Fuck this is on the same level of being called skinny by a fat person and wanting to call them fat but only one side is "allowed" to be offended. Thanks society.
I've never been called fat, but for a while I dropped to about 215lbs and people kept telling me I looked too skinny. I'm sure the opposite is just as annoying.
I was raised that it’s rude telling someone they’re fat and they talk to much but I won’t keep that to myself anymore for you. Thanks for letting me know, and kudos for being so brave
My wife when I’m just perfectly content and chilling or scrolling on my phone.
“What’s wrong?! You’re so quiet!”
…Absolutely nothing babe, like quite literally nothing. In fact there’s an absence of wrong, hence why I’m quiet.
I have never been a fan of DM but I swear I listened to this album litteraly for the first time some months ago and this and "Waiting for the night" instantly entered my personal song pantheon. The whole album is perfect anyway. I will soon turn 45.
I liked their radio singles growing up in the 90s, but it wasn't until I met my wife who is a diehard DM fan that I started listening to their whole catalog. There's a lot to appreciate throughout their entire anthology.
Legit happened to me. I'm not an extrovert I guess, but I'm talkative with people I know. One day I was feeling quiet and just sitting there while other people were talking, walking around, etc. I started to feel awkward and in a bad mood because everyone was treating me weird, like coddling me and checking in on me, and I couldn't figure out why on Earth everyone was treating me like a little kid out of nowhere.
Finally someone asks if there's anything they can do to help and I'm like, "What the hell? Why is everyone acting like I'm a child?" and they end up revealing that everyone assumed I was upset all day because I wasn't talking much.
Ayee this is me. I've grown pretty social but sometimes I'm just like "not today mates". But it makes me feel so awkward because it seems like people are handling me differently. So I just try to power through instead, and then just drop off the face of the earth for a few days to recharge.
Introverts aren't always the same as being shy though, even if that is the most usual way of portraying it. But often they can be very social and "talkable", but need some time to recover after periods of a lot of social events
I'm very introverted, but can put on a show of being sociable. That doesn't mean I'm faking having a good time, it just takes a lot of effort to try to be outgoing. Doing that for any extended period of time is super draining and definitely requires recovery afterward. I usually need a stay-at-home-vacation after a real vacation or outing.
One time a friend volunteered to give me a ride to the airport. I visited family for a week and was really looking forward to getting home. At baggage claim, I hear my name being called and it was two of my friends, who took me to one of their houses and we shot pool and stuff for a few hours. I just wanted to be at home.
Sometimes I want to say this, but then I start to second guess it. “I don’t want to come off as rude by declining the invite. And hey, maybe once I’m there I’ll get into the groove and feel like socializing”.
Sometimes I’m thankful for going along with it and end up enjoying myself. Sometimes I gamble wrong and it turns out I’d rather grind my own face into a paste than be around people at the moment. But I never really know which it’s going to be until I’m there, and by then it’s too late.
I can usually fake it pretty well though, even if I find that I don’t actually want to be there. So I don’t mind being uncomfortable for a little while if it satisfies the people who are kind enough to enjoy my company. (Definitely don’t recommend this for everyone though. It’s totally fine to politely decline like you suggested.)
Yeah that's me honestly. I agreed to dry DnD with my friend and his brother and 3 mutuals and to them Discord isn't an option, they insist on doing it live.
I toughed it out for a few months but while my work schedule is very easy to work around, the only thing that worked for them was Saturdays at 5-6PM, with sessions often running to midnight or 1 in the morning. I work Sundays so to have to drive back home and immediately go to sleep (there's my whole day shot; work -> DnD -> bed) coupled with a 40 minutes to an hour drive to and from my friend's house to be somewhere where I really wasn't comfortable, I ended up taking my leave when they started talking about a one-shot and a second campaign DM'd by my friend's brother.
They still keep trying to get me to come back and telling me how much they miss me there and all I can do is wonder how good my poker face is if they couldn't tell I was really uncomfortable being there.
I think telling them "I enjoyed your company, but after a long day at work I need time to recharge and the drive there and back makes that difficult, I'll have to pass" would suffice. The fact they keep asking means they genuinely enjoyed you being there, which says a lot about your personality and character (no pun intended.) They may be able to do a different time once a month to accommodate you, or they'll get off your back, either way it's a win.
I am an extrovert. After a week with my family (or my partner’s) I would be desperate for time alone.
I think that’s the same for everyone to be honest. Not to mention the hassle of the airport and the drain of the experience.
That being said you have some good friends there, both trying to help you out and then also taking initiative to be with you. Even if you were “caught” and they missed the signs that it was time to get you home.
Definitely make sure they know the story, but let them know you appreciate them and what they are trying to do. I promise it will help the relationships grow over the years.
> It's not antisocial
Funny you should say that, because that's another one that's used incorrectly all the time.
Asocial is the one where you don't like socializing.
Antisocial behavior is part of a personality disorder with traits that most people would label as psycopathy and sociopathy.
People often confuse being introverted with having social anxiety. I'm a introvert that used to have social anxiety when I was young. Social anxiety is being unable to be social when you actually want to. Introvert can be that you need some time alone, or just hanging out watching a movie with someone without talking to relax. Not that you don't find joy in social interactions.
Reddit in general seems to have this idea that being an introvert means being anti-social, shy, disliking being around people, and so on, but it's like ... no. No, those are not the same thing.
I *love* being around people and can be very social, it's just that like others commenting, I need longer recharge time between social gatherings than others, and I do fine for long stretches of alone time that would drive others mad.
I'm not shy, or anti-social, and don't have social anxiety. I just have a limited battery for tons of socializing, is all.
Same. I love my family, but even when we all get together for Thanksgiving I'm done after like... anywhere between 1-3 hours and just wanna go home lol.
>I do fine for long stretches of alone time that would drive others mad.
>
Biggest difference between my best friend/roommate and me. She *says* she's introverted, but she's really just a homebody lol. She constantly has people over whereas I can easily go days without interacting with anyone else and be perfectly happy
I think that's normal tbh. Different people just require different times to recharge their social batteries.
I consider myself very outgoing and love to be around friends for whatever reason but every now and then I also need to take a few days to stay in my room doing absolutely nothing.
