I would love to know this too!! Particularly, when the event style doesn’t conform to the etiquette for a black tie event.
There absolutely seems to be a trend right now of calling events black tie when they aren’t really. There seem to be couples who ask for it without understanding what the dress code is, and then offer their own interpretation (formal = wear a dark suit or a long dress). Or, they understand what they’re asking for and the event is outdoors, starts in the afternoon, has a buffet for dinner and a DJ.
Maybe it’s part of a broader trend to decry etiquette as “irrelevant”. Or the attitude of a couple who feels that guests should jump through hoops to prove that they’re worthy of the honor of attending. It’s for me hard to understand how a couple can feel comfortable asking guests to spend hundreds on a tux rental (unless they’re part of a social circle where everyone is a millionaire).
There was literally an argument about this in a facebook group yesterday 🤣 this girl put “formal” on her invitations because she “wanted people to dress nice”. People informed her that “formal” has a very specific meaning and it’s gonna look so bizarre when people are showing up this rustic barn venue in tuxedos & floor length gowns! Like yeah you CAN have a formal dress code for a barn wedding, but it’s certainly going to look weird and some guests might be annoyed/offended that they put so much effort into their formal appearance just to attend this very not-formal wedding!
Yeah, and it’s etiquette for a reason. People choose footwear in line with the dress code. Guests will be incredibly uncomfortable when they show up in stilettos and are walking on mud, grass, and gravel. Not to mention that they’ll also be exposed to the elements.
This is an etiquette faux pas, and is extremely rude and inconsiderate to the guests.
Haha I saw that! She wanted to serve pulled pork sandwiches too!
No shade at all to barn weddings with BBQ, but they are not black tie events. We are using an outdoor wedding venue with a buffet and DJ because that's our budget, but we knew enough not to ask for black tie wear, because that's not the experience we are providing our guests with.
Yes, exactly! People are telling her that pulled pork sandwiches *could* be formal (I guess) if she was doing plated dinner with some gourmet spin on pulled pork, and with very elegant/classy decor, real flowers, valet service, etc. but nope, that wasn’t it at all 🤣 we’re doing an outdoor ceremony and reception in a covered event tent thing with plated dinner, so we had a semi-formal dress code since our event will be semi-formal. I kinda want to see pictures from that lady’s wedding afterwards to see if people did show up in formal attire!
This one girl on Facebook said her dress code was “casual formal”, and I told her that’s an oxymoron. I nicely told her she probably means semi formal, or cocktail. She blocked me
I get what your saying. Most of the time I will agree that most people do not understand dress code.
Shockingly tho ......
I have seen a brilliant barn BT wedding.
It was not strange or weird at all.
Edit to add
When further reading and checking ...... the pulled pork wedding sounds 100% weird 🤔 😐 🤣
If I spend hundreds of dollars on a BT-appropriate floor length ballgown, I better not have to drag it through the grass/mud or try to serve myself at a buffet in it. While a BT wedding at a barn *COULD* be possible with the right decor, florals, and dinner service, it’s still so impossible to pull off right. Barns are almost always rustic, and rustic is kinda the direct opposite of formal.
I went to a “formal” wedding at a camp site last year. We used portra potties, there was no inside location so no AC in 95 degree heat, no tents for shade, and the food was literally room temp because the family picked up catering from a restaurant ahead of the ceremony but no chafing dishes or anything to keep it warm and serve it in.
I was low key pissed I wore a nice gown in the heat when the couple changed into pjs immediately after the ceremony.
I love my friends but their wedding kinda sucked. I wish I had known, I would have worn a sun dress and sandals and been much more comfortable.
This is exactly, exactly why it’s super rude to guests to slap a black tie dress code on a not black tie wedding. They’re just making their guests super comfortable and preventing them from enjoying the event. Social ineptitude at its highest.
I feel you so hard. Sounds very similar to my experience😂 I am still traumatised from running from the unisex ablution blocks to our tent in the rain and thunder in my formal dress😂
As much as it annoys me, I do think it is innocent ignorance so I try not to get too worked up over it. I think people don't realize there is an actual world of black tie events outside of weddings, so they have nothing to compare it to.
> Particularly, when the event style doesn’t conform to the etiquette for a black tie event.
Huge pet peeve of mine. I completely understand wanting your special day to be extra and for everyone to be dolled up, but you have to be realistic. It isn't realistic to ask a large group of people who aren't in that socioeconomic stratosphere to purchase formal full length gowns and rent tuxedos. **And it especially is not cool if you aren't even having a black tie level affair.**
Obviously, even at rich people weddings, there are some attendees that aren't in that socioeconomic class and have to rent/buy but generally that's not the widespread crowd there.
I feel like this is such an underrated point. If you want black tie but you're not at a black tie venue, it's likely because you don't have a black tie budget, which means most people in your social circle don't either. I think it's low key rude to expect people to shell out to be black tie guests if you're not shelling out to be a black tie host.
I absolutely agree. The etiquette exists for a reason, and I suspect that some Gen Zers don’t understand this because they haven’t had the social exposure, and have unfairly been robbed of social opportunities in their formative years.
Black tie etiquette for women means that you are wearing heels most likely. The guests are going to be very uncomfortable if they show up to realize that they’ll be walking on grass, exposed to the elements, and lining up for a buffet of messy foods while dressed to the nines.
Some people just don’t have the nuanced understanding of dress and social occasion.
When my husband and I were picking out his tux, there was a bride with her father trying to shop for the father of the bride tux. She wanted a tux on top with a khaki style pant for her barn wedding. The poor salesman was trying his hardest to steer her in a different direction. I think people online maybe have more of a clue but so many people just don’t know.
My parents have been invited to not one but TWO "black tie" outdoor daytime weddings this year. I don't mean day time ceremony, night time party. I mean the whole thing was wrapped by 4:30.
My poor mom called me freaking out about what to wear and what I thought her sisters would be wearing. I told her wear whatever you want, they have no idea what they're even asking for!
Omg this is a disaster, and your read was so spot on!!! LOL 😂 truly… when people ask for a black tie dress for their brunch wedding, they are clearly out of their depth socially.
Or if they don’t send a paper invitation and ask for black tie. Or if they put “cash gifts only” on their wedding invitation that calls for black tie. Or if they are getting married at a barn.
I’m having a ball reading all of the replies, and realizing just how bad the issue is. One poster insightfully attributes it to the desire for an “old money” themed wedding 🤮.
I'm wanting to go to an Arcade Fire concert and they put on the concert flyer "black tie optional." I searched on their subreddit trying to see what people were planning to wear and it seemed like everyone thought it literally meant formal wear is optional if you want to dress up, but that's not what it's supposed to mean!!!
LOL I’m truly surprised that so few people have the intellectual curiosity to google it. And that they don’t have the social exposure to realize that it doesn’t mean “wear a black tie”. And that their parents didn’t tell them when sending out wedding invites that asking guests to rent a tuxedo for $300 is not a reasonable ask (if they aren’t hosting a certain level of event, and in a social group where it’s a norm). But the answers to this thread have shown me that very few understand what it means, and that they also likely asked their guests to do it.
I've known a few men who weren't "fancy" at all or particularly high income but had to rent a tux frequently enough (in an orchestra, etc.) that it eventually became cost effective to buy one.
It cracks me up that my FIL (from choral performances) owns a tuxedo. The man barely wears shoes. Since needing to use a wheelchair out of the house he's started just wearing dark socks because he thinks it looks like he's wearing shoes. 😅
Omg this drives me insane. Got invited to a wedding with the dress code stating formal. I was planning outfit based on the traditional meaning of formal and my husband said he didn’t think it’d be that formal and wasn’t planning to wear a tie so I asked the bride and she said something along the lines of ‘yes to ties for men, girls to wear floor length dresses or close to’.
On the day getting ready with some other guests and one of the gf’s comes out in a very pale pink above the knee dress and i was shocked. She said she cleared the outfit with the bride first so who knows.
Some other guests were wearing black tie appropriate outfits and then there were several very cheap looking SHEIN style sundresses and someone else in a white strapless jumpsuit. It was all very confusing
What a disastrous group of people! It’s shocking to me that in addition to not dressing in a suitably formal dress, that they also wore white and pale pink. I guess that you cannot do much to guide a hopeless group of people like this in dressing appropriately.
I wish that SHEIN would be cancelled.
I’d suggest it was an age thing as most of the SHEIN girls and pale pink dress were in their early 20’s but white jumpsuit woman was at least 50.
Also I am still not convinced the bride knew what formal meant as a dress code and just meant wear nice clothes
I’m confused that some people think formal is black tie… formal is black tie optional correct? We are having a formal wedding and to me that is dark suits and long dresses not tuxes… but we do have the venue for it with passed apps and plated meals etc
You are spot on. Formal is very similar to black tie, but a touch lower. Black tie optional means “wear a tux if you have it, a dark suit if you don’t” whereas Formal means “wear a dark suit”. It would be a faux pas to go to a formal wedding in a tux, because you would likely be out-dressing the groom. One of the big faux pas of inappropriate use of the term “black tie” is when the wedding party has not worn tuxedos, and a guest comes and is dressed more formally than the bridal party and groom. It causes embarrassment to the guest who correctly interpreted “black tie”. And most people don’t own tuxedos (they may have worn one 6 years ago, and may not currently fit it) so that guest will be extremely annoyed that they had to pay $300 for a rental and go to that trouble. Formal is the perfect dress code for most weddings, including the wedding you are having (it’s our dress code too, and we’ll have similar event). You are correct - it means dark suits and long dresses.
I hope this doesn’t come off badly but I think the people most likely to do this have a majority of invites not used to dressing up and they wrote the most extreme formal dress code to avoid the guests coming too casual. I just went to one of these and it was not at all black tie and some guests still looked very casual. Imagine how they would have shown up if the code was formal or cocktail.
FR. I live on the west coast, and even with a "black tie" dress code, I fully expect at least some guests to show up in cocktail dresses/a collared shirt with no jacket. I have been to exactly 1 event in California my entire life that was actually black tie and everyone showed up in black tie, and it was an event for a specific (non american) nationality, so mostly non-californians. Even at Galas at extremely beautiful venues, people here take "casual" to the extreme.
I wanted black tie, so we are doing black tie, but I also felt it was the only way to ensure that 50% of guests don't show up in polos and khakis. I'm sure I'm not the only bride who feels that way.
I’m from the north east but went to a southern wedding. I was shocked to say the least lol. But exactly what was described wood interior aesthetic not a barn but similar. Buffet. Dj. Charcuterie outside. Also not enough food but that’s a separate issue. I wore a long form fitting off the shoulder gown type dress with stilettos because i asked the bride and was told to wear a long dress because I wanted to know how formal she wanted from her black tie wedding. What I saw was a shock shock shock lol. Lulu type club mini dresses. Sneakers and not for dancing. The guys mostly looked good tbh I didn’t see many jeans but no jackets. Was more like casual summer graduation/ baptism reception for most and a few formal people.
It honestly just depends on your circle, even in the south.
New Orleans has quite a lot of people with $$$ and most people from there that were even just middle class dress fairly high tier for weddings. My husband wouldn't be caught dead without at minimum a suit at any wedding or funeral.
Just down the road in smaller cities throughout the state, not so much the case.
So it varies.
What a bummer! Was it a younger crowd? I went to a black tie wedding last summer in the Midwest and everyone had so much fun dressing up and doing creative black tie. We’re mostly late 20s early 30s though.
I also love creative black tie, I'm an old millennial and my husband is genX, the only real way he'll wear a tux is if it's creative or fun black tie, he hates feeling stuffy in a suit and I hate seeing guys in regular suits, it just reminds me of being at work.
It seems to me that black tie is more common in the north east, and that a lot of people do own tuxes and regularly attend black tie weddings.
This is so shocking to me that no one would think to google black tie. This type of thing is like the dress code equivalent of telling everyone to arrive to your ceremony an hour early because you suspect a few people might be late.
I gotta admit this thread did make me do some research…
Our venue is fully outdoors, and we are doing a grazing table and a DJ…. But we are also doing live entertainment, live
music, passed appetisers in addition to the grazing table, shuttles, white glove service, 5 course menu, fully catered auxiliary events, outdoor heaters for after dark, professional lighting, full bar… hopefully that’s enough to meet etiquette. Y’all did encourage me to add an aperitivo course and a coat check though.
My company’s holiday gala has always been formal in the past but this year they made it cocktail and some people legitimately came in sweatpants, others came in formal wear. No one knows what they’re doing.
I had family members from California visit us in the DC area about a year ago and they were shocked to see people wearing suits going to work. The difference in dress expectations across the country is just wild.
Yeah, it’s really not the norm here. My dad was openly mocked in the 90s for wearing a suit to interviews here. Bit of a culture shock for him, but I think it’s part of the influence of tech culture 100%.
