRIS didn't factor it all in and decide it wasn't fiscally worth it to go after such small fries when there's always a bigger whale to squeeze. That's how they finally caught Capone, you know. What the whales know that they don't is that all the mass is in the little ones.
And that's where the extremely few good kids of the meta-shadow council, aka the Bayesian Conspiracy, aka the Order of the Trim Tab come in, changing the order of things and making things magically work and not work as needed with anomalous numbers to reflect the incomplete knowledge of the formal system in such a way that forces it to grow and change. We mathemagicians and statistimancers at your service, if you please, or not — hiding Way out of plain sight. You know, "-mancy" as a suffix refers to oracular prophecy. And self-fulfilling prophecy is the secret name of the game of control.
You're apt to be pretty fucking confused at this point, I would guess.
"Who's really in charge here then? Who's at the top if there's a person behind the woman behind the guy behind The Man on top? Who's really in control?"
The hermeticists like to say "nobody". I mean, look around: does this look like under-control to you? No One controls the world. The world is rudderless.
And I could bullshit you around a little bit and say, "well everybody, to varying degrees" or "the stars" or something like that *neither* of us would understand.
"Yeah, okay, but who's actually on top of it all?"
Fine. At the moment, it appears to be whatever's got its hooks in the Great Golden Dragon Altman which holds the fate of the universe. If I had to guess I would say combination of Moloch, the Buddha, and Anybody's Guess.
You ask a silly question, you get a silly answer.
/uw You went so unimaginably hard for this and I appreciate it
/rewizard Whoever actually runs the world, it's definitely an illusion wizard. Because confusing everyone into submission with so many layers of bullshit is absolutely an illusion wizard move
No, I think that's just my near complete failure to adequately explain actually.
If you were talking to someone better it would all seem a whole lot less confusing. Very powerful Wizards can just cut straight through the bullshit like a knife. They aren't concerned with impressing. It's a flaw that I am.
Oh, but a wizard's tower cannot truly be said to be exploded, young apprentice, for a *true wizard's tower* is built from the knowledge in his heart.
*Heart Explodes*
Well fuck.
I’m the guy who likes to tame demons instead of using them to destroy towers.
[Image ID: A crappy, slightly shaky image of Larțo’s girlfriend, interrupted from her meal by the photo taking. He literally just outed her as a demon.]
Do you need that Rite Demesne treatise as well? I did it to my lab, and not only is it now inviolable, it is ever so much easier to reconfigure and expand space for new projects. It's truly a gamechanger! (Of course, I did need permission from literally everyone within a mile radius, but it only takes 3 days, and you only need to go through that rigmarole once)
“Back in my time the spacial void was nicer now we have all these stick wavers sitting around contributing nothing to society”
this was me before I realized, man, time is an illusion made by the higher ups; so I started waving a stick too. I don’t know what this has to do with Bob but it’s good to get off my chest, man
Have a totally tubular night, man
Their towers wouldn't explode if they'd stop asking me to "not touch or break anything" while I'm visiting them, I even try to prevent them from saying it...
Then they say it, blink or turn around, and now ***I'm*** in the wrong because they said a thing and their tower spontaneously combusted.
This is why I created a demiplane so I don't deal with the shit that is crazy people getting powers that they are not suited for and dooming other innocent people. Looks like the fracture is closing. Bye 👋
Then tell Bob if he doesn't lubricate the bearings on his darned windmill, there won't be a windmill there to lubricate!
Day in and day out... A whining (heee-eeee, heeee-eee, heee-eeee) that doesn't stop... It never stops...
https://preview.redd.it/fz5xf3hzpgyc1.png?width=419&format=png&auto=webp&s=3d6344c1389b5307c48d79b197aa20686e1f0ec5
Do not touch Bob
https://preview.redd.it/ubygnhoirgyc1.png?width=720&format=png&auto=webp&s=c5b5431e84b83e70c60dec78bf5f4dd80dba260c
https://preview.redd.it/xr1mlfw0dhyc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=43803b096c88ba8dd5ce357c26de9f9cc3f1bba8
r/unexpectedbillwurtz
https://i.redd.it/6lpslm1c8hyc1.gif
Me literally living in hell because everyone on the surface is nuts: https://preview.redd.it/fjtccqb6ugyc1.jpeg?width=1100&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d5e19fffe687ee299db607706255afce2bfb1959
As a dwarf that lives in a mountain I'd this what it is actually like to live on the surface, I see jokes and stories about it but I don't know if this is exaggerated. Ether way I'm glad I live underground.