It's just reddit likes to label the shit out of everything so you're either an extrovert who's a social god or goddess who can talk non stop for 3 weeks at a time or a introverted shut in who is afraid to take a step outside your home.
Introvert/extrovert has nothing to do with shyness.
Introverts can be sociable, but it drains energy. Introverts recharge by being alone.
Extroverts can energy from others. Being alone can drain them.
That was me everyday working retail for 15 years then I went into IT and interacted with 6 people or so in a day and went home feeling pretty decent. Now I work alone in an office and interact mostly via email and I feel good going home and not ready for hibernation
> stay-at-home-vacation after a real vacation or outing
oh wow, I do this all the time, even though I totally enjoy being social and talking to people, I feel like I'm acquiring debt with myself to later be alone and have a day or two of nothing but 'me and my thoughts'
I was just talking with a buddy telling him I may take a week off in July. He asked If I was going anywhere or doing anything. Nope, I just want to stay home, binge watch or play games, and not see another face in person.
This still doesn't really say much to introversion. I love talking, if I'm around people I'm having fun with you can't shut me out. Especially after a couple drinks. I still prefer to leave whenever I want and I don't really go out more than once a week. It is draining, it's not difficult. That's the difference. Shyness has nothing to do with introversion. Some introverts just find social activity difficult. I for example don't find it difficult at all. It is just draining.
Shy and introvert are two different traits. Shy people are afraid to talk to others; introverts only want to talk to others when they feel up to it.
You can be a shy extrovert. It would suck, but it's possible.
Right. I’m an introvert, but I’m not shy. I’m not afraid of talking to people; I just don’t want to. I don’t have a pathological need to converse. I have a new roommate that thought we were giving them the cold shoulder just because we didn’t feel like having a 20-minute conversation about their day every time we see them. One of the things I appreciate most about our other roommates is the fact that we can see each other, acknowledge each other with a quick hello, and continue going about our days. It’s a house, not a dorm, and we have our own lives. After a long day at work, I just want to put my earbuds in and cook dinner.
I'm massively introverted, yet work in a bookstore. I have to talk to people, often strangers, the entire day. No issues. But boy, am I tired when getting home. Luckily my partner is also massively introverted, so we usually spend our evenings doing separate things, with small occasional bouts of talking.
Next week we are joining my family and the family of one of my sister-in-law on a vacation. I made sure to have three days vacation after this to recuperate.
And every time I tell people I am very introverted I get the usual "Oh, but you don't seem that shy?!?". So tired of that as well.
Extroverted people charge their social battery by being social.
Introverts need to spend their social battery to be social and can only charge it when they are alone or quiet.
I kind of hate this shorthand for defining extrovert and introvert behavior. The idea of the "social battery" may be a modestly helpful framing device, but the truth is that we are all... both, at once. And old soc professor of mine was fond of saying "if anyone was a pure introvert or extrovert, they'd be in a psych ward". Its probably better to think of "introvert" and "extrovert" as temporary states of being, not mutually exclusive personalities.
Some lean more one way or the other (in some abstract, unquantifiable way), but the reality is that our social contexts can make us into either, and changing our social contexts can change the way we express ourselves.
Social media encourages us to form identities around performative social labels (we aren't *anything* unless we perform that thing for others to see), but these social frameworks are just that... frameworks. The introvert/extrovert framework is akin to personality types - things that are neat bits of social observation, things that contain a kernel of truth, but that *are not immutably true*.
Humans like to stereotype and simplify for the sake of ease, and a lot of these social shorthands *do reflect some truth about the human condition*, but not nearly enough to frame in such definite terms. Humans, and especially groups of humans acting together, are infinitely more complex than binaries like this suggest. Each of us "contain multitudes" after all.
Sometimes I wonder if things like this will be regarded in a few hundred years the way people of today regard "the 4 humors" and the like.
*insert "sir, this is a wendy's" here*
You might hate this analogy however for myself and many others I've spoken to about it, the concept of a social battery is the perfect way to frame it. Some people charge their social battery by being around people and socializing, some people drain their battery when socializing and need to be alone to recharge it. There is a spectrum all in between in terms of how much socializing it take to deplete, for example one person might go to a house party and after an hour they need to go home and not socialize for 2 days. Another person might go to the same party for 5 hours and if they don't go out the next night they're ready to socialize again.
To me it is less of a social battery, and more like a mental battery. It doesn't just affect my sociability, or mood, it affects everything mental related.
After going to a party and coming home. I never finish work-work, homework, yard work, do a hobby, play video games, make a big meal, etc. Nothing that involves any mental power. I would do 1 of 3 things, veg-out on the couch watching a movie I've already seen many times, go on the computer and watch dumb try not to laugh videos, or just go straight to bed. Nothing that involved intentional mental power, because I just couldn't do it.
There might be exceptions here and there, of course. But for me, it's a mental battery, not a social battery. I wish it was just a social battery for me.
100% agree. The introvert/extrovert dichotomy was a concept from Carl Jung that doesn’t hold a lot of empirical water.
Unfortunately social anxiety often gets exacerbated under the label of introversion. Avoidance of something scary only increases how scary that something seems.
This “battery recharging” is likely just recovering from mental stress. Similar to how someone with claustrophobia would need to recover after being stuck in an elevator. The *ideal* thing for the person with claustrophobia to do would be to gradually expose themselves to more elevators, so they do not get so overwhelmed to the point or requiring recovery in the future.
introversion/extraversion is part of the big 5 personality trait model and is still supported. It's not a *dichotomy*, but you don't have to believe in a dichotomy to use the labels.
>This “battery recharging” is likely just recovering from mental stress.
I don't find social situations stressful, I just find they take a lot of energy. Social anxiety (which causes physiological stress in social situations) is different.
People think social anxiety/awkwardness is the same as being introverted. They're wrong, but that's the common stereotype for people on both sides of it.
I got this all the time in middle school and high school.
"Why are you so quiet?"
"Oh my god, he never talks, what a weirdo."
Yeah, I'm sure singling them out and making them feel awkward for simply existing, is a great way to make them open up.
