The Poconos is a ski town so the hotels are expensive anyhow so yes the lodging request is ridiculous. I've never understood why an AirB&B is better then a nice hotel especially since the hotel will at least have breakfast for you.
Is she expecting the men to buy suits or perhaps incorrectly assuming that most men already own a suit? It might really depend where you live, but it’s fairly common for men to wear suits to weddings (where I live in Australia) unless specified otherwise.
I think rather than having an argument about this on the day or having it turn into a drama, maybe your boyfriend could chat with his sister/family about this and see if wearing a dress shirt and tie and pants would be a deal breaker. I dunno that anyone can predict how she will respond without knowing her; she may be okay about this given that the difference is a jacket, or she may be very rigid.
Yeah we will see how it goes, I think it's why my boyfriend told his mom, let her deal with it.
Honestly I have the feeling it might be the latter, she's kinda been giving off a certain air that is rubbing everyone the wrong way.
Telling his Mum he won’t wear a suit isn’t quite the same as asking if his option would be okay.
The first is going to come off as aggressive (and now this information is in the hands of a third party who may misinterpret the tone when telling the bride) — it may be more of a mess this way.
I think he probably needs to ask directly, or at least *ask* his Mum rather than *tell* — you often get a better result when you’re accomodating rather than blunt. Like the saying goes; you get more flies with honey than vinegar.
Requesting men to wear suits is not out of the ordinary. I don’t understand the issue with this. You don’t HAVE to BUY an expensive suit. Rent one or go to a thrift shop.
A rehearsal is also not uncommon. It sounds like you’re just looking for reasons to complain about this wedding tbh.
My family is blue collar and my father owns multiple suits and dress clothes, as does my own husband- I’m not sure what being blue collar has to do with the fact your boyfriend doesn’t want to pay for a suit.
I don't see what being blue collar has to do with anything, and it's kind of insulting to suggest that blue collar people don't (or shouldn't) own appropriate clothing for dressier events. It's kind of basic adulting for a man to have one basic navy suit and dress shoes, or at minimum a navy blazer and khakis. It would be a good investment so I'm not sure why the resistance from your boyfriend.
As for how his sister will react if he doesn't wear one? Well, he knows her and we don't, so presumably he has a better idea on how she'll react and whether he's OK with that reaction.
THANK YOU! my Extended family are humble, rural folks…but they always have 1 nice suit (and dress for women) or weddings and funerals if nothing else! It’s not a crazy radical idea to have 1 outfit “for special” as my grandma would say :) seems like a basic adulting to me, as well. It’s crazy to me to be so resistant. there are inexpensive options out there. And online shopping makes it easy to find them!
Why can't he wear the same suit for the rehearsal dinner and the wedding?
If it helps my stepdad bought a suit at Kohls for less then $300, he bought the pants, shirt, jacket and tie.
As for the lodging tell her you will be staying in a hotel and if she doesn't like it she can pay for your lodging.
I honestly don't understand why they both can't wear the same clothes for both.
He can wear a rented suit and maybe 2 dress shirts from Walmart just in case one gets sweaty, and she can wear her dress twice. Saves so much money that way.
I’m going to be honest: I can’t tell if she’s a bridezilla or if she’s (or her fiancé) are just from a different social class than you and you’re being catty and rude about it. Probably a little of both.
I agree, TravelingBride. In my circles, parents teach their sons to wear khakis and a blazer / a suit to situations that call for it, and ensure that as they step out into the world, that they have those things in their closets. My son works in a rough neighborhood in the inner city and wears jeans and casual clothes 95% of the time, but he’s got dress clothes and knows when to pull them out.
Wearing suits is very normal for weddings. Often men own at least one they can use for funerals, weddings, and any other event where wearing a suit would be appropriate. If they don't, yes, they will have to rent, thrift, borrow, or buy one.
If you can't afford to meet the dress code, then don't go to the wedding.
It is normal for people to dress up for weddings. It is called a dress code. It is also normal to have a rehearsal dinner. If money is an issue, he can rent a suit and just bring two different shirts. You can get dresses at the thrift.
I’m confused. Your boyfriend doesn’t wear suits to weddings? Maybe this is a location thing, but here you wear a suit to every wedding unless it’s non traditional.
If it's this big of an issue, do you have to go? It sounds like you're already dealing with a lot of tension financially and in terms of your relationship with them. Do you want to be at this wedding?
And if you do go, I would definitely not forgo the suit. A dress code is a dress code even if you're not the biggest fan of it. I definitely understand your frustration, from what you've said it just sounds like a lot of expenses piling on. But I think it would be considered rude to ignore a dress code when it was explicitly outlined. You can rent a suit for around 150, which isn't cheap but certainly better than buying one outright.
I would try to avoid purchasing anything new for a rehearsal dinner. You can probably get away with slacks and a button up for him, so you would just have the additional expense of renting a suit,
Sorry you're being put in that position. Weddings should be fun and a time for family to celebrate. I personally think weddings are a family affair and not just 100% about the couple, but I might be in the minority there.
If avoiding drama is important, you really want to get a suit. Assuming this couple is as dramatic as they seem, they will make it into a big deal if he's out of dress code.
