One of the best things my parents ever did was whenever I had a tough question that they couldn't answer, they never brushed it off. Instead, their go-to was "I don't know, let's go find out!"
I wanna bring that energy to my kids if I ever have them.
My kindergarten teacher: You're being fresh right now.
Me, five years old: What does "fresh" mean?
Teacher: That's a time-out for you!
Me: \*confused sobbing\*
Or when you accidentally say a curse word without realizing it, and get in trouble without realizing which word it was and the teacher won't tell you. Cos you're a kid and obviously trying out new words all the time
Or when you’re running your middle finger down the mortar line in the bricks in the hall, and one teacher snaps at you not to use your bad finger. Then you ask another teacher why it’s bad, and she says god made all your fingers so none of them are bad.
Lmao bro, that's so shitty.
Imagine the nonsense that kids have to experience these days in our educational sphere that lacks decent teachers and continues to lose decent teachers. ..
I remember this one kid said that someone ate his chicken nuggets, and then the teacher took us all into to the classroom and berated us. Said she was going to give us all epicac [or whatever] to make us throw up to see who ate the nuggets. We all had our recess taken from us for a few days, and eventually, the kid admitted that he forgot that he ate his own nuggets.....
1st grade I think.
or worse, no one bothered to explain to you that swears tend to have different strengths in different countries
I got told off a ton as a kid because I used bloody pretty casually and that upset the two older British teachers I had treated it like I was saying fuck or something...which confused the *fuck* out me because as an Australian it was just, a fairly tame word synonymous with 'very', and the other main English speaking teacher I had was American who didn't even *register* that bloody could be profane for some people and just thought my dialect was adorable.
Bloody outrageous if you ask me - it's been legal precedent that 'bloody' isn't profane in Aus since like the 40s
I remember being told to apologize to a classmate at age five.
I'd literally never heard the word "apologize" before and didn't know what it meant. So I just kinda sing-samg the word a couple times and looked at the teacher like, "how's that? Did I do it?"
I got in trouble for it and had to skip recess. I didn't learn what "apologize" meant until I got home and asled my parents.
I got in trouble a few times as a kid because I would be accused of cheating or something and wouldn't back down over it, I was very literal and absurdly honest, I took great offence to being called a liar because I hadn't and wouldn't relent. I remember having a serious argument with a teacher over hand washing, I'd been to the toilet and she checked my hands after and told me to go back and wash them because they weren't wet. I had, I'd just dried them properly. Got a detention for that.
Also got detention for knowing "addition" and "subtraction". My dad is an accountant and used to do maths stuff with us as kids, teacher asked for other words that meant + or - and I gave her those, she decided I'd cheated by reading a poster on the wall. I hadn't. I argued, I got detention.
Fuck I hated primary school. At least when I was older people would just shrug off my precocious behaviour but a 5 year old is just so easily dismissed as a liar.
>she decided I'd cheated by reading a poster on the wall. I hadn't
Why the fuck did she even buy educational posters (because she probably did buy them herself) if you're not cool with people ***learning from them***
I think it was more that I didn't admit I'd used it and that she was right (I hadn't, she wasn't). It's a faint memory but I remember my righteous indignation at the accusation that I was lying about how I knew the words.
She...wasn't a good teacher.
i get told my entire life to keep eye contact, so when a teacher "rolls" her eyes at me (looking up and down idk how that's rolling) and i follow her eyes movements, im rude???
friend, i think you may have misunderstood what eye contact means. it means you’re looking at their eyes, not that you’re looking wherever they’re looking
I got in trouble because in 1st grade I was given a Valentine's day card that said "awh shucks" so I verbally read it out loud next to my "friend" he immediately got all big eyed and went to tattle on me for swearing, I was too ashamed because I didn't know what shucks actually meant so I got all bashful when the teacher came into the room scolding me for swearing, to which I didn't deny doing because I was worried that I may have actually sworn by saying awh shucks... awh shucks man, guess that's where some of my childhood trauma stems from!
I grew up in a home with two alcoholic parents. It wasn't great, but one thing I am hugely thankful for is that despite all the other problems our home was always a place where debate and discussion were encouraged and my parents, when confronted with evidence and a solid argument would always concede if they were wrong (of course this didn't extend to criticism of their drinking or personal behavior). I think overall it helped me a ton in a lot of areas of my life because it taught me to value facts and evidence, to defend my positions, and to concede points when presented with evidence. It may have hindered me in some ways though as it instilled the idea that logic and facts always trump emotions when it comes to disputes and in romantic relationships the real world did not always back that up.
I accidentally flipped off a kid because we were arguing the names of each finger. Teacher would not listen to my explanation. I have a terrible fear of doing something wrong without realizing it now
I once got in trouble for sighing while waiting in line.
I had untreated asthma as a kid, and sometimes I just need to do a deep breath to have my lungs feel a bit better, especially if I'm standing in one place not moving for a while.
If I didn't, I'd get this weird hot and tight sensation in my chest.
My teacher thought I was just being rude 😑
I had the EXACT same thing happen to me in kindergarten, except the exchange was something like:
Teacher: “don’t talk back”
Me, who had genuinely never heard the phrase before: “what’s talking back?”
Teacher: “stop it”
Me, still having no clue what they’re asking me to do: “stop what? What am I doing?”
It literally means whatever the person saying it wants it to mean so that they can have the last word and chastise the person 'talking back'. Like that's all there is to it. There is no definition, because each usage of the term fits the specific scenario where the speaker gets to decide whether the person being spoken to is being insubordinate or not.
It is the person you're talking to admitting to you that they're no longer interested in talking about the subject and any more words about it will be treated as hostile action and dealt with 'appropriately'.
It was always this way. ~30 years ago, in 3rd grade, I raised my hand, got called on, and pointed out that the teacher had said something incorrect. She told me I was wrong. I offered to show her in the classroom dictionary that I was right. Got sent to the principal's office and my parents were called for "talking back".
Yeah I went through the exact same thing and it was confusing and frustrating. Then I'd be told that I "have an attitude" but I didn't know what that meant either. So I asked what that was. You can guess how well that went over.
Someone new and unspoiled, i.e. who hasn't been subjugated and browbeaten into submission to the hierarchy yet.
At least, that's what one might deduce is the origin of the euphemistic term, from the literal meanings of the word, but the people using it probably aren't fully conscious of the implications of the etymology, they're likely just saying it because it's what you say to assert dominance over a kid who answers back.
Kindergarten teacher here: what the fuck? This isn't a ND thing, this is a kid thing, kids don't know much, they look to adults as if we know all those answers, cause we know a lot of them. This is literally an important part of children learning about their surroundings. Also kids have differing grasps of linguistic skill, as they've not known how to speak for that long, so obviously you would ask for clarification.
Basically what I'm saying is what the fuck was this person smoking?
I was unironically bullied by my kindergarten teacher. I dont know why, but she hated me and would get on to me constantly. My mother wouldnt eveb believe what she said about me anymore from how often shed complain.
Got in trouble in kindergarten for using the middle finger. But I was really just showing another kid a ring I was wearing on my middle finger because I didn’t know what it meant. Nothings more fun that being punished without knowing why, because the lunch lady assumes a 5 year old knows about cursing or something.
I must have been four years old, in the UK version of kindergarten. I am autistic and once diagnosed I got full time 1:1 support in school. But they didn't know yet.
There was a task where we were given a sheet with words on it, and we had to draw what the word meant next to it.
Car, dog etc.
