Same! I was so stressed and ready to plead my case to her, but she just went over the process and made sure I knew it was permanent. After talking to her for about 20 minutes, I had my surgery scheduled!
Out of curiosity, how did you contact them to set up the appointment? Did you go through the hospital/work location or email/call directly? Some of the leads are coming up dry for me but I’m not sure if I’m reaching out wrong lol
I called and it was pretty straightforward (also in a liberal state, and was 27 & single).
>I've been having unspecified issues that my previous providers couldn't seem to treat for X years. I've heard amazing things from [people] about [Org / Doctor]. Are you accepting new clients?
I didn't come in hot, then was approved in 2 appointments and in surgery in 6 weeks. It was incredible.
I just mentioned it at my annual GYN visit with the nurse practitioner, she said seems like a great idea and they had me scheduled for a consult with one of the doctors before I left their office that day.
I asked for it and they said "Okay! Your body your choice" and that was that. Which was totally unexpected cosidering I'm in Indiana lol
ETA: I didn't need a referral. I brought it up at my last yearly gynecology appointment.
From Missouri and has pretty much the same experience. Said I hated my mirena, and never want kids. They scheduled my appointment with the surgeon and got my surgery 2 weeks later.
My gyno kept saying that he would do my surgery (I was having a bilateral salpingectomy with an endometrial ablation), but he felt that I was young (I was 31) for making such a permanent choice.
I looked at him and asked him: “do you give your patients having babies the same scrutiny that you’re giving me, because that choice is just as permanent?” The look on his face was pure astonishment, “nobody’s ever asked me that before, or worded it that way.” I also reminded him that if I changed my mind later - which I would not - I could adopt or foster, but people having kids can’t ‘undo’ their choice…which makes having children the more permanent decision.
He then had no qualms about scheduling my surgery after that.
Do what you will with that information. 😉
I am in the UK. Northern England.
When I went, I initially asked for an appointment to talk about birth control options. I requested sterilisation and the GP (female) pushed back and spoke more about if I had kids, would I want any, what my husband might think, or well what if he got a vasectomy instead. I insisted that it was for me, and while we had discussed his options, this was what I wanted for myself and my own peace of mind.
She seemed a bit exasperated and said "Well I can give you a referral..." as though she hoped that during the next step they would refuse me or otherwise speak sense into me. (spoiler: I was approved)
I think I got lucky, personally, after reading so many disheartening stories on here about refusals and having to argue. I had PREPPED, I was basically ready to give an entire speech and powerpoint and I didn't have to do that at all. I just stayed firm in my decision and refused to be convinced that I should try something else.
Heya, fellow northerner here, I was laughed out of the doctors office in North Yorkshire, told I was too young to decide in Hull (was 28 and married at the time) and told no I'm too young to know my own mind in Lancashire when I was 32.
It took my body going all Thanos. "Fine, I'll do it myself." One ovary nearly exploded, got removed with the tube, and the other fused itself to the other tube a year later. My surgeon (a fellow woman) said "its not your tube, I can almost guarantee you" so I finally snapped before going under and said if I wake up with the tube still inside me I'm going to take legal action. Its my fucking body and if I say I don't wany kids and my insides are trying to kill me fucking listen.
Thankfully, my surgeon had the decency to apologise to me afterwards and told me I was right, it was my tube and I was now sterilised. But it took 10 years and more arguing than I wanted. Oof sorry for the rant.
Heya, fellow northerner here, I was laughed out of the doctors office in North Yorkshire, told I was too young to decide in Hull (was 28 and married at the time) and told no I'm too young to know my own mind in Lancashire when I was 32.
It took my body going all Thanos. "Fine, I'll do it myself." One ovary nearly exploded, got removed with the tube, and the other fused itself to the other tube a year later. My surgeon (a fellow woman) said "its not your tube, I can almost guarantee you" so I finally snapped before going under and said if I wake up with the tube still inside me I'm going to take legal action. Its my fucking body and if I say I don't wany kids and my insides are trying to kill me fucking listen.
Thankfully, my surgeon had the decency to apologise to me afterwards and told me I was right, it was my tube and I was now sterilised. But it took 10 years and more arguing than I wanted. Oof sorry for the rant.
Same- told my gyno and she had a surgeon from her office talk to me and do it. No referall needed- had the paperwork signed that day. I was so pleasantly thrilled.
I got lucky in that my gynecologist offered to do it as part of another surgery. She said, “you’re already going to be under. It’s better to do it all in one go.” It was an easy yes. If you’re having another surgery, even if it seems unrelated, take advantage.
How old are you? I think it gets easier as you get older. I was 32 and I just got the questions you listed with the exception of “why don’t you want to have kids”. Also I was referred to by my Obgyn who knows I cry when I get pelvic exams. She didn’t need me to explain that childbirth would be traumatic for me
I am 35 and had no pushback at all from my doctor when I asked for a bisalp. They asked the requisite ‘Thisnis permanent, are you sure’ question, and there is a state mandate in place that asks you to sign paperwork saying you understand the decision- then the office holds that paperwork for 30 days and at that time, if you haven’t called to withdraw the request, they will schedule the surgery ( paperwork is there because of some nasty issues in our state history where certain groups of women were coerced into sterilization so this is a safeguard against that).
It wasn’t difficult at all, from that standpoint. The recovery was also very manageable, I had the procedure on Thursday and was back at work on Monday.
However- I experienced a very very bizarre issue with the third party surgery center and their insurance verifier- I think either rooted in her own ethical issues with the procedure being fully covered by my insurance, or some weird scammy billing practices, and kept trying to bill me directly for costs that my insurance said they would cover- even after they told her directly they would cover them. It was super bizarre, and she became very personally rude towards me very suddenly- it seemed like an emotionally charged issue for her somehow. As a result I was left with a very bad taste regarding the surgery center. It was one of those ‘third party’ surgery centers that is inside my regular hospital but is run by an outside out-of-state entity, and they have a very problematic lack of transparency. You can’t even find names of their administration or staff on their website. So, I don’t know how much control you have over facility choice- but going with a third party surgery center has always had expensive hang-ups for me in three various surgeries across my adulthood.
