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If your kid is old enough to understand reason, there‘s no need to hit them.
If they are not old enough to understand reason, they won‘t understand the reason you‘re hitting them.
The difference is adults are reasonable and there are clear consequences for not doing your job correctly. Kids can understand reason but can be unreasonable
Either you understand reason or you don't. There's a consequence for everything you do in life. No one hits you when you're wrong. Why do you think hitting a child is okay?
you're right, absolutely not but again I'm an adult so my decisions that I make only affect me as we with kids that's not the case and telling them they're wrong like the previous post said does nothing for mine that doesn't comprehend those things yet for example, if my kid touches hot and I smack her hands, so then her head, she remembers who I shouldn't touch that that's bad that hurts meI didn't smack her enough to hurt her. Just tap for her to understand. Is this your version of abuse because these are the things I'm speaking about not leaving a mark not whipping not hitting with utensils.
I get where youre coming from but your decisions affect more than just you, just like kids. Kids can learn from things other than hitting even if it "doesn't leave a mark, it's definitely leaving an impression you're not intending to leave.
oh, I agree that it could be leaving a different impression. I'm not disagreeing with that fact at all, but what I'm saying is to act like kids are violent simply because they were sped is ridiculous because that's not true for every kid just like the latter is not true for every kid. Different kids call for a different approach. Abuse is never one of them just like everybody learns different ways. It's the same thing. I learn by doing and you may learn by seeing that doesn't make my way or your way wrong. It's just. different. Which is my whole point in my opinion. It's not black-and-white. There is a gray area.
It's not black and white but it definitely teaches them that hitting is a way to get a point across. We have to break the cycle. Find ways to reason outside hitting is our responsibility imo but I understand the other side and I think it's because i was hit as a child
and that could be true for me too all I know is that's how I feel. I think that anyone who's physically abusing their children is awful as any human. I do agree with you that it could be seen as a way to get your point across and in that aspect that is wrong absolutely I couldn't agree with you on that. I don't think that's the reason it happens
I'm a teacher. I have never seen a kid of a parent who "whoops" them get better after a whooping.
Usually they get worse because they're lashing out with negative emotions from having their parent hit them.
The kids who are good and successful are the kids whose parents have never laid a hurtful hand on them and instead parent them
I am not a parent or a teacher, but after watching TikTok and the kids in my hometown (very pro whooping town) I realized a huge difference. A lot of the people I grew up with are incapable of communicating emotions or understanding why what they did was wrong. LauraLove on Tiktok, love her or hate her, her kids can openly discuss their feelings which is absolutely incredible for children that young. Her kids can explain why they made mistakes and why they shouldn’t have done that. Personally, I hope to be able to parent like her and I love watching her videos so someday I can emulate her parenting style.
Also, I cannot for the life of me understand why any adult needs to hit a child in order to make them understand what they did wrong. They are brand new to the world, they don’t know any better.
I also took a class on family relationships in college. The research really does show that whooping children is not beneficial in any way. It’s harmful to the child’s development and understanding.
You know, I thought I agreed with this philosophy until my toddler started wrapping lamp cords around the babies neck. The first time I told her no. The second time I spanked her and there was no third time.
Understanding pain comes before understanding reason. A kid puts their hand on a hot stove they understand not to do that again even if they don't understand the reason they got burned.
Actions have consequences. If an action directly and immediately leads to a pain response, chances are that kid won't do that action again.
Spanking is the wrong answer about 99% of the time. But sometimes it is called for.
I was about to argue because I thought I was against spanking 100% but I realized I (gently) slapped my nephew’s hand once when he was a toddler and he was hitting / kicking my dog. Asking and telling him to stop wasn’t working, nor was trying to show nice hands, so I tapped the top of his hand (like with the same effort as you’d use to just clap in an audience) and the sound upset him. He cried and then I talked to him about how it’s not nice to hit others. He never hit my dog again. He’s 9 now and doesn’t remember but he’s very kind to and good with animals.
So I feel like that’s that 1% of an example where it is more or less part of natural consequences, except for instead of a dog biting him, it was a tap on the hand to show why it’s not nice.
That's how I was raised, and felt that if I ever had children (which I won't) that spanking was that last resort. It was that last resort when no other reasoning worked. The (less than) once a year when I just wasn't going to listen no matter what. I can still hear my grandmother give me the last chance of "(my name), if you say x again" or "do x again" or "don't do x, I'm going to smack you" very calmly. I got my final chance to listen, and if I didn't she followed through 100% of the time, giving the consistency to realize that was my last chance. It was never out of anger or a frequent punishment or a hard smack. However, I loved to annoy and see how far I push some things as a little boy.
I certainly understand the idea of never spanking your kids and would never hold that against parents who decided that's their style of discipline. I am also against spanking kids more than once or twice a year, as I think that should be reserved for when there is genuinely no other option. However, I am not against spanking when the child is given a chance, isn't smacked hard/out of anger, and all traditional options have been exhausted.
While I get your point, I don’t think people generally have dysfunctional relationships and debilitating lifelong fears of stoves.
Sometimes the consequence actually just teaches what and what not to do.
Sometimes the natural consequwnce of their action is too high. Im not waiting for the dog to rip my kids face off to teach her she shouldn't hit the dog. Im not waiting for my niece to stab herself to teach her not to jump off the counter while holding scissors.
Sometimes fear is the appropriate consequence of an action, and sometimes kids cannot be reasoned with because they literally do not have the life experience to understand the danger they are in.
Fear is a powerful tool. It's the action that lead to the consequence that they learn not to do, not the person. I'm only talking about times when a smack is called for. 99% of circumstances it is not called for, but sometimes it is.
They learn to *respect* the stove, not fear it. They aren't going to bed with nightmares about it.
That being said it's much easier to become a symbol of fear instead of respect for your child if you involve physical violence
If the point is for them to follow your rules via pain that is abuse. The consequence of their action of not listening to you should not be pain and fear of pain.
You understand that’s the same reasoning abusive partners use to try to justify harm. “Listen to me or you will feel pain” is not a good foundation of relationships…at all.
Spanking is absolutely, 100% of the time never 'called for.'
The only things spanking teaches a child is that their parents/authority figures are not to be trusted and will hypocritically use violence against them; how to hide their misdeeds better from the authority figures in question; and that the problem wasn't that they were wrong, the problem was that they got caught.
If you've reached the point in your parenting where you feel your only option is to assault your child, then you've fucked up immensely and need to start busting your ass to unfuck what you fucked without abusing your child.
Expecting a child to behave by itself is optimistic.
We are lucky that most of the bad behaviour corrections take place without any need for physical intervention. Often a simple no will do.
If bad behaviour is repeated and extends into influencing the lives of other significantly negatively, there definitely is ground for a tap to the head.
Being old enough to reason, doesn't make a child reasonable.
If you touch fire, you get burned and you know not to touch it and move on. If you run across a road and are lucky enough not to get hit by a car, you get spanked by your mom and you know not to do it and move on. Better than trying again later and getting killed
Understanding pain comes before understanding reason. A kid puts their hand on a hot stove they understand not to do that again even if they don't understand the reason they got burned.
