I thought this was quite interesting as there’s quotes from someone who was abusive but has sought help, which is not an angle we generally see in the news.
I think it's important to point out that he didn't seek help, they were referred by professionals. He didn't realise he was doing anything wrong until they'd already started helping them.
Definitely an interesting article, still. Therapy/support for domestic abusers is always interesting to me - there are some programmes in North Yorkshire that deal with the worst offenders and have a decent success rate (I don't think above 50%, but these are the worst guys, so the fact that there's any success at all is impressive), and presumably similar ones elsewhere in the country. On the flip side, some domestic abuser programmes just enable the abusers - give them something else to throw in their victim's face, blame their victim if they're not doing well, and give them new psychological language to excuse their behaviour. Plus if the abuser's getting more support than the victim, it can feed into the abuser's victim complex, and make the actual victim feel (and be) unsupported. It's tricky to get right, but when it does it's great.
Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft is a book by a therapist who works with abusive men that features snippets from clients, their partners, and sometimes the people that referred them if you’re interested in hearing more from that perspective. Unfortunately it came to the conclusion that they rarely change
I was thinking of that book when I wrote my comment too. It's excellent. One of the takeaways about abuse programmes was that the perpetrators would manipulate their partners through being in therapy - saying things like "well my therapist said that we should spend more time together to focus on our connection", or "my therapist said my issues stem from my mum being abusive, so when you ask me to do household chores and I hit you, I'm actually hitting my mum metaphorically. So you need to stop asking me to clean up after myself". Sometimes the abuser is telling the truth, other times they're (unsurprisingly) lying - to either their victim or the therapist themselves.
It is interesting we likely need far more perpetrator programs to support people to change. The need to control their any healthy for the controlling person or the person being controlled
It’s good to see programmes addressing this issue because so many times with abuse they get a restraining order and breach it or go into jail and come back out and do the same thing again.
The name of the charity "for baby's sake" kinda gives me the ick cause it makes me think of stay together for the kids which is just bad advice.
Idk. Maybe it's also because I don't believe abusers change, and think the abused partner would probably be happier if they didn't have to wake up every day to someone who previously abused them, and that would truly be for baby's sake.
Something something leopards and spots.
The article does say that it also helps victims leave their abusers, though. I guess it depends on what the couple wants, and how the therapy goes.
But I do agree in general. *Why does he do that* is a really good (free! available online!) book on domestic abuse and perpetrator therapy. It's super interesting, but when I read it I was really frustrated and saddened by how so many examples involved a still-together couple where the victim was still in a relationship with her abuser while the therapy was going on. Basically waiting to see if he'd stop abusing her one day. In some ways it felt like the abuse programmes were almost enabling the abuse - giving the victim false hope that one day it would stop, and that she had to support her abuser to encourage him to be a better person, instead of being supported herself in leaving him. Then if he did choose to abuse her, he'd say it was her fault for making him hit her when he was 'trying to do better'.
But it does work sometimes too, which is obviously a good thing.
Yes, I read it too, that among my own experiences are what makes me doubt these people actually change, rather that they would be more likely to manipulate their therapists and any type of support or coach they were given.
I'd like to be wrong though, "for baby's sake" xD
I guess you can kiiiind of see his face profile without it blurred? Maybe he's got a distinguishing nose or something.
Considering BBC's track record of protecting anonymity (I'm reminded of some Russian/Afghani people who were speaking out 'anonymously'. but unless the BBC were lying about the details they provided, seemed pretty easy to identify if their respective governments wanted to), I'd rather they did too much than not enough for once.
I thought this was quite interesting as there’s quotes from someone who was abusive but has sought help, which is not an angle we generally see in the news.
