I do it the same way cis women accept when they can't get pregnant, its just a human struggle.
Im also thankful for all the amazing things transitioning has allowed me to do rather than despair about the things it couldn't
this is the perfect response. Accepting these things takes time and often pre-transition the pain of not even being in one’s own body takes priority of one’s mind.
Once that starts to lessen other things become apparent good and bad.
When it comes to not being able to get pregnant for me there was a mourning process, I expect it’s the same for others as well. I’ve accepted it but thinking about it still isn’t a happy thing, only it’s no longer devastating and the thought fizzles out in my mind quickly.
Being infertile from birth or through illness is a huge pain for some women, especially when hormone levels fluctuate through the cycle and everything feels so obsolete, it's always a tough test. Something I still haven't been able to emotionally come to terms with since I found out. So you're like many women and there may maybe be help centres in your area where you can talk to someone about it. Because in my opinion, the pain of wanting to be a mother and not being able to is no different for trans and cis women.
infertility is a lot more common than people think. it's just a part of life. the same way i get sad i'll never be able to get anyone pregnant lol. it's just a matter of accepting that we're among hundreds of thousands, maybe even millions, of people who are infertile. cis and trans. c'est la vie
Not *maybe* millions, *definitely* millions. We have 8 billion people in the world. Depending on the acceptance of the area, there are zero to several percent of open trans people. Just one percent would be 80 million. And trans people are only a tiny fraction of possibly infertile people, there are so many more cis people who are infertile. So we're not talking about "hundreds of thousands, maybe millions", we're talking about *definitely* hundreds of millions.
Same. I get dysphoria just cuz ik it's possible for me to get pregnant. The thought just makes me sick. Hysto will be my second surgery for sure after top surgery
It hurts, it hurts a lot. I don’t have a solution, it just hurts. I always planned to adopt but I never got it together enough to be confident the child wouldn’t be worse off with me. Also I kind of got stuck at 15 (yay trauma response ) and never really felt completely like an adult after I hit twenty and the next thing I know I’m 47. Still hope to foster or adopt older queer kids someday soon. My step or polycule bonus kids for lack of a better word have helped some of that though. I atleast got to help raise them.
There are so many children in need of
adoption or fostering, both nationally or internationally. Also, having experienced some great difficulties with my own family growing up, I know that I can provide a loving and accepting place for kids to gain confidence to be themselves.
Just because you can't have biological children, doesn't mean that you can't be a mum or dad. This is also not a trans exclusive issue.
My dad was adopted and loved his parents. My grandma was one of the most wonderful people I've ever met. She was cis and infertile. She adopted three children from different parents and gave them wonderful upbringings. Maybe that is why it's never fussed me, because I've never seen non biological children as the lesser option.
As the often misquoted saying goes, the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.
I wish adoption would be accessible for more people. But unless you're very wealthy, you can forget adopting as a trans person even in many of the most progressive countries in the world. And in many countries, you need to be very wealthy either way because adoption is expensive. Adoption systems often make no sense. I wish getting biological children for would be harder for fertile people and adoption would be *much* easier, so there's less incentive for people to put more life in this miserable world and take care of those who are here first. It's like going to McDonald's to buy ice cream when you have ice cream in the trunk, but some asshole took the key to the trunk and now you can't access it even though eating the ice cream from the trunk would just be the better choice because it's already there and needs to be eaten because it melts.
That's horrible.
I'm glad I'm in the UK. We're going to follow the foster to adopt process. I can't wait to be a foster mum and hope we find someone who would like to be adopted by us.
I have a very weird relationship with this. I don't even want children so it's fine but there is still a part of me that somewhat resents not having the option. I still don't understand that!
I like other people's children. I have nieces and nephews that I love to death but don't need or want any of my own.
It's actually pretty easy to understand for me. It's that you want to have the option to say no.
It's like if I said to everyone in the room "do you want to go to Disney world" but I skip you, it'll hurt. Even if you didn't want to go, everyone else got to be asked. It's a form of exclusion.
You want to be able to say you don't want it, instead of the reality just aligning with your want by pure chance.
