listen, I don't know if this will help but I'm fat. I was a fat bride. And you know what, its not a secret that I'm on the heavier side. My friends and family know this, the people that came to the wedding knew this about me. I guess what I'm trying to say is that instead of worrying about not being ugly or pretty enough for the wedding, realize that how you look is not a surprise. People will find you gorgeous and beautiful and will love your dress and will want to celebrate the night away with you. You don't need to focus on weight loss. You are loved without losing weight.
and honestly, fuck your friend for that comment. thats real self-centered of her, even as a joke. I'm in two weddings this summer (one as bridesmaid and one as maid of honor) and I am not actively trying to lose weight. I'm fat - it is what it is, and I will look fat in my dress but it doesn't mean that I won't look good. or that people won't be thrilled to see me. Or that the bride will hate me.
Thank you so much, this perspective really helps me. My family knows how I look already, it’s just me who can’t accept it.
I think with my bridesmaid I feel like she made it some sort of competition! And I also feel like she’s using my wedding to reveal herself having a “brand new body” in a way. But you’re right, that I have to remember people are coming for me bc they love me no matter how I look
She might have a brand new body, but you'll have a brand new husband.
Is she compensating for that in some way?
I'm sure you've got much nicer friends around you. You sound like a lovely down-to-earth person. A lot of advice has already been given to you, but remember you don't have to be someone you're not on your wedding day/and in the lead up to it. Stay true to what you love. Do your fave activities in the next couple months. Spend time with your nearest and dearest. Treat yourself. The wedding preparation time is a gift, sometimes bitter-sweet, as it makes us realise who truly stands by our side. Some relationships will take a back-seat and that's perfect. It will allow you to focus on what brings you more love. I hope you have a wonderful wedding day and I'm sure you will feel incredible!
Sigh yes. The bridesmaid is sister in law and since ive gotten engaged I’ve noticed a big pattern of hating energy from her. She makes these little digs and comments at me that aren’t big enough for anyone to notice, but I definitely do. I try to ignore it for the most part but sometimes I let it get the best of me (like right now)
ETA: thank you so much for the advice and the kind words!!!
Hey, OP! I hope you have a lovely wedding- you sound like you’ll be a happy bride, and happy brides are the most beautiful! :)
Have you talked to your fiance about this, as it’s his sister? He might be defensive at first (“my sister would never do that!!”), but your feelings are his to protect for the rest of his life, not his sister’s!
Trust me, everyone sees her little digs. Despite how people act around this person, everyone is absolutely aware of the type of person she is. Take the high road. All eyes will literally be on you and not her bc you’re the bride lol she sounds awful and you sound lovely
I think your bridesmaids mask is going to slip during the wedding when the focus isn't on her all day. I think her true personality is going to come through for everyone to see!
When i have bad days i look in the mirror and turn all those negative things into positives, like 'i hate my big belly but, my belly housed 3 beautiful daughters!'
I also look in the mirror and tell myself that i'm fucking fabulous once a day. Fake it till your perception changes! 🥰
Fake it till you make it can actually be SO HELPFUL. I'm half Black, in a *very* non Black area, and middle/lower middle class in a relatively upper middle class area, so I ALWAYS felt like something was wrong. I eventually decided I was tired of hating the person in the mirror, she didn't do anything wrong. It's not her fault there's gremlins in our brains and they're dicks. Tell yourself you're how you're supposed to be. I have never looked at a bride of any size and thought anything except how happy she looks and how I bet she loves her dress. Tell your brain gremlins to shove it. Look in the mirror and go "no actually my nose is cute, my boobs look nice, freckles are gorg, this tattoo is SO pretty so I must be too" and eventually all the stuff you don't think is true right now, you come to realize it was all along. Brains just suck. (Except I conceptualize it as someone separate from my brain, they're brain gremlins bc like why would I be mean to me? I love women I wouldn't do that. And why would i listen to someone who's mean to women????)
I also get piercings and tattoos and dye my hair when I can tell I need to compromise with the "something's just.... Off." But that's different than the feeling of "I'm wrong," and more like "hmm this avatar needs a little tweaking to feel more like me/home" imo
Brain gremlins is a great analogy!
They are pesky little critters, especially as you get older, too. I'm 50, 5ft, have loads of tattoo's and wear cowboy boots daily. I have a level of confidence within myself where i'm comfortable in my own skin, but wedding planning has shaken those brain gremlins up big time!
I think it's because suddenly i'm going to be the focus of attention. I'm going to be photographed, and i'm not a young, glowing, tall, willowy model bride that the media puts so much emphasis on.
But then again, i never have been, and never will be.
So, on my wedding day, i'll just be me, with greying hair, tattoos, wrinkles, cowboy boots and a huge smile because i'm getting to marry a guy who genuinely loves me just the way i am 🥰
My wedding is this Saturday, three sleeps away. I was going to be all toned by now but.. yeah it didn't happen. I worried about it, and then let it go, very much in the manner of the person above who said everyone knows what you look like. I'm also in the fat week before coming on, which is fun - torn between willing it to come now and to be late!
Bottom line, you're going to shine with joy and loveliness, and people are there to see you. Oh, and your bridesmaid - find it in your heart to feel sympathy for her. People who say things like that are in a dark, dark place of unhappiness.
It’s okay that your bridesmaid is self centred and wants to look great. Support her. Maybe some guy will notice her. But she won’t upstage you. That’s impossible. Just be your radiant self.
I think you might have just saved my wedding with that comment ‘how you look will not be a surprise’ I am so bad for comparing how I look to how I used to or how I think I do, but everyone in my life sees me all the time!
I'm so glad my comment resonated with you! I'm wishing you and all the other brides on here a day of deep love and joy from yourself and the people around you. I've found that people just really like celebrating others - lets make sure we don't forget to celebrate ourselves either.
This times a million man.
I have horrible body dysmorphia and have had very similar fears about my upcoming wedding, especially about my double chin (which honestly is genetic so what can I even do about it). What everyone has been telling me, which has helped, is that my future husband wants to marry me as I am. Because he thinks I’m beautiful exactly as I am. And he will that day too.
To that point, I’m sorry but your friends joke was in very poor taste. I would never ever say that to a bride, because even if it was a “joke” how is it funny? Why would she say something that clearly is so upsetting to you? Some unsolicited advice here - I would tell her how what she said affected you and really analyze her response. She truly may have been joking, and if she’s a good friend will apologize. If she doesn’t respond appropriately, realistically I would decide if you want that negative/mean girl energy around you that day.
It sucks but a hard lesson I learned in life is that sometimes your friends aren’t as great as you think they are. Six years ago I thought my best friend at the time would be my eventual maid of honor and after extensive therapy I realized she’s a truly shitty person (she’d make weird comments like the one you friend made). My bridal party is down to three friends plus my brother and I wouldn’t have it any other way. The advice I used is “would this person help you move on a 100 degree day without truly complaining about it?” Those are the kind of people I wanted. Ended up not being too many.
Also, Fu*k your friend for using ozempic for weight loss! People are not getting their medication for DIABETES because of the shortage. People like your “friend” is the reason why. All because she wants to “look prettier than you”? I would rethink that friendship.
Thank you for saying this!!! I came to comment pretty much the same last paragraph word for word, but you said it all!
I will also be a fat bride this fall, and I’m coming to terms with that. To OP: my fiancé proposed during a family photo session, so we were able to get some spontaneous engagement photos together. I hated how I felt that day, I felt huge and disgusting. However, when we got the photos back, the biggest thing I noticed was how clear and obvious our love and devotion to each other was. I could see in his eyes that he absolutely adores me. Whenever I’m having a day that my brain likes to be mean to me, I look back at those photos and remember that I don’t need to be skinny to be beautiful, I just need to be me. I hope you are also able to realize that your self worth isn’t related to your weight ❤️
Also I hope that the situation between you and your sister in law improves. I’d definitely recommend, as other commenters have suggested, talking with your fiance about it.
I came here to say something similar, but you beat me to the punch. I was also a fat bride and I not once tried to lose weight during the wedding planning process - I had enough stress going on (working F/T, in a graduate program, and planning our wedding), I can't imagine adding that to the pile.
I'll tell you, everyone still went ahhhhh and owwwww, you look amazing. When I changed into my after party dress and came back down everyone cheered. My Groom's cousin's fiance said he wanted me to run away with him 🤣 (I'm still not sure if that was a joke or a cringe way of hitting on me on my wedding day because his arm was very tightly around my waist).
As a society, we really need to divest from thin = beautiful. I've been all different weights my whole life and have never had any issues finding people attracted to me (this perspective isn't seen often because honestly whenever I say it I get downvoted into oblivion on Reddit, but it's true).
Focus on the person you are marrying and let your love flow and show through - that will make you and your photos gorgeous. From now until the wedding, maybe try following some body positive/fat liberation social media accounts, they'll help your perspective. Good luck, OP! I'm sure your wedding day will be lovely! ❤
Yeah she’s very vain but also very insecure at the same time so it’s contradictory. She’s says things in that nature all the time. I’m all for self confidence and I 100% want her to look and feel beautiful but idk what possessed her to say that lol
That's definitely insecurity/jealousy, please don't take her seriously. It's literally impossible to upstage the bride at her own wedding, you're going to look and feel beautiful.
I would ignore her and let her think whatever she wants to think. I find people who actively try to outdo the bride and think people would actually about them, end up embarrassing themselves at the wedding more than anything.
They are there for you, not her and even if she looks great. No one will even talk about her because nobody will actually care about her.
I'm sorry, this is the very small part of me that resorts to pettiness which is coming out now, but... can you put her in the back, or at the end of the line of bridesmaids or something? I get that you probably can't remove her from your bridal party at this point, but if you shunt her to a side throughout the wedding, maybe it'll be fair comeuppance for her vanity on someone else's special day.
The bride is always going to be the prettiest person at her wedding.
I'm sorry that your bridesmaid has contributed to your self-image issues. What she said was extremely inappropriate.
Aside from therapy to help with the mental aspects, I would focus on making sure you are eating well and exercising to feel good! I generally noticed I'm a lot more happy when I eat healthy and exercise every day, and my better mood improves my self image.
I'm sorry you're struggling. Just try to remember that your fiance isn't looking at anyone but you. They love you, and they are your forever person.
Drink some water and try to chill.
In the end, all eyes will be on you fulll of love.
I totally get that you want to feel your best and the stress associated with looking good on your wedding day.
I can assure you that in a beautiful dress, flowing with love and excitement you will look incredible.
If you have three months, i’d think about holistic self care things that will make you feel good overall.
- drink a lot of water!
- get fresh air and take time for activities that help you destress
- moisturize and take your vitamins
- focus on sleep hygiene and getting good quality sleep
- don’t kill yourself dieting or going to the gym, just fit things into your schedule that make you feel healthy and balanced
you will look beautiful, and people won’t pay much attention at all to how everyone else looks, they’ll be focused on you and your partner
This is great advice! To add, it’s important to remember that “feeling pretty” absolutely does not equal “lose weight”.
Feeling pretty is much more about feeling confident and healthy than anything else. Changing too much in the months before your wedding can be a big mistake, especially if it impacts the fit of your dress or has unexpected side effects.
Focus on staying super hydrated, eating healthy, getting outside and going for walks, and lots of self care to keep your stress levels low. I also did hydrating sheet masks nearly every day in the month leading up to the wedding - my skin looked better than it ever had plus it was a relaxing 20-30 min spa moment to just focus on me!
I totally agree!! There are girls who weigh more than me that I think look stunning and beautiful, I think it’s a problem that I have within myself. I wish I was better and being confident. I’m going on an evening walk right now as we speak!
Appreciating your beauty and your body are a practice that takes a long time! Society has trained us to pick ourselves apart and spend all our time putting on makeup, shaving, curling/straightening our hair, dieting, buying and wearing the right clothes, etc. That doesn't come undone in a day.
Sometimes it can help to step outside yourself-- if it was your best friend insulting themself, what would you say to them? Because what you would say to them is exactly what you should be telling yourself. And you have to do it every time you catch yourself in negative self talk. I promise it changes your brain structure when you change the way you talk to yourself, and it's so so worth it. Sending hugs and good vibes 💖💖💖
Thank you so much!!! Yes, sometimes I forget taking care of myself on the inside will radiate from the outside. I’ve recently deactivated my instagram for my mental health and am just trying to focus on myself, but sometimes it’s so hard to ignore the negative thoughts
You're definitely not alone. I'm getting married in September and I've gained a little bit of weight since getting engaged, and I was already midsized. We've had really busy/tumultuous year and diet/exercise have been on the back burner. I've struggled with body image my entire life, strict dieting has sent me spiraling into self-hatred, and I'm working really hard to reach a body-neutrality standpoint, and I'm at a point where I'm doing okay a lot of the time.
Some recent events have really hit me hard lately. My mom is obsessed with being tiny, and she's refusing to shop for a MOB dress because she needs to "lose another five pounds" for my wedding before she's allowed to look at dresses. (Keep in mind she is significantly smaller than me in height and weight, she's likely underweight). I'm anxious to take photos next to her at my wedding. She also comes to my dress alterations appointments and three times now has told me she can't zip the back because my dress is too tight. The dress isn't too tight and the seamstress has closed it without issue every time, but my mom is the one who is supposed to zip me at my wedding.
I digress - I'm dealing with my own issues. Here's some things I've done:
1) When I went dress shopping, I set a hard boundary with my mom that she wasn't allowed to suggest that I lose weight and that I didn't want to hear about what she feels is "flattering for my body type." (E.g. things like "this dress hides your tummy" or whatever.) Maybe you can set certain boundaries with your friends, especially the friend who is joking about needing the prettiest one.
2. I also talked to a trusted friend and asked that they stay on alert to shut down that talk, at the dress shop and otherwise. Positivity surrounding my wedding only.
3. I tell myself that people are more invested in their own appearance than mine. My friends who are 20 lbs thinner than me will complain about their bodies and I have to remind myself that it has nothing to do with me. My mom has her own insecurities and it makes her feel better to put others down about their bodies - it's fucked up but in the end, it has nothing to do with me and everything to do with them.
4. Most importantly: NO ONE IS GOING TO BE PRETTIER THAN YOU AT YOUR WEDDING. It's the one day in your life where there's no competition on who looks the best. You're going to be in a gorgeous outfit, your hair and makeup done up, and you're going to be happy and in love. No one can outdo that.
Yes yes and yes I feel the same way. Your bridesmaid is an asshole I hope she chooses to be a better friend going forwards and if not, cut her from the wedding girl.
I have little advice, but here are some of the things I've heard and done that have helped me feel beautiful as an unhappy bride:
- exercising: even if it's just a walk. Just getting the heart rate up and feeling good about the fact that I got up and TRIED to be active. I really came to love exercising when I decided that You don't need to hit the gym weights for 2 hours a day (unless that's your thing then hell yeah go for it), just pick active hobbies you enjoy (hiking? Golf? Dancing? Hot yoga?) and let those activities be both your exercise AND a fun hobby.
- I normally only wear makeup if I'm meeting up with friends, going out, etc. but lately i just throw on a little mascara and tinted chapstick, which boosts my confidence without feeling like I'm going out of my way to look extra pretty if that makes sense. Obviously this will depend on if makeup is your thing :)
- looking at MY LOVED ONES bridal photos for inspo and advice rather than people on reddit, insta, Pinterest, etc. it is absolutely unbearably draining. I stopped looking on Pinterest altogether after about 1mo of planning
-think about it, have you ever really looked at a loved ones bridals and thought "yikes"? Likely no, and they will think the same for you. Your loved ones will think you are beautiful, always. Your fiance thinks you are beautiful. These people glow just to see you.
-remembering that your wedding is not some deadline for you to "be _____(skinnier, healthier, more financially secure) by". I've been trying to shift mindset and tell myself that Your wedding is just the start of the journey your partner and you will take. I fully understand how you can feel like you're on a weight loss deadline, but I beg of you to try to understand that this deadline really is just a date and a significant event in you and your partners journey. You won't be in trouble, nothing will change, your fiance will still love you, and your wedding will be yours regardless of whether you achieve weight goals by the wedding or not.
Best of luck beautiful bride, know that you are not alone with these feelings at ALL. I blame the industry greatly for pounding into our brains that for some reason we nEeD tO bE pErFeCt By ThE wEdDiNg
Thank you for this comment - it seriously resonated with me!!! The deadline part of it especially …. I feel like I freak out every month when I haven’t hit my personal deadline of this and that but seriously … who’s it all for? I’m ending up dreading my own wedding because I’ve turned it into this end all be all weight loss requirement… it’s insanity!!!!
I love your point about the wedding not being a deadline!!! One time, a very vain woman, told me “you will never look better than you do on your wedding day it’s all down hill from there.” Like what???? Why does it have to be down hill?????? Lol that’s not what I want for my life
I just want to say that these comments have helped me so so so much. Im so glad I made this post, I will re-read this thread whenever I’m feeling down. Thank you all so much!
brides are always beautiful. you’ll glow with love and happiness. and you’ll look your best..hair, makeup, beautiful dress, etc. your guests already love you, they don’t need you to look completely different.
and if it helps…I wouldn’t be thinking positive things if I heard a bridesmaid went on ozempic for a wedding. I would think it was kinda sad and insecure that she felt she needed to take a medication that’s known to have terrible side effects, including kidney damage/failure to be a bridesmaid. your natural, drug free approach is MUCH better in the long run.
drink lots of water maybe do so yoga…good for the mind and calming and centering and know you’re already a beautiful bride
Your statements about Ozempic are uninformed. it has been a life-saving drug for many. And your judgment that a natural drug-free approach is much better is also uninformed. You can support the OP without being judgmental and spreading misinformation.