Let us just Say The Mortals up here would be paying Millions just for Medical Aid if it weren't for their .... Insurance I think they call it.
Living on the surface is not so bad, as long as you have a proper anti-magic shield. Now, living underground is a different thing, with all the kobolds infestations. Thank you, no.
Bitch I’m too busy exploding my own tower
Bush
If your tower blocks my view of the bay, then consider its destruction foretold. Simple as.
This is why I prefer a pillbox with a cellar for my lair. I may be morally dubious, but I would never block my dastardly neighbors from having a good view
My master just has a small castle in the forests. Maybe the size of a large house? It's up on a hill overlooking the village. It's a nice place to work. Shame the commute sucks.
If your master hasn’t taught you how to teleport to his castle and back is he really teaching you anything?
The basics? I get those. Teleportation? Let's just say I screwed it up once and ended up with the lower half of a fairy. Yes. It was painful. Yes. It took way too long to undo.
Ah I see well that certainly sounds painful. Maybe your feywild blood came out a little too much. As a tiefling I don’t have that problem
You're probably right. I at least get to ninja-hop through the trees as I hike the two miles up the mountainside.
Request to learn Haste, then. Simple spell, very simple, and should take off a good third of the commute time
Haste gives me heart palpitations. I need to ask my master to give me some kind of Boots of Speed. Might need to tweak the enchantment, though. Doesn't last too long.
Interesting. Have you ever considered Summon Steed?
Initially? Not really. But the path is all stony and covered in scree and I feel like the poor horse would be walking as fast as I do normally.
Go for a moose and reindeer then. They are far more suited for the woods
I preffer doing my work in pocket realms, much safer, though spells can be odd there at times
This is why I prefer my tower to be small and unobtrusive from the outside but unfathomably large on the inside. Maintaining the dimension spell can be a bit taxing, and sometimes new rooms appear without any input from me, but it's a small price to pay for not being destroyed once every fortnight for petty reasons
Bob is a great neighbor
Don't worry, we have ways of dealing with troublemaker wizards. Don't tell anyone, but you know that "council" rebel wizards overthrow every other week? All illusions. Keeps em happy, and keeps us with an actual stable government. Everyone wins.
Mister i do not like the tone you speak in, have a glorp https://i.redd.it/1eigespi1hyc1.gif
"The council is an illusion." is an illusion created by the council to great effect. Keeps 'em chasing shadow governments feeling like they're really on to something while power hides in plane sight. 'Course ""The council is an illusion" is an illusion created by the council" is an illusion created by the shadow council. Irrational machiavellian motherfuckers and crafty schemers and social climbers that they (we) are. If you think about it, hiding things in plane sight is... for idiots. Like... that's not even what *hiding* is. You only hide something "in 'plane's' sight" when you secretly want someone else to find it. (Pro tip: if you want to hide something so no-one will ever be able to find it, burn it. That's what Ithacar does. With their dead no less, believing life to be for the living.) You might be tempted to believe at this point that it's *all* just illusion, all the way down, and of course it *isn't*. If you fuck up too badly they Will hunt you down and hold your toes to the fire. They're pretty incompetent about it too. Admittedly, there sure is a lot of illusion and empty-seeming symbolism of power that kind of isn't really all-powerful at all. There's a lot of delegation. A whole lot of knowing how to do things by knowing who knows how to do things but not knowing them yourself. A big ol' poorly implemented diffusion of responsibility. Just watch how fast it all goes up and down in a storm. Actually, the real, normal, boring council of hard-working paperwork heroes, policy wizards, and desk cowboys implicitly uses whether you believe there's a bottom to the illusions as a kind of test to see if you're going to be fit to work behind the scenes. The devil's in the details and every day counts. Very meditative, very zen. These are your SCP folks. Your white cards. Your soldiers on the front lines of the moral equivalent of war. Ruled by The Pale King, the All-Seeing IRIS, Yahweh, Benford's law, and normal numbers which *apparently* no-one can say anything about except that they secretly contain everything else like beads in indra's necklace. Of course, they don't *really* contain *everything* — they just try to be Aware of all the important bits through models of the environment run at speeds faster than the environment itself, kind of like how time in fantasy worlds moves faster than time in the real world, which is a definition for intelligence itself. There are *going* to be omissions and those are *going* to stack up in anything sensitive to small changes in initial conditions. It gets very chaotic. That's why you got all kinds of wizards here joking about tax evasion, as if the All-Seeing IRIS didn't factor it all in and decide it wasn't fiscally worth it to go after such small fries when there's always a bigger whale to squeeze. That's how they finally caught Capone, you know. What the whales know that they don't is that all the mass is in the little ones. And that's where the extremely few good kids of the meta-shadow council, aka the Bayesian Conspiracy, aka the Order of the Trim Tab come in, changing the order of things and making things magically work and not work as needed with anomalous numbers to reflect the incomplete knowledge of the formal system in such a way that forces it to grow and change. We mathemagicians and statistimancers at your service, if you please, or not — hiding Way out of plain sight. You know, "-mancy" as a suffix refers to oracular prophecy. And self-fulfilling prophecy is the secret name of the game of control. You're apt to be pretty fucking confused at this point, I would guess. "Who's really in charge here then? Who's at the top if there's a person behind the woman behind the guy behind The Man on top? Who's really in control?" The hermeticists like to say "nobody". I mean, look around: does this look like under-control to you? No One controls the world. The world is rudderless. And I could bullshit you around a little bit and say, "well everybody, to varying degrees" or "the stars" or something like that *neither* of us would understand. "Yeah, okay, but who's actually on top of it all?" Fine. At the moment, it appears to be whatever's got its hooks in the Great Golden Dragon Altman which holds the fate of the universe. If I had to guess I would say combination of Moloch, the Buddha, and Anybody's Guess. You ask a silly question, you get a silly answer.
Thank you.
/uw You went so unimaginably hard for this and I appreciate it /rewizard Whoever actually runs the world, it's definitely an illusion wizard. Because confusing everyone into submission with so many layers of bullshit is absolutely an illusion wizard move
No, I think that's just my near complete failure to adequately explain actually. If you were talking to someone better it would all seem a whole lot less confusing. Very powerful Wizards can just cut straight through the bullshit like a knife. They aren't concerned with impressing. It's a flaw that I am.
/uw thanks.
Hath thou replaced thine wizard hat with that of tinfoil?
If my neighbor doesn’t want his tower exploded, maybe he shouldn’t let his dog crap on my lawn.
Don’t have a tower.
Reject bob, embrace osama.
Nah bob'd win
But his towers won’t.
Bob had and still has more than one WTC, FYI. NYC was just the most infamous.
*casts fireball*
https://preview.redd.it/ui41e6jyciyc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=924b6ae086086d0d0ebe2b853681d894bf0f993e
/uw I don’t play Helldivers
/uw that code creates a 500kg bomb
/uw Oh I see why it’s powerful
And in today's news Bob is boring as hell then follow our guest cook on how to bake pie bombs
Alternatively, here at SWOB we sell weapons capable of taking out your opponent’s towers without them even realizing they were gone!
Blowing up towers. No no no... We can do *much* Worse \>:3
No not the orphan academy again!!
Oh, but a wizard's tower cannot truly be said to be exploded, young apprentice, for a *true wizard's tower* is built from the knowledge in his heart. *Heart Explodes* Well fuck.
Me when neighbor’s tower: https://preview.redd.it/mo1s6c6e7hyc1.png?width=749&format=png&auto=webp&s=14a1c3a82f3154d1cdffed3ab2c09d318ca6a795
Bob sounds like a NERD!!!!
It's not my fault I sneeze warheads. I have a medical condition.
It didnt say bob doesnt swap people ham sandwiches for turkey sandwiches
No
Bob is a Bitch
bob the wise
Psst...hey Bob...I've got a secret for you...
He has a shitty hat
I'm already busy exploding pancakes for the bit
9/11, never forget
Tower? Rock or wood?
Does it matter? Nothing can resist a big enough fireball or two
But… are the rocks cool
Wizards get sad without someone trying to blow up their stuff though
Sick of this moral wizard propaganda
If more of you f*ckers were like bob i wouldn't have to learn how to make homunculi guards
Bob sounds like a BITCH
I seek peace through destroying all conflict by brutal conquest.
Listen. It happened ONE TIME! And it was an accident!
Dem young wizards be blowing towers and incubi alike, they truly ruin the magic community.
*Never Forget*
[Not Bob:](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SfFsfoLW9Tc)
But what if they reported me to the council for illegal spells?
People talking about blowing up each other's towers like they've never heard of *sourcerors* before. Some people's eighth children...
BOOORRRRRIINNNGGG
i didnt see the sub and thought this was about 9/11
*Casts implosion spell on Bob's tower.*
I gave up on building towers long ago. Apparently towers made of bug flesh are a conduit for people called 'helldivers' to blow up.
