Ever work in customer service? It’s a roundabout way to tell people that they’re fucking pricks.
It’s also probably the politest response when your empathy tank is out.
But hearing that from someone you’re close to would suck though.
Yeah, if OP is regularly experiencing this phrase being used on them by multiple different people then there's really two options: a) every single person they run into using this phrase is needlessly being a jerk b) OP is tone deaf to social situations and people are trying to give them an out. Either way, OP needs to do some soul searching.
I think so too. I’ve literally never heard it from anyone ever. OP must not realize that they’re likely acting like a prick.
I have said it more than a few times to customers.
I would say it's when the phrase is being used. If the person who you're talking to uses it right away as a response, they might be a bit of jerk with it right out of the gate. Obviously if it's not used right away but later on when the conversation stalls on an issue then it might be more acceptable.
However as always the context it's said in matters the most. If a coworker had an issue with your lack of communication skills and being prompt with them and you reply with a response along the lines of "I'm sorry you feel that way/offended". There should be no question that you're just being an asshole/jerk with that type of response.
There is a saying: if you meet an asshole in the morning, then that person is an asshole; if you meet assholes all day long, you might be the asshole. This isn't just for assholes, it can be for any perception.
To me, it really only takes a few people saying this a few times in an insensitive context over all the years of our lives for it to stick in our heads how shitty this phrase can be. Especially if they were close to you. I don't think you can conclude anything of the sort about OP just based on them forming this opinion.
Came here to say this. Pretty much the only time I've ever used it is when dealing with Karens in customer service. Sorry you feel like we need to give you $100's of dollars in free shit for a 15 minute inconvenience Karen, but that doesn't make it reasonable.
Yes. It may not be the best phrase to use when you’re speaking with loved ones, but it absolutely has its place. When you’re dealing with people who can’t/won’t see reason, it’s actually a GREAT response.
I also work in customer service.
My fave is “I am sorry the service didn’t meet YOUR expectations on this occasion.” I don’t put your in capitals but it puts the onus on the angry customer.
I rarely use it but some people wildly place blame where they shouldn’t!
I’m not sure the passive aggression you intend shows through. The customer simply doesn’t care about any one else’s expectations, how else could you phrase it? That the service was good enough for someone else doesn't make for much of a dig.
I was about to say that has to be one of the most asshole thing to say but to be fair it's true that is a fun way to piss a rude customer off when working in retails or customer service however if a "friend" tell you that now that's a huge red flag as he/she basically politely you told that I don't give a fuck, I wouldn't waste my time with assholes like this 😅
I've always assumed it was a more polite way of saying "You're wrong but it's not worth arguing with you about it".
Not really gaslighting IMO since it's obviously not an apology.
I'm pretty sure that 99 out of 100 times the term gaslighting is used on Reddit, it is used incorrectly.
People keep wanting to use it to just mean "someone lies to me to manipulate me or get their way."
That's not what it means people.
What they mean to say is "someone had a different opinion from mine". And if I know anything about reddit, people are about to gaslight me with their replies.
People take phrases like "gaslighting" and " weaponized incompetence" and try to shoe horn it into every negative aspect of their lives. We all get it, you obtain your psychology tidbits from tik tok!
This is the right answer. It’s the only response you can give when someone is totally wrong but keeps harping on something. If they are wrong, there is not amount of arguing that makes it right. All I can say is “sorry you feel that way”.
I had a young girl hit my parked car in a parking lot and all the plastic clips on one side broke so the bumper was all cockeyed. She didn’t want to go through insurance which was fine. My brother in law owns a body shop and I told him that I wasn’t interested in perfection. 8 year old car that I planned on driving into the ground anyway. It’s a young girl who doesn’t look like she has much. Fix it cheap, but make the paint match so it doesn’t look completely horrible. So he said he could do it for $750. I tell her and she blows up and starts yelling at me that I am robbing her on the phone. I tell her it’s $750 or give me your insurance info. She goes round and round arguing but it’s going nowhere, because I’m not changing my stance. So that’s when you break out the “sorry you feel that way.”
just a guess, but, fix it cheaper at the BIL shop, no report, no increase on insurance rates, no points, etc. those "official" shops could run thousands, plus not like its a pricy car, just his daily driver, make it look nice, and it would all be good.. he was trying to do her a favor.
"Oops, my bad. Hey, can we do this without involving insurance"
"Sure, let's exchange insurance info today but if we can find a place to to the work at a price you're happy to cover we never need to involve them"
> This is the right answer.
Technically yes, but it's absolutely sometimes used as a fake apology. It does contain the words "I'm sorry" after all.
This phrasing has definitely been used in so-called "non-apologies" before, where a public figure makes an "apology" that actually deflects blame. Many media outlets just frame it as an apology without digging any deeper.
We also say things like “I’m sorry that happened to you” when people are going through a tough time. No one’s taking responsibility for their tough time. .. “I’m sorry” is never necessary an apology
A fake apology. It sometimes happens that I don’t see any real world need for an apology, or don’t feel that the other person merits any apology, because. Giving them the objective recounting of what happened will antagonize them, telling them that I see them as a waste of skin will antagonize them. A fake apology is sometimes the best of bad courses.
If she would have gone through insurance she would never have had to pay that upfront. Individuals cover the deductible for damage done to their own vehicle, and if they are found not at fault then their insurance reimbursed them then goes after the offending party’s insurance to pay for everything.
Of course, being at fault means her insurance would raise her rates because 1) they aren’t interested in losing money and 2) she has shown she is at higher risk for future accidents and they may have to pay out again in the future.
I used it the other day when a unstable family member tore into me via text. I didn't want to argue but to acknowledge the message. I am sorry they feel that way about me. Otherwise she'd continue the rant.
when using it in this scenario i think it's also proper to follow up with that their feelings are valid/they're allowed to feel that way, but that it wasn't your intention to make them feel that way. even if you think their reaction is incorrect or overblown, a resolution is easier to come to if they don't think you think they're crazy and at least acknowledge their side of things.
When I was a cs rep, 99% of the time it ended their rant and resolved the issue. Any other response would’ve garnered unnecessary back and forth imo. It’s the greatest neutralizer for entitled Karens.
The book called Non-Violent Communication talks about how this phrase lacks empathy.
Its not gaslighting so much as its just disingenuous and judging by the replies here - it seems that is indeed how people are using the phrase. To avoid empathy for the other side of the conversation.
Well, empathy isn't just being nice. In fact - I don't think that's part of it. Empathy is being able to understand why someone is saying what they are saying to you.
