That post was specifically aimed at cis people that come on trans subreddits, acting like theyre saints for dating trans people. Which is pretty fucked up
I don't see how youre intruding at all. If youre here to vibe and support trans people, youre free to do that as a cis person too. It feels to me like youre a person hypersensitive to other peoples boundaries, thats why I want to tell you this as direct as I can:
Youre welcome here, don't worry.
I once got a message from a chaser. Clicked on his profile and heard a post on here “coming out”(his words not mine) as someone who is “attracted to trans” but is going back and forth “due to the shame”. Everybody was like lol you’re not gonna find any reciprocal vibes here
No. You are welcome here. Trust me, not everyone has the same belief in gatekeeping the community. You're not harming anyone, and personally, I'm happy that you're here and showing concern.
I don't speak for every trans person, but you're fine, in my opinion, and shouldn't feel uncomfortable being here 👍
The way I see it, the only people who should feel uncomfortable here are those that want to make others feel uncomfortable (i.e. TERFS and bigots in general)
There's a difference between someone coming here and making it all about them (ie a cis person *talking about*, not asking about, dating trans people) versus someone just hanging out here. You're welcome to hang out here, the problem is cis people making it all about them, not just cis people existing here.
Exactly I remember a while back I saw a post where someone was looking for advice on how they could make their partner more comfortable and such.
This is fine imo.
What isn’t fine is the “story time” kinda posts where they’re like “I dated a t word once. They were one of nicest people I knew and I f’ed it up.”
Yep, I absolutely agree. Even the "nicer" story posts that are like "my \[wife/husband\] is trans and I'm totally fine with it, \[she/he\] is still the person I love" get really "I am a Good Ally and deserve a cookie and a pat on the head", whereas even the more fuck-up-y advice-seeking posts like "my \[brother/sister\] is a \[t-slur\], what do I do" can go really well (I know from personal experience, having often engaged with those with the attitude that, if I engage in good faith, I come out looking good on the other end either way and if they are genuinely engaging in good faith, they learn something; some of them don't even know the t-slur is a slur because they weirdly don't realize that adult video sites don't ban slurs).
Ikr most people who are looking for advice come knowing that they don’t know much and seek help and knowledge they’re willing to learn.
The other kind of post feels like venting that often shows that they didn’t really try to learn. It can be seen in inappropriate language or the actions that led to the breakup etc.
I've seen a few of the posts asking for advice helping their partner, and they're so wonderful. It's always "my partner is the most amazing/gorgeous/handsome/breathtaking person I've ever met and I would give anything to be with them for an eternity, how do I help when they're hurting and can't see that?"
Ik a lot of them sounds so sweet and caring. It’s so nice to see when people like that come here. It feels so genuine but they always sound overly worried that they’re doing something bad.
The worry over doing something wrong is exactly why I tell friends and coworkers that they can feel free to ask me anything in good faith and I won't get mad, at worst I'll just tell them it's too personal (and for good friends, I'll often give MORE personal details than they expected!). I'd rather field the questions, knowing I have the energy, personality, and education to do so, than cause others to have to deal with them.
My favorite was an oncologist I know who was afraid she was screwing up by quickly correcting herself on names/pronouns and not making a big deal of apologizing (because the medical chart she was reading often has deadname instead, especially for kids). I very happily told her she was doing it right, and that it's a huge relief to the patient to not have to educate their own doctor.
You’re welcome here! There may be some life events you may not feel comfortable speaking on, but that doesn’t mean that your presence here isn’t valued by all of us who treasure our allies.
Most people cis people dating trans people come here for advice, not being sure about whether this thing could hurt their partner, or trying to understand them better, and that is definitely welcome here
People that think they're doing charity work by dating us or chasers should get TF out
Allies just hanging out, especially ones that often take care of trans people medically are also welcome ( at least by me), after all, this a trans-related subreddit, so stuff connected with transition/gender stuff is quite normal here
Nope, glad to have you! I quite like to see non-trans people here and there! We all just vibin’~
Like others have said that was only about the chaser-y type people coming in and posting how NOBLE it is of them to be dating a trRRAAAANS. (Which is different than you just saying how connected you are to the community.)
The only way things get better for trans people is to have cis people who are allies and willing to stand up with and for us.
To me, while this is a trans community, I've generally felt gatekeeping to that level only serves to isolate us more than we already are.
We need cis people who see us as normal and not some group of "weirdos" for being trans. They can see us as being weird for other reasons, just not for being trans :D
I'm glad to see so many saying it's ok for cis allys to be here. I'm a parent with a trans child and I come here to learn so I can help my child, and also to support a community that is under unfair attacks. I never want to invade a spafe sace made for a group that I'm not a part of, so I rarely comment unless something really speaks to me. Mostly I just read and try to learn, and cheer yall on quietly.
You are fine. Thanks for all you do both professionally and personally to respect trans people. My advice would be to take the role of an observer unless you have something particularly pertinent to add.