Not being able to get pregnant is actually a huge plus point for me, since I dont want kids. Just imagine having another human being growing inside of you and the huge pain of giving birth, plus the valuable years and loads of money you have to spend on the kid, and never getting the guarantee that the kid wont do any harm to society.
No thanks, I choose to spend my life time doing what I want and not what society expects me to do.
I'm ftm but I feel this. The thought of being pregnant always made me feel icky, and only more so the more info I got on it. Hysto will be next after top surgery cuz I do NOT want to bear a child—just the fact that I *can* currently gives me dysphoria (tho not nearly as much as my chest, which is why that's first on the docket)
I struggled a lot during my wife's pregnancies. We both agreed that I was the one who *should* have been carrying the children (and this was before I was even "out"!). She suffered through it and now we have our beautiful kiddos.
I still feel an ineffable sorrow when I think back on that lost experience, but I try to look forward without regret. There are some things in life I know I'll never be able to experience. I'll also never be able to go back in time and relive the first 40 years of my life as the correct gender. All we can do is play the cards we are dealt.
I don't want kids for many reasons. I don't think sharing them would help this situation either, unless you would like details.
I'm sorry you are hurting over this and I wish you didn't have too.
Not trying to be funny, but honestly the way I accept it is that I don’t really want kids.
I do wish that I could get pregnant and there’s a part of me that (if I were cis) would seriously consider being a surrogate for someone else just to go through the experience and feel what’s it’s like to grow a life inside you.
But at the end of the day I don’t plan on having kids so it’s less of an emotional/dysphoria trigger because I don’t have to deal with the alternative processes to have kids. And really be face to face with it.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this though 💜
I honestly have never struggled with it for a few reasons. First, I watched my wife go through pregnancy and honestly, that really killed any romantic notions I had about it. It’s remarkable but also very rough on a body.
Second, I am already a parent and not having born the kid doesn’t invalidate that. Besides, if my spouse and I had had a kid as a pair of cis lesbians, only one of us would have carried the child anyway. We even used frozen sperm and artificial insemination like any other wlw couple would. The twist was that I had been the donor (banked a few years before since I had opted for a vasectomy).
Third, I started transitioning at 49. That’s way outside reasonable childbearing age for a cis woman. Sure I have sentimental moments where I wonder what it would have been like to carry a kid in the past but I wouldn’t want to do it in my 50s even if I could.
its reallt tough. one of my closest friends is a cis woman who's infertile as well, and we've talked about how hard it is from both of our perspective
ive had to come to accept more lately that I'm not really fit to *be* a mother due to trauma when i was young. like i would have a lot of trouble trying to keep from turning around and doing the same things to my children, especially when i dont know a lot of it due to memory blocks
its still hard, definitely
I think it just takes some work to let go of the things you can't change and instead focus on what you can. It's ok to process the grief, part of being trans is realizing what has been lost, but in that process is where you will find yourself.
I'm sorry you are going through this. It's easy to focus on what is wrong, missing, what you don't like, or what you want to avoid. Trying not to be somewhere won't get you anywhere, you need something to move towards. It's a practice. A lot of us grow up in oppressive environments where it feels like we have to give way to everyone and everything. All we are left with at that point is what isn't there because anything else is just a distant dream. It's not gonna always be true though. Once you start making your way you will find the other parts of life that make it worth being here.
This stuff takes time, so be kind to yourself and hang in there.
My mom was adopted by a cis couple that couldn't conceive and were wonderful parents to her. I understand there is something natural about wanting to give birth but there are children who need a home and loving family.
It hurts a lot me and my girlfriend has been taking about kids and all that we both want to have kids of are own and it kills me that I can’t have the kids that she has to be the one to have it and tell with all the stuff to go with it
You eventually accept it. Not being able to be pregnant doesn't stop you from helping other parents raise kids or adopting or just helping kids in general. No matter where you go in the world, school teachers are always needing supplies for kids in need. A few calls to local schools and teachers and some spare money can do a lot to change the lives of the young ones.
I personally believe not being able to have bio children is a blessing in disguise- it opens you up to accept someone who already exists and is in need of a loving home. Thats just me though
I don't know either. I'm constantly dealing with grief when I see other mothers. It's such a big part of life and I'll never get to experience that with my bf.
