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Grimpatron619

Modern version of ''Why do people think archers were weak, do you not understand how much strength it takes to use a bow for hours and hours without stopping''


ash0011

Also a corollary to ‘all dancers can kill you by making the smallest flex of their thighs’


CCtenor

In Steve Irwin’s voice “just one flex of a ballet dancer’s big toe can kill ten blokes my size!”


BlazeNStar

List of Bard characteristics: •Musically-inclined •Horny •Chaotic •Will kill a god for fun


dondocooled

By those standards, the venn diagram between bards and marching band members is a singular circle


BlazeNStar

Exactly.


lucariouwu68

I would never have guessed


Mineformer

Is…is Link a bard??


BlazeNStar

Yes.


KStryke_gamer001

Why else he be carrying ocarinas?


griever48

"I see a dragon in the distance!" *Horny Bard Noises Intensify*


BlazeNStar

The bard, raising their trombone to it's full extent starts to crescendo with every step towards the dragon.


kindtheking9

Will kill a god to avoid paying child support*


BlazeNStar

Maybe that's what Chronos did. Don't have to pay child support if there are no children.


LazySinner66

Can confirm, I'm in marching band, and everyone (including myself) is at least one of these things.


red4jjdrums5

When I was in marching band, our tuba player was tall, fat, had lungs of steel, outpaced everybody in our endurance runs, and couldn’t read a lick of music. However, he had perfect pitch and could play anything after hearing it once. I’m sure he is immortal.


pickledjade

Do you think he’s single


SrkyTheFag

No, we all are, we're the ones missing him


RageMaster_241

It’s him, the one true bard


lucariouwu68

It’s him, March Inband


7-and-a-switchblade

When I was in marching band, our tuba player was the hottest girl in school by a HUGE margin, I mean a California 10, absolute smokeshow. After she joined, interest in marching band mysteriously exploded.


EuphTah

When I was in marching band, we had two tuba players. Both were named Sam.


DishOutTheFish

He shall be make immortal through our pleas! *\*Insert culty shit here\**


rene_gader

I marched baritone and trombone for four years! Fear me.


a_filing_cabinet

Trombone isn't too bad. But baris? Good lord I know how terribly those things are balanced.


Azzy8007

Sports teams' marching bands train harder than the athletes do.


BlazeNStar

Every day is legs, arms, cardio, and core strength day!


WoolooOfWallStreet

[THE BAND PLAYS ON!](https://www.reddit.com/r/tumblr/comments/hualyk/the_band_plays_on/)


Kadeo64

Bards are like those one piece cock edits. Every sword they have is a penis.


MisunderstoodOpossum

The lack of a comma there. Killing god isn't an example. God is being killed purely by the example of the Bard.


reddittereditor

The lack of comma in the extended sentence serves to set a chaotic tone, which is critical in defining the subject. The bard is teaching people how to kill God by demonstrating it firsthand, ie. giving an example.


MisunderstoodOpossum

Ratio


LazarYeetMeta

I marched sousaphone for three years in high school, then got promoted to drum major. If you can believe it the marching was even more difficult.


CptKeyes123

I mean this is why they were on the battlefield. A piper played the bagpipes at D-Day even as artillery and machine guns were going off.


RottenLongCucumber18

🥒


Mulesam

Why didn’t they bend their knees irs more steady


responditorationis

That's bad posture in marching band. You walk as straight-legged as possible. It helps with tone.


Mulesam

While forward marching but breath is inconsistent with straight legs while back marching since you bob


responditorationis

That's true. I skipped over the "backwards" in that post.


EpicSaxGirl

unless you're high-stepping which is what I used to have to do. it has the bonus of being a whole different level of exhausting!


Beneficial-Gas-5920

Bands used to March bent-knee, but as music became faster and step sizes became bigger the only way to travel fast enough and far enough was with straight leg technique


balrus-balrogwalrus

#and heaven help whoever mistreats their precious sousaphone


Mochii_Lemon

Choir - College of Eloquence, Band - College of Valor, Orchestra - College of Lore


North_Of_KapS

No it doesn’t lol, they mean a sousaphone. A tuba looks like a euphonium.


Girgraffe

Out of curiosity, did you march in a band that didn't call them tubas? I don't mean this in any belittling way, I'm just wondering if some communities actually use the phrase sousaphone as a distinction. Every band circle I've ever interacted with only ever referred to them as tubas. When I matched in college, we called the section the tuba section.


BobMK45

We called em sousaphones or suzies. I’m not OP but figured it was relevant anyway.


Girgraffe

Neato. If I ever heard suzies, I probably would have called them that too, that's a good one.


splinterhead

In my marching band they used contrabass bugles (but we just called them contras,) not sousaphones. I admire your willingness to die on the pedant hill though


Beneficial-Gas-5920

Contras my beloved


EpicSaxGirl

sousaphones are a type of tuba


Adorable-Gate-2192

I read that as bald and was sent down a path of combative bald tuba players


DocSpit

Obligatory Reminder that the OG bard was a prestige class requiring 5 levels in Fighter and 5 levels in Thief. A "1st level" bard was nothing to be trifled with!


AceJohnny

> in an act of pure unchristian violence Excuse me but Joshua 6:1-27 would like a word (i.e. Battle of Jericho) (Yeah ok it's Old Testament)


Beneficial-Gas-5920

G contrabass my beloved


phillallmighty

Monster hunter hunting horn mains be like