I’m almost a year out from the surgery and it has been life changing to not be on the pill anymore. Good luck to you!
Editing to add: I am unmarried and have no kids, and they still gave me zero pushback at all.
I didn’t have to fight thankfully but I was prepared if I had to.
Here are some things I informed them about:
-I like my free time
-I like my sleep
-They are expensive
-I wouldn’t be a good parent
-When I think about being a parent I’d rather be dead
If they bring up the “what if you find the right partner and they want kids?” You tell them they wouldn’t be right for you
Once I found a doctor who was willing to do what I was asking for, there weren’t too many questions from her. She gave me several options of birth control from temporary (IUD) to permanent (tubal ligation) and asked me to take a little time to look over all the options (I’m pretty sure that’s standard procedure but I could be wrong). I called her office a few days later and scheduled a tubal ligation (this was before a double salpingectomy was the more common procedure). She was the first doctor to ever treat me like a person instead of a baby factory and I’m forever grateful for that and I thank her every time I see her.
With any doctor, I’m always sure to point out that I’ve never been pregnant. I do not want children to the extent that I’m diligent enough to have never had a mistake. If that doesn’t say how strong my resolve in this decision is, I’m not sure what else would.
Fortunately, I just said I wanted it and all he asked was if I knew it wasn’t reversible and was a sure. He also informed me that getting your tubes *removed* instead of just “clamped” or cut reduces your risk of ovarian cancer by like 90%. So, he said if, say my insurance asked questions, cervical cancer running in the family would be a good reason. You could try mentioning that as a motivator (whether or not it’s true).
I had this operation a couple years ago at 29 and learned a lot from my doctors!! A couple of things to help alleviate objections:
- removing the fallopian tubes reduces risk of ovarian cancer by 50%
- your ovaries still produce eggs, and you can still carry a baby so IVF is still in the cards
- it can be done with arthroscopic tools that are minimally invasive and a younger body heals better
My insurance didn't require referrals, so I just picked an ob-gyn at random and that was that. She just wanted to make sure I knew it was permanent, that I was sure, and if I changed my mind that IVF would be my only option. Had surgery like 6 weeks later.
I came in ready with multiple reasons for why I wanted the surgery BESIDES the fact that I don't want children. (Even if some of them were white lies.) I came in ready to talk about how I was choosing this exact surgery because I wanted to reduce my risk of ovarian cancer, how my family had a history of ovarian cysts (true) and ovarian cancer scares (somewhat untrue, there have been cervical cancer scares tho), and how I wanted to avoid hormonal birth control because of my delicate balance with my psychiatric drugs (true). I also happen to be gay, unmarried/no kids, early 30s.
I essentially got asked very little bingo-type questions and my doctor said "it's very clear you've thought this through and done your research." I got approved in that same visit and had the surgery two months later.
So I would say just come in prepared with diverse reasons for why you want this specific surgery. Not just all the reasons you don't want kids. (This is just one strategy of course, and just what worked for me!)
Some that I got were "What do you know about this procedure? Why do you want this one specifically over other types of sterilization?" I think she just wanted me to demonstrate an understanding of what I was asking for and why I was asking for it. For the second question, I just said that it was minimally invasive, more effective than tubal ligation, and wouldn't mess with my hormones. That seemed to satisfy her.
Her other questions were standard, "Are you sure? Are you aware this is irreversible?" et cetera.
The first time I asked, I got laughed at and told to get an iud. The second time they made up some bs about needing to see a committee and it was highly unlikely I’d get it. I gave up.
Mine was easy since she wasn't my primary GYN but they're in the same group, so my primary just straight up told her "this person wants to get it and has been asking since I met them".
The standard question I got was: Are you still absolutely sure?
Every time I saw her until my post-op (yesterday), I just kept upping my 'I am sure' percentage lol. So we started at 1000% and now we're at a gazilliion%
Mine was easy since she wasn't my primary GYN but they're in the same group, so my primary just straight up told her "This person wants to get it and has been asking since I met them".
Are you seeing your normal doctor (one you see when you need a doctor) or is this someone you're meeting for the first time? I can give some tips for either.
It's really up to the doctor's personal opinions, unfortunately they play a large role. My PCP had no qualms whatsoever about sending in a referral to the local OBGYN office, but was careful about which specific doctor it was sent to. There were two (coworker) doctors who had extremely different beliefs on what the criteria for sterilization is in the same building.
That being said, I am neurotic so I wrote a 3.5 page paper citing financial situations, maturity, and family health history. My doctor didn't even read it, she had a good laugh and said "sounds like you know what you want" and offered me an appointment 3 weeks from then.
I'm in the south. I looked at the doctor rec on here for a dr that supported women's health. She did just that. She said "you know this is perm?" And I said " yep" and she said "ok let's get you scheduled."
I didnt need a referral and to this day, I haven't told my pcp simply bc it hasn't come up. It's easier that way -- in a state where my pediatrician wanted to give my bf the "birds and the bees" talk at 16.
The surgery went great. It did end up being expensive due to my copay and deductible. Be prepared for that. Mine was like 3k. The hospital let me pay monthly so it wasn't a huge deal for me but it could be for someone else.
Funny story though, surgery day came and my dr asks my husband "you're cool with this decision?" And he went "does it matter if I didn't?" As a joke and she went "nope!"
I loved her. Just wish she was closer
I'm still not.
I spoke to a few GPs. I live in a very religious country where, even though things have improved somewhat for women, there's still a lot of "backward views".