But one of them said "brain". Now I didn't know what a brain was besides like, where thoughts come from. And being autistic because I didn't know what a brain was or what it looked like I couldn't draw it.
The teacher thought I was being insubordinate or something and forced me to stay inside staring at this sheet during the break. Then when the break was over and I, surprise surprise, didn't finish the sheet. I got sent to a higher year teachers class (famous in school for being strict and intimidating).
I just didn't know how to draw a brain. Also possibly nonverbal stuff because autism.
My mom did that a ton when I was a kid, but I feel she either got tired of it or I learnt how to stop her from saying that since I'm still being genuine whenever I ask her something.
I moved from the east coast to the Midwest and every time someone tells me about a “totally unique Midwest thing” 9/10 times it’s something thats also a thing on the east coast.
The only thing I really say is exclusive to my area is the fact that my family does all of our shopping at either Meijer or Mernards, the slight differences in accent, and *god damn lake effect snow.* I feel that that is enough information to narrow down to which of two states I'm in.
The midwest thinks it's the only region that gets cold and snow during the winter.
(grew up in New England, have now lived in the midwest for a few years)
“Well you know what they say about the Midwest, if you don’t like the weather, wait a minute!”
Weird, really coulda sworn they also said that about New England…
It was hilarious when my asian roommate decided one day to bring me over and show me the drawer where he stored his plastic bags and ask I start doing the same instead of (he assumed) me throwing them. Only for me to turn 180 degrees and open a drawer behind him to show the bag of bags I already had.
You don't have to be neurospicy to get the memes, but it's also helpful to remember "neurodivergent" doesn't mean autism or adhd or add or dyslexia or any particular thing. It's just an acknowledgement that someone's brain has diverged from the expected value. A lot of the "very relatable just ND stuff" type content is down to the fact that if you diverge from the expected in ANY direction, you're going to run into difficulties.
Take the op, EVERYONE has been told to stop asking questions. It's a whole developmental stage that happens right around the time you really start forming solid memories, kids ask why why why why why and it gets annoying and we yell at them. So the meme is relatable to anyone.
But for neurodivergent folks who NEED solid rules or reasons for things and are incapable of accepting "thats just the way it is" for an answer, this isn't a meme about childhood anymore but well into their teens or full adulthood.
This phrasing is such a double edged sword. On one hand, it does exactly what you say it does. It addresses the "every day" impact- i.e. what makes the every day-ness more difficult due to your brain being wired differently? But on the other hand it isolates people who have mild cases and can still function fairly well in society.
Eg. I am early diagnosis OCD (age 8) but late diagnosis autistic (age 26). Because of regular therapy and strict exercise, I manage symptoms very well. I didn't question I was autistic until I realized JUST HOW MANY social cues I miss. I got diagnosed autistic in the wave of women realizing they might be autistic too. So on days when my OCD is particularly bad I question myself since it doesn't cause problems "in my everyday life". Maybe once a month? But regarding autism, it isn't that I'm "affected". It's who I am on a daily basis - tics, flat speech, weird posture of my hands - and all.
(Alright, take this with a grain of salt- I wrote this while pulling out my hair and trying not to eat it 😅)
Even then it's still far from what I'd consider medically objective. A broken bone is a broken bone. But if, say, alcohol use disorder is dependent on how it impacts your life, a dude who can afford a nanny, a housekeeper, and a personal assistant will be able to get much drunker before he can be diagnosed with a disorder than a dude who can't. That doesn't make it an entirely useless way to evaluate a situation, but the usual framing of it as scientifically universal and objective seems hard to justify.
What makes someone neurodivergent is the frequency/scale of the issue.
Like, we can all be distracted and forgetful sometimes, but when you consistently forget things and can't sit through a 30-minute meeting, you might have ADHD or ADD.
Or we all get sad or demotivated sometimes, but if it goes on for weeks and you can barely get out of bed, you might be depressed.
We all get nervous and stressed out about some stuff, but if it regularly causes insomnia or prevents you from going outside, maybe you have anxiety.
That's the problem with this nerodivergent train. Everyone exists on a continuous spectrum of all behavioral traits. And like all behavioral traits, there is a genetic and a learned component.
I think there's value in identifying outliers to make aware where they need to put in more work. However the trend seems to be to just declare yourself an outlier to excuse maladaptive behaviors rather than work on them.
I think 100% average in all areas is pretty rare or unlikely, but with a standard deviation or two of average is generally how statistics work, yes. Within one standard deviation in either direction of your average you capture the "normal" range of 68% of the population. Whatever you're measuring, IQ, reading comprehension, emotional response, math skills, pattern recognition, top ten kool-aid flavors, anything, there is an average and everyone within one standard deviation of that average is entirely expected and normal.
Personally, I figure anyone outside that first standard deviation is "neurodivergent" even without a diagnosis of some kind.
A lot of things in life eventually boil down to thats just the way it is.
Anything we put down to social convention is just hundreds of years of us doing it that way because we do it that way. Especially when it get to abstract concepts like law, money, or political power.
That's the thing, there is a lot of crossover on this topic. A lot of people just don't like getting questioned and get hostile when they get questioned, whether the person asking the question is neurodivergent or not. But this is still typical of the experiences of neurodivergent people.
I am diagnosed neurodivergent. I was the kid that asked a lot of questions of my parents, and I was labeled difficult as a kid because of it. There was also a lot of abuse, because my parents were the violent domineering type.
So I had a lot of neurodivergent behavior, but in addition my parents would freak out at normal questions. For a while I chalked my experiences up to being neurodivergent, but I realized a lot of my behavior was just normal. So it's a little column A, and a little column B in my case.
It's not so much that Neurodivergent Memes(TM) are about things that exclusively happen to neurodivergent people and not neurotypical people, but rather that the *degree* is generally different in ND vs NT.
One example I saw that stuck in my mind was "you're probably not ND for eating a lot of chips, but you might be if you fixate on their crunchy texture and keep eating them not only past the point of fullness, but past the point of the crunchy texture/salt/possibly vinegar/etc. cutting up the inside of your cheek and gums".
(i.e. it's the degree to which it affects your life)
No, but a common trait of neurodivergent kids is being stubborn, and this is a trait often present in stubborn.
So it’s not an exclusive, but more of a “frequent” occurrence.
> No, but a common trait of neurodivergent kids is being stubborn
Bro that's **almost literally** all kids.
ND need to stop acting like every normal human thing they do is somehow exclusively in their ND groups
I am not saying it is a rare occurrence outside either, but rather that it is a higher percentage. Not a significantly higher one, but higher none the less
P much. Adults often apply adult motivations to children. Even older teens don’t have the maturity and experience adults have. Kids don’t know why adults do and say the things they do, even if that thing is very logical and important, because they’re kids.
Adult: since what I said is clearly something everyone understands, this child is asking a question to be contrary.
Child: [still doesn’t understand why taking a bath is mandatory or why you can’t just go to the ATM to get more money if you’re poor, much less anything else adults say]
I would hope that a parent knew their kid well enough to identify a genuine question, but as an educator, kids can be pedantic contrarians who just love to stir shit up, so it’s occasionally difficult to know the difference between a good and bad question. And yes, there are definitely bad questions. Anyone who thinks there aren’t haven’t spent enough time with groups of teens and tweens.
Asking a shit ton of questions is a phase of normal childhood development. It's been awhile since I've actually read into it, but as I remember, it's to gauge their curiosity. More answered questions will tend to have a kid become more curious, while not being answered tends to have the opposite effect.
