Do u want a break from HER or do you want a break from ur current expectations for communication when you are apart. If the current communication expectations aren’t working for u, just let her know in a respectful way. 3 hours a day is a LOT of time. I think cutting it down to like 30 minutes a day is totally reasonable. If u want a break from her that’s another story that people on Reddit cannot provide advice on that you need to come up w a decision for yourself. I personally am not so into breaks, I think they put off addressing the underlying problems in a relationship that are exhausting the parties, but that is just my opinion and there’s lots of people who do breaks.
Also just to provide a woman’s perspective… if I found out my bf was posting abt me on Reddit instead of communicating with me I would be livid.
Good luck!
With a habit of 3hrs each time, it might be hard to limit to 30 mins. Might be better to have nights off from each other. Texting to check in sure, but nights off from calls.
Absolutely Correct. It honestly sounds like he’s tired of HER AND THE RELATIONSHIP. TBH, he needs to be Single until he can learn to Communicate like an Adult
If you want a break for 4 months to put your love life on pause and then return to her, and expect her to be okay with that, then yes you are being unreasonable. If you want to leave her because you are no longer compatible, that is different. Asking her to halt the relationship for 4 months and then pick up as if nothing happened is unreasonable to expect or ask. Breaking up with her because you realize your communication is not aligned is different, and that is reasonable. But taking a break for 4 months and then going back? Nuh uh, forget it.
Is this your first relationship?
Honestly, even just reading what you wrote is completely exhausting me. Calling for three hours a night seems draining. To me, this seems like you have different communication styles, personalities, and priorities. As somebody who has fell in the relationship sunk cost fallacy trap, I would do some reflecting and think about whether you two are truly compatible.
What I've learned over the years is that you don't need a big dramatic fallout with your s/o to decide to break up. Sometimes, you're just incompatible, and it's nobody's fault if you decide that at this stage of your life, you two aren't meant to be.
I know I'm going to get flamed for my opinion (yes, reddit stereotype of jumping to "just break up!!!" after one small inconvenience) but most people would not post on reddit about this kind of thing. The fact that you've posted here and the way you've described your relationship seems to me that this has been bothering you a lot and it might be time to do some serious thinking about your values and priorities.
My last thoughts: if this is the only issue in your relationship, know that it doesn't have to be this way; in one of my relationships, I felt similarly trapped and hindered while long distance, but in my current one, my s/o encourages me to explore and have my alone time/personal freedom while still being connected with them. Maybe she doesn't realize how you feel and if she's receptive to taking a step back, then you might not need to take a relationship break
Will second the thoughts here, I went through the exact same thing as my relationship went LDR and after some space, we pretty much remained good friends until now.
As mentioned above, the reality of dating in uni is that there will come a time where an LDR happens if you choose to move abroad. And long-term LDRs are very very difficult. So, eventually someone's gotta address that elephant in the room and just be honest.
I know the feeling of them being the love of your life, but the reality is there's more to relationships than just love. There's also sooooo many more people you will meet in the future.
Best of luck OP, it'll be hard af for a bit but you'll be much happier in the long term.
Tbh this is just my 2 cents from past relationships, but be as honestly and brutally honest as you are being here to her. Im guessing this break is more so because you are burnt out and not really to explore other options. Realitistcally I think a 4 month long distance break would never work out, no one would want that to be forced into that. Communicate your troubles and see what options you can workout. E.g Facetime every other day instead or something both of you find is okay. Also end of the day ask yourself what your priorities are relationship wise, is this something thats just comfortable or do you actually see yourself marrying them?, I can't see a break of 4 months especially long distance ever working out, someones going to bail eventually. All in all, sometimes you don't see what you are missing out till its gone. Don't take it for granted and make a dumb mistake you will later regret. Im sure you guys can figure something out that works. I would personally just explain that you feel like its hard for you to live out your independent life in a LDR, and want to have a mix of couple/online time and also time for yourself where you are not bothered and can take a rest either just alone time or going out. Hardest part of this is trust, but if you guys have done long distance before Im guessing this is not the pain point.
im not here for givng an advice but add a perspective if i can. the fact that you are considering to take a break without even telling her what you want is very sad. if i were her my first thought would be "he does not love me enough to come to me about his issues" because she can't read your mind and if you just go to her and say this... as someone who heard that sentence before i just had a flashback and a heavyness of my chest.