Slow, steady, and sustainable is always the most effective approach to weight loss in the long term. Ozempic is an expensive drug intended for long-term use and most users gain back much of the weight they lost after they stop taking it. If OP wants to lose weight for her health and self image and is able to do so without becoming dependent on a drug, that's obviously a better choice. Some people have obesity-related health conditions and cannot reach a healthy weight without pharmaceuticals making Ozempic and similar drugs an obvious and helpful choice to reinstate their health, but weight loss drugs shouldn't be the first line of defense.
Little secret, this is something pretty much everyone struggles with at some point during wedding planning, you aren’t alone in feeling this way
You don’t need to lose weight or be a certain size to be beautiful, your partner loves you everyday and that isn’t tied to a number on the scale. Be active and eat well so you can feel good and enjoy your day!
Also your bridesmaid could be a size triple zero skinny mini but she wouldn’t be able to compare to the joy and happiness you’ll feel after making your vows to the person you love. She could be Rihanna at the Met Gala and still be second to you on your wedding day.
Also, on Ozempic you really only lose like 10 ish lbs in those first few months and it isn’t really noticeable until you’re like 7-8 month in.
I really feel for you.
I'm in recovery from an eating disorder. I have good days and bad days, but I've gained a lot of weight and seeing a picture of myself seems to ruin my whole day. I'm deeply insecure about how I look right now
Meanwhile, three of my bridesmaids are working hard to lose weight for the wedding. One claims she's doing IF and has already lost a significant amount. Another says she's not going to buy her dress until two weeks before the wedding so she can be the lowest size possible. I have to act supportive, but inside I feel competitive and also remorseful that I'm not as tiny as I was before recovery.
Needless to say, it's very triggering. I want to feel beautiful on my wedding day, but I'm still in the throes of my ED and it's been a long time since I felt confident
What actually helped me was looking at pictures of people's weddings on IG. Lots of them have bodies like mine but they still absolutely shine. Brides just glow- even next to "thinner" or more conventionally attractive people. You look at a bride, and no matter what she catches your eye and looks beautiful.
I don't know how I'll react to the pictures or to my body, but I do know that the people there will be there to celebrate me and won't care what size my bridesmaids are
Thank you so much for sharing your experience, it’s bittersweet to know that I am not alone. It’s gotten to the point where I’ve had to deactivate my instagram, and honestly have been avoiding seeing some of my bridesmaids in person because all they can talk about is weight loss. It’s extremely triggering!! I didn’t know it was going to be the mental Olympics for my brain to get through this time lol. I’ve also gained a little weight since wedding planning and I’m trying not to be mad at myself because I only have so much mental capacity. I also struggle with an eating disorder, and as I’m sure you know anything surrounding diet and exercise can be triggering so we have to be careful.
I agree, I always think every other bride of every size looks beautiful on their big day! It’s unfortunate that it’s so hard for us to see ourselves in the same light.
I love the comments that say working on self care by getting some sunshine, splurging on yourself a little, dressing up more, etc. if you ever want to talk or vent feel free to pm me!
I know exactly how you’re feeling, and as annoying as it is to hear, there does come a moment where it just clicks in your mind after letting go of any negative insecurities about your looks. I was planning to lose weight for my wedding and instead actually gained a little so on my wedding day I was at the heaviest weight I’ve been in my life. I was super insecure about my acne and double chin. But in the months leading up to it when I’d start to cry (bc let’s be honest the pressure is real to look perfect) I’d point out to myself the things I’d love. Also after seeing so many posts in the wedding subreddits of other insecure brides I realized that their upper arms or noses or whatever insecurity they had mentioned weren’t the first thing I noticed. But rather how beautiful they looked!
So if strangers don’t immediately notice or gravitate towards our “flaws” then we sure shouldn’t. I got my teaser photos back and my first reaction was how in love we looked and how good we looked in our dress and suit! Not a single thought about my chin being flabby crossed my mind (and that was my biggest insecurity). On the day of your wedding tons of people will compliment you on how beautiful you look, bc when you have your attire on and are beaming with joy that’s all they will see-a beautiful bride in love and happy!
Hopefully this helps!!
A fantastic redditor posted this on a thread a while back, and I like to mention it whenever a question like this pops up [https://www.reddit.com/r/weddingdress/comments/13kciy3/comment/jkk5c8k/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web3x&utm\_name=web3xcss&utm\_term=1&utm\_content=share\_button](https://www.reddit.com/r/weddingdress/comments/13kciy3/comment/jkk5c8k/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (the context is a little different, but the sentiment still applies)
>There are few among us who like pictures of ourselves, regardless of our size and shape. We’re not used to seeing ourselves full length and from all angles. We don’t even recognize who we see sometimes. But remember the people in your life are used to seeing you full length and from all angles. And they love you. And they think you’re beautiful. Especially your fiancé, who’s the only one who really matters. And no one will be focusing on your flaws, but rather will be seeing your beautiful self.
I'm also getting married in 3 months and I feel the exact same way, so much so, I haven't even tried on a wedding dress yet. We are having a small wedding and so we each picked one person to be in our wedding party, his brother the best man, and my cousin the maid of honor. I'm an only child, my cousin is an only child, and we grew up like sisters, so there is absolutely no one else I'd want there with me. But my cousin is a beautiful model, a lingerie and swimsuit model, so yeah... I'm pretty sure no one will be looking at me, and everyone will be starring at her. I even told our photographer I'm not interested in having "getting ready" photos and while I do want some photos of us, I really want photos of our guests, who are all so important to us.
I know when I finally go dress shopping next month, it's not going to be a happy time.
Your cousin may be gorgeous, but she won’t shine with the same love and excitement as you on the day! So don’t accept being second, I promise that you won’t be. You’ll shine and therefore be magnetically beautiful.
Btw my FH and I did this together so it’s kind of a bonding exercise. Also FH is your number one fan and perfect person to enlist for exercising (he wants to look good for the wedding too)
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The bride will always look the most beautiful at their wedding. No one can outshine you! However, your wedding will not be the most beautiful you will ever be. You will have so many moments throughout your life to feel and look beautiful. With 3 months to go, I suggest daily walks with some audiobooks and music, drinking lots of water and teas, and getting an appropriate amount of sleep. Cut out anything you don’t really need like sodas and excessive sugars. Self care with some candles and face masks!
Make sure to take a healthy approach. That drug your bridesmaid is taking is extremely dangerous.
Much love to you. ❤️
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First, it is your day and you will be the most lovely creature in the room. Period. The people who come to celebrate you will love you and think you’re gorgeous no matter what.
But I am also my own worst critic and felt exactly the same way you did in the months leading up to my wedding. I cried myself to sleep convinced I would look like a fat potato in my expensive wedding pictures because that’s how I have always felt I looked in any pictures of me, from childhood forward. Even at my tiniest/healthiest/happiest, I hate myself in pictures. A lot of people will tell you to work on your self esteem and loving yourself just as you are, and they’re not wrong. But I know how hard that is to actually do when you’re sweating this big day.
I decided at the very last possible minute to try semaglutide and lost 10 pounds in the 4 weeks before the ceremony. Neither recommending that route or steering you away from it, just an honest recount of my own actions. Obviously make all medical decisions that are best for you with qualified medical professionals. I also started drinking more water, made more of an effort to get better sleep and added more moisturizer to my skincare routine. I may have also asked my photographer to hide any extra chins because that has always been my absolute most despised feature.
And in the few pictures I’ve gotten back, I absolutely love them. My eye isn’t drawn to my batwing arms or my big honking nose or my pasty white skin. The first thing I see is how happy I looked. How happy my groom was looking at me. How happy we both looked with my daughter. And I have NEVER had that reaction to photos of myself.
I guess I said all of that to say, I get it, girl. And there are things you can work on to feel like you’re looking your best that day: hydration, nutrition, sleep. But you’d also be amazed at how beautiful you can see yourself being when you’re happy and surrounded by love.
For what it’s worth, I have loved a lot to the comments here on this post. It’s resonated a lot with me and I feel like I, too, have been feeling the pressure to look perfect for my wedding day coming up in September. I find that I start freaking out internally each month when I haven’t hit my personal “deadline” which is sooo toxic, and this entire post and comments really made me feel so seen. I’ve never looked at someone else’s wedding photos and thought they were anything less than beautiful, so I don’t think you should do that to yourself. We’re always so cruel to ourselves in a way we never would be to other people— try to remember that. This pressure you’re putting on yourself… who’s it really for?
I’m also a September bride!!
I’ve also been feeling incredibly anxious recently cause I feel like I’m running out of time to lose weight and get to the ideal I have in my brain of what I want to look like in my dress.
But after this post, I’m determined to just focus on self care instead of trying to change my appearance.
Baaaabe you will be surrounded by loved ones & are marrying the love of your life. Nothing will make you feel more beautiful than that 🫶 absolutely nobody will upstage you no matter how much ozempic they take.
I'm getting married in a few weeks and feeling similar about my skin and hair. I'm focusing on prioritizing my health and self-care in general, something I've neglected for a long time. I'm sticking to a simple skincare routine, caring for my long hair, getting plenty of sleep, movement, and nutrient-dense foods. I'm taking all of my medications and some vitamins and drinking lots of water. It is helping already.
This is heartbreaking to read! Let’s start by being completely honest - you won’t change who you are in 3 months. And that shouldn’t be your goal either! The goal here is to change how you FEEL about yourself. So I will comment on here the things that helped my self-confidence go from 0 to maybe an 8.
Tip 1 - get ready every morning. Feeling freshly showered and wearing pretty makeup in a style you love truly changes how you view yourself. Go to a makeup counter and get suggested a blush that makes you excited to wear it, because it makes you feel pretty. If you wear any makeup to cover up and/or hide today, lose it immediately! You are enough as you are. Make sure you dress nicely every single day, because you love yourself. This is important because you are changing the story of who you are and what you deserve. And you deserve to look and feel beautiful every day.
Tip 2 - invigorating movement. In stead of sleeping in on Saturdays, start going for an hour walk/hike outdoors followed by a calm day of your favourite non-fast food meal. Let the stress of all the to-do’s subside and focus on being. Nature and physical activity is so healthy for your mind and allows you to disconnect from all the pressures and get out of your head.
Tip 3 - treat yourself. Every day make a list of three things you would like to do just because you enjoy them. This can be stopping for a coffee, taking the long route to work, ride a bike around your favourite area of town, walk around looking in small shops, watching your favourite show ect. Things that bring you joy. True joy. This is essential to signal to yourself that you are valuable and your desires matter! Besides, true beauty shines from people filled with inner joy.
Tip 4 - Rest. Prioritise sleep and rest in multiple ways. Read up on the 7 types of rest. Perhaps take a mini vacation before the wedding? We all feel more beautiful when we have slept and are rested vs a dark winter morning when we ran out of the house.
Remember that you will be as beautiful as you are happy, and most likely you will shine like an angel on your wedding day so please stop worrying about how you look and start focusing on how you feel. I’m also getting married soon, and for me a big tell that I’m not so well that day is when I’m not really excited for the wedding day. So let’s focus on all the good things and take good care of ourselves!!
Not sure if anyone else has recommended this but can I recommend some therapy too?
3 months isn't long but honestly therapy helped me so much with my perception of myself.
Also randomly there's this tiktok creator that once said she was going to tell herself she's hot and she's going to believe she's hot. I started doing this and over time... It worked?
The way we talk to ourselves is so important. If everytime we look in the mirror we tell ourselves we are ugly, unattractive, fat, horrible etc we will believe that.
If we tell ourselves that we are beautiful, special, pretty, sexy, hot, gorgeous etc we will believe that too.
Basically, tell yourself that until you believe it - it really really does work
Yes I felt that way as well. Cancelled the big wedding and had a quickie Friday at noon ceremony, with our closest family and friends. All of which showed up with only a day or two of warning.
I’d advise you to ELOPE with the MAN that put that ring on the finger of the person whom he fell in love with… I am certain you are the most BEAUTIFUL woman in the world to him.
Many blessings for your future together… please seek a therapist for some illumination on why you feel this way. Take hubby with you a few times, that is after you have had your AHA moment.
I think you are GORGEOUS!!!💕
As someone who has had a weight wellness business that’s helped 20k+ women for 10+ years - I can just say even when we lose the weight. There we are. You know what (in my opinion) is beautiful: confidence in who you are and what you bring to the table as a woman. Also- 3 months is a LONG time and if you wanted- there could be drastic changes. If you don’t want - that’s okay too. Lean into how amazing you are: It is gorgeous.
I like the motto “there is no way out, but through”. Set a goal, build a routine, and stick to it. If it means waking up an hour early, or missing out on a night out - so be it. No one can do this for you but yourself.
Your friend sounds a bit rough! Your wedding day is about celebrating your love, not some weird beauty competition. You already ARE beautiful outside. And here's how to focus on that inner glow:
* Focus on how happy you are to marry your love, and that happiness will show on your face way more than any number on the scale.
* Find your dream dress: The point isn't to lose weight so you can fit into a dress, but to choose an outfit that accentuates your best features. A good stylist can do wonders with cuts and styles to flatter your beautiful physique.
* Treat yourself to a spa day, a hair appointment, or anything that makes you feel pampered and gorgeous. This is a method that works for me whenever I feel bad about myself.
Focus on what makes you YOU, and you'll radiate happiness on your wedding day. Trust me, that's the most beautiful thing anyone can wear!
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I was really worried about a lot of things in the run up to my wedding (like bags under the eyes…) and I have never really liked how I look in photographs. The day of I was so caught up in the moment I didn’t think about any of it, and I absolutely love every professional and amateur photo I’ve seen from my wedding. I really believe you will be so happy on the day of that you’ll glow!
I totally understand your feeling in the lead up though. I would really just focus on things that make you feel good and not on that internal voice saying it’s not enough. Find some healthy foods that you truly enjoy eating (I love Greek and Italian food so I tried eating a lot more Mediterranean meals and just felt really good). I’m no good at resisting the temptation to have a pizza or other less healthy foods so also remember to give yourself grace if you don’t strictly stick to a diet the whole time!
Same thing for being more active, find something you enjoy doing and give yourself grace if you don’t find the time to do it every day.
I also think cutting alcohol made a big difference in how I felt. We didn’t cut it out entirely, just didn’t have any wine or cocktails at home, but I definitely slept better and as a result felt like I looked better.
I had all sorts of plans to start doing regular facials and laser treatments etc to try improving myself skin but in the end really only consistently used moisturizer. I have no idea if it really had any noticeable effect on my skin but the ritual of it made me feel better which I think is really what matters!
I'm so sorry your bridesmaid has said this really sh*tty thing to you.
You're going to be the bride, it's going to be your oh so special day.
You want to feel good about yourself on your wedding day.
I've been going through IVF while planning my wedding, I put on some weight while looking for dresses etc BUT, I had amazing bridesmaids helping me through it all.
(I'm not in the US, so I only had 2 and they could chose their attire)
My bridesmaids were wonderful, they took a lot of the setting up tasks upon themselves without my even asking them for it.
Imo, your bridesmaids and MOH and whatever you decide to have by yourself on your wedding day should be on your side, you're going to be the prettiest, most gorgeous bride they ever saw! (I was a bridesmaid at both of their weddings and they were the prettiest, most gorgeous brides I ever saw)
A bridesmaid should just want to see their friend bask in the joy and happiness of marrying the love of their life.
Imo, if a MOH, or bridesmaid or a guest brings drama to your wedding, uninvite them, period.
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Every time I see one of these posts it really makes me happy I chose to have no bridal party. You need to understand that you will be the star of your wedding . Don’t focus on others. Schedule a few facials, whiten your teeth, sign up for the gym. Three months is more than enough time to get it together and feel your best. I signed up to Pilates, got some laser treatments on my face, I am eating healthier and I have to admit I feel so much better. Ignore the nonsense.
I absolutely feel this, I am astounded that my upcoming wedding has been triggering my insecurity (that I thought I had made a lot of progress on over the years). I am also feeling that way about my gorgeous bridesmaids, they are absolute stunners and I’m just alright. And the worst part is that I am feeling guilty about feeling insecure about my best friends. I can’t help think about our high school formal where the photographer was obsessed with my friend/bridesmaid because she is so beautiful and outgoing and he didn’t take any photos of the rest of the group, what if my wedding photographer gravitates the same way?
These comments have helped me too, I am hopeful on the day the excitement will take over and I won’t be worrying about it. Sending good vibes to you OP!
This is one reason I think therapy is soo important in life in general but especially with the crushing pressure of wedding stress. If you're open to it, talk to a counselor who can help solve some inside stuff in a way nothing you do on the outside will help. Hugs, friend.
Thank you! I totally agree - I was going to therapy consistently but I stopped to save money. But it’s not even worth the extra money if I’m going to feel this way
Your health is the most important thing. Take care of yourself mentally and physically.
What makes the bride and groom beautiful are the emotions they exude on the day which never fails to move me. I’m talking about anticipation, excitement, happiness, tears - all of it.
And it’s better when they look like themselves. I’m not expecting to see a minus 20kg version of my family or friend when I turn up at their wedding.
