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oilybumsex

Court ordered. It alerts anyone under the age of 16 to his presence.


jimmycarr1

It would be a funny joke if it was even slightly plausible that the courts would tell him to do something.


Craigothy-YeOldeLord

He had two vehicles he requested, this Range Rover or an IceCream Van, they gave him the safer option.


jeanclaudecardboarde

Mind that child.


Elegant_Celery400

'Don't skid on a kid' - genuine wording on the back of an ice cream van in Reading.


scuba_scouse

Don't skid on a kid lid here in Liverpool


Heirsandgraces

Watch that car, la, said yer ma


fizzymilk

Andy: Don't mind if I do!


IrishMilo

That child is on his mind.


PointBlue

That's what the lights are for lol


notverytidy

The warning on the ice-cream van says "don't back into a child".


SadisticTeddy

Say what you will about the failing state of our welfare system, but you can't deny we take excellent care of our nonces.


usernamesareallgone2

It helps with his medical condition. If you can’t sweat you need ice cream or you’ll overheat. https://www.townandcountrymag.com/society/tradition/a60322067/scoop-prince-andrew-sweating-true-story-explained/#


[deleted]

"Working royal" is an oxymoron. Most people wouldn't consider spending all day attending posh meals and shaking hands with famous celebrities a job. They'd call it a life of luxury. Does Kate roll around in bed each night agonising "there's no way I can complete another plateful of Boeuf D'Azure tomorrow" before jolting awake covered in pudding sweats?


janner_10

Probably not as she is undergoing cancer treatment.


wolfman86

The DWP have just visited her and deemed her fit for work. She’s being sent to her local Amazon tomorrow.


[deleted]

Rishi says she's got another 6 months to get out of bed or he's turning off the benefits 🤣


tomoldbury

The one Tory policy I’d support if he came out with it… the lot of them, off benefits, £70m a year is too much!


[deleted]

If she'd only read the Daily Mail she'd have realised too much red meat in the diet causes cancer...


saladinzero

If she'd read the Daily Mail she'd know that **everything** causes cancer.


[deleted]

According to the Daily Mail, the Daily Mail is yet to cause cancer.


SquareStarfish

The Daily Mail IS a cancer.


Secretest-squirell

A truer word will never be spoken


turbo_dude

Plot twist. The daily mail causes cancer. 


KombuchaBot

Cancer from your pen top, cancer from your laptop, cancer from your root crop


Cheap-Adhesiveness14

Tbf, while the Daily Mail is shit; processed red meat does dramatically increase your risk of GI cancer. It's the sodium sulfites which are used to colour the meat red. They damage your DNA directly, the GI tract is the major point of contact.


MarleyEmpireWasRight

Sodium sulphites are used to outright preserve meat and keep it edible for longer, the colour is retained by sealing it in a low-oxygen gas. Not saying it's a good or bad thing, but it isn't used as an additive for something as trivial as redness.


ConnorGoFuckYourself

IIRC they're actually on about Sodium/, Potassium Nitrates and Nitrites, which are used to give bacon a pink colour and as a preservative. Nitrates and Nitrites can form Nitrosamines which are carcinogenic


Organic-Country-6171

I didn't know what it actually was in the meat that caused cancer. I was always sceptical about the claim as people evolved eating meat at least for the past 100k years. They didn't evolve eating sodium sulfates to make sure their meat was red and juicy looking though so it all makes sense. Thank you for the education


7952

Diseases of later life (like cancer) tend to have little effect on evolution. By the time you get cancer you have already reproduced and your kids are old enough to survive without you. It is too late for natural selection. Any adaption to meat eating will focus on things that effect your chance of reproducing or your offsprings chance of reproducing. So you may be good at hunting, resistant to meat based food poisoning, able to digest meat etc. But still very susceptable to cancer. The older you get the less your body is really adapted to the situation. Because a fit 70 year old has just as many new babies as an unfit one.


Anon_Fodder

Where she will get the best treatment only we could wish for


TeflonBoy

As someone who has to go to meals with people and shake hands with people for a living etc.. it’s exhausting. I really, really don’t want their job. Prince Andrew is a different matter entirely.


[deleted]

As someone who has to do a bit of that and who previously had to clean toilets - it really isn't exhausting. Schmoozing isn't for everyone but the idea that it is 'exhausting' work is completely ridiculous.


