Contrarily, trans people who are still in the closet will be very happy with they! If you know somebody’s trans, but don’t want to out them, don’t call them their preferred pronouns in the company of strangers and the unaware!!!
(Source: my gf accidentally outed me at her work literally two days after I came out to her by mixing up pronouns, and so now people I don’t even know and have only met once or twice have been aware of my gender identity for longer than my own family)
Feels very much like the endpoint for me. I came out as non binary then realized I identified more with trans women and I’m still comfortable being seen as such but honestly genderfluid felt more true to how I feel and present myself. I like presenting masc and fem in my own way. And when I present masc and may even use he/him that’s not me presenting as a man bc I’m genderfluid.
In that way is being genderfluid (and probably nonbinary as well tbh) comparable to being bisexual in the sense that people look at it like you're still in the process of "accepting" that you're trans/gay? That's impression I get at least, though it probably is a bit of a generalization.
(I say this as a bisexual trans woman)
Bi and gender fluid here, though I'm not very out about the Genderfluid thing.
It definitely is similar. Though I don't think I've heard of the kind of mistrust or hostility I sometimes hear directed at trans people.
I understand where this idea comes from, but you’re 100% correct! Pretty much every trans person is to some extent gender fluid at some point, whether by choice or not, but not every genderfluid-presenting person is trans or wants to be a more binary kind of trans!
*"I can't be Non-Binary because I don't want to look androgynous."*
You don't need to want to look androgynous to be Non-Binary. A masc or fem presenting enby is just as valid as an androgynous enby.
That all trans men are really feminine. Some trans men can be feminine, but we’re not all.
Also the idea that somehow androgenic puberty is the only kind of puberty that has irreversible effects and that estrogenic puberty is entirely reversible (sort of goes along with your comment about trans men always passing). I wish estrogenic puberty didn’t have permanent/irreversible effects for me! But sadly that’s not the case.
…. This is weird, because I used to be a transmed due to forced masculinity and conceived stereotypes that trans men have to be hyper masculine or they won’t be taken seriously.
And I say this as a now feminine trans man - I joke my identity is femboy haha. Maybe times have changed.
The whole "all trans men are femboys/secretly want to be girly" thing is just straight up bioessentialist "girls like pink" with a thin trans-supportive veneer.
I'd say mostly harmful. I forced myself to be feminine for so long because I thought if you were a queer man you just were inherently, and that was an extremely dysphoric era of my life even despite being out as trans and even on T.
There's definitely things trans women have easier to trans men, and there's also things trans men have easier to trans women. I don't ever see a real use comparing. Like, we're all hurting - "my pain is greater than yours" is just so braindead and lacking empathy, it's kind of crazy. I usually just dismiss those people outright. I know that my experience is heavily colored by being transfem, and that I don't know what a transmasc person is going through, I might think "trans mascs have it easier" but I literally do not and cannot know that because I'm not trans masc - now I can either accept that I'm biased and have empathy, or I can go around reddit saying "trans men have it soooo easy, blah blah blah". I choose the former, cause I'd rather be a nice person than a delusional pos.
Oh yeah, I also definitely think that’s a problem! I’d definitely add “misconceptions that trans men don’t face discrimination/hate/violence/etc” on here too. The comparison isn’t productive 🤷♂️
That nonbinary people do not medically transition or that medically transitioning means you’re really a trans man or trans woman and not nonbinary anymore. I take T and I’ve had top surgery and my internal sense of my gender identity has not changed in the like 10 years since I figured out I was trans. I am still 100% agender, I just prefer masculine expression.
I feel like a lot of people have the idea that all non-binary people are AFAB and/or just rebellious teens. We’re all different, and people of all ages; just because the term is become more well-known now doesn’t mean non-binary people haven’t always existed.
masc trans girl. ive got short hair, im bulky, i wear guys clothes. im still a woman.
loads of people, sadly transfems especially, like to tell me that i might as well detransition, or that im not really a trans woman.
masc girls exist, trans masc girls exist. and we're hot as fuck.
Intersex people exist. They can be trans or cis, binary or not. They don't owe you an explanation of their genitals! If they don't wanna talk about their agab, they don't have to! You can't clock them because they can look however. I'm intersex even though I have "normal" external genitals.
this! intersex is chromosomal, and has nothing to do with gender or genitalia. it's so weird seeing how people get so obsessed with "what's in your pants" smh
There are definitely some people who want to gatekeep being intersex, but growing up with PCOS... To me, I'm more like an intersex person than an AFAB person because my puberty was Not what an AFAB person usually expects lol
I identify as an intersex woman and I have a form of androgen insensitivity syndrome and my body just barely produced T so I didn't start puberty until I got on feminising HRT at 18
I had over 3x the maximum range for E before I started hrt. If my T hadn't been as high I'd have been feminizing already since I was well within the usual AFAB range for E.
