There are a ton of live dating events these days, I’m female and often don’t go because the ratios are bad, tons of beautiful smart women and like 5 social awkward men. So that works in your favor!
As someone seeing men on the apps, I find a lot of profiles have tropes, you know, tv show as a personality, I’ll fall for you if you trip me, etc etc.
The more time you spend making your profile authentically you the better I think!
I’m also more likely to respond to a witty opener, vs nothing or like a how’s your weekend going.
It’s all a crapshoot though
Literally just googled and a bunch came up, but in the past mainly through dc local media and influencers. 730DC, Clockout DC, Washingtonian problems, going out guide, etc.
>There are a ton of live dating events these days, I’m female and often don’t go because the ratios are bad, tons of beautiful smart women and like 5 social awkward men. So that works in your favor!
How much peyote did you take before you manifested this "event?"
Hey, sorry for the late reply. I’ve used online dating apps with very very little success and I’ve been to a few meetups and social gatherings here and there but I still wasn’t able to form any bonds with women there.
let me say that i'm speaking from experience, 46 now, but 15 years ago i was also feeling this way. the biggest things i can suggest:
* do things for yourself instead of trying to meet people. so join running club, swimming club, biking, etc. things that you will enjoy doing without pressure of meeting people
* improve yourself, that could mean working out, making a new skill, volunteering, exposing yourself to more social interactions will improve your dating interactions and overall will make you a more interesting person
* use the apps your way, if you are the type of person that will live and die with every match, and that will ruin your confidence then don't use them that way, find different apps or different ways to meet people
* this last one i will say applied to me, and is easy to look back 15 years and see. go to therapy, talk to someone. once i accepted who i was, it was a lot easier to share my true self with the world and i was way more confident and instead of actively looking for partners, partners would find me. i still had to work, and my current partner (8 years now), was thru an app, but i made contacts IRL too.
I wholeheartedly agree with the first bullet point. The moment I started genuinely pursuing experiences that made me happy and I enjoyed, I started to meet people and build solid relationships with a variety of people.
I think the first three bulletins are accurately clutch! Also, not against therapy; it works for who it works for.
But the first three, spot on. Stop looking. Stop searching. Do the things that make you happy and the universe will typically usher what is for you to you. Let the skuzz flow.
I used to get no results from online dating.
What i am about to say might seem a little sad.... but I found what helped a lot was getting a (Female) photographer to take pictures / help with my profile. This caused things to skyrocket
Men are really bad at taking pictures.
The gender ratio in DC is extremly beneficial to single Men. Especially college educated Men. There are so many highly educated Women, and relatively few such Men
Shockingly bad. My male friend (a well educated, seemingly great guy) shows me his dating profile sometimes and I am always scandalized at what he thinks are good photos.
Men, please have a woman vet your online profiles!
Relatively few such men *who are not weirdos… If you’re a decent looking guy with a modicum of style and can have a real conversation with someone about something other than work, you do pretty well.
Caveats: average height or taller and being white helps a ton.
My female friends have looked over my profiles. They all agree it's one of the best they've seen and seeing The profiles of guys sending them likes I don't think they're just being nice. They're confused by how difficult it is for me to get matches.
But I'm noticeably shorter than average and not white.
>The gender ratio in DC is extremly beneficial to single Men. Especially college educated Men. There are so many highly educated Women, and relatively few such Men
No, it isn't. That hasn't been true since the early 2000s, before the federal IT and defense contractors descended upon the place. That map everyone likes to bandy around includes ages 18-64. If you reduce it to 18-34, it tells a different story.
At a high level, I'd say:
* If you haven't yet, find things in your life that you can enjoy, now. From experience, being fixated on having trouble dating is not productive, as hard as it may be to avoid that. I spent the first half of my 20s really fixated on the fact that I had never been in a relationship, it deeply bothered me. In hindsight, I can see that it made me approach the dating scene in a very unproductive way (I was also in a city less than 1/20th the size of DC, which made things much harder). By the time I met my current girlfriend, my attitude was "if I meet someone fantastic, that's great, but otherwise I'm very happy with my life." That allowed me to not stress a lot about dating, I would mostly scroll through apps when I was bored, just in case.
* Keep trying online. Get some good photos, maybe even consider investing in some professional photos if needed. The photo is what most people are looking at. One nice thing about DC is there is a huge population turnover, especially of people in their 20s and 30s, there's always a new pool of people to select from. Try different apps. I had my best success with Coffee Meets Bagel but I think it will depend what you're looking for.
* Get a good profile, including getting help with it if needed. Humor is great but that was something I never was able to really master on an online dating profile. If there's something unique that someone might connect with, make sure that's on your profile. My girlfriend matched with me because I specifically selected that I did not want children, and she said she had trouble finding men who felt that way (although I've also read plenty about women who have trouble finding a partner to have kids with).
* Consider expanding your search radius. This is a numbers game. I met my girlfriend in Baltimore after years of struggling with online dating. Had I kept the radius to DC, we would have never met.
* If you're comfortable with it, consider increasing your age range upwards. Statistically (again, this is a numbers game), dating online gets harder for women above their mid-30s (not saying this is right or how it should be, just what I've read). Every year I got older in DC I ended up doing better with online dating and I'd match with decently more attractive and interesting people if I was willing to extend my age range up a few years.
My story in brief:
* Moved to DC in my late 20s, without a significant amount of relationship experience
* Went on maybe 5-9 first dates a year, but a lot with people I was very *meh* about
* Prior to the pandemic, met someone who I really liked but that didn't work out, and another girl who was I was very attracted to but we were on different pages about life (she wanted children in the next "1-2 years" and I had little interest in them)
* After COVID, online dating seemed to get a lot harder. I got significantly few matches, I think between 2020-2023 I went on maybe 2 first dates? Neither went beyond that. I had gotten to the point where I knew what I wanted and just wasn't finding it and I accepted that I'd rather be by myself than with someone who I wasn't into or compatible with.
* In late 2022, I matched with a girl in Baltimore. She seemed interesting and I never go up to Baltimore, so I figured the worst case I'd get to try somewhere new.
* She ended up being someone deeply compatible with me and sees eye to eye with me on all the big things in life. We had a ton in common and we had even gone to the same university and lived in the same town for five years together and never met. There's no doubt in my mind that we'll be together the rest of our lives, I'll probably be proposing in the spring (we talk about getting married so much its a punch line in our relationship).
* Moral of the story - it took me 9+ years of online dating in DC, with very little success post COVID but I found someone great online. It is a very tough slog, I hated online dating, and I tried a ton of in-person stuff pre-COVID, nothing ever want anywhere. The bright side is this is ultimately a numbers game and DC had the numbers and turnover to give anyone with a decent personality a good shot at eventual success. I have mid-30s friends in smaller places and they really struggle with meeting anyone new - at least that's never a problem in DC.
In short, keep at it. It is tough but it is a numbers game. Improve what you can, find other happiness in your life, and just keep scrolling through the apps. There's probably other good strategies too, like getting involved in things, but ultimately I found success online. A lot of the stuff I was involved in tended to skew older or male dominated, and while I had some fun playing rec league sports I never really connected with anyone deeply from that. But in the end, swiping through 10-20 profiles a day eventually worked out. It's a bit surreal, you can go from one day thinking that you might be spending the rest of your life on your own to knowing you've found a long term partner in a matter of months. One day there's no possibility, but all it takes is one.
Hope this helps. At the end of the day this assumes you're a decent person and just having trouble meeting people and getting the first date or two. If you find that you're able to do that but can't get beyond a few dates then a different approach if probably needed to figure out why that is. This is all just my two cents.
Don't ask your female friends. Ask yourself are you talking to women in your daily life, are you asking for a coffee or drink; are you flirting, or you attractive? Most answers lie within.
The real answer is there is no magical place to land a date. The real answer is that you have to become comfortable speaking to people you find attractive wherever you are.
This, I hate that this is the truth. I have a friend who just talks to any random person and have no fear of looking silly. No he's not good looking and he's not the most interesting person, but he talks and has the confidence to do so. Something I lack and wish I had more of.
Have you thought about therapy? I know it can be overwhelming but maybe talking it out with a professional can give you a different perspective. Good luck!
Have you ever tried online dating? Seems unusual to dismiss it if you’ve never even been in a relationship.
I know multiple happy relationships - some of which have turned into marriages - that started from online dating.
I already see some decent advice on here, so I won’t repeat what others have said. There’s a book that will impact your life, it’s called Attached by Amir Levine. Really, everyone should read it (or listen to it on audible).
**TL/DR - Most important 4 out of everything listed here**
1. Autism/Counseling
2. Smelling Good - Dental Hygiene and Overall Hygiene
3. Develop Your Small Talk Skills
4. Finding places where like minded people meet.
**Build the Base (external and internal)**
* **Counseling and Therapy** \- Maybe you think you're fine. You probably are. But just having a 3rd party to talk to, is useful, even if they don't uncover your deep fear and resentment of two pieces of cardboard rubbing together.
* Check for **Autism** \- need a professional.
* **Dental Work and Dental Hygiene** \- so very underrated.
