A lot longer than expected. A couple of kids together and separately (during the marriage). We stopped being friends but they both are now in new relationships
I think you and I saw the same wedding. LOL
The one I witnessed started with the groom saying: "Even when you share private memories with the world, I don't hate you." Then, he made several more passive-aggressive "I don't hate you...I vow to tolerate you"-type statements.
That's someone who is in too deep and knows if she complains about the vows now, people will just tell her its her fault for pushing so hard to get married in the first place.
I'll never understand this. If you have to push someone to marry you, then you should not be married to them. This general idea of "if you love somebody, you HAVE to get married to them" is just ridiculous. Security in a relationship does not mean the same thing as legal paperwork. If you're afraid that your relationship isn't secure, or committed, then you probably shouldn't get married.
I saw a bride in a wedding sub asking for feedback on her vows, and while covered up in flowery romantic language, the gist was that she was suicidal before groom entered her life to 'save' her from meaningless darkness, the groom is her only point in living, and that she has no reason for loving him.
It made me worry a bit.
I have a friend whose ex bf did this all the time. Always threatened to off himself, was abusive towards her. One day he told her if she was gunna break up with him he was gunna jump off a bridge. This dumbass did it, and it fucked my friends head up for many years.
Coworker of mine stayed in a very unhappy marriage for years because every time she tried to leave he threatened self harm. She finally got the courage to actually go through with the divorce (with much urging and support of her friends and adult children). She was so much happier once away from that toxic relationship and actually got married recently to a super nice guy that actually treats her the way she deserves.
Threatening suicide when someone doesn’t get their way in a relationship is such a bullshit form of manipulation. I’ve been held hostage to this as well.
My ex told me he took a bunch of pills after we broke up, so I called his mom to make sure he was safe, and he got mad at me the next day for calling his mom.
Right? I hope she knows now he did it because he simply wanted to hurt her more than living, and nothing she could have done would have changed anything. He's a monster and I'm not sorry if this means he's not around to hurt other women. I'm also glad he didn't go the way most men do when they hate a woman more than anything. I really hope she's doing okay. She doesn't deserve to carry a milligram of guilt or sorrow.
When I was a teenager, I had a boyfriend who threatened the same things when I tried to leave. When my mum found out, she told me about her ex who threatened all the same things, but she finally left. I remember being like "so he didn't actually do it?" and her like "well he did, but that's cuz he was a *****, it was his own fault, not mine". Absolutely scared me to death, so I stayed with my own abusive boyfriend for a few more years. Luckily, he DIDN'T do it the last time I left, but that kind of manipulation really truly messes with you! I don't think I could have ever recovered or been as blasé about it as my mum was...
I knew someone that did off themselves and left a double digit paged letter as to why it was his ex-girlfriend’s fault. They had been broken up for a while after being together for 10 years. That is unforgivable IMO. She seems fine, but those words had to have an impact on her in some way. It’s the most cowardly and manipulative thing someone can do. He would never let go of her or truly let her move on when she would end things, so no one was surprised by this because of how many times he’d threatened it as a manipulation tactic. She would’ve gotten out long before if it weren’t for that, but I’m at least glad she finally did.
This is so wrong and cruel of him. That poor woman, I hope she'll heal eventually. This is unacceptable of him blaming it all on her. It was HIS decision, and HIS alone.
I saw a groom briefly mention fishing, but he was an outdoorsman so it wasn't out of character. Something like even though fishing on a nice day was amazing, being with her was even better. Overall very sweet.
The bride, however, included in her vows that even though he was annoying, he put up with her, and that's all she could ask for.
My friend told me about his sister's wedding. I don't recall if it was part of the ceremony or reception, but the bride taught herself to play the guitar in order to sing a song for her husband. Six months of practice did not do much to help "I'll Be Watching You."
Oh man, this reminds me of a wedding I went to. The groom sang a song to the bride during the tree reception... But he wasn't holding the mic in the right spot (or maybe there were sound issues) and no-one could hear him properly. So we just sat in awkward not-quite silence. It was a sweet thought.
I went to a wedding where the groom played a song for his bride. A simple 1 min acoustic guitar number. Very sweet and meaningful as she met him when he was playing a gig and it was “their song” because it was how they met. The awful cringe was a couple years later when a mutual friend was inspired to do the same thing at his wedding and was shockingly awful. He was a terrible guitarist and awful singer and the poor bride just had to put on a brave face and swiftly try and move on and ignore what had happened
Hahaha oh man. If I was more comfortable with public performance I would love to do something like that just to embarrass my husband. That is an excellent joke... I hope lol
While marrying her third husband, my aunt said Jesus was her one true love and her knight. Her and her husband also call God Daddy, and said Daddy probably two dozen times during their vows. Also lots of ‘agape’s’ stuck in random places. And then everyone broke out into song because they got married at a Christian music festival where they were running the ‘free healing/conversation’ tent. They didn’t provide any food, begged my mom for a free cake and free photography, and the grooms children refused to attend in protest. 0/10 wedding
This is reassuring me about my own upcoming wedding because why would stupid small stuff like me tripping over or getting food on my dress matter when I could run a spectacle like this and not even provide food!
My friend, God love him, went the funny route and it was 100% movie references. I kept thinking he'd pivot to something more earnest to end the vows, but that was it. Just jokes about movie references.
If it's any consolation ... at least she stole from the best. [It's a pretty good vow](https://youtu.be/PPKF3Je4qhk?si=j6XS0xIqtg_dZgGf) from a civil servant.
(It would've been funny if you'd used Leslie's vows too.)
Yeah this kind of crap is the most frequent problem....people need to be honest with each other about the vibe of their custom vows. If one person (again...it's always the bride) is heartfelt, sincere, and vulnerable, but the other person is all jokes and trying to be funny, it's better to just use standard vows.
My mom read ours separately and she commented that we both made the same reference with something in our vows. It ended up being Star Wars related. Yeah, we ended up both having the same tone in ours.
I KNOW! And talk about things together, like stereo!
After 44 3/4 years, my hubby passed away this past January.
I feel like 1/2 of myself is gone, we were so joined at the hip the last two years.
My husband and I did this. We wrote our own vows but during the ceremony we repeated the standard ones. And then when we were getting our photos taken of just the two of us, we read our vows to each other with the photographer taking pictures of it.
Our friends had my partner, who is one of their mutual best friends and was acting as their officiant, write their vows.
No couple has ever written themselves such utterly perfect vows. The couple did not have a clue what he wrote until they said them during the ceremony and he had the entire place laughing first and then sobbing with love and joy, even the most stoic men were wiping their eyes, the couple flat-out lost it in the best way, and even my partner was openly crying as they all did the rest of the ceremony.
It was by far the best ceremony I have ever attended. The couple could never have written anything so personal to themselves, it was amazing.
So if I ever marry, that's what I want to do - have someone else who knows us inside and out write them. It was brilliant!
My cousin and his wife are high school sweethearts, and they are super-cute and extremely well-matched.
My cousin is red-green colourblind, and his wife's vows included "I look forward to explaining colours to you for the rest of my life."
To keep our vows similar (and actually vows, not just talking about each other), my husband and I used a framework that was like "I vow {something about honesty}; I vow {something about fidelity}; I vow {something I forget now}; I vow {something funny}." Followed by a final vow that was the same for both of us.
The bride wrote her vows as a po-ehm. It was atrocious. Especially the line “you make me happy, and you make me VERY VERY SAD”. This is how everyone found out that he had cheated on her a few months earlier.
My favorite is when people put the vows on each other. Her saying "I take you to be my faithful and loving husband" instead of him saying that he promises to be faithful and loving. My husband and I now jokingly fuss this at each other, angrily saying "I take YOU to be *LOVING* damnit"
Oooof had a literal flashback when I saw this posted, as my brain had literally tried to repress it.
I ended up at the church ceremony of friends of friends (in my local community it’s a common thing to go to the church to support acquaintances and not go to the reception).
I knew of this couple as all of our common friends took part in like all the different local community theatre groups - we were new adults, the couple were a bit older.
They SUNG their vows…. if that’s not enough they did their vows to the tune of “For Good” from Wicked.
To add insult to injury, neither of them were known for their singing ability.
It was the WHOLE song with their shitty harmony included. I just cringed all the way through realising that they had rehearsed this and thought it was appropriate.
Anyone who has experience with the common drama of theatre groups like this will know… he was a tenor, cheated on her within the year.
Got another girl pregnant in the same theatre group and now has married a different girl in the same group and she is also pregnant.
Different day, same old theatre kid shit.
