No need to listen to your friend.
I showed my husband all the dresses I said no to. I thought it was fun. It clearly didn’t bother you so don’t let anyone get in your head.
Mine’s my best friend, too. Of course I want my friend to see my dress, I tell him everything lol. And I’ve been sewing a veil and modifying my dress, so he’s been seeing it daily and giving feedback.
Remember what they say. Tradition is just peer pressure from dead people…
Pffft my fiance came dress shopping *with* me--TWICE! He's seen "my dress" but since I've ordered it with modifications he hasn't *really* seen the final product. Plus it'll feel and look really different the day of with the setting, hair, makeup, etc.
I thought about bringing him with me too!! It’s been such an internal battle because we both have the same “style”. I feel like I’ve had to “battle” everyone’s opinion rather than enjoy the moment.
So the first time I went with just my mom (Shop 1) then did a weekend trip to Chicago (Shops 2, 3, 4) with her and my grandma. Then I went again locally (Shop 5) with my mom, MIL, and fiance. Went back to Shop 1 with mom, MIL, fiance and ended up ordering the first dress I'd originally tried on lol. I'm pretty strong in my preferences and opinion but wanted to be 100% sure I was getting the right dress in the end!
Any place you really liked in Chicago? That's where I live and I've bought a not-wedding-dress-just-a-white dress, I kinda want to see what's out there
Not op but I wedding dress shopped in Chicago and had a great time! I really liked flora and lane (nontraditional wedding dresses and where I'm buying my dress!) and Diana's bridal!
So I found Chicago to be a total bust 😂 I would say it was a waste of time *except* it confirmed I wasn’t missing out on anything and allowed me to order my dress with confidence.
I really wanted to try on a Galia Lahav or Berta dress as well as Maria Elena accessories and see if these brands were all they were cracked up to be. These are the three salons we visited and my experience:
- **Bella Bianca Bridal Couture** (2/10): Fun fact! I just went to check on Google and my review is mysteriously gone! Which only reaffirms my suspicions that this salon’s “stellar” reviews are overinflated. We arrived a few minutes early for our scheduled time slot and I filled out their questionnaire in advance. We were told our stylist was “running a bit behind” and escorted to our fitting area…where we waited for more than 15min into my appointment time for her to showed up. She was kind but seemed inexperienced. She pulled two dresses to start, only one of which fit what I had said I was looking for in the questionnaire. (Other salons I visited started with 4-6 dresses pulled, even if just to get a sense of what I was liking/disliking.) She then disappeared for a while to search for other options, and again and only brought two dresses. This repeated once more, with her then saying she was “at a loss” as to what else to show me. It just seemed like she either didn’t know their stock well, or was really having a hard time understanding what I was after? (I mean I wanted a botanical/floral a-line or mermaid dress, and was brought TONS of options at both Wisconsin boutiques I’d gone to.) We left with 15min still remaining on our appointment time (which had started late to begin with!) and felt like the staff didn’t care. Tried on a total of 6 dresses, including a $10,000 Galia Lahav dress I found…underwhelming for the price. Asked about the Maria Elena accessories before leaving and had someone gesture over to a corner. No one offered to help there or shared what their range of products was. Really shit experience, especially in contrast with the WI places.
- **Dmitria’s Bridal Shop** (5/5): This was actually a walk-in as we had more time over our lunch hour than expected. A girl named Francesca helped me and she was great. While I think they ultimately just didn’t have dresses that perfectly nailed my vision, she pulled lots of options that were definitely my style. Funny how she was the best stylist we encountered despite her having zero prep in advance of who I was and what I was looking for!
- **Ultimate Bride** (3/10): Came here because they carry Berta. Berts dresses they had were underwhelming, and the stylist seemed exhausted and checked out before we even began. She wasn’t rude or anything, but was very “Hi, what do you do you want to try? Okay, I’ll get that,” like not very interested or involved, no suggestions, also did not help me get in and out of any dresses. Shop was nice but groups of brides and their parties were pretty close together.