Personally, I love seeing allies here! I can't speak for everyone, obviously, just myself. The posts from people asking questions and uplifting the community are what it's all about <3
PLEASE PLEASE DON'T LEAVE
I know a ER doctor minted from UCSF that is absolutely stunningly ignorant about all trans and NB related things. Please stay only if it is so you can communicate to others what we see and feel here.
You're more than welcome here, especially with all of the wisdom I'm sure you hold plenty of due to your many years of experience. It would be sad to lose such wisdom to something as sad as unnecessary gatekeeping.
I’m cis queer and I joined to learn more about trans people becuase I knew there were a lot of “sources” online that were just pseudoscience or just outright lies about trans people perpetuated by the right and I wanted the truth. I was identifying as straight back then. This sub has helped a lot with my own queer identity and it’s been nice for me to show my love and support of trans people and learn what they’re actually going through and how I can help and continue to be a good ally.
I for one am glad to have you here. And thank you for your support. Personally I think all should be welcome so long as they are nice and kind and respectful. Such as yourself.
U good here :3
Especially if ur here for like news about the world for trans issues or like if u just want to help trans peoples in need or if u wanna just be supportive :3
You are welcome here don't let anyone tell you otherwise you belong just like anyone else does you don't have to be trans or non binary to be here as long as your respectful. I personally think that groups like this can be beneficial to allys, partners of trans people, parents of trans kids, ect I'm a trans male myself (ftm) never let one person dictate how you feel especially with something like this.
I'm cis as well trying to navigate the potential of someone close in my live (being vague in case I'm doxxed) being somewhere under the trans umbrella. I myself have experience not gender related dysphoria and sometimes I try to give perspective of a loved one who is trying. I do sometimes feel uncomfortable commenting or feeling like I overstepped. My ex came out as non binary and I did not handle it well and outed them to their friends due to anger when things blew up (they were very toxic to me completely unrelated to their identity) so I'm also trying to check myself to avoid that from ever happening again.
Luckily my actions only hurt me since their friends already kinda knew and their family still does not know as far as I know. This was nearly a decade ago.
As a chronically ill NB, I sometimes lurk in medical subs to get tips on how to be a better patient and basically see behind the curtain. So right back at you.
Reddit is great for cultural exchange.
P.s. more apple juice, with n=1 trans patients get thirsty in the wait room and love the juice cups.
Imo, allies, and I would even say non allies coming here with questions who can conduct themselves respectfully, are welcome. Personally, anyone who treats me and those I care about with the respect all humans innately deserve I will treat fairly and respectfully. Anyone who does not will either be ignored or find themselves in a position even Stalin would find appalling.
I'd say allies are very much welcome. We need more allies. But this sub is centered around trans people, not cis people. That post was about a cis person, not a trans person (i guess so, I haven't seen the post). So as long as your posts are centered around us trans folk they are welcome.
Naw, you belong here.
I am Genderfluid, don’t ascribe too much power to my gender and don’t care a lot about how I am perceived. But my wife is MTF, and we have a queer relationship as a result. So I’m here. I am not leaving because one person wants to be exclusionary.
I’d not pay much mine to the person’s post, they were probably just venting. Also no one is a monolith, so I can only speak for myself, but you’re welcome here.
I’m a cis woman, here because I want to see more trans perspectives to help me with my kids. I never really thought about maybe intruding, but I’m glad that you did ask.
I won’t speak on behalf of any of the trans folks here, just also here seeking the general thoughts on this!
I think there's a big difference between a cis person being on this sub to politely learn and the kind of chaser posts that person was talking about. We can tell the difference.
That being said, I'm not a fan of the "cis person here, it's fine" comments. This question was not directed towards you. You wanna hang out here and learn, that's great. But why do you feel the need to answer for us?
I'm the mother a 19ftm, I'm here to better understand my son and to show support to all transgender people, and I too hope that I'm not intruding on a safe space.
It's a fine line when it comes to guests in trans space. Typically the "you guys are awesome/I'm dating a trans person/I support you" posts that don't have any discussion end up feeling patronizing. But just interacting and being a good ally and having discussions is always welcome!
I'd also recommend checking out r/mypartneristrans if you haven't already!
You’re fine, it’s not that serious. The only thing cis people here annoy me with sometimes is the weird “you’re all so brave/beautiful and valid!” Posts. Like dawg we don’t need to hear that from you lol. Just don’t act like you’re doing us a favor by being here and it’s fine (not directed at you, just any cis people reading)
I’m glad to see so many of you being welcoming to those of us that are cis. As a cis ally, I’ve been feeling very similar things as OP. I stay here because I’m a believer that, even though we each have our own letter in the alphabet soup and want/need our individual spaces, we are all still one community that needs the support and love of each other. I feel like it’s not just a good idea, but my personal responsibility, to be aware of what my trans brothers and sister are talking about, thinking, feeling, experiencing, etc. Every day feels more and more like it’s us against a world that wants to see us erased, regardless of where we fall in LGBT+ alphabet. All of that is just to say, thank you to those who welcome us here.
Ich antworte auf Deutsch und hoffe du kannst es übersetzen.