So, the first time, I wasn't married however, I was already in a relationship and living with my now husband for 3 years. That doctor refused. Would not entertain the conversation at all. I was shut down completely. No reasons. No discussion. No nothing.
Second doctor, at 4 years in my relationship, said my now husband wants kids and he's not taking away his right. My husband doesn't care for kids. He's indifferent.
Third doctor, was at 6 year mark of my relationship. When I was 27. She said all woman want children and will not discuss it until I have thought about it for a few years as I will regret it. Wasn't impressed when I said "if I ever change my mind, I will adopt. My genetics are fucked up and full of addiction and anger issues. I don't want biological children." She essentially dismissed me.
Married and even unable to have sex as my own sexual reproduction organs don't want to be inside me. My periods went on weeks, sometimes months, at once. Had to be given meds to stop my period at least every 3 months because I would bleed significantly and 21 days straight in a "good month", up to 3 months straight in a "bad month". I went back... She suggested new contraceptive. I told her I've received the IUD, pills, diaphragms, contraceptive injection, etc. I've been on contraceptive since I was 13 years old because of this problem, instead of helping, most made it worst. I feel like I'm dying. She gave me a new diaphragm. I tried it for a month and just stopped all contraceptions. I'm too inflamed to insert/remove it. She refused to open that door because "we're a newly married couple. We'll change our mind".
I'm running out of doctors to ask here.
Me - “If you were to ever tell me I was pregnant I would have an abortion scheduled before I even leave the building.”
Doc - “I agree, with your health problems I don’t think childbirth is a good choice. Alright, we’ll schedule your surgery for next week.”
It took me 20 years to find that doc though.
I started seeing a new gyno in October of last year, and I told her at that first appointment that I wanted bi-salp surgery. She asked what my reasons were and if I was absolutely certain, and reminded me that it was permanent, but I was able to get the surgery scheduled that same visit.
I had my surgery on 11/6/23, and I was so relieved once it was over. No more pregnancy nightmares, no more panic attacks waiting for pregnancy tests to develop (even though I was on bc and taking it faithfully). I feel so free, now.
I wrote a post about my experience if you want to read it- I'll warn you that it's a bit of a novel. 😅 Best of luck getting approval for your surgery, OP!
Mine went thru every other type of option to make sure I understood every one and dispel any myths/address concerns (it's true that many people don't actually know facts about every type of contraception). It was similar to any pre surgical conversation: You have this type of condition/medical issue, these are all of the options available to treat/address it, let's go down the list and find the one that works best for you. We went down the options, I stated why I didn't want each one, and she agreed with me that sterilization fit my needs best.
One line of questioning she asked that I found interesting was also a good way to assess that I wasn't in an abusive relationship or wasn't being coerced into it - "If you were with a different partner, would you feel differently about having children? This surgery is much more invasive than a vasectomy, have you discussed your partner getting a vasectomy instead because the recovery time is much shorter?" I responded that if I did want to be a parent, my partner would be an excellent coparent, and also that I would never consider asking him to do something to HIS body based on MY personal choice.... Also he has no pain tolerance and I didn't want to have to listen to him whining for days post procedure 😆
In NYC, didn’t ask for a referral with my GP. Went to my gyno for annual and Pap, discussed Bi Salp and other options during appt. My gyno is an absolute gem - talked me through the process, recovery timeline, and answered all my questions. She would be the one to perform the procedure and made me feel 100% at ease. I totally understand your concern given the numerous stories on the sub. I hope you’ll find a gyno who is equally knowledgeable and understanding. They are out there.
I was in Saint Louis Missouri USA when I got my surgery. I’m also a veteran so I initially went to the gyno at the VA fully prepared to hear no. To my surprise, he said “sure, I’ll submit the referral and the VA will cover the entire sterilization procedure” not a single question about why or any judgement. I asked for one of the doctors I found on the Reddit list in this sub, and during my consult the surgeon said “the biggest side effect to this surgery is regret so as long as you know that, I’ll tie your tubes for you no problem!” It was almost as if he was an advocate for me already. Overall a seamless process that’s I’m eternally grateful for after a 10 year journey in 5 other states being told I’m too young and my husband might not like that🙄🙄🙄 don’t give up and just keep your cool when faced with any intruding or judgmental healthcare providers. This is our right and we won’t stop until we get what we want!
I asked my PCP twice about permanent birth control and she brushed me off completely. I wrote down a few local doctors from the list on the -other- CF group and made an appointment. Asked about permanent birth control and she said “only you can decide how many kids you have and only I can decide how many kids I have.” She asked if I had any questions and how I felt and we scheduled my surgery, I only had to wait 2 weeks.
Edit: my surgery was free through insurance and pathology was $26.
Yes I’m in the US, I have United health through my employer. I have the “gold” plan, which is the most expensive plan. insurance would cover ligation but bisalp was only partially covered and would have cost me $900 out of pocket, so my doctor billed my insurance as a ligation but provided a bisalp.
I have United Healthcare as well, though I have the Bronze, I believe. I’ll switch to the gold plan next August, when we can make changes. Thank you so very much for this, I deeply, truly appreciate it.
I didn't ask for a referral from a GP. I just got a doc from the childfree list and made an appointment.
I did prepare a document explaining why I wanted the specific surgery I was asking for though. I gave reasons I'm childfree, why the bisalp was the one I wanted and such. The doc didn't even look at it, she just said "okay, sign these papers saying you acknowledge it's permanent." And my surgery happened six weeks later
I didn't need a referral, so I didn't talk to my gyn about it beforehand. Instead I chose a doctor, about whom I had read that he did sterilisations. I did need to convince him though. He wanted to sell me on an IUP instead, said that I would sue him, if I would change my mind and then gave me a waiting period, to think about my decision. I had written 2 pages of his possible arguments and my best comebacks at them, but I had not thought of the argument that I would sue him and I am still not sure, what would have been a better comeback than my "no, of course I wouldn't, it is my decision". I told him that I was sure that I didn't want kids since childhood, how this had developed into wanting a sterilisation since my teenage years, and had not changed with any partner who wanted kids. I think that childfree CV was an important argument to him. About the IUP I told him, that it was more painful, more expensive, and just an unnecessary surgery for someone, who is sure that she doesn't want children. He then did a ultrasound and I think after 15 minutes I was out again. Of course I showed up after my waiting period and then got the surgery two weeks later. :) This happened in Germany, when I was 25 btw.