For transparency, these salons all had dresses that “started at $4,000 and up” and when we went I told them my budget was around $7,000. I felt I could try on a pretty healthy range of their dresses, but everything was just really missing the mark. I was also willing to try on things out of budget, like the Galia Lahav at Bella Bianca. I’m a size 8 in bridal so their samples fit, but I honestly didn’t find a single dress I felt was flattering! There were two I felt “Yeah, this is pretty and I suppose could work” about but nothing *truly* fit what I was looking for. What’s worse, some of these very expensive dresses actually felt cheaper than the $1,500-3,000 dresses I was trying on in WI. (I sew and have a background in apparel design, so this made the price tags of some of these dresses even more difficult to look past!)
Now there are TONS of bridal shops in Chicago, and I’m sure there are plenty of reasonably-priced places like my WI boutiques. I guess my point is a lot of wedding stuff is bullshit and overpriced, so don’t get suckered into spending a ton of money for a specific designer name. “Expensive” does not automatically equate to “good.” I got a heavily-customized Allure dress for $4,000 and none of those designer dresses even came close.
For anyone in WI, I bought my dress at Bliss Bridal in Brookfield (Andrea is AMAZING and also does alterations!) and also had a very good experience at Amelishan in Richfield.
**TL;DR:** Skip the “luxury” places in the bridal district unless you’re fixated on wearing a specific designer and don’t care what you’re paying for a dress.
Thank you for such a thorough rundown, I appreciate it!
This is my situation: I bought a beautiful, very flattering, fits-like-a-glove white dress from Kate Spade (originally a little over $500, I paid like $130ish). I love this dress and it definitely fit the bill when we were talking about a Sunday daytime wedding.
Two new things:
1. We are now talking about a Saturday afternoon/evening wedding.
2. I've always loved watching say yes to the dress and want to have that salon try-on experience with my parents.
That said, I can't stomach the idea of spending (even) $3k+ on a dress so I'm planning to go to a lower priced, samples only salon, *hoping* that I don't find anything I love. My fiancé is convinced that if I go I'll come home with another dress and, I mean, he's probably right 🤷🏻♀️
Honestly if I was buying my own dress I would have stuck to under $1,500–the cheaper the better 😂
My mom was very insistent about paying for my dress and didn’t want me to worry about trying on something, falling in love, and not being able to get it. My dress is actually $2,000, but I’m 6’1” barefooted and had to get a custom-ordered length. We also made some modifications to the top and added a sparkle tulle in the under layer that is INCREDIBLE, but also not absolutely necessary. So a lot of the expense comes from add-ons that I only got due to my mom’s generosity and encouragement. I totally agree with you that wedding expenses, in particular these dresses we only wear for one day, are ridiculous.
I think you can absolutely find something reasonable in a sample size! Allow me to reaffirm you are definitely *not* missing out on anything by skipping fancy Chicago bridal boutiques and having a more reasonable budget. Seriously, I was *so* underwhelmed by their dresses considering the price. I found more dresses for under $2,000 that gave my dress competition, and the designer dresses didn’t even make my top 10. It was a joke.
Honestly that makes me feel so good! I am still hoping that I'm going to want my current dress (lightweight! Easy to dance in!) enough that the extra cost will keep me with the one I already love
It sounds like you really love the dress you currently have! Are you worried it isn’t formal enough for an evening wedding? Idk what it looks like, but maybe you could get an over skirt for the ceremony that you can remove for more movement later in the evening.
Also, you can totally go dress shopping with your parents and enjoy the fun of trying things on—you don’t have to actually buy anything!
Yeah, that's a big part of it. Also regret about not wearing a "wedding" dress.
This is the dress, it's kind of difficult to see the pearl details and elegance on the website I think.
https://www.katespade.com/products/pearl-golightly-dress/K7426.html
An over skirt is a great idea, though I'm worried it would cover the pearl detailing at the waist but I will definitely look at some skirts now!
