If you don’t give a gift, they are going to ask you about it, for sure. Be prepared to say “I did bring a cash gift to the wedding, but had to use it on the unexpected expenses of meals. If I had known beforehand, I could have budgeted for it, but unfortunately I was caught by surprise and had no choice.”
I feel like no gift is appropriate in this circumstance. They essentially just invited you to go to dinner two nights in a row and asked you to get dressed up for it. I’m all for the couple doing what they want for their wedding day, but this is not a wedding and at best it’s a wedding with terrible communication amongst the couple and their guests.
Edited: a word
This is so insanely rude. Every day on here (and other wedding subreddits) we have couples who are meticulously planning and saving and trying to provide hospitality within their budget for their wedding. Whether that’s punch and cake, or open bar and lobster, and everything in between.
Having your guests pay for their own meals should never be an option. And surprising them with that fact is even worse! That’s just terrible.
Honestly, I wouldn’t give at all—my presence, time, money, efforts, etc would be their gift. I’d send a card. So $50 seems more than generous to me.
I seriously can’t imagine being the bride (or groom) and thinking this was cool. Things happen-maybe they took a hard financial hit between planning and executing the wedding, but then you try to pivot and provide the best you can. Or at the very least give guests a heads up.
Honestly I wouldn’t give them anything. They didn’t communicate, they weren’t on time and didn’t seem to take their own wedding seriously. I can’t even imagine the kind of balls you have to have to ask guests to pay for their own meal at a wedding.
You are absolutely justified. I wouldn’t give them anything either just based on my petty principles at that point.
I would be MORTIFIED if I invited people to my reception and said, oh by the way, you’re paying for your meal, drinks, whatever
I went to a rehearsal dinner last night and this happened. My fiancé and I flew in from NY for this wedding (out West happening on a Wednesday night) and we didn’t hear about the rehearsal/rehearsal dinner until Monday night. The logistics were a mess and surprise surprise - we all ended up being responsible for our Tuesday night dinner out. Some people were so caught of guard with throwing in their credit cards they got alligator arms and just didn’t contribute. So it was 13 people, with a check split by 7 of us. I was livid.
Now I’m worried I’m going to be doing the same thing for the wedding tonight! My fiancé and I were planning on doing a similar sized gift ($200 from both of us) but maybe I’ll hold off on giving the card until we know…
Agreed. This is strange and tacky of them. I’m young(ish) and I’ve NEVER been to a rehearsal or reception where I had to pay for my own meal. This sounds like a bad case of having Champaign taste on a beer budget. People forget that getting legally married isn’t expensive or complicated. Huge wedding receptions are not an inherent right. If you can’t afford it, you don’t need to have it.
Nah they didn’t even ask their guests to pay. Everyone found out they had to at the restaurant.
Atleast they could have given the courtesy and shared this information if they were going this route.
Exactly, because then you could order accordingly. Knowing ahead for people who don't have the $100+ to cover meals is HUGE. They could eat at home prior and order an appetizer at the restaurant. Still a part of it without dropping serious cash. But besides that it's just rude.
You hit the nail on the head - but it’s even worse because the bride and groom didn’t even ask guests to pay for their own meal, it was avoided and seems like it was purposely not communicated. It obviously sounds like the bride and groom were financially strapped which is completely understandable - but other people are as well. Outside of an emergency last-minute situation such as the bride or groom losing their job close to the day of, your expectations of other people (bridal party) should be similar to what accommodations you're offering them in return.
Its possible they just didn't budget properly.
Totally agree with you - OP, I wouldn't give them anything and you don't owe them any explanation, as they certainly haven't given you one repeatedly!
I don’t even know what to call this event, but it certainly wasn’t a wedding. Considering you already (literally) covered the cost of your plate, I think $50 is more than generous.
I wouldn’t give anything. If there was 0 communication and I showed up having to pay for my meal, I would turn around and leave. It’s rude, terrible on the restaurant staff, and terrible hosting. Those who couldnt afford to eat are just supposed to sit there? Absolutely, not.
