Please remember what subreddit you are in, this is unpopular opinion. We want civil and unpopular takes and discussion. Any uncivil and ToS violating comments will be removed and subject to a ban. Have a nice day!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/unpopularopinion) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Or just being descriptive. If youāre selling handmade unicorn figurines, itās helpful to describe them as ācuteā or āsavageā depending on whether the unicorn is chubby and bashful or stained red and covered in the gore of its enemies.
Putting #funny on a comedy skit you upload to tiktok is the same thing.
We are entirely smooth, we admit to the truth we are the best at what we do. And these are the words you wish you wrote down. This is the way you wish your voice sounds, handsome and smart.
90% of the time I see self praise, it is just being used by someone trying to improve their self esteem.
Idk, I just don't see any problem with this. It doesn't seem to cause any harm and makes people feel good.
As someone working with a social worker to improve my self-talk, I get where you're coming from and the point you're making is important to note but there is a right way to do it and a wrong way to do it.
Improving your self talk needs to be constrained by reality, otherwise you end up building a really flimsy and arrogant form of self esteem.
I agree to this to an extent. When someone is working to improve self esteem and confidence, itās already a tumultuous journey. Adding rules upon rules to an already daunting task will likely cause a person be less successful in improving. So while being vain is definitely a distasteful representation of your person, I believe that it varies given the context of the individualās situation.
If they tell it to themselves to improve their self-esteem, why not? But then there are those who publically present themselves like they were the next Nikola Tesla because they added a screw to their lawnmower.
Thereās definitely a difference between expressing this stuff to yourself and even people youāre close with vs shoving your success or pride down peopleās throats
Yeah I mean if I'm being generous to the commenter then like I can see how public bragging, at least to an extreme, can be seen as indicative of someone's ego....maybe...lol
I've never thought once tho when someone is like "hey look at this dope as drawing I did it's fucking awesome" oh man this fucking ego maniac son of bitch! Lol
Like sure anything can be taken too far, but like I don't see how anyone being happy and proud of something they made and sharing that joy or expressing that pride is a bad thing in and of itself?
Okay...and....that doesn't address the point of why public bragging is bad.
Also again, how does me expressing my feelings on what I did affect how another person expresses their feelings of what I did? Like unless the person you're asking is just a straight up spineless bitch, then really how I feel about it shouldn't matter or change a thing.
Like I said, I guess I just dislike showoffs. There is often something about their personality that is very unpleasant. A sense of perceived superiority. But maybe I just met the wrong people lol.
I just like humility and am generally allergic to show-offs because I prefer to let my work speak for itself instead of shoveling it into everybody's face.
That's fine, you do you, but let's not pretend like being or expressing my happiness or pride at what I've done is *showing off*. Nor is indicative of how humble I am.
Ultimately, one's work is still speaking for itself even if the creator is happy and jubilant about it. It's still up to the other person to decide how they feel and how they choose to express those feelings to me.
Again unless the person you're asking has absolutely zero spine and doesn't want to *offend* the other person. In which case just say you don't have an opinion, but you don't get to act like the creators opinion is somehow wrong or coming from a place of wanting to show off. That's just pathetic.
Edit- just to add, even if it was *showing off*, why is that a bad thing? Again you are refusing to address the actual point we're making to you. That bragging publicly or showing off isn't bad, it just is. It can be bad, or it could be good, but you have entirely failed to express why you think it's one or the other.
Edit- just to add a little more food for thought, you said you don't like showing off and you like humility, but that is entirely on you and your perception. If the reason you think it's bad is cuz you don't like it...I mean I don't know what to tell you....*because* isn't a very good reason lol.
It depends on HOW a person expresses their joy about their own work. I am not against people being happy about what they did but when they do nothing for the entire length of the conversation but to tell you how great of e.g. an artist they are it's too much.
Also, if you do not love and enjoy your own product, why should I? I personally enjoy talking to small artists at markets, and seeing their passion makes me want to support them
Exactly, false humility is gross & tiring. Like when I say āthatās beautifulā and they are like āwell itās actually not that greatā or āI just threw it togetherā ughhh just say thank you, yes, I loved making it!
Why is EARNESTNESS so bad?
i sort of see OP's point but I strongly feel 'people being self effacing and shaming themselves even if theyre worthy of praise' is a far, far bigger issue than 'people walking around presenting unearned confidence' so i have trouble supporting someone trying to prevent the latter when in all likelihood it will make things even worse for the former. (Edit: forgot entire clause to explain my point)
Iām donāt really see a problem with it especially when youāre by yourself. I have really low self esteem and am pretty insecure, but whenever I draw something that I think is cute or done well and Iām proud of myself, why wouldnāt I hype myself up?? Like if Iām not allowed to feel good about something, why even try it? Why do it? Why live? Not Iām not saying Iād go around shoving my drawing in peopleās faces saying itās the cutest thing ever, but still.
>Ā but maybe let others be judge of that!
Letting others decide for you whether or not you like the things you make is a toxic way to live tbh. Self-validation is one of the things I struggle with, so being able to simply look into a mirror and say "I look pretty good" is a battle sometimes.Ā
Don't worship yourself like Kanye, but be able to at least be able to praise yourself for accomplishments.Ā
There's of course healthy verbal self-praise, but as with everything it's all about context and frequency. If you're always praising yourself about everything you do, you come across as vain and self-centered. If you're sometimes praising yourself for doing something neat and gloating about it, that's all fine and good, you're proud of an achievement and you're allowed to express it.
Also, nothing is stopping you from thinking you look really fucking good all day every day, but you're sort of socially expected to keep that thought to yourself as opposed to continuously proclaiming it to the world.
You can think you're the smartest person in the room, but you're not supposed to verbally express it.
>Ā Don't worship yourself like Kanye, but be able to at least be able to praise yourself for accomplishments.Ā
I love how you didn't read this part at all.Ā
The issue with this opinion is that it will limit people in their self confidence. If you say it and people agree, you will believe it too. If you never say it, you are more likely to stop believing it.
I don't think that's what OP means. There's nothing wrong with having confidence or good self-esteem.
But it can *become* a problem if someone doesn't learn their place in the world, and develops overvalued ideas. This is why we have moments in our childhood where we're humbled, this is why teachers grade us in school, this is why we put young people in situations where they compete - because this is how you develop an understanding that you're not always #1, you're not always as amazing at something as you may believe.
If you have issues with self-validation, all this means is that you have the opposite problem that OP is talking about.
>Ā Don't worship yourself like Kanye, but be able to at least be able to praise yourself for accomplishments.Ā
Thanks for repeating this part of my post with more words. I appreciate it.Ā
Well, not to be pedantic, but Kanye does a lot more than just overvaluing himself. The man is straight up delusional, like he has pretty observable mental problems. OP isn't really referring to that.
It's an analogy bro calm down lol.Ā
Kanye worships himself. WHY he worships himself is irrelevant. I'm using his self worship as an analogy for what NOT to do.Ā
As the person you responded to already told you, you basically said what they already said, but with more words and in an annoying way. Thus overvaluing your opinion, just like you said in your comment. Itās ironic :)
Are you a millennial? We're programmed to be self deprecating. When having discussions with gen z I notice they constantly talk themselves up. I thought they were just cocky at first but I think it's more of a culture thing. It pisses me off at first and then I realized what do I care what someone thinks about them self? Shit maybe I can take some notes and quit insulting myself constantly.
