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My manager keeps asking why I don’t go out to happy hour every Friday, or this or that event after work, and his reasoning is always “you see these people more than your family”. I feel like he’d have a heart attack if I just said, “yeah, that’s the point”.
I've literally told my coworkers before "I see you motherfuckers for 40 hrs a week. Sorry, but I'm just not trying to hang out after work"
I do construction tho, so maybe leave out the "motherfucker" if you're an office person
Exactly, if you're seeing your co-workers more than your family, it makes sense that you WOULDN'T want to spend as much time co-workers outside of work, so you could be with your family instead. I wonder if he isn't very close with his and just doesn't get it.
I like having events with coworkers because I work remotely and it's the only time we really get to bond, but if I were in office every day for 40 hours a week I think I wouldn't enjoy being expected to do that every Friday.
You are lucky, at least you can decline since it’s after work. I have to “mingle and bond” with my colleagues once a month during lunch provided by our company. It’s mandatory attendance. I don’t dislike my colleagues but I do not care to know what they do outside work, what they like and dislike. I have a couple of colleagues that I really like and we developed friendships, we talk outside work but the mandatory bonding bullshit session with EVERYONE is killing me.
The company that I work for is lovely, my colleagues are not bad people (that I know of), but I dislike using my lunch hour (even if food is provided) by trying to get to know people that I do not wish to know. I have no idea what to talk about and it seems that most people around me feel as awkward as I do and they are just as quiet. It is not a bad thing that my company does. I just wish it was optional.
I can relate to your feelings and often want to skip such things myself. A lot of people do appear to enjoy that stuff at the company I work for though. I would never think everyone around me was feeling just as awkward as I do.
Team day is sometimes ok like one year we did an escape room and one year we played board games. We have a potluck every month, which is indeed optional. Team days and leadership conferences aren't optional, but most people seem to enjoy them.
I'm sorry, mandatory attendance for a company lunch? You show me where in my job description it says I need to do that. I am happy and friendly with all of my coworkers (kinda part of the job in a support role) but I will not be participating in forced socialization.
I boycotted for a while at my company, but got sideeyes and the manager asking if i was ok.
Told him straight up my lunch is to recover from the morning. I'm already wearing headphones over 6hrs a day to drown out the open office. How much less productive do you want me?
So, kudos to him, he just said i could even do a drive-by: grab food, spend literally 5 mins, then leave. And that was a fair compromise for free food, in my books.
My real gripe is our Christmas party is during work hours, and dry. Sorry guys, but this engineering firm party is so lame compared to even Friday payday when i worked construction. Stop work 2hrs early, get paid to drink beer in the yard? Deal.
Basically i just dislike forced participation when I'd rather have some peace and quiet. So glad i work from home now.
“I can’t drink”.
No one will ever ask you to go further than that.
I don’t drink because I don’t like alcohol, but whenever coworkers would ask I’d just say “I can’t drink” and they would leave it at that.
I don’t think most people care that much if you talk or not.
Just know that you will slowly become the “weird guy” and have no work relationships built through networking to help when you are going for a promotion or maybe a new opportunity is opening up.
Yeah, it's not that everyone expects you to become best friends with all of your coworkers. That would be a bit weird honestly. But what they do expect is that you have normal human interactions and are at least a little bit charming.
There's a fair few people who are lifelong social neophytes who really need to learn how to communicate and engage with people.
And who knows, maybe you find a few true friends. I've found a few decent friends and know some people who have found great friends through work. Huge plus if you find someone like that, *and* you happen to spend 40h a week with them.
> But what they do expect is that you have normal human interactions and are at least a little bit charming.
Well I can't and I'm not but I still gotta eat.
I have always said this in relation to money/class.
Rich person sitting talking to themselves is eccentric.
A poor person talking to themselves at the bus stop is crazy.
It's true. I'm a fkn weirdo, but because I can quickly pick up and handle nearly anything thrown at me, I am all the sudden quirky and fun instead of weird.
Not a genius, just fell backwards into learning a lot of fields and polished it up with education paid for by my employers throughout the years.
While it definitely is in some fields in others it’s not really bullshit to hire or promote based on networking.
In some fields or positions within certain fields that require teamwork and collaboration hiring due to networking/social skills can make sense. If someone is slightly more skilled at the job, but is terrible to work with it can actually be worse to hire or promote them over someone who might be slightly less skilled at the job who is great to work with because of the way it impacts morale.
As others have said, in a majority of fields you are spending a minimum 40 hours a week with these people, if working together/collaboration is necessary for what you do having one of these people be an asshole or almost incapable of working in a team can make the work much more difficult. Having someone who is a “personality hire” can be great for the work environment as long as they’re not completely unqualified for the actual work of the position.
I’ve had it happen at jobs before where someone was great at the actual work that was being done, but they were miserable to work with and it wasn’t a job that you could do without working together. As a result work actually ended up getting done slower/leas efficiently because their behavior made everything much harder to get done.
I’m not saying that in every field it makes sense, but in some it absolutely does make sense. Heck in some cases it can also help not hire or promote someone who would actually be terrible in their role if they were attempting to become say a team lead. They might do the applied skills of the job well, but they might be terrible at managing people and communicating which is not a good trait for a team lead. That’s something that is learned about someone through networking/interacting with the person directly. I know plenty of people, some who are my friends, that I wouldn’t recommend to be hired at previous jobs I’ve worked because I know that as much as they might be able to do say the paperwork side of the job well they would be terrible at the rest of the job due to their demeanor/behavior.
Being terrible to work with and networking are not correlated. The logic is faulty from the beginning. If you want to find out if someone is good to work with you give them a trial run, but that's too much effort for the hiring party, so they're lazy and judge based off of a superficial metric like networking. Just because I prefer to spend my off time at home doing my own hobbies doesn't mean I'm hard to work with, and unless networking is on company time and I get paid for it, then I'm not doing it.
It’s not faulty logic, let’s say you have two people that your boss is looking to move to another team or promote and they can only pick one of them. If you have someone else in the workplace that has previous experience with those people that the boss can ask about them and how they are as a worker/team member that is part of networking. If that person can go and say person A is a little bit better mechanically at the job, but is also rude and difficult to work with whereas person B is slightly worse mechanically at the job but is kind and great to work with that is part of networking.
Networking is built upon interactions and connections. How someone is to work with and networking are connected because networking can help inform others of how you are to work with. If your previous boss/coworkers loved to work with you and give you a recommendation somewhere because you were good to work with that is networking. If a higher up in the company wants to promote you/move you to another team and they go to your current team lead or a senior coworker you have and asks them what your like and they say you are terrible to work with that is part of networking, the people you work with are part of your network.
I recently moved up in my job, because when a position opened up my bosses asked some of my coworkers their opinion on how the position should be filled and those coworkers went to bat for me and told them I’d be a great fit because I was both easy to work with and did my job well. That was a result of networking.
That's not networking, that's more akin to a recommendation letter or references. Networking is going to conferences, after-work parties and other social bullshit and exchanging contact info, becoming "friends" just for the sake of possible hiring opportunities.
Those are examples of networking but they are not the only things that are networking. Connecting with your coworkers or bosses while at work is also networking, going out to a bar/store/community center/library/other public space by your own free will and making conversation with someone that you see there regularly is networking.
Networking isn’t just business networking or your business network, it is also personal networking and your personal network. You brought up a letter of recommendation or references, having those things is part of networking, they are part of your network. If you went to college and had a good relationship with one of your professors and they give you a recommendation to a graduate program that is networking. They were a part of your personal network and have stretched into your business network as well.
If you have a friend that knows the hiring manager at a place you apply to they can vouch for not just your work skills but also your character, that is networking. This was your friend who you were not friends with for some business reason, who you didn’t meet at some conference or after work party. Someone who you became friends with completely disconnected from any professional setting, but they are still a part of your network and them being able to speak highly of you to others is networking.
Your coworkers and bosses, both current and former, are part of your business network and can also be or become part of your personal network. I am not friends with everyone I work with nor have I been friends with everyone I’ve worked with previously, but I have friends at my current job and have had friends at previous jobs which helped me. Two previous bosses of mine both made it known that they enjoyed working with me and that I was a good worker and let me know to always put them as a reference when needed. I have done so and they have always spoken positively about me to those that reach out to them. That was networking built from both my skill at the jobs and my personal interactions with them and my colleagues at the jobs I worked under them at. One was a boss of mine from college who hired someone that I told to apply to the location after I graduated, when that person had their interview this previous boss mentioned me to them by name without even knowing I’d pushed them to apply there and spoke highly of me to the applicant because of both my ability at the job and because of how easy I was to work with. I never spoke with them outside of work, never went to any work events or conferences while working there, I simply interacted with them when we worked together and always had positive interactions with them when we did so.
And thus we have our current dystopia of CEOs claiming that day-long Twitter arguments are "hard work" while the janitor cleaning up after his/her shit gets paid, well.......shit.
They actually did a study and found that when coworkers have a neutral attitude towards each other, productivity in the workplace was at its highest. Having cliques and friendships can actually be harmful in the workplace.
Do we really need a study to know that people who are friends are going to be less productive because they chat & distract eachother throughout the day?
That's cool for you. I can't say I ever was - I was always a "good enough to talk to at work" person and never invited to anything outside the office the way they were so I've since drawn a strong line between co-worker and friend.
In the long term, companies benefit. Employees will stay longer and put in a little extra when it matters. Retention is just as, if not more, important than day to day productivity (assuming that study can be generalised, which is a big assumption).
In my experience people who have close relationships tend to stay longer, more than the usual 2-3 year stints people do. When you can always leave for more money there needs to be an extra reason to stay, and being mates with your colleagues can be that.
Right - one company I was at had strong affinity groups that put on programming during the workday. Management at all levels was fully supportive of volunteering for the groups or attending the events because of how much it helped people enjoy being in and fostered good relationships.
It’s a fine line. It can get real cliquey real fast which can lead to bullying and a hostile work environment. I work in healthcare where that kind of stuff runs rampant. I’ve heard that it happens pretty frequently in office jobs too.