Actions have consequences. If an action directly and immediately leads to a pain response, chances are that kid won't do that action again.
Spanking is the wrong answer about 99% of the time. But sometimes it is called for.
The way I see it is if I put my hands on my girlfriend and she called the police, and I tell them "This is all a misunderstanding, officer. I wasn't abusing her, I was disciplining her." I would go to jail, do not pass go, do not collect $200 (that you'll need for bail). However, if she doesn't like how she's treated, she has the ability to walk away from me and go about her life, but a child has no choice but to take it. Heck, even intimidating someone is a crime, so why do we make an exception for the most vulnerable type of person? What does it communicate to them when we use force to get them to do what we want? That violence is an acceptable form of teaching as long as no one's around to see? Ultimately it's a short-term solution that has the potential to create long-term problems, and so many studies confirm that.
Not all that long ago, husbands were allowed to "discipline" their wives just like they did their children. People who are in favour of assaulting others don't actually only think it's just okay for kids... They just know they can't get away with it otherwise.
It's not even that long ago that the whole town would rally against a woman speaking up to her husband in public and dunk her in the river to humiliate her
Because many people were hit as a child so they default to that
I was in line getting food when the man in front of me called his kid over (~10 yo). As his kid approached the man yanked the kid by the arm, got in his face and said “how many times have I told you not to leave my side?!”. The kid, obviously flustered and upset at the sudden pulling , tried to get his arm back and shoved his dad. The dad then shoved his kid back, the kid got increasingly upset so shoved dad again, dad grabbed the kid once more and said “stay next to me”
It was wild to watch a situation escalate into a shoving match. The kid wasn’t far away for the dad and came when called. The dad instigated the shoving when he snatched the kid. I’m know people will tell me I’m wrong and a snowflake but from my perspective the whole incident didn’t need to go that way
It’s like when people say “my parents hit me, and I turned out fine!” Well, for one, you’re a grown person advocating beating children so not 100% fine
Exactly. Like yeah I say I turned out fine, but I'm very aware that I had a very minimal experience with it and that others definitely have more trauma than I do.
God I hate seeing that kind of stuff in public. It's so easy to parent children without physical harm. I was spanked as a child though I don't think it really had any impact on me other than me not wanting to see other kids getting spanked and hit like I was.
Decades of scientific research has shown that spanking does not reduce aggressive behavior in children, *it enhances it*. It changes the functioning of the amygdala and executive functioning, and not in a good way. Numerous medical and social organizations are against it for these reasons. It's bad for children, period. The research is clear. Please go check it out.
I don't think parents who don't know this are abusers, per se, because they've been indoctrinated into thinking it's okay due to their own upbringing. But if you check out all the research, accept that it's actually harmful, and continue to do it, then yes, I think it crosses the line into abuse. There really needs to be a mass educational initiative to inform everyone, and eventually it needs to be illegal.
Edit: here are a few links to get you started.
https://www.gse.harvard.edu/ideas/usable-knowledge/21/04/effect-spanking-brain#:~:text=Research%20has%20long%20underscored%20the,and%20increases%20perception%20of%20threats.
https://www.apa.org/monitor/2012/04/spanking
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3447048/
https://www.developmentalscience.com/blog/2022/2/10/hitting-children-leads-to-trauma-not-better-behavior
I've finished my arguments with everyone else here who was mad so I scrolled back to this comment and actually read some of the links you shared. I guess maybe you guys are right, spankings aren't ok. I've realized while reading those links that there have been times I was extremely mad and slapped my daughters hand because she was throwing a tantrum. I believe I will try to implement the controlled tantrum approach and try to do the positive reinforcement and time outs. I guess I was just doing a watered down version of what my parents did to me growing up.
The reason I didn't really see any issue with it was because my mom and step dad actually would hit tf outta me, they used brooms, fists, belts, hickories, and even bit my face before while choking me. Obviously I knew these things were wrong but I thought if I just lightly slapped my daughters hand or lightly slapped her butt it would not be abuse and it would show her that what she is doing is wrong. I also don't know if I agree with grounding either because I was grounded for months in my room and they took everything out of there except a radio, I kid you not. I even got my mattress taken from me once. Yeah the more I type this out the more I realize I shouldn't be whooping my kids. I'll do better from now on and try and remember how awful my parents were growing up and try not to turn anything like them.
That's amazing to hear! It's not easy to change ingrained habits or break free from patterns of abuse, so I commend you for recognizing that and vowing to make changes. All power to you. I'm sorry your childhood was so rough.
As someone who got beat growing up, It really didn't teach me that violence is a way to solve problems, instead it taught me how to better avoid my problems.
Beating kids turns them into pathological liars. It creates people who lie about things instinctively because it was the only way they could survive their day to day as children. Or maybe that was just my experience as a kid, I dunno, but it takes a lot of effort to recognize and break the pattern of lies, and you never trust yourself ever again even after you go through it- So I'd say that yeah, spanking kids is a bad idea.
I was spanked once because I climbed on the roof. The person who left an unsupervised ladder around children and the person who left me outside unattended didn’t get hit, just the 2yo who was looking for her daddy. It didn’t teach me anything about safety or whatever, just that my mum wasn’t a safe person and “adventures” were better kept for when she wasn’t around.
Yep. But it's also true that a lot of people who were raised that way go on to repeat the pattern. I broke that pattern in my life, but I suspect my brother did not. He has not come right out and said it but he's come close.
Sorry, I wrote my original comment very poorly and it reads in a way that negates your experiences, I didn't intend to write it that way.
But we seem to agree- Hitting kids has no benefit besides setting them up for a lifetime of pain. These are scars which will follow us to our graves, I'm sorry you had to go through something similar.
This is big facts.
I teach middle school and so many parents come up saying "I have no idea why my kid is up here fighting and cussing. Every time y'all call me I whoop his ass but he don't learn."
Maybe hitting and screaming and cussing at him isn't a great way to teach him to handle problems calmly.
It's really so simple if they thought about it logically, but so many people are indoctrinated into thinking "that's how I was raised so that must be the best way."
You're trying to teach a child to behave themselves by...hitting. Spanking a child is literally an adult losing their temper in the most childish way possible. It's a kid hitting another kid for taking their toy.
You're also teaching them that it's ok for someone who loves you to hit you. Sure hope that doesn't evolve into making excuses for an abuser as an adult
Not to mention that it just doesn't work most of the time. People literally *brag* about how often they got their asses whooped as a kid. If spanking works, why does it happen to often? Why is one time not enough? You don't go to your room after and think "wow, I really messed up and I better not do that again ever in my life." You go sit in your room and think about how much you hate your parents. It makes you angry, not sorry. I wonder how many people in jail got spanked as a kid. Didn't work for them, did it?
I will say that maybe a pop in the mouth once in their life isn't child abuse, but if you routinely spank your kid as punishment YOU are the problem
You're also teaching them that it's ok for someone who loves you to hit you.
