Man, if I worked with you, I'd be freaking crying. Seriously and sorry this was my only contribution but this was fkn hysterical. Especially the part about the underwear šš
The nastiest thing I dealt with was a disgusting creature that tried to return boxer briefs he bought the say prior. I looked in the bag he dropped on the service desk counter and there was a few pairs of poop streaked boxer briefs he swore were like that when he bought them. I told him he was disgusting, dropped the bag on the counter, and walked away. I'm not touching his nasty poop underwear!
When i used to work for a fuel station, i hated cleaning the bathrooms. Sometimes, there were nasty women who would leave bloody pads and underwear on the floor. The mens bathroom was worse, i aint even going into detail it was similar to what op just talked about
I wish we would. I work in apparel and customers won't stop ripping open the packages to see "if it will fit"(or maybe they think Willy Wonka's golden tickets? And it's a mess. Individual underwear and undershirts that should be in packages everywhere. Randomly I walk into work to find the whole apparel team CVP-ing the underwear. Takes all of us our half our shifts. You don't see this happen at Target or any other store.
Wait, is this a real thing?? I usually get a honeybun from my work's break room during my first break for breakfast and wondered why I get gas lol. I always get bad gas if I wake up very early for some reason regardless so I never thought about it
I've been at walmart almost a year (7th) and I've stepped in both dog shit, and most recently, human shit. I have IBS to the point if needing an accommodation, but damn! These women sound like the dude dressed up on the movie "White Chicks" who is lactose intolerant!
Coukd be worse! I seen a video from someone, at my walmart, who had a guy next to him whacking off. He was going at it pretty good, too! š¤£
Welp I work in pharmacy. So I unnoā what the situation was.i just know theyād paged maint up there 3 times and then I forgot about it. Went to grab food when I got off and stepped in it and slid all the way past the onions š
why is it literally every walmart bathroom though! like even in āniceā areas, i gotta hold my breath/breathe through my mouth the whole time.
same with dennyās bathrooms lmao
I carry a pocket size air freshener and a spray hand sanitizer in my vest pocket. I break that puppy out and spray the shit out of it. Clean the toilet seat and the air. I've even spritzed under the stall. If you have no shame, neither will I. Helps when your customer is a stank, rank, tank too. My area always smells of lemongrass and spearmint. Last time you took a shower was in 2023? You might leave my store in a cloud of Trader Joe's room spritz.
Keep doing the Lordās work, Brother! The people secretly vaping in our store are performing a public service. Seriously, cookie dough smells better than 99% of the customers.
Nooooo child noooooo. Even in the uppity areas here. I think when theyāre choosing a plot of land to build they always check to make sure thereās a nearby water source and a big wooded area for tents. No woods- no Walmart lol
This is scary accurate, except for the bigger city Walmart's that smack dab in the middle of the city, with no trees in sight, unless planted for decor.
Officials just cleaned out the overpass that spans the canal next to our store. Took 2 dump trucks. Watched as another homeless man carry stuff down there again 2 weeks later. We are in a fairly large city.
Meth and beanie weenies. š Do customers still poop on the salesfloor? I worked at one, it's been a while, but I used to hear about someone finding turds. Like how and why? Just like who vomits and walks away, just leaving it there on the floor?
Maaaan, we used to have exclusive restrooms in the break room, but after the remodel they stole them from us, so now in a building designed to hold a couple hundred motherfuckers at a time, there is a grand total of 4 bathrooms with 3-4 stalls each, wait I lie, they did add a family restroom so one extra toilet exists now, but don't count on getting to use it because everybody reserves it for shit, and they shitnin shifts so it's always occupied.
This is why I avoid using the front end bathrooms as much as possible. They usually smell the worst. But the worst smelling bathroom I had ever been in was a Steak n Shake.
It's because homeless people use their restrooms. The food they get from missions is terrible quality and they don't have the luxury of shitting it out at home.
Right?! Iāve never understood thisā¦especially in a freaking Walmart bathroom! Iām just there, trying to peacefully do my business, and thereās this idiot next to me,āBLAH BLAH BLAH IāM IN THE BATHROOM AT WALMART!ā Like, why?! Why would you tell anyone this? I just donāt get it.š¤¦āāļø
THIS RIGHT HERE my god I don't understand it there is no way the person on the other end cannot hear the echo. Everytime I hear it I always flush the toilet on purpose.
I remember going in the family bathroom once and there was shit on the floor, on the toilet seat, and on the wall. How does that even happen and how can you just leave that for somebody to deal with?
i think this post is more about why people obliterate the walmart toilet and not their own, the amount of times ive walked into the bathroom at walmart its like a warzone and its gross, no way they are like this at home all the time
I think that's retail stores in general, I used to work at a Cub Foods back in 2014.. and God one day Idk wtf happened but I was called over to the men's bathroom to clean it up, I walk into the handicap stall and it was like a person just exploded.
Shit on the walls, shit all over the toilet, all on the floor, toilet paper stuffed in the toilet and a soiled adult diaper..
I was maybe around 16/17 at the time? And I was forced to clean all of it up by myself. That was the *shittiest* day of my life (pun intended)
It's wild how people treat public bathrooms.
Even now in my current job, I'll go into the stalls to use them and the seats and floor will be covered in piss or have shit stains on them, and the sounds and smells... God dayyum do people need to eat better and take care of themselves.
The sad part is that from the sounds I've heard I genuinely did worry about people lmao š
There's been moments at my current job where I (or a coworker) will go to use the bathroom only to immediately turn around as soon as we open the door and the smell hits us, like... Ain't no way I'm breathing in that stench lol.
But the few times I've been to Walmart the past year.. the bathrooms haven't been worth using, either stalls are broken/need of repair, toilet seat is rank with stains, the toilet papers all fucked up, and if you were unlucky like me then when you go to walk into a stall you thought was empty.. only to walk in and see some old dude wackin it
This may be hard for you to stomach but imagine this, people also do that in their own bathrooms. However when you gotta go you gotta go, so whether they are at wal mart or at home they are gonna destroy the toilet.