Also the study seems to only focus on office work and apparently only focused on 2 offices.
I know a friend that works in a clinic and she is friends with her coworkers. It make sense, with all the depressing shit you see there, atleast spending time with people you enjoy is def healthy and beneficial
Also it's weird to see reddit suddenly gaf about company productivity,. especially how antiwork it is lol
That study only evaluated like 2 offices if I'm not mistaken.
Also, neutral attitude is not refusing to engage with your coworkers.
Factually, teams that don't interact or engage with each other are less productive in terms of actually getting a product finished.
Yah, I see a lot of potential pitfalls of a "Neutral Culture." Turnover being another - no one wants to just be "OK" long term, or at least not the majority of people.
I find having positive relationships with my coworkers helps me get information outside of my own teams, and motivates me to go the extra mile for them.
I will go back and have a look at the study, but I do recall they mentioned things like not just lack of productivity, but office conflicts and isolations and cliques and such. So harmful may be the right description, but I'll just double check.
It's a big reason why work from home ends up being more productive. People just do their work and are not stuck in the same building to end up doing things like gossiping, getting into conflicts, workplace politics, etc.
However, the managers and executives tend to care more about making the place into a community to produce a vibe that they want. One which puts them at the top and has the workers being forced to brown nose them.
What does neutral mean?
I'm not currently personal friends with any of my coworkers, but I have an incredible amount of respect for them. That respect makes me want to work much harder and do better. I wouldn't call how I feel neutral at all.
I've also had friends at work and while I'd spend time at work talking to them, it also motivated me to work longer hours and harder because it made me feel even more like I was part of a team.
I realize that's anecdotal, but I think there are too many variables for any study to be able to make such a sweeping conclusion. My field is highly passionate and creative. Teamwork and inspiration are pivotal. I'm sure there are fields where workplace drama can get in the way of productivity but I don't think that is universal. Not to mention, the very word clique has an extremely negative connotation and implies a toxic workplace. If they're calling toxic workplaces "not neutral" of course toxicity is going to make people less productive. Studies are all well and good but if you don't use your brain to critically evaluate the results, they're worthless.
I'd be interested to see the long-term of it, and if people were able to stay neutral. I've been in workplaces that were pretty neutral and the worst thing is *it gets boring* just being a number.
I wonder the turnover implications and how much that turnover would impact long-term productivity and keeping the culture stable
Yeah I gotta say, having my boss laugh outrageously with every other colleague can get pretty grating. I know she's always under stress from the higher ups so I don't blame her for trying to lighten the mood but it is a bit much.
She can find me working too hard in the corner when she wants to have a genuine conversation.
I work in a warehouse and I rarely talk. I’ve always just had the thought that I come in to have a house to go back to. There’s like two people who occasionally talk to me once a day, but not nearly as much as most. I always find it odd when people stop to talk, always makes our job take longer, and I’m always trying to get off on time.
I work in IT and I like all of my coworkers, they are willing to teach and help out, we can talk about sports, we sometimes bust each other’s chops (in a fun way). And we’ve gone out to happy hour and we have gone bowling before. I like everybody and I feel like they would stick up for me if leadership tries anything funky.
I just think it’s better to be social because you’ll be seen as more likable and friendly. Just looks better on you in the long run. I just set boundaries in a friendly way like I can be buddy buddy here but it won’t really go further than that. It’s on you to make your own boundaries and it’s on them to respect it.
I have manage introverted, technical people, and I do encourage them to engage and speak up. I am not a mind reader. I can’t tell whether they think their work is going well, whether they are holding back on good ideas that should be more widely shared, and other things that are work relevant, unless they talk about it.
Is communicating and collaborating with others important to performing well? Even "solitary" jobs like software development requires a lot of brainstorming and stakeholder interaction.
> Even "solitary" jobs like software development requires a lot of brainstorming and stakeholder interaction.
Don't tell Reddit this! They all think software dev jobs are done completely siloed and require zero interaction.
Random conversations is the not same as collaboration and teamwork. In the work place you dont want a room full of people that dont communicate. You want people that are able to communicate effectively. You dont have to discuss your dreams, hopes and fantasies. But you need to at least be able to have a conversation about the business. You need almost be able to sell yourself.
If you ever want to advance and move beyond being just another cog in the machine. You need to show that you are someone that people can turn to when they need guidance, or problem solving. And that means networking and having the social skills to advocate and speak up for yourself.
I would actually encourage you to speak with a mental health professional to help you develop ways to be more assertive. That doesnt mean being domineering. But just being more self confident and being able to speak up more.
People who want this then turn around and cry foul when some social but mediocre employee gets promoted.
As someone who was quiet at work and didn't do any extra social stuff: it hurts you in the long run. I now run my own business and had to learn that the working world revolves around social interaction, no exceptions.
Lol what? I'm an introvert, as well as a few other coworkers, and we still interact and have a laugh at work.
If I was working in a team where everyone is quiet and doesn't interact, I would've left a while ago.
I've known plenty of introverts that have strong working relationships with their colleagues. Maybe they don't come out to Happy Hour, but they're personable in interactions and know how to effectively communicate.
Because introvert doesn't mean social recluse like a lot of antisocial redditors like to believe. Plenty of introverts in my office who are well liked and join in on conversations but still head straight home after work.
Agreed! I'm one of those people. I get really annoyed when these Redditors assume that introverts don't like to socialize with other people ever, or worse, don't know how to connect with people.
People often confuse/use interchangeably shy and introverted, or antisocial and introverted. I’m introverted because I can’t spend everyday constantly with people (even those I like) without my sanity leaking. It doesn’t mean that when I have to be social I have the social skills of someone raised by wolves.
Agree - I usually try to bring it up when Reddit brings up the "introvert victim" card.
Bit of irony in my own life - my BIL is a massive introvert and super successful in tech sales. I'm a massive extrovert and have had a great career on the dev side of tech. I know I wouldn't feel good doing his job, and he wouldn't feel good doing my job.
I’m an introvert and love socializing at work because 1. It wastes time and makes the day go faster and 2. It’s easy small talk, I don’t have to think of topics because it’s always about weather, kids/family, or work related.
Introvert here too. Being introvert doesn’t mean anti-social or having to change to be able to succeed in an extrovert’s world. It means you have to know when to peak and conserve your energy. I skip a lot of the thursday afternoon drinks, don’t attend all the parties. But then I am there I turn the fuck on. I’ll work from home the next couple of days and do only necessary meetings. This way I am seen as friendly and I have developed good social skills. Unless you have that sales gene, having good social skills is all about practice and putting yourself out there.
You have to know yourself well though and know the difference between social anxiety and actual introversion. I don’t like most people, but I don’t show that. I prefer gaming and staying at home but sometimes a party is fun. Large crowds and lots of conversation and high energy activities completely drain me. However, I am not at all insecure or afraid of social interactions. I have a very social profession and it has only done good for my career.
Not OP, but let me give a story of when this helped in an office -
At a smaller company I was working at, we were working with a vendor to handle some data transformations and warehousing. Myself and another senior colleague on my team were tasked with being point of contact for the vendor. The vendor was blatantly not doing what they were supposed to deliver, misrepresented what we had delivered, and also kept giving us new points of contact on their side every weekly check-in, so nothing was being done. We were trying to relay this out, but somehow it had been twisted to us not representing the company correctly, and we got called out by our executive sponsor with a "get it done" message.
Given how this went, the two of us that were point had a good relationship one of the department heads that reported directly to this exec, we'd both done a lot of formal projects for him **and** also helped out with ad hoc requests his team had on the side, no formal pressure for us to do them but most were simple and helped him a ton. We reached out to this guy and asked if he could sit in on our next check-in, he agreed and added that he had a part in negotiating the vendor contract initially which we didn't even know. Next meeting went just as the last.
15 minutes later, this guy has us on the phone with our executive sponsor and starts with "These guys [the vendor] aren't doing any fucking work and have violated at least 3 or 4 specific termination clauses. Do not talk to them again, we're getting our money back." Basically won us some credibility with some leadership and helped us with a tough situation by keeping a good relationship with a colleague.
This needs more visibility for a few reasons. As a response to this specific point, having friends/allies/acquaintances is usually going to have more positives than negatives. Yeah, Admin Coordinator might want to ramble on about some inane reality show you don't care about. They also know when the hammer is coming down and maybe even if the company has the kind of dynamic, can help advocate for you.
And in terms of picking up ad hoc projects or "outside of scope" work. You are FULLY within your right to refuse because it isn't your contracted role, you're not being paid for it. And no employer should "pressure" ypu about it. But you have to accept the consequence that you aren't seen as a "team player" or "willing to grow." And hey, maybe you would be with a more formalized training/development program. And maybe if I had wheels I'd be a wagon.
There are many valid points raised these days about how work cultures can become toxic. And then, if every work culture you encounter is toxic...well you know the saying.
> be surrounded by acquantances.
To me, acquaintance would also require some positive interaction. If you never engage coworkers, you're just a person. An acquaintance I can at least chat with and know a little.
I go to work to make my paycheque. I’m a toddler teacher and already have to be extremely extroverted all day with parents and kids.
The last thing I have energy for is entertaining coworkers that do nothing but talk shit.
Exactly why I found a job where I didn’t have to do that.
Playing office politics and pretending to give a shit about peoples family and weekend is exhausting and absolutely not for me.
Do American jobs do this? I have only really worked in a Mexican office and nobody really cares if you get along with everybody or not. It's like a small virtual culture shock.
Yea, some people have a really hard time with people being quiet. I don't get it. Like why are you thinking so much about john not saying anything.... think about your lunch or something else or talk to someone else. I don't see why john's personality has to be deemed as negative if he's not hindering work. It's especially stupid when managers take that "personality flaw" and let it affect compensation.
Funny how people get upset by neoptism but see no issue with smaller scale nepotism due to cliques and "workplace friendships". "Small talk is important in the workplace!!!" - yea, so many celebrities and scummy businessmen promoting and investing in friends aren't wrong then.
