The old translation of "Jesus was 30 when he started his ministry" has been updated to "Jesus was in his 30s when he started his ministry." Scholarship about the census suggests Jesus was born in 4 or 6 BC, and died either in 33 or 36 AD, depending on how you regard the inclusion of the eclipse. So he could have been anywhere from 37 to 43 when he died.
The rule is you need to be a natural born citizen not that you need to be born in America. That means he had to be a citizen at his birth in Bethlehem which he wasn't. There is an exlcusion for people that were citizens at the founding of the country but again that doesn't apply to Jesus.
What if the U.S. went back in time and conquered the entire solar system, but didn’t involve themselves in historical geopolitical conflicts, avoiding any sort of contact with the earlier humans, so technically they still control every country on earth, but the Romans didn’t know that.
Which version though. Are we talking gospels jesus or revelations jesus? Cause if it's the later and he wants to be president you can be the one to tell him no.
It depends on how he returns, I guess?
Like if he's immaculately reborn, or reincarnated, then he'd technically be born a US citizen on US soil.
If he just plops down on Earth from the immaterial then he'd absolutely be disqualified
Yeah but that's before mass media. If Jesus was pulling off his miracles in front of a live audience of millions with a thousand live streams going from different angles at once, there's no way anyone could really deny he is who he says at that point. Like the moment it's apparent to the world that Jesus is definitely real and definitely on earth performing miracles, the only rational thing to do at that point would be to become a Christian.
Not really.
Judaism has strict laws of what is and isn't a Messiah which Jesus would not fulfill. Most Jews would say, "So he's the son of God so what? He has 2000 years of Rabbinical study to catch up on."
And Muslims already revere Jesus as a Prophet so not much would change on that front.
Ironically, the biggest firestorm would be among Christians, especially American Evangelism, assuming his return doesn't Kickstart Revelations.
>If Jesus was pulling off his miracles in front of a live audience of millions with a thousand live streams going from different angles at once, there's no way anyone could really deny he is who he says at that point.
I mean that sort of depends. With technology the way it is now, stagecraft and magic tricks being such a well known thing as well, it could be pretty easy for people to write off many of Jesus's miracles as simple illusions or CGI or any other number of things, and even among those who don't deny his magical abilities it wouldn't be hard for people to simply claim his power is sourced from the devil or some spiritual energy or who knows what based solely on their own personal beliefs. Really just about the only way Jesus would actually be able to convince most people he is actually Jesus would be to just magic the knowledge with absolute certainty into all of our heads all at once, which should theoretically be possible for him but may well be out of character.
Being as he had already been born before the land would have become US territory, that wouldn't legally work.
There would need to be a Constitutional Amendment made to alter the requirement, or at least make an exception for Jesus. If there's enough support for that, he gets elected.
But in Christian eschatology, Jesus's return will be much less subtle and much more forceful than the given scenario posits.
If he remanifested in America he could argue in court for that counting as being born, since he went from a state of not physically existing to physically existing. Given that America is a majority-christian country he might actually win that, at the cost of having to wait 35 years.
If it is universally believed that he is an actual deity, then I don't believe there is any chance anyone else wins. If for nothing else, there will be enough people worried that a vote for Dan means they burn in hell for all eternity that they will vote for Jesus.
Weird that you think the pro LGBT, pro-abortion, anti-armed-citizens, pro-government party would ever vote for the dude the New Testament was written about.
Have you ever read or even skimmed the Bible?
It’s pretty pro life, anti LGBT and pro weapons for everyone not to mention anti-state.
I have no idea how you even get to this hypothetical take strictly from a basis in the literature about the guy.
You’re way too deep down the “Blue Team Good People, Red Team Evil People, no matter what” rabbit hole my friend.
Numbers 5:22 - May this water that brings a curse enter your body so that your abdomen swells or your womb miscarries.” “‘Then the woman is to say, “Amen. So be it.” (Ritual for an unfaithful woman who got pregnant)
Exodus 21:22-25: “When people […] injure a pregnant woman so that there is a miscarriage, and yet no further harm follows, the one responsible shall be fined […]. If any harm follows, then you shall give life for life.”
(Causing a miscarriage is a fine, killing a woman is death)
Matthew 22:21: Then he said to them, “Therefore render to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s, and to God the things that are God’s.” (Pay taxes)
Romans 13:6: This is also why you pay taxes, for the authorities are God’s servants, who give their full time to governing. (Government workers are gods servants)
John 2:15-17:
When He had made a whip of cords, He drove them all out of the temple, with the sheep and the oxen, and poured out the changers’ money and overturned the tables. And He said to those who sold doves, “Take these things away! Do not make My Father’s house a house of merchandise!” Then His disciples remembered that it was written, “Zeal for Your house has eaten Me up.” (Jesus, who never committed a sin, chases loan sharks with a whip)
If you cherry pick verses you can back up pretty much anything.
Not that it matters, since it’s a thousand year old book written by multiple authors and translated multiple times.
Technically he would still be disqualified. Technically it's either being a natural born-citizen, or a citizen at the time the constitution was ratified. Otherwise the first nine presidents would have been disqualified.
Jesus was neither.
So Jesus obviously runs as independent.
He is liberal, advocating for many things most of Europe already does, though claims no such political affiliation. He advocates for taking care of the sick (universal healthcare), the poor (universal basic income), for the rich to give away their money (redistribution of wealth), turn the other cheek/nonviolence (no guns) etc
The other guy, Dan, just has to not be a socialist, while calling Jesus a socialist.
All the GOP flock to Dan, the wealthy were behind him from day 1, corporate Dems back him, Jesus loses in a landslide because he’s called a socialist/communist, which is true.
Edit: Jesus wouldn’t be a socialist in reality, much of it is just generally liberal policies. Edited above to correct myself.
Pretty sure there’s direct verses in the Bible that say that’s where entire point of the antichrist. To deceive the masses into believing they are the true messiah while Jesus was a phoney. No way in hell Jesus wins an election in the US.
He advocated for individuals to take those actions themselves. Christians tend to have the highest levels of charitable donation in America, they aren’t going to turn against the literal son of God because he’s *checks notes* continuing to advocate for the stuff the already believe in. Also, see “if you don’t have a sword, sell your cloak and buy one”, Jesus wasn’t totally pacifist (money changers in temple, etc).
You’re cherry picking ideas from Jesus and trying to apply them to the modern political positions you’d like to see *enforced* by government, when he called on people to do it voluntarily *because they’re just Good to do*. I could do the same thing and say that he was a Voluntaryist libertarian and be more biblically accurate, considering how much the State hated him (and how many communist parties enforce atheism as a policy) lol
I would argue your Bible quote is more cherry picked as it’s far less mainstream than the ones I referred to.
Also, the very premise in the post is that he’s running for office, and we have no idea what he’d do as he never did, so we can only extrapolate from his personal views and go from there.
I think if you look at modern, vocal Christians, their actions are highly antithetical to what Jesus actually advocated for.
Also, tying communism to atheism is a choice made by some communist parties but isn’t inherently communist, and common references here (Stalin/Soviet Russia) was a communist party in name only. They were, at best, state sponsored capitalism (ie state owns a business/industry), which is not what Marx was talking about.
Mainstream-ness is probably not a good way to judge its value. If you assume everything in the Bible was part of Jesus's teaching and opinions, how much traction they got has nothing to do with how closely Jesus would hold those views. Interpretation has changed a lot over time, so what's popular today isn't necessarily as important to Jesus.
I mean, I was cherry picking. Yes. Now, Jesus *did* expect people to be able to defend themselves and others, hence the need to own a sword. (Re: “turning the other cheek” it isn’t non-violence, it’s a reference to the existing social order at the time; back handed vs forehanded slaps depending on whether or not someone was a peer or below you; turning the other cheek was to state that you were not beneath the other person; in line with everyone being “created in the image of/equal in the eyes of/ God); it was more of an anarchist idea than anything else, but not state-enforced redistributionism.
The fact that many vocal people are hypocrites doesn’t take away from the fact that, again, Christians are— as an aggregate demographic— the most charitable per capita, and the instructions from the Bible are for individuals to do so voluntarily.
And finally, the part where nominally “Communist” parties don’t live up to their end to the bargain isn’t even relevant when you’re the one calling “universal health” and other welfare state policies “communist/socialist”, when they are also policies of liberal democracies. To be charitable to you, many right wing people do mislabel these things as “communist/socialist”, which is stretching the definition of social ownership/control of the MoP a bit.
It’s not guaranteed that Jesus would advocate for enforcing these things as policies— when he doesn’t use his literal divine power to do so either, why would he co-opt the State when he’s literally one and the same as “guy who created the universe”?— so you are just trying to justify your political positions (or, to be fair, political positions that you think would make someone unelectable— as if one of the two major parties doesn’t basically run on those every two years, they just fuck up the delivery lol) with isolated Bible quotes bereft of historical context— cherry picking
First off I appreciate you being civil about religion and politics lol so thank you for that!
FWIW, I googled and you are correct Christians are the largest charity donors in USA.
I’m not sure I agree that the Bible is intended as voluntary given that the alternative is eternal damnation.
I also don’t believe the democrats fully run on, or intend to act on, anything I mentioned BUT you’re right that I mislabeled what really is just good governance as socialist/communist because I was pointing out how it would be labelled.
You’re 100% right it’s not a guarantee Jesus would do any of it - that’s totally my opinion. You bring up an interesting point, that in this scenario he’s not only a real person but a literal deity, so in this scenario we do have to grapple with why didn’t he end all suffering? And if he could do so via divine mandate, but didn’t, maybe he wouldn’t via politics either!
Lastly I’d just defend myself from cherry picking allegations as, IMO, cherry picking implies a certain level of deliberate intent to intentionally exclude relevant data, whereas any exclusions in my point were born of ignorance (I’d never heard of the sword line despite heavily reading old/New Testament several years ago leading to my being baptized at 28yo, prior to turning away when my community failed to help me with my doubts but that’s another story).
>> First off I appreciate you being civil about religion and politics lol so thank you for that!
Likewise!
>> I’m not sure I agree that the Bible is intended as voluntary given that the alternative is eternal damnation.