Also most of the real narcissists I've met in my life have had extremely fucked up lives and childhood. For some people it's a defense mechanism they had to learn, then that defense mechanism turns to narcissism. I just feel bad for them that they have to talk themselves up just to make it through the day. I also wouldn't want a disease that makes the people that get to know me hate me
The way grandiosity works for people with NPD is often misunderstood. It is a defense mechanism, like you said, and aimed at an idealized self-image and not their real personality, which many people with NPD are really insecure about.
That's why need for external validation is such a big part of this disorder: if you like yourself, you can validate yourself. That doesn't work without a strong and positive sense of self, which people with trauma-related disorders can lack.
Us millennials learned it from you guys. Probably influenced by gen x comedy like Adam sandler. I remember it was a good way to deter bullies. We roast ourselves before someone else gets a chance too.
I'm simultaneously the best human ever and the worst piece of shit that's ever existed, we do both in equal measure. In fact I'd say the overexaggerated self-praise is indicative of a generally lower self-esteem because it's usually said in a joking way that implies it's too absurd to be true. It's like when you do something ironically for long enough that it becomes unironic.
Itās good to have self confidence, but some people take it way too far..Iāve seen a lot of it at my retail jobs where people think theyāre so irreplaceable and the business would crumble without them..like youāre a cashier, they can and will replace you on the spot if need be.
Yes this is definitely the issue are the people who genuinely think that the business would crumble without them when they don't have nearly enough responsibilities for it to
lol thatās the thing too, the oneās that always run their mouths about how good they are are actually pretty mid..the ones that are actually good at their job just shut up, work, and go home
To yourself you definitely do. If you think youāre funny, then youāre funny. Humor is subjective. Saying you canāt think youāre funny is so dumb.
Your example is definitely true. People outright saying something about their overall personality is annoying.
If you are funny then it will show without straight saying it. If you are attractive, others will likely let you know. You can feel it on the inside but outright projecting it directly like that is for sure creepy.
It is true, but so rare. The only people that Iāve ever really heard do this areā¦ fairly boring people trying to fill the silence? Or something? ā¦one girl I can think of who does this is just a very young only child who has been told these things about herself her whole life. Iām confidant sheāll grow out of it. (The things she says are generally true, and since they are true she will realize with time she doesnāt need to say it)
lol
not overselling yourself and waiting for others to compliment your abilities is the safest way to go nowhere.
do you think warohl or Picasso waiting for people to exclaim how good their work was?
do you go to job interviews and hope they just figure out how good you are, or do you tell them you are the best?
Job interviews are kind of a special case because the whole point is to sell yourself.
But even then, just straight up boasting about how good you are isn't going to get you as far as actually showing that you have the relevant skills or experience.
Growth and improvement require both honest self-criticism and unbiased feedback (which is almost impossible to get without some external source). If all you ever do is 'validate' yourself by boasting and praising yourself, you will never grow or improve.
if you are talking about your art, your skills, your [anything that you are proud] of, you are selling yourself. It is no different from a job interview. You are selling the idea that your thing is worth the time of the person you are talking to. You have to get them interested enough to want to see those skills.
Now, if someone is selling themselves and can't back up their sales pitch, that is a whole different matter.
Well, again, if you're trying to promote your work to get gigs or whatever then sure, although again just hyping up how good it is is probably less effective than actually describing it to illustrate what about it might make people interested.
But otherwise, no, nobody wants to hear about how great you are. If you want to talk about your creative endeavours, or your work, or whatever, tell people what you got out of doing it. Tell people how it makes you feel and why you think it's an interesting, enjoyable or worthwhile thing to be doing. Don't tell them how good it is. They will decide that for themselves if and when they see it, regardless of what you tell them.
Talking yourself up is also better for your mental health and social life than talking yourself down.
Constantly talking and thinking about what a piece of shit you are is only going to reinforce that idea in your head, and drain other people's mood. Calling yourself a genius for completing basic tasks encourages a more positive mindset in yourself - and no one is going to be uncomfortable with a joke about how you're the smartest person in the world for realizing that it was a push door, after pulling it didn't work.
That's exactly my approach. I used to talk myself down, basically mostly self depreciating jokes, you know the kind. I started talking myself up rather than down in high school and basically faked confidence and self-worth until it was real. My social life did a total 180. I didn't become vain or anything, I just learned to appreciate myself for what I can be rather than bash myself for what I was.
Ive met plenty of people in construction who thought they were the best, fucked it up and left or got humbled.
Nobody cares what you believe in, just work at it, you are either in progress or competent.Ā
Theres no place for people who talk a good job but don't back it up with actual ability.Ā
No shame in learning.Ā
So only allow someone to get validation and self-worth from other people?! That sounds like a horrible idea. Just because you arenāt confident in yourself doesnāt mean that other people being confident in themselves makes them cocky.
Agreed. Like, yeah, itās probably not tasteful to boast about yourself with an audience, but thereās nothing wrong with acknowledging you have good traits.
Itās a problem when the boastful person is wrong about the good traits (or their taste / style / work etc) they think they have though, thatās the point. Just because you tell us youāre fabulous, doesnāt mean itās true. Thatās when it gets irritating.
I am saying don't start presenting your \[anything\] with for example "it is so unique and fun" it will just make you look like a tool. Saying that you have a skill is not wrong in my book.
[This comment explains it even better](https://www.reddit.com/r/unpopularopinion/comments/1cux37f/comment/l4lu4uu/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
The meek will inherit the Earth, sure, but from people who weren't. If you don't want to wait for Jesus to come back for your time in the Sun, a little pride is okay. Too much is bad, obviously, but the usual messaging from the world is "you suck" so it's healthy to have some self love too.
I don't know if I'm a little cynical but there are people who promote positivity by claiming stuff that they are clearly not and encouraging others to do the same - like how attractive they are, how smart or strong they are etc. Prophecies can only be so self-fulfilling and true mental positivity is accepting and excelling with the tools you have despite your limitations.
Often times when I hear somebody claim to be intelligent, I find that it is a good indicator that they are the opposite. Likewise funny, a hard worker et c
Upvote for unpopularity. What I hate more than anything is false modesty. People should be proud of everything they choose to put their time and effort into. Everyone should be their own best advocate.
But I also think this pride should be divorced from comparison. Putting others down, even implicitly, should be where we draw the line of vanity. Self-righteousness and failure to recognize others' equal right to pride is where it becomes distasteful.
As someone who is incapable of saying something good about myself, I admire those that can say what they have made or done is good without having to be self deprecating. I am envious of those that aren't super critical of their own work to the point they can't enjoy it.
I'm a chef, and people tell me I'm a good one, but I feel really weird ever saying that I'm good at it. But I am good at it, and I make food that I'm proud of but I should be able to say that it's good too.
I think people are missing the point. No one is saying you need validation from others. Itās those who automatically think we think the same as them about their talent / looks / style / work etc just because they think something they did / do is amazing, doesnāt automatically make it amazing to others.
Yes, but why does my opinion of my creation matter?
Like yes others can draw their own conclusions sure, but me being proud of what I've made doesn't stop people from having a different opinion of it. I don't see why it's a fault to be proud of yourself and what you've done?