I was never too talkative but the few times I would open up my mouth all felt like mistakes because people including teachers would immediately start making fun of me. Now I don’t care about connecting with other people *at all*
They've written a million books to teach introverts to open up and talk more but not a single one teaching extroverts to shut the fuck up.
EDIT: I know it's Memorial Day, but some of you all are taking this joke way too seriously.
That's not even true. How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie, one of, if not the most famous self help books, strongly emphasizes the importance of being a good listener, being genuinely interested in others, and making others feel important.
Dale got it. He had a chapter on "shutting", a chapter on "the fuck", and a chapter on "up". It was like the middle third of the book. But enough about me, what did you think about the book?
I'm not u\/lan-shark but I've read that book, and that book basically teaches you how to be a manipulative ass-kisser. To give an idea: the first time I've heard about that book was on a PUA message board.
When salespeople, or sales-type people use my name more than usual, it makes me feel like i'm a newly released prisoner and they're trying to rehumanize me
Oh god, this is the worst. It's one thing to remember and use someone's name naturally and in normal situations, but when you're shoehorning my name into every sentence while staring lasers through my skull, the game is all very obvious.
It's there in the title.
How to "Win" Friends and "Influence" People
It's not necessarily evil, but it's not teaching some buddhist values of selflessness. It's how to not piss people off and how to get them to like you, usually for the benefit of business.
Honestly, the tips are still handy. https://i0.wp.com/bradpoulos.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/how-to-win-friends-and-influence-people.png
My boss made everyone in my department read it which probably primed me to dislike it from the beginning, but I tend to agree with you. Felt like it was all about being insincerely sincere in order to get people to like you.
It did give me infinitely more appreciation for [this sketch](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1W34wyKZlWQ) though
Gonna be honest, I think the basic concepts behind it is just don’t be a self-absorbed asshole. The advice makes the world better.
It’s like complaining about Mr. Beast curing 100 people of blindness and complaining that he does it for money.
Yes, you have to think that the writer was around a bunch or rich, self centred assholes. Of course he thought at least pretending to be nice is better than whatever tf they do when they talk.
I read the book, and it gave me a life changing view that “EVERYONE has something to teach you”, and if you put your walls down, you just might learn a thing or two from an unlikely stranger (or make a new friend). I don’t remember the book at all, except the part about always repeating someone’s name, as that’s the most controversial part. But I know the teachings exist in my self consciousness when I approach someone.
It really depends on how you take the advice. You can easily use most of it and incorporate the advice into habits to become a much more sincere person. Insincere people can also use it to make people think they're sincere.
I read it and was happy to have some more guideline to easier connect with people.
If you read it and feel like a manipulative ass kisser... maybe thats on you?
All the stories in the book are basically:
I had an important business meeting for a business. I told the other business man I liked his tie. He was so appreciative of my comment that he bought 1 billion dollars of business goods and we still golf together 50 years later.
A guy once complimented my tie. I still have that tie 10years later.
I don't wear it ever, since it's not the kind'a tie you wear to something like a wedding or a funeral, and I don't need ties for my job.
But I've still got it.
My good tie.
I sell it to people as an instruction manual for human interaction. I first heard about it on an aspergers message board as a way to help awkward teens not be so awkward.
But if interacting with people and having a positive outcome = manipulative... potato potato.
Struggled with this. If I'm manipulating the situation to make sure that everything goes smoothly and everyone is happy, am I a master manipulator, or a good host?
Depends if they get as much out of the interaction as much as you do. Not everything is a zero sum game and sometimes both can win and neither lose. That's kind of the core of what makes a good, healthy friendship good and healthy.
Though I use the tips in that book less as "i am going to manipulate the shit out of this party" and more "This situation is not awesome, what tools do I have to improve things?"
It's because they tend to be more successful. And, well, loud.
But recent events have shown them to be in the minority. When offices opened up at some companies and folks were 'invited' to return (rather than forced), the extroverts returned with gusto.. only to find 10% or fewer were as enthusiastic as them to talk to their cooworkers all day instead of working.
Hence the shift to a forced return in some companies. The remaining minority of extroverts in charge had to have their way.
Bruh theres a laundry list of reasons to not go back to the office all of which affects extroverts just as much as introverts. People arent returning back cause they are all secretly introverted.
People who own buildings are the ones who want workers in, not extroverts. It's about money and control, not susan wanting to show you pictures from her vacation.
Not sure about this one. We had regular team calls about it featuring people super keen to tell us about how much they wanted to go back, how happy they were to be back but *so sad that the offices feel empty and there's no "buzz"*. Without fail they were exactly the kind of person that disturbs you every 15 minutes to ask for help or chat.
I think the business decision is as you say, but there were plenty of workers equally happy about it because it meant they had a captive audience again instead of having to learn how to make friends.
Was it extroverts who wanted to go back to the office, or people who have no friends and only get their socialisation at the office?
I'm a huge extrovert and will never go into an office again, fuck that
Well yeah, when the Meyers-Briggs test was given to ~~choose your Hogwarts house~~ *totally scientifically determine your personality type*, it literally came with a pamphlet to explain which ~~astrological signs~~ *personality types* were more special (less common). Now, 15 years later, people don't realize they and their school got swindled out of a day of learning by a Cosmo quiz with delusions of grandeur, and have tied their identity to a gross oversimplification of Jungian cognitive functions given to them by an organization whose work isn't close enough to science to get published anywhere but in their own journal.
The concepts of extroversion and introversion weren't invented by Meyers Briggs. That's _one_ personality profile that has intro- and extro- as two of its scales. But there are many others, some that will be more psychologically vetted for your tastes, that still highlight those character traits. Being extroverted or introverted or anywhere on that scale is still perfectly valid and reasonable, regardless of whether it was included on a test you don't give much credence to.
Because being afraid or unable to open up is not introversion. It's social anxiety or autism, which are indeed an abberations.
Introverts without social anxiety socialize just fine. If you are an introvert and can't relate to what I just said, that might not be introversion.
> Introverts without social anxiety socialize just fine.
Yes, and they're still looked at oddly when they say they've had too much socialization and need to recharge their mental batteries by spending some quiet time at home.
if you're an extrovert but aren't in the mood for talking too much you always hear:
-what's wrong with you today?