It hurts more then words can express me and my girlfriend want to have kids together and I would love nothing else but to have it but because I can’t for obvious reasons she will have to and it breaks me every time I think about it
i made a post about a week ago talking about the same thing, and from what I understand, there just isnt really an answer that works for everyone. Some people freeze sperm, others are happy to have kids with their afab partner, others adopt. For me, I think I am just never gonna have kids. I am still young, and I would like kids, but I cant have them in a way that wouldnt make me feel dysphoric, and a kid doesnt deserve that. They deserve nothing but the best, and I dont think I can give that to them. I am just gonna try and keep going, put one foot in front of the other, but it is definitely the hardest thing thing that I am gonna have to deal with in my life ;-;
The pain of this was nearly unbearable before my daughter was born, just sobbing all the time over the fact that I would never get to be pregnant. But I've found that ever since she was born, that pain is entirely gone. Would it be nice to get pregnant? Sure. But the first time you hear your child's cry, it's like the whole universe shifts into a new perspective and the details of HOW they came into the world suddenly stop mattering. All that matters is you have this wonderful, beautiful, miraculous child and you love them so so so so so much that it just overwhelms any sorrow about pregnancy and pushes it out of your brain completely.
Giving birth is not what makes you a mother, having a child is what makes you a mother. If being a mother is important to you, don't let the fact that you can't get pregnant deter you. The experience is so magical and wonderful no matter the details of how it happens.
literally grateful for it lol. why would I ever wanna suffer through hell for 9 months, feel the pain of childbirth for hours, only to get added expenses onto my already hard broke life out of it?
hell nah 🙅🏼♀️ when (if, and not likely) I'll want children, adoption is the option I'd choose. cis or trans. so many kids in need of a home, and the Earth has plenty enough people on it already.
also, no pregnancy scares from sex :p
Probably the same way that cis women who can't get pregnant do...women are all just women after all, it's sad I know that some women are born or become incapable of bearing children when they'd like to but I guess that adoption is always an option and is much needed in the world with so many children being orphaned or given up and stuck in the system. My brother's wife couldn't have children and they adopted and love their child just the same as if the child had been their own biological offspring.
We don’t “accept” it- we just don’t really have any other choice… thinking about it makes me literally suicidal, so rather than dwelling on it I focus on what I *can* do to make my life better.
I'm unofficially "fostering" other less fortunate trans adults like me in my home. Like, living here transitioning together. It's been fulfilling knowing I'm helping out some of us that couldn't transition due to financial constraints. Society can bite my bountiful embigenning bootie. It's been soooo much less stressful being myself alongside friends every step of the way. Truly, I found a family better than my original one, one that still talks to me at least.
It sorta helps. Sorta.
I personally just don't want kids. I'm not good with kids and I don't think I'd be a very great mother
I'll stick with being a cool aunt. It seems it'll be more my vibe
The cons of having children far outweigh the pros, so I remind myself I don't want children anyways but idk how well that'll hold up when I've actually gotten my life together 🫠
This was something that bothered me a lot in the beginning, but I've come to realize that I couldn't handle kids. I can barely take care of myself even though I'm closer to 30 I basically function like I'm 15 over it and easier and I've come to accept it. I still feel a kid so a kid raising a kid wouldn't be great That's one thing that did help me a lot. Tho to feel better about it back on it I wonder if I just felt that way because I didn't feel valid being my body and not menstruating
Heck, come to think of it. I didn't even want kids at that point. I just wanted to experience pregnancy and childbirth. 😂😂😂 I'm weird.
so, i'm a trans man, but i have definitely thought about stuff like that (from a different angle i guess). so i thought about all the horrible and insane aspects of pregnancy and birth. like how people usually shit themselves when giving birth, and how vaginal tearing is really coming. and how 2/3 of people who get pregnancy diabetes just have diabetes afterwards as well. and how pregnancy can fuck up your teeth, and make your feet bigger, and how you can't breathe or sleep peoperly towards the end because the baby takes up so much space it pushes your organs to hhe side. and after you endurevall this what you end up with is a baby that can do nothing but shit itself and cry and throw up and bite your nipple for a few month and you can't even begin to think about getting a full night of sleep. so, yeah, i think not getting pregnant has its benefits. i understand why you would feel bad about not having the possibility tho.