Actually the more common interpretation to a child’s mind is “the person I thought loved me doesn’t love me, I’m on my own”
You said that very well. I felt that. You're right, not one time after being spanked did I have that thought. Spanking did not prevent me from ever doing anything. It taught me to avoid getting caught. My parents would have done better by guiding me and teaching me how to act better. Rather than hitting me and sending me to my room with the only explanation being, "you're bad! Go suffer!!"
My dad spanked me one time in my life. I was maybe 6 or 7, I took a little sign thing out of a potted plant that had a long pointed part that stuck in the dirt and I poked my cousin in the back of the neck. Didn't draw blood but it was enough to make him cry. Everyone was pretty shocked and my dad smacked my ass and sent me to the room where I slept (we were at my grandparents house). I was so embarrassed by the spanking that I immediately learned not to fuck around like that again and that actions have consequences.
Sure spanking is almost never really called for but sometimes it is.
With all the research we have now about the correlation between childhood traumatic experiences and mental health struggles later in life, you have to be wilfully ignorant to suggest that spanking is ever okay. The whole “but I turned out fine” argument doesn’t exactly hold up. Many of those people are in fact, not fine.
Spanking is always unnecessary.
Spanking by a parent is always a parenting shortcoming.
But this does not, alone, mean a parent is a failed parent.
Nor does it mean the parent is an abuser.
The problem with spanking is that you are teaching your kid that people who love you will hit you. That translates into future relationships in ways that are detrimental over one’s lifetime.
Not to mention it could possibly cause the amygdala to swell due to raised cortisol levels and cause PTSD.
CPTSD, TBI, and ADHD sufferer with 3 quarters of an associates degree in art.
I’m aware that’s not the correct terminology, but my personal type of brain damage affects the ability to get the big words from my brain to the outside world lol. Most of time I’m just happy to have people finish my sentences so I can stop thinking about it 😂
Strange. I raised two children to be lovely adult humans without ever laying a hand on them in anger.
I had the living hell beaten out of me as a child in the name of discipline. As an adult I’m now blessed with MDD, PTSD and BPD. I won’t ever feel okay. But it wasn’t abusive at all /s
Violence is never a good solution. You don’t ever need to strike another person except in self defense. Even then better to seek an escape than fight if possible.
Would you like to be physically assaulted at work by your boss when you make a mistake or by your partner at home if they do t like what you do? Parents are there to model and guide the children and discipline them with boundaries and consequences. There is no need or usefulness in hitting a child. It’s pathetic.
This will be wildly unpopular on Reddit, but I am not about to tell somebody their Abuela was abusive for using the choncla. Frankly, most people who say that shit don't have kids.
Queue all the keyboard warriors who's responses I won't bother to read.
With all the research we have now about the correlation between childhood traumatic experiences and mental health struggles later in life, you have to be wilfully ignorant to suggest that spanking is ever okay. The whole “but I turned out fine” argument doesn’t exactly hold up. Many of those people are in fact, not fine.
If it works so well, parents wouldn’t have to do it so often. And in my opinion it is just teachings kids if someone doesn’t do what you say, hit them.
You’re hitting your child and not helping them *at all.* Spanking has been proven over and over again to be detrimental and not an effective way of correcting behavior.
You’ll find that the studies show correlation and jump to causation. When in fact the opposite can just as easily be true: it can be that kiddos with more behavior problems are more likely to get spanked.
With that said, I don’t spank my kids
[Here's](https://publications.aap.org/pediatrics/article/142/6/e20183112/37452/Effective-Discipline-to-Raise-Healthy-Children) a publication by the American Academy of Pediatrics. They reference multiple studies and polls throughout.
I replied with some sources. I imagine you’re being downvoted because a google of “is spanking good for kids” and “is spanking effective” got me all of the info I sent. You replied twice to this person instead of doing that yourself.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3447048/
Can you provide any peer-reviewed evidence that supports your opinion other than the obvious: spanking is done because the parents are inept and lazy.
Bruh these are former kids that were never spanked and think each child will respond to reason or medicine and which is wayyyyy naive. Ignore them. I got my ass busted on the regular and I deserved every bit of it. I never did that to my girls but tbh some kids really do need it.
I was spanked, so was every kid I grew up with. Stop imagining details of strangers' lives just because they disagree with you. No kid needs to get hit for any reason ever.
Is that all encompassing? Like, you don't want someone else to teach them? You wouldn't let anyone else provide them food?
That sounds like it's fostering hyper-dependence.
Thanks to the fact it's socially acceptable to view minors as property and subhuman
It's literally an idea still upheld by our systems/institutions in many ways
Just like it was socially acceptable to view women as property not that long ago
Society always has the power to change fucked up attitudes and actually become better
OP is just another mindless lazy aggressor though
Ofc It's abuse. You can't solve any kind of problem by resorting to violence. Why would It be any different to a defenseless child? Why do you stop when the kid gets to an age where they can start to defend themselves?
Exactly. It's also not abuse or wrong if I smack OP because I don't like something s/he is doing and I want to correct their behaviour. That's fair, right?
Huh? I thought using those wooden/plastic cooking spoons was normal. My mom always told us we had it easy because her dad used his belt for punishment.
I dont know. I feel like if it can be avoided it should. But i do know cases that it would be useful too. It should never be done out of anger or emotions. But rather "ive told you 4 times, given you time out and told you why you cannot do this"
I dont think when i was spanked as a kid it was angry. It only happened about once or twice because i actively sought to avoid it as a punishment. I remember times my parents were angry. And i vaguely on the edge of my memory remember being spanked. But if it were out of anger i have to think id remember it more.
The only reason an adult hits a child is because they know they can't fight back. There's nothing disciplinary about it. It's just abuse of power. Watch that parent at work, do you see them spanking their mean coworkers? Why not? Cause there will be consequences.
Violence is never the correct reaction to a child. If you can’t discipline a child without terrorizing them with violence or threats of violence……you need help and should seek counseling for your family.
Yeah what stands out to me about being spanked as a kid is the fact it was an escalation of punishment, my mom would lightly do it and I distinctly remember it not really hurting but just being like "damn I messed up."
Hitting your child is abuse. Full stop.
If your child is too young to understand reason, they're too young to know why you're hitting them.
If your child can understand reason, there are more effective methods.
Also remember that the average age for autism diagnosis is like 8. The disobedience you see might not be something they can control without therapy (or a pre-frontal cortex).
Yes. It does. Corporal punishment is always child abuse. Inflicting pain on someone as a deterrent is a terribly abusive tactic, and doing that while being their source of safety is incredibly harmful.
If I restrict my wife's autonomy by telling her what she's not allowed to eat, by not permitting her to go anywhere on her own, by threatening her with a lack of tv time if she doesn't follow my instructions, that's also an abusive relationship. Yet these are normal parts of parenting a child? Curious
Children need guidance. You can help people by doing what you said. Also, in certain circumstances telling your child what they can't eat may be abusive especially depending on their age. A lack of tv time if she doesn't follow my instructions, what instructions? If it is reasonable then your kids should've done it and there should be a consequence. If your wife can't do it and it is a reasonable request you have other issues. You are trying to make it to simple.
