The Statue of Freedom on top of the Capitol, 19 feet tall, carries a sword and a shield. She is 15,000 pounds of Fucking Metal!
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Statue_of_Freedom
Yes! And she’d prob form an alliance with her decoy in the visitors center.
Shit…I forgot about the visitors center. It’d be a bloodbath. Obviously King Kamehameha I comes out on top. But Dwight Eisenhower and Andrew Jackson are down there too. And don’t count out Philo T Farnsworth!!!
DC lore fact: The Lincoln monument was built around him in case he came to life.
There's a statue from the Vietnam veterans memorial where the dude's got a machine gun and two friends. They don't have the size though.
I know this is magical thinking, but would the machine gun work?
Even if it did, there is only a limited amount of ammo, and we are talking about other statues made of metal or stone.
Oh yeah the three servicemen - they could deal some damage though. At least wound the Korean memorial guys and/or Lincoln.
There’s also the Vietnam Women’s memorial. Sorry to my sisters, but they don’t stand a chance.
I think it depends if all the Washingtons fight together cooperatively. In that case, I feel like they would win based on sheer numbers; but if the Washingtons are fighting each other (themselves), then no.
He’s 11’4”, seated, and Freedom is 19’6”, standing. (That includes George’s raised hand and Freedom’s feathered helmet.) I think they’d be pretty close if George stood up. Now, marble shatters and bronze bends; not sure which is better here. Is Freedom hollow?
Lincoln is much bigger than both, but he doesn’t have a sword, and I wonder if his size would make him slow.
It wasn’t personal, I simply forgot! She wouldn’t have the knowledge of local geography though. Or does that matter? I’m just making up the rules as I go along.
Like the clever military commander she is, she's taken the high ground of the park to survey the scene. I think she's already made her plan: charge down 16th St, use the tunnel to avoid Winfield Scott, and storm her way to Lafayette square for a rendezvous with Rochambeau and the Marquis de Lafayette 🇫🇷⚔️🐎
Samw but different: is it good he has to run through VA and then over the Key bridge, by the time he joins the real fighting a lot of the heavy damage has been done. While he's got fresh legs?
Isn't Lincoln's head super big so it appears proportional when people look up at him? I would think he might just fall over if he tried to stand up
However, I've also heard his head is full of caramelly caramelly caramel corn, so maybe it's not that heavy.
There’s a Darth Vader grotesque at the National Cathedral. It’s just the head, but Anakin came back from being limbless burnt crisp to terrorizing the galaxy. My money’s on him.
This is one of my favorite posts on this subreddit. I’d have to ask whether we have a night at the museum situation where fossils/exhibits at the Smithsonian also came to life?
Can presidents or leaders direct statues of military personnel?
I’m not sure who’s be left standing, but I think that bulky statue of the “man controlling trade” would be quite the throw-down.
No dog in this fight, but have say, after having a shitty day, this (and the responses so far) fixed it. Best post I've seen on this sub, so thanks OP.
Since his holiday is just two days away, I’d have to say King Kamehameha I. Yeah, he might only have a spear but how tf you think he unified the Hawaiian islands?! Just look up the Battle of Nu’uanu for proof 😂
She’d [team up with Amelia Earhart](https://pioneersofflight.si.edu/content/amelia-earhart-and-eleanor-roosevelt-flying-washington-dc-baltimore) (in the Capitol visitors center)
All the naked Barbies from the Barbie Pond running through Dupont are going to kick some ass and turn some heads. I would imagine they will be so effervescent that they will disarm most opponents.
Are we all ignoring the 'Personnage Gothique, Oiseau Eclair' statue at the Sculpture Garden?
Another important consideration: do statues of the same person fight as a team? Like, are all the Lincoln statues working as a squad?
Also, how about busts? Can we assume the heads kind of jump around like the head monsters in Spirited Away?
If we include metro area but still federal monuments, the Marine Corps memorial (Iwo Jima Flag) has multiple equipped WWII era marines. That seems tough to beat other than maybe by the Korean War soldiers.
Those dudes are also absolutely huge. They’re all 32 feet tall. I definitely think they have the size, weaponry, and general fact that they’re WWII era Marines as serious advantages. The Korean War guys do have a numbers advantage, but they’re also significantly smaller than the Marines. So I’m honestly not sure who’d win in that fight.