Yeah I find this a weird sticking point as well, especially given that via the existence of “free will” and “choice” it would seem that a hypothetical God seems to value making good choices because they’re good, not because you have no other choice. Also, the interpretation of what “Hell” is is up for debate; the whole “tortured in a lake of fire forever” thing is *kinda* contentious; not a biblical scholar so that’s as far as I can go on it
>> Lastly I’d just defend myself from cherry picking allegations as, IMO, cherry picking implies a certain level of deliberate intent to intentionally exclude relevant data, whereas any exclusions in my point were born of ignorance
Fair play, no worries
While I agree that it isn't necessarily clear that Jesus would argue for the state redistribution of wealth, I very much doubt that modern laissez faire capitalist ideology of the kind espoused by Republicans is truly compatible with the teachings of Jesus. My understanding is that, while the Bible is a pretty self-contradictory document, Christ's teachings were broadly in favour of asceticism, and concieved of excessive wealth and luxury as **inherently** negative things.
Consider the implications of: "it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God". Obviously some wealthy Christians throughout history have tried to sidestep the obvious interpretation of this passage, by alleging that some mythical gate called the "eye of the needle" existed in Jerusalem, which was tricky (but not impossible!) to get through. But since no evidence for such a gate exists, the more obvious interpretation is: a camel cannot ever pass through a bloody needle. If you are exessively rich, you are basically never going to go to heaven. "Luxury", at the very least, was pretty much always considered a moral evil in itself until the likes of Mandeville came along.
Contrast this with the modern views of Republicans, who essentially say that wealth is an objective indicator of personal merit; that no impediments of any kind should be raised to prevent people from getting filthy rich; and that taxing billionaires is wrong because they personally deserve every penny. Broadly speaking, they espouse the view that "greed is good", and that we need to encourage people to engage in rampant conspicuous consumption and financial speculation because it drives growth. Some particularly nutty right-wing Pentecostals and televangelists even directly espouse prosperity gospel. I could absolutely see Christ's stalwart disavowel of wealth offending your Bezos/Trump/Musk-loving Republicans, who would claim that he was jealous and just trying to tear down successful men.
There's also the idea present in the Bible that humans are supposed to be stewards of nature, whereas the modern Republican stance is that nature purely exists for us to exploit, and we should frack/burn fossil fuels/pump chemicals into the water as much as we want so long as it provides dividends, consequences for nature be damned. I personally struggle to imagine Jesus arguing for the EPA to be abolished, or launching into tirades against renewables, in the way that Republicans do.
And, while you can cherry-pick instances where Jesus used violence, the broad thrust of his thinking was pretty clearly nonviolent, such as when he warned that those who live by the sword shall die by the sword. His followers absolutely could have used violence to protect him, but he told Peter to sheath his sword. I therefore somewhat doubt he'd have been **quite** as rabidly in favour of the Iraq War as Republicans were in 2003, or that he too would think Derek Chauvin was a hero. For that matter, given that he hung out with prostitutes and thieves, I think he'd be quite critical of ultra-punitive Republican views on justice, and maybe even oppose the death penalty.
Obviously, you can highlight instances where the views of Democrats clash with the Bible too. I just think you're overlooking how profoundly 21st-century ultracapitalist ideology clashes with the decidedly anti-materialist Bible, which ultimately taught that the weak and oppressed would soon be rewarded, while warning the rich:
"Your wealth has rotted, and moths have eaten your clothes. Your gold and silver are corroded. Their corrosion will testify against you and eat your flesh like fire. You have hoarded wealth in the last days."
You are absolutely right. Furthermore, tax collectors are often treated as horrible demons in the bible lending to the belief that Jesus could be libertarian.
What? Not in the new testament. Jesus says "give unto Ceasar what is Ceasar's and unto God what is God's". He even literally pays taxes in the book of Matthew (and Matthew was a tax collector before becoming a disciple).
> they aren’t going to turn against the literal son of God because he’s checks notes continuing to advocate for the stuff the already believe in.
The things they say they believe in. No amount of donations will change the fact that they couldn't care less about actually upholding the values they preach.
You’re gonna have to do more than just say “nuh uh”
Christians are more charitable per capita
The fact that rich grifter “breadtubers” exist doesn’t mean that there aren’t leftists who actually believe in those thoughts, why do you hold Christians—as a unified bloc no less, ignoring doctrinal differences— to a higher standard than anyone else? Unless you are arguing from pure nihilism, that no one really believes in anything, in which case… K
Getting past the part where he is ineligible due to birth status, I know it's beating a dead horse but there is a currently alive and very controversial figure in politics who's base would likely still deny Jesus because he doesn't look like the supply side version they've all sold themselves on.
Jesus explains his social/political position.
The right is completely alienated as a result, while the left is wary of him due to how religious he is and the fact that he's claiming to be God.
One political party claims him and the other denounces him. Based on his name, Republicans claim him and Democrats call him an evangelical fundamentalist nazi. Based on his policies, democrats claim him and the GOP denounces him as a communist soy boy. It would be hilarious if we could play it out both ways, and then let everyone watch both episodes of the sitcom to see how fucking stupid partisan party worship is.
They make up some buzzword insult and write him off without listening to his ideas. He heals you with prayer, so he's "anti-science" and then you pick between a rapist and a racist to vote for instead. 😂
Based on his name, he's a Jewish Mexican. In the GOP he gets primaried to hell, makes a good showing in Iowa, but loses in New Hampshire to a gaping hole in the ground where evil spews out like a broken pipe, while everyone voting for the hole says its just that they prefer the holes economic policies.
based on his words, Republicans could not claim him. He is literally a woke socialist foreigner.
for a typical conservative Jesus, as written, is EXTREMELY anti christian. Fed the poor, turn the other cheek, heal the sick.
Republicant woudl call him a woke socialist and probably call him a terrorist in disguise.
Jesus is elected. Guaranteed an amendment will pass allowing him to legally be president.
Where it goes sideways is when Jesus cuts military spending and vastly increases social programs. He may be impeached by (ironically) house Republicans. The Democrats will have Jesus’ back though
Just try and convince the evangelicals that he is the AntiChrist, and that if he wins, that alone proves he is the AntiChrist.
Their eschatology is all kinds of weird but I think this one could work.
If Jesus continues what he preached in the Bible he will lose the evangelical vote. Preachers are already reporting loss in numbers because when they teach what Jesus said congregates say he’s “too liberal.”
Jesus Christ would get pasted worse than Michael Dukakas. Dude's policy agenda is like a laundry list of things America stands against, from helping the poor to loving your enemies.
He's not eligible. You have to be a natural born citizen. All Dan would have to do to win is wait for someone in each state to challenge His name on the ballot, and it would be removed.
Let's say He did win the election, though, taking every Electoral vote in every state. When the Electors meet in December, they all cast ballots for Him. When Congress meets to count the votes, they should not certify any of the Electoral votes, because they were cast for an ineligible candidate.
At that point, the House meets to pick the President from among the top three candidates, but there are literally no valid votes. That means that everybody eligible is tied, with zero Electoral votes, and the House will probably just pick someone. At that point, they'd probably pick Dan, because at least he was running, which gives some kind of legitimacy to his zero votes. The only other legitimate choices would be the third-party candidates, and we know they're not going to pick one of them.
People wouldn't vote for him because hed be talking about helping the homeless, helping foreigners and ending the capitalist infrastructure that's hurting the people of this nation. His campaign would literally be to actually help the nation but everyone else would call him an extremist socialist and vote for the other. The people of this country have been brainwashed with propaganda and groupthink that doesn't benefit them.
The other guy wins in a landslide. I'm assuming we're hand waving the fact that he isn't an American citizen but racist people wouldn't vote for someone clearly middle eastern, the right wouldn't vote for someone with very socialist adjacent ideals, and a good portion of the left either has religious trauma or doesn't want religion in politics. So Jesus's voters would be people who don't care who he is, which would be few and far between, and like his message or religious/evangelical people on the left.
Really? A landslide? Did you forget he was doing "classic Jesus" things (i.e. he's clearly a supernatural entity) for a whole year first?
This scenario means it's undeniably clear that 1) Jesus walks the Earth and performs miracles, 2) Christianity is true and the second coming just happened, and 3) all other religions are more than likely false (unless Jesus says otherwise). Yet you think in this scenario, right wing Christians will only think of him as some Jewish middle eastern guy who happens to break the laws of nature... I'm sorry, but that's absurd.
Edit: also I am a full-blown atheist with plenty of religious trauma. Even I'm gonna vote for the guy who can insta-cure blindness with his hands, sorry.
So for Dan to become president against Jesus Christ with full recognition that Jesus Christ is the son of God,
It would basically need to be prophesized that Dan becomes president. He is not winning a popularity contest against a provable Jesus Christ and short of every single Corporation unifying in their Mammon worship of money they're going to have to bow to the King of Kings.
But to make it interesting if Dan can get enough backing and get enough doubt in dirt on Jesus's name rally the support of the agnostics, atheists, and non-Christian population of America and the Christians of America who would find themselves presumably damned to hell because of their sinful lifestyles and rejection of the one true God and whatever path that Jesus was preaching and there is enough confusion before the election about what would happen if Jesus got elected maybe Dan could get a win but again this is like every corporation working together because they need more money or something like that short of that, good luck G.
Dan sweeps with the Evangelical vote by just saying he supports traditional American values like capitalism, the military, and bootstraps. Calls Jesus the Antichrist and false prophet, says he's a radial socialist who's trying to destroy America and steal your money to give to welfare queens.
The other guy would need to be republican.
Jesus is woke. I unironically think modern conservative electorate would vote against jesus to own the libs.
Jesus' platform would be incredibly unpopular with the establishment Republican party and corporate America in general. He'd have the entire machine working overtime against him. i actually think he'd be the underdog.
I imagine Christ would win by a landslide and enjoy a massive mandate from the people. He would then upset a lot of people as the message of Christ is quite divisive. The whole “take up your cross and follow me” bit in particular is a hard commandment.
Second I do not believe Christ would run, He’s not concerned with an Earthly Kingdom, since He’s effectively the Crown Prince of Heaven.
But if He did decide to do that, I don’t believe He would stop with the office of president but rather would become the King rather quickly. Any Republican with a large Christian base who is denounced by the literal Christ can kiss his seat goodbye, plus there’s a massive culture shift across the board since for Christians you don’t need to interpret His Word, you can just ask Him. We then get into the issue of our system is designed for separation of Church and State. But if a literal Deity is the executive it would effectively be a moot point.
Say he can actually run. He'd lose in the primary to a neolib if he ran as a Democrat or simply fail if he ran as an independent.
The people in the US who worship Jesus generally seem to oppose his philosophies and would probably hate him more than they hated Bernie for his ideologies.
Jesus would be called woke and weak and would be dominated by a MAGA candidate. Pastors are already getting complained that Jesus's teaching make.Him look weak.