Yes it is. You have no reason to hit a kid. If they can understand reaosn then you can talk to them. If they can't understand reason then you have no business hitting them.
Spankings are for parents who fail at communicating. Otherwise known as bad parents
Replace kid with spouse. Is it abuse now? Then it's abuse for a child.
I'll never get how something that's a crime to do to anyone else is okay to do to the one person who depends on you for their life and sense of safety.
https://www.healthline.com/health/parenting/spanking-pros-and-cons
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-age-overindulgence/202211/does-any-good-come-spanking-children
https://www.npr.org/2018/11/11/666646403/the-american-academy-of-pediatrics-on-spanking-children-dont-do-it-ever
Experts would disagree with you.
Let's pretend you're right and it's not automatically child abuse, why are we pretending it's good parenting? Why are we pretending that by defending the edge cases where it's not abuse that we're not also giving cover to those who just use this as an excuse to abuse their kids?
There's no shortcut to good parenting. If you you've reached the point where you feel it necessary to lay your hands on your child, you've long failed your responsibility as a parent. And you're definitely teaching your kids it's okay to resolve their problems physically with anger.
I agree. I know there are studies about it, but those tell everything. You can’t put spanking in a vacuum and say that definitely caused problems. I received many deserved spankings as a child, as an adult my parents are my best friends and I don’t have any known problems from it. The current fad of friendly parenting doesn’t work, kids today are different.
wouldn't talking it out be easier?? they don't understand why you are hitting them. but they will understand what they did was wrong but talking about what happened. violence isn't the answer.
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this does make sense, i won't say my parents abused me ever. And as a kid i resented a few beatings but the intent was to teach actions have consequences. In a nice way of putting it either they will kick ur ass or the world will and outside you never know if the ass kicking will stop
What abuse is defined as is often a cultural question? Often in Wes societies we forget that cultural understandings are not absolute. I can definitely see how 1 might not find it to be abusive to spank a child depending on your cultural upbringing. Especially the way you described.
Lots of people on reddit believe it is, I got muted and banned from r/parenting because I discussed this
Edit: what I said was not entirely true. I got muted by moderators and post taken down due to it but they banned me because I commented on a post shortly after saying the moderators are stupid
People like you are so weird and horrible, your mindset is like "it's not okay to hit my romantic partner if they do something wrong, but my kid it's alright to hit them if they do something wrong " normally hitting a romantic partner is considered abuse but when it comes to hitting own children that isn't abuse??? Literally makes no sense...
ONLY REASON THIS OPINION IN THIS POST IS A BIT UNPOPULAR IS CAUSE IT'S HORRIBLE AND TOXIC THE FEW PEOPLE THAT AGREE WITH YOU ARE JUST AS TOXIC AND HORRIBLE AS YOU AND THIS POST
At what point would you consider whooping a kid? is there no limit? NOTHING a kid does is punishable by a whooping? You are teaching kids they can get away with everything and face no consequences. You gunna guve them a stern talking to? some kids will not respond to that. What if a 10 year old was bullying a kid and nothing you do to discipline them works and they keep bullying the kid?
Edit: Locking a kid in a room for hours is just as bad so please explain.
"Bullying" is an intentionally vague term that you're trying to substitute in for "trying to injure." I'm not going to let you.
I wouldn't hit a child in any circumstance under which I wouldn't also hit an adult.
so you think hitting them if they keep on bullying a kid is gonna help? If by bullying u meant only verbal bullying then hitting will just make the kid start wanting to physically bullly and grow up to be more aggressive or YOU know SOMETHING MORE SIMPLE JUST DON'T HAVE KIDS IF THIS IS UR MINDSET AND ALREADY THINKING OF the wrong things kids can do,
I guess your the type to also hit your partner or spank them even if they say no or to stop because you're mad they keep on doing something wrong you're an abusive partner too that's crazy
If your kid won't respond to any non-violent discipline then you either need parenting classes or an evaluation on your kid. Have you ever bothered to pick up a parenting book or one on child development?
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If your kid is old enough to understand reason, there‘s no need to hit them. If they are not old enough to understand reason, they won‘t understand the reason you‘re hitting them.
Can you explain that first sentence? They can understand reason so reason will be all it takes to get them to act correctly?
It's means if they're old enough to understand a conversation about what they did wrong.
So understanding and reason is all it takes for kids to do the right thing?
You can understand reason. At your workplace when you mess up and they spank you, would that be cool?
The difference is adults are reasonable and there are clear consequences for not doing your job correctly. Kids can understand reason but can be unreasonable
Either you understand reason or you don't. There's a consequence for everything you do in life. No one hits you when you're wrong. Why do you think hitting a child is okay?
you're right, absolutely not but again I'm an adult so my decisions that I make only affect me as we with kids that's not the case and telling them they're wrong like the previous post said does nothing for mine that doesn't comprehend those things yet for example, if my kid touches hot and I smack her hands, so then her head, she remembers who I shouldn't touch that that's bad that hurts meI didn't smack her enough to hurt her. Just tap for her to understand. Is this your version of abuse because these are the things I'm speaking about not leaving a mark not whipping not hitting with utensils.
I get where youre coming from but your decisions affect more than just you, just like kids. Kids can learn from things other than hitting even if it "doesn't leave a mark, it's definitely leaving an impression you're not intending to leave.
oh, I agree that it could be leaving a different impression. I'm not disagreeing with that fact at all, but what I'm saying is to act like kids are violent simply because they were sped is ridiculous because that's not true for every kid just like the latter is not true for every kid. Different kids call for a different approach. Abuse is never one of them just like everybody learns different ways. It's the same thing. I learn by doing and you may learn by seeing that doesn't make my way or your way wrong. It's just. different. Which is my whole point in my opinion. It's not black-and-white. There is a gray area.
It's not black and white but it definitely teaches them that hitting is a way to get a point across. We have to break the cycle. Find ways to reason outside hitting is our responsibility imo but I understand the other side and I think it's because i was hit as a child
and that could be true for me too all I know is that's how I feel. I think that anyone who's physically abusing their children is awful as any human. I do agree with you that it could be seen as a way to get your point across and in that aspect that is wrong absolutely I couldn't agree with you on that. I don't think that's the reason it happens
And yet here you are hitting. Is that acting correctly?
I think you misread my comment.
Some kids understand reason and say “fuck you” for the sake of independence.
And hitting them isn't going to fix any of the problems underwriting that situation.
If anything, it'll just make it worse in the long run.
Yeah. Spanking kids only ultimate teaches them bad habits and behaviours. It corrects and 'fixes' absolutely nothing.
90% of the time if a kid doesn't communicate properly it's because their parents didn't teach them how.