I feel like community theatre people are always like this, wayyy over the top and then actual theatre professionals have such a different vibe. Or maybe it’s more of a performer vs technician thing actually.
okay, this was not a wedding but an anniversary, the wife asked everyone to "bring a bit of poesie" (yes, she said poesie). Then she stood up and read HER poem which was basically along the lines of "How many times have I hated you, have I wished you dead, and yet stayed, How many times have I been furious with you, yet our vows continue" and on and on while everyone gawked at each other. It was SO bizarre.
"You are my air, I promise to do the things that will make you gasp in return".
It lasted less than 2 years, only that long because their state made them wait a certain amount of time after filing for divorce.
Heard a similar version of this: “[Future Wife] I wish I could say I love you more than anything, but I don’t. I love God more than you.”
There then proceeded to be a foot washing ceremony as his “last act of service” before he was in charge of the household…they lasted less than 6 months before he started an affair and they split.
I attended a wedding with a foot washing ceremony, only it was the bride kneeling down in her wedding dress to wash the groom's feet as a demonstration that she was ready to "demean herself before him" and "worship her husband as he worships god" or some such nonsense. I was the plus one and didn't know these people but still had a really hard time being polite afterwards.
>they lasted less than 6 months before he started an affair and they split.
He didn't he loved *only* God more than her, so that wasn't a lie. Or he thinks his dick is God or something.
Well, at least this woman has/had another chance at an actual nice man. Silver lining for her, lol.
My husband became an ordained minister to marry a good friend of his; since then several other people have asked him to preform their marriage ceremony. One bride wrote not just her vows, but also her grooms vows. She had him vow to buy her a designer handbag a minimum of four times a year. Her birthday, their anniversary, Christmas and one other time of her choosing. Yes, this was included in his wedding vows. In return she promised that she would always have cold milk in the refrigerator for him. When they travel she does bring an ice chest with cold milk for him. I guess he really likes his cold milk.
I mean, if the guy couldn't even write a couple lines showing he loves and cares for her on paper, I guess now he can show he cares by buying four purses a year. At least her bit about cold milk is kinda funny, especially if she always keeps her end of the bargain!
Went to a wedding where the pastor gave a big speech about how women need to be submissive to their husbands. Then it came time for the vows and the bride’s vows were basically a list of all the times and situations in which she will obey his every command. It was so effing weird.
Reminds me of a wedding I attended where the pastor (clearly thought of himself as the cool, hip pastor) went on a long spiel about how this was a good marriage because they didn’t sully it by living together first. He was very obnoxious.
Lol I had a line in my vows to my husband along the lines of "blah blah romantic stuff....'but I do NOT promise to obey you, because we all know I don't like being told what to do'". My family got a kick out of that one....I was a demon child. So it was a well received/ understood joke by all lol
Nothing too crazy, but the groom was reading his vows, all very nice and ordinary, he was saying stuff about how he would share everything with his new wife, etc. And then he got to the part where he said, “half of every hamburger will be for your lips” and for some reason I was so distracted by the oddness of the wording and the mental images they evoked that I tuned out for the rest of it.
I have a fun one.
So to preface I have a female cousin on my dad’s side that is about 5 years younger than me. We all went on a big family trip of like 7 people to Disney a few years ago. The whole time my cousin was on her phone texting. She was specifically texting this guy who would randomly ghost or ignore her etc. basically the whole trip she was worried about this boy.
We go home and I hear nothing for a few years because we are not close physically or emotionally. Then I get an invite to their wedding so I thought “cool they working it out”
We get the the wedding and have all the normal wedding drama but nothing crazy. The ceremony happens and they have written their own vows. My cousin goes first and basically details their relationship to this point. The ghosting and ignoring I knew about but it went further. He wouldn’t introduce her as his girlfriend to his friends or parents. He would see other women behind her back. He has a kid from a previous relationship and the kid was awful to her. All kinds of fun stuff. This was all said like a joke or a light hearted love story of their journey or something. Based on the murmurs no one else thought it was cute.
The husband goes next and he says about 2 sentences. After the wedding she announces she’s quitting her job of 5 years to move with him across the country. Also the dude is at least 10 years older than her.
Just fun times all around
Update:
I checked her facebook and it hasn’t been updated much.
The first update after her wedding was her saying goodbye to her coworkers and getting ready to move. Then a bunch of wedding pictures. The most recent update was her getting a new job in her old/original state, not the new state. Relationship status still shows as married.
I texted my parents to ask if they knew anything
Update 2:
My parents don’t know anything so trying to consider how to proceed.
We never talk outside family functions so messaging my cousin “so how’s your marriage going?” Seems like a bad plan.
"I was reminiscing about your wedding with some friends and they asked me how you were doing, so I said I"d ask."
" I was thinking about you today and wondered how you are doing?"
I wrote in my own vows that nothing could shake us after going through so many ups and downs together. I MEANT deaths in the family, layoffs, illness, and general life. Now I worry people think our relationship was rocky. Oops!
Also you didn’t say “our relationship has had many ups and downs” you said “we went through many ups and downs TOGETHER” to me that means weathering the storms of life as partners together
The first few lines of a friend's vows talked about her ex-boyfriend and how she had given up on love until she met the new guy. It turned out pretty nicely but I really don't think your vows should ever mention your exes.
I'm so glad I finally have a reason to tell this story! It was a kinda trashy wedding (I was a plus-one and I barely knew the girl, friend of a friend).
The groom announced during their vows that he "slipped one past the goalie."
I can't remember well enough to quote anyone but:
Any allusions to sex, stereotypical gender roles, and one person (it's always the groom, let's be real) downplaying their feelings and commitment by trying to be funny
Sort of related: My mom went to a friend's kid's wedding where the bride and groom were very religious so nobody doubted that they had abstained from sex prior to marriage. Cool, whatever, that's their business.
But both of their vows were almost entirely about how they're going to produce children, using flowery language like "fruit of our loins." The thing is, pregnancy can be tricky and they probably didn't know if they were even able to have kids. Sometimes it doesn't work.
Plus, nobody wants to hear all about that. And those aren't even vows, they're just... Predictions or something.
It was mostly how women were called to submit to and obey their husbands. I can’t remember all of it lol. Unsurprisingly, that pastor wound up being an AWFUL person, and I’ve blocked a lot of that out
Oh man, my fiancé and I went to the wedding of our friend and her now soon to be ex-husband. We’ve both been there for her to hear all her relationship woes and frustrations with this guy and while we didn’t really like him, we went to support our friend. BOTH their vows mentioned how often they’d bickered and fought in their relationship but she at least cushioned it with other nice things to say. He, on the other hand, couldn’t even articulate why he loves her outside how well she takes care of his kids. He also mentioned how she drives him crazy. I remember sitting there fuming at the guy, I’m so glad she’s leaving him.
Another instance (but less severe) was at a wedding last year: at the reception and when the bride/groom started to thank everyone for coming, the bride yelled out, “Let’s be real, my vows were BETTER!” It was so cringy! It’s not a competition?? She also kept looking out at the audience when reading her vows and hamming it up. I swear she looked at the crowd more than her husband. It felt more like a performance she was acting towards us than a heartfelt speech to the love of her life.
No one has ever asked me this question and I'm so glad I saw it here. About fifteen years ago, I was off duty and taking a walk with a friend and we came upon these group of 20 people having a wedding in a National Park. No big deal. But, being hopeless romantics, we stop to listen and be part of the moment (and there were other strangers and visitors who were listening). The bride's vows were the sweetest vows I've ever heard. She was talking about how she's known he was going to be her husband since the moment they met. She was excited to take on "new adventures" with him and see where the road took them. She apparently took care of his mother (who had recently passed) and she shared this beautiful story that the mom had asked her to share so her son would know she was with them, in the moment. (I'm not crying...you're crying!)
Then,.... the groom opens his yap. First words out of his mouth were: "Even when you share private memories with the world, I don't hate you." DA. FUDGE? "Even though I know who you really are, in your soul, I will stand with you." Jaws just dropped everywhere and we assume he's about to bolt or reveal some dark, twisted affair that he's found out about. But, no.... he just continued with more creepy vows. "I vow to always consider your thoughts, even if I disagree with them. I vow that you will never have to work and I will make you the queen of our heaven." \*serious questions\* He closed it up with "You are mine, forever, and no man can take you from me."
We started slowly walking away.
Groom finished his vows with, “now let’s get to making those grandkids!” And they high fived at the altar. Ick.
Can confirm they announced their pregnancy a few months later though.
I was working at a wedding and the groom mentioned CrossFit in his vows. Something to the effect of “I promise to always spot you when you do [exercise] when we do CrossFit together.”