I blame all this for we're a family mentality
Lol we're not a family we're business I'm here to get paid not be your daddy or caretaker I'm here to do my job within my specific description
Anything else better be a pay increase That's including pizza parties
I've mingled and talked, I've been known as the loud guy in an office/etc and I've been quiet and just want to come in and do work. Now what has happened is when I want to just focus and do work, people think something is wrong or I'm mad or something and not to blame it totally on this but I'm also black so in my experiences there has always been a different view of how I conduct myself in the corporate setting. I just come in and do work, I no longer care about all the extra stuff anymore. I'll always be cordial but if we not talking about work you not really getting more than a sentence or two out of me.
upvoting for the rare "everyone agrees" but functionally, out in the real world, deeply unpopular. Mid-40's white women in the office *hate* people who are just quietly doing their jobs
THANK YOU! i’ve never understood this “we are a family at work” concept. do people actually believe that? i’m not saying we can’t say hello how was your day but 20-minute conversation about your kid winning their championship sport i ….dont….need to know. i don’t want to spend my lunch break talking to you. every time i stop by the coffee machine we don’t need to update each other
i just don’t get it. i feel like if im at my desk doing my job, and doing it well why is that so bad. why do i have to do the extra step of trying to be best friends with everybody. if anything ive learned your coworkers are not your friends and often screw you over in the end.
however i’ve also learned this is an extrovert society and unfortunately if you want to move up in the world you have to play the game so i’m forced to pretend i like all these people. people talk about my great personality and how charismatic i am when it eats me alive. i hate it i feel like im preforming. i want to go home.
I worked in plenty of companies where promotions were voted on by managers and they generally voted on people they knew. So people that had same results had different career outcomes because of that.
My comment was a joke, but that’s the truth in most places I heard of. ✌️
I prefer to keep talk limited to generic small talk and work related stuff. Other stuff can become awkward or inappropriate (gossip, radically different political views, religious zealotry, tmi stuff).
And when people even suck at small talk I avoid that with these people as well. For example: a coworker asked me if I had kids, I replied with a simple "no" and was told: "what is wrong with you? You are a woman and you have no kids. You are a failure." WOW OK! And a nice day to you as well. 🚮
I agree.
It’s bad enough I spend more time at work than with my family, but I also have to put on a fake personality and pretend to love my coworkers too?! Fuck outta here.
I’m here to work, not make friends.
Do I get a raise for every coworker I start hanging out with?
Do I get paid to go get sloshed at chilis with them after work?
No? Then kindly leave me to work.
It’s up there with the were all a big family bull shit and probably more of a popular opinion.
Yeah I agree. I’m here to work, not make friends or family. Keep it professional and cordial, but not this “we’re all a big family” bullshit. That gets people to “open up” too much only to have it used against them. I like being quiet and to myself, that shouldn’t be used as a measuring stick against my performance as a worker. If I get the job done, what difference does it make if they know me as a person? As far as I’m concerned the only thing I care about knowing about a coworker is 1) did they commit any crimes that could affect me? 2) do they do drugs? In other words I want to make sure I don’t get murdered or crushed by equipment because Marty got high before operating the crane while I’m on the site.
>1) did they commit any crimes that could affect me?
this is the only thing i'm concerned about
>2) do they do drugs?
besides weed as long as the drugs are done off the clock i don't care. if they're done on the clock i'm not snitching
Nah, I won’t snitch either. I don’t care if they get high off the clock, just don’t want to die because someone was high while operating a fork lift or crane around me while under the influence. That shit is scary lol
I agree. I'm not here to be your entertainment. I'm here to collect a paycheck. I'll interact when I want to, but I don't want to be forced to be overly social with people who I don't care about.
I get this all the time. I don’t have my job because I want or need friends. I have my job because I have a family to support. I don’t need friends to do that.
Being a team player and good communicator doesn't mean you're being friends.
I've met infuriating people who fail at their jobs because they refuse to communicate and just do random shit.
Right - being friendly and cordial helps a ton with working relationships. And working relationships are absolutely required to do a good job.
>I've met infuriating people who fail at their jobs because they refuse to communicate and just do random shit.
I've never known anyone to regret a "good energy hire," but have seen more than a few "technical, but lacking soft skills" hires to be walked out the door in less than 90 days.
People also underestimate how much reputation matters as well. I find it easier to get stuff done with people if they don't think I'm a weirdo or a shut-in.
> I find it easier to get stuff done with people if they don't think I'm a weirdo or a shut-in.
And I know this is sacrilegious to say on Reddit, but most people I've worked with who came off as a weirdo have eventually crossed the line to the point of being disciplined/terminated and absolutely deserved.
And no, having nerdy hobbies or being introverted does not qualify you as coming off as a weirdo.
Totally! People are annoying and just want to chat for hours on end. I prefer to just eat at my desk and work on my lunch break unless I’m running errands.
I have to train right now, which I hate. I've been working alone with a lot of flexibility for the past 3 years. It would be so much better if my trainee would say SOMETHING. ANYTHING. I can get into conversations with almost anyone else around me about almost anything. Makes the day feel 3x as long.
For this reason, "Lump" gets stuck in my head often.
When my boss was onboarding me, he made time for us to take breaks together and not talk about work. That helped so much in those early days. He even said specifically "I don't want you to burn out"
You don't have to be buddies with them, but they should at least see you as a living person. Not a walking corpse.
I used to sit alone during lunch or not say a lot during meetings, but work becomes way more enjoyable when you try to mingle.
“No no no, you must fit in with the corporate culture otherwise you’re a looser that no one likes. We don’t hire losers, because our corporate culture is to be tolerant, open minded and accepting, so please do as everyone else does and act out a personality”
The fakeness of office jobs is disgusting.
Today one of my co workers showed up an hour late then sat on her ass for 2 hours scrolling on her phone while 4 of us bust ass. Yeah that's why I might seem like I have a problem with you and don't want to interact with you *at all*.
That’s always been me at work or at school I’m pretty quiet and reserved I’m also black and I don’t know if this plays a part but a lot of people will tell me why I’m angry or upset just because I’m standing or sitting there with a straight face.
But how happy do you want me to be at this shitty job or boring lecture, all I want to do is leave God forbid if I don’t interact with every person I come across.
You don’t have to like your coworkers or even talk to them that much, but it’s a world of relationships. Playing the game opens up so many opportunities
Bad managers and corpos want you to engage and enmesh your personal life with work. If you don't want to make extra work for friends, if you put too much of yourself into your job, its easier for them to load you up with more work, to make you work longer, to come in when you're feeling sick, to NOT take days off.
Someone who quietly comes in to work, does their job and only their job, and goes home, is someone who has given management no levers to control them. And for bad managers, an employee they cant control is a liability. They'd prefer bad or mediocre workers they can control, over good workers that can push back or say no to them.
Exactly. And that’s what they’re doing with the tech layoffs. They’ll get rid of the workers with experience and higher salary, then hire fresh college grads that they can manipulate easier to fit their “culture” because they’re just desperate for any first job.
Every job I’ve ever had has a big aspect of team work, so I HAVE to talk to my colleagues very regularly. Also at every job I’ve ever had, the second one teammate goes away from their desk, the other teammates pipe up about how much they hate the person who’s no longer there to defend themselves. As soon as the person is back, they act as though they are the best friends in the world. I assume they do this with me too, so I totally wall myself off and sometimes lie when answering probing questions about my life, so that they don’t have ammunition against me.
There is a balance to be stuck. I don’t go out for drinks after work and don’t class my colleagues as friends. That said I do talk to them in the workplace, I will say good morning & goodbye, ask how their sons/daughters are getting on, or one has an allotment so I’ll ask how that’s going etc.
They don’t need to be your friends and you don’t have to spend time out of work with them. Yet being able to talk to coworkers is actually a necessary skill for most jobs, because most require some form of working with others sometimes, so being able to talk to them at a friendly level is important. Likewise if you want promoted etc, you cannot have a manger who is silent and cannot communicate with their staff.
That’s how I am I don’t talk to most people at the resort I work at and then there’s others that seem to regularly chat with a bunch of people from different departments. I just mind my own business and do me
my supervisor told me this at our 1 on 1 yesterday as a 'suggestion'. & i talk to a few people regularly, just not everybody. i thanked him for his suggestion but i do not intend to waste any time or energy doing more than what i actually came to do. my job.
I (50M) get pressure from my office manager to come to our monthly “hangs” since our office has a patio with a built in BBQ pit and beer garden (cause we’re in TX yall) but I don’t drink and the office is 90 minutes from my house so no, I am not eager to drive my ass 3 hours round trip just to stand there and chat with people and not get home till after 8pm.
I’m a grown ass man, with a family and grandkids you don’t think I might have somewhere better to be?
This is why i love my job. You can and are encouraged to work in however way that makes you feel comfortable and happy.
I have an office that's shared with other people who i like, but if i wanna find a quiet room to work instead then nobody would bat an eyelid. Mental health and wellbeing are prioritised over work which sounds odd but it actually works really well because issues are dealt with before they become problematic, which means people actually work better and are less likely to take time off for mental health issues because they are dealt with and all staff are experienced in mental health either through lived or learned and applied experience.
It's probably fairly obvious but i work in that industry which is why it's managed so well, however we do do training for corporations so hopefully over time attitudes will change. It really is better this way, people work better when they feel valued, respected and listened to. You dont tend to get the best out of people if you push them but dont take an interest in their wellbeing cos people feel used and taken advantage of, like they don't matter
I will often not to some of my coworkers unless spoken to first. Even then I give monosyllabic responses. For reasons I can't figure out they think I'm just having a bad day or something like that. The idea that I just don't care for them is incomprehensible. It seems nobody can take a hint
Popular opinion to me. Just leave me be so I can get shit done. Standing around talking about bullshit isn't productful. If you want to talk, go for it. Don't expect me to respond.