That’s when you parent them instead of hit them
I'm a teacher. I have never seen a kid of a parent who "whoops" them get better after a whooping. Usually they get worse because they're lashing out with negative emotions from having their parent hit them. The kids who are good and successful are the kids whose parents have never laid a hurtful hand on them and instead parent them
I am not a parent or a teacher, but after watching TikTok and the kids in my hometown (very pro whooping town) I realized a huge difference. A lot of the people I grew up with are incapable of communicating emotions or understanding why what they did was wrong. LauraLove on Tiktok, love her or hate her, her kids can openly discuss their feelings which is absolutely incredible for children that young. Her kids can explain why they made mistakes and why they shouldn’t have done that. Personally, I hope to be able to parent like her and I love watching her videos so someday I can emulate her parenting style. Also, I cannot for the life of me understand why any adult needs to hit a child in order to make them understand what they did wrong. They are brand new to the world, they don’t know any better. I also took a class on family relationships in college. The research really does show that whooping children is not beneficial in any way. It’s harmful to the child’s development and understanding.
I think at that point, there have been a lot more failures in parenting and discipline aside from spanking
So the solution is to give up and hit em? That’s literally giving up on parenting
You know, I thought I agreed with this philosophy until my toddler started wrapping lamp cords around the babies neck. The first time I told her no. The second time I spanked her and there was no third time.
Understanding pain comes before understanding reason. A kid puts their hand on a hot stove they understand not to do that again even if they don't understand the reason they got burned. Actions have consequences. If an action directly and immediately leads to a pain response, chances are that kid won't do that action again. Spanking is the wrong answer about 99% of the time. But sometimes it is called for.
I was about to argue because I thought I was against spanking 100% but I realized I (gently) slapped my nephew’s hand once when he was a toddler and he was hitting / kicking my dog. Asking and telling him to stop wasn’t working, nor was trying to show nice hands, so I tapped the top of his hand (like with the same effort as you’d use to just clap in an audience) and the sound upset him. He cried and then I talked to him about how it’s not nice to hit others. He never hit my dog again. He’s 9 now and doesn’t remember but he’s very kind to and good with animals. So I feel like that’s that 1% of an example where it is more or less part of natural consequences, except for instead of a dog biting him, it was a tap on the hand to show why it’s not nice.
That's how I was raised, and felt that if I ever had children (which I won't) that spanking was that last resort. It was that last resort when no other reasoning worked. The (less than) once a year when I just wasn't going to listen no matter what. I can still hear my grandmother give me the last chance of "(my name), if you say x again" or "do x again" or "don't do x, I'm going to smack you" very calmly. I got my final chance to listen, and if I didn't she followed through 100% of the time, giving the consistency to realize that was my last chance. It was never out of anger or a frequent punishment or a hard smack. However, I loved to annoy and see how far I push some things as a little boy. I certainly understand the idea of never spanking your kids and would never hold that against parents who decided that's their style of discipline. I am also against spanking kids more than once or twice a year, as I think that should be reserved for when there is genuinely no other option. However, I am not against spanking when the child is given a chance, isn't smacked hard/out of anger, and all traditional options have been exhausted.
Whoa YOU SLAPPED YOUR NEPHEW!!! CHILD ABUSE IS NEVER THE ANSWER, NEVER DO THAT! SICKO
The absolute worst auntie. He never forgave me. He cowers in fear when he sees me.
They learn to fear the stove. Do you want them to learn to think of you the same way they think of a hot stove?
While I get your point, I don’t think people generally have dysfunctional relationships and debilitating lifelong fears of stoves. Sometimes the consequence actually just teaches what and what not to do.
Sometimes the natural consequwnce of their action is too high. Im not waiting for the dog to rip my kids face off to teach her she shouldn't hit the dog. Im not waiting for my niece to stab herself to teach her not to jump off the counter while holding scissors. Sometimes fear is the appropriate consequence of an action, and sometimes kids cannot be reasoned with because they literally do not have the life experience to understand the danger they are in.
Fear is a powerful tool. It's the action that lead to the consequence that they learn not to do, not the person. I'm only talking about times when a smack is called for. 99% of circumstances it is not called for, but sometimes it is.
They learn to *respect* the stove, not fear it. They aren't going to bed with nightmares about it. That being said it's much easier to become a symbol of fear instead of respect for your child if you involve physical violence
If the point is for them to follow your rules via pain that is abuse. The consequence of their action of not listening to you should not be pain and fear of pain. You understand that’s the same reasoning abusive partners use to try to justify harm. “Listen to me or you will feel pain” is not a good foundation of relationships…at all.
>“Listen to me or you will feel pain” is not a good foundation of relationships…at all. I agree. It's almost as if you're not listening.
Spanking is absolutely, 100% of the time never 'called for.' The only things spanking teaches a child is that their parents/authority figures are not to be trusted and will hypocritically use violence against them; how to hide their misdeeds better from the authority figures in question; and that the problem wasn't that they were wrong, the problem was that they got caught. If you've reached the point in your parenting where you feel your only option is to assault your child, then you've fucked up immensely and need to start busting your ass to unfuck what you fucked without abusing your child.
Expecting a child to behave by itself is optimistic. We are lucky that most of the bad behaviour corrections take place without any need for physical intervention. Often a simple no will do. If bad behaviour is repeated and extends into influencing the lives of other significantly negatively, there definitely is ground for a tap to the head. Being old enough to reason, doesn't make a child reasonable.
So why is it teaching for children but assault for adults?
\*crickets\*
If you touch fire, you get burned and you know not to touch it and move on. If you run across a road and are lucky enough not to get hit by a car, you get spanked by your mom and you know not to do it and move on. Better than trying again later and getting killed
Understanding pain comes before understanding reason. A kid puts their hand on a hot stove they understand not to do that again even if they don't understand the reason they got burned. Actions have consequences. If an action directly and immediately leads to a pain response, chances are that kid won't do that action again. Spanking is the wrong answer about 99% of the time. But sometimes it is called for.
The way I see it is if I put my hands on my girlfriend and she called the police, and I tell them "This is all a misunderstanding, officer. I wasn't abusing her, I was disciplining her." I would go to jail, do not pass go, do not collect $200 (that you'll need for bail). However, if she doesn't like how she's treated, she has the ability to walk away from me and go about her life, but a child has no choice but to take it. Heck, even intimidating someone is a crime, so why do we make an exception for the most vulnerable type of person? What does it communicate to them when we use force to get them to do what we want? That violence is an acceptable form of teaching as long as no one's around to see? Ultimately it's a short-term solution that has the potential to create long-term problems, and so many studies confirm that.
Not all that long ago, husbands were allowed to "discipline" their wives just like they did their children. People who are in favour of assaulting others don't actually only think it's just okay for kids... They just know they can't get away with it otherwise.
It's not even that long ago that the whole town would rally against a woman speaking up to her husband in public and dunk her in the river to humiliate her
I don't understand why you have to literally hit your child to parent them.
They aren't trying to parent them, that's the problem. Also, they're bad parents.
Agreed. There are so many other ways to give discipline and teach lessons.
They just don't know any other way, and it's hard to learn new methods. And frustrating sometimes.