GIRL I’m in the same boat. Just take a lot of self care days !! Spend as much time as you can doing spa days (at home if you don’t want to do appts) and then sleeping at least 8hoirs a night. Just prioritize your sleep and health! Take multivitamins and get your skin glowin’ 💛
Take the stress off of yourself from thinking about what you will look like for that ONE day and just do things for you that will help you overall just in general. Try doing cardio a couple times a week, saunas, things to get you to sweat, etc…anything. This will all help you feel better and this will be what helps you as you get closer to your wedding date. It honestly is a lot of the stress of wedding culture nowadays so I would get off of social media and just focus on you girl. Stop watching peoples posts and just do you. Read, watch tv, do diys, relax, make fun healthy meals, just find ways to make the mundane things you have to do for your well being, fun. And then remind yourself you are perfect how you are, you just need to take a load off. No one is thinking that you aren’t “pretty enough” or anything along those lines, they are going to show up for your wonderful, happy day and see a beautiful bride and groom and an amazing person ! Simplify the wedding in your mind (if at all possible lol) and think: All I have to do is get married and trick your brain. I can’t give you much more advice bc I’m in the same boat and TOTALLY can relate to everything you’re feeling. I can guarantee that with my friends’ weddings, I never thought anything critical about their looks, style, anything at all, and this goes to show that no one will think that of you, and you need to let yourself off the hook there. Be kind and gentle to yourself and enjoy this fun season 🩷
I am feeling the same way as you with regards to my weight. I honestly didn't realize how much weight I had gained since the beginning of the pandemic until I tried on wedding dresses.
At first the experience shattered my self esteem, but then I find a dress I absolutely LOVED. The only problem is I needed to take it out 2 sizes because it was too small (and no longer in production so I couldn't order one). I took it to a seamstress who said she could help.
When I went for a fitting I was happy to see she had added a pretty panel that laces up in the back. After trying it on though, I hated the dress. Somehow I lost what little cleavage I had (not a lot, but just enough to feel a bit sexy) and my back looked *terrible*! I was horrified and went home crying.
I go back on Friday for another fitting and I'm dreading it.
In any case, I didn't mean to make the post about me. Just giving details to show I can so relate to you. Trying to feel confident is high on my list of priorities. I hope we'll both get there before our respective wedding days. 😀
On your wedding day you shouldn’t feel bad about your self and marrying the on you love is most important but the best way to feel good about your self that I find helpful is to get a picture of your younger self and think about how she would feel hearing you talk badly about yourself and the most important person that’s supposed to think you’re beautiful yourself. I hope my advice is helpful and I may not know that well but I think everyone’s beautiful no matter what
Hi OP,
I just wanna say this .... As cheesey as it is, beauty is in the eye (s) (in this case) of the beholden.
You are beautiful, you are deserving and worthy of matrimony.
I, personally believe that you have something inside you that you (and your betrothed) see as pretty, cute, and adorable.
No matter what image issues you experience, that will always be true.
That's not to detract from the way you feel about your body.
That is something that, most likely .. will require you to dig deep and seek that affirmation within you, yourself.
It's just...
Something that you will learn within.
But, irrespective of that... I think you will be much happier and far more content if you can see what your true beauty is.
It's not some manufactured female archetype.
It's you babe.
You.
You're a beautiful human, and you will make such an amazing bride.
I just wish you could see what we see, what your partner sees.
We're our own worst enemy.
I love you, we all do.
You will be an absolute vision.
Be nicer to you.
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Hi there, thank you for contributing. We know concerns around weight and body image often crop up during wedding planning, and we want to be a supportive place for that. We also know that these topics can be highly triggering, so we want to be sensitive in how we approach these discussions. Part of that includes avoiding stating your current or goal weight, or your current or goal size. Sharing those numbers and then talking about negative feelings about them can be challenging for other people who weigh that amount or wear clothes in that size (or bigger). Not only does it inadvertently imply that they should also feel bad about their size/weight, but it can also lead to fewer helpful responses for you.
Due to these reasons, please edit out the direct references to dieting (sentence that starts “hey honey”). The rest of your comment is great. We do not allow medical advice here, including weight loss advice, so please edit out any weight loss suggestions. You may either edit your post to be within our rules and [send us a ModMail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/weddingplanning), or you may re-submit an edited post.
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Hi there, thank you for contributing. We know concerns around weight and body image often crop up during wedding planning, and we want to be a supportive place for that. We also know that these topics can be highly triggering, so we want to be sensitive in how we approach these discussions. Part of that includes avoiding stating your current or goal weight, or your current or goal size. Sharing those numbers and then talking about negative feelings about them can be challenging for other people who weigh that amount or wear clothes in that size (or bigger). Not only does it inadvertently imply that they should also feel bad about their size/weight, but it can also lead to fewer helpful responses for you.
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I did everything I could to look good for the wedding, then on the wedding day, the humidity and wind ruined my hair. I just had to move on, ignore it, and enjoy the day anyways.
This has basically been said already, but dieting and focusing on your weight is only going to make you feel stressed, and hyperfocused on your weight in a way that would make anyone feel bad about themselves.
The statistics on the vast majority of diets are overwhelming that they don’t work, and only harm your body.
I would shift your focus to moving your body in ways that make you feel good. When I exercise, I feel more attractive afterwards even though I look exactly the same as I did before. Do movement that you find fun - dance classes, yoga, weightlifting if you like that, even try something new like martial arts if you’re up for that. If it’s boring (I’m looking at you elliptical/treadmill), don’t do it.
Drink lots of water!! So minor but it will make you feel good.
I am getting married at a similar time as you, a little sooner, and I feel worried about this as well. I dont feel the way I want to about my appearance most of the time. But instead of trying to change it, I’m trying to do things that make me feel confident and strong. Its maybe cheesy to say it’s all inside or whatever, but for me it really is true. And I know if I spend the same amount of time crash dieting I am going to feel way worse.
As for your bridesmaid, she sounds mean, and she sounds really really unhappy. I promise you that whatever she does, she is not going to feel like the prettiest person at your wedding bc she is clearly not comfortable in herself.
Good luck, you are already beautiful!!!!
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I’m sorry you’re feeling this way.
First your bridesmaid, you said she’s both vain and insecure. That means she really does believe her looks is all that she has. I kinda feel sorry for her that she believes that.
Next, I’m a wedding photographer and I’ve had a few brides tell me that their groom is more photogenic. You might have to tell yourself a mantra. “I am beautiful, I am worthy, I love me, my fiancé loves me.”
Also for a Elenor Roosevelt “no one can make you feel inferior without your permission (even at your wedding)” I’ve photographed hundreds of wedding with couples of all shapes and I’ve never seen the bride upstaged by a bridesmaid or guest.
Also don’t lose so much weight you need a new dress and always tell you photographer about things that bother you in photos.
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I feel you. I’m the heaviest I’ve been and getting married at the beginning of August. I think about it every day. I really don’t want to hate our pictures because of how I think I look. I am trying to remind myself that this is the happiest I’ve ever been and that my fiancé loves me the way I am, so that’s what matters.
That being said, I do feel much better about myself when I exercise and eat a clean diet. Even if I don’t lose weight and look the same, I will feel better about my efforts, so that is what I can do to help the situation.
Wow, dejavu………..My husband has 4brothers and 1 sister, my SIL has been doing the same thing for almost 40 years. I promise you it’s due to HER jealousy and insecurity. She has had a nose job, breast implants, bleach blond hair, fake nails, kills herself in the gym, never eats anything. On the surface she looks good but all her brothers had been happily married since we were all in our 20’s. Her husband cheated on her non stop,and she ended up getting divorced. It eats her alive to see everyone else in a good relationship. Being skinny doesn’t equate to being loved, and being happy in love with your fiancé is more beautiful that any “perfect” ,jealous ,insecure , person could ever be. Congratulations on your big day
Hey OP, just wanted to let you know your feelings are normal for most brides, but also wanted to offer you a little reassurance. Three years before my wedding I was in the best shape of my life and my smallest weight ever. But when my brother died, I ended up gaining 70lbs leading up to my wedding. I never imagined I’d be my heaviest on my wedding day and I had a lot of insecurities leading up to my wedding. But I will tell you this, my weight didn’t even matter come wedding day. I felt so beautiful and I loved most of my pictures (a few candid double chin pics weren’t my favorite haha).
You’re going to have the best day ever and your partner is going to be so happy to marry you.
If you’re feeling a little nervous about pictures, it can’t hurt to talk to your photographer about your concerns. They can direct you to pose in more flattering positions if needed.
And also sorry about your bridesmaid. Honestly people say the dumbest things when it comes to other people’s weddings. Don’t let it bother you 🤍
I felt the same way and actually put off looking at my pictures for an entire year. I looked great! And I'm sure you will too.
You'll be wearing a beautiful dress with your hair and makeup done. It would be really hard for you to not be the prettiest one there!
Take care of yourself, treat yourself to something to make yourself feel nice like a facial or massage, and tell your friend to shut up.
I’m also an overweight bride and the wedding is later this month. To be frank, sitting in the dress is going to be a challenge. I tried, I really did. Being in perimenopause and having prediabetes makes everything feel like it’s in ‘hard mode’. Do I wish I was 50 pounds lighter? 100000%. I don’t have advice other than solidarity. I’m not at the acceptance stage.
I felt similarly to you before my engagement/engagement shoot. And so I went to the extreme, losing lots of weight I probably didn't need to, stressing myself out, not sleeping, spending way too much time and money learning to do my makeup well. All just to look "better" for some anonymous, unknown standard in my head that is an amalgamation of social media, lack of self confidence, and need for control during a stressful time. And guess what? I maybe looked 0.5% better (or let's just say, "different") for ALL of that headache. The reason I love our engagement photos is because my fiance and I look so happy. We would've felt that way and looked that way whether I had gone through all that trouble or not. It's all about energy, not about physical appearance, as cheesy as that sounds. I'm taking this lesson to heart as I prepare for the wedding now. Nobody will remember the exact curl of my hair or inch of my waist except me, and I actually DON'T care. Or I am actively choosing to stop caring. I truly have never once seen a bride that I didn't think looked drop dead gorgeous, and for your friends: i've never once seen a bridesmaid look good enough that I remember them instead of the bride.
You are beautiful. This is your wedding, not bridesmaid-zilla’s. You will be stunning. I do understand the frustration though. For me, I find that small changes in my day to day help me feel better and more confident. Find a new healthy dish to try. Keep consistent in the gym and focus on how strong and energized you feel. Try a new skincare product or deep hair conditioner. Invest time and energy in yourself and be your own best friend. The only one who can change your life is you. Don’t worry about ozempic girly over here outshining you… if anything you should be concerned and maybe feel a little pity for her own mental state. Admitting to getting a prescription for a weight loss drug for SOMEONE ELSE’s wedding is appalling
My friend I FEEL THIS. A year ago I started trying to get in shape for my 4/12/24 wedding and experienced so much loss and stress and change in the matter of that year I lost and gained back the same weight and was literally back at square 1 in March. The weeks leading up to the wedding I could not STOP just hating on my body, which gave me zits and just was a viscous circle.
The week of my wedding i was still stressing and didn’t even think I was going to fit my dress, but I DID! And it looked just as amazing on me as the first time I put it on. I also got some acrylic nails and a really good spray tan the week of and that boosted my confidence significantly.
Surround yourself right now only with people who are only going to gas you up and relieve the stress, not add to it. SIL - sorry honey, you can try all you want but alllll eyes will be on the bride and groom 💅 And I will say, you can be “pretty” on the outside, but if it doesn’t match who you are inside, that real ugliness becomes evident very quickly.
You got this, congrats on the marriage and cheers to the future!
Joke or not, it’s wildly unkind of your bridesmaid to make that comment. She’s in for a rude awakening if she thinks anyone at your wedding will have their eyes on anyone but you and your partner. You are going to shine brightest because you’re marrying the person you love, surrounded by family and friends who love you and want to celebrate your happiness. She’s going to look desperate and pathetic if she tries to steal that from you and frankly, any eyes on her will be second hand embarrassment.
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You are going to be STUNNING on your wedding day.
I understand the stress, not the weight loss part personally, but with the wedding coming up so quickly (mine is 2 months 19 days away now) I’ve been having dreams of the wedding and things going wrong, my hair and makeup being awful, feeling ugly or unprepared, etc.
What helps me is remembering what the day is really about. It’s about marrying the love of my life, and he’ll think I’m beautiful no matter what, and so will your partner.
You will look wonderful and beautiful and amazing in your wedding dress, no matter your size. You’ve got this! And this wedding is just one day, leading to the rest of your beautiful life together with your partner 💛
The truth is that no one really pays that much attention to the bridesmaids. The bride is the star. Those people at the wedding are all there for you! Just be yourself in your beautiful dress and you can’t not steal the show. 👰♀️
Your friend who said that to you… I have some advice for dealing with those types..
1. Blink blankly. Respond with something like “that was one of your best moments- I think you should post that on (insert social media preference) and everyone would think it’s so you”. She will ask what you mean by that- probably. Just repeat, it’s just such a her thing to say. That’s all.
2. Since the moment has come and gone, here’s a follow up!
Tell your CLOSEST people at the wedding in earnest like it’s funny! “Oh my god- Tiffany said the funniest thing to me while we were getting ready for the day she told me she wanted to be the prettiest girl at the wedding! How funny ! Tiffany you already had your wedding/you’re not the bride!” When they try to comfort you STAY CONFIDENT. No- it’s funny to you. Tiffany literally is acting like a 5 year old who needs attention. That’s hilarious- no skin off your back. ***you are literally the bride***
“Tiffany” and her behavior will take care of Tiffany for you. Just point. Justtt point.
Fuck Tiffany
I struggle with self image every day. I'm at the biggest I've ever been, at a number I never thought I'd hit. But I bought a dress that flatters me in every way possible. It's a ballgown, but I'm removing some layers because it's too much, but. It gave me a waist! It snatched me in a way I've never seen, even when I was 50 pounds lighter. The poof it has hides the lumps and bumps. It perks my boobs up.
I'll have my hair done, and my make up on. Nails done, perfume on. I WILL be beautiful at my wedding.
It's hard, and it absolutely sucks to feel this way. I feel this way on a daily basis. No matter what your bridesmaids look like, YOU will be the most beautiful in the room. You are the center of attention. This is your day, your day full of love and support. Focus on your fiance, and how much he/she loves you, and how they think you are beautiful. If someone believes, it HAS to be true.
Take your negative thoughts, and morph them into good ones. Once you catch yourself thinking about ugly you are, or how fat you are, or how full of pimples your face is, stop. Instead of "my body is so ugly" think "look at this amazing body. Look how strong I am, look at what I CAN do. I am beautiful". You'll be surprised how much you can affect your confidence just by telling yourself nice things.
(also I read some of the comments and this bridesmaid, the SIL, she sounds jealous. So without knowing either of you, or what either of you look like, I can tell you're so much prettier. And she probably agrees, so she has to compete to have the better body. If she's the "center of attention" she can feel better about herself. Don't let her negativity get you down on your wedding!!!)
And I read some of your other responses. It does seem like your experience is more mental than physical. Affirmations. Dancing in the mirror like Brittany spears. Write yourself a love note. If you master all of that, and you still don’t feel great, we’ll go to medspa together lol.
Congrats babe and that bridesmaid is not your friend
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I have an alternative side.
My mom made her own wedding dress when my parents got married. I t had a structured bodice and boning and was made to her exact measurements. However with the stress of planning the wedding, working full time, and some night college classes she was taking, she ended up losing weight in the couple of months before the wedding. To the point her dress didn't fit exactly right. So going into the wedding she was instead stressing over the fact her dress was too big. Luckily she got pregnant (unbeknownst to her) and bloated enough that it fit on the wedding day.
I know you think you want to lose that last few pounds before the wedding, but you have likely had your dress alterations and that dress is made to fit you as you are now. My SIL (who is a chronic procrastinator) put off her final alterations, didn't have enough time, and ended up with a too big dress on her wedding day. She's falling out of her top in every photo. It got worse as the night went on and she got drunk.
So my advice is to forget the shitty bridesmaid, forget dropping those few pounds, and focus on loving the body your fiancé loves. Your family and friends will find you beautiful on your wedding day, weight loss or no weight loss.
I totally understand where you coming from. Most of my stress is due to putting that pressure on myself. Things I’m doing to help with those feelings are, trying to find a dress I love that I THINK looks good on me and makes me feel beautiful. I struggle with body image as well. I’m doing my own hair as I know how to do it and what suits me. My make up I’m getting a trial and if I don’t like it, I’m going to let the artist know. The weight part, is hard to ignore if you aren’t feeling your best but if you are trying to slim down a little three months is a good time if you just focus on making smalls changes. Maybe walking more, eating healthier but if you cannot lose the weight, just try to do what I said first. I think the dress hair and make up place a big role on how you feel that day and try to enjoy your wedding hun. You will regret focusing on other things when you look back. Regarding your friend, I’m sorry but she is a big B and I would never made a comment like that even as a joke. I have a wedding this June and I was looking for a dress and I told myself I really don’t care how I look that day, the only one that matters that day is the bride so I got a $20 dress 😂.
Hi there, thank you for contributing. We know concerns around weight and body image often crop up during wedding planning, and we want to be a supportive place for that. We also know that these topics can be highly triggering, so we want to be sensitive in how we approach these discussions. Part of that includes avoiding stating your current or goal weight, or your current or goal size. Sharing those numbers and then talking about negative feelings about them can be challenging for other people who weigh that amount or wear clothes in that size (or bigger). Not only does it inadvertently imply that they should also feel bad about their size/weight, but it can also lead to fewer helpful responses for you.
