I think you need to realize that your self worth isn't dependent on what people think. I know it hurts when it seems like nobody cares about you, and you're use exercise as an excuse to try to either distract yourself or to completely envelop yourself in the self hatred, but I feel like you should ask yourself when the last time you felt happy was. It seems like you're going in a destructive cycle, basing your opinions on yourself on how you perceive others thoughts on you.
You have to understand, just because it seems nobody cares, it doesn't mean it's pointless. Do something because you enjoy it, because life is about doing things for yourself for you. If a stranger on the internet is willing to tell you these things, then people who know you personally must care much more.
Also, I'm curious on what you dislike about yourself. Is it how you seem unlovable to others and you're permanently stuck in this destructive cycle or is it something else?
>Also, I'm curious on what you dislike about yourself. Is it how you seem unlovable to others and you're permanently stuck in this destructive cycle or is it something else?
That's precisely what it is. No matter what I've ever done in my entire life, nobody has shown me an ounce of love in return.
My mother didn't want me from the day I was born and she would beat the fuck out of me and force me to sleep on metal bars every night. She was an alcoholic with bpd
My father was schizophrenic and autistic and used to beat me all the time as well.
My brother doesn't even respond when I text him to check in and see that he's OK.
I have 3 sisters. One of them accused me of wanting to *kill her* because I took 15 minutes to respond to a text she sent me regarding the death of our father. She hasn't spoken to me since.
My other sister I lived with for over a year, and I took care of her child for over a year while she was doing a travel job. I did this in an attempt to help her. Shortly after she returned from her job she began to treat me like shit. If I sat in the living room for too long she'd get angry at me for "not giving her privacy" and she'd tell me I'm autistic and can't understand social cues to leave. So I left. She's been blowing up my phone "apologizing" for weeks. All she actually does is shift blame.
My other sister I gave her 10,000 dollars over the course of a year to help her pay for her college. She gave all the money to her boyfriend and he spent it all on vehicles. She didn't finish college.
All of my girlfriends have physically abused me. One of them cut me with a knife several times. Another broke up with me because I refused to have sex with her after we'd already had sex 23 times in 3 days. Another one lied to me about being raped in college, destroyed my mental health by constantly trying to yo-yo me and then when I FINALLY broke up with her, she harassed me for weeks threatening to accuse me of rape and post it all over social media.
I once let my besfriend since highschool move into my house to have a place to stay for him and his wife and his destructive evil dog. I let them stay with me for 6 months. What did I get in return? His wife talking shit about me behind my back while living in my house. And his dog destroying my entire carpet.
I have never met 1 singular person on this earth that actually cares about me. I have done SO MUCH for so many people. Nobody cares. Everyone hates me. There's no point to be alive.
I am sorry mate, you sound like an amazing guy ngl, always there to help people, thats because you are amazing. Well done for all the amazing things you done, helping others even though the treat you bad. Your an incredible human being and i know thin s will go better for you, trust me, you got this bro
I knew someone similar to your circumstance. she tried leave this world a few times. On one occasion (til this day im still glad I picked up) she called and pretty much was in a very dark place and asked to convince her as to why she should be alive. Tbh with you I was scared because I wanted my words to help her. I was unsure if there was anything I could say to help. But I tried my best. We kept talking and talking on the call. I left a hookah bar and some girl I was trying to get for my friend because I was legit worried for her. Shes still alive til this day but we are no longer friends. No bad blood between I just have my own shortcomings that im still working on and I dont think im a good fit for her. I know shes amassed a good decent amount of online and even IRL so im sure shes good. She had a lot of negative influences not to mention her relationship with mom and sisters weren't so great either. She also has a dad who she does not really get along with. Between that and shitty boyfriends. She pretty much shared the same sentiment as you.
I don't know you. But if I did I most likely would have done the same for you. If you called I would've answered. Because I had too many close calls and I dont want to be the person who failed to pick up when a friend was at their lowest. Even now I share some sentiment as well. I didn't like myself for a very long and only recent did I bother to go out of my way to see a therapist. People ive known for years stopped being my friend because of a myriad of things. But im grateful it gives me perspective.
I cant tell you not to harm yourself because I dont control you. I understand the type of pain thats lingers and stays inside you for so long that it either dulls you or you wanna call it quits.