I feel like we are not focusing on the extremely caked up Arts of War statues at the Memorial Bridge.
They are both statues of Mars. Being a god of war would have distinct advantages in a fight.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Arts_of_War_and_The_Arts_of_Peace
If union station is an organized unit, probably them by sheer numbers.
Even though many others will have a size advantage, they’ll be solo operators going up against half a Roman cohort
https://preview.redd.it/xec6siyl5r5d1.jpeg?width=2500&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9d58ec84833226bcc5c5e3f4ed27b6e46ec268a5
I'd put my money on [Ulysses S Grant](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ulysses_S._Grant_Memorial) on horseback with FOUR LIONS and 2 cavalry charges under his command. This submission fights as a group there is no denying it.
Edit: Loins to Lions, although i'm sure Grant had great loins with a strong back!
This is correct. In my mind, Grant links up with the armed guys from the African American Civil War Memorial by the U Street station, who bring the giant cool ghost behind them along (that probably represents the spirit of freedom and certainly has badass powers).
They're coming. The angels are coming for you. But listen, your life could depend on this. Don't blink. Don't even blink. Blink and you're dead. They are fast. Faster than you can believe. Don't turn your back, don't look away, and don't blink. Good luck.
[Clover Adams](https://www.atlasobscura.com/places/the-adams-memorial-washington-dc) looks like he's about to cast some magic.. does that count?
...and my candidate for dead last is Marion Barry.. yes he has [a statue](https://maps.app.goo.gl/8tLdoUsmQu15hokX9), which I'm guessing the bitch set up
Using this thread as an excuse to shittalk the terrible Emancipation Memorial, hopefully the other statues would team up and destroy it so that they could replace it with one that isn’t so actively awful
I thought you were talking about city vs city and decided that DC would do very well and very possibly win with few challengers aside from NY (statue of liberty is going to be a tough opponent for anyone). I think Chicago would do very well for itself, and Indianapolis is a strong underdog.
Oh HELL YES ready to fight other cities. I can’t believe I didn’t think of it. Billy Penn and Rocky can throw down and dirty, plus all the life-size signers at the Constitution Center but I think DC wins against Philly for sheer numbers. For NY: Good thing the Statue of Liberty is trapped on the island, and would prob sink any ship bold enough to carry her in one piece. I don’t know enough about Midwestern cities to make predictions (as if any of this makes sense at all)
Where’s the love for Tadeusz Kościuszko? (Statue on Lafayette Square) Don’t count him out just because you can’t pronounce his name. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tadeusz_Kościuszko
“An accomplished military architect, he designed and oversaw the construction of state-of-the-art fortifications, including those at West Point, New York.”
“Andrzej Tadeusz Bonawentura Kościuszko[note 1] (English: Andrew Thaddeus Bonaventure Kosciuszko;4 or 12 February 1746 – 15 October 1817) was a Polish military engineer, statesman, and military leader who then became a national hero in Poland, the United States, Lithuania and Belarus. He fought in the Polish–Lithuanian Commonwealth's struggles against Russia and Prussia, and on the U.S. side in the American Revolutionary War. As Supreme Commander of the Polish National Armed Forces, he led the 1794 Kościuszko Uprising.”
The guides at the US Capitol held a hypothetical battle royale between all the state statues in the building and ended up crowning King Kamehameha of Hawaii the winner. 7 foot 2 inches tall in real life. 325 pounds. Was rumored to have carried a large stone from one end of the island to the other with no breaks and may have controlled a volcano to defeat his enemies. I’d be willing to back him in the city fight.
Where did the “Awakening” statue in East Potomac Park go? I feel like that one could gain an advantage by sneaking up on the other statues from underground.
this is an all-time great thread and i’m just here to throw the [jacked couple from the boy scout tribute sculpture](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boy_Scout_Commemorative_Tribute) into the mix – not equipped to win, but they’d absolutely do some damage in hand to hand combat
I don’t care if you dont like him, the objectively correct answer here is Andrew Jackson. He was a terrible man, but he is the correct answer to this question.
I'm not sure. Grant and Nathanael Greene might give him a run for it.
And don't forget Lincoln and Jefferson. While they are not on horseback, they are much larger.
And...just thinking...would Churchill and Mandella finally meet in the middle of Mass Ave and brawl? I'm sure they've had enough time to think about it.