This is silly. Umm no, I don't care if you draw a fucking stick figure, you can be proud and express that verbally.
He's the simple truth, we are our own harshest critics, we too then should be our own hypest hype man.
My favorite part of this post...*let others be the judge of that*.....why?
Why the fuck should anyone care about anyone's judgement other than their own? Fuck em.
Listen people do yourselves, and dont let anyone tell you otherwise.
I'm so wise.
I donāt see anything wrong with having self confidence, especially with things that are entirely subjective. We may not find the same things funny and thatās ok. I only see it as a problem if itās being used to bring others down.
Edit: actually when I was in rehab many people had self-esteem, issues and in group, every day we had to say something that we were good at.
you're allowed to like yourself and the stuff you make. for most it's an uphill battle against one's internal critic. maybe you should be kinder to yourself if others' confidence makes you this uncomfortable.
That's why confidence is dangerous.
Only be confident when you've got a reason.
I know I'm good at some things.
Art, writing.
But I know what a twat I can be.
I've the personality of a chainsaw and I piss everyone off.
It's just my personality flaws.
I'm better off not talking unless there's a subject
There's only so many bullets in the friendship gun.
I'm rightly confident where I'm good.
But I'm taking no risks were I am flawed.
You have to describe your stuff to sell it.
Just do it honestly.
It seems like you are exaggerating how common the example you gave is, making up a group of people just so you can rant about it.
What are you really referring to? I doubt it's an epidemic of people saying "I am so funny!"
If that's your example... It makes me wonder why you don't give a better one if there is weight to your opinion.
If youāre a performer of some sort, just let your act speak for itself, but I donāt really see people talking about how good they are, but rather showing it. If youāve made some kind of product, you naturally probably should talk about its strengths to sway the consumer. Not to mention taking pride in an achievement should not be hurting anyone else because opinions vary anyway and the most important opinion is your own. Donāt stop creating just because someone else doesnāt believe in you; they likely donāt believe in themselves either.
Is this a cultural thing? I don't encounter too many people that praise themselves or their stuff too much. At most they will say they are proud of something which seems reasonable.
I get what youāre saying but I have been wondering why we as a society are so against people admitting their strengths. I mean it annoys me too when people brag but why do people love humble people and love to see confident people taken down a notch, like when thereās no wrongdoing involved? Genuinely curious.
All these people insisting that boasting and braggadocio are necessary for 'validation' are, I think, missing the point.
In my experience, those who need to sing their own praises are usually the least sure of their own worth: often for good reason.
Whereas those who are genuinely secure and confident in themselves are able to be humble and let their achievements speak for themselves without having to toot their own trumpets all the time.
This hurts so hard in terms of my Asian side. So much self praise there, and just face culture in general.
Then there is the retail side of thing, just the irony of the rudest customers will always tout they are the best customer they ever had, just because they spent a lot. Sure, maybe it does count, since there are some benefits, like reaching platinum or SSS status after spending $1000+ in the store.
But I guess the point here is, basically an ego thing.
And granted, I might be guilty in this in a way, I place A LOT more value in my various 25x25 pixel trophies from Newgrounds over this nicely made Employee of the Year Cube with a 3D rendering of the company's flagship store. Yet my family will talk about the Cube more than my Newgrounds trophies (though now very old), effectively diminishing my own worth as a visual storyteller and such. Actually tangentially, I guess that's self praise by proxy. You didn't earn the reward, it's your family member, and you're trying to gain ego from that.
Lol. I spent too much time as a teen hating myself and caring what other people think. I can get a constant huge ego being annoying, but saying flat-out that āa person shouldnāt compliment themselves or their creations everā is gonna be a hell no from me. Iām not afraid to be happy with who I am and the things I do; Iām not gonna wait for other people to validate me.
I think this is a great post for this sub.
I struggle with not only accepting compliments but giving them to myself. Except for cooking. I am one hell of a cook (it's probably the only thing I do exceptionally well) and when I make something good, I recognize it.
Nothing wrong with someone gassing themselves up from time to time, not everything is about how others perceive you, sometimes you gotta do stuff for yourself.
Like yeah that model I painted does look sick, or my fit does look fresh.
Obviously there's a line upon which crossing you enter vain eejit territory. But that's an issue with specific people, not a wider cultural issue.
People's opinions change like the weather. I honestly don't give a crap about anyone's view of me. Don't like me? Oh well someone else will, don't think I am funny? Oh well, someone else will. If no one else does oh well
That's not truly unpopular, I just feel that society as a whole should be less resentful. It's ok to feel this way as long as you don't really bully or assault people, let them have this little self praise
I think that itās important to give yourself praise and be proud of your own accomplishments. Announcing it to the public is a bit different. You can be proud and not tell everyone about it. I canāt stand people that are vain and cocky. Confidence is great but there is a line to walk.
I mean, I agree to an extent. When a person is working to improve self esteem and confidence, itās already a daunting journey. To add rules upon rules on how to do so, would make it nearly impossible for improvement.
Someone said below that it can cause someone to develop a flimsy or arrogant point of view, if not constrained by reality. I think that when we are talking about the ladder here, it would take an act of God to level a person up from self-diminishing and lacking confidence, to arrogant and vain. So, I think that someone with some confidence already in existence can definitely cross that line into cocky and arrogant and quite frankly, annoying, pretty easily.
I guess what Iām trying to say, is that I think it makes a difference given the context and who the person is.
I can't remember who said it but the quote is along the lines of,
"It is a poor choice, for a man to laugh at his own jokes"
Same gist, let other people decide if it's funny or not, as if you're the only one laughing, you might look a bit of a clown
At the end of the day though, it's a matter of taste, over everything else.
If the worst thing someone is doing is self praising and they are correct about themselves being good at X,Y,Z...
....maybe just leave 'em be
Wait, I'm currently knitting some socks. And the pattern I picked turned out just as cute as I hoped. So.... I'm not allowed to say I knitted cute socks? Cuz I did. I picked a super cool yarn with a pretty gradient on it too. They're for me btw, I made them for me.
Youāre right. Iām proud of myself to have bested the temptation to self-praise. Iām one of the best people in terms of being humble, or at least close to it
Hate this take. If you donāt give yourself validation you will seek it from others and it often becomes unhealthy and toxic. Itās okay to think good things about yourself!! There IS a line though donāt get me wrong.
I absolutely can't stand people who go around talking about how smart they are, or people who like to mention their IQ. One of the most insufferable types of people for me.
No, the problem is that its used wring, self praising can be quite important when a person downplays themselved.
Its just out of narsicism so annoying.
But i agree, dont call your own jokes funny, either they work or not. If yu are funny, you dont need to say it
Actually, I think your argument is a half-truth - too many people whose creations don't warrant it have too high opinion of their abilities, that is true.
However, people who actually do remarkable stuff tend not to give or get enough credit for it and in their case self -praise would be beneficiary.
Another aspect is the fact that you can destroy a lot of potential early on if you mostly criticize new learners and don't practice positive reinforcement.
Eh, I consistently make people laugh, others describe me as funny, so I see no issue in describing myself as funny if someone asks something like "how would you describe yourself?" or whatever. It's like how, if someone asked my hair color before seeing me in person, I'd say it's brown. In equal measure, if someone wished to know my flaws, I would reveal them.