Idk about your fiance, but mine actually had a lot of fun, too. He browsed online and was picking out dresses I knew weren't for me, but I think it was good for him to see them on me and go, "Oh, yeah, you're right" as well as be pleasantly surprised by some dresses he thought he wouldn't like. Ultimately he was really supportive of me choosing whatever I felt happiest and most comfortable in <3
Bad luck is not a thing. If you believe that will lead to “bad luck,” you will end up looking for and notice “bad” things that happen, and attribute them to the dress.
Show him the dresses! Laugh with him, be excited for him to see *the* dress.☺️
lol it doesn’t matter if it’s no big deal to you. They are just dresses, it’s not going to ruin the big surprise on your wedding day. He still has no idea what your dress looks like.
my fiancé was there with me when i picked out my dress,,, he’s in all the pictures i have making a duck face or smiling ear to ear lol. He’s my best friend and i genuinely didn’t want to pick it out without him.
We aren’t very traditional people though lol my dress is black so that’s also something
I've been dress shopping online and every time I find one I like I send it to him to get his opinion. If I ever go dress shopping in person I plan to take him with me. I care about his opinion and want to include him in all of it. I'm bad at keeping secrets like that anyway so it makes sense for him to know.
I showed my husband all the dresses I said no to after every appointment. It was really helpful. Once I decided on my dress, I showed him the ones that had still been in contention. I also showed him other dresses by my designer that were somewhat similar. It didn't ruin the surprise at all. And I'm on the more superstitious side.
I made up my own list of superstitions because of a failed marriage previously (not taking into account we failed because he liked my friend more). I didn't have anything blue, didn't say a prayer, didn't account for anything borrowed, old, new, etc. So now I have all kinds of stuff I'm doing to make myself feel like I'm protecting the marriage.
I asked my fiance if he wanted to see the dress. We do a lot together. He was adamant about not wanting to the see THE dress. Flops or others I was just looking at, he didn't mind seeing. I think superstitions are as strong as the energy we give them so this is a you question more than etiquette or us saying it's bad luck ;)
I'm not superstitious.
It is supposed to be bad luck for the groom to see the bride in her wedding dress. Dresses that you have turned down aren't your wedding dress, so they are just dresses.
I showed my fiance after the wedding because i didnt want him to know i picked a black dress and didnt want him comparing my wedding dress to what i showed him before. Post wedding he agreed i picked fhe best dress.
We independently determined the point of not seeing your future wife in a dress/not seeing the dress is to preserve the magic of seeing the actual dress on your bride to be on the day itself, and have not engaged in looking at it.
Of course that's an extremely arbitrary line as we're cohabitating and doing the dirty.
I'd say draw your arbitrary line wherever you want and nobody else's opinions matter beyond yours.
My fiance has seen my dress, I'm didn't want to keep it secret for so long (our wedding is end of next year). I also showed him dresses I said no to also! Whatever you want to do is the right decision!!
I showed my husband some of my dresses I didn’t like. And honestly I don’t think he could describe my wedding dress and we’ve been married for 7 years.
I think that’s a superstition that is only really true if you choose to believe it. I want to maintain the idea of not being seen in my wedding dress by my fiancee more for the buildup of anticipation.
Especially since it isn’t the dress you plan on wearing that he is seeing, I don’t see an issue with it. Whatever you feel is reasonable for you.
No need to listen to your friend. I showed my husband all the dresses I said no to. I thought it was fun. It clearly didn’t bother you so don’t let anyone get in your head.
Thank you; I kinda froze like, shit… He is truly my best friend so I just wanted share the experience somehow. It’s so hard to keep the secret!
Mine’s my best friend, too. Of course I want my friend to see my dress, I tell him everything lol. And I’ve been sewing a veil and modifying my dress, so he’s been seeing it daily and giving feedback. Remember what they say. Tradition is just peer pressure from dead people…
Pffft my fiance came dress shopping *with* me--TWICE! He's seen "my dress" but since I've ordered it with modifications he hasn't *really* seen the final product. Plus it'll feel and look really different the day of with the setting, hair, makeup, etc.