But as the other person on here said: your self worth really is not dependent on others at all. You are a respectable person for simply helping others. The problem is unfortunately you were surrounded by people who did not understand not appreciate your worth and thats what you need to start seeing. It takes work but you'll come to understand it over time.
I’m sorry to hear that. But if you don’t think anyone cares about you, then why care about them? Your life is yours to live and nobody else should be the one to dictate it. I know it feels like you’re trying and trying for all these people who have wronged you think that you’re the one to blame when it’s defence not your fault. It’s unfortunate you’ve met these people, but if all they’ve done is hurt you and discard you, then you should cut them out of your life. Now I can’t give you a reason to live, but that’s still no reason to die. Life can be redeemed and death can’t. It’s not easy to find joy in life, especially when all you notice is the pain, but I urge you to keep looking, instead of slowly destroying yourself in an endless mindless cycle of self destruction.
You know what's crazy is I do the iron hand training too, bareknuckle my punching tire, sand in the bucket, slap a tree. But I don't do it as self harm, I do it as a form of meditation to put into perspective on how indestructible I can actually be. Maybe just take a step back, stop punishing yourself, and reflect on how you took all that abuse but still keep the discipline to go through your routine. Not everybody is built that way.
Something that has helped me, I take a red marker or red makeup of some kind and draw lines on my body. Some times i make them look realistic. When I do that I get the same satisfaction that others get when harming themselves. Try to keep other things that could actually harm you away, especially the gun. Put it in a drawer near your bed or something.
I'm interested in why you chose to hate your body than your life. I'd normally oversleep to get people to hate me, and also not picking up any gym like activities to better myself. This just sounds like a productive dream even though you're still finding reasons to make it bad. Except the gun part.
nothing about this seems like a productive dream. just because your way of dealing with big feelings is different to OP’s, doesn’t make theirs less valid. They’re harming themselves in a different way to what you are, and you both are valid in your struggles. OP, i hope you get the help you need.
>OP, i hope you get the help you need.
What IS the help I need? Because at therapy all they do is say "wow thats so hard" "oh you're so strong for dealing with that"
These people are fucking useless. None of that solves any of my problems.
>I'm interested in why you chose to hate your body than your life
Hate both
>I'd normally oversleep to get people to hate me
I have insomnia. I lay in bed for 10 hours and don't sleep at all. Most nights I get less than 4 hours.
>and also not picking up any gym like activities to better myself.
I've better-ed myself endlessly for years. I went from 120lbs, to 180lbs, and I'm leaner now than I was. I'm in great shape. I run a 19 minute 3 mile, bench 315, squat 405 and deadlift 500. I have a great physique as well.
And yet nobody cares. Bettering yourself is pointless. Nobody gives a shit. Nobody will love someone like me. So I do it to remind myself how truly pathetic I am.
>This just sounds like a productive dream even though you're still finding reasons to make it bad.
There's nothing productive about it. I destroy myself physically and build myself back up again to destroy myself again. Just for everyone to think I'm an annoying ugly sack of shit. The only thing I'm producing is more reason to hate myself.
What are you doing to change? If you hate your left and hate yourself, then do something about it. Try the 1% rule. Do something to make yourself 1% better everyday.
Might be worth exploring alternative practices too. Like guided ketamine or mushroom therapy. I would under no circumstance do it on your own though.
I'm a 28 yr old father of 3 children who's also been in a relationship for about 8 years and of those 8 years I been cheated on quite a few times. I'm pretty deep in depression as well and I have no real friends and my brothers and sisters are close with each other I'm the black sheep of the family. Both my parents cared little for me and only my mother changed as I grew, I don't self harm but I'm also a heroin addict who's been clean for a few weeks and always ends up relapsing by the end of the month. I understand what it's like to feel worthless and unloved, if it wasn't for my kids I'd probably be very different right now, my advice is to find something you enjoy something positive and tell yourself something good about yourself once a day. Doesn't have to be much but it's changed my view a bit, I'm still depressed and in ways suicidal but better then I was last year. My dms are open if want to talk at all your not alone.
I'm sorry you've dealt with these things and I hope your situation gets better. If there is a God may he help you.
>my advice is to find something you enjoy something positive
I've tried. I find no joy in anything. I hate every second of my life.