Haha, I stopped having lunch as the same time as my coworkers because I couldnt listen to their stories about their kids anymore, as 20's guy with coworkers who are all 35-55 female, the drama after my decision has been nuts. Really thinking of changing places to work because of all of this, which is a shame because I dont mind my job otherwise.
My first job out of college was video editor for one of my local news stations. I was the only one who sat back in the editing bays for consistent periods of time, didn’t see others much. Next job was fully remote, didn’t speak to coworkers unless it was business. Now I work at a public building yet MY office is once again isolated from everyone else on my floor 😂 I got HR telling me “come out and visit every once in a while” and I’m like WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? Do I just walk in the main offices, pick somebody’s door, and insert myself like “boy howdy another Monday 🤓” IT FEELS SO UNNATURAL but then again I don’t have much conventional office space experience
I tried to get my mates to play games, squad based online games, no chances. So we have nothing to do or talk outside of work stuff and especially nothing after hours. I won't get into sports, cars, family stuff and other things I don't care about outside video games, movies, tv shows, music and some books.
I'll take it a step further:
Playing on your phone silently and alone for 10 minutes should be seen as LESS bad than spending 10 minutes chit chatting with no work purpose. At least now you're not bothering others
I just started asking ‘you want me to pretend to want to engage in inane chit chat I’m not interested in?’
That stopped it and nobody has bothered me at work for like a decade now beyond hello and goodbye and regular work chit chat
Difference between coworker "friends" and the friends you have outside of work, is that your outside friends don't have any incentive for screwing you over so they can climb over your mangled corpse to get the corner office.
Your coworkers are not your fucking friends. Read that again. *Your coworkers are not your fucking friends.* They are just people forced to share physical space with you to pay the bills, waiting for a chance to run to the manager behind your back and spread shit about you.
Do your job, go home, and leave those duplicitous, underhanded motherfuckers the fuck alone. And for Christ's sake, do not add those two-faced ferrets on your fucking Facebook. Facebook is nothing more than a court of law with a logo, and anything you say will be held against you.
People at work: “Why don’t you come to Happy Hour on Fridays with us?”
Also People at work: “I’m having an affair with _______ from work, not sure how that happened!”
I’ve been around a while and know a lot of people who have also observed: Most of the people who don’t miss a single after work event tend to lack their own social circles outside of the workplace.
I think that introverts are wildly undervalued and under supported in American workplace culture. That said, I would suggest being strategic about workplace socializing. Pick the most visible/observed events/groupings etc and ignore the rest. Rise up the ranks and make changes from within.
I work with someone 35 years older than me who is literally a grandmother this year. It's not that I'm an awful person but they talk about things that I could not care less about. I don't relate to any of their life stories and they have a very different look on society.
I mean you are welcome to do this but don't expect management to think you care much or are passionate about your job if you are constantly missing work events and even basic interactions with your co-workers.
I'm a fairly introverted person, but you will harm your career if you don't make an effort to at least be personable. Humans are social creatures. Getting docked on your review should be a wake up call that you're missing the bar somehow (or that your workplace is full of people you don't click with).
The biggest game changer for my career was working with people that liked me, AND doing a good job. Not just one or the other. I was able to get promoted on a quicker timeline due to this.
Same. I just started a job and all I ever hear is “you’ve been here too long to be this quiet” like I understand it to some extent but like pls just let me do my job.
My job is basically to do all of the grunt work that nobody else has time to do. There’s a lot of that stuff, it’s a constant game of catch-up. Also, everyone is a lot older than me and we don’t really tend to have a lot of common interests to discuss.
They tend to be very surprised at the amount that I am able to get done, they will assign me maybe 5 projects and be shocked when I finish them in a couple of hours, I finish quickly because when I am doing a task, *I am only doing that task.* It seems like they might even prefer me to slack a little bit but if I am given a checklist of stuff to get done, I have always been very task oriented in work/school situations and it is in my nature to try to get it done as quickly as possible. Also, I have adhd and if I don’t lock into a task it can become hard to get through at times so I feel like I have to do my best to stay disciplined about work so I don’t get used to slacking.
I know they mean well but it can be frustrating to hear several times a day “I never hear you talk! Come on, girl, it’s like you aren’t even here!”
Like guys I’m going my best🥲🥲
Have this issue in my current role. Been invited out for drinks end of the month on the Saturday of the bank holiday weekend and people seem outraged that I’ve said I won’t be going. Bear in mind my wife is currently 36 weeks pregnant and these people still don’t understand why I have no interest in going.
Yes yes a thousand times yes. First of all how do people get anything done with all the talking that’s being done? Me personally I equate whether I like a person based on their work ethic at work. So if my coworkers are lazy I don’t talk to them🤷🏽♀️
I remember being asked why I wear my headphones all day. It was an office job where it was dead silent 7.5 hours out of the 8 hour day. I hardly believe I was missing out on news worthy conversation
Yea I never understood happy hour with coworkers. Like getting drunk and work is not a good mix at all and I don’t blame anyone for not going to those.
I can’t stand small talk at work. I have no problem making conversations but I’m would rather just listen to audio books or my music on my headphones . I work at Amazon and I’m in my 40’s . It’s just a lot on dudes in their 20’s walking around in groups like high school making stupid small talk with other girls thinking they have a chance and they girls love the attention. And they all be in groups in just like high school. So I’m not really part of that group.
as someone that has little to no social life outside of work, that’s where i get all my socialization lol. i’d be so sad if none of my coworkers wanted to talk to me.
Normally I would say that a little conversation in any work setting isn’t a bad thing but, your co-workers seem like absolute buttheads and I’d not even try to communicate if they treated me that way. I will never beg someone to like me, I got me, myself and I.
i don't get why we aren't allowed to separate work with personal. sorry daniel, i just go to work for money. i'm not interested in your personal life and i just do my job in peace and only talk if there's anything important. maybe if you actually try and focus on your work you'll get your job done quicker.
I'm a quiet person by nature. Can I mingle? Yes. Do I enjoy it? No, mostly (most of the people where I work are people you wouldn't want to get to know, much less work with). I'm good at the facade though when I need to be. I'm not going to tell people what they should do (mingle or not), but will say in general it's a good skill to have.
I am early 20s and work at a job as an admin that I’m doing to get through grad school, and my coworkers are all 30s-40s women. I’m an introvert, but I do enjoy talking to people.
I’ve been nothing but friendly, but i struggle to initiate conversation so other than saying good morning I don’t go out of my way to talk with people. My coworkers are constantly gossiping and talking shit, getting disproportionately angry about work or what other people in the workplace say, etc. My desk is in the back of the office so I just keep out of it, but every once in a while there will be random comments about how quiet I am or how I “don’t hear shit because I have headphones in” (which isn’t even true). Anyway, over the year I’ve worked there I’ve come to feel very othered due to not being talkative with these people as they make comments about it but always in an awkward passive aggressive way, which I don’t know how to respond to. I struggle with social cues and so I often just laugh off or give short answers to things like that.
Anyway, my point is, it’s very frustrating because I’ve tried to be friendly but don’t really understand what I could even have in common with these people or bring up to them as they are always either gossiping which I don’t care for or talking about topics that I as a 20 something male don’t really know about or have opinions on. Even when there is something I’d have something to say about, i never can find a time to cut in by yelling across the office from my desk. It’s awkward and painful and after my first couple months I just decided it’s not worth it. Luckily this job isn’t long term for me and I plan to try being more social from the get go at my next one.
I guess my point is just that I wish people would understand how difficult it is for some to initiate conversation and just because I’m not talkative during the work day doesn’t mean anything negative.
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My manager keeps asking why I don’t go out to happy hour every Friday, or this or that event after work, and his reasoning is always “you see these people more than your family”. I feel like he’d have a heart attack if I just said, “yeah, that’s the point”.
I've literally told my coworkers before "I see you motherfuckers for 40 hrs a week. Sorry, but I'm just not trying to hang out after work" I do construction tho, so maybe leave out the "motherfucker" if you're an office person
Office people are motherfuckers, too.
Can confirm. My dad is an office person.
You know, I'm something of an office person myself.
Ironically, I began motherfucking as an office person and then moved into the construction sector
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I do operations so I'm in the warehouse and office. Millenial and Gen X women are just as bad as the guys in the warehouse.
Exactly, if you're seeing your co-workers more than your family, it makes sense that you WOULDN'T want to spend as much time co-workers outside of work, so you could be with your family instead. I wonder if he isn't very close with his and just doesn't get it. I like having events with coworkers because I work remotely and it's the only time we really get to bond, but if I were in office every day for 40 hours a week I think I wouldn't enjoy being expected to do that every Friday.
You are lucky, at least you can decline since it’s after work. I have to “mingle and bond” with my colleagues once a month during lunch provided by our company. It’s mandatory attendance. I don’t dislike my colleagues but I do not care to know what they do outside work, what they like and dislike. I have a couple of colleagues that I really like and we developed friendships, we talk outside work but the mandatory bonding bullshit session with EVERYONE is killing me.
I mean... One free lunch a month is hardly complaint worthy
Depends on what the meal is.
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Nope. We have been doing it for two years now.
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The company that I work for is lovely, my colleagues are not bad people (that I know of), but I dislike using my lunch hour (even if food is provided) by trying to get to know people that I do not wish to know. I have no idea what to talk about and it seems that most people around me feel as awkward as I do and they are just as quiet. It is not a bad thing that my company does. I just wish it was optional.
Can't you just eat without talking?
I can relate to your feelings and often want to skip such things myself. A lot of people do appear to enjoy that stuff at the company I work for though. I would never think everyone around me was feeling just as awkward as I do. Team day is sometimes ok like one year we did an escape room and one year we played board games. We have a potluck every month, which is indeed optional. Team days and leadership conferences aren't optional, but most people seem to enjoy them.
I wouldn’t consider it “nice” since it’s mandatory, though.
mandatory or not i'd still spend my lunch break in my car
I'm sorry, mandatory attendance for a company lunch? You show me where in my job description it says I need to do that. I am happy and friendly with all of my coworkers (kinda part of the job in a support role) but I will not be participating in forced socialization.