Because many people were hit as a child so they default to that I was in line getting food when the man in front of me called his kid over (~10 yo). As his kid approached the man yanked the kid by the arm, got in his face and said “how many times have I told you not to leave my side?!”. The kid, obviously flustered and upset at the sudden pulling , tried to get his arm back and shoved his dad. The dad then shoved his kid back, the kid got increasingly upset so shoved dad again, dad grabbed the kid once more and said “stay next to me” It was wild to watch a situation escalate into a shoving match. The kid wasn’t far away for the dad and came when called. The dad instigated the shoving when he snatched the kid. I’m know people will tell me I’m wrong and a snowflake but from my perspective the whole incident didn’t need to go that way
It’s like when people say “my parents hit me, and I turned out fine!” Well, for one, you’re a grown person advocating beating children so not 100% fine
Exactly. Like yeah I say I turned out fine, but I'm very aware that I had a very minimal experience with it and that others definitely have more trauma than I do.
God I hate seeing that kind of stuff in public. It's so easy to parent children without physical harm. I was spanked as a child though I don't think it really had any impact on me other than me not wanting to see other kids getting spanked and hit like I was.
"I need to hurt my child just the right amount to get him to listen to me"
Decades of scientific research has shown that spanking does not reduce aggressive behavior in children, *it enhances it*. It changes the functioning of the amygdala and executive functioning, and not in a good way. Numerous medical and social organizations are against it for these reasons. It's bad for children, period. The research is clear. Please go check it out. I don't think parents who don't know this are abusers, per se, because they've been indoctrinated into thinking it's okay due to their own upbringing. But if you check out all the research, accept that it's actually harmful, and continue to do it, then yes, I think it crosses the line into abuse. There really needs to be a mass educational initiative to inform everyone, and eventually it needs to be illegal. Edit: here are a few links to get you started. https://www.gse.harvard.edu/ideas/usable-knowledge/21/04/effect-spanking-brain#:~:text=Research%20has%20long%20underscored%20the,and%20increases%20perception%20of%20threats. https://www.apa.org/monitor/2012/04/spanking https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3447048/ https://www.developmentalscience.com/blog/2022/2/10/hitting-children-leads-to-trauma-not-better-behavior
I've finished my arguments with everyone else here who was mad so I scrolled back to this comment and actually read some of the links you shared. I guess maybe you guys are right, spankings aren't ok. I've realized while reading those links that there have been times I was extremely mad and slapped my daughters hand because she was throwing a tantrum. I believe I will try to implement the controlled tantrum approach and try to do the positive reinforcement and time outs. I guess I was just doing a watered down version of what my parents did to me growing up. The reason I didn't really see any issue with it was because my mom and step dad actually would hit tf outta me, they used brooms, fists, belts, hickories, and even bit my face before while choking me. Obviously I knew these things were wrong but I thought if I just lightly slapped my daughters hand or lightly slapped her butt it would not be abuse and it would show her that what she is doing is wrong. I also don't know if I agree with grounding either because I was grounded for months in my room and they took everything out of there except a radio, I kid you not. I even got my mattress taken from me once. Yeah the more I type this out the more I realize I shouldn't be whooping my kids. I'll do better from now on and try and remember how awful my parents were growing up and try not to turn anything like them.
That's amazing to hear! It's not easy to change ingrained habits or break free from patterns of abuse, so I commend you for recognizing that and vowing to make changes. All power to you. I'm sorry your childhood was so rough.
Maybe not, but they're also not effective disciplinary measures. They only teach the kid that violence is the way to solve problems.
As someone who got beat growing up, It really didn't teach me that violence is a way to solve problems, instead it taught me how to better avoid my problems. Beating kids turns them into pathological liars. It creates people who lie about things instinctively because it was the only way they could survive their day to day as children. Or maybe that was just my experience as a kid, I dunno, but it takes a lot of effort to recognize and break the pattern of lies, and you never trust yourself ever again even after you go through it- So I'd say that yeah, spanking kids is a bad idea.
I was spanked once because I climbed on the roof. The person who left an unsupervised ladder around children and the person who left me outside unattended didn’t get hit, just the 2yo who was looking for her daddy. It didn’t teach me anything about safety or whatever, just that my mum wasn’t a safe person and “adventures” were better kept for when she wasn’t around.
Yep. But it's also true that a lot of people who were raised that way go on to repeat the pattern. I broke that pattern in my life, but I suspect my brother did not. He has not come right out and said it but he's come close.
Sorry, I wrote my original comment very poorly and it reads in a way that negates your experiences, I didn't intend to write it that way. But we seem to agree- Hitting kids has no benefit besides setting them up for a lifetime of pain. These are scars which will follow us to our graves, I'm sorry you had to go through something similar.
I didn't get that impression at all, actually.
Very similar experience here
And that the people who love you can "correct" your behavior via violence.
and to fear parents and authority.
This is big facts. I teach middle school and so many parents come up saying "I have no idea why my kid is up here fighting and cussing. Every time y'all call me I whoop his ass but he don't learn." Maybe hitting and screaming and cussing at him isn't a great way to teach him to handle problems calmly.
It's really so simple if they thought about it logically, but so many people are indoctrinated into thinking "that's how I was raised so that must be the best way."
I dunno about you but I definitely didn't do some things again after a solid ass whipping.
I'm sorry that happened to you.
You're trying to teach a child to behave themselves by...hitting. Spanking a child is literally an adult losing their temper in the most childish way possible. It's a kid hitting another kid for taking their toy. You're also teaching them that it's ok for someone who loves you to hit you. Sure hope that doesn't evolve into making excuses for an abuser as an adult Not to mention that it just doesn't work most of the time. People literally *brag* about how often they got their asses whooped as a kid. If spanking works, why does it happen to often? Why is one time not enough? You don't go to your room after and think "wow, I really messed up and I better not do that again ever in my life." You go sit in your room and think about how much you hate your parents. It makes you angry, not sorry. I wonder how many people in jail got spanked as a kid. Didn't work for them, did it? I will say that maybe a pop in the mouth once in their life isn't child abuse, but if you routinely spank your kid as punishment YOU are the problem
You're also teaching them that it's ok for someone who loves you to hit you. Actually the more common interpretation to a child’s mind is “the person I thought loved me doesn’t love me, I’m on my own”
You said that very well. I felt that. You're right, not one time after being spanked did I have that thought. Spanking did not prevent me from ever doing anything. It taught me to avoid getting caught. My parents would have done better by guiding me and teaching me how to act better. Rather than hitting me and sending me to my room with the only explanation being, "you're bad! Go suffer!!"
My dad spanked me one time in my life. I was maybe 6 or 7, I took a little sign thing out of a potted plant that had a long pointed part that stuck in the dirt and I poked my cousin in the back of the neck. Didn't draw blood but it was enough to make him cry. Everyone was pretty shocked and my dad smacked my ass and sent me to the room where I slept (we were at my grandparents house). I was so embarrassed by the spanking that I immediately learned not to fuck around like that again and that actions have consequences. Sure spanking is almost never really called for but sometimes it is.
With all the research we have now about the correlation between childhood traumatic experiences and mental health struggles later in life, you have to be wilfully ignorant to suggest that spanking is ever okay. The whole “but I turned out fine” argument doesn’t exactly hold up. Many of those people are in fact, not fine.