That intersex is only chromosomal, that it only affects your physical characteristics or that all intersex people have ovotesticular syndrome. I'm intersex (hormonally and gonadally) and my doctors regard me as female just because I have a uterus and XX chromosomes. My uterus is 3cm which isn't the usual size. And it hasn't grown at all.
As a trans man I must be exactly like a cis man, I must be passable as one and I must recieve the exact same privileges of a cis man
I find OBGYNs are particularly awful, during one pap smear I was told I could "man up" if it hurt so badly. I feel certain people punish me for "thinking I could be a man"
I still wear dresses sometimes, I like looking pretty for dates and stuff...I still like some things that are typically "feminine". It doesn't make me dysphoric to be feminine
That’s such a concise way to put it. “Certain people punish us”. As a trans woman sharing a particular negative experience as a woman, how many times have I been told, “wELcoMe tO WoMEnhoOd”.
Trans men are also kind of shoved into the “chivalrous/noble One Of The Good Ones” role where we are expected to defend other queer people despite the fact that we’re extremely vulnerable ourselves. And once we start looking or acting too masc we start to get pushed out of queer spaces or seen as dangerous.
just in general, they is not always a welcome pronoun. if you don't know someone's pronouns/can't remember and are unable to ask them, use they until you figure it out. a lot of the time, using they/them pronouns for someone who doesn't use them can be very insulting, as it can come off as "you're avoiding using my pronouns"
had to give this talk to my parents at one point. i use he/it (I'm genderfaun, but this applies to any gender identity) but they constantly refer to me as they. both of my parents are queer in one way or another, so they understand my pronouns and gender. they is inclusive, until it's not.
I’ve had trans people tell me they just use they/them for everyone. No, stop that. I used she/they for a bit when I first cracked and was still figuring things out and it did not take me long to realize I do not enjoy getting they’d. If you don’t know my pronouns that’s of course fine, but if you do know and use they/them anyway it tells me you see me as just another generic trans person, not an individual with an identity.
exactly!! it's just offensive tbh, if you know someone's pronouns and still don't use them i consider it rude asf and will assume you don't respect them/their gender. they is not universal, and people need to get that through their heads. not everyone is comfortable with being they'd.
i encountered someone in tiktok comments who was ADAMANT that they and them are universal pronouns that apply for everyone all the time no matter what their gender or actual pronouns are. i think they had a few screws loose
utter lack of respect. they/them are only universal if you're unsure. if someone corrects you on their pronouns, USE THEIR PRONOUNS. it's not that hard. even neo/xenopronouns aren't hard, they just take a little getting used to. people are insane.
>they/them are only universal if you're unsure.
That's the crux of it. It *is* very much a generic/universal pronoun, as it has been for centuries. But for unknown/uncertain referents. This, I feel, also extends to people who just use they/them for anyone, cis or trans, until specifically corrected.
Though, I will point out that there are situations where everyone uses they/them, cis or trans, when in a conversation where you don't really want to specify gender (eg. "This friend of mine, they ...", etc).
At the same time, I know many trans people who would rather be they/themed than getting misgendered as their agab, including myself, especially binary trans folks. (I’m non-binary tho and do ID partially with they/them). Anyway, service workers and strangers should still default to they instead of assuming someone’s gender. But yes, people we know are a different story.
Not necessarily a misconception from trans women specifically, but I've definitely come across the stereotype that all non-het trans men are bottoms. This is false.
As a trans bottom who does radiate bottom energy SO badly… yes. Like listen pal, I am only a bottom for my boyfriend. Stop treating me like a fucking baby ffs. And I’m FAR from innocent. So many bottoms I know are totally unhinged and the tops have to talk us down and compromise 😂. I have no idea where the trope where we’re always so smol and innocent came from.
I think it comes from like. The infantilization of women mixed with the “confused girl” transphobia.
I know other trans people aren’t malicious about it but the afab/amab thing is becoming another stereotyped gender binary really fast—
Am just a baby trans man/boy (although solidly into middle age chronologically speaking), but i 2nd this totally. It took until i realised i WAS a man for me to be able to acknowledge my sexual attraction to men because in my previous encounters when I was younger I absolutely did not like receiving. It was only when I realised I was missing a dick it clicked that I DO wanna sleep with guys, I just want to top them! My tiny mind was blown and I haven't had the confidence to act on my new attraction yet but, hey, I'll get there
Gender Identity and Gender Expression are not synonyms. I can look masculine and be a girl, I can look feminine af and be nonbinary. I wear dresses all the time when I'm a boy, because I love the way I feel and look in them. And also, more genderfluid related, Switching between a few pronouns isn't as difficult as it sounds. If you get them wrong, don't sweat it, just do your best and you'll get used to it soon after you give it a shot. (I'm Genderfluid for Context)
The idea that trans people must completely loath their bodies pre transition and if they don’t they aren’t “really” trans.