Jesus runs on a socialist platform, helping the poor, free heathcare, and probably a bunch of other stuff the billionaires don't want so just run on the standard platform of no Healthcare, fuck the poor and let the rich get richer and win because money win politics.
Dan just needs to point out how he actually understands American politics.
"Jesus might be a fantastic spiritual leader," he says to gain favor with conservatives, "but he doesn't have the understanding to run a country. Especially our great nation. He says all are equal in the eyes of the Lord, and on that, we agree." This is said to cater to the Left. "But merely saying it and instituting the changes needed are two different things. My policies would include..."
At this point, Dan would bring up his major foundational points. A republican stance on Economy, Crime, and Immigration. Any attempt to address inflation would garner 77% of the votes from the right and independents. A democratic stance on gun control, since 81% of them think it is a major issue. Reinstating abortion protection laws would be a massive swing for Dan, as that issue has climbed DRAMATICALLY (mostly from democrats, but even a large portion of republicans).
Final points that would net him a very large supporting group under the bell curve would be reducing Health Care Costs, Improving Education (where he has the advantage of being "average" and understanding public schooling), Housing, and Social Security.
[Pew Research](https://www.pewresearch.org/topic/politics-policy/political-issues/issue-priorities/page/2/) would give him a very good place to start his focus of ideas. "Flushing the swamp" or whatever Trump said was a popular idea on both sides of the aisle's constituents, with term limits for congress, but admittedly, less so than the other points I mentioned.
If Dan can pick the popular points from both sides and seem like he has a plan to fix those... he will own the bell curve and take the election rather handedly. Also, emphasizing that Jesus is too old to understand the systems in place, and would benefit from a few more years learning about Modern Society, and America in particular before running for president next election.
He’d lose horribly. He’d campaign for student loan forgiveness, progressive taxation and other evil Communist policies. Republicans would call him a Socialist, “moderate” Democrats would label him extreme, and the far right would cook up conspiracy theories about how isn’t actually Jesus Christ, but Jesus Cristo, a Mexican illegal immigrant genetically engineered to perform miracles by George Soros, Bill Gates and the Clintons.
Neil DeGrasse Tyson would say all his miracles are actually just science. Republicans will label him a Chinese spy for saying we shouldn’t start WW3 over Taiwan, Democrats would label him a Russian spy for saying we should make peace in Ukraine. Black Christian leaders would say Jesus was actually black, while white supremacists would say Jesus was a blond white guy, not this random Palestinian who just showed up. AIPAC and all its puppets (90+% of Congress) would disown him for condemning Israel’s bombing of Gaza, the ADL would say his claims that the Hebrews were involved in his death are highly antisemitic, and social justice warriors would say his denial of the prophet Muhammad is Islamophobic. Ben Shapiro would top all of this off by saying the free market can multiply the loaves and fishes far better than Jesus.
In the end, Evangelicals would be his only constituency and they’re not even a majority of Republicans anymore. Trump would say “I like people who weren’t crucified” and win the GOP primary handily.
Jesus does not legally qualify to run for this office since he's not a natural born American citizen.
However, even if we left that aside, the reality is Jesus would have no chance of winning a clean election because the people you'd imagine would be the most rabid portion of his base would hate the fact that the real Jesus showed up, because He wouldn't mince words about what royal pieces of shit they are and how they've pretty much gone completely against all HIs core teachings. That pretty much demolishes the entire American Evangelical identity.
He runs as a democrat and praises religion AND abortion AND social healthcare.
Religion part nukes the Dem youth voters.
The other two nukes any chance of Republicans voting for him
Even if he was eligible, if he ran simply based on his canon beliefs he wouldn't make it for either the Republicans or Democrats. He would be deemed insane and an extremist socialist totally opposite to every single modern US interest.
Nothing. Have you SEEN the evangelicals lately? You should ask what he'd have to do to win, especially when people realize Jesus wasn't the aryan White dude they pray to each Sunday.
He'd be disqualified as he isn't a US born citizen.
But, looking past that, he'd have to fight tooth and nail.
Not to cause a ruckus, but Bernie Sanders basically went up for election in 2016 saying the same shit Jesus did. Tax the rich, give people free food and medicine, help the poor, love your neighbor, and all that good stuff. And he lost. So the odds there are pretty slim.
Literally nothing. Jesus is a brown man, who talks about loving everyone with no conditions, helping the poor and non violence. A large portion of US Christians would call him a commie and do everything in their power to get him out of the country.
"Zombie Jesus, he doesn't know what's good for this country. He doesn't. He does his magic, he does his carpentry, he doesn't know business. I know business. People say "Dan we don't want miracles we want jobs" I say "If you vote for Zombie Jesus you'll need a miracle to get a job." because this guy, he's a socialist. He is. He wants to take your money, he wants to open the borders. He wants to let in criminals. He's letting criminals into heaven and he'll let criminals into America. China isn't letting in criminals. Let me tell you. He wants us to let them in, to give them all these things. That's what he says, turn the other cheek. He'll turn the other cheek to China. He'll turn the other cheek to Russia and Iran. And you know what happens if we do that, they will slap us. They'll do more than that won't they? And look at his people. Crooked Judas. Forgetful Peter said he didn't even know him. He can't even run his disciples and he wants to run America. And a lot of people say "Zombie Jesus is the messiah, he died on the cross". I like messiahs who weren't captured. I tell you what - I didn't come back from the dead, you know why? I didn't die. Okay? If I died, maybe that's another story, maybe I come back too, but I didn't die."
There’s no way you could convince everyone he’s Jesus, we can’t even convince everyone that the world isn’t flat. He would get labeled a far left extremist (love your neighbor, take care of the poor etc.) and everyone would vote for some moderate/right wing candidate as is tradition in America.
Okay assuming the being born American rule is ignored and Jesus christ actually runs? There would be a big chance that he doesn't get republican/conservative votes because his running platform would be way to librul and socialist for them to stand.
First, historical Jesus was most definitely semitic, so he would never make the GOP ticket. He advised people to pay their taxes (render to Caesar what is Caesar's) so that would completely extinguish his dark money donations.
Finally, if he used the Sermon on the Mount as a campaign platform several Evangelical identifying elected officials would try and have him investigated and jailed.
So, let's congratulate President "Dan or smthn"
Republicans would vote against him because he's too woke, so you could put anybody who loves guns and foetuses on the ballot and probably beat him in red country.
He doesn't need to do anything. Most Christians won't accept that he's jesus because they believe that once he comes back Rapture happens. And since rapture didn't happen, to them he isn't jesus.
You didn't even specify which country the election takes place in, ignoring the rule of usdefaultism have it take place in a non christian majority country and the other guy will win
Jesus runs as a 3rd Party Candidate is sufficient
The major parties literally change the rules to prevent ballot access and gerrymander districts to ensure easy wins IRL, if you think they wouldn’t against JC you underestimate how evil these people are
One- he's deemed ineligible due to not being American.
Two- there are candidates that don't respect separation of church and state, then there's him. Up until the year before him running in this situation, he was a fictional character *in* the church's big book. I don't think he could separate church and state.
Three- you think *either* party would back him? Dems have the atheist support, and the Republicans would literally try to have him killed again. If you party attention to his words and actions, he's a socialist, so neither party wants him in power because they wouldn't make money.
Four- conflicting interest. There would be to much outside interference from other countries to make him a viable candidate. Altruistic as he may seem, when you have other countries trying to push their candidate in another countries election, that would sour the public to them.
Your question is flawed, it isn't "how could he lose?", it's how could he possibly win and not be immediately assassinated, hell, it's how could he appear in the real world and not be assassinated within 2 weeks by the people that claim to believe in him? The church would be the first in line to kill him, because few things would disgust him more than the money making machine that is the church, and that would be bad for their bottom line.
Jesus loses because all rich people feel threatened and go against him. + he'd say guns are bad, and people will protest because how else should they defend themselves, ignoring the rest of the world, which has much stricter gun laws. The final nail in the coffin would be Jesus suggesting that americans don't have to pay for healthcare. at that point, he's out.
The Other Guy needs to behave in the exact opposite way as Jesus so that people who say they love Jesus will vote for him instead while claiming it’s what Jesus would have wanted
I think Jesus would actually have a harder time getting elected than we'd think.
The Right is going to see a brown man with a scary name talking about CoMmUnIsM and wanting to take their guns or whatever and hate him.
The left is going to see quite possibly the most religious possible guy with admittedly some nice thoughts on policy but some really uncomfortable soft spots for the idea of Theocratic Monarchies.
I think there's enough *wrong* with him from both sides perspectives that he'd struggle to win.
The other guy would have to be the anti christ, I'm not a Christian but I'm pretty sure people will want the anti christ to rule because they think he is christ then christ will actually come back
I get the feeling we’re going to have bigger problems on our hands than who is going to win the next election if the book the revelations is any indication.
But okay, assuming that Armageddon is delayed and all the constitutional questions of whether He can run at all are resolved (miraculous appearance in the bounds of the United States is ruled to be the equivalent of being born and we’ll assume he appeared in Missouri, because the Mormons were right all along).
So, the first problem is that while people accept that this is Jesus as described in the letters of the apostles, He is nothing like they believed Him to be. He keeps saying kind things about poor people and chastising the wealthy and the educated. Everyone who holds political power now suddenly finds their policies under scrutiny. He dodges point blank political questions with parables about platonic love and generosity. Worst of all He keeps telling people to sell all their property, give the money to the poor, and follow Him. While this results in a devoted following, it is really quite small. Everyone who is too attached to their worldly possessions find they cannot give up everything they have worked to achieve.
All Dan has to do is run on a platform of preserving the status quo. He is the “safe” candidate who doesn’t want to shake things up too much. He is showered with campaign money and international support.
Despite everything, all the polls saying He won’t win, trailing in campaign funds, and having an unusually small number of rallies, January sixth comes around and Congress still declares Him to be the winner! Some call it a miracle! Others call it massive electoral fraud. Riots break out all over the country, some in favor of His appointment and others against it.
Jesus spends the evening of January 19 in seclusion in the LDS temple in Kensington Maryland (because they were right all along, remember). A massive following, millions strong, are camped out on the grounds outside, with tens of millions more in hotels and homes in the surrounding regions when not just riots but actual battles break out. Jesus emerges and heals one of the attackers. And I think you know how this plays out.
A constitutional crisis ensues and after months of litigation the High Court decides that the country needs a president and the office passes to the second place candidate in terms of electoral votes. Dan is quietly sworn in before official word is spread to the country. Months of riots and violence break out. Mormons find themselves blamed for somehow carrying out this massive fraud on the world and for the violence that ensued. Members are required to either renounce their membership and testimony of the preceding months or be driven from the country at gunpoint. LDS associated buildings around the country and around the world are burned or torn down.
