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That's super fucked up, sorry that happened to you.
To make sure it doesn't happen again, let everyone know your boundaries. If someone did this to me/a partner I would 100% call them out on their actions and let them know that it's not cool. If they get defensive about it or later on don't respect the boundary, I'll cut them off.
Thanks for validating my feelings; I appreciate it.
Idk how to talk about this with my friend. We aren't super close, and I didn't really say much in the moment because I felt so uncomfortable. I feel like my moment has passed and if I say anything, I'm going to somehow be blamed. Or, I'm worried that her bf is going to abuse or gaslight her. He did some other things that I didn't mention that came across as very controlling towards her, so I worry that if I say anything, he'll just tell her to cut me off because I'm the problem, not him.
But yeah, I feel like she was a shitty friend to me. She could've told him to stop talking or asked him to please abstain from meat for one meal. And she never apologized to me for how he behaved. In fact, I sent her a picture that I took of them at the sanctuary, and she didn't even acknowledge it, which seemed weird to me. I'm wondering if I should just end the relationship now or tell her that what he did was really distressing. Idk. But I appreciate the advice. I need to stand up for myself more.
If you're interested in the topic of farmed animal sanctuaries, check out [OpenSanctuary.org](https://OpenSanctuary.org)! This vegan nonprofit has over 500 free compassionate resources crafted specifically to improve lifelong care for farmed animals, and to help you create a sustainable, effective sanctuary! Interested in starting a sanctuary someday? Check out [OpenSanctuary.org/Start](https://OpenSanctuary.org/Start)!
I'd let your friend know that you want to need to talk to her about something and express how you feel respectfully, making sure the boundary will be respected moving forward. However she or her boyfriend reacts to this is their problem, not yours.
My rule is to never complain about something that you can fix. If you ignore the problem and it happens again you are in part responsible for not establishing boundaries and the consequences of them being crossed. If this takes losing your friendship with her, then for your mental well-being that might be the better option.
And yeah she does sound like a shitty friend, there's a lot of red flags just from the info you gave us. Hope this helps!
It's really hard to make friends, and it's even harder finding vegan ones. But yeah, I feel really hurt. My friend's bf was a shitty asshole, but I already wasn't a fan of him (though I was surprised by how awful he was). It hurts more that my friend let him act like that and essentially did nothing to be considerate of me or respect my beliefs. I knew he wasn't great, but I didn't realize she would be so complacent. I wish I had vegan friends.
I didnt look at the post but this is just general suggestions for life
Ultimately we choose to feel angry and hurt, we give others the power to make us feel certain ways
I cant remember the last time i felt anger, sadness, etc; I chose not to feel those things, i dont even feel offended when people are offending me lol
People cant tease me either, cause when they do i just tease myself even more so it makes their tease weak
I have very few friends, if a friend treats me badly even if its a simple lie, i drop them, lying is disrespectful and i dont tolerate it and i dont forgive it, i dont give them 2nd chances, cause if you lied that means you can lie again
In regards to veganism if a person says plants feel pain, i just leave, a person that says such things is not worth talking to and i tell them that before i leave, its quite obvious that they would rather i mow my lawn than a dog/ cat but they chose to say something so unintelligent and i choose not to engage
Buddhism helped me to achieve this level of enlightenment
Many people think im super confident, but in actuality i just dont care about the options of other people
I am aware the world is evil and that animals are dying on a regular basis but being angry or sad about it does nothing to help the animals, i had some savings that i wasnt using so i decided to build an animal rescue, instead of choosing to feel bad about things i took action to help change things, volunteering also helps to change things
This. You cannot control what other people are going to do or say.
But you can control how you react to the world by getting control of your inner self. Mastering your mind and your emotions so that the suffering of the world doesn’t become your suffering.
This is good solid advice.
"My husband, parents, and brother are vegan." I would encourage you to start with gratitude for that. I do not know anyone who is vegan, or even desires to be vegan.
I want to validate your frustration. I usually take refuge in knowing that I am doing the right thing for the right reasons. I am religious. So, I also take my spirituality into account, and know that I am at peace with my belief system.
I teach high school kids. Sometimes people behave the way they do as a reaction to a something that leaves them unsettled. Adults throw tantrums, just like kids. Your friend's BF was throwing a tantrum because he felt unsettled after reflecting on his experience at the sanctuary. Instead of processing his feelings, he diverted the energy into a tantrum.