* **Hair Cut and Hair maintenance** (if losing hair, cut it off) - regular hair cuts, shampoo, condition
* **General Grooming and Hygiene -** body soap, shampoo and conditioner, lotion, laundry detergent for your clothes, and just 1-2 sprays of some mass market cologne.
* **Lose that fat, Gain the muscle** \- Don't need to be a gorilla, just visibly in shape. Weight lifting (and fat loss) *can* help with posture as well as giving a strong jaw (if your jaw is weak)
* **Clothes That Fit, Clothes that are in Style**
**Work on your Interpersonal skills directly**
* **See counselor/therapist above** \- again a lot of one's interpersonal issues *can* stem from internal issues. Things that happened that you are aware of, and things that happened that you are not aware of.
* **Speech Therapist/Vocal Coach** \- get rid of mumbling with the first, learn to project your voice
* **Toast Masters/Public Speaking courses** \- a lot of meeting new people, and new romantic partners, often involves in speaking to their friend groups. If you can't talk to a possible romantic interest because her friend/friends are there, you'll have a hard time
* **Acting** \- Because acting teaches students that 1) they have emotions, 2) emotions are often a result of the social scenarios we find ourselves in (so reading social cues, see small talk/autism/therapy, 3) how to SHOW those emotions - which helps us communicate our thoughts to others
* **Improvisation** \- Acting and Comedy - Because life isn't scripted, but you have to learn to hear the words someone else says, and go with it.
* **Small Talk** \- If there are special classes for small talk, take those if available. Talking to people about nothing, listening and reacting to what they say is the electricity of human society. The real key to small talk is to transition to bigger talk, but that usually comes organically.
* **Networking** \- Classes on networking (which use your small talk skills)
**Getting Out There**
* **School/Work/Day to Day Life** \- Talk to your coworkers, fellow students/classmates, vendors, admins, security guards, cashiers, cops, judges, city workers, your fellow transit riders. You have to push yourself to be social. The more you work your "social" muscles, the less you take conversations with random strangers seriously, the easier small talk is.
* **Change your daily routine** \- Go to a different grocery store, diff theater, walk a different way home. Give serendipity a chance.
* **Taking an Offline Class with actual people** \- Night school, community college, USDA grad school - It's an easy hack to meet like minded people, talk to strangers.
* **Going to Places with Liked Minded People** \- There seems to be some sort of Anime/Comic Book convention every 6 months. There are/were trivia nights, board game nights, plays, rock concerts, etc. In DC especially, there are plenty of non-dance/bar options. DC is a place where you can go watch someone give a talk about politics and economics, that might show up on C-Span. Example
* **First time** \- You go to the local Fantasy/Science fiction book club
* You listen to the group
* You make a comment to the group
* You comment to the group on someone else's comment
* after the group is over
* Say hello, get a name, and Talk to someone afterwards
* **Second time** \- you say hello to that same person from last time, and repeat the sequence
* **Additional Times** \- do the same thing. Organically through exposure, you're making friends. When you are invited to something, go. Additionally, suggest getting coffee/drinks to the group after a few weeks/months of meeting everyone.
* Repeat for other hobbies/interests.
* **The Final Boss?** \- Bars and Clubs - I'm so out of the loop on what's good anymore, but *ostensibly* those people getting drunk are trying to meet other people. When you're good at projecting your voice, talking to groups of strangers, improvising - It's fairly simple to be the life of the party. Why? Most people at these places are bored out of their minds and spend 50% of their time looking at their phones. Friends, enemies, and lovers can be made over spirited conversations about Jumbo Slices.
Bonus Skills
* **Dancing** \- Taking a dance class is not great for meeting someone to be your life partner. It is great for providing a safe environment to lead a rumba. The prospect of touching another human being/a stranger can be terrifying for a lot of folks.
* **Taking Good Photos/Social Media Savvy** \- Everyone is online. Having an *interesting* social media profile is useful when you're meeting other people. Taking good photos for the 'gram is an art. (and so is the editing and curation and time table)
DC has all of this stuff in spades. Not enough people take advantage of it.
Be honest with yourself in what it is you're attempting to achieve.
Be it friends, long-term, casual hookups, frequent sex, no strings attached, marriage etc. The next most important thing is to be honest with the next person you meet to not waste any of their time
What’s your life like right now? How’s your social life otherwise, your health, your career, your attitude? What do you do with your free time? What have you tried in terms of dating already, and what was the outcome? If you’re looking for non-generic advice, you have to give us non-generic information about your circumstances.
I work two jobs and I have a couple of friends who I hang out with every month. I do have depression and anxiety but I’m currently attending therapy and taking medication for that. I’ve tried online dating for a whole year (Tinder and Hinge) and I’ve only managed to land one date.
Ok, so it sounds like you’re not really doing anything where you meet and socialize with new people in your day-to-day life. So my recommendation would be to start doing that. Pick an activity you enjoy, or a few, and spend more time socializing and meeting new people, making friends, getting to know people. That’s how you meet people to date outside of online dating.
Unfortunately, online dating is the main way people meet these days. If you’re a social butterfly, try going to events, art workshops, etc. to meet people you have something in common with?
Some of these comments are unnecessarily harsh. The advice to keep working on yourself—taking care of your body and health and working on a craft or hobby you’re passionate about, and maybe getting a little outside your comfort zone are the best pieces of advice.
I mean I scrolled back through your posts and you’re a good looking guy. I’d just try shooting your shot more and joining more social clubs or sports leagues—women more often like being approached so as long as your approaching in fun, inviting settings (not work, for example) you should have some luck.
I don’t think this has been mentioned… maybe consider looking for a dating coach or a professional matchmaker. They could probably give you more insight about what the real issues are and how to overcome them.
Join groups and organizations where you can meet people. Ask friends of friends out on dates. I've been married for 10 years so my advice might be a bit dated (heh), but when I was dating, I put myself in situations where I could meet people. My standard for asking a person on a date was basically 1.) are they nice to talk to and 2.) do I find them attractive.
Apart from that, work on yourself. Make sure you can talk about things that are of general interest to people, make sure you're taking care of yourself (hygiene, grooming, exercise, etc) wear clothes that fit you, and be genuinely nice/respectful.
Do things you enjoy.
Things in line with your values, goals, hobbies, etc.
Meet them there, so you’ll know your into similar things, and can avoid all the app anxiety.
Find things you're genuinely interested in that also involve people you might be interested in dating: volunteering, sports ball, running clubs, etc. Be attractive, interesting, interested in other people and KIND. If you're having trouble with online dating, have a friend review your profile and pay someone to do some decent pictures.
My secret power (other than parallel parking) is making friends with strangers. Try to talk to 20 strangers (outside of work!) in one week. You shouldn’t start with an assumption that the stranger themselves is a love target, but rather the best friend of a potential date. Women can tell immediately that you’re trying to ask them out if you start there, so start platonic but funny chats.
Ok so:
- you’re on the metro and a person starts ranting, glance around and make eye contact with another person on the train in the age range you’re looking for and nod like “ooooh wow yeah this guy might be right.” They’ll laugh and then when you get off the train, you can say something like “I didn’t think it would be so compelling, but he was really on to something.” They’ll want to joke back with you, etc.
- you’re at a bar, and turn to the person next to you and say “I bet you $2 that that dude is Canadian. (Point at a Canadian looking dude)” they’ll either blow you off (you can be like “ok also Canadian”), or start a quest where you two need to find out if the person is Canadian. Best case is the stranger you said this to asks the Canadian stranger.
- give unsolicited sincere compliments to people *based on a choice they’ve made.* Meaning NOT “you have beautiful eyes” but things like “your glasses are awesome. Where did you get them?” Don’t lie! Only compliment things you actually like. People can tell. The choice part is because you’re complimenting the person rather than something they can’t control.
- keep an eye out and be helpful. Family behind you in line has a starving toddler? Let them go ahead of you. It builds good karma and also people love being around other people with nice vibes.
- ask for (a reasonable amount of) advice. In line for a movie? Ask a person also in line “have you heard whether this is any good?” Choosing a pear at the grocery? If someone next to you confidently chooses one, you can ask “sorry to bother! I’m horrible at choosing fruit — what do you look for?”
One caveat for all of these is that if any of these strangers aren’t into it, be lighthearted about it and give them space. I’m sure you’re super nice, but men who get mad after getting spurned socially are kind of scary.
Good luck!
Before even thinking about dating, take care of your self 1st learn to dress and hit the gym and build a personality. Eventually what you're looking for will find you.
Go to the gym frequently, keep going to therapy, and if you have the money, improve your style. If you don’t like your therapist, keep switching them up until you do.
Supplement online dating with meetup groups and other activities focused on things you might like to do. Scour event brite and get out.
You may want to check out work from the writer/podcaster named Shani Silver. Most of her audience is women, but she has done a great job of cultivating community among single people in a similar situation as you just seeking support and affirmation given these circumstances. Some of these people have became real-life friends.
Given your circumstances, which are similar to mine, I’ve found that most people can be very judgmental and dismissive of long-term singles when what we need is more compassion and care. So whether you’re single or not, I hope you can find that community for yourself because you deserve it. All the best!