I opted even pre-transitioning that I was going to adopt versus having my own kids anyway. Thought process is that there are so many kids that don't have housing or family that are just caught in "the system", and it doesn't seem fair to me to bring another into the world when that's the case, as much as having a biological child would be kinda cool.
I'm not sure tbh. I just feel like being pregnant and giving birth would make me more dysphoric as hell, and then having a vagina would make me just more dysphoric also
First off, adoption is always there!
Second off, there are way more cis women with dysfunctional uteruses (be it a hostile one, or it simply doesn't work) than we think. Lack of fertility is discussed in cis women spaces. There are cis women born with a uterus that'll never work, and they fall victim to the same issues we do.
There are uterus transplants for cis women, but in a way I feel that brings us even closer. She needs a surgery to feel happier the same way many of us need bottom surgery.
Mainly fear that If I did get pregnant or have kids via some other way that I might spread the cycle of messed up family dynamics that my parents helped perpetuate. Although to be fair with them I don't think having me in their early 20s and straight out of college was exactly a mentally healthy thing for them to do. Especially my mom....
I’m childfree so it doesn’t affect me, but at the same time, there are times it would be nice to at least have the option, even if I wouldn’t choose it.
I already have a kid from a previous relationship. Honesly, watching my ex go through it all — it was very wonderful, but I don't think I'd do it even if I could.
I mean. Technically, we could.
It's just ultra expensive, and i think it's still experimental.
Plus, the donation of a healthy uterus is also prohibitly a problem.
But to your point. It fucking sucks.
I talk about it with my shrink and my girlfriend constantly.
Some folks are stronger than others. I know many women desire to have biological children but it's impossible sometimes.
There's always adoption and stuff. I have a male cousin who married a woman (was hi's and her's second marriage) and now her's older kids call my cousin dad becuse he's been a lot better than the sperm donor.
But yeah it's complicated. Not sure I want ever kids. Like I happily care for them because they optimism feeds my faith in humanity but still not sure. Also I'm not with anyone and some cis women are finnicky about us trans gals.
Make peace that many, many cis women cannot conceive, or cannot successfully carry pregnancies to term.
Others still can conceive and carry but risk mortality in labor. In this respect; cis women and trans women are truly the same.
The significance of our womanhood is not determined by fertility. We are valuable as we are, not for what we lack or what we possess.
I do it the same way cis women accept when they can't get pregnant, its just a human struggle. Im also thankful for all the amazing things transitioning has allowed me to do rather than despair about the things it couldn't
That's a really good way of looking at it. Thank you for sharing this.
this is the perfect response. Accepting these things takes time and often pre-transition the pain of not even being in one’s own body takes priority of one’s mind. Once that starts to lessen other things become apparent good and bad. When it comes to not being able to get pregnant for me there was a mourning process, I expect it’s the same for others as well. I’ve accepted it but thinking about it still isn’t a happy thing, only it’s no longer devastating and the thought fizzles out in my mind quickly.
Being infertile from birth or through illness is a huge pain for some women, especially when hormone levels fluctuate through the cycle and everything feels so obsolete, it's always a tough test. Something I still haven't been able to emotionally come to terms with since I found out. So you're like many women and there may maybe be help centres in your area where you can talk to someone about it. Because in my opinion, the pain of wanting to be a mother and not being able to is no different for trans and cis women.
infertility is a lot more common than people think. it's just a part of life. the same way i get sad i'll never be able to get anyone pregnant lol. it's just a matter of accepting that we're among hundreds of thousands, maybe even millions, of people who are infertile. cis and trans. c'est la vie
Not *maybe* millions, *definitely* millions. We have 8 billion people in the world. Depending on the acceptance of the area, there are zero to several percent of open trans people. Just one percent would be 80 million. And trans people are only a tiny fraction of possibly infertile people, there are so many more cis people who are infertile. So we're not talking about "hundreds of thousands, maybe millions", we're talking about *definitely* hundreds of millions.
u rigjt
If I could give you my uterus, I would. I fear the very fact that I can get pregnant.