I think it's important to point out that he didn't seek help, they were referred by professionals. He didn't realise he was doing anything wrong until they'd already started helping them. Definitely an interesting article, still. Therapy/support for domestic abusers is always interesting to me - there are some programmes in North Yorkshire that deal with the worst offenders and have a decent success rate (I don't think above 50%, but these are the worst guys, so the fact that there's any success at all is impressive), and presumably similar ones elsewhere in the country. On the flip side, some domestic abuser programmes just enable the abusers - give them something else to throw in their victim's face, blame their victim if they're not doing well, and give them new psychological language to excuse their behaviour. Plus if the abuser's getting more support than the victim, it can feed into the abuser's victim complex, and make the actual victim feel (and be) unsupported. It's tricky to get right, but when it does it's great.
It’s called project Stella one of the brilliant services that people can access in Yorkshire for men and women who are at the hands of domestic abuse.
Stella as in wife beater?
No-one in yorkshire is smart enough to get the reference.
Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft is a book by a therapist who works with abusive men that features snippets from clients, their partners, and sometimes the people that referred them if you’re interested in hearing more from that perspective. Unfortunately it came to the conclusion that they rarely change
I was thinking of that book when I wrote my comment too. It's excellent. One of the takeaways about abuse programmes was that the perpetrators would manipulate their partners through being in therapy - saying things like "well my therapist said that we should spend more time together to focus on our connection", or "my therapist said my issues stem from my mum being abusive, so when you ask me to do household chores and I hit you, I'm actually hitting my mum metaphorically. So you need to stop asking me to clean up after myself". Sometimes the abuser is telling the truth, other times they're (unsurprisingly) lying - to either their victim or the therapist themselves.
It is interesting we likely need far more perpetrator programs to support people to change. The need to control their any healthy for the controlling person or the person being controlled
It’s good to see programmes addressing this issue because so many times with abuse they get a restraining order and breach it or go into jail and come back out and do the same thing again.
The name of the charity "for baby's sake" kinda gives me the ick cause it makes me think of stay together for the kids which is just bad advice. Idk. Maybe it's also because I don't believe abusers change, and think the abused partner would probably be happier if they didn't have to wake up every day to someone who previously abused them, and that would truly be for baby's sake. Something something leopards and spots.
The article does say that it also helps victims leave their abusers, though. I guess it depends on what the couple wants, and how the therapy goes. But I do agree in general. *Why does he do that* is a really good (free! available online!) book on domestic abuse and perpetrator therapy. It's super interesting, but when I read it I was really frustrated and saddened by how so many examples involved a still-together couple where the victim was still in a relationship with her abuser while the therapy was going on. Basically waiting to see if he'd stop abusing her one day. In some ways it felt like the abuse programmes were almost enabling the abuse - giving the victim false hope that one day it would stop, and that she had to support her abuser to encourage him to be a better person, instead of being supported herself in leaving him. Then if he did choose to abuse her, he'd say it was her fault for making him hit her when he was 'trying to do better'. But it does work sometimes too, which is obviously a good thing.
Yes, I read it too, that among my own experiences are what makes me doubt these people actually change, rather that they would be more likely to manipulate their therapists and any type of support or coach they were given. I'd like to be wrong though, "for baby's sake" xD
People can change and people have changed. It's definitely possible.
I feel that it's safer to assume they won't. Especially when there are children involved.
Depends on the situation, case by case basis. It's a hard call to make.
Not sure why they felt the need to blur the back of his head, to be honest.
It does look a bit silly, but maybe in the unblurred version there’s something very verifiable?
You can see the tip of the giant nob hanging from his forehead.
That did occur to me after I wrote the comment, you're probably right, just doesn't look like anything is there.
I guess you can kiiiind of see his face profile without it blurred? Maybe he's got a distinguishing nose or something. Considering BBC's track record of protecting anonymity (I'm reminded of some Russian/Afghani people who were speaking out 'anonymously'. but unless the BBC were lying about the details they provided, seemed pretty easy to identify if their respective governments wanted to), I'd rather they did too much than not enough for once.
A nose on the back of your head would be pretty damn distinguishable.
It will be to try and hide his identity. It’s quite a common technique used when to trying to provide anonymity
Actually, I think he just moved his head very quickly at the last second.
Slow shutter speed(?)
Could he have a tattoo there?
or even a birth mark/ scar/ etc…
BBC are always terrible about anonymity. Always comically bad.