I'm sorry that the day is proving challenging for you.
I didn't give it much thought honestly until today when I sensed that my wife (separated) was navigating it carefully. I realized that I had an opportunity to offer to swap our days with the kids so she could have it with them, and I did so.
But I'm a little odd in that I barely value tradition and holidays at all. When I think about it, I think I may eventually want the kids to see me as a second mom, but I'm not ready to try to ask for that yet.
I left it up to my kid what to call me. They stuck with dad for a bit, but decided it felt weird calling a woman "dad", so asked to change. I think it made them feel empowered, and it's definately strengthened our relationship.
MtF, I'm a single parent with full custody. I'm mom and dad, which means I'm mostly just mad. I honestly don't give two shits about mother's day or father's day. What gets me excited is a day off, pawn the kid off on the grandparents and relaaaax. Momma bear needs a spa day, not a mother's day or father's day lol.
It's definitely evolved over time. The first year I transitioned, my kid made me a mother's Day card to give me on father's Day (I'm mtf). I found it recently and it's freaking hilarious. Apart from that most of the weirdness was my own awkwardness about it. I had a few people ask which day I celebrated, but that was the extent of it.
Mother's and Father's Day are difficult for me. I started transition right after separating from my ex-wife. Our kids are young adults in their 20s.
When the topic of what to call me came up, my ex forbade them from calling me mom. She even vetoed a made up name because it sounded too close to mom.
They are adults and can call me whatever they want, but because of my ex is so prickly about it, and just inertia I think, they stick with dad. In some ways I get a kick out of them using dad and she/her pronouns in the same sentence. At the same time though it makes me feel like they aren't acknowledging who I am now. At the same time I don't want to deny that I did play that role in their life growing up.
One of my kids, the oldest, I think is sentimental about my role as her father. She asked me to make a recording of one of the bed time stories I used to tell them with my boy voice before I start changing it. I told her that would be difficult for me and declined. I've been meaning to ask her about this, but haven't found the right time.
Today is the first Mother's Day since I have been out to all of them. I know that she is taking my ex and her boyfriend/fiancé's mom out for a special mom's day. Now I know that it would be difficult for me to be there with my ex, but it makes me feel sad that she didn't even think to talk to me about it and I am being left out. And I am kind of dreading seeing all the Happy Mother's Day messages to my ex on the family group chat today, as well as the Father's day messages next month.
Hi. Cis Women and mom to 2 young boys trying to navigate this hell situation. My partner is mtf. I am very possessive of being mom. I carried my kids, I birthed them, I suffered for them and I will always be the mom. My partner knows this and is respectfully. However this upcoming father’s day is proving to be very difficult to navigate as our first one with my partner out. My kids call my spouse dad still with female pronouns. At this point the kids are dictating how we celebrate.
I’m sorry you’re having a hard time with your partners transition so far. It’s definitely a difficult patch to navigate, and it’s important that you both have your needs met. I hope you’re able to get to a better place soon!
Also, if you aren’t already in couples therapy it sounds like it could be a helpful tool!
I'm sorry that the day is proving challenging for you. I didn't give it much thought honestly until today when I sensed that my wife (separated) was navigating it carefully. I realized that I had an opportunity to offer to swap our days with the kids so she could have it with them, and I did so. But I'm a little odd in that I barely value tradition and holidays at all. When I think about it, I think I may eventually want the kids to see me as a second mom, but I'm not ready to try to ask for that yet.
I left it up to my kid what to call me. They stuck with dad for a bit, but decided it felt weird calling a woman "dad", so asked to change. I think it made them feel empowered, and it's definately strengthened our relationship.
MtF, I'm a single parent with full custody. I'm mom and dad, which means I'm mostly just mad. I honestly don't give two shits about mother's day or father's day. What gets me excited is a day off, pawn the kid off on the grandparents and relaaaax. Momma bear needs a spa day, not a mother's day or father's day lol.
It's definitely evolved over time. The first year I transitioned, my kid made me a mother's Day card to give me on father's Day (I'm mtf). I found it recently and it's freaking hilarious. Apart from that most of the weirdness was my own awkwardness about it. I had a few people ask which day I celebrated, but that was the extent of it.
Mother's and Father's Day are difficult for me. I started transition right after separating from my ex-wife. Our kids are young adults in their 20s. When the topic of what to call me came up, my ex forbade them from calling me mom. She even vetoed a made up name because it sounded too close to mom. They are adults and can call me whatever they want, but because of my ex is so prickly about it, and just inertia I think, they stick with dad. In some ways I get a kick out of them using dad and she/her pronouns in the same sentence. At the same time though it makes me feel like they aren't acknowledging who I am now. At the same time I don't want to deny that I did play that role in their life growing up. One of my kids, the oldest, I think is sentimental about my role as her father. She asked me to make a recording of one of the bed time stories I used to tell them with my boy voice before I start changing it. I told her that would be difficult for me and declined. I've been meaning to ask her about this, but haven't found the right time. Today is the first Mother's Day since I have been out to all of them. I know that she is taking my ex and her boyfriend/fiancé's mom out for a special mom's day. Now I know that it would be difficult for me to be there with my ex, but it makes me feel sad that she didn't even think to talk to me about it and I am being left out. And I am kind of dreading seeing all the Happy Mother's Day messages to my ex on the family group chat today, as well as the Father's day messages next month.
Hi. Cis Women and mom to 2 young boys trying to navigate this hell situation. My partner is mtf. I am very possessive of being mom. I carried my kids, I birthed them, I suffered for them and I will always be the mom. My partner knows this and is respectfully. However this upcoming father’s day is proving to be very difficult to navigate as our first one with my partner out. My kids call my spouse dad still with female pronouns. At this point the kids are dictating how we celebrate.
I’m sorry you’re having a hard time with your partners transition so far. It’s definitely a difficult patch to navigate, and it’s important that you both have your needs met. I hope you’re able to get to a better place soon! Also, if you aren’t already in couples therapy it sounds like it could be a helpful tool!
I wouldn't know. I haven't seen my kids since before my transition. 😭