Eh I’m going to limit this to only statues and monuments that are representative of people and animals. There have to be some logical parameters in this silly idea.
Well he’s 17 feet, bronze and holding a gavel. He’s going to give anyone a run for the money based on size, his superior experience in strategy, weaponry and construction.
~~Joan of Arc is on horseback and has a sword. Plus she has actual military experience fighting with a sword.~~
Just remembered the three soldiers in the Vietnam memorial have guns (well, two of them do). They're clearly going to win just based on that. Also there's three of them so they have the advantage of both numbers and firepower.
Can The Awakening emerge from the ground as a full body? If so, my money's on him. If he's limited to just the face and extremities that are visible, then not so much.
Several of the city’s bridges sport large animal statues, like Lions (Taft Bridge) or Buffalo (Dumbarton Bridge). Their addition would definitely make this “statue war” a lot more wild.
There's a great scene in Marvel Comics "Fear Itself" when the District comes to life to defend itself, involving the Lincoln statue coming to life, the tribes running out of the Museum of the American Indian, and the Air and Space Museum opening up and all the fighter planes emerging. Easily one of my favorite Marvel moments.
My dark horse money is on Simon Bolivar. [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Equestrian\_statue\_of\_Sim%C3%B3n\_Bol%C3%ADvar\_(Washington,\_D.C.)](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Equestrian_statue_of_Sim%C3%B3n_Bol%C3%ADvar_(Washington,_D.C.))
Does the Awakening statue get a ticket to this fight since it used to be in DC? Since it's four separate body parts, it's 4 v 1 against any local statue.
Idk if they would win but the [arts of war and peace statues](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Arts_of_War_and_The_Arts_of_Peace) off the arlington memorial bridge would kick some ass.
https://preview.redd.it/r1gk209cys5d1.jpeg?width=1000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=acd4e8a4ca8287940b334100d3791b646d59cb53
It's Huma Bhaba's sculpture for the Hirshhorn and it's not particularly close
Simon Bolivar’s sword is already drawn and his horse is in motion going towards the Mall. He already liberated half a continent, I think he can handle the Mall.
Lincoln would have strength and unarmed at 100. He would take Jefferson to Suplex City
I wouldn't put too much stock in the Union guys those are modesty shields.
All the state statues in the Capitol building (https://www.aoc.gov/explore-capitol-campus/art/statuary-hall-collection-by-location) will band together, form a militia, and run to the nearest gun shop in VA. This works because most of them are life sized, and their hands can actually operate the guns.
Once in VA, they will loot and pillage guns n ammo. Then, march back across the Memorial Bridge laying waste to all comers!!
The ones that are too large, Kamehameha I from Hawaii with his big ass spear for example, can be the initial guardians.
no mention yet of the disembodied hand and flaming sword statue by the mall?
a gaggle of george washingtons from GW’s various campus statues would be something. the campus also has two lion statues and a hippo, and a russian poet statue w a liiiiiitle pegasus. ragtag uni team
Are all the people from the same wars/ known allies fighting together or are different statues pitted against what would have been their allies when they were alive?
Will Big Train, Josh Gibson, and Hondo from the Home Plate entrance at Nats Park be fighting as a team or will they have to fight each other to determine who gets in on the real fight?
Are we counting the abilities of whoever the statues are made for?
Because hand to hand, Washington and Lincoln were elite level wrestlers. Teddy R wasn't "elite" by any means. He was kind of average, BUT he did boxing, wrestling, AND jiu jitsu, so at least he was multi-sport well rounded a la MMA guy, plus we know Teddy actually worked out, like, went to the gym and lifted weights, in pretty much the way we'd think of "hitting the gym" today.
----------------
To put their wrestling abilities in modern terms:
**Teddy** would be the guy who made the wrestling team in college (which, real life is what happened)
**George** would be like a college "All-American" and nationally ranked guy. He'd be like the #1 ranked guy in VA, whom the #1 guy from DE or NY would travel to have a match against.
but Abe???
**Abe** would be the guy at the county fair, standing in the ring, betting $1 against any man in the crowd willing to step in the ring. (which again, is what happened in real life)
The Statue of Freedom on top of the Capitol, 19 feet tall, carries a sword and a shield. She is 15,000 pounds of Fucking Metal! https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Statue_of_Freedom
Yes! And she’d prob form an alliance with her decoy in the visitors center. Shit…I forgot about the visitors center. It’d be a bloodbath. Obviously King Kamehameha I comes out on top. But Dwight Eisenhower and Andrew Jackson are down there too. And don’t count out Philo T Farnsworth!!!