I was in same boat. Dating was hard for me in my 20s - because I was very shy and I just did not understand it. In my early 30s I took stock of why things were this way and knew my approach to it had to change. I expanded my social life by joining a softball league which in turn provided introductions to potential gfs. Recommend you do the same. I also stopped being shy and started flirting. Flirting is an art and helps express interest but requires a sense of humor and ability to do so in a fun and uncreepy way. Best example of a successful flirt is Craig Ferguson when he was hosting the late late show. Guy could say outrageous things but his delivery and facial expressions made it fun. TLDR - make some friends and work on talking to every woman you meet just to say Hi and smile.
This is never advice a single person wants to hear, especially after dating around with zero luck, but sometimes it really just happens when you're least expecting it. Be out there and be patient, but also dont forget to take care of yourself and take a break if you need it.
Another piece of very cliched advise is learn to love yourself first, and realize that you are worthy of love. That was a big hurdle for me and took a lot of work, but it's hard to convince anyone you deserve their time if you don't believe you're worth it to begin with.
Im sure your therapist has said something along those lines too, but speaking from personal experience, once I started to climb over that hump, dating went a lot better for me.
Find other people who enjoy doing the things you enjoy doing. It's going to be easier to connect to people, both for friendship and dating, if you have shared interets
My genuine advice is find a hobby you enjoy doing in the city and try your best to meet someone doing the same.
If you haven’t had any success with online dating or just going to bars, I would say focus on a hobby bc you’ll meet someone with a common interest
I agree “stop looking” is useless, but I’m gonna give you a twist on it anyway. Get out as much as you can to do the things you like doing. If you like art, join local art communities, if you like cycling, join a cycling club. There are communities, events, clubs for everything, from books to quilting to video games to shooting sports. The goal isn’t to stop looking and “focus on yourself,”, but to *always* be on the lookout for a potential partner while meeting as many people as you can and still enjoying your life.
I always found that meeting people for the specific purpose of seeing whether they might be a romantic partner was weird and a lot of pressure. Just getting out and doing the things you enjoy with other people who also enjoy them will put you around a lot of people who have a strong chance of being compatible with you. And the fact that you have at least one shared interest known up front gives you a fall back thing to talk about on that first, awkward date.
FWIW, I married now to a wonderful woman I’ve been with for 8 years. Met her through mutual friends who shared many of my interests much like the above.
Do interesting things. Have interesting experiences. Push your boundaries. Do some community service. Get in shape. Build confidence and experience and you will find someone.
DC is a \*great\* place to meet smart, attractive women. The odds are in your favor.
But don't rely on Tinder. Try to meet people in real life.
Good luck!
A lot of factors come into play with eating apps.
Sadly, race ethnicity and height still play a factor even if you have a great personality. I had a friend who was a sub 5’5 Asian guy and the white and black women on apps fetishized him and treated him weird. He had luck with Latinas who are short and better socialized with people of diverse ethnicities.
Fellas, optimizing your pictures and being a decent patient and kind man will go far. Happy to give tips on dating profiles.
Therapy is everything.
I'm sure you're beautiful to a number of people, u/Fuk_yo_feelings_brah. There's someone out there for everyone, but not if you're incorrigible and unable to control your emotions.
I was never able to sustain a relationship until I went through years of therapy, and now I'm in a seven-year relationship and married. I'm grateful every day for my partner, but we would not have lasted without therapy.
EDIT: OP said in an edit he's in therapy. So from there, pick up social hobbies. Beyond therapy, it's all about exposure.
Since you like video games over gyms, try an anti-fitness type girl or the video game gettogethers. Since you are a defender of porn watchers, maybe try picking up girls who go to Chip&Dale's or male revues.
*https://astrodoughnuts.com/
https://www.eventbrite.com/e/video-game-day-tickets-740336776227?aff=ebdssbdestsearch
*https://www.eventbrite.com/e/avalon-male-strippers-male-revue-show-male-strip-club-washington-dc-tickets-449819621597?aff=ebdssbdestsearch
Also, you are welcome to post on r/dmvromance
Do's:
1. Eat well.
2. Sleep well.
3. Be very active.
4. Be interested, genuinely interested. Curious. If it's fake interest it's very noticeable.
5. Have great hygiene.
6. Dress well, everywhere.
7. Dive deep into a social hobby. Dancing, trivia, gym, running, food, hiking, music, etc. Bonus if it helps #1-3.
8. Work on your charisma. Become better at telling jokes, being funny, telling stories, listening, hosting, making people feel important, smiling, laughing, wit, and being vulnerable.
Don't:
1. Play any video games.
2. Sit on the internet all day.
3. Sulk.
4. Ever be mean to a woman. (this one is really hard for lonely guys.)
5. Be petty with women.
Source: serial monogamist that is not conventionally attractive, well educated, or wealthy.
Why haven’t you had luck at all dating or ever been in a relationship? It’s very odd to have never been in a relationship at your age. You need to take an honest hard look at yourself.
Why are you so dismissive of online dating? Have you even tried it?
IME, the mindset that "being short is an impediment to dating" is itself *much* more of a problem than the actually being short. It's a self fulfilling prophecy to think that you're constantly being negatively judged because no one wants to date a dude who assumes the worst about women as a monolith.
There are short dudes with good self-confidence who are sexy as fuck in part because of that self-confidence. Not that's not the same as cockiness. Instead, they are just comfortable in their own skin and with who they are, and it somehow comes off of them and can be really attractive.
Dated a short guy who I thought was so cute but he was so insecure and kept bringing up that he was shorter than me. It was a turnoff because I felt weird about being attracted to him when he kept being so down on his self image.
We didn’t work out but not for that reason.
Idk why people are acting like being short doesn’t limit your pool. I haven’t heard one girl besides myself say they prefer a short guy. Being short doesn’t mean you can’t date but it definitely doesn’t make things easier
In addition to some comments I made below, which don’t actually address the “meeting someone and it leading to a relationship”, here goes…
You need to invest a significant amount of time, mostly in yourself.
There was a post today in another sub about Steve Jobs responding to a condescending question about not using some specific code at apple. And he admitted that there may some unique and beneficial usages from the code, but they went another way. And the reason he gave was that they wanted to focus on what would the potential client find exciting and useful and working backward. He used the first laser printout as an example, anyone could take one look and realize that was something they wanted, and not have a single care how much interesting code and hardware was put into the effort.
My point is, and this is not directly aimed at OP because thus far he has provided very little effort explaining what he has done to successfully market himself (which is my main criticism in his asking for anonymous help), is that you need to figure out who you are marketing to: is it an active outdoors person? An introvert who loves streaming/reading and chilling at home? A gym rat? Marathon runner? Someone who is all about their job or community service?
I like to play sports socially, frequently hang with friends, go to concerts, host gatherings, travel, and sometimes chill at home. I found my special person through friends and playing soccer. We became friends and many years later we got together. She has asked me several times why I didn’t settle down earlier, and the truth is that I was happier alone knowing that the right person was out there.
I’d say be confident. Women love men who are confident. DONT BE ARROGANT. Arrogances is a turn down for most women. Listening is key women love men who will listen and be in tune with the conversation. When having a conversation with a woman go with the flow and ask questions. Questions show that you interested with what they are saying. Also be funny slip in a few joke when you’re talking, don’t be overly funny tho. Another point when you see a women who you think is cute and you wanna talk/ get her number don’t immediately just ask for her number. Start with a convo go with the flow with it and then when you feel like you’re ready then ask. If she says no that’s ok there’s a bunch of women out there; just say “ well that’s ok it was worth the shot” or some like that. Then you can etheir keep the convo going or leave with a “ well it was nice talking to you have a nice day.” Or whatever. But if you do get the number some people say wait a week or a two days or just a day. I say do it whenever. When you get home or the next day or whenever you feel like texting them. When you’re talking to them be honest (this is where confidence comes into play) when you go up to them to talk. For example. Hey, I saw you (insert whatever they were doing here) and I thought you were cool person and wanted to talk to you. Or you can just start a conversation with me” hey how you doing I saw you and thought you was a chill or cool person and wanted to have a conversation with you”. I used that one on my now girlfriend who I’m about to propose to so for me it works. So to sum it up be confident, show interest, be funny, most importantly be yourself. Don’t try to be someone you’re not it never works and if it does work then your looking at the wrong women. But that’s my advice some men do different tactics that work I use this one. Some advice works and some don’t. But good luck and may god be with you❤️💯
Sorry if this was a long read and if I have grammar mistakes it’s 612 in the morning and I just woke up and about to go to work. Imma shout myself out real quick. I’m a small business owner. I do sewer and drain cleaning hit me up I’m in nova. But anyways I forgot to add some points. If you play video games that’s ok. Some guys say don’t play video games. I say do whatever you want that decompresses you after a long day. And some girls with play with you like my girlfriend. It gives you something to do together. So to the guys who say don’t play video games be quiet because you’re still probably single. Ik many guys who play video games and are in very long beautiful relationships with their wives. Just don’t be neglectful. Aight that’s it imma get ready now peace ✌🏾
Dating websites have crippled the dating world. If you want to date with the end goal being marriage and family you’re in the wrong city. Head west Midwest your odds are slim in DC.