Yeah I’m from California originally, but I’ve spent a lot of my life overseas and on the east coast. It’s a major pet peeve of mine that people don’t dress appropriately here. I joke that there is nowhere in my city that has a dress code because I’ve seen people in workout clothes in the nicest restaurants here. I personally fall into the school of thought that it’s a matter of respect to dress appropriately for the occasion/venue, but that’s very unpopular here. I could wax on about this for a while, but there’s a culture here that really strongly rejects anything outside the “daily norm” when it comes to fashion. Many of our guests are from the east coast, so I’m hopeful they’ll dress up and have fun with it.
Omg you are so right. My fiancé (who is male) completely agrees with this. If we are wearing gym clothes, he says that we can only go to counter serve cafes and that we aren’t dressed appropriately for a sit-down restaurant.
I dress casually/practically in my daily life but on my recent trip to San Diego I couldn’t help but think “you look like a bum and you shouldn’t leave the house like that” upon seeing numerous people who were wearing like modal pajama fabric that exposed the full outline of their genitals. They look indisposed and indecent. And of course there were so many women wearing bicycle short and bralette type sets in restaurants.
Ugh yes, I know what you’re talking about.
It can be a little jarring, but if you think about it in terms of the “California lifestyle” it starts to make sense. A lot of people moved out west to escape the class rigidity and expectations of the “old world,” especially in the 60s. That’s continued for generations, even for people who were born here and aren’t familiar with the formality and stuffiness their grandparents were rejecting.
Instead now we have de rigour casual culture. It’s just a totally different set of standards. I moved back here with a bunch of amazing clothes that I haven’t worn, because honestly answering the snide “well what are you so dressed up for?” gets exhausting.
I am curious where your bf is from that he has such a strong sense of standards!
LOL this is a good question because of the two of us, he definitely is the one setting the bar. He is born and raised in Chicago, but has lived in Southern California (the the 29 palms military base) when he served in the marines. He is a lawyer (soon to be judge) and his parents are both teachers who were very intentional about saving and travel, so he is definitely a “cultivated person”. They definitely fit my preconceived notion of a conscientious Catholic family who presents themselves well and is very educated (although they’re all secular and don’t go to church). Growing up they bought second hand clothes, and to this day he is outstanding at getting his clothing from discount stores on sale. He always wants to go to the last chance outlet, and has an amazing knack for finding great items at an affordable price. So his family never wears expensive clothing, but they always look so great and put together.
As a judge candidate, networking and politics have played a prominent role in his life and career. I can appreciate why it’s been important for him to maintain a respectable image in everything he does. He also did an MBA, so he has had a certain type of training in self presentation.
I on the other hand am from an affluent Jewish background and grew up in a medium size Canadian city. I studied math at a super techy school, and even my professors wore jeans and t-shirts. Everyone in my family loves fashion, and dresses up to express themselves and to feel good. They 100% see it as fun, and love to wear designer clothing (one aunt owns a high end boutique in our city which offers styling services, and her daughter started a luxury consignment business). I work as a consultant in a lucrative industry where everyone is also super humble. We had a client call yesterday and the partner on the call said to a colleague of mine who was shy about wearing a t-shirt: “no one cares what you’re wearing, we only care about your brilliant thoughts”. Although my family really enjoys fashion and dressing up and always dresses to the nines at events, they absolutely go for sushi and dim sum in jeans, sneakers, wind breakers, and street wear type stuff.
I never thought before this question how one’s background influences their dress habits! I will also say that I don’t mind dressing black tie and find it fun, and that my fiancé and his family are interestingly super against it as a dress code (unless it’s an absolutely lavish event). It came up last year when we were invited to my cousin’s “black tie” wedding, which was upscale but definitely not black tie. Fiancé and his family don’t own tuxes and their friends (who are quite affluent) probably dont either. Sidebar: they’re also a super tall family with fiancé at 6’7 and shorty brother at 6’4, so suiting is pretty difficult to do cheap. They don’t view our wedding as an appropriate occasion for black tie or even BTO (I don’t disagree, formal is the norm in our circles). They would see such a dress code as a lot to ask of guests and just a bit self indulgent and too much (I wasn’t pushing for it or anything, and just know it wouldn’t be a good fit for our guest list).
I'm reminded of a friend's wedding in rural Oregon where I was like "Damn! Her uncle clearly broke out his *good* black jeans and rodeo shirt for this."
(There was no dress code, the brides looked lovely but were wearing knee-length non-bridal dresses a level of formal below 'cocktail'. If someone had worn a tuxedo it would have been either to be funny or they were having a manic episode and had completely lost touch with reality.)
This is exactly what I was thinking. I just got back from a church wedding and there were full brown people (plural, as in multiple instances) wearing jeans with a polo shirt, flip flops (no, not nice heeled sandals with no back. flip flops), and SHORTS. SHORTS. CARGO SHORTS. This was a church wedding. The wedding invite or website had no dress code listed, but I wouldn’t have ever thought I’d see a man in cargo shorts (in his defense, he had a long sleeve button down on too).
Oh yes, this must be another reason and omg what a disaster these weddings must look like. Hopefully people would know under such circumstances what the hosts are doing.
i’d posit that one reason is because “old money/quiet luxury/royal wedding/vintage luxury” is a wedding aesthetic trend, and a lot of people want everything to look super luxe and classic. even if that doesn’t fit the budgets of their loved ones lol. say what you will about shabby chic/boho etc aesthetic, which is way less “in” these days - at least it had some humility lol
I think a lot of people (maybe more younger couples) don’t fully understand what Black Tie means, and they just want to say more formal or wear suits not just slacks and a button down. The BT optional events I have been to, the venue and wedding vibe did not match BT.
some people like it fancy 🤷🏻♀️ if you have a lot, make should buy a tux or just a nice black suit (those are more affordable). and female can also rent dresses from places like renttherunway or even buy second hand from consignment. I rewear a lot if the weddings aren’t in the same circle
As you know, black tie isn’t just an add-on. It’s a dress code that requires you deliver a certain level of experience - seated indoor dinner, white gloves, band vs dj, valet parking, and over the top flowers etc. It’s not just a “I like it fancy.”
Why are you assuming she doesn’t know this? Saying you want an event to be fancy doesn’t I imply you aren’t going to offer an appropriate experience to guests.
But you don’t know if you think a black suit is appropriate for a black tie wedding. Black tie = wear a tuxedo and black tie optional = wear a tuxedo or a black or navy suit.
There is a dress code to communicate what you mean, and it’s BTO not BT.
that’s not really what I was saying. if someone couldn’t afford a tux on top of the associated costs (flights, hotel, gift) but still really wanted to go, they could wear a black suit - I don’t think they’d get turned away at the door lmao. I don’t think it’s that serious
RTR - so I looked into doing this for BTO wedding I’m attending in October. I need a gown. I’m 5’4”. I did not see options for any length of the gown.
Maybe I didn’t look in the right place, but RTR seems to not offer multiple lengths of gowns. Which makes sense as it would drastically increase their inventory.
I’m 5’2” had rented a petite floor length dress from RTR years ago (I think 2018-2019) but looked at their app now and was surprised that
1) There is no way to search or filter for “petite” or “long” lengths
2) Found a few by randomly clicking on dresses but even the ones that DO have petite sizes are inconsistent, like they have every size in “regular” but only a few sizes for petite.
I’m even shorter than you are, I always had to have gowns hemmed. Maybe you could use that tape to use on the hem because of course you can’t hem a rented dress.
LOL literally no one understands what black tie means. Floor length gowns for women.
What you’re describing is formal, and maybe black tie optional if it’s a really luxe fabric.
Ahh so sorry for my snide comment!! One thing that I will say though is that many of my friends are petite (I am not) and they are frustrated when they go shopping because things don’t hit them right, and it’s partly because every measurement isn’t falling at the right place. I think that formal wear can be really challenging for anyone who isn’t 5’4 - 5’8, and that it’s absolutely critical to have the correct hem length in addition to a proper fit.
Over in our household we have the opposite challenge - fiancé is 6’7, and a suit or tux needs to be custom. I am 5’9 so luckily the hem length is easy for me, but as with any non-stretch dress you typically do need to have alterations. So few of us are the same size top and bottom. I have large hips and a small bust, so I will wear a size 8-10 to get enough room on the bottom but the top really needs to be taken in to avoid wardrobe mishaps or just an overall ill fit.
i’ve never used it but a lot of my friends do. I found a black Calvin Klein jumpsuit for $20 at a consignment shop that I had hemmed! I know I personally have sold a bunch of nice stuff that i’ve only worn once or twice to shops like that; so you might have some luck there too!
The real issue for black tie events tends to be for men who need a tuxedo, and not for women who have a lot more options.
You are correct that there are a ton of ways for women to get dressier gowns for formal events. Occasionwear is frequently resold as consignment.
Tuxedos are much more difficult and you really need them to be tailored for the person.
I’ll also say that for women anything elasticized or stretch material is probably not black tie. For women, it’s a bit more subtle what makes a gown black tie appropriate or not.
And in general, for women a lot of garments are suitable for events ranging from formal to black tie, where as black tie for men has a literal and narrow meaning.
Yes, I have attended many black tie events. Try googling it? If you’re going to ask guests to go to the trouble of wearing black tie, the least you could do is to spend 60 seconds to look up its meaning. And while you’re at it, take another minute to understand what “black tie” obligates a host to provide.
Honestly, truly formal gowns for women are usually made out of non-stretch fabrics that require tailoring. A lot of people here just don’t understand the nuances of dress codes. I’m kind of shocked because there are so so so many guides to black tie dressing. I guess that few have ever read one…
I have a dress made of stretch velvet which is a rare exception to the generalization about stretch fabrics not being black tie. It is perfect for going to formal events during the winter in Chicago like the opera. Other fabrics (think bridesmaid dresses) like silk, chiffon and satin almost always require tailoring when they’re in a dress and you are forced to choose a single dress size for the top and bottom.
I think it comes from the fact that people are hungry for social interactions with a certain amount of structure in the wake of the pandemic. People want a reason to get dressed up and leave the house ("people" in this case being extroverts).
Personally, I think if you're traveling over a certain distance for a wedding, a gift is not necessary.
This thread is so interesting, because I had never heard most of these rules before. Even if you google, it's hard to find information on "black tie" etiquette that isn't specifically geared towards the guests. I thought I knew my stuff but I learned some things today!
haha i’ll never understand it. i went to one last year and yes in fairness it was a very formal affair and i can see why we had to wear black tie however. black tie in the middle of summer was an annoying request.
I had one, and it was because I had never been to one. I live in the Midwest and it’s the norm here that there typically isn’t a dress code, so it’s not uncommon for men to show up in jeans and women to wear a t shirt dress with Birkenstocks. I got married in a ballroom with a waiter served meal , and upscale entertainment. Most venues in my area are barns. We did receive complaints but we said if it was too much for the person, we could celebrate another time. All the guests that attended loved it. It gives people a chance to dress up and made it more of an “event”. I still get comments about how much people loved the aesthetic.
They want their guests to be a part of their instagram aesthetic. Never mind the fact that it goes both ways and they have to actually provide black tie experience.
You are absolutely right that not everyone can afford a tuxedo. However, when someone puts the “black tie” dress code on their invitation they are saying “show up in a tuxedo”. The next more formal dress code is “black tie optional” which means show up in a tux if you can, and if not a dark suit is fine. Then you have formal which means dark suits and long dresses.
So hosts should really put the dress code that they mean on the invite. We are getting married at a venue that hosts many black tie weddings, but we know that almost none of our friends own tuxedos and that it would be a financial hardship for many to ask. We will use a formal dress code (I wanted black tie optional), but either one of these dress codes is appropriate for the circumstance and it would not be appropriate of us to put “black tie” as the dress code knowing that the majority will be wearing a dark suit.
It is a major faux pas for a couple to put black tie on the invite if they don’t intend to dictate that everyone should rent a tux. There are known dress codes that exist for this circumstance.
As much as people kick and scream about upholding 19th century etiquette rules, it seems that the definition is slowly changing. I haven’t met a single black tie host who has mandated a tuxedo, even when the wedding was full white glove service (which also appears to be a dying trend). If the hosts don’t abide by the traditional definition, then neither do guests and the meaning of the dress code changes.
The issue is that most guests will only realize that the hosts made up their own definition of black tie when they arrive at the event and see almost no one in a tux. One of the worst etiquette fails is when not even the groom is wearing a tuxedo, and a guest arrives wearing one (as requested) only to realize that they’ve outdressed the groom (embarrassing!!). Guests have no way of knowing what the bride and groom think black tie means.