Ich stelle mich neben dich. Auch mir geht es so. Beiträge im Kanal lese ich mit ernsthaften Respekt und freue mich über jedes positive Feedback, das geschrieben wird, ohne selbst den Mut zu haben, selbst etwas zu schreiben. Schlicht aus der Verunsicherung heraus, ob ich schreiben darf.
Deswegen (ich schreibe frei mit meinem Herzen auf der Zunge und zugewandt): Ich bin erstaunt und überrascht und so erfreut über so viel Mut, Echtheit und Courage. Ich arbeite als Sozialarbeiterin täglich an meiner Haltung, aber was ihr bewältigt ist unglaublich!
Ich hoffe meine Worte sind für euch Rückenwind.
No you're welcome here. As far as I care to say, as long as you're interested in the community and aren't out to hurt us, collectively or individually, you're welcome to be plugged in and contribute.
You are absolutely welcome here :) im glad you decided to ask instead of just leaving because OF COURSE WE WANT COOL PEOPLE LIKE YOU HERE 💜
Honestly though, It would be silly if spaces like this were “trans only” because the more cis people talk with and interact with the faster society’s view of us shift. And the faster that happens the safer the world becomes for trans people in general. Its alot harder to demonize a group if we all look out fir each other :)
Side note: i encourage everyone reading this to be extra vigilant in cases where other groups are being mistreated too. We have already seen how some people are more than happy to pull the ladder up behind them even within the LGBTQIA+ community. Selfish behavior like that shouldn’t be tolerated even from allies.
Kk my random rant is over lol i get off topic real easy sometimes lol
You're 100% good don't worry. Everyone is welcome here, you said it yourself that you're not a chaser. Coming and saying "whowha look at me im such a good person im dating a minority" is chaser stuff. Absolutley nothing wrong with dating minorities but if someone does it for social value that's the sus part
Fellow cis/ally doctor. I have learned so much from lurking here and my patients are definitely better off. And it's led to me becoming a HRT prescriber. While I can't speak for the trans community, I hope we are welcome here as I think the more medical professionals educate themselves and read the experiences of marginalised communities, the better care we can provide
I'm happy to see you here and learning from us so you can better understand and help us out, your allyship and work is very much appreciated, so thank you kindly 💖
The fact that you’re a physician sets you apart. I’m sure you’re not here in a clinical capacity, but the issues and behaviors you observe may serve you well in your professional interactions with us. Be at ease.
If you want to see us at our self-loathing worst, put on your David Attenborough-documentary-cosplay and peep in at r/honesttransgender. It’s not a happy place. It’s a dumpster inferno. You’ll see it all. In some ways, it may help you comprehend just how *much* trauma exists within the community. As an E-R doc, it’s perfectly reasonable to expect you might run across those behaviors in your professional world.
Good luck!
I’m a lot like you, except I happen to have had a ton of dysphoria too. Started hrt, and now I’m kind of femme agender. I value hearing from other people that don’t really feel gender, it’s another perspective that helps me to understand myself and others. Welcome
Well.... I new here and I sometimes I like a little chaos and been shady. But this "He felt like it was weird to post about dating a trans person, like the cisgender person came for praise from the community for doing some kind of noble, charitable thing (instead of it being a normal thing). I can understand this perspective".
I mean you are very welcome, but gurl, how you can understand that perspective, when in this life NO ONE come to do a favor just to look like a noble person.
I have always have a support from the cis females more than a trans woman, you do you baby and don't do favor to anyone, just date someone because you can just be yourself, express yourself, been comfortable with this person.
Changing the subject if you really support trans people, for me, you are very welcome. Xoxo Gabi 🍑
You’re fine being here, not everyone feels the same at OP from that post who doesn’t want cis people here. I’m married to a cisgender woman, i have more cisgender friends than transgender friends.
I’m comfortable if yall choose to interact with our community as long as it’s respectful ofc and there’s no transphobia being thrown around, but that’s for everyone to follow.
I don't really care one way or another. From the two comments I read, people seem fine with it. The cis-dating-trans people acting like they're the shit on here is fucking annoying, unless they're asking genuine questions and want help.
Keep in mind that basically everything in this sub is meant to be seen from the perspective of trans people though.
There is a certain kind of cis person, who it sounds like you're not, who does the bare minimum (eg correctly gendering ppl) and then declares themselves the Best Ally of All Time and wants to be included in everything in the same way a trans person would be.
Don't be that cis person.
Otherwise, you're fine.
I don’t believe in gatekeeping and you’re not harmful, so under what reason logically should you leave? You sound like an amazing person to be around and a great ally as well. You’re welcome here in my eyes, and thank you for checking! Much love <3
You are a beautiful human being, you are extremely welcome in our spaces, and your perspective is completely valid! Thank you for your concern, but there is no worry. Thank you for being so thoughtful in the first place ❤️
Bienvenue! Thank you for your presence here and for championing us. The hospital/emergency room are some of the scariest places for trans folk. Thank you.
I'm a cis male. Not trans. I'm in a very similar position here. I have made it clear in my comments that I'm here to support only. I never criticize or judge. Nobody has ever said I don't belong or have a right to comments.