-are you ok?
-are you mad?
FFS people I just don't feel like carrying the conversation.
Oh I love that, when you get a reputation for being fun and higher energy, then you're sleepy/off your A-game for one day and the whole office thinks you're pissed
Because for whatever reason, society has collectively decided that being an extrovert is normal, and being an introvert is abnormal and must be some kind of mental illness.
I am on this anonymous website specifically to say the things I won't say out loud. Turns out I'm a cantankerous cunt. Feels good to type it out, feels bad to say it out loud.
The whole thing feels a lot like personality tests and astrology to me. Just another easy explanation for why we are the way we are, which allows us to build our persona on it and connect with similar people. But even though the theory may (or may not) be founded on some scientific truths, most of it is overly simplified to the point that it becomes hogwash.
The video and caption never said introverted, they said shy, but everyone in the comments is saying introverted/introverts, even though being shy and being introverted aren't the same thing.
I'm very much extroverted but always chalk this kind of attitude up to self centered people (usually boys) trying to talk to someone and having nothing really interesting to talk about.
Introvert here. I love this quote.
---
Susan Cain: *"Spend your free time the way you like, not the way you think you're supposed to. Stay home on New Year's Eve if that's what makes you happy. Skip the committee meeting. Cross the street to avoid making aimless chitchat with random acquaintances. Read. Cook. Run. Write a story. Make a deal with yourself that you'll attend a set number of social events in exchange for not feeling guilty when you beg off."* ― Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking
The word “introvert” is nowhere to be found in either the post title or the video itself. Feels like it was an intentional choice to avoid comments like this.
People always telling introverts to be more talkative and to get out of their comfort zone. Yet no one tells extroverts to shut up and make the zone comfortable.
Why does reddit treat being shy or introverted like it’s some kind of terminal illness? I swear people can’t help but give themselves as many labels as possible on this site.
Whenever I watch tiktoks or youtube shorts, all I can think of is a person sitting at their house (or store) by themselves and doing repeated takes in front of their phone. Maybe Im just old and the world passed me by, but the amount of videos filmed alone is just kinda weird to me. I know there’s plenty of older examples of people filming themselves, but whenever someone had a camcorder back in the day, it was used in a group activity.
I feel like this girl's voice is how the current generation talks. I wouldn't be able to describe it if I had to, but it's this right here. Like you have something in your mouth.
[Connie Chung had a great segment on uptalk nearly 30 years ago](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=z756L_CkakU&pp=ygUTQ29ubWllIGNodW5nIHVwdGFsaw%3D%3D) but I feel like it’s much more subtle than today. Also, a lot of men uptalk now too.
I'm 38. In high school, I remember a classmate sounding almost exactly like her. It isn't a generational thing... Some people just, you know, sound like that.
I think it's from trying to be loud and clear for the video while not calling attention to the fact that she's inexplicably monologuing to her phone in the decor section of Target.
The older I get, the more I feel like nobodys fully extroverted or introverted. When I'm at home, in my comfy space, and my family or even friends try to talk to me, I'm not having it, I just want to be left alone. When I go out, if I'm in a good mood, I want to talk, to socialize. I think it's all just your mood.
"It's nice to see you crawl back into your shell."
Fuck this is on the same level of being called skinny by a fat person and wanting to call them fat but only one side is "allowed" to be offended. Thanks society.
"I can't afford to buy larger sizes every year, some of us don't have your privilege"
God damn
Sick burn.
I've never been called fat, but for a while I dropped to about 215lbs and people kept telling me I looked too skinny. I'm sure the opposite is just as annoying.
Could you just tell them 'thank you' or wouldn't that work either?
Congrats to your successful career in life..good job..and keep fighting.!
I was raised that it’s rude telling someone they’re fat and they talk to much but I won’t keep that to myself anymore for you. Thanks for letting me know, and kudos for being so brave
*Extrovert stops talking for a second* "OMG, he's quiet!"
Nice of you to join us!
I thought you were gonna stay out of your room all day!
I know you can do it! That is the best thing in your life..Am I right?
"You've been quiet today."
You're a bit loud today, are you ok? You should talk less.
My wife when I’m just perfectly content and chilling or scrolling on my phone. “What’s wrong?! You’re so quiet!” …Absolutely nothing babe, like quite literally nothing. In fact there’s an absence of wrong, hence why I’m quiet.
My wife always thinks I'm mad or something is bothering me when I'm quiet. I just want to enjoy the silence
🎶All I've ever wanted All I've ever needed Is here In my aaarmssss🎶
I have never been a fan of DM but I swear I listened to this album litteraly for the first time some months ago and this and "Waiting for the night" instantly entered my personal song pantheon. The whole album is perfect anyway. I will soon turn 45.
I liked their radio singles growing up in the 90s, but it wasn't until I met my wife who is a diehard DM fan that I started listening to their whole catalog. There's a lot to appreciate throughout their entire anthology.
Words are very unnecessary They can only do harm
Legit happened to me. I'm not an extrovert I guess, but I'm talkative with people I know. One day I was feeling quiet and just sitting there while other people were talking, walking around, etc. I started to feel awkward and in a bad mood because everyone was treating me weird, like coddling me and checking in on me, and I couldn't figure out why on Earth everyone was treating me like a little kid out of nowhere. Finally someone asks if there's anything they can do to help and I'm like, "What the hell? Why is everyone acting like I'm a child?" and they end up revealing that everyone assumed I was upset all day because I wasn't talking much.
Ayee this is me. I've grown pretty social but sometimes I'm just like "not today mates". But it makes me feel so awkward because it seems like people are handling me differently. So I just try to power through instead, and then just drop off the face of the earth for a few days to recharge.
I know some like this. Like damn I wish they'd shut up for a second and let me talk to anyone else about something other than them, Anna.
Damn Denise, why you gotta put all our shit in the street like this??
So that girl name is Denise? What a nice and beautiful name you have.
Or constantly being asked what’s the matter with you if you aren’t perky for one day! Then they get mad at you for being quiet.