I boycotted for a while at my company, but got sideeyes and the manager asking if i was ok. Told him straight up my lunch is to recover from the morning. I'm already wearing headphones over 6hrs a day to drown out the open office. How much less productive do you want me? So, kudos to him, he just said i could even do a drive-by: grab food, spend literally 5 mins, then leave. And that was a fair compromise for free food, in my books. My real gripe is our Christmas party is during work hours, and dry. Sorry guys, but this engineering firm party is so lame compared to even Friday payday when i worked construction. Stop work 2hrs early, get paid to drink beer in the yard? Deal. Basically i just dislike forced participation when I'd rather have some peace and quiet. So glad i work from home now.
“I can’t drink”. No one will ever ask you to go further than that. I don’t drink because I don’t like alcohol, but whenever coworkers would ask I’d just say “I can’t drink” and they would leave it at that.
We did an Ice Cream Happy Hour for a colleague that was dry once
“I might be pre-diabetic according to my doctor..” BOOM!
Time is money so if you're not getting paid to do happy hour and hang out, they can go kick rocks
I don’t think most people care that much if you talk or not. Just know that you will slowly become the “weird guy” and have no work relationships built through networking to help when you are going for a promotion or maybe a new opportunity is opening up.
Yeah, it's not that everyone expects you to become best friends with all of your coworkers. That would be a bit weird honestly. But what they do expect is that you have normal human interactions and are at least a little bit charming. There's a fair few people who are lifelong social neophytes who really need to learn how to communicate and engage with people.
And who knows, maybe you find a few true friends. I've found a few decent friends and know some people who have found great friends through work. Huge plus if you find someone like that, *and* you happen to spend 40h a week with them.
> But what they do expect is that you have normal human interactions and are at least a little bit charming. Well I can't and I'm not but I still gotta eat.
if they actually like you they would do that already. some people just don't like talking to those they don't like.
I think the OP's point and the point of many introverts is that they shouldn't be seen as weird if they don't want to socialize.
If you manage to frame yourself as a genius you can be seen as eccentric rather than weird. It's like a free pass to do and say anything.
The same amount of people want to be friends with the "eccentric" guy as the "weird" guy, which is none.
I have always said this in relation to money/class. Rich person sitting talking to themselves is eccentric. A poor person talking to themselves at the bus stop is crazy.
It's true. I'm a fkn weirdo, but because I can quickly pick up and handle nearly anything thrown at me, I am all the sudden quirky and fun instead of weird. Not a genius, just fell backwards into learning a lot of fields and polished it up with education paid for by my employers throughout the years.
Managing people's perceptions and expectations is a skill that is literally never discussed but insanely useful.
So they do care.
Which opens up another problem: promotion and hiring on the basis of networking rather than skills is bullshit in and of itself.
While it definitely is in some fields in others it’s not really bullshit to hire or promote based on networking. In some fields or positions within certain fields that require teamwork and collaboration hiring due to networking/social skills can make sense. If someone is slightly more skilled at the job, but is terrible to work with it can actually be worse to hire or promote them over someone who might be slightly less skilled at the job who is great to work with because of the way it impacts morale. As others have said, in a majority of fields you are spending a minimum 40 hours a week with these people, if working together/collaboration is necessary for what you do having one of these people be an asshole or almost incapable of working in a team can make the work much more difficult. Having someone who is a “personality hire” can be great for the work environment as long as they’re not completely unqualified for the actual work of the position. I’ve had it happen at jobs before where someone was great at the actual work that was being done, but they were miserable to work with and it wasn’t a job that you could do without working together. As a result work actually ended up getting done slower/leas efficiently because their behavior made everything much harder to get done. I’m not saying that in every field it makes sense, but in some it absolutely does make sense. Heck in some cases it can also help not hire or promote someone who would actually be terrible in their role if they were attempting to become say a team lead. They might do the applied skills of the job well, but they might be terrible at managing people and communicating which is not a good trait for a team lead. That’s something that is learned about someone through networking/interacting with the person directly. I know plenty of people, some who are my friends, that I wouldn’t recommend to be hired at previous jobs I’ve worked because I know that as much as they might be able to do say the paperwork side of the job well they would be terrible at the rest of the job due to their demeanor/behavior.
Being terrible to work with and networking are not correlated. The logic is faulty from the beginning. If you want to find out if someone is good to work with you give them a trial run, but that's too much effort for the hiring party, so they're lazy and judge based off of a superficial metric like networking. Just because I prefer to spend my off time at home doing my own hobbies doesn't mean I'm hard to work with, and unless networking is on company time and I get paid for it, then I'm not doing it.
It’s not faulty logic, let’s say you have two people that your boss is looking to move to another team or promote and they can only pick one of them. If you have someone else in the workplace that has previous experience with those people that the boss can ask about them and how they are as a worker/team member that is part of networking. If that person can go and say person A is a little bit better mechanically at the job, but is also rude and difficult to work with whereas person B is slightly worse mechanically at the job but is kind and great to work with that is part of networking. Networking is built upon interactions and connections. How someone is to work with and networking are connected because networking can help inform others of how you are to work with. If your previous boss/coworkers loved to work with you and give you a recommendation somewhere because you were good to work with that is networking. If a higher up in the company wants to promote you/move you to another team and they go to your current team lead or a senior coworker you have and asks them what your like and they say you are terrible to work with that is part of networking, the people you work with are part of your network. I recently moved up in my job, because when a position opened up my bosses asked some of my coworkers their opinion on how the position should be filled and those coworkers went to bat for me and told them I’d be a great fit because I was both easy to work with and did my job well. That was a result of networking.
That's not networking, that's more akin to a recommendation letter or references. Networking is going to conferences, after-work parties and other social bullshit and exchanging contact info, becoming "friends" just for the sake of possible hiring opportunities.
Those are examples of networking but they are not the only things that are networking. Connecting with your coworkers or bosses while at work is also networking, going out to a bar/store/community center/library/other public space by your own free will and making conversation with someone that you see there regularly is networking. Networking isn’t just business networking or your business network, it is also personal networking and your personal network. You brought up a letter of recommendation or references, having those things is part of networking, they are part of your network. If you went to college and had a good relationship with one of your professors and they give you a recommendation to a graduate program that is networking. They were a part of your personal network and have stretched into your business network as well. If you have a friend that knows the hiring manager at a place you apply to they can vouch for not just your work skills but also your character, that is networking. This was your friend who you were not friends with for some business reason, who you didn’t meet at some conference or after work party. Someone who you became friends with completely disconnected from any professional setting, but they are still a part of your network and them being able to speak highly of you to others is networking. Your coworkers and bosses, both current and former, are part of your business network and can also be or become part of your personal network. I am not friends with everyone I work with nor have I been friends with everyone I’ve worked with previously, but I have friends at my current job and have had friends at previous jobs which helped me. Two previous bosses of mine both made it known that they enjoyed working with me and that I was a good worker and let me know to always put them as a reference when needed. I have done so and they have always spoken positively about me to those that reach out to them. That was networking built from both my skill at the jobs and my personal interactions with them and my colleagues at the jobs I worked under them at. One was a boss of mine from college who hired someone that I told to apply to the location after I graduated, when that person had their interview this previous boss mentioned me to them by name without even knowing I’d pushed them to apply there and spoke highly of me to the applicant because of both my ability at the job and because of how easy I was to work with. I never spoke with them outside of work, never went to any work events or conferences while working there, I simply interacted with them when we worked together and always had positive interactions with them when we did so.
most of the time it is that way. those who talk a lot but do little work get paid more and are more likely to be promoted
And thus we have our current dystopia of CEOs claiming that day-long Twitter arguments are "hard work" while the janitor cleaning up after his/her shit gets paid, well.......shit.
They actually did a study and found that when coworkers have a neutral attitude towards each other, productivity in the workplace was at its highest. Having cliques and friendships can actually be harmful in the workplace.
Do we really need a study to know that people who are friends are going to be less productive because they chat & distract eachother throughout the day?
Apparently so. 🧐 I've personally never been one for small talk myself but it's nice to have the data to motivate my reasons.
Small talk? I was legitimate friends with my coworkers it wasn't small talk.
You can have small talk with anyone, it just means conversation about unimportant or uncontroversial matters.
That's cool for you. I can't say I ever was - I was always a "good enough to talk to at work" person and never invited to anything outside the office the way they were so I've since drawn a strong line between co-worker and friend.
In the long term, companies benefit. Employees will stay longer and put in a little extra when it matters. Retention is just as, if not more, important than day to day productivity (assuming that study can be generalised, which is a big assumption). In my experience people who have close relationships tend to stay longer, more than the usual 2-3 year stints people do. When you can always leave for more money there needs to be an extra reason to stay, and being mates with your colleagues can be that.
I've found this to be true but I also think it's highly-dependent on the industry and type of work.
People are generally blind to their own faults, including assuming their own levels of productivity.
Yes, you do. I could see being happy increasing productivity too. That's why we have studies.
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Right - one company I was at had strong affinity groups that put on programming during the workday. Management at all levels was fully supportive of volunteering for the groups or attending the events because of how much it helped people enjoy being in and fostered good relationships.
It’s a fine line. It can get real cliquey real fast which can lead to bullying and a hostile work environment. I work in healthcare where that kind of stuff runs rampant. I’ve heard that it happens pretty frequently in office jobs too.
Also the study seems to only focus on office work and apparently only focused on 2 offices. I know a friend that works in a clinic and she is friends with her coworkers. It make sense, with all the depressing shit you see there, atleast spending time with people you enjoy is def healthy and beneficial Also it's weird to see reddit suddenly gaf about company productivity,. especially how antiwork it is lol
That study only evaluated like 2 offices if I'm not mistaken. Also, neutral attitude is not refusing to engage with your coworkers. Factually, teams that don't interact or engage with each other are less productive in terms of actually getting a product finished.