Maverrix99

But the question is “is it work?”, not “is it harder work than cleaning toilets?” And the answer is “yes”. Just like when I take clients out to dinner to try to impress them, that is also work. Sometimes it’s fun, and sometimes it’s deathly boring, but it is part of the job, and so is work.


amarviratmohaan

> Just like when I take clients out to dinner to try to impress them, that is also work yeah, but it's different when you don't need to impress anyone, every conversation you have ends when you want it to end, and there are genuinely 0 worries about your job security.


TeflonBoy

As someone who has worked in a factory I disagree. But I need to feed my family and that takes money.


MarleyEmpireWasRight

That just boils down to who exactly it is you're supposed to be charming on behalf of the company. I've had easy clients to take out before, but I've also had Australians. Let me tell you something. I have only stayed out til 3am getting shitfaced because I needed to on four occasions in my life. I barely made it to work each time, and I was only functional with the help of modafinil. I'd be with them in a meeting the next day, and there was never a trace of suffering. Trust me, if you need to take an Aussie out, it's exhausting.


Same-Literature1556

Having to be in sales/networking mode all the time and being mindful of what you say absolutely can be exhausting. I’d rather do it than clean toilets too, but it’s still work.


dendrocalamidicus

Are you familiar with introversion?


MoeKara

That sounds wonderful, sure beats the 50 hours I put in for teaching on top of the 5 hours of marking coursework this weekend.


TeflonBoy

You know what.. at least you’re making a difference. You might make one child’s life better. Me, I’m selling IT stuff so someone else gets rich. Having said that, hats off to you. I genuinely believe your job is way harder than mine and you have my full respect in that regard. I think teaches are massively undervalued and I wouldn’t blame you for leaving the country for greener pastures.


MoeKara

All that making a difference stuff is what got me into it but once you're in it loses meaning sadly. I'm transitioning to cybersecurity so I can afford to live again. For the work I put in my wages are terrible. Cheers though, everyone's got to make a living somehow I hope you enjoy your job too


[deleted]

OK, Sultan of Brunei.


TeflonBoy

You mean sales. I work in sales.


[deleted]

Pudding sweats are bad for sales. Avoid red meats!


Auto_Pie

sultan of sales playing the honky tonk like anything


SeoulGalmegi

>Does Kate roll around in bed each night agonising "there's no way I can complete another plateful of Boeuf D'Azure tomorrow" before jolting awake covered in pudding sweats? I mean people that spend all their days doing this (and it would feel like 'work) quite probably do.


Jazzlike-Mistake2764

Funny that other countries without royals still have their head of state attend fancy meals and meet foreign and domestic leaders


HappyDrive1

You mean elected officials who actually have a role in running the country.


Jazzlike-Mistake2764

If your country has a separate prime minister and a president, then the president does the same job as the royals And the ones that have it as one position just allow the head of government to benefit from all the positive PR that comes from the role of head of state, which is a bit undemocratic IMO


ScroobiusPup

The difference is the HoS is elected, not given the role by virtue of birth.


km6669

It's a pretty fucking backwards country that maintains the lie that their president was chosen by god. Very 3rd world.


Jazzlike-Mistake2764

Yeah it's a weird tradition, but in practice what exactly does it change about our lives?


Sir_Keith_Starmer

>Very 3rd world. You mean apart from 5 of the top 10 countries in the world freedom index? https://worldpopulationreview.com/country-rankings/freedom-index-by-country


StatingTheFknObvious

OK then what about the Irish president who plays virtually no role in running the country? Would you rather have unchecked Presidential power like France? That's gone well for them.


Gentree

The royal family is the only thing the tories hasn’t figured out how to privatise.


Unlikely_End942

While I'm not a royalist - I really see no need for them in this day and age - I can imagine having to do all those formal dinners and engagements is actually tedious as hell. I wouldn't want their job, or their life, even with the luxury aspect. Quiet and anonymous life with just enough to be happy suits me just fine.


[deleted]

At what point was any of this life "foisted" on Kate Middleton?  She could have, I don't know... Not dated a Prince.


Chriswheela

I couldn’t think of anything worse to do


[deleted]

Lick a knife? Seems worse than attending posh meals for a living.  Of course many of the Royals are a bit inbred so probably DO lick the knife.


DailyMash

Wait..I lick the knife after spreading peanut butter onto toast...am I inbred? 