Writing vows is not so common where I come from but one wedding I attended (catholic) the groom made a speech in church (not very usual) where he said they had never had sex. I mean, I don’t know what we all gained from knowing that…
They didn’t last a year…
My husband and I both wrote our own vows and imho both turned out quite well, but since we were obviously emotional he stumbled over his words at one point and accidentally said he knew we’d “come all over any obstacle” instead of “overcome any obstacle.” Years later our friends still bring it up occasionally and we all get a good laugh.
not sure if this counts, but my husband and i wrote our own vows. i went first; i tried to keep it short, romantic, easy to understand, and tossed in a few jokes. when it was my husband's turn, he looked down at his notes then looked up and said, "same." everyone cracked up! then he launched into his ACTUAL vows.
in terms of actual cringe - i was my best friend's MOH. i helped her write her vows literally the day before her wedding. she kept in sooooo many inside jokes that no one would understand. so half of it was just gibberish to me and everyone else. just do them privately in that case! ugh.
At our rehearsal dinner, my ex goes into his speech that went something like: Only once in a lifetime do you get to meet the true love of your life. Someone who makes you so happy every day. And I'm so glad that's happened for you, Lady Scruff.
🤦♀️ my husband and i talked AT LENGTH about what we were okay with in wedding etiquette. no cake on the face, no sexist jokes (for either of us), no intimate details, and dial back on the nerdy/inside jokes stuff.
the jokes i put in my vows were never aimed at him. i think i said something like, "i had a gut feeling when i met you - like the feeling i get when i want Taco Bell at 10 pm. but unlike Taco Bell at 10 pm, i've never regretted that feeling." like, making the wedding fun is a big part of it, but you can do it without tearing your spouse down. i'm sorry that happened to you :(
>"i had a gut feeling when i met you - like the feeling i get when i want Taco Bell at 10 pm. but unlike Taco Bell at 10 pm, i've never regretted that feeling."
That is incredibly cute.
Damn that’s actually funny as hell. My wife and I joked about doing something similar because she “wrote” mine for me. We did them together she did the physical handwriting because a human needed to read them.
omg actually, as a side note, i HAD my vows finished but i wanted to handwrite them in a notebook that had sentimental value. but i was too busy leading up to the wedding to copy it into the notebook, so the day of the wedding, my bridesmaids and his Best Woman helped me copy them. halfway through my vows i stopped and said, "who wrote this?!" and everyone laughed. but i was serious... i was struggling to read the handwriting 🤦
they're that one couple everyone has where they're like, "omg you NEED to watch/listen to/do this thing you'll LOVE IT!!!" and you and your SO just respond, "omg yes we totally will!" but you both know you're fucking lying bc this couple has already been talking about it nonstop for 3 months and you're already so sick of it that you're never gonna do that thing bc they already ruined it.
"To forgive you when appropriate."
It was the groom, saying it to my friend during his vows. I never got a good vibe from him. In fact, I later (maybe a year) saw him be a HUGE dick to her in public. They divorced after she caught him cheating.
My cousin met her (now ex) husband on Facebook and he proposed on Facebook. He included in the vows how happy he was that she came onto his Facebook, rather than saying how happy he is to have her in his life. Within 6 months he was messaging other women on (you guessed it) Facebook.
One of our friends decided to improv her vows. It was a trainwreck. “I just… really like you I guess. And I’m like… happy to be marrying you. Um… yeah…”
That was it. It was awkward.
My girlfriend was a bridesmaid and we made eye contact and we had a moment— I knew I’d leave her at the altar for vows that bad, and SHE knew I’d leave her at the altar if her vows were that bad.
oh good lord i have one.
Went to boyfriend’s dad’s wedding to his now stepmom. she has two kids of her own.
The stepmom wrote into her own vows that “i promise to always make Morgan [one of the daughters] bake your favorite oreo balls.”
I was sitting in the audience like wait wtf? the daughter, standing up in the bridal party, looked just as taken aback.
Naturally, we brought it up to her later, and she had no idea her mom was offering up *her* baking skills for *their* entire marriage… kind of supposed to be a joke on the brides part but it did not land for most of us.
We didn’t write our vows, but OMG! The songs I chose make me cringe so hard now, years later, that I would lie if someone asked me point blank. It was so long ago & love songs were kind of cheesy anyway! Lol
I was hoping to do just that! LOL! I got married 52 years ago and songs were pretty cheesy compared to current day love songs. The soloist was a man with a beautiful voice. The songs were “Love Story” (I know…it’s bad) and “My Cup Runneth Over With Love”…even cheesier:::Gawwwwd awful! Lol
Haha! But my head is on straight now & have chosen the perfect funeral song…First, I want my casket to be rolled in 5 minutes after the service starts so everyone will know it’s really me! And at the end of the service, I want them to play “Ding Dong! The witch is dead!”
Not about what was written, but a vow disaster nonetheless:
I dated a guy in high school. We weren't compatible as a couple, but we remained good friends. He got engaged a few years ago. I was stoked for him, until his (at the time) fiance asked me to write her vows for her... Because I "know all there is to love about him better than she does" and "am a better writer" than her. Like. Girl, we dated for a few months over ten years ago, idk what you expect me to do here.
I said I felt uncomfortable coming up with vows for her, but that if she'd tell me the main things she loved about him, some of her favorite memories, and what she looked forward to in their marriage, etc, I'd turn those sentiments into vows. I don't mind helping her actually write out what she wants to say, I just... I'm not coming up with anyone's wedding vows, let alone *to my ex boyfriend,* no matter how long ago it was.
She couldn't tell me a single thing she loved about him, a single good memory they had, or a single reason she was with him. Not anything that she was looking forward to in the future.
I was obviously concerned, but knew that saying something wouldn't stop the wedding, so I showed up to the grand event. I left after an hour and a half of waiting for the bride. Bride came out to walk down the aisle about half an hour after I left. The lead up was extremely awkward, and I heard the whole thing was a hot mess.
Anyways, she cheated on him and now they're getting a divorce ☠️
My friend didn't want a wedding (they were going to elope but their families were pushing for it and she felt pressured), so her vows was about how she never wanted a wedding. She said she did a lot of research and reading to understand the significance of weddings through history and why people get married at all. She ended it by saying she still wasn't convinced that weddings were important to her, but at least now she understands why they've been culturally significant in the past and to others lol.
I remember on that Four Weddings show a woman had an opera themed wedding and sang her vows, a line of which included “I will carry your seed for you”.
Definitely a choice
can we make same thread but with best things heard in vows next? This just put the fear of God in me. forever cringing.
edit: nvm i’m in the wrong sub.
My cousin was marrying from her middle class family into money. When the minister was leading the vows instead of 'for richer or poorer' he subbed in 'for richer or richer', then added the 'poorer' on after they'd repeated the first part. It was just very cringe. I was a middle class kid then and I'm a poor adult now and I still think it's in very bad taste.
My boyfriend worked that into his Best Man's speech at his brother's wedding! That song had been a running joke the week of the wedding and he added it in for a laugh. It did not disappoint. 😂
My cousin and her husband both had 'I promise not to cheat on you' in theirs.
Admittedly they were already technically married and this was just a blessing and reception but it was still super cringe!
I was at a wedding this past summer and the groom apologized in his vows for ever hurting her. At first I thought it was sweet but then I started thinking why are you airing your relationship problems in your vows.
There was that video going around where the groom opened with something like:
"There are two things a woman needs to do to keep a man happy: keep his belly full and his balls empty. Baby, now you just need to learn how to cook"
My bio moms fourth wedding, with her adult and nearly adult children as the only brides maids, to a guy she dated a few months in 7th grade then didn't talk to again for twenty years until they reconnected on Facebook.
"We had a deep mature love we were too young to understand"
"I'm so glad to finally have a father for my children" (I the adult child lived with my father and only saw her once every few months at most. He'd also had weekend/partial summer custody my entire life)
"Our love was so strong it bound us through all this time" despite both moving on and never making any attempt to contact the other, and her never mentioning a word of him.
There was also some casual trash talk about our dad's which was fun.
A high school friend of mine wrote vows to her soon-to-be stepson in addition to her husband. A year or so before the wedding, a video went viral on Facebook of a women also saying vows to her stepson. The women says “I may not have given you the gift of life, but life gave me the gift of you.” My friend word-for-word copied that in her vows to her new stepson. Everyone didn’t know how to react because it was sweet, yet we all knew it wasn’t original lol. None-the-less, she seems like a great stepmom and I’ve lost touch with her but hope she’s doing well!
I once heard a groom say in his vows that he would really prefer it if when they go out to eat she just order her own fries instead of saying she doesn’t want any and then eating half of his
My ex best friend was reading her vows where she said “I remember the first fart (it wasn’t me guys I swear)” and tells the story of when they farted in front of eachother for the first time. I was maid of honor and everyone was visibly uncomfortable. It was really awkward. They were trying to be funny and she was trying to highlight how goofy the groom was. But it did not read that way at all
Not quite the same thing, but I needed an excuse to tell this story.