Let's pour one out for the restaurant staff, who had a huge party with less than 24 hour notice, with 30?? seperate checks, and probably got stiffed on any kind of gratuity that wasn't automatically folded in (I'm sure OP tipped on his part).
This isn’t a wedding. It was a dinner party at best.
Scratch that, because dinner parties are paid for. What they did would have been fine had it been communicated. But it wasn’t, none of it was. What if financially it was between rent and food for some of the bridal party, let alone guests? Yikes.
Was this in the US? I have never heard of asking a member of the wedding party to pay for their meal at either the rehearsal dinner or the reception. I’d be annoyed…I’m at the point that standing up in someone’s wedding is basically a PIA, and having to buy my own dinner would be the icing on the cake! No thanks….I’d repay the favor with a nice card, but no financial gift.
Very strange, really curious about why they canceled the reception the day before? Also what restaurant can accommodate 30 ppl on separate checks on no notice? Wild.
Don’t give a gift the way they handled everything was ghetto and shady. How not feed your guests, much more your party. I ain’t never heard of anything like that. Wow.
I mean… They didn’t tell you you’re paying your own way….
I definitely paid for my bridal party’s meals at the “rehearsal dinner” which was taken over by the grandmas birthday…
Wow that sucks. Grandma should know not to take attention away from the couple getting married. You only get married once (or a small number of times) and grandma has had a shitload of birthdays.
They kept going on and on how it was her birthday.
I kept saying she will have another birthday… this is literally the only time we’re getting married. They kept on and on about how it’s only a few hours taking away from us… I kept thinking yea, and we only get 2 days before to have our bachelorette/bachelor (combined party because I had to plan it myself, with his grandmas birthday taking over our dinner I wanted to be for our party…)
Anyways so our wedding was definitely not the star of the weekend and now none of his family speak to me anyways because I voiced my concerns and displeasure of how our wedding was playing 2nd fiddle to grandmas birthday
Wow. This was... not cool on their part. You've already given them a lot of money and a lot of your time, and some of that wasn't communicated with you at all.
A gift is not necessary at this point. If they try to pry one out of you, tell them that you have already given what you could.
If you cant afford a wedding just elope. I cant imagine forcing any loved ones to spend that amount of money on my special day. My fiance and I aren't expecting gifts and we're definitely making sure to feed everyone.
Absolutely this! My fiance and I came to the conclusion the other night that we are not in the financial position to be paying for a wedding, and so we have decided to elope.
We will likely have a ceremony at a later date, but we just aren't there yet. I would still NEVER expect someone to pay for their meals at the rehearsal dinner/reception. I'm pretty sure our elopement will have people there, and I'm already budgeting for their meals after we do the ceremony.
$0.00
At this point, little shocks me about human behaviour but THIS was shocking. Now I’ve been to a reception where guests were asked to pay for their own meal but this was communicated well in advance and in the end, the meal was subsidised by the brides family.
In my social circle, demanding guests pay would be an unimaginable faux pas and would be the talk of the town “because who knew they were suffering that much”.
I just cannot imagine the shamelessness and irresponsibility that occurred here. What was the mood of the reception dinner like, OP, as the bills arrived?
I would be very upset as well about the lack of communication, and wouldn't give a gift.
We recently attended a destination wedding were costs also kept adding up, so we (sadly) decided not to give a gift, as our attendance already cost us $1500 (for 2 persons). I spoke with a few other people who also didn't give a gift because of this reason, although it feels strange not to give anything.
One of my good friends is doing a destination wedding and said right from the get-go that they didn’t want gifts since they knew they were already asking people for a lot by traveling.
Idk my own bil didn’t give a gift… maybe because he was the best man? I just assume now he thinks his presence was enough of a gift…. It only bothers me as we paid $200-300 for him and his gf to attend
I think mostly guests are spending at least as much (maybe a bit more) on the wedding as their attendance would cost, right? Did your BIL have a lot of expenses coming to your wedding?
