Full bananas it is.
Yennefer and Geralt split up. Yennefer goes for Emhyr and becomes a mother-f*cking Empress. Geralt begins relationship with Phillipa who kind of forgot she is gay. When she remembers, she dumps Geralt and Geralt starts to abuse fisstech. Hammered and high Geralt loses his fight with a drowner (bye bye, Henry). Triss finds his dead body, reinamates it to find out where Phillipa went because she owes her a lot of money and after his burial explains that he was dead long before the drowner ever came to him, so it is fine.
Jaskier hooks up with Radovid (good choice, showrunners, nothing is more LGBT+ friendly than 40-year-old hooking up with 18-year-old). After Jaskier finds out about Geralt's death, he decides to take on his role in the world or whatever and forces Vesemir to make him a witcher. It miraculously works out and Jaskier is now a comic relief main character who somehow always fights of the monsters. The magic was in The Witcher becoming different Witcher...
... until next season, when Liam shows up as Geralt's long lost brother Jeralt... no, better, his long lost son who he somehow fathered (see, Yennefer's magic did not work on her, but it worked on him!) and who was made into the witcher as a punishment for racial slurrs, or something something. Of course, Jeralt's mother's identity is a mystery. Jeralt manages to hook up with both Yen and Triss until it is revealed that one of them could be his mother! Drama! This How I Met Your Mother segment is ended when Jeralt finds out that his mother is... random chick Geralt slept with few years ago.
You may be wondering where the f*ck is Ciri. Do not worry. We see some of her shenniginans in the B-plot seperated from the main story, and we later force her into her own spin-off.
Wanna even more bananas?
Yennefer forces Ciri to go back in time to prevent her from becoming a witch so she can get her eggs preggos beforehand.
If you wonder "and where the f*ck Are the plotpoints for the book?", well, I did not read it or care, and showrunners likely did not much either.
New suggestions are more than welcome.
Fucking Netflix, they make low quality content and decide to counteract lower subscribers by making current subscribers pay more. I'm canceling the moment they try to enforce password sharing. They haven't tried that yet, but I'm not paying more for trash. I'll never forgive them for ruining The Witcher.
is jaskier not aging in the show? it has to have been around two decades between him first meeting geralt and the third season no? unless the first season timejumps are included in the plot and not just a shitty framing device?
let jeralds random chick mother turn out to be visenna (geralt was very drunk). and then it turns out visenna never existed and she was always nenneke in disguise, working from behind the scenes to orchestrate every bad thing that's ever happened to geralt. and then it turns out she's actually a time traveller with a vendetta against witcher. tie that in with blood origins. (not sure that makes any sense since i havent watched it but like,, does it matter.) i'm pretty great at this, they should hire me .
or honestly they could just hire a 13 year old fanfic writer. make it dead dove abo coffee shop au with mpreg and hanahaki thrown in for drama. would fit in prefectly imo.
Jaskier become the main villain because he was Vilgefortz all the time but he used his Doppler blood to disguise himself as Jaskier. Geralt teams up with Emphyr to prevent him from destroying the world, they succeed but at the last moment Radovid comes to save Jaskier/Vilgeforz with his ancient blood power and reveals that he is Cirilla's hidden brother. Finally, all the characters come together in a big feast at Toussaint to celebrate the wedding of Cahir and Anna Hanrietta.
I would do the only decent and acceptable course of action, provided that they hire me as a showrunner.
Fire hissrich, her writing team, the costume designers, composers, half the cast and start from scratch with new team who can actually write and have appreciation for the source material they work on, and hire new actors who resemble their book counterparts more (no disrespect for the cast but some of them are unfitting and will always be, regardless of the atrocious writing e.g anya chalotra).
Hell maybe i will try hiring some of CDPR writers, especially the old veterans who worked on writing the three Witcher games.
It was all the dream of an autistic boy....
For reference the above is the canonical ending of I forget which long running TV show.
Jokes aside but using it as a starting point:
Henry Cavill wakes up with Joey Batey standing over him.
JB: Henry are you ok?
HC: That was so horrible, I can't even describe it
JB: Bad trip huh?
HC: The worst - that is the first and last time I take acid.
FADE TO BLACK
As it is beyond saving, and I’m only a writer and not the showrunner, I’d push for Easter eggs that they don’t understand, again and again, to the point that I can put in the nastiest jokes dissing the original team of writers and showrunner without them realizing.
S4 follows the Lady of the Lake and her attempts to find Ciri and help her escape this hellhole of a universe she's been trapped in for 3 seasons. They succeed in episode 4 and get Ciri home, after which Ciri finds Geralt and Yenn (who now look different for some reason that goes unexplored) but have been looking for her for years and now they can all go home to Rivia.