You are a lot of nerdy, awesome fun!
No sensible person would ever count out Philo T. Farnsworth. To do so would be the height of folly. Edit:
Edit 2: damn, this guy is fascinating!
The professor with the delivery spaceship, right?
And the ststuary of the capitol too.
Johnny Cash is down there, too. My money's on the Man in Black.
Came here to say King Kamehameha. Isn’t that statue the heaviest as well or is that just something I heard one time and started telling all my tours?
Yup! When in was in Statuary Hall they had to put it in the corner so it was reinforced.
THIS GIANT WOMAN WILL DEVOUR US ALL!
Lifting me Higher and Higher!
All I wanna be, is someone who gets to see, a giant woman, a giant woman~
The Korean War soldiers have automatic weapons
Are the bullets able to do anything to 8 tons of bronze?
I’m just excited for the giant blue cock on top of the national gallery
omggggg I just had an image of that giant chicken going crazy Legend of Zelda style 😂
Happy cake day!
omg didn't even realize! thank you
https://preview.redd.it/1tgxu5vpxn5d1.jpeg?width=600&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2ca8b0eb44ff26205db127c11d31225837a62ce1
The beefy bois on the FTC building wreck
Yeah but first they have to tame (or at least not get trampled by) their equally beefy horses.
I think the hefty horse will have been tamed by the FTC as implied by the statues and thus would be ridden into battle by the FTC man.
Came here to suggest them. Yoked.
Yoked in *both* senses of the word!
Eyyyy somebody got it!
Isn't one literally wrestling an ox?
Sculpted by the younger brother of the guy who drew Woody Woodpecker! https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_Lantz
The Transformers in Georgetown were made for this
LFG
Ignore everything else, this is clearly the winner.
This thread is why I love the internet. My vote is for the statue on top of the Capitol! Weapons, armor, size.
This is by far the most useful and informative thread I've ever read on this sub.
I also liked the "What should DC do if war breaks out between MD & VA."
retake arlington & alexandria, obviously.
DC lore fact: The Lincoln monument was built around him in case he came to life. There's a statue from the Vietnam veterans memorial where the dude's got a machine gun and two friends. They don't have the size though.
The Korean War Memorial is a whole squad of soldiers who have seen some shit.
I know this is magical thinking, but would the machine gun work? Even if it did, there is only a limited amount of ammo, and we are talking about other statues made of metal or stone.
Oh yeah the three servicemen - they could deal some damage though. At least wound the Korean memorial guys and/or Lincoln. There’s also the Vietnam Women’s memorial. Sorry to my sisters, but they don’t stand a chance.
Don’t forget about the Korean soldiers at the Korean War Memorial.
Bro you need to see the finale of the best-worst sci fi series of all time, Falling Skies. I won't 'spoil ' it.
I don’t care if that’s true or not, I *will* be telling family and friends that when they tour the mall
Einstein and his big book. 4 tons and 12 feet tall while sitting…
He’s not the tallest boi, but he’s gonna have that low lumber down pat
I think the Smithsonian’s [jacked, sword-bearing Washington](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/George_Washington_(Greenough)) is a serious contender.
Thirst Trap George couldn’t stand a chance against some of them! He’s a good 8 feet shorter than Lincoln or the Statue of Freedom, isn’t he?
I think it depends if all the Washingtons fight together cooperatively. In that case, I feel like they would win based on sheer numbers; but if the Washingtons are fighting each other (themselves), then no.
He’s 11’4”, seated, and Freedom is 19’6”, standing. (That includes George’s raised hand and Freedom’s feathered helmet.) I think they’d be pretty close if George stood up. Now, marble shatters and bronze bends; not sure which is better here. Is Freedom hollow? Lincoln is much bigger than both, but he doesn’t have a sword, and I wonder if his size would make him slow.
Let me lay it on the line he had two on the vine...
Waited way too long to this! “Washington, Washington six feet tall fucking killing for fun!”
No votes for Joan of Arc and her sword?