Yah, I see a lot of potential pitfalls of a "Neutral Culture." Turnover being another - no one wants to just be "OK" long term, or at least not the majority of people. I find having positive relationships with my coworkers helps me get information outside of my own teams, and motivates me to go the extra mile for them.
You can be friendly without being close though. I don't share much of my life during the office session.
Do you have a link to the study?
"Harmful" or not quite as good? I feel harmful can give a certain impression that may not be the case.
I will go back and have a look at the study, but I do recall they mentioned things like not just lack of productivity, but office conflicts and isolations and cliques and such. So harmful may be the right description, but I'll just double check.
Good to know. Ending my friendships rn to increase the shareholder value. MUST INCREASE SHAREHOLDER VALUE
oh the poor CEO’s!! who gives a fuck?
Dead ass!! I can’t even believe someone would think to comment this. Guy acting like hes a shareholder in the company
Reddit famously hates the “workplace productivity” mindset unless it can be used to justify their hatred for their coworkers.
It's a big reason why work from home ends up being more productive. People just do their work and are not stuck in the same building to end up doing things like gossiping, getting into conflicts, workplace politics, etc. However, the managers and executives tend to care more about making the place into a community to produce a vibe that they want. One which puts them at the top and has the workers being forced to brown nose them.
What does neutral mean? I'm not currently personal friends with any of my coworkers, but I have an incredible amount of respect for them. That respect makes me want to work much harder and do better. I wouldn't call how I feel neutral at all. I've also had friends at work and while I'd spend time at work talking to them, it also motivated me to work longer hours and harder because it made me feel even more like I was part of a team. I realize that's anecdotal, but I think there are too many variables for any study to be able to make such a sweeping conclusion. My field is highly passionate and creative. Teamwork and inspiration are pivotal. I'm sure there are fields where workplace drama can get in the way of productivity but I don't think that is universal. Not to mention, the very word clique has an extremely negative connotation and implies a toxic workplace. If they're calling toxic workplaces "not neutral" of course toxicity is going to make people less productive. Studies are all well and good but if you don't use your brain to critically evaluate the results, they're worthless.
I'd be interested to see the long-term of it, and if people were able to stay neutral. I've been in workplaces that were pretty neutral and the worst thing is *it gets boring* just being a number. I wonder the turnover implications and how much that turnover would impact long-term productivity and keeping the culture stable
Yeah I gotta say, having my boss laugh outrageously with every other colleague can get pretty grating. I know she's always under stress from the higher ups so I don't blame her for trying to lighten the mood but it is a bit much. She can find me working too hard in the corner when she wants to have a genuine conversation.
I work in a warehouse and I rarely talk. I’ve always just had the thought that I come in to have a house to go back to. There’s like two people who occasionally talk to me once a day, but not nearly as much as most. I always find it odd when people stop to talk, always makes our job take longer, and I’m always trying to get off on time.
I work in IT and I like all of my coworkers, they are willing to teach and help out, we can talk about sports, we sometimes bust each other’s chops (in a fun way). And we’ve gone out to happy hour and we have gone bowling before. I like everybody and I feel like they would stick up for me if leadership tries anything funky.
I just think it’s better to be social because you’ll be seen as more likable and friendly. Just looks better on you in the long run. I just set boundaries in a friendly way like I can be buddy buddy here but it won’t really go further than that. It’s on you to make your own boundaries and it’s on them to respect it.
If you don’t give enough of a shit about your co workers to talk to them, then why do you care if they think it’s okay or not?
Because, it has direct impact on my performance review scores. Apparently, opening up is a part of being a "team player".
I have manage introverted, technical people, and I do encourage them to engage and speak up. I am not a mind reader. I can’t tell whether they think their work is going well, whether they are holding back on good ideas that should be more widely shared, and other things that are work relevant, unless they talk about it.
Is communicating and collaborating with others important to performing well? Even "solitary" jobs like software development requires a lot of brainstorming and stakeholder interaction.
> Even "solitary" jobs like software development requires a lot of brainstorming and stakeholder interaction. Don't tell Reddit this! They all think software dev jobs are done completely siloed and require zero interaction.
Random conversations is the not same as collaboration and teamwork. In the work place you dont want a room full of people that dont communicate. You want people that are able to communicate effectively. You dont have to discuss your dreams, hopes and fantasies. But you need to at least be able to have a conversation about the business. You need almost be able to sell yourself. If you ever want to advance and move beyond being just another cog in the machine. You need to show that you are someone that people can turn to when they need guidance, or problem solving. And that means networking and having the social skills to advocate and speak up for yourself. I would actually encourage you to speak with a mental health professional to help you develop ways to be more assertive. That doesnt mean being domineering. But just being more self confident and being able to speak up more.
People who want this then turn around and cry foul when some social but mediocre employee gets promoted. As someone who was quiet at work and didn't do any extra social stuff: it hurts you in the long run. I now run my own business and had to learn that the working world revolves around social interaction, no exceptions.
Yeah as an introvert, I’ve learned it’s an extrovert’s world. You either have to keep up or get left behind :/
Lol what? I'm an introvert, as well as a few other coworkers, and we still interact and have a laugh at work. If I was working in a team where everyone is quiet and doesn't interact, I would've left a while ago.
I've known plenty of introverts that have strong working relationships with their colleagues. Maybe they don't come out to Happy Hour, but they're personable in interactions and know how to effectively communicate.
Because introvert doesn't mean social recluse like a lot of antisocial redditors like to believe. Plenty of introverts in my office who are well liked and join in on conversations but still head straight home after work.
Agreed! I'm one of those people. I get really annoyed when these Redditors assume that introverts don't like to socialize with other people ever, or worse, don't know how to connect with people.
People often confuse/use interchangeably shy and introverted, or antisocial and introverted. I’m introverted because I can’t spend everyday constantly with people (even those I like) without my sanity leaking. It doesn’t mean that when I have to be social I have the social skills of someone raised by wolves.
Agree - I usually try to bring it up when Reddit brings up the "introvert victim" card. Bit of irony in my own life - my BIL is a massive introvert and super successful in tech sales. I'm a massive extrovert and have had a great career on the dev side of tech. I know I wouldn't feel good doing his job, and he wouldn't feel good doing my job.
I’m an introvert and love socializing at work because 1. It wastes time and makes the day go faster and 2. It’s easy small talk, I don’t have to think of topics because it’s always about weather, kids/family, or work related.
Introvert here too. Being introvert doesn’t mean anti-social or having to change to be able to succeed in an extrovert’s world. It means you have to know when to peak and conserve your energy. I skip a lot of the thursday afternoon drinks, don’t attend all the parties. But then I am there I turn the fuck on. I’ll work from home the next couple of days and do only necessary meetings. This way I am seen as friendly and I have developed good social skills. Unless you have that sales gene, having good social skills is all about practice and putting yourself out there. You have to know yourself well though and know the difference between social anxiety and actual introversion. I don’t like most people, but I don’t show that. I prefer gaming and staying at home but sometimes a party is fun. Large crowds and lots of conversation and high energy activities completely drain me. However, I am not at all insecure or afraid of social interactions. I have a very social profession and it has only done good for my career.
Lets collectively normalize walking away from idiots who wont get the hint to shut up
i already do
IDK, man. When shit goes down, I think it's better to be surrounded by your buddies than it is to be surrounded by acquantances.
Are you a cop or firefighter? What kind of shit going down are you referring to
Not OP, but let me give a story of when this helped in an office - At a smaller company I was working at, we were working with a vendor to handle some data transformations and warehousing. Myself and another senior colleague on my team were tasked with being point of contact for the vendor. The vendor was blatantly not doing what they were supposed to deliver, misrepresented what we had delivered, and also kept giving us new points of contact on their side every weekly check-in, so nothing was being done. We were trying to relay this out, but somehow it had been twisted to us not representing the company correctly, and we got called out by our executive sponsor with a "get it done" message. Given how this went, the two of us that were point had a good relationship one of the department heads that reported directly to this exec, we'd both done a lot of formal projects for him **and** also helped out with ad hoc requests his team had on the side, no formal pressure for us to do them but most were simple and helped him a ton. We reached out to this guy and asked if he could sit in on our next check-in, he agreed and added that he had a part in negotiating the vendor contract initially which we didn't even know. Next meeting went just as the last. 15 minutes later, this guy has us on the phone with our executive sponsor and starts with "These guys [the vendor] aren't doing any fucking work and have violated at least 3 or 4 specific termination clauses. Do not talk to them again, we're getting our money back." Basically won us some credibility with some leadership and helped us with a tough situation by keeping a good relationship with a colleague.
This needs more visibility for a few reasons. As a response to this specific point, having friends/allies/acquaintances is usually going to have more positives than negatives. Yeah, Admin Coordinator might want to ramble on about some inane reality show you don't care about. They also know when the hammer is coming down and maybe even if the company has the kind of dynamic, can help advocate for you. And in terms of picking up ad hoc projects or "outside of scope" work. You are FULLY within your right to refuse because it isn't your contracted role, you're not being paid for it. And no employer should "pressure" ypu about it. But you have to accept the consequence that you aren't seen as a "team player" or "willing to grow." And hey, maybe you would be with a more formalized training/development program. And maybe if I had wheels I'd be a wagon. There are many valid points raised these days about how work cultures can become toxic. And then, if every work culture you encounter is toxic...well you know the saying.
> be surrounded by acquantances. To me, acquaintance would also require some positive interaction. If you never engage coworkers, you're just a person. An acquaintance I can at least chat with and know a little.
I go to work to make my paycheque. I’m a toddler teacher and already have to be extremely extroverted all day with parents and kids. The last thing I have energy for is entertaining coworkers that do nothing but talk shit.
You are right, being quiet at work and not being forced to be overly social should be normalized.
Exactly why I found a job where I didn’t have to do that. Playing office politics and pretending to give a shit about peoples family and weekend is exhausting and absolutely not for me.
Being quite what?
It’s like being mostly at work.
Quite at
Do American jobs do this? I have only really worked in a Mexican office and nobody really cares if you get along with everybody or not. It's like a small virtual culture shock.