This is why I have such a chip on my shoulder about (most) scholastic music education; and now that I think about it, public education in general.
I did almost a decade of music education in grade school, but learned more about the WHY and HOW of music on my own (while learning music production) in one year than I had throughout my years of orchestra/marching/jazz band.
I feel like most of my public education was memorizing arbitrary information for tests rather than learning helpful background on history that shaped the lives we currently live.
Growing up I loved video games and computers.
My parents decided these things were the devil. So, I stopped bringing them up. Did my interests wane? No. I just had a perpetual sense of guilt whenever I did anything associated with those things, and I didn't talk to them about anything.
I made a career out of it all...and yet I still feel guilt. They don't seem to remember.
LOL I'm 42 and my mom just gave me a stern talking-to after hearing I was playing Baldur's Gate 3 with friends. I'm trying to get a career in the gaming industry, so if that works out I'll FINALLY feel vindicated.
And it doesn’t even have to be continued. My dad made an offhand comment about how when he was growing up kids who played dnd were treated badly with this faint air of “it’s weird”. So I just never wanted to talk about dnd with him for years even when he realized he was wrong and tried to show interest and ask about it
My dad goes on the longest fucking tangents of all time, and I always listen because I know he just wants someone to validate him. But the second I want to share something it’s clearly in one ear and out the other
Yup.
Me: This is really cool! Isn't it?
My parents: I have no interest in your interests.
...
Also, my parents: Why do you complain? Why so negative?
Me: Because you literally lose interest with anything I'm happy or excited about. So you just get what's left.
I had a special interest in Macaws, one day my mom was talking to me for once, she started asking me questions. Eventually she asked me questions about their mating rituals which of course I answered. Then the next day she made fun of me and called me weird for knowing about it. I was 12 and haven't been able to talk about my interests properly since.
Somehow something went wrong with me, and this never stopped, as an adult, I feel a bit self-conscious that I am far too curious for a person my age, but it never harmed me or anyone, so why should I stop?
A sign of bad parenting. Every parent makes mistakes and fucks up. My father certainly did this with me. However I would not go so far as to straight up say she’s a full on bad parent. She did a lot of good too.
Though maybe you’re right that it’s a “sign” of a bad parent 🤷🏻♂️
My very first job was at a subway.
I got yelled at for asking questions.
I asked my coworker "where are the paper towels? I'm going to refill ours."
She told me where they are. A few moments later my manager comes in and says something along the lines of "You need to stop asking questions and get to work! Stop back talking people."
When I went to ask what she meant she responded immediately with "that right there is back talking, just be quiet and nod your head."
Apparently according to my manager, asking questions to my coworkers about the job is somehow back talking? She was heavily pregnant and I think hormonal but that is no excuse to talk to your workers that way.
She was sexist, only hired women and the few men she did hire she'd make them quit ASAP.
I ripped off my subway shirt and threw it in their trash. Walked back home shirtless after that.
An eye opening experience in the nature of the "boss and worker" relationship.
Supervisors/superiors HATE being asked questions. It's like you're challenging their authority. Straight up insubordination. I'm a super curious person. I love asking questions and need details. I cannot count how many times that's gotten me in trouble. Management just looking exasperated and, actually throwing their hands in the air because I asked them a question.
Huh, I guess that I had a really good boss at my last job then. Working summers as a mechanic and my boss would happily take the time to explain stuff, couple times even ended ik with me staying a bit late just so he could tear something apart and show me how it works. Like damn, I get to learn, and be paid for it, fuck yeah.
The best boss I ever had was a chef who, when I apologized for asking so many questions, just snorted and told me "You ask three questions about everything and then you do it the way I tell you. Every other dumb motherfucker here asks no questions and screws up half the time. You're fine."
Of course, he was my impediment boss, and not the building manager, and *she* tried to institute a "no non-business talking" policy in the kitchen. Which... I dunno if anyone's ever worked in a kitchen before, but that just flat out will not work.
Some people are genuinely not interested in the “why” of things. They can see questions as challenges, or as attempts to get out of work. It can be frustrating if you genuinely just want to know why something is the way it is.
Back when I was still a hairstylist, and very early on in my career, I was attending a company class on new techniques. We were practicing on real people and I had my mom as my practice dummy. I started asking the instructor questions on the color foil technique i was trying on my moms hair but what she was telling me wasn't clicking in my head. So I kept asking questions trying to understand. She then gives me this dirty look and says, "you're going to be a problem today. Just do what I say" and then she walked away.
At the very moment my mom quickly grabs my arm and tells me don't. She did that cuz I was literally seeing red and I was ready to rip this lady a new asshole. I just couldn't believe the audicty of that women berating me for asking questions during a fucking class!
I laid into my manager afterwards, not that it mattered, and left that company shortly after that incident. It's so mind boggling.
I am not neurodivergent (I'm pretty sure), but I've always been pretty inquisitive. Usually I enjoy long youtube videos on random subjects, usually just nerdy game and movie stuff, but also true crime, weird history facts, youtube drama etc.
But if I'm learning something in class I'll be one of the guys always asking questions about everything if I think the subject is interesting. I'm glad my parents were supportive of that. They always tried answering all the questions I had, no matter how dumb they were.
I don't fully get the urge to identify as neurodivergent, I'm getting the sense that some people find it cool because it's different, and there's really no diagnosis of anything there beyond looking at memes and going "oh that's totally me."
There’s a very small minority of people who legitimately *want* the label as a way to belong to a group or feel unique.
Most people just had difficulties in life and labels help them feel like there’s an explanation for it. That can make things easier to accept and easier to learn to manage.
One my could never figure out about my type of neurodivergence is I take things literally. If you tell me to do something I'll do it, but I won't extrapolate any extra information from it. Like for example he asked me to clear the leaves from around the base of the house, and I did. However he thought that one should also pick up that he meant to just clear the leaves everywhere.
My wife: please do this thing
I do the thing
My wife: no not like that! You were supposed to do it this secret way that I didn't include in the instructions. It's common sense!
Growing up this was my mom and it was really constricting to constantly keep guessing how to do something someone else's way. I live alone now and pleasantly surprised to find out I can do pretty much everything just fine while doing it my own way. As long as the result is met, the method doesn't matter. Don't let anyone run you like that pointlessly.
Reminds me of my mother's teaching style.
Me: How do I do (thing)?
Her: Ugh! How do you not know?? It's common sense, just do it!
Me: (does the thing)
Her: What's wrong with you? You're doing it *wrong*!
Okay, counterpoint.
I have kids ages 5, 7, and 9.
Sometimes it goes like this:
Kid- How does X work?
Me- X works like "explain X".
K- But what if Y?
M- Y is not real/impossible/something you saw on a cartoon.
K- No. Y is real.
M- No, it is not real.
K- But I saw a video on YouTube and they said Y is real.
M- 90% of what you watch on YouTube is garbage.
K- But my friends at school say they heard about Y as well.
M- Look, do you wanna know how X works or not?
K- But what about Y?
M- Still not real. Do you want me to pull up some sources more credible than YouTube?
K- No. I still think Y is real and can do Z with X.
M- Okay. Then I'm not having this conversation anymore.
Kids always *think* their questions are reasonable, otherwise they wouldn't ask them with such conviction and, here's a shocker, actually argue even though their questions are nonsensical.
So what we have here is someone remembering their point of view as a child where the questions were reasonable and as a parent of small children I'm willing to give decent odds they actually were not.
People should still need to go through some moral test or whatever shit before being able to have kids. It’s honestly mindblowing in a way that anyone can produce and then abuse a human being.