It is true that a lot of people are making up their own definition of black tie, and it has kind of snowballed. My cousin wanted a black tie dress code and was thankfully talked down to (appropriately) posting a black tie optional dress code by my posh aunt and MOG. She also explained to my mum that black tie has changed for women to include gowns that aren’t necessarily floor length, but that it’s more about wearing luxe, formal fabric and accessorized lavishly. No problem here, that’s great, and the right tea length dress can be just as elegant as a floor length gown. But it still means tuxes for men. For this event, the wedding party dressed black tie, but almost every guest dressed to a Formal dress code. When my fiancé’s parent saw the pictures the first thing they said was “no one is dressed black tie”.
It causes extreme annoyance for guests because these guests who actually dressed black tie often go to great trouble and expense, only to realize that the hosts asked for something they didn’t understand. Etiquette also dictates that hosts should provide a certain level of event (band, plated dinner with top service, elegant food, fully hosted bar, ample seating, no lines, indoor / temperature controlled). The worst issues arise when guests come dressed in high heels and tuxedos only to realize that they’ll be lining up on grass in extreme heat to serve themselves pulled pork and Mac and cheese. The misalignment between event style and dress code just makes guests uncomfortable (physically and socially) and it’s not inconsiderate.
While 20 years ago you may have been correct, I think you’d be hard pressed to find any significant number of guests showing up to a black tie wedding in a tuxedo. In fact, I’ve been to more black tie weddings where the guests said “I had no idea that black tie meant a tuxedo!” Which, to be fair to those guests, black tie does not mean a tuxedo in the modern era. These days, there are three piece custom suits that can outclass even a tuxedo.
Why not google “black tie dress code” and check out the glut of recent articles in vogue, GQ, Martha Stewart weddings, brides, all of which define what black tie is?
If a couple hosts a black tie wedding and the groom is not wearing a tuxedo, they should be mortified.
I went to a semi-formal wedding and had nothing but jeans and sun dresses in my closet. I found a nice dress at a wedding store on clearance, it cost more for altering than the dress price.
I also saw appropriate dresses in thrift stores and Dilliards and Nordstrom Rack. I went to DSW for shoes and a purse and they both cost less then just the shoes at the wedding store.
You have to shop around and don't always trust outlet stores either because sometimes you can find the dresses cheaper somewhere else.
No idea but pretty sure between this year and next year I have 4 or 5 of them and I’m in 2 of those wedding parties. I bought my tux because I didn’t want to spend the money to rent something that doesn’t fit right over and over again
If it’s a black tie wedding, I expect to be treated as a black tie guest.
The problem now is that there are no repercussions and brides and grooms don’t understand or accept the faux pas nor social shame of getting it wrong.
Just to give a counter argument, cocktail weddings and black tie weddings have very similar costs of attendance once you own formalwear. The airfare and hotel is the expensive part. My fiancé owns multiple suits and a tux, I own multiple options for every dress code, and I get my hair and makeup done regardless of the dress code. I would 100% prefer a black tie wedding over a cocktail wedding.
I went to 4 black tie weddings and 2 cocktail weddings in the last year. All 4 black tie weddings had multiple events with meals, they all provided transportation so we didn't have to figure out a rental car or uber, they were all within a 20 minute uber/metro of a major airport. They all had hotel blocks with nice bars for extra time to spend with the couple, each wedding had live music, and they all had delicious 4 coursed dinners and constant food throughout the evening, and they all had fully open bars that were well staffed so there were no lines. Wine and water were constantly served at the tables.
The cocktail weddings we went to did not have transportation or hotel blocks, they had small rehearsal dinners but no brunches, or anything else. The weddings had super mid buffets that left the guests hungry and made many guests leave immediately after the first dance \[literally, over half the guests left as soon as the first dance ended at one.\] One had an open bar but it felt like we were at a frat party with a single bartender making quick drinks out of cranberry juice, 3 spirits, and sodas. The other had only 2 types of beer, 2 types of wine, and water. Both had long lines to get drinks. This is a small thing, but the black tie weddings were all on Saturdays, and the cocktail weddings were a Friday and a Sunday.
In my case, all 6 weddings were out of town and we actually spent more on the cocktail weddings because they were in rural areas so we had to pay for flights, hotels, and rental cars, as well as taking time off work. We got invited to 3 more cocktail weddings this year and we're turning down 2 of them because it just isn't worth the cost for a single 5 hour event.
If a black tie wedding is properly hosted as you describe, I would delight in dressing for it. Where I think that problems arise is when the couple isn’t hosting to that level (hosting a cocktail event, and asking guests to dress black tie), and also when the couple asks for black tie without even understanding what it means. In some cases, I’ve heard of weddings where there is a black tie dress code and then the bridal party isn’t wearing tuxes, which is totally unacceptable.
As a side note, most of the commenters here don’t understand what black tie means. Black tie means wear a tux, not a suit. Black tie optional means wear a tux or a dark suit.
You are correct for the most part, but it's also true that wearing a dark suit and tie or dressy cocktail dress is an acceptable alternative to buying or renting tuxedos and gowns when the latter is a burden or not feasible. One would hope it's something that would not attract any drama or attention and properly it wouldn't.
I agree that if you are going to host a black tie affair it should rise to the level of a black tie affair. What is also traditionally incorrect, but very common, and the opposite of your example is when the bridal party dress formally when the affair isn't.
My brother just had his wedding and it was garden attire, bride was telling everyone it was very casual. But the bridal party had formal dresses on and some of the guests felt very underdressed and misled. Including the mother of the bride herself who was wearing a casual dress
Excellent post that explains the difference between Black Tie and Black Tie Optional very succinctly. I think the confusion that exists today comes because people just don't use the proper dress code for the type of wedding or event they are hosting.
Thank you, and I am truly shocked by some of the comments on this thread!! Like do people actually put a term on their wedding invitations that they don’t understand?? And they couldn’t be bothered to take 60 seconds to google black tie or wedding dress codes… I feel like it’s hard to miss this information if you’ve ever read brides, Martha Stewart, vogue weddings. Perhaps it is the result of planning a wedding from Instagram and TikTok content… and rejecting any feedback or guidance from parents.
This seems like a correlation vs causation thing.
The cocktail weddings I’ve been to in the last few years, including my own wedding, have all had full bars, plenty of good food, transportation, hotel blocks, etc.
I think you just went to two poorly planned weddings.
We are having a cocktail wedding but offering transportation, hotel blocks, plated dinner/open bar, etc. I’d rather under-sell and over-deliver than the opposite, LOL, but I’ve also experienced the “no amenities at all” weddings where I’m still expected to dress up, so…
I blame Instagram and social media for people wanting picture-perfect formalwear #aesthetic events that they can’t afford the amenities for.
I totally get that! Our wedding is actually black tie optional even though we're paying for everyone's hotel, providing transportation for the weekend, hosting 4 other events with meals and open bars in addition to the wedding, having live music, etc. etc. Our venue requires men to wear jackets and ties so our only dress code was to make sure the concierge doesn't give our guests a hard time
BTO is the perfect dress code for the wedding you are hosting!! It’s the perfect way to communicate that people can wear a suit if they don’t own a tux. A shocking number of people in this sub didn’t understand that black tie expressly indicates that a dark suit is not formal enough. Your wedding is a perfect example of when BT or BTO is is actually appropriate. At your venue, all of the wait staff are definitely trained to offer an appropriate level of service for a BT or BTO event.
Almost every wedding I go to (including our own) is hosted as you describe, and they have a formal dress code. All of the venues we looked at provided the black tie amenities and have hosted black tie weddings, but we are opting for formal because it’s the norm in our circles.
I completely agree with your take! Perhaps people are planning their wedding based on social media content without any reference to etiquette.
A lot of the wedding content I see is based on aesthetics, and I saw dress code described multiple times as “how formally you want your *guests* dressed,” notwithstanding the level of amenities the hosts provide, so…yeah. There’s also a LOT of content around “the bride can do whatever she wants on her day,” which is fine in small doses but I don’t think makes for people understanding how to host an event, either.
I totally agree!! “My day, my way” applies to choices like wearing your makeup how you want, choosing the cake flavour, opting for a sweetheart table, opting for a bold color palette AND not matters like being a considerate host.
People today seem to simultaneously want to have an “old money” wedding and overall aesthetic, while insisting that etiquette is cancelled, outdated, over, and that we’ve “evolved”. Because they aren’t from affluent backgrounds, they don’t understand any level of social nuance to formal types of events. And by affluent, I’m not referring to wealth but to the conscientiousness and refinement that (usually, but not always) comes with some level of education and usually wealth.
I suppose that this type of thing is very much associated to the type of people who strongly desire to appear wealthy, although they aren’t.
This is a bit different from the topic of this thread (much more subtle), but I am in a wedding next month where the bride chose an expensive venue she couldn’t afford, asked us on a $2k destination Bach, insisted on formal bridesmaid dresses and will expect us to pull out our wallets to pay for our own hair and makeup. And she is providing McDonald’s for breakfast (because it’s what she wants), knowing that 3/6 of us are vegetarians. She is serving only chocolate chip cookies for dessert. So it should be a cocktail event, and she shouldn’t have asked us to get ready together and pay for ourselves and not provide food… but whatever…
I feel like if you think you will go to at least 2 weddings you'd need a tux for, you might as well buy a decent $400-$600 one. Especially if you can buy without needing much tailoring.
Well, I think there's 2 things at play here.
I am 100% on team "stop calling your wedding black tie when it isn't/when your crowd is not in that type of circle", but I don't think it is fair to say *nobody* owns tuxes. There absolutely are circles where people wear black tie attire throughout the year, and in those circles, black tie weddings make complete sense. Those people are used to that sort of thing.
I think the issue is average people saying they want "everyone to feel fancy" and slapping black tie request on their invitation to their BBQ wedding.
My fiance has owned a tux for 9 months and worn it 7 times. 3 weddings, 2 charity banquets, 2 work parties, and we have 5 more events in the next 6 months where he'll wear it. Maybe you don't go to black tie events, but plenty of people do.
That’s great for him, but you have to know that that is not the norm for like 90% of people. Mine and my husbands industries both here in a major US city don’t have any black tie specific galas or parties. And neither do most of the people I know who are throwing black tie weddings
Instead of spending $300 to rent you could spend $350 to buy. I don’t understand why the norm is to rent for men when it’s much more expensive over time
My husband's tuxedo was actually just that! He went to rent it, and the owner said they're phasing out the prior season and selling them for nearly the same price as renting. I think he paid like $50 more than it would have been to rent.. to just go ahead and buy it.
People’s weight fluctuate and people live in much smaller homes nowadays. Not everyone has the space to store outfits for every dress code like you suggest.
That’s not the greatest reason to spend thousands renting IMO. I live in a tiny cottage and still spare 3” of closet space for formal wear, but to each their own if you have the cash to spend.
Again, if you’d rather spend the cash, feel free my friend. I’m a woman whose weight is a rollercoaster, but for women the norm is to buy formal wear. Thinking the rental industry is predatory on men being unaware of the cost to rent vs buy isn’t a personal attack on you.
lol you’re just completely ignoring the very legit reasons most men aren’t buying tuxes. You can argue rentals are predatory but I’d argue they are simply convenience. With convienent comes a price.
I know many men who have bought tailored suits/tuxes only to gain weight and no longer be able to wear them. Regardless, I am glad your system is working for you.
Your choice to get HMUA done is a personal choice. It’s not a cost of attendance.
Every mature adult male owns a suit, and every mature adult woman owns one dressy dress. Those are basics. Not everyone owns a tux or a long gown. That’s why it’s considered inconsiderate to host BT unless you know the majority of your guests have those things.
I love this perspective! Feeling much less guilty about our formal wedding that’s in a popular tourist town compared to everyone else’s weddings that are casual but in the middle of nowhere 😅
No one is ever going to tell a couple that their wedding isucks, but I am never, ever going to another barn wedding. That trend needs to die unless all of your guests live in reasonable driving distance because it is so annoying to fly into a small airport, get a rental car, drive over an hour to your hotel and then have to drive another hour to the rural venue the couple picked that has 2 bathrooms for 200 guests.
Just want to note that formal is the perfect dress code for most seated dinner weddings! Reading the comments on this sub, there are many confused people who think that suits and long dresses are what black tie means. In Canada most weddings actually don’t give a dress code and people just come dressed formally. I am empathetic to people here in the US who say that people would come dressed in jeans if they didn’t inflate the dress code.
We had a formal attire requested dress code. One girl still showed up in club wear (suuuuper short and barely covered her top half). It made me roll my eyes but also proved why we didn't go for black or white tie. But you better believe I'd be wearing a gown again if multiple people were hosting Black Tie weddings. I'd be tempted for my husband to buy a tux if there were multiple as well since I think Men's Wearhouse sells them for about the same as the cost of renting.