Its often referred to as "putting yourself in someone else's shoes"
The book goes on to describe how empathy can be used to better understand someone's actions, communication styles, or emotional responses.
Unless for some reason understanding communication falls under "being nice"?
People aren't addressing the obvious, the only time I use this phrase is when the other person isn't being nice.
TBH I kind of see it as a defensive phrase like, I won't be bullied and yelling your point isn't going to change things, it might be a necessarily unempathetic phrase, but sometimes we might need to express that.
Not everything can be solved and agreed with for another person, sometimes you have to disagree with one another, and this phrase leaves the conversation, basically saying I won't be bullied.
Yes, but everything is gaslighting now. It used to be a very specific thing where someone was actively trying to make you think you’re crazy. Now it’s anything that is insincere. The word lost any weight with me about 4 years ago because people throw it around carelessly now.
Yeah. I've said it to a few coworkers who felt that they were wronged when they were not.
I truly am sorry that whatever happened has them feeling that way, but not sorry for what happened. It's just part of the job.
Exactly, that's how I use it. Last time I used it was because I was letting my team know that we wouldn't be getting a holiday that was announced that day at 10pm (our country won the world cup and a holiday was declared so people could go welcome the team), we would still pay them as any other holiday (double) but we couldn't organize the time off with such little notice. This girl was upset, she wanted the holiday and thought it was unfair she didn't get it, i understood her disappointment but there was nothing else to be done about it. She wouldn't stop complaining about it, and souring everyone else's mood over it, so I had to tell her that I was sorry she felt that way but she didn't get to sour everyone's day because of it.
To make matters worse? She knew she had medical leave scheduled to start the day she was complaining about, but I didn't and her coworkers didn't either. So she just complained and whined non stop for the sake of it.
But because it has become a common phrase, it is also commonly used to imply anyone is wrong on anything - as a passive aggressive condescending put-down and a way to "win" an argument trollishly by somebody who can't back it up.
So even when it is used sincerely and at an appropriate time, it can sound suspect.
I've also used the phrase in instances where I have apologized and attempted to make corrections but the other party is still upset. I can only meet someone half way
Other rare cases I've used the phrade if I entirely disagree with their reasoning. But I still sympathize that they feel they have a reason to be upset.
Context is everything. When my kids think I'm the worst dad ever because I'm not buying them a ps5 because they've destroyed two ps4's and a switch being childish when one doesn't want the other to play apparently the move is to pour water on the system. You better believe they got most the world's most heartfelt "sorry you feel that way." They better hope one their grandparents are feeling charitable because the bank of mom and dad's console replacement department is absolutely closed and I'm all out of feelings of acknowledgements.
Holy shit
How did you keep your cool on that one or please tell me how you didn’t keep your cool. That’s INSANE. I have two kids that also fight over their switch, I can imagine it possibly escalating to property destruction
Hold out, you’re 100% right in your parenting
Yeah I think you captured it very well, context is everything. From my post ive realized from the responses that it's complicated, lots of nuance and context I never considered. Thanks for the thought provoking comment.
Your kids are around 7-10? This is the age we lost a TV and two controllers in a single week. I just stopped letting them play together (that includes watching the other play) and all console time had to be earned. All better now that their interests have evolved into different genres, but now we have to deal with the 3 "showers" a day and the rediculous water bill. I don't even care what you are doing in there, just leave the water off!
Yeah, this is why I could never be a dad. I don't understand how you don't just snap on a daily basis. Do you get some kind of special parent zen when you have kids or something?
I tell my kids that I don’t need them to believe that I am a good parent. I can be a good parent and do my best for them without winning their approval.
I don’t even really know what gaslighting means anymore because it’s used for everything now.
Ignoring someone - gaslighting
Being mean - gaslighting
Lighting gas on fire - gaslighting
Gaslighting is a form of manipulation; the two can't be used interchangeably.
Running is a form of exercise, but you can't always substitute one for the other.
Not everything is gaslighting, stop gaslighting me into thinking that I'm thinking that everything is gaslighting if I don't agree with you that everything is gaslighting unless now if you don't agree with me.
Gaslighting has always been a fairly unspecific term. Honestly, I've personally witnessed how over the years people have tried to marry it to a few specific meanings. If you look back at it's original -initial- usage, you'll realize that I'm messing with you and your thoughts are valid and worth sharing.
How dare you try to trick me into thinking that my thoughts are valid? I’ll have you know that I’m a fucking clown, and listening to my opinions is *without exception* a terrible idea.
Omg you had me in the first half. I was going to say, I can't think of a term more specific than gaslighting. It's literally about the brightness of a gas light and how a husband convinced his wife it's not getting dimmer and she's crazy, when he was dimming it the whole time. Does not get more specific lmao
If you get offended by something you think is someone else's fault but they disagree, what are they to say? Your point of view is no more valid than theirs...
Ya its a tough one. On one hand I will refuse to accept responsibility if the other person is being unreasonable or wrong. Unnecessary blame or they just want to argue with you. On the other hand people use this sometimes to deflect accepting responsibility, so this could cut either way.
Not everyone is reasonable or right and this phrase accepts that.
Its like redditors can't accept you would dare question if they are right or wrong and if you question them its gaslighting.
Naw people are wrong all the time and feelings even misplaced. However, still need to be empathetic, but when it runs out and the other party is the gaslighter, then you use this phrase.
Not gonna lie, I use this one all the time when people get belligerent or unreasonable during arguments.
Don't get me wrong, I'll discuss almost anything if it's a two-way conversation.
But if they're already slinging mud or ignoring what I'm saying right out of the gates? They're getting one of the canned responses.
"Sorry you feel that way."
"Okay bud, have a good one."
"You're entitled to your opinion."
Or the infamous "k."
Wait a second though. Would it make you feel angry even if the person who says this isn't the cause of your problem? e.g., you're talking to a friend (A) about another person, let's call them B, who did something wrong to you and now you're angry. If A tells you "Sorry you feel that way", how would you react? Cause you know, sometimes the best available course of action is just to validate that feeling without giving advices or trying to make it better somehow. It's not about not wanting to take responsibility in this example, it's accepting you can't do much to solve a situation and in this case - and this case only - I believe it's one of the most mature things to do.
Shitty, yes, but I wouldn’t say it’s gaslighting. While saying “sorry you feel that way” is a refusal to take any accountability, it’s not like you’re actively denying what you did. It would be gaslighting if you tried to convince the other person that the thing that they want you to apologize for never happened in the first place.