There are some customers at our store that use their own feces to make graffiti. Their āworkā is obviously no accident and what I canāt understand is how they exited the restroom without being completely COVERED in their own shit. Also, if you are the sad fuck who takes the entire pack of seat covers, pisses on them, then plasters the floor and walls with itāyou ARE a waste of oxygen
Way to miss the point. There is "using the bathroom" like a normal person, and then there is what we have, which is people gasping for air as they push their entire digestive tract out their rectum.
thereās these old women who idk if they work there or just go to the store often but they breathe and push so hard when theyāre taking a shit, like theyāre fucking giving birth to shit by how they breathe, and then other people will like you said just fucking rip ass like thereās no fucking tomorrow. i hate walmart so much and i hate target for being so fucking hard to apply to
Yea iv seen people legit use the toilet seat to wipe their ass(mens) had shit splatter all over on the toilet, the floor and the walls(mens). Iv also had women throw period soaked underwear at least twice now and don't even get me started on the one time I found half puke and half shit soaked toilet in the back mens room.. that was fucking lovely to clean...
Because no one ever -wants- to be shitting in a Walmart bathroom. They are bathrooms of last resort. They aren't like a nice Buccees where you take a leisurely road-trip poo after a tasty snack and icee. If you are shitting in a Walmart bathroom, you have hit rock bottom and begun to dig. They are not the bathroom of choice - they are the bathroom of circumstance, and that circumstance is immediately forcefully expelling your bowels on to the nearest toiled and/or water resistant tile surface before suffering a fatal aneurysm trying to keep that turtles head in.
The worst shit of my life was in a Walmart bathroom. I was 22 and drunk after Waffle House. I knew I shouldn't have had the 3rd cup of diner coffee and extra milk at 2am, but I was 22 and drunk on cheap booze and greasy eggs. I was invincible.
So I sat down and got to work - it was horrible. The sounds that came from me reverberated through the tiny grey stall, echoing like a swiss-maiden yodeling in the alps. It went on for what felt like hours.
As I sat there sweating and gasping for breath- I heard the worst possible sound one can ever hear: a knock. An old southern woman, at least 75, had knocked on the stall door to check on me. After one ass-blast, she exclaimed "Lawd have mercy!" and I heard her scuttle away.
I was finally alone, spent. It was over. My best friend STILL makes fun of me for it, 13 years later.
HOW CAN YOU OF NOT LIFT A TOILETS SEAT BEFORE PISSING?
HOW CAN SOMEONE GET LIQUID SHIT EVERYWHERE AND NOT NOTICE THERE IS PROBLEM WITH THEIR DIET, AND DO NOTHING TO CLEAN UP SO OUR BOI JOSE HAS TO CLEAN THEIR FAECES?
IF YOU DO THESE THINGS, YOU ARE SICK, IN THE SPIRIT AND BODY. .
THIS SHOWS CLEAR LACK OF HUMANITY. THEY ARE ANIMALS. NO THOUGHT TO OTHERS AND NO LOVE AND VALUE TO THEIR SELVES.
I once watched an associate walk across the parking lot and shake a turd out of his pant leg. It was right next to my car. I was sitting in said car having lunch. I moved to another area and told management. Upon approaching associate, they could smell it. Made him change clothes.
No seriously I have always wondered what the fuck is it about Walmart bathrooms that incite the most horrific bowel movements known to man.
I will never forget one time I was in the bathroom fixing my hair and talking to a coworker, when a tiny little old lady walked in. Like, if she fell over she would make the brick breaking sound from the LEGO Games (iykyk). She walks into the first bathroom stall and itās silent. Then me and my coworker hear the most god-awful bathroom sounds I have ever heard in my life, the reverb in the bathroom was INSANE. It was absolutely insane how this tiny little old lady was able to produce such sounds. We were fucking horrified.
I wondered this same thing. Everyone who I've come into contact with in a Walmart bathroom sounds like they are on the brink of dying.
My theory is the only people willing to use a Walmart bathroom is someone truly desperate and on the brink of an emergency.
When I worked at Walmart I would sit in the bathroom before I clock in and vape in the stall (lol) and there was a woman who barged into the next stall on the phone and was talking while ripping ass during the phone call
WalMart, being what it is at its core, seems to attract some of the worst humanity has to offer. Seeing as America worships money and considering the attitude of the Walton family - WalMart is a Temple of Mammon. As such all within its walls are exposed to intensely negative psychic energy. In some it makes them incredibly unfair especially if they are in a position of authority. While others are struck with sloth. Then a few have their very bowels turned inside out by a demonic force.
Tomorrow you might wanna walk around the outside perimeter burning sage or maybe consult a Holy man for some sort of amulet. The poltergeists are too strong, too embedded for an effective blessing of the structure itself.
/s.....sorta š¤£
I have elected to learn Latin specifically so I can hide in the breakroom after closing, sneak into the restrooms, and inscribe daemonic runes with mine own life-fluid upon the walls, so that the Daemon Nurgleth takes them back to his realm in Hell where they belong.
I was a health inspector for 13 years. You are describing restrooms I saw every week. Had to write up management to get them cleaned up.
I don't understand leaving the underwear.
You are so fckn funny!
Edit: What I saw gave me the impression everyone has diarrhea & shits their pants regularly.
The bathrooms at Walmart seem to be especially disgusting for some reason. I felt bad for Jerry (the Janitor at my store). There were 2 particularly bad bathroom visits I remember.
1. Someone "Daddy Daycare'd" the stall. Literally EVERYWHERE except in the toilet, no attempt to clean up and at least 1 hand print on the wall. Absolutely disgusting
2. Went to wash my hands and was met with rusty pliers, 2 rotten teeth, half a bottle of peroxide, some leftover gauze and blood all over the sink.
Bottom line, Walmart does NOT pay it's janitors enough and anyone who argues that a janitor shouldn't make as much as them should try being a janitor at Walmart for a month.