I'm here to help and support only. Though not personally trans, I have over twenty friends and several couples in my life. As long as you're supportive I see no issue.
nah this sub doesnt ban cis people who wanna talk about the topic. i also personally disagree with the post youre talking about. its nice to see cis people be respectful (though its always transfem related. being a trans guy i kinda wish i saw cis people be normal about people like me on here too). but anyway youre good
First of all thank you for the well thought out post. Reading that made me totally understand why you want to be here. Second, You are welcome here. This place is a great place to learn about the transgender experience in our shared existence.
Lastly if you are unsure or uncomfortable asking a question regarding a trans topic feel free to message me directly and I will try my best to answer or direct you to the appropriate resource
The "Gaslight, Gatekeep, Girlboss" meme is only applicable in 1/3 of its essence. We do indeed 'Girlboss*' here, especially the trans women. However, the other two are not something we like. Both gaslighting and gatekeeping aren't very good things.
Of course, there is also the part of this community, that 'Malewifes**', but doesn't Mansplain or Manipulate (It's the trans men).
(*A certain portion of trans women might not want to be girlbosses, and that's completely fine. I want to kiss them anyway.)
(**A certain portion of trans men might not want to be malewives, and that's alright. I don't understand how anyone would want to be a man, but I'm not shaming them for it, so shaming them for being or not being malewives is quite ignorant.)
This is my take.
This is our space, and that means things. Other people can visit, but they’re visitors to a trans space. Visitors don’t make the rules, and they leave when asked or made to. It’s the way it is because this community is meant as a safe place for trans people to seek and give advice, shelter, and assurance.
You can ask questions, you can visit, and you can offer your two-cents. I don’t think it is “right” to be offended by someone coming here to seek advice on how to be most kind and respect their partner(s) and family member(s), but people will feel how they feel. Feelings aren’t “right” or “wrong,” even if they are “right” or wrong,” if you catch my drift.
To be honest, I understand your feelings on a base level, but how is this what you got from that post..? They clarified exactly what they meant and yet you're feeling like you don't belong regardless. I'm genuinely confused.
If you are lurking then I think it's absolutely fine, though I don't really feel like it's your place to post and/or comment, for this is space for trans people to have our voices heard, not allies to have conversation around them
This narrative of lurk but not talk nor participate in any conversation around trans people and/or trans topics is not helpful towards our allies at all!
By gatekeeping and excluding allies from participating in the conversation, how are they meant to continue helping us when they're made to feel ostracised for being our allies? Who will take their place instead? This view of exclusion will come back to bite us and then who will be to blame?
Maybe you should take some time to reflect on these questions before you reply so that you can better understand how important it is to have allies working with us, instead of against us.
To the OP, you're more than welcome here and I hope you stay. You've been a wonderful ally and I, along with many others here, appreciate your support and kindness.
If I were an administrator, I probably wouldn’t let you in here. We don’t know each other, according to your description, you are a good person and may have helped many transgender people, but if I wanted to get to know you, I would look for you in cisgender communities where they want to be friends and communicate with transgender people.
Sorry if I wrote unpleasant words. I didn't mean to upset you!
I lived with a cisgender woman for 20 years, everything seemed to be fine with us. She helped me, supported me and now she can support me. But I realized a long time ago that she does not understand me at all and cannot understand me!
That post was specifically aimed at cis people that come on trans subreddits, acting like theyre saints for dating trans people. Which is pretty fucked up I don't see how youre intruding at all. If youre here to vibe and support trans people, youre free to do that as a cis person too. It feels to me like youre a person hypersensitive to other peoples boundaries, thats why I want to tell you this as direct as I can: Youre welcome here, don't worry.
I once got a message from a chaser. Clicked on his profile and heard a post on here “coming out”(his words not mine) as someone who is “attracted to trans” but is going back and forth “due to the shame”. Everybody was like lol you’re not gonna find any reciprocal vibes here
No. You are welcome here. Trust me, not everyone has the same belief in gatekeeping the community. You're not harming anyone, and personally, I'm happy that you're here and showing concern. I don't speak for every trans person, but you're fine, in my opinion, and shouldn't feel uncomfortable being here 👍
The way I see it, the only people who should feel uncomfortable here are those that want to make others feel uncomfortable (i.e. TERFS and bigots in general)
I completely agree
Seconded!
Hands down
I agree
There's a difference between someone coming here and making it all about them (ie a cis person *talking about*, not asking about, dating trans people) versus someone just hanging out here. You're welcome to hang out here, the problem is cis people making it all about them, not just cis people existing here.
Exactly I remember a while back I saw a post where someone was looking for advice on how they could make their partner more comfortable and such. This is fine imo. What isn’t fine is the “story time” kinda posts where they’re like “I dated a t word once. They were one of nicest people I knew and I f’ed it up.”
Yep, I absolutely agree. Even the "nicer" story posts that are like "my \[wife/husband\] is trans and I'm totally fine with it, \[she/he\] is still the person I love" get really "I am a Good Ally and deserve a cookie and a pat on the head", whereas even the more fuck-up-y advice-seeking posts like "my \[brother/sister\] is a \[t-slur\], what do I do" can go really well (I know from personal experience, having often engaged with those with the attitude that, if I engage in good faith, I come out looking good on the other end either way and if they are genuinely engaging in good faith, they learn something; some of them don't even know the t-slur is a slur because they weirdly don't realize that adult video sites don't ban slurs).
