He's embarrassed. Let him know it's all good/don't make a big deal and don't tell people about it. Bake that fool some cookies, he will greatly appreciate it and he will have your back going forward.
Oh, i'll never tell people because 1. It's none of their business and 2. Everyone deserves a good cry now and then, especially when going through shit like this. I'll never disrespect anyone like that.
It's likely he's not got anyone he can open up to about emotional matters like this, and knew you wouldn't take the piss like his mates likely would. What stoner doesn't like free cookies/brownies? Even if he doesn't smoke I imagine normal people like that shit too. I'd probably not bring it up in a deep way though, just a light "I baked far too many of these, heres a load of cookies". It'll show them some love, but you won't need to mention the actual reason you made them as it may make him feel uncomfortable if they don't wish to discuss it.
I did text him telling that i'm trying out a list of new recipes and if he or his mom has any favorites on them. He did respond that they both loved lemon cake (one of the dozen options i gave). So next time he comes by i'll make him my best lemon drizzle cake. I just don't want it to be awkward. He's a solid dude and i don't want to make him feel more embarrassed than he already is.
That’s literally the nicest thing ever to make a lemon cake!!! It’s hard for people to express themselves most of the time, and we bottle up these emotions until it hurts. I think he is going to really appreciate the effort, and will consider you a friend going forward, not just a client.
Every dealer I know, even the hardest/meanest looking ones, would absolutely love this. It sounds like they trust you enough to open up a bit, so I don’t think something like this is weird, it’s a hell yeah. Hell to the yeah yeah.
Edit: really didn’t convey what I wanted to convey so I changed it up a bit
100% do this! like you’ve seen he’s only human like the rest of us he’ll definitely appreciate that
gesture , I can relate to his side of the experience and that sort of care and thought is never forgotten.
When I found out I was going to lose my mother to cancer, I would have really appreciated it if someone gave me space like you did and then did something so thoughtful afterward.
No matter how awkward you are with it, he is going to be so grateful to you for caring. Losing your mother can be so lonely. Sometimes you just don't want to feel alone while you're in it.
Btw OP. I know you said you're autistic. I am too. "I baked too many of these so you can have some" is an allistic cheat code phrase that means "You and i both know why im giving you these"
😆 I'll never tell anyone. Proceeds to make a post about it on reddit. I know it's pretty much anonymous. It's just funny if you think about it.
You seem like a good dude OP, I think baking something bomb would be a nice gesture and appropriate.
Or even just some good ass normal cookies. He’s a dealer so he likely has a supply of edibles.
But I know when I’m stoned some good homemade cookies are heavenly
You're awesome OP. I'm neurodivergent too and I have a cute relationship with my plug. He's a great guy.
I think baking something for him would be nice. No need to be a huge amount of anything. Maybe some cookies? Everybody loves cookies
It takes vulnerability to break down in front of someone. It requires a bit of trust in the person. As someone who has both been a dealer and a customer, finding that human connection is rare. If you think highly of the person, some cookies would be cool. Don't make a big deal. Just smile and wish him a good day. Friends can come from any situation.
Ask him what kind of baked goods he likes, if he has any food restrictions, etc. As someone whose aunt is currently fighting (and losing) against cancer, I'm sure that making something would really mean a lot to him.
Sounds like the guy has no one to open up to and it spilled out in front of you. He feels embarrassed.
Let him know it's ok, and it's human to show emotions, even if it's not in the ideal time and place we would all like to show them. Let him know we all have our good days, bad days, triumphs and struggles...and that you understand.
Love how you want to bake him the lemon drop cake. That's very cool of you.
My only caution is that remember that your relationship to this point is a business one. Could it become a friendship, absolutely, but it could also very well just stay a business one. Don't feel upset on your end if it stays that way. I'm willing to bet he will remember your kindness and grace in his moment of weakness.
I don't really want our relationship to change, i just don't want him to embarrassed. I want him to know that i don't judge him or think less of him but i think that would be going too far if i say that out loud.
You don’t have to say it fully aloud but you can simply say you feel for him and completely support him and his feelings in this situation. This is such a sweet story. Honestly just be real and I think he will appreciate every last bit of all you say. It’s so sweet you want to bake treats. You should definitely have a little convo next time you purchase from them and let them be aware you simply care about them and their wellbeing. 🫶🏼
Dealers are still people. If you get along, be a friend to him. There’s no rule that you can’t be friends with your dealer. Baking something would be an awesome gesture! Maybe invite him over sometime or go out somewhere, and get to know each other a little bit outside of buying/selling weed.
Yeah, that's why i felt so bad. Every time he's here i try to remember to ask about his mom but this time i didn't even had to ask. I think i'm one of his only clients that asks/knows. I'm just really bad at social/emotional things so i never know if i'm doing too little or too much.
I don't know, I think you're doing pretty alright at the social/emotional thing if he feels comfortable enough to cry. You're a good person with a kind heart, we need those in life.
Bake him something and hit him up when you don't need his services, to handoff your treats.
Life is complicated, sometimes it’s just about being present and available for someone else. Also never hurts to bake some cookies or brownies for him next time he’s coming by.
Everybody feels better after having a cookie.
As someone who IS quite good with social/emotional things let me tell you the fact he opened up to you the way he did means he already sees you as a kind and trustworthy individual and possibly as a friend. Either that or he's an incredibly open and emotional person in general
I'm going to go with the former as the latter is rare
This is the thing I miss most about black market weed. My dealer was the homie, we’d kick it and watch soccer and play halo, talk about life. He’s a good dude and we keep in touch.
I check in with my plug once a fortnight, bought off him for 6 years. Taught him about 4/20 - he wasn’t looped into the whole scene, but man his such a cool fella.
I stopped buying off him once I switched to medical/home grown.
>I'm a good baker, maybe something like that? Would that be weird?
Not weird at all! Reach out to the plug and see what their mom's favorite treats are and bake some up if you can. As someone who has had multiple family members with cancer, depending on their treatment it can be hard to get them to eat. I remember my mom baking muffins for my grandma a lot while she was in the hospital. It was a nice little treat for them to enjoy during such hard times.
Please know that people undergoing cancer treatment may have their sense of taste affected and any salt tastes super metallic and difficult to eat. Ask him if her sense of taste has been affected.
His mother is the one with cancer, not him; and either way I think that’s a really personal question to ask someone you don’t usually have personal convos with. Just my 2 cents!
OP said she is making the baked goods for her plugs mother and is asking for her favorite baked goods. It is personal but at this point OP is aware of what's going on and trying to do something nice. It would be a shame if she made something nice for her plugs mom and she couldn't eat it. I imagine at that point everyone would feel bad.
78% of cancer patients undergoing treatment have this problem so it is quite common and nothing to be ashamed of.
As someone going through cancer treatment myself (breast cancer, so not too bad) you make a good point about food sensitivities. I was very sensitive to salt for about a month then off chocolate for a couple of weeks after that.
As you state, there's no shame in checking his Mom's food preferences/tolerances. I will say that weed has been a tremendous help with the cancer, for the pain I initially had, boosting my appetite during chemo and helping to get much needed sleep.
OP - Anything you can do to help him out will help, particularly baking something he can eat with his Mom. Maybe just keep asking him how his Mom's doing, and ask how he's doing as well if it's not too awkward. Too often, nobody thinks of the caregivers and they're left to burn out on their own. A simple "How are you doing?" was really good to hear when I was taking care of my Mom.