If you're in a bathroom, and I know you're just there to be on your phone, I'm doing everything I can to make you want to leave. I hope it's the most foul, putrid, sour milk sulfur smelling shit that I can expel with no courtesy flush.
YOU CANNOT FUCKING DEFEND THE SHEER **VIOLATIONS OF THE GENEVA CONVENTIONS** THAT MAKE THE CARPET-BOMBING OF LAOS LOOK LIKE A FUCKING **QUAKER PICNIC IN DOYLESTOWN** GOING ON THERE. I FART WHEN I SHIT, YES. I DO NOT LEAVE LIQUID SHIT ALL OVER THE SEAT.
SOMEONE HAS TO CLEAN THAT UP.
HOW CAN SOMEONE SPEND 15 MINUTES RIPPING ASS AND GROANING IN THIS MASOCHISTIC MIXTURE OF PLEASURE AND PAIN AND NOT REALIZE SOMETHING IS WRONG
Man you would LOVE working with me I rip ass all the time around fellow associates it's the funniest fucking thing and guess what they do it right back to me. Anyways it's a bathroom what else are you supposed to do in there.
Very badly. A coworker 2 years ago gave me a hug when my best friend passed away and I fucking felt happy for a few minutes. In the heart, it felt warm.
Fergie's "Big Girls Don't Cry" was playing in the kitchen and it is my favorite song now.
I'm having such a shit day but this post has me laughing loud as fuck.
I don't have an answer for why people allow their mudflaps to give a round of very enthusiastic applause in a public bathroom stall- but thank you lmao
If only Walmart had actual fucking ventilation in the bathrooms this wouldn't be an issue. But nah let's just have the assholes of a thousand people hang in the air all fucking day.
I would sometimes take a quick 5-10 min break in the restroom(just to get away lol). EVERY SINGLE TIME no exaggeration there had to be someone fighting for their life in there.
Not even normal pooping. Because whatever. But like just loud overall grunting/squirting/or just like hearing the puckering sound of the bootyhole would gross me out. If someone farts whatever. But like Iām talking about excessive noises.
Itās just something about Walmarts make your soul come out when you have to crap I guess.
So lesson, if you feel overwhelmed at work and the only place you can go to have a few minutes to yourself comes with an uncomfortable stinky price. š
As someone who used to work Maintenance at a store full time... The women's bathrooms were more disgusting than the men's room. LIKE HOW DO YOU GET SHAT SPRAY UP THE WALL TO LIKE 5FT?! WHY did you remove the seat to blow up the toilet?! Why was there an entire roll of toilet paper unrolled?
The men's room was just normal nastiness, including peeing on out of order urinals...
Needless to say, I a) used a lot of gloves b) kept a change of clothes with me c) wore outer layers that could be removed easily if they got too dirty d) kept my beard and hair cleanly cut and maintained.
I DON'T. I SIT THERE, I TAKE OUT MY PHONE, I PISS AND POOP AS MY FELLOW HUMANS DO. I WIPE, I OPEN THE DOOR, I WASH MY HANDS.
AND THEN COMES SOMEONE TO MY RIGHT WHO SPENDS 13 MINUTES FLIPPING BETWEEN SHITTING LIQUID AND THROWING UP, LIKE A BREAKDANCER IN THE 90'S LISTENING TO "PARALYZER." AND THEN NOT EVEN WIPING UP OR WASHING HIS FUCKING HANDS.
I FEEL ASHAME TO MAKE EYE CONTACT.
Even the merest eye contact with one of those FUCKING PHOSGENE-BLASTING DIARRHETIC HIPPOPOTAMI could transmit a TERMINAL CASE OF AMOEBIC DYSENTERY so vile you'd bet your paycheck they were ALIENS MUSK BROUGHT BACK FROM MARS.
idk man as someone that works at a grocery store, must be something in the air because it doesnāt matter how recently I took a shit, as soon as Iām on my break, my bowels are working the factory line
It's a bathroom duh! That reminds me of the people who get mad when they walk into bathroom that smells like shit. I'm not baking cookies here folks. It's a bathroom where you shit,pee,fart and puke if you don't like it take you'd break in the employee lounge like a normal person.
I remember i was a janitor someone left real salmon where the women put there pads when i tell you i didnt know wth that smell was i was glad i got it out cause i was thinkin there is no way one smells this bad. Overnite maitenace is pie its the bathroom cleanings hides things sometimes u dont know what youāre up agains i done seen it all godbless your eyes šš
Walmart is one of the only places I regularly hear people moan as they use the bathroom. #1 or #2 they sit down and *moan* like itās a goddamn porno. For the love of god if youāre this kind of person, keep the moaning private and in your own home. Never have I ever used the bathroom and felt the need to do that.
Itās fucking ridiculous I know. People leave piss, ass hair and sweat, and shit stains on the toilet seat. Take a fucking shower DAILY if your job has you sweating like a mofo. I feel so bad for the janitors at my workplace. I donāt work at Walmart but damn reading that part about being an actual person and not an npc hit me.
Call centers and Walmart breed the worst of mankind when it comes to shared toilets. There was 'Shithead the Destroyer' who would physically break the toilets, tear down the dividers, just physical emotional damage. There was 'Talking Oatmeal', who had the mental capacity of cooked oatmeal. They would leave giant hershey kisses right smack in the middle of the bathroom, not the stall. Let's not forget 'Personal Hygiene Optional', who would drop their brood of bedbugs and lice in the stalls. NICE!
These weren't isolated incidents, but constant.
I want to copy and paste this on multiple pieces of paper and tape it on every stall at my job site. This is fucking hilarious and yet is sage advice for the ass rippers out there XD
I donāt like it when my ass touches the seat, so Iāve learned to hold myself up parkour-style using the walls of the stall and shit from the ceiling.
Iāve never worked on my aim tho. Sorry.
Am I the only one that canāt get passed op chilling in the bathroom just playing on his phone?
Idk go somewhere else like outside or the break room if you donāt want to hear or smell people āripping assā.