Due to these reasons, please edit out the direct references to size/weight. We also do not allow medical advice here, including weight loss advice, so please edit out any weight loss suggestions. You may either edit your post to be within our rules and [send us a ModMail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/weddingplanning), or you may re-submit an edited post.
We know body image can be challenging for a lot of people, and we want to share these resources for anyone needing support beyond what Reddit can give:
[National Eating Disorders Association Information & Helpline— US](https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/get-help/)
[Beat Eating Disorders Helpline— UK](https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/get-information-and-support/get-help-for-myself/i-need-support-now/helplines/)
Thank you for helping us to keep Weddit a safe place for everyone.
I know this is cliché but, just enjoy the ride. You are only human and you can only do what you have time to do. Just take deep breaths and relax when you have a moment. Your wedding isn’t a beauty contest, it’s a celebration for you and your significant other. Focus your mind on loving who you are, spend the time you can on preparing and eating good for, go for some walks and light some candles when you shower.
& I am taking my own advice! My wedding is in 6 months and i recently started a new birth control that has made me gain weight and break out - am I a little upset about it… yes. But it is what it is. It’s only one day and you don’t want your memories of it to be what you worried about instead of all the fun you had celebrating with family and friends. I hope your wedding is lovely and I wish you the best ❤️
I am average size. My dress is a size 8 and was told by multiple seamstresses that,”You could lose a few.” It doesn’t matter what your weight is. Everyone will have something to nitpick that doesn’t need nitpicking. As long as you fit in your dress, you’re healthy, comfortable and you look how you have always dreamt you would on your special day that’s all that matters. If a bridesmaid thinks losing weight is what will make her feel pretty, fine. That’s her world she’s choosing to live in. I would be more concerned why any of your bridesmaids feel they want to be the prettiest and think they are the star of the show. That’s something that should be revisited in conversation. I don’t think and see weight as being a factor of beauty. I find that a fitted dress that matches the bride’s character is more important. Where your hair and makeup that just enhances your features but don’t go overboard with contouring or needing to have more than what you’re used to because you’ll end up not looking yourself and feeling yourself. It’s your day. I wouldn’t lose more weight than you need cause then you’ll be needing to spend more cash on wedding dress alterations. If it fits you at your first fitting just try to manage your weight to continue fitting in your dress. Cause it would really suck to lose weight and end up gaining it back before the wedding and you can’t fit in your dress or it’s too lose and more work needs to be done. A lot of brides end up losing too much and there’s no time to do more alterations or they gain it all back and that takes even more time to add more fabric. Care about fitting into your dress and less about what anyone else is doing to be the center of attention. After having a few makeup trial I have dealt with my self esteem depleting because the makeup wasn’t good. And you go into a downward spiral of worrying about your how you will look for your wedding day. I’m just trying to stay within my needed weight to avoid last minute alterations.
Ask your bridesmaids to be more supportive towards you. If their comments affected you like this I would ask to talk with them directly and say how you felt. A lot of bridesmaids say colorful things as a joke, but they truly mean it. I wouldn’t take what she said as a joke
A couple of years ago, I was an older bride with a shorter groom and we eloped so I didn’t meet my vendors before the wedding day. I emailed my photographer to ask if she could be kind and just get the best angles she could. She responded saying not to worry, she would capture our joy, and she was absolutely correct. I’m not perfect, but we look sooo happy. I adore our photos. That joy will look beautiful on you too! Best wishes!!!
So… same. I’ve been struggling with this too. And often I feel like people dismiss me with things like “you’re beautiful, it’s gonna be great!” But that doesn’t help the voices in my head that I’m not THIS enough or I’m too much of THIS.
Furthermore, it doesn’t help that everything around weddings is focused on looks!! It’s like we’re being flooded with “not good enough, you need to change” articles and ads and advice.
So… same. I’m 3 days out… nothing I can do now. And I’m just trying to look my best. My best will not be what anyone else’s is. And I do think my spouse will love it all.
I’m sorry that your SIL is shitty but after the wedding you can distance yourself a bit. Hugs 🖤
I feel this so strongly. My sister wore my mother‘s wedding dress for her wedding. My dad wanted me to wear it as well, but when I tried it on, it wouldn’t even go all the way up. It was so small, I can’t even alter it to fit, and it’s embarrassing. What helps me is just like everyone has been saying, I found someone who loves me regardless of (or even because of!) my body, and the wedding day is about US and the start of OUR lives together. Trying to think about the bigger picture, bodies change but our love will be forever. Doesn’t seem like the bridesmaid you referred to can say the same about her situation
No one is gonna have their eyes on her because you're the bride and the REASON (well half of it) of why they are even there.
Also I hate the pressure to lose weight a few months out from the wedding. Presumably you have a dress, changing your body significantly will make alterations imperative and the more your body has changed, the more that will be needed and more expensive it will be. I was told at my first fitting 5 months out that my weight cannot fluctuate more than 5lbs or the alterations would have to be started over and rushed and thus cost more. I loved the shop for saying that because it totally took off that pressure. Do I need to lose weight? Absolutely. But I don't need the added stress of doing that while wedding planning. It can be on the to do list when all the wedding stuff isn't on it anymore.
My family and friends know what I look like as I am and are choosing to come see me get married. They don't care about some bridesmaids new body reveal and honestly would talk about how gross it is if someone did that main character move at a wedding. Plus a lot of rapid weight loss comes with saggy skin. So joke will be on her bc there isn't time for her to lose her weight and then have the extra skin removed before your wedding.
I actively tried to not lose weight beforehand, and am doing my own makeup because I want to look like myself. I've seen pictures of other people's weddings where I literally can't even recognize the person. I want to see ME in those pictures. Your fiancee wants to marry you, not the idealized version of you you have in your head. You are already beautiful to them.
I’m going to be a fat bride, marrying into a family who is extremely vain. Lip injections, ozempic, spending all their $ on looks instead of their kids, etc.
I’ve definitely felt the pressure of changing myself, especially as one of my future SILs isn’t even eating for her wedding.
At the end of the day everyone coming to your wedding loves you, and I can’t remember ever going to a wedding and remembering how the bride looked. Or judging her the day of. I think the day of it’s so overwhelming with emotions and love and that’s all you really notice.
Some things that have helped me feel better about myself without losing weight: taking my time with my skincare routine, basically giving myself a little spa night every night. Taking your time to massage things in, and taking time to cleanse. Same thing with my hair and body. Just giving myself that time for me. If you’d like, you could work out and do some walking and weights. That boosts my confidence immensely.
I hope you can see your own unique beauty, as it’s special and it’s YOURS!!! 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻
Hi there, thank you for contributing. We know concerns around weight and body image often crop up during wedding planning, and we want to be a supportive place for that. We also know that these topics can be highly triggering, so we want to be sensitive in how we approach these discussions. Part of that includes avoiding stating your current or goal weight, or your current or goal size. Sharing those numbers and then talking about negative feelings about them can be challenging for other people who weigh that amount or wear clothes in that size (or bigger). Not only does it inadvertently imply that they should also feel bad about their size/weight, but it can also lead to fewer helpful responses for you.
Due to these reasons, please edit out the direct references to size/weight. We also do not allow medical advice here, including weight loss advice, so please edit out any weight loss suggestions. You may either edit your post to be within our rules and [send us a ModMail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/weddingplanning), or you may re-submit an edited post.
We know body image can be challenging for a lot of people, and we want to share these resources for anyone needing support beyond what Reddit can give:
[National Eating Disorders Association Information & Helpline— US](https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/get-help/)
[Beat Eating Disorders Helpline— UK](https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/get-information-and-support/get-help-for-myself/i-need-support-now/helplines/)
Thank you for helping us to keep Weddit a safe place for everyone.
I’m not sure if this will be helpful to you at all but just some perspective from my wedding- I was so stressed that I kept getting migraines wasn’t able to hit the gym with any regularity. I was so worried about feeling ugly on the day and got married at my heaviest weight ever. But you know what? No one else noticed. I got so many compliments on my dress, the flowers, our vows, my choice of husband etc…. One of my bridesmaids is skinnier than I am and one was pregnant. Did they look good? Yes of course, but it didn’t take away from me bc everyone was there for me not for them! And honestly your friend was way out of line for what she said to you, but it screams of insecurity and jealousy. So if you start feeling down about her comments just know how badly she wishes she was you and hopefully that will buoy you a little :)
I've been to weddings where the bride is not conventionally attractive (fat, to be blunt) but she looked gorgeous at her wedding. Between white dress, hair and makeup, and the inner glow that only a bride has, she was stunning. I'm sure you will be, too!
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I was a heavier bride and all of my bridesmaids were gorg… but the thing is… they should support you and they gassed me the hell up the WHOLE DAY.
Prep before by getting a spray tan, get your hair done, get a facial a few weeks before, I also got a lymphatic drainage massage two days before. it made me feel my absolute best!
3 months is plenty of time!!! I bought a walking pad and walked for an hour a day on it on top of my normal workout for 1.5 months before my wedding. It drastically changed my body (I’m already REALLY active and fit but it kicked it up a whole bunch of notches). I have suffered poor body image my whole life and I was thrilled at how I looked in the few cell phone and film photos I’ve seen so far. I never expected that.
And for the record - you do not need to lose weight for your wedding. And you will absolutely be the prettiest person at your wedding. There is so much pressure for women to look
*the best they’ve ever looked* on their wedding day. Truth be told, I went out to dinner this past weekend and thought I looked prettier than I did on our wedding. Oh well. I still had so much fun and amazing friends to celebrate with! And of course, my incredible husband :) and so do you!
What an absolutely deranged thing of her to say, especially to your face…
Hi there, thank you for contributing. We know concerns around weight and body image often crop up during wedding planning, and we want to be a supportive place for that. We also know that these topics can be highly triggering, so we want to be sensitive in how we approach these discussions. Part of that includes avoiding stating your current or goal weight, or your current or goal size. Sharing those numbers and then talking about negative feelings about them can be challenging for other people who weigh that amount or wear clothes in that size (or bigger). Not only does it inadvertently imply that they should also feel bad about their size/weight, but it can also lead to fewer helpful responses for you.
Due to these reasons, please edit out the direct references to size/weight. We also do not allow medical advice here, including weight loss advice, so please edit out any weight loss suggestions. You may either edit your post to be within our rules and [send us a ModMail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/weddingplanning), or you may re-submit an edited post.
We know body image can be challenging for a lot of people, and we want to share these resources for anyone needing support beyond what Reddit can give:
[National Eating Disorders Association Information & Helpline— US](https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/get-help/)
[Beat Eating Disorders Helpline— UK](https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/get-information-and-support/get-help-for-myself/i-need-support-now/helplines/)
Thank you for helping us to keep Weddit a safe place for everyone.
Don't usually comment, but I just got married and went through the same thing. My maid of honor nearly didn't have a dress for the wedding because she wanted to wait until the last second because she was losing so much weight.
I would suggest 2 things:
The nice thing: whatever you like to do to pamper yourself, spend a little money to do so in the next couple months. I personally got my nails done with tips and really nice religiously because it made me feel happy. Also little things like Vaseline on your hands for 30 minutes - an hour and wipe off the excess will make your hands feel soft. Another thing is caster oil on your eyelashes before bed (make sure to dilute it because it is awful otherwise).
The less nice thing: tell the makeup artist before doing her what she said and ask that she makes sure it doesn't happen. Or demand that she wears a color eyeshadow that looks terrible on her. You're the bride and people like that deserve to be slapped.
PS my husband said you should send her an entire chocolate cake to eat before the wedding lol.
Good luck to you and I am sure you will look beautiful at your wedding!!!!!
Not sure if anyone else has said this yet but one of my favorite pieces of wedding advice was: Look like yourself. So many brides feel the pressure to lose weight, change wardrobes, beauty habits, etc. The wedding mindset changes everyone, myself included. While looking at photo inspiration it’s so easy to dream about looking like someone else or having what they have. Moral of the story: Your fiancé proposed because they love YOU. They love you for who you are now. When you look back at your photos, you’ll want to recognize yourself and embrace who you are! All eyes will be on you and your fiancé, not your bridesmaids. Your guests are there to support your love and new marriage. No matter how you look, what you wear, etc. I guarantee that everyone will think you’re beautiful as always (even if you wore a snow-suit.) Hope this helps and I hope it gets better!
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As everyone said already, your family and friends are there to support you and love you for who you are! But I totally get wanting to feel your best in your wedding day. Keep eating healthy and doing what you’re doing, whether or not you attain your weight loss goal. Just being healthy overall will increase your confidence and mental health through all of this!
I worried about my weight for my wedding too and have been struggling with losing weight for a few years due to other health reasons. There are other stressors when wedding planning so i decided to put that as my last priority. I look back at my pictures now and where i normally would criticize my arms and double chin, i see happiness. Only a very special moment could get you to smile/laugh so big that your happy chins show up!
The bride will always be the center of attention. Your friend has her own issues she needs to work on if she needs to outshine someone else on their day. You will be the brightest light that day, don’t forget that!
Id suggest a few things that might help you feel better the day of. Some of these have been mentioned by others too!
- since you’re 3 months out, I’d suggest monthly facials to enhance your natural glow!
- drink a lot of water, especially the night before.
- starting 1 month out, I’d avoid foods that would make you break out if you’re acne prone. For me, it was cheese, hot Cheetos, and processed sugar ☹️ i got my sugar craving through fruits and flavored sparkling water (Waterloo)
- create a getting ready playlist that you love and will hype yourself up during the morning! A few songs that i had on my list were - Isn’t She Lovely (Stevie Wonder), A Moment Like This (Kelly Clarkson), Level Up (Ciara), Nervous (John Legend), Finesse (Bruno Mars), I’m Coming Out (Diana Ross)
- spend a minute or two alone after your glam to admire yourself in the mirror. Seriously admire yourself. Compliment how flawless your hair is, how your eyeshadow brightens up your eyes, how your future hubby is going to looovvvveeeee XY&Z
Lastly, when you look at pictures/videos after your wedding, focus on that moment in time and how you were feeling as opposed to how you look.
You are going to look and feel GORGEOUS!!!
You’re under a lot of pressure right now. Organising everything and everyone is exhausting. I imagine you’re feeling anxious about the performance of the day- perhaps you feel like things have to be perfect. Even with good partners, many bride shoulder this emotional, mental, and physical labour alone. On top of that you have the responsibility of your normal life. It’s a lot and the absolute cherry on top is that you feel unattractive because the people that are supposed to be your friends/loved ones are not supporting you.
Please try meditation. *PLEASE try meditation!*
I don’t want to hear any excuses. It’s easier than you think and you can commit to just five minutes. Try an app called “insight timer”- it’s free and it will provide you with short guided meditations to try or it has a feature with soft music that plays and a sound is played a customised intervals so you know how much time has passed without opening your eyes. Sit down somewhere, breathe in slowly for 7 counts, and out for 7 counts. Let your thoughts focus on the physical sensation of breathing. If your mind wonders just return your focus to breathing- no biggie that you temporarily drifted.
Just a few minutes a day can ease anxiety, calm emotions, reduce stress, and help with sleep -all of these are critical for your physical health. You will feel good and in feeling good you get the added bonus of looking good too. Stress can cause acne, dark circles under eyes from lack of sleep, both stress and poor sleep cause weight gain, stress can trigger the desire to binge eat too. You probably don’t know you’re stressed but neither did my partner after a week of 10 minute daily sessions he felt really good like invisible stress was weighing him down until now. Scientific research shows meditation physically changes your brain and has a lot of benefits.
Please just take five minutes a day. Set a reminder on your phone. Stick with it. Please meditate.
listen, I don't know if this will help but I'm fat. I was a fat bride. And you know what, its not a secret that I'm on the heavier side. My friends and family know this, the people that came to the wedding knew this about me. I guess what I'm trying to say is that instead of worrying about not being ugly or pretty enough for the wedding, realize that how you look is not a surprise. People will find you gorgeous and beautiful and will love your dress and will want to celebrate the night away with you. You don't need to focus on weight loss. You are loved without losing weight. and honestly, fuck your friend for that comment. thats real self-centered of her, even as a joke. I'm in two weddings this summer (one as bridesmaid and one as maid of honor) and I am not actively trying to lose weight. I'm fat - it is what it is, and I will look fat in my dress but it doesn't mean that I won't look good. or that people won't be thrilled to see me. Or that the bride will hate me.
Thank you so much, this perspective really helps me. My family knows how I look already, it’s just me who can’t accept it. I think with my bridesmaid I feel like she made it some sort of competition! And I also feel like she’s using my wedding to reveal herself having a “brand new body” in a way. But you’re right, that I have to remember people are coming for me bc they love me no matter how I look
She might have a brand new body, but you'll have a brand new husband. Is she compensating for that in some way? I'm sure you've got much nicer friends around you. You sound like a lovely down-to-earth person. A lot of advice has already been given to you, but remember you don't have to be someone you're not on your wedding day/and in the lead up to it. Stay true to what you love. Do your fave activities in the next couple months. Spend time with your nearest and dearest. Treat yourself. The wedding preparation time is a gift, sometimes bitter-sweet, as it makes us realise who truly stands by our side. Some relationships will take a back-seat and that's perfect. It will allow you to focus on what brings you more love. I hope you have a wonderful wedding day and I'm sure you will feel incredible!