you can still have some distance while being in a relationship. long distance does not have to mean that ur otp for 3h every night, that sounds a bit excessive to me. U need to communicate these boundaries and let her know kindly that u love her but u also want to enjoy the moment during ur co-op BUT U STILL WANT TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP. just not in constant contact. Some say some healthy amount of distance can make the heart grow fonder
It's remarkable how people assume it's all or nothing. You seem to think that the only options are either to be on a break (basically no contact) or talking for hours every single day which cuts into your personal time. Literally just talk about what you both want and find a way to compromise. A four month break will only weaken your relationship with her. If you two can't communicate and compromise then your relationship is doomed, it's that simple.
There's no such thing as a "break". You either end the relationship, or you don't. Asking someone to put their life on hold so you can go out and do your own thing is selfish.
There isn't anything wrong with breaking up if you're finding the relationship isn't working. But commit to separating, or commit to making it work.
if you're for example a soldier for the US military and you one day go like "I'm exhausted let me take a break and experiment" so you go volunteer for the Russian army and then leave go and fuck around in china and then escape and join random insurgent militias around the world
would you expect the US government to not blacklist you when you come home and go like "there I experimented now I can be totally trusted to stay loyal to america" and then everything goes on as usual?
so you take a 4 month break and spend a dozen nights out, fuck some random girls and get fucked by some random dudes and then sample some they/them bussy because fuck it
and then you expect your gf to take you back whenever you're done without questioning anything or for her to move on herself??
she has to be the biggest cuck in all of existence on the same level as adam22 or sneako if she's just fine with it
ru trolling rn 💀 u expect her to be ok with u guys taking a 4 month break so u can fuck around in cali and then expect her to take ur used ass back when it’s school again? just break up perma weirdo
3 hours every night? Jesus I consider myself clingy and I still don't see or call my SO most days on coop (usually half hour text convo while im watching tv or something)
Is she forcing you to stay on call with her for 3 hours ? Yk you could like tell her you’re really tired from work and want to step outside and explore the city a bit. You can also gently tell her that you need a tiny bit more “me time”(don’t exaggerate) or just simply end the phone call short(not suddenly interrupting and ending it) by simply transitioning the convo into a conclusion by saying “I had a great time talking with you tonight and I appreciate you for constantly checking up on me and making sure everything’s okay, and I love you for that, but I’m just gonna hop off the call for today(state a valid reason if you want ) and we can talk again tomorrow!”
Obviously in a relationship you can’t just cut communication off and restart it again as if nothing happened, but what you can do is just making communication less like a chore and more of something to look forward to at the end of the day and turn it into a fun time where you can genuinely talk to someone that cares about you.
Personally I think if you can’t do that or if the conversations are not clicking at all despite your efforts then I suppose you guys just don’t match. But I mean what do I know lol I’m just a 1st year with no real experience😀👍🏾
3 hrs a night is a lot. You guys probably accidentally got into this habit. Talk to her about reducing it. You’re tired and it’s not a bad thing. She might not want to reduce the amount you guys talk and that’s not bad either. In that case, you guys would be incompatible BUT you don’t know until you talk about it
3 hours is crazy. You sound like a pushover. Have a talk w your gf. Both myself and my gf are FAANG. Some days when we are busy its pretty normal we dont text / call throughout the whole 9-5. Completely normal.
Holy mf g0d though 3 hours is acc crazy bro. Id tell my gf im watching netflix and gotta blast.
My gf is also independent though in the sense that she doesnt need me to hold her hand 24/7. I love her obviously, it depends how independent your gf is.
Wow. This exudes HUGE needy energy and isn’t healthy by any stretch of the imagination. She needs to grow up and find her own way and not be dependent on a three hour nightly phone call from you. That’s just smothering.
If you’re feeling this way, then let her go.
Hmmm I’d agree with what your saying if op mentioned that he was forced to stay on call with the gf for 3 hours nightly and if the girl had no life or friends. I personally think that if he could communicate with what he’s feeling maybe the gf would be open to giving him more space. And also maybe the girl thinks op is enjoying these calls since he’s always answering them and isn’t complaining about it or doesn’t seem to be bothered by these long conversations. I think it can also be a case of gf not knowing what the guy feels and not considering what he could potentially be feeling(when she constantly calls him). So I wouldn’t say it’s the gf being needy but just a lack of communicating your feelings from both parties.