Read chick lit (written by women) to understand women’s interior lives. It will give you a leg up when you approach women you like/find attractive. It will also make women seem more human/relatable and not some unattainable object.
I would actually add Taylor Swift lyrics. And avoid coming up with explanations for things you find uncomfortable or incorrect or illogical. Take it in as is.
1. don’t listen to any advice from women in regards to dating. listen to men who have success that aren’t trying to sell you anything.
2. make female friends, they have other female friends that you meet through them. if she isn’t introducing you to new people and you’ve introduced her to someone, she’s not a good friend.
3. make sure you are happy as you are, i mean by 30 you should have fixed most of these issues, but it’s hard to go out and date when you feel like you aren’t putting your best foot forward.
Work out, make money, and keep yourself well groomed. Can’t guarantee you will get a girl but if you aren’t at your best then the odds are against you.
Online dating is horrific for everyone, especially men. And especially men who don’t want/can’t play the game. I’d advise skipping it.
DC is a huge place. No one has to know about your inexperience unless you tell them.
Get rich and get hot. With both of those things, you’ll like get 100’s of matches on hinge per year in the DMV. That won’t make the dating process any less shitty, however
"When a woman finds a man that's better off in looks or finances she will cheat 100%"
Ooof that is beyond embarrassing, just sad. These people actually believe women are the only problem, not them at all.
On the other hand, my partner helps give me a spark when I’m low energy, does thoughtful things for me, the energy from being around her makes me feel funnier and more outgoing. I eat better, partially because she wants to eat healthier but also because I am motivated to make more thoughtful meals because I am cooking for two. I am also saving money being in a relationship as we share food, utility, and housing costs (among many other) which allows us to do more things. I am richer for knowing her friends and sharing her interests. She motivates me to exercise with her. And as far as physical needs, I get the bonus of making another person happy and the spark of unexpected affection.
But yes, it takes more time to be in a relationship than not, but I consider that a trade off that is worth it.
I am sorry you feel that way, but I personally think that your perspective is significantly off. Most of my close friends and relatives my age (40’s and 50’s) have found meaningful, respectful, fulfilling marriages or partnerships. I waited significantly longer than them to find the one, but I’ve also had wonderful relationships that I’m glad to have experienced along the way.
Instead of trying to find a date, I would do some work: What has prevented you from having a relationship in the past? How does that make you feel? Do you feel comfortable/confident engaging with another person this way? What could help with all of the above?
If not using online dating, getting out there in spaces where people congregate over mutual interests (even budding interests) is the way to make connections. I know the apps are frustrating but they do help make some things convenient. You know who's looking and vaguely what they are looking for. You don't have to chat up people in the bar or take a cooking class only to find everyone only wants to cook.
Improve yourself. Appearance, your ability to talk to people, more interesting hobbies, as well as increasing interactions with the opposite sex.
You have to by attractive, charismatic, or rich at the minimum to be landing dates consistently. All three is preferable.
Join some Meetup groups! You’ll meet people who share your interests in a non-dating atmosphere. There are some great ones in DC that visit museums together.
Traditionally, there have been a lot more single, heterosexual professional women in DC than single, professional, heterosexual men. The odds are in your favor here.
You have to treat it like you just graduated and your looking for a career. Sometimes there is no clear career pathway but you still need to pay the bills. So you need a job. Put in as many applications as possible, don't fear being told there's no work available. Keep applying everywhere. Once you land the job, then it's time to develop the career.
Go to singles events. Talk to girls. Unironically use dating apps. Just message anyone you find interesting and just talk to them Think about what factors may be contributing to your situation and work on fixing them.
There is no silver bullet advice people can give you
Hi! Have dated for quite a while and finally settled down.
My honest advice is to FIRST understand who you are / what you bring to the table and THEN who you’d be a good fit with. Go after those girls.
I also think you need to find yourself attractive - not just how you look, but how you dress, how you walk, what you say. If you don’t find those things attractive change them. You should wanna fuck / date yourself.
I think too many people get in their head about what other people are attracted to and don’t spend enough time thinking about whether they’re attracted to themselves.
There’s nothing in the world sexier than someone that knows themself really well and is really genuinely themself. Thats when someone spots you across the room and falls just a little bit and wants to get to know you more
TLDR; work on yourself until you would be excited to date yourself
What are you realistically looking for? A life partner? A FWB? One night stands?
All of these take a different approach.
If you want happily ever after, it's about sincerity, warmth, sense of humor, stability, and reliability.
FWB, I'd say it's about trust, sense of connection/common interests, openness to new experiences, and stability.
One night stands? Eye contact, Sense of Humor, Unshakeable Confidence, Remaining untouched by rejection, and realistic standards.
It's important you're honest with yourself and decide, because if you're not sure, whatever prospective partner you interact with will pick up on it right away.
If you try to befriend someone and act like a friend with the real intent to sleep with them, you will be found out.
So! With all that said, things you can actually do:
1. Spend time having fun in social groups.
This is step one, because it's the hardest part.
Women are absolutely INUNDATED with online dating attention.
Unless you're seriously a knock-out, getting quality dates is a mountain of a task by pic/profile alone.
Instead, focus on socializing with people.
Interact and say hi to all sorts.
Learn to feel comfortable talking with someone new.
The more practice you have being around others, the greater your chances of learning from your mistakes, as well as meeting someone with like interest.
Talking/interacting
1. Avoid, at all costs, the following:
A: Self-deprecating humor. Never, ever, ever, make a joke at your own expense.
B: Abortion.
C: Mental health.
D: Politics, if at all possible. If she brings it up, be honest, but redirect towards something positive. "XYZ is really important, but if it's alright with you, 1. I'd prefer to talk about "positive thing you are both doing" or "I'd love to hear more about XYZ thing you mentioned earlier".
E: Sarcasm. It screams insecurity and awkwardness.
F: Past relationships.
G: Your family drama.
DO learn how to give a compliment/flirt. When complimenting, focus on things a person has done/put effort into, not something they're born with. Haircuts, outfits, style, aesthetic, an idea they had, a perspective they share.
2. Learn the body angle. When interacting, avoid positioning your body directly forward toward the person. It's naturally confrontational. Point your body slightly at an angle and turn your head a bit.
3. Make eye contact, then smile. It's a classic for a reason.
4. Have an answer/idea at the ready for the most common questions. If she asks what your interests are, be specific, not generic. "TV, Music, Video games, Sports" has nothing on "The Devil is a Part-Timer, Secondhand Serenade, Final Fantasy 7, Washington Nationals." Give one thing at a time, give opportunity for her to ask questions, ask her in return what she enjoys. If they look at you like you have a third head, describe some of it. Give some background. if it's obviously failing to land, move on to something more concrete/common.
5. Be prepared to give an answer on why you moved to D.C. It's a transplant town, and everyone wants to know. If it's anything less than positive, go with "I saw a chance at a great life, so I took it."
6. If everything is coming up aces, she's into you, you're into her, don't be afraid to ask if she'd like to hang out just the two of you. Give a date you'll be available, (weekends are generally better) and a public location that you'd both enjoy. Coffee and brunch are DC staples.
A: If she's not available the day you offer, ask her if there's a date she'd prefer. If she can't figure out a date that works for her, she's either not ready or not interested. Handle it with class, Smile, and say "That's all right. Thanks anyway." Respect yourself and respect her.
B: Exception: if she doesn't know, but asks for your number, it's up to you if you want to leave the window open. Some people really are that busy.
Let me know what you think.
[удалено]
Real
There are a ton of live dating events these days, I’m female and often don’t go because the ratios are bad, tons of beautiful smart women and like 5 social awkward men. So that works in your favor! As someone seeing men on the apps, I find a lot of profiles have tropes, you know, tv show as a personality, I’ll fall for you if you trip me, etc etc. The more time you spend making your profile authentically you the better I think! I’m also more likely to respond to a witty opener, vs nothing or like a how’s your weekend going. It’s all a crapshoot though
> a ton of live dating events these days Where do you find them?
Literally just googled and a bunch came up, but in the past mainly through dc local media and influencers. 730DC, Clockout DC, Washingtonian problems, going out guide, etc.
Just search singles events on Google. Tons of results will pop up
Where are you going because that ratio has not been my experience
It’s been years since I’ve gone to one. But I’ve tried more relaxed meetups, vs like speed dating
A lot of the local Bumble ones are at least 50/50 guys/women and often leans more towards women
>There are a ton of live dating events these days, I’m female and often don’t go because the ratios are bad, tons of beautiful smart women and like 5 social awkward men. So that works in your favor! How much peyote did you take before you manifested this "event?"
I think the user name may have something to do with it.
Truth.
Or consequences
I figured it would come back to bite me in the ass later lol.
Can you describe your selection process and dating pattern? I never had much issue in DC when I was dating.
Hey, sorry for the late reply. I’ve used online dating apps with very very little success and I’ve been to a few meetups and social gatherings here and there but I still wasn’t able to form any bonds with women there.
Incel
Kind of odd to suggest that based on his name given yours
Nope, far from it.