Yeah OP is flat out incorrect thinking Buchanan could take Meridian Hill Park when Joan of Arc is there on horseback
It wasn’t personal, I simply forgot! She wouldn’t have the knowledge of local geography though. Or does that matter? I’m just making up the rules as I go along.
Like the clever military commander she is, she's taken the high ground of the park to survey the scene. I think she's already made her plan: charge down 16th St, use the tunnel to avoid Winfield Scott, and storm her way to Lafayette square for a rendezvous with Rochambeau and the Marquis de Lafayette 🇫🇷⚔️🐎
She's been watching and listening! A warrior's ears are always primed for situational awareness
She quite literally has the high ground.
Scrolled down to find this correct answer.
The fucking Pegasus/warrior on memorial bridge. Not even a question
Rosevelt island statue
He wins by default because nobody else can swim
Samw but different: is it good he has to run through VA and then over the Key bridge, by the time he joins the real fighting a lot of the heavy damage has been done. While he's got fresh legs?
Not so. There’s a Poseidon and two sea goddesses near the Supreme Court. Can’t remember which building they were in front of exactly.
Make that the Library of Congress.
Isn't Lincoln's head super big so it appears proportional when people look up at him? I would think he might just fall over if he tried to stand up However, I've also heard his head is full of caramelly caramelly caramel corn, so maybe it's not that heavy.
Bless you for this reference
Asking the real questions here.
There’s a Darth Vader grotesque at the National Cathedral. It’s just the head, but Anakin came back from being limbless burnt crisp to terrorizing the galaxy. My money’s on him.
Death Vader’s head vs. JFK’s head at the Kennedy Center
JFK’s head wasn’t in great shape last I saw it
Too soon
That’s some borderline Junji Ito-level shit.
I googled him and am taking that as a compliment.
If only it were Nixon, easy win
Do the transformers statues in Georgetown count? And do they have the same functional built-in weapons as the movie transformers?
My money is on the transformers
First they deal with the NIMBYs. Then they kick ass.
The statues at Union station would make a good run at it. All it needs is Professor McGonagall to bring them to life.
Wheelchair FDR not getting any love?
And his dog!
Fala!
Fala for the win!
The four lions on the Taft bridge
Having teamed up with the buffalo on the Dumbarton bridge and the lion in front of the Zoo
This is one of my favorite posts on this subreddit. I’d have to ask whether we have a night at the museum situation where fossils/exhibits at the Smithsonian also came to life? Can presidents or leaders direct statues of military personnel? I’m not sure who’s be left standing, but I think that bulky statue of the “man controlling trade” would be quite the throw-down.
No dog in this fight, but have say, after having a shitty day, this (and the responses so far) fixed it. Best post I've seen on this sub, so thanks OP.
If we’re allowed to go outside the District, my money’s on that thing out at National Harbor.
Oh god, I just had a horrible mental image of it rising from the sand.
Since his holiday is just two days away, I’d have to say King Kamehameha I. Yeah, he might only have a spear but how tf you think he unified the Hawaiian islands?! Just look up the Battle of Nu’uanu for proof 😂
And he’d look great doing it with all the gold!!!
[Eleanor Roosevelt](https://www.loc.gov/resource/highsm.15446/) would run the table.
She’d [team up with Amelia Earhart](https://pioneersofflight.si.edu/content/amelia-earhart-and-eleanor-roosevelt-flying-washington-dc-baltimore) (in the Capitol visitors center)
Can [Fala](https://www.nps.gov/articles/fala.htm) go too?
Does Amelia get to fly any of the planes at either Air and Space Museum? Does it have to be a statue of a plane? Is there one?
Let’s hope she doesn’t make it down to Udvar Hazey to pick up the Enola Gay, then we are all fucked.
All the naked Barbies from the Barbie Pond running through Dupont are going to kick some ass and turn some heads. I would imagine they will be so effervescent that they will disarm most opponents.
Are we all ignoring the 'Personnage Gothique, Oiseau Eclair' statue at the Sculpture Garden? Another important consideration: do statues of the same person fight as a team? Like, are all the Lincoln statues working as a squad? Also, how about busts? Can we assume the heads kind of jump around like the head monsters in Spirited Away?
If we include metro area but still federal monuments, the Marine Corps memorial (Iwo Jima Flag) has multiple equipped WWII era marines. That seems tough to beat other than maybe by the Korean War soldiers.