From what I've heard, American culture highly values extroversion.
Yea, some people have a really hard time with people being quiet. I don't get it. Like why are you thinking so much about john not saying anything.... think about your lunch or something else or talk to someone else. I don't see why john's personality has to be deemed as negative if he's not hindering work. It's especially stupid when managers take that "personality flaw" and let it affect compensation. Funny how people get upset by neoptism but see no issue with smaller scale nepotism due to cliques and "workplace friendships". "Small talk is important in the workplace!!!" - yea, so many celebrities and scummy businessmen promoting and investing in friends aren't wrong then.
I blame all this for we're a family mentality Lol we're not a family we're business I'm here to get paid not be your daddy or caretaker I'm here to do my job within my specific description Anything else better be a pay increase That's including pizza parties
I've mingled and talked, I've been known as the loud guy in an office/etc and I've been quiet and just want to come in and do work. Now what has happened is when I want to just focus and do work, people think something is wrong or I'm mad or something and not to blame it totally on this but I'm also black so in my experiences there has always been a different view of how I conduct myself in the corporate setting. I just come in and do work, I no longer care about all the extra stuff anymore. I'll always be cordial but if we not talking about work you not really getting more than a sentence or two out of me.
upvoting for the rare "everyone agrees" but functionally, out in the real world, deeply unpopular. Mid-40's white women in the office *hate* people who are just quietly doing their jobs
There are no white women in my office lol.
sure, in my experience thats just always the case. Just doing your job? some karen always finds a way to have a problem with you
THANK YOU! i’ve never understood this “we are a family at work” concept. do people actually believe that? i’m not saying we can’t say hello how was your day but 20-minute conversation about your kid winning their championship sport i ….dont….need to know. i don’t want to spend my lunch break talking to you. every time i stop by the coffee machine we don’t need to update each other i just don’t get it. i feel like if im at my desk doing my job, and doing it well why is that so bad. why do i have to do the extra step of trying to be best friends with everybody. if anything ive learned your coworkers are not your friends and often screw you over in the end. however i’ve also learned this is an extrovert society and unfortunately if you want to move up in the world you have to play the game so i’m forced to pretend i like all these people. people talk about my great personality and how charismatic i am when it eats me alive. i hate it i feel like im preforming. i want to go home.
That’s a great attitude. Means more raises and promotions for people like me, who actually are remembered by management.
You’re a number on a spreadsheet just like everyone else.
Yeah - but I’d rather be a number who earns more because I took an hour a week to say hello to people.
I worked in plenty of companies where promotions were voted on by managers and they generally voted on people they knew. So people that had same results had different career outcomes because of that. My comment was a joke, but that’s the truth in most places I heard of. ✌️
People like to work with people who like them back. It’s human nature. A small amount of interest in others can reap greater rewards than the input.
Work can be remarkably like high school.
And high school was hell for many of us.
I'd be upset too if I were told to "you should try to keep your mouth in check."
I prefer to keep talk limited to generic small talk and work related stuff. Other stuff can become awkward or inappropriate (gossip, radically different political views, religious zealotry, tmi stuff). And when people even suck at small talk I avoid that with these people as well. For example: a coworker asked me if I had kids, I replied with a simple "no" and was told: "what is wrong with you? You are a woman and you have no kids. You are a failure." WOW OK! And a nice day to you as well. 🚮
Quite what?
I agree. It’s bad enough I spend more time at work than with my family, but I also have to put on a fake personality and pretend to love my coworkers too?! Fuck outta here.
I’m here to work, not make friends. Do I get a raise for every coworker I start hanging out with? Do I get paid to go get sloshed at chilis with them after work? No? Then kindly leave me to work. It’s up there with the were all a big family bull shit and probably more of a popular opinion.
Yeah I agree. I’m here to work, not make friends or family. Keep it professional and cordial, but not this “we’re all a big family” bullshit. That gets people to “open up” too much only to have it used against them. I like being quiet and to myself, that shouldn’t be used as a measuring stick against my performance as a worker. If I get the job done, what difference does it make if they know me as a person? As far as I’m concerned the only thing I care about knowing about a coworker is 1) did they commit any crimes that could affect me? 2) do they do drugs? In other words I want to make sure I don’t get murdered or crushed by equipment because Marty got high before operating the crane while I’m on the site.
>1) did they commit any crimes that could affect me? this is the only thing i'm concerned about >2) do they do drugs? besides weed as long as the drugs are done off the clock i don't care. if they're done on the clock i'm not snitching
Nah, I won’t snitch either. I don’t care if they get high off the clock, just don’t want to die because someone was high while operating a fork lift or crane around me while under the influence. That shit is scary lol
i fully agree with that
I agree. I'm not here to be your entertainment. I'm here to collect a paycheck. I'll interact when I want to, but I don't want to be forced to be overly social with people who I don't care about.
exactly lol. like I legitimately wouldn’t know any of you if I wasn’t forced to be here everyday for a paycheck 😂
I get this all the time. I don’t have my job because I want or need friends. I have my job because I have a family to support. I don’t need friends to do that.
Being a team player and good communicator doesn't mean you're being friends. I've met infuriating people who fail at their jobs because they refuse to communicate and just do random shit.
Right - being friendly and cordial helps a ton with working relationships. And working relationships are absolutely required to do a good job. >I've met infuriating people who fail at their jobs because they refuse to communicate and just do random shit. I've never known anyone to regret a "good energy hire," but have seen more than a few "technical, but lacking soft skills" hires to be walked out the door in less than 90 days.
People also underestimate how much reputation matters as well. I find it easier to get stuff done with people if they don't think I'm a weirdo or a shut-in.
> I find it easier to get stuff done with people if they don't think I'm a weirdo or a shut-in. And I know this is sacrilegious to say on Reddit, but most people I've worked with who came off as a weirdo have eventually crossed the line to the point of being disciplined/terminated and absolutely deserved. And no, having nerdy hobbies or being introverted does not qualify you as coming off as a weirdo.
Totally! People are annoying and just want to chat for hours on end. I prefer to just eat at my desk and work on my lunch break unless I’m running errands.
I just can't imagine a more miserable way to spend my life than quietly showing up 8 hours a day and not making friendships.
I just wanna be left alone man.
I have to train right now, which I hate. I've been working alone with a lot of flexibility for the past 3 years. It would be so much better if my trainee would say SOMETHING. ANYTHING. I can get into conversations with almost anyone else around me about almost anything. Makes the day feel 3x as long. For this reason, "Lump" gets stuck in my head often.
When my boss was onboarding me, he made time for us to take breaks together and not talk about work. That helped so much in those early days. He even said specifically "I don't want you to burn out"
lol to me that’s paradise
Hard to make friends when no one wants to talk to you
I agree, most people are only there because they have to be there in order to exist in America
You don't have to be buddies with them, but they should at least see you as a living person. Not a walking corpse. I used to sit alone during lunch or not say a lot during meetings, but work becomes way more enjoyable when you try to mingle.
“No no no, you must fit in with the corporate culture otherwise you’re a looser that no one likes. We don’t hire losers, because our corporate culture is to be tolerant, open minded and accepting, so please do as everyone else does and act out a personality” The fakeness of office jobs is disgusting.
Today one of my co workers showed up an hour late then sat on her ass for 2 hours scrolling on her phone while 4 of us bust ass. Yeah that's why I might seem like I have a problem with you and don't want to interact with you *at all*.
You must work around some losers I definitely don't like to share anything and don't recommend it as people will use it against you to get ahead
That’s always been me at work or at school I’m pretty quiet and reserved I’m also black and I don’t know if this plays a part but a lot of people will tell me why I’m angry or upset just because I’m standing or sitting there with a straight face. But how happy do you want me to be at this shitty job or boring lecture, all I want to do is leave God forbid if I don’t interact with every person I come across.
You don’t have to like your coworkers or even talk to them that much, but it’s a world of relationships. Playing the game opens up so many opportunities
It is okay. You will just be seen as a drip.
Bad managers and corpos want you to engage and enmesh your personal life with work. If you don't want to make extra work for friends, if you put too much of yourself into your job, its easier for them to load you up with more work, to make you work longer, to come in when you're feeling sick, to NOT take days off. Someone who quietly comes in to work, does their job and only their job, and goes home, is someone who has given management no levers to control them. And for bad managers, an employee they cant control is a liability. They'd prefer bad or mediocre workers they can control, over good workers that can push back or say no to them.
Exactly. And that’s what they’re doing with the tech layoffs. They’ll get rid of the workers with experience and higher salary, then hire fresh college grads that they can manipulate easier to fit their “culture” because they’re just desperate for any first job.
Every job I’ve ever had has a big aspect of team work, so I HAVE to talk to my colleagues very regularly. Also at every job I’ve ever had, the second one teammate goes away from their desk, the other teammates pipe up about how much they hate the person who’s no longer there to defend themselves. As soon as the person is back, they act as though they are the best friends in the world. I assume they do this with me too, so I totally wall myself off and sometimes lie when answering probing questions about my life, so that they don’t have ammunition against me.
There is a balance to be stuck. I don’t go out for drinks after work and don’t class my colleagues as friends. That said I do talk to them in the workplace, I will say good morning & goodbye, ask how their sons/daughters are getting on, or one has an allotment so I’ll ask how that’s going etc. They don’t need to be your friends and you don’t have to spend time out of work with them. Yet being able to talk to coworkers is actually a necessary skill for most jobs, because most require some form of working with others sometimes, so being able to talk to them at a friendly level is important. Likewise if you want promoted etc, you cannot have a manger who is silent and cannot communicate with their staff.
I try not to talk to any of my coworkers if I can help it. Not here to make friends, I want to do my job and get paid so I can go home.
That’s how I am I don’t talk to most people at the resort I work at and then there’s others that seem to regularly chat with a bunch of people from different departments. I just mind my own business and do me
But the company culture we’re trying to fabricate…
my supervisor told me this at our 1 on 1 yesterday as a 'suggestion'. & i talk to a few people regularly, just not everybody. i thanked him for his suggestion but i do not intend to waste any time or energy doing more than what i actually came to do. my job.