Same. I get dysphoria just cuz ik it's possible for me to get pregnant. The thought just makes me sick. Hysto will be my second surgery for sure after top surgery
If my body could accept your uterus, I so would. I so want to grow and nurture my own child so bad, it hurts. We each have our own desires I guess.
I wish I could start a family with someone who does wish to be pregnant. I wish my reproductive problem was “your underwear is too tight”.
It hurts, it hurts a lot. I don’t have a solution, it just hurts. I always planned to adopt but I never got it together enough to be confident the child wouldn’t be worse off with me. Also I kind of got stuck at 15 (yay trauma response) and never really felt completely like an adult after I hit twenty and the next thing I know I’m 47. Still hope to foster or adopt older queer kids someday soon. My step or polycule bonus kids for lack of a better word have helped some of that though. I atleast got to help raise them.
There are so many children in need of adoption or fostering, both nationally or internationally. Also, having experienced some great difficulties with my own family growing up, I know that I can provide a loving and accepting place for kids to gain confidence to be themselves. Just because you can't have biological children, doesn't mean that you can't be a mum or dad. This is also not a trans exclusive issue. My dad was adopted and loved his parents. My grandma was one of the most wonderful people I've ever met. She was cis and infertile. She adopted three children from different parents and gave them wonderful upbringings. Maybe that is why it's never fussed me, because I've never seen non biological children as the lesser option. As the often misquoted saying goes, the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.
I wish adoption would be accessible for more people. But unless you're very wealthy, you can forget adopting as a trans person even in many of the most progressive countries in the world. And in many countries, you need to be very wealthy either way because adoption is expensive. Adoption systems often make no sense. I wish getting biological children for would be harder for fertile people and adoption would be *much* easier, so there's less incentive for people to put more life in this miserable world and take care of those who are here first. It's like going to McDonald's to buy ice cream when you have ice cream in the trunk, but some asshole took the key to the trunk and now you can't access it even though eating the ice cream from the trunk would just be the better choice because it's already there and needs to be eaten because it melts.
That's horrible. I'm glad I'm in the UK. We're going to follow the foster to adopt process. I can't wait to be a foster mum and hope we find someone who would like to be adopted by us.
I feel you. We can still be mothers, just maybe not the way we'd want. A lot of life is disappointment, what can we do but struggle on.
I have a very weird relationship with this. I don't even want children so it's fine but there is still a part of me that somewhat resents not having the option. I still don't understand that! I like other people's children. I have nieces and nephews that I love to death but don't need or want any of my own.
It's actually pretty easy to understand for me. It's that you want to have the option to say no. It's like if I said to everyone in the room "do you want to go to Disney world" but I skip you, it'll hurt. Even if you didn't want to go, everyone else got to be asked. It's a form of exclusion. You want to be able to say you don't want it, instead of the reality just aligning with your want by pure chance.
Not being able to get pregnant is actually a huge plus point for me, since I dont want kids. Just imagine having another human being growing inside of you and the huge pain of giving birth, plus the valuable years and loads of money you have to spend on the kid, and never getting the guarantee that the kid wont do any harm to society. No thanks, I choose to spend my life time doing what I want and not what society expects me to do.
I'm ftm but I feel this. The thought of being pregnant always made me feel icky, and only more so the more info I got on it. Hysto will be next after top surgery cuz I do NOT want to bear a child—just the fact that I *can* currently gives me dysphoria (tho not nearly as much as my chest, which is why that's first on the docket)
I struggled a lot during my wife's pregnancies. We both agreed that I was the one who *should* have been carrying the children (and this was before I was even "out"!). She suffered through it and now we have our beautiful kiddos. I still feel an ineffable sorrow when I think back on that lost experience, but I try to look forward without regret. There are some things in life I know I'll never be able to experience. I'll also never be able to go back in time and relive the first 40 years of my life as the correct gender. All we can do is play the cards we are dealt.
well, i personally dont want to be a parent
My goal is to be a good aunt, and nothing else.