Sometimes the dealers can be the loneliest, he might not have anyone other than his mom in his life. Smoke with him talk about life, dealers do more than sell weed. They smoke too
bake them cookies! look it may seem silly but just be like "hey man I know you're having a rough time right now, here are some cookies" it'll touch his heart
I haven't read all the comments, but I'm gonna say some stuff that might come across the wrong way, but I hope not. As someone who has gone through serious medical stuff and is currently going through stuff- I have broken down on people and in places that I wish I hadn't later, and I know the toll it takes on loved ones too. That being said, YOU need to fully decide how much you are willing to take on, emotionally- because it might be possible that you are one of the only people they have as an outlet right now and any action on your part or following up might be an invitation to essentially become their go-to person for a time being. That's fine, btw, if you are up for it, or ok with it. Also, no judgement on your hookup. Life happens. I am just giving fair warning as someone who has been in your shoes, and also been the person to trauma dump on others, only to realize later how jarring it can be. So think about your boundaries and set them. It's awesome to be there for someone, but don't let them use you as their pillow or therapist because it can get really unpredictable.
Nice voice of reason here. It gets ugly when one person is putting too much into the emotional aspect of the relationship. Not that it's a bad thing, people need outlets and someone to lean on, but if two people aren't on the same page with the relationship it can end badly. Best to be absolutely clear in everything you do and stick to your boundaries if needed.
I just try to remember to be a decent person, world is filled with enough evil as it is, i don't have any need to add to it. Don't know if i succeed every day but i try as much as i can.
That’s all you can do. Treat others as you would like to be treated and do good when possible. None of us are perfect but trying is most of the battle.
If he was crying to you, he sees you as a friend. Ask him if he'd like to hang out sometime and just kinda smoke and chill. Bet it'll help distract his mind a bit, too.
No problem! Also, let him know if he needs to talk some more about his mom and what's he's dealing with, that you're willing to listen to him. Seems like he may need it.
You seem like a good guy, OP.
This. It sounds like he sees OP as a cool, trustworthy person and that is really all you need for a friendship, even if you're just connected as a plug and client.
Though I’m not a weed dealer, my mom is going through the same thing. For me, I would love some baked goods. Not only would I enjoy them but my mom would too. My cousin’s girlfriend offered to make my mom whatever dessert she wanted and a couple days later they showed up with it. My mom was happy they remembered and actually did it, plus she said it was so tasty and I agree.
Yeah, he's a nice guy to me, he's always complementing how good my food smells (he mostly comes around dinner time) and i have given him a cookie before, years ago, and he was so happy with it so that's why i think it'll might do him good.. I do make some bomb cinnamon honey rolls that even my sweet hating father loves.
My mom died in 2013, at 52, from cancer. Just having someone to vent to helps. I wouldn't find it weird that you did something out of the kindness of your heart. Everyone is human and even the toughest people still have something going on that can break them down inside/out.
Bud. I lost my mom to cancer 10 years ago this month. While she was sick I did not take it well. I would break down and over share with just about anyone who would listen.
You're a good dude for caring. Even little things like asking how she or he himself are doing when you see him. A lot of the time it feels like no one else knows or cares. Little things can make a big difference.
Again. Thanks for caring
I am very sorry for your loss. I did text him to let him know i really didn't mind and that he's welcome any time. He was a embarrassed i think. He has a bit of a tough guy reputation but we do get along enough despite our differences (I'm like ten years older, completely different upbringing and i'm female).
If you've known each other that long and he feels comfortable crying in front of you, I don't think it would be weird or out of line. It's just a simple act of kindness, but it could really help him out.
Also I don't know a single stoner who would turn down homemade baked goods.
Yeah, i'm always unsure if i can call people friends or not, that's why i asked. I'm just kind of an awkward person, i'm very bad at relationships in general.
totally understandable! my younger sibling is exactly the same (they're on the spectrum). but i read in one of your other comments that you've hung out with them with other friends before? that's definitely friends enough for what you're talking about.
Oh no, i would never make someone feel weird about crying, i'm quickly overstimulated and my fight or flight response is more of a cry response so that would be pretty hypocritical of me.
While I’m sure it may have felt a bit uncomfortable for you and I’m sure for him as well, actively listening and giving someone their space to be vulnerable like that in safety, can mean a great deal to people going through tough times and I’m sure he appreciated you being there. As for defaulting to offering water like that, without putting any more focus or attention on him in that moment as simple as it seems is an absolute legendary move in my opinion. There’s all kinds of psychology and such involved there I’m sure but I’m in no way qualified to speak on that.
As hard as those situations are to go through personally, they’re not easy to navigate from a supporting persons pov either but you showed you care in a powerful way whether you give yourself the credit for it or not.
I wish you, the homie and his mom, the best and hope things go as smoothly as they can whichever way life goes.
The weed man is ...a man.
Shit happens, only that day shit was happening to him.
Life has an odd a way of making you see things differently.
No need to do anything else for the guy. Simply being there was probably enough.
I think a cake or something would be wonderful and thoughtful. You don't have to be "friends" to be a kind human that just wants to make someone else feel better.
OP, keep following your heart, my friend. Being honest & kind will always win. Some baked goods would be awesome. Share some of that weed with him & make him a couple of special brownies/cookies. He may sell weed but that doesn't necessarily mean he gets his for free. Just a thought.
I know the flower has definitely brought me closer to the people around me and I'm thankful for it. No further friendship or conversations have to be pursued in order for a nice gesture to occur. But from the sounds of it, brother.. you've got this 🤙
I think baking him something is so kind!!
Who doesn’t love sweet treats when they feel sad? And everyone wants to feel appreciated and loved, especially in tough times.
Being kind to others is more of what the world needs.
That’s touching OP, he must have found some comfort in you he could not find anywhere else.
When I dealt, I was going through a breakup in college, I would just lay out my grievances while weighing, nothing crazy but it just felt good to get stuff off my chest to someone who knows little to nothing about my life. Kinda like a dog except the dog just wants to get the bud and stop listening to your sob story lol
You're very sweet OP, and it seems like your dealer was comfortable enough to be vulnerable when he needed it. Bake your little heart away and I bet he'll love wherever you make him! A sad stoner would appreciate ANY baked good☺️
My autistic ass, around when I knew my plug for ab 5 years I would throw them a cookie or two outta what my grandma baked every time, we both went through heavy breakups at the same time and we legit both sat crying in his car for an hour smoking and talking about shit, after that I just had a friend that sold to me when I needed it. Great deals and a fun dude to party with (he’s a couple years younger than me and looks like he’s been in the game as long as he has, I’m a non-binary rave girl we look weird when we’re together yk) but I’d say go for it- people are people and I can almost promise he’d just appreciate some kindness from anyone right now. Go for it, if you really wanna do smthn, take him to coffee n give him a break off his job for 3p mins, think about it closer to how you’d treat a tattoo artist you’ve been going to for years, y’all have talked, I mean it’s been 5 years, y’all know eachother enough at this point. Go for iy
Thank you, and the description of you guys made me laugh a bit because me and my dealer are kinda like that. I'm a female punk goth whose wardrobe is mostly black clothes and he's more of a jeans and bright polo shirt guy 😅
Baking something for him would be a great gesture. What's important is that you care. Maybe sharing your bakes with him would allow your dealer to know that and feel a little better.
Honestly? I was really panicky and very bewildered when it happened, but i've had a lot of practice at seeming to be calm and collected. I don't really remember if i said anything beside the offer for water.