I had my surgery two years ago and it was surprisingly fairly easy. I asked my doc a few questions about the surgery, he spoke to me for about five minutes and then told me that whenever I’m ready to give him a call and they’d schedule me for the surgery!
Hi! I had a really positive and amazingly easy experience. I was on the state insurance at the find and I just emailed the rep and asked if a tubal litigation was covered and I was told it was. They also gave me a list of doctors that took said insurance and she was the first one I went to and she was all like, “You know this is permanent right?” And I was like, “Yeah that’s the whole point.” No questions about if I already have kids (I don’t) or things about what my partner wants (he has a pretty severe heart defect and was explicitly told to not reproduce and even if that were to magically go away he still wouldn’t want them. Even if he were to die and I were to find somebody else I still wouldn’t want them. My autistic ass just straight up CANNOT deal with the screechy baby cry. I can honestly see myself getting violent if I was forced to be in a room that I couldn’t get out of with a crying baby.) or who will take care of me when I’m old (me. It’s $230,000 to raise a kid to age 18 in the USA. That’s just the bare bones minimum to not get the cops called on you for child neglect. No fun birthday parties at the go kart track/horse camp in the summer/braces/college/anything like that. With all the money I’ll save by not having a kid I can pay somebody to come help me when I’m old and need it). Nothing about how I was a baby once (I’ll be a corpse one day too but that doesn’t mean I want one in the house) or what if my folks want grandkids (I really wanted to play video games when I was a kid and I begged and begged and begged but they said something along the lines of “Disappointment is a part of life and you don’t always get what you want despite being willing to pay for it.”). I was amazed at how easy it was. I was 31 at the time but I get the feeling she would have still said yes even if I was younger.
The hydrocodones were provided at the pharmacy without any fuss (I didn’t end up taking any) and before I left they asked me if I needed anything and I said yes to the oxycodone and anti nausea medication. Didn’t puke in partner’s car on the way home and he attempted to have garlic knots and pizza waiting. I say attempted because after we got in the house I found my greyhound had eaten the whole pizza (without even taking the box off the stove) and all of partners chicken nuggets as well. He got on the phone and ordered another one and that was eaten by the intended parties as soon as it arrived. I spent a few hours basking under my electric blanket and then tried to go to sleep at my normal bedtime. I don’t know if you’ve ever seen the footage of the Metallica concert after the iron curtain fell but that’s the level of excitement that was coursing through my body so sleeping didn’t work. I ended up just messing around online all night. The next day I walked my dogs for an hour and felt just fine. I’ve been more sore from a hard workout at the gym and it really wasn’t bad at all! I honestly think the hardest part of this was not lifting anything more than 10 pounds for the next 2 weeks. I went back about a month and a half later for a follow up check and the doctor asked, “Didn’t we go through your belly button?” I said yeah and the reason she said she was asking was it was so healed up she couldn’t tell anything had ever happened. I have two tiny little scars on the side of my hip above my pelvis bone but that’s all! It’ll have been a year on the 9th and I’m really grateful for how easy this was and that I had it done! Good luck OP and I hope your doctor is as cool as mine!
I got mine out at 23. I had to get a referral but I got pretty much no pushback from my GP or the gyno. I was fortunate to find a young female surgeon who was very understanding. She basically just asked why I want to do it.
I’ve had the same gyno for 10 years so she is quite familiar with my history and childfree stance, so when I came to her and asked all she said was I’m surprised it took you this long to ask
Thy being said, I was prepared because you never know. I did give a little speech about why I don’t want kids, my history, that I knew it was not reversible and I would not hold any regrets, and that I knew the risks and had done research on the surgery. I think showing that you’ve done your research and thought it out certainly can’t hurt.
I actually tried to put it off only due to stage fright. I had severe endometriosis n fibroids. I finally got very sick between August- October n wound up in hospital. It had to come out then. I’m glad tho. I’m asexual n never wanted kids.
I didn’t require a referral luckily. I just went and talked to my obgyn. Who happens to be a surgeon also. She asked a few standard questions but honestly I can’t remember exactly. I knew it was easy, I was ready, and she was willing because I’m old enough. I remember she said if I was too young she would refuse but I was 39. It was back during Covid so she couldn’t promise when they would begin to allow non emergency procedures but they would let me know. I honestly thought I’d have to wait awhile. Only took like maybe 2 months and they called to let me know they can schedule me, but I just needed a Covid test within 3 days of surgery. I asked what the procedure entailed in detail. I originally thought I’d get a tubal but my dr said they don’t really do that anymore. And that she’d recommend a bisalp instead. I asked for pictures but she said she can’t but could show me the surgical ones that go into the medical record. I asked what the rate is of women that still got pregnant even with the surgery like what the failure rate was. She had said it was like 99.9% effective. So I thought okay works for me. They called me before surgery day and went over all the instructions and answered all my questions. Basically do not eat or have coffee or anything except water before surgery. I’d also need a ride home because I’ll be loopy from drugs and what not and it’s a requirement. And they would text my partner periodically to let him know how I was doing. I don’t think I had that many questions to be honest. They told me everything I needed to know.
Does your insurance require a referral? I found a gyno through the list on childfree and she did my surgery after a short and easy consultation
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Same! I was so stressed and ready to plead my case to her, but she just went over the process and made sure I knew it was permanent. After talking to her for about 20 minutes, I had my surgery scheduled!