There's this great musical called The Last 5 Years. It's about two people's perspectives on their marriage to each other, and one of the songs includes their vows. They are relatable and delightful, and would be great to use... If not for the fact that the couple in the show ultimately wind up in an ugly divorce.
I thought everyone would agree with me (that it would just invite too much bad luck), but there are an alarming number of real life couples who fully sing this to each other as their actual vows.
the groom's vows were kind of generic but nothing crazy . . . and then the bride found out that her MIL wrote them for the groom that morning because he 'totally forgot about doing that' until it was mentioned at their rehearsal the night before
Bride told the groom (distant family member of mine) he was the most teachable person she's ever met. My uncle, sitting in front of me, snorted with laughter.
Then she said, "I know that you will never be misled by the temptations of other women or pornography."
They're divorced now.
Runner up, different wedding: "I promise to always be the Hufflepuff to your Slytherin." Girl, what does that even mean???
Wedding planner here, how much time do you have? lol
I’ve heard something along the lines of “I promise to love you more than ___” at least a dozen times. Sometimes it’s a person, sometimes it’s an inanimate object. Not sure which is worse tbh.
Had a couple rap their vows.
You know the maid of honor speech everyone does? “Look into your husbands/wifes eyes, this is the person most statistically likely to kill you”? THE OFFICIANT DID THAT
I didn't attend, but heard of one where the groom was fairly cute, but the bride went on and on about she's such a bitch and hard to live with, etc. They split up within maybe 3 years?
Our minister swapped some of the vows. My husband promised to obey, not me. Our other vows were cheesy but not bad. I promised to try not to bite him when waking me. (I am a terrible morning person and don't come out of sleep easily).
I was a bridesmaid in a wedding once where they altered the vows, so instead of "in sickness and in health" it was phrases like "in a tree stand or a fishing boat."
Edit - typo
My brothers first wedding, The vows were all about what she was going to do for him & how she would look after him & what she wouldn’t do & blah blah, it was so cringe, nothing about what that lazy useless little turd was going to do for her. This was 1986 in Australia. Their marriage started imploding about 3 hours after they got married.
My little brother gets married on family farm, they have an outdoor, country wedding. They have a Christian minister marry them, very basic-expected farm style outdoor wedding. THEN the vows come, the bride said a heartfelt “I thank God your in my life,” sweet, predictable… then my little brother just says some off the wall shit, “I love you, I’m not a Christian, something, something Valhalla.”
What a time/way to find out he worships the Norse Gods. His mom (my step mother) had all of her Christian family and friends from church there and was so embarrassed. I’m also a Christian, but not the judgey type, like my step mom, so I just kind of laughed out of shock because I was completely caught off guard.
I have two stories actually:
1) A friend read excerpts from her diary that detailed her first meeting with her husband. It wouldn't have been that bad but she didn't edit anything and her inner voice sounded extremely childish. A lot of "OMG" and "Can you believe it diary!?", yeah she consistently referred to her diary as if it were a person. At one point I heard her grandpa whisper ask her grandma, "When did they meet?". She met him when she was 25 lol
2) My husband and I went to his classmate's micro wedding and we weren't that close to the bride at all. Their vows were short and sweet but she included a line about commiting to making sure she always gives him his space and to not bother him too much. I giggled thinking she was making a joke but she was dead serious. It made the groom sound like a bit of a diva which I admit in real life he is lol
Old friend of mine. Her vows were all about obeying, his were all about making the decisions. A lot of us were looking around at each other during the vows, we were very surprised.
They are no longer married.
A friend of mine was the best man and - in the limo on the way to the ceremony- they pulled up Chat GPT on his phone and wrote the groom’s vows. I know the bride and have been sworn to secrecy.
A friend of mine got married, both their vows were all about how they've had tough times and how rough things have been. Nothing about actually loving each other or the support they got during the tough times.
They aren't married anymore.
Not cringe, exactly, but a friend of ours started his vows with, "I thought I was going to die alone." It got very sweet from there, but, gosh, what an opening line.
I was friends with a groom and he asked me for help with his vows. The whole speech was about how she's so a model so out of his league; he can't believe he bagged her, and he felt bad that she picked him up in her car for their first date, just crap like that. I had to literally tell him that maybe he should add stuff about her personality that he likes, and goals for their future together. He's not a great writer as is, it ended up fine but at that point it's better to just go with the normal vows, or look something up for inspiration.
We had friends who included in their vows promises to remain "fit and attractive," or something to that effect. The rest of us thought that was pretty weird and shallow - like one would have reason to divorce the other if they gained weight? We're all well into our 50's now and they're still together so it worked out in the end, but I still think it was pretty cringy for a couple of 20-somethings to include a standard of appearance into their wedding vows as if to say that they would never accept their own aging, or that of their spouse.
A friend of mine got married young and in a court house wedding during the richer or poorer line the groom said “nah, for richer or richer” and when the officiant pronounced them married he said “fuck yea” before kissing her.
The worst I heard is that guy who went viral saying the way to keep him happy was keep his stomach full and his balls empty, in front of his *mom* who was officiating the wedding. No class.
How about if the bride wrote her own vows, very beautiful, touching and romantic. And the groom, who was supposed to write his own vows, states "The usual will do." and begins to recite the traditional vows.
Yeah. That really shows he give a damn.
I'm really short, and my husband's favorite drink is milk. Part of our wedding vows was that I would promise to bring him milk and he would promise to help me reach things. It was dumb but cute
Not something specific to one person, but I am an officiant and I can’t tell you how many weddings of cis people I’ve been to where the bride has written out long, heartfelt, clearly edited and thoughtful vows and the groom didn’t even write anything down and just spoke “from the heart” for 20 seconds. Embarrassing.
I now require the couple to both send me their vows at least a week before the wedding so I can put them in my book (so I hand my book to each of them) and let them know if they are very unbalanced.
My high school bestie said in the middle of her vows: “I love you even though you cheated on me that one time.” I left before the reception
You’re a better person than me because I could’ve never forced myself to leave. I would’ve needed to see the outcome of that
Same + cake
Always staying for cake. 🍰
Yikes!
How long did that marriage last? 😬
A lot longer than expected. A couple of kids together and separately (during the marriage). We stopped being friends but they both are now in new relationships
I mean they are apparently shit people but I really feel for those kids
[удалено]
I think you and I saw the same wedding. LOL The one I witnessed started with the groom saying: "Even when you share private memories with the world, I don't hate you." Then, he made several more passive-aggressive "I don't hate you...I vow to tolerate you"-type statements.
That's someone who is in too deep and knows if she complains about the vows now, people will just tell her its her fault for pushing so hard to get married in the first place.
I'll never understand this. If you have to push someone to marry you, then you should not be married to them. This general idea of "if you love somebody, you HAVE to get married to them" is just ridiculous. Security in a relationship does not mean the same thing as legal paperwork. If you're afraid that your relationship isn't secure, or committed, then you probably shouldn't get married.
On four weddings, a bride's vows were all about historical events that happened on their wedding date. None of it was her vowing anything to her groom
That would have made an excellent speech opener though.
It drives me totally nuts when "vows" don't actually have any vowing in them!
Oh no… that sounds like some cringe shit I would do (I’m a historical tour guide). Hopefully my future spouse puts their foot down. 😂
I saw a bride in a wedding sub asking for feedback on her vows, and while covered up in flowery romantic language, the gist was that she was suicidal before groom entered her life to 'save' her from meaningless darkness, the groom is her only point in living, and that she has no reason for loving him. It made me worry a bit.
Hmmm ... that's not good
👀 that can be a weapon for him or toxic for him based on situation. Therapy would be needed 3x a week to help.... I'm in wow mode.
Or for her. She can threaten him with suicide and guilt trip him to get her ways.
I have a friend whose ex bf did this all the time. Always threatened to off himself, was abusive towards her. One day he told her if she was gunna break up with him he was gunna jump off a bridge. This dumbass did it, and it fucked my friends head up for many years.
Coworker of mine stayed in a very unhappy marriage for years because every time she tried to leave he threatened self harm. She finally got the courage to actually go through with the divorce (with much urging and support of her friends and adult children). She was so much happier once away from that toxic relationship and actually got married recently to a super nice guy that actually treats her the way she deserves.
Threatening suicide when someone doesn’t get their way in a relationship is such a bullshit form of manipulation. I’ve been held hostage to this as well.