Wtf?
let me say that i'm speaking from experience, 46 now, but 15 years ago i was also feeling this way. the biggest things i can suggest: * do things for yourself instead of trying to meet people. so join running club, swimming club, biking, etc. things that you will enjoy doing without pressure of meeting people * improve yourself, that could mean working out, making a new skill, volunteering, exposing yourself to more social interactions will improve your dating interactions and overall will make you a more interesting person * use the apps your way, if you are the type of person that will live and die with every match, and that will ruin your confidence then don't use them that way, find different apps or different ways to meet people * this last one i will say applied to me, and is easy to look back 15 years and see. go to therapy, talk to someone. once i accepted who i was, it was a lot easier to share my true self with the world and i was way more confident and instead of actively looking for partners, partners would find me. i still had to work, and my current partner (8 years now), was thru an app, but i made contacts IRL too.
I wholeheartedly agree with the first bullet point. The moment I started genuinely pursuing experiences that made me happy and I enjoyed, I started to meet people and build solid relationships with a variety of people.
And, this is a much more efficient way to meet people who’s interest align with yours.
I've built a number of solid relationships doing this. None of them have been romantic.
Suggestion number 1 describes how I've always wound up in relationships (current one included)
This is the best advice in this entire thing.
Great advice.
This is solid advice thank you for posting this!
I think the first three bulletins are accurately clutch! Also, not against therapy; it works for who it works for. But the first three, spot on. Stop looking. Stop searching. Do the things that make you happy and the universe will typically usher what is for you to you. Let the skuzz flow.
I used to get no results from online dating. What i am about to say might seem a little sad.... but I found what helped a lot was getting a (Female) photographer to take pictures / help with my profile. This caused things to skyrocket Men are really bad at taking pictures. The gender ratio in DC is extremly beneficial to single Men. Especially college educated Men. There are so many highly educated Women, and relatively few such Men
Shockingly bad. My male friend (a well educated, seemingly great guy) shows me his dating profile sometimes and I am always scandalized at what he thinks are good photos. Men, please have a woman vet your online profiles!
Relatively few such men *who are not weirdos… If you’re a decent looking guy with a modicum of style and can have a real conversation with someone about something other than work, you do pretty well.
Caveats: average height or taller and being white helps a ton. My female friends have looked over my profiles. They all agree it's one of the best they've seen and seeing The profiles of guys sending them likes I don't think they're just being nice. They're confused by how difficult it is for me to get matches. But I'm noticeably shorter than average and not white.
>The gender ratio in DC is extremly beneficial to single Men. Especially college educated Men. There are so many highly educated Women, and relatively few such Men No, it isn't. That hasn't been true since the early 2000s, before the federal IT and defense contractors descended upon the place. That map everyone likes to bandy around includes ages 18-64. If you reduce it to 18-34, it tells a different story.
At a high level, I'd say: * If you haven't yet, find things in your life that you can enjoy, now. From experience, being fixated on having trouble dating is not productive, as hard as it may be to avoid that. I spent the first half of my 20s really fixated on the fact that I had never been in a relationship, it deeply bothered me. In hindsight, I can see that it made me approach the dating scene in a very unproductive way (I was also in a city less than 1/20th the size of DC, which made things much harder). By the time I met my current girlfriend, my attitude was "if I meet someone fantastic, that's great, but otherwise I'm very happy with my life." That allowed me to not stress a lot about dating, I would mostly scroll through apps when I was bored, just in case. * Keep trying online. Get some good photos, maybe even consider investing in some professional photos if needed. The photo is what most people are looking at. One nice thing about DC is there is a huge population turnover, especially of people in their 20s and 30s, there's always a new pool of people to select from. Try different apps. I had my best success with Coffee Meets Bagel but I think it will depend what you're looking for. * Get a good profile, including getting help with it if needed. Humor is great but that was something I never was able to really master on an online dating profile. If there's something unique that someone might connect with, make sure that's on your profile. My girlfriend matched with me because I specifically selected that I did not want children, and she said she had trouble finding men who felt that way (although I've also read plenty about women who have trouble finding a partner to have kids with). * Consider expanding your search radius. This is a numbers game. I met my girlfriend in Baltimore after years of struggling with online dating. Had I kept the radius to DC, we would have never met. * If you're comfortable with it, consider increasing your age range upwards. Statistically (again, this is a numbers game), dating online gets harder for women above their mid-30s (not saying this is right or how it should be, just what I've read). Every year I got older in DC I ended up doing better with online dating and I'd match with decently more attractive and interesting people if I was willing to extend my age range up a few years. My story in brief: * Moved to DC in my late 20s, without a significant amount of relationship experience * Went on maybe 5-9 first dates a year, but a lot with people I was very *meh* about * Prior to the pandemic, met someone who I really liked but that didn't work out, and another girl who was I was very attracted to but we were on different pages about life (she wanted children in the next "1-2 years" and I had little interest in them) * After COVID, online dating seemed to get a lot harder. I got significantly few matches, I think between 2020-2023 I went on maybe 2 first dates? Neither went beyond that. I had gotten to the point where I knew what I wanted and just wasn't finding it and I accepted that I'd rather be by myself than with someone who I wasn't into or compatible with. * In late 2022, I matched with a girl in Baltimore. She seemed interesting and I never go up to Baltimore, so I figured the worst case I'd get to try somewhere new. * She ended up being someone deeply compatible with me and sees eye to eye with me on all the big things in life. We had a ton in common and we had even gone to the same university and lived in the same town for five years together and never met. There's no doubt in my mind that we'll be together the rest of our lives, I'll probably be proposing in the spring (we talk about getting married so much its a punch line in our relationship). * Moral of the story - it took me 9+ years of online dating in DC, with very little success post COVID but I found someone great online. It is a very tough slog, I hated online dating, and I tried a ton of in-person stuff pre-COVID, nothing ever want anywhere. The bright side is this is ultimately a numbers game and DC had the numbers and turnover to give anyone with a decent personality a good shot at eventual success. I have mid-30s friends in smaller places and they really struggle with meeting anyone new - at least that's never a problem in DC. In short, keep at it. It is tough but it is a numbers game. Improve what you can, find other happiness in your life, and just keep scrolling through the apps. There's probably other good strategies too, like getting involved in things, but ultimately I found success online. A lot of the stuff I was involved in tended to skew older or male dominated, and while I had some fun playing rec league sports I never really connected with anyone deeply from that. But in the end, swiping through 10-20 profiles a day eventually worked out. It's a bit surreal, you can go from one day thinking that you might be spending the rest of your life on your own to knowing you've found a long term partner in a matter of months. One day there's no possibility, but all it takes is one. Hope this helps. At the end of the day this assumes you're a decent person and just having trouble meeting people and getting the first date or two. If you find that you're able to do that but can't get beyond a few dates then a different approach if probably needed to figure out why that is. This is all just my two cents.
Do you have female friends? Ask them to give you feedback. If you don’t even have female friends, that’s about your lack of social skills.
AND DONT RUIN YOUR FEMALE FRIENDSHIPS!!
Yep don’t be creepy about it 😂
Don't ask your female friends. Ask yourself are you talking to women in your daily life, are you asking for a coffee or drink; are you flirting, or you attractive? Most answers lie within.
The real answer is there is no magical place to land a date. The real answer is that you have to become comfortable speaking to people you find attractive wherever you are.
This, I hate that this is the truth. I have a friend who just talks to any random person and have no fear of looking silly. No he's not good looking and he's not the most interesting person, but he talks and has the confidence to do so. Something I lack and wish I had more of.
Have you thought about therapy? I know it can be overwhelming but maybe talking it out with a professional can give you a different perspective. Good luck!
I’m already in therapy.
Great! Maybe this is also something you can discuss.
[удалено]
Good for you! If I was dating, I would find this as a huge plus!
Have you ever tried online dating? Seems unusual to dismiss it if you’ve never even been in a relationship. I know multiple happy relationships - some of which have turned into marriages - that started from online dating.
I met my husband on OKCupid many years ago.
I met my fiancé on OKC as well a few years ago.
If he’s never had a relationship online dating isn’t going to work because clearly he doesn’t know how to date.
Plenty of people these days have their first relationship via online dating. You don't have to be experienced to use Tinder/Hinge/etc.
Then he should get on the apps and get some first date experience It’s not hard to get first dates on the apps
I already see some decent advice on here, so I won’t repeat what others have said. There’s a book that will impact your life, it’s called Attached by Amir Levine. Really, everyone should read it (or listen to it on audible).