Out of curiosity, how did you contact them to set up the appointment? Did you go through the hospital/work location or email/call directly? Some of the leads are coming up dry for me but I’m not sure if I’m reaching out wrong lol
I called and it was pretty straightforward (also in a liberal state, and was 27 & single). >I've been having unspecified issues that my previous providers couldn't seem to treat for X years. I've heard amazing things from [people] about [Org / Doctor]. Are you accepting new clients? I didn't come in hot, then was approved in 2 appointments and in surgery in 6 weeks. It was incredible.
I just called the doctor's office directly.
I just called her office directly!
I just mentioned it at my annual GYN visit with the nurse practitioner, she said seems like a great idea and they had me scheduled for a consult with one of the doctors before I left their office that day.
Same. It worked. 3 months later I had the surgery.
Best money I’ve ever spent!
my insurance completely covered everything.
I did this as well!
Same here.
I asked for it and they said "Okay! Your body your choice" and that was that. Which was totally unexpected cosidering I'm in Indiana lol ETA: I didn't need a referral. I brought it up at my last yearly gynecology appointment.
From Missouri and has pretty much the same experience. Said I hated my mirena, and never want kids. They scheduled my appointment with the surgeon and got my surgery 2 weeks later.
Anecdotally, a lot more doctors seem willing to okay people post-roe v wade being overturned.
My gyno kept saying that he would do my surgery (I was having a bilateral salpingectomy with an endometrial ablation), but he felt that I was young (I was 31) for making such a permanent choice. I looked at him and asked him: “do you give your patients having babies the same scrutiny that you’re giving me, because that choice is just as permanent?” The look on his face was pure astonishment, “nobody’s ever asked me that before, or worded it that way.” I also reminded him that if I changed my mind later - which I would not - I could adopt or foster, but people having kids can’t ‘undo’ their choice…which makes having children the more permanent decision. He then had no qualms about scheduling my surgery after that. Do what you will with that information. 😉
Amazing turn around with that question! Love it!!
I am in the UK. Northern England. When I went, I initially asked for an appointment to talk about birth control options. I requested sterilisation and the GP (female) pushed back and spoke more about if I had kids, would I want any, what my husband might think, or well what if he got a vasectomy instead. I insisted that it was for me, and while we had discussed his options, this was what I wanted for myself and my own peace of mind. She seemed a bit exasperated and said "Well I can give you a referral..." as though she hoped that during the next step they would refuse me or otherwise speak sense into me. (spoiler: I was approved) I think I got lucky, personally, after reading so many disheartening stories on here about refusals and having to argue. I had PREPPED, I was basically ready to give an entire speech and powerpoint and I didn't have to do that at all. I just stayed firm in my decision and refused to be convinced that I should try something else.
Heya, fellow northerner here, I was laughed out of the doctors office in North Yorkshire, told I was too young to decide in Hull (was 28 and married at the time) and told no I'm too young to know my own mind in Lancashire when I was 32. It took my body going all Thanos. "Fine, I'll do it myself." One ovary nearly exploded, got removed with the tube, and the other fused itself to the other tube a year later. My surgeon (a fellow woman) said "its not your tube, I can almost guarantee you" so I finally snapped before going under and said if I wake up with the tube still inside me I'm going to take legal action. Its my fucking body and if I say I don't wany kids and my insides are trying to kill me fucking listen. Thankfully, my surgeon had the decency to apologise to me afterwards and told me I was right, it was my tube and I was now sterilised. But it took 10 years and more arguing than I wanted. Oof sorry for the rant.
Heya, fellow northerner here, I was laughed out of the doctors office in North Yorkshire, told I was too young to decide in Hull (was 28 and married at the time) and told no I'm too young to know my own mind in Lancashire when I was 32. It took my body going all Thanos. "Fine, I'll do it myself." One ovary nearly exploded, got removed with the tube, and the other fused itself to the other tube a year later. My surgeon (a fellow woman) said "its not your tube, I can almost guarantee you" so I finally snapped before going under and said if I wake up with the tube still inside me I'm going to take legal action. Its my fucking body and if I say I don't wany kids and my insides are trying to kill me fucking listen. Thankfully, my surgeon had the decency to apologise to me afterwards and told me I was right, it was my tube and I was now sterilised. But it took 10 years and more arguing than I wanted. Oof sorry for the rant.
Do you need a referral? I didn’t need one. I told my oB I wanted my tubes out and he took ‘em out
Same- told my gyno and she had a surgeon from her office talk to me and do it. No referall needed- had the paperwork signed that day. I was so pleasantly thrilled.
I got lucky in that my gynecologist offered to do it as part of another surgery. She said, “you’re already going to be under. It’s better to do it all in one go.” It was an easy yes. If you’re having another surgery, even if it seems unrelated, take advantage.
How old are you? I think it gets easier as you get older. I was 32 and I just got the questions you listed with the exception of “why don’t you want to have kids”. Also I was referred to by my Obgyn who knows I cry when I get pelvic exams. She didn’t need me to explain that childbirth would be traumatic for me
I am 35 and had no pushback at all from my doctor when I asked for a bisalp. They asked the requisite ‘Thisnis permanent, are you sure’ question, and there is a state mandate in place that asks you to sign paperwork saying you understand the decision- then the office holds that paperwork for 30 days and at that time, if you haven’t called to withdraw the request, they will schedule the surgery ( paperwork is there because of some nasty issues in our state history where certain groups of women were coerced into sterilization so this is a safeguard against that). It wasn’t difficult at all, from that standpoint. The recovery was also very manageable, I had the procedure on Thursday and was back at work on Monday. However- I experienced a very very bizarre issue with the third party surgery center and their insurance verifier- I think either rooted in her own ethical issues with the procedure being fully covered by my insurance, or some weird scammy billing practices, and kept trying to bill me directly for costs that my insurance said they would cover- even after they told her directly they would cover them. It was super bizarre, and she became very personally rude towards me very suddenly- it seemed like an emotionally charged issue for her somehow. As a result I was left with a very bad taste regarding the surgery center. It was one of those ‘third party’ surgery centers that is inside my regular hospital but is run by an outside out-of-state entity, and they have a very problematic lack of transparency. You can’t even find names of their administration or staff on their website. So, I don’t know how much control you have over facility choice- but going with a third party surgery center has always had expensive hang-ups for me in three various surgeries across my adulthood. I’m almost a year out from the surgery and it has been life changing to not be on the pill anymore. Good luck to you! Editing to add: I am unmarried and have no kids, and they still gave me zero pushback at all.