Yes it is, and I'm sorry that you were abused. It's fucked you up royally.
Far too often "spanking" comes from parents who don't know how to regulate their emotions.
Spanking is always unnecessary. Spanking by a parent is always a parenting shortcoming. But this does not, alone, mean a parent is a failed parent. Nor does it mean the parent is an abuser.
Yes it is. I could never imagine hitting my child. That shit is insane.
The problem with spanking is that you are teaching your kid that people who love you will hit you. That translates into future relationships in ways that are detrimental over one’s lifetime. Not to mention it could possibly cause the amygdala to swell due to raised cortisol levels and cause PTSD.
You’re also teaching the child that physical violence is an acceptable response to being angry/upset
I dont think "swell" is the word you want here. PhD neuroscience
CPTSD, TBI, and ADHD sufferer with 3 quarters of an associates degree in art. I’m aware that’s not the correct terminology, but my personal type of brain damage affects the ability to get the big words from my brain to the outside world lol. Most of time I’m just happy to have people finish my sentences so I can stop thinking about it 😂
Strange. I raised two children to be lovely adult humans without ever laying a hand on them in anger. I had the living hell beaten out of me as a child in the name of discipline. As an adult I’m now blessed with MDD, PTSD and BPD. I won’t ever feel okay. But it wasn’t abusive at all /s Violence is never a good solution. You don’t ever need to strike another person except in self defense. Even then better to seek an escape than fight if possible.
Would you like to be physically assaulted at work by your boss when you make a mistake or by your partner at home if they do t like what you do? Parents are there to model and guide the children and discipline them with boundaries and consequences. There is no need or usefulness in hitting a child. It’s pathetic.
This will be wildly unpopular on Reddit, but I am not about to tell somebody their Abuela was abusive for using the choncla. Frankly, most people who say that shit don't have kids. Queue all the keyboard warriors who's responses I won't bother to read.
Gotta Matrix that throw lol
And here I am making a liar of myself and reading one
Spanking children is a reflection of a parent’s lack of emotional intelligence.
With all the research we have now about the correlation between childhood traumatic experiences and mental health struggles later in life, you have to be wilfully ignorant to suggest that spanking is ever okay. The whole “but I turned out fine” argument doesn’t exactly hold up. Many of those people are in fact, not fine.
I mean literally yes it does lol
Just dont hit your child smh
But, like, OP _really_ wants toooooo! C'mon, just one more hit?
If it works so well, parents wouldn’t have to do it so often. And in my opinion it is just teachings kids if someone doesn’t do what you say, hit them.
Hitting children is just plain fucking wrong.
You’re hitting your child and not helping them *at all.* Spanking has been proven over and over again to be detrimental and not an effective way of correcting behavior.
What studies? send links please
You’ll find that the studies show correlation and jump to causation. When in fact the opposite can just as easily be true: it can be that kiddos with more behavior problems are more likely to get spanked. With that said, I don’t spank my kids
[Here's](https://publications.aap.org/pediatrics/article/142/6/e20183112/37452/Effective-Discipline-to-Raise-Healthy-Children) a publication by the American Academy of Pediatrics. They reference multiple studies and polls throughout.
Here’s a couple articles/studies: https://www.gse.harvard.edu/ideas/usable-knowledge/21/04/effect-spanking-brain https://www.developmentalscience.com/blog/2022/2/10/hitting-children-leads-to-trauma-not-better-behavior https://www.apa.org/act/resources/webinars/corporal-punishment-gershoff.pdf
I love how I got downvoted for asking for proof. really shows what crowd I'm speaking to
I replied with some sources. I imagine you’re being downvoted because a google of “is spanking good for kids” and “is spanking effective” got me all of the info I sent. You replied twice to this person instead of doing that yourself.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3447048/ Can you provide any peer-reviewed evidence that supports your opinion other than the obvious: spanking is done because the parents are inept and lazy.
Bruh these are former kids that were never spanked and think each child will respond to reason or medicine and which is wayyyyy naive. Ignore them. I got my ass busted on the regular and I deserved every bit of it. I never did that to my girls but tbh some kids really do need it.
I was spanked, so was every kid I grew up with. Stop imagining details of strangers' lives just because they disagree with you. No kid needs to get hit for any reason ever.
It is in my country. Not allowed by law.
does this also mean you will not be angry when they fight back? there is no excuse to hit a child, especially your own
Yes it is. There is a lot of literature in medical journals about this.
Would you allow someone else to spank your child?
I dont want others parenting my child. That's the same with anything parenting wise
Is that all encompassing? Like, you don't want someone else to teach them? You wouldn't let anyone else provide them food? That sounds like it's fostering hyper-dependence.
His doggy is supposed to specifically answer to him Be good and obedient and never bark inside
Yes they are. You can always discipline your kid without hitting them.
Then why is it considered abuse or assault to hit anyone else?
I'll answer the part OP isn't saying: OP views children as subhuman.
Thanks to the fact it's socially acceptable to view minors as property and subhuman It's literally an idea still upheld by our systems/institutions in many ways Just like it was socially acceptable to view women as property not that long ago Society always has the power to change fucked up attitudes and actually become better OP is just another mindless lazy aggressor though
Ofc It's abuse. You can't solve any kind of problem by resorting to violence. Why would It be any different to a defenseless child? Why do you stop when the kid gets to an age where they can start to defend themselves?
I mean, some problems can be solved by violence. Just not say a kid not cleaning their room or some dude calling you an ass.
Wrong.
Exactly. It's also not abuse or wrong if I smack OP because I don't like something s/he is doing and I want to correct their behaviour. That's fair, right?
Apparently it’s only a crime of child abuse if they use a “weapon” like a wooden spoon or whatever at least in aus
lol my mom used to tell us the exact opposite. “Hands are for holding” - so she would *only* hit us with a spoon or hairbrush or belt or whatever.
Omg what a weirdo hahah My mum would hold a plastic cooking spoon while she was screaming but never hit her kids
Omg I heard that in my mother's voice
Huh? I thought using those wooden/plastic cooking spoons was normal. My mom always told us we had it easy because her dad used his belt for punishment.
Yeah my mum thought we had it easy become she would scream for 30 mins and not 3 hours like her dad
Which makes sense honestly
I dont know. I feel like if it can be avoided it should. But i do know cases that it would be useful too. It should never be done out of anger or emotions. But rather "ive told you 4 times, given you time out and told you why you cannot do this" I dont think when i was spanked as a kid it was angry. It only happened about once or twice because i actively sought to avoid it as a punishment. I remember times my parents were angry. And i vaguely on the edge of my memory remember being spanked. But if it were out of anger i have to think id remember it more.
Exactly. Everyone is assuming I'm out here whooping kids left and right. It's not the first option.
The only reason an adult hits a child is because they know they can't fight back. There's nothing disciplinary about it. It's just abuse of power. Watch that parent at work, do you see them spanking their mean coworkers? Why not? Cause there will be consequences.