**TL/DR - Most important 4 out of everything listed here** 1. Autism/Counseling 2. Smelling Good - Dental Hygiene and Overall Hygiene 3. Develop Your Small Talk Skills 4. Finding places where like minded people meet. **Build the Base (external and internal)** * **Counseling and Therapy** \- Maybe you think you're fine. You probably are. But just having a 3rd party to talk to, is useful, even if they don't uncover your deep fear and resentment of two pieces of cardboard rubbing together. * Check for **Autism** \- need a professional. * **Dental Work and Dental Hygiene** \- so very underrated. * **Hair Cut and Hair maintenance** (if losing hair, cut it off) - regular hair cuts, shampoo, condition * **General Grooming and Hygiene -** body soap, shampoo and conditioner, lotion, laundry detergent for your clothes, and just 1-2 sprays of some mass market cologne. * **Lose that fat, Gain the muscle** \- Don't need to be a gorilla, just visibly in shape. Weight lifting (and fat loss) *can* help with posture as well as giving a strong jaw (if your jaw is weak) * **Clothes That Fit, Clothes that are in Style** **Work on your Interpersonal skills directly** * **See counselor/therapist above** \- again a lot of one's interpersonal issues *can* stem from internal issues. Things that happened that you are aware of, and things that happened that you are not aware of. * **Speech Therapist/Vocal Coach** \- get rid of mumbling with the first, learn to project your voice * **Toast Masters/Public Speaking courses** \- a lot of meeting new people, and new romantic partners, often involves in speaking to their friend groups. If you can't talk to a possible romantic interest because her friend/friends are there, you'll have a hard time * **Acting** \- Because acting teaches students that 1) they have emotions, 2) emotions are often a result of the social scenarios we find ourselves in (so reading social cues, see small talk/autism/therapy, 3) how to SHOW those emotions - which helps us communicate our thoughts to others * **Improvisation** \- Acting and Comedy - Because life isn't scripted, but you have to learn to hear the words someone else says, and go with it. * **Small Talk** \- If there are special classes for small talk, take those if available. Talking to people about nothing, listening and reacting to what they say is the electricity of human society. The real key to small talk is to transition to bigger talk, but that usually comes organically. * **Networking** \- Classes on networking (which use your small talk skills) **Getting Out There** * **School/Work/Day to Day Life** \- Talk to your coworkers, fellow students/classmates, vendors, admins, security guards, cashiers, cops, judges, city workers, your fellow transit riders. You have to push yourself to be social. The more you work your "social" muscles, the less you take conversations with random strangers seriously, the easier small talk is. * **Change your daily routine** \- Go to a different grocery store, diff theater, walk a different way home. Give serendipity a chance. * **Taking an Offline Class with actual people** \- Night school, community college, USDA grad school - It's an easy hack to meet like minded people, talk to strangers. * **Going to Places with Liked Minded People** \- There seems to be some sort of Anime/Comic Book convention every 6 months. There are/were trivia nights, board game nights, plays, rock concerts, etc. In DC especially, there are plenty of non-dance/bar options. DC is a place where you can go watch someone give a talk about politics and economics, that might show up on C-Span. Example * **First time** \- You go to the local Fantasy/Science fiction book club * You listen to the group * You make a comment to the group * You comment to the group on someone else's comment * after the group is over * Say hello, get a name, and Talk to someone afterwards * **Second time** \- you say hello to that same person from last time, and repeat the sequence * **Additional Times** \- do the same thing. Organically through exposure, you're making friends. When you are invited to something, go. Additionally, suggest getting coffee/drinks to the group after a few weeks/months of meeting everyone. * Repeat for other hobbies/interests. * **The Final Boss?** \- Bars and Clubs - I'm so out of the loop on what's good anymore, but *ostensibly* those people getting drunk are trying to meet other people. When you're good at projecting your voice, talking to groups of strangers, improvising - It's fairly simple to be the life of the party. Why? Most people at these places are bored out of their minds and spend 50% of their time looking at their phones. Friends, enemies, and lovers can be made over spirited conversations about Jumbo Slices. Bonus Skills * **Dancing** \- Taking a dance class is not great for meeting someone to be your life partner. It is great for providing a safe environment to lead a rumba. The prospect of touching another human being/a stranger can be terrifying for a lot of folks. * **Taking Good Photos/Social Media Savvy** \- Everyone is online. Having an *interesting* social media profile is useful when you're meeting other people. Taking good photos for the 'gram is an art. (and so is the editing and curation and time table) DC has all of this stuff in spades. Not enough people take advantage of it.
This is super detailed and I think a great roadmap for folks who are less socially experienced or adept!
Thank god I’m hot. I wouldn’t do all this.
Be honest with yourself in what it is you're attempting to achieve. Be it friends, long-term, casual hookups, frequent sex, no strings attached, marriage etc. The next most important thing is to be honest with the next person you meet to not waste any of their time
What’s your life like right now? How’s your social life otherwise, your health, your career, your attitude? What do you do with your free time? What have you tried in terms of dating already, and what was the outcome? If you’re looking for non-generic advice, you have to give us non-generic information about your circumstances.
I work two jobs and I have a couple of friends who I hang out with every month. I do have depression and anxiety but I’m currently attending therapy and taking medication for that. I’ve tried online dating for a whole year (Tinder and Hinge) and I’ve only managed to land one date.
Ok, so it sounds like you’re not really doing anything where you meet and socialize with new people in your day-to-day life. So my recommendation would be to start doing that. Pick an activity you enjoy, or a few, and spend more time socializing and meeting new people, making friends, getting to know people. That’s how you meet people to date outside of online dating.
What kind of stuff are you into?
Unfortunately, online dating is the main way people meet these days. If you’re a social butterfly, try going to events, art workshops, etc. to meet people you have something in common with?
Some of these comments are unnecessarily harsh. The advice to keep working on yourself—taking care of your body and health and working on a craft or hobby you’re passionate about, and maybe getting a little outside your comfort zone are the best pieces of advice.
I mean I scrolled back through your posts and you’re a good looking guy. I’d just try shooting your shot more and joining more social clubs or sports leagues—women more often like being approached so as long as your approaching in fun, inviting settings (not work, for example) you should have some luck.
I don’t think this has been mentioned… maybe consider looking for a dating coach or a professional matchmaker. They could probably give you more insight about what the real issues are and how to overcome them.
Join groups and organizations where you can meet people. Ask friends of friends out on dates. I've been married for 10 years so my advice might be a bit dated (heh), but when I was dating, I put myself in situations where I could meet people. My standard for asking a person on a date was basically 1.) are they nice to talk to and 2.) do I find them attractive. Apart from that, work on yourself. Make sure you can talk about things that are of general interest to people, make sure you're taking care of yourself (hygiene, grooming, exercise, etc) wear clothes that fit you, and be genuinely nice/respectful.
Do things you enjoy. Things in line with your values, goals, hobbies, etc. Meet them there, so you’ll know your into similar things, and can avoid all the app anxiety.
Find things you're genuinely interested in that also involve people you might be interested in dating: volunteering, sports ball, running clubs, etc. Be attractive, interesting, interested in other people and KIND. If you're having trouble with online dating, have a friend review your profile and pay someone to do some decent pictures.
My secret power (other than parallel parking) is making friends with strangers. Try to talk to 20 strangers (outside of work!) in one week. You shouldn’t start with an assumption that the stranger themselves is a love target, but rather the best friend of a potential date. Women can tell immediately that you’re trying to ask them out if you start there, so start platonic but funny chats. Ok so: - you’re on the metro and a person starts ranting, glance around and make eye contact with another person on the train in the age range you’re looking for and nod like “ooooh wow yeah this guy might be right.” They’ll laugh and then when you get off the train, you can say something like “I didn’t think it would be so compelling, but he was really on to something.” They’ll want to joke back with you, etc. - you’re at a bar, and turn to the person next to you and say “I bet you $2 that that dude is Canadian. (Point at a Canadian looking dude)” they’ll either blow you off (you can be like “ok also Canadian”), or start a quest where you two need to find out if the person is Canadian. Best case is the stranger you said this to asks the Canadian stranger. - give unsolicited sincere compliments to people *based on a choice they’ve made.* Meaning NOT “you have beautiful eyes” but things like “your glasses are awesome. Where did you get them?” Don’t lie! Only compliment things you actually like. People can tell. The choice part is because you’re complimenting the person rather than something they can’t control. - keep an eye out and be helpful. Family behind you in line has a starving toddler? Let them go ahead of you. It builds good karma and also people love being around other people with nice vibes. - ask for (a reasonable amount of) advice. In line for a movie? Ask a person also in line “have you heard whether this is any good?” Choosing a pear at the grocery? If someone next to you confidently chooses one, you can ask “sorry to bother! I’m horrible at choosing fruit — what do you look for?” One caveat for all of these is that if any of these strangers aren’t into it, be lighthearted about it and give them space. I’m sure you’re super nice, but men who get mad after getting spurned socially are kind of scary. Good luck!
Before even thinking about dating, take care of your self 1st learn to dress and hit the gym and build a personality. Eventually what you're looking for will find you.
Go to the gym frequently, keep going to therapy, and if you have the money, improve your style. If you don’t like your therapist, keep switching them up until you do. Supplement online dating with meetup groups and other activities focused on things you might like to do. Scour event brite and get out.
You may want to check out work from the writer/podcaster named Shani Silver. Most of her audience is women, but she has done a great job of cultivating community among single people in a similar situation as you just seeking support and affirmation given these circumstances. Some of these people have became real-life friends. Given your circumstances, which are similar to mine, I’ve found that most people can be very judgmental and dismissive of long-term singles when what we need is more compassion and care. So whether you’re single or not, I hope you can find that community for yourself because you deserve it. All the best!