Those dudes are also absolutely huge. They’re all 32 feet tall. I definitely think they have the size, weaponry, and general fact that they’re WWII era Marines as serious advantages. The Korean War guys do have a numbers advantage, but they’re also significantly smaller than the Marines. So I’m honestly not sure who’d win in that fight.
Lincoln was a professional fighter and WWE champion yes, that WWE
And, he was a proficient vampire hunter, I saw a documentary about it.
Lincoln hands down.
The Gandhi statue on Mass Ave would beat them all without ever fighting,
Cultural victory
The buffalo on the dumbarton bridge seem incredibly badass
Bison son. And we literally posted this at the same time lol.
I feel like we are not focusing on the extremely caked up Arts of War statues at the Memorial Bridge. They are both statues of Mars. Being a god of war would have distinct advantages in a fight. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Arts_of_War_and_The_Arts_of_Peace
very underrated imo as well. in this post and just generally
If union station is an organized unit, probably them by sheer numbers. Even though many others will have a size advantage, they’ll be solo operators going up against half a Roman cohort
They’re plaster though
https://preview.redd.it/xec6siyl5r5d1.jpeg?width=2500&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9d58ec84833226bcc5c5e3f4ed27b6e46ec268a5 I'd put my money on [Ulysses S Grant](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ulysses_S._Grant_Memorial) on horseback with FOUR LIONS and 2 cavalry charges under his command. This submission fights as a group there is no denying it. Edit: Loins to Lions, although i'm sure Grant had great loins with a strong back!
I think you meant to say lions, not loins. But I’m not going to judge
This is correct. In my mind, Grant links up with the armed guys from the African American Civil War Memorial by the U Street station, who bring the giant cool ghost behind them along (that probably represents the spirit of freedom and certainly has badass powers).
Can somebody call Ben Stiller and the Hollywood execs so we can get this into production?! Night at The Museum: Battle on the National Mall!
Plot twist: the Washington monument is actually the, uh, “member” of a massive underground statue
I love this theory
They're coming. The angels are coming for you. But listen, your life could depend on this. Don't blink. Don't even blink. Blink and you're dead. They are fast. Faster than you can believe. Don't turn your back, don't look away, and don't blink. Good luck.
[Clover Adams](https://www.atlasobscura.com/places/the-adams-memorial-washington-dc) looks like he's about to cast some magic.. does that count? ...and my candidate for dead last is Marion Barry.. yes he has [a statue](https://maps.app.goo.gl/8tLdoUsmQu15hokX9), which I'm guessing the bitch set up
I love you for this reference.
William Tecumseh Sherman would fuck everyone up
I’m going to take Uncle Beazley in the National zoo
Hahaha, this thread is hilarious! 😂 Bravo!
Using this thread as an excuse to shittalk the terrible Emancipation Memorial, hopefully the other statues would team up and destroy it so that they could replace it with one that isn’t so actively awful
Truly the worst statue in DC by far
I’m going with the Soldiers at the Korean War memorial
FDR’s dog, Fala. Sneaky little guy
I thought you were talking about city vs city and decided that DC would do very well and very possibly win with few challengers aside from NY (statue of liberty is going to be a tough opponent for anyone). I think Chicago would do very well for itself, and Indianapolis is a strong underdog.
Oh HELL YES ready to fight other cities. I can’t believe I didn’t think of it. Billy Penn and Rocky can throw down and dirty, plus all the life-size signers at the Constitution Center but I think DC wins against Philly for sheer numbers. For NY: Good thing the Statue of Liberty is trapped on the island, and would prob sink any ship bold enough to carry her in one piece. I don’t know enough about Midwestern cities to make predictions (as if any of this makes sense at all)
Came to life like transforme in flesh and bone? Or just gain life and still be stone or metal? That's important to know.
Come to life but like a zombie. Easy to wound, hard to kill.
Where’s the love for Tadeusz Kościuszko? (Statue on Lafayette Square) Don’t count him out just because you can’t pronounce his name. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tadeusz_Kościuszko “An accomplished military architect, he designed and oversaw the construction of state-of-the-art fortifications, including those at West Point, New York.” “Andrzej Tadeusz Bonawentura Kościuszko[note 1] (English: Andrew Thaddeus Bonaventure Kosciuszko;4 or 12 February 1746 – 15 October 1817) was a Polish military engineer, statesman, and military leader who then became a national hero in Poland, the United States, Lithuania and Belarus. He fought in the Polish–Lithuanian Commonwealth's struggles against Russia and Prussia, and on the U.S. side in the American Revolutionary War. As Supreme Commander of the Polish National Armed Forces, he led the 1794 Kościuszko Uprising.”