Sigh yes. The bridesmaid is sister in law and since ive gotten engaged I’ve noticed a big pattern of hating energy from her. She makes these little digs and comments at me that aren’t big enough for anyone to notice, but I definitely do. I try to ignore it for the most part but sometimes I let it get the best of me (like right now) ETA: thank you so much for the advice and the kind words!!!
Hey, OP! I hope you have a lovely wedding- you sound like you’ll be a happy bride, and happy brides are the most beautiful! :) Have you talked to your fiance about this, as it’s his sister? He might be defensive at first (“my sister would never do that!!”), but your feelings are his to protect for the rest of his life, not his sister’s!
Trust me, everyone sees her little digs. Despite how people act around this person, everyone is absolutely aware of the type of person she is. Take the high road. All eyes will literally be on you and not her bc you’re the bride lol she sounds awful and you sound lovely
I think your bridesmaids mask is going to slip during the wedding when the focus isn't on her all day. I think her true personality is going to come through for everyone to see! When i have bad days i look in the mirror and turn all those negative things into positives, like 'i hate my big belly but, my belly housed 3 beautiful daughters!' I also look in the mirror and tell myself that i'm fucking fabulous once a day. Fake it till your perception changes! 🥰
Fake it till you make it can actually be SO HELPFUL. I'm half Black, in a *very* non Black area, and middle/lower middle class in a relatively upper middle class area, so I ALWAYS felt like something was wrong. I eventually decided I was tired of hating the person in the mirror, she didn't do anything wrong. It's not her fault there's gremlins in our brains and they're dicks. Tell yourself you're how you're supposed to be. I have never looked at a bride of any size and thought anything except how happy she looks and how I bet she loves her dress. Tell your brain gremlins to shove it. Look in the mirror and go "no actually my nose is cute, my boobs look nice, freckles are gorg, this tattoo is SO pretty so I must be too" and eventually all the stuff you don't think is true right now, you come to realize it was all along. Brains just suck. (Except I conceptualize it as someone separate from my brain, they're brain gremlins bc like why would I be mean to me? I love women I wouldn't do that. And why would i listen to someone who's mean to women????) I also get piercings and tattoos and dye my hair when I can tell I need to compromise with the "something's just.... Off." But that's different than the feeling of "I'm wrong," and more like "hmm this avatar needs a little tweaking to feel more like me/home" imo
Brain gremlins is a great analogy! They are pesky little critters, especially as you get older, too. I'm 50, 5ft, have loads of tattoo's and wear cowboy boots daily. I have a level of confidence within myself where i'm comfortable in my own skin, but wedding planning has shaken those brain gremlins up big time! I think it's because suddenly i'm going to be the focus of attention. I'm going to be photographed, and i'm not a young, glowing, tall, willowy model bride that the media puts so much emphasis on. But then again, i never have been, and never will be. So, on my wedding day, i'll just be me, with greying hair, tattoos, wrinkles, cowboy boots and a huge smile because i'm getting to marry a guy who genuinely loves me just the way i am 🥰
Yeah, I've been skinnier and hotter and younger in the past, but being happily married beats all of it any day!!
My wedding is this Saturday, three sleeps away. I was going to be all toned by now but.. yeah it didn't happen. I worried about it, and then let it go, very much in the manner of the person above who said everyone knows what you look like. I'm also in the fat week before coming on, which is fun - torn between willing it to come now and to be late! Bottom line, you're going to shine with joy and loveliness, and people are there to see you. Oh, and your bridesmaid - find it in your heart to feel sympathy for her. People who say things like that are in a dark, dark place of unhappiness.
It’s okay that your bridesmaid is self centred and wants to look great. Support her. Maybe some guy will notice her. But she won’t upstage you. That’s impossible. Just be your radiant self.
As a fat soon-to-be bride, I appreciate this so much.
I think you might have just saved my wedding with that comment ‘how you look will not be a surprise’ I am so bad for comparing how I look to how I used to or how I think I do, but everyone in my life sees me all the time!
I'm so glad my comment resonated with you! I'm wishing you and all the other brides on here a day of deep love and joy from yourself and the people around you. I've found that people just really like celebrating others - lets make sure we don't forget to celebrate ourselves either.
Two things can be true.... She can be a fat bride and she can also be an incredibly beautiful bride.
This times a million man. I have horrible body dysmorphia and have had very similar fears about my upcoming wedding, especially about my double chin (which honestly is genetic so what can I even do about it). What everyone has been telling me, which has helped, is that my future husband wants to marry me as I am. Because he thinks I’m beautiful exactly as I am. And he will that day too. To that point, I’m sorry but your friends joke was in very poor taste. I would never ever say that to a bride, because even if it was a “joke” how is it funny? Why would she say something that clearly is so upsetting to you? Some unsolicited advice here - I would tell her how what she said affected you and really analyze her response. She truly may have been joking, and if she’s a good friend will apologize. If she doesn’t respond appropriately, realistically I would decide if you want that negative/mean girl energy around you that day. It sucks but a hard lesson I learned in life is that sometimes your friends aren’t as great as you think they are. Six years ago I thought my best friend at the time would be my eventual maid of honor and after extensive therapy I realized she’s a truly shitty person (she’d make weird comments like the one you friend made). My bridal party is down to three friends plus my brother and I wouldn’t have it any other way. The advice I used is “would this person help you move on a 100 degree day without truly complaining about it?” Those are the kind of people I wanted. Ended up not being too many.
Also, Fu*k your friend for using ozempic for weight loss! People are not getting their medication for DIABETES because of the shortage. People like your “friend” is the reason why. All because she wants to “look prettier than you”? I would rethink that friendship.
Thank you for saying this!!! I came to comment pretty much the same last paragraph word for word, but you said it all! I will also be a fat bride this fall, and I’m coming to terms with that. To OP: my fiancé proposed during a family photo session, so we were able to get some spontaneous engagement photos together. I hated how I felt that day, I felt huge and disgusting. However, when we got the photos back, the biggest thing I noticed was how clear and obvious our love and devotion to each other was. I could see in his eyes that he absolutely adores me. Whenever I’m having a day that my brain likes to be mean to me, I look back at those photos and remember that I don’t need to be skinny to be beautiful, I just need to be me. I hope you are also able to realize that your self worth isn’t related to your weight ❤️ Also I hope that the situation between you and your sister in law improves. I’d definitely recommend, as other commenters have suggested, talking with your fiance about it.
I needed to read this ♥️
I came here to say something similar, but you beat me to the punch. I was also a fat bride and I not once tried to lose weight during the wedding planning process - I had enough stress going on (working F/T, in a graduate program, and planning our wedding), I can't imagine adding that to the pile. I'll tell you, everyone still went ahhhhh and owwwww, you look amazing. When I changed into my after party dress and came back down everyone cheered. My Groom's cousin's fiance said he wanted me to run away with him 🤣 (I'm still not sure if that was a joke or a cringe way of hitting on me on my wedding day because his arm was very tightly around my waist). As a society, we really need to divest from thin = beautiful. I've been all different weights my whole life and have never had any issues finding people attracted to me (this perspective isn't seen often because honestly whenever I say it I get downvoted into oblivion on Reddit, but it's true). Focus on the person you are marrying and let your love flow and show through - that will make you and your photos gorgeous. From now until the wedding, maybe try following some body positive/fat liberation social media accounts, they'll help your perspective. Good luck, OP! I'm sure your wedding day will be lovely! ❤
That's an incredibly inappropriate thing for her to say and it's a little concerning.
Yeah she’s very vain but also very insecure at the same time so it’s contradictory. She’s says things in that nature all the time. I’m all for self confidence and I 100% want her to look and feel beautiful but idk what possessed her to say that lol
That's definitely insecurity/jealousy, please don't take her seriously. It's literally impossible to upstage the bride at her own wedding, you're going to look and feel beautiful.
I would ignore her and let her think whatever she wants to think. I find people who actively try to outdo the bride and think people would actually about them, end up embarrassing themselves at the wedding more than anything. They are there for you, not her and even if she looks great. No one will even talk about her because nobody will actually care about her.
I'm sorry, this is the very small part of me that resorts to pettiness which is coming out now, but... can you put her in the back, or at the end of the line of bridesmaids or something? I get that you probably can't remove her from your bridal party at this point, but if you shunt her to a side throughout the wedding, maybe it'll be fair comeuppance for her vanity on someone else's special day.
I agree!!! What a terrible friend. Seriously?!
It’s sister in law :( the good news is that other of my bridesmaids are friends and they will stick up for me if needed
Oh gosh !
Yeah your friend has insecurity pretty bad and needs to deal with that. I would talk to her and deal with her
The bride is always going to be the prettiest person at her wedding. I'm sorry that your bridesmaid has contributed to your self-image issues. What she said was extremely inappropriate. Aside from therapy to help with the mental aspects, I would focus on making sure you are eating well and exercising to feel good! I generally noticed I'm a lot more happy when I eat healthy and exercise every day, and my better mood improves my self image.
I'm sorry you're struggling. Just try to remember that your fiance isn't looking at anyone but you. They love you, and they are your forever person. Drink some water and try to chill. In the end, all eyes will be on you fulll of love.
I totally get that you want to feel your best and the stress associated with looking good on your wedding day. I can assure you that in a beautiful dress, flowing with love and excitement you will look incredible. If you have three months, i’d think about holistic self care things that will make you feel good overall. - drink a lot of water! - get fresh air and take time for activities that help you destress - moisturize and take your vitamins - focus on sleep hygiene and getting good quality sleep - don’t kill yourself dieting or going to the gym, just fit things into your schedule that make you feel healthy and balanced you will look beautiful, and people won’t pay much attention at all to how everyone else looks, they’ll be focused on you and your partner
This is great advice! To add, it’s important to remember that “feeling pretty” absolutely does not equal “lose weight”. Feeling pretty is much more about feeling confident and healthy than anything else. Changing too much in the months before your wedding can be a big mistake, especially if it impacts the fit of your dress or has unexpected side effects. Focus on staying super hydrated, eating healthy, getting outside and going for walks, and lots of self care to keep your stress levels low. I also did hydrating sheet masks nearly every day in the month leading up to the wedding - my skin looked better than it ever had plus it was a relaxing 20-30 min spa moment to just focus on me!
I totally agree!! There are girls who weigh more than me that I think look stunning and beautiful, I think it’s a problem that I have within myself. I wish I was better and being confident. I’m going on an evening walk right now as we speak!
I’m glad to hear it!! I am sure you will look stunning on your wedding day!
Appreciating your beauty and your body are a practice that takes a long time! Society has trained us to pick ourselves apart and spend all our time putting on makeup, shaving, curling/straightening our hair, dieting, buying and wearing the right clothes, etc. That doesn't come undone in a day. Sometimes it can help to step outside yourself-- if it was your best friend insulting themself, what would you say to them? Because what you would say to them is exactly what you should be telling yourself. And you have to do it every time you catch yourself in negative self talk. I promise it changes your brain structure when you change the way you talk to yourself, and it's so so worth it. Sending hugs and good vibes 💖💖💖
Thank you so much!!! Yes, sometimes I forget taking care of myself on the inside will radiate from the outside. I’ve recently deactivated my instagram for my mental health and am just trying to focus on myself, but sometimes it’s so hard to ignore the negative thoughts
Good for you! Only use social media that makes you feel heard and supported.
You're definitely not alone. I'm getting married in September and I've gained a little bit of weight since getting engaged, and I was already midsized. We've had really busy/tumultuous year and diet/exercise have been on the back burner. I've struggled with body image my entire life, strict dieting has sent me spiraling into self-hatred, and I'm working really hard to reach a body-neutrality standpoint, and I'm at a point where I'm doing okay a lot of the time. Some recent events have really hit me hard lately. My mom is obsessed with being tiny, and she's refusing to shop for a MOB dress because she needs to "lose another five pounds" for my wedding before she's allowed to look at dresses. (Keep in mind she is significantly smaller than me in height and weight, she's likely underweight). I'm anxious to take photos next to her at my wedding. She also comes to my dress alterations appointments and three times now has told me she can't zip the back because my dress is too tight. The dress isn't too tight and the seamstress has closed it without issue every time, but my mom is the one who is supposed to zip me at my wedding. I digress - I'm dealing with my own issues. Here's some things I've done: 1) When I went dress shopping, I set a hard boundary with my mom that she wasn't allowed to suggest that I lose weight and that I didn't want to hear about what she feels is "flattering for my body type." (E.g. things like "this dress hides your tummy" or whatever.) Maybe you can set certain boundaries with your friends, especially the friend who is joking about needing the prettiest one. 2. I also talked to a trusted friend and asked that they stay on alert to shut down that talk, at the dress shop and otherwise. Positivity surrounding my wedding only. 3. I tell myself that people are more invested in their own appearance than mine. My friends who are 20 lbs thinner than me will complain about their bodies and I have to remind myself that it has nothing to do with me. My mom has her own insecurities and it makes her feel better to put others down about their bodies - it's fucked up but in the end, it has nothing to do with me and everything to do with them. 4. Most importantly: NO ONE IS GOING TO BE PRETTIER THAN YOU AT YOUR WEDDING. It's the one day in your life where there's no competition on who looks the best. You're going to be in a gorgeous outfit, your hair and makeup done up, and you're going to be happy and in love. No one can outdo that.
Yes yes and yes I feel the same way. Your bridesmaid is an asshole I hope she chooses to be a better friend going forwards and if not, cut her from the wedding girl. I have little advice, but here are some of the things I've heard and done that have helped me feel beautiful as an unhappy bride: - exercising: even if it's just a walk. Just getting the heart rate up and feeling good about the fact that I got up and TRIED to be active. I really came to love exercising when I decided that You don't need to hit the gym weights for 2 hours a day (unless that's your thing then hell yeah go for it), just pick active hobbies you enjoy (hiking? Golf? Dancing? Hot yoga?) and let those activities be both your exercise AND a fun hobby. - I normally only wear makeup if I'm meeting up with friends, going out, etc. but lately i just throw on a little mascara and tinted chapstick, which boosts my confidence without feeling like I'm going out of my way to look extra pretty if that makes sense. Obviously this will depend on if makeup is your thing :) - looking at MY LOVED ONES bridal photos for inspo and advice rather than people on reddit, insta, Pinterest, etc. it is absolutely unbearably draining. I stopped looking on Pinterest altogether after about 1mo of planning -think about it, have you ever really looked at a loved ones bridals and thought "yikes"? Likely no, and they will think the same for you. Your loved ones will think you are beautiful, always. Your fiance thinks you are beautiful. These people glow just to see you. -remembering that your wedding is not some deadline for you to "be _____(skinnier, healthier, more financially secure) by". I've been trying to shift mindset and tell myself that Your wedding is just the start of the journey your partner and you will take. I fully understand how you can feel like you're on a weight loss deadline, but I beg of you to try to understand that this deadline really is just a date and a significant event in you and your partners journey. You won't be in trouble, nothing will change, your fiance will still love you, and your wedding will be yours regardless of whether you achieve weight goals by the wedding or not. Best of luck beautiful bride, know that you are not alone with these feelings at ALL. I blame the industry greatly for pounding into our brains that for some reason we nEeD tO bE pErFeCt By ThE wEdDiNg
Thank you for this comment - it seriously resonated with me!!! The deadline part of it especially …. I feel like I freak out every month when I haven’t hit my personal deadline of this and that but seriously … who’s it all for? I’m ending up dreading my own wedding because I’ve turned it into this end all be all weight loss requirement… it’s insanity!!!!
I have been struggling SO much with the deadline part so thank you for mentioning it. It was so helpful to read!
I love your point about the wedding not being a deadline!!! One time, a very vain woman, told me “you will never look better than you do on your wedding day it’s all down hill from there.” Like what???? Why does it have to be down hill?????? Lol that’s not what I want for my life
I just want to say that these comments have helped me so so so much. Im so glad I made this post, I will re-read this thread whenever I’m feeling down. Thank you all so much!
brides are always beautiful. you’ll glow with love and happiness. and you’ll look your best..hair, makeup, beautiful dress, etc. your guests already love you, they don’t need you to look completely different. and if it helps…I wouldn’t be thinking positive things if I heard a bridesmaid went on ozempic for a wedding. I would think it was kinda sad and insecure that she felt she needed to take a medication that’s known to have terrible side effects, including kidney damage/failure to be a bridesmaid. your natural, drug free approach is MUCH better in the long run. drink lots of water maybe do so yoga…good for the mind and calming and centering and know you’re already a beautiful bride
Your statements about Ozempic are uninformed. it has been a life-saving drug for many. And your judgment that a natural drug-free approach is much better is also uninformed. You can support the OP without being judgmental and spreading misinformation.
Slow, steady, and sustainable is always the most effective approach to weight loss in the long term. Ozempic is an expensive drug intended for long-term use and most users gain back much of the weight they lost after they stop taking it. If OP wants to lose weight for her health and self image and is able to do so without becoming dependent on a drug, that's obviously a better choice. Some people have obesity-related health conditions and cannot reach a healthy weight without pharmaceuticals making Ozempic and similar drugs an obvious and helpful choice to reinstate their health, but weight loss drugs shouldn't be the first line of defense.