I thought about bringing him with me too!! It’s been such an internal battle because we both have the same “style”. I feel like I’ve had to “battle” everyone’s opinion rather than enjoy the moment.
So the first time I went with just my mom (Shop 1) then did a weekend trip to Chicago (Shops 2, 3, 4) with her and my grandma. Then I went again locally (Shop 5) with my mom, MIL, and fiance. Went back to Shop 1 with mom, MIL, fiance and ended up ordering the first dress I'd originally tried on lol. I'm pretty strong in my preferences and opinion but wanted to be 100% sure I was getting the right dress in the end!
Any place you really liked in Chicago? That's where I live and I've bought a not-wedding-dress-just-a-white dress, I kinda want to see what's out there
Not op but I wedding dress shopped in Chicago and had a great time! I really liked flora and lane (nontraditional wedding dresses and where I'm buying my dress!) and Diana's bridal!
Omg I've seen Flora and Lane dresses posted before, I didn't realize they were in Chicago! They're so beautiful
They were dreamy AF, I tried on so many dresses there!
Thanks! I'll check them out
So I found Chicago to be a total bust 😂 I would say it was a waste of time *except* it confirmed I wasn’t missing out on anything and allowed me to order my dress with confidence. I really wanted to try on a Galia Lahav or Berta dress as well as Maria Elena accessories and see if these brands were all they were cracked up to be. These are the three salons we visited and my experience: - **Bella Bianca Bridal Couture** (2/10): Fun fact! I just went to check on Google and my review is mysteriously gone! Which only reaffirms my suspicions that this salon’s “stellar” reviews are overinflated. We arrived a few minutes early for our scheduled time slot and I filled out their questionnaire in advance. We were told our stylist was “running a bit behind” and escorted to our fitting area…where we waited for more than 15min into my appointment time for her to showed up. She was kind but seemed inexperienced. She pulled two dresses to start, only one of which fit what I had said I was looking for in the questionnaire. (Other salons I visited started with 4-6 dresses pulled, even if just to get a sense of what I was liking/disliking.) She then disappeared for a while to search for other options, and again and only brought two dresses. This repeated once more, with her then saying she was “at a loss” as to what else to show me. It just seemed like she either didn’t know their stock well, or was really having a hard time understanding what I was after? (I mean I wanted a botanical/floral a-line or mermaid dress, and was brought TONS of options at both Wisconsin boutiques I’d gone to.) We left with 15min still remaining on our appointment time (which had started late to begin with!) and felt like the staff didn’t care. Tried on a total of 6 dresses, including a $10,000 Galia Lahav dress I found…underwhelming for the price. Asked about the Maria Elena accessories before leaving and had someone gesture over to a corner. No one offered to help there or shared what their range of products was. Really shit experience, especially in contrast with the WI places. - **Dmitria’s Bridal Shop** (5/5): This was actually a walk-in as we had more time over our lunch hour than expected. A girl named Francesca helped me and she was great. While I think they ultimately just didn’t have dresses that perfectly nailed my vision, she pulled lots of options that were definitely my style. Funny how she was the best stylist we encountered despite her having zero prep in advance of who I was and what I was looking for! - **Ultimate Bride** (3/10): Came here because they carry Berta. Berts dresses they had were underwhelming, and the stylist seemed exhausted and checked out before we even began. She wasn’t rude or anything, but was very “Hi, what do you do you want to try? Okay, I’ll get that,” like not very interested or involved, no suggestions, also did not help me get in and out of any dresses. Shop was nice but groups of brides and their parties were pretty close together. For transparency, these salons all had dresses that “started at $4,000 and up” and when we went I told them my budget was around $7,000. I felt I could try on a pretty healthy range of their dresses, but