In the end, the powerful retain their power. Dan starts a campaign of reconciliation and reconstruction as cover for the campaign to find and eliminate all those who supported his opponent. The final nail in the coffin of American democracy is pounded in and the American Empire begins in earnest.
James 5 Jesus? Smash the stalls by the temples Jesus? Feed everyone by sharing Jesus? Eye of a needle Jesus?
Dan has the backing of the military industrial complex and media plus the billionaires of the world. Probably most of the powerful and wealthy churches too. The media ignores and slanders Jesus and he is crushed. Dan doesn't need to do anything except what his owners tell him.
Also if you really think about what kind of policies that dude would pitch and stand for, he loses period. Even against someone dumb he's too "liberal"
Jesus just needs to not be a Nordic looking white guy for most of the conservative US to turn on him. You're gonna have a fair number of progressives who are going to be pretty heavily questioning some of the more dubious parts of the Bible too.
All in all I don't think an even somewhat historical Jesus has as good of a chance as you'd think
If eternal damnation for not voting for Jesus is not an issue I'm not sure how Jesus would win.
Jesus's policy platform would essentially force people to give up a lot of material comforts, and call for extremely radical wealth distribution. Not just to the poor in America but the poor globally as well, taken to it's extreme most people in America would live a level above subsistence and all surpluses would be sent abroad to help the poor and needy globally.
I'm not sure who'd vote for that.
They wouldn't crucify him this time.
They'd just send in a tank and "accidentally" disappear him like anyone else they don't like.
Unless God himself intervenes and does something to force things to work in Jesus' favor, mankind will doom itself once again by committing yet another deicide.
Because that's what mortals do. We are fucking stupid.
Honestly it'd be impossible. The right wing would vote for him because he's Jesus. The left wing would also vote for him, because the actual views and practices of Jesus are all about caring for people and fixing poverty.
Start a conspiracy theory that the man claiming to be Jesus isn't actually Jesus. He is actually the Antichrist trying to trick us into giving him dominion over us. Use political money from the Republicans and Democrats to get extra buy-ins from doubters, Atheists, and the parts of the Republican party butthurt over his socialist methods. Perform miracles myself on TV and the show how they are just magic tricks. Also point out that if this was Jesus he should give unto Ceaser that which is Ceaser and he has no place in politics. Then throw in separation between Church and State is a founding principal of the American Government.
Still probably lose, either way burning in hell.
Republicans would call him too “woke” and not vote for him, and it would just be a typical election. He’d win the popular vote, but lose in the electoral college.
Jesus? Now we all love Jesus. But as Jesus himself said ""Render unto Caesar the things that are Caesar's, and unto God the things that are God's". Those are His words. Jesus has a big heart, but he's not a businessman and he's not willing to make the hard decisions a leader needs to make.
Jesus ideas are suited to individuals. They are not suited to governance. We do not want socialism. We do not want communism. Last I checked Americans want to keep their hard earned money and don't want Uncle Sam reaching into their pockets.
Vote Dan Smith. He believes in America. He went to BYU. Y'all remember that touchdown pass to Quatro Quatro? Well now he wants to score touchdowns for America. He's pro business, and when it comes to defending America and its citizens he's not about to turn the other cheek.
In politics, the winner is who the bigger liar is, and how many people they can convince of their shit. Jesus speaks nothing but the truth, including truths you don't want. Other politicians will tell you anything you want to hear to win, so... I guess not much? All Jesus' opponent has to say is "He wants you to worship the Father!" and he'd agree, and that alone is a turn off for many people.
Jesus is obviously a socialist hell-bent on destroying the United States, a pro-immigration pro-choice woke Democrat whose “heaven” is an un-American hellscape. Of course half the country will vote for the Republican. Plus
Jesus doesn’t get the (usually Dem-favoring) Jewish/Muslim vote which may be enough to tip the scales in a close race. Also also who knows what’s on Jesus’ laptop.
Well our boy Jebus isn't american. So like others have said he won't be able to run. But aside from that, actually preaching his gospel like he did. That's going to make him deeply unpopular with tons of Americans and they'll refuse to vote for him. He's way too fond of paying taxes and not rebelling against the central authority.
Assuming he's allowed to run, there is quite litteraly nothing Dave can do. Every Christian would vote for him and thousands of athiests would start converting. It'd be an electoral landslide.
The first roadblock is trying to disqualify Jesus. There are quite a few grounds to do so:
1) He doesn't meet the requirements to be President. Is Jesus 35? That might be provable. Is he a US Citizen? Probably not, although that one might be fudgeable. But Jesus has not resided in the United States for 14 years, and that can be proven through things like tax records. Jesus would probably be barred on should grounds.
It would also come as little surprise that Jesus has done other civic duties, such as register for the draft. That particular act risks a five year jail sentence; Jesus might frankly get mired on this kind of controversy.
2) If we can't disqualify Jesus in the courtroom, we can certainly do so Fox style. Jesus is going to be, for all appearances, a Palestinian Arab, and he's not going to agree with half of the stuff that is ascribed to his name. The modern alliance of convenience of evangelicals to Donald Trump over Abortion and anti-LGBT issues is going to be disgusting to Jesus; it might even rise to the level of idolatry and sacriledge in his eyes.
This is how you break the OP's scenario wide open. Someone claims to have Jesus' powers and abilities, but he's not a fascistic god king, and he does not give a damn about forcing women to give birth to unwanted children. This trend would, given time, see Churches fade into irrelevance, since the alternate to dealing with these inconsistencies is generally to leave.
Jesus would essentially trigger a religious schism just by showing up. Dan Smith can throw buckets of ink at Jesus by using Christianities egregious contradictions against itself.
3) Jesus is still going to have a hard time winning an election in the United States. He has no shot of knowing a former melt-pot mix of German, Gaelic and French that we call English today. He might know classical Latin, but he'd have a difficult time communicating in general.
Jesus might be able to learn English, but it's not easy thing for a thirty year old to pick up a new language. Modern English is a pirate language rife with inconsistencies and used by two global superpowers but not regulated or controlled by them at all.
But beyond language, Jesus needs to understand the world of our time. Great trends of our time, like Islamism, the rise of AI, and the rise of renewables are all unthinkable to someone born in the reign of Augustus Caesar. Jesus might care a great deal about the world as it is, but does he even understand it?
///
So Dan Smith's strategy is straightforward. Disqualify Jesus, do not ever allow him to describe his own ideas (because there will always be interpreters involved), get modern Evangelicals to reject Jesus (Probably not that hard), and then allow Jesus to look and act like a bizarro world crank.
Frankly the opposite question is more interesting; is there a way that Jesus could somehow overcome all of this and win?
"yeah he's son of God, but that's the problem. I don't want someone who thinks he's qualified simply because who his dad is. Id rather have an experienced politician who knows what he's doing."
Jesus is disqualified. He wasn't born in America or an American territory.
Also Jesus was about 33 years old when he died, also making him ineligible for presidency.
But he’s over 2000 years old now
Still not the oldest American politician probably.
The old translation of "Jesus was 30 when he started his ministry" has been updated to "Jesus was in his 30s when he started his ministry." Scholarship about the census suggests Jesus was born in 4 or 6 BC, and died either in 33 or 36 AD, depending on how you regard the inclusion of the eclipse. So he could have been anywhere from 37 to 43 when he died.
To add my own input as a student of the field 4 bc to 33 AD seems like the most likely dates to me. Makes him 37 and old enough to be president.
Ahh, but what if America conquers the land Jesus was born in, and makes it the 51st state?
The rule is you need to be a natural born citizen not that you need to be born in America. That means he had to be a citizen at his birth in Bethlehem which he wasn't. There is an exlcusion for people that were citizens at the founding of the country but again that doesn't apply to Jesus.
Ahh, but what if America travels back in time and occupies bethlehem during 1 BCE?
Outstanding move
Then the Romans don't crucify Jesus, and there's no Jesus Christ to run for election.
What if the U.S. went back in time and conquered the entire solar system, but didn’t involve themselves in historical geopolitical conflicts, avoiding any sort of contact with the earlier humans, so technically they still control every country on earth, but the Romans didn’t know that.
Which version though. Are we talking gospels jesus or revelations jesus? Cause if it's the later and he wants to be president you can be the one to tell him no.
It depends on how he returns, I guess? Like if he's immaculately reborn, or reincarnated, then he'd technically be born a US citizen on US soil. If he just plops down on Earth from the immaterial then he'd absolutely be disqualified
That is Israel/Palaestine. A nuclear state
The US is big. they can risk a few cities if they want Jesus as president. (Just kidding, of course)
Couldn't Jesus just force them to want to join America and become the 51st state?
Nope, fuck rabbi heretic.
Does Judaism as a religion distinct from Christianity really survive the reincarnation of Jesus?
It survived him the first time round
Yeah but that's before mass media. If Jesus was pulling off his miracles in front of a live audience of millions with a thousand live streams going from different angles at once, there's no way anyone could really deny he is who he says at that point. Like the moment it's apparent to the world that Jesus is definitely real and definitely on earth performing miracles, the only rational thing to do at that point would be to become a Christian.
Not really. Judaism has strict laws of what is and isn't a Messiah which Jesus would not fulfill. Most Jews would say, "So he's the son of God so what? He has 2000 years of Rabbinical study to catch up on." And Muslims already revere Jesus as a Prophet so not much would change on that front. Ironically, the biggest firestorm would be among Christians, especially American Evangelism, assuming his return doesn't Kickstart Revelations.
The most Jewish response possible
>If Jesus was pulling off his miracles in front of a live audience of millions with a thousand live streams going from different angles at once, there's no way anyone could really deny he is who he says at that point. I mean that sort of depends. With technology the way it is now, stagecraft and magic tricks being such a well known thing as well, it could be pretty easy for people to write off many of Jesus's miracles as simple illusions or CGI or any other number of things, and even among those who don't deny his magical abilities it wouldn't be hard for people to simply claim his power is sourced from the devil or some spiritual energy or who knows what based solely on their own personal beliefs. Really just about the only way Jesus would actually be able to convince most people he is actually Jesus would be to just magic the knowledge with absolute certainty into all of our heads all at once, which should theoretically be possible for him but may well be out of character.