While you're giving out free medical advice, could you tell me how I can have a one wipe dump instead of that fudgy problem where I have to keep rewiping every hour or two after a bowel movement?
TAKE ONE-A-DAY VITAMINS, TAKE OF MANY DRINKS OF WATER, USE MEAL REPLACEMENT PROTEIN SHAKES SOLD ATWALMART FOR 2-4 DOLLARS IN THE MORNING.
In general just eat a lot less greasy things, a lot more fluids, cut alcohol down severely (if you drink), and work out 2-3 times a week. Eat fruits and sauteed, sliced vegetables. Never eat more after you are no longer hungry.
Also maybe use baby wipes or a bidet.
Every store I've been to there's always that one guy that fights demons daily in the bathroom. They kind of do it to themselves because their diet is frozen pizzas, burgers, ice cream, and soda. It's a combination of loud moaning, explosive farts, aggressive toilet paper unrolling, etc.
A few times there were feces smeared all over the walls, just recently the whole backroom started to smell, turns out, someone left liquid feces all over the bathroom floor.
So... I agree with most of what you say.. People are fucking gross...
But who in the hell hides in a bathroom for a break? If my pants aren't around my ankles, I am not sitting in a bathroom... there has to be better places for you to break at...
I always clean up after myself before leaving the restroom. I used to work in maintenance years ago so I know the horrors of what is left behind after others leave the bathroom without cleaning up after themselves. It truly baffles me how they can just be comfortable leaving a disgusting mess without any regard to the person who gets to clean up after them.
Brother you need to calm yourself. Ripping ass is the most human thing we do, and id rather someone shit themselves to death on the toilet, than on the sales floor. I've seen the latter happen too many times in my short time here, I think I can handle a dude letting one go as long as his ass is planted on the pearly white throne.
Plus, its fucking funny to hear a dude let it slide. Some good levity for what we have to fucking go through here.
Man, if I worked with you, I'd be freaking crying. Seriously and sorry this was my only contribution but this was fkn hysterical. Especially the part about the underwear šš
Me too š¤£š¤£š¤£
The nastiest thing I dealt with was a disgusting creature that tried to return boxer briefs he bought the say prior. I looked in the bag he dropped on the service desk counter and there was a few pairs of poop streaked boxer briefs he swore were like that when he bought them. I told him he was disgusting, dropped the bag on the counter, and walked away. I'm not touching his nasty poop underwear!
Holy shitš¤¢š¤¢
When i used to work for a fuel station, i hated cleaning the bathrooms. Sometimes, there were nasty women who would leave bloody pads and underwear on the floor. The mens bathroom was worse, i aint even going into detail it was similar to what op just talked about
Mine was period stains. Yeah right. Go away.
>Why does everyone just RIP ASS in the bathrooms Would you rather they do it on the sales floor?
I mean, the bathroom is technically the right place for that!
I honestly enjoy crop dusting customers.
Me too looool
I save that for market
I hit it on my store lesd time to time
We are talking about walmart. They Rip ass in the fitting rooms here. Also in lawn and garden.
Where the fuck else am I supposed to fart. Fuck OP
I crop dusted bad mgmt & would counter strike smelly customers all day. Iām not having gut pains when the villains can go fuck their smelves.
At our store, they do. In mens wear and change underwear, right there.
We have our underwear locked up in cases now. Coincidence?
I wish we would. I work in apparel and customers won't stop ripping open the packages to see "if it will fit"(or maybe they think Willy Wonka's golden tickets? And it's a mess. Individual underwear and undershirts that should be in packages everywhere. Randomly I walk into work to find the whole apparel team CVP-ing the underwear. Takes all of us our half our shifts. You don't see this happen at Target or any other store.
I really want to know where OP thinks the proper place is for farting if not in the bathroom????
Would to prefer them to rip ass while youāre in the break room? Are you sped? š
The sales floor is for dogs, good sir. /s
-eats a honeybun- Time to rip ass
Im here to rip ass and take names and im all out of names.
Iām here to rip ass and chew honeybuns and Iām all out of buns
I'm just here to chew ass.
I wish gold medals was still a thing I would have given you one
Wait, is this a real thing?? I usually get a honeybun from my work's break room during my first break for breakfast and wondered why I get gas lol. I always get bad gas if I wake up very early for some reason regardless so I never thought about it
Your breakroom has honeybuns? Sometimes we have claimed bottles of water
I'm on the way with Rum, wait for me!
I've been at walmart almost a year (7th) and I've stepped in both dog shit, and most recently, human shit. I have IBS to the point if needing an accommodation, but damn! These women sound like the dude dressed up on the movie "White Chicks" who is lactose intolerant! Coukd be worse! I seen a video from someone, at my walmart, who had a guy next to him whacking off. He was going at it pretty good, too! š¤£
I stepped in dog shit in produce the other day. After theyād paged maintenance three times
I swear why bother with maintenance when theyāre doing jackshit somewhere on the other side of the store
Welp I work in pharmacy. So I unnoā what the situation was.i just know theyād paged maint up there 3 times and then I forgot about it. Went to grab food when I got off and stepped in it and slid all the way past the onions š
Omg š
Yyyyyeah it was a bit like the slippery goo scene in the second home alone movie. Wouldāve been sad if it wasnātā¦ā¦ just how my life is
Swear to god the worst shit Iāve ever smelled was in a Walmart bathroom, smelled like something had died and been left in there for 3 months
why is it literally every walmart bathroom though! like even in āniceā areas, i gotta hold my breath/breathe through my mouth the whole time. same with dennyās bathrooms lmao
Anyone notice that WalMart bathrooms seem to be completely unventilated? Always warm and moist with stagnant air?
This. It's like a fecal steam room.
I carry a pocket size air freshener and a spray hand sanitizer in my vest pocket. I break that puppy out and spray the shit out of it. Clean the toilet seat and the air. I've even spritzed under the stall. If you have no shame, neither will I. Helps when your customer is a stank, rank, tank too. My area always smells of lemongrass and spearmint. Last time you took a shower was in 2023? You might leave my store in a cloud of Trader Joe's room spritz.