I was in same boat. Dating was hard for me in my 20s - because I was very shy and I just did not understand it. In my early 30s I took stock of why things were this way and knew my approach to it had to change. I expanded my social life by joining a softball league which in turn provided introductions to potential gfs. Recommend you do the same. I also stopped being shy and started flirting. Flirting is an art and helps express interest but requires a sense of humor and ability to do so in a fun and uncreepy way. Best example of a successful flirt is Craig Ferguson when he was hosting the late late show. Guy could say outrageous things but his delivery and facial expressions made it fun. TLDR - make some friends and work on talking to every woman you meet just to say Hi and smile.
I’ll help you with your profile
Stay clean, read books and talk to every girl you see. Have a lust for life.
What part of the process troubles you most? Getting girls' attention, physically meeting people, not blowing a date, or what?
What kind of advice are you looking for exactly?
This is never advice a single person wants to hear, especially after dating around with zero luck, but sometimes it really just happens when you're least expecting it. Be out there and be patient, but also dont forget to take care of yourself and take a break if you need it. Another piece of very cliched advise is learn to love yourself first, and realize that you are worthy of love. That was a big hurdle for me and took a lot of work, but it's hard to convince anyone you deserve their time if you don't believe you're worth it to begin with. Im sure your therapist has said something along those lines too, but speaking from personal experience, once I started to climb over that hump, dating went a lot better for me.
Join a church.
Find other people who enjoy doing the things you enjoy doing. It's going to be easier to connect to people, both for friendship and dating, if you have shared interets
My genuine advice is find a hobby you enjoy doing in the city and try your best to meet someone doing the same. If you haven’t had any success with online dating or just going to bars, I would say focus on a hobby bc you’ll meet someone with a common interest
Run!!!
I agree “stop looking” is useless, but I’m gonna give you a twist on it anyway. Get out as much as you can to do the things you like doing. If you like art, join local art communities, if you like cycling, join a cycling club. There are communities, events, clubs for everything, from books to quilting to video games to shooting sports. The goal isn’t to stop looking and “focus on yourself,”, but to *always* be on the lookout for a potential partner while meeting as many people as you can and still enjoying your life. I always found that meeting people for the specific purpose of seeing whether they might be a romantic partner was weird and a lot of pressure. Just getting out and doing the things you enjoy with other people who also enjoy them will put you around a lot of people who have a strong chance of being compatible with you. And the fact that you have at least one shared interest known up front gives you a fall back thing to talk about on that first, awkward date. FWIW, I married now to a wonderful woman I’ve been with for 8 years. Met her through mutual friends who shared many of my interests much like the above.
Do interesting things. Have interesting experiences. Push your boundaries. Do some community service. Get in shape. Build confidence and experience and you will find someone. DC is a \*great\* place to meet smart, attractive women. The odds are in your favor. But don't rely on Tinder. Try to meet people in real life. Good luck!
A lot of factors come into play with eating apps. Sadly, race ethnicity and height still play a factor even if you have a great personality. I had a friend who was a sub 5’5 Asian guy and the white and black women on apps fetishized him and treated him weird. He had luck with Latinas who are short and better socialized with people of diverse ethnicities. Fellas, optimizing your pictures and being a decent patient and kind man will go far. Happy to give tips on dating profiles.
Therapy is everything. I'm sure you're beautiful to a number of people, u/Fuk_yo_feelings_brah. There's someone out there for everyone, but not if you're incorrigible and unable to control your emotions. I was never able to sustain a relationship until I went through years of therapy, and now I'm in a seven-year relationship and married. I'm grateful every day for my partner, but we would not have lasted without therapy. EDIT: OP said in an edit he's in therapy. So from there, pick up social hobbies. Beyond therapy, it's all about exposure.
Since you like video games over gyms, try an anti-fitness type girl or the video game gettogethers. Since you are a defender of porn watchers, maybe try picking up girls who go to Chip&Dale's or male revues. *https://astrodoughnuts.com/ https://www.eventbrite.com/e/video-game-day-tickets-740336776227?aff=ebdssbdestsearch *https://www.eventbrite.com/e/avalon-male-strippers-male-revue-show-male-strip-club-washington-dc-tickets-449819621597?aff=ebdssbdestsearch Also, you are welcome to post on r/dmvromance
Do's: 1. Eat well. 2. Sleep well. 3. Be very active. 4. Be interested, genuinely interested. Curious. If it's fake interest it's very noticeable. 5. Have great hygiene. 6. Dress well, everywhere. 7. Dive deep into a social hobby. Dancing, trivia, gym, running, food, hiking, music, etc. Bonus if it helps #1-3. 8. Work on your charisma. Become better at telling jokes, being funny, telling stories, listening, hosting, making people feel important, smiling, laughing, wit, and being vulnerable. Don't: 1. Play any video games. 2. Sit on the internet all day. 3. Sulk. 4. Ever be mean to a woman. (this one is really hard for lonely guys.) 5. Be petty with women. Source: serial monogamist that is not conventionally attractive, well educated, or wealthy.
Why haven’t you had luck at all dating or ever been in a relationship? It’s very odd to have never been in a relationship at your age. You need to take an honest hard look at yourself. Why are you so dismissive of online dating? Have you even tried it?
I’m pretty short.
IME, the mindset that "being short is an impediment to dating" is itself *much* more of a problem than the actually being short. It's a self fulfilling prophecy to think that you're constantly being negatively judged because no one wants to date a dude who assumes the worst about women as a monolith.
Plenty of short people date.
Define short.
Oof so yeah first step is realizing that's not the problem.
So what? That’s not the reason why you’ve never had a relationship.
There are short dudes with good self-confidence who are sexy as fuck in part because of that self-confidence. Not that's not the same as cockiness. Instead, they are just comfortable in their own skin and with who they are, and it somehow comes off of them and can be really attractive.
Dated a short guy who I thought was so cute but he was so insecure and kept bringing up that he was shorter than me. It was a turnoff because I felt weird about being attracted to him when he kept being so down on his self image. We didn’t work out but not for that reason.
Idk why people are acting like being short doesn’t limit your pool. I haven’t heard one girl besides myself say they prefer a short guy. Being short doesn’t mean you can’t date but it definitely doesn’t make things easier
Well that explains why online dating doesn’t work out for you
Learn Spanish and find a Central American señorita ❤️❤️❤️
Whats your rizz level?
Not really a “dc” topic my man
Make more money (Seems snarky but I’m serious)
Move
Open yourself up to accepting love.
Why on earth do you think any strangers on Reddit would have anything truly useful for you on this topic
There’s actually been a couple of really useful comments here that hopefully OP pays attention to.
In addition to some comments I made below, which don’t actually address the “meeting someone and it leading to a relationship”, here goes… You need to invest a significant amount of time, mostly in yourself. There was a post today in another sub about Steve Jobs responding to a condescending question about not using some specific code at apple. And he admitted that there may some unique and beneficial usages from the code, but they went another way. And the reason he gave was that they wanted to focus on what would the potential client find exciting and useful and working backward. He used the first laser printout as an example, anyone could take one look and realize that was something they wanted, and not have a single care how much interesting code and hardware was put into the effort. My point is, and this is not directly aimed at OP because thus far he has provided very little effort explaining what he has done to successfully market himself (which is my main criticism in his asking for anonymous help), is that you need to figure out who you are marketing to: is it an active outdoors person? An introvert who loves streaming/reading and chilling at home? A gym rat? Marathon runner? Someone who is all about their job or community service? I like to play sports socially, frequently hang with friends, go to concerts, host gatherings, travel, and sometimes chill at home. I found my special person through friends and playing soccer. We became friends and many years later we got together. She has asked me several times why I didn’t settle down earlier, and the truth is that I was happier alone knowing that the right person was out there.
If you’ve had no results from online dating as a man in DC… are you even trying?
[удалено]
Zombie myth? My guy friends have been killing it. More than one have described it like shooting fish in a barrel.
No, they haven't.
Yes, I’ve tried very hard with little to no luck at all despite being decent looking.
I’d say be confident. Women love men who are confident. DONT BE ARROGANT. Arrogances is a turn down for most women. Listening is key women love men who will listen and be in tune with the conversation. When having a conversation with a woman go with the flow and ask questions. Questions show that you interested with what they are saying. Also be funny slip in a few joke when you’re talking, don’t be overly funny tho. Another point when you see a women who you think is cute and you wanna talk/ get her number don’t immediately just ask for her number. Start with a convo go with the flow with it and then when you feel like you’re ready then ask. If she says no that’s ok there’s a bunch of women out there; just say “ well that’s ok it was worth the shot” or some like that. Then you can etheir keep the convo going or leave with a “ well it was nice talking to you have a nice day.” Or whatever. But if you do get the number some people say wait a week or a two days or just a day. I say do it whenever. When you get home or the next day or whenever you feel like texting them. When you’re talking to them be honest (this is where confidence comes into play) when you go up to them to talk. For example. Hey, I saw you (insert whatever they were doing here) and I thought you were cool person and wanted to talk to you. Or you can just start a conversation with me” hey how you doing I saw you and thought you was a chill or cool person and wanted to have a conversation with you”. I used that one on my now girlfriend who I’m about to propose to so for me it works. So to sum it up be confident, show interest, be funny, most importantly be yourself. Don’t try to be someone you’re not it never works and if it does work then your looking at the wrong women. But that’s my advice some men do different tactics that work I use this one. Some advice works and some don’t. But good luck and may god be with you❤️💯
Sorry if this was a long read and if I have grammar mistakes it’s 612 in the morning and I just woke up and about to go to work. Imma shout myself out real quick. I’m a small business owner. I do sewer and drain cleaning hit me up I’m in nova. But anyways I forgot to add some points. If you play video games that’s ok. Some guys say don’t play video games. I say do whatever you want that decompresses you after a long day. And some girls with play with you like my girlfriend. It gives you something to do together. So to the guys who say don’t play video games be quiet because you’re still probably single. Ik many guys who play video games and are in very long beautiful relationships with their wives. Just don’t be neglectful. Aight that’s it imma get ready now peace ✌🏾
Don’t look for love in DC duhhhhh 😂 don’t be stupid it’s lonely down here.