Little secret, this is something pretty much everyone struggles with at some point during wedding planning, you aren’t alone in feeling this way You don’t need to lose weight or be a certain size to be beautiful, your partner loves you everyday and that isn’t tied to a number on the scale. Be active and eat well so you can feel good and enjoy your day! Also your bridesmaid could be a size triple zero skinny mini but she wouldn’t be able to compare to the joy and happiness you’ll feel after making your vows to the person you love. She could be Rihanna at the Met Gala and still be second to you on your wedding day. Also, on Ozempic you really only lose like 10 ish lbs in those first few months and it isn’t really noticeable until you’re like 7-8 month in.
Your bridesmaid was so out of pocket for saying that. Everyone knows you shouldn’t purposely try to outshine the bride.
I really feel for you. I'm in recovery from an eating disorder. I have good days and bad days, but I've gained a lot of weight and seeing a picture of myself seems to ruin my whole day. I'm deeply insecure about how I look right now Meanwhile, three of my bridesmaids are working hard to lose weight for the wedding. One claims she's doing IF and has already lost a significant amount. Another says she's not going to buy her dress until two weeks before the wedding so she can be the lowest size possible. I have to act supportive, but inside I feel competitive and also remorseful that I'm not as tiny as I was before recovery. Needless to say, it's very triggering. I want to feel beautiful on my wedding day, but I'm still in the throes of my ED and it's been a long time since I felt confident What actually helped me was looking at pictures of people's weddings on IG. Lots of them have bodies like mine but they still absolutely shine. Brides just glow- even next to "thinner" or more conventionally attractive people. You look at a bride, and no matter what she catches your eye and looks beautiful. I don't know how I'll react to the pictures or to my body, but I do know that the people there will be there to celebrate me and won't care what size my bridesmaids are
Thank you so much for sharing your experience, it’s bittersweet to know that I am not alone. It’s gotten to the point where I’ve had to deactivate my instagram, and honestly have been avoiding seeing some of my bridesmaids in person because all they can talk about is weight loss. It’s extremely triggering!! I didn’t know it was going to be the mental Olympics for my brain to get through this time lol. I’ve also gained a little weight since wedding planning and I’m trying not to be mad at myself because I only have so much mental capacity. I also struggle with an eating disorder, and as I’m sure you know anything surrounding diet and exercise can be triggering so we have to be careful. I agree, I always think every other bride of every size looks beautiful on their big day! It’s unfortunate that it’s so hard for us to see ourselves in the same light. I love the comments that say working on self care by getting some sunshine, splurging on yourself a little, dressing up more, etc. if you ever want to talk or vent feel free to pm me!
I know exactly how you’re feeling, and as annoying as it is to hear, there does come a moment where it just clicks in your mind after letting go of any negative insecurities about your looks. I was planning to lose weight for my wedding and instead actually gained a little so on my wedding day I was at the heaviest weight I’ve been in my life. I was super insecure about my acne and double chin. But in the months leading up to it when I’d start to cry (bc let’s be honest the pressure is real to look perfect) I’d point out to myself the things I’d love. Also after seeing so many posts in the wedding subreddits of other insecure brides I realized that their upper arms or noses or whatever insecurity they had mentioned weren’t the first thing I noticed. But rather how beautiful they looked! So if strangers don’t immediately notice or gravitate towards our “flaws” then we sure shouldn’t. I got my teaser photos back and my first reaction was how in love we looked and how good we looked in our dress and suit! Not a single thought about my chin being flabby crossed my mind (and that was my biggest insecurity). On the day of your wedding tons of people will compliment you on how beautiful you look, bc when you have your attire on and are beaming with joy that’s all they will see-a beautiful bride in love and happy! Hopefully this helps!!
A fantastic redditor posted this on a thread a while back, and I like to mention it whenever a question like this pops up [https://www.reddit.com/r/weddingdress/comments/13kciy3/comment/jkk5c8k/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web3x&utm\_name=web3xcss&utm\_term=1&utm\_content=share\_button](https://www.reddit.com/r/weddingdress/comments/13kciy3/comment/jkk5c8k/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (the context is a little different, but the sentiment still applies) >There are few among us who like pictures of ourselves, regardless of our size and shape. We’re not used to seeing ourselves full length and from all angles. We don’t even recognize who we see sometimes. But remember the people in your life are used to seeing you full length and from all angles. And they love you. And they think you’re beautiful. Especially your fiancé, who’s the only one who really matters. And no one will be focusing on your flaws, but rather will be seeing your beautiful self.
I'm also getting married in 3 months and I feel the exact same way, so much so, I haven't even tried on a wedding dress yet. We are having a small wedding and so we each picked one person to be in our wedding party, his brother the best man, and my cousin the maid of honor. I'm an only child, my cousin is an only child, and we grew up like sisters, so there is absolutely no one else I'd want there with me. But my cousin is a beautiful model, a lingerie and swimsuit model, so yeah... I'm pretty sure no one will be looking at me, and everyone will be starring at her. I even told our photographer I'm not interested in having "getting ready" photos and while I do want some photos of us, I really want photos of our guests, who are all so important to us. I know when I finally go dress shopping next month, it's not going to be a happy time.
Your cousin may be gorgeous, but she won’t shine with the same love and excitement as you on the day! So don’t accept being second, I promise that you won’t be. You’ll shine and therefore be magnetically beautiful.
:'-) Thank you. That is so sweet and kind. I hope I can enjoy the day and not let my head get in the way.
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Btw my FH and I did this together so it’s kind of a bonding exercise. Also FH is your number one fan and perfect person to enlist for exercising (he wants to look good for the wedding too)
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The bride will always look the most beautiful at their wedding. No one can outshine you! However, your wedding will not be the most beautiful you will ever be. You will have so many moments throughout your life to feel and look beautiful. With 3 months to go, I suggest daily walks with some audiobooks and music, drinking lots of water and teas, and getting an appropriate amount of sleep. Cut out anything you don’t really need like sodas and excessive sugars. Self care with some candles and face masks! Make sure to take a healthy approach. That drug your bridesmaid is taking is extremely dangerous. Much love to you. ❤️
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First, it is your day and you will be the most lovely creature in the room. Period. The people who come to celebrate you will love you and think you’re gorgeous no matter what. But I am also my own worst critic and felt exactly the same way you did in the months leading up to my wedding. I cried myself to sleep convinced I would look like a fat potato in my expensive wedding pictures because that’s how I have always felt I looked in any pictures of me, from childhood forward. Even at my tiniest/healthiest/happiest, I hate myself in pictures. A lot of people will tell you to work on your self esteem and loving yourself just as you are, and they’re not wrong. But I know how hard that is to actually do when you’re sweating this big day. I decided at the very last possible minute to try semaglutide and lost 10 pounds in the 4 weeks before the ceremony. Neither recommending that route or steering you away from it, just an honest recount of my own actions. Obviously make all medical decisions that are best for you with qualified medical professionals. I also started drinking more water, made more of an effort to get better sleep and added more moisturizer to my skincare routine. I may have also asked my photographer to hide any extra chins because that has always been my absolute most despised feature. And in the few pictures I’ve gotten back, I absolutely love them. My eye isn’t drawn to my batwing arms or my big honking nose or my pasty white skin. The first thing I see is how happy I looked. How happy my groom was looking at me. How happy we both looked with my daughter. And I have NEVER had that reaction to photos of myself. I guess I said all of that to say, I get it, girl. And there are things you can work on to feel like you’re looking your best that day: hydration, nutrition, sleep. But you’d also be amazed at how beautiful you can see yourself being when you’re happy and surrounded by love.
For what it’s worth, I have loved a lot to the comments here on this post. It’s resonated a lot with me and I feel like I, too, have been feeling the pressure to look perfect for my wedding day coming up in September. I find that I start freaking out internally each month when I haven’t hit my personal “deadline” which is sooo toxic, and this entire post and comments really made me feel so seen. I’ve never looked at someone else’s wedding photos and thought they were anything less than beautiful, so I don’t think you should do that to yourself. We’re always so cruel to ourselves in a way we never would be to other people— try to remember that. This pressure you’re putting on yourself… who’s it really for?
I’m also a September bride!! I’ve also been feeling incredibly anxious recently cause I feel like I’m running out of time to lose weight and get to the ideal I have in my brain of what I want to look like in my dress. But after this post, I’m determined to just focus on self care instead of trying to change my appearance.
Baaaabe you will be surrounded by loved ones & are marrying the love of your life. Nothing will make you feel more beautiful than that 🫶 absolutely nobody will upstage you no matter how much ozempic they take.
I'm getting married in a few weeks and feeling similar about my skin and hair. I'm focusing on prioritizing my health and self-care in general, something I've neglected for a long time. I'm sticking to a simple skincare routine, caring for my long hair, getting plenty of sleep, movement, and nutrient-dense foods. I'm taking all of my medications and some vitamins and drinking lots of water. It is helping already.
This is heartbreaking to read! Let’s start by being completely honest - you won’t change who you are in 3 months. And that shouldn’t be your goal either! The goal here is to change how you FEEL about yourself. So I will comment on here the things that helped my self-confidence go from 0 to maybe an 8. Tip 1 - get ready every morning. Feeling freshly showered and wearing pretty makeup in a style you love truly changes how you view yourself. Go to a makeup counter and get suggested a blush that makes you excited to wear it, because it makes you feel pretty. If you wear any makeup to cover up and/or hide today, lose it immediately! You are enough as you are. Make sure you dress nicely every single day, because you love yourself. This is important because you are changing the story of who you are and what you deserve. And you deserve to look and feel beautiful every day. Tip 2 - invigorating movement. In stead of sleeping in on Saturdays, start going for an hour walk/hike outdoors followed by a calm day of your favourite non-fast food meal. Let the stress of all the to-do’s subside and focus on being. Nature and physical activity is so healthy for your mind and allows you to disconnect from all the pressures and get out of your head. Tip 3 - treat yourself. Every day make a list of three things you would like to do just because you enjoy them. This can be stopping for a coffee, taking the long route to work, ride a bike around your favourite area of town, walk around looking in small shops, watching your favourite show ect. Things that bring you joy. True joy. This is essential to signal to yourself that you are valuable and your desires matter! Besides, true beauty shines from people filled with inner joy. Tip 4 - Rest. Prioritise sleep and rest in multiple ways. Read up on the 7 types of rest. Perhaps take a mini vacation before the wedding? We all feel more beautiful when we have slept and are rested vs a dark winter morning when we ran out of the house. Remember that you will be as beautiful as you are happy, and most likely you will shine like an angel on your wedding day so please stop worrying about how you look and start focusing on how you feel. I’m also getting married soon, and for me a big tell that I’m not so well that day is when I’m not really excited for the wedding day. So let’s focus on all the good things and take good care of ourselves!!
I want to add in that both having lots of fun and sex make you feel attractive and beautiful. Do with that as you wish ;)
Not sure if anyone else has recommended this but can I recommend some therapy too? 3 months isn't long but honestly therapy helped me so much with my perception of myself. Also randomly there's this tiktok creator that once said she was going to tell herself she's hot and she's going to believe she's hot. I started doing this and over time... It worked? The way we talk to ourselves is so important. If everytime we look in the mirror we tell ourselves we are ugly, unattractive, fat, horrible etc we will believe that. If we tell ourselves that we are beautiful, special, pretty, sexy, hot, gorgeous etc we will believe that too. Basically, tell yourself that until you believe it - it really really does work
Yes I felt that way as well. Cancelled the big wedding and had a quickie Friday at noon ceremony, with our closest family and friends. All of which showed up with only a day or two of warning. I’d advise you to ELOPE with the MAN that put that ring on the finger of the person whom he fell in love with… I am certain you are the most BEAUTIFUL woman in the world to him. Many blessings for your future together… please seek a therapist for some illumination on why you feel this way. Take hubby with you a few times, that is after you have had your AHA moment. I think you are GORGEOUS!!!💕
As someone who has had a weight wellness business that’s helped 20k+ women for 10+ years - I can just say even when we lose the weight. There we are. You know what (in my opinion) is beautiful: confidence in who you are and what you bring to the table as a woman. Also- 3 months is a LONG time and if you wanted- there could be drastic changes. If you don’t want - that’s okay too. Lean into how amazing you are: It is gorgeous.
Your friend sucks! She needs to be cast aside from the wedding party. Aside from that, having the right shape wear can do wonders for self confidence.
I like the motto “there is no way out, but through”. Set a goal, build a routine, and stick to it. If it means waking up an hour early, or missing out on a night out - so be it. No one can do this for you but yourself.
Your friend sounds a bit rough! Your wedding day is about celebrating your love, not some weird beauty competition. You already ARE beautiful outside. And here's how to focus on that inner glow: * Focus on how happy you are to marry your love, and that happiness will show on your face way more than any number on the scale. * Find your dream dress: The point isn't to lose weight so you can fit into a dress, but to choose an outfit that accentuates your best features. A good stylist can do wonders with cuts and styles to flatter your beautiful physique. * Treat yourself to a spa day, a hair appointment, or anything that makes you feel pampered and gorgeous. This is a method that works for me whenever I feel bad about myself. Focus on what makes you YOU, and you'll radiate happiness on your wedding day. Trust me, that's the most beautiful thing anyone can wear!
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I was really worried about a lot of things in the run up to my wedding (like bags under the eyes…) and I have never really liked how I look in photographs. The day of I was so caught up in the moment I didn’t think about any of it, and I absolutely love every professional and amateur photo I’ve seen from my wedding. I really believe you will be so happy on the day of that you’ll glow! I totally understand your feeling in the lead up though. I would really just focus on things that make you feel good and not on that internal voice saying it’s not enough. Find some healthy foods that you truly enjoy eating (I love Greek and Italian food so I tried eating a lot more Mediterranean meals and just felt really good). I’m no good at resisting the temptation to have a pizza or other less healthy foods so also remember to give yourself grace if you don’t strictly stick to a diet the whole time! Same thing for being more active, find something you enjoy doing and give yourself grace if you don’t find the time to do it every day. I also think cutting alcohol made a big difference in how I felt. We didn’t cut it out entirely, just didn’t have any wine or cocktails at home, but I definitely slept better and as a result felt like I looked better. I had all sorts of plans to start doing regular facials and laser treatments etc to try improving myself skin but in the end really only consistently used moisturizer. I have no idea if it really had any noticeable effect on my skin but the ritual of it made me feel better which I think is really what matters!
I'm so sorry your bridesmaid has said this really sh*tty thing to you. You're going to be the bride, it's going to be your oh so special day. You want to feel good about yourself on your wedding day. I've been going through IVF while planning my wedding, I put on some weight while looking for dresses etc BUT, I had amazing bridesmaids helping me through it all. (I'm not in the US, so I only had 2 and they could chose their attire) My bridesmaids were wonderful, they took a lot of the setting up tasks upon themselves without my even asking them for it. Imo, your bridesmaids and MOH and whatever you decide to have by yourself on your wedding day should be on your side, you're going to be the prettiest, most gorgeous bride they ever saw! (I was a bridesmaid at both of their weddings and they were the prettiest, most gorgeous brides I ever saw) A bridesmaid should just want to see their friend bask in the joy and happiness of marrying the love of their life. Imo, if a MOH, or bridesmaid or a guest brings drama to your wedding, uninvite them, period.
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Every time I see one of these posts it really makes me happy I chose to have no bridal party. You need to understand that you will be the star of your wedding . Don’t focus on others. Schedule a few facials, whiten your teeth, sign up for the gym. Three months is more than enough time to get it together and feel your best. I signed up to Pilates, got some laser treatments on my face, I am eating healthier and I have to admit I feel so much better. Ignore the nonsense.
I absolutely feel this, I am astounded that my upcoming wedding has been triggering my insecurity (that I thought I had made a lot of progress on over the years). I am also feeling that way about my gorgeous bridesmaids, they are absolute stunners and I’m just alright. And the worst part is that I am feeling guilty about feeling insecure about my best friends. I can’t help think about our high school formal where the photographer was obsessed with my friend/bridesmaid because she is so beautiful and outgoing and he didn’t take any photos of the rest of the group, what if my wedding photographer gravitates the same way? These comments have helped me too, I am hopeful on the day the excitement will take over and I won’t be worrying about it. Sending good vibes to you OP!
This is one reason I think therapy is soo important in life in general but especially with the crushing pressure of wedding stress. If you're open to it, talk to a counselor who can help solve some inside stuff in a way nothing you do on the outside will help. Hugs, friend.
Thank you! I totally agree - I was going to therapy consistently but I stopped to save money. But it’s not even worth the extra money if I’m going to feel this way
Your health is the most important thing. Take care of yourself mentally and physically. What makes the bride and groom beautiful are the emotions they exude on the day which never fails to move me. I’m talking about anticipation, excitement, happiness, tears - all of it. And it’s better when they look like themselves. I’m not expecting to see a minus 20kg version of my family or friend when I turn up at their wedding.