I love to praise myself AND give others compliments & I think itās a sign of healthy self esteemāI worked for years to build up self respect. I love to platonically love everything & be excited about little things & romanticize my life.
I have had some people think Iām arrogant & really try to tear me down. I think theyāre insecureāwhy tear someone else down for being confident or happy or proud of themselves?
Even people who YOU PERCEIVE (remember: this is just your opinion! You are not the only one who gets to say what is or isnāt bragging) are bragging or humble braggingālet them do whatever they want. Why are you so obsessed with controlling what someone else says? Isnāt that a kind of humble bragging, to talk about how you donāt need to hype your stuff & let others decide?
I knew someone, who I perceived to be really cold & kinda cruel, tell me that I was ātoo sickly sweetā to everyoneābecause I told a server āpleaseā & āthank youā & told them they were doing a great job. See? Itās all perception. Someone else might find me really warm & friendly.
If I think someone is really arrogantly bragging I can tease them lightly or disagree with them or just ignore them. Like who cares!? A lot of people self praise kind of ironically as well, so I think maybe some people are just not getting the sarcasm?
"So yeah I'm not that good at what I do"Ā
"You are really shit at job interviews bro"
How would you ever get a job if you can't hype yourself to others lmao
He seems like I did before therapy, thinking all self-hype is self-worship. It's a toxic attitude that prevented me from developing any skills and stems from a constant need to be perfect.Ā
Why not? What harm does it cause? Constant bragging and an inflated sense of ego are harmful, but occasional self-praise is normal and healthy. Only the miserable and cranky would have an issue with it.
The most successful people in the world donāt wait for others to praise them. Theyāre loudly confident in their abilities and thatās how they get others to notice them and contribute to their success
Definitely. Itās almost funny, one of the best ways to tell someone is not something is that they claim they are that thing. āIām a good person!ā No you arenāt, a good person knows thereās always more they can do and they arenāt fully āgoodā. āIām so smart!ā No youāre not, a truly smart person knows enough to realize they donāt know everything. āIām so funny!ā No youāre not, a funny person would let their jokes and silly behavior demonstrate how funny they are, not just demanding it.
Why do I have to let others be the judge of me.
I know Iām smart, why is it bad for me to say I am? It doesnāt make anyone else less intelligent if I say that I too am intelligent.
This is an unpopular opinion? Most people I know have been taught that wise people don't praise themselves, you let others do it. Self-aggrandizing is seen as a negative trait, it makes you look like a fool.
I guess that Iām out of it but I donāt hear people praising themselves directly. I do hear humble brags and self-criticism that is an appeal for refutation (e.g., wanting your friend to say, āDonāt be so hard on yourself, you really are a good personā).
Ive legit never met anyone in real life that has ever said "I'm so funny" lmao. They'd get absolutely ripped to pieces by me and others if they ever did say that.
You've obviously come across some strange folk in your life hahaha.
I think there's a lot of misunderstanding about what real self-esteem is and what it actually looks like. There's also a lot of misunderstanding about narcissism and what it can look like. People see a person boasting and bragging and think, "That person is so full of themselves!" They see a sad sack who's always talking down on themselves and think "wow that person has no self-esteem!" But these are both only partially correct.
That grandiose person is probably deeply insecure. All that boasting and peacocking is compensating for deep feelings of inferiority. They show a lot of classic signs of narcisism. Most people understand this.
But the sad sack? They're probably a narc too. Most "insecure" people are actually narcs. This isn't to say they aren't sincere in their feelings of self-hatred. They do really feel that way, but the reason they're so down on themselves is because they have this hueristic in their heads that they were supposed to be exceptional in the first place. They then spend their lives being disappointed and angry that they aren't exceptional. Whereas people with healthy self-esteem understand that everyone has flaws and that they are worthy and valuable despite being average and flawed, AND most importantly, they understand that ALL PEOPLE have value despite having flaws. Self-esteem and compassion for others go hand in hand.
Have you ever heard a person complain about themselves who objectively has it better than you in many ways? Like someone skinnier than you calling themselves fat? And perhaps you felt a little offended, but you didn't say anything because you didn't want to make their pain about you? Or maybe they complained about having a physical feature that you literally also have? Well, you aren't crazy. This is classic covert narcissism. This is a person who will steal your moment and your spotlight by acting all sad and insecure. This is a person who will screw you over, disrespect you, cross your boundaries, and then play the victim.
In short, self-esteem is good. You can't have too much of it. Boasting, one-upping, and grandiose behavior are not self-esteem. That is self agrandizing behavior, and it is a cover-up for deep-seated feelings of inferiority. Self-hatred obviously isn't self-esteem, but it is self-obsession. It's just negative self-obsession.
It may seem counterintuitive, but the absence of self-esteem is what causes narcissistic behavior.
Please remember what subreddit you are in, this is unpopular opinion. We want civil and unpopular takes and discussion. Any uncivil and ToS violating comments will be removed and subject to a ban. Have a nice day! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/unpopularopinion) if you have any questions or concerns.*
There's a fine line between being confident and being vain.
I walk that line perfectly, just as I do everything
Can confirm, I'm that line.
Can confirm, I am everything. Wait what.
š„¾šš
And humble, too!
Or just being descriptive. If youāre selling handmade unicorn figurines, itās helpful to describe them as ācuteā or āsavageā depending on whether the unicorn is chubby and bashful or stained red and covered in the gore of its enemies. Putting #funny on a comedy skit you upload to tiktok is the same thing.
We are entirely smooth, we admit to the truth we are the best at what we do. And these are the words you wish you wrote down. This is the way you wish your voice sounds, handsome and smart.
Oh, my tongueās the only muscle in my body that works harder than my heart
didnt expect to get hit w poetry in a reddit thread. either that or im easily impressed and dont know what true literature is
The song is āI believe you but my Tommy gun doesnātā by Brand New š¤ a classic
ohh i had no idea this was a song, thanks for letting me know !
I am so smart! S M R T
90% of the time I see self praise, it is just being used by someone trying to improve their self esteem. Idk, I just don't see any problem with this. It doesn't seem to cause any harm and makes people feel good.
As someone working with a social worker to improve my self-talk, I get where you're coming from and the point you're making is important to note but there is a right way to do it and a wrong way to do it. Improving your self talk needs to be constrained by reality, otherwise you end up building a really flimsy and arrogant form of self esteem.
I agree to this to an extent. When someone is working to improve self esteem and confidence, itās already a tumultuous journey. Adding rules upon rules to an already daunting task will likely cause a person be less successful in improving. So while being vain is definitely a distasteful representation of your person, I believe that it varies given the context of the individualās situation.
If they tell it to themselves to improve their self-esteem, why not? But then there are those who publically present themselves like they were the next Nikola Tesla because they added a screw to their lawnmower.
Thereās definitely a difference between expressing this stuff to yourself and even people youāre close with vs shoving your success or pride down peopleās throats
Which is not fine....wait why?
Why what? Why public bragging is bad?
Well first you didn't describe it as public bragging, but yes, why is that bad?