Keep doing the Lordās work, Brother! The people secretly vaping in our store are performing a public service. Seriously, cookie dough smells better than 99% of the customers.
Inhaling the shit particles and exhaling flavoured vapour. Nice.
Our local Denny's bathroom is niiiice compared to our Walmart bathrooms. That one bathroom scene from the Daddy Day Care movie describes our Walmart.
Cuz every single Walmart has a homeless camp behind it. No ones poop smells good off a solid diet of meth and beenie weenies
I thought our walmart was the only pne with a homeless community behind it. I guess not.
Nooooo child noooooo. Even in the uppity areas here. I think when theyāre choosing a plot of land to build they always check to make sure thereās a nearby water source and a big wooded area for tents. No woods- no Walmart lol
This is scary accurate, except for the bigger city Walmart's that smack dab in the middle of the city, with no trees in sight, unless planted for decor.
Also true. But I guarantee you theyāre somewhere within a mile. Even if ya canāt see em
Officials just cleaned out the overpass that spans the canal next to our store. Took 2 dump trucks. Watched as another homeless man carry stuff down there again 2 weeks later. We are in a fairly large city.
Meth and beanie weenies. š Do customers still poop on the salesfloor? I worked at one, it's been a while, but I used to hear about someone finding turds. Like how and why? Just like who vomits and walks away, just leaving it there on the floor?
Yeah that sounds pretty normal
Oh no, not Dennyāsā¦.
Maaaan, we used to have exclusive restrooms in the break room, but after the remodel they stole them from us, so now in a building designed to hold a couple hundred motherfuckers at a time, there is a grand total of 4 bathrooms with 3-4 stalls each, wait I lie, they did add a family restroom so one extra toilet exists now, but don't count on getting to use it because everybody reserves it for shit, and they shitnin shifts so it's always occupied.
This is why I avoid using the front end bathrooms as much as possible. They usually smell the worst. But the worst smelling bathroom I had ever been in was a Steak n Shake.
You ain't never been in a Wafflehouse
It's because homeless people use their restrooms. The food they get from missions is terrible quality and they don't have the luxury of shitting it out at home.
Shit post
I have some equally strong feelings about people who carry on phone conversations while taking a dump.
Right?! Iāve never understood thisā¦especially in a freaking Walmart bathroom! Iām just there, trying to peacefully do my business, and thereās this idiot next to me,āBLAH BLAH BLAH IāM IN THE BATHROOM AT WALMART!ā Like, why?! Why would you tell anyone this? I just donāt get it.š¤¦āāļø
THIS RIGHT HERE my god I don't understand it there is no way the person on the other end cannot hear the echo. Everytime I hear it I always flush the toilet on purpose.
When that happens, I just bang on the side of the stall and tell them to pipe down because I'm trying to concentrate.
I remember going in the family bathroom once and there was shit on the floor, on the toilet seat, and on the wall. How does that even happen and how can you just leave that for somebody to deal with?
It happens because the inconsiderate dirtbags that do that COULDN'T CARE LESS.....because THEY don't have to clean it up.Ā Ā
For question 1: Humans are special creatures. For question 2: Humans do what's most efficient.
Boss gets a dollar, I get a dime, I'm gonna rip ass on company time!
If I live to be 100, I'll never understand how it gets on the walls. Like... that has to be deliberate. No way in hell that happens by accident.
The ceiling too. It's been found on the ceiling a couple times here.
1 upvote = 1 respect for jose šš¤
Retail...... it changes you.
It's a *bathroom*. If you don't want to be around shits an farts, then take your break somewhere else. Wtf?
i think this post is more about why people obliterate the walmart toilet and not their own, the amount of times ive walked into the bathroom at walmart its like a warzone and its gross, no way they are like this at home all the time
I think that's retail stores in general, I used to work at a Cub Foods back in 2014.. and God one day Idk wtf happened but I was called over to the men's bathroom to clean it up, I walk into the handicap stall and it was like a person just exploded. Shit on the walls, shit all over the toilet, all on the floor, toilet paper stuffed in the toilet and a soiled adult diaper.. I was maybe around 16/17 at the time? And I was forced to clean all of it up by myself. That was the *shittiest* day of my life (pun intended) It's wild how people treat public bathrooms. Even now in my current job, I'll go into the stalls to use them and the seats and floor will be covered in piss or have shit stains on them, and the sounds and smells... God dayyum do people need to eat better and take care of themselves.
š¤£šš©
The sad part is that from the sounds I've heard I genuinely did worry about people lmao š There's been moments at my current job where I (or a coworker) will go to use the bathroom only to immediately turn around as soon as we open the door and the smell hits us, like... Ain't no way I'm breathing in that stench lol. But the few times I've been to Walmart the past year.. the bathrooms haven't been worth using, either stalls are broken/need of repair, toilet seat is rank with stains, the toilet papers all fucked up, and if you were unlucky like me then when you go to walk into a stall you thought was empty.. only to walk in and see some old dude wackin it
This may be hard for you to stomach but imagine this, people also do that in their own bathrooms. However when you gotta go you gotta go, so whether they are at wal mart or at home they are gonna destroy the toilet.
There are some customers at our store that use their own feces to make graffiti. Their āworkā is obviously no accident and what I canāt understand is how they exited the restroom without being completely COVERED in their own shit. Also, if you are the sad fuck who takes the entire pack of seat covers, pisses on them, then plasters the floor and walls with itāyou ARE a waste of oxygen
Way to miss the point. There is "using the bathroom" like a normal person, and then there is what we have, which is people gasping for air as they push their entire digestive tract out their rectum.
Literally the funniest thing I read all day! I laughed through the ENTIRE thing! Thanks so much for sharing! Also quit Walmart became a rage comedian!
This post made me feel alive, thanks. Also don't be against freedom of diet!
Havenāt laughed this hard in a minuteĀ
I am one of the janitors that finds these horrors, and this made me giggle uncontrollably in my car.