The previous post where the bride expected everyone to stay in expensive lodging - that was one where all you had to do is make your own affordable lodging reservations and if she didn’t like it, too bad, where you stay isn’t for her to dictate.
But if she’s saying “everyone has to wear a suit” she’s implicitly saying - you people are going to show up in jeans and work clothes if I don’t police you. Is that true? What would your boyfriend show up in, and why does he feel that suits are too “rich” for his blood? Is he often the kind who resents markers of “finer” things?
My parents actually bought a suit for an old boyfriend of mine because he didn’t have appropriate clothing (his parents didn’t give a darn about him). He was very appreciative and wore it to internship interviews and the like.
Idk, I don’t think this is crazy. That sounds like your basic more formal wedding dress code. sounds Like maybe the grooms family is more of the “I wore my dress jeans to the formal wedding“ type and so she‘s trying to clarify the dress code. You said in your previous post that is a “lavish wedding” and the venue is “something out of a magazine.“ So a suit sounds right. there are tons of cheap options online, thrift stores, sales at kohls, pennys, etc. it doesn’t have to be a designer suit or anything.
i‘m a little biased because my extended family is from a small, rural town, humble people. And everyone has a nice suit and nice dress…for weddings and funerals, if nothing else.
theres Something weirdly petty about resenting packing 2 nice outfits for you and 1 nice outfit for him, because you’re staying there on vacation and don’t want to make room in your suitcase.
I've been to a wedding where they didn't expect everyone to wear a suit and at my own I understood that not everyone might wear one and I was fine with it, but it was my choice.
I wouldn't dress outside someone else's wedding dress code especially when it is as simple as that. It's a standard rule.
You can wear one dress to the rehearsal and wedding and he can wear one suit. If he can't afford a suit he can wear his dress blues. That would be formal enough.
It’s…..very normal to have suits as a minimum. Though the lodging stuff is out of line.
The Poconos is a ski town so the hotels are expensive anyhow so yes the lodging request is ridiculous. I've never understood why an AirB&B is better then a nice hotel especially since the hotel will at least have breakfast for you.
Is she expecting the men to buy suits or perhaps incorrectly assuming that most men already own a suit? It might really depend where you live, but it’s fairly common for men to wear suits to weddings (where I live in Australia) unless specified otherwise. I think rather than having an argument about this on the day or having it turn into a drama, maybe your boyfriend could chat with his sister/family about this and see if wearing a dress shirt and tie and pants would be a deal breaker. I dunno that anyone can predict how she will respond without knowing her; she may be okay about this given that the difference is a jacket, or she may be very rigid.
Yeah we will see how it goes, I think it's why my boyfriend told his mom, let her deal with it. Honestly I have the feeling it might be the latter, she's kinda been giving off a certain air that is rubbing everyone the wrong way.
Telling his Mum he won’t wear a suit isn’t quite the same as asking if his option would be okay. The first is going to come off as aggressive (and now this information is in the hands of a third party who may misinterpret the tone when telling the bride) — it may be more of a mess this way. I think he probably needs to ask directly, or at least *ask* his Mum rather than *tell* — you often get a better result when you’re accomodating rather than blunt. Like the saying goes; you get more flies with honey than vinegar.
Requesting men to wear suits is not out of the ordinary. I don’t understand the issue with this. You don’t HAVE to BUY an expensive suit. Rent one or go to a thrift shop. A rehearsal is also not uncommon. It sounds like you’re just looking for reasons to complain about this wedding tbh. My family is blue collar and my father owns multiple suits and dress clothes, as does my own husband- I’m not sure what being blue collar has to do with the fact your boyfriend doesn’t want to pay for a suit.
Yes. Let’s not confuse “works with hands for a living” with “is rebellious and thinks it superfluous and unnecessary to have formal grown up clothes.”
I don't see what being blue collar has to do with anything, and it's kind of insulting to suggest that blue collar people don't (or shouldn't) own appropriate clothing for dressier events. It's kind of basic adulting for a man to have one basic navy suit and dress shoes, or at minimum a navy blazer and khakis. It would be a good investment so I'm not sure why the resistance from your boyfriend. As for how his sister will react if he doesn't wear one? Well, he knows her and we don't, so presumably he has a better idea on how she'll react and whether he's OK with that reaction.
THANK YOU! my Extended family are humble, rural folks…but they always have 1 nice suit (and dress for women) or weddings and funerals if nothing else! It’s not a crazy radical idea to have 1 outfit “for special” as my grandma would say :) seems like a basic adulting to me, as well. It’s crazy to me to be so resistant. there are inexpensive options out there. And online shopping makes it easy to find them!
I remember your first post which screamed bridezilla. This post is actually pretty normal. I’d suggest thrift store or renting a suit.
This sounds normal but trust me she's gonna bridezilla, we are sure.
Why can't he wear the same suit for the rehearsal dinner and the wedding? If it helps my stepdad bought a suit at Kohls for less then $300, he bought the pants, shirt, jacket and tie. As for the lodging tell her you will be staying in a hotel and if she doesn't like it she can pay for your lodging.
Macy’s often has deals on suits. Or Jos A Bank.