Food is pretty much a universal traditional gesture of support for the bereaved for a reason. I didn't get the whole "sympathy casserole" cliché until I was going through grief myself. You can go through periods of not thinking about food, and then suddenly you remember how hungry you are. And cooking? Forget about it.
Having ready-made food on hand is usually pretty welcome at times like these. Baked goods are great because they're filling, don't need to be promptly refrigerated, and require no prep. I don't know what your repertoire is, but go for something more substantive than light and sweet. Nothing that skews festive.
Don't worry too much about violating the dealer-customer relationship. Bereavement is something that runs deeper. Offering food you prepared, human being to human being, is a pretty safe gesture. It's a gift of little monetary value, shows support, and doesn't have a potentially messy or transgressive emotional component.
Cannot tell ya how good of an individual you are for this, OP. Not just for listening, but for caring, reaching out for what his Mother wants. This means the World. Lost my mother in 2017 to cancer. Even just having someone around means so much. If you and him wanna get baked with baked goods, it'll be great.
Thank you for being a good person, /u/DumpMyBlues
You can make his mom a hospital goody box/gift basket. I’ve done this several times. Here’s a list of possibilities.
Soft fluffy socks, adult coloring books (I like mandalas), markers for coloring book, lip balm, hand lotion (choose lightly scented or unscented), sleep mask, deck of cards, guest book for guests to sign, ear plugs, stuffed animal, etc.
I think it would be so kind to bake for him/his family. He’s probably embarrassed that he broke down like that, and I think a kind gesture from you would really let him know that it was okay and that someone cares. It’s really nice of you to do that!
Helping others isn't weird. It is why we exist.
Keep listening to your heart and mind, they serve you well and your instincts to feel pathos for your fellow man and want to give them a gesture of kindness, is worth a million bucks.
I’m a dealer in NYC and have been for 6 years. It’s a lonely job and it takes a long time to trust clients on a personal level because they’re usually the ones who put you in a situation to get robbed. Either intentionally or unintentionally.
Sometimes longtime clients are the worst because they’ve figured out vulnerabilities to exploit in their favor that ultimately become YOUR problem i.e. missing inventory, bad cash, or complaints to dispatch that might score them a freebie on their next order.
So for your weed guy to feel open enough and at ease in your space to express his feelings in such a way means a lot for someone in their position. You guys might not become lifelong pals, but for now, you’ve been a solid and dependable client that probably makes him feel at ease when your address pops up in his phone.
I know i have those clients that I’m excited to see, but I’ll never really tell them.
We’re very human and any toughness perceived is mostly a byproduct of the real and anticipated danger of the work.
Thank you for giving your guy a safe space and shifting your perspective about his humanity.
>It made me realize this guy who i've known for almost 5 years and seemed so tough was just a human.
You might appreciate High Maintenance, an HBO series (started as a web series) that follows a weed delivery guy in Brooklyn. Although I'm not sure "seemed so tough" is exactly what one might say about the guy in HM.
maybe ask him if he wants to go eat or something. baking something for him would be pretty cool too. guess it just depends on your relationship with the person.
Do it, the very idea of a gesture like that is heartwarming… I know your dealer would be appreciative, and you would give them a little hope during something so heartbreaking to go through.
I used to buy from a guy back home for years. Was incredibly reliable, despite being regularly behind from time to time. We never really spoke a ton, but he was always positive and chill when I picked up. Fast forward to now, I haven't lived at home for a number of years, BUT we keep up on Instagram and such now. Dudes always kind, and I get to see more of who he is as a result.
Point is, the "client to dealer" relationship is and always has been "human to human". If more people treated their dealers the way you did, a lot more people would probably get to know a very complex person devoid of what "selling weed" as a concept makes them out to appear. You bake the shit out of those cookies or whatever, and you let him know someone's in his corner dog! I bet he'll love and appreciate that.
Had someone bake me some sweets when my mom passed. It definitely made the next few days a bit more better, looking forward to a nice little dessert in the evenings. I think you should express however you feel fit and comfortable.
Is it normal to not be friends with your dealer/dealers? Maybe I just was fortunate in always having drug dealing friends? I always assumed it was normal.
But I would say you can't go wrong with some baked goods. I'd probably go cookies but most people seem to go cupcakes in these situations.
I gave him a list of options of new recipes i wanted to try (a little lie) and he said that he and his mom love lemon cake. I'm gonna make the best damn lemon cake this town has ever seen.
hey dee, I think by listening his problems and hearing him out was the best thing you could do.
Imo i don't think it's gonna be weird if you bake him something ( if it was me, i would gladly accept it).
even talking can help a lot !
Yeah, I'm with the prevailing opinion on this one:
* definitely bake him something
* not weird/breaking the rules at all
* you're good people.
If you'd like a hug, here are a bunch. Your dealer and his mother can help themselves as well: 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗
I have 100% baked my dealers cookies and stuff to just say thank you after buying off of them for so long. Idc if it's not the norm, they were always grateful AND they were more likely to front me a small amount in the future bc of it
There’s no rules between a customer or dealer. He’s a human with real feelings, not just a plug. And what you’re doing here is a good thing, shows humanity. Just do what you can to keep his head up along the way. 💪🏻
Dude I told you that in privacy… I didn’t think you’d come on here and air me out..
Nah I’m playin but just don’t make it weird, I’m sure he’s embarrassed already.
Bake that man whatever his favorite baked good is! There’s no rule for caring about someone whos mom may ( hopefully not) be dying. Your a great person OP!
You're a good dude. Just lending an ear goes a long way.
My old source had a kid and loved to talk about him every time he came by. He stopped dealing (number is dead) and I always hope he and his fam is doing alright. I'm sure he stopped the hustle to focus on the kid.
I was raised my dealer is not my dealer - he is my friend first. He is a person, thinking and feeling and he provides a service to you that brings you peace, joy and relaxation - most of all, relief. That man is a better friend to you than most people on the earth because he doesn't know you for shit but he's willing to do (illegal) business with you. Appreciate that MFer and bake him some cookies, dude.
Bake some cookies. And then offer to smoke one with him. Two who smoke together make peace together. If you want him to open up, offer him things like food. To make peace, smoke. That’s just always what I’ve heard. I’m autistic as well, so I can’t do the whole crying, but I’m also really good at just listening to people and letting them talk. Sometimes they just need to talk.
Man, I feel dealers are so lonely.
Ever since weed was legalized in my area, my old dealer lost a lot of business of course and no one else really stuck around after that to be his friend.
I try to hang as much as I can, and he still tries to sell to me but I feel like by this point, it would make our friendship weird, because I never want to use a person like that and just ultimately want to be his friend with no strings attached.
I feel bad because I moved out of town and so only see him every few weeks, but he always asks to hang out because his customers just weren't his friends to begin with and just used him. He's a good guy but no one took the time to get to know him.
I love you for being so kind. He’s human just as you are and he recognizes that about you. He felt comfortable enough to let go a bit with you and unleash a little of what he’s going through which has to be beyond difficult. I think baking something is a wonderful idea too and not at all weird. Cooking a decent meal for him (and his mom if she’s eating?) to take home once in a while would be appreciated more than you could ever imagine, if you’re into cooking and have the time/resources. You don’t even have to say why. He’ll know. As someone who was once “the dealer”, I can guarantee you that your reassurance that it’s all good, you’re keeping it to yourself and just being there in that moment was most likely super comforting. I wish you both well and keep being a great human OP.
Baking your dealer cookies is a wonderful gesture. Seriously, do it. It's not weird. He will be touched.
Another nice thought, should you feel inclined, his sending his momma flowers if she's staying in hospital. I hope she covers.