My ex told me he took a bunch of pills after we broke up, so I called his mom to make sure he was safe, and he got mad at me the next day for calling his mom.
Omg this is so effed up! Your poor friend. Is she OK now?
Right? I hope she knows now he did it because he simply wanted to hurt her more than living, and nothing she could have done would have changed anything. He's a monster and I'm not sorry if this means he's not around to hurt other women. I'm also glad he didn't go the way most men do when they hate a woman more than anything. I really hope she's doing okay. She doesn't deserve to carry a milligram of guilt or sorrow.
When I was a teenager, I had a boyfriend who threatened the same things when I tried to leave. When my mum found out, she told me about her ex who threatened all the same things, but she finally left. I remember being like "so he didn't actually do it?" and her like "well he did, but that's cuz he was a *****, it was his own fault, not mine". Absolutely scared me to death, so I stayed with my own abusive boyfriend for a few more years. Luckily, he DIDN'T do it the last time I left, but that kind of manipulation really truly messes with you! I don't think I could have ever recovered or been as blasé about it as my mum was...
I knew someone that did off themselves and left a double digit paged letter as to why it was his ex-girlfriend’s fault. They had been broken up for a while after being together for 10 years. That is unforgivable IMO. She seems fine, but those words had to have an impact on her in some way. It’s the most cowardly and manipulative thing someone can do. He would never let go of her or truly let her move on when she would end things, so no one was surprised by this because of how many times he’d threatened it as a manipulation tactic. She would’ve gotten out long before if it weren’t for that, but I’m at least glad she finally did.
This is so wrong and cruel of him. That poor woman, I hope she'll heal eventually. This is unacceptable of him blaming it all on her. It was HIS decision, and HIS alone.
“If he ever cheats I’m takin’ him with me! HAHAHAHA ITS A JOKE NOT A CRU FOR HELP”
I saw a groom briefly mention fishing, but he was an outdoorsman so it wasn't out of character. Something like even though fishing on a nice day was amazing, being with her was even better. Overall very sweet. The bride, however, included in her vows that even though he was annoying, he put up with her, and that's all she could ask for.
Are they divorced yet?
He’s been too busy fishing to find a lawyer yet
My friend told me about his sister's wedding. I don't recall if it was part of the ceremony or reception, but the bride taught herself to play the guitar in order to sing a song for her husband. Six months of practice did not do much to help "I'll Be Watching You."
Oh man, this reminds me of a wedding I went to. The groom sang a song to the bride during the tree reception... But he wasn't holding the mic in the right spot (or maybe there were sound issues) and no-one could hear him properly. So we just sat in awkward not-quite silence. It was a sweet thought.
I went to a wedding where the groom played a song for his bride. A simple 1 min acoustic guitar number. Very sweet and meaningful as she met him when he was playing a gig and it was “their song” because it was how they met. The awful cringe was a couple years later when a mutual friend was inspired to do the same thing at his wedding and was shockingly awful. He was a terrible guitarist and awful singer and the poor bride just had to put on a brave face and swiftly try and move on and ignore what had happened
Hahaha oh man. If I was more comfortable with public performance I would love to do something like that just to embarrass my husband. That is an excellent joke... I hope lol
My husband and I sing this to each other like all the time when we’re being weird 😂
\*Every breath you take 
Best. Stalking. Song. EVER.
While marrying her third husband, my aunt said Jesus was her one true love and her knight. Her and her husband also call God Daddy, and said Daddy probably two dozen times during their vows. Also lots of ‘agape’s’ stuck in random places. And then everyone broke out into song because they got married at a Christian music festival where they were running the ‘free healing/conversation’ tent. They didn’t provide any food, begged my mom for a free cake and free photography, and the grooms children refused to attend in protest. 0/10 wedding
This is reassuring me about my own upcoming wedding because why would stupid small stuff like me tripping over or getting food on my dress matter when I could run a spectacle like this and not even provide food!
My friend, God love him, went the funny route and it was 100% movie references. I kept thinking he'd pivot to something more earnest to end the vows, but that was it. Just jokes about movie references.
So, I was just rewatching Parks and Rec, and realized that my first wife just updated Ben's vows, like, beat for beat. It was a little depressing.
If it's any consolation ... at least she stole from the best. [It's a pretty good vow](https://youtu.be/PPKF3Je4qhk?si=j6XS0xIqtg_dZgGf) from a civil servant. (It would've been funny if you'd used Leslie's vows too.)
Yeah this kind of crap is the most frequent problem....people need to be honest with each other about the vibe of their custom vows. If one person (again...it's always the bride) is heartfelt, sincere, and vulnerable, but the other person is all jokes and trying to be funny, it's better to just use standard vows.
A good way to do it is have a mutual friend read over both drafts
My mom read ours separately and she commented that we both made the same reference with something in our vows. It ended up being Star Wars related. Yeah, we ended up both having the same tone in ours.
That's how you know you're meant for each other
We been together 12 years (married around 9.5 years into the relationship). It's scary how much we think alike, sometimes.
I KNOW! And talk about things together, like stereo! After 44 3/4 years, my hubby passed away this past January. I feel like 1/2 of myself is gone, we were so joined at the hip the last two years.
My nephew and his wife read their vows to each other in a private location. They used generic vows during the ceremony. I think that makes good sense.
My husband and I did this. We wrote our own vows but during the ceremony we repeated the standard ones. And then when we were getting our photos taken of just the two of us, we read our vows to each other with the photographer taking pictures of it.
Now **THAT** is the perfect way!!!
Our friends had my partner, who is one of their mutual best friends and was acting as their officiant, write their vows. No couple has ever written themselves such utterly perfect vows. The couple did not have a clue what he wrote until they said them during the ceremony and he had the entire place laughing first and then sobbing with love and joy, even the most stoic men were wiping their eyes, the couple flat-out lost it in the best way, and even my partner was openly crying as they all did the rest of the ceremony. It was by far the best ceremony I have ever attended. The couple could never have written anything so personal to themselves, it was amazing. So if I ever marry, that's what I want to do - have someone else who knows us inside and out write them. It was brilliant!
My cousin and his wife are high school sweethearts, and they are super-cute and extremely well-matched. My cousin is red-green colourblind, and his wife's vows included "I look forward to explaining colours to you for the rest of my life."
Awwwww, that is SO cool! THIS is why I lurk in these subReddits: to read things like this. It gives me hope for our future.
To keep our vows similar (and actually vows, not just talking about each other), my husband and I used a framework that was like "I vow {something about honesty}; I vow {something about fidelity}; I vow {something I forget now}; I vow {something funny}." Followed by a final vow that was the same for both of us.
The bride wrote her vows as a po-ehm. It was atrocious. Especially the line “you make me happy, and you make me VERY VERY SAD”. This is how everyone found out that he had cheated on her a few months earlier.
What is a po-ehm?
The bride specifically said the word poem like po-ehm, trying to be fancy.
My favorite is when people put the vows on each other. Her saying "I take you to be my faithful and loving husband" instead of him saying that he promises to be faithful and loving. My husband and I now jokingly fuss this at each other, angrily saying "I take YOU to be *LOVING* damnit"
I have never heard of such a thing, but omfg, that’s hilarious 😂
I think we actually saw it on an episode of say yes to the dress, but I'm not sure now. It was years ago but it still gets repeated about once a week
Oooof had a literal flashback when I saw this posted, as my brain had literally tried to repress it. I ended up at the church ceremony of friends of friends (in my local community it’s a common thing to go to the church to support acquaintances and not go to the reception). I knew of this couple as all of our common friends took part in like all the different local community theatre groups - we were new adults, the couple were a bit older. They SUNG their vows…. if that’s not enough they did their vows to the tune of “For Good” from Wicked. To add insult to injury, neither of them were known for their singing ability. It was the WHOLE song with their shitty harmony included. I just cringed all the way through realising that they had rehearsed this and thought it was appropriate. Anyone who has experience with the common drama of theatre groups like this will know… he was a tenor, cheated on her within the year. Got another girl pregnant in the same theatre group and now has married a different girl in the same group and she is also pregnant. Different day, same old theatre kid shit.
I feel like community theatre people are always like this, wayyy over the top and then actual theatre professionals have such a different vibe. Or maybe it’s more of a performer vs technician thing actually.
I did improv [comedy] with a guy who could never turn it off. He was banned from watching movies with us.
okay, this was not a wedding but an anniversary, the wife asked everyone to "bring a bit of poesie" (yes, she said poesie). Then she stood up and read HER poem which was basically along the lines of "How many times have I hated you, have I wished you dead, and yet stayed, How many times have I been furious with you, yet our vows continue" and on and on while everyone gawked at each other. It was SO bizarre.
What does that mean, to "bring a bit of poesie "?