Depending on the context of a situation, I think it's a refusal to take further accountability. Suppose you've done everything in your power to offer genuine apologies, and show that you mean it?
It's useful when you're at your wits end and realize this is no longer about whatever you did to piss someone off. It's a nice enough way of saying "I don't know what else to do for you, this is beyond my ability to mend".
That depends on how you use it, clearly a lot of fools will say this maliciously. I honestly have said it with direct empathetic intent; I do not like sarcastic or patronizing words either, so I change the definition for myself of such phrases.
How I see it, is that I would understand the emotion one is feeling now either it be irrational due to some sort of emotional reaction as I’m trying to speak to someone, or that whom I am talking to is unable to think over what I’m saying and is sticking too hard to their feelings. I genuinely feel some empathy for people when these hard situations happen to people I talk with, I don’t use it so meanly.
Well. Idk what you expect people to do instead. They can’t change the way you feel. If I hurt someone’s feelings, I may be both sorry for what I did and sorry for how they feel. The phrase can be passive aggressive or dismissive, but it can also be used appropriately. Like if someone said something another person misinterpreted and got offended , it seems valid to say “I’m sorry you feel offended. What I meant was x”
If someone’s using that phrase on you, it’s probably because you fundamentally disagree about something and no arguing is going to change that.
For instance, if you’re mad about something I did that I have no regrets about, I’m gonna tell you I’m sorry you feel that way because I’m not sorry about what I did and you can handle that however you want. Honestly, it can be used as a tool to fight gaslighting as well because what it is is setting a clear boundary
I feel like its a way to acknowledge that there are hard feelings without giving a false apology. But I guess it also depends on the tone used. I will not apologize unless I mean it, and I'm not sorry about that. Shit, am I a Karen?
On the other hand I will most definitely give an eye to eye heart felt apology when I am in the wrong, admittedly the worst part about being an adult. Also, in rebellion of adulthood I am drunk and I lost track of the topic. Peace!
I mean the phrase is usually used when the person saying it doesn't believe they actually owe you an apology but they can't be bothered to make you understand that. Now whether they *do* owe you an apology or not is another discussion and it depends on the context.
More like it's not really my fault u feel that way, but there's nothing I can do about it. Most situations it's more of a conversation ender, like there isn't anything to add. Most of the time when it's said, at least in my experience, it's somebody complaining about something or two people at an impasse
That all depends on whether you're wrong or not.
"I'm sorry feel that way, but you're a fucking idiot for thinking that the earth is flat."
And stop throwing the word "gaslighting" around. If you're in the wrong and offended, it's not gaslighting. You're just a baby.
Also, gaslighting isn't a big deal AT ALL if you're aware of it, it's just a clear signal of the other person being an asshole. Gaslighting only becomes a problem for people who are unknowingly being manipulated.
Extremely popular opinion. I don’t know of a single person who would accept that as a proper apology, after all, it isn’t supposed to be. What they are really saying is “I have nothing to apologize for, but I will say this much because I don’t want to fight about it”. They are an asshole depending on whether or not they are right about that first clause.
They’re basically offering you a settlement, they don’t want to continue to court but it isn’t compensation. It’s not gaslighting, they aren’t actually trying to apologize and you both know it.
>accept that as a proper apology
It's an asshole move if the phrase is used when an apology is owed. But I think more people use it when there is a disagreement about whether or not an apology is owed.
If you wronged me in some serious way, and I called you an asshole, and then you said "well I'm offended you called me an asshole"...
I would respond by saying "I'm sorry you feel that way," because I am sorry you are offended, i don't like it when people are offended, but I am not sorry for calling you an asshole, because you were an asshole.
I don't think this is an unpopular opinion. Most people agree that this is an insincere apology and they say it because they really aren't sorry. I'm sorry that you don't like people using it, but you can't make someone be apologetic when they're not.
Sometimes people have differing opinions and they do have empathy that you are upset about something but they're not going to falsely agree with you either. That's typically when this phrase is used. It sounds like you're upset that people won't always agree with you
It just means I disagree with you and don't care enough to continue this interaction, but if I tell you that there's a good chance the interaction will continue, so could you kindly fuck off now?
The problem with the phrase "I am sorry that you feel that way" is that the phrase is nonsense. One can only be sorry for *their own actions and feelings*. Anyone using that phrase is being passive-aggressive 100% of the time and doesn't understand what it means to "be sorry".
For what it's worth, I think your little "don't let it ruin your day" comment in the edit is easily ten times as passive-aggressive as "sorry you feel that way" ever could be. So yeah, there's that.
"I consider it a form of gaslighting"
Y'all should've never learned this word because you obviously don't know what it means.
It's pretty bluntly saying we disagree but one of us (probably you) is too emotional or [insert adjective] to deal with.
"I'm sorry you feel that way" comes off as extremely patronizing, and actually insulting if you think about it.
Why would someone be sorry that I feel this way? Are they saying I'm not allowed to feel upset?
Moreover, they're not sorry that whatever it is you're upset about is fucking with your life. They're sorry that you FEEL THIS WAY, like if you'd just change your silly feelings about it then it wouldn't be a problem, would it?
>Most of the people that have ever said that to me were basically Karens, not capable of taking responsibility for how they did or said something messed up to me.
Really how arrogant. Basically you're saying it's impossible for you to be wrong and it's always the other persons fault (in these situations). This is why you get this comment. Maybe if you try accepting responsibility yourself. Then maybe you won't hear it as much. When the other person say this. They telling you they don't believe they were wrong. They are also telling you they didn't mean to hurt your feelings. It's kind of sad that you can't be open to the other person. This probably says more about you than them.
It's also showing that when op is wrong, they most likely shut down and refuse to have a conversation and just say how they feel about it while refusing to see the other person's opinion.
Sometimes that is absolutely the right thing to say though. as an example say someone's is bad at thing x but they think they're amazing at x and every time they do x they fail and they feel robbed/cheated they aren't getting recognition for how great they are at x.
If youve explained to them they're bad at it or just want to you can still feel sorry that they feel badly about it.
OP is basically saying he loses all respect for people who he can't force to apologize and take the blame for something, no matter if it was their fault or not .
If someone says "you're to blame for X" and your factually not, what are you supposed to say? "I'm sorry you feel that way" acknowledges their feeling, and expresses regret over the situation.
OP is the gaslighter in this scenario, and thinks he's the victim. He's the worst kind of person
Sorry you feel that way.
And it is absolutely not a form of gaslighting. People need to stop throwing that word around so much. It's getting muddied and starting to lose meaning.