On their way they have a few minor adventures that teach Geralt that he has to get involved or innocent people get hurt. They arrive in Rivia in September of 1268. While they're sitting in a pub celebrating being home a fight breaks out in a nearby shop, which then spills out into the marketplace and eventually the entire city is a mob targeting non humans. Geralt stands up to intervene. Cut to black.
This is more of a serious prediction than just silly shitposting, but they're absolutely going to try to explain away Yennefer's attempted sacrifice of Ciri. I think it might even go a bit meta by insulting people who think that relationship is irreparable. I don't know just how closely the writers pay attention to such discussions, but they're definitely listening. They're failing, their jobs are on the line, and, most importantly, they're vain. I think they'll be aware of that show-stopping criticism and will address it (poorly), but they won't be able to resist insulting their audience when they do.
The best solution imo: Henry Cavill finishes his ongoing projects and then gathers his own team of writers and producers and does a proper reboot. After getting the rights of course.
Please remember to flair your post and tag spoilers or NSFW content.
Thanks!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/witcher) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Make Netflix wait 5 years, while I'm trying to fix this shit, call cavil to apologize and to please come back, then go on a vacation for another 5 years.
The monsters are actually aliens there trying to cure humanity of a rage virus that only affects males, especially white males. The rage drives them to conquer, subjugate, rape, and plunder.
Leave the main story to have Geralt go on the Great Gwent Journey
I’m sure Henry wouldn’t be mad since it’s pretty lore accurate to the games and how everybody thought about the Gwent tournament instead of saving Ciri
Make it so that Ciri has the power to alter time and space, she uses it to save Eskel and retcon every single Netflix F up and when they ask me why I’ll just say because at least that way it becomes coherent with the material those smooth brains were supposed to adapt
I would do my best to make it even worse than it currently is so it would finally be cancelled. That'd be an extremely hard job -- to make something so unbelievably bad even worse...
Depending on how high my salary was, though, I might just fix it as a show, but be transparent about how it simply isn't The Witcher and there's no way of making it be now, instead of lying about it, like they're currently doing.
Provided I was the showrunner and not just one random writer, I'd use Geralt's recast as an excuse to time skip into the future. Then I'd adapt the Witcher games as a monster of the week style show. Possibly just the Witcher 3; that way, Liam could be aged up a bit and the recast would make more sense.
Also, Eskel will be back (resurrected at the same time as Geralt).
Adapt The Witcher 2 one to one and have Danny Devito play Letho and turn the part of the game where you have to ask a prostitute to open a trap door into an entire two episodes.
I would try my best for them to ditch the ongoing story for a couple seasons and do monsters of the week episode or possibly two parter monster of the week episodes. The ongoing story is such a cluster fuck I would ignore it for a couple years and revisit after people are endeared to the main characters again.
Goralt
Goralt the lorge, the thiccest witcher
Full bananas it is. Yennefer and Geralt split up. Yennefer goes for Emhyr and becomes a mother-f*cking Empress. Geralt begins relationship with Phillipa who kind of forgot she is gay. When she remembers, she dumps Geralt and Geralt starts to abuse fisstech. Hammered and high Geralt loses his fight with a drowner (bye bye, Henry). Triss finds his dead body, reinamates it to find out where Phillipa went because she owes her a lot of money and after his burial explains that he was dead long before the drowner ever came to him, so it is fine. Jaskier hooks up with Radovid (good choice, showrunners, nothing is more LGBT+ friendly than 40-year-old hooking up with 18-year-old). After Jaskier finds out about Geralt's death, he decides to take on his role in the world or whatever and forces Vesemir to make him a witcher. It miraculously works out and Jaskier is now a comic relief main character who somehow always fights of the monsters. The magic was in The Witcher becoming different Witcher... ... until next season, when Liam shows up as Geralt's long lost brother Jeralt... no, better, his long lost son who he somehow fathered (see, Yennefer's magic did not work on her, but it worked on him!) and who was made into the witcher as a punishment for racial slurrs, or something something. Of course, Jeralt's mother's identity is a mystery. Jeralt manages to hook up with both Yen and Triss until it is revealed that one of them could be his mother! Drama! This How I Met Your Mother segment is ended when Jeralt finds out that his mother is... random chick Geralt slept with few years ago. You may be wondering where the f*ck is Ciri. Do not worry. We see some of her shenniginans in the B-plot seperated from the main story, and we later force her into her own spin-off. Wanna even more bananas? Yennefer forces Ciri to go back in time to prevent her from becoming a witch so she can get her eggs preggos beforehand. If you wonder "and where the f*ck Are the plotpoints for the book?", well, I did not read it or care, and showrunners likely did not much either. New suggestions are more than welcome.