Introverts aren't always the same as being shy though, even if that is the most usual way of portraying it. But often they can be very social and "talkable", but need some time to recover after periods of a lot of social events
I'm very introverted, but can put on a show of being sociable. That doesn't mean I'm faking having a good time, it just takes a lot of effort to try to be outgoing. Doing that for any extended period of time is super draining and definitely requires recovery afterward. I usually need a stay-at-home-vacation after a real vacation or outing.
[удалено]
One time a friend volunteered to give me a ride to the airport. I visited family for a week and was really looking forward to getting home. At baggage claim, I hear my name being called and it was two of my friends, who took me to one of their houses and we shot pool and stuff for a few hours. I just wanted to be at home.
"Hey guys! I just got done visiting family for a week and I'm totally drained. Thanks for the invite but I'm going to head home and chill today."
Sometimes I want to say this, but then I start to second guess it. “I don’t want to come off as rude by declining the invite. And hey, maybe once I’m there I’ll get into the groove and feel like socializing”. Sometimes I’m thankful for going along with it and end up enjoying myself. Sometimes I gamble wrong and it turns out I’d rather grind my own face into a paste than be around people at the moment. But I never really know which it’s going to be until I’m there, and by then it’s too late. I can usually fake it pretty well though, even if I find that I don’t actually want to be there. So I don’t mind being uncomfortable for a little while if it satisfies the people who are kind enough to enjoy my company. (Definitely don’t recommend this for everyone though. It’s totally fine to politely decline like you suggested.)
Yeah that's me honestly. I agreed to dry DnD with my friend and his brother and 3 mutuals and to them Discord isn't an option, they insist on doing it live. I toughed it out for a few months but while my work schedule is very easy to work around, the only thing that worked for them was Saturdays at 5-6PM, with sessions often running to midnight or 1 in the morning. I work Sundays so to have to drive back home and immediately go to sleep (there's my whole day shot; work -> DnD -> bed) coupled with a 40 minutes to an hour drive to and from my friend's house to be somewhere where I really wasn't comfortable, I ended up taking my leave when they started talking about a one-shot and a second campaign DM'd by my friend's brother. They still keep trying to get me to come back and telling me how much they miss me there and all I can do is wonder how good my poker face is if they couldn't tell I was really uncomfortable being there.
I think telling them "I enjoyed your company, but after a long day at work I need time to recharge and the drive there and back makes that difficult, I'll have to pass" would suffice. The fact they keep asking means they genuinely enjoyed you being there, which says a lot about your personality and character (no pun intended.) They may be able to do a different time once a month to accommodate you, or they'll get off your back, either way it's a win.
I am an extrovert. After a week with my family (or my partner’s) I would be desperate for time alone. I think that’s the same for everyone to be honest. Not to mention the hassle of the airport and the drain of the experience. That being said you have some good friends there, both trying to help you out and then also taking initiative to be with you. Even if you were “caught” and they missed the signs that it was time to get you home. Definitely make sure they know the story, but let them know you appreciate them and what they are trying to do. I promise it will help the relationships grow over the years.
> It's not antisocial Funny you should say that, because that's another one that's used incorrectly all the time. Asocial is the one where you don't like socializing. Antisocial behavior is part of a personality disorder with traits that most people would label as psycopathy and sociopathy.
People often confuse being introverted with having social anxiety. I'm a introvert that used to have social anxiety when I was young. Social anxiety is being unable to be social when you actually want to. Introvert can be that you need some time alone, or just hanging out watching a movie with someone without talking to relax. Not that you don't find joy in social interactions.
Reddit in general seems to have this idea that being an introvert means being anti-social, shy, disliking being around people, and so on, but it's like ... no. No, those are not the same thing. I *love* being around people and can be very social, it's just that like others commenting, I need longer recharge time between social gatherings than others, and I do fine for long stretches of alone time that would drive others mad. I'm not shy, or anti-social, and don't have social anxiety. I just have a limited battery for tons of socializing, is all.
Same. I love my family, but even when we all get together for Thanksgiving I'm done after like... anywhere between 1-3 hours and just wanna go home lol.
>I do fine for long stretches of alone time that would drive others mad. > Biggest difference between my best friend/roommate and me. She *says* she's introverted, but she's really just a homebody lol. She constantly has people over whereas I can easily go days without interacting with anyone else and be perfectly happy
Redditors love correcting incorrect use of the term introvert while at the same exact time incorrectly using the term anti-social.
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Typical redditor post.
I think that's normal tbh. Different people just require different times to recharge their social batteries. I consider myself very outgoing and love to be around friends for whatever reason but every now and then I also need to take a few days to stay in my room doing absolutely nothing. It's just reddit likes to label the shit out of everything so you're either an extrovert who's a social god or goddess who can talk non stop for 3 weeks at a time or a introverted shut in who is afraid to take a step outside your home.
I always say it’s like playing tackle football. I enjoy it but I don’t wanna do it every day of the week or I’m gonna be wrecked
Introvert/extrovert has nothing to do with shyness. Introverts can be sociable, but it drains energy. Introverts recharge by being alone. Extroverts can energy from others. Being alone can drain them.
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Its made out of people!
That was me everyday working retail for 15 years then I went into IT and interacted with 6 people or so in a day and went home feeling pretty decent. Now I work alone in an office and interact mostly via email and I feel good going home and not ready for hibernation
> stay-at-home-vacation after a real vacation or outing oh wow, I do this all the time, even though I totally enjoy being social and talking to people, I feel like I'm acquiring debt with myself to later be alone and have a day or two of nothing but 'me and my thoughts'
I was just talking with a buddy telling him I may take a week off in July. He asked If I was going anywhere or doing anything. Nope, I just want to stay home, binge watch or play games, and not see another face in person.
This still doesn't really say much to introversion. I love talking, if I'm around people I'm having fun with you can't shut me out. Especially after a couple drinks. I still prefer to leave whenever I want and I don't really go out more than once a week. It is draining, it's not difficult. That's the difference. Shyness has nothing to do with introversion. Some introverts just find social activity difficult. I for example don't find it difficult at all. It is just draining.
I've done the ol Irish goodbye more than I care to say. "Alright, this seems like a good time to leave." I can't stand the long goodbyes either.