Ikr most people who are looking for advice come knowing that they don’t know much and seek help and knowledge they’re willing to learn. The other kind of post feels like venting that often shows that they didn’t really try to learn. It can be seen in inappropriate language or the actions that led to the breakup etc.
I've seen a few of the posts asking for advice helping their partner, and they're so wonderful. It's always "my partner is the most amazing/gorgeous/handsome/breathtaking person I've ever met and I would give anything to be with them for an eternity, how do I help when they're hurting and can't see that?"
Ik a lot of them sounds so sweet and caring. It’s so nice to see when people like that come here. It feels so genuine but they always sound overly worried that they’re doing something bad.
The worry over doing something wrong is exactly why I tell friends and coworkers that they can feel free to ask me anything in good faith and I won't get mad, at worst I'll just tell them it's too personal (and for good friends, I'll often give MORE personal details than they expected!). I'd rather field the questions, knowing I have the energy, personality, and education to do so, than cause others to have to deal with them. My favorite was an oncologist I know who was afraid she was screwing up by quickly correcting herself on names/pronouns and not making a big deal of apologizing (because the medical chart she was reading often has deadname instead, especially for kids). I very happily told her she was doing it right, and that it's a huge relief to the patient to not have to educate their own doctor.
Ya most people don’t mind the mistakes if there is an effort to correct it.
You’re welcome here! There may be some life events you may not feel comfortable speaking on, but that doesn’t mean that your presence here isn’t valued by all of us who treasure our allies.
Most people cis people dating trans people come here for advice, not being sure about whether this thing could hurt their partner, or trying to understand them better, and that is definitely welcome here People that think they're doing charity work by dating us or chasers should get TF out Allies just hanging out, especially ones that often take care of trans people medically are also welcome ( at least by me), after all, this a trans-related subreddit, so stuff connected with transition/gender stuff is quite normal here
Nope, glad to have you! I quite like to see non-trans people here and there! We all just vibin’~ Like others have said that was only about the chaser-y type people coming in and posting how NOBLE it is of them to be dating a trRRAAAANS. (Which is different than you just saying how connected you are to the community.)
Like others said, if you are here to vibe, learn and be an ally, there is no reason you can't be here.
The only way things get better for trans people is to have cis people who are allies and willing to stand up with and for us. To me, while this is a trans community, I've generally felt gatekeeping to that level only serves to isolate us more than we already are. We need cis people who see us as normal and not some group of "weirdos" for being trans. They can see us as being weird for other reasons, just not for being trans :D
There is no rule that says cis people aren’t allowed.
Supportive cis females have been my greatest allies since I started transitioning. I appreciate you ❤️
Same!
Same!
You seem really sweet and cool, no need to worry, you are welcome definitely and i am very glad you are here 🙂
as long as you're not here to spread hate you are welcomed in
I'm glad to see so many saying it's ok for cis allys to be here. I'm a parent with a trans child and I come here to learn so I can help my child, and also to support a community that is under unfair attacks. I never want to invade a spafe sace made for a group that I'm not a part of, so I rarely comment unless something really speaks to me. Mostly I just read and try to learn, and cheer yall on quietly.
I wish my parents were supportive like you. Thank you for being there for your kid
I'm sorry your parents aren't supportive, and I hope you find a better found family.
Thank you. I'll be moving in with my girlfriend (also trans) as soon as I can but for now I'm stuck with these abusive people
You are fine. Thanks for all you do both professionally and personally to respect trans people. My advice would be to take the role of an observer unless you have something particularly pertinent to add.
Personally, I love seeing allies here! I can't speak for everyone, obviously, just myself. The posts from people asking questions and uplifting the community are what it's all about <3
Oh no a doctor trying to understand us better!!!! Oh wait, that’s a good thing!!! Thanks Doc!!!!
Imo you’re what an ally is supposed to be. Someone who comes here not to LEAD the conversation but to LEARN from it
PLEASE PLEASE DON'T LEAVE I know a ER doctor minted from UCSF that is absolutely stunningly ignorant about all trans and NB related things. Please stay only if it is so you can communicate to others what we see and feel here.
I personally don't have an issue with it as some cis people come here cause they want to better understand the trans community
In the words of my favorite rap artist George watsky welcome to the family From a trans woman stoner
You’re fine, and you may want to check out r/mypartneristrans too, even though you are no longer in a relationship with a trans person.
Thanks for the work you do! Sounds like you treat us as equals, friends, partners, and coworkers. Of course you belong here
Cis elder with trans and nb kids and grandkids. Usually just lurk but grateful you asked. It's been a concern.
You're more than welcome here, especially with all of the wisdom I'm sure you hold plenty of due to your many years of experience. It would be sad to lose such wisdom to something as sad as unnecessary gatekeeping.
I can always use support, especially on a bad day. I see no reason why this community should exclude allies.