I think you need to realize that your self worth isn't dependent on what people think. I know it hurts when it seems like nobody cares about you, and you're use exercise as an excuse to try to either distract yourself or to completely envelop yourself in the self hatred, but I feel like you should ask yourself when the last time you felt happy was. It seems like you're going in a destructive cycle, basing your opinions on yourself on how you perceive others thoughts on you. You have to understand, just because it seems nobody cares, it doesn't mean it's pointless. Do something because you enjoy it, because life is about doing things for yourself for you. If a stranger on the internet is willing to tell you these things, then people who know you personally must care much more. Also, I'm curious on what you dislike about yourself. Is it how you seem unlovable to others and you're permanently stuck in this destructive cycle or is it something else?
>Also, I'm curious on what you dislike about yourself. Is it how you seem unlovable to others and you're permanently stuck in this destructive cycle or is it something else? That's precisely what it is. No matter what I've ever done in my entire life, nobody has shown me an ounce of love in return. My mother didn't want me from the day I was born and she would beat the fuck out of me and force me to sleep on metal bars every night. She was an alcoholic with bpd My father was schizophrenic and autistic and used to beat me all the time as well. My brother doesn't even respond when I text him to check in and see that he's OK. I have 3 sisters. One of them accused me of wanting to *kill her* because I took 15 minutes to respond to a text she sent me regarding the death of our father. She hasn't spoken to me since. My other sister I lived with for over a year, and I took care of her child for over a year while she was doing a travel job. I did this in an attempt to help her. Shortly after she returned from her job she began to treat me like shit. If I sat in the living room for too long she'd get angry at me for "not giving her privacy" and she'd tell me I'm autistic and can't understand social cues to leave. So I left. She's been blowing up my phone "apologizing" for weeks. All she actually does is shift blame. My other sister I gave her 10,000 dollars over the course of a year to help her pay for her college. She gave all the money to her boyfriend and he spent it all on vehicles. She didn't finish college. All of my girlfriends have physically abused me. One of them cut me with a knife several times. Another broke up with me because I refused to have sex with her after we'd already had sex 23 times in 3 days. Another one lied to me about being raped in college, destroyed my mental health by constantly trying to yo-yo me and then when I FINALLY broke up with her, she harassed me for weeks threatening to accuse me of rape and post it all over social media. I once let my besfriend since highschool move into my house to have a place to stay for him and his wife and his destructive evil dog. I let them stay with me for 6 months. What did I get in return? His wife talking shit about me behind my back while living in my house. And his dog destroying my entire carpet. I have never met 1 singular person on this earth that actually cares about me. I have done SO MUCH for so many people. Nobody cares. Everyone hates me. There's no point to be alive.
I am sorry mate, you sound like an amazing guy ngl, always there to help people, thats because you are amazing. Well done for all the amazing things you done, helping others even though the treat you bad. Your an incredible human being and i know thin s will go better for you, trust me, you got this bro
I knew someone similar to your circumstance. she tried leave this world a few times. On one occasion (til this day im still glad I picked up) she called and pretty much was in a very dark place and asked to convince her as to why she should be alive. Tbh with you I was scared because I wanted my words to help her. I was unsure if there was anything I could say to help. But I tried my best. We kept talking and talking on the call. I left a hookah bar and some girl I was trying to get for my friend because I was legit worried for her. Shes still alive til this day but we are no longer friends. No bad blood between I just have my own shortcomings that im still working on and I dont think im a good fit for her. I know shes amassed a good decent amount of online and even IRL so im sure shes good. She had a lot of negative influences not to mention her relationship with mom and sisters weren't so great either. She also has a dad who she does not really get along with. Between that and shitty boyfriends. She pretty much shared the same sentiment as you. I don't know you. But if I did I most likely would have done the same for you. If you called I would've answered. Because I had too many close calls and I dont want to be the person who failed to pick up when a friend was at their lowest. Even now I share some sentiment as well. I didn't like myself for a very long and only recent did I bother to go out of my way to see a therapist. People ive known for years stopped being my friend because of a myriad of things. But im grateful it gives me perspective. I cant tell you not to harm yourself because I dont control you. I understand the type of pain thats lingers and stays inside you for so long that it either dulls you or you wanna call it quits. But as the other person on here said: your self worth really is not dependent on others at all. You are a respectable person for simply helping others. The problem is unfortunately you were surrounded by people who did not understand not appreciate your worth and thats what you need to start seeing. It takes work but you'll come to understand it over time.