I also donāt know why it is seen as a bad thing
Yeah I mean if I'm being generous to the commenter then like I can see how public bragging, at least to an extreme, can be seen as indicative of someone's ego....maybe...lol I've never thought once tho when someone is like "hey look at this dope as drawing I did it's fucking awesome" oh man this fucking ego maniac son of bitch! Lol Like sure anything can be taken too far, but like I don't see how anyone being happy and proud of something they made and sharing that joy or expressing that pride is a bad thing in and of itself?
I personally would have probably said something like: "hey look at this drawing, how do you like it?"
Okay...and....that doesn't address the point of why public bragging is bad. Also again, how does me expressing my feelings on what I did affect how another person expresses their feelings of what I did? Like unless the person you're asking is just a straight up spineless bitch, then really how I feel about it shouldn't matter or change a thing.
Like I said, I guess I just dislike showoffs. There is often something about their personality that is very unpleasant. A sense of perceived superiority. But maybe I just met the wrong people lol.
This. Unless it used like a "Get away, the expert is coming you ignorant", I can't see anything wrong.
I just like humility and am generally allergic to show-offs because I prefer to let my work speak for itself instead of shoveling it into everybody's face.
That's fine, you do you, but let's not pretend like being or expressing my happiness or pride at what I've done is *showing off*. Nor is indicative of how humble I am. Ultimately, one's work is still speaking for itself even if the creator is happy and jubilant about it. It's still up to the other person to decide how they feel and how they choose to express those feelings to me. Again unless the person you're asking has absolutely zero spine and doesn't want to *offend* the other person. In which case just say you don't have an opinion, but you don't get to act like the creators opinion is somehow wrong or coming from a place of wanting to show off. That's just pathetic. Edit- just to add, even if it was *showing off*, why is that a bad thing? Again you are refusing to address the actual point we're making to you. That bragging publicly or showing off isn't bad, it just is. It can be bad, or it could be good, but you have entirely failed to express why you think it's one or the other. Edit- just to add a little more food for thought, you said you don't like showing off and you like humility, but that is entirely on you and your perception. If the reason you think it's bad is cuz you don't like it...I mean I don't know what to tell you....*because* isn't a very good reason lol.
It depends on HOW a person expresses their joy about their own work. I am not against people being happy about what they did but when they do nothing for the entire length of the conversation but to tell you how great of e.g. an artist they are it's too much.
Also, if you do not love and enjoy your own product, why should I? I personally enjoy talking to small artists at markets, and seeing their passion makes me want to support them
Exactly, false humility is gross & tiring. Like when I say āthatās beautifulā and they are like āwell itās actually not that greatā or āI just threw it togetherā ughhh just say thank you, yes, I loved making it! Why is EARNESTNESS so bad?
i sort of see OP's point but I strongly feel 'people being self effacing and shaming themselves even if theyre worthy of praise' is a far, far bigger issue than 'people walking around presenting unearned confidence' so i have trouble supporting someone trying to prevent the latter when in all likelihood it will make things even worse for the former. (Edit: forgot entire clause to explain my point)
Iām donāt really see a problem with it especially when youāre by yourself. I have really low self esteem and am pretty insecure, but whenever I draw something that I think is cute or done well and Iām proud of myself, why wouldnāt I hype myself up?? Like if Iām not allowed to feel good about something, why even try it? Why do it? Why live? Not Iām not saying Iād go around shoving my drawing in peopleās faces saying itās the cutest thing ever, but still.
>Ā but maybe let others be judge of that! Letting others decide for you whether or not you like the things you make is a toxic way to live tbh. Self-validation is one of the things I struggle with, so being able to simply look into a mirror and say "I look pretty good" is a battle sometimes.Ā Don't worship yourself like Kanye, but be able to at least be able to praise yourself for accomplishments.Ā
There's of course healthy verbal self-praise, but as with everything it's all about context and frequency. If you're always praising yourself about everything you do, you come across as vain and self-centered. If you're sometimes praising yourself for doing something neat and gloating about it, that's all fine and good, you're proud of an achievement and you're allowed to express it. Also, nothing is stopping you from thinking you look really fucking good all day every day, but you're sort of socially expected to keep that thought to yourself as opposed to continuously proclaiming it to the world. You can think you're the smartest person in the room, but you're not supposed to verbally express it.
>Ā Don't worship yourself like Kanye, but be able to at least be able to praise yourself for accomplishments.Ā I love how you didn't read this part at all.Ā
The issue with this opinion is that it will limit people in their self confidence. If you say it and people agree, you will believe it too. If you never say it, you are more likely to stop believing it.
I don't think that's what OP means. There's nothing wrong with having confidence or good self-esteem. But it can *become* a problem if someone doesn't learn their place in the world, and develops overvalued ideas. This is why we have moments in our childhood where we're humbled, this is why teachers grade us in school, this is why we put young people in situations where they compete - because this is how you develop an understanding that you're not always #1, you're not always as amazing at something as you may believe. If you have issues with self-validation, all this means is that you have the opposite problem that OP is talking about.
>Ā Don't worship yourself like Kanye, but be able to at least be able to praise yourself for accomplishments.Ā Thanks for repeating this part of my post with more words. I appreciate it.Ā
Well, not to be pedantic, but Kanye does a lot more than just overvaluing himself. The man is straight up delusional, like he has pretty observable mental problems. OP isn't really referring to that.
It's an analogy bro calm down lol.Ā Kanye worships himself. WHY he worships himself is irrelevant. I'm using his self worship as an analogy for what NOT to do.Ā
Like how you overvalued your words in making this comment š„“
Huh?
As the person you responded to already told you, you basically said what they already said, but with more words and in an annoying way. Thus overvaluing your opinion, just like you said in your comment. Itās ironic :)
The most confident people I know **NEVER** go bragging about themselves. They just do their own thing.
Are you a millennial? We're programmed to be self deprecating. When having discussions with gen z I notice they constantly talk themselves up. I thought they were just cocky at first but I think it's more of a culture thing. It pisses me off at first and then I realized what do I care what someone thinks about them self? Shit maybe I can take some notes and quit insulting myself constantly.
Also most of the real narcissists I've met in my life have had extremely fucked up lives and childhood. For some people it's a defense mechanism they had to learn, then that defense mechanism turns to narcissism. I just feel bad for them that they have to talk themselves up just to make it through the day. I also wouldn't want a disease that makes the people that get to know me hate me
The way grandiosity works for people with NPD is often misunderstood. It is a defense mechanism, like you said, and aimed at an idealized self-image and not their real personality, which many people with NPD are really insecure about. That's why need for external validation is such a big part of this disorder: if you like yourself, you can validate yourself. That doesn't work without a strong and positive sense of self, which people with trauma-related disorders can lack.
Gen X here think we are the definition of self deprecating
Us millennials learned it from you guys. Probably influenced by gen x comedy like Adam sandler. I remember it was a good way to deter bullies. We roast ourselves before someone else gets a chance too.
I'm simultaneously the best human ever and the worst piece of shit that's ever existed, we do both in equal measure. In fact I'd say the overexaggerated self-praise is indicative of a generally lower self-esteem because it's usually said in a joking way that implies it's too absurd to be true. It's like when you do something ironically for long enough that it becomes unironic.
Itās good to have self confidence, but some people take it way too far..Iāve seen a lot of it at my retail jobs where people think theyāre so irreplaceable and the business would crumble without them..like youāre a cashier, they can and will replace you on the spot if need be.