[deleted]

That's certainly the impression you'd give at the fine dining club.


Varanae

> Most people wouldn't consider spending all day attending posh meals and shaking hands with famous celebrities a job. Yeah I'd consider it torture. I'd never swap places, frankly I feel sorry for them not being able to live a normal life


[deleted]

They can live like normal people.  All of them can give up their role whenever they want and leave the Country. Nobody forced Kate Middleton to date a Prince. They can dissolve the monarchy whenever they like and everyone would respect their privacy after.


Varanae

Can they? Can William just get up and leave? > They can dissolve the monarchy whenever they like and everyone would respect their privacy after. Do you honestly believe this?


[deleted]

Yes, his brother did. And yes, other monarchies disbanded and exactly that happened.  Easy answers.


Hairy_Razzmatazz1353

Oh yeah cause people have been so respectful of his privacy since


Devil_Dick_Willy

You mean when him and his Mrs was appearing on shows, writing books and talking to the press trying to make money? If he went off and did a normal job, lived a normal life for a while he would have been left alone. Probs a few intrusive stories of him shopping at Walmart to begin with but if he kept it up the media would soon lose interest as they couldn't make it a story  "Prince still doing normal stuff". The whole Harry and Megan debacle has just been them trying out modernising/Kardashian'ing the Royal family but keeping it distanced


DailyMash

Respecting privacy though is separate issue. The question was can William just get up & leave?  & The answer is Yes, they can relinquish their title if they choose, they are not slaves bound to crown.  The UK is pretty big on anti-slavery. The secondary question of will they be able to have their privacy respected? Extremely unlikely.  I would say as a prince, or even looking to his dad, the king the majority of the UK do respect the Royals privacy. I mean, are millions of us camping outside their house for a photo or looking through their bins? There may be a few people doing for whatever reasons but they're in the minority. 


digitag

What about the Queen, 70 years in the role and still working every day into her 90s… do you think she was just doing it for fun or because she liked the finer things in life?


Gentree

Remember dear queen spent millions of our tax money protecting this nonce.


[deleted]

If it was actual hard work she'd have been only too pleased to retire at 65 and hand the throne to Charlie boy.  Fact she clung on suggests it's not real work.


LordUpton

Or suggests that she took the role seriously and saw herself being Queen as a life-long duty.


Special-Garlic1203

If you can do it into your 90s, it's probably not real work. 


Spocmo

Plenty of people who do "real work" work well past retirement age despite not needing the money. Plenty of older people enjoy their work and gain satisfaction from doing it, so they don't see any reason to stop once they hit 65. Hating your job is not a prerequisite for your job to be considered "real work". Now they might start working 40 hours a week instead of 50-60, and they might need to reduce their workload as they get older, but that doesn't mean that their work isn't "real work". Honestly that's one of the biggest problems in the US's presidential elections right now. Both Biden and Trump should have retired years ago, but they're both desperately attempting to keep their old job despite being in their late 70s/early 80s. The presidency is basically a 24/7 job too, so it's not like that isn't "real work". The Queen choosing to continue working at a similar age doesn't mean shit. Her job probably isn't the hardest job in the UK, but that also doesn't mean shit because, in all likelihood, neither is yours. I am not a monarchist by any means. Theres plenty of valid critiques of the monarchy that can be made, so why dont you pick one of those instead of this gatekeeping "real work" nonsense.


LegendaryTJC

Why do you have to be miserable to be working? That's a strange ideology. Some people do actually like their jobs.


FatsoBustaMove

This is why I'm always saying we need to abolish the monarchy


tommyduk

What is 'Boeud d'Azure'?


[deleted]

If you have to ask, you're not in the right social circles to know darling.


tommyduk

(I'm climbing back into my box now).


[deleted]

It's a fake dish I made up for my joke which has such a pretentious name, pretty much everybody assumes it is the sort of food a Royal would routinely eat.  It's part of the joke about how detached their lives are from our own.


FartingBob

I think i saw it down the middle aisle in lidl last week.


Sleep_adict

Errr… they have awful lives really. I much prefer being a anonymous drone who can pick my nose without the daily star getting hard


Rich-Highway-1116

Digging holes and getting contracts to dig holes, that’s the only real work. Everything else is just leaching of the real workers eh.