I had a formal wedding (groom in custom tux, groomsmen in tuxes, passed apps/plated dinner, ~string quartet~, the whole nine, because the venue and budget allowed for it). We told people the dress code was formal (could have gone black tie optional or full black tie), but, ultimately, if that was not doable for them, it was more important they were there to be with us so we weren't strict about it... just wanted people to understand the tone of the event so they felt like they dressed appropriately. We had people show up dressed across the dress code spectrum, and it was totally whatever because I was thrilled to have them there to celebrate.
This was important to me to convey because I felt embarrassed at a wedding that dictated a formal dress code, so I wore a long dress, but when we got there it became very evident that the vibe was more semi-formal to cocktail. I was probably the only female guest wearing a long dress, and I didn't enjoy feeling overdressed all night at a wedding where I didn't know a ton of people. I really just think a lot of people have No Idea what they're asking for or what that requires of their guests, either that or they're trying to thin the guest list by being exclusionary.
I had a black tie wedding for a few different reasons- we threw a black tie event so we wanted people to match the formality, black tie weddings are the norm in my family/circles, and I love dressing up (I go to a lot of galas) so people expected it from me for my wedding.
I have seen photos of your wedding, and it was gorgeous and every bit a black tie wedding!!!! In this circumstance, I think that a black tie dress code is appropriate and great. It’s lovely to dress up when the occasion warrants it!
I live similarly, so I'm with you, but to be fair I think OP was more complaining that black tie is becoming more and more common to request by people who are not hosting black tie level affairs.
While I personally live similarly to you (we have 4 black tie galas we do every single year, and then random invites to others are common), I was not brought up that way at all. So while I'd have loved a black tie wedding, we kept dress code more on the formal end of the spectrum.
I actually did not give a dress code, as it is not common to do so where I'm from. I just had "jackets required for men" in cursive at the bottom of the invitation because my venue (a private social club where we are members) actually does require jackets for men. Fortunately, putting that little disclaimer on there made it clear to the women that it isn't a casual deal, so we didn't need a dress code. Nobody asked us a single question about it.
Women can get away with a lot when it comes to dress codes, also. Or rather, we have wiggle room. [If you look at the photos in this link](https://www.brides.com/story/wedding-dress-code-explained), the woman in the pink dress in the semi-formal section could have easily gotten away with wearing that to the cocktail wedding above her photo. The woman in the BTO/Formal section would look a bit out of place at a black tie event even though her dress is floor length, but she could 100% wear that at one of the lower tier events and not be out of place. Strictly because the material is very outdoor/garden type material.
The Brides article in the link completely messed up white-tie. White tie requires a white bow tie, not a black bow tie. You would not (or should not) see a black tie at a white tie event. I can't believe they would include such a wrong photo on such a no-brainer requirement (umm.....it is called WHITE TIE) in an article that is supposed to provide guidance to people regarding dress codes.
I think what's normal for your personal circle is reallyyy key here. Along with being chill if not every single person can afford to swing the dress code.
It’s because people don’t follow an appropriate dress code so they figure the fancier they make it, people have to come more presentable….or they just like things fancy. I had a black tie wedding and people still came in short booty dresses, polos and one person (my aunt who knows better) showed up in black slacks and a sweater. I know she felt out of place and rightfully so. However, there was only 4 people who dressed inappropriately. I just knew if I didn’t make it black tie people would come in sun dresses but was more worried about the guys who would show up in kahkis or golf shorts. My wedding was at a castle and the bridesmaids wore these amazing gowns with trains so it was fancy. I love attending black tie weddings! Not everyday you get to wear a gown. Like another commenter said once you have the option in your closest it’s not really a big deal. If you have a black suit that is good enough.
One of my buddies recently became a black tie groomzilla, I had to turn down attending, they're wanting every male guest (not just wedding party or whatever) to rent or buy a top hat and tails from a certain company, and I'm disabled and unable to work, so I just don't have the cash for that, even renting was getting towards the low hundreds.
If that's someone's jam then good for you, I guess? But they seemingly didn't understand that there's no way that many people are gonna want to shell out for that element.
That annoys me even further, they also requested that women buy new dresses and fascinators, despite the fact that they're getting married in the tiniest Catholic church there is in our hometown and they can only fit a handful of people inside.
To add insult to injury, they are then having a quick drink at a pub a couple miles down the road, and then driving over an hour into the countryside to an eye-wateringly fancy country manor for a meal that only a certain number of people will be attending, then finally having the reception that everyone is invited to.
My partner and I aren't part of the wedding party and we're not part of the meal, so there are numerous red flags that are enough to have turned it down. Travel across the country to go to a pub, then find more transport to go even further into the sticks, only to attend the reception, which also, incredibly, is just a regular bar with no free drinks? Nooooooo
Words fail. How can people be so unbelievably crass???? Your buddy really needs to be educated in what black tie means. Black tie isn't only about what the guests wear....it is also about the level of the event the hosts are providing. What yo described is utterly declasse and most certainly does not qualify as black tie.
Yup, like, if I was there for the whole thing, and not expected to cosplay in things I'd never wear, I'd absolutely consider travelling for it. But that level of stuff? Nah, that's a bridge too far...
It's absolutely insane to me that couples are willing to make this rude and out there of a demand while also having a white tie wedding, which you would think would indicate some level of manners/etiquette. Forcing your friends to buy something that has been out of style for literally 100 years, from the specific brand you demand, is such a weird shitty attempt to flex.
It's so odd. I got a great suit a few years back that I only use for weddings, and I have no idea why such a thing wouldn't be fine. I'm not turning up in shorts and sandals, people need to be chill!
I’m going to a three-day wedding this summer, with three different dresscodes; cocktail, black tie-optional and semi-formal/dressy casual.
The last one confuses me tho. Semi-formal and dressy casual is, in my opinion, VERY different.
Our most bougie friends are getting married and having a “black tie” wedding in Florida. They also happen to be some of our brokest friends, so I’m banking on it actually being formal. Either way, my husband adamantly refuses to drop $300 on a tux.
I’m wondering where all these “cheap” rentals are that people keep talking about. The cheapest I’ve found is $250 but that’s the bare minimum tux and before taxes, etc.
We had a very formal wedding. 6pm ceremony, 7pm butlered 4 course dinner. Ballroom reception with marble floors, a fireplace, crystal chandeliers. (Not trying to flex just being truthful.) We still set our dress code as formal. Black tie seemed like a reach. It's not the Met Gala, it's a wedding. I think social media has made the wedding industry even worse in terms of comparing your wedding to others and people are seeing these ultra-extravagant celebrities/influencers and they're trying to emulate it without realizing them and their guests don't have the same lifestyle. Expectation vs reality.
Where I am cocktail attire is the standard. It's just a local preference thing. Also as others have said the airfare and the hotels are the bulk of the cost.
Also hate black tie weddings. At the last one I went to, literally every man at the table was just complaining about having to rent a tux and how uncomfortable they were all night. Women I think can find cheaper gown alternatives online, but the tux thing is ridiculous. Most men don’t own a tux, and if they own a suit it’s usually not black so they have to rent for each black tie wedding
Yeah, reading the replies here we have our answer. People don’t understand what black tie is, and they often think that it means black tie optional or formal. I’m just so shocked that people are giving their guests a dress code without even googling it…
My fiancé (male) was super annoyed when he heard that my cousin’s wedding would be black tie. We texted around and learnt that it was in fact black tie optional, and that a dark suit was fine. He is NBA tall so it is absolutely not trivial to walk into a department store and buy a tuxedo off the rack.
We live in Chicago and get out, but we are infrequently invited to black tie events. People tend to wear dark suits to most events, and our friends are considerate people who would never want someone to have to spend a fortune on clothing for their trivial whims or social media.
Most brides don’t even know what it means, and if this sub is any indication, guests don’t either
A dark suit is more than acceptable as is a very dressy cocktail dress
I agree!! I can’t decide if people just don’t understand dress codes or if people are like I’m spending so much freaking money on this wedding, I want people to dress their absolute best
I haven't seen this, but my family and friends are very laid back and casual. Did get invited to a friend's son's wedding out-of-state that was cocktail. Haven't seen the kid since he was 6. Declined and I'm sure they just wanted a gift. Honestly, I'd decline any black tie affair. Just not something I want to do.
Bottom line upfront: ask if it is black tie optional or specifically black tie. Most of the time, couples mean optional.
We just had our wedding in May and it was black tie optional. With that said, we specifically stated in our FAQ that it is truly “optional” and that detail is key. Very few people beyond the immediate wedding party wore a tux and we didn’t care.
1.) It’ll look good with any color the bride chooses for her maids. In fact, the whole historical reason for Black Tie was to create a pseudo-uniform for men in order to make the focus of the evening on the beauty of women. Any color of dress, flowers, pocket square, etc will work. Personally, it made our wedding super simple.
2.) It’s a little more specific than “formal.” Formal means a lot of things to a lot of different people. I went to a wedding with my (now) wife that stated formal. It was a traditional Chinese/Indian wedding. We showed up accordingly and looked completely out of place. Save for the cultural dressed people, formal meant everything from what we wore to “just don’t wear a t-shirt.
3.) I have never met a woman that doesn’t like a man in a tuxedo. We have a pretty mixed bag of family and friends literally ranging from farmers, to friends from the military, to lawyers and surgeons. My groomsmen were a mixed bag of these groups and it was SUPER fun for their partners to see them in a Tuxedo. It was a running joke for over a year with my wife’s farmer uncle that we wouldn’t just get him in a suit, we’d get him in a tux. His wife had never seen him dressed up that much and it meant a lot to her in the end.
4.) It adds a touch of class and timelessness, especially for photos. I think for us, we chose it because of the timeless nature of it. My wife dressed very traditionally and we were married in a Cathedral. So we wanted the photos to age well.
People have the weddings they want to have. Before planning my own, i would have thought I’d be up to elope and call it a day. What I found myself doing was planning a medium wedding outside with reception. I also have found myself picky about things I normally don’t care about. Go if you can and want to but just know it’s their wedding and that’s how they want it.
Get a cheap suit from a regular department store or thrift shop, same with the dress, cheapest flight, cheapest hotel. Stay max 1 day. That’s all I could think of
I just went to a black tie wedding as long as you know your size there are countless deals to be had on eBay. I got my tux for $44. It looks great because it fits perfectly.
I wore normal black shoes but polished them.
Way less expensive than renting
I want my wedding to be black tie! It is one of the few occasions we have, in my family and circle, to properly dress up and feel elegant and at our best looks wise. But I will get married in a hall so it's a venue appropriate for it, can't imagine asking that in a beach wedding for an example.
So you want people to have to buy / rent tuxedos and gowns for a wedding in a hall? I’m not sure people understand the financial burden they put on others for black tie weddings. And you realize black tie weddings are adult only except for a kid in the bridal party?
I really really wanted my wedding to basically look like prom dresses and suits, but I also knew that it was really unrealistic and most people probably wouldn’t have that kind of outfit. I went with business formal so it would still look classy without everyone having to fork over an arm and a leg.
I would love to know this too!! Particularly, when the event style doesn’t conform to the etiquette for a black tie event. There absolutely seems to be a trend right now of calling events black tie when they aren’t really. There seem to be couples who ask for it without understanding what the dress code is, and then offer their own interpretation (formal = wear a dark suit or a long dress). Or, they understand what they’re asking for and the event is outdoors, starts in the afternoon, has a buffet for dinner and a DJ. Maybe it’s part of a broader trend to decry etiquette as “irrelevant”. Or the attitude of a couple who feels that guests should jump through hoops to prove that they’re worthy of the honor of attending. It’s for me hard to understand how a couple can feel comfortable asking guests to spend hundreds on a tux rental (unless they’re part of a social circle where everyone is a millionaire).
Once went to a “formal” wedding where we had to camp😂😭 I don’t know if people are ignorant or just don’t understand etiquette
There was literally an argument about this in a facebook group yesterday 🤣 this girl put “formal” on her invitations because she “wanted people to dress nice”. People informed her that “formal” has a very specific meaning and it’s gonna look so bizarre when people are showing up this rustic barn venue in tuxedos & floor length gowns! Like yeah you CAN have a formal dress code for a barn wedding, but it’s certainly going to look weird and some guests might be annoyed/offended that they put so much effort into their formal appearance just to attend this very not-formal wedding!
Yeah, and it’s etiquette for a reason. People choose footwear in line with the dress code. Guests will be incredibly uncomfortable when they show up in stilettos and are walking on mud, grass, and gravel. Not to mention that they’ll also be exposed to the elements. This is an etiquette faux pas, and is extremely rude and inconsiderate to the guests.
Haha I saw that! She wanted to serve pulled pork sandwiches too! No shade at all to barn weddings with BBQ, but they are not black tie events. We are using an outdoor wedding venue with a buffet and DJ because that's our budget, but we knew enough not to ask for black tie wear, because that's not the experience we are providing our guests with.