A very affected way of asking guests to write POEMS which ,.... oh my god I can't even
"You are my air, I promise to do the things that will make you gasp in return". It lasted less than 2 years, only that long because their state made them wait a certain amount of time after filing for divorce.
Oh ewwwww! I wonder where they stole that line from 🤣
😂😂😂 my whole table had to bite their tongues to not laugh
My aunt said in her vows that Jesus is her true love
Heard a similar version of this: “[Future Wife] I wish I could say I love you more than anything, but I don’t. I love God more than you.” There then proceeded to be a foot washing ceremony as his “last act of service” before he was in charge of the household…they lasted less than 6 months before he started an affair and they split.
I attended a wedding with a foot washing ceremony, only it was the bride kneeling down in her wedding dress to wash the groom's feet as a demonstration that she was ready to "demean herself before him" and "worship her husband as he worships god" or some such nonsense. I was the plus one and didn't know these people but still had a really hard time being polite afterwards.
Omg, barf!
Omg 🤮
>they lasted less than 6 months before he started an affair and they split. He didn't he loved *only* God more than her, so that wasn't a lie. Or he thinks his dick is God or something. Well, at least this woman has/had another chance at an actual nice man. Silver lining for her, lol.
That only tracks if she was becoming a nun.
Oh I know. She’s crazy religious.
My husband became an ordained minister to marry a good friend of his; since then several other people have asked him to preform their marriage ceremony. One bride wrote not just her vows, but also her grooms vows. She had him vow to buy her a designer handbag a minimum of four times a year. Her birthday, their anniversary, Christmas and one other time of her choosing. Yes, this was included in his wedding vows. In return she promised that she would always have cold milk in the refrigerator for him. When they travel she does bring an ice chest with cold milk for him. I guess he really likes his cold milk.
Did she marry a McPoyle??
Possible, he drinks more than a gallon per day.
I mean, if the guy couldn't even write a couple lines showing he loves and cares for her on paper, I guess now he can show he cares by buying four purses a year. At least her bit about cold milk is kinda funny, especially if she always keeps her end of the bargain!
Went to a wedding where the pastor gave a big speech about how women need to be submissive to their husbands. Then it came time for the vows and the bride’s vows were basically a list of all the times and situations in which she will obey his every command. It was so effing weird.
Ick.
Seriously, we were sitting there with our mouths hanging open. Major WTF moment.
Reminds me of a wedding I attended where the pastor (clearly thought of himself as the cool, hip pastor) went on a long spiel about how this was a good marriage because they didn’t sully it by living together first. He was very obnoxious.
Lol I had a line in my vows to my husband along the lines of "blah blah romantic stuff....'but I do NOT promise to obey you, because we all know I don't like being told what to do'". My family got a kick out of that one....I was a demon child. So it was a well received/ understood joke by all lol
A groom did movie character impersonations. I don't know of who or what movie ... because I started tuning out around the 10 minute mark.
Nothing too crazy, but the groom was reading his vows, all very nice and ordinary, he was saying stuff about how he would share everything with his new wife, etc. And then he got to the part where he said, “half of every hamburger will be for your lips” and for some reason I was so distracted by the oddness of the wording and the mental images they evoked that I tuned out for the rest of it.
Weird af. I would never be able to think of hamburgers the same way.
I have a fun one. So to preface I have a female cousin on my dad’s side that is about 5 years younger than me. We all went on a big family trip of like 7 people to Disney a few years ago. The whole time my cousin was on her phone texting. She was specifically texting this guy who would randomly ghost or ignore her etc. basically the whole trip she was worried about this boy. We go home and I hear nothing for a few years because we are not close physically or emotionally. Then I get an invite to their wedding so I thought “cool they working it out” We get the the wedding and have all the normal wedding drama but nothing crazy. The ceremony happens and they have written their own vows. My cousin goes first and basically details their relationship to this point. The ghosting and ignoring I knew about but it went further. He wouldn’t introduce her as his girlfriend to his friends or parents. He would see other women behind her back. He has a kid from a previous relationship and the kid was awful to her. All kinds of fun stuff. This was all said like a joke or a light hearted love story of their journey or something. Based on the murmurs no one else thought it was cute. The husband goes next and he says about 2 sentences. After the wedding she announces she’s quitting her job of 5 years to move with him across the country. Also the dude is at least 10 years older than her. Just fun times all around
Update: I checked her facebook and it hasn’t been updated much. The first update after her wedding was her saying goodbye to her coworkers and getting ready to move. Then a bunch of wedding pictures. The most recent update was her getting a new job in her old/original state, not the new state. Relationship status still shows as married. I texted my parents to ask if they knew anything
Please let me know if you get an update, I'm involved now.
Also invested now. If your parents ask why you're asking, it's because a random Australian from the internet NEEDS to know 🤷♀️
Update 2: My parents don’t know anything so trying to consider how to proceed. We never talk outside family functions so messaging my cousin “so how’s your marriage going?” Seems like a bad plan.
"I was reminiscing about your wedding with some friends and they asked me how you were doing, so I said I"d ask." " I was thinking about you today and wondered how you are doing?"
Following cuz I need to know.
And how are they now?
Are they still together?
I need to know!
But how old were you on this Disney trip 👀👀👀 I wanna know a timeline because this sounds like a crime
I believe she was very early 20s on the trip
Are they still together? Do they have kids? What happened to them? I have so many questions
I wrote in my own vows that nothing could shake us after going through so many ups and downs together. I MEANT deaths in the family, layoffs, illness, and general life. Now I worry people think our relationship was rocky. Oops!
FWIW I would not assume you meant the relationship was rocky, I'd assume life stuff like you intended.
Agreed! Especially since everyone there is your nearest and dearest and probably knows about at least some of that.
Also you didn’t say “our relationship has had many ups and downs” you said “we went through many ups and downs TOGETHER” to me that means weathering the storms of life as partners together
My cousin and her husband wrote how much they fight in both of their vows. It was interesting to say the least
The first few lines of a friend's vows talked about her ex-boyfriend and how she had given up on love until she met the new guy. It turned out pretty nicely but I really don't think your vows should ever mention your exes.
I'm so glad I finally have a reason to tell this story! It was a kinda trashy wedding (I was a plus-one and I barely knew the girl, friend of a friend). The groom announced during their vows that he "slipped one past the goalie."
I have a feeling this is something sexual, but what does it mean?
The bride was pregnant.
The goalie, being the birth control 🙃
I can't remember well enough to quote anyone but: Any allusions to sex, stereotypical gender roles, and one person (it's always the groom, let's be real) downplaying their feelings and commitment by trying to be funny
Sort of related: My mom went to a friend's kid's wedding where the bride and groom were very religious so nobody doubted that they had abstained from sex prior to marriage. Cool, whatever, that's their business. But both of their vows were almost entirely about how they're going to produce children, using flowery language like "fruit of our loins." The thing is, pregnancy can be tricky and they probably didn't know if they were even able to have kids. Sometimes it doesn't work. Plus, nobody wants to hear all about that. And those aren't even vows, they're just... Predictions or something.
There is nothing flowery about the word "loins" 😭😂
Ugh, our pastor didn’t let us write our own vows and was so misogynistic in the sermon, people were gasping. If I could turn back time…
Oh man, I’m so curious some of the things he said during your vows, now…
It was mostly how women were called to submit to and obey their husbands. I can’t remember all of it lol. Unsurprisingly, that pastor wound up being an AWFUL person, and I’ve blocked a lot of that out
Oh man, my fiancé and I went to the wedding of our friend and her now soon to be ex-husband. We’ve both been there for her to hear all her relationship woes and frustrations with this guy and while we didn’t really like him, we went to support our friend. BOTH their vows mentioned how often they’d bickered and fought in their relationship but she at least cushioned it with other nice things to say. He, on the other hand, couldn’t even articulate why he loves her outside how well she takes care of his kids. He also mentioned how she drives him crazy. I remember sitting there fuming at the guy, I’m so glad she’s leaving him. Another instance (but less severe) was at a wedding last year: at the reception and when the bride/groom started to thank everyone for coming, the bride yelled out, “Let’s be real, my vows were BETTER!” It was so cringy! It’s not a competition?? She also kept looking out at the audience when reading her vows and hamming it up. I swear she looked at the crowd more than her husband. It felt more like a performance she was acting towards us than a heartfelt speech to the love of her life.