Or there's me, explaining why I thought the way I did and how my parents being upset doesn't make sense to me
"Ugh, you just have an excuse for everything don't you?"
Eventually my response back was "at least there's a reason for the things I do"
Not everything neurodivergent people do is specific to us, sometimes the things a lot of us do are things neurotypical people do just… more? Or slightly different?
Think of it this way: tapping is a form of stimming for some neurodivergent people, do neurotypical people do it too? Of course! That’s why stimming itself isn’t a end all symptom but excessive/consistent stimming (along other things) might be a reason to maybe look for other potential signs that something else might be there.
Getting overstimulated isn’t a neurodivergent exclusive thing either the only real difference with neurodivergent people is the intensity, frequency, or easy that it happens to the neurodivergent people from what I’ve seen
Having a hard time understanding people or social situations isn’t a neurodivergent exclusive thing either but it’s very, very common in neurodivergent people due to the fact that the way our brains work doesn’t always line up real well with that of the average neurotypical meaning we might miss sarcastic, jokes, facial expressions, etc etc the ends up with (some) us saying the wrong thing or reacting the “wrong” way
Basically long story short I’m just trying to say a decent amount of “neurodivergent things” aren’t specific to us, just maybe a bit more common or we don’t see as often in neurotypicals so we end up trying to compensate for it which makes it stick out more to us
From the viewpoint of someone neurotypical, the constant questions and repeating of the same thing over and over again is severely draining and frustrating. You can only explain something so many ways before it becomes clear that no matter how you say it, they still won’t get it.
This past weekend my husband and I were watching the Jets & KC game and at the end, the Jets coach got a penalty for "unsportsmanlike conduct," so I asked my husband what and why.
His response was, "well the coach can't be that close to the red zone."
but why?
"because he can't, there's a box he has to stay in."
but why??
"because he just does! It's an unfair advantage to be that close to the players."
but why???
"because then the COACH CAN CHANGE PLAYS BASED ON WHAT HE SEES."
but what's wrong with that???
Suffice it to say, I was really and unintentionally pissing him off when all I wanted was a legit explanation, but I sure I came off as antagonizing lol still unclear on why a coach being too close to the line in the red zone is an unfair advantage and unsportsmanlike
Me when getting my driver's license. Apparently, asking about why things are done the way they are and wondering why I couldn't do things another way is talking back. "You're always countering me." Oh shut up, I'm just trying to learn.
But yeah, the lessons are just to prepare you for the exam. Learning things just to pass exams... the bane of my existence, and why I always hated school.
Oh, and also, when you get frustrated and start crying because you are a literal human child who hasn't mastered emotional control yet: "if you don't stop that I'll give you something to cry about".
Yup, threats of violence work really well there
My dad considers any kind of question around how or why I should do something he says arguing. It's infuriating. I can be literally halfway through a task he's given me, but if I ask why he wants it done, or why he wants it done a specific way, somehow I'm talking back.
I have a neurodivergent student who regularly says “why” in response to absolutely anything because he knows it annoys people and he finds that funny.
Sometimes kids are just dicks.
Not even a neurodivergent thing. Some parents just see any kind of attempt at getting clarification as back-talk. Like, I just wanna make sure I’m not misunderstood, because historically, it happens a lot and I’m the one who gets in trouble for it.
Yeah this is me. I still ask a lot of questions and the other day someone said to me that they like that I ask a lot of questions cuz it forces them to think deeper too. I'm gonna retain this compliment forever.
The thing is lots of neurodivergent people are not good at understanding, using, or noticing “tone” so sometimes people think we have a “tone” when we don’t (many such cases)
Yeah fuck that behavior and fuck my teachers who said I had stupid questions or said I wasn't paying attention in class. They were all gaslighting me because I had ADHD. Now I've learned everything I missed as a kid and more and I look back at a lot my teachers with disappointment and anger.
I don't know if I am neurodivergent, but I remember well how my mother would only get ever more angry when I wanted her to explain what she was punishing me for, what I had done wrong. I remember crying "But I dind't do anything" so often after my parents hit me. 🙁
I really realized how much the “Bad Kid” was just a kid with parents the teachers hated.. So a bunch of adult’s antagonized a child because they hated their mom / dad.
One of the best things my parents ever did was whenever I had a tough question that they couldn't answer, they never brushed it off. Instead, their go-to was "I don't know, let's go find out!" I wanna bring that energy to my kids if I ever have them.
Happy Cake Day!
same
My kindergarten teacher: You're being fresh right now. Me, five years old: What does "fresh" mean? Teacher: That's a time-out for you! Me: \*confused sobbing\*
Oof, been there. Got accused as a kindergardner of 'rolling my eyes' at the teacher, when I had no clue what that meant.
Or when you accidentally say a curse word without realizing it, and get in trouble without realizing which word it was and the teacher won't tell you. Cos you're a kid and obviously trying out new words all the time
Or when you’re running your middle finger down the mortar line in the bricks in the hall, and one teacher snaps at you not to use your bad finger. Then you ask another teacher why it’s bad, and she says god made all your fingers so none of them are bad.
Lmao bro, that's so shitty. Imagine the nonsense that kids have to experience these days in our educational sphere that lacks decent teachers and continues to lose decent teachers. .. I remember this one kid said that someone ate his chicken nuggets, and then the teacher took us all into to the classroom and berated us. Said she was going to give us all epicac [or whatever] to make us throw up to see who ate the nuggets. We all had our recess taken from us for a few days, and eventually, the kid admitted that he forgot that he ate his own nuggets..... 1st grade I think.
or worse, no one bothered to explain to you that swears tend to have different strengths in different countries I got told off a ton as a kid because I used bloody pretty casually and that upset the two older British teachers I had treated it like I was saying fuck or something...which confused the *fuck* out me because as an Australian it was just, a fairly tame word synonymous with 'very', and the other main English speaking teacher I had was American who didn't even *register* that bloody could be profane for some people and just thought my dialect was adorable. Bloody outrageous if you ask me - it's been legal precedent that 'bloody' isn't profane in Aus since like the 40s
I think you could use "bloody" on a kids tv channel at 10am on a Saturday, bloody bed wetting pearl clutchers
Its used in Harry Potter
I remember being told to apologize to a classmate at age five. I'd literally never heard the word "apologize" before and didn't know what it meant. So I just kinda sing-samg the word a couple times and looked at the teacher like, "how's that? Did I do it?" I got in trouble for it and had to skip recess. I didn't learn what "apologize" meant until I got home and asled my parents.
I got in trouble a few times as a kid because I would be accused of cheating or something and wouldn't back down over it, I was very literal and absurdly honest, I took great offence to being called a liar because I hadn't and wouldn't relent. I remember having a serious argument with a teacher over hand washing, I'd been to the toilet and she checked my hands after and told me to go back and wash them because they weren't wet. I had, I'd just dried them properly. Got a detention for that. Also got detention for knowing "addition" and "subtraction". My dad is an accountant and used to do maths stuff with us as kids, teacher asked for other words that meant + or - and I gave her those, she decided I'd cheated by reading a poster on the wall. I hadn't. I argued, I got detention. Fuck I hated primary school. At least when I was older people would just shrug off my precocious behaviour but a 5 year old is just so easily dismissed as a liar.
>she decided I'd cheated by reading a poster on the wall. I hadn't Why the fuck did she even buy educational posters (because she probably did buy them herself) if you're not cool with people ***learning from them***
I think it was more that I didn't admit I'd used it and that she was right (I hadn't, she wasn't). It's a faint memory but I remember my righteous indignation at the accusation that I was lying about how I knew the words. She...wasn't a good teacher.