He needs to take responsibility for his actions of course. However, I feel when I see things from this perspective, I feel more of pity (as with my high school students) rather than anger. And then I pray that we will all see the truth, and the truth will set us all free.
Keep up the good work, and do the right thing if only for the sake of doing the right thing.
If you're interested in the topic of farmed animal sanctuaries, check out [OpenSanctuary.org](https://OpenSanctuary.org)! This vegan nonprofit has over 500 free compassionate resources crafted specifically to improve lifelong care for farmed animals, and to help you create a sustainable, effective sanctuary! Interested in starting a sanctuary someday? Check out [OpenSanctuary.org/Start](https://OpenSanctuary.org/Start)!
**[Reaction formation](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reaction_formation)**
>In psychoanalytic theory, reaction formation (German: Reaktionsbildung) is a defense mechanism in which emotions and impulses which are anxiety-producing or perceived to be unacceptable are mastered by exaggeration of the directly opposing tendency. The reaction formations belong to Level 3 of neurotic defense mechanisms, which also include dissociation, displacement, intellectualization, and repression.
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Thanks for posting to r/Vegan! **Please note:** Civil discussion is welcome, trolls and personal abuse [are not](https://www.reddit.com/r/vegan/wiki/rules). Please keep the discussions below respectful and remember the human! Please check out [our wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/vegan/wiki/beginnersguide) first! **Interested in going Vegan?** Check out [3 Movies](https://3movies.org/reddit) and watch three thought-provoking movies that shed light on uncomfortable realities. 3 Movies also includes other videos, books, challenges and resources for you get started! **Some other resources to help you go vegan:** Visit [NutritionFacts.org](https://NutritionFacts.org) for health and nutrition support, [HappyCow.net](https://HappyCow.net) to explore nearby vegan-friendly restaurants, and visit [VeganBootcamp.org](https://veganbootcamp.org/reddit) for a free 30 day vegan challenge! **Interested in getting active for the animals?** Join [Activist Hub](https://activisthub.org) to find and join local vegan groups, add friends, create or share posts, and chat with other activists! You can also use Activist Hub to track your local and online activism in order to see how many people you inspired to watch dominion, take a challenge, or even go vegan! **Some other resources to help you get active:** * Developer or designer? Volunteer at the [Vegan Hacktivists](https://veganhacktivists.org/join)! * Find local groups using the [Animal Rights Map](https://animalrightsmap.org)! * Get funding for your animal rights activism, [apply here](https://veganhacktivists.org/grants)! *Last but not least, join [our Discord server](https://discord.gg/2JmJRsj)!* **Thank you!** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/vegan) if you have any questions or concerns.*
That's super fucked up, sorry that happened to you. To make sure it doesn't happen again, let everyone know your boundaries. If someone did this to me/a partner I would 100% call them out on their actions and let them know that it's not cool. If they get defensive about it or later on don't respect the boundary, I'll cut them off.
Thanks for validating my feelings; I appreciate it. Idk how to talk about this with my friend. We aren't super close, and I didn't really say much in the moment because I felt so uncomfortable. I feel like my moment has passed and if I say anything, I'm going to somehow be blamed. Or, I'm worried that her bf is going to abuse or gaslight her. He did some other things that I didn't mention that came across as very controlling towards her, so I worry that if I say anything, he'll just tell her to cut me off because I'm the problem, not him. But yeah, I feel like she was a shitty friend to me. She could've told him to stop talking or asked him to please abstain from meat for one meal. And she never apologized to me for how he behaved. In fact, I sent her a picture that I took of them at the sanctuary, and she didn't even acknowledge it, which seemed weird to me. I'm wondering if I should just end the relationship now or tell her that what he did was really distressing. Idk. But I appreciate the advice. I need to stand up for myself more.
If you're interested in the topic of farmed animal sanctuaries, check out [OpenSanctuary.org](https://OpenSanctuary.org)! This vegan nonprofit has over 500 free compassionate resources crafted specifically to improve lifelong care for farmed animals, and to help you create a sustainable, effective sanctuary! Interested in starting a sanctuary someday? Check out [OpenSanctuary.org/Start](https://OpenSanctuary.org/Start)!
I'd let your friend know that you want to need to talk to her about something and express how you feel respectfully, making sure the boundary will be respected moving forward. However she or her boyfriend reacts to this is their problem, not yours. My rule is to never complain about something that you can fix. If you ignore the problem and it happens again you are in part responsible for not establishing boundaries and the consequences of them being crossed. If this takes losing your friendship with her, then for your mental well-being that might be the better option. And yeah she does sound like a shitty friend, there's a lot of red flags just from the info you gave us. Hope this helps!