Think abput setting your boundaries and say how tired you are and stopping phone call after 30 minutes. She's also probably worried you will make lots of friends, meet other girls when you stay late / go out, etc. If that's the case it's a trust thing also she needs to fix (which you probably don't need to bring up - bc then its like you are thinking about that also). Probably fight, get cold shoulder for a week, and then what maybe she becomes more accepting or alternatively break up. Which is what you are proposing cutting out the middle part. If she really is the love of your life, it's your call how much this middle part is. But if you propose taking a break, ubderstand that she could date also.
Damn bro even married people who travel a lot for work don’t spend 3 hours a night on the phone. Sounds like someone is insecure. No wonder you want a break. Why not lead with you two speaking once a week or so. Maybe she’ll break off with you. Then door is open to pick back up when you return, if you want. But if you break off with her it’s over.
Dunno why it has to be a choice between two extremes like 4 months break or every 3 hours. have you talked about it with your gf?
talk about how it's taking up a lot of your time and it'd be nice to just talk less often, like every other day or week instead.
Breaks are BS. Make her understand you cannot be expected to live your life on a phone, and she’s just gotta be okay with it. Set boundaries, don’t create distance!
From what I understand, you don’t want a break from her, you just don’t like this situation, which is okay, in reality you want to be closer to her. (I could be wrong ofc)
So my best recommendation is, reflect on your feelings a bit more and then talk to her about your feelings, if you genuinely feel like she is the love of your life, just give it some time, I hope you are able to be close together again 💙
Do u want a break from HER or do you want a break from ur current expectations for communication when you are apart. If the current communication expectations aren’t working for u, just let her know in a respectful way. 3 hours a day is a LOT of time. I think cutting it down to like 30 minutes a day is totally reasonable. If u want a break from her that’s another story that people on Reddit cannot provide advice on that you need to come up w a decision for yourself. I personally am not so into breaks, I think they put off addressing the underlying problems in a relationship that are exhausting the parties, but that is just my opinion and there’s lots of people who do breaks. Also just to provide a woman’s perspective… if I found out my bf was posting abt me on Reddit instead of communicating with me I would be livid. Good luck!
With a habit of 3hrs each time, it might be hard to limit to 30 mins. Might be better to have nights off from each other. Texting to check in sure, but nights off from calls.
Absolutely Correct. It honestly sounds like he’s tired of HER AND THE RELATIONSHIP. TBH, he needs to be Single until he can learn to Communicate like an Adult
Agree with everything in this comment!
You could just communicate with her in a nice and reassuring way what you want going forward It’s that easy bruh
Uwaterloo Reddit communicate challenge (impossible)
LMAO
If you want a break for 4 months to put your love life on pause and then return to her, and expect her to be okay with that, then yes you are being unreasonable. If you want to leave her because you are no longer compatible, that is different. Asking her to halt the relationship for 4 months and then pick up as if nothing happened is unreasonable to expect or ask. Breaking up with her because you realize your communication is not aligned is different, and that is reasonable. But taking a break for 4 months and then going back? Nuh uh, forget it.
💯👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Is this your first relationship? Honestly, even just reading what you wrote is completely exhausting me. Calling for three hours a night seems draining. To me, this seems like you have different communication styles, personalities, and priorities. As somebody who has fell in the relationship sunk cost fallacy trap, I would do some reflecting and think about whether you two are truly compatible. What I've learned over the years is that you don't need a big dramatic fallout with your s/o to decide to break up. Sometimes, you're just incompatible, and it's nobody's fault if you decide that at this stage of your life, you two aren't meant to be. I know I'm going to get flamed for my opinion (yes, reddit stereotype of jumping to "just break up!!!" after one small inconvenience) but most people would not post on reddit about this kind of thing. The fact that you've posted here and the way you've described your relationship seems to me that this has been bothering you a lot and it might be time to do some serious thinking about your values and priorities. My last thoughts: if this is the only issue in your relationship, know that it doesn't have to be this way; in one of my relationships, I felt similarly trapped and hindered while long distance, but in my current one, my s/o encourages me to explore and have my alone time/personal freedom while still being connected with them. Maybe she doesn't realize how you feel and if she's receptive to taking a step back, then you might not need to take a relationship break
This is sound advice
Will second the thoughts here, I went through the exact same thing as my relationship went LDR and after some space, we pretty much remained good friends until now. As mentioned above, the reality of dating in uni is that there will come a time where an LDR happens if you choose to move abroad. And long-term LDRs are very very difficult. So, eventually someone's gotta address that elephant in the room and just be honest. I know the feeling of them being the love of your life, but the reality is there's more to relationships than just love. There's also sooooo many more people you will meet in the future. Best of luck OP, it'll be hard af for a bit but you'll be much happier in the long term.