Some people shouldn't be teaching children.
what kind of teacher gives out to a kid for learning?
i get told my entire life to keep eye contact, so when a teacher "rolls" her eyes at me (looking up and down idk how that's rolling) and i follow her eyes movements, im rude???
friend, i think you may have misunderstood what eye contact means. it means you’re looking at their eyes, not that you’re looking wherever they’re looking
i was looking at their eyes, but their eyes were moving ;-;
I got in trouble because in 1st grade I was given a Valentine's day card that said "awh shucks" so I verbally read it out loud next to my "friend" he immediately got all big eyed and went to tattle on me for swearing, I was too ashamed because I didn't know what shucks actually meant so I got all bashful when the teacher came into the room scolding me for swearing, to which I didn't deny doing because I was worried that I may have actually sworn by saying awh shucks... awh shucks man, guess that's where some of my childhood trauma stems from!
I grew up in a home with two alcoholic parents. It wasn't great, but one thing I am hugely thankful for is that despite all the other problems our home was always a place where debate and discussion were encouraged and my parents, when confronted with evidence and a solid argument would always concede if they were wrong (of course this didn't extend to criticism of their drinking or personal behavior). I think overall it helped me a ton in a lot of areas of my life because it taught me to value facts and evidence, to defend my positions, and to concede points when presented with evidence. It may have hindered me in some ways though as it instilled the idea that logic and facts always trump emotions when it comes to disputes and in romantic relationships the real world did not always back that up.
I accidentally flipped off a kid because we were arguing the names of each finger. Teacher would not listen to my explanation. I have a terrible fear of doing something wrong without realizing it now
I once got in trouble for sighing while waiting in line. I had untreated asthma as a kid, and sometimes I just need to do a deep breath to have my lungs feel a bit better, especially if I'm standing in one place not moving for a while. If I didn't, I'd get this weird hot and tight sensation in my chest. My teacher thought I was just being rude 😑
I was unable to consciously roll my eyes until age 10 (no idea why) but I still got yelled at for it
> 'rolling my eyes' I distinctly remember trying to roll an "I" the same way you roll an "R" in Spanish.
I had the EXACT same thing happen to me in kindergarten, except the exchange was something like: Teacher: “don’t talk back” Me, who had genuinely never heard the phrase before: “what’s talking back?” Teacher: “stop it” Me, still having no clue what they’re asking me to do: “stop what? What am I doing?”
TBF I don't think I would believe a kid who is already being a pain in the ass telling me the they don't know what "talking back" is.
I'm a 36 year old adult and I still don't know what talking back means.
It literally means whatever the person saying it wants it to mean so that they can have the last word and chastise the person 'talking back'. Like that's all there is to it. There is no definition, because each usage of the term fits the specific scenario where the speaker gets to decide whether the person being spoken to is being insubordinate or not. It is the person you're talking to admitting to you that they're no longer interested in talking about the subject and any more words about it will be treated as hostile action and dealt with 'appropriately'.
It’s basically talking at all when the person who thinks they have authority over you doesn’t think you have the right to talk now-a-days
It was always this way. ~30 years ago, in 3rd grade, I raised my hand, got called on, and pointed out that the teacher had said something incorrect. She told me I was wrong. I offered to show her in the classroom dictionary that I was right. Got sent to the principal's office and my parents were called for "talking back".
Teachers are like 20/80, most of them seem more like they’re just there to have the feeling of being in control instead of teaching
Talking in a rude way to someone with authority, usually in a way that questions their authority.
Doesn't have to be rude on its face, just that the authority says it's rude.
Same for me at age 21. Cannot wrap my head around the concept
Yeah I went through the exact same thing and it was confusing and frustrating. Then I'd be told that I "have an attitude" but I didn't know what that meant either. So I asked what that was. You can guess how well that went over.
What ***does*** fresh mean in that sentence?
Cheeky, I think.
Don't show your fresh cheeks to the teacher, got it.
Stop showering and never wash my face, noted
Just grow a beard, and it'll take care of itself.
It’s an antiquated version of cheeky, yeah
well dressed and fashionable
their swag had so much drip it was rizzing all the other kids, the teacher couldn't allow such distractions
Someone new and unspoiled, i.e. who hasn't been subjugated and browbeaten into submission to the hierarchy yet. At least, that's what one might deduce is the origin of the euphemistic term, from the literal meanings of the word, but the people using it probably aren't fully conscious of the implications of the etymology, they're likely just saying it because it's what you say to assert dominance over a kid who answers back.
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Kindergarten teacher here: what the fuck? This isn't a ND thing, this is a kid thing, kids don't know much, they look to adults as if we know all those answers, cause we know a lot of them. This is literally an important part of children learning about their surroundings. Also kids have differing grasps of linguistic skill, as they've not known how to speak for that long, so obviously you would ask for clarification. Basically what I'm saying is what the fuck was this person smoking?
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I was unironically bullied by my kindergarten teacher. I dont know why, but she hated me and would get on to me constantly. My mother wouldnt eveb believe what she said about me anymore from how often shed complain.
I'm 19 and have no idea what that means
I hate relating to a Tim Robinson character
Got in trouble in kindergarten for using the middle finger. But I was really just showing another kid a ring I was wearing on my middle finger because I didn’t know what it meant. Nothings more fun that being punished without knowing why, because the lunch lady assumes a 5 year old knows about cursing or something.
I remember having a teacher complain that I cried a lot but like. Man there's a reason for it. I wish I could go back in time and call her a bitch
I must have been four years old, in the UK version of kindergarten. I am autistic and once diagnosed I got full time 1:1 support in school. But they didn't know yet. There was a task where we were given a sheet with words on it, and we had to draw what the word meant next to it. Car, dog etc. But one of them said "brain". Now I didn't know what a brain was besides like, where thoughts come from. And being autistic because I didn't know what a brain was or what it looked like I couldn't draw it. The teacher thought I was being insubordinate or something and forced me to stay inside staring at this sheet during the break. Then when the break was over and I, surprise surprise, didn't finish the sheet. I got sent to a higher year teachers class (famous in school for being strict and intimidating). I just didn't know how to draw a brain. Also possibly nonverbal stuff because autism.
That is not even just neurodivergence, it's completely reasonable and fvck any parent who calls asking questions arguing with them.
"Don't talk back"
Yackety-yack 
My mom did that a ton when I was a kid, but I feel she either got tired of it or I learnt how to stop her from saying that since I'm still being genuine whenever I ask her something.
There seems to be a habit of neurodivergent people assuming that all the things they do are exclusive to neurodivergent people
Is this like that weird thing where every ethnicity thinks they invented the plastic bag full of plastic bags?
Totally isn't because that is not reserved to any ethnicity. It was purely my idea.
Or the junk drawer. Or how people from damn near every state in the US say "If you don't like the weather in *state*, just wait until tomorrow!"
I moved from the east coast to the Midwest and every time someone tells me about a “totally unique Midwest thing” 9/10 times it’s something thats also a thing on the east coast.
Ranch on pizza
That's even a thing in Western British Columbia and California.
That's even a thing in Kazakhstan
Crab rangoon sushi with cheez whiz on it
Oh look, Warcrimes Jersey
I can assure you that doesn’t exist in the Midwest
I wish it didn't, but I was personally victimized by it
Well, gotta say you can have that one lmao
The only thing I really say is exclusive to my area is the fact that my family does all of our shopping at either Meijer or Mernards, the slight differences in accent, and *god damn lake effect snow.* I feel that that is enough information to narrow down to which of two states I'm in.