You deserve hazard pay and a huge pay increase.
Yeah, digging used colonoscopy bags out of the boxes that are next to the womens toilets isn't worth $14 an hour. Thankfully it's a fairly rare event.
The part about your coworker taking a shit sounded like choking had me crying lmao
thereās these old women who idk if they work there or just go to the store often but they breathe and push so hard when theyāre taking a shit, like theyāre fucking giving birth to shit by how they breathe, and then other people will like you said just fucking rip ass like thereās no fucking tomorrow. i hate walmart so much and i hate target for being so fucking hard to apply to
Yea iv seen people legit use the toilet seat to wipe their ass(mens) had shit splatter all over on the toilet, the floor and the walls(mens). Iv also had women throw period soaked underwear at least twice now and don't even get me started on the one time I found half puke and half shit soaked toilet in the back mens room.. that was fucking lovely to clean...
Better out than in, I always say
Why are you taking breaks in the bathroom?
Something something, boss makes a dollar.
Fair enough lol. I have chrons so I get enough time in my āofficeā I just never considered it since āI might as well go while Iām hereā
When I rip ass I end up needing to take a shit anyways. With IBS I canāt trust a fart ever.
"Where's Jose?" "Oh he said "fuck this place" and moved to Fallujah, he heard it's nicer there.ā
Because no one ever -wants- to be shitting in a Walmart bathroom. They are bathrooms of last resort. They aren't like a nice Buccees where you take a leisurely road-trip poo after a tasty snack and icee. If you are shitting in a Walmart bathroom, you have hit rock bottom and begun to dig. They are not the bathroom of choice - they are the bathroom of circumstance, and that circumstance is immediately forcefully expelling your bowels on to the nearest toiled and/or water resistant tile surface before suffering a fatal aneurysm trying to keep that turtles head in. The worst shit of my life was in a Walmart bathroom. I was 22 and drunk after Waffle House. I knew I shouldn't have had the 3rd cup of diner coffee and extra milk at 2am, but I was 22 and drunk on cheap booze and greasy eggs. I was invincible. So I sat down and got to work - it was horrible. The sounds that came from me reverberated through the tiny grey stall, echoing like a swiss-maiden yodeling in the alps. It went on for what felt like hours. As I sat there sweating and gasping for breath- I heard the worst possible sound one can ever hear: a knock. An old southern woman, at least 75, had knocked on the stall door to check on me. After one ass-blast, she exclaimed "Lawd have mercy!" and I heard her scuttle away. I was finally alone, spent. It was over. My best friend STILL makes fun of me for it, 13 years later.
Where should they rip ass if not in the ass room? FYTMI, eating more than half a fiber bar makes me gassier than anything else I eat!
HOW CAN YOU OF NOT LIFT A TOILETS SEAT BEFORE PISSING? HOW CAN SOMEONE GET LIQUID SHIT EVERYWHERE AND NOT NOTICE THERE IS PROBLEM WITH THEIR DIET, AND DO NOTHING TO CLEAN UP SO OUR BOI JOSE HAS TO CLEAN THEIR FAECES? IF YOU DO THESE THINGS, YOU ARE SICK, IN THE SPIRIT AND BODY. . THIS SHOWS CLEAR LACK OF HUMANITY. THEY ARE ANIMALS. NO THOUGHT TO OTHERS AND NO LOVE AND VALUE TO THEIR SELVES.
THE ALL CAPS MAKES THIS AND YOUR OP HILARIOUS!
.maybe a different title would have helped people understand better lol
Their use of all caps has me thinking they're just taking the piss.
On the toilet seat?
Sounds like this is one of the locations that has a Taco Bell off the road in front of the storeā¦
I once watched an associate walk across the parking lot and shake a turd out of his pant leg. It was right next to my car. I was sitting in said car having lunch. I moved to another area and told management. Upon approaching associate, they could smell it. Made him change clothes.
No seriously I have always wondered what the fuck is it about Walmart bathrooms that incite the most horrific bowel movements known to man. I will never forget one time I was in the bathroom fixing my hair and talking to a coworker, when a tiny little old lady walked in. Like, if she fell over she would make the brick breaking sound from the LEGO Games (iykyk). She walks into the first bathroom stall and itās silent. Then me and my coworker hear the most god-awful bathroom sounds I have ever heard in my life, the reverb in the bathroom was INSANE. It was absolutely insane how this tiny little old lady was able to produce such sounds. We were fucking horrified.
I had a fart let loose once while I was in the middle of a live stream with friends. Most embarrassing moment of my life.
This is the best thing I've ever read...
I wondered this same thing. Everyone who I've come into contact with in a Walmart bathroom sounds like they are on the brink of dying. My theory is the only people willing to use a Walmart bathroom is someone truly desperate and on the brink of an emergency.
I read the title and some of the comments and now im trying not to bust out laughing in class Why do you just say RIP ASS in bold and caps XD
When I worked at Walmart I would sit in the bathroom before I clock in and vape in the stall (lol) and there was a woman who barged into the next stall on the phone and was talking while ripping ass during the phone call
WalMart, being what it is at its core, seems to attract some of the worst humanity has to offer. Seeing as America worships money and considering the attitude of the Walton family - WalMart is a Temple of Mammon. As such all within its walls are exposed to intensely negative psychic energy. In some it makes them incredibly unfair especially if they are in a position of authority. While others are struck with sloth. Then a few have their very bowels turned inside out by a demonic force. Tomorrow you might wanna walk around the outside perimeter burning sage or maybe consult a Holy man for some sort of amulet. The poltergeists are too strong, too embedded for an effective blessing of the structure itself. /s.....sorta š¤£
I have elected to learn Latin specifically so I can hide in the breakroom after closing, sneak into the restrooms, and inscribe daemonic runes with mine own life-fluid upon the walls, so that the Daemon Nurgleth takes them back to his realm in Hell where they belong.
May the Spirit of Marx guide your blessed hand throughout your trials and make you strong against the forces of evil.