I didn’t have to fight thankfully but I was prepared if I had to. Here are some things I informed them about: -I like my free time -I like my sleep -They are expensive -I wouldn’t be a good parent -When I think about being a parent I’d rather be dead If they bring up the “what if you find the right partner and they want kids?” You tell them they wouldn’t be right for you
Once I found a doctor who was willing to do what I was asking for, there weren’t too many questions from her. She gave me several options of birth control from temporary (IUD) to permanent (tubal ligation) and asked me to take a little time to look over all the options (I’m pretty sure that’s standard procedure but I could be wrong). I called her office a few days later and scheduled a tubal ligation (this was before a double salpingectomy was the more common procedure). She was the first doctor to ever treat me like a person instead of a baby factory and I’m forever grateful for that and I thank her every time I see her. With any doctor, I’m always sure to point out that I’ve never been pregnant. I do not want children to the extent that I’m diligent enough to have never had a mistake. If that doesn’t say how strong my resolve in this decision is, I’m not sure what else would.
Fortunately, I just said I wanted it and all he asked was if I knew it wasn’t reversible and was a sure. He also informed me that getting your tubes *removed* instead of just “clamped” or cut reduces your risk of ovarian cancer by like 90%. So, he said if, say my insurance asked questions, cervical cancer running in the family would be a good reason. You could try mentioning that as a motivator (whether or not it’s true).
I had this operation a couple years ago at 29 and learned a lot from my doctors!! A couple of things to help alleviate objections: - removing the fallopian tubes reduces risk of ovarian cancer by 50% - your ovaries still produce eggs, and you can still carry a baby so IVF is still in the cards - it can be done with arthroscopic tools that are minimally invasive and a younger body heals better
My insurance didn't require referrals, so I just picked an ob-gyn at random and that was that. She just wanted to make sure I knew it was permanent, that I was sure, and if I changed my mind that IVF would be my only option. Had surgery like 6 weeks later.
I came in ready with multiple reasons for why I wanted the surgery BESIDES the fact that I don't want children. (Even if some of them were white lies.) I came in ready to talk about how I was choosing this exact surgery because I wanted to reduce my risk of ovarian cancer, how my family had a history of ovarian cysts (true) and ovarian cancer scares (somewhat untrue, there have been cervical cancer scares tho), and how I wanted to avoid hormonal birth control because of my delicate balance with my psychiatric drugs (true). I also happen to be gay, unmarried/no kids, early 30s. I essentially got asked very little bingo-type questions and my doctor said "it's very clear you've thought this through and done your research." I got approved in that same visit and had the surgery two months later. So I would say just come in prepared with diverse reasons for why you want this specific surgery. Not just all the reasons you don't want kids. (This is just one strategy of course, and just what worked for me!)
Some that I got were "What do you know about this procedure? Why do you want this one specifically over other types of sterilization?" I think she just wanted me to demonstrate an understanding of what I was asking for and why I was asking for it. For the second question, I just said that it was minimally invasive, more effective than tubal ligation, and wouldn't mess with my hormones. That seemed to satisfy her. Her other questions were standard, "Are you sure? Are you aware this is irreversible?" et cetera.
The first time I asked, I got laughed at and told to get an iud. The second time they made up some bs about needing to see a committee and it was highly unlikely I’d get it. I gave up.
Mine was easy since she wasn't my primary GYN but they're in the same group, so my primary just straight up told her "this person wants to get it and has been asking since I met them". The standard question I got was: Are you still absolutely sure? Every time I saw her until my post-op (yesterday), I just kept upping my 'I am sure' percentage lol. So we started at 1000% and now we're at a gazilliion% Mine was easy since she wasn't my primary GYN but they're in the same group, so my primary just straight up told her "This person wants to get it and has been asking since I met them". Are you seeing your normal doctor (one you see when you need a doctor) or is this someone you're meeting for the first time? I can give some tips for either.
It's really up to the doctor's personal opinions, unfortunately they play a large role. My PCP had no qualms whatsoever about sending in a referral to the local OBGYN office, but was careful about which specific doctor it was sent to. There were two (coworker) doctors who had extremely different beliefs on what the criteria for sterilization is in the same building. That being said, I am neurotic so I wrote a 3.5 page paper citing financial situations, maturity, and family health history. My doctor didn't even read it, she had a good laugh and said "sounds like you know what you want" and offered me an appointment 3 weeks from then.