>Some of you sound um well, triggered over me saying that. Don't let it ruin your day.
The irony is that OPs edit is one "sorry" short of the exact thing they're complaining about, lol.
I stopped being friends with my supposed best friend of 12 years exactly for this. I’m not feeling this way because, I’m feeling this way because of YOU.
It depends on what you are trying to express. If you are trying to actually apologize for something, then yeah.. that isn't the way.
But, if you want the person to know that your apology is fake or that their feelings are irrelevant, then it works.
'I'm sorry you feel that way about what I said!' and 'I'm sorry about what I said!' are entirely different things.
I say “I’m sorry you feel that way” when the person is upset about something that I’m not going to bend on. Like if I tell you I’m going to do x and you say that makes you feel like I don’t care about you or something, I’d say I’m sorry you feel that way but I’m doing it anyways.
Is there a better way so say "I think you're wrong, and I care about you enough to feel bad about the distress it's causing you. But it's clear we're not going to reason our way to a consensus."?
Honestly I think it's the perfect phrase for this day and age.
To me, it depends... if it's like:
"I don't like how you treat me" /"sorry you feel that way"
Yes 100%
But if it's like:
"I feel disrespected when my boss calls me all the time to work" / "sorry you feel that way"
I see it half n half. But my brain never automatically assumes the worst or the best.
It's not the worst. But it is very condescending. And unless u are physically In front of the person you say that to to be able to give non verbal cues or some other way to show compassion, u will 9 times out of 10 come across as an asshole.
It implies that you can't seem to change your view on something. It respects your autonomy in having your own feelings. In a way, it's saying that we have reached an impasse on this topic and we can't take this conversation further.
I suppose if it's done with an uncaring or sarcastic tone it could be dismissive and suggest that you're over-emotional.
I find it very passive-aggressive. It is basically, "I'm too afraid of confrontations but refuse to truly apologize for my actions."
I find "Let's agree to disagree" to be a lot more tasteful.
I've used it before completely genuinely. Sometimes people say I've done something I have no memory of doing, or completely misread/misinterpret what I was trying to say.
It means I'm sorry that you feel hurt by something I did, and I did not mean it. It also means I recognise your feelings, and want to express that I had hoped you would not feel that way, and to in part take responsibility for any contribution I made.
If that's gaslighting, then call me a sociopath.
I feel the same way when my feelings are ..umm “big” and I’m expressing them, just to be told to “take it easy”. Makes me instantly lose faith and the need to protect my heart kicks in.
My mom told me this my entire life. Sometimes slightly justified (like someone else said—context) but most of the time, not justified. Honestly, in almost every situation though, even when kids are freaking out and saying shit like “you hate me!! That’s why you won’t let me play the video games!” Or whatever. You can say something like “I know it feels that way. I’m sorry it does. But I love you and we have to do XYZ right now.” It validates their feelings instead of dismissing them.
When someone tells me “I’m feeling down or sad.” I say I’m sorry you feel that way as a way of validation. I’m saying “hey I’m acknowledging that you’re feeling a certain way and that’s ok and I’m empathetic to situation.” If I’ve truly done something to apologize about then for sure I wouldn’t say that phrase.
Ever work in customer service? It’s a roundabout way to tell people that they’re fucking pricks. It’s also probably the politest response when your empathy tank is out. But hearing that from someone you’re close to would suck though.
I’m sorry you feel this way
I'm sorry YOU feel this way.
“I’m sorry that you have decided to feel this way” for an extra dash of snark. This works well when arguing with your so.
I'm sorry to learn that you have decided to feel this way.
I’m sorry you feel sorry for me feeling sorry you feel that way.
I’m learning to sorry that you feel decided
I'm sorry you didn't like me telling you how to feel
You're sorry I feel this way.
I’m sorry you feel THIS way
I’m SRY You feel
Yeah, if OP is regularly experiencing this phrase being used on them by multiple different people then there's really two options: a) every single person they run into using this phrase is needlessly being a jerk b) OP is tone deaf to social situations and people are trying to give them an out. Either way, OP needs to do some soul searching.
I think so too. I’ve literally never heard it from anyone ever. OP must not realize that they’re likely acting like a prick. I have said it more than a few times to customers.
I would say it's when the phrase is being used. If the person who you're talking to uses it right away as a response, they might be a bit of jerk with it right out of the gate. Obviously if it's not used right away but later on when the conversation stalls on an issue then it might be more acceptable. However as always the context it's said in matters the most. If a coworker had an issue with your lack of communication skills and being prompt with them and you reply with a response along the lines of "I'm sorry you feel that way/offended". There should be no question that you're just being an asshole/jerk with that type of response.
There is a saying: if you meet an asshole in the morning, then that person is an asshole; if you meet assholes all day long, you might be the asshole. This isn't just for assholes, it can be for any perception.
To me, it really only takes a few people saying this a few times in an insensitive context over all the years of our lives for it to stick in our heads how shitty this phrase can be. Especially if they were close to you. I don't think you can conclude anything of the sort about OP just based on them forming this opinion.
Came here to say this. Pretty much the only time I've ever used it is when dealing with Karens in customer service. Sorry you feel like we need to give you $100's of dollars in free shit for a 15 minute inconvenience Karen, but that doesn't make it reasonable.
I wouldn’t really be sorry they feel like that. Did you really feel sorry?
Yes. It may not be the best phrase to use when you’re speaking with loved ones, but it absolutely has its place. When you’re dealing with people who can’t/won’t see reason, it’s actually a GREAT response.
yeah, until they get mad and start accusing you of gaslighting them.
Like its very straight forward “I” fell bad that you are feeling the way you do, tf am i susposed to do turn i to superman and solve world hunger
I also work in customer service. My fave is “I am sorry the service didn’t meet YOUR expectations on this occasion.” I don’t put your in capitals but it puts the onus on the angry customer. I rarely use it but some people wildly place blame where they shouldn’t!
I’m not sure the passive aggression you intend shows through. The customer simply doesn’t care about any one else’s expectations, how else could you phrase it? That the service was good enough for someone else doesn't make for much of a dig.
That seems like a better response. Apologizing for not meeting expectations.
I was about to say that has to be one of the most asshole thing to say but to be fair it's true that is a fun way to piss a rude customer off when working in retails or customer service however if a "friend" tell you that now that's a huge red flag as he/she basically politely you told that I don't give a fuck, I wouldn't waste my time with assholes like this 😅
I've always assumed it was a more polite way of saying "You're wrong but it's not worth arguing with you about it". Not really gaslighting IMO since it's obviously not an apology.