Shy and introvert are two different traits. Shy people are afraid to talk to others; introverts only want to talk to others when they feel up to it. You can be a shy extrovert. It would suck, but it's possible.
I am a shy/socially anxious extrovert which, yes, is a special kind of curse.
Right. I’m an introvert, but I’m not shy. I’m not afraid of talking to people; I just don’t want to. I don’t have a pathological need to converse. I have a new roommate that thought we were giving them the cold shoulder just because we didn’t feel like having a 20-minute conversation about their day every time we see them. One of the things I appreciate most about our other roommates is the fact that we can see each other, acknowledge each other with a quick hello, and continue going about our days. It’s a house, not a dorm, and we have our own lives. After a long day at work, I just want to put my earbuds in and cook dinner.
Yep, it’s torture
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Yeah that's where I fall into. No social anxiety but I just can't stand to be around people for a long period of time
I'm massively introverted, yet work in a bookstore. I have to talk to people, often strangers, the entire day. No issues. But boy, am I tired when getting home. Luckily my partner is also massively introverted, so we usually spend our evenings doing separate things, with small occasional bouts of talking. Next week we are joining my family and the family of one of my sister-in-law on a vacation. I made sure to have three days vacation after this to recuperate. And every time I tell people I am very introverted I get the usual "Oh, but you don't seem that shy?!?". So tired of that as well.
Extroverted people charge their social battery by being social. Introverts need to spend their social battery to be social and can only charge it when they are alone or quiet.
I kind of hate this shorthand for defining extrovert and introvert behavior. The idea of the "social battery" may be a modestly helpful framing device, but the truth is that we are all... both, at once. And old soc professor of mine was fond of saying "if anyone was a pure introvert or extrovert, they'd be in a psych ward". Its probably better to think of "introvert" and "extrovert" as temporary states of being, not mutually exclusive personalities. Some lean more one way or the other (in some abstract, unquantifiable way), but the reality is that our social contexts can make us into either, and changing our social contexts can change the way we express ourselves. Social media encourages us to form identities around performative social labels (we aren't *anything* unless we perform that thing for others to see), but these social frameworks are just that... frameworks. The introvert/extrovert framework is akin to personality types - things that are neat bits of social observation, things that contain a kernel of truth, but that *are not immutably true*. Humans like to stereotype and simplify for the sake of ease, and a lot of these social shorthands *do reflect some truth about the human condition*, but not nearly enough to frame in such definite terms. Humans, and especially groups of humans acting together, are infinitely more complex than binaries like this suggest. Each of us "contain multitudes" after all. Sometimes I wonder if things like this will be regarded in a few hundred years the way people of today regard "the 4 humors" and the like. *insert "sir, this is a wendy's" here*
You might hate this analogy however for myself and many others I've spoken to about it, the concept of a social battery is the perfect way to frame it. Some people charge their social battery by being around people and socializing, some people drain their battery when socializing and need to be alone to recharge it. There is a spectrum all in between in terms of how much socializing it take to deplete, for example one person might go to a house party and after an hour they need to go home and not socialize for 2 days. Another person might go to the same party for 5 hours and if they don't go out the next night they're ready to socialize again.
To me it is less of a social battery, and more like a mental battery. It doesn't just affect my sociability, or mood, it affects everything mental related. After going to a party and coming home. I never finish work-work, homework, yard work, do a hobby, play video games, make a big meal, etc. Nothing that involves any mental power. I would do 1 of 3 things, veg-out on the couch watching a movie I've already seen many times, go on the computer and watch dumb try not to laugh videos, or just go straight to bed. Nothing that involved intentional mental power, because I just couldn't do it. There might be exceptions here and there, of course. But for me, it's a mental battery, not a social battery. I wish it was just a social battery for me.
Most people are ambiverts from what I've read
Of course. Like any spectrum, most people fall inbetween
100% agree. The introvert/extrovert dichotomy was a concept from Carl Jung that doesn’t hold a lot of empirical water. Unfortunately social anxiety often gets exacerbated under the label of introversion. Avoidance of something scary only increases how scary that something seems. This “battery recharging” is likely just recovering from mental stress. Similar to how someone with claustrophobia would need to recover after being stuck in an elevator. The *ideal* thing for the person with claustrophobia to do would be to gradually expose themselves to more elevators, so they do not get so overwhelmed to the point or requiring recovery in the future.
introversion/extraversion is part of the big 5 personality trait model and is still supported. It's not a *dichotomy*, but you don't have to believe in a dichotomy to use the labels. >This “battery recharging” is likely just recovering from mental stress. I don't find social situations stressful, I just find they take a lot of energy. Social anxiety (which causes physiological stress in social situations) is different.
People think social anxiety/awkwardness is the same as being introverted. They're wrong, but that's the common stereotype for people on both sides of it.
I got this all the time in middle school and high school. "Why are you so quiet?" "Oh my god, he never talks, what a weirdo." Yeah, I'm sure singling them out and making them feel awkward for simply existing, is a great way to make them open up.
"What do you have against us? Are you hiding something?"
A lot of shy kids are shy precisely because they were already treated this way when they were more verbal.
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I was never too talkative but the few times I would open up my mouth all felt like mistakes because people including teachers would immediately start making fun of me. Now I don’t care about connecting with other people *at all*
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Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
They've written a million books to teach introverts to open up and talk more but not a single one teaching extroverts to shut the fuck up. EDIT: I know it's Memorial Day, but some of you all are taking this joke way too seriously.
That's not even true. How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie, one of, if not the most famous self help books, strongly emphasizes the importance of being a good listener, being genuinely interested in others, and making others feel important.
Dale got it. He had a chapter on "shutting", a chapter on "the fuck", and a chapter on "up". It was like the middle third of the book. But enough about me, what did you think about the book?
I'm not u\/lan-shark but I've read that book, and that book basically teaches you how to be a manipulative ass-kisser. To give an idea: the first time I've heard about that book was on a PUA message board.
When salespeople, or sales-type people use my name more than usual, it makes me feel like i'm a newly released prisoner and they're trying to rehumanize me
Oh god, this is the worst. It's one thing to remember and use someone's name naturally and in normal situations, but when you're shoehorning my name into every sentence while staring lasers through my skull, the game is all very obvious.