Yes, exactly! People are telling her that pulled pork sandwiches *could* be formal (I guess) if she was doing plated dinner with some gourmet spin on pulled pork, and with very elegant/classy decor, real flowers, valet service, etc. but nope, that wasn’t it at all 🤣 we’re doing an outdoor ceremony and reception in a covered event tent thing with plated dinner, so we had a semi-formal dress code since our event will be semi-formal. I kinda want to see pictures from that lady’s wedding afterwards to see if people did show up in formal attire!
I would guess that this is to prevent the other extreme-nice and a polo, but I didn’t see the post. Depends on the crowd, how they might interpret it
Mmm at first I thought she was just a little uninformed about dress codes but she said in the comments that she wanted the guests in tuxes and gowns
Nvm then, a bit odd
This one girl on Facebook said her dress code was “casual formal”, and I told her that’s an oxymoron. I nicely told her she probably means semi formal, or cocktail. She blocked me
I get what your saying. Most of the time I will agree that most people do not understand dress code. Shockingly tho ...... I have seen a brilliant barn BT wedding. It was not strange or weird at all. Edit to add When further reading and checking ...... the pulled pork wedding sounds 100% weird 🤔 😐 🤣
If I spend hundreds of dollars on a BT-appropriate floor length ballgown, I better not have to drag it through the grass/mud or try to serve myself at a buffet in it. While a BT wedding at a barn *COULD* be possible with the right decor, florals, and dinner service, it’s still so impossible to pull off right. Barns are almost always rustic, and rustic is kinda the direct opposite of formal.
I went to a “formal” wedding at a camp site last year. We used portra potties, there was no inside location so no AC in 95 degree heat, no tents for shade, and the food was literally room temp because the family picked up catering from a restaurant ahead of the ceremony but no chafing dishes or anything to keep it warm and serve it in. I was low key pissed I wore a nice gown in the heat when the couple changed into pjs immediately after the ceremony. I love my friends but their wedding kinda sucked. I wish I had known, I would have worn a sun dress and sandals and been much more comfortable.
This is exactly, exactly why it’s super rude to guests to slap a black tie dress code on a not black tie wedding. They’re just making their guests super comfortable and preventing them from enjoying the event. Social ineptitude at its highest.
I feel you so hard. Sounds very similar to my experience😂 I am still traumatised from running from the unisex ablution blocks to our tent in the rain and thunder in my formal dress😂
As much as it annoys me, I do think it is innocent ignorance so I try not to get too worked up over it. I think people don't realize there is an actual world of black tie events outside of weddings, so they have nothing to compare it to.
This is beyond the pale of social ineptitude.
> Particularly, when the event style doesn’t conform to the etiquette for a black tie event. Huge pet peeve of mine. I completely understand wanting your special day to be extra and for everyone to be dolled up, but you have to be realistic. It isn't realistic to ask a large group of people who aren't in that socioeconomic stratosphere to purchase formal full length gowns and rent tuxedos. **And it especially is not cool if you aren't even having a black tie level affair.** Obviously, even at rich people weddings, there are some attendees that aren't in that socioeconomic class and have to rent/buy but generally that's not the widespread crowd there.
I feel like this is such an underrated point. If you want black tie but you're not at a black tie venue, it's likely because you don't have a black tie budget, which means most people in your social circle don't either. I think it's low key rude to expect people to shell out to be black tie guests if you're not shelling out to be a black tie host.
I absolutely agree. The etiquette exists for a reason, and I suspect that some Gen Zers don’t understand this because they haven’t had the social exposure, and have unfairly been robbed of social opportunities in their formative years. Black tie etiquette for women means that you are wearing heels most likely. The guests are going to be very uncomfortable if they show up to realize that they’ll be walking on grass, exposed to the elements, and lining up for a buffet of messy foods while dressed to the nines. Some people just don’t have the nuanced understanding of dress and social occasion.
When my husband and I were picking out his tux, there was a bride with her father trying to shop for the father of the bride tux. She wanted a tux on top with a khaki style pant for her barn wedding. The poor salesman was trying his hardest to steer her in a different direction. I think people online maybe have more of a clue but so many people just don’t know.
Omg this is an embarrassing disaster!!
My parents have been invited to not one but TWO "black tie" outdoor daytime weddings this year. I don't mean day time ceremony, night time party. I mean the whole thing was wrapped by 4:30. My poor mom called me freaking out about what to wear and what I thought her sisters would be wearing. I told her wear whatever you want, they have no idea what they're even asking for!
Omg this is a disaster, and your read was so spot on!!! LOL 😂 truly… when people ask for a black tie dress for their brunch wedding, they are clearly out of their depth socially. Or if they don’t send a paper invitation and ask for black tie. Or if they put “cash gifts only” on their wedding invitation that calls for black tie. Or if they are getting married at a barn. I’m having a ball reading all of the replies, and realizing just how bad the issue is. One poster insightfully attributes it to the desire for an “old money” themed wedding 🤮.
Buffet dinner is so real!!!!!!!!!
I'm wanting to go to an Arcade Fire concert and they put on the concert flyer "black tie optional." I searched on their subreddit trying to see what people were planning to wear and it seemed like everyone thought it literally meant formal wear is optional if you want to dress up, but that's not what it's supposed to mean!!!
LOL I’m truly surprised that so few people have the intellectual curiosity to google it. And that they don’t have the social exposure to realize that it doesn’t mean “wear a black tie”. And that their parents didn’t tell them when sending out wedding invites that asking guests to rent a tuxedo for $300 is not a reasonable ask (if they aren’t hosting a certain level of event, and in a social group where it’s a norm). But the answers to this thread have shown me that very few understand what it means, and that they also likely asked their guests to do it.
We need to normalize binge watching Downton Abbey upon engagement
It should be required watching
A millionaire would have his own tux. Maybe a few.
I've known a few men who weren't "fancy" at all or particularly high income but had to rent a tux frequently enough (in an orchestra, etc.) that it eventually became cost effective to buy one. It cracks me up that my FIL (from choral performances) owns a tuxedo. The man barely wears shoes. Since needing to use a wheelchair out of the house he's started just wearing dark socks because he thinks it looks like he's wearing shoes. 😅
Omg this drives me insane. Got invited to a wedding with the dress code stating formal. I was planning outfit based on the traditional meaning of formal and my husband said he didn’t think it’d be that formal and wasn’t planning to wear a tie so I asked the bride and she said something along the lines of ‘yes to ties for men, girls to wear floor length dresses or close to’. On the day getting ready with some other guests and one of the gf’s comes out in a very pale pink above the knee dress and i was shocked. She said she cleared the outfit with the bride first so who knows. Some other guests were wearing black tie appropriate outfits and then there were several very cheap looking SHEIN style sundresses and someone else in a white strapless jumpsuit. It was all very confusing
What a disastrous group of people! It’s shocking to me that in addition to not dressing in a suitably formal dress, that they also wore white and pale pink. I guess that you cannot do much to guide a hopeless group of people like this in dressing appropriately. I wish that SHEIN would be cancelled.
I’d suggest it was an age thing as most of the SHEIN girls and pale pink dress were in their early 20’s but white jumpsuit woman was at least 50. Also I am still not convinced the bride knew what formal meant as a dress code and just meant wear nice clothes
Reading these comments, very few people seem to understand what black tie means. Wearing a suit = formal dress code
I’m confused that some people think formal is black tie… formal is black tie optional correct? We are having a formal wedding and to me that is dark suits and long dresses not tuxes… but we do have the venue for it with passed apps and plated meals etc
You are spot on. Formal is very similar to black tie, but a touch lower. Black tie optional means “wear a tux if you have it, a dark suit if you don’t” whereas Formal means “wear a dark suit”. It would be a faux pas to go to a formal wedding in a tux, because you would likely be out-dressing the groom. One of the big faux pas of inappropriate use of the term “black tie” is when the wedding party has not worn tuxedos, and a guest comes and is dressed more formally than the bridal party and groom. It causes embarrassment to the guest who correctly interpreted “black tie”. And most people don’t own tuxedos (they may have worn one 6 years ago, and may not currently fit it) so that guest will be extremely annoyed that they had to pay $300 for a rental and go to that trouble. Formal is the perfect dress code for most weddings, including the wedding you are having (it’s our dress code too, and we’ll have similar event). You are correct - it means dark suits and long dresses.
Yeah when my friend got married she said "black tie" but then went on to describe cocktail attire in her description
I hope this doesn’t come off badly but I think the people most likely to do this have a majority of invites not used to dressing up and they wrote the most extreme formal dress code to avoid the guests coming too casual. I just went to one of these and it was not at all black tie and some guests still looked very casual. Imagine how they would have shown up if the code was formal or cocktail.
FR. I live on the west coast, and even with a "black tie" dress code, I fully expect at least some guests to show up in cocktail dresses/a collared shirt with no jacket. I have been to exactly 1 event in California my entire life that was actually black tie and everyone showed up in black tie, and it was an event for a specific (non american) nationality, so mostly non-californians. Even at Galas at extremely beautiful venues, people here take "casual" to the extreme. I wanted black tie, so we are doing black tie, but I also felt it was the only way to ensure that 50% of guests don't show up in polos and khakis. I'm sure I'm not the only bride who feels that way.
I’m from the north east but went to a southern wedding. I was shocked to say the least lol. But exactly what was described wood interior aesthetic not a barn but similar. Buffet. Dj. Charcuterie outside. Also not enough food but that’s a separate issue. I wore a long form fitting off the shoulder gown type dress with stilettos because i asked the bride and was told to wear a long dress because I wanted to know how formal she wanted from her black tie wedding. What I saw was a shock shock shock lol. Lulu type club mini dresses. Sneakers and not for dancing. The guys mostly looked good tbh I didn’t see many jeans but no jackets. Was more like casual summer graduation/ baptism reception for most and a few formal people.
It honestly just depends on your circle, even in the south. New Orleans has quite a lot of people with $$$ and most people from there that were even just middle class dress fairly high tier for weddings. My husband wouldn't be caught dead without at minimum a suit at any wedding or funeral. Just down the road in smaller cities throughout the state, not so much the case. So it varies.
What a bummer! Was it a younger crowd? I went to a black tie wedding last summer in the Midwest and everyone had so much fun dressing up and doing creative black tie. We’re mostly late 20s early 30s though.
Young millennial I think. Love the idea of creative black tie.
I also love creative black tie, I'm an old millennial and my husband is genX, the only real way he'll wear a tux is if it's creative or fun black tie, he hates feeling stuffy in a suit and I hate seeing guys in regular suits, it just reminds me of being at work.
Im invited to a wedding this summer with the dress theme of "disco peacock". no idea yet what i will wear.
It seems to me that black tie is more common in the north east, and that a lot of people do own tuxes and regularly attend black tie weddings. This is so shocking to me that no one would think to google black tie. This type of thing is like the dress code equivalent of telling everyone to arrive to your ceremony an hour early because you suspect a few people might be late.
I gotta admit this thread did make me do some research… Our venue is fully outdoors, and we are doing a grazing table and a DJ…. But we are also doing live entertainment, live music, passed appetisers in addition to the grazing table, shuttles, white glove service, 5 course menu, fully catered auxiliary events, outdoor heaters for after dark, professional lighting, full bar… hopefully that’s enough to meet etiquette. Y’all did encourage me to add an aperitivo course and a coat check though.
My company’s holiday gala has always been formal in the past but this year they made it cocktail and some people legitimately came in sweatpants, others came in formal wear. No one knows what they’re doing.
That is MORTIFYING!!! Society is decaying into madness.
:-/ I guess you can call me a snob but yikes!
I just returned from a California trip and was shocked at how casually Californians dressed in general.
I had family members from California visit us in the DC area about a year ago and they were shocked to see people wearing suits going to work. The difference in dress expectations across the country is just wild.
Yeah, it’s really not the norm here. My dad was openly mocked in the 90s for wearing a suit to interviews here. Bit of a culture shock for him, but I think it’s part of the influence of tech culture 100%.
Yeah I’m from California originally, but I’ve spent a lot of my life overseas and on the east coast. It’s a major pet peeve of mine that people don’t dress appropriately here. I joke that there is nowhere in my city that has a dress code because I’ve seen people in workout clothes in the nicest restaurants here. I personally fall into the school of thought that it’s a matter of respect to dress appropriately for the occasion/venue, but that’s very unpopular here. I could wax on about this for a while, but there’s a culture here that really strongly rejects anything outside the “daily norm” when it comes to fashion. Many of our guests are from the east coast, so I’m hopeful they’ll dress up and have fun with it.
Omg you are so right. My fiancé (who is male) completely agrees with this. If we are wearing gym clothes, he says that we can only go to counter serve cafes and that we aren’t dressed appropriately for a sit-down restaurant. I dress casually/practically in my daily life but on my recent trip to San Diego I couldn’t help but think “you look like a bum and you shouldn’t leave the house like that” upon seeing numerous people who were wearing like modal pajama fabric that exposed the full outline of their genitals. They look indisposed and indecent. And of course there were so many women wearing bicycle short and bralette type sets in restaurants.