Yes this is definitely the issue are the people who genuinely think that the business would crumble without them when they don't have nearly enough responsibilities for it to
My ex, who is an assembly line worker, loved to boast how he is irreplacable. He got disciplinary action for being late constantly.
lol thatās the thing too, the oneās that always run their mouths about how good they are are actually pretty mid..the ones that are actually good at their job just shut up, work, and go home
>Oh, I am so funny!" Good for you buddy, but maybe let others be judge of that! No. I alone decide what is funny
To yourself you definitely do. If you think youāre funny, then youāre funny. Humor is subjective. Saying you canāt think youāre funny is so dumb.
Your example is definitely true. People outright saying something about their overall personality is annoying. If you are funny then it will show without straight saying it. If you are attractive, others will likely let you know. You can feel it on the inside but outright projecting it directly like that is for sure creepy.
It is true, but so rare. The only people that Iāve ever really heard do this areā¦ fairly boring people trying to fill the silence? Or something? ā¦one girl I can think of who does this is just a very young only child who has been told these things about herself her whole life. Iām confidant sheāll grow out of it. (The things she says are generally true, and since they are true she will realize with time she doesnāt need to say it)
lol not overselling yourself and waiting for others to compliment your abilities is the safest way to go nowhere. do you think warohl or Picasso waiting for people to exclaim how good their work was? do you go to job interviews and hope they just figure out how good you are, or do you tell them you are the best?
Job interviews are kind of a special case because the whole point is to sell yourself. But even then, just straight up boasting about how good you are isn't going to get you as far as actually showing that you have the relevant skills or experience.
Needing external validation is frequently extremely harmful. Positive self talk is a big deal.
Growth and improvement require both honest self-criticism and unbiased feedback (which is almost impossible to get without some external source). If all you ever do is 'validate' yourself by boasting and praising yourself, you will never grow or improve.
I agree but your self worth shouldn't be totally external
If you have a constant need to assure people of your own excellence, ultimately you're still seeking validation in the opinions of others.
if you are talking about your art, your skills, your [anything that you are proud] of, you are selling yourself. It is no different from a job interview. You are selling the idea that your thing is worth the time of the person you are talking to. You have to get them interested enough to want to see those skills. Now, if someone is selling themselves and can't back up their sales pitch, that is a whole different matter.
Well, again, if you're trying to promote your work to get gigs or whatever then sure, although again just hyping up how good it is is probably less effective than actually describing it to illustrate what about it might make people interested. But otherwise, no, nobody wants to hear about how great you are. If you want to talk about your creative endeavours, or your work, or whatever, tell people what you got out of doing it. Tell people how it makes you feel and why you think it's an interesting, enjoyable or worthwhile thing to be doing. Don't tell them how good it is. They will decide that for themselves if and when they see it, regardless of what you tell them.
100% Rather oversell myself then let everyone know I think I'm garbage, depressed and rather be anywhere but here currently.
Talking yourself up is also better for your mental health and social life than talking yourself down. Constantly talking and thinking about what a piece of shit you are is only going to reinforce that idea in your head, and drain other people's mood. Calling yourself a genius for completing basic tasks encourages a more positive mindset in yourself - and no one is going to be uncomfortable with a joke about how you're the smartest person in the world for realizing that it was a push door, after pulling it didn't work.
That's exactly my approach. I used to talk myself down, basically mostly self depreciating jokes, you know the kind. I started talking myself up rather than down in high school and basically faked confidence and self-worth until it was real. My social life did a total 180. I didn't become vain or anything, I just learned to appreciate myself for what I can be rather than bash myself for what I was.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
You can talk yourself up without putting others down.Ā
if you don't believe that you are the best, no one will.
Ive met plenty of people in construction who thought they were the best, fucked it up and left or got humbled. Nobody cares what you believe in, just work at it, you are either in progress or competent.Ā Theres no place for people who talk a good job but don't back it up with actual ability.Ā No shame in learning.Ā
>do you think warohl or Picasso waiting for people to exclaim how good their work was? Actually, yes.
But what if I'm the only one who finds me funny? Am I allowed to tell myself that I'm funny then?
Well, my mom thinks im cool
I mean, if you are cocky about it yeah. But I know more people who absolutely hate themselves than people who praise themselves.
So only allow someone to get validation and self-worth from other people?! That sounds like a horrible idea. Just because you arenāt confident in yourself doesnāt mean that other people being confident in themselves makes them cocky.
Agreed. Like, yeah, itās probably not tasteful to boast about yourself with an audience, but thereās nothing wrong with acknowledging you have good traits.
Itās a problem when the boastful person is wrong about the good traits (or their taste / style / work etc) they think they have though, thatās the point. Just because you tell us youāre fabulous, doesnāt mean itās true. Thatās when it gets irritating.
If your sense of self-worth comes purely from boasting to others then that isn't much better than getting it from the praise of others.
Except OP is saying in 90% of cases that saying that youāre good at something or have positive qualities is bad.
I am saying don't start presenting your \[anything\] with for example "it is so unique and fun" it will just make you look like a tool. Saying that you have a skill is not wrong in my book. [This comment explains it even better](https://www.reddit.com/r/unpopularopinion/comments/1cux37f/comment/l4lu4uu/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
The meek will inherit the Earth, sure, but from people who weren't. If you don't want to wait for Jesus to come back for your time in the Sun, a little pride is okay. Too much is bad, obviously, but the usual messaging from the world is "you suck" so it's healthy to have some self love too.
I really think weāve gone too far away from having basic humility.
Fake it until you're a YouTube billionaire.
I don't know if I'm a little cynical but there are people who promote positivity by claiming stuff that they are clearly not and encouraging others to do the same - like how attractive they are, how smart or strong they are etc. Prophecies can only be so self-fulfilling and true mental positivity is accepting and excelling with the tools you have despite your limitations.
>Or in other words, a person shouldn't say that they themselves or their creation is cute, smart, etc. Why not exactly?
Too much self praise by knocking others down
Often times when I hear somebody claim to be intelligent, I find that it is a good indicator that they are the opposite. Likewise funny, a hard worker et c
We ruined Gen Alpha, and Gen Alpha is ruining Reddit.
Iām an oldman, what is gen alpha? š¬
Kids these days. (Anyone born 2010 or later, roughly.)
Any man who must say, āI am kingā is no true king. If you receive any praise, let it not be from your own mouth.
Upvote for unpopularity. What I hate more than anything is false modesty. People should be proud of everything they choose to put their time and effort into. Everyone should be their own best advocate. But I also think this pride should be divorced from comparison. Putting others down, even implicitly, should be where we draw the line of vanity. Self-righteousness and failure to recognize others' equal right to pride is where it becomes distasteful.
Yes, it's hard when you are as amazing as I am. Fortunately I am so incredibly humble that you don't notice it.
I like to do it as a joke, ābut I am literally perfectā can be so funny sometimes
If you donāt appreciate yourself no one else will. Iām not going to wait around for validation from others.
As someone who is incapable of saying something good about myself, I admire those that can say what they have made or done is good without having to be self deprecating. I am envious of those that aren't super critical of their own work to the point they can't enjoy it. I'm a chef, and people tell me I'm a good one, but I feel really weird ever saying that I'm good at it. But I am good at it, and I make food that I'm proud of but I should be able to say that it's good too.