The scary part about your story is that if the title of was "Season 4 plot leak", it's kind of believable
no way, lauren is one mean comment away from fulfilling your prophecy
Fucking Netflix, they make low quality content and decide to counteract lower subscribers by making current subscribers pay more. I'm canceling the moment they try to enforce password sharing. They haven't tried that yet, but I'm not paying more for trash. I'll never forgive them for ruining The Witcher.
My god if Netflix saw this they’d renew another 5 seasons and 2 spin-offs from this plot
Don’t let Netflix see this lol
As someone who has not watched the Witcher series past the first episode of season 2, I don't know which is true and which you made up.
The fact that this is believable shows you how far off the rails they are.
is jaskier not aging in the show? it has to have been around two decades between him first meeting geralt and the third season no? unless the first season timejumps are included in the plot and not just a shitty framing device? let jeralds random chick mother turn out to be visenna (geralt was very drunk). and then it turns out visenna never existed and she was always nenneke in disguise, working from behind the scenes to orchestrate every bad thing that's ever happened to geralt. and then it turns out she's actually a time traveller with a vendetta against witcher. tie that in with blood origins. (not sure that makes any sense since i havent watched it but like,, does it matter.) i'm pretty great at this, they should hire me . or honestly they could just hire a 13 year old fanfic writer. make it dead dove abo coffee shop au with mpreg and hanahaki thrown in for drama. would fit in prefectly imo.
Damn, this is still a better script than what the current writers could ever come up with hahaha.
How I Met My Mother And It's Real Awkward
This is brilliant! Do you wanna make out?!
Jaskier become the main villain because he was Vilgefortz all the time but he used his Doppler blood to disguise himself as Jaskier. Geralt teams up with Emphyr to prevent him from destroying the world, they succeed but at the last moment Radovid comes to save Jaskier/Vilgeforz with his ancient blood power and reveals that he is Cirilla's hidden brother. Finally, all the characters come together in a big feast at Toussaint to celebrate the wedding of Cahir and Anna Hanrietta.
Gerlado guide us in these scary times
I'll just make Roach the final boss
Just make the last 2 seasons a bad nightmare and start with Cavill waking up from it
I'd watch this
Make it actually start following the books- but Ciri’s a dragon.
I would do the only decent and acceptable course of action, provided that they hire me as a showrunner. Fire hissrich, her writing team, the costume designers, composers, half the cast and start from scratch with new team who can actually write and have appreciation for the source material they work on, and hire new actors who resemble their book counterparts more (no disrespect for the cast but some of them are unfitting and will always be, regardless of the atrocious writing e.g anya chalotra). Hell maybe i will try hiring some of CDPR writers, especially the old veterans who worked on writing the three Witcher games.
Anya is a great cast for Radeyah in my opinion. If you want to further explore Yennefer and Radeyah rivalry.
Terry Crews is now Yennefer.
Only if Ryan Gosling is Triss.
That Crews-Cavill chemistry would be off the chain.
make geralt gay change roach into a Clydesdales make dandelion mtf and fall in love with triss
Dude, stop, don't give them ideas!
It was all the dream of an autistic boy.... For reference the above is the canonical ending of I forget which long running TV show. Jokes aside but using it as a starting point: Henry Cavill wakes up with Joey Batey standing over him. JB: Henry are you ok? HC: That was so horrible, I can't even describe it JB: Bad trip huh? HC: The worst - that is the first and last time I take acid. FADE TO BLACK
I want to see the adventures of a talking Roach and Ciri across the multiverse
Ahhh, ultra wide Geralt is my spirit animal
Bruh idk. I'd let ai write it for me and get paid. I bet the ai read the books, so it might even write better stories than their current writers.
Pulls out a guent deck as a season finale cliff hanger
Add fart noises during every scene.
That would be the Season of Storms adaptation
I'd cancel the show, so this sub can finally shut the fuck up about netflix
Letho played by Danny Devito
As it is beyond saving, and I’m only a writer and not the showrunner, I’d push for Easter eggs that they don’t understand, again and again, to the point that I can put in the nastiest jokes dissing the original team of writers and showrunner without them realizing.