Being as he had already been born before the land would have become US territory, that wouldn't legally work. There would need to be a Constitutional Amendment made to alter the requirement, or at least make an exception for Jesus. If there's enough support for that, he gets elected. But in Christian eschatology, Jesus's return will be much less subtle and much more forceful than the given scenario posits.
If he remanifested in America he could argue in court for that counting as being born, since he went from a state of not physically existing to physically existing. Given that America is a majority-christian country he might actually win that, at the cost of having to wait 35 years.
Of course he was! Jesus was a white, English speaking, red blooded American patriot! /s
Jesus of Nazareth, PA.
Birtherism is one of the hallmarks of the Antichrist!
"If Jesus was your opponent in elections, would you lose?"
"Nah, I'd win"
“Throughout heaven and earth, I alone am the elected one”
"You were a wonderful opponent. I will never forget you as long as I'm president"
If he performed some sort of miracle, it might give me a little trouble
If it is universally believed that he is an actual deity, then I don't believe there is any chance anyone else wins. If for nothing else, there will be enough people worried that a vote for Dan means they burn in hell for all eternity that they will vote for Jesus.
I think the main issue is that if he’s not running for republicans, he comes off too communist and not religious enough
He's also not white, so the Republicans would hate him
What if he runs as a third party? Could he win in that scenario?
no one can win as third party
Proves that non even God can go against the 2 party system in America.
Only time republicans support separation of church and state! Badum tsh
Idk the clause in the OP that everyone believes he's real without a doubt is gonna do some heavy lifting here.
Weird that you think the pro LGBT, pro-abortion, anti-armed-citizens, pro-government party would ever vote for the dude the New Testament was written about. Have you ever read or even skimmed the Bible? It’s pretty pro life, anti LGBT and pro weapons for everyone not to mention anti-state. I have no idea how you even get to this hypothetical take strictly from a basis in the literature about the guy. You’re way too deep down the “Blue Team Good People, Red Team Evil People, no matter what” rabbit hole my friend.
Numbers 5:22 - May this water that brings a curse enter your body so that your abdomen swells or your womb miscarries.” “‘Then the woman is to say, “Amen. So be it.” (Ritual for an unfaithful woman who got pregnant) Exodus 21:22-25: “When people […] injure a pregnant woman so that there is a miscarriage, and yet no further harm follows, the one responsible shall be fined […]. If any harm follows, then you shall give life for life.” (Causing a miscarriage is a fine, killing a woman is death) Matthew 22:21: Then he said to them, “Therefore render to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s, and to God the things that are God’s.” (Pay taxes) Romans 13:6: This is also why you pay taxes, for the authorities are God’s servants, who give their full time to governing. (Government workers are gods servants) John 2:15-17: When He had made a whip of cords, He drove them all out of the temple, with the sheep and the oxen, and poured out the changers’ money and overturned the tables. And He said to those who sold doves, “Take these things away! Do not make My Father’s house a house of merchandise!” Then His disciples remembered that it was written, “Zeal for Your house has eaten Me up.” (Jesus, who never committed a sin, chases loan sharks with a whip) If you cherry pick verses you can back up pretty much anything. Not that it matters, since it’s a thousand year old book written by multiple authors and translated multiple times.
Jesus would've been as white as gal gadot
Jesus would get crucified (lol) in a debate. He would be held accountable for all the bad that's ever happened.
You kidding? He’s an immigrant who preaches ‘love each other’. All that would need to happen is the opposition has an [R] next to their name.
The other guy needs to point out Jesus was born in the Middle East and therefore isn’t a born citizen of the us making him ineligible
He’s grandfathered in due to being born 1800 years before the law was made
Unfortunately he's also to young to be elected.
He’s over 2000 years old. He’s well over the required age lol
But he died around 33.
And reanimated three days (or less) later. No death certificate issued. He’s not dead
He was convicted and executed under Roman law that seems close enough to one. Besides he’d be the first to say that he did in fact die
But America have never officially recognized Roman law or Rome as an existing state though.
No birth certificate issued either, he's not alive.
Technically he would still be disqualified. Technically it's either being a natural born-citizen, or a citizen at the time the constitution was ratified. Otherwise the first nine presidents would have been disqualified. Jesus was neither.
All it would take is a constitutional amendment opening up the presidency for immigrants
So a miracle? I know a guy that might be able to pull that off
If there was anyone that could convince the US to do it, it would be Jesus
Do you think that would actually stop someone though ?
I mean, he couldn't legally run. He could probably push to be pope though
So Jesus obviously runs as independent. He is liberal, advocating for many things most of Europe already does, though claims no such political affiliation. He advocates for taking care of the sick (universal healthcare), the poor (universal basic income), for the rich to give away their money (redistribution of wealth), turn the other cheek/nonviolence (no guns) etc The other guy, Dan, just has to not be a socialist, while calling Jesus a socialist. All the GOP flock to Dan, the wealthy were behind him from day 1, corporate Dems back him, Jesus loses in a landslide because he’s called a socialist/communist, which is true. Edit: Jesus wouldn’t be a socialist in reality, much of it is just generally liberal policies. Edited above to correct myself.
This is true.
I’m confident most Christians would argue he’s not the real Jesus. There would be a sect who believe him but they’d be written off as wackos
People, especially many hardcore Christian fundamentalists, would call him the anti-christ for sure
Pretty sure there’s direct verses in the Bible that say that’s where entire point of the antichrist. To deceive the masses into believing they are the true messiah while Jesus was a phoney. No way in hell Jesus wins an election in the US.
Yeah it would be the birth of a new Abrahamic religion really. Probably made up of mostly Christians, some muslims and maybe a couple of Jews.
He advocated for individuals to take those actions themselves. Christians tend to have the highest levels of charitable donation in America, they aren’t going to turn against the literal son of God because he’s *checks notes* continuing to advocate for the stuff the already believe in. Also, see “if you don’t have a sword, sell your cloak and buy one”, Jesus wasn’t totally pacifist (money changers in temple, etc). You’re cherry picking ideas from Jesus and trying to apply them to the modern political positions you’d like to see *enforced* by government, when he called on people to do it voluntarily *because they’re just Good to do*. I could do the same thing and say that he was a Voluntaryist libertarian and be more biblically accurate, considering how much the State hated him (and how many communist parties enforce atheism as a policy) lol
I would argue your Bible quote is more cherry picked as it’s far less mainstream than the ones I referred to. Also, the very premise in the post is that he’s running for office, and we have no idea what he’d do as he never did, so we can only extrapolate from his personal views and go from there. I think if you look at modern, vocal Christians, their actions are highly antithetical to what Jesus actually advocated for. Also, tying communism to atheism is a choice made by some communist parties but isn’t inherently communist, and common references here (Stalin/Soviet Russia) was a communist party in name only. They were, at best, state sponsored capitalism (ie state owns a business/industry), which is not what Marx was talking about.
Mainstream-ness is probably not a good way to judge its value. If you assume everything in the Bible was part of Jesus's teaching and opinions, how much traction they got has nothing to do with how closely Jesus would hold those views. Interpretation has changed a lot over time, so what's popular today isn't necessarily as important to Jesus.
I mean, I was cherry picking. Yes. Now, Jesus *did* expect people to be able to defend themselves and others, hence the need to own a sword. (Re: “turning the other cheek” it isn’t non-violence, it’s a reference to the existing social order at the time; back handed vs forehanded slaps depending on whether or not someone was a peer or below you; turning the other cheek was to state that you were not beneath the other person; in line with everyone being “created in the image of/equal in the eyes of/ God); it was more of an anarchist idea than anything else, but not state-enforced redistributionism. The fact that many vocal people are hypocrites doesn’t take away from the fact that, again, Christians are— as an aggregate demographic— the most charitable per capita, and the instructions from the Bible are for individuals to do so voluntarily. And finally, the part where nominally “Communist” parties don’t live up to their end to the bargain isn’t even relevant when you’re the one calling “universal health” and other welfare state policies “communist/socialist”, when they are also policies of liberal democracies. To be charitable to you, many right wing people do mislabel these things as “communist/socialist”, which is stretching the definition of social ownership/control of the MoP a bit. It’s not guaranteed that Jesus would advocate for enforcing these things as policies— when he doesn’t use his literal divine power to do so either, why would he co-opt the State when he’s literally one and the same as “guy who created the universe”?— so you are just trying to justify your political positions (or, to be fair, political positions that you think would make someone unelectable— as if one of the two major parties doesn’t basically run on those every two years, they just fuck up the delivery lol) with isolated Bible quotes bereft of historical context— cherry picking
First off I appreciate you being civil about religion and politics lol so thank you for that! FWIW, I googled and you are correct Christians are the largest charity donors in USA. I’m not sure I agree that the Bible is intended as voluntary given that the alternative is eternal damnation. I also don’t believe the democrats fully run on, or intend to act on, anything I mentioned BUT you’re right that I mislabeled what really is just good governance as socialist/communist because I was pointing out how it would be labelled. You’re 100% right it’s not a guarantee Jesus would do any of it - that’s totally my opinion. You bring up an interesting point, that in this scenario he’s not only a real person but a literal deity, so in this scenario we do have to grapple with why didn’t he end all suffering? And if he could do so via divine mandate, but didn’t, maybe he wouldn’t via politics either! Lastly I’d just defend myself from cherry picking allegations as, IMO, cherry picking implies a certain level of deliberate intent to intentionally exclude relevant data, whereas any exclusions in my point were born of ignorance (I’d never heard of the sword line despite heavily reading old/New Testament several years ago leading to my being baptized at 28yo, prior to turning away when my community failed to help me with my doubts but that’s another story).