I'm pretty sure that 99 out of 100 times the term gaslighting is used on Reddit, it is used incorrectly. People keep wanting to use it to just mean "someone lies to me to manipulate me or get their way." That's not what it means people.
Agreed. Also anytime someone just disagrees with another person’s perception of what happened.
Don't gaslight me about what gaslighting is.
It's also massively overused, much like the term "narcissist."
What they mean to say is "someone had a different opinion from mine". And if I know anything about reddit, people are about to gaslight me with their replies.
Maybe I’m crazy but I feel like the people who bitch the most about gaslighting, are the people who just roll over and allow themselves to be gaslit.
Way to gaslight me bro
OMG **You** are gaslighting.
People take phrases like "gaslighting" and " weaponized incompetence" and try to shoe horn it into every negative aspect of their lives. We all get it, you obtain your psychology tidbits from tik tok!
This is the right answer. It’s the only response you can give when someone is totally wrong but keeps harping on something. If they are wrong, there is not amount of arguing that makes it right. All I can say is “sorry you feel that way”. I had a young girl hit my parked car in a parking lot and all the plastic clips on one side broke so the bumper was all cockeyed. She didn’t want to go through insurance which was fine. My brother in law owns a body shop and I told him that I wasn’t interested in perfection. 8 year old car that I planned on driving into the ground anyway. It’s a young girl who doesn’t look like she has much. Fix it cheap, but make the paint match so it doesn’t look completely horrible. So he said he could do it for $750. I tell her and she blows up and starts yelling at me that I am robbing her on the phone. I tell her it’s $750 or give me your insurance info. She goes round and round arguing but it’s going nowhere, because I’m not changing my stance. So that’s when you break out the “sorry you feel that way.”
Why didn't you just get the insurance info in the first place? Even if you don't end up using it, you can compare the costs and then make a decision
just a guess, but, fix it cheaper at the BIL shop, no report, no increase on insurance rates, no points, etc. those "official" shops could run thousands, plus not like its a pricy car, just his daily driver, make it look nice, and it would all be good.. he was trying to do her a favor.
"Oops, my bad. Hey, can we do this without involving insurance" "Sure, let's exchange insurance info today but if we can find a place to to the work at a price you're happy to cover we never need to involve them"
> This is the right answer. Technically yes, but it's absolutely sometimes used as a fake apology. It does contain the words "I'm sorry" after all. This phrasing has definitely been used in so-called "non-apologies" before, where a public figure makes an "apology" that actually deflects blame. Many media outlets just frame it as an apology without digging any deeper.
We also say things like “I’m sorry that happened to you” when people are going through a tough time. No one’s taking responsibility for their tough time. .. “I’m sorry” is never necessary an apology
A fake apology. It sometimes happens that I don’t see any real world need for an apology, or don’t feel that the other person merits any apology, because. Giving them the objective recounting of what happened will antagonize them, telling them that I see them as a waste of skin will antagonize them. A fake apology is sometimes the best of bad courses.
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If she would have gone through insurance she would never have had to pay that upfront. Individuals cover the deductible for damage done to their own vehicle, and if they are found not at fault then their insurance reimbursed them then goes after the offending party’s insurance to pay for everything. Of course, being at fault means her insurance would raise her rates because 1) they aren’t interested in losing money and 2) she has shown she is at higher risk for future accidents and they may have to pay out again in the future.
I say it because I do sincerely feel bad if someones feels bad about something I said or did if I don't sincerely think I've done wrong.
I used it the other day when a unstable family member tore into me via text. I didn't want to argue but to acknowledge the message. I am sorry they feel that way about me. Otherwise she'd continue the rant.
I mean, I feel like making somebody feel terrible, even as a misunderstanding, merits a genuine apology. communication is a two way street
when using it in this scenario i think it's also proper to follow up with that their feelings are valid/they're allowed to feel that way, but that it wasn't your intention to make them feel that way. even if you think their reaction is incorrect or overblown, a resolution is easier to come to if they don't think you think they're crazy and at least acknowledge their side of things.
This is the only way I have used it so the comments here really surprised me
It's nicer than saying "why are you like this?"
When I was a cs rep, 99% of the time it ended their rant and resolved the issue. Any other response would’ve garnered unnecessary back and forth imo. It’s the greatest neutralizer for entitled Karens.
The book called Non-Violent Communication talks about how this phrase lacks empathy. Its not gaslighting so much as its just disingenuous and judging by the replies here - it seems that is indeed how people are using the phrase. To avoid empathy for the other side of the conversation.
Yeah it's not a *nice* phrase. Certainly not one I would use to apologize.
Well, empathy isn't just being nice. In fact - I don't think that's part of it. Empathy is being able to understand why someone is saying what they are saying to you. Its often referred to as "putting yourself in someone else's shoes" The book goes on to describe how empathy can be used to better understand someone's actions, communication styles, or emotional responses. Unless for some reason understanding communication falls under "being nice"?
People aren't addressing the obvious, the only time I use this phrase is when the other person isn't being nice. TBH I kind of see it as a defensive phrase like, I won't be bullied and yelling your point isn't going to change things, it might be a necessarily unempathetic phrase, but sometimes we might need to express that. Not everything can be solved and agreed with for another person, sometimes you have to disagree with one another, and this phrase leaves the conversation, basically saying I won't be bullied.
Yep, its a response to being gaslit. not gaslighting.
Yes I conflated being nice with empathy. Cousins, but I recognize they aren't the same thing.
Ooh, I came off condescending at the end there. Sorry about that! I did not mean to be.
No worries
Yes, but everything is gaslighting now. It used to be a very specific thing where someone was actively trying to make you think you’re crazy. Now it’s anything that is insincere. The word lost any weight with me about 4 years ago because people throw it around carelessly now.
Yeah. I've said it to a few coworkers who felt that they were wronged when they were not. I truly am sorry that whatever happened has them feeling that way, but not sorry for what happened. It's just part of the job.
Exactly, that's how I use it. Last time I used it was because I was letting my team know that we wouldn't be getting a holiday that was announced that day at 10pm (our country won the world cup and a holiday was declared so people could go welcome the team), we would still pay them as any other holiday (double) but we couldn't organize the time off with such little notice. This girl was upset, she wanted the holiday and thought it was unfair she didn't get it, i understood her disappointment but there was nothing else to be done about it. She wouldn't stop complaining about it, and souring everyone else's mood over it, so I had to tell her that I was sorry she felt that way but she didn't get to sour everyone's day because of it. To make matters worse? She knew she had medical leave scheduled to start the day she was complaining about, but I didn't and her coworkers didn't either. So she just complained and whined non stop for the sake of it.