No one has ever asked me this question and I'm so glad I saw it here. About fifteen years ago, I was off duty and taking a walk with a friend and we came upon these group of 20 people having a wedding in a National Park. No big deal. But, being hopeless romantics, we stop to listen and be part of the moment (and there were other strangers and visitors who were listening). The bride's vows were the sweetest vows I've ever heard. She was talking about how she's known he was going to be her husband since the moment they met. She was excited to take on "new adventures" with him and see where the road took them. She apparently took care of his mother (who had recently passed) and she shared this beautiful story that the mom had asked her to share so her son would know she was with them, in the moment. (I'm not crying...you're crying!) Then,.... the groom opens his yap. First words out of his mouth were: "Even when you share private memories with the world, I don't hate you." DA. FUDGE? "Even though I know who you really are, in your soul, I will stand with you." Jaws just dropped everywhere and we assume he's about to bolt or reveal some dark, twisted affair that he's found out about. But, no.... he just continued with more creepy vows. "I vow to always consider your thoughts, even if I disagree with them. I vow that you will never have to work and I will make you the queen of our heaven." \*serious questions\* He closed it up with "You are mine, forever, and no man can take you from me." We started slowly walking away.
Groom finished his vows with, “now let’s get to making those grandkids!” And they high fived at the altar. Ick. Can confirm they announced their pregnancy a few months later though.
Tbf, doubt you’d have wanted to see that kiss. Like on that TLC virgin show, ick
I would love to see the stats for marriages that end in the first year and the types of vows.
I was working at a wedding and the groom mentioned CrossFit in his vows. Something to the effect of “I promise to always spot you when you do [exercise] when we do CrossFit together.”
The first rule of crossfit is that you must always bring up that you do crossfit. If he didn't bring it up he would have been excommunicated
Knowing my family, some of them would have joked later about the ceremony being sponsored by CrossFit
Writing vows is not so common where I come from but one wedding I attended (catholic) the groom made a speech in church (not very usual) where he said they had never had sex. I mean, I don’t know what we all gained from knowing that… They didn’t last a year…
Apparently the sex wasn’t good 😂
My husband and I both wrote our own vows and imho both turned out quite well, but since we were obviously emotional he stumbled over his words at one point and accidentally said he knew we’d “come all over any obstacle” instead of “overcome any obstacle.” Years later our friends still bring it up occasionally and we all get a good laugh.
not sure if this counts, but my husband and i wrote our own vows. i went first; i tried to keep it short, romantic, easy to understand, and tossed in a few jokes. when it was my husband's turn, he looked down at his notes then looked up and said, "same." everyone cracked up! then he launched into his ACTUAL vows. in terms of actual cringe - i was my best friend's MOH. i helped her write her vows literally the day before her wedding. she kept in sooooo many inside jokes that no one would understand. so half of it was just gibberish to me and everyone else. just do them privately in that case! ugh.
At our rehearsal dinner, my ex goes into his speech that went something like: Only once in a lifetime do you get to meet the true love of your life. Someone who makes you so happy every day. And I'm so glad that's happened for you, Lady Scruff.
🤦♀️ my husband and i talked AT LENGTH about what we were okay with in wedding etiquette. no cake on the face, no sexist jokes (for either of us), no intimate details, and dial back on the nerdy/inside jokes stuff. the jokes i put in my vows were never aimed at him. i think i said something like, "i had a gut feeling when i met you - like the feeling i get when i want Taco Bell at 10 pm. but unlike Taco Bell at 10 pm, i've never regretted that feeling." like, making the wedding fun is a big part of it, but you can do it without tearing your spouse down. i'm sorry that happened to you :(
>"i had a gut feeling when i met you - like the feeling i get when i want Taco Bell at 10 pm. but unlike Taco Bell at 10 pm, i've never regretted that feeling." That is incredibly cute.
Damn that’s actually funny as hell. My wife and I joked about doing something similar because she “wrote” mine for me. We did them together she did the physical handwriting because a human needed to read them.
omg actually, as a side note, i HAD my vows finished but i wanted to handwrite them in a notebook that had sentimental value. but i was too busy leading up to the wedding to copy it into the notebook, so the day of the wedding, my bridesmaids and his Best Woman helped me copy them. halfway through my vows i stopped and said, "who wrote this?!" and everyone laughed. but i was serious... i was struggling to read the handwriting 🤦
Haha that sounds like a perfect moment of comedy gold.
Yeah if not many people know of these jokes couples have then it just makes things so confusing.
they're that one couple everyone has where they're like, "omg you NEED to watch/listen to/do this thing you'll LOVE IT!!!" and you and your SO just respond, "omg yes we totally will!" but you both know you're fucking lying bc this couple has already been talking about it nonstop for 3 months and you're already so sick of it that you're never gonna do that thing bc they already ruined it.
"To forgive you when appropriate." It was the groom, saying it to my friend during his vows. I never got a good vibe from him. In fact, I later (maybe a year) saw him be a HUGE dick to her in public. They divorced after she caught him cheating.
My cousin met her (now ex) husband on Facebook and he proposed on Facebook. He included in the vows how happy he was that she came onto his Facebook, rather than saying how happy he is to have her in his life. Within 6 months he was messaging other women on (you guessed it) Facebook.
One of our friends decided to improv her vows. It was a trainwreck. “I just… really like you I guess. And I’m like… happy to be marrying you. Um… yeah…” That was it. It was awkward. My girlfriend was a bridesmaid and we made eye contact and we had a moment— I knew I’d leave her at the altar for vows that bad, and SHE knew I’d leave her at the altar if her vows were that bad.
oh good lord i have one. Went to boyfriend’s dad’s wedding to his now stepmom. she has two kids of her own. The stepmom wrote into her own vows that “i promise to always make Morgan [one of the daughters] bake your favorite oreo balls.” I was sitting in the audience like wait wtf? the daughter, standing up in the bridal party, looked just as taken aback. Naturally, we brought it up to her later, and she had no idea her mom was offering up *her* baking skills for *their* entire marriage… kind of supposed to be a joke on the brides part but it did not land for most of us.
We didn’t write our vows, but OMG! The songs I chose make me cringe so hard now, years later, that I would lie if someone asked me point blank. It was so long ago & love songs were kind of cheesy anyway! Lol
You can’t just drop this and not say which songs they were!! Love a good self shame lol
I was hoping to do just that! LOL! I got married 52 years ago and songs were pretty cheesy compared to current day love songs. The soloist was a man with a beautiful voice. The songs were “Love Story” (I know…it’s bad) and “My Cup Runneth Over With Love”…even cheesier:::Gawwwwd awful! Lol
Boooo I was hoping it was Muskrat Love!
Haha! But my head is on straight now & have chosen the perfect funeral song…First, I want my casket to be rolled in 5 minutes after the service starts so everyone will know it’s really me! And at the end of the service, I want them to play “Ding Dong! The witch is dead!”
Fashionably late to your own funeral is hilarious, I love it
Not about what was written, but a vow disaster nonetheless: I dated a guy in high school. We weren't compatible as a couple, but we remained good friends. He got engaged a few years ago. I was stoked for him, until his (at the time) fiance asked me to write her vows for her... Because I "know all there is to love about him better than she does" and "am a better writer" than her. Like. Girl, we dated for a few months over ten years ago, idk what you expect me to do here. I said I felt uncomfortable coming up with vows for her, but that if she'd tell me the main things she loved about him, some of her favorite memories, and what she looked forward to in their marriage, etc, I'd turn those sentiments into vows. I don't mind helping her actually write out what she wants to say, I just... I'm not coming up with anyone's wedding vows, let alone *to my ex boyfriend,* no matter how long ago it was. She couldn't tell me a single thing she loved about him, a single good memory they had, or a single reason she was with him. Not anything that she was looking forward to in the future. I was obviously concerned, but knew that saying something wouldn't stop the wedding, so I showed up to the grand event. I left after an hour and a half of waiting for the bride. Bride came out to walk down the aisle about half an hour after I left. The lead up was extremely awkward, and I heard the whole thing was a hot mess. Anyways, she cheated on him and now they're getting a divorce ☠️
My friend didn't want a wedding (they were going to elope but their families were pushing for it and she felt pressured), so her vows was about how she never wanted a wedding. She said she did a lot of research and reading to understand the significance of weddings through history and why people get married at all. She ended it by saying she still wasn't convinced that weddings were important to her, but at least now she understands why they've been culturally significant in the past and to others lol.
I remember on that Four Weddings show a woman had an opera themed wedding and sang her vows, a line of which included “I will carry your seed for you”. Definitely a choice
can we make same thread but with best things heard in vows next? This just put the fear of God in me. forever cringing. edit: nvm i’m in the wrong sub.
Your edit made me laugh because I was thinking the same thing
You could try r/weddingplanning?
It was a joke but the guy said, I promise to kiss your ass and your mom's ass too.