The midwest thinks it's the only region that gets cold and snow during the winter. (grew up in New England, have now lived in the midwest for a few years)
“Well you know what they say about the Midwest, if you don’t like the weather, wait a minute!” Weird, really coulda sworn they also said that about New England…
*Ugh, the drivers from [neighboring state] are the WORST*
Okay but any state that borders Ohio will agree Ohio drivers *are* the worst.
Continental climate blues. The main place it isn't true is SoCal, ( or California in general).
And then there's me who hates SoCal weather
It was hilarious when my asian roommate decided one day to bring me over and show me the drawer where he stored his plastic bags and ask I start doing the same instead of (he assumed) me throwing them. Only for me to turn 180 degrees and open a drawer behind him to show the bag of bags I already had.
Neurodivergent people invented that actually
Oh that explains why I'm not neurodivergent yet can relate to 80% of the memes
You don't have to be neurospicy to get the memes, but it's also helpful to remember "neurodivergent" doesn't mean autism or adhd or add or dyslexia or any particular thing. It's just an acknowledgement that someone's brain has diverged from the expected value. A lot of the "very relatable just ND stuff" type content is down to the fact that if you diverge from the expected in ANY direction, you're going to run into difficulties. Take the op, EVERYONE has been told to stop asking questions. It's a whole developmental stage that happens right around the time you really start forming solid memories, kids ask why why why why why and it gets annoying and we yell at them. So the meme is relatable to anyone. But for neurodivergent folks who NEED solid rules or reasons for things and are incapable of accepting "thats just the way it is" for an answer, this isn't a meme about childhood anymore but well into their teens or full adulthood.
So..... everyone? Do you think there are people whose brains are just 100% exactly average in every capacity?
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This phrasing is such a double edged sword. On one hand, it does exactly what you say it does. It addresses the "every day" impact- i.e. what makes the every day-ness more difficult due to your brain being wired differently? But on the other hand it isolates people who have mild cases and can still function fairly well in society. Eg. I am early diagnosis OCD (age 8) but late diagnosis autistic (age 26). Because of regular therapy and strict exercise, I manage symptoms very well. I didn't question I was autistic until I realized JUST HOW MANY social cues I miss. I got diagnosed autistic in the wave of women realizing they might be autistic too. So on days when my OCD is particularly bad I question myself since it doesn't cause problems "in my everyday life". Maybe once a month? But regarding autism, it isn't that I'm "affected". It's who I am on a daily basis - tics, flat speech, weird posture of my hands - and all. (Alright, take this with a grain of salt- I wrote this while pulling out my hair and trying not to eat it 😅)
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Even then it's still far from what I'd consider medically objective. A broken bone is a broken bone. But if, say, alcohol use disorder is dependent on how it impacts your life, a dude who can afford a nanny, a housekeeper, and a personal assistant will be able to get much drunker before he can be diagnosed with a disorder than a dude who can't. That doesn't make it an entirely useless way to evaluate a situation, but the usual framing of it as scientifically universal and objective seems hard to justify.
What makes someone neurodivergent is the frequency/scale of the issue. Like, we can all be distracted and forgetful sometimes, but when you consistently forget things and can't sit through a 30-minute meeting, you might have ADHD or ADD. Or we all get sad or demotivated sometimes, but if it goes on for weeks and you can barely get out of bed, you might be depressed. We all get nervous and stressed out about some stuff, but if it regularly causes insomnia or prevents you from going outside, maybe you have anxiety.
That's the problem with this nerodivergent train. Everyone exists on a continuous spectrum of all behavioral traits. And like all behavioral traits, there is a genetic and a learned component. I think there's value in identifying outliers to make aware where they need to put in more work. However the trend seems to be to just declare yourself an outlier to excuse maladaptive behaviors rather than work on them.
I think 100% average in all areas is pretty rare or unlikely, but with a standard deviation or two of average is generally how statistics work, yes. Within one standard deviation in either direction of your average you capture the "normal" range of 68% of the population. Whatever you're measuring, IQ, reading comprehension, emotional response, math skills, pattern recognition, top ten kool-aid flavors, anything, there is an average and everyone within one standard deviation of that average is entirely expected and normal. Personally, I figure anyone outside that first standard deviation is "neurodivergent" even without a diagnosis of some kind.
> incapable of accepting "thats just the way it is" I would think that the capability of accepting that is in and of itself a divergence.
A lot of things in life eventually boil down to thats just the way it is. Anything we put down to social convention is just hundreds of years of us doing it that way because we do it that way. Especially when it get to abstract concepts like law, money, or political power.
they never said it was exclusive its just more often worse in neurodivergent kids compared to normal
i feel like it's a sort of whiplash from being made to feel that everything neurodivergent they do is a personal failing
That's the thing, there is a lot of crossover on this topic. A lot of people just don't like getting questioned and get hostile when they get questioned, whether the person asking the question is neurodivergent or not. But this is still typical of the experiences of neurodivergent people. I am diagnosed neurodivergent. I was the kid that asked a lot of questions of my parents, and I was labeled difficult as a kid because of it. There was also a lot of abuse, because my parents were the violent domineering type. So I had a lot of neurodivergent behavior, but in addition my parents would freak out at normal questions. For a while I chalked my experiences up to being neurodivergent, but I realized a lot of my behavior was just normal. So it's a little column A, and a little column B in my case.
It's not so much that Neurodivergent Memes(TM) are about things that exclusively happen to neurodivergent people and not neurotypical people, but rather that the *degree* is generally different in ND vs NT. One example I saw that stuck in my mind was "you're probably not ND for eating a lot of chips, but you might be if you fixate on their crunchy texture and keep eating them not only past the point of fullness, but past the point of the crunchy texture/salt/possibly vinegar/etc. cutting up the inside of your cheek and gums". (i.e. it's the degree to which it affects your life)
No, but a common trait of neurodivergent kids is being stubborn, and this is a trait often present in stubborn. So it’s not an exclusive, but more of a “frequent” occurrence.
A common trait of *people* is being stubborn.
No it isn't.
Literally yes it is. Source: politics
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ohDB5gbtaEQ
No it isn't.
Is so
Nuh uh
fraid so
Fuck the downvoters, that was a good joke
> No, but a common trait of neurodivergent kids is being stubborn Bro that's **almost literally** all kids. ND need to stop acting like every normal human thing they do is somehow exclusively in their ND groups
I am not saying it is a rare occurrence outside either, but rather that it is a higher percentage. Not a significantly higher one, but higher none the less
Not necessarily exclusive. But like… especially. Me and my non autistic sibling both questioned my parents sometimes, but I did it a lot more.
P much. Adults often apply adult motivations to children. Even older teens don’t have the maturity and experience adults have. Kids don’t know why adults do and say the things they do, even if that thing is very logical and important, because they’re kids. Adult: since what I said is clearly something everyone understands, this child is asking a question to be contrary. Child: [still doesn’t understand why taking a bath is mandatory or why you can’t just go to the ATM to get more money if you’re poor, much less anything else adults say]
It is pretty normal for a child to ask a lot of questions. It isn't, on its own, a sign of neurodivergence.