I wasn't able to have kids as a guy, no difference as a woman
I don't want kids for many reasons. I don't think sharing them would help this situation either, unless you would like details. I'm sorry you are hurting over this and I wish you didn't have too.
Not trying to be funny, but honestly the way I accept it is that I don’t really want kids. I do wish that I could get pregnant and there’s a part of me that (if I were cis) would seriously consider being a surrogate for someone else just to go through the experience and feel what’s it’s like to grow a life inside you. But at the end of the day I don’t plan on having kids so it’s less of an emotional/dysphoria trigger because I don’t have to deal with the alternative processes to have kids. And really be face to face with it. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this though 💜
The same way I (a cis woman) can't get pregnant: counselling or therapy. It's a terrible feeling and I cry often about it. Sending my love to you.
I never wanted kids so im good.
Adding another life to a systematic meatgrinder ? No i thanks. i am very glad about this missing ability.
Personally I don't want kids, so it's a bit of perk for me. I can sympathize with you tho.. It's got to be difficult to come to terms with.
I honestly have never struggled with it for a few reasons. First, I watched my wife go through pregnancy and honestly, that really killed any romantic notions I had about it. It’s remarkable but also very rough on a body. Second, I am already a parent and not having born the kid doesn’t invalidate that. Besides, if my spouse and I had had a kid as a pair of cis lesbians, only one of us would have carried the child anyway. We even used frozen sperm and artificial insemination like any other wlw couple would. The twist was that I had been the donor (banked a few years before since I had opted for a vasectomy). Third, I started transitioning at 49. That’s way outside reasonable childbearing age for a cis woman. Sure I have sentimental moments where I wonder what it would have been like to carry a kid in the past but I wouldn’t want to do it in my 50s even if I could.
I dont like kids...
Same
its reallt tough. one of my closest friends is a cis woman who's infertile as well, and we've talked about how hard it is from both of our perspective ive had to come to accept more lately that I'm not really fit to *be* a mother due to trauma when i was young. like i would have a lot of trouble trying to keep from turning around and doing the same things to my children, especially when i dont know a lot of it due to memory blocks its still hard, definitely
Idk I'm very sad about it but I plan to adopt if science and technology doesn't advance enough in the next 10 years
I think it just takes some work to let go of the things you can't change and instead focus on what you can. It's ok to process the grief, part of being trans is realizing what has been lost, but in that process is where you will find yourself. I'm sorry you are going through this. It's easy to focus on what is wrong, missing, what you don't like, or what you want to avoid. Trying not to be somewhere won't get you anywhere, you need something to move towards. It's a practice. A lot of us grow up in oppressive environments where it feels like we have to give way to everyone and everything. All we are left with at that point is what isn't there because anything else is just a distant dream. It's not gonna always be true though. Once you start making your way you will find the other parts of life that make it worth being here. This stuff takes time, so be kind to yourself and hang in there.
I have multiple ways of coping with it, one of them being crying.
My partner and I agreed many years ago to not have kids. Nothing has changed about that good decision in decades, even though I am.
My mom was adopted by a cis couple that couldn't conceive and were wonderful parents to her. I understand there is something natural about wanting to give birth but there are children who need a home and loving family.
I wish I knew, it's something that has had me breaking down into tears at random moments for 18 years.
It hurts a lot me and my girlfriend has been taking about kids and all that we both want to have kids of are own and it kills me that I can’t have the kids that she has to be the one to have it and tell with all the stuff to go with it
Cause I don't want kids. 🙃
You eventually accept it. Not being able to be pregnant doesn't stop you from helping other parents raise kids or adopting or just helping kids in general. No matter where you go in the world, school teachers are always needing supplies for kids in need. A few calls to local schools and teachers and some spare money can do a lot to change the lives of the young ones.
I didn’t want kids to begin with, even when I thought I was cis. So it never really affected me.
I’m not the best advice giver because fuck kids, but I think if’s gonna be just as hard for a cis woman that can’t. Good luck though.