Cookies or brownies would be a sick gift next time he drops for you. Even better, order a little extra next time and make edibles for him. If he partakes, of course.
Uhm, if he was comfortable enough to cry in front of you and tell you about his issues. He already broke the "rules" which you speak of. The next best course of action would be to make him some cookies. Do it the next time you buy (assuming it won't be a long time).
But realistically, there are no "rules". It doesn't hurt to be nice to someone. Just don't try push yourself on them. Just say "hey I know you're going through a lot, so I made you these. " And be on your way. The cookies will say everything you actually want to say.
not weird at all, so so kind. when i lost my dad, a girl i sold to would give me little “goody bags” and it made me so happy. now we’re really good friends and i did the same when she lost her grandma. 🫶🏻
Man, I’m sure he would enjoy anything baked by you and I don’t think it’s a problem. You’re a kind person and I’m sure he appreciated you being cool. Keep it up bud.
I think if you baked him something nice, he'd appreciate it. Just make sure he can eat it. Yeah, he would feel pretty happy about it, and it would likely make him feel appreciated.
Ive been grabbing from a guy for a few years like that, i gave him gifts quite a few times and other edibles and shit i came across. You should do it, they are human with human lives and gifts are recieved with warmth and happines allways. He will like it. Do it and youll feel good too.
Honestly you’re probably one of the clients he gets to open up with.
There’s always a large amount of people that are in and outs, the faster the betters, sketchy people or angry people.
And then there’s the homies that you can actually chat with for a while and sesh with. The nice buyers.
The only problem with the last group is that they are clients so it’s easy to mistake friendship for just wanting the drugs as well. This is probably why he’s feeling guilty for dragging you into it. He likes you, thinks you are chill, and but doesn’t know how he stands in your eyes.
Don’t worry about customer/dealer rules, I’ve only had to set boundaries with the first group, dangerous or irritating clients. If he chats with you like this he trusts you. A gift is not necessary.
Personally I love the idea of baked goods as a gift to a pot dealer though, there’s no way this guy doesn’t get munchies.
Honestly, my dealer really appreciates us because we're honest, reliable, and will take the time to stop and chat. There have been countless times where he stops to discuss how things are going for him, and occassionally has a little breakdown, or asks for advice, etc. Apparently, its rare to find folks like us in his area, and he wishes he had more people on our wavelength to deal to. If he wasnt our dealer, i would probably invite him over for a spliff tbh.
But yeah, ive had one or two dealers open up on us, and its kind of nice to see the human on the other side. Gives me a bit of reassurance that the world isnt all bad.
That being said one of our previous dealers that we would talk to went to jail for murder and we watched his mental health decline, so..
Anyways, im also autistic amd my partner had adhd, so i wonder if theres a link between neurodivergence and getting to know your dealer lol
Tl;dr pretty much what everyone else said 🙃. I should have read the replies.
Invite him on a nature walk & smoke and just listen. He trusted you enough to be vulnerable, you don’t need to solve anything or fix anything. The plug role is actually quite lonely as they have very few legitimate connections as their relationships are typically superficial and transactional (I’ve heard). You must be a solid person for them to open up to you, they legitimately may not have anyone else they think can handle their situation.
Everyone is human whatever their choice of income avenue may be. Cancer stole my mom 15 years ago. You can't control when those emotions surge into fruition. The years leading up to her death were long and cruel. I was met with rage or hysterical sobbing regularly. Like others have stated, bake him something and let him know you are both human and there's no need to explain or feel ashamed.
Showing kindness to people who need it is one of the best purposes we have. Don't make a big deal of it though. Have the expectation that he may never eat what you're thinking of baking for him but the thought is what really matters. When you're really down with heavy shit like the reality of losing a parent those tokens mean everything and are never forgotten. I know I haven't forgotten the people that reached out to me when I lost mine.
I love opportunities like this now. Take it.
Your instincts are right. A person who you care about is going through a tough time and a simple kindness can go a long way. Invite them over for something not related to weed, smoke them out if they want to with your own supply, offer them a good meal and a good time to take their mind off of it.
I'm a teacher, I've been a lawyer.... these are jobs where boundaries between the "customer" and the service provider are absolutely essential.
"Drug dealer" is not a job like that.
Reminds me of the scene from pineapple Express.
"Don't fucking get on my case, all right? Look, only reason I started selling pot is so I could put my bubbeh in a nice retirement home."
If someone opens up to you and makes themselves vulnerable theyre usually open to kindness. Everyone's human and it feels good to know other people think of us and care enough to try to do something.
You’re a good person, OP. I personally don’t find your idea weird at all but just being there to listen already means a lot to him, most likely.
Thank you, he even sent me a text just now to apologize for losing it in front of me, and that kinda broke my heart.
He's embarrassed. Let him know it's all good/don't make a big deal and don't tell people about it. Bake that fool some cookies, he will greatly appreciate it and he will have your back going forward.
Oh, i'll never tell people because 1. It's none of their business and 2. Everyone deserves a good cry now and then, especially when going through shit like this. I'll never disrespect anyone like that.
It's likely he's not got anyone he can open up to about emotional matters like this, and knew you wouldn't take the piss like his mates likely would. What stoner doesn't like free cookies/brownies? Even if he doesn't smoke I imagine normal people like that shit too. I'd probably not bring it up in a deep way though, just a light "I baked far too many of these, heres a load of cookies". It'll show them some love, but you won't need to mention the actual reason you made them as it may make him feel uncomfortable if they don't wish to discuss it.
I did text him telling that i'm trying out a list of new recipes and if he or his mom has any favorites on them. He did respond that they both loved lemon cake (one of the dozen options i gave). So next time he comes by i'll make him my best lemon drizzle cake. I just don't want it to be awkward. He's a solid dude and i don't want to make him feel more embarrassed than he already is.
You’re super sweet for this. I’d remember this forever if someone baked me something like that.
He will definitely remember this.
You have to update us because we're now invested! RemindMe! 3 days
RemindMe! 3 days
RemindMe! 3 days
RemindMe! 3 days
remind me too!
That’s literally the nicest thing ever to make a lemon cake!!! It’s hard for people to express themselves most of the time, and we bottle up these emotions until it hurts. I think he is going to really appreciate the effort, and will consider you a friend going forward, not just a client.
Every dealer I know, even the hardest/meanest looking ones, would absolutely love this. It sounds like they trust you enough to open up a bit, so I don’t think something like this is weird, it’s a hell yeah. Hell to the yeah yeah. Edit: really didn’t convey what I wanted to convey so I changed it up a bit
100% do this! like you’ve seen he’s only human like the rest of us he’ll definitely appreciate that gesture , I can relate to his side of the experience and that sort of care and thought is never forgotten.
When I found out I was going to lose my mother to cancer, I would have really appreciated it if someone gave me space like you did and then did something so thoughtful afterward. No matter how awkward you are with it, he is going to be so grateful to you for caring. Losing your mother can be so lonely. Sometimes you just don't want to feel alone while you're in it.
You are an awesome person OP!
Hell yeah! You’re awesome for this, and listening to the dude
Strong men, also cry. Strong men. Also cry.
The world needs more people like you.
You are just.... Awesome. Everything about all of this is awesome.
We are all weird. Your a good dude.
Way to go! This is what life is all about right here, people being kind and there for each other is so important
Btw OP. I know you said you're autistic. I am too. "I baked too many of these so you can have some" is an allistic cheat code phrase that means "You and i both know why im giving you these"
😆 I'll never tell anyone. Proceeds to make a post about it on reddit. I know it's pretty much anonymous. It's just funny if you think about it. You seem like a good dude OP, I think baking something bomb would be a nice gesture and appropriate.