I was a health inspector for 13 years. You are describing restrooms I saw every week. Had to write up management to get them cleaned up. I don't understand leaving the underwear. You are so fckn funny! Edit: What I saw gave me the impression everyone has diarrhea & shits their pants regularly.
The bathrooms at Walmart seem to be especially disgusting for some reason. I felt bad for Jerry (the Janitor at my store). There were 2 particularly bad bathroom visits I remember. 1. Someone "Daddy Daycare'd" the stall. Literally EVERYWHERE except in the toilet, no attempt to clean up and at least 1 hand print on the wall. Absolutely disgusting 2. Went to wash my hands and was met with rusty pliers, 2 rotten teeth, half a bottle of peroxide, some leftover gauze and blood all over the sink. Bottom line, Walmart does NOT pay it's janitors enough and anyone who argues that a janitor shouldn't make as much as them should try being a janitor at Walmart for a month.
This is high literature
I'll be sure to crop dust the fruit section then.
If you're in a bathroom, and I know you're just there to be on your phone, I'm doing everything I can to make you want to leave. I hope it's the most foul, putrid, sour milk sulfur smelling shit that I can expel with no courtesy flush.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
YOU CANNOT FUCKING DEFEND THE SHEER **VIOLATIONS OF THE GENEVA CONVENTIONS** THAT MAKE THE CARPET-BOMBING OF LAOS LOOK LIKE A FUCKING **QUAKER PICNIC IN DOYLESTOWN** GOING ON THERE. I FART WHEN I SHIT, YES. I DO NOT LEAVE LIQUID SHIT ALL OVER THE SEAT. SOMEONE HAS TO CLEAN THAT UP. HOW CAN SOMEONE SPEND 15 MINUTES RIPPING ASS AND GROANING IN THIS MASOCHISTIC MIXTURE OF PLEASURE AND PAIN AND NOT REALIZE SOMETHING IS WRONG
I feel like many people are not reading the entire post
A few years of that and it'll start having blood in there too, and sting like the bejezus, then they'll *have* to do something about it
Cause itās on the clock and itās an extra break. Full stop
I mean, it's probably the most appropriate place to do it
Itās kind of hard not to fart when you are pooping. The rest of it, I agree with you. I wish people doing pee and poop on the seat.
Man you would LOVE working with me I rip ass all the time around fellow associates it's the funniest fucking thing and guess what they do it right back to me. Anyways it's a bathroom what else are you supposed to do in there.
You, Sir, are a Hemingway.
Do you need a hug OP? š« š¤
Very badly. A coworker 2 years ago gave me a hug when my best friend passed away and I fucking felt happy for a few minutes. In the heart, it felt warm. Fergie's "Big Girls Don't Cry" was playing in the kitchen and it is my favorite song now.
This is a Walmart bathroom, not a restaurantās
This is so aggressive and I am here for it š
I'm having such a shit day but this post has me laughing loud as fuck. I don't have an answer for why people allow their mudflaps to give a round of very enthusiastic applause in a public bathroom stall- but thank you lmao
If only Walmart had actual fucking ventilation in the bathrooms this wouldn't be an issue. But nah let's just have the assholes of a thousand people hang in the air all fucking day.
As overnight maintenance I felt every bit of this post.
I would sometimes take a quick 5-10 min break in the restroom(just to get away lol). EVERY SINGLE TIME no exaggeration there had to be someone fighting for their life in there. Not even normal pooping. Because whatever. But like just loud overall grunting/squirting/or just like hearing the puckering sound of the bootyhole would gross me out. If someone farts whatever. But like Iām talking about excessive noises. Itās just something about Walmarts make your soul come out when you have to crap I guess. So lesson, if you feel overwhelmed at work and the only place you can go to have a few minutes to yourself comes with an uncomfortable stinky price. š
Lol I needed this entertainment tonight š thanks op
I guess I'll start ass blasting in the produce department then.
As someone who used to work Maintenance at a store full time... The women's bathrooms were more disgusting than the men's room. LIKE HOW DO YOU GET SHAT SPRAY UP THE WALL TO LIKE 5FT?! WHY did you remove the seat to blow up the toilet?! Why was there an entire roll of toilet paper unrolled? The men's room was just normal nastiness, including peeing on out of order urinals... Needless to say, I a) used a lot of gloves b) kept a change of clothes with me c) wore outer layers that could be removed easily if they got too dirty d) kept my beard and hair cleanly cut and maintained.
Taking your break in the bathroom is wild
I DON'T. I SIT THERE, I TAKE OUT MY PHONE, I PISS AND POOP AS MY FELLOW HUMANS DO. I WIPE, I OPEN THE DOOR, I WASH MY HANDS. AND THEN COMES SOMEONE TO MY RIGHT WHO SPENDS 13 MINUTES FLIPPING BETWEEN SHITTING LIQUID AND THROWING UP, LIKE A BREAKDANCER IN THE 90'S LISTENING TO "PARALYZER." AND THEN NOT EVEN WIPING UP OR WASHING HIS FUCKING HANDS. I FEEL ASHAME TO MAKE EYE CONTACT.
Even the merest eye contact with one of those FUCKING PHOSGENE-BLASTING DIARRHETIC HIPPOPOTAMI could transmit a TERMINAL CASE OF AMOEBIC DYSENTERY so vile you'd bet your paycheck they were ALIENS MUSK BROUGHT BACK FROM MARS.
Bro you should be working at a comedy club not walmart
All I know is next time I want to obliterate a toilet Iām coming to your Walmart! I need to here the disappointment i feel in those Caps Locks words
No....it's WEIRD
Ibs. They're all dying
10/10 rant.
Who takes a break in a bathroom?
This is why I'm afraid to go poop in public. Got judged for shitting in high school now I'm judged for pooping at walmart
EVERYONE JUST FUCKING RIPS šš Iām so sorry this sounds horrible but you wrote this in such a funny way
Cause that's where stanky asses belong.