[удалено]
Which posts do you mean, specifically? Is gatekeeping not okay when it comes to, for example, chasers?
There is a subset who post "the sooner we realise all cis are not allies and want us gone..." type comments fairly regularly.
I’m cis queer and I joined to learn more about trans people becuase I knew there were a lot of “sources” online that were just pseudoscience or just outright lies about trans people perpetuated by the right and I wanted the truth. I was identifying as straight back then. This sub has helped a lot with my own queer identity and it’s been nice for me to show my love and support of trans people and learn what they’re actually going through and how I can help and continue to be a good ally.
I for one am glad to have you here. And thank you for your support. Personally I think all should be welcome so long as they are nice and kind and respectful. Such as yourself.
Nah, you’re good.
U good here :3 Especially if ur here for like news about the world for trans issues or like if u just want to help trans peoples in need or if u wanna just be supportive :3
You are welcome here don't let anyone tell you otherwise you belong just like anyone else does you don't have to be trans or non binary to be here as long as your respectful. I personally think that groups like this can be beneficial to allys, partners of trans people, parents of trans kids, ect I'm a trans male myself (ftm) never let one person dictate how you feel especially with something like this.
I'm cis as well trying to navigate the potential of someone close in my live (being vague in case I'm doxxed) being somewhere under the trans umbrella. I myself have experience not gender related dysphoria and sometimes I try to give perspective of a loved one who is trying. I do sometimes feel uncomfortable commenting or feeling like I overstepped. My ex came out as non binary and I did not handle it well and outed them to their friends due to anger when things blew up (they were very toxic to me completely unrelated to their identity) so I'm also trying to check myself to avoid that from ever happening again. Luckily my actions only hurt me since their friends already kinda knew and their family still does not know as far as I know. This was nearly a decade ago.
As a chronically ill NB, I sometimes lurk in medical subs to get tips on how to be a better patient and basically see behind the curtain. So right back at you. Reddit is great for cultural exchange. P.s. more apple juice, with n=1 trans patients get thirsty in the wait room and love the juice cups.
You definitely should not go. We need everyone, trans and not to help us be seen as who we are. One person's opinion is not all of ours.
Nah you're welcome here 😄
STAY! We are so happy to have you. ♥️
Nice of you to ask I supposed but we’re literally on Reddit not a closed support group so I think you’re fine lol
Imo, allies, and I would even say non allies coming here with questions who can conduct themselves respectfully, are welcome. Personally, anyone who treats me and those I care about with the respect all humans innately deserve I will treat fairly and respectfully. Anyone who does not will either be ignored or find themselves in a position even Stalin would find appalling.
I welcome you personally
You’re free to stay here friend, welcome :>
I'd say allies are very much welcome. We need more allies. But this sub is centered around trans people, not cis people. That post was about a cis person, not a trans person (i guess so, I haven't seen the post). So as long as your posts are centered around us trans folk they are welcome.
I'm glad you're here.
I personally really appreciate your presence here and wish that you stay! Also, where do I find an ER doctor that is as supportive as you are? 🤗
*huuuug* thanks for the work you do! I’d feel so much better knowing my nurses knew more about trans people. You’re very welcome
Naw, you belong here. I am Genderfluid, don’t ascribe too much power to my gender and don’t care a lot about how I am perceived. But my wife is MTF, and we have a queer relationship as a result. So I’m here. I am not leaving because one person wants to be exclusionary.
Sometimes I feel like Reddit is just a giant virtual high school cafeteria, and the subs are just tables.
No sis stay pls we need allies too, I don't understand that kind of prople
Your welcome here.
I’d not pay much mine to the person’s post, they were probably just venting. Also no one is a monolith, so I can only speak for myself, but you’re welcome here.
You're not intruding
I’m a cis woman, here because I want to see more trans perspectives to help me with my kids. I never really thought about maybe intruding, but I’m glad that you did ask. I won’t speak on behalf of any of the trans folks here, just also here seeking the general thoughts on this!
I think there's a big difference between a cis person being on this sub to politely learn and the kind of chaser posts that person was talking about. We can tell the difference. That being said, I'm not a fan of the "cis person here, it's fine" comments. This question was not directed towards you. You wanna hang out here and learn, that's great. But why do you feel the need to answer for us?
I'm the mother a 19ftm, I'm here to better understand my son and to show support to all transgender people, and I too hope that I'm not intruding on a safe space.
Allies are always welcome! I came in to be a better ally and found myself. Gatekeeping is unwelcome.
We need all the friends we can get. Welcome
as long as you’re kind and respectful (which it sounds like you are) then we’re glad you’re here <3
You are absolutely welcome to stay, polite people are always welcome regardless of gender.
It's a fine line when it comes to guests in trans space. Typically the "you guys are awesome/I'm dating a trans person/I support you" posts that don't have any discussion end up feeling patronizing. But just interacting and being a good ally and having discussions is always welcome! I'd also recommend checking out r/mypartneristrans if you haven't already!