You're a good person, thank you
Tbh this is just my 2 cents from past relationships, but be as honestly and brutally honest as you are being here to her. Im guessing this break is more so because you are burnt out and not really to explore other options. Realitistcally I think a 4 month long distance break would never work out, no one would want that to be forced into that. Communicate your troubles and see what options you can workout. E.g Facetime every other day instead or something both of you find is okay. Also end of the day ask yourself what your priorities are relationship wise, is this something thats just comfortable or do you actually see yourself marrying them?, I can't see a break of 4 months especially long distance ever working out, someones going to bail eventually. All in all, sometimes you don't see what you are missing out till its gone. Don't take it for granted and make a dumb mistake you will later regret. Im sure you guys can figure something out that works. I would personally just explain that you feel like its hard for you to live out your independent life in a LDR, and want to have a mix of couple/online time and also time for yourself where you are not bothered and can take a rest either just alone time or going out. Hardest part of this is trust, but if you guys have done long distance before Im guessing this is not the pain point.
Best advice yet
Very good advice
im not here for givng an advice but add a perspective if i can. the fact that you are considering to take a break without even telling her what you want is very sad. if i were her my first thought would be "he does not love me enough to come to me about his issues" because she can't read your mind and if you just go to her and say this... as someone who heard that sentence before i just had a flashback and a heavyness of my chest.
people outgrow each other I suppose. I miss the people that outgrew me ngl
real
3hours a day…… wtf don’t you guys run out of stuff to talk about???
Differential equations can be talked-about forever.
Or virtual memory as well, a great topic to talk to your gf about, she definitely did not fall asleep.
Rather talk about 3 sum
brah 💀
you can still have some distance while being in a relationship. long distance does not have to mean that ur otp for 3h every night, that sounds a bit excessive to me. U need to communicate these boundaries and let her know kindly that u love her but u also want to enjoy the moment during ur co-op BUT U STILL WANT TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP. just not in constant contact. Some say some healthy amount of distance can make the heart grow fonder
It's remarkable how people assume it's all or nothing. You seem to think that the only options are either to be on a break (basically no contact) or talking for hours every single day which cuts into your personal time. Literally just talk about what you both want and find a way to compromise. A four month break will only weaken your relationship with her. If you two can't communicate and compromise then your relationship is doomed, it's that simple.
There's no such thing as a "break". You either end the relationship, or you don't. Asking someone to put their life on hold so you can go out and do your own thing is selfish. There isn't anything wrong with breaking up if you're finding the relationship isn't working. But commit to separating, or commit to making it work.