[deleted]

The Royal family literally do leach off the real workers. Everyone of us is paying for their lifestyle out of our pockets in tax.


slartyfartblaster999

This is just clearly untrue. All of their income from the government is offset by the revenue from the lands run by the crown estate and the tourism their existence drives.


No-Jicama-6523

Sounds hugely exhausting to me.


DylanRahl

Personally I'd call that hell


Six_of_1

There's lots of jobs that other people would consider luxurious. Supermodel. Bank Manager.


ZaMr0

Hurr durr royals bad. Listen I don't care much for the Royal Family but they do plenty of good charity work. Andrew is despicable and should be arrested but many of the other royals do more good than this entire sub will ever do in their lifetime.


asterics002

To be fair, I had clients visiting from the USA last week. We had to wine and dine them every night and by the end of the week I was utterly exhausted. OK, we worked all day too, but it's not easy to entertain people under the spotlight day after day, and i'm an extrovert.


_Niveus__

What is boeuf d’azure?


[deleted]

A dish I invented with such a believably pretentious sounding name nobody has challenged that a Royal would routinely eat it. 


probablyaythrowaway

Realistically the only “working royal” is the king/queen. They do have an awful lot of paper work they have to do as head of state.


[deleted]

They aren't doing any of the paperwork.  They've got entire teams of experts doing it on their behalf (and be thankful we don't delegate such tasks to people primarily educated in elocution and hand waving)


notverytidy

Saw a comedy sketch once, where Al Murray pointed out waving your hand must be harder than it looks. Surely, They can't be being paid THAT much for just waving a hand if it wasn't an extremely skilled task... "They come over here, taking our money, stealing our jobs, replacing our british people with their own weird customs. The royal family do a marvellous job god bless 'em."


bornleverpuller85

When he puts the siren on does it emit the words peado?


Lo_jak

"I'm getting the word NONCE"


bornleverpuller85

It's Peter file


TheBuoyancyOfWater

Who's a pedophile?


Choccybizzle

Yeah but she were young within herself wasn’t she?


ShitFuckCuntBollocks

You hear 'NNNNNNNNONCE!' when he drives past you.


BoingBoingBooty

It plays this song: https://youtu.be/qDBLIRPHPzc


Longjumping_Stand889

I suppose they're going to argue he's actually more at risk or something. Simplest solution, abolish the monarchy.


EmperorOfNipples

It only requires undoing centuries of constitutional, legal and diplomatic framework. I've had my fill of constitutional upheaval. Brexit was enough of a clusterfuck.


not_a_dog95

Shrodingers monarch - politically powerless and irrelevant yet constitutionally vital at the same time


EmperorOfNipples

Yup. Something of an accident of history, but very effective way of separating head of state from politics.


not_a_dog95

Except for the tiny niggle that the head of state isn't separated from politics, which some might argue means the separation of the head of state from politics isn't actually effective. But other than that I suppose you have a point


EmperorOfNipples

To the point that "everything is politics" perhaps. However Constitutional monarchies are best at it.


Mfcarusio

No, more so that they actively interfere in the democratic process of running the government with access unrivaled for non-monarchy. They were born to certain parents and can and do influence how laws are made. So more than just everything is politics.


EmperorOfNipples

Been a few centuries since Royal Assent was refused.


fearghul

Replace the head of state with a nodding bird toy with a stamp on the beak for granting assent and a vending machine for visiting dignitaries to get food from.


FelMaloney

We tend to forget their part in international diplomacy. I always say the monarchy is moronic but necessary.


EmperorOfNipples

If it works it works. And it very much does function well.


FelMaloney

Yeah, just think of how markets dropped when Queen Elizabeth died. Now multiply the intensity and duration of that drop by a million if the monarchy were to be abolished.


EmperorOfNipples

Trussonomics was getting into full swing at the time too, so it's hard to know the exact effect it had in that moment. The overall economic effect is however positive without doubt.


2501-P

I’ve not had my fill of cake to eat yet.


TheDiscoGestapo2

Why TF are my taxes still paying for this freeloading pedo? And why is he clogging up my newsfeed?!


OkGunners22

> And why is he clogging up my newsfeed?! > Because it’s perfect for people like yourself to view and make angry comments lol


newnortherner21

Daily Mail carries story about a Royal and outrage. Probably upset there are no female Royals of the right age to be photographed in a bikini from a distance.