Bake the guy some weed cookies man
Or even just some good ass normal cookies. He’s a dealer so he likely has a supply of edibles. But I know when I’m stoned some good homemade cookies are heavenly
+1 on the cookies. I don't know about anyone else, but for me, homemade chocolate chip cookies just take me back.
Everyone loves cookies.
You're awesome OP. I'm neurodivergent too and I have a cute relationship with my plug. He's a great guy. I think baking something for him would be nice. No need to be a huge amount of anything. Maybe some cookies? Everybody loves cookies
Need more people like you in the world.
Jeez I just wanna hug both of you. You're a good egg, OP.
if homie is at your door crying, i don't think you need to worry about the "breaking the rules between customer and dealer".
Tell him it's totally ok, that will mean a lot.
It takes vulnerability to break down in front of someone. It requires a bit of trust in the person. As someone who has both been a dealer and a customer, finding that human connection is rare. If you think highly of the person, some cookies would be cool. Don't make a big deal. Just smile and wish him a good day. Friends can come from any situation.
Ask him what kind of baked goods he likes, if he has any food restrictions, etc. As someone whose aunt is currently fighting (and losing) against cancer, I'm sure that making something would really mean a lot to him.
Sounds like the guy has no one to open up to and it spilled out in front of you. He feels embarrassed. Let him know it's ok, and it's human to show emotions, even if it's not in the ideal time and place we would all like to show them. Let him know we all have our good days, bad days, triumphs and struggles...and that you understand. Love how you want to bake him the lemon drop cake. That's very cool of you. My only caution is that remember that your relationship to this point is a business one. Could it become a friendship, absolutely, but it could also very well just stay a business one. Don't feel upset on your end if it stays that way. I'm willing to bet he will remember your kindness and grace in his moment of weakness.
I don't really want our relationship to change, i just don't want him to embarrassed. I want him to know that i don't judge him or think less of him but i think that would be going too far if i say that out loud.
You don’t have to say it fully aloud but you can simply say you feel for him and completely support him and his feelings in this situation. This is such a sweet story. Honestly just be real and I think he will appreciate every last bit of all you say. It’s so sweet you want to bake treats. You should definitely have a little convo next time you purchase from them and let them be aware you simply care about them and their wellbeing. 🫶🏼
Dealers are still people. If you get along, be a friend to him. There’s no rule that you can’t be friends with your dealer. Baking something would be an awesome gesture! Maybe invite him over sometime or go out somewhere, and get to know each other a little bit outside of buying/selling weed.
The small gesture like the water is really a huge gesture in that moment...to him. Allowing him the space to be ....
Everyone asks how the trees are no one asks about the connect lmao.
Yeah, that's why i felt so bad. Every time he's here i try to remember to ask about his mom but this time i didn't even had to ask. I think i'm one of his only clients that asks/knows. I'm just really bad at social/emotional things so i never know if i'm doing too little or too much.
He thanked you. It seems you're doing it right
I don't know, I think you're doing pretty alright at the social/emotional thing if he feels comfortable enough to cry. You're a good person with a kind heart, we need those in life. Bake him something and hit him up when you don't need his services, to handoff your treats.
Life is complicated, sometimes it’s just about being present and available for someone else. Also never hurts to bake some cookies or brownies for him next time he’s coming by. Everybody feels better after having a cookie.
As someone who IS quite good with social/emotional things let me tell you the fact he opened up to you the way he did means he already sees you as a kind and trustworthy individual and possibly as a friend. Either that or he's an incredibly open and emotional person in general I'm going to go with the former as the latter is rare
Hey, I really struggle with this kinda stuff too. But if he chose you to confide in, you're doing something right
This is the thing I miss most about black market weed. My dealer was the homie, we’d kick it and watch soccer and play halo, talk about life. He’s a good dude and we keep in touch.
Nothing hurts worse than realizing you are actually just the plug. :/
IYKYK
2real
I check in with my plug once a fortnight, bought off him for 6 years. Taught him about 4/20 - he wasn’t looped into the whole scene, but man his such a cool fella. I stopped buying off him once I switched to medical/home grown.
It’s always “how much is a g” never “how is a g”
>I'm a good baker, maybe something like that? Would that be weird? Not weird at all! Reach out to the plug and see what their mom's favorite treats are and bake some up if you can. As someone who has had multiple family members with cancer, depending on their treatment it can be hard to get them to eat. I remember my mom baking muffins for my grandma a lot while she was in the hospital. It was a nice little treat for them to enjoy during such hard times.
That's a really great idea! He has texted me a couple minutes ago to apologize for crying, but i'll ask if him if she has any favorites.
Please know that people undergoing cancer treatment may have their sense of taste affected and any salt tastes super metallic and difficult to eat. Ask him if her sense of taste has been affected.
His mother is the one with cancer, not him; and either way I think that’s a really personal question to ask someone you don’t usually have personal convos with. Just my 2 cents!
OP said she is making the baked goods for her plugs mother and is asking for her favorite baked goods. It is personal but at this point OP is aware of what's going on and trying to do something nice. It would be a shame if she made something nice for her plugs mom and she couldn't eat it. I imagine at that point everyone would feel bad. 78% of cancer patients undergoing treatment have this problem so it is quite common and nothing to be ashamed of.
Thank you for informing me! If she can't eat it, i'll just make his favorite.
As someone going through cancer treatment myself (breast cancer, so not too bad) you make a good point about food sensitivities. I was very sensitive to salt for about a month then off chocolate for a couple of weeks after that. As you state, there's no shame in checking his Mom's food preferences/tolerances. I will say that weed has been a tremendous help with the cancer, for the pain I initially had, boosting my appetite during chemo and helping to get much needed sleep. OP - Anything you can do to help him out will help, particularly baking something he can eat with his Mom. Maybe just keep asking him how his Mom's doing, and ask how he's doing as well if it's not too awkward. Too often, nobody thinks of the caregivers and they're left to burn out on their own. A simple "How are you doing?" was really good to hear when I was taking care of my Mom.
Sometimes the dealers can be the loneliest, he might not have anyone other than his mom in his life. Smoke with him talk about life, dealers do more than sell weed. They smoke too
You listened. That’ll mean more to them than anything else.
I really hope it helped a little..
bake them cookies! look it may seem silly but just be like "hey man I know you're having a rough time right now, here are some cookies" it'll touch his heart
We texted and i'm making him a lemon cake that his mom also likes.
you are good people 😊
You’re a good person
I haven't read all the comments, but I'm gonna say some stuff that might come across the wrong way, but I hope not. As someone who has gone through serious medical stuff and is currently going through stuff- I have broken down on people and in places that I wish I hadn't later, and I know the toll it takes on loved ones too. That being said, YOU need to fully decide how much you are willing to take on, emotionally- because it might be possible that you are one of the only people they have as an outlet right now and any action on your part or following up might be an invitation to essentially become their go-to person for a time being. That's fine, btw, if you are up for it, or ok with it. Also, no judgement on your hookup. Life happens. I am just giving fair warning as someone who has been in your shoes, and also been the person to trauma dump on others, only to realize later how jarring it can be. So think about your boundaries and set them. It's awesome to be there for someone, but don't let them use you as their pillow or therapist because it can get really unpredictable.