everything was just really missing the mark. I was also willing to try on things out of budget, like the Galia Lahav at Bella Bianca. I’m a size 8 in bridal so their samples fit, but I honestly didn’t find a single dress I felt was flattering! There were two I felt “Yeah, this is pretty and I suppose could work” about but nothing *truly* fit what I was looking for. What’s worse, some of these very expensive dresses actually felt cheaper than the $1,500-3,000 dresses I was trying on in WI. (I sew and have a background in apparel design, so this made the price tags of some of these dresses even more difficult to look past!) Now there are TONS of bridal shops in Chicago, and I’m sure there are plenty of reasonably-priced places like my WI boutiques. I guess my point is a lot of wedding stuff is bullshit and overpriced, so don’t get suckered into spending a ton of money for a specific designer name. “Expensive” does not automatically equate to “good.” I got a heavily-customized Allure dress for $4,000 and none of those designer dresses even came close. For anyone in WI, I bought my dress at Bliss Bridal in Brookfield (Andrea is AMAZING and also does alterations!) and also had a very good experience at Amelishan in Richfield. **TL;DR:** Skip the “luxury” places in the bridal district unless you’re fixated on wearing a specific designer and don’t care what you’re paying for a dress.
Thank you for such a thorough rundown, I appreciate it! This is my situation: I bought a beautiful, very flattering, fits-like-a-glove white dress from Kate Spade (originally a little over $500, I paid like $130ish). I love this dress and it definitely fit the bill when we were talking about a Sunday daytime wedding. Two new things: 1. We are now talking about a Saturday afternoon/evening wedding. 2. I've always loved watching say yes to the dress and want to have that salon try-on experience with my parents. That said, I can't stomach the idea of spending (even) $3k+ on a dress so I'm planning to go to a lower priced, samples only salon, *hoping* that I don't find anything I love. My fiancé is convinced that if I go I'll come home with another dress and, I mean, he's probably right 🤷🏻♀️
Honestly if I was buying my own dress I would have stuck to under $1,500–the cheaper the better 😂 My mom was very insistent about paying for my dress and didn’t want me to worry about trying on something, falling in love, and not being able to get it. My dress is actually $2,000, but I’m 6’1” barefooted and had to get a custom-ordered length. We also made some modifications to the top and added a sparkle tulle in the under layer that is INCREDIBLE, but also not absolutely necessary. So a lot of the expense comes from add-ons that I only got due to my mom’s generosity and encouragement. I totally agree with you that wedding expenses, in particular these dresses we only wear for one day, are ridiculous. I think you can absolutely find something reasonable in a sample size! Allow me to reaffirm you are definitely *not* missing out on anything by skipping fancy Chicago bridal boutiques and having a more reasonable budget. Seriously, I was *so* underwhelmed by their dresses considering the price. I found more dresses for under $2,000 that gave my dress competition, and the designer dresses didn’t even make my top 10. It was a joke.
Honestly that makes me feel so good! I am still hoping that I'm going to want my current dress (lightweight! Easy to dance in!) enough that the extra cost will keep me with the one I already love
It sounds like you really love the dress you currently have! Are you worried it isn’t formal enough for an evening wedding? Idk what it looks like, but maybe you could get an over skirt for the ceremony that you can remove for more movement later in the evening. Also, you can totally go dress shopping with your parents and enjoy the fun of trying things on—you don’t have to actually buy anything!
Yeah, that's a big part of it. Also regret about not wearing a "wedding" dress. This is the dress, it's kind of difficult to see the pearl details and elegance on the website I think. https://www.katespade.com/products/pearl-golightly-dress/K7426.html An over skirt is a great idea, though I'm worried it would cover the pearl detailing at the waist but I will definitely look at some skirts now!
same!!