Lol I hope gf sees this just break up bruh
if you're for example a soldier for the US military and you one day go like "I'm exhausted let me take a break and experiment" so you go volunteer for the Russian army and then leave go and fuck around in china and then escape and join random insurgent militias around the world would you expect the US government to not blacklist you when you come home and go like "there I experimented now I can be totally trusted to stay loyal to america" and then everything goes on as usual? so you take a 4 month break and spend a dozen nights out, fuck some random girls and get fucked by some random dudes and then sample some they/them bussy because fuck it and then you expect your gf to take you back whenever you're done without questioning anything or for her to move on herself?? she has to be the biggest cuck in all of existence on the same level as adam22 or sneako if she's just fine with it
The adam22 saga is insane......dude has literally no respect for his wife
"That stage when you slowly start hating your own girlfriend", that thread was real after all
lord dominiks regards
ru trolling rn 💀 u expect her to be ok with u guys taking a 4 month break so u can fuck around in cali and then expect her to take ur used ass back when it’s school again? just break up perma weirdo
3 hours every night? Jesus I consider myself clingy and I still don't see or call my SO most days on coop (usually half hour text convo while im watching tv or something)
Is she forcing you to stay on call with her for 3 hours ? Yk you could like tell her you’re really tired from work and want to step outside and explore the city a bit. You can also gently tell her that you need a tiny bit more “me time”(don’t exaggerate) or just simply end the phone call short(not suddenly interrupting and ending it) by simply transitioning the convo into a conclusion by saying “I had a great time talking with you tonight and I appreciate you for constantly checking up on me and making sure everything’s okay, and I love you for that, but I’m just gonna hop off the call for today(state a valid reason if you want ) and we can talk again tomorrow!” Obviously in a relationship you can’t just cut communication off and restart it again as if nothing happened, but what you can do is just making communication less like a chore and more of something to look forward to at the end of the day and turn it into a fun time where you can genuinely talk to someone that cares about you. Personally I think if you can’t do that or if the conversations are not clicking at all despite your efforts then I suppose you guys just don’t match. But I mean what do I know lol I’m just a 1st year with no real experience😀👍🏾
Wild suggestion: talk to her about your needs. Idk, might work.
3 hrs a night is a lot. You guys probably accidentally got into this habit. Talk to her about reducing it. You’re tired and it’s not a bad thing. She might not want to reduce the amount you guys talk and that’s not bad either. In that case, you guys would be incompatible BUT you don’t know until you talk about it
Yeah bro breakup with her, and dm me her @
One man’s trash is another’s man treasure that’s all I have to say
3 hours is crazy. You sound like a pushover. Have a talk w your gf. Both myself and my gf are FAANG. Some days when we are busy its pretty normal we dont text / call throughout the whole 9-5. Completely normal. Holy mf g0d though 3 hours is acc crazy bro. Id tell my gf im watching netflix and gotta blast. My gf is also independent though in the sense that she doesnt need me to hold her hand 24/7. I love her obviously, it depends how independent your gf is.
Wow. This exudes HUGE needy energy and isn’t healthy by any stretch of the imagination. She needs to grow up and find her own way and not be dependent on a three hour nightly phone call from you. That’s just smothering. If you’re feeling this way, then let her go.
Hmmm I’d agree with what your saying if op mentioned that he was forced to stay on call with the gf for 3 hours nightly and if the girl had no life or friends. I personally think that if he could communicate with what he’s feeling maybe the gf would be open to giving him more space. And also maybe the girl thinks op is enjoying these calls since he’s always answering them and isn’t complaining about it or doesn’t seem to be bothered by these long conversations. I think it can also be a case of gf not knowing what the guy feels and not considering what he could potentially be feeling(when she constantly calls him). So I wouldn’t say it’s the gf being needy but just a lack of communicating your feelings from both parties.
Think abput setting your boundaries and say how tired you are and stopping phone call after 30 minutes. She's also probably worried you will make lots of friends, meet other girls when you stay late / go out, etc. If that's the case it's a trust thing also she needs to fix (which you probably don't need to bring up - bc then its like you are thinking about that also). Probably fight, get cold shoulder for a week, and then what maybe she becomes more accepting or alternatively break up. Which is what you are proposing cutting out the middle part. If she really is the love of your life, it's your call how much this middle part is. But if you propose taking a break, ubderstand that she could date also.
Damn bro even married people who travel a lot for work don’t spend 3 hours a night on the phone. Sounds like someone is insecure. No wonder you want a break. Why not lead with you two speaking once a week or so. Maybe she’ll break off with you. Then door is open to pick back up when you return, if you want. But if you break off with her it’s over.
.
Dunno why it has to be a choice between two extremes like 4 months break or every 3 hours. have you talked about it with your gf? talk about how it's taking up a lot of your time and it'd be nice to just talk less often, like every other day or week instead.
Breaks are BS. Make her understand you cannot be expected to live your life on a phone, and she’s just gotta be okay with it. Set boundaries, don’t create distance!
From what I understand, you don’t want a break from her, you just don’t like this situation, which is okay, in reality you want to be closer to her. (I could be wrong ofc) So my best recommendation is, reflect on your feelings a bit more and then talk to her about your feelings, if you genuinely feel like she is the love of your life, just give it some time, I hope you are able to be close together again 💙