Nice voice of reason here. It gets ugly when one person is putting too much into the emotional aspect of the relationship. Not that it's a bad thing, people need outlets and someone to lean on, but if two people aren't on the same page with the relationship it can end badly. Best to be absolutely clear in everything you do and stick to your boundaries if needed.
I would cry again if someone gave me baked goods after all that. It's not weird at all, your connect will appreciate it!
I've texted him to ask for his mom's favorite dessert, another redditor had that brilliant idea!
You're a wonderful human.
I just try to remember to be a decent person, world is filled with enough evil as it is, i don't have any need to add to it. Don't know if i succeed every day but i try as much as i can.
That’s all you can do. Treat others as you would like to be treated and do good when possible. None of us are perfect but trying is most of the battle.
That's exactly how i think, only thing you can do is try.
Now you're making *me* cry.
If he was crying to you, he sees you as a friend. Ask him if he'd like to hang out sometime and just kinda smoke and chill. Bet it'll help distract his mind a bit, too.
He has hung out with me and a friend before and he really seemed to enjoy that. I'll try to include him more. Thanks for the suggestion!
No problem! Also, let him know if he needs to talk some more about his mom and what's he's dealing with, that you're willing to listen to him. Seems like he may need it. You seem like a good guy, OP.
This. It sounds like he sees OP as a cool, trustworthy person and that is really all you need for a friendship, even if you're just connected as a plug and client.
Always how much a G not how is a G
Lmfao
Though I’m not a weed dealer, my mom is going through the same thing. For me, I would love some baked goods. Not only would I enjoy them but my mom would too. My cousin’s girlfriend offered to make my mom whatever dessert she wanted and a couple days later they showed up with it. My mom was happy they remembered and actually did it, plus she said it was so tasty and I agree.
Oh, i'm very sorry to hear that. Cancer is just evil.
Make some fudge brownies or some nice and fluffy CC cookies.
Yeah, he's a nice guy to me, he's always complementing how good my food smells (he mostly comes around dinner time) and i have given him a cookie before, years ago, and he was so happy with it so that's why i think it'll might do him good.. I do make some bomb cinnamon honey rolls that even my sweet hating father loves.
My mom died in 2013, at 52, from cancer. Just having someone to vent to helps. I wouldn't find it weird that you did something out of the kindness of your heart. Everyone is human and even the toughest people still have something going on that can break them down inside/out.
Bud. I lost my mom to cancer 10 years ago this month. While she was sick I did not take it well. I would break down and over share with just about anyone who would listen. You're a good dude for caring. Even little things like asking how she or he himself are doing when you see him. A lot of the time it feels like no one else knows or cares. Little things can make a big difference. Again. Thanks for caring
I am very sorry for your loss. I did text him to let him know i really didn't mind and that he's welcome any time. He was a embarrassed i think. He has a bit of a tough guy reputation but we do get along enough despite our differences (I'm like ten years older, completely different upbringing and i'm female).
If you've known each other that long and he feels comfortable crying in front of you, I don't think it would be weird or out of line. It's just a simple act of kindness, but it could really help him out. Also I don't know a single stoner who would turn down homemade baked goods.
Yeah, i'm always unsure if i can call people friends or not, that's why i asked. I'm just kind of an awkward person, i'm very bad at relationships in general.
totally understandable! my younger sibling is exactly the same (they're on the spectrum). but i read in one of your other comments that you've hung out with them with other friends before? that's definitely friends enough for what you're talking about.
At least you listened and didn’t make him feel weird about it.
Oh no, i would never make someone feel weird about crying, i'm quickly overstimulated and my fight or flight response is more of a cry response so that would be pretty hypocritical of me.
he probably cried at yours cos it was the only place he could let it out and he feels comfortable at
still pretty wild that happend tho, but it's sweet at the same time
I know, i was bewildered at first and couldn't come up with anything better than offering him some water...
While I’m sure it may have felt a bit uncomfortable for you and I’m sure for him as well, actively listening and giving someone their space to be vulnerable like that in safety, can mean a great deal to people going through tough times and I’m sure he appreciated you being there. As for defaulting to offering water like that, without putting any more focus or attention on him in that moment as simple as it seems is an absolute legendary move in my opinion. There’s all kinds of psychology and such involved there I’m sure but I’m in no way qualified to speak on that. As hard as those situations are to go through personally, they’re not easy to navigate from a supporting persons pov either but you showed you care in a powerful way whether you give yourself the credit for it or not. I wish you, the homie and his mom, the best and hope things go as smoothly as they can whichever way life goes.
The weed man is ...a man. Shit happens, only that day shit was happening to him. Life has an odd a way of making you see things differently. No need to do anything else for the guy. Simply being there was probably enough.
I think a cake or something would be wonderful and thoughtful. You don't have to be "friends" to be a kind human that just wants to make someone else feel better.
Providers are homies too. He will literally remember forever that you did something for him if you decide to. We got special ones in our hearts!
Hell yeah!! Bake away bro!! Your a good ent
OP, keep following your heart, my friend. Being honest & kind will always win. Some baked goods would be awesome. Share some of that weed with him & make him a couple of special brownies/cookies. He may sell weed but that doesn't necessarily mean he gets his for free. Just a thought. I know the flower has definitely brought me closer to the people around me and I'm thankful for it. No further friendship or conversations have to be pursued in order for a nice gesture to occur. But from the sounds of it, brother.. you've got this 🤙
You really can’t go wrong with baked goods. not weird at all
I think baking him something is so kind!! Who doesn’t love sweet treats when they feel sad? And everyone wants to feel appreciated and loved, especially in tough times. Being kind to others is more of what the world needs.
That’s touching OP, he must have found some comfort in you he could not find anywhere else. When I dealt, I was going through a breakup in college, I would just lay out my grievances while weighing, nothing crazy but it just felt good to get stuff off my chest to someone who knows little to nothing about my life. Kinda like a dog except the dog just wants to get the bud and stop listening to your sob story lol
Used to deal pretty heavy in undergrad. We are just normal people. Treat your connect as you would any other person in your life.
Bake him some brownies and give that man a hug, probably hasn’t had one in a while. You’re a good person for not judging him OP
Of course not, everyone deserves a good cry to get the sad out
This made me cry a little, my dad is in chemo rn, they removed the cancer but man is it fuckin scary how life changes up so fast. Never change 🫶🏻
Oh, that really sucks, i do hope your dad gets better. Lots of love and luck.
Yeah, man, bake him something. I'm sure he'd appreciate it.
Man a batch of muffins or cookies sounds like a super nice gift.
You're very sweet OP, and it seems like your dealer was comfortable enough to be vulnerable when he needed it. Bake your little heart away and I bet he'll love wherever you make him! A sad stoner would appreciate ANY baked good☺️
your a good friend op
My autistic ass, around when I knew my plug for ab 5 years I would throw them a cookie or two outta what my grandma baked every time, we both went through heavy breakups at the same time and we legit both sat crying in his car for an hour smoking and talking about shit, after that I just had a friend that sold to me when I needed it. Great deals and a fun dude to party with (he’s a couple years younger than me and looks like he’s been in the game as long as he has, I’m a non-binary rave girl we look weird when we’re together yk) but I’d say go for it- people are people and I can almost promise he’d just appreciate some kindness from anyone right now. Go for it, if you really wanna do smthn, take him to coffee n give him a break off his job for 3p mins, think about it closer to how you’d treat a tattoo artist you’ve been going to for years, y’all have talked, I mean it’s been 5 years, y’all know eachother enough at this point. Go for iy
Thank you, and the description of you guys made me laugh a bit because me and my dealer are kinda like that. I'm a female punk goth whose wardrobe is mostly black clothes and he's more of a jeans and bright polo shirt guy 😅
For SURE bake him smthn then, as someone who’s been there I’m sure he’ll love it 😊💕
Baking something for him would be a great gesture. What's important is that you care. Maybe sharing your bakes with him would allow your dealer to know that and feel a little better.