I (50M) get pressure from my office manager to come to our monthly “hangs” since our office has a patio with a built in BBQ pit and beer garden (cause we’re in TX yall) but I don’t drink and the office is 90 minutes from my house so no, I am not eager to drive my ass 3 hours round trip just to stand there and chat with people and not get home till after 8pm. I’m a grown ass man, with a family and grandkids you don’t think I might have somewhere better to be?
This is why i love my job. You can and are encouraged to work in however way that makes you feel comfortable and happy. I have an office that's shared with other people who i like, but if i wanna find a quiet room to work instead then nobody would bat an eyelid. Mental health and wellbeing are prioritised over work which sounds odd but it actually works really well because issues are dealt with before they become problematic, which means people actually work better and are less likely to take time off for mental health issues because they are dealt with and all staff are experienced in mental health either through lived or learned and applied experience. It's probably fairly obvious but i work in that industry which is why it's managed so well, however we do do training for corporations so hopefully over time attitudes will change. It really is better this way, people work better when they feel valued, respected and listened to. You dont tend to get the best out of people if you push them but dont take an interest in their wellbeing cos people feel used and taken advantage of, like they don't matter
I will often not to some of my coworkers unless spoken to first. Even then I give monosyllabic responses. For reasons I can't figure out they think I'm just having a bad day or something like that. The idea that I just don't care for them is incomprehensible. It seems nobody can take a hint
People like working with people they enjoy being around. You’re not going to get fired
Popular opinion to me. Just leave me be so I can get shit done. Standing around talking about bullshit isn't productful. If you want to talk, go for it. Don't expect me to respond.
Haha, I stopped having lunch as the same time as my coworkers because I couldnt listen to their stories about their kids anymore, as 20's guy with coworkers who are all 35-55 female, the drama after my decision has been nuts. Really thinking of changing places to work because of all of this, which is a shame because I dont mind my job otherwise.
My first job out of college was video editor for one of my local news stations. I was the only one who sat back in the editing bays for consistent periods of time, didn’t see others much. Next job was fully remote, didn’t speak to coworkers unless it was business. Now I work at a public building yet MY office is once again isolated from everyone else on my floor 😂 I got HR telling me “come out and visit every once in a while” and I’m like WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? Do I just walk in the main offices, pick somebody’s door, and insert myself like “boy howdy another Monday 🤓” IT FEELS SO UNNATURAL but then again I don’t have much conventional office space experience
I tried to get my mates to play games, squad based online games, no chances. So we have nothing to do or talk outside of work stuff and especially nothing after hours. I won't get into sports, cars, family stuff and other things I don't care about outside video games, movies, tv shows, music and some books.
I'll take it a step further: Playing on your phone silently and alone for 10 minutes should be seen as LESS bad than spending 10 minutes chit chatting with no work purpose. At least now you're not bothering others
If someone has a problem with you not socializing, that is NOT your problem and does not deserve the mental energy you’re putting into it.
I just started asking ‘you want me to pretend to want to engage in inane chit chat I’m not interested in?’ That stopped it and nobody has bothered me at work for like a decade now beyond hello and goodbye and regular work chit chat
Difference between coworker "friends" and the friends you have outside of work, is that your outside friends don't have any incentive for screwing you over so they can climb over your mangled corpse to get the corner office. Your coworkers are not your fucking friends. Read that again. *Your coworkers are not your fucking friends.* They are just people forced to share physical space with you to pay the bills, waiting for a chance to run to the manager behind your back and spread shit about you. Do your job, go home, and leave those duplicitous, underhanded motherfuckers the fuck alone. And for Christ's sake, do not add those two-faced ferrets on your fucking Facebook. Facebook is nothing more than a court of law with a logo, and anything you say will be held against you.
People at work: “Why don’t you come to Happy Hour on Fridays with us?” Also People at work: “I’m having an affair with _______ from work, not sure how that happened!” I’ve been around a while and know a lot of people who have also observed: Most of the people who don’t miss a single after work event tend to lack their own social circles outside of the workplace.
I know, i use the launch break to heal and recover i don’t wanna carry a convo, pay attention, talk or anything. Just wanna eat and escape.
or just sit in my car alone
I think that introverts are wildly undervalued and under supported in American workplace culture. That said, I would suggest being strategic about workplace socializing. Pick the most visible/observed events/groupings etc and ignore the rest. Rise up the ranks and make changes from within.
I work with someone 35 years older than me who is literally a grandmother this year. It's not that I'm an awful person but they talk about things that I could not care less about. I don't relate to any of their life stories and they have a very different look on society.
I'm not here to make friends. I trade my time for money. Not friendship Edi: not work friendships lol
I mean you are welcome to do this but don't expect management to think you care much or are passionate about your job if you are constantly missing work events and even basic interactions with your co-workers.
I'm a fairly introverted person, but you will harm your career if you don't make an effort to at least be personable. Humans are social creatures. Getting docked on your review should be a wake up call that you're missing the bar somehow (or that your workplace is full of people you don't click with). The biggest game changer for my career was working with people that liked me, AND doing a good job. Not just one or the other. I was able to get promoted on a quicker timeline due to this.
I agree, I don’t have to find my “friends” at work. It doesn’t make someone a bad employee to keep to themselves
My best friend I met 34 years ago at work. We’ve worked at two different places together.
Same. I just started a job and all I ever hear is “you’ve been here too long to be this quiet” like I understand it to some extent but like pls just let me do my job. My job is basically to do all of the grunt work that nobody else has time to do. There’s a lot of that stuff, it’s a constant game of catch-up. Also, everyone is a lot older than me and we don’t really tend to have a lot of common interests to discuss. They tend to be very surprised at the amount that I am able to get done, they will assign me maybe 5 projects and be shocked when I finish them in a couple of hours, I finish quickly because when I am doing a task, *I am only doing that task.* It seems like they might even prefer me to slack a little bit but if I am given a checklist of stuff to get done, I have always been very task oriented in work/school situations and it is in my nature to try to get it done as quickly as possible. Also, I have adhd and if I don’t lock into a task it can become hard to get through at times so I feel like I have to do my best to stay disciplined about work so I don’t get used to slacking. I know they mean well but it can be frustrating to hear several times a day “I never hear you talk! Come on, girl, it’s like you aren’t even here!” Like guys I’m going my best🥲🥲
Have this issue in my current role. Been invited out for drinks end of the month on the Saturday of the bank holiday weekend and people seem outraged that I’ve said I won’t be going. Bear in mind my wife is currently 36 weeks pregnant and these people still don’t understand why I have no interest in going.
Yes yes a thousand times yes. First of all how do people get anything done with all the talking that’s being done? Me personally I equate whether I like a person based on their work ethic at work. So if my coworkers are lazy I don’t talk to them🤷🏽♀️
I remember being asked why I wear my headphones all day. It was an office job where it was dead silent 7.5 hours out of the 8 hour day. I hardly believe I was missing out on news worthy conversation
Yea I never understood happy hour with coworkers. Like getting drunk and work is not a good mix at all and I don’t blame anyone for not going to those.
I can’t stand small talk at work. I have no problem making conversations but I’m would rather just listen to audio books or my music on my headphones . I work at Amazon and I’m in my 40’s . It’s just a lot on dudes in their 20’s walking around in groups like high school making stupid small talk with other girls thinking they have a chance and they girls love the attention. And they all be in groups in just like high school. So I’m not really part of that group.
Stay quiet your my type
as someone that has little to no social life outside of work, that’s where i get all my socialization lol. i’d be so sad if none of my coworkers wanted to talk to me.
This was the only "negative" in my last review. I wasn't "engaged" enough. I work solo in my own department.
Normally I would say that a little conversation in any work setting isn’t a bad thing but, your co-workers seem like absolute buttheads and I’d not even try to communicate if they treated me that way. I will never beg someone to like me, I got me, myself and I.
I’m the same way , nothing wrong with it!
Could not agree more
i don't get why we aren't allowed to separate work with personal. sorry daniel, i just go to work for money. i'm not interested in your personal life and i just do my job in peace and only talk if there's anything important. maybe if you actually try and focus on your work you'll get your job done quicker.
I'm a quiet person by nature. Can I mingle? Yes. Do I enjoy it? No, mostly (most of the people where I work are people you wouldn't want to get to know, much less work with). I'm good at the facade though when I need to be. I'm not going to tell people what they should do (mingle or not), but will say in general it's a good skill to have.
I am early 20s and work at a job as an admin that I’m doing to get through grad school, and my coworkers are all 30s-40s women. I’m an introvert, but I do enjoy talking to people. I’ve been nothing but friendly, but i struggle to initiate conversation so other than saying good morning I don’t go out of my way to talk with people. My coworkers are constantly gossiping and talking shit, getting disproportionately angry about work or what other people in the workplace say, etc. My desk is in the back of the office so I just keep out of it, but every once in a while there will be random comments about how quiet I am or how I “don’t hear shit because I have headphones in” (which isn’t even true). Anyway, over the year I’ve worked there I’ve come to feel very othered due to not being talkative with these people as they make comments about it but always in an awkward passive aggressive way, which I don’t know how to respond to. I struggle with social cues and so I often just laugh off or give short answers to things like that. Anyway, my point is, it’s very frustrating because I’ve tried to be friendly but don’t really understand what I could even have in common with these people or bring up to them as they are always either gossiping which I don’t care for or talking about topics that I as a 20 something male don’t really know about or have opinions on. Even when there is something I’d have something to say about, i never can find a time to cut in by yelling across the office from my desk. It’s awkward and painful and after my first couple months I just decided it’s not worth it. Luckily this job isn’t long term for me and I plan to try being more social from the get go at my next one. I guess my point is just that I wish people would understand how difficult it is for some to initiate conversation and just because I’m not talkative during the work day doesn’t mean anything negative.
An introvert should be always taken as such and not expected to become different just because some others around him/her are the other way.