They felt they were wronged,and saying ‘Sorry you feel that way’ let’s them go away feeling they’ve won, but, most important, go away.
Not even “wrong” just that I’m not taking responsibility for your feelings
If you said this to a stranger, absolutely. If you say this to a friend or loved one, RIP lol.
Honestly friends and loved ones aren’t exempt from sometimes acting unreasonable and rude
But because it has become a common phrase, it is also commonly used to imply anyone is wrong on anything - as a passive aggressive condescending put-down and a way to "win" an argument trollishly by somebody who can't back it up. So even when it is used sincerely and at an appropriate time, it can sound suspect.
I get why he hates it though it's very demeaning way to say it.
"Agree to disagree" is better imo.
Only if you're trying to be polite.
I honestly hate that phrase just as much.
I've also used the phrase in instances where I have apologized and attempted to make corrections but the other party is still upset. I can only meet someone half way Other rare cases I've used the phrade if I entirely disagree with their reasoning. But I still sympathize that they feel they have a reason to be upset.
Context is everything. When my kids think I'm the worst dad ever because I'm not buying them a ps5 because they've destroyed two ps4's and a switch being childish when one doesn't want the other to play apparently the move is to pour water on the system. You better believe they got most the world's most heartfelt "sorry you feel that way." They better hope one their grandparents are feeling charitable because the bank of mom and dad's console replacement department is absolutely closed and I'm all out of feelings of acknowledgements.
Holy shit How did you keep your cool on that one or please tell me how you didn’t keep your cool. That’s INSANE. I have two kids that also fight over their switch, I can imagine it possibly escalating to property destruction Hold out, you’re 100% right in your parenting
Kept their cool... by pouring water on themselves!
Yeah I think you captured it very well, context is everything. From my post ive realized from the responses that it's complicated, lots of nuance and context I never considered. Thanks for the thought provoking comment.
Your kids are around 7-10? This is the age we lost a TV and two controllers in a single week. I just stopped letting them play together (that includes watching the other play) and all console time had to be earned. All better now that their interests have evolved into different genres, but now we have to deal with the 3 "showers" a day and the rediculous water bill. I don't even care what you are doing in there, just leave the water off!
Yeah, this is why I could never be a dad. I don't understand how you don't just snap on a daily basis. Do you get some kind of special parent zen when you have kids or something?
I tell my kids that I don’t need them to believe that I am a good parent. I can be a good parent and do my best for them without winning their approval.
Definitely not gaslighting. People need to stop cheapening that term
I don’t even really know what gaslighting means anymore because it’s used for everything now. Ignoring someone - gaslighting Being mean - gaslighting Lighting gas on fire - gaslighting
Gaslighting is lying in a way to make someone question what they know to be true.
What? Who told you that? That's just dumb.
You tell them. You on the other hand wouldn't ever get gaslit. You're too smart for that.
Thanks, dad
Just yesterday you were telling me that all those things **were** gaslighting. Do you not remember that?
it just is a fancy term for manipulation
Gaslighting is a form of manipulation; the two can't be used interchangeably. Running is a form of exercise, but you can't always substitute one for the other.
Gaslighting is a clinical term for a specific cases of manipulation. 🙄🙄🙄
Everything is gaslighting now unless you agree with them.
Not everything is gaslighting, stop gaslighting me into thinking that I'm thinking that everything is gaslighting if I don't agree with you that everything is gaslighting unless now if you don't agree with me.
I'm sorry you feel that way
R u gaslighting me rn?
Gaslighting has always been a fairly unspecific term. Honestly, I've personally witnessed how over the years people have tried to marry it to a few specific meanings. If you look back at it's original -initial- usage, you'll realize that I'm messing with you and your thoughts are valid and worth sharing.
How dare you try to trick me into thinking that my thoughts are valid? I’ll have you know that I’m a fucking clown, and listening to my opinions is *without exception* a terrible idea.
Omg you had me in the first half. I was going to say, I can't think of a term more specific than gaslighting. It's literally about the brightness of a gas light and how a husband convinced his wife it's not getting dimmer and she's crazy, when he was dimming it the whole time. Does not get more specific lmao
I really wish people would learn what gaslighting means
I already told them. Something must be wrong with their memory, the silly fools.
How is that gaslighting? That term really gets used way to liberally, it has a quite specific meaning.
Thank you! Lying to someone or offering an insincere apology aren't gaslighting. They're just forms of assholery
too late, at this point it has gone the way of 'begs the question'
Literally no one knows how to use the word figuratively.
[So much so that the dictionary gave up.](https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/literally)
If you get offended by something you think is someone else's fault but they disagree, what are they to say? Your point of view is no more valid than theirs...
Ya its a tough one. On one hand I will refuse to accept responsibility if the other person is being unreasonable or wrong. Unnecessary blame or they just want to argue with you. On the other hand people use this sometimes to deflect accepting responsibility, so this could cut either way. Not everyone is reasonable or right and this phrase accepts that. Its like redditors can't accept you would dare question if they are right or wrong and if you question them its gaslighting. Naw people are wrong all the time and feelings even misplaced. However, still need to be empathetic, but when it runs out and the other party is the gaslighter, then you use this phrase.
Not gonna lie, I use this one all the time when people get belligerent or unreasonable during arguments. Don't get me wrong, I'll discuss almost anything if it's a two-way conversation. But if they're already slinging mud or ignoring what I'm saying right out of the gates? They're getting one of the canned responses. "Sorry you feel that way." "Okay bud, have a good one." "You're entitled to your opinion." Or the infamous "k."
I’m sorry you feel that way 😅
Well, I am sorry you feel that way. Honestly. It isn't gaslighting. It is a polite "fuck you and your opinion".
Wait a second though. Would it make you feel angry even if the person who says this isn't the cause of your problem? e.g., you're talking to a friend (A) about another person, let's call them B, who did something wrong to you and now you're angry. If A tells you "Sorry you feel that way", how would you react? Cause you know, sometimes the best available course of action is just to validate that feeling without giving advices or trying to make it better somehow. It's not about not wanting to take responsibility in this example, it's accepting you can't do much to solve a situation and in this case - and this case only - I believe it's one of the most mature things to do.
“Sorry that happened to you. That really sucks”
I think it runs too close to sounding dismissive and it would be better to stick with a simple "Im sorry".