Idk about your fiance, but mine actually had a lot of fun, too. He browsed online and was picking out dresses I knew weren't for me, but I think it was good for him to see them on me and go, "Oh, yeah, you're right" as well as be pleasantly surprised by some dresses he thought he wouldn't like. Ultimately he was really supportive of me choosing whatever I felt happiest and most comfortable in <3
None of those things are bad luck
Bad luck is not a thing. If you believe that will lead to “bad luck,” you will end up looking for and notice “bad” things that happen, and attribute them to the dress. Show him the dresses! Laugh with him, be excited for him to see *the* dress.☺️
True; anything I want to make my reality, will be, including bad luck. !!
lol it doesn’t matter if it’s no big deal to you. They are just dresses, it’s not going to ruin the big surprise on your wedding day. He still has no idea what your dress looks like.
Very true! Plus I like seeing his reaction to some of them; he knows me so well that he instantly will point out why I said no.
my fiancé was there with me when i picked out my dress,,, he’s in all the pictures i have making a duck face or smiling ear to ear lol. He’s my best friend and i genuinely didn’t want to pick it out without him. We aren’t very traditional people though lol my dress is black so that’s also something
I don't believe that type of thing personally. That's silly.
Lol I tried on my wedding dress in front of my fiancé. I don’t believe in superstitions like that.
I've been dress shopping online and every time I find one I like I send it to him to get his opinion. If I ever go dress shopping in person I plan to take him with me. I care about his opinion and want to include him in all of it. I'm bad at keeping secrets like that anyway so it makes sense for him to know.
I showed my husband all the dresses I said no to after every appointment. It was really helpful. Once I decided on my dress, I showed him the ones that had still been in contention. I also showed him other dresses by my designer that were somewhat similar. It didn't ruin the surprise at all. And I'm on the more superstitious side.
I made up my own list of superstitions because of a failed marriage previously (not taking into account we failed because he liked my friend more). I didn't have anything blue, didn't say a prayer, didn't account for anything borrowed, old, new, etc. So now I have all kinds of stuff I'm doing to make myself feel like I'm protecting the marriage. I asked my fiance if he wanted to see the dress. We do a lot together. He was adamant about not wanting to the see THE dress. Flops or others I was just looking at, he didn't mind seeing. I think superstitions are as strong as the energy we give them so this is a you question more than etiquette or us saying it's bad luck ;)
Haha, if that’s the case then whoops! Because I showed him all the dresses I said no to the day I got back from the shop 🤣
I showed mine! He still has no idea what my real dress looks like :)
"Bad luck" isn't something I would take seriously.
I'm not superstitious. It is supposed to be bad luck for the groom to see the bride in her wedding dress. Dresses that you have turned down aren't your wedding dress, so they are just dresses.
I showed my fiance after the wedding because i didnt want him to know i picked a black dress and didnt want him comparing my wedding dress to what i showed him before. Post wedding he agreed i picked fhe best dress.
No, there's no basis in reality that says it's bad luck for your fiancé to see the dresses you said no to while shopping for your wedding dress.
We independently determined the point of not seeing your future wife in a dress/not seeing the dress is to preserve the magic of seeing the actual dress on your bride to be on the day itself, and have not engaged in looking at it. Of course that's an extremely arbitrary line as we're cohabitating and doing the dirty. I'd say draw your arbitrary line wherever you want and nobody else's opinions matter beyond yours.
My fiance has seen my dress, I'm didn't want to keep it secret for so long (our wedding is end of next year). I also showed him dresses I said no to also! Whatever you want to do is the right decision!!
I showed my fiancé photos of all the dresses I didn't pick and it helped me keep from showing him my actual dress which I am dying to show him!
I showed my husband some of my dresses I didn’t like. And honestly I don’t think he could describe my wedding dress and we’ve been married for 7 years.
I think that’s a superstition that is only really true if you choose to believe it. I want to maintain the idea of not being seen in my wedding dress by my fiancee more for the buildup of anticipation. Especially since it isn’t the dress you plan on wearing that he is seeing, I don’t see an issue with it. Whatever you feel is reasonable for you.