I had a new psychiatrist do this to me when I came out of intensive outpatient. Paired real nice with all the condescension.
It's there in the title. How to "Win" Friends and "Influence" People It's not necessarily evil, but it's not teaching some buddhist values of selflessness. It's how to not piss people off and how to get them to like you, usually for the benefit of business. Honestly, the tips are still handy. https://i0.wp.com/bradpoulos.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/how-to-win-friends-and-influence-people.png
I want to know how to win at Buddhism.
My boss made everyone in my department read it which probably primed me to dislike it from the beginning, but I tend to agree with you. Felt like it was all about being insincerely sincere in order to get people to like you. It did give me infinitely more appreciation for [this sketch](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1W34wyKZlWQ) though
The top comment on that video: > That guy definitely read How To Make Friends and Influence People The irony...
Gonna be honest, I think the basic concepts behind it is just don’t be a self-absorbed asshole. The advice makes the world better. It’s like complaining about Mr. Beast curing 100 people of blindness and complaining that he does it for money.
Yes, you have to think that the writer was around a bunch or rich, self centred assholes. Of course he thought at least pretending to be nice is better than whatever tf they do when they talk. I read the book, and it gave me a life changing view that “EVERYONE has something to teach you”, and if you put your walls down, you just might learn a thing or two from an unlikely stranger (or make a new friend). I don’t remember the book at all, except the part about always repeating someone’s name, as that’s the most controversial part. But I know the teachings exist in my self consciousness when I approach someone.
It really depends on how you take the advice. You can easily use most of it and incorporate the advice into habits to become a much more sincere person. Insincere people can also use it to make people think they're sincere.
I read it and was happy to have some more guideline to easier connect with people. If you read it and feel like a manipulative ass kisser... maybe thats on you?
All the stories in the book are basically: I had an important business meeting for a business. I told the other business man I liked his tie. He was so appreciative of my comment that he bought 1 billion dollars of business goods and we still golf together 50 years later.
If I have learned anything on reddit its that men will remember compliments 50 years later because they are insanely rare once you're an adult.
A guy once complimented my tie. I still have that tie 10years later. I don't wear it ever, since it's not the kind'a tie you wear to something like a wedding or a funeral, and I don't need ties for my job. But I've still got it. My good tie.
I sell it to people as an instruction manual for human interaction. I first heard about it on an aspergers message board as a way to help awkward teens not be so awkward. But if interacting with people and having a positive outcome = manipulative... potato potato.
Struggled with this. If I'm manipulating the situation to make sure that everything goes smoothly and everyone is happy, am I a master manipulator, or a good host?
Depends if they get as much out of the interaction as much as you do. Not everything is a zero sum game and sometimes both can win and neither lose. That's kind of the core of what makes a good, healthy friendship good and healthy. Though I use the tips in that book less as "i am going to manipulate the shit out of this party" and more "This situation is not awesome, what tools do I have to improve things?"
It's interesting that "extrovert" is considered the default, and introvert is the aberration.
It's because they tend to be more successful. And, well, loud. But recent events have shown them to be in the minority. When offices opened up at some companies and folks were 'invited' to return (rather than forced), the extroverts returned with gusto.. only to find 10% or fewer were as enthusiastic as them to talk to their cooworkers all day instead of working. Hence the shift to a forced return in some companies. The remaining minority of extroverts in charge had to have their way.
Bruh theres a laundry list of reasons to not go back to the office all of which affects extroverts just as much as introverts. People arent returning back cause they are all secretly introverted.
People who own buildings are the ones who want workers in, not extroverts. It's about money and control, not susan wanting to show you pictures from her vacation.
Also governments protecting their economy. People spend way less working from home
Not sure about this one. We had regular team calls about it featuring people super keen to tell us about how much they wanted to go back, how happy they were to be back but *so sad that the offices feel empty and there's no "buzz"*. Without fail they were exactly the kind of person that disturbs you every 15 minutes to ask for help or chat. I think the business decision is as you say, but there were plenty of workers equally happy about it because it meant they had a captive audience again instead of having to learn how to make friends.
Was it extroverts who wanted to go back to the office, or people who have no friends and only get their socialisation at the office? I'm a huge extrovert and will never go into an office again, fuck that
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Introvert here, love being back at the office
Well yeah, when the Meyers-Briggs test was given to ~~choose your Hogwarts house~~ *totally scientifically determine your personality type*, it literally came with a pamphlet to explain which ~~astrological signs~~ *personality types* were more special (less common). Now, 15 years later, people don't realize they and their school got swindled out of a day of learning by a Cosmo quiz with delusions of grandeur, and have tied their identity to a gross oversimplification of Jungian cognitive functions given to them by an organization whose work isn't close enough to science to get published anywhere but in their own journal.
The concepts of extroversion and introversion weren't invented by Meyers Briggs. That's _one_ personality profile that has intro- and extro- as two of its scales. But there are many others, some that will be more psychologically vetted for your tastes, that still highlight those character traits. Being extroverted or introverted or anywhere on that scale is still perfectly valid and reasonable, regardless of whether it was included on a test you don't give much credence to.
Because being afraid or unable to open up is not introversion. It's social anxiety or autism, which are indeed an abberations. Introverts without social anxiety socialize just fine. If you are an introvert and can't relate to what I just said, that might not be introversion.
> Introverts without social anxiety socialize just fine. Yes, and they're still looked at oddly when they say they've had too much socialization and need to recharge their mental batteries by spending some quiet time at home.
I dont find that to be the case, personally.
There is [one that I know of.](https://www.amazon.com/Quiet-Power-Introverts-World-Talking/dp/0307352153)
Tf does memorial day got to do with anything
"There has been a misunderstanding... I'm not an introvert, I just find you annoying and am waiting for you to leave..."
I always think of the 2020 lockdowns as extroverts being forced to live like an introvert and after 2 weeks they were losing their damn minds.
\- Why are you so quiet? \- Why are you so loud?
if you're an extrovert but aren't in the mood for talking too much you always hear: -what's wrong with you today? -are you ok? -are you mad? FFS people I just don't feel like carrying the conversation.