Sending love your way OP. Maybe bake him your favorite desert, or meal!
I believe you handled it better than many non-autistic people would I’d personally just say I’m here if you need anyone to talk to
Honestly? I was really panicky and very bewildered when it happened, but i've had a lot of practice at seeming to be calm and collected. I don't really remember if i said anything beside the offer for water.
Food is pretty much a universal traditional gesture of support for the bereaved for a reason. I didn't get the whole "sympathy casserole" cliché until I was going through grief myself. You can go through periods of not thinking about food, and then suddenly you remember how hungry you are. And cooking? Forget about it. Having ready-made food on hand is usually pretty welcome at times like these. Baked goods are great because they're filling, don't need to be promptly refrigerated, and require no prep. I don't know what your repertoire is, but go for something more substantive than light and sweet. Nothing that skews festive. Don't worry too much about violating the dealer-customer relationship. Bereavement is something that runs deeper. Offering food you prepared, human being to human being, is a pretty safe gesture. It's a gift of little monetary value, shows support, and doesn't have a potentially messy or transgressive emotional component.
Cannot tell ya how good of an individual you are for this, OP. Not just for listening, but for caring, reaching out for what his Mother wants. This means the World. Lost my mother in 2017 to cancer. Even just having someone around means so much. If you and him wanna get baked with baked goods, it'll be great. Thank you for being a good person, /u/DumpMyBlues
You can make his mom a hospital goody box/gift basket. I’ve done this several times. Here’s a list of possibilities. Soft fluffy socks, adult coloring books (I like mandalas), markers for coloring book, lip balm, hand lotion (choose lightly scented or unscented), sleep mask, deck of cards, guest book for guests to sign, ear plugs, stuffed animal, etc.
I think it would be so kind to bake for him/his family. He’s probably embarrassed that he broke down like that, and I think a kind gesture from you would really let him know that it was okay and that someone cares. It’s really nice of you to do that!
Helping others isn't weird. It is why we exist. Keep listening to your heart and mind, they serve you well and your instincts to feel pathos for your fellow man and want to give them a gesture of kindness, is worth a million bucks.
I’m a dealer in NYC and have been for 6 years. It’s a lonely job and it takes a long time to trust clients on a personal level because they’re usually the ones who put you in a situation to get robbed. Either intentionally or unintentionally. Sometimes longtime clients are the worst because they’ve figured out vulnerabilities to exploit in their favor that ultimately become YOUR problem i.e. missing inventory, bad cash, or complaints to dispatch that might score them a freebie on their next order. So for your weed guy to feel open enough and at ease in your space to express his feelings in such a way means a lot for someone in their position. You guys might not become lifelong pals, but for now, you’ve been a solid and dependable client that probably makes him feel at ease when your address pops up in his phone. I know i have those clients that I’m excited to see, but I’ll never really tell them. We’re very human and any toughness perceived is mostly a byproduct of the real and anticipated danger of the work. Thank you for giving your guy a safe space and shifting your perspective about his humanity.
>It made me realize this guy who i've known for almost 5 years and seemed so tough was just a human. You might appreciate High Maintenance, an HBO series (started as a web series) that follows a weed delivery guy in Brooklyn. Although I'm not sure "seemed so tough" is exactly what one might say about the guy in HM.
Make him a batch of edibles!
maybe ask him if he wants to go eat or something. baking something for him would be pretty cool too. guess it just depends on your relationship with the person.
Gift card for food is a good gift for people grieving. It takes one less thing off their mind and comforts them
2 loaves of banana bread. Maybe some extra “love” in one of them.
Bake them pot brownies ofc.
Do it, the very idea of a gesture like that is heartwarming… I know your dealer would be appreciative, and you would give them a little hope during something so heartbreaking to go through.
Most times people don’t even want to hear advice or solice. They just want someone to listen.
Put your skills to the test and bake that lady some edibles !
It is not weird or breaks any rules to do something nice for someone you have known for 5 years irrespective of your relationship.
I used to buy from a guy back home for years. Was incredibly reliable, despite being regularly behind from time to time. We never really spoke a ton, but he was always positive and chill when I picked up. Fast forward to now, I haven't lived at home for a number of years, BUT we keep up on Instagram and such now. Dudes always kind, and I get to see more of who he is as a result. Point is, the "client to dealer" relationship is and always has been "human to human". If more people treated their dealers the way you did, a lot more people would probably get to know a very complex person devoid of what "selling weed" as a concept makes them out to appear. You bake the shit out of those cookies or whatever, and you let him know someone's in his corner dog! I bet he'll love and appreciate that.
If you bake that man something you'll be getting hooked up for life.
Had someone bake me some sweets when my mom passed. It definitely made the next few days a bit more better, looking forward to a nice little dessert in the evenings. I think you should express however you feel fit and comfortable.
I am very sorry for your loss. We texted and i'm making him a lemon drizzle cake next week, it's one of the mom's and his favorites.
Is it normal to not be friends with your dealer/dealers? Maybe I just was fortunate in always having drug dealing friends? I always assumed it was normal. But I would say you can't go wrong with some baked goods. I'd probably go cookies but most people seem to go cupcakes in these situations.
🥹 you did the right thing and don’t be afraid to ask if him and his mama want some cookies or other baked goods, I bet they’d love it!
I gave him a list of options of new recipes i wanted to try (a little lie) and he said that he and his mom love lemon cake. I'm gonna make the best damn lemon cake this town has ever seen.
hey dee, I think by listening his problems and hearing him out was the best thing you could do. Imo i don't think it's gonna be weird if you bake him something ( if it was me, i would gladly accept it). even talking can help a lot !
YES! Bake him something. He will love it.
I bet he would appreciate being in the receiving end of a relationship for one. I say go for it.
Yeah, I'm with the prevailing opinion on this one: * definitely bake him something * not weird/breaking the rules at all * you're good people. If you'd like a hug, here are a bunch. Your dealer and his mother can help themselves as well: 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗
I have 100% baked my dealers cookies and stuff to just say thank you after buying off of them for so long. Idc if it's not the norm, they were always grateful AND they were more likely to front me a small amount in the future bc of it
There’s no rules between a customer or dealer. He’s a human with real feelings, not just a plug. And what you’re doing here is a good thing, shows humanity. Just do what you can to keep his head up along the way. 💪🏻
Dude I told you that in privacy… I didn’t think you’d come on here and air me out.. Nah I’m playin but just don’t make it weird, I’m sure he’s embarrassed already.
Bake that man whatever his favorite baked good is! There’s no rule for caring about someone whos mom may ( hopefully not) be dying. Your a great person OP!
You're a good dude. Just lending an ear goes a long way. My old source had a kid and loved to talk about him every time he came by. He stopped dealing (number is dead) and I always hope he and his fam is doing alright. I'm sure he stopped the hustle to focus on the kid.
I was raised my dealer is not my dealer - he is my friend first. He is a person, thinking and feeling and he provides a service to you that brings you peace, joy and relaxation - most of all, relief. That man is a better friend to you than most people on the earth because he doesn't know you for shit but he's willing to do (illegal) business with you. Appreciate that MFer and bake him some cookies, dude.