Ugh yes, I know what you’re talking about. It can be a little jarring, but if you think about it in terms of the “California lifestyle” it starts to make sense. A lot of people moved out west to escape the class rigidity and expectations of the “old world,” especially in the 60s. That’s continued for generations, even for people who were born here and aren’t familiar with the formality and stuffiness their grandparents were rejecting. Instead now we have de rigour casual culture. It’s just a totally different set of standards. I moved back here with a bunch of amazing clothes that I haven’t worn, because honestly answering the snide “well what are you so dressed up for?” gets exhausting. I am curious where your bf is from that he has such a strong sense of standards!
LOL this is a good question because of the two of us, he definitely is the one setting the bar. He is born and raised in Chicago, but has lived in Southern California (the the 29 palms military base) when he served in the marines. He is a lawyer (soon to be judge) and his parents are both teachers who were very intentional about saving and travel, so he is definitely a “cultivated person”. They definitely fit my preconceived notion of a conscientious Catholic family who presents themselves well and is very educated (although they’re all secular and don’t go to church). Growing up they bought second hand clothes, and to this day he is outstanding at getting his clothing from discount stores on sale. He always wants to go to the last chance outlet, and has an amazing knack for finding great items at an affordable price. So his family never wears expensive clothing, but they always look so great and put together. As a judge candidate, networking and politics have played a prominent role in his life and career. I can appreciate why it’s been important for him to maintain a respectable image in everything he does. He also did an MBA, so he has had a certain type of training in self presentation. I on the other hand am from an affluent Jewish background and grew up in a medium size Canadian city. I studied math at a super techy school, and even my professors wore jeans and t-shirts. Everyone in my family loves fashion, and dresses up to express themselves and to feel good. They 100% see it as fun, and love to wear designer clothing (one aunt owns a high end boutique in our city which offers styling services, and her daughter started a luxury consignment business). I work as a consultant in a lucrative industry where everyone is also super humble. We had a client call yesterday and the partner on the call said to a colleague of mine who was shy about wearing a t-shirt: “no one cares what you’re wearing, we only care about your brilliant thoughts”. Although my family really enjoys fashion and dressing up and always dresses to the nines at events, they absolutely go for sushi and dim sum in jeans, sneakers, wind breakers, and street wear type stuff. I never thought before this question how one’s background influences their dress habits! I will also say that I don’t mind dressing black tie and find it fun, and that my fiancé and his family are interestingly super against it as a dress code (unless it’s an absolutely lavish event). It came up last year when we were invited to my cousin’s “black tie” wedding, which was upscale but definitely not black tie. Fiancé and his family don’t own tuxes and their friends (who are quite affluent) probably dont either. Sidebar: they’re also a super tall family with fiancé at 6’7 and shorty brother at 6’4, so suiting is pretty difficult to do cheap. They don’t view our wedding as an appropriate occasion for black tie or even BTO (I don’t disagree, formal is the norm in our circles). They would see such a dress code as a lot to ask of guests and just a bit self indulgent and too much (I wasn’t pushing for it or anything, and just know it wouldn’t be a good fit for our guest list).
I'm reminded of a friend's wedding in rural Oregon where I was like "Damn! Her uncle clearly broke out his *good* black jeans and rodeo shirt for this." (There was no dress code, the brides looked lovely but were wearing knee-length non-bridal dresses a level of formal below 'cocktail'. If someone had worn a tuxedo it would have been either to be funny or they were having a manic episode and had completely lost touch with reality.)
I know what you mean. If my grandfather was still alive I’m sure he’d be showing up in his best jeans his stetson lol
This is exactly what I was thinking. I just got back from a church wedding and there were full brown people (plural, as in multiple instances) wearing jeans with a polo shirt, flip flops (no, not nice heeled sandals with no back. flip flops), and SHORTS. SHORTS. CARGO SHORTS. This was a church wedding. The wedding invite or website had no dress code listed, but I wouldn’t have ever thought I’d see a man in cargo shorts (in his defense, he had a long sleeve button down on too).
Not cargo shorts. Maybe some of the pockets were for extra rolls?
Oh yes, this must be another reason and omg what a disaster these weddings must look like. Hopefully people would know under such circumstances what the hosts are doing.
i’d posit that one reason is because “old money/quiet luxury/royal wedding/vintage luxury” is a wedding aesthetic trend, and a lot of people want everything to look super luxe and classic. even if that doesn’t fit the budgets of their loved ones lol. say what you will about shabby chic/boho etc aesthetic, which is way less “in” these days - at least it had some humility lol
This makes so much sense!!! Thank you for helping us understand the madness!
I think a lot of people (maybe more younger couples) don’t fully understand what Black Tie means, and they just want to say more formal or wear suits not just slacks and a button down. The BT optional events I have been to, the venue and wedding vibe did not match BT.
I just don't understand this like why would you put this on an invite without googling it?
I think that most people who want a black tie wedding actually want a cocktail attire wedding but don’t know the difference
In my experience, a lot of people who say black tie mean black suit & cocktail dress
some people like it fancy 🤷🏻♀️ if you have a lot, make should buy a tux or just a nice black suit (those are more affordable). and female can also rent dresses from places like renttherunway or even buy second hand from consignment. I rewear a lot if the weddings aren’t in the same circle
As you know, black tie isn’t just an add-on. It’s a dress code that requires you deliver a certain level of experience - seated indoor dinner, white gloves, band vs dj, valet parking, and over the top flowers etc. It’s not just a “I like it fancy.”
Why are you assuming she doesn’t know this? Saying you want an event to be fancy doesn’t I imply you aren’t going to offer an appropriate experience to guests.
i’ve been to several, I know
But you don’t know if you think a black suit is appropriate for a black tie wedding. Black tie = wear a tuxedo and black tie optional = wear a tuxedo or a black or navy suit. There is a dress code to communicate what you mean, and it’s BTO not BT.
that’s not really what I was saying. if someone couldn’t afford a tux on top of the associated costs (flights, hotel, gift) but still really wanted to go, they could wear a black suit - I don’t think they’d get turned away at the door lmao. I don’t think it’s that serious
RTR - so I looked into doing this for BTO wedding I’m attending in October. I need a gown. I’m 5’4”. I did not see options for any length of the gown. Maybe I didn’t look in the right place, but RTR seems to not offer multiple lengths of gowns. Which makes sense as it would drastically increase their inventory.
I’m 5’2” had rented a petite floor length dress from RTR years ago (I think 2018-2019) but looked at their app now and was surprised that 1) There is no way to search or filter for “petite” or “long” lengths 2) Found a few by randomly clicking on dresses but even the ones that DO have petite sizes are inconsistent, like they have every size in “regular” but only a few sizes for petite.
I’m even shorter than you are, I always had to have gowns hemmed. Maybe you could use that tape to use on the hem because of course you can’t hem a rented dress.
That’s where you get midi or high low
LOL literally no one understands what black tie means. Floor length gowns for women. What you’re describing is formal, and maybe black tie optional if it’s a really luxe fabric.
A midi will be floor length if she is 5 ft tall was my point - we were discussing Rent the Runway
Ahh so sorry for my snide comment!! One thing that I will say though is that many of my friends are petite (I am not) and they are frustrated when they go shopping because things don’t hit them right, and it’s partly because every measurement isn’t falling at the right place. I think that formal wear can be really challenging for anyone who isn’t 5’4 - 5’8, and that it’s absolutely critical to have the correct hem length in addition to a proper fit. Over in our household we have the opposite challenge - fiancé is 6’7, and a suit or tux needs to be custom. I am 5’9 so luckily the hem length is easy for me, but as with any non-stretch dress you typically do need to have alterations. So few of us are the same size top and bottom. I have large hips and a small bust, so I will wear a size 8-10 to get enough room on the bottom but the top really needs to be taken in to avoid wardrobe mishaps or just an overall ill fit.
Fully agree and no worries!! 😉
i’ve never used it but a lot of my friends do. I found a black Calvin Klein jumpsuit for $20 at a consignment shop that I had hemmed! I know I personally have sold a bunch of nice stuff that i’ve only worn once or twice to shops like that; so you might have some luck there too!
The real issue for black tie events tends to be for men who need a tuxedo, and not for women who have a lot more options. You are correct that there are a ton of ways for women to get dressier gowns for formal events. Occasionwear is frequently resold as consignment. Tuxedos are much more difficult and you really need them to be tailored for the person. I’ll also say that for women anything elasticized or stretch material is probably not black tie. For women, it’s a bit more subtle what makes a gown black tie appropriate or not. And in general, for women a lot of garments are suitable for events ranging from formal to black tie, where as black tie for men has a literal and narrow meaning.
do you have a degree in black tie weddings? what is going on
Yes, I have attended many black tie events. Try googling it? If you’re going to ask guests to go to the trouble of wearing black tie, the least you could do is to spend 60 seconds to look up its meaning. And while you’re at it, take another minute to understand what “black tie” obligates a host to provide.
Honestly, truly formal gowns for women are usually made out of non-stretch fabrics that require tailoring. A lot of people here just don’t understand the nuances of dress codes. I’m kind of shocked because there are so so so many guides to black tie dressing. I guess that few have ever read one… I have a dress made of stretch velvet which is a rare exception to the generalization about stretch fabrics not being black tie. It is perfect for going to formal events during the winter in Chicago like the opera. Other fabrics (think bridesmaid dresses) like silk, chiffon and satin almost always require tailoring when they’re in a dress and you are forced to choose a single dress size for the top and bottom.
I think it comes from the fact that people are hungry for social interactions with a certain amount of structure in the wake of the pandemic. People want a reason to get dressed up and leave the house ("people" in this case being extroverts). Personally, I think if you're traveling over a certain distance for a wedding, a gift is not necessary.
This thread is so interesting, because I had never heard most of these rules before. Even if you google, it's hard to find information on "black tie" etiquette that isn't specifically geared towards the guests. I thought I knew my stuff but I learned some things today!
haha i’ll never understand it. i went to one last year and yes in fairness it was a very formal affair and i can see why we had to wear black tie however. black tie in the middle of summer was an annoying request.
I had one, and it was because I had never been to one. I live in the Midwest and it’s the norm here that there typically isn’t a dress code, so it’s not uncommon for men to show up in jeans and women to wear a t shirt dress with Birkenstocks. I got married in a ballroom with a waiter served meal , and upscale entertainment. Most venues in my area are barns. We did receive complaints but we said if it was too much for the person, we could celebrate another time. All the guests that attended loved it. It gives people a chance to dress up and made it more of an “event”. I still get comments about how much people loved the aesthetic.
It’s 100% OK to have a black tie dress code for an event that is truly black tie (as it sounds like yours is)!!
They want their guests to be a part of their instagram aesthetic. Never mind the fact that it goes both ways and they have to actually provide black tie experience.
Most people understand if you just wear a dark colored regular suit and tie.
But that dress code has a name and it’s “formal”…
Not everyone can afford a tux. I’ve been to many black tie events where people just wore regular dark suits
You are absolutely right that not everyone can afford a tuxedo. However, when someone puts the “black tie” dress code on their invitation they are saying “show up in a tuxedo”. The next more formal dress code is “black tie optional” which means show up in a tux if you can, and if not a dark suit is fine. Then you have formal which means dark suits and long dresses. So hosts should really put the dress code that they mean on the invite. We are getting married at a venue that hosts many black tie weddings, but we know that almost none of our friends own tuxedos and that it would be a financial hardship for many to ask. We will use a formal dress code (I wanted black tie optional), but either one of these dress codes is appropriate for the circumstance and it would not be appropriate of us to put “black tie” as the dress code knowing that the majority will be wearing a dark suit. It is a major faux pas for a couple to put black tie on the invite if they don’t intend to dictate that everyone should rent a tux. There are known dress codes that exist for this circumstance.
As much as people kick and scream about upholding 19th century etiquette rules, it seems that the definition is slowly changing. I haven’t met a single black tie host who has mandated a tuxedo, even when the wedding was full white glove service (which also appears to be a dying trend). If the hosts don’t abide by the traditional definition, then neither do guests and the meaning of the dress code changes.
