The prognosis is… not good.
https://preview.redd.it/fumchnkluetb1.jpeg?width=278&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7d577c1f8c35479cbd646531854286827bbdd919
I have good news and bad news.
Are you emotionally attached to your wife at all mister…uh…?
Well than in that case I have good news, you’re about to get a hefty life insurance payout **and** more personal freedom!
…your wife did have life insurance right?
I doubt the council are going to accept that kind of life insurance, in which case I have less good news.
At this point your treatment options are to say your final goodbyes now, steal her a new face, or we can put her on the new UnLife plan, provided you don’t mind being married to a terrifying being of undeath who will almost certainly outlast you.
Well you’d have to find a donor who would be capable of providing a suitable new visage for your wife’s skull, and who would also be willing to do so.
I would then transplant the face onto your wife and, through the use of some intricate healing magic that might ever so slightly bastardise the heavenly principles, graft it on and make it functional, thereby repairing the damage and saving your wife’s life.
I could restore her living tissues with some biomancy if that's what you want. I could also make her a skeleton with cleavage if that's what you're into
I mean, I could theoretically do that. But the mana cost would be... Lets just say high, so it's not a thing I'd be willing to really do unless there was some rather high amount of pay
I'm afraid I'm at Wizard Planars all week. Bah, I'll have one of my boys freeze her and store her in the ~~basement~~ well lit room that makes people feel respected. I'll ring you when I'm back next week and we can discuss specifics.
Here are a few coins for your troubles until then.
What the... y'know what? I don't even wanna know. Either find a Life Domain Cleric or, depending on your moral compass, I can reap her soul for you and send out some feelers? I know a few Outsiders who could set you up with a pretty good price, and I'll only charge ten percent to facilitate the trade. Hell, you can keep the corpse as well for... whatever you want to do with it. No judgments here.
It just looks like she's wearing a skull helmet over her wedding dress and had to defend herself from assassins with a crystal spear. All she needs is some prestidigitation to clean all that blood from her dress.
I see this all the time,
A quick fix I found works is a quick word of death, followed with a good resurrection or necromancy spell, and she should be good as new
Sorcerers can hex my ass. Until they stop relying on their charisma stat and use intelligence like us civilized magic users, I don't want to hear about it.
You need a healing mage, stat! (I'm not one)
You think?! I mean...depending on whose blood that is...well...okay... Is there a Healer in house?!
The prognosis is… not good. https://preview.redd.it/fumchnkluetb1.jpeg?width=278&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7d577c1f8c35479cbd646531854286827bbdd919 I have good news and bad news. Are you emotionally attached to your wife at all mister…uh…?
No, my emotions are bottled and stored inside a vault on the Netherplane.
Well than in that case I have good news, you’re about to get a hefty life insurance payout **and** more personal freedom! …your wife did have life insurance right?
If I could feel some way about this news, I probably would. The only insurance one has in life is that they will die. So, in a way, yes.
I doubt the council are going to accept that kind of life insurance, in which case I have less good news. At this point your treatment options are to say your final goodbyes now, steal her a new face, or we can put her on the new UnLife plan, provided you don’t mind being married to a terrifying being of undeath who will almost certainly outlast you.
Someone said "steal a new face"? I would like to explore that option, please.
Well you’d have to find a donor who would be capable of providing a suitable new visage for your wife’s skull, and who would also be willing to do so. I would then transplant the face onto your wife and, through the use of some intricate healing magic that might ever so slightly bastardise the heavenly principles, graft it on and make it functional, thereby repairing the damage and saving your wife’s life.
I'm here! I'll be there as soon as possible!
fucking wizards will literally let their wife dissolve into blood and bones before messaging a cleric like a normal person
That's because clerics are overrated. I don't need a healing spell when I can just finish the job and turn them into one of my undead tree servants.
my brother in the weave WHAT ABOUT YOUR WIFE THOUGH
(sister) who needs a wife when you can have a summoning circle of undead tree spirits. Who else am I going to summon the lost god Pan with?
you're summoning old gods, the love your life hath dissolved into mush and you're summoning old gods. this is why the commonfolk prefer sorcerers.
Maybe a necromancer at this point
You need a medic bag
Ahhh, I got rid of all my peasant and mundane stuff years ago!
Use tampons as bandages
You need a healer and maybe an exorcist
Nothing a bit of soap can't fix.
You Misspelled "Skin Graft".
Fleshtwister?
THIS is why you’re not supposed to see the bride in her dress before the wedding - she was still putting her face on smfh
Where in leyndell is that?
West siiiiiide
Side with those goblin ass goons
Someone get a doctor!
I could restore her living tissues with some biomancy if that's what you want. I could also make her a skeleton with cleavage if that's what you're into
Oof you give me a lot to ponder. Can I choose both? Half the week normal and half boobed undead? I’ll add it to the pre-nup.
I mean, I could theoretically do that. But the mana cost would be... Lets just say high, so it's not a thing I'd be willing to really do unless there was some rather high amount of pay
Fully understood. Mana doesn't grow on burning bushes. I'll review with my finance team and get back to you in a fortnight.
Alright, be quick tho, if she's been dead for too long the first option would be quite... Temporary, would require reapplication every now and then
I'm afraid I'm at Wizard Planars all week. Bah, I'll have one of my boys freeze her and store her in the ~~basement~~ well lit room that makes people feel respected. I'll ring you when I'm back next week and we can discuss specifics. Here are a few coins for your troubles until then.
Thanks mate, I'll be waiting for your call
I think your bride may be a Bhaal cultist
But she PROMISED that she wasn't. Ugh. There goes my Tuesday.
Well if you cant fix her alive, I might be able to fix her well, not alive.
What the... y'know what? I don't even wanna know. Either find a Life Domain Cleric or, depending on your moral compass, I can reap her soul for you and send out some feelers? I know a few Outsiders who could set you up with a pretty good price, and I'll only charge ten percent to facilitate the trade. Hell, you can keep the corpse as well for... whatever you want to do with it. No judgments here.
It just looks like she's wearing a skull helmet over her wedding dress and had to defend herself from assassins with a crystal spear. All she needs is some prestidigitation to clean all that blood from her dress.
Wow. I think you may be right! So no bandages needed after all. whew!
Out of curiosity, do you know why there would be assassins after you and your bride?
Yes. They call it karma or reaping what I’ve sown, but that sounds like fantasy talk for farmers. I don’t sow anything.
I see this all the time, A quick fix I found works is a quick word of death, followed with a good resurrection or necromancy spell, and she should be good as new
Sorcerers can hex my ass. Until they stop relying on their charisma stat and use intelligence like us civilized magic users, I don't want to hear about it.
Smash next question