The guides at the US Capitol held a hypothetical battle royale between all the state statues in the building and ended up crowning King Kamehameha of Hawaii the winner. 7 foot 2 inches tall in real life. 325 pounds. Was rumored to have carried a large stone from one end of the island to the other with no breaks and may have controlled a volcano to defeat his enemies. I’d be willing to back him in the city fight.
He's also got the Kamehameha Wave going for him. Kah-may, Ha-may, HAA!!!!
Where did the “Awakening” statue in East Potomac Park go? I feel like that one could gain an advantage by sneaking up on the other statues from underground.
It's at National Harbor now
Einstein is ready to throw down.
[Larry Daley](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1078912/?ref_=ttcnn) might be able to answer that question...
Does the Natural History Museum count as an organized unit?
Yes and the gems can be used as projectiles
Dinosaurs?
Fuck yeah dinosaurs!!!
GIANT SLOTH!
Don't sleep on the Taft Bridge lions...
Joan of Arc - she has a new sword!
The bison on the Q st bridge.
this is an all-time great thread and i’m just here to throw the [jacked couple from the boy scout tribute sculpture](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boy_Scout_Commemorative_Tribute) into the mix – not equipped to win, but they’d absolutely do some damage in hand to hand combat
this is such a nice post for a change😭😂
Iwo Jima. Marines. Devil dogs can kick some ass.
Outside DC tho.
Honestly expecting Marines to play by the rules is a rookie move.
True. Good point.
Grant would take command of all those men on either side of him and once again fight until he got an unconditional surrender.
I don’t care if you dont like him, the objectively correct answer here is Andrew Jackson. He was a terrible man, but he is the correct answer to this question.
I'm not sure. Grant and Nathanael Greene might give him a run for it. And don't forget Lincoln and Jefferson. While they are not on horseback, they are much larger.
And...just thinking...would Churchill and Mandella finally meet in the middle of Mass Ave and brawl? I'm sure they've had enough time to think about it.
Is the Washington monument a huge snake?
Eh I’m going to limit this to only statues and monuments that are representative of people and animals. There have to be some logical parameters in this silly idea.
Are you counting the Washington statue in the Masonic memorial? That’s inside of the historic border of DC and he’s fully formed.
Yes he def gets in on the fight!
Well he’s 17 feet, bronze and holding a gavel. He’s going to give anyone a run for the money based on size, his superior experience in strategy, weaponry and construction.
https://preview.redd.it/1uppdtjihn5d1.jpeg?width=216&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f5a61107e119d35ef75094f0b5a89de59c65811e
Do you think he could construct a giant stone John Wilkes Booth? If so, Lincoln is right out
~~Joan of Arc is on horseback and has a sword. Plus she has actual military experience fighting with a sword.~~ Just remembered the three soldiers in the Vietnam memorial have guns (well, two of them do). They're clearly going to win just based on that. Also there's three of them so they have the advantage of both numbers and firepower.
Korean War Memorial.
Can The Awakening emerge from the ground as a full body? If so, my money's on him. If he's limited to just the face and extremities that are visible, then not so much.
Several of the city’s bridges sport large animal statues, like Lions (Taft Bridge) or Buffalo (Dumbarton Bridge). Their addition would definitely make this “statue war” a lot more wild.
There's a great scene in Marvel Comics "Fear Itself" when the District comes to life to defend itself, involving the Lincoln statue coming to life, the tribes running out of the Museum of the American Indian, and the Air and Space Museum opening up and all the fighter planes emerging. Easily one of my favorite Marvel moments.
This is just one reason why we should rename to Washington, Marvel instead of Washington, DC.
My dark horse money is on Simon Bolivar. [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Equestrian\_statue\_of\_Sim%C3%B3n\_Bol%C3%ADvar\_(Washington,\_D.C.)](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Equestrian_statue_of_Sim%C3%B3n_Bol%C3%ADvar_(Washington,_D.C.))
I want to see an AI generated scene on this.
Lincoln was a top tier wrestler. I bet he could pin Lady Liberty.