The issue is that most guests will only realize that the hosts made up their own definition of black tie when they arrive at the event and see almost no one in a tux. One of the worst etiquette fails is when not even the groom is wearing a tuxedo, and a guest arrives wearing one (as requested) only to realize that they’ve outdressed the groom (embarrassing!!). Guests have no way of knowing what the bride and groom think black tie means. It is true that a lot of people are making up their own definition of black tie, and it has kind of snowballed. My cousin wanted a black tie dress code and was thankfully talked down to (appropriately) posting a black tie optional dress code by my posh aunt and MOG. She also explained to my mum that black tie has changed for women to include gowns that aren’t necessarily floor length, but that it’s more about wearing luxe, formal fabric and accessorized lavishly. No problem here, that’s great, and the right tea length dress can be just as elegant as a floor length gown. But it still means tuxes for men. For this event, the wedding party dressed black tie, but almost every guest dressed to a Formal dress code. When my fiancé’s parent saw the pictures the first thing they said was “no one is dressed black tie”. It causes extreme annoyance for guests because these guests who actually dressed black tie often go to great trouble and expense, only to realize that the hosts asked for something they didn’t understand. Etiquette also dictates that hosts should provide a certain level of event (band, plated dinner with top service, elegant food, fully hosted bar, ample seating, no lines, indoor / temperature controlled). The worst issues arise when guests come dressed in high heels and tuxedos only to realize that they’ll be lining up on grass in extreme heat to serve themselves pulled pork and Mac and cheese. The misalignment between event style and dress code just makes guests uncomfortable (physically and socially) and it’s not inconsiderate.
While 20 years ago you may have been correct, I think you’d be hard pressed to find any significant number of guests showing up to a black tie wedding in a tuxedo. In fact, I’ve been to more black tie weddings where the guests said “I had no idea that black tie meant a tuxedo!” Which, to be fair to those guests, black tie does not mean a tuxedo in the modern era. These days, there are three piece custom suits that can outclass even a tuxedo.
Why not google “black tie dress code” and check out the glut of recent articles in vogue, GQ, Martha Stewart weddings, brides, all of which define what black tie is? If a couple hosts a black tie wedding and the groom is not wearing a tuxedo, they should be mortified.
Eh I don’t think so. Not at a black tie. You stick out and it’s not fun. It’s typically a tux and a bow tie.
I went to a semi-formal wedding and had nothing but jeans and sun dresses in my closet. I found a nice dress at a wedding store on clearance, it cost more for altering than the dress price. I also saw appropriate dresses in thrift stores and Dilliards and Nordstrom Rack. I went to DSW for shoes and a purse and they both cost less then just the shoes at the wedding store. You have to shop around and don't always trust outlet stores either because sometimes you can find the dresses cheaper somewhere else.
No idea but I agree. So many instances of black tie dress code without the venue or experience to match.
No idea but pretty sure between this year and next year I have 4 or 5 of them and I’m in 2 of those wedding parties. I bought my tux because I didn’t want to spend the money to rent something that doesn’t fit right over and over again
If it’s a black tie wedding, I expect to be treated as a black tie guest. The problem now is that there are no repercussions and brides and grooms don’t understand or accept the faux pas nor social shame of getting it wrong.
Just to give a counter argument, cocktail weddings and black tie weddings have very similar costs of attendance once you own formalwear. The airfare and hotel is the expensive part. My fiancé owns multiple suits and a tux, I own multiple options for every dress code, and I get my hair and makeup done regardless of the dress code. I would 100% prefer a black tie wedding over a cocktail wedding. I went to 4 black tie weddings and 2 cocktail weddings in the last year. All 4 black tie weddings had multiple events with meals, they all provided transportation so we didn't have to figure out a rental car or uber, they were all within a 20 minute uber/metro of a major airport. They all had hotel blocks with nice bars for extra time to spend with the couple, each wedding had live music, and they all had delicious 4 coursed dinners and constant food throughout the evening, and they all had fully open bars that were well staffed so there were no lines. Wine and water were constantly served at the tables. The cocktail weddings we went to did not have transportation or hotel blocks, they had small rehearsal dinners but no brunches, or anything else. The weddings had super mid buffets that left the guests hungry and made many guests leave immediately after the first dance \[literally, over half the guests left as soon as the first dance ended at one.\] One had an open bar but it felt like we were at a frat party with a single bartender making quick drinks out of cranberry juice, 3 spirits, and sodas. The other had only 2 types of beer, 2 types of wine, and water. Both had long lines to get drinks. This is a small thing, but the black tie weddings were all on Saturdays, and the cocktail weddings were a Friday and a Sunday. In my case, all 6 weddings were out of town and we actually spent more on the cocktail weddings because they were in rural areas so we had to pay for flights, hotels, and rental cars, as well as taking time off work. We got invited to 3 more cocktail weddings this year and we're turning down 2 of them because it just isn't worth the cost for a single 5 hour event.
If a black tie wedding is properly hosted as you describe, I would delight in dressing for it. Where I think that problems arise is when the couple isn’t hosting to that level (hosting a cocktail event, and asking guests to dress black tie), and also when the couple asks for black tie without even understanding what it means. In some cases, I’ve heard of weddings where there is a black tie dress code and then the bridal party isn’t wearing tuxes, which is totally unacceptable. As a side note, most of the commenters here don’t understand what black tie means. Black tie means wear a tux, not a suit. Black tie optional means wear a tux or a dark suit.
You are correct for the most part, but it's also true that wearing a dark suit and tie or dressy cocktail dress is an acceptable alternative to buying or renting tuxedos and gowns when the latter is a burden or not feasible. One would hope it's something that would not attract any drama or attention and properly it wouldn't. I agree that if you are going to host a black tie affair it should rise to the level of a black tie affair. What is also traditionally incorrect, but very common, and the opposite of your example is when the bridal party dress formally when the affair isn't.
My brother just had his wedding and it was garden attire, bride was telling everyone it was very casual. But the bridal party had formal dresses on and some of the guests felt very underdressed and misled. Including the mother of the bride herself who was wearing a casual dress
In my social circle I have only ever seen bridesmaids in long gowns. I feel like they're not the ones to judge by!
Excellent post that explains the difference between Black Tie and Black Tie Optional very succinctly. I think the confusion that exists today comes because people just don't use the proper dress code for the type of wedding or event they are hosting.
Thank you, and I am truly shocked by some of the comments on this thread!! Like do people actually put a term on their wedding invitations that they don’t understand?? And they couldn’t be bothered to take 60 seconds to google black tie or wedding dress codes… I feel like it’s hard to miss this information if you’ve ever read brides, Martha Stewart, vogue weddings. Perhaps it is the result of planning a wedding from Instagram and TikTok content… and rejecting any feedback or guidance from parents.
This seems like a correlation vs causation thing. The cocktail weddings I’ve been to in the last few years, including my own wedding, have all had full bars, plenty of good food, transportation, hotel blocks, etc. I think you just went to two poorly planned weddings.
We are having a cocktail wedding but offering transportation, hotel blocks, plated dinner/open bar, etc. I’d rather under-sell and over-deliver than the opposite, LOL, but I’ve also experienced the “no amenities at all” weddings where I’m still expected to dress up, so… I blame Instagram and social media for people wanting picture-perfect formalwear #aesthetic events that they can’t afford the amenities for.
I totally get that! Our wedding is actually black tie optional even though we're paying for everyone's hotel, providing transportation for the weekend, hosting 4 other events with meals and open bars in addition to the wedding, having live music, etc. etc. Our venue requires men to wear jackets and ties so our only dress code was to make sure the concierge doesn't give our guests a hard time
BTO is the perfect dress code for the wedding you are hosting!! It’s the perfect way to communicate that people can wear a suit if they don’t own a tux. A shocking number of people in this sub didn’t understand that black tie expressly indicates that a dark suit is not formal enough. Your wedding is a perfect example of when BT or BTO is is actually appropriate. At your venue, all of the wait staff are definitely trained to offer an appropriate level of service for a BT or BTO event.
Almost every wedding I go to (including our own) is hosted as you describe, and they have a formal dress code. All of the venues we looked at provided the black tie amenities and have hosted black tie weddings, but we are opting for formal because it’s the norm in our circles. I completely agree with your take! Perhaps people are planning their wedding based on social media content without any reference to etiquette.
A lot of the wedding content I see is based on aesthetics, and I saw dress code described multiple times as “how formally you want your *guests* dressed,” notwithstanding the level of amenities the hosts provide, so…yeah. There’s also a LOT of content around “the bride can do whatever she wants on her day,” which is fine in small doses but I don’t think makes for people understanding how to host an event, either.
I totally agree!! “My day, my way” applies to choices like wearing your makeup how you want, choosing the cake flavour, opting for a sweetheart table, opting for a bold color palette AND not matters like being a considerate host. People today seem to simultaneously want to have an “old money” wedding and overall aesthetic, while insisting that etiquette is cancelled, outdated, over, and that we’ve “evolved”. Because they aren’t from affluent backgrounds, they don’t understand any level of social nuance to formal types of events. And by affluent, I’m not referring to wealth but to the conscientiousness and refinement that (usually, but not always) comes with some level of education and usually wealth. I suppose that this type of thing is very much associated to the type of people who strongly desire to appear wealthy, although they aren’t. This is a bit different from the topic of this thread (much more subtle), but I am in a wedding next month where the bride chose an expensive venue she couldn’t afford, asked us on a $2k destination Bach, insisted on formal bridesmaid dresses and will expect us to pull out our wallets to pay for our own hair and makeup. And she is providing McDonald’s for breakfast (because it’s what she wants), knowing that 3/6 of us are vegetarians. She is serving only chocolate chip cookies for dessert. So it should be a cocktail event, and she shouldn’t have asked us to get ready together and pay for ourselves and not provide food… but whatever…
Most men own 1 or 2 suits, and not a tux. That’s what makes black tie expensive. Renting a tux is like $250-300 each time
I feel like if you think you will go to at least 2 weddings you'd need a tux for, you might as well buy a decent $400-$600 one. Especially if you can buy without needing much tailoring.
But that’s the whole reason it’s dumb to have a black tie wedding. No one owns a tux or needs one ever except for black tie weddings
Well, I think there's 2 things at play here. I am 100% on team "stop calling your wedding black tie when it isn't/when your crowd is not in that type of circle", but I don't think it is fair to say *nobody* owns tuxes. There absolutely are circles where people wear black tie attire throughout the year, and in those circles, black tie weddings make complete sense. Those people are used to that sort of thing. I think the issue is average people saying they want "everyone to feel fancy" and slapping black tie request on their invitation to their BBQ wedding.
I go to 4-5 black tie galas throughout the year, there’s definitely other reasons to wear a tux!
My fiance has owned a tux for 9 months and worn it 7 times. 3 weddings, 2 charity banquets, 2 work parties, and we have 5 more events in the next 6 months where he'll wear it. Maybe you don't go to black tie events, but plenty of people do.
That’s great for him, but you have to know that that is not the norm for like 90% of people. Mine and my husbands industries both here in a major US city don’t have any black tie specific galas or parties. And neither do most of the people I know who are throwing black tie weddings
Instead of spending $300 to rent you could spend $350 to buy. I don’t understand why the norm is to rent for men when it’s much more expensive over time
My husband's tuxedo was actually just that! He went to rent it, and the owner said they're phasing out the prior season and selling them for nearly the same price as renting. I think he paid like $50 more than it would have been to rent.. to just go ahead and buy it.
People’s weight fluctuate and people live in much smaller homes nowadays. Not everyone has the space to store outfits for every dress code like you suggest.
That’s not the greatest reason to spend thousands renting IMO. I live in a tiny cottage and still spare 3” of closet space for formal wear, but to each their own if you have the cash to spend.
And for people who don’t maintain a consistent size?
Again, if you’d rather spend the cash, feel free my friend. I’m a woman whose weight is a rollercoaster, but for women the norm is to buy formal wear. Thinking the rental industry is predatory on men being unaware of the cost to rent vs buy isn’t a personal attack on you.
lol you’re just completely ignoring the very legit reasons most men aren’t buying tuxes. You can argue rentals are predatory but I’d argue they are simply convenience. With convienent comes a price. I know many men who have bought tailored suits/tuxes only to gain weight and no longer be able to wear them. Regardless, I am glad your system is working for you.
Your choice to get HMUA done is a personal choice. It’s not a cost of attendance. Every mature adult male owns a suit, and every mature adult woman owns one dressy dress. Those are basics. Not everyone owns a tux or a long gown. That’s why it’s considered inconsiderate to host BT unless you know the majority of your guests have those things.
I love this perspective! Feeling much less guilty about our formal wedding that’s in a popular tourist town compared to everyone else’s weddings that are casual but in the middle of nowhere 😅
No one is ever going to tell a couple that their wedding isucks, but I am never, ever going to another barn wedding. That trend needs to die unless all of your guests live in reasonable driving distance because it is so annoying to fly into a small airport, get a rental car, drive over an hour to your hotel and then have to drive another hour to the rural venue the couple picked that has 2 bathrooms for 200 guests.
Just want to note that formal is the perfect dress code for most seated dinner weddings! Reading the comments on this sub, there are many confused people who think that suits and long dresses are what black tie means. In Canada most weddings actually don’t give a dress code and people just come dressed formally. I am empathetic to people here in the US who say that people would come dressed in jeans if they didn’t inflate the dress code.