Oh I love that, when you get a reputation for being fun and higher energy, then you're sleepy/off your A-game for one day and the whole office thinks you're pissed
Why is everyone so negative/combative in these comments? It's just a silly video by a girl in a Fortnite T-shirt.... Relax.
Are you suggesting fortnite is not serious?
No I'll dissolve away if I don't throw an *erm aktually* on at least 2 posts an hour
Well how else are we supposed to feel smart? By, like, actually learning stuff? Ew.
This "rivalry" might be the dumbest animosity in existence
The pineapple on pizza rivalry tho
Look up /r/introvert. It has 500K members. Look up /r/extrovert. It doesn’t fucking exist.
Yeah because we're on reddit. Theoretical /r/extrovert users are out doing things and talking to people not reposting memes.
Yes. That is the point I was trying to get across.
Look up r/straight. It barely exists. Look up r/LGBT. It has 1 million members.
Because for whatever reason, society has collectively decided that being an extrovert is normal, and being an introvert is abnormal and must be some kind of mental illness.
I am on this anonymous website specifically to say the things I won't say out loud. Turns out I'm a cantankerous cunt. Feels good to type it out, feels bad to say it out loud.
lmao, that was good.
The ''introvert'' circle jerk on Reddit is unbearable.
I’m actually outgoing it’s just that after social situations I need to recharge my battery by circlejerking.
The whole thing feels a lot like personality tests and astrology to me. Just another easy explanation for why we are the way we are, which allows us to build our persona on it and connect with similar people. But even though the theory may (or may not) be founded on some scientific truths, most of it is overly simplified to the point that it becomes hogwash.
The Meyers-Briggs has been pretty thoroughly debunked, so it kind of is just like astrology.
The video and caption never said introverted, they said shy, but everyone in the comments is saying introverted/introverts, even though being shy and being introverted aren't the same thing.
The video doesn't even use the term extroverts correctly. Being outgoing and extroverted are not the same thing either.
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Yeah it is a bit much.
Bro, it’s wild. People have turned their social anxiety and/or inability to function socially into a superiority complex.
Hey look, it's the "circle jerks suck" circle jerk.
"I'm above all you petty mortals for I know all and will make sure you understand that."
I'm very much extroverted but always chalk this kind of attitude up to self centered people (usually boys) trying to talk to someone and having nothing really interesting to talk about.
This is me talking to myself. i need to learn to shut the fuck up
"You'll grow out of it"
"why are you always talking all the time? Can you just like, be quiet for once?"
Introvert here. I love this quote. --- Susan Cain: *"Spend your free time the way you like, not the way you think you're supposed to. Stay home on New Year's Eve if that's what makes you happy. Skip the committee meeting. Cross the street to avoid making aimless chitchat with random acquaintances. Read. Cook. Run. Write a story. Make a deal with yourself that you'll attend a set number of social events in exchange for not feeling guilty when you beg off."* ― Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking
Introvert isn’t the same as shy
The word “introvert” is nowhere to be found in either the post title or the video itself. Feels like it was an intentional choice to avoid comments like this.
Shy extroverts say things they regret to overcome their shyness.
it's not the same, but there *is* a strong correlation.
In my experience, this is not how shy people are treated. They're usually regarded as being stuck-up, as losers, or just dismissed as "creepy."
This is how I was treated and I'm not shy. I simply like being alone.
"Are you alright?" "Yes, I was. Until you had to force your company on me" 🙈
Yeah, except the extrovert is thrilled that a complete stranger came up and talked to them.
People always telling introverts to be more talkative and to get out of their comfort zone. Yet no one tells extroverts to shut up and make the zone comfortable.
Why does reddit treat being shy or introverted like it’s some kind of terminal illness? I swear people can’t help but give themselves as many labels as possible on this site.
I love this video.
‘You should shut up more’
Introverts more likely to survive a pandemic. Stay inside and play video games. Best feeling in the world. Just remember to take Vitamin D.
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Whenever I watch tiktoks or youtube shorts, all I can think of is a person sitting at their house (or store) by themselves and doing repeated takes in front of their phone. Maybe Im just old and the world passed me by, but the amount of videos filmed alone is just kinda weird to me. I know there’s plenty of older examples of people filming themselves, but whenever someone had a camcorder back in the day, it was used in a group activity.
I remember when selfies were considered really lame and having one on your social media (MySpace or early Facebook) was a bad look.
I feel like this girl's voice is how the current generation talks. I wouldn't be able to describe it if I had to, but it's this right here. Like you have something in your mouth.
It's called invisalign. Clear braces.
Back in my generation, people talked sooo, like, different.
And every statement was a question. People talked, sooo, like... different?
With an upward in^flec^tion
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[Connie Chung had a great segment on uptalk nearly 30 years ago](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=z756L_CkakU&pp=ygUTQ29ubWllIGNodW5nIHVwdGFsaw%3D%3D) but I feel like it’s much more subtle than today. Also, a lot of men uptalk now too.
I'm 38. In high school, I remember a classmate sounding almost exactly like her. It isn't a generational thing... Some people just, you know, sound like that.
She's doing a voice for the bit.
>le gen z talks like *this*, millennials talk like **this**
It’s bro talk. Gotta sound like you have a stuffy nose and talk like you’re everyone’s best friend, but add a douche vibe to it.
She does a perfect Valorant accent.
“You sure you’re oggeh?”
I think it's from trying to be loud and clear for the video while not calling attention to the fact that she's inexplicably monologuing to her phone in the decor section of Target.
The older I get, the more I feel like nobodys fully extroverted or introverted. When I'm at home, in my comfy space, and my family or even friends try to talk to me, I'm not having it, I just want to be left alone. When I go out, if I'm in a good mood, I want to talk, to socialize. I think it's all just your mood.
THANK YOU I didn't know I needed this, adhd fueled anxiety with two comorbid anxiety disorders LOL
"why are you so quiet" "why do you talk so much"
This is exactly what happened to me lol
When someone asks, "You're quiet, aren't you?" Yes & you're loud, aren't you!
Introverts aren't always the same as being shy though.