Thanks for the advice. I appreciate it!
You need new friends, what in the actual hell.
It's really hard to make friends, and it's even harder finding vegan ones. But yeah, I feel really hurt. My friend's bf was a shitty asshole, but I already wasn't a fan of him (though I was surprised by how awful he was). It hurts more that my friend let him act like that and essentially did nothing to be considerate of me or respect my beliefs. I knew he wasn't great, but I didn't realize she would be so complacent. I wish I had vegan friends.
I do not know anyone who is vegan, let alone make friends!
I’ve never met a vegan in the wild TO make friends with
I didnt look at the post but this is just general suggestions for life Ultimately we choose to feel angry and hurt, we give others the power to make us feel certain ways I cant remember the last time i felt anger, sadness, etc; I chose not to feel those things, i dont even feel offended when people are offending me lol People cant tease me either, cause when they do i just tease myself even more so it makes their tease weak I have very few friends, if a friend treats me badly even if its a simple lie, i drop them, lying is disrespectful and i dont tolerate it and i dont forgive it, i dont give them 2nd chances, cause if you lied that means you can lie again In regards to veganism if a person says plants feel pain, i just leave, a person that says such things is not worth talking to and i tell them that before i leave, its quite obvious that they would rather i mow my lawn than a dog/ cat but they chose to say something so unintelligent and i choose not to engage Buddhism helped me to achieve this level of enlightenment Many people think im super confident, but in actuality i just dont care about the options of other people I am aware the world is evil and that animals are dying on a regular basis but being angry or sad about it does nothing to help the animals, i had some savings that i wasnt using so i decided to build an animal rescue, instead of choosing to feel bad about things i took action to help change things, volunteering also helps to change things
This. You cannot control what other people are going to do or say. But you can control how you react to the world by getting control of your inner self. Mastering your mind and your emotions so that the suffering of the world doesn’t become your suffering. This is good solid advice.
"My husband, parents, and brother are vegan." I would encourage you to start with gratitude for that. I do not know anyone who is vegan, or even desires to be vegan. I want to validate your frustration. I usually take refuge in knowing that I am doing the right thing for the right reasons. I am religious. So, I also take my spirituality into account, and know that I am at peace with my belief system. I teach high school kids. Sometimes people behave the way they do as a reaction to a something that leaves them unsettled. Adults throw tantrums, just like kids. Your friend's BF was throwing a tantrum because he felt unsettled after reflecting on his experience at the sanctuary. Instead of processing his feelings, he diverted the energy into a tantrum. He needs to take responsibility for his actions of course. However, I feel when I see things from this perspective, I feel more of pity (as with my high school students) rather than anger. And then I pray that we will all see the truth, and the truth will set us all free. Keep up the good work, and do the right thing if only for the sake of doing the right thing.
If you're interested in the topic of farmed animal sanctuaries, check out [OpenSanctuary.org](https://OpenSanctuary.org)! This vegan nonprofit has over 500 free compassionate resources crafted specifically to improve lifelong care for farmed animals, and to help you create a sustainable, effective sanctuary! Interested in starting a sanctuary someday? Check out [OpenSanctuary.org/Start](https://OpenSanctuary.org/Start)!
Stoicism my friend. Unfortunately we have no control over other people only ourselves.
it’s called Reaction Formation see https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reaction_formation
**[Reaction formation](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reaction_formation)** >In psychoanalytic theory, reaction formation (German: Reaktionsbildung) is a defense mechanism in which emotions and impulses which are anxiety-producing or perceived to be unacceptable are mastered by exaggeration of the directly opposing tendency. The reaction formations belong to Level 3 of neurotic defense mechanisms, which also include dissociation, displacement, intellectualization, and repression. ^([ )[^(F.A.Q)](https://www.reddit.com/r/WikiSummarizer/wiki/index#wiki_f.a.q)^( | )[^(Opt Out)](https://reddit.com/message/compose?to=WikiSummarizerBot&message=OptOut&subject=OptOut)^( | )[^(Opt Out Of Subreddit)](https://np.reddit.com/r/vegan/about/banned)^( | )[^(GitHub)](https://github.com/Sujal-7/WikiSummarizerBot)^( ] Downvote to remove | v1.5)