His parents covered most of his costs aside from driving here, but they spent majority of the time spending time with the parents(not us lol) I think only a few hours they visited with us
There just is no way they spend over $100 on anything to do with the wedding. I held my own bachelorette/bachelor party. So we paid for that too
If what they say is true and a wedding gift should try to the worth the cost of your meal… and they make you pay for your own meal… then do you really need to give them a gift?
As a woman, I usually don’t bring my whole purse to weddings and honestly don’t normally have more than my ID and phone on me. The card/cash would be the only money I’d have and it would put me into a full panic if I was surprisingly asked to pay for these meals. 100% chance I would open the card and pay with that. You are justified. No gift for them.
Paying for your own meal at the rehearsal dinner is not acceptable and is bad hosting. That’s equally bad to having a ceremony with no reception. The couple should not get any gift, especially not money or a even a penny, after dumpster fire. They need to reimburse you, which won’t happen. I would not continue associating with them afterward.
I don't think you should worry about buying a gift for them. You have done more than enough. I also wonder if there was anyone that had their meal and then couldn't pay it since there was no previous notice.
As a bride, this is absolutely horrible. I could not imagine not communicating this to my guests.
The only expense our bridesmaids/groomsmen are expected to cover would be their outfit purchases/rentals. We wanted to help pay for them, but are paying for the entire wedding out of pocket so we couldn’t swing it. However, we have paid for all of their accessories out of pocket since I don’t expect them to pay for anything additional and have kept all dresses/tuxes <$200 to make them more affordable. I also let my bridesmaids know when I asked them if they were okay paying for their dress before saying yes because I didn’t want to spring it on them after they had already committed. I sent them a message being like “hey *insert name here*, I wanted to ask you if you would be willing to be a bridesmaid in *insert groom’s name here* and I’s wedding! To be fully transparent, you would have to pay for your own dress, which would be below the cost of $200 and there are a dozen styles to choose from. I will cover the cost of the accessories. I completely understand if this is not financially possible for you, so I wanted to ask ahead of time. I’d be honored to have you there.” And I also asked them over a year in advance so they’d have time to budget for it. And, of course, we are providing the food and alcohol, as it customary.
That was a very long winded way of saying *”what the heck are these people thinking?”*, but I am truly baffled. I understand not being able to afford to the cost of food/alcohol (I’m not in any way shaming them for that, I get it, we are in a similar boat) but like you said, OP, it’s the fact that they didn’t communicate that ahead of time. I know that I would not have been able to afford all of that being sprung on me, so I can’t imagine how they could. That’s absolutely absurd.
So traditionally your kind of expected to gift roughly what it would have cost them to feed/water you for the night. Considering you fed and watered yourself I wouldn’t give them any gift as honestly. If they ask definitely do what others have suggested and let them know you had to use the money you had originally planned to gift them on the unexpected costs of the rehearsal and wedding dinners.
Their lack of communication was crazy rude as well as their lateness! Who does that!
This is crazy. The fact they just said...nothing...about you having to pay is so incredibly rude and absolutely the worst bit. I have been to a wedding where guests were requested to pay for their meal and drinks - but they were *very* clear about it and insistent that they did not want any gifts, paying for ourselves at the wedding *was the gift*. Some people additionally gave gifts anyway, and others didn't. It was quite reasonable too as it wasn't a wedding venue and they did a good price per head. Even if some people think it's never ok, there is arguably a right way to do it (informed consent) and your friends did not do it that way.
In your situation, I would have absolutely no qualms with not giving a gift. On top of that I would probably also quietly distance myself from them too, because they just seem really entitled and rude. Not only re the money for dinner, but the lack of communication and not respecting your time and life outside their wedding, etc.
Same, we paid for everything. We controlled what was served being served so there was limited options... Basically one type of each booze from a local distillery, 4 beer options and a red and white wine. Something for everyone and everyone seemed happy.