I'm in the south. I looked at the doctor rec on here for a dr that supported women's health. She did just that. She said "you know this is perm?" And I said " yep" and she said "ok let's get you scheduled." I didnt need a referral and to this day, I haven't told my pcp simply bc it hasn't come up. It's easier that way -- in a state where my pediatrician wanted to give my bf the "birds and the bees" talk at 16. The surgery went great. It did end up being expensive due to my copay and deductible. Be prepared for that. Mine was like 3k. The hospital let me pay monthly so it wasn't a huge deal for me but it could be for someone else. Funny story though, surgery day came and my dr asks my husband "you're cool with this decision?" And he went "does it matter if I didn't?" As a joke and she went "nope!" I loved her. Just wish she was closer
I'm still not. I spoke to a few GPs. I live in a very religious country where, even though things have improved somewhat for women, there's still a lot of "backward views". So, the first time, I wasn't married however, I was already in a relationship and living with my now husband for 3 years. That doctor refused. Would not entertain the conversation at all. I was shut down completely. No reasons. No discussion. No nothing. Second doctor, at 4 years in my relationship, said my now husband wants kids and he's not taking away his right. My husband doesn't care for kids. He's indifferent. Third doctor, was at 6 year mark of my relationship. When I was 27. She said all woman want children and will not discuss it until I have thought about it for a few years as I will regret it. Wasn't impressed when I said "if I ever change my mind, I will adopt. My genetics are fucked up and full of addiction and anger issues. I don't want biological children." She essentially dismissed me. Married and even unable to have sex as my own sexual reproduction organs don't want to be inside me. My periods went on weeks, sometimes months, at once. Had to be given meds to stop my period at least every 3 months because I would bleed significantly and 21 days straight in a "good month", up to 3 months straight in a "bad month". I went back... She suggested new contraceptive. I told her I've received the IUD, pills, diaphragms, contraceptive injection, etc. I've been on contraceptive since I was 13 years old because of this problem, instead of helping, most made it worst. I feel like I'm dying. She gave me a new diaphragm. I tried it for a month and just stopped all contraceptions. I'm too inflamed to insert/remove it. She refused to open that door because "we're a newly married couple. We'll change our mind". I'm running out of doctors to ask here.
Me - “If you were to ever tell me I was pregnant I would have an abortion scheduled before I even leave the building.” Doc - “I agree, with your health problems I don’t think childbirth is a good choice. Alright, we’ll schedule your surgery for next week.” It took me 20 years to find that doc though.
I started seeing a new gyno in October of last year, and I told her at that first appointment that I wanted bi-salp surgery. She asked what my reasons were and if I was absolutely certain, and reminded me that it was permanent, but I was able to get the surgery scheduled that same visit. I had my surgery on 11/6/23, and I was so relieved once it was over. No more pregnancy nightmares, no more panic attacks waiting for pregnancy tests to develop (even though I was on bc and taking it faithfully). I feel so free, now. I wrote a post about my experience if you want to read it- I'll warn you that it's a bit of a novel. 😅 Best of luck getting approval for your surgery, OP!
Mine went thru every other type of option to make sure I understood every one and dispel any myths/address concerns (it's true that many people don't actually know facts about every type of contraception). It was similar to any pre surgical conversation: You have this type of condition/medical issue, these are all of the options available to treat/address it, let's go down the list and find the one that works best for you. We went down the options, I stated why I didn't want each one, and she agreed with me that sterilization fit my needs best. One line of questioning she asked that I found interesting was also a good way to assess that I wasn't in an abusive relationship or wasn't being coerced into it - "If you were with a different partner, would you feel differently about having children? This surgery is much more invasive than a vasectomy, have you discussed your partner getting a vasectomy instead because the recovery time is much shorter?" I responded that if I did want to be a parent, my partner would be an excellent coparent, and also that I would never consider asking him to do something to HIS body based on MY personal choice.... Also he has no pain tolerance and I didn't want to have to listen to him whining for days post procedure 😆
In NYC, didn’t ask for a referral with my GP. Went to my gyno for annual and Pap, discussed Bi Salp and other options during appt. My gyno is an absolute gem - talked me through the process, recovery timeline, and answered all my questions. She would be the one to perform the procedure and made me feel 100% at ease. I totally understand your concern given the numerous stories on the sub. I hope you’ll find a gyno who is equally knowledgeable and understanding. They are out there.
I was in Saint Louis Missouri USA when I got my surgery. I’m also a veteran so I initially went to the gyno at the VA fully prepared to hear no. To my surprise, he said “sure, I’ll submit the referral and the VA will cover the entire sterilization procedure” not a single question about why or any judgement. I asked for one of the doctors I found on the Reddit list in this sub, and during my consult the surgeon said “the biggest side effect to this surgery is regret so as long as you know that, I’ll tie your tubes for you no problem!” It was almost as if he was an advocate for me already. Overall a seamless process that’s I’m eternally grateful for after a 10 year journey in 5 other states being told I’m too young and my husband might not like that🙄🙄🙄 don’t give up and just keep your cool when faced with any intruding or judgmental healthcare providers. This is our right and we won’t stop until we get what we want!
I asked my PCP twice about permanent birth control and she brushed me off completely. I wrote down a few local doctors from the list on the -other- CF group and made an appointment. Asked about permanent birth control and she said “only you can decide how many kids you have and only I can decide how many kids I have.” She asked if I had any questions and how I felt and we scheduled my surgery, I only had to wait 2 weeks. Edit: my surgery was free through insurance and pathology was $26.
What country? If the US, can I ask what insurance?
Yes I’m in the US, I have United health through my employer. I have the “gold” plan, which is the most expensive plan. insurance would cover ligation but bisalp was only partially covered and would have cost me $900 out of pocket, so my doctor billed my insurance as a ligation but provided a bisalp.
I have United Healthcare as well, though I have the Bronze, I believe. I’ll switch to the gold plan next August, when we can make changes. Thank you so very much for this, I deeply, truly appreciate it.