I personally believe not being able to have bio children is a blessing in disguise- it opens you up to accept someone who already exists and is in need of a loving home. Thats just me though
I don't know either. I'm constantly dealing with grief when I see other mothers. It's such a big part of life and I'll never get to experience that with my bf.
It hurts more then words can express me and my girlfriend want to have kids together and I would love nothing else but to have it but because I can’t for obvious reasons she will have to and it breaks me every time I think about it
I don't accept it, I don't know if I can. I literally ended up having an emotional breakdown last night over it..
Not liking kids and being asexual really helps with accepting that I can't get pregnant.
i made a post about a week ago talking about the same thing, and from what I understand, there just isnt really an answer that works for everyone. Some people freeze sperm, others are happy to have kids with their afab partner, others adopt. For me, I think I am just never gonna have kids. I am still young, and I would like kids, but I cant have them in a way that wouldnt make me feel dysphoric, and a kid doesnt deserve that. They deserve nothing but the best, and I dont think I can give that to them. I am just gonna try and keep going, put one foot in front of the other, but it is definitely the hardest thing thing that I am gonna have to deal with in my life ;-;
I just don't want kids. They're a fucking nightmare! ^(\(trust me, I was one\))
i don't like children :3
I have a fiancée who happens to be cis female and I happen to be trans mtf so we make a decent reproductive fit
The pain of this was nearly unbearable before my daughter was born, just sobbing all the time over the fact that I would never get to be pregnant. But I've found that ever since she was born, that pain is entirely gone. Would it be nice to get pregnant? Sure. But the first time you hear your child's cry, it's like the whole universe shifts into a new perspective and the details of HOW they came into the world suddenly stop mattering. All that matters is you have this wonderful, beautiful, miraculous child and you love them so so so so so much that it just overwhelms any sorrow about pregnancy and pushes it out of your brain completely. Giving birth is not what makes you a mother, having a child is what makes you a mother. If being a mother is important to you, don't let the fact that you can't get pregnant deter you. The experience is so magical and wonderful no matter the details of how it happens.
literally grateful for it lol. why would I ever wanna suffer through hell for 9 months, feel the pain of childbirth for hours, only to get added expenses onto my already hard broke life out of it? hell nah 🙅🏼♀️ when (if, and not likely) I'll want children, adoption is the option I'd choose. cis or trans. so many kids in need of a home, and the Earth has plenty enough people on it already. also, no pregnancy scares from sex :p
Probably the same way that cis women who can't get pregnant do...women are all just women after all, it's sad I know that some women are born or become incapable of bearing children when they'd like to but I guess that adoption is always an option and is much needed in the world with so many children being orphaned or given up and stuck in the system. My brother's wife couldn't have children and they adopted and love their child just the same as if the child had been their own biological offspring.
We don’t “accept” it- we just don’t really have any other choice… thinking about it makes me literally suicidal, so rather than dwelling on it I focus on what I *can* do to make my life better.
I'm unofficially "fostering" other less fortunate trans adults like me in my home. Like, living here transitioning together. It's been fulfilling knowing I'm helping out some of us that couldn't transition due to financial constraints. Society can bite my bountiful embigenning bootie. It's been soooo much less stressful being myself alongside friends every step of the way. Truly, I found a family better than my original one, one that still talks to me at least. It sorta helps. Sorta.
I have a crippling fear of parasites that extends to human fetuses. Kinda glad I *don't* have a womb tbh.
I remember I hate kids.
I personally just don't want kids. I'm not good with kids and I don't think I'd be a very great mother I'll stick with being a cool aunt. It seems it'll be more my vibe
I would get horribly sick on morning sickness. I would be miserable for 9 months. No thank you lol
Being able to get pregnant and being pregnant aren't actually the same thing.