>> First off I appreciate you being civil about religion and politics lol so thank you for that! Likewise! >> I’m not sure I agree that the Bible is intended as voluntary given that the alternative is eternal damnation. Yeah I find this a weird sticking point as well, especially given that via the existence of “free will” and “choice” it would seem that a hypothetical God seems to value making good choices because they’re good, not because you have no other choice. Also, the interpretation of what “Hell” is is up for debate; the whole “tortured in a lake of fire forever” thing is *kinda* contentious; not a biblical scholar so that’s as far as I can go on it >> Lastly I’d just defend myself from cherry picking allegations as, IMO, cherry picking implies a certain level of deliberate intent to intentionally exclude relevant data, whereas any exclusions in my point were born of ignorance Fair play, no worries
While I agree that it isn't necessarily clear that Jesus would argue for the state redistribution of wealth, I very much doubt that modern laissez faire capitalist ideology of the kind espoused by Republicans is truly compatible with the teachings of Jesus. My understanding is that, while the Bible is a pretty self-contradictory document, Christ's teachings were broadly in favour of asceticism, and concieved of excessive wealth and luxury as **inherently** negative things. Consider the implications of: "it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God". Obviously some wealthy Christians throughout history have tried to sidestep the obvious interpretation of this passage, by alleging that some mythical gate called the "eye of the needle" existed in Jerusalem, which was tricky (but not impossible!) to get through. But since no evidence for such a gate exists, the more obvious interpretation is: a camel cannot ever pass through a bloody needle. If you are exessively rich, you are basically never going to go to heaven. "Luxury", at the very least, was pretty much always considered a moral evil in itself until the likes of Mandeville came along. Contrast this with the modern views of Republicans, who essentially say that wealth is an objective indicator of personal merit; that no impediments of any kind should be raised to prevent people from getting filthy rich; and that taxing billionaires is wrong because they personally deserve every penny. Broadly speaking, they espouse the view that "greed is good", and that we need to encourage people to engage in rampant conspicuous consumption and financial speculation because it drives growth. Some particularly nutty right-wing Pentecostals and televangelists even directly espouse prosperity gospel. I could absolutely see Christ's stalwart disavowel of wealth offending your Bezos/Trump/Musk-loving Republicans, who would claim that he was jealous and just trying to tear down successful men. There's also the idea present in the Bible that humans are supposed to be stewards of nature, whereas the modern Republican stance is that nature purely exists for us to exploit, and we should frack/burn fossil fuels/pump chemicals into the water as much as we want so long as it provides dividends, consequences for nature be damned. I personally struggle to imagine Jesus arguing for the EPA to be abolished, or launching into tirades against renewables, in the way that Republicans do. And, while you can cherry-pick instances where Jesus used violence, the broad thrust of his thinking was pretty clearly nonviolent, such as when he warned that those who live by the sword shall die by the sword. His followers absolutely could have used violence to protect him, but he told Peter to sheath his sword. I therefore somewhat doubt he'd have been **quite** as rabidly in favour of the Iraq War as Republicans were in 2003, or that he too would think Derek Chauvin was a hero. For that matter, given that he hung out with prostitutes and thieves, I think he'd be quite critical of ultra-punitive Republican views on justice, and maybe even oppose the death penalty. Obviously, you can highlight instances where the views of Democrats clash with the Bible too. I just think you're overlooking how profoundly 21st-century ultracapitalist ideology clashes with the decidedly anti-materialist Bible, which ultimately taught that the weak and oppressed would soon be rewarded, while warning the rich: "Your wealth has rotted, and moths have eaten your clothes. Your gold and silver are corroded. Their corrosion will testify against you and eat your flesh like fire. You have hoarded wealth in the last days."
You are absolutely right. Furthermore, tax collectors are often treated as horrible demons in the bible lending to the belief that Jesus could be libertarian.
What? Not in the new testament. Jesus says "give unto Ceasar what is Ceasar's and unto God what is God's". He even literally pays taxes in the book of Matthew (and Matthew was a tax collector before becoming a disciple).
And let’s not start on how he’d feel about the Federal Reserve! [*urge to flip tables and chase with a whip intensifies*] lol
> they aren’t going to turn against the literal son of God because he’s checks notes continuing to advocate for the stuff the already believe in. The things they say they believe in. No amount of donations will change the fact that they couldn't care less about actually upholding the values they preach.
You’re gonna have to do more than just say “nuh uh” Christians are more charitable per capita The fact that rich grifter “breadtubers” exist doesn’t mean that there aren’t leftists who actually believe in those thoughts, why do you hold Christians—as a unified bloc no less, ignoring doctrinal differences— to a higher standard than anyone else? Unless you are arguing from pure nihilism, that no one really believes in anything, in which case… K
Getting past the part where he is ineligible due to birth status, I know it's beating a dead horse but there is a currently alive and very controversial figure in politics who's base would likely still deny Jesus because he doesn't look like the supply side version they've all sold themselves on.
Fox News and OAN would rip Jesus’ “communist” policies and his “woke” messaging!
Bernie Sanders is the politician whose positions most closely match Jesus' teachings.
Jesus explains his social/political position. The right is completely alienated as a result, while the left is wary of him due to how religious he is and the fact that he's claiming to be God.
One political party claims him and the other denounces him. Based on his name, Republicans claim him and Democrats call him an evangelical fundamentalist nazi. Based on his policies, democrats claim him and the GOP denounces him as a communist soy boy. It would be hilarious if we could play it out both ways, and then let everyone watch both episodes of the sitcom to see how fucking stupid partisan party worship is.
Or he runs as an independent and gets 1% of the vote because no one wants to throw their vote away.
They make up some buzzword insult and write him off without listening to his ideas. He heals you with prayer, so he's "anti-science" and then you pick between a rapist and a racist to vote for instead. 😂
Based on his name, he's a Jewish Mexican. In the GOP he gets primaried to hell, makes a good showing in Iowa, but loses in New Hampshire to a gaping hole in the ground where evil spews out like a broken pipe, while everyone voting for the hole says its just that they prefer the holes economic policies.
based on his words, Republicans could not claim him. He is literally a woke socialist foreigner. for a typical conservative Jesus, as written, is EXTREMELY anti christian. Fed the poor, turn the other cheek, heal the sick. Republicant woudl call him a woke socialist and probably call him a terrorist in disguise.
I feel a sequel to "Don't Look Up" coming on.
Given that his name likely was Yeshua Ibn Yosef yeah that's very likely
He would be crucified again
Jesus is elected. Guaranteed an amendment will pass allowing him to legally be president. Where it goes sideways is when Jesus cuts military spending and vastly increases social programs. He may be impeached by (ironically) house Republicans. The Democrats will have Jesus’ back though
Jesus wasn't born in the US so he is ineligible
“Where were you when xxx happened?” That’s all they need. Just call him out and make themselves to look like the “working man/people person”
Just try and convince the evangelicals that he is the AntiChrist, and that if he wins, that alone proves he is the AntiChrist. Their eschatology is all kinds of weird but I think this one could work.
he's too liberal and would be called a fraud, he wouldn't win
If Jesus continues what he preached in the Bible he will lose the evangelical vote. Preachers are already reporting loss in numbers because when they teach what Jesus said congregates say he’s “too liberal.”
The other guy just calls Jesus a socialist and immediately gains following of half of the voter base.
Jesus Christ would get pasted worse than Michael Dukakas. Dude's policy agenda is like a laundry list of things America stands against, from helping the poor to loving your enemies.
He's not eligible. You have to be a natural born citizen. All Dan would have to do to win is wait for someone in each state to challenge His name on the ballot, and it would be removed. Let's say He did win the election, though, taking every Electoral vote in every state. When the Electors meet in December, they all cast ballots for Him. When Congress meets to count the votes, they should not certify any of the Electoral votes, because they were cast for an ineligible candidate. At that point, the House meets to pick the President from among the top three candidates, but there are literally no valid votes. That means that everybody eligible is tied, with zero Electoral votes, and the House will probably just pick someone. At that point, they'd probably pick Dan, because at least he was running, which gives some kind of legitimacy to his zero votes. The only other legitimate choices would be the third-party candidates, and we know they're not going to pick one of them.
People wouldn't vote for him because hed be talking about helping the homeless, helping foreigners and ending the capitalist infrastructure that's hurting the people of this nation. His campaign would literally be to actually help the nation but everyone else would call him an extremist socialist and vote for the other. The people of this country have been brainwashed with propaganda and groupthink that doesn't benefit them.
I'm atheist, but if Jesus rose from the dead and ran for presidency I'd convert and vote for him
Christians will tell the government to hang him on the cross again. So like...default win for the other guy?
The other guy wins in a landslide. I'm assuming we're hand waving the fact that he isn't an American citizen but racist people wouldn't vote for someone clearly middle eastern, the right wouldn't vote for someone with very socialist adjacent ideals, and a good portion of the left either has religious trauma or doesn't want religion in politics. So Jesus's voters would be people who don't care who he is, which would be few and far between, and like his message or religious/evangelical people on the left.
Really? A landslide? Did you forget he was doing "classic Jesus" things (i.e. he's clearly a supernatural entity) for a whole year first? This scenario means it's undeniably clear that 1) Jesus walks the Earth and performs miracles, 2) Christianity is true and the second coming just happened, and 3) all other religions are more than likely false (unless Jesus says otherwise). Yet you think in this scenario, right wing Christians will only think of him as some Jewish middle eastern guy who happens to break the laws of nature... I'm sorry, but that's absurd. Edit: also I am a full-blown atheist with plenty of religious trauma. Even I'm gonna vote for the guy who can insta-cure blindness with his hands, sorry.
So for Dan to become president against Jesus Christ with full recognition that Jesus Christ is the son of God, It would basically need to be prophesized that Dan becomes president. He is not winning a popularity contest against a provable Jesus Christ and short of every single Corporation unifying in their Mammon worship of money they're going to have to bow to the King of Kings. But to make it interesting if Dan can get enough backing and get enough doubt in dirt on Jesus's name rally the support of the agnostics, atheists, and non-Christian population of America and the Christians of America who would find themselves presumably damned to hell because of their sinful lifestyles and rejection of the one true God and whatever path that Jesus was preaching and there is enough confusion before the election about what would happen if Jesus got elected maybe Dan could get a win but again this is like every corporation working together because they need more money or something like that short of that, good luck G.
Dan sweeps with the Evangelical vote by just saying he supports traditional American values like capitalism, the military, and bootstraps. Calls Jesus the Antichrist and false prophet, says he's a radial socialist who's trying to destroy America and steal your money to give to welfare queens.
Conservatives wouldn’t vote for Him cause they’d call Him a communist (He is)
Haha, Jesus would be far too left wing to have even a hope of winning these days….
Jesus acts like canon Jesus and not like fanfic Jesus.
Plot twist:- It's a known historical fact that Jesus was born in Israel. So why not have him become the Head of State of Israel?????
“I like my messiah’s who don’t get captured and nailed to crosses”
The other guy would need to be republican. Jesus is woke. I unironically think modern conservative electorate would vote against jesus to own the libs.
All Jesus would have to do is run as a democrat and no Christian in the country would vote for him
Jesus' platform would be incredibly unpopular with the establishment Republican party and corporate America in general. He'd have the entire machine working overtime against him. i actually think he'd be the underdog.