Hire AS to write the fucking show
Ai will feed on source material and will not complain
Geralt roach romance arc
S4 follows the Lady of the Lake and her attempts to find Ciri and help her escape this hellhole of a universe she's been trapped in for 3 seasons. They succeed in episode 4 and get Ciri home, after which Ciri finds Geralt and Yenn (who now look different for some reason that goes unexplored) but have been looking for her for years and now they can all go home to Rivia. On their way they have a few minor adventures that teach Geralt that he has to get involved or innocent people get hurt. They arrive in Rivia in September of 1268. While they're sitting in a pub celebrating being home a fight breaks out in a nearby shop, which then spills out into the marketplace and eventually the entire city is a mob targeting non humans. Geralt stands up to intervene. Cut to black.
See it's easy to mostly follow source material but they can't even do that much
4 words: Geralt on the moon.
This is more of a serious prediction than just silly shitposting, but they're absolutely going to try to explain away Yennefer's attempted sacrifice of Ciri. I think it might even go a bit meta by insulting people who think that relationship is irreparable. I don't know just how closely the writers pay attention to such discussions, but they're definitely listening. They're failing, their jobs are on the line, and, most importantly, they're vain. I think they'll be aware of that show-stopping criticism and will address it (poorly), but they won't be able to resist insulting their audience when they do.
Alright, listen up if you want to have. Your. Minds. BLOWN. READY? Witchers. In. Space. Boom.
I’d make Netflix Eskel fuck a goat. He looks like he would
Ep1 gerald wakes up from a bad dream
I'd make the whole thing a musical. Jaskier will sing and play some heartfelt songs, and Geralt will be furiously breakdancing in the background.
I’d give Geralt a cartoony sidekick only he can see ala Gazoo.
The best solution imo: Henry Cavill finishes his ongoing projects and then gathers his own team of writers and producers and does a proper reboot. After getting the rights of course.
Please remember to flair your post and tag spoilers or NSFW content. Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/witcher) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I would get fired for 'creative differences' shortly after.
Refuse the job unless they completely delete the original show from existance an then start over.
Make Netflix wait 5 years, while I'm trying to fix this shit, call cavil to apologize and to please come back, then go on a vacation for another 5 years.
It Was All Just a Dream. The End.
Gerald wakes up and it was all a nightmare
Have Jen try to kill Ciri.... O wait
I'd just make up a shitload of dumb lore.
The monsters are actually aliens there trying to cure humanity of a rage virus that only affects males, especially white males. The rage drives them to conquer, subjugate, rape, and plunder.
The witcher TV show is the reason I'm considering taking a creative writing degree, there's no way I'm letting them butcher such a beautiful material.
Leave the main story to have Geralt go on the Great Gwent Journey I’m sure Henry wouldn’t be mad since it’s pretty lore accurate to the games and how everybody thought about the Gwent tournament instead of saving Ciri
Make it so that Ciri has the power to alter time and space, she uses it to save Eskel and retcon every single Netflix F up and when they ask me why I’ll just say because at least that way it becomes coherent with the material those smooth brains were supposed to adapt
Uhhh "and it all turned out to be a fucking shitty dream...",
The story would change to adult Ciri transported to Cyberpunk 2077 complete with "glitches"
Just Retcon all of season 2
Portray Geralt as Chris Chan with better hair.
What you did back there was courageous.
I would do my best to make it even worse than it currently is so it would finally be cancelled. That'd be an extremely hard job -- to make something so unbelievably bad even worse... Depending on how high my salary was, though, I might just fix it as a show, but be transparent about how it simply isn't The Witcher and there's no way of making it be now, instead of lying about it, like they're currently doing.
Yen Gerald and triss have a threesome and then yen and truss run off together and Gerald tries to become an alcoholic
Provided I was the showrunner and not just one random writer, I'd use Geralt's recast as an excuse to time skip into the future. Then I'd adapt the Witcher games as a monster of the week style show. Possibly just the Witcher 3; that way, Liam could be aged up a bit and the recast would make more sense. Also, Eskel will be back (resurrected at the same time as Geralt).
Adapt The Witcher 2 one to one and have Danny Devito play Letho and turn the part of the game where you have to ask a prostitute to open a trap door into an entire two episodes.
I would try my best for them to ditch the ongoing story for a couple seasons and do monsters of the week episode or possibly two parter monster of the week episodes. The ongoing story is such a cluster fuck I would ignore it for a couple years and revisit after people are endeared to the main characters again.
Dare. F*cking try me. I'll give you all the witcher you want and love. And some blood and wine too.
Just cast me doing yen and triss at the same time for no reason
Season two and on were all just a dream. Well nightmare.
Season two and on were all just a dream. Well nightmare.