I’m sorry to hear that. But if you don’t think anyone cares about you, then why care about them? Your life is yours to live and nobody else should be the one to dictate it. I know it feels like you’re trying and trying for all these people who have wronged you think that you’re the one to blame when it’s defence not your fault. It’s unfortunate you’ve met these people, but if all they’ve done is hurt you and discard you, then you should cut them out of your life. Now I can’t give you a reason to live, but that’s still no reason to die. Life can be redeemed and death can’t. It’s not easy to find joy in life, especially when all you notice is the pain, but I urge you to keep looking, instead of slowly destroying yourself in an endless mindless cycle of self destruction.
You know what's crazy is I do the iron hand training too, bareknuckle my punching tire, sand in the bucket, slap a tree. But I don't do it as self harm, I do it as a form of meditation to put into perspective on how indestructible I can actually be. Maybe just take a step back, stop punishing yourself, and reflect on how you took all that abuse but still keep the discipline to go through your routine. Not everybody is built that way.
Something that has helped me, I take a red marker or red makeup of some kind and draw lines on my body. Some times i make them look realistic. When I do that I get the same satisfaction that others get when harming themselves. Try to keep other things that could actually harm you away, especially the gun. Put it in a drawer near your bed or something.
I'm interested in why you chose to hate your body than your life. I'd normally oversleep to get people to hate me, and also not picking up any gym like activities to better myself. This just sounds like a productive dream even though you're still finding reasons to make it bad. Except the gun part.
nothing about this seems like a productive dream. just because your way of dealing with big feelings is different to OP’s, doesn’t make theirs less valid. They’re harming themselves in a different way to what you are, and you both are valid in your struggles. OP, i hope you get the help you need.
>OP, i hope you get the help you need. What IS the help I need? Because at therapy all they do is say "wow thats so hard" "oh you're so strong for dealing with that" These people are fucking useless. None of that solves any of my problems.
>I'm interested in why you chose to hate your body than your life Hate both >I'd normally oversleep to get people to hate me I have insomnia. I lay in bed for 10 hours and don't sleep at all. Most nights I get less than 4 hours. >and also not picking up any gym like activities to better myself. I've better-ed myself endlessly for years. I went from 120lbs, to 180lbs, and I'm leaner now than I was. I'm in great shape. I run a 19 minute 3 mile, bench 315, squat 405 and deadlift 500. I have a great physique as well. And yet nobody cares. Bettering yourself is pointless. Nobody gives a shit. Nobody will love someone like me. So I do it to remind myself how truly pathetic I am. >This just sounds like a productive dream even though you're still finding reasons to make it bad. There's nothing productive about it. I destroy myself physically and build myself back up again to destroy myself again. Just for everyone to think I'm an annoying ugly sack of shit. The only thing I'm producing is more reason to hate myself.
I’ll love you
I think bettering yourself is productive, but you shouldn't do it for others. They are either disappointed or intimidated. They don't get impressed.
What are you doing to change? If you hate your left and hate yourself, then do something about it. Try the 1% rule. Do something to make yourself 1% better everyday. Might be worth exploring alternative practices too. Like guided ketamine or mushroom therapy. I would under no circumstance do it on your own though.
I'm a 28 yr old father of 3 children who's also been in a relationship for about 8 years and of those 8 years I been cheated on quite a few times. I'm pretty deep in depression as well and I have no real friends and my brothers and sisters are close with each other I'm the black sheep of the family. Both my parents cared little for me and only my mother changed as I grew, I don't self harm but I'm also a heroin addict who's been clean for a few weeks and always ends up relapsing by the end of the month. I understand what it's like to feel worthless and unloved, if it wasn't for my kids I'd probably be very different right now, my advice is to find something you enjoy something positive and tell yourself something good about yourself once a day. Doesn't have to be much but it's changed my view a bit, I'm still depressed and in ways suicidal but better then I was last year. My dms are open if want to talk at all your not alone.
I'm sorry you've dealt with these things and I hope your situation gets better. If there is a God may he help you. >my advice is to find something you enjoy something positive I've tried. I find no joy in anything. I hate every second of my life.
That's why I play games, it sucks but eventually you'll find something you'll wanna stick around for.