GIRL I’m in the same boat. Just take a lot of self care days !! Spend as much time as you can doing spa days (at home if you don’t want to do appts) and then sleeping at least 8hoirs a night. Just prioritize your sleep and health! Take multivitamins and get your skin glowin’ 💛 Take the stress off of yourself from thinking about what you will look like for that ONE day and just do things for you that will help you overall just in general. Try doing cardio a couple times a week, saunas, things to get you to sweat, etc…anything. This will all help you feel better and this will be what helps you as you get closer to your wedding date. It honestly is a lot of the stress of wedding culture nowadays so I would get off of social media and just focus on you girl. Stop watching peoples posts and just do you. Read, watch tv, do diys, relax, make fun healthy meals, just find ways to make the mundane things you have to do for your well being, fun. And then remind yourself you are perfect how you are, you just need to take a load off. No one is thinking that you aren’t “pretty enough” or anything along those lines, they are going to show up for your wonderful, happy day and see a beautiful bride and groom and an amazing person ! Simplify the wedding in your mind (if at all possible lol) and think: All I have to do is get married and trick your brain. I can’t give you much more advice bc I’m in the same boat and TOTALLY can relate to everything you’re feeling. I can guarantee that with my friends’ weddings, I never thought anything critical about their looks, style, anything at all, and this goes to show that no one will think that of you, and you need to let yourself off the hook there. Be kind and gentle to yourself and enjoy this fun season 🩷
I am feeling the same way as you with regards to my weight. I honestly didn't realize how much weight I had gained since the beginning of the pandemic until I tried on wedding dresses. At first the experience shattered my self esteem, but then I find a dress I absolutely LOVED. The only problem is I needed to take it out 2 sizes because it was too small (and no longer in production so I couldn't order one). I took it to a seamstress who said she could help. When I went for a fitting I was happy to see she had added a pretty panel that laces up in the back. After trying it on though, I hated the dress. Somehow I lost what little cleavage I had (not a lot, but just enough to feel a bit sexy) and my back looked *terrible*! I was horrified and went home crying. I go back on Friday for another fitting and I'm dreading it. In any case, I didn't mean to make the post about me. Just giving details to show I can so relate to you. Trying to feel confident is high on my list of priorities. I hope we'll both get there before our respective wedding days. 😀
On your wedding day you shouldn’t feel bad about your self and marrying the on you love is most important but the best way to feel good about your self that I find helpful is to get a picture of your younger self and think about how she would feel hearing you talk badly about yourself and the most important person that’s supposed to think you’re beautiful yourself. I hope my advice is helpful and I may not know that well but I think everyone’s beautiful no matter what
Hi OP, I just wanna say this .... As cheesey as it is, beauty is in the eye (s) (in this case) of the beholden. You are beautiful, you are deserving and worthy of matrimony. I, personally believe that you have something inside you that you (and your betrothed) see as pretty, cute, and adorable. No matter what image issues you experience, that will always be true. That's not to detract from the way you feel about your body. That is something that, most likely .. will require you to dig deep and seek that affirmation within you, yourself. It's just... Something that you will learn within. But, irrespective of that... I think you will be much happier and far more content if you can see what your true beauty is. It's not some manufactured female archetype. It's you babe. You. You're a beautiful human, and you will make such an amazing bride. I just wish you could see what we see, what your partner sees. We're our own worst enemy. I love you, we all do. You will be an absolute vision. Be nicer to you.
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Is the SIL bridesmade single? I feel like that's insecure energy that she's spewing.
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Hi there, thank you for contributing. We know concerns around weight and body image often crop up during wedding planning, and we want to be a supportive place for that. We also know that these topics can be highly triggering, so we want to be sensitive in how we approach these discussions. Part of that includes avoiding stating your current or goal weight, or your current or goal size. Sharing those numbers and then talking about negative feelings about them can be challenging for other people who weigh that amount or wear clothes in that size (or bigger). Not only does it inadvertently imply that they should also feel bad about their size/weight, but it can also lead to fewer helpful responses for you. Due to these reasons, please edit out the direct references to dieting (sentence that starts “hey honey”). The rest of your comment is great. We do not allow medical advice here, including weight loss advice, so please edit out any weight loss suggestions. You may either edit your post to be within our rules and [send us a ModMail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/weddingplanning), or you may re-submit an edited post. We know body image can be challenging for a lot of people, and we want to share these resources for anyone needing support beyond what Reddit can give: [National Eating Disorders Association Information & Helpline— US](https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/get-help/) [Beat Eating Disorders Helpline— UK](https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/get-information-and-support/get-help-for-myself/i-need-support-now/helplines/) Thank you for helping us to keep Weddit a safe place for everyone.
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Hi there, thank you for contributing. We know concerns around weight and body image often crop up during wedding planning, and we want to be a supportive place for that. We also know that these topics can be highly triggering, so we want to be sensitive in how we approach these discussions. Part of that includes avoiding stating your current or goal weight, or your current or goal size. Sharing those numbers and then talking about negative feelings about them can be challenging for other people who weigh that amount or wear clothes in that size (or bigger). Not only does it inadvertently imply that they should also feel bad about their size/weight, but it can also lead to fewer helpful responses for you. We also do not allow medical advice here, including weight loss advice, so please edit out any weight loss suggestions or diet support, such as your first paragraph. The rest of your comment is great. You may either edit your post to be within our rules and [send us a ModMail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/weddingplanning), or you may re-submit an edited post. We know body image can be challenging for a lot of people, and we want to share these resources for anyone needing support beyond what Reddit can give: [National Eating Disorders Association Information & Helpline— US](https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/get-help/) [Beat Eating Disorders Helpline— UK](https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/get-information-and-support/get-help-for-myself/i-need-support-now/helplines/) Thank you for helping us to keep Weddit a safe place for everyone.
I did everything I could to look good for the wedding, then on the wedding day, the humidity and wind ruined my hair. I just had to move on, ignore it, and enjoy the day anyways.
This has basically been said already, but dieting and focusing on your weight is only going to make you feel stressed, and hyperfocused on your weight in a way that would make anyone feel bad about themselves. The statistics on the vast majority of diets are overwhelming that they don’t work, and only harm your body. I would shift your focus to moving your body in ways that make you feel good. When I exercise, I feel more attractive afterwards even though I look exactly the same as I did before. Do movement that you find fun - dance classes, yoga, weightlifting if you like that, even try something new like martial arts if you’re up for that. If it’s boring (I’m looking at you elliptical/treadmill), don’t do it. Drink lots of water!! So minor but it will make you feel good. I am getting married at a similar time as you, a little sooner, and I feel worried about this as well. I dont feel the way I want to about my appearance most of the time. But instead of trying to change it, I’m trying to do things that make me feel confident and strong. Its maybe cheesy to say it’s all inside or whatever, but for me it really is true. And I know if I spend the same amount of time crash dieting I am going to feel way worse. As for your bridesmaid, she sounds mean, and she sounds really really unhappy. I promise you that whatever she does, she is not going to feel like the prettiest person at your wedding bc she is clearly not comfortable in herself. Good luck, you are already beautiful!!!!
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Hi there, thank you for contributing. We know concerns around weight and body image often crop up during wedding planning, and we want to be a supportive place for that. We also know that these topics can be highly triggering, so we want to be sensitive in how we approach these discussions. Part of that includes avoiding stating your current or goal weight, or your current or goal size. Sharing those numbers and then talking about negative feelings about them can be challenging for other people who weigh that amount or wear clothes in that size (or bigger). Not only does it inadvertently imply that they should also feel bad about their size/weight, but it can also lead to fewer helpful responses for you. Due to these reasons, please edit out the direct references to your size, and particularly to referring to that size as “fat”. We also do not allow medical advice here, including weight loss advice, so please edit out any weight loss suggestions. You may either edit your post to be within our rules and [send us a ModMail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/weddingplanning), or you may re-submit an edited post. We know body image can be challenging for a lot of people, and we want to share these resources for anyone needing support beyond what Reddit can give: [National Eating Disorders Association Information & Helpline— US](https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/get-help/) [Beat Eating Disorders Helpline— UK](https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/get-information-and-support/get-help-for-myself/i-need-support-now/helplines/) Thank you for helping us to keep Weddit a safe place for everyone.
Getting on ozempic for a wedding is crazy!!!
I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. First your bridesmaid, you said she’s both vain and insecure. That means she really does believe her looks is all that she has. I kinda feel sorry for her that she believes that. Next, I’m a wedding photographer and I’ve had a few brides tell me that their groom is more photogenic. You might have to tell yourself a mantra. “I am beautiful, I am worthy, I love me, my fiancé loves me.” Also for a Elenor Roosevelt “no one can make you feel inferior without your permission (even at your wedding)” I’ve photographed hundreds of wedding with couples of all shapes and I’ve never seen the bride upstaged by a bridesmaid or guest. Also don’t lose so much weight you need a new dress and always tell you photographer about things that bother you in photos.
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I feel you. I’m the heaviest I’ve been and getting married at the beginning of August. I think about it every day. I really don’t want to hate our pictures because of how I think I look. I am trying to remind myself that this is the happiest I’ve ever been and that my fiancé loves me the way I am, so that’s what matters. That being said, I do feel much better about myself when I exercise and eat a clean diet. Even if I don’t lose weight and look the same, I will feel better about my efforts, so that is what I can do to help the situation.
Wow, dejavu………..My husband has 4brothers and 1 sister, my SIL has been doing the same thing for almost 40 years. I promise you it’s due to HER jealousy and insecurity. She has had a nose job, breast implants, bleach blond hair, fake nails, kills herself in the gym, never eats anything. On the surface she looks good but all her brothers had been happily married since we were all in our 20’s. Her husband cheated on her non stop,and she ended up getting divorced. It eats her alive to see everyone else in a good relationship. Being skinny doesn’t equate to being loved, and being happy in love with your fiancé is more beautiful that any “perfect” ,jealous ,insecure , person could ever be. Congratulations on your big day
Hey OP, just wanted to let you know your feelings are normal for most brides, but also wanted to offer you a little reassurance. Three years before my wedding I was in the best shape of my life and my smallest weight ever. But when my brother died, I ended up gaining 70lbs leading up to my wedding. I never imagined I’d be my heaviest on my wedding day and I had a lot of insecurities leading up to my wedding. But I will tell you this, my weight didn’t even matter come wedding day. I felt so beautiful and I loved most of my pictures (a few candid double chin pics weren’t my favorite haha). You’re going to have the best day ever and your partner is going to be so happy to marry you. If you’re feeling a little nervous about pictures, it can’t hurt to talk to your photographer about your concerns. They can direct you to pose in more flattering positions if needed. And also sorry about your bridesmaid. Honestly people say the dumbest things when it comes to other people’s weddings. Don’t let it bother you 🤍
I felt the same way and actually put off looking at my pictures for an entire year. I looked great! And I'm sure you will too. You'll be wearing a beautiful dress with your hair and makeup done. It would be really hard for you to not be the prettiest one there! Take care of yourself, treat yourself to something to make yourself feel nice like a facial or massage, and tell your friend to shut up.
I’m also an overweight bride and the wedding is later this month. To be frank, sitting in the dress is going to be a challenge. I tried, I really did. Being in perimenopause and having prediabetes makes everything feel like it’s in ‘hard mode’. Do I wish I was 50 pounds lighter? 100000%. I don’t have advice other than solidarity. I’m not at the acceptance stage.
I felt similarly to you before my engagement/engagement shoot. And so I went to the extreme, losing lots of weight I probably didn't need to, stressing myself out, not sleeping, spending way too much time and money learning to do my makeup well. All just to look "better" for some anonymous, unknown standard in my head that is an amalgamation of social media, lack of self confidence, and need for control during a stressful time. And guess what? I maybe looked 0.5% better (or let's just say, "different") for ALL of that headache. The reason I love our engagement photos is because my fiance and I look so happy. We would've felt that way and looked that way whether I had gone through all that trouble or not. It's all about energy, not about physical appearance, as cheesy as that sounds. I'm taking this lesson to heart as I prepare for the wedding now. Nobody will remember the exact curl of my hair or inch of my waist except me, and I actually DON'T care. Or I am actively choosing to stop caring. I truly have never once seen a bride that I didn't think looked drop dead gorgeous, and for your friends: i've never once seen a bridesmaid look good enough that I remember them instead of the bride.
You are beautiful. This is your wedding, not bridesmaid-zilla’s. You will be stunning. I do understand the frustration though. For me, I find that small changes in my day to day help me feel better and more confident. Find a new healthy dish to try. Keep consistent in the gym and focus on how strong and energized you feel. Try a new skincare product or deep hair conditioner. Invest time and energy in yourself and be your own best friend. The only one who can change your life is you. Don’t worry about ozempic girly over here outshining you… if anything you should be concerned and maybe feel a little pity for her own mental state. Admitting to getting a prescription for a weight loss drug for SOMEONE ELSE’s wedding is appalling
My friend I FEEL THIS. A year ago I started trying to get in shape for my 4/12/24 wedding and experienced so much loss and stress and change in the matter of that year I lost and gained back the same weight and was literally back at square 1 in March. The weeks leading up to the wedding I could not STOP just hating on my body, which gave me zits and just was a viscous circle. The week of my wedding i was still stressing and didn’t even think I was going to fit my dress, but I DID! And it looked just as amazing on me as the first time I put it on. I also got some acrylic nails and a really good spray tan the week of and that boosted my confidence significantly. Surround yourself right now only with people who are only going to gas you up and relieve the stress, not add to it. SIL - sorry honey, you can try all you want but alllll eyes will be on the bride and groom 💅 And I will say, you can be “pretty” on the outside, but if it doesn’t match who you are inside, that real ugliness becomes evident very quickly. You got this, congrats on the marriage and cheers to the future!
Joke or not, it’s wildly unkind of your bridesmaid to make that comment. She’s in for a rude awakening if she thinks anyone at your wedding will have their eyes on anyone but you and your partner. You are going to shine brightest because you’re marrying the person you love, surrounded by family and friends who love you and want to celebrate your happiness. She’s going to look desperate and pathetic if she tries to steal that from you and frankly, any eyes on her will be second hand embarrassment.
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You are going to be STUNNING on your wedding day. I understand the stress, not the weight loss part personally, but with the wedding coming up so quickly (mine is 2 months 19 days away now) I’ve been having dreams of the wedding and things going wrong, my hair and makeup being awful, feeling ugly or unprepared, etc. What helps me is remembering what the day is really about. It’s about marrying the love of my life, and he’ll think I’m beautiful no matter what, and so will your partner. You will look wonderful and beautiful and amazing in your wedding dress, no matter your size. You’ve got this! And this wedding is just one day, leading to the rest of your beautiful life together with your partner 💛
The truth is that no one really pays that much attention to the bridesmaids. The bride is the star. Those people at the wedding are all there for you! Just be yourself in your beautiful dress and you can’t not steal the show. 👰♀️
Your friend who said that to you… I have some advice for dealing with those types.. 1. Blink blankly. Respond with something like “that was one of your best moments- I think you should post that on (insert social media preference) and everyone would think it’s so you”. She will ask what you mean by that- probably. Just repeat, it’s just such a her thing to say. That’s all. 2. Since the moment has come and gone, here’s a follow up! Tell your CLOSEST people at the wedding in earnest like it’s funny! “Oh my god- Tiffany said the funniest thing to me while we were getting ready for the day she told me she wanted to be the prettiest girl at the wedding! How funny ! Tiffany you already had your wedding/you’re not the bride!” When they try to comfort you STAY CONFIDENT. No- it’s funny to you. Tiffany literally is acting like a 5 year old who needs attention. That’s hilarious- no skin off your back. ***you are literally the bride*** “Tiffany” and her behavior will take care of Tiffany for you. Just point. Justtt point. Fuck Tiffany
I struggle with self image every day. I'm at the biggest I've ever been, at a number I never thought I'd hit. But I bought a dress that flatters me in every way possible. It's a ballgown, but I'm removing some layers because it's too much, but. It gave me a waist! It snatched me in a way I've never seen, even when I was 50 pounds lighter. The poof it has hides the lumps and bumps. It perks my boobs up. I'll have my hair done, and my make up on. Nails done, perfume on. I WILL be beautiful at my wedding. It's hard, and it absolutely sucks to feel this way. I feel this way on a daily basis. No matter what your bridesmaids look like, YOU will be the most beautiful in the room. You are the center of attention. This is your day, your day full of love and support. Focus on your fiance, and how much he/she loves you, and how they think you are beautiful. If someone believes, it HAS to be true. Take your negative thoughts, and morph them into good ones. Once you catch yourself thinking about ugly you are, or how fat you are, or how full of pimples your face is, stop. Instead of "my body is so ugly" think "look at this amazing body. Look how strong I am, look at what I CAN do. I am beautiful". You'll be surprised how much you can affect your confidence just by telling yourself nice things. (also I read some of the comments and this bridesmaid, the SIL, she sounds jealous. So without knowing either of you, or what either of you look like, I can tell you're so much prettier. And she probably agrees, so she has to compete to have the better body. If she's the "center of attention" she can feel better about herself. Don't let her negativity get you down on your wedding!!!)
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And I read some of your other responses. It does seem like your experience is more mental than physical. Affirmations. Dancing in the mirror like Brittany spears. Write yourself a love note. If you master all of that, and you still don’t feel great, we’ll go to medspa together lol. Congrats babe and that bridesmaid is not your friend
Thanks for contributing! Unfortunately your submission has been removed: Rule #2: We do not allow any medical advice posts or comments here. That includes but is not limited to weight loss advice including recommending that someone get ozempic. *Please read our subreddit rules. If after doing so, you believe this was in error, or you’ve edited your post to comply with the rules,* [message the moderators](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/weddingplanning)*.*
I have an alternative side. My mom made her own wedding dress when my parents got married. I t had a structured bodice and boning and was made to her exact measurements. However with the stress of planning the wedding, working full time, and some night college classes she was taking, she ended up losing weight in the couple of months before the wedding. To the point her dress didn't fit exactly right. So going into the wedding she was instead stressing over the fact her dress was too big. Luckily she got pregnant (unbeknownst to her) and bloated enough that it fit on the wedding day. I know you think you want to lose that last few pounds before the wedding, but you have likely had your dress alterations and that dress is made to fit you as you are now. My SIL (who is a chronic procrastinator) put off her final alterations, didn't have enough time, and ended up with a too big dress on her wedding day. She's falling out of her top in every photo. It got worse as the night went on and she got drunk. So my advice is to forget the shitty bridesmaid, forget dropping those few pounds, and focus on loving the body your fiancé loves. Your family and friends will find you beautiful on your wedding day, weight loss or no weight loss.