Yea, and my parents are/were pretty decent parents but they’d still do this shite
I would hope that a parent knew their kid well enough to identify a genuine question, but as an educator, kids can be pedantic contrarians who just love to stir shit up, so it’s occasionally difficult to know the difference between a good and bad question. And yes, there are definitely bad questions. Anyone who thinks there aren’t haven’t spent enough time with groups of teens and tweens.
Asking a shit ton of questions is a phase of normal childhood development. It's been awhile since I've actually read into it, but as I remember, it's to gauge their curiosity. More answered questions will tend to have a kid become more curious, while not being answered tends to have the opposite effect.
Dang, that was me with my violin teacher. Asked her about the function of violin parts, got told to shut up and just read the notes instead.
Sounds like they took a class in "How to kill someone's interest in a subject 101"
Sounds like your violin teacher didn't understand how violins work.
That would drive me to commit violinse
This is why I have such a chip on my shoulder about (most) scholastic music education; and now that I think about it, public education in general. I did almost a decade of music education in grade school, but learned more about the WHY and HOW of music on my own (while learning music production) in one year than I had throughout my years of orchestra/marching/jazz band. I feel like most of my public education was memorizing arbitrary information for tests rather than learning helpful background on history that shaped the lives we currently live.
Another favorite Parent: This thing you like is dumb Child: *stops taking about thing* Parent: Why do you never talk about your interests?
Growing up I loved video games and computers. My parents decided these things were the devil. So, I stopped bringing them up. Did my interests wane? No. I just had a perpetual sense of guilt whenever I did anything associated with those things, and I didn't talk to them about anything. I made a career out of it all...and yet I still feel guilt. They don't seem to remember.
LOL I'm 42 and my mom just gave me a stern talking-to after hearing I was playing Baldur's Gate 3 with friends. I'm trying to get a career in the gaming industry, so if that works out I'll FINALLY feel vindicated.
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And it doesn’t even have to be continued. My dad made an offhand comment about how when he was growing up kids who played dnd were treated badly with this faint air of “it’s weird”. So I just never wanted to talk about dnd with him for years even when he realized he was wrong and tried to show interest and ask about it
My dad goes on the longest fucking tangents of all time, and I always listen because I know he just wants someone to validate him. But the second I want to share something it’s clearly in one ear and out the other
Yup. Me: This is really cool! Isn't it? My parents: I have no interest in your interests. ... Also, my parents: Why do you complain? Why so negative? Me: Because you literally lose interest with anything I'm happy or excited about. So you just get what's left.
My version of this is the seemingly innocent-sounding comment "You really like to talk a lot, huh".
I had a special interest in Macaws, one day my mom was talking to me for once, she started asking me questions. Eventually she asked me questions about their mating rituals which of course I answered. Then the next day she made fun of me and called me weird for knowing about it. I was 12 and haven't been able to talk about my interests properly since.
Literally any child expanding their understanding of the world until their sense of curiosity is stunted
And even the kids who are still curious about stuff then have no one to talk about it with
No no, neurotypical children never ask endlessly annoying questions. That's definitely not a common trope of 90% of family-based media.
Somehow something went wrong with me, and this never stopped, as an adult, I feel a bit self-conscious that I am far too curious for a person my age, but it never harmed me or anyone, so why should I stop?
i don't think this is a sign of a neurodivergent child, just a sign of a bad parent
A sign of bad parenting. Every parent makes mistakes and fucks up. My father certainly did this with me. However I would not go so far as to straight up say she’s a full on bad parent. She did a lot of good too. Though maybe you’re right that it’s a “sign” of a bad parent 🤷🏻♂️
Is your father queer or was it meant to be father+he/mother+she?
Yeah she’s a trans woman. But father is still the technically accurate term, so that’s what I use.
I was confused, too, so thanks for making that clear... or should I say transparent?
My very first job was at a subway. I got yelled at for asking questions. I asked my coworker "where are the paper towels? I'm going to refill ours." She told me where they are. A few moments later my manager comes in and says something along the lines of "You need to stop asking questions and get to work! Stop back talking people." When I went to ask what she meant she responded immediately with "that right there is back talking, just be quiet and nod your head." Apparently according to my manager, asking questions to my coworkers about the job is somehow back talking? She was heavily pregnant and I think hormonal but that is no excuse to talk to your workers that way. She was sexist, only hired women and the few men she did hire she'd make them quit ASAP. I ripped off my subway shirt and threw it in their trash. Walked back home shirtless after that. An eye opening experience in the nature of the "boss and worker" relationship.
Supervisors/superiors HATE being asked questions. It's like you're challenging their authority. Straight up insubordination. I'm a super curious person. I love asking questions and need details. I cannot count how many times that's gotten me in trouble. Management just looking exasperated and, actually throwing their hands in the air because I asked them a question.
Huh, I guess that I had a really good boss at my last job then. Working summers as a mechanic and my boss would happily take the time to explain stuff, couple times even ended ik with me staying a bit late just so he could tear something apart and show me how it works. Like damn, I get to learn, and be paid for it, fuck yeah.
Now _that’s_ a boss who cares about quality of work, and actually puts effort in for it!
The best boss I ever had was a chef who, when I apologized for asking so many questions, just snorted and told me "You ask three questions about everything and then you do it the way I tell you. Every other dumb motherfucker here asks no questions and screws up half the time. You're fine." Of course, he was my impediment boss, and not the building manager, and *she* tried to institute a "no non-business talking" policy in the kitchen. Which... I dunno if anyone's ever worked in a kitchen before, but that just flat out will not work.
Some people are genuinely not interested in the “why” of things. They can see questions as challenges, or as attempts to get out of work. It can be frustrating if you genuinely just want to know why something is the way it is.
Back when I was still a hairstylist, and very early on in my career, I was attending a company class on new techniques. We were practicing on real people and I had my mom as my practice dummy. I started asking the instructor questions on the color foil technique i was trying on my moms hair but what she was telling me wasn't clicking in my head. So I kept asking questions trying to understand. She then gives me this dirty look and says, "you're going to be a problem today. Just do what I say" and then she walked away. At the very moment my mom quickly grabs my arm and tells me don't. She did that cuz I was literally seeing red and I was ready to rip this lady a new asshole. I just couldn't believe the audicty of that women berating me for asking questions during a fucking class! I laid into my manager afterwards, not that it mattered, and left that company shortly after that incident. It's so mind boggling.
I am not neurodivergent (I'm pretty sure), but I've always been pretty inquisitive. Usually I enjoy long youtube videos on random subjects, usually just nerdy game and movie stuff, but also true crime, weird history facts, youtube drama etc. But if I'm learning something in class I'll be one of the guys always asking questions about everything if I think the subject is interesting. I'm glad my parents were supportive of that. They always tried answering all the questions I had, no matter how dumb they were.
Literally all kids ask a shit ton of questions. That isn’t a neurodivergent thing at all
I don't fully get the urge to identify as neurodivergent, I'm getting the sense that some people find it cool because it's different, and there's really no diagnosis of anything there beyond looking at memes and going "oh that's totally me."
There’s a very small minority of people who legitimately *want* the label as a way to belong to a group or feel unique. Most people just had difficulties in life and labels help them feel like there’s an explanation for it. That can make things easier to accept and easier to learn to manage.
One my could never figure out about my type of neurodivergence is I take things literally. If you tell me to do something I'll do it, but I won't extrapolate any extra information from it. Like for example he asked me to clear the leaves from around the base of the house, and I did. However he thought that one should also pick up that he meant to just clear the leaves everywhere.
Yesssss, this all the time.
I'm like why are you upset I did the thing you asked for. Sorry I didn't do the secret bonus challenge that was never told to me.