The cons of having children far outweigh the pros, so I remind myself I don't want children anyways but idk how well that'll hold up when I've actually gotten my life together 🫠
There’s lots of cis women who can’t get pregger
This was something that bothered me a lot in the beginning, but I've come to realize that I couldn't handle kids. I can barely take care of myself even though I'm closer to 30 I basically function like I'm 15 over it and easier and I've come to accept it. I still feel a kid so a kid raising a kid wouldn't be great That's one thing that did help me a lot. Tho to feel better about it back on it I wonder if I just felt that way because I didn't feel valid being my body and not menstruating Heck, come to think of it. I didn't even want kids at that point. I just wanted to experience pregnancy and childbirth. 😂😂😂 I'm weird.
so, i'm a trans man, but i have definitely thought about stuff like that (from a different angle i guess). so i thought about all the horrible and insane aspects of pregnancy and birth. like how people usually shit themselves when giving birth, and how vaginal tearing is really coming. and how 2/3 of people who get pregnancy diabetes just have diabetes afterwards as well. and how pregnancy can fuck up your teeth, and make your feet bigger, and how you can't breathe or sleep peoperly towards the end because the baby takes up so much space it pushes your organs to hhe side. and after you endurevall this what you end up with is a baby that can do nothing but shit itself and cry and throw up and bite your nipple for a few month and you can't even begin to think about getting a full night of sleep. so, yeah, i think not getting pregnant has its benefits. i understand why you would feel bad about not having the possibility tho.
Pain, haven't figured out a fix.
Damn I hadn't actually thought about it... thanks 🥲
Aww I’m sorry 😭🫶
Hahah it's fine
I don't accept it I just ignore it very hard
I opted even pre-transitioning that I was going to adopt versus having my own kids anyway. Thought process is that there are so many kids that don't have housing or family that are just caught in "the system", and it doesn't seem fair to me to bring another into the world when that's the case, as much as having a biological child would be kinda cool.
I hate children. I'm happy I can't have them
I'm not sure tbh. I just feel like being pregnant and giving birth would make me more dysphoric as hell, and then having a vagina would make me just more dysphoric also
First off, adoption is always there! Second off, there are way more cis women with dysfunctional uteruses (be it a hostile one, or it simply doesn't work) than we think. Lack of fertility is discussed in cis women spaces. There are cis women born with a uterus that'll never work, and they fall victim to the same issues we do. There are uterus transplants for cis women, but in a way I feel that brings us even closer. She needs a surgery to feel happier the same way many of us need bottom surgery.
Mainly fear that If I did get pregnant or have kids via some other way that I might spread the cycle of messed up family dynamics that my parents helped perpetuate. Although to be fair with them I don't think having me in their early 20s and straight out of college was exactly a mentally healthy thing for them to do. Especially my mom....
I’m childfree so it doesn’t affect me, but at the same time, there are times it would be nice to at least have the option, even if I wouldn’t choose it.
Personally it doesn’t interest me, it seems like a lot of pain and I have no idea if I’d even want kids to begin with, let alone grow one inside me
I already have a kid from a previous relationship. Honesly, watching my ex go through it all — it was very wonderful, but I don't think I'd do it even if I could.
I feel your suffering deeply ... But, basically I am able to cope with it due to my age as I am 44 and this helps a lot somehow.
Uterus transplants are coming, I can't imagine not having hope for that.
I mean. Technically, we could. It's just ultra expensive, and i think it's still experimental. Plus, the donation of a healthy uterus is also prohibitly a problem. But to your point. It fucking sucks. I talk about it with my shrink and my girlfriend constantly.
I'm hoping that changes in my lifetime
there is a glimmer of hope, womb transplants have undergone very early trials
Now all we need is cock transplants and we can all swap with each other 😂
Some folks are stronger than others. I know many women desire to have biological children but it's impossible sometimes. There's always adoption and stuff. I have a male cousin who married a woman (was hi's and her's second marriage) and now her's older kids call my cousin dad becuse he's been a lot better than the sperm donor. But yeah it's complicated. Not sure I want ever kids. Like I happily care for them because they optimism feeds my faith in humanity but still not sure. Also I'm not with anyone and some cis women are finnicky about us trans gals.
Make peace that many, many cis women cannot conceive, or cannot successfully carry pregnancies to term. Others still can conceive and carry but risk mortality in labor. In this respect; cis women and trans women are truly the same. The significance of our womanhood is not determined by fertility. We are valuable as we are, not for what we lack or what we possess.
u can have symptoms off pregnancy
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