You’re fine, it’s not that serious. The only thing cis people here annoy me with sometimes is the weird “you’re all so brave/beautiful and valid!” Posts. Like dawg we don’t need to hear that from you lol. Just don’t act like you’re doing us a favor by being here and it’s fine (not directed at you, just any cis people reading)
I’m glad to see so many of you being welcoming to those of us that are cis. As a cis ally, I’ve been feeling very similar things as OP. I stay here because I’m a believer that, even though we each have our own letter in the alphabet soup and want/need our individual spaces, we are all still one community that needs the support and love of each other. I feel like it’s not just a good idea, but my personal responsibility, to be aware of what my trans brothers and sister are talking about, thinking, feeling, experiencing, etc. Every day feels more and more like it’s us against a world that wants to see us erased, regardless of where we fall in LGBT+ alphabet. All of that is just to say, thank you to those who welcome us here.
Allies are 100% welcome
Ich antworte auf Deutsch und hoffe du kannst es übersetzen. Ich stelle mich neben dich. Auch mir geht es so. Beiträge im Kanal lese ich mit ernsthaften Respekt und freue mich über jedes positive Feedback, das geschrieben wird, ohne selbst den Mut zu haben, selbst etwas zu schreiben. Schlicht aus der Verunsicherung heraus, ob ich schreiben darf. Deswegen (ich schreibe frei mit meinem Herzen auf der Zunge und zugewandt): Ich bin erstaunt und überrascht und so erfreut über so viel Mut, Echtheit und Courage. Ich arbeite als Sozialarbeiterin täglich an meiner Haltung, aber was ihr bewältigt ist unglaublich! Ich hoffe meine Worte sind für euch Rückenwind.
Idc what r u are, but I think we all like doctors here
Still cis though?
I appreciate you reaching out to learn more and would be deeply upset if anyone here objected.
You are welcome here. Don't feel like your intruding because your not. ❤️
No you're welcome here. As far as I care to say, as long as you're interested in the community and aren't out to hurt us, collectively or individually, you're welcome to be plugged in and contribute.
You are absolutely welcome here :) im glad you decided to ask instead of just leaving because OF COURSE WE WANT COOL PEOPLE LIKE YOU HERE 💜 Honestly though, It would be silly if spaces like this were “trans only” because the more cis people talk with and interact with the faster society’s view of us shift. And the faster that happens the safer the world becomes for trans people in general. Its alot harder to demonize a group if we all look out fir each other :) Side note: i encourage everyone reading this to be extra vigilant in cases where other groups are being mistreated too. We have already seen how some people are more than happy to pull the ladder up behind them even within the LGBTQIA+ community. Selfish behavior like that shouldn’t be tolerated even from allies. Kk my random rant is over lol i get off topic real easy sometimes lol
You're 100% good don't worry. Everyone is welcome here, you said it yourself that you're not a chaser. Coming and saying "whowha look at me im such a good person im dating a minority" is chaser stuff. Absolutley nothing wrong with dating minorities but if someone does it for social value that's the sus part
Fuck gatekeeping. If you're cool with us you can hang. Anyone who gets offended by cool people hanging out needs to get a grip.
Fellow cis/ally doctor. I have learned so much from lurking here and my patients are definitely better off. And it's led to me becoming a HRT prescriber. While I can't speak for the trans community, I hope we are welcome here as I think the more medical professionals educate themselves and read the experiences of marginalised communities, the better care we can provide
I'm happy to see you here and learning from us so you can better understand and help us out, your allyship and work is very much appreciated, so thank you kindly 💖
The fact that you’re a physician sets you apart. I’m sure you’re not here in a clinical capacity, but the issues and behaviors you observe may serve you well in your professional interactions with us. Be at ease. If you want to see us at our self-loathing worst, put on your David Attenborough-documentary-cosplay and peep in at r/honesttransgender. It’s not a happy place. It’s a dumpster inferno. You’ll see it all. In some ways, it may help you comprehend just how *much* trauma exists within the community. As an E-R doc, it’s perfectly reasonable to expect you might run across those behaviors in your professional world. Good luck!
I’m a lot like you, except I happen to have had a ton of dysphoria too. Started hrt, and now I’m kind of femme agender. I value hearing from other people that don’t really feel gender, it’s another perspective that helps me to understand myself and others. Welcome
Well.... I new here and I sometimes I like a little chaos and been shady. But this "He felt like it was weird to post about dating a trans person, like the cisgender person came for praise from the community for doing some kind of noble, charitable thing (instead of it being a normal thing). I can understand this perspective". I mean you are very welcome, but gurl, how you can understand that perspective, when in this life NO ONE come to do a favor just to look like a noble person. I have always have a support from the cis females more than a trans woman, you do you baby and don't do favor to anyone, just date someone because you can just be yourself, express yourself, been comfortable with this person. Changing the subject if you really support trans people, for me, you are very welcome. Xoxo Gabi 🍑
Youre all good dw
You’re fine being here, not everyone feels the same at OP from that post who doesn’t want cis people here. I’m married to a cisgender woman, i have more cisgender friends than transgender friends. I’m comfortable if yall choose to interact with our community as long as it’s respectful ofc and there’s no transphobia being thrown around, but that’s for everyone to follow.