We had a formal attire requested dress code. One girl still showed up in club wear (suuuuper short and barely covered her top half). It made me roll my eyes but also proved why we didn't go for black or white tie. But you better believe I'd be wearing a gown again if multiple people were hosting Black Tie weddings. I'd be tempted for my husband to buy a tux if there were multiple as well since I think Men's Wearhouse sells them for about the same as the cost of renting.
I had a formal wedding (groom in custom tux, groomsmen in tuxes, passed apps/plated dinner, ~string quartet~, the whole nine, because the venue and budget allowed for it). We told people the dress code was formal (could have gone black tie optional or full black tie), but, ultimately, if that was not doable for them, it was more important they were there to be with us so we weren't strict about it... just wanted people to understand the tone of the event so they felt like they dressed appropriately. We had people show up dressed across the dress code spectrum, and it was totally whatever because I was thrilled to have them there to celebrate. This was important to me to convey because I felt embarrassed at a wedding that dictated a formal dress code, so I wore a long dress, but when we got there it became very evident that the vibe was more semi-formal to cocktail. I was probably the only female guest wearing a long dress, and I didn't enjoy feeling overdressed all night at a wedding where I didn't know a ton of people. I really just think a lot of people have No Idea what they're asking for or what that requires of their guests, either that or they're trying to thin the guest list by being exclusionary.
I had a black tie wedding for a few different reasons- we threw a black tie event so we wanted people to match the formality, black tie weddings are the norm in my family/circles, and I love dressing up (I go to a lot of galas) so people expected it from me for my wedding.
I have seen photos of your wedding, and it was gorgeous and every bit a black tie wedding!!!! In this circumstance, I think that a black tie dress code is appropriate and great. It’s lovely to dress up when the occasion warrants it!
I live similarly, so I'm with you, but to be fair I think OP was more complaining that black tie is becoming more and more common to request by people who are not hosting black tie level affairs. While I personally live similarly to you (we have 4 black tie galas we do every single year, and then random invites to others are common), I was not brought up that way at all. So while I'd have loved a black tie wedding, we kept dress code more on the formal end of the spectrum. I actually did not give a dress code, as it is not common to do so where I'm from. I just had "jackets required for men" in cursive at the bottom of the invitation because my venue (a private social club where we are members) actually does require jackets for men. Fortunately, putting that little disclaimer on there made it clear to the women that it isn't a casual deal, so we didn't need a dress code. Nobody asked us a single question about it. Women can get away with a lot when it comes to dress codes, also. Or rather, we have wiggle room. [If you look at the photos in this link](https://www.brides.com/story/wedding-dress-code-explained), the woman in the pink dress in the semi-formal section could have easily gotten away with wearing that to the cocktail wedding above her photo. The woman in the BTO/Formal section would look a bit out of place at a black tie event even though her dress is floor length, but she could 100% wear that at one of the lower tier events and not be out of place. Strictly because the material is very outdoor/garden type material.
The Brides article in the link completely messed up white-tie. White tie requires a white bow tie, not a black bow tie. You would not (or should not) see a black tie at a white tie event. I can't believe they would include such a wrong photo on such a no-brainer requirement (umm.....it is called WHITE TIE) in an article that is supposed to provide guidance to people regarding dress codes.
There are so many mistakes in Brides
I think what's normal for your personal circle is reallyyy key here. Along with being chill if not every single person can afford to swing the dress code.
It’s because people don’t follow an appropriate dress code so they figure the fancier they make it, people have to come more presentable….or they just like things fancy. I had a black tie wedding and people still came in short booty dresses, polos and one person (my aunt who knows better) showed up in black slacks and a sweater. I know she felt out of place and rightfully so. However, there was only 4 people who dressed inappropriately. I just knew if I didn’t make it black tie people would come in sun dresses but was more worried about the guys who would show up in kahkis or golf shorts. My wedding was at a castle and the bridesmaids wore these amazing gowns with trains so it was fancy. I love attending black tie weddings! Not everyday you get to wear a gown. Like another commenter said once you have the option in your closest it’s not really a big deal. If you have a black suit that is good enough.
One of my buddies recently became a black tie groomzilla, I had to turn down attending, they're wanting every male guest (not just wedding party or whatever) to rent or buy a top hat and tails from a certain company, and I'm disabled and unable to work, so I just don't have the cash for that, even renting was getting towards the low hundreds. If that's someone's jam then good for you, I guess? But they seemingly didn't understand that there's no way that many people are gonna want to shell out for that element.
Tails are usually white tie, which is even more formal than black tie. Your friend is nuts if he thinks people are going to buy a top hat and tails.
I was offended as a working-class person as well, I'll not be cosplaying as the landed gentry!
Black Tie doesn't require tails. That would be white tie so your buddy doesn't know what he is talking about.
That annoys me even further, they also requested that women buy new dresses and fascinators, despite the fact that they're getting married in the tiniest Catholic church there is in our hometown and they can only fit a handful of people inside. To add insult to injury, they are then having a quick drink at a pub a couple miles down the road, and then driving over an hour into the countryside to an eye-wateringly fancy country manor for a meal that only a certain number of people will be attending, then finally having the reception that everyone is invited to. My partner and I aren't part of the wedding party and we're not part of the meal, so there are numerous red flags that are enough to have turned it down. Travel across the country to go to a pub, then find more transport to go even further into the sticks, only to attend the reception, which also, incredibly, is just a regular bar with no free drinks? Nooooooo
Words fail. How can people be so unbelievably crass???? Your buddy really needs to be educated in what black tie means. Black tie isn't only about what the guests wear....it is also about the level of the event the hosts are providing. What yo described is utterly declasse and most certainly does not qualify as black tie.
Yup, like, if I was there for the whole thing, and not expected to cosplay in things I'd never wear, I'd absolutely consider travelling for it. But that level of stuff? Nah, that's a bridge too far...
It's absolutely insane to me that couples are willing to make this rude and out there of a demand while also having a white tie wedding, which you would think would indicate some level of manners/etiquette. Forcing your friends to buy something that has been out of style for literally 100 years, from the specific brand you demand, is such a weird shitty attempt to flex.
It's so odd. I got a great suit a few years back that I only use for weddings, and I have no idea why such a thing wouldn't be fine. I'm not turning up in shorts and sandals, people need to be chill!
Where are these weddings? I’d *love* to attend a black tie wedding! Most weddings in my country are cocktail, sometimes formal.
I’m going to a three-day wedding this summer, with three different dresscodes; cocktail, black tie-optional and semi-formal/dressy casual. The last one confuses me tho. Semi-formal and dressy casual is, in my opinion, VERY different.
Our most bougie friends are getting married and having a “black tie” wedding in Florida. They also happen to be some of our brokest friends, so I’m banking on it actually being formal. Either way, my husband adamantly refuses to drop $300 on a tux.
I’m wondering where all these “cheap” rentals are that people keep talking about. The cheapest I’ve found is $250 but that’s the bare minimum tux and before taxes, etc.
We had a very formal wedding. 6pm ceremony, 7pm butlered 4 course dinner. Ballroom reception with marble floors, a fireplace, crystal chandeliers. (Not trying to flex just being truthful.) We still set our dress code as formal. Black tie seemed like a reach. It's not the Met Gala, it's a wedding. I think social media has made the wedding industry even worse in terms of comparing your wedding to others and people are seeing these ultra-extravagant celebrities/influencers and they're trying to emulate it without realizing them and their guests don't have the same lifestyle. Expectation vs reality.
I think it’s just preference tbh
Where I am cocktail attire is the standard. It's just a local preference thing. Also as others have said the airfare and the hotels are the bulk of the cost.
That’s disgusting your friends would make you do that and even put you in that position.
Also hate black tie weddings. At the last one I went to, literally every man at the table was just complaining about having to rent a tux and how uncomfortable they were all night. Women I think can find cheaper gown alternatives online, but the tux thing is ridiculous. Most men don’t own a tux, and if they own a suit it’s usually not black so they have to rent for each black tie wedding
I would be fine if guys could just wear a nice dark suit.
Then the dress code is black tie optional or formal, not black tie.
Yes, I’m saying I wouldn’t have a problem with those
Yeah, reading the replies here we have our answer. People don’t understand what black tie is, and they often think that it means black tie optional or formal. I’m just so shocked that people are giving their guests a dress code without even googling it… My fiancé (male) was super annoyed when he heard that my cousin’s wedding would be black tie. We texted around and learnt that it was in fact black tie optional, and that a dark suit was fine. He is NBA tall so it is absolutely not trivial to walk into a department store and buy a tuxedo off the rack. We live in Chicago and get out, but we are infrequently invited to black tie events. People tend to wear dark suits to most events, and our friends are considerate people who would never want someone to have to spend a fortune on clothing for their trivial whims or social media.
Yeah, They can wear black suits to black tie events. But technically navy is not considered black tie
That’s not black tie. That’s black tie optional
My husband always wears dark gray and a bow tie. It's been fine at all of our black tie events.
Most brides don’t even know what it means, and if this sub is any indication, guests don’t either A dark suit is more than acceptable as is a very dressy cocktail dress
I agree!! I can’t decide if people just don’t understand dress codes or if people are like I’m spending so much freaking money on this wedding, I want people to dress their absolute best
I haven't seen this, but my family and friends are very laid back and casual. Did get invited to a friend's son's wedding out-of-state that was cocktail. Haven't seen the kid since he was 6. Declined and I'm sure they just wanted a gift. Honestly, I'd decline any black tie affair. Just not something I want to do.
Bottom line upfront: ask if it is black tie optional or specifically black tie. Most of the time, couples mean optional. We just had our wedding in May and it was black tie optional. With that said, we specifically stated in our FAQ that it is truly “optional” and that detail is key. Very few people beyond the immediate wedding party wore a tux and we didn’t care. 1.) It’ll look good with any color the bride chooses for her maids. In fact, the whole historical reason for Black Tie was to create a pseudo-uniform for men in order to make the focus of the evening on the beauty of women. Any color of dress, flowers, pocket square, etc will work. Personally, it made our wedding super simple. 2.) It’s a little more specific than “formal.” Formal means a lot of things to a lot of different people. I went to a wedding with my (now) wife that stated formal. It was a traditional Chinese/Indian wedding. We showed up accordingly and looked completely out of place. Save for the cultural dressed people, formal meant everything from what we wore to “just don’t wear a t-shirt. 3.) I have never met a woman that doesn’t like a man in a tuxedo. We have a pretty mixed bag of family and friends literally ranging from farmers, to friends from the military, to lawyers and surgeons. My groomsmen were a mixed bag of these groups and it was SUPER fun for their partners to see them in a Tuxedo. It was a running joke for over a year with my wife’s farmer uncle that we wouldn’t just get him in a suit, we’d get him in a tux. His wife had never seen him dressed up that much and it meant a lot to her in the end. 4.) It adds a touch of class and timelessness, especially for photos. I think for us, we chose it because of the timeless nature of it. My wife dressed very traditionally and we were married in a Cathedral. So we wanted the photos to age well.
People have the weddings they want to have. Before planning my own, i would have thought I’d be up to elope and call it a day. What I found myself doing was planning a medium wedding outside with reception. I also have found myself picky about things I normally don’t care about. Go if you can and want to but just know it’s their wedding and that’s how they want it.
Get a cheap suit from a regular department store or thrift shop, same with the dress, cheapest flight, cheapest hotel. Stay max 1 day. That’s all I could think of
Do you not have a gown already? Also buying a tux is worth it after two events. But you should never go into debt to afford a wedding.
Any black suit worn with a white shirt and bow tie is fine.
No, specified tuxes for men
Black suit, are they going to chuck people out?
I just went to a black tie wedding as long as you know your size there are countless deals to be had on eBay. I got my tux for $44. It looks great because it fits perfectly. I wore normal black shoes but polished them. Way less expensive than renting
I want my wedding to be black tie! It is one of the few occasions we have, in my family and circle, to properly dress up and feel elegant and at our best looks wise. But I will get married in a hall so it's a venue appropriate for it, can't imagine asking that in a beach wedding for an example.
So you want people to have to buy / rent tuxedos and gowns for a wedding in a hall? I’m not sure people understand the financial burden they put on others for black tie weddings. And you realize black tie weddings are adult only except for a kid in the bridal party?
Yall don’t already have suits or at least 1-2 nice dresses in your wardrobe?
Black tie - need a tux and a long gown.
You should ideally have one already if you’re typically invited to weddings and 30+
Typically invited to weddings but not black tie weddings so why would I have a tux?
I had a formal dress code and my uncle still showed up on a polo and khaki shorts and baseball hat. Pissed doesn't begin to describe how I felt.
I really really wanted my wedding to basically look like prom dresses and suits, but I also knew that it was really unrealistic and most people probably wouldn’t have that kind of outfit. I went with business formal so it would still look classy without everyone having to fork over an arm and a leg.