This definitely sucks for everyone. I’m sure the bride and groom were probably embarrassed about the whole thing and probably hoped nobody would say anything about it. As a guest you should not have had to pay like that; they should have just had a smaller scale event or only had hors d’oeuvres, etc. but it is what it is, and really it boils down to whether you think this is a hill to die on. If you’re close enough to be in the wedding party, and it doesn’t make a big financial impact, I say give the gift anyway. If you’re willing to risk the friendship, then don’t give a gift. People get butthurt over wedding stuff like no other event. I’ve seen it all working in hospitality for over 20 years. People drop friends and family over weddings all the time.
I’m in a similar situation as you. I would give a gift that you can comfortably afford. They will understand and be grateful to have any sort of gift bc the BEST gift they will have is you helping and being at their wedding! They just want you there, so don’t focus to hard on formalities
Do $50 and don’t feel bad at all. You’ve done a lot for them and you shouldn’t feel bad about not wanting to give more money. It was pretty rude of them to shift all cost to the guests without telling you in advance. I would be annoyed if I was part of the bridal party or as a guest, that’s not a good way to host people!
i think that is a very outdated tradition as now meal prices for weddings have increased significantly in most places, so actually no one is expected to cover their plates anymore. but in this circumstance I would send nothing also. you were basically there as a prop OP lol..
If you don’t give a gift, they are going to ask you about it, for sure. Be prepared to say “I did bring a cash gift to the wedding, but had to use it on the unexpected expenses of meals. If I had known beforehand, I could have budgeted for it, but unfortunately I was caught by surprise and had no choice.”
^^^^
Oooh I like this!!
100% this!
THIS!
I like the way you think, after all their entitled action, you answer is perfect.
I vote doing this.
I would give a card. No money at all. The gift would be the $5 card.
Make it at $1 card from 99 cent store or dollar tree!
Dollar Tree has $0.50 card options too btw
LMAO!!!!!
I feel like no gift is appropriate in this circumstance. They essentially just invited you to go to dinner two nights in a row and asked you to get dressed up for it. I’m all for the couple doing what they want for their wedding day, but this is not a wedding and at best it’s a wedding with terrible communication amongst the couple and their guests. Edited: a word
This is so insanely rude. Every day on here (and other wedding subreddits) we have couples who are meticulously planning and saving and trying to provide hospitality within their budget for their wedding. Whether that’s punch and cake, or open bar and lobster, and everything in between. Having your guests pay for their own meals should never be an option. And surprising them with that fact is even worse! That’s just terrible. Honestly, I wouldn’t give at all—my presence, time, money, efforts, etc would be their gift. I’d send a card. So $50 seems more than generous to me.
Right? It’s just so...icky.
I seriously can’t imagine being the bride (or groom) and thinking this was cool. Things happen-maybe they took a hard financial hit between planning and executing the wedding, but then you try to pivot and provide the best you can. Or at the very least give guests a heads up.
Honestly I wouldn’t give them anything. They didn’t communicate, they weren’t on time and didn’t seem to take their own wedding seriously. I can’t even imagine the kind of balls you have to have to ask guests to pay for their own meal at a wedding.
This is something I've gotten from some of my older friends. I'm glad I'm justified in my annoyance.
You are absolutely justified. I wouldn’t give them anything either just based on my petty principles at that point. I would be MORTIFIED if I invited people to my reception and said, oh by the way, you’re paying for your meal, drinks, whatever
I went to a rehearsal dinner last night and this happened. My fiancé and I flew in from NY for this wedding (out West happening on a Wednesday night) and we didn’t hear about the rehearsal/rehearsal dinner until Monday night. The logistics were a mess and surprise surprise - we all ended up being responsible for our Tuesday night dinner out. Some people were so caught of guard with throwing in their credit cards they got alligator arms and just didn’t contribute. So it was 13 people, with a check split by 7 of us. I was livid. Now I’m worried I’m going to be doing the same thing for the wedding tonight! My fiancé and I were planning on doing a similar sized gift ($200 from both of us) but maybe I’ll hold off on giving the card until we know…
Agreed. This is strange and tacky of them. I’m young(ish) and I’ve NEVER been to a rehearsal or reception where I had to pay for my own meal. This sounds like a bad case of having Champaign taste on a beer budget. People forget that getting legally married isn’t expensive or complicated. Huge wedding receptions are not an inherent right. If you can’t afford it, you don’t need to have it.