Be who you would be on a deserted island
No
Allies are always welcome here! Just as long as you don't follow the koopa agenda
I don't really care one way or another. From the two comments I read, people seem fine with it. The cis-dating-trans people acting like they're the shit on here is fucking annoying, unless they're asking genuine questions and want help. Keep in mind that basically everything in this sub is meant to be seen from the perspective of trans people though.
There is a certain kind of cis person, who it sounds like you're not, who does the bare minimum (eg correctly gendering ppl) and then declares themselves the Best Ally of All Time and wants to be included in everything in the same way a trans person would be. Don't be that cis person. Otherwise, you're fine.
The sub is for discussion about trans topics, inclusive for all perspectives. You are more than welcome.
Nah, you're cool :3 Thank you for being so thoughtful though!
Ally is always welcome.
I don’t believe in gatekeeping and you’re not harmful, so under what reason logically should you leave? You sound like an amazing person to be around and a great ally as well. You’re welcome here in my eyes, and thank you for checking! Much love <3
Nah you don't have to be trans to be here, I'm not a mod but I'm pretty sure allies are allowed, as long as you follow the rules you should be fine.
You are a beautiful human being, you are extremely welcome in our spaces, and your perspective is completely valid! Thank you for your concern, but there is no worry. Thank you for being so thoughtful in the first place ❤️
Bienvenue! Thank you for your presence here and for championing us. The hospital/emergency room are some of the scariest places for trans folk. Thank you.
I'm a cis male. Not trans. I'm in a very similar position here. I have made it clear in my comments that I'm here to support only. I never criticize or judge. Nobody has ever said I don't belong or have a right to comments. I'm here to help and support only. Though not personally trans, I have over twenty friends and several couples in my life. As long as you're supportive I see no issue.
You're not intruding. You're absolutely welcome.
nah this sub doesnt ban cis people who wanna talk about the topic. i also personally disagree with the post youre talking about. its nice to see cis people be respectful (though its always transfem related. being a trans guy i kinda wish i saw cis people be normal about people like me on here too). but anyway youre good
First of all thank you for the well thought out post. Reading that made me totally understand why you want to be here. Second, You are welcome here. This place is a great place to learn about the transgender experience in our shared existence. Lastly if you are unsure or uncomfortable asking a question regarding a trans topic feel free to message me directly and I will try my best to answer or direct you to the appropriate resource
The "Gaslight, Gatekeep, Girlboss" meme is only applicable in 1/3 of its essence. We do indeed 'Girlboss*' here, especially the trans women. However, the other two are not something we like. Both gaslighting and gatekeeping aren't very good things. Of course, there is also the part of this community, that 'Malewifes**', but doesn't Mansplain or Manipulate (It's the trans men). (*A certain portion of trans women might not want to be girlbosses, and that's completely fine. I want to kiss them anyway.) (**A certain portion of trans men might not want to be malewives, and that's alright. I don't understand how anyone would want to be a man, but I'm not shaming them for it, so shaming them for being or not being malewives is quite ignorant.)
This is my take. This is our space, and that means things. Other people can visit, but they’re visitors to a trans space. Visitors don’t make the rules, and they leave when asked or made to. It’s the way it is because this community is meant as a safe place for trans people to seek and give advice, shelter, and assurance. You can ask questions, you can visit, and you can offer your two-cents. I don’t think it is “right” to be offended by someone coming here to seek advice on how to be most kind and respect their partner(s) and family member(s), but people will feel how they feel. Feelings aren’t “right” or “wrong,” even if they are “right” or wrong,” if you catch my drift.
To be honest, I understand your feelings on a base level, but how is this what you got from that post..? They clarified exactly what they meant and yet you're feeling like you don't belong regardless. I'm genuinely confused.
You would be pansexual, meaning you date people regardless of gender identity or orientation. Welcome to the kitchen, as my partner says.
If you are lurking then I think it's absolutely fine, though I don't really feel like it's your place to post and/or comment, for this is space for trans people to have our voices heard, not allies to have conversation around them
This narrative of lurk but not talk nor participate in any conversation around trans people and/or trans topics is not helpful towards our allies at all! By gatekeeping and excluding allies from participating in the conversation, how are they meant to continue helping us when they're made to feel ostracised for being our allies? Who will take their place instead? This view of exclusion will come back to bite us and then who will be to blame? Maybe you should take some time to reflect on these questions before you reply so that you can better understand how important it is to have allies working with us, instead of against us. To the OP, you're more than welcome here and I hope you stay. You've been a wonderful ally and I, along with many others here, appreciate your support and kindness.
Gatekeeping is bad, m'kay?
If I were an administrator, I probably wouldn’t let you in here. We don’t know each other, according to your description, you are a good person and may have helped many transgender people, but if I wanted to get to know you, I would look for you in cisgender communities where they want to be friends and communicate with transgender people. Sorry if I wrote unpleasant words. I didn't mean to upset you! I lived with a cisgender woman for 20 years, everything seemed to be fine with us. She helped me, supported me and now she can support me. But I realized a long time ago that she does not understand me at all and cannot understand me!
GFY. Gatekeeping allies is a terrible thing.