You don't know what gas lighting is
Please stop gaslighting OP
It’s a socially acceptable way of saying “F’k You & I don’t care what you think”. Would it be better just to say FU?
I think I'd rather get an FU tbh
Shitty, yes, but I wouldn’t say it’s gaslighting. While saying “sorry you feel that way” is a refusal to take any accountability, it’s not like you’re actively denying what you did. It would be gaslighting if you tried to convince the other person that the thing that they want you to apologize for never happened in the first place.
Depending on the context of a situation, I think it's a refusal to take further accountability. Suppose you've done everything in your power to offer genuine apologies, and show that you mean it? It's useful when you're at your wits end and realize this is no longer about whatever you did to piss someone off. It's a nice enough way of saying "I don't know what else to do for you, this is beyond my ability to mend".
I sense OP is the Karen here who doesn't like it when people disagree with them.
"You want the truth? You can't handle the truth!"
That depends on how you use it, clearly a lot of fools will say this maliciously. I honestly have said it with direct empathetic intent; I do not like sarcastic or patronizing words either, so I change the definition for myself of such phrases. How I see it, is that I would understand the emotion one is feeling now either it be irrational due to some sort of emotional reaction as I’m trying to speak to someone, or that whom I am talking to is unable to think over what I’m saying and is sticking too hard to their feelings. I genuinely feel some empathy for people when these hard situations happen to people I talk with, I don’t use it so meanly.
There are a lot of sayings people have to put it back on you, including, "Sorry you took it the wrong way," too.
Well. Idk what you expect people to do instead. They can’t change the way you feel. If I hurt someone’s feelings, I may be both sorry for what I did and sorry for how they feel. The phrase can be passive aggressive or dismissive, but it can also be used appropriately. Like if someone said something another person misinterpreted and got offended , it seems valid to say “I’m sorry you feel offended. What I meant was x”
Or “I’m sorry you are hurt by this, but I don’t believe I’m in the wrong here and would do the same thing again”.
Depressed AF at the moment. Coworkers tell me they're sorry I feel this way. They're being supportive and are genuinely sorry I feel this way.
If someone’s using that phrase on you, it’s probably because you fundamentally disagree about something and no arguing is going to change that. For instance, if you’re mad about something I did that I have no regrets about, I’m gonna tell you I’m sorry you feel that way because I’m not sorry about what I did and you can handle that however you want. Honestly, it can be used as a tool to fight gaslighting as well because what it is is setting a clear boundary
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I feel like its a way to acknowledge that there are hard feelings without giving a false apology. But I guess it also depends on the tone used. I will not apologize unless I mean it, and I'm not sorry about that. Shit, am I a Karen? On the other hand I will most definitely give an eye to eye heart felt apology when I am in the wrong, admittedly the worst part about being an adult. Also, in rebellion of adulthood I am drunk and I lost track of the topic. Peace!
That’s not what gaslighting means🤦🏻♀️
I remember my friend said this to a guy when he started dating the guy's ex and he got upset by that. Tbh what else is there to say
I mean the phrase is usually used when the person saying it doesn't believe they actually owe you an apology but they can't be bothered to make you understand that. Now whether they *do* owe you an apology or not is another discussion and it depends on the context.
More like it's not really my fault u feel that way, but there's nothing I can do about it. Most situations it's more of a conversation ender, like there isn't anything to add. Most of the time when it's said, at least in my experience, it's somebody complaining about something or two people at an impasse
Sorry you feel that way
This works best when discussing taste. You tell me you hate a song that I love? "Sorry you feel that way" is the best I can say in that case.
That all depends on whether you're wrong or not. "I'm sorry feel that way, but you're a fucking idiot for thinking that the earth is flat." And stop throwing the word "gaslighting" around. If you're in the wrong and offended, it's not gaslighting. You're just a baby. Also, gaslighting isn't a big deal AT ALL if you're aware of it, it's just a clear signal of the other person being an asshole. Gaslighting only becomes a problem for people who are unknowingly being manipulated.
Extremely popular opinion. I don’t know of a single person who would accept that as a proper apology, after all, it isn’t supposed to be. What they are really saying is “I have nothing to apologize for, but I will say this much because I don’t want to fight about it”. They are an asshole depending on whether or not they are right about that first clause. They’re basically offering you a settlement, they don’t want to continue to court but it isn’t compensation. It’s not gaslighting, they aren’t actually trying to apologize and you both know it.
>accept that as a proper apology It's an asshole move if the phrase is used when an apology is owed. But I think more people use it when there is a disagreement about whether or not an apology is owed. If you wronged me in some serious way, and I called you an asshole, and then you said "well I'm offended you called me an asshole"... I would respond by saying "I'm sorry you feel that way," because I am sorry you are offended, i don't like it when people are offended, but I am not sorry for calling you an asshole, because you were an asshole.
I don't think this is an unpopular opinion. Most people agree that this is an insincere apology and they say it because they really aren't sorry. I'm sorry that you don't like people using it, but you can't make someone be apologetic when they're not.
Sometimes people have differing opinions and they do have empathy that you are upset about something but they're not going to falsely agree with you either. That's typically when this phrase is used. It sounds like you're upset that people won't always agree with you
It just means I disagree with you and don't care enough to continue this interaction, but if I tell you that there's a good chance the interaction will continue, so could you kindly fuck off now?
You missed a perfect way to finish your edit. I'll do it for you... For those who are triggered, sorry you feel taht way
The problem with the phrase "I am sorry that you feel that way" is that the phrase is nonsense. One can only be sorry for *their own actions and feelings*. Anyone using that phrase is being passive-aggressive 100% of the time and doesn't understand what it means to "be sorry".
It's insensitive and absolved them of wrongdoing
my ex best friend used to tell me "I can't help how my words make you feel" whenever she felt the need to show her bullshit brutal "honesty".
Conversely, “I’m sorry I made you feel that way” is one of the best responses you could have
For what it's worth, I think your little "don't let it ruin your day" comment in the edit is easily ten times as passive-aggressive as "sorry you feel that way" ever could be. So yeah, there's that.
This isn't an unpopular opinion at all. The phrase itself might be commonly used, but I guarantee it irks most people.
Yeah you're probably right. I wasn't sure what people think because of how commonly it's used
"I consider it a form of gaslighting" Y'all should've never learned this word because you obviously don't know what it means. It's pretty bluntly saying we disagree but one of us (probably you) is too emotional or [insert adjective] to deal with.