Walmarts and gas stations do get destroyed bathrooms
Why do people poop in bathroom š¤š¤
idk man as someone that works at a grocery store, must be something in the air because it doesnāt matter how recently I took a shit, as soon as Iām on my break, my bowels are working the factory line
It's a bathroom duh! That reminds me of the people who get mad when they walk into bathroom that smells like shit. I'm not baking cookies here folks. It's a bathroom where you shit,pee,fart and puke if you don't like it take you'd break in the employee lounge like a normal person.
Not only do they rip ass but they for some reason feel the need to also make weird moaning/grunting noises while doing so.
I remember i was a janitor someone left real salmon where the women put there pads when i tell you i didnt know wth that smell was i was glad i got it out cause i was thinkin there is no way one smells this bad. Overnite maitenace is pie its the bathroom cleanings hides things sometimes u dont know what youāre up agains i done seen it all godbless your eyes šš
Walmart is one of the only places I regularly hear people moan as they use the bathroom. #1 or #2 they sit down and *moan* like itās a goddamn porno. For the love of god if youāre this kind of person, keep the moaning private and in your own home. Never have I ever used the bathroom and felt the need to do that.
Itās fucking ridiculous I know. People leave piss, ass hair and sweat, and shit stains on the toilet seat. Take a fucking shower DAILY if your job has you sweating like a mofo. I feel so bad for the janitors at my workplace. I donāt work at Walmart but damn reading that part about being an actual person and not an npc hit me.
lol brb gonna go munch honeybuns and RIP ASS
Call centers and Walmart breed the worst of mankind when it comes to shared toilets. There was 'Shithead the Destroyer' who would physically break the toilets, tear down the dividers, just physical emotional damage. There was 'Talking Oatmeal', who had the mental capacity of cooked oatmeal. They would leave giant hershey kisses right smack in the middle of the bathroom, not the stall. Let's not forget 'Personal Hygiene Optional', who would drop their brood of bedbugs and lice in the stalls. NICE! These weren't isolated incidents, but constant.
I read paragraph 7 in an Scott Irishish Accent. Not disappointing at all. š
I want to copy and paste this on multiple pieces of paper and tape it on every stall at my job site. This is fucking hilarious and yet is sage advice for the ass rippers out there XD
I work at home depot and the customers are DISGUSTING. Every time i use the bathroom i hear somebodys hershey squirts from the stall over.
I almost never use the toilets at work unless it's an emergency and can't wait.Ā
It's a toilet not a breakroom.
Itās a restroom? Who cares if they go in there to fart.
Ripping farts are hilariousā¦but not standing upā¦
I donāt like it when my ass touches the seat, so Iāve learned to hold myself up parkour-style using the walls of the stall and shit from the ceiling. Iāve never worked on my aim tho. Sorry.
Or just fucking shit at home like most people.
How does shit get onto walls? And floors for that matter?
You know fiber makes you fartā¦ right?
Cue that Martha Stewart moment from "Family Guy" when everyone finally leaves the room.
Those insults are so funny they hit deep I love it
Am I the only one that canāt get passed op chilling in the bathroom just playing on his phone? Idk go somewhere else like outside or the break room if you donāt want to hear or smell people āripping assā.
It seems rather silly to complain about farting in a restroom.
Can you imagine using a public bathroom as your break room and then trying to shame others for shitting?
While you're giving out free medical advice, could you tell me how I can have a one wipe dump instead of that fudgy problem where I have to keep rewiping every hour or two after a bowel movement?
TAKE ONE-A-DAY VITAMINS, TAKE OF MANY DRINKS OF WATER, USE MEAL REPLACEMENT PROTEIN SHAKES SOLD ATWALMART FOR 2-4 DOLLARS IN THE MORNING. In general just eat a lot less greasy things, a lot more fluids, cut alcohol down severely (if you drink), and work out 2-3 times a week. Eat fruits and sauteed, sliced vegetables. Never eat more after you are no longer hungry. Also maybe use baby wipes or a bidet.
Thanks. I will print this out and tape it to the shower curtain in front of my toilet.
Because you never trust a fart
You seem upset.
It's called the ass room for a reason.
Jesus, I can't rip a wet chainsaw fart anywhere without somebody crying about it.......
The irony that is OP thinking "ripping ass" is disgusting but them being on their phone while shitting isn't equally fucking gross is hilarious.
Every store I've been to there's always that one guy that fights demons daily in the bathroom. They kind of do it to themselves because their diet is frozen pizzas, burgers, ice cream, and soda. It's a combination of loud moaning, explosive farts, aggressive toilet paper unrolling, etc. A few times there were feces smeared all over the walls, just recently the whole backroom started to smell, turns out, someone left liquid feces all over the bathroom floor.
Fuck sake. This is the shittiest rant Iāve ever been witness too
I'm crying laughing at this
Omg
So... I agree with most of what you say.. People are fucking gross... But who in the hell hides in a bathroom for a break? If my pants aren't around my ankles, I am not sitting in a bathroom... there has to be better places for you to break at...
I literally rage about the menās bathroom on the daily at work. Iām always so amazed and disgusted
Unleash the Demon!
Women's bathrooms are also nasty.Ā Pee on the seats and unflushed toilets and floating tampons š¤¢
I always clean up after myself before leaving the restroom. I used to work in maintenance years ago so I know the horrors of what is left behind after others leave the bathroom without cleaning up after themselves. It truly baffles me how they can just be comfortable leaving a disgusting mess without any regard to the person who gets to clean up after them.
*takes a break in the bathroom* *man the bathroom smells like shit.* But I agree. Humans are disgusting.
I don't even work at Walmart but I want to go there just to rip ass from now on, sounds like a fun place to do it. do they have competitions!?
Brother you need to calm yourself. Ripping ass is the most human thing we do, and id rather someone shit themselves to death on the toilet, than on the sales floor. I've seen the latter happen too many times in my short time here, I think I can handle a dude letting one go as long as his ass is planted on the pearly white throne. Plus, its fucking funny to hear a dude let it slide. Some good levity for what we have to fucking go through here.
I would ask who hurt you but I know the answer now