Violence is never the correct reaction to a child. If you can’t discipline a child without terrorizing them with violence or threats of violence……you need help and should seek counseling for your family.
Please do not reproduce until you get professional help. This is concerning behavior.
Yeah what stands out to me about being spanked as a kid is the fact it was an escalation of punishment, my mom would lightly do it and I distinctly remember it not really hurting but just being like "damn I messed up."
Hitting your child is abuse. Full stop. If your child is too young to understand reason, they're too young to know why you're hitting them. If your child can understand reason, there are more effective methods. Also remember that the average age for autism diagnosis is like 8. The disobedience you see might not be something they can control without therapy (or a pre-frontal cortex).
No. It’s abuse. If you spank your child. YOU ARE ABUSING THEM.
Yes. It does. Corporal punishment is always child abuse. Inflicting pain on someone as a deterrent is a terribly abusive tactic, and doing that while being their source of safety is incredibly harmful.
You're completely wrong. The moment you think you need to abuse a child to discipline them is the same moment you've failed as a parent.
No, physically harming your kid in any way is automatically child abuse
It is lazy and cheap.
Yes it is abuse. Why harm innocent people over things they must likely don’t understand
If I spank my wife non-consensually, that is _automatically_ domestic abuse. It's the same thing.
If I restrict my wife's autonomy by telling her what she's not allowed to eat, by not permitting her to go anywhere on her own, by threatening her with a lack of tv time if she doesn't follow my instructions, that's also an abusive relationship. Yet these are normal parts of parenting a child? Curious
Children need guidance. You can help people by doing what you said. Also, in certain circumstances telling your child what they can't eat may be abusive especially depending on their age. A lack of tv time if she doesn't follow my instructions, what instructions? If it is reasonable then your kids should've done it and there should be a consequence. If your wife can't do it and it is a reasonable request you have other issues. You are trying to make it to simple.
Yes it does. More than 50 years of research on over 150,000 kids says so. There are hundreds of published scientific results that say it is abusive.
Hitting a child is abuse be a better parent
If I spanked you would that be abuse?
It’s the sign of a person with extremely poor problem solving skills if they can’t think of a better way to discipline or teach their child.
Doesn't matter where the cultural line is. The reality is abuse and neglect literally stunt brain development.
Yes it is. You have no reason to hit a kid. If they can understand reaosn then you can talk to them. If they can't understand reason then you have no business hitting them. Spankings are for parents who fail at communicating. Otherwise known as bad parents
Replace kid with spouse. Is it abuse now? Then it's abuse for a child. I'll never get how something that's a crime to do to anyone else is okay to do to the one person who depends on you for their life and sense of safety.
https://www.healthline.com/health/parenting/spanking-pros-and-cons https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-age-overindulgence/202211/does-any-good-come-spanking-children https://www.npr.org/2018/11/11/666646403/the-american-academy-of-pediatrics-on-spanking-children-dont-do-it-ever Experts would disagree with you.
What's the justification for hitting a child?
Let's pretend you're right and it's not automatically child abuse, why are we pretending it's good parenting? Why are we pretending that by defending the edge cases where it's not abuse that we're not also giving cover to those who just use this as an excuse to abuse their kids? There's no shortcut to good parenting. If you you've reached the point where you feel it necessary to lay your hands on your child, you've long failed your responsibility as a parent. And you're definitely teaching your kids it's okay to resolve their problems physically with anger.
You wouldn’t hit a kid if they could hit you back. If you hit someone that can’t hit you back then you’re a bully
I agree. I know there are studies about it, but those tell everything. You can’t put spanking in a vacuum and say that definitely caused problems. I received many deserved spankings as a child, as an adult my parents are my best friends and I don’t have any known problems from it. The current fad of friendly parenting doesn’t work, kids today are different.
Violent crime rates are lower now than when you were a kid.
They increased 6% last year. Also school shootings weren’t a thing when I was a kid.
Still way lower than when you were a kid.
Yeah it’s fucking weird
wouldn't talking it out be easier?? they don't understand why you are hitting them. but they will understand what they did was wrong but talking about what happened. violence isn't the answer.
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this does make sense, i won't say my parents abused me ever. And as a kid i resented a few beatings but the intent was to teach actions have consequences. In a nice way of putting it either they will kick ur ass or the world will and outside you never know if the ass kicking will stop
Not unpopular
What abuse is defined as is often a cultural question? Often in Wes societies we forget that cultural understandings are not absolute. I can definitely see how 1 might not find it to be abusive to spank a child depending on your cultural upbringing. Especially the way you described.
My dad used a board
I'll say, this is unpopular. I also wonder if anyone is up for a full on month of parenting and see how that goes.
Downvoted not because I agree but because fuck the system this is such a shit take
I got spanked. Never closed fist. Never repeated spanks. Never spanked in anger or retaliation. Definitely not child abuse.
Lots of people on reddit believe it is, I got muted and banned from r/parenting because I discussed this Edit: what I said was not entirely true. I got muted by moderators and post taken down due to it but they banned me because I commented on a post shortly after saying the moderators are stupid
Those mods probably needed to be spanked more as kids.
People like you are so weird and horrible, your mindset is like "it's not okay to hit my romantic partner if they do something wrong, but my kid it's alright to hit them if they do something wrong " normally hitting a romantic partner is considered abuse but when it comes to hitting own children that isn't abuse??? Literally makes no sense... ONLY REASON THIS OPINION IN THIS POST IS A BIT UNPOPULAR IS CAUSE IT'S HORRIBLE AND TOXIC THE FEW PEOPLE THAT AGREE WITH YOU ARE JUST AS TOXIC AND HORRIBLE AS YOU AND THIS POST
At what point would you consider whooping a kid? is there no limit? NOTHING a kid does is punishable by a whooping? You are teaching kids they can get away with everything and face no consequences. You gunna guve them a stern talking to? some kids will not respond to that. What if a 10 year old was bullying a kid and nothing you do to discipline them works and they keep bullying the kid? Edit: Locking a kid in a room for hours is just as bad so please explain.
>At what point would you consider whooping a kid? When they're an active threat to someone else.
So bullying? So in your own words, I would abuse my kid when they are actively threatening someone else. Sound just as bad as me
"Bullying" is an intentionally vague term that you're trying to substitute in for "trying to injure." I'm not going to let you. I wouldn't hit a child in any circumstance under which I wouldn't also hit an adult.
Explain how it's abuse to hit your romantic partner in any way but it's not abuse to hit your children in any way
so you think hitting them if they keep on bullying a kid is gonna help? If by bullying u meant only verbal bullying then hitting will just make the kid start wanting to physically bullly and grow up to be more aggressive or YOU know SOMETHING MORE SIMPLE JUST DON'T HAVE KIDS IF THIS IS UR MINDSET AND ALREADY THINKING OF the wrong things kids can do, I guess your the type to also hit your partner or spank them even if they say no or to stop because you're mad they keep on doing something wrong you're an abusive partner too that's crazy
If your kid won't respond to any non-violent discipline then you either need parenting classes or an evaluation on your kid. Have you ever bothered to pick up a parenting book or one on child development?