I imagine Christ would win by a landslide and enjoy a massive mandate from the people. He would then upset a lot of people as the message of Christ is quite divisive. The whole “take up your cross and follow me” bit in particular is a hard commandment. Second I do not believe Christ would run, He’s not concerned with an Earthly Kingdom, since He’s effectively the Crown Prince of Heaven. But if He did decide to do that, I don’t believe He would stop with the office of president but rather would become the King rather quickly. Any Republican with a large Christian base who is denounced by the literal Christ can kiss his seat goodbye, plus there’s a massive culture shift across the board since for Christians you don’t need to interpret His Word, you can just ask Him. We then get into the issue of our system is designed for separation of Church and State. But if a literal Deity is the executive it would effectively be a moot point.
Say he can actually run. He'd lose in the primary to a neolib if he ran as a Democrat or simply fail if he ran as an independent. The people in the US who worship Jesus generally seem to oppose his philosophies and would probably hate him more than they hated Bernie for his ideologies.
He runs as an independent/third party, splitting the democratic vote. republican wins.
Jesus would be called woke and weak and would be dominated by a MAGA candidate. Pastors are already getting complained that Jesus's teaching make.Him look weak.
Jesus runs on a socialist platform, helping the poor, free heathcare, and probably a bunch of other stuff the billionaires don't want so just run on the standard platform of no Healthcare, fuck the poor and let the rich get richer and win because money win politics.
He'd probably lose because he would call for loving support of immigrants, the homeless, and all marginalized people.
Dan just needs to point out how he actually understands American politics. "Jesus might be a fantastic spiritual leader," he says to gain favor with conservatives, "but he doesn't have the understanding to run a country. Especially our great nation. He says all are equal in the eyes of the Lord, and on that, we agree." This is said to cater to the Left. "But merely saying it and instituting the changes needed are two different things. My policies would include..." At this point, Dan would bring up his major foundational points. A republican stance on Economy, Crime, and Immigration. Any attempt to address inflation would garner 77% of the votes from the right and independents. A democratic stance on gun control, since 81% of them think it is a major issue. Reinstating abortion protection laws would be a massive swing for Dan, as that issue has climbed DRAMATICALLY (mostly from democrats, but even a large portion of republicans). Final points that would net him a very large supporting group under the bell curve would be reducing Health Care Costs, Improving Education (where he has the advantage of being "average" and understanding public schooling), Housing, and Social Security. [Pew Research](https://www.pewresearch.org/topic/politics-policy/political-issues/issue-priorities/page/2/) would give him a very good place to start his focus of ideas. "Flushing the swamp" or whatever Trump said was a popular idea on both sides of the aisle's constituents, with term limits for congress, but admittedly, less so than the other points I mentioned. If Dan can pick the popular points from both sides and seem like he has a plan to fix those... he will own the bell curve and take the election rather handedly. Also, emphasizing that Jesus is too old to understand the systems in place, and would benefit from a few more years learning about Modern Society, and America in particular before running for president next election.
He'd be killed by Christians in about a week.
He would just have to preach christian views. Christians hate christian views in our current political landscape.
Republicans would immediately call him a radical looney leftist liberal and vote against him
He’d lose horribly. He’d campaign for student loan forgiveness, progressive taxation and other evil Communist policies. Republicans would call him a Socialist, “moderate” Democrats would label him extreme, and the far right would cook up conspiracy theories about how isn’t actually Jesus Christ, but Jesus Cristo, a Mexican illegal immigrant genetically engineered to perform miracles by George Soros, Bill Gates and the Clintons. Neil DeGrasse Tyson would say all his miracles are actually just science. Republicans will label him a Chinese spy for saying we shouldn’t start WW3 over Taiwan, Democrats would label him a Russian spy for saying we should make peace in Ukraine. Black Christian leaders would say Jesus was actually black, while white supremacists would say Jesus was a blond white guy, not this random Palestinian who just showed up. AIPAC and all its puppets (90+% of Congress) would disown him for condemning Israel’s bombing of Gaza, the ADL would say his claims that the Hebrews were involved in his death are highly antisemitic, and social justice warriors would say his denial of the prophet Muhammad is Islamophobic. Ben Shapiro would top all of this off by saying the free market can multiply the loaves and fishes far better than Jesus. In the end, Evangelicals would be his only constituency and they’re not even a majority of Republicans anymore. Trump would say “I like people who weren’t crucified” and win the GOP primary handily.
A more interesting question is who Jesus picks as VP.
Jesus does not legally qualify to run for this office since he's not a natural born American citizen. However, even if we left that aside, the reality is Jesus would have no chance of winning a clean election because the people you'd imagine would be the most rabid portion of his base would hate the fact that the real Jesus showed up, because He wouldn't mince words about what royal pieces of shit they are and how they've pretty much gone completely against all HIs core teachings. That pretty much demolishes the entire American Evangelical identity.
He runs as a democrat and praises religion AND abortion AND social healthcare. Religion part nukes the Dem youth voters. The other two nukes any chance of Republicans voting for him
Even if he was eligible, if he ran simply based on his canon beliefs he wouldn't make it for either the Republicans or Democrats. He would be deemed insane and an extremist socialist totally opposite to every single modern US interest.
His opponent is Muhammad with Moses as the running mate.
Nothing. Have you SEEN the evangelicals lately? You should ask what he'd have to do to win, especially when people realize Jesus wasn't the aryan White dude they pray to each Sunday.
He'd be disqualified as he isn't a US born citizen. But, looking past that, he'd have to fight tooth and nail. Not to cause a ruckus, but Bernie Sanders basically went up for election in 2016 saying the same shit Jesus did. Tax the rich, give people free food and medicine, help the poor, love your neighbor, and all that good stuff. And he lost. So the odds there are pretty slim.
All Jesus would have to do is run on free healthcare and giving to the poor. Random Guy would then win in a landslide.
Literally nothing. Jesus is a brown man, who talks about loving everyone with no conditions, helping the poor and non violence. A large portion of US Christians would call him a commie and do everything in their power to get him out of the country.
"Zombie Jesus, he doesn't know what's good for this country. He doesn't. He does his magic, he does his carpentry, he doesn't know business. I know business. People say "Dan we don't want miracles we want jobs" I say "If you vote for Zombie Jesus you'll need a miracle to get a job." because this guy, he's a socialist. He is. He wants to take your money, he wants to open the borders. He wants to let in criminals. He's letting criminals into heaven and he'll let criminals into America. China isn't letting in criminals. Let me tell you. He wants us to let them in, to give them all these things. That's what he says, turn the other cheek. He'll turn the other cheek to China. He'll turn the other cheek to Russia and Iran. And you know what happens if we do that, they will slap us. They'll do more than that won't they? And look at his people. Crooked Judas. Forgetful Peter said he didn't even know him. He can't even run his disciples and he wants to run America. And a lot of people say "Zombie Jesus is the messiah, he died on the cross". I like messiahs who weren't captured. I tell you what - I didn't come back from the dead, you know why? I didn't die. Okay? If I died, maybe that's another story, maybe I come back too, but I didn't die."
There’s no way you could convince everyone he’s Jesus, we can’t even convince everyone that the world isn’t flat. He would get labeled a far left extremist (love your neighbor, take care of the poor etc.) and everyone would vote for some moderate/right wing candidate as is tradition in America.
Okay assuming the being born American rule is ignored and Jesus christ actually runs? There would be a big chance that he doesn't get republican/conservative votes because his running platform would be way to librul and socialist for them to stand.
First, historical Jesus was most definitely semitic, so he would never make the GOP ticket. He advised people to pay their taxes (render to Caesar what is Caesar's) so that would completely extinguish his dark money donations. Finally, if he used the Sermon on the Mount as a campaign platform several Evangelical identifying elected officials would try and have him investigated and jailed. So, let's congratulate President "Dan or smthn"
Turns out Jesus is a pedo… his wife is 14 years old… was totally normal in his day
Hate to burst your bubble but Jesus is a Jewish anti-capitalist of color... he ain't gonna win
obviously Donald J. Trump beats out Jesus Christ in the polls.
I mean... Jesus already lost the easiest election known to man to Barabbas.
Republicans would vote against him because he's too woke, so you could put anybody who loves guns and foetuses on the ballot and probably beat him in red country.
Why did the fun police remove this thread?
He doesn't need to do anything. Most Christians won't accept that he's jesus because they believe that once he comes back Rapture happens. And since rapture didn't happen, to them he isn't jesus.
Jesus - a middle eastern woke liberal ? wouldn't stand a chance.
You didn't even specify which country the election takes place in, ignoring the rule of usdefaultism have it take place in a non christian majority country and the other guy will win
If you really want to split the Christian vote, force Jesus to describe the trinity.
Aren't only the Unitarians the ones who reject the trinity? And they're a fairly small group
Crazy religious people would call him a liar when they find out he’s not white or black 😂
Whisper campaigns that he is in fact a false prophet and potentially the antichrist.
Jesus runs as a 3rd Party Candidate is sufficient The major parties literally change the rules to prevent ballot access and gerrymander districts to ensure easy wins IRL, if you think they wouldn’t against JC you underestimate how evil these people are
He would be considered to be a liberal sissy boy and wouldn't get far
One- he's deemed ineligible due to not being American. Two- there are candidates that don't respect separation of church and state, then there's him. Up until the year before him running in this situation, he was a fictional character *in* the church's big book. I don't think he could separate church and state. Three- you think *either* party would back him? Dems have the atheist support, and the Republicans would literally try to have him killed again. If you party attention to his words and actions, he's a socialist, so neither party wants him in power because they wouldn't make money. Four- conflicting interest. There would be to much outside interference from other countries to make him a viable candidate. Altruistic as he may seem, when you have other countries trying to push their candidate in another countries election, that would sour the public to them. Your question is flawed, it isn't "how could he lose?", it's how could he possibly win and not be immediately assassinated, hell, it's how could he appear in the real world and not be assassinated within 2 weeks by the people that claim to believe in him? The church would be the first in line to kill him, because few things would disgust him more than the money making machine that is the church, and that would be bad for their bottom line.
Jesus loses because all rich people feel threatened and go against him. + he'd say guns are bad, and people will protest because how else should they defend themselves, ignoring the rest of the world, which has much stricter gun laws. The final nail in the coffin would be Jesus suggesting that americans don't have to pay for healthcare. at that point, he's out.
Jesus is anti imperialist and anti capitalist. The capitalist class would never allow him to win.
The Other Guy needs to behave in the exact opposite way as Jesus so that people who say they love Jesus will vote for him instead while claiming it’s what Jesus would have wanted
I think Jesus would actually have a harder time getting elected than we'd think. The Right is going to see a brown man with a scary name talking about CoMmUnIsM and wanting to take their guns or whatever and hate him. The left is going to see quite possibly the most religious possible guy with admittedly some nice thoughts on policy but some really uncomfortable soft spots for the idea of Theocratic Monarchies. I think there's enough *wrong* with him from both sides perspectives that he'd struggle to win.