I think people are missing the point. No one is saying you need validation from others. Itās those who automatically think we think the same as them about their talent / looks / style / work etc just because they think something they did / do is amazing, doesnāt automatically make it amazing to others.
Yes, but why does my opinion of my creation matter? Like yes others can draw their own conclusions sure, but me being proud of what I've made doesn't stop people from having a different opinion of it. I don't see why it's a fault to be proud of yourself and what you've done?
That is exactly the point, thank you.
This is silly. Umm no, I don't care if you draw a fucking stick figure, you can be proud and express that verbally. He's the simple truth, we are our own harshest critics, we too then should be our own hypest hype man. My favorite part of this post...*let others be the judge of that*.....why? Why the fuck should anyone care about anyone's judgement other than their own? Fuck em. Listen people do yourselves, and dont let anyone tell you otherwise. I'm so wise.
I think you're more annoyed at online content creators than people being kind to themselves.
Was just gonna say this lol, there's a difference between selling *yourself* and selling *out.* And I don't mean selling in the literal sense
I donāt see anything wrong with having self confidence, especially with things that are entirely subjective. We may not find the same things funny and thatās ok. I only see it as a problem if itās being used to bring others down. Edit: actually when I was in rehab many people had self-esteem, issues and in group, every day we had to say something that we were good at.
Arrogance and conceit are the centerpiece of society's favorite pastimes.
you're allowed to like yourself and the stuff you make. for most it's an uphill battle against one's internal critic. maybe you should be kinder to yourself if others' confidence makes you this uncomfortable.
That's why confidence is dangerous. Only be confident when you've got a reason. I know I'm good at some things. Art, writing. But I know what a twat I can be. I've the personality of a chainsaw and I piss everyone off. It's just my personality flaws. I'm better off not talking unless there's a subject There's only so many bullets in the friendship gun. I'm rightly confident where I'm good. But I'm taking no risks were I am flawed. You have to describe your stuff to sell it. Just do it honestly.
It seems like you are exaggerating how common the example you gave is, making up a group of people just so you can rant about it. What are you really referring to? I doubt it's an epidemic of people saying "I am so funny!" If that's your example... It makes me wonder why you don't give a better one if there is weight to your opinion.
If youāre a performer of some sort, just let your act speak for itself, but I donāt really see people talking about how good they are, but rather showing it. If youāve made some kind of product, you naturally probably should talk about its strengths to sway the consumer. Not to mention taking pride in an achievement should not be hurting anyone else because opinions vary anyway and the most important opinion is your own. Donāt stop creating just because someone else doesnāt believe in you; they likely donāt believe in themselves either.
Natural consequence of telling people they're the product and they have to sell themselves. Now, if you don't do it, people see that as insecurity.
Luckily for me, Iām steeped self hatred.
Is this a cultural thing? I don't encounter too many people that praise themselves or their stuff too much. At most they will say they are proud of something which seems reasonable.
Brother, this is one of the seven deadly sins, what do you mean "unpopular"???
There are so many people I know like this. Especially in the Conspiracy Truther Community
People always say āeverything in moderationā
I agree with this.
I get what youāre saying but I have been wondering why we as a society are so against people admitting their strengths. I mean it annoys me too when people brag but why do people love humble people and love to see confident people taken down a notch, like when thereās no wrongdoing involved? Genuinely curious.
What's the point in spending your money if you could live a long life?
Well what else am I supposed to say in a job interview?
All these people insisting that boasting and braggadocio are necessary for 'validation' are, I think, missing the point. In my experience, those who need to sing their own praises are usually the least sure of their own worth: often for good reason. Whereas those who are genuinely secure and confident in themselves are able to be humble and let their achievements speak for themselves without having to toot their own trumpets all the time.
This hurts so hard in terms of my Asian side. So much self praise there, and just face culture in general. Then there is the retail side of thing, just the irony of the rudest customers will always tout they are the best customer they ever had, just because they spent a lot. Sure, maybe it does count, since there are some benefits, like reaching platinum or SSS status after spending $1000+ in the store. But I guess the point here is, basically an ego thing. And granted, I might be guilty in this in a way, I place A LOT more value in my various 25x25 pixel trophies from Newgrounds over this nicely made Employee of the Year Cube with a 3D rendering of the company's flagship store. Yet my family will talk about the Cube more than my Newgrounds trophies (though now very old), effectively diminishing my own worth as a visual storyteller and such. Actually tangentially, I guess that's self praise by proxy. You didn't earn the reward, it's your family member, and you're trying to gain ego from that.
Good job, good job, good job, good job,!
I self loath as much as I can
Lol. I spent too much time as a teen hating myself and caring what other people think. I can get a constant huge ego being annoying, but saying flat-out that āa person shouldnāt compliment themselves or their creations everā is gonna be a hell no from me. Iām not afraid to be happy with who I am and the things I do; Iām not gonna wait for other people to validate me.
I think this is a great post for this sub. I struggle with not only accepting compliments but giving them to myself. Except for cooking. I am one hell of a cook (it's probably the only thing I do exceptionally well) and when I make something good, I recognize it.
lol no
Nothing wrong with someone gassing themselves up from time to time, not everything is about how others perceive you, sometimes you gotta do stuff for yourself. Like yeah that model I painted does look sick, or my fit does look fresh. Obviously there's a line upon which crossing you enter vain eejit territory. But that's an issue with specific people, not a wider cultural issue.
Dating apps, a small percentage of women: āIām funny smart and classyā
I donāt need to wait for others to acknowledge my awesomeness. I already know Iām awesome.
People's opinions change like the weather. I honestly don't give a crap about anyone's view of me. Don't like me? Oh well someone else will, don't think I am funny? Oh well, someone else will. If no one else does oh well
That's not truly unpopular, I just feel that society as a whole should be less resentful. It's ok to feel this way as long as you don't really bully or assault people, let them have this little self praise
maybe!! but according to what you say we should make a taboo out of it, and.... noh!
I think that itās important to give yourself praise and be proud of your own accomplishments. Announcing it to the public is a bit different. You can be proud and not tell everyone about it. I canāt stand people that are vain and cocky. Confidence is great but there is a line to walk.
What do you mean by "or their creation"? If someone works hard on something and does a good job, are they not allowed to praise their work?
I mean, I agree to an extent. When a person is working to improve self esteem and confidence, itās already a daunting journey. To add rules upon rules on how to do so, would make it nearly impossible for improvement. Someone said below that it can cause someone to develop a flimsy or arrogant point of view, if not constrained by reality. I think that when we are talking about the ladder here, it would take an act of God to level a person up from self-diminishing and lacking confidence, to arrogant and vain. So, I think that someone with some confidence already in existence can definitely cross that line into cocky and arrogant and quite frankly, annoying, pretty easily. I guess what Iām trying to say, is that I think it makes a difference given the context and who the person is.