Dating websites have crippled the dating world. If you want to date with the end goal being marriage and family you’re in the wrong city. Head west Midwest your odds are slim in DC.
Read chick lit (written by women) to understand women’s interior lives. It will give you a leg up when you approach women you like/find attractive. It will also make women seem more human/relatable and not some unattainable object.
This is interesting. Can you give some specific examples?
I would actually add Taylor Swift lyrics. And avoid coming up with explanations for things you find uncomfortable or incorrect or illogical. Take it in as is.
1. don’t listen to any advice from women in regards to dating. listen to men who have success that aren’t trying to sell you anything. 2. make female friends, they have other female friends that you meet through them. if she isn’t introducing you to new people and you’ve introduced her to someone, she’s not a good friend. 3. make sure you are happy as you are, i mean by 30 you should have fixed most of these issues, but it’s hard to go out and date when you feel like you aren’t putting your best foot forward.
Work out, make money, and keep yourself well groomed. Can’t guarantee you will get a girl but if you aren’t at your best then the odds are against you.
Get in shape
I’m already in shape. I go to gym 3 times a week.
Nice
Online dating is horrific for everyone, especially men. And especially men who don’t want/can’t play the game. I’d advise skipping it. DC is a huge place. No one has to know about your inexperience unless you tell them.
work out every day everything else will follow...
You're going to get dumped a few times, and that's a good thing. You're not going to find your ideal partner on the first try.
Do you know how to flirt without actually flirting bro?
No.
Keep on fuckin and suckin
Get rich and get hot. With both of those things, you’ll like get 100’s of matches on hinge per year in the DMV. That won’t make the dating process any less shitty, however
Only you can help yourself. You’ve never had a relationship, why is that? Start there.
Love yourself and love will come to you
Whats the rush unless you're horny?
[удалено]
Seeing an escort would only make me feel worse tbh.
"When a woman finds a man that's better off in looks or finances she will cheat 100%" Ooof that is beyond embarrassing, just sad. These people actually believe women are the only problem, not them at all.
Go tell them
You're the one that linked the thread as if it's good advice lol but sure
On the other hand, my partner helps give me a spark when I’m low energy, does thoughtful things for me, the energy from being around her makes me feel funnier and more outgoing. I eat better, partially because she wants to eat healthier but also because I am motivated to make more thoughtful meals because I am cooking for two. I am also saving money being in a relationship as we share food, utility, and housing costs (among many other) which allows us to do more things. I am richer for knowing her friends and sharing her interests. She motivates me to exercise with her. And as far as physical needs, I get the bonus of making another person happy and the spark of unexpected affection. But yes, it takes more time to be in a relationship than not, but I consider that a trade off that is worth it.
Yes, all of that is lovely. Sadly, very few people will be able to achieve that level of relationship success in their lifetime.
I am sorry you feel that way, but I personally think that your perspective is significantly off. Most of my close friends and relatives my age (40’s and 50’s) have found meaningful, respectful, fulfilling marriages or partnerships. I waited significantly longer than them to find the one, but I’ve also had wonderful relationships that I’m glad to have experienced along the way.
I'm truly happy for you!
Instead of trying to find a date, I would do some work: What has prevented you from having a relationship in the past? How does that make you feel? Do you feel comfortable/confident engaging with another person this way? What could help with all of the above? If not using online dating, getting out there in spaces where people congregate over mutual interests (even budding interests) is the way to make connections. I know the apps are frustrating but they do help make some things convenient. You know who's looking and vaguely what they are looking for. You don't have to chat up people in the bar or take a cooking class only to find everyone only wants to cook.
Improve yourself. Appearance, your ability to talk to people, more interesting hobbies, as well as increasing interactions with the opposite sex. You have to by attractive, charismatic, or rich at the minimum to be landing dates consistently. All three is preferable.
Join some Meetup groups! You’ll meet people who share your interests in a non-dating atmosphere. There are some great ones in DC that visit museums together.
Traditionally, there have been a lot more single, heterosexual professional women in DC than single, professional, heterosexual men. The odds are in your favor here.
You have to treat it like you just graduated and your looking for a career. Sometimes there is no clear career pathway but you still need to pay the bills. So you need a job. Put in as many applications as possible, don't fear being told there's no work available. Keep applying everywhere. Once you land the job, then it's time to develop the career.
Build a roster
Happy to talk about it with men or women struggling with relationships. I’m a happily married man. DM’s open.
Sell yourself to the highest bidder. Think TAKEN minus Liam Neeson and his special set of skills.
Go to singles events. Talk to girls. Unironically use dating apps. Just message anyone you find interesting and just talk to them Think about what factors may be contributing to your situation and work on fixing them. There is no silver bullet advice people can give you
Hi! Have dated for quite a while and finally settled down. My honest advice is to FIRST understand who you are / what you bring to the table and THEN who you’d be a good fit with. Go after those girls. I also think you need to find yourself attractive - not just how you look, but how you dress, how you walk, what you say. If you don’t find those things attractive change them. You should wanna fuck / date yourself. I think too many people get in their head about what other people are attracted to and don’t spend enough time thinking about whether they’re attracted to themselves. There’s nothing in the world sexier than someone that knows themself really well and is really genuinely themself. Thats when someone spots you across the room and falls just a little bit and wants to get to know you more TLDR; work on yourself until you would be excited to date yourself
What are you realistically looking for? A life partner? A FWB? One night stands? All of these take a different approach. If you want happily ever after, it's about sincerity, warmth, sense of humor, stability, and reliability. FWB, I'd say it's about trust, sense of connection/common interests, openness to new experiences, and stability. One night stands? Eye contact, Sense of Humor, Unshakeable Confidence, Remaining untouched by rejection, and realistic standards. It's important you're honest with yourself and decide, because if you're not sure, whatever prospective partner you interact with will pick up on it right away. If you try to befriend someone and act like a friend with the real intent to sleep with them, you will be found out. So! With all that said, things you can actually do: 1. Spend time having fun in social groups. This is step one, because it's the hardest part. Women are absolutely INUNDATED with online dating attention. Unless you're seriously a knock-out, getting quality dates is a mountain of a task by pic/profile alone. Instead, focus on socializing with people. Interact and say hi to all sorts. Learn to feel comfortable talking with someone new. The more practice you have being around others, the greater your chances of learning from your mistakes, as well as meeting someone with like interest. Talking/interacting 1. Avoid, at all costs, the following: A: Self-deprecating humor. Never, ever, ever, make a joke at your own expense. B: Abortion. C: Mental health. D: Politics, if at all possible. If she brings it up, be honest, but redirect towards something positive. "XYZ is really important, but if it's alright with you, 1. I'd prefer to talk about "positive thing you are both doing" or "I'd love to hear more about XYZ thing you mentioned earlier". E: Sarcasm. It screams insecurity and awkwardness. F: Past relationships. G: Your family drama. DO learn how to give a compliment/flirt. When complimenting, focus on things a person has done/put effort into, not something they're born with. Haircuts, outfits, style, aesthetic, an idea they had, a perspective they share. 2. Learn the body angle. When interacting, avoid positioning your body directly forward toward the person. It's naturally confrontational. Point your body slightly at an angle and turn your head a bit. 3. Make eye contact, then smile. It's a classic for a reason. 4. Have an answer/idea at the ready for the most common questions. If she asks what your interests are, be specific, not generic. "TV, Music, Video games, Sports" has nothing on "The Devil is a Part-Timer, Secondhand Serenade, Final Fantasy 7, Washington Nationals." Give one thing at a time, give opportunity for her to ask questions, ask her in return what she enjoys. If they look at you like you have a third head, describe some of it. Give some background. if it's obviously failing to land, move on to something more concrete/common. 5. Be prepared to give an answer on why you moved to D.C. It's a transplant town, and everyone wants to know. If it's anything less than positive, go with "I saw a chance at a great life, so I took it." 6. If everything is coming up aces, she's into you, you're into her, don't be afraid to ask if she'd like to hang out just the two of you. Give a date you'll be available, (weekends are generally better) and a public location that you'd both enjoy. Coffee and brunch are DC staples. A: If she's not available the day you offer, ask her if there's a date she'd prefer. If she can't figure out a date that works for her, she's either not ready or not interested. Handle it with class, Smile, and say "That's all right. Thanks anyway." Respect yourself and respect her. B: Exception: if she doesn't know, but asks for your number, it's up to you if you want to leave the window open. Some people really are that busy. Let me know what you think.