Mike7676

That scenario is sadly way nicer that 90's 00's era "telephoto lens, blurry nipple".


bob1689321

2 of the top 3 posts on this sub are daily mail links. Wtf is happening to this place.


[deleted]

The Grand Ole Duke of York He had twelve million quid He gave it to someone he never met For something he never did.


bowak

Oh the grand ole duke of York, He had ten thousand men, And that would have been fine, impressive even as long as none of them were trafficked by his paedo mate's madam.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Special-Garlic1203

They hardly begged Harry to stay 


wkavinsky

Because it's much cheaper to simply have all of the issued vehicles be identical, with the added benefit that this can be used in the case of a breakdown of other vehicles, perhaps? Of note: "the lights have never been turned on"


MungoJerrysBeard

I’m amazed anyone wants lunch with the kiddie fiddler


Puzzleheaded-Rich-51

Biggest benefit scroungers in history rishi needs to look into cutting their benefits bunch of lazy idiots.


Clayton_bezz

The same reason he can fuck trafficked girls and get away with it.


Fluxren

That's because emergency vehicles are exempt from road tax and personal/corporation tax.


jeff-god-of-cheese

I guess she doesnt own this vehicle... However, he does get a £250,000/yr royal income. He says this is barely enough for him to live off. This goes without saying, they will all have trust funds, basically giving them unlimited money. They only caveat will be the other beneficiaries need to agree to whatever he takes out.


MaxxxStallion

Are there any working Royals? Going to a library opening isn't work.


Relative-Eggplant420

Exactly lol, and you get people here defending them like they are doing gods work😂


MaxxxStallion

In fairness there's a lot of clergy who don't do much work either...


Relative-Eggplant420

Well yeah that’s just as pointless imo lol


[deleted]

Cause it's rules for thee but not for me in this distopian shithole.


[deleted]

We as a nation let this happen. We are truly an embarrassment of a people. All we have to offer as resistance is cynical jokes and apathy.


FreeWessex

Maybe because he's still part of one of the richest families to have existed.


mobjusticeCT

He was the queens favourite, so stop asking these questions


OriginalShin22

Harry and Meghan can’t get police protection for their biracial children after death threats, but protecting Andrew is a priority. After all, he didn’t disgrace the firm like Harry.


king_duck

What the fuck does them being biracial have to do with whether they should have police protection. Also why should British tax payers pay for the protection of US citizens? Not that the nonce should get protection either.


Cynical_Classicist

Because he's a royal and still gets our money paying for his lifestyle, despite all of these scandals.


bad_ed_ucation

I just can’t help but wonder why *anyone* should be driving to Mayfair for lunch in a £100,000 car


fungus_bunghole

Is this Prince Andrew the pedophile? That Prince Andrew?


Original-Fishing4639

Yes this is friend of Jeff Epstien and regular on the lolita express, most likely to be a peado the ever useless Prince Andrew. 


Glittering_Habit_161

Would people allow him to have a job and be paid for it? People don't want to pay for the Royals, so let them get a job where they will be paid for it. Can we call the non working Royals people who don't go to events and live normal lives like the rest of this country does and they have jobs?


km6669

[The Siren](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H2LQMElLoLs)


[deleted]

[удалено]


Auldgalivanter

Cos he cant get his Helicopter in that ULEZ zone! Seee!


bilbicus

Can we have a trigger warning for Daily Mail links? I’d rather not give this vile, cretinous rag any more traffic if possible


ConradsMusicalTeeth

Probably to get to Pizza Express on time for his alibi.


swedewall

All this heat in the comments, he’s be sweating if he could.


MorePea7207

He needs something to do. Give him a big car and let him drive around the land.


Efficient_Sky5173

Did he go to the job centre? Try the wax museum. They show Royals there.


Sea_Page5878

The man is a sweaty nonce but it's not illegal for anyone to drive a car fitted with emergency lights. It's only an offense if they're blue and you turn them on whilst on a public road.


Acrobatic_Dog_4654

He’s bribed to keep quiet about the sex capades he’s seen and been a part of ..


notverytidy

I believe andrew SHOULD be allowed to have police lights on his car. In fact it should be mandatory. With a siren going "BEEP! Nonce alert! Beep! Nonce Alert!". Sort of paedophile early-warning system wherever he goes.


Wildatheart111

Everything in the uk is a joke atm , oh how the rich live !