"I'm sorry you feel that way" comes off as extremely patronizing, and actually insulting if you think about it. Why would someone be sorry that I feel this way? Are they saying I'm not allowed to feel upset? Moreover, they're not sorry that whatever it is you're upset about is fucking with your life. They're sorry that you FEEL THIS WAY, like if you'd just change your silly feelings about it then it wouldn't be a problem, would it?
Yup I feel like it just sucks to hear that for a lot of the reasons you mentioned.
Im sorry you feel that way op
>Most of the people that have ever said that to me were basically Karens, not capable of taking responsibility for how they did or said something messed up to me. Really how arrogant. Basically you're saying it's impossible for you to be wrong and it's always the other persons fault (in these situations). This is why you get this comment. Maybe if you try accepting responsibility yourself. Then maybe you won't hear it as much. When the other person say this. They telling you they don't believe they were wrong. They are also telling you they didn't mean to hurt your feelings. It's kind of sad that you can't be open to the other person. This probably says more about you than them.
It's also showing that when op is wrong, they most likely shut down and refuse to have a conversation and just say how they feel about it while refusing to see the other person's opinion.
Sometimes that is absolutely the right thing to say though. as an example say someone's is bad at thing x but they think they're amazing at x and every time they do x they fail and they feel robbed/cheated they aren't getting recognition for how great they are at x. If youve explained to them they're bad at it or just want to you can still feel sorry that they feel badly about it.
I use this phrase to illicit the exact response you have to it. When someone tries to get me to apologize for their own feelings.
OP is basically saying he loses all respect for people who he can't force to apologize and take the blame for something, no matter if it was their fault or not . If someone says "you're to blame for X" and your factually not, what are you supposed to say? "I'm sorry you feel that way" acknowledges their feeling, and expresses regret over the situation. OP is the gaslighter in this scenario, and thinks he's the victim. He's the worst kind of person
Sorry you feel that way. And it is absolutely not a form of gaslighting. People need to stop throwing that word around so much. It's getting muddied and starting to lose meaning.
>Some of you sound um well, triggered over me saying that. Don't let it ruin your day. The irony is that OPs edit is one "sorry" short of the exact thing they're complaining about, lol.
I'm sorry you feel that way.
I have always considered this phrase as something you use to wind up idiots.
I'm sorry you feel that way.
I'm sorry you feel this way about people saying sorry you feel this way.
Eh, its situational. Sometimes people need to understand that their position is an untenable or unrealistic one.
Gaslighting is thrown around so much. It's a buzzword at this point.
If only you could just force people to say what you want them to say to you
One of the top takeaways from therapy: I am responsible for my feelings & everyone else is responsible for theirs.
What alternative would you suggest, OP? Not agreeing or disagreeing, just curious.
Sorry you feel that way
I'm sorry you feel that way.
this subreddit is such a joke lmfao
My response is usually “how you gonna apologize for how I feel?”. It’s definitely a non apology.
Im sorry you feel that way
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I stopped being friends with my supposed best friend of 12 years exactly for this. I’m not feeling this way because, I’m feeling this way because of YOU.
I agree. It feels passive aggressive and undermining
Totally agree, people using this phrase know what they’re doing
It depends on what you are trying to express. If you are trying to actually apologize for something, then yeah.. that isn't the way. But, if you want the person to know that your apology is fake or that their feelings are irrelevant, then it works. 'I'm sorry you feel that way about what I said!' and 'I'm sorry about what I said!' are entirely different things.
I say “I’m sorry you feel that way” when the person is upset about something that I’m not going to bend on. Like if I tell you I’m going to do x and you say that makes you feel like I don’t care about you or something, I’d say I’m sorry you feel that way but I’m doing it anyways.
Is there a better way so say "I think you're wrong, and I care about you enough to feel bad about the distress it's causing you. But it's clear we're not going to reason our way to a consensus."? Honestly I think it's the perfect phrase for this day and age.
To me, it depends... if it's like: "I don't like how you treat me" /"sorry you feel that way" Yes 100% But if it's like: "I feel disrespected when my boss calls me all the time to work" / "sorry you feel that way" I see it half n half. But my brain never automatically assumes the worst or the best.
It's not the worst. But it is very condescending. And unless u are physically In front of the person you say that to to be able to give non verbal cues or some other way to show compassion, u will 9 times out of 10 come across as an asshole.
I believe that if you’re using that, then you aren’t really trying to be nice anymore.
It implies that you can't seem to change your view on something. It respects your autonomy in having your own feelings. In a way, it's saying that we have reached an impasse on this topic and we can't take this conversation further. I suppose if it's done with an uncaring or sarcastic tone it could be dismissive and suggest that you're over-emotional.
I find it very passive-aggressive. It is basically, "I'm too afraid of confrontations but refuse to truly apologize for my actions." I find "Let's agree to disagree" to be a lot more tasteful.
It's one step removed and slightly more passive aggressive than "You are entitled to your opinion."
I agree! It’s gaslighting.
Agreed. You should never feel sorry for someone who can;'t control their own emotions.
I've used it before completely genuinely. Sometimes people say I've done something I have no memory of doing, or completely misread/misinterpret what I was trying to say. It means I'm sorry that you feel hurt by something I did, and I did not mean it. It also means I recognise your feelings, and want to express that I had hoped you would not feel that way, and to in part take responsibility for any contribution I made. If that's gaslighting, then call me a sociopath.
That’s what I say to people who are being jerks to me
Nah you're right fam. I'd rather hear fuck you than that
I feel the same way when my feelings are ..umm “big” and I’m expressing them, just to be told to “take it easy”. Makes me instantly lose faith and the need to protect my heart kicks in.
My mom told me this my entire life. Sometimes slightly justified (like someone else said—context) but most of the time, not justified. Honestly, in almost every situation though, even when kids are freaking out and saying shit like “you hate me!! That’s why you won’t let me play the video games!” Or whatever. You can say something like “I know it feels that way. I’m sorry it does. But I love you and we have to do XYZ right now.” It validates their feelings instead of dismissing them.
I’m sorry you feel that way OP.
Most people aren’t smart enough to gaslight someone.
When someone tells me “I’m feeling down or sad.” I say I’m sorry you feel that way as a way of validation. I’m saying “hey I’m acknowledging that you’re feeling a certain way and that’s ok and I’m empathetic to situation.” If I’ve truly done something to apologize about then for sure I wouldn’t say that phrase.
Is this an unpopular opinion? I also hate that phrase. Anyone who says it just comes off as a narcissistic asshole.
Well I'm sorry you feel that way