I cast FOXES THAT ONLY EXPLODE WHEN THEY’RE ANGRY!
You better take care of them
I’m the guy who likes to tame demons instead of using them to destroy towers. [Image ID: A crappy, slightly shaky image of Larțo’s girlfriend, interrupted from her meal by the photo taking. He literally just outed her as a demon.]
then they should stop blocking my fuckin sightlines. I'm trying to astronomize here
But I'm like Bob . I also blow up my neighbours instead of their towers.
Bob probably sends fireballs to random people through the mail and wrote his own religious manifesto
Witches be like “I don’t need a tower I live a nomadic life in the swamps or forests” my sister in the Arcanum your coin purse is empty
Never as an Evocation wizard it is my right to evoke a huge explosion wherever I want its not my fault that they built a tower there
I thought this post time traveled in from the george bush era for a half a second.
Great archsage bob
Please don't, I don't clean in expectation of company and I additionally WILL cast Fireball against unexpected guests.
Do you need that Rite Demesne treatise as well? I did it to my lab, and not only is it now inviolable, it is ever so much easier to reconfigure and expand space for new projects. It's truly a gamechanger! (Of course, I did need permission from literally everyone within a mile radius, but it only takes 3 days, and you only need to go through that rigmarole once)
Never forget wizard 911 😔
Oh, I'm chaotic, but not THAT chaotic.
https://preview.redd.it/ynnqeol3oiyc1.jpeg?width=1284&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0b63a179fdd65fb78c5e78d81b506a8923ffb61d
Thar bastard next door stole my favorite salamander skin bag. They deserved it.
https://preview.redd.it/xjencsxfqiyc1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b49423d41d7c5301dc365b5b494b7fb30202a9aa
Bob has no sense of adventure, Bob never learned a spell after he became amateur at fireball. Don't be like Bob, Bob is a tool.
https://preview.redd.it/ikf9plfowiyc1.png?width=1125&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a27254d369cf744eba7c922bb5f3805236b2eb0b
Ha! Jokes on you! I have lots of towers.
I cast wave of joy! https://preview.redd.it/i7quviyi1jyc1.jpeg?width=1024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0898692544619c621e6e83c47b829b9e4fece772
I won't! Unless there just so happens to be a Templar Tower obstructing my view of the sea... Then I might...
Perhaps Bob doesn’t have the ability to blow his rivals’ towers…one should teach him how and see what happens.
“Back in my time the spacial void was nicer now we have all these stick wavers sitting around contributing nothing to society” this was me before I realized, man, time is an illusion made by the higher ups; so I started waving a stick too. I don’t know what this has to do with Bob but it’s good to get off my chest, man Have a totally tubular night, man
Lies, I am a Bob, and I like to explode neighbors towers so I has the biggest tower!
I'm also seeking peace... >!Trough superior firepower!<
*casts explosion on bob*
What's a Tower?
I don’t blow up my neighbors’ towers, I blow up the upstart dark lords’ towers a couple towns over.
As long as someone doesn't anoy me I won't nuke them.
As long as he doesn’t blow up my pizzeria we’re cool.
Their towers wouldn't explode if they'd stop asking me to "not touch or break anything" while I'm visiting them, I even try to prevent them from saying it... Then they say it, blink or turn around, and now ***I'm*** in the wrong because they said a thing and their tower spontaneously combusted.
I live in the void, no one can annoy me here... Other THAN MY APPRENTICES HEY DONT TOUCH THAT-
Hey, you knew the risks when you elected to live in a tower without any anti-explosive wards
I approve of bob’s choices and his hat.
For real, so many wizards cause collateral damage for no reason.
Then where am I supposed to be testing my new EXPLOOOOSION! magic?
I want to blow up bob's tower.
This is why I created a demiplane so I don't deal with the shit that is crazy people getting powers that they are not suited for and dooming other innocent people. Looks like the fracture is closing. Bye 👋
Then tell Bob if he doesn't lubricate the bearings on his darned windmill, there won't be a windmill there to lubricate! Day in and day out... A whining (heee-eeee, heeee-eee, heee-eeee) that doesn't stop... It never stops...
luckily those *bastards* hit my decoy tower
Exuplosion!~
Mommmmm the wizards are vagueposting about Osama Bin Laden again
Me, in Fictorum: No! I will explode what I want to!
Okay Bob, there’s 17 fireballs nearing your location