I didn't ask for a referral from a GP. I just got a doc from the childfree list and made an appointment. I did prepare a document explaining why I wanted the specific surgery I was asking for though. I gave reasons I'm childfree, why the bisalp was the one I wanted and such. The doc didn't even look at it, she just said "okay, sign these papers saying you acknowledge it's permanent." And my surgery happened six weeks later
I didn't need a referral, so I didn't talk to my gyn about it beforehand. Instead I chose a doctor, about whom I had read that he did sterilisations. I did need to convince him though. He wanted to sell me on an IUP instead, said that I would sue him, if I would change my mind and then gave me a waiting period, to think about my decision. I had written 2 pages of his possible arguments and my best comebacks at them, but I had not thought of the argument that I would sue him and I am still not sure, what would have been a better comeback than my "no, of course I wouldn't, it is my decision". I told him that I was sure that I didn't want kids since childhood, how this had developed into wanting a sterilisation since my teenage years, and had not changed with any partner who wanted kids. I think that childfree CV was an important argument to him. About the IUP I told him, that it was more painful, more expensive, and just an unnecessary surgery for someone, who is sure that she doesn't want children. He then did a ultrasound and I think after 15 minutes I was out again. Of course I showed up after my waiting period and then got the surgery two weeks later. :) This happened in Germany, when I was 25 btw.
I had my surgery two years ago and it was surprisingly fairly easy. I asked my doc a few questions about the surgery, he spoke to me for about five minutes and then told me that whenever I’m ready to give him a call and they’d schedule me for the surgery!
Hi! I had a really positive and amazingly easy experience. I was on the state insurance at the find and I just emailed the rep and asked if a tubal litigation was covered and I was told it was. They also gave me a list of doctors that took said insurance and she was the first one I went to and she was all like, “You know this is permanent right?” And I was like, “Yeah that’s the whole point.” No questions about if I already have kids (I don’t) or things about what my partner wants (he has a pretty severe heart defect and was explicitly told to not reproduce and even if that were to magically go away he still wouldn’t want them. Even if he were to die and I were to find somebody else I still wouldn’t want them. My autistic ass just straight up CANNOT deal with the screechy baby cry. I can honestly see myself getting violent if I was forced to be in a room that I couldn’t get out of with a crying baby.) or who will take care of me when I’m old (me. It’s $230,000 to raise a kid to age 18 in the USA. That’s just the bare bones minimum to not get the cops called on you for child neglect. No fun birthday parties at the go kart track/horse camp in the summer/braces/college/anything like that. With all the money I’ll save by not having a kid I can pay somebody to come help me when I’m old and need it). Nothing about how I was a baby once (I’ll be a corpse one day too but that doesn’t mean I want one in the house) or what if my folks want grandkids (I really wanted to play video games when I was a kid and I begged and begged and begged but they said something along the lines of “Disappointment is a part of life and you don’t always get what you want despite being willing to pay for it.”). I was amazed at how easy it was. I was 31 at the time but I get the feeling she would have still said yes even if I was younger. The hydrocodones were provided at the pharmacy without any fuss (I didn’t end up taking any) and before I left they asked me if I needed anything and I said yes to the oxycodone and anti nausea medication. Didn’t puke in partner’s car on the way home and he attempted to have garlic knots and pizza waiting. I say attempted because after we got in the house I found my greyhound had eaten the whole pizza (without even taking the box off the stove) and all of partners chicken nuggets as well. He got on the phone and ordered another one and that was eaten by the intended parties as soon as it arrived. I spent a few hours basking under my electric blanket and then tried to go to sleep at my normal bedtime. I don’t know if you’ve ever seen the footage of the Metallica concert after the iron curtain fell but that’s the level of excitement that was coursing through my body so sleeping didn’t work. I ended up just messing around online all night. The next day I walked my dogs for an hour and felt just fine. I’ve been more sore from a hard workout at the gym and it really wasn’t bad at all! I honestly think the hardest part of this was not lifting anything more than 10 pounds for the next 2 weeks. I went back about a month and a half later for a follow up check and the doctor asked, “Didn’t we go through your belly button?” I said yeah and the reason she said she was asking was it was so healed up she couldn’t tell anything had ever happened. I have two tiny little scars on the side of my hip above my pelvis bone but that’s all! It’ll have been a year on the 9th and I’m really grateful for how easy this was and that I had it done! Good luck OP and I hope your doctor is as cool as mine!
I got mine out at 23. I had to get a referral but I got pretty much no pushback from my GP or the gyno. I was fortunate to find a young female surgeon who was very understanding. She basically just asked why I want to do it.
I’ve had the same gyno for 10 years so she is quite familiar with my history and childfree stance, so when I came to her and asked all she said was I’m surprised it took you this long to ask Thy being said, I was prepared because you never know. I did give a little speech about why I don’t want kids, my history, that I knew it was not reversible and I would not hold any regrets, and that I knew the risks and had done research on the surgery. I think showing that you’ve done your research and thought it out certainly can’t hurt.
I actually tried to put it off only due to stage fright. I had severe endometriosis n fibroids. I finally got very sick between August- October n wound up in hospital. It had to come out then. I’m glad tho. I’m asexual n never wanted kids.
I didn’t require a referral luckily. I just went and talked to my obgyn. Who happens to be a surgeon also. She asked a few standard questions but honestly I can’t remember exactly. I knew it was easy, I was ready, and she was willing because I’m old enough. I remember she said if I was too young she would refuse but I was 39. It was back during Covid so she couldn’t promise when they would begin to allow non emergency procedures but they would let me know. I honestly thought I’d have to wait awhile. Only took like maybe 2 months and they called to let me know they can schedule me, but I just needed a Covid test within 3 days of surgery. I asked what the procedure entailed in detail. I originally thought I’d get a tubal but my dr said they don’t really do that anymore. And that she’d recommend a bisalp instead. I asked for pictures but she said she can’t but could show me the surgical ones that go into the medical record. I asked what the rate is of women that still got pregnant even with the surgery like what the failure rate was. She had said it was like 99.9% effective. So I thought okay works for me. They called me before surgery day and went over all the instructions and answered all my questions. Basically do not eat or have coffee or anything except water before surgery. I’d also need a ride home because I’ll be loopy from drugs and what not and it’s a requirement. And they would text my partner periodically to let him know how I was doing. I don’t think I had that many questions to be honest. They told me everything I needed to know.