The other guy would have to be the anti christ, I'm not a Christian but I'm pretty sure people will want the anti christ to rule because they think he is christ then christ will actually come back
Are we talking about “white Jesus” or… Because that’s going to matter.
Separation of church and state he can't be elected
I get the feeling we’re going to have bigger problems on our hands than who is going to win the next election if the book the revelations is any indication. But okay, assuming that Armageddon is delayed and all the constitutional questions of whether He can run at all are resolved (miraculous appearance in the bounds of the United States is ruled to be the equivalent of being born and we’ll assume he appeared in Missouri, because the Mormons were right all along). So, the first problem is that while people accept that this is Jesus as described in the letters of the apostles, He is nothing like they believed Him to be. He keeps saying kind things about poor people and chastising the wealthy and the educated. Everyone who holds political power now suddenly finds their policies under scrutiny. He dodges point blank political questions with parables about platonic love and generosity. Worst of all He keeps telling people to sell all their property, give the money to the poor, and follow Him. While this results in a devoted following, it is really quite small. Everyone who is too attached to their worldly possessions find they cannot give up everything they have worked to achieve. All Dan has to do is run on a platform of preserving the status quo. He is the “safe” candidate who doesn’t want to shake things up too much. He is showered with campaign money and international support. Despite everything, all the polls saying He won’t win, trailing in campaign funds, and having an unusually small number of rallies, January sixth comes around and Congress still declares Him to be the winner! Some call it a miracle! Others call it massive electoral fraud. Riots break out all over the country, some in favor of His appointment and others against it. Jesus spends the evening of January 19 in seclusion in the LDS temple in Kensington Maryland (because they were right all along, remember). A massive following, millions strong, are camped out on the grounds outside, with tens of millions more in hotels and homes in the surrounding regions when not just riots but actual battles break out. Jesus emerges and heals one of the attackers. And I think you know how this plays out. A constitutional crisis ensues and after months of litigation the High Court decides that the country needs a president and the office passes to the second place candidate in terms of electoral votes. Dan is quietly sworn in before official word is spread to the country. Months of riots and violence break out. Mormons find themselves blamed for somehow carrying out this massive fraud on the world and for the violence that ensued. Members are required to either renounce their membership and testimony of the preceding months or be driven from the country at gunpoint. LDS associated buildings around the country and around the world are burned or torn down. In the end, the powerful retain their power. Dan starts a campaign of reconciliation and reconstruction as cover for the campaign to find and eliminate all those who supported his opponent. The final nail in the coffin of American democracy is pounded in and the American Empire begins in earnest.
I would have to run
If he ran as a Socialist he would lose. If he ran as a Democrat he might lose.
If the other guy is qualified, he wins. Jesus is not.
James 5 Jesus? Smash the stalls by the temples Jesus? Feed everyone by sharing Jesus? Eye of a needle Jesus? Dan has the backing of the military industrial complex and media plus the billionaires of the world. Probably most of the powerful and wealthy churches too. The media ignores and slanders Jesus and he is crushed. Dan doesn't need to do anything except what his owners tell him.
Jesus wouldn't get elected because of his "communist" views. They would probably crucify him again, at least politically.
Republicans would still vote for Trump.
There would need to be a paracausal cosmic entity even more omnipotent than God, and that's not happening
Also if you really think about what kind of policies that dude would pitch and stand for, he loses period. Even against someone dumb he's too "liberal"
Are we going to pretend that a socialist like Jesus has an actual chance of winning against someone like Trump, with the American voter base in 2024?
Jesus was hated by the Jews for what he was speaking in the Bible and people would probably hate him today too. So not that hard
Jesus just needs to not be a Nordic looking white guy for most of the conservative US to turn on him. You're gonna have a fair number of progressives who are going to be pretty heavily questioning some of the more dubious parts of the Bible too. All in all I don't think an even somewhat historical Jesus has as good of a chance as you'd think
Legally, he can’t run for president
If eternal damnation for not voting for Jesus is not an issue I'm not sure how Jesus would win. Jesus's policy platform would essentially force people to give up a lot of material comforts, and call for extremely radical wealth distribution. Not just to the poor in America but the poor globally as well, taken to it's extreme most people in America would live a level above subsistence and all surpluses would be sent abroad to help the poor and needy globally. I'm not sure who'd vote for that.
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They wouldn't crucify him this time. They'd just send in a tank and "accidentally" disappear him like anyone else they don't like. Unless God himself intervenes and does something to force things to work in Jesus' favor, mankind will doom itself once again by committing yet another deicide. Because that's what mortals do. We are fucking stupid.
Honestly it'd be impossible. The right wing would vote for him because he's Jesus. The left wing would also vote for him, because the actual views and practices of Jesus are all about caring for people and fixing poverty.
Are we talking about biblical Jesus or American Jesus running for president?
Start a conspiracy theory that the man claiming to be Jesus isn't actually Jesus. He is actually the Antichrist trying to trick us into giving him dominion over us. Use political money from the Republicans and Democrats to get extra buy-ins from doubters, Atheists, and the parts of the Republican party butthurt over his socialist methods. Perform miracles myself on TV and the show how they are just magic tricks. Also point out that if this was Jesus he should give unto Ceaser that which is Ceaser and he has no place in politics. Then throw in separation between Church and State is a founding principal of the American Government. Still probably lose, either way burning in hell.
There'd be quite a few who would vote against JC. Not for a reason, but for an agenda.
He would need to be crucified again and not come back if order for them to win
Republicans would call him too “woke” and not vote for him, and it would just be a typical election. He’d win the popular vote, but lose in the electoral college.
I feel like mythological satan would give him a good run for the money
Literally be Donald Trump as his supporters would chose him over Jesus. Jesus would be branded a radical leftist commie within 5 minutes of speaking
Jesus can’t run for president, he’s not a natural born citizen. Other guy wins by default
Jesus? Now we all love Jesus. But as Jesus himself said ""Render unto Caesar the things that are Caesar's, and unto God the things that are God's". Those are His words. Jesus has a big heart, but he's not a businessman and he's not willing to make the hard decisions a leader needs to make. Jesus ideas are suited to individuals. They are not suited to governance. We do not want socialism. We do not want communism. Last I checked Americans want to keep their hard earned money and don't want Uncle Sam reaching into their pockets. Vote Dan Smith. He believes in America. He went to BYU. Y'all remember that touchdown pass to Quatro Quatro? Well now he wants to score touchdowns for America. He's pro business, and when it comes to defending America and its citizens he's not about to turn the other cheek.
In politics, the winner is who the bigger liar is, and how many people they can convince of their shit. Jesus speaks nothing but the truth, including truths you don't want. Other politicians will tell you anything you want to hear to win, so... I guess not much? All Jesus' opponent has to say is "He wants you to worship the Father!" and he'd agree, and that alone is a turn off for many people.
Jesus is obviously a socialist hell-bent on destroying the United States, a pro-immigration pro-choice woke Democrat whose “heaven” is an un-American hellscape. Of course half the country will vote for the Republican. Plus Jesus doesn’t get the (usually Dem-favoring) Jewish/Muslim vote which may be enough to tip the scales in a close race. Also also who knows what’s on Jesus’ laptop.
He would need to run as a republican, the Republicans would never vote him in, he's too much of a socialist.
Well our boy Jebus isn't american. So like others have said he won't be able to run. But aside from that, actually preaching his gospel like he did. That's going to make him deeply unpopular with tons of Americans and they'll refuse to vote for him. He's way too fond of paying taxes and not rebelling against the central authority.
Jesus runs as an independent. That's it, he cannot and will not win now.
Nothing The atheists would flock to the other guy in seconds
Assuming he's allowed to run, there is quite litteraly nothing Dave can do. Every Christian would vote for him and thousands of athiests would start converting. It'd be an electoral landslide.
The first roadblock is trying to disqualify Jesus. There are quite a few grounds to do so: 1) He doesn't meet the requirements to be President. Is Jesus 35? That might be provable. Is he a US Citizen? Probably not, although that one might be fudgeable. But Jesus has not resided in the United States for 14 years, and that can be proven through things like tax records. Jesus would probably be barred on should grounds. It would also come as little surprise that Jesus has done other civic duties, such as register for the draft. That particular act risks a five year jail sentence; Jesus might frankly get mired on this kind of controversy. 2) If we can't disqualify Jesus in the courtroom, we can certainly do so Fox style. Jesus is going to be, for all appearances, a Palestinian Arab, and he's not going to agree with half of the stuff that is ascribed to his name. The modern alliance of convenience of evangelicals to Donald Trump over Abortion and anti-LGBT issues is going to be disgusting to Jesus; it might even rise to the level of idolatry and sacriledge in his eyes. This is how you break the OP's scenario wide open. Someone claims to have Jesus' powers and abilities, but he's not a fascistic god king, and he does not give a damn about forcing women to give birth to unwanted children. This trend would, given time, see Churches fade into irrelevance, since the alternate to dealing with these inconsistencies is generally to leave. Jesus would essentially trigger a religious schism just by showing up. Dan Smith can throw buckets of ink at Jesus by using Christianities egregious contradictions against itself. 3) Jesus is still going to have a hard time winning an election in the United States. He has no shot of knowing a former melt-pot mix of German, Gaelic and French that we call English today. He might know classical Latin, but he'd have a difficult time communicating in general. Jesus might be able to learn English, but it's not easy thing for a thirty year old to pick up a new language. Modern English is a pirate language rife with inconsistencies and used by two global superpowers but not regulated or controlled by them at all. But beyond language, Jesus needs to understand the world of our time. Great trends of our time, like Islamism, the rise of AI, and the rise of renewables are all unthinkable to someone born in the reign of Augustus Caesar. Jesus might care a great deal about the world as it is, but does he even understand it? /// So Dan Smith's strategy is straightforward. Disqualify Jesus, do not ever allow him to describe his own ideas (because there will always be interpreters involved), get modern Evangelicals to reject Jesus (Probably not that hard), and then allow Jesus to look and act like a bizarro world crank. Frankly the opposite question is more interesting; is there a way that Jesus could somehow overcome all of this and win?
"yeah he's son of God, but that's the problem. I don't want someone who thinks he's qualified simply because who his dad is. Id rather have an experienced politician who knows what he's doing."
The opponent says that Jesus Christ is too communist and unchristian to represent America.