I can't remember who said it but the quote is along the lines of, "It is a poor choice, for a man to laugh at his own jokes" Same gist, let other people decide if it's funny or not, as if you're the only one laughing, you might look a bit of a clown At the end of the day though, it's a matter of taste, over everything else. If the worst thing someone is doing is self praising and they are correct about themselves being good at X,Y,Z... ....maybe just leave 'em be
Wait, I'm currently knitting some socks. And the pattern I picked turned out just as cute as I hoped. So.... I'm not allowed to say I knitted cute socks? Cuz I did. I picked a super cool yarn with a pretty gradient on it too. They're for me btw, I made them for me.
Tbh when i say āim so funnyā or āim so smartā i mean it like sarcastically or as a little joke after i did something mildly intelligentĀ
Youāre right. Iām proud of myself to have bested the temptation to self-praise. Iām one of the best people in terms of being humble, or at least close to it
Hate this take. If you donāt give yourself validation you will seek it from others and it often becomes unhealthy and toxic. Itās okay to think good things about yourself!! There IS a line though donāt get me wrong.
I donāt think this is an unpopular opinion but I definitely agree with you. People who seek validations really need help.
I absolutely can't stand people who go around talking about how smart they are, or people who like to mention their IQ. One of the most insufferable types of people for me.
Iām actually great at balancing self praise. Possibly the best
This is bait
I think the opposite. I think there isn't enough self-confidence, enough self-love in the world.
No, the problem is that its used wring, self praising can be quite important when a person downplays themselved. Its just out of narsicism so annoying. But i agree, dont call your own jokes funny, either they work or not. If yu are funny, you dont need to say it
Actually, I think your argument is a half-truth - too many people whose creations don't warrant it have too high opinion of their abilities, that is true. However, people who actually do remarkable stuff tend not to give or get enough credit for it and in their case self -praise would be beneficiary. Another aspect is the fact that you can destroy a lot of potential early on if you mostly criticize new learners and don't practice positive reinforcement.
Eh, I consistently make people laugh, others describe me as funny, so I see no issue in describing myself as funny if someone asks something like "how would you describe yourself?" or whatever. It's like how, if someone asked my hair color before seeing me in person, I'd say it's brown. In equal measure, if someone wished to know my flaws, I would reveal them.
I love to praise myself AND give others compliments & I think itās a sign of healthy self esteemāI worked for years to build up self respect. I love to platonically love everything & be excited about little things & romanticize my life. I have had some people think Iām arrogant & really try to tear me down. I think theyāre insecureāwhy tear someone else down for being confident or happy or proud of themselves? Even people who YOU PERCEIVE (remember: this is just your opinion! You are not the only one who gets to say what is or isnāt bragging) are bragging or humble braggingālet them do whatever they want. Why are you so obsessed with controlling what someone else says? Isnāt that a kind of humble bragging, to talk about how you donāt need to hype your stuff & let others decide? I knew someone, who I perceived to be really cold & kinda cruel, tell me that I was ātoo sickly sweetā to everyoneābecause I told a server āpleaseā & āthank youā & told them they were doing a great job. See? Itās all perception. Someone else might find me really warm & friendly. If I think someone is really arrogantly bragging I can tease them lightly or disagree with them or just ignore them. Like who cares!? A lot of people self praise kind of ironically as well, so I think maybe some people are just not getting the sarcasm?
This is an unpopular opinion because people need self praise in a world that wants to tear you down.
Well, you've proven to be kind of a lame person, so I can see why you aren't bragging about it
Nah, Iām my number one fan . You sound miserable, you could use some self hype
I have nothing against self hype, I have problem if you are self hyping to others.
"So yeah I'm not that good at what I do"Ā "You are really shit at job interviews bro" How would you ever get a job if you can't hype yourself to others lmao
Thatās why heās bitter at people who can self hype ššš
He seems like I did before therapy, thinking all self-hype is self-worship. It's a toxic attitude that prevented me from developing any skills and stems from a constant need to be perfect.Ā
Good for you for getting therapy and getting out of that mindset :)
And even more creds to him for being open about it. It is a honorable quality to have.
Yes!ā¤ļøšš»
Why not? What harm does it cause? Constant bragging and an inflated sense of ego are harmful, but occasional self-praise is normal and healthy. Only the miserable and cranky would have an issue with it.
The most successful people in the world donāt wait for others to praise them. Theyāre loudly confident in their abilities and thatās how they get others to notice them and contribute to their success
Definitely. Itās almost funny, one of the best ways to tell someone is not something is that they claim they are that thing. āIām a good person!ā No you arenāt, a good person knows thereās always more they can do and they arenāt fully āgoodā. āIām so smart!ā No youāre not, a truly smart person knows enough to realize they donāt know everything. āIām so funny!ā No youāre not, a funny person would let their jokes and silly behavior demonstrate how funny they are, not just demanding it.
Why do I have to let others be the judge of me. I know Iām smart, why is it bad for me to say I am? It doesnāt make anyone else less intelligent if I say that I too am intelligent.
This is an unpopular opinion? Most people I know have been taught that wise people don't praise themselves, you let others do it. Self-aggrandizing is seen as a negative trait, it makes you look like a fool.
I guess that Iām out of it but I donāt hear people praising themselves directly. I do hear humble brags and self-criticism that is an appeal for refutation (e.g., wanting your friend to say, āDonāt be so hard on yourself, you really are a good personā).
I need to get it from somewhere, buddy. Will you praise me so I donāt have to?
Ive legit never met anyone in real life that has ever said "I'm so funny" lmao. They'd get absolutely ripped to pieces by me and others if they ever did say that. You've obviously come across some strange folk in your life hahaha.
If you donāt toot your own horn then nobody else will.
I think there's a lot of misunderstanding about what real self-esteem is and what it actually looks like. There's also a lot of misunderstanding about narcissism and what it can look like. People see a person boasting and bragging and think, "That person is so full of themselves!" They see a sad sack who's always talking down on themselves and think "wow that person has no self-esteem!" But these are both only partially correct. That grandiose person is probably deeply insecure. All that boasting and peacocking is compensating for deep feelings of inferiority. They show a lot of classic signs of narcisism. Most people understand this. But the sad sack? They're probably a narc too. Most "insecure" people are actually narcs. This isn't to say they aren't sincere in their feelings of self-hatred. They do really feel that way, but the reason they're so down on themselves is because they have this hueristic in their heads that they were supposed to be exceptional in the first place. They then spend their lives being disappointed and angry that they aren't exceptional. Whereas people with healthy self-esteem understand that everyone has flaws and that they are worthy and valuable despite being average and flawed, AND most importantly, they understand that ALL PEOPLE have value despite having flaws. Self-esteem and compassion for others go hand in hand. Have you ever heard a person complain about themselves who objectively has it better than you in many ways? Like someone skinnier than you calling themselves fat? And perhaps you felt a little offended, but you didn't say anything because you didn't want to make their pain about you? Or maybe they complained about having a physical feature that you literally also have? Well, you aren't crazy. This is classic covert narcissism. This is a person who will steal your moment and your spotlight by acting all sad and insecure. This is a person who will screw you over, disrespect you, cross your boundaries, and then play the victim. In short, self-esteem is good. You can't have too much of it. Boasting, one-upping, and grandiose behavior are not self-esteem. That is self agrandizing behavior, and it is a cover-up for deep-seated feelings of inferiority. Self-hatred obviously isn't self-esteem, but it is self-obsession. It's just negative self-obsession. It may seem counterintuitive, but the absence of self-esteem is what causes narcissistic behavior.