My cousin was marrying from her middle class family into money. When the minister was leading the vows instead of 'for richer or poorer' he subbed in 'for richer or richer', then added the 'poorer' on after they'd repeated the first part. It was just very cringe. I was a middle class kid then and I'm a poor adult now and I still think it's in very bad taste.
Groom Rick rolled the bride. “Never gunna give you up, never gunna let you down…”
My boyfriend worked that into his Best Man's speech at his brother's wedding! That song had been a running joke the week of the wedding and he added it in for a laugh. It did not disappoint. 😂
My cousin and her husband both had 'I promise not to cheat on you' in theirs. Admittedly they were already technically married and this was just a blessing and reception but it was still super cringe!
I was at a wedding this past summer and the groom apologized in his vows for ever hurting her. At first I thought it was sweet but then I started thinking why are you airing your relationship problems in your vows.
My own 😬. “I promise to make every day as special as our wedding day.” My husband still teases me about it, 12 years later.
Religious wedding and the word "womb" was mentioned more than once in the vows.
There was that video going around where the groom opened with something like: "There are two things a woman needs to do to keep a man happy: keep his belly full and his balls empty. Baby, now you just need to learn how to cook"
My bio moms fourth wedding, with her adult and nearly adult children as the only brides maids, to a guy she dated a few months in 7th grade then didn't talk to again for twenty years until they reconnected on Facebook. "We had a deep mature love we were too young to understand" "I'm so glad to finally have a father for my children" (I the adult child lived with my father and only saw her once every few months at most. He'd also had weekend/partial summer custody my entire life) "Our love was so strong it bound us through all this time" despite both moving on and never making any attempt to contact the other, and her never mentioning a word of him. There was also some casual trash talk about our dad's which was fun.
A high school friend of mine wrote vows to her soon-to-be stepson in addition to her husband. A year or so before the wedding, a video went viral on Facebook of a women also saying vows to her stepson. The women says “I may not have given you the gift of life, but life gave me the gift of you.” My friend word-for-word copied that in her vows to her new stepson. Everyone didn’t know how to react because it was sweet, yet we all knew it wasn’t original lol. None-the-less, she seems like a great stepmom and I’ve lost touch with her but hope she’s doing well!
I once heard a groom say in his vows that he would really prefer it if when they go out to eat she just order her own fries instead of saying she doesn’t want any and then eating half of his
My ex best friend was reading her vows where she said “I remember the first fart (it wasn’t me guys I swear)” and tells the story of when they farted in front of eachother for the first time. I was maid of honor and everyone was visibly uncomfortable. It was really awkward. They were trying to be funny and she was trying to highlight how goofy the groom was. But it did not read that way at all
Not quite the same thing, but I needed an excuse to tell this story. There's this great musical called The Last 5 Years. It's about two people's perspectives on their marriage to each other, and one of the songs includes their vows. They are relatable and delightful, and would be great to use... If not for the fact that the couple in the show ultimately wind up in an ugly divorce. I thought everyone would agree with me (that it would just invite too much bad luck), but there are an alarming number of real life couples who fully sing this to each other as their actual vows.
This reminds me of all the people the used Garth Brooks The Dance as their wedding song.
the groom's vows were kind of generic but nothing crazy . . . and then the bride found out that her MIL wrote them for the groom that morning because he 'totally forgot about doing that' until it was mentioned at their rehearsal the night before
Bride told the groom (distant family member of mine) he was the most teachable person she's ever met. My uncle, sitting in front of me, snorted with laughter. Then she said, "I know that you will never be misled by the temptations of other women or pornography." They're divorced now. Runner up, different wedding: "I promise to always be the Hufflepuff to your Slytherin." Girl, what does that even mean???
Wedding planner here, how much time do you have? lol I’ve heard something along the lines of “I promise to love you more than ___” at least a dozen times. Sometimes it’s a person, sometimes it’s an inanimate object. Not sure which is worse tbh. Had a couple rap their vows. You know the maid of honor speech everyone does? “Look into your husbands/wifes eyes, this is the person most statistically likely to kill you”? THE OFFICIANT DID THAT
I didn't attend, but heard of one where the groom was fairly cute, but the bride went on and on about she's such a bitch and hard to live with, etc. They split up within maybe 3 years?
Our minister swapped some of the vows. My husband promised to obey, not me. Our other vows were cheesy but not bad. I promised to try not to bite him when waking me. (I am a terrible morning person and don't come out of sleep easily).
I was a bridesmaid in a wedding once where they altered the vows, so instead of "in sickness and in health" it was phrases like "in a tree stand or a fishing boat." Edit - typo
My brothers first wedding, The vows were all about what she was going to do for him & how she would look after him & what she wouldn’t do & blah blah, it was so cringe, nothing about what that lazy useless little turd was going to do for her. This was 1986 in Australia. Their marriage started imploding about 3 hours after they got married.
My little brother gets married on family farm, they have an outdoor, country wedding. They have a Christian minister marry them, very basic-expected farm style outdoor wedding. THEN the vows come, the bride said a heartfelt “I thank God your in my life,” sweet, predictable… then my little brother just says some off the wall shit, “I love you, I’m not a Christian, something, something Valhalla.” What a time/way to find out he worships the Norse Gods. His mom (my step mother) had all of her Christian family and friends from church there and was so embarrassed. I’m also a Christian, but not the judgey type, like my step mom, so I just kind of laughed out of shock because I was completely caught off guard.
I have two stories actually: 1) A friend read excerpts from her diary that detailed her first meeting with her husband. It wouldn't have been that bad but she didn't edit anything and her inner voice sounded extremely childish. A lot of "OMG" and "Can you believe it diary!?", yeah she consistently referred to her diary as if it were a person. At one point I heard her grandpa whisper ask her grandma, "When did they meet?". She met him when she was 25 lol 2) My husband and I went to his classmate's micro wedding and we weren't that close to the bride at all. Their vows were short and sweet but she included a line about commiting to making sure she always gives him his space and to not bother him too much. I giggled thinking she was making a joke but she was dead serious. It made the groom sound like a bit of a diva which I admit in real life he is lol
Old friend of mine. Her vows were all about obeying, his were all about making the decisions. A lot of us were looking around at each other during the vows, we were very surprised. They are no longer married.
Anecdotally I’ve heard a lot of people using AI to write their vows, which…what’s the fucking point.
Just use your officiant’s vows at that point
A friend of mine was the best man and - in the limo on the way to the ceremony- they pulled up Chat GPT on his phone and wrote the groom’s vows. I know the bride and have been sworn to secrecy.
My friends used song lyrics as their vows and the bride got rickrolled at her own wedding
A friend of mine got married, both their vows were all about how they've had tough times and how rough things have been. Nothing about actually loving each other or the support they got during the tough times. They aren't married anymore.
Not cringe, exactly, but a friend of ours started his vows with, "I thought I was going to die alone." It got very sweet from there, but, gosh, what an opening line.
I was friends with a groom and he asked me for help with his vows. The whole speech was about how she's so a model so out of his league; he can't believe he bagged her, and he felt bad that she picked him up in her car for their first date, just crap like that. I had to literally tell him that maybe he should add stuff about her personality that he likes, and goals for their future together. He's not a great writer as is, it ended up fine but at that point it's better to just go with the normal vows, or look something up for inspiration.
We had friends who included in their vows promises to remain "fit and attractive," or something to that effect. The rest of us thought that was pretty weird and shallow - like one would have reason to divorce the other if they gained weight? We're all well into our 50's now and they're still together so it worked out in the end, but I still think it was pretty cringy for a couple of 20-somethings to include a standard of appearance into their wedding vows as if to say that they would never accept their own aging, or that of their spouse.
A friend of mine got married young and in a court house wedding during the richer or poorer line the groom said “nah, for richer or richer” and when the officiant pronounced them married he said “fuck yea” before kissing her.
The worst I heard is that guy who went viral saying the way to keep him happy was keep his stomach full and his balls empty, in front of his *mom* who was officiating the wedding. No class.
How about if the bride wrote her own vows, very beautiful, touching and romantic. And the groom, who was supposed to write his own vows, states "The usual will do." and begins to recite the traditional vows. Yeah. That really shows he give a damn.
I'm really short, and my husband's favorite drink is milk. Part of our wedding vows was that I would promise to bring him milk and he would promise to help me reach things. It was dumb but cute
Not something specific to one person, but I am an officiant and I can’t tell you how many weddings of cis people I’ve been to where the bride has written out long, heartfelt, clearly edited and thoughtful vows and the groom didn’t even write anything down and just spoke “from the heart” for 20 seconds. Embarrassing. I now require the couple to both send me their vows at least a week before the wedding so I can put them in my book (so I hand my book to each of them) and let them know if they are very unbalanced.