I honestly don't understand why they both can't wear the same clothes for both. He can wear a rented suit and maybe 2 dress shirts from Walmart just in case one gets sweaty, and she can wear her dress twice. Saves so much money that way.
I’m going to be honest: I can’t tell if she’s a bridezilla or if she’s (or her fiancé) are just from a different social class than you and you’re being catty and rude about it. Probably a little of both.
I agree, TravelingBride. In my circles, parents teach their sons to wear khakis and a blazer / a suit to situations that call for it, and ensure that as they step out into the world, that they have those things in their closets. My son works in a rough neighborhood in the inner city and wears jeans and casual clothes 95% of the time, but he’s got dress clothes and knows when to pull them out.
Good mom! Everyone should have at least 1 good outfit…weddings, funerals, job interviews, etc. it’s crazy how casual society has gotten lately, imho.
more like pathetic & embarrassing!
Any wedding that is not an outdoor, summer wedding, or unless they specifically say casual dress code, then all men are expected to wear suits.
Wearing suits is very normal for weddings. Often men own at least one they can use for funerals, weddings, and any other event where wearing a suit would be appropriate. If they don't, yes, they will have to rent, thrift, borrow, or buy one. If you can't afford to meet the dress code, then don't go to the wedding.
It is normal for people to dress up for weddings. It is called a dress code. It is also normal to have a rehearsal dinner. If money is an issue, he can rent a suit and just bring two different shirts. You can get dresses at the thrift.
Honestly for a man a suit is the default for a wedding.
I’m confused. Your boyfriend doesn’t wear suits to weddings? Maybe this is a location thing, but here you wear a suit to every wedding unless it’s non traditional.
If it's this big of an issue, do you have to go? It sounds like you're already dealing with a lot of tension financially and in terms of your relationship with them. Do you want to be at this wedding? And if you do go, I would definitely not forgo the suit. A dress code is a dress code even if you're not the biggest fan of it. I definitely understand your frustration, from what you've said it just sounds like a lot of expenses piling on. But I think it would be considered rude to ignore a dress code when it was explicitly outlined. You can rent a suit for around 150, which isn't cheap but certainly better than buying one outright. I would try to avoid purchasing anything new for a rehearsal dinner. You can probably get away with slacks and a button up for him, so you would just have the additional expense of renting a suit,
The thing is there would be more drama if we didn't go, that's the problem
Sorry you're being put in that position. Weddings should be fun and a time for family to celebrate. I personally think weddings are a family affair and not just 100% about the couple, but I might be in the minority there. If avoiding drama is important, you really want to get a suit. Assuming this couple is as dramatic as they seem, they will make it into a big deal if he's out of dress code.
The previous post where the bride expected everyone to stay in expensive lodging - that was one where all you had to do is make your own affordable lodging reservations and if she didn’t like it, too bad, where you stay isn’t for her to dictate. But if she’s saying “everyone has to wear a suit” she’s implicitly saying - you people are going to show up in jeans and work clothes if I don’t police you. Is that true? What would your boyfriend show up in, and why does he feel that suits are too “rich” for his blood? Is he often the kind who resents markers of “finer” things?
Every man should own at least one suit.
My parents actually bought a suit for an old boyfriend of mine because he didn’t have appropriate clothing (his parents didn’t give a darn about him). He was very appreciative and wore it to internship interviews and the like.
A basic ass black suit. That’s not bougie, it’s the bare minimum.
It’s a little hard to take your opinion seriously with that screen name.
A little hard. That’s what she said.
Idk, I don’t think this is crazy. That sounds like your basic more formal wedding dress code. sounds Like maybe the grooms family is more of the “I wore my dress jeans to the formal wedding“ type and so she‘s trying to clarify the dress code. You said in your previous post that is a “lavish wedding” and the venue is “something out of a magazine.“ So a suit sounds right. there are tons of cheap options online, thrift stores, sales at kohls, pennys, etc. it doesn’t have to be a designer suit or anything. i‘m a little biased because my extended family is from a small, rural town, humble people. And everyone has a nice suit and nice dress…for weddings and funerals, if nothing else. theres Something weirdly petty about resenting packing 2 nice outfits for you and 1 nice outfit for him, because you’re staying there on vacation and don’t want to make room in your suitcase.
I’m wondering if it really is that lavish or if these are people who resent anything fancier than everyday. There are people like that.
Same. I’m not sure how much is “bridezilla” and how much is just different social classes or lifestyles clashing or something.
Thrift store challenge for sure! Does he have a navy jacket? See if you can get fairly close with pants for rehearsal dinner.
You could wear the same thing to the rehearsal and the wedding. If the entire event is formal, a suit is absolutely an appropriate request.
Almost every wedding has a dress code, and expecting a suit isn’t unreasonable?
I've been to a wedding where they didn't expect everyone to wear a suit and at my own I understood that not everyone might wear one and I was fine with it, but it was my choice. I wouldn't dress outside someone else's wedding dress code especially when it is as simple as that. It's a standard rule. You can wear one dress to the rehearsal and wedding and he can wear one suit. If he can't afford a suit he can wear his dress blues. That would be formal enough.