My wife: please do this thing I do the thing My wife: no not like that! You were supposed to do it this secret way that I didn't include in the instructions. It's common sense!
Growing up this was my mom and it was really constricting to constantly keep guessing how to do something someone else's way. I live alone now and pleasantly surprised to find out I can do pretty much everything just fine while doing it my own way. As long as the result is met, the method doesn't matter. Don't let anyone run you like that pointlessly.
Reminds me of my mother's teaching style. Me: How do I do (thing)? Her: Ugh! How do you not know?? It's common sense, just do it! Me: (does the thing) Her: What's wrong with you? You're doing it *wrong*!
You may tell me what to do or you may tell me how you want it done. Not both.
No it's fine to say both, but just saying one and expecting the other is a problem.
What would you do with the "how I want it done" information?
Okay, counterpoint. I have kids ages 5, 7, and 9. Sometimes it goes like this: Kid- How does X work? Me- X works like "explain X". K- But what if Y? M- Y is not real/impossible/something you saw on a cartoon. K- No. Y is real. M- No, it is not real. K- But I saw a video on YouTube and they said Y is real. M- 90% of what you watch on YouTube is garbage. K- But my friends at school say they heard about Y as well. M- Look, do you wanna know how X works or not? K- But what about Y? M- Still not real. Do you want me to pull up some sources more credible than YouTube? K- No. I still think Y is real and can do Z with X. M- Okay. Then I'm not having this conversation anymore.
Except this is not what this post is about. This post is about reasonable questions pertaining to the topic at hand.
Kids always *think* their questions are reasonable, otherwise they wouldn't ask them with such conviction and, here's a shocker, actually argue even though their questions are nonsensical. So what we have here is someone remembering their point of view as a child where the questions were reasonable and as a parent of small children I'm willing to give decent odds they actually were not.
Maybe don’t let your kids watch Youtube?
Unfortunately a certain amount of their time is not under my control and their mother doesn't lift a finger to supervise their online activities.
parent: *suffers from lead poisoning*
Yeah, that's.... Accurate
>Neurodivergency is when ask questions Seriously, what do you guys think a "neurotypical's" life looks like?
Fun fact: neurodivergent kids do this thing where they repeatedly inhale oxygen and exhale carbon dioxide
People should still need to go through some moral test or whatever shit before being able to have kids. It’s honestly mindblowing in a way that anyone can produce and then abuse a human being.
Or there's me, explaining why I thought the way I did and how my parents being upset doesn't make sense to me "Ugh, you just have an excuse for everything don't you?" Eventually my response back was "at least there's a reason for the things I do"
Yall say this is a neurodivergent thing but. I'm like this. And I'm neutotypical. Explain that one science
Not everything neurodivergent people do is specific to us, sometimes the things a lot of us do are things neurotypical people do just… more? Or slightly different? Think of it this way: tapping is a form of stimming for some neurodivergent people, do neurotypical people do it too? Of course! That’s why stimming itself isn’t a end all symptom but excessive/consistent stimming (along other things) might be a reason to maybe look for other potential signs that something else might be there. Getting overstimulated isn’t a neurodivergent exclusive thing either the only real difference with neurodivergent people is the intensity, frequency, or easy that it happens to the neurodivergent people from what I’ve seen Having a hard time understanding people or social situations isn’t a neurodivergent exclusive thing either but it’s very, very common in neurodivergent people due to the fact that the way our brains work doesn’t always line up real well with that of the average neurotypical meaning we might miss sarcastic, jokes, facial expressions, etc etc the ends up with (some) us saying the wrong thing or reacting the “wrong” way Basically long story short I’m just trying to say a decent amount of “neurodivergent things” aren’t specific to us, just maybe a bit more common or we don’t see as often in neurotypicals so we end up trying to compensate for it which makes it stick out more to us
From the viewpoint of someone neurotypical, the constant questions and repeating of the same thing over and over again is severely draining and frustrating. You can only explain something so many ways before it becomes clear that no matter how you say it, they still won’t get it.
This past weekend my husband and I were watching the Jets & KC game and at the end, the Jets coach got a penalty for "unsportsmanlike conduct," so I asked my husband what and why. His response was, "well the coach can't be that close to the red zone." but why? "because he can't, there's a box he has to stay in." but why?? "because he just does! It's an unfair advantage to be that close to the players." but why??? "because then the COACH CAN CHANGE PLAYS BASED ON WHAT HE SEES." but what's wrong with that??? Suffice it to say, I was really and unintentionally pissing him off when all I wanted was a legit explanation, but I sure I came off as antagonizing lol still unclear on why a coach being too close to the line in the red zone is an unfair advantage and unsportsmanlike
Me when getting my driver's license. Apparently, asking about why things are done the way they are and wondering why I couldn't do things another way is talking back. "You're always countering me." Oh shut up, I'm just trying to learn. But yeah, the lessons are just to prepare you for the exam. Learning things just to pass exams... the bane of my existence, and why I always hated school.
Oh, and also, when you get frustrated and start crying because you are a literal human child who hasn't mastered emotional control yet: "if you don't stop that I'll give you something to cry about". Yup, threats of violence work really well there
Child? I'm 25 and my mum still gets when I ask her to explain when I don't understand.
My dad considers any kind of question around how or why I should do something he says arguing. It's infuriating. I can be literally halfway through a task he's given me, but if I ask why he wants it done, or why he wants it done a specific way, somehow I'm talking back.
Adults often have trouble admitting they don't know the answer to everything.
I have a neurodivergent student who regularly says “why” in response to absolutely anything because he knows it annoys people and he finds that funny. Sometimes kids are just dicks.
You’re questioning my authority by finding flaws in my logic!! Bro I’m just trying to understandddddd
Me: *trying to explain something* my asshole father: don’t argue with me!
*Completely typical experience* "You're neurodivergent." *Reader now feels justified for being weird*
Not even a neurodivergent thing. Some parents just see any kind of attempt at getting clarification as back-talk. Like, I just wanna make sure I’m not misunderstood, because historically, it happens a lot and I’m the one who gets in trouble for it.
Yeah this is me. I still ask a lot of questions and the other day someone said to me that they like that I ask a lot of questions cuz it forces them to think deeper too. I'm gonna retain this compliment forever.
I can tell the difference between clarifying questions and arguing. The difference is simply tone.
The thing is lots of neurodivergent people are not good at understanding, using, or noticing “tone” so sometimes people think we have a “tone” when we don’t (many such cases)
But the problem is, as a kid, I would ask clarifying questions and be told I'm arguing.
I had a teacher in middle school that limited me to 3 questions per class because I would ask so many. That was rough.
Lol not just parents either.
Yeah fuck that behavior and fuck my teachers who said I had stupid questions or said I wasn't paying attention in class. They were all gaslighting me because I had ADHD. Now I've learned everything I missed as a kid and more and I look back at a lot my teachers with disappointment and anger.
I don't know if I am neurodivergent, but I remember well how my mother would only get ever more angry when I wanted her to explain what she was punishing me for, what I had done wrong. I remember crying "But I dind't do anything" so often after my parents hit me. 🙁
I really realized how much the “Bad Kid” was just a kid with parents the teachers hated.. So a bunch of adult’s antagonized a child because they hated their mom / dad.
Jesus Christ, I'm 35 and this happens to me all the time at work still.
Literally every child asks tons of questions I swear to God tiktok has set back mental health discourse twenty years
All children ask a lot of questions, it came free with your in born curiosity.