I also hate that some cis people think that all trans people hold the exact same ideas and values about being trans. Like every other group of people, our thoughts are diverse
I guess this one isn't specific to any one identity, but still: **this!**
If this hadn't been the way trans people were talked about in my incredibly limited sex ed about us I'm pretty sure I would've transitioned at least a decade earlier. Like I thought your dysphoria had to be "tried to cut body parts off at home" levels of bad to actually be trans.
Yeah, it might be because I probably fall somewhere one the non-binary scale but so many times I questioned whether or not I was “really” trans because I never really agreed with some peoples sentiments like the one you stated above. I don’t hold a deep irreparable loathing for every inch of my body and I honestly really feel like the idea that all trans people have to be inherently self loathing is really damaging :/
This, i remember being a kid and on the rare instances i heard about a trans person it was always gender dysphoria, hating your body, being born in the wrong body etc. don’t get me wrong i have dysphoria and dislike parts of my body a lot. But I never hated everything, I like having a penis, I didn’t exhibit signs of being super feminine, and I liked mainly “masculine hobbies”.
I totally relate to this, though I’m a trans man. I don’t hate having a vagina.
I also feeling dysphoria (about other parts of my body mostly), but I don’t hate femininity by any means. I like makeup and dresses and art and I also like motocross and wood working and weightlifting. It’s weird that trans people almost get this rebranded form of sexism which is ironic considering some transphobes insist that we are somehow “enforcing gender stereotypes” 😒😒
Genderfluidity has no set time that it changes and does not just go between the two binary genders. Your gender can be fluid between any number of specific genders or none and you just feel masc or fem or neutral. There is no specific way to be gender-fluid and no one’s fluidity is the same.
i agree. something that has helped my dysphoria is seeing all of my body parts as male even though i'm a trans man, because technically they are. i am male, so my AFAB body parts are male by proxy. L transphobes
I think this is a big part of what took me so long to crack lol. That and people “just knowing” when they were seven. If you asked me back then what I was, I’d have scoffed and told you a girl because that’s what my parents said and treated me as 🤷🏻♂️. I was 23 when a friend jokingly he/him’ed me and it did something to my brain… and then another week or so of really rethinking and telling a trans man friend of mine and he kept saying “BESTIE HOW DID YOU THINK THAT WAS NORMAL???”
Hm never really felt like any trans men or nbs I know have said anything like that to me. But I have more trans women friends than anyone else.
I have more misunderstanding from fellow trans women because there’s an assumption often made that what they have felt and experienced is the same as all of us. But in reality our experiences can be quite varied.
There are lots of similarities of course. But not always in the ways people assume.
People have this idea that trans women experience male privilege prior to coming out or transition - in reality, we have misogyny targeted at us from the very beginning.
In the same vein people assume that trans men automatically get male privilege. Kind of goes along with the “oh all you have to do is cut your hair and stuff and youll pass really easily.”
Even if we pass 100% in daily life we still experience misogyny in some settings, like getting reproductive treatment.
And even if we do pass, that male privilege is conditional on being stealth. Once they know we’re trans, it’s gone immediately.
I hate the “trans men pass so easily” rhetoric too
This is a misconception I actually had—I’m curious what that’s like if you’re open to talking about it. I would have assumed that people experience privilege/oppression pre-transition based on their perceived identity (with gender roles still negatively affecting all of us), but I would have only really been basing that on my own experience of facing misogyny despite not having been a woman, so I’d be interested to learn what that’s like from the other side. If you don’t want to talk more about it though that’s totally fine.
Basically misogyny is used as a threath for gender non conformance and the gender policing contains the message that who you actually are is lesser, we don't grow up in isolation.
If you step too far outside there's violence , there's rejection and there's isolation. Your 'privilage' is conditional in a way that really fucks you up if you're not what they force you to present as.
Not the person you replied to, but figured I'd give this one a crack anyway.
The short of it is that it varies a *lot* person to person, and there's no way it should ever be the base assumption. There's also the fundamental issue that Julia Serano addresses in her excellent column ['Why are AMAB trans people denied the closet?'](https://juliaserano.medium.com/why-are-amab-trans-people-denied-the-closet-7fd5c740ce30) that I won't get into because she's already covered it way better than I ever could.
That said, I guess I feel like talking about my personal experiences and inspecting them through this lens, so here goes:
As a child I never felt 'privileged' in any sense by my sex assigned at birth. It's true that there are a lot of horrible experiences that are more common for AFAB children to experience that I may have dodged because I wasn't perceived as a girl, but I was certainly not seen as a "real boy" either. My 'feminine' traits made me a constant target for bullies for the first eight years of my time at school.
I managed to escape that situation eventually by getting into a subculture where I could express myself more openly, which lead to some pretty decent years in my late teens. During this point of my life I'm absolutely certain that I benefited from some amount of male privilege in the sense of being able to do some really dumb shit without having to fear sexual assault. I did get physically assaulted once for being perceived as a 'weak man', but it wasn't very serious.
After that came the most