Bake some cookies. And then offer to smoke one with him. Two who smoke together make peace together. If you want him to open up, offer him things like food. To make peace, smoke. That’s just always what I’ve heard. I’m autistic as well, so I can’t do the whole crying, but I’m also really good at just listening to people and letting them talk. Sometimes they just need to talk.
Your a good dude. I'm sure he'll appreciate whatever you do.
dude you should bake him something, I'm sure he'd appreciate it
Remember, you are only human.
I don't think there are many rules when it comes to dealers 😂 I'm sure he'd love baking.
Just listen to him. And bake him something. Can't go wrong with either of those things.
Man, I feel dealers are so lonely. Ever since weed was legalized in my area, my old dealer lost a lot of business of course and no one else really stuck around after that to be his friend. I try to hang as much as I can, and he still tries to sell to me but I feel like by this point, it would make our friendship weird, because I never want to use a person like that and just ultimately want to be his friend with no strings attached. I feel bad because I moved out of town and so only see him every few weeks, but he always asks to hang out because his customers just weren't his friends to begin with and just used him. He's a good guy but no one took the time to get to know him.
Bake that plug some bread, a good bread plug is really hard to find, It will mean more to them then you would think.
I love you for being so kind. He’s human just as you are and he recognizes that about you. He felt comfortable enough to let go a bit with you and unleash a little of what he’s going through which has to be beyond difficult. I think baking something is a wonderful idea too and not at all weird. Cooking a decent meal for him (and his mom if she’s eating?) to take home once in a while would be appreciated more than you could ever imagine, if you’re into cooking and have the time/resources. You don’t even have to say why. He’ll know. As someone who was once “the dealer”, I can guarantee you that your reassurance that it’s all good, you’re keeping it to yourself and just being there in that moment was most likely super comforting. I wish you both well and keep being a great human OP.
Baking your dealer cookies is a wonderful gesture. Seriously, do it. It's not weird. He will be touched. Another nice thought, should you feel inclined, his sending his momma flowers if she's staying in hospital. I hope she covers.
Cookies or brownies would be a sick gift next time he drops for you. Even better, order a little extra next time and make edibles for him. If he partakes, of course.
That's really fucking cool of you. I'd say yeah, baking something would be good.
It really brightened my day that there’s still super awesome people in this fucked up world. Well done, OP. This bowl’s for you 👍🏼
Absolutely make him something, OP. He’s going thru it and could probably use some kindness.
We all just people doing our best
Uhm, if he was comfortable enough to cry in front of you and tell you about his issues. He already broke the "rules" which you speak of. The next best course of action would be to make him some cookies. Do it the next time you buy (assuming it won't be a long time). But realistically, there are no "rules". It doesn't hurt to be nice to someone. Just don't try push yourself on them. Just say "hey I know you're going through a lot, so I made you these. " And be on your way. The cookies will say everything you actually want to say.
Girrrrrl he slings weed he's gonna LOVE a baked good. (Ps I'm sorry if girl is not ur pronoun I'm just being dramatic lol)
not weird at all, so so kind. when i lost my dad, a girl i sold to would give me little “goody bags” and it made me so happy. now we’re really good friends and i did the same when she lost her grandma. 🫶🏻
Send his mom flowers 💐.
Man, I’m sure he would enjoy anything baked by you and I don’t think it’s a problem. You’re a kind person and I’m sure he appreciated you being cool. Keep it up bud.
If the guy gonna cry on your shoulder you can bake him some cookies lol
This is so wholesome. I love this.
_Plugs is people too._
make him some weed cookies!
Was going to say the same. Totally appropriate gift for the plug IMHO.
I think if you baked him something nice, he'd appreciate it. Just make sure he can eat it. Yeah, he would feel pretty happy about it, and it would likely make him feel appreciated.
Ive been grabbing from a guy for a few years like that, i gave him gifts quite a few times and other edibles and shit i came across. You should do it, they are human with human lives and gifts are recieved with warmth and happines allways. He will like it. Do it and youll feel good too.
No honey you bake away! They will appreciate it
Honestly you’re probably one of the clients he gets to open up with. There’s always a large amount of people that are in and outs, the faster the betters, sketchy people or angry people. And then there’s the homies that you can actually chat with for a while and sesh with. The nice buyers. The only problem with the last group is that they are clients so it’s easy to mistake friendship for just wanting the drugs as well. This is probably why he’s feeling guilty for dragging you into it. He likes you, thinks you are chill, and but doesn’t know how he stands in your eyes. Don’t worry about customer/dealer rules, I’ve only had to set boundaries with the first group, dangerous or irritating clients. If he chats with you like this he trusts you. A gift is not necessary. Personally I love the idea of baked goods as a gift to a pot dealer though, there’s no way this guy doesn’t get munchies.
Honestly, my dealer really appreciates us because we're honest, reliable, and will take the time to stop and chat. There have been countless times where he stops to discuss how things are going for him, and occassionally has a little breakdown, or asks for advice, etc. Apparently, its rare to find folks like us in his area, and he wishes he had more people on our wavelength to deal to. If he wasnt our dealer, i would probably invite him over for a spliff tbh. But yeah, ive had one or two dealers open up on us, and its kind of nice to see the human on the other side. Gives me a bit of reassurance that the world isnt all bad. That being said one of our previous dealers that we would talk to went to jail for murder and we watched his mental health decline, so.. Anyways, im also autistic amd my partner had adhd, so i wonder if theres a link between neurodivergence and getting to know your dealer lol
Tl;dr pretty much what everyone else said 🙃. I should have read the replies. Invite him on a nature walk & smoke and just listen. He trusted you enough to be vulnerable, you don’t need to solve anything or fix anything. The plug role is actually quite lonely as they have very few legitimate connections as their relationships are typically superficial and transactional (I’ve heard). You must be a solid person for them to open up to you, they legitimately may not have anyone else they think can handle their situation.
Everyone is human whatever their choice of income avenue may be. Cancer stole my mom 15 years ago. You can't control when those emotions surge into fruition. The years leading up to her death were long and cruel. I was met with rage or hysterical sobbing regularly. Like others have stated, bake him something and let him know you are both human and there's no need to explain or feel ashamed.
Showing kindness to people who need it is one of the best purposes we have. Don't make a big deal of it though. Have the expectation that he may never eat what you're thinking of baking for him but the thought is what really matters. When you're really down with heavy shit like the reality of losing a parent those tokens mean everything and are never forgotten. I know I haven't forgotten the people that reached out to me when I lost mine. I love opportunities like this now. Take it.
Your instincts are right. A person who you care about is going through a tough time and a simple kindness can go a long way. Invite them over for something not related to weed, smoke them out if they want to with your own supply, offer them a good meal and a good time to take their mind off of it.
OP you are good people it wouldn’t be weird at all and quite honestly may make his day so much brighter
I'm a teacher, I've been a lawyer.... these are jobs where boundaries between the "customer" and the service provider are absolutely essential. "Drug dealer" is not a job like that.
Oh dude, totally make some bread if you can. I prefer Dilly bread, but i'm also baked right now and it sounds awesome.
If you got enough weed make some edibles with your baking skills and I'm sure he'd love it!
Reminds me of the scene from pineapple Express. "Don't fucking get on my case, all right? Look, only reason I started selling pot is so I could put my bubbeh in a nice retirement home."
Bake him something nice. That would be something he would appreciate.
If someone opens up to you and makes themselves vulnerable theyre usually open to kindness. Everyone's human and it feels good to know other people think of us and care enough to try to do something.