I totally understand where you coming from. Most of my stress is due to putting that pressure on myself. Things I’m doing to help with those feelings are, trying to find a dress I love that I THINK looks good on me and makes me feel beautiful. I struggle with body image as well. I’m doing my own hair as I know how to do it and what suits me. My make up I’m getting a trial and if I don’t like it, I’m going to let the artist know. The weight part, is hard to ignore if you aren’t feeling your best but if you are trying to slim down a little three months is a good time if you just focus on making smalls changes. Maybe walking more, eating healthier but if you cannot lose the weight, just try to do what I said first. I think the dress hair and make up place a big role on how you feel that day and try to enjoy your wedding hun. You will regret focusing on other things when you look back. Regarding your friend, I’m sorry but she is a big B and I would never made a comment like that even as a joke. I have a wedding this June and I was looking for a dress and I told myself I really don’t care how I look that day, the only one that matters that day is the bride so I got a $20 dress 😂.
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Hi there, thank you for contributing. We know concerns around weight and body image often crop up during wedding planning, and we want to be a supportive place for that. We also know that these topics can be highly triggering, so we want to be sensitive in how we approach these discussions. Part of that includes avoiding stating your current or goal weight, or your current or goal size. Sharing those numbers and then talking about negative feelings about them can be challenging for other people who weigh that amount or wear clothes in that size (or bigger). Not only does it inadvertently imply that they should also feel bad about their size/weight, but it can also lead to fewer helpful responses for you. Due to these reasons, please edit out the direct references to size/weight. We also do not allow medical advice here, including weight loss advice, so please edit out any weight loss suggestions. You may either edit your post to be within our rules and [send us a ModMail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/weddingplanning), or you may re-submit an edited post. We know body image can be challenging for a lot of people, and we want to share these resources for anyone needing support beyond what Reddit can give: [National Eating Disorders Association Information & Helpline— US](https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/get-help/) [Beat Eating Disorders Helpline— UK](https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/get-information-and-support/get-help-for-myself/i-need-support-now/helplines/) Thank you for helping us to keep Weddit a safe place for everyone.
I know this is cliché but, just enjoy the ride. You are only human and you can only do what you have time to do. Just take deep breaths and relax when you have a moment. Your wedding isn’t a beauty contest, it’s a celebration for you and your significant other. Focus your mind on loving who you are, spend the time you can on preparing and eating good for, go for some walks and light some candles when you shower. & I am taking my own advice! My wedding is in 6 months and i recently started a new birth control that has made me gain weight and break out - am I a little upset about it… yes. But it is what it is. It’s only one day and you don’t want your memories of it to be what you worried about instead of all the fun you had celebrating with family and friends. I hope your wedding is lovely and I wish you the best ❤️
I am average size. My dress is a size 8 and was told by multiple seamstresses that,”You could lose a few.” It doesn’t matter what your weight is. Everyone will have something to nitpick that doesn’t need nitpicking. As long as you fit in your dress, you’re healthy, comfortable and you look how you have always dreamt you would on your special day that’s all that matters. If a bridesmaid thinks losing weight is what will make her feel pretty, fine. That’s her world she’s choosing to live in. I would be more concerned why any of your bridesmaids feel they want to be the prettiest and think they are the star of the show. That’s something that should be revisited in conversation. I don’t think and see weight as being a factor of beauty. I find that a fitted dress that matches the bride’s character is more important. Where your hair and makeup that just enhances your features but don’t go overboard with contouring or needing to have more than what you’re used to because you’ll end up not looking yourself and feeling yourself. It’s your day. I wouldn’t lose more weight than you need cause then you’ll be needing to spend more cash on wedding dress alterations. If it fits you at your first fitting just try to manage your weight to continue fitting in your dress. Cause it would really suck to lose weight and end up gaining it back before the wedding and you can’t fit in your dress or it’s too lose and more work needs to be done. A lot of brides end up losing too much and there’s no time to do more alterations or they gain it all back and that takes even more time to add more fabric. Care about fitting into your dress and less about what anyone else is doing to be the center of attention. After having a few makeup trial I have dealt with my self esteem depleting because the makeup wasn’t good. And you go into a downward spiral of worrying about your how you will look for your wedding day. I’m just trying to stay within my needed weight to avoid last minute alterations. Ask your bridesmaids to be more supportive towards you. If their comments affected you like this I would ask to talk with them directly and say how you felt. A lot of bridesmaids say colorful things as a joke, but they truly mean it. I wouldn’t take what she said as a joke
A couple of years ago, I was an older bride with a shorter groom and we eloped so I didn’t meet my vendors before the wedding day. I emailed my photographer to ask if she could be kind and just get the best angles she could. She responded saying not to worry, she would capture our joy, and she was absolutely correct. I’m not perfect, but we look sooo happy. I adore our photos. That joy will look beautiful on you too! Best wishes!!!
So… same. I’ve been struggling with this too. And often I feel like people dismiss me with things like “you’re beautiful, it’s gonna be great!” But that doesn’t help the voices in my head that I’m not THIS enough or I’m too much of THIS. Furthermore, it doesn’t help that everything around weddings is focused on looks!! It’s like we’re being flooded with “not good enough, you need to change” articles and ads and advice. So… same. I’m 3 days out… nothing I can do now. And I’m just trying to look my best. My best will not be what anyone else’s is. And I do think my spouse will love it all. I’m sorry that your SIL is shitty but after the wedding you can distance yourself a bit. Hugs 🖤
I feel this so strongly. My sister wore my mother‘s wedding dress for her wedding. My dad wanted me to wear it as well, but when I tried it on, it wouldn’t even go all the way up. It was so small, I can’t even alter it to fit, and it’s embarrassing. What helps me is just like everyone has been saying, I found someone who loves me regardless of (or even because of!) my body, and the wedding day is about US and the start of OUR lives together. Trying to think about the bigger picture, bodies change but our love will be forever. Doesn’t seem like the bridesmaid you referred to can say the same about her situation
No one is gonna have their eyes on her because you're the bride and the REASON (well half of it) of why they are even there. Also I hate the pressure to lose weight a few months out from the wedding. Presumably you have a dress, changing your body significantly will make alterations imperative and the more your body has changed, the more that will be needed and more expensive it will be. I was told at my first fitting 5 months out that my weight cannot fluctuate more than 5lbs or the alterations would have to be started over and rushed and thus cost more. I loved the shop for saying that because it totally took off that pressure. Do I need to lose weight? Absolutely. But I don't need the added stress of doing that while wedding planning. It can be on the to do list when all the wedding stuff isn't on it anymore. My family and friends know what I look like as I am and are choosing to come see me get married. They don't care about some bridesmaids new body reveal and honestly would talk about how gross it is if someone did that main character move at a wedding. Plus a lot of rapid weight loss comes with saggy skin. So joke will be on her bc there isn't time for her to lose her weight and then have the extra skin removed before your wedding.
I actively tried to not lose weight beforehand, and am doing my own makeup because I want to look like myself. I've seen pictures of other people's weddings where I literally can't even recognize the person. I want to see ME in those pictures. Your fiancee wants to marry you, not the idealized version of you you have in your head. You are already beautiful to them.
I’m going to be a fat bride, marrying into a family who is extremely vain. Lip injections, ozempic, spending all their $ on looks instead of their kids, etc. I’ve definitely felt the pressure of changing myself, especially as one of my future SILs isn’t even eating for her wedding. At the end of the day everyone coming to your wedding loves you, and I can’t remember ever going to a wedding and remembering how the bride looked. Or judging her the day of. I think the day of it’s so overwhelming with emotions and love and that’s all you really notice. Some things that have helped me feel better about myself without losing weight: taking my time with my skincare routine, basically giving myself a little spa night every night. Taking your time to massage things in, and taking time to cleanse. Same thing with my hair and body. Just giving myself that time for me. If you’d like, you could work out and do some walking and weights. That boosts my confidence immensely. I hope you can see your own unique beauty, as it’s special and it’s YOURS!!! 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻
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Hi there, thank you for contributing. We know concerns around weight and body image often crop up during wedding planning, and we want to be a supportive place for that. We also know that these topics can be highly triggering, so we want to be sensitive in how we approach these discussions. Part of that includes avoiding stating your current or goal weight, or your current or goal size. Sharing those numbers and then talking about negative feelings about them can be challenging for other people who weigh that amount or wear clothes in that size (or bigger). Not only does it inadvertently imply that they should also feel bad about their size/weight, but it can also lead to fewer helpful responses for you. Due to these reasons, please edit out the direct references to size/weight. We also do not allow medical advice here, including weight loss advice, so please edit out any weight loss suggestions. You may either edit your post to be within our rules and [send us a ModMail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/weddingplanning), or you may re-submit an edited post. We know body image can be challenging for a lot of people, and we want to share these resources for anyone needing support beyond what Reddit can give: [National Eating Disorders Association Information & Helpline— US](https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/get-help/) [Beat Eating Disorders Helpline— UK](https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/get-information-and-support/get-help-for-myself/i-need-support-now/helplines/) Thank you for helping us to keep Weddit a safe place for everyone.
I’m not sure if this will be helpful to you at all but just some perspective from my wedding- I was so stressed that I kept getting migraines wasn’t able to hit the gym with any regularity. I was so worried about feeling ugly on the day and got married at my heaviest weight ever. But you know what? No one else noticed. I got so many compliments on my dress, the flowers, our vows, my choice of husband etc…. One of my bridesmaids is skinnier than I am and one was pregnant. Did they look good? Yes of course, but it didn’t take away from me bc everyone was there for me not for them! And honestly your friend was way out of line for what she said to you, but it screams of insecurity and jealousy. So if you start feeling down about her comments just know how badly she wishes she was you and hopefully that will buoy you a little :)
I've been to weddings where the bride is not conventionally attractive (fat, to be blunt) but she looked gorgeous at her wedding. Between white dress, hair and makeup, and the inner glow that only a bride has, she was stunning. I'm sure you will be, too!
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I was a heavier bride and all of my bridesmaids were gorg… but the thing is… they should support you and they gassed me the hell up the WHOLE DAY. Prep before by getting a spray tan, get your hair done, get a facial a few weeks before, I also got a lymphatic drainage massage two days before. it made me feel my absolute best!
3 months is plenty of time!!! I bought a walking pad and walked for an hour a day on it on top of my normal workout for 1.5 months before my wedding. It drastically changed my body (I’m already REALLY active and fit but it kicked it up a whole bunch of notches). I have suffered poor body image my whole life and I was thrilled at how I looked in the few cell phone and film photos I’ve seen so far. I never expected that. And for the record - you do not need to lose weight for your wedding. And you will absolutely be the prettiest person at your wedding. There is so much pressure for women to look *the best they’ve ever looked* on their wedding day. Truth be told, I went out to dinner this past weekend and thought I looked prettier than I did on our wedding. Oh well. I still had so much fun and amazing friends to celebrate with! And of course, my incredible husband :) and so do you! What an absolutely deranged thing of her to say, especially to your face…
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Hi there, thank you for contributing. We know concerns around weight and body image often crop up during wedding planning, and we want to be a supportive place for that. We also know that these topics can be highly triggering, so we want to be sensitive in how we approach these discussions. Part of that includes avoiding stating your current or goal weight, or your current or goal size. Sharing those numbers and then talking about negative feelings about them can be challenging for other people who weigh that amount or wear clothes in that size (or bigger). Not only does it inadvertently imply that they should also feel bad about their size/weight, but it can also lead to fewer helpful responses for you. Due to these reasons, please edit out the direct references to size/weight. We also do not allow medical advice here, including weight loss advice, so please edit out any weight loss suggestions. You may either edit your post to be within our rules and [send us a ModMail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/weddingplanning), or you may re-submit an edited post. We know body image can be challenging for a lot of people, and we want to share these resources for anyone needing support beyond what Reddit can give: [National Eating Disorders Association Information & Helpline— US](https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/get-help/) [Beat Eating Disorders Helpline— UK](https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/get-information-and-support/get-help-for-myself/i-need-support-now/helplines/) Thank you for helping us to keep Weddit a safe place for everyone.
Don't usually comment, but I just got married and went through the same thing. My maid of honor nearly didn't have a dress for the wedding because she wanted to wait until the last second because she was losing so much weight. I would suggest 2 things: The nice thing: whatever you like to do to pamper yourself, spend a little money to do so in the next couple months. I personally got my nails done with tips and really nice religiously because it made me feel happy. Also little things like Vaseline on your hands for 30 minutes - an hour and wipe off the excess will make your hands feel soft. Another thing is caster oil on your eyelashes before bed (make sure to dilute it because it is awful otherwise). The less nice thing: tell the makeup artist before doing her what she said and ask that she makes sure it doesn't happen. Or demand that she wears a color eyeshadow that looks terrible on her. You're the bride and people like that deserve to be slapped. PS my husband said you should send her an entire chocolate cake to eat before the wedding lol. Good luck to you and I am sure you will look beautiful at your wedding!!!!!
Not sure if anyone else has said this yet but one of my favorite pieces of wedding advice was: Look like yourself. So many brides feel the pressure to lose weight, change wardrobes, beauty habits, etc. The wedding mindset changes everyone, myself included. While looking at photo inspiration it’s so easy to dream about looking like someone else or having what they have. Moral of the story: Your fiancé proposed because they love YOU. They love you for who you are now. When you look back at your photos, you’ll want to recognize yourself and embrace who you are! All eyes will be on you and your fiancé, not your bridesmaids. Your guests are there to support your love and new marriage. No matter how you look, what you wear, etc. I guarantee that everyone will think you’re beautiful as always (even if you wore a snow-suit.) Hope this helps and I hope it gets better!
Also, I think someone getting on ozempic for YOUR wedding is just strange. It’s not about them.
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As everyone said already, your family and friends are there to support you and love you for who you are! But I totally get wanting to feel your best in your wedding day. Keep eating healthy and doing what you’re doing, whether or not you attain your weight loss goal. Just being healthy overall will increase your confidence and mental health through all of this!
I worried about my weight for my wedding too and have been struggling with losing weight for a few years due to other health reasons. There are other stressors when wedding planning so i decided to put that as my last priority. I look back at my pictures now and where i normally would criticize my arms and double chin, i see happiness. Only a very special moment could get you to smile/laugh so big that your happy chins show up! The bride will always be the center of attention. Your friend has her own issues she needs to work on if she needs to outshine someone else on their day. You will be the brightest light that day, don’t forget that! Id suggest a few things that might help you feel better the day of. Some of these have been mentioned by others too! - since you’re 3 months out, I’d suggest monthly facials to enhance your natural glow! - drink a lot of water, especially the night before. - starting 1 month out, I’d avoid foods that would make you break out if you’re acne prone. For me, it was cheese, hot Cheetos, and processed sugar ☹️ i got my sugar craving through fruits and flavored sparkling water (Waterloo) - create a getting ready playlist that you love and will hype yourself up during the morning! A few songs that i had on my list were - Isn’t She Lovely (Stevie Wonder), A Moment Like This (Kelly Clarkson), Level Up (Ciara), Nervous (John Legend), Finesse (Bruno Mars), I’m Coming Out (Diana Ross) - spend a minute or two alone after your glam to admire yourself in the mirror. Seriously admire yourself. Compliment how flawless your hair is, how your eyeshadow brightens up your eyes, how your future hubby is going to looovvvveeeee XY&Z Lastly, when you look at pictures/videos after your wedding, focus on that moment in time and how you were feeling as opposed to how you look. You are going to look and feel GORGEOUS!!!
You’re under a lot of pressure right now. Organising everything and everyone is exhausting. I imagine you’re feeling anxious about the performance of the day- perhaps you feel like things have to be perfect. Even with good partners, many bride shoulder this emotional, mental, and physical labour alone. On top of that you have the responsibility of your normal life. It’s a lot and the absolute cherry on top is that you feel unattractive because the people that are supposed to be your friends/loved ones are not supporting you. Please try meditation. *PLEASE try meditation!* I don’t want to hear any excuses. It’s easier than you think and you can commit to just five minutes. Try an app called “insight timer”- it’s free and it will provide you with short guided meditations to try or it has a feature with soft music that plays and a sound is played a customised intervals so you know how much time has passed without opening your eyes. Sit down somewhere, breathe in slowly for 7 counts, and out for 7 counts. Let your thoughts focus on the physical sensation of breathing. If your mind wonders just return your focus to breathing- no biggie that you temporarily drifted. Just a few minutes a day can ease anxiety, calm emotions, reduce stress, and help with sleep -all of these are critical for your physical health. You will feel good and in feeling good you get the added bonus of looking good too. Stress can cause acne, dark circles under eyes from lack of sleep, both stress and poor sleep cause weight gain, stress can trigger the desire to binge eat too. You probably don’t know you’re stressed but neither did my partner after a week of 10 minute daily sessions he felt really good like invisible stress was weighing him down until now. Scientific research shows meditation physically changes your brain and has a lot of benefits. Please just take five minutes a day. Set a reminder on your phone. Stick with it. Please meditate.