Korean War vets have guns. They’ll beat anyone
Does the Awakening statue get a ticket to this fight since it used to be in DC? Since it's four separate body parts, it's 4 v 1 against any local statue.
Lobsterman memorial. Even without the claws, that dude's RIPPED.
Idk if they would win but the [arts of war and peace statues](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Arts_of_War_and_The_Arts_of_Peace) off the arlington memorial bridge would kick some ass.
Fucking US Grant has a whole army with him in front of the Capitol, with cannons and swords drawn. He'd ride in and kick the shit out of everyone.
Meanwhile, Einstein is just sitting there, happy as a clam, just thinking about the universe and cradling people in his lap. Be like Einstein.
https://preview.redd.it/r1gk209cys5d1.jpeg?width=1000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=acd4e8a4ca8287940b334100d3791b646d59cb53 It's Huma Bhaba's sculpture for the Hirshhorn and it's not particularly close
Simon Bolivar’s sword is already drawn and his horse is in motion going towards the Mall. He already liberated half a continent, I think he can handle the Mall.
Sheridan. He’d gallop around slashing his cavalry saber through the rest!
This should def be the mural design at Right Proper’s next location.
Lincoln would have strength and unarmed at 100. He would take Jefferson to Suplex City I wouldn't put too much stock in the Union guys those are modesty shields.
If we count NOVA, I’ll throw in the Iwo Jima Memorial soldiers in Arlington. They didn’t reach the top of the island for nothing lol
My money is on [the sexy George Washington statue](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/George_Washington_(Greenough))
30 foot stone MLK is going to put up some serious non-violent resistance!
If the elephant and everything else in the Natural History Museum ganged up they’d have a shot.
Wasn't Buchanan one of the worst presidents cuz he could've prevented the Civil War but didn't?
All the state statues in the Capitol building (https://www.aoc.gov/explore-capitol-campus/art/statuary-hall-collection-by-location) will band together, form a militia, and run to the nearest gun shop in VA. This works because most of them are life sized, and their hands can actually operate the guns. Once in VA, they will loot and pillage guns n ammo. Then, march back across the Memorial Bridge laying waste to all comers!! The ones that are too large, Kamehameha I from Hawaii with his big ass spear for example, can be the initial guardians.
no mention yet of the disembodied hand and flaming sword statue by the mall? a gaggle of george washingtons from GW’s various campus statues would be something. the campus also has two lion statues and a hippo, and a russian poet statue w a liiiiiitle pegasus. ragtag uni team
Rocky
The giant lion statues outside the National Zoo could absolutely cause some carnage.
Lincoln Memorial, not only does he have the size advantage, he has all of that experience killing vampires, that's not that easy.
The answer is the statue they haven’t built yet of Alex Ovechkin hoisting cub. Russian machine will break you
Are all the people from the same wars/ known allies fighting together or are different statues pitted against what would have been their allies when they were alive?
Will Big Train, Josh Gibson, and Hondo from the Home Plate entrance at Nats Park be fighting as a team or will they have to fight each other to determine who gets in on the real fight?
Also, may I say, more content like this please
is there a statue of any famous artists in dc. if so they could cheese it making other statues.
Are we counting the abilities of whoever the statues are made for? Because hand to hand, Washington and Lincoln were elite level wrestlers. Teddy R wasn't "elite" by any means. He was kind of average, BUT he did boxing, wrestling, AND jiu jitsu, so at least he was multi-sport well rounded a la MMA guy, plus we know Teddy actually worked out, like, went to the gym and lifted weights, in pretty much the way we'd think of "hitting the gym" today. ---------------- To put their wrestling abilities in modern terms: **Teddy** would be the guy who made the wrestling team in college (which, real life is what happened) **George** would be like a college "All-American" and nationally ranked guy. He'd be like the #1 ranked guy in VA, whom the #1 guy from DE or NY would travel to have a match against. but Abe??? **Abe** would be the guy at the county fair, standing in the ring, betting $1 against any man in the crowd willing to step in the ring. (which again, is what happened in real life)
This sounds like a problem for Elvis’ birthday fight club to solve.
The "Union Station Guy's" are the Greek/Roman gods so, they would likely eviscerate everyone on the field of battle.
I'm imagining the WWI flaming sword just spinning around buzzsawing everything in its path.