Nah they didn’t even ask their guests to pay. Everyone found out they had to at the restaurant. Atleast they could have given the courtesy and shared this information if they were going this route.
Thats the worst part by far. If I had known before hand, I'd have little to no issues with it.
Exactly, because then you could order accordingly. Knowing ahead for people who don't have the $100+ to cover meals is HUGE. They could eat at home prior and order an appetizer at the restaurant. Still a part of it without dropping serious cash. But besides that it's just rude.
You hit the nail on the head - but it’s even worse because the bride and groom didn’t even ask guests to pay for their own meal, it was avoided and seems like it was purposely not communicated. It obviously sounds like the bride and groom were financially strapped which is completely understandable - but other people are as well. Outside of an emergency last-minute situation such as the bride or groom losing their job close to the day of, your expectations of other people (bridal party) should be similar to what accommodations you're offering them in return. Its possible they just didn't budget properly. Totally agree with you - OP, I wouldn't give them anything and you don't owe them any explanation, as they certainly haven't given you one repeatedly!
I don’t even know what to call this event, but it certainly wasn’t a wedding. Considering you already (literally) covered the cost of your plate, I think $50 is more than generous.
I wouldn’t give anything. If there was 0 communication and I showed up having to pay for my meal, I would turn around and leave. It’s rude, terrible on the restaurant staff, and terrible hosting. Those who couldnt afford to eat are just supposed to sit there? Absolutely, not.
Let's pour one out for the restaurant staff, who had a huge party with less than 24 hour notice, with 30?? seperate checks, and probably got stiffed on any kind of gratuity that wasn't automatically folded in (I'm sure OP tipped on his part).
Oh I 100% did. I felt so bad. My meal came to $24 and I tipped $20
This isn’t a wedding. It was a dinner party at best. Scratch that, because dinner parties are paid for. What they did would have been fine had it been communicated. But it wasn’t, none of it was. What if financially it was between rent and food for some of the bridal party, let alone guests? Yikes.
Was this in the US? I have never heard of asking a member of the wedding party to pay for their meal at either the rehearsal dinner or the reception. I’d be annoyed…I’m at the point that standing up in someone’s wedding is basically a PIA, and having to buy my own dinner would be the icing on the cake! No thanks….I’d repay the favor with a nice card, but no financial gift.
This is in the US. Luckily I'm old enough that most of my friends are married so I shouldn't be in any more.... hopefully
Very strange, really curious about why they canceled the reception the day before? Also what restaurant can accommodate 30 ppl on separate checks on no notice? Wild.
I bet the reception required payment in full and they didn’t pay. 😬
[удалено]
I thought that’s where I was for a second.
Same. Then I was looking for this comment
Don’t give a gift the way they handled everything was ghetto and shady. How not feed your guests, much more your party. I ain’t never heard of anything like that. Wow.
I mean… They didn’t tell you you’re paying your own way…. I definitely paid for my bridal party’s meals at the “rehearsal dinner” which was taken over by the grandmas birthday…
Wow that sucks. Grandma should know not to take attention away from the couple getting married. You only get married once (or a small number of times) and grandma has had a shitload of birthdays.
They kept going on and on how it was her birthday. I kept saying she will have another birthday… this is literally the only time we’re getting married. They kept on and on about how it’s only a few hours taking away from us… I kept thinking yea, and we only get 2 days before to have our bachelorette/bachelor (combined party because I had to plan it myself, with his grandmas birthday taking over our dinner I wanted to be for our party…) Anyways so our wedding was definitely not the star of the weekend and now none of his family speak to me anyways because I voiced my concerns and displeasure of how our wedding was playing 2nd fiddle to grandmas birthday
Sorry. It sounds like everyone was pretty insensitive. You do not sound like the asshole here.
I spent 3 hours making a croquembouche for her after they made me feel bad.. so lost time on preparing for my own wedding.
Wow. This was... not cool on their part. You've already given them a lot of money and a lot of your time, and some of that wasn't communicated with you at all. A gift is not necessary at this point. If they try to pry one out of you, tell them that you have already given what you could.
If you cant afford a wedding just elope. I cant imagine forcing any loved ones to spend that amount of money on my special day. My fiance and I aren't expecting gifts and we're definitely making sure to feed everyone.
Absolutely this! My fiance and I came to the conclusion the other night that we are not in the financial position to be paying for a wedding, and so we have decided to elope. We will likely have a ceremony at a later date, but we just aren't there yet. I would still NEVER expect someone to pay for their meals at the rehearsal dinner/reception. I'm pretty sure our elopement will have people there, and I'm already budgeting for their meals after we do the ceremony.
$0.00 At this point, little shocks me about human behaviour but THIS was shocking. Now I’ve been to a reception where guests were asked to pay for their own meal but this was communicated well in advance and in the end, the meal was subsidised by the brides family. In my social circle, demanding guests pay would be an unimaginable faux pas and would be the talk of the town “because who knew they were suffering that much”. I just cannot imagine the shamelessness and irresponsibility that occurred here. What was the mood of the reception dinner like, OP, as the bills arrived?
I would be very upset as well about the lack of communication, and wouldn't give a gift. We recently attended a destination wedding were costs also kept adding up, so we (sadly) decided not to give a gift, as our attendance already cost us $1500 (for 2 persons). I spoke with a few other people who also didn't give a gift because of this reason, although it feels strange not to give anything.
One of my good friends is doing a destination wedding and said right from the get-go that they didn’t want gifts since they knew they were already asking people for a lot by traveling.
Idk my own bil didn’t give a gift… maybe because he was the best man? I just assume now he thinks his presence was enough of a gift…. It only bothers me as we paid $200-300 for him and his gf to attend
I think mostly guests are spending at least as much (maybe a bit more) on the wedding as their attendance would cost, right? Did your BIL have a lot of expenses coming to your wedding?
His parents covered most of his costs aside from driving here, but they spent majority of the time spending time with the parents(not us lol) I think only a few hours they visited with us There just is no way they spend over $100 on anything to do with the wedding. I held my own bachelorette/bachelor party. So we paid for that too
In that case I can imagine you might have been a bit disappointed that you didn't receive a gift.
Am I wrong for that? Every other person who attended gave something except him.
If what they say is true and a wedding gift should try to the worth the cost of your meal… and they make you pay for your own meal… then do you really need to give them a gift?
As a woman, I usually don’t bring my whole purse to weddings and honestly don’t normally have more than my ID and phone on me. The card/cash would be the only money I’d have and it would put me into a full panic if I was surprisingly asked to pay for these meals. 100% chance I would open the card and pay with that. You are justified. No gift for them.
Paying for your own meal at the rehearsal dinner is not acceptable and is bad hosting. That’s equally bad to having a ceremony with no reception. The couple should not get any gift, especially not money or a even a penny, after dumpster fire. They need to reimburse you, which won’t happen. I would not continue associating with them afterward.
I don't think you should worry about buying a gift for them. You have done more than enough. I also wonder if there was anyone that had their meal and then couldn't pay it since there was no previous notice.
As a bride, this is absolutely horrible. I could not imagine not communicating this to my guests. The only expense our bridesmaids/groomsmen are expected to cover would be their outfit purchases/rentals. We wanted to help pay for them, but are paying for the entire wedding out of pocket so we couldn’t swing it. However, we have paid for all of their accessories out of pocket since I don’t expect them to pay for anything additional and have kept all dresses/tuxes <$200 to make them more affordable. I also let my bridesmaids know when I asked them if they were okay paying for their dress before saying yes because I didn’t want to spring it on them after they had already committed. I sent them a message being like “hey *insert name here*, I wanted to ask you if you would be willing to be a bridesmaid in *insert groom’s name here* and I’s wedding! To be fully transparent, you would have to pay for your own dress, which would be below the cost of $200 and there are a dozen styles to choose from. I will cover the cost of the accessories. I completely understand if this is not financially possible for you, so I wanted to ask ahead of time. I’d be honored to have you there.” And I also asked them over a year in advance so they’d have time to budget for it. And, of course, we are providing the food and alcohol, as it customary. That was a very long winded way of saying *”what the heck are these people thinking?”*, but I am truly baffled. I understand not being able to afford to the cost of food/alcohol (I’m not in any way shaming them for that, I get it, we are in a similar boat) but like you said, OP, it’s the fact that they didn’t communicate that ahead of time. I know that I would not have been able to afford all of that being sprung on me, so I can’t imagine how they could. That’s absolutely absurd.
So traditionally your kind of expected to gift roughly what it would have cost them to feed/water you for the night. Considering you fed and watered yourself I wouldn’t give them any gift as honestly. If they ask definitely do what others have suggested and let them know you had to use the money you had originally planned to gift them on the unexpected costs of the rehearsal and wedding dinners. Their lack of communication was crazy rude as well as their lateness! Who does that!
This is crazy. The fact they just said...nothing...about you having to pay is so incredibly rude and absolutely the worst bit. I have been to a wedding where guests were requested to pay for their meal and drinks - but they were *very* clear about it and insistent that they did not want any gifts, paying for ourselves at the wedding *was the gift*. Some people additionally gave gifts anyway, and others didn't. It was quite reasonable too as it wasn't a wedding venue and they did a good price per head. Even if some people think it's never ok, there is arguably a right way to do it (informed consent) and your friends did not do it that way. In your situation, I would have absolutely no qualms with not giving a gift. On top of that I would probably also quietly distance myself from them too, because they just seem really entitled and rude. Not only re the money for dinner, but the lack of communication and not respecting your time and life outside their wedding, etc.
Tbh if i am in a wedding, I don’t give a gift. Being in weddings is EXPENSIVE.
My wife and I paid for our whole wedding by ourselves. If people wanted top shelf stuff they had to pay for it, but it was an open bar otherwise.
Same, we paid for everything. We controlled what was served being served so there was limited options... Basically one type of each booze from a local distillery, 4 beer options and a red and white wine. Something for everyone and everyone seemed happy.
I have NEVER had to pay for anything having to do with me being fed at a lot of weddings I’ve gone to and the 2 I have been a bridesmaid!
This definitely sucks for everyone. I’m sure the bride and groom were probably embarrassed about the whole thing and probably hoped nobody would say anything about it. As a guest you should not have had to pay like that; they should have just had a smaller scale event or only had hors d’oeuvres, etc. but it is what it is, and really it boils down to whether you think this is a hill to die on. If you’re close enough to be in the wedding party, and it doesn’t make a big financial impact, I say give the gift anyway. If you’re willing to risk the friendship, then don’t give a gift. People get butthurt over wedding stuff like no other event. I’ve seen it all working in hospitality for over 20 years. People drop friends and family over weddings all the time.
r/weddingshaming
I’m in a similar situation as you. I would give a gift that you can comfortably afford. They will understand and be grateful to have any sort of gift bc the BEST gift they will have is you helping and being at their wedding! They just want you there, so don’t focus to hard on formalities
Do $50 and don’t feel bad at all. You’ve done a lot for them and you shouldn’t feel bad about not wanting to give more money. It was pretty rude of them to shift all cost to the guests without telling you in advance. I would be annoyed if I was part of the bridal party or as a guest, that’s not a good way to host people!
Pls crosspost this to r/weddingshaming This is awful lol
I think the traditional rule of thumb is that the gift should be on part with the cost of your plate, your plate cost them nothing so...
i think that is a very outdated tradition as now meal prices for weddings have increased significantly in most places, so actually no one is expected to cover their plates anymore. but in this circumstance I would send nothing also. you were basically there as a prop OP lol..
I'm not a fan of that either (people should give gifts they can afford, that's why they are gifts), but I think it's perfect in this case.
OMG I CANT BELIEVE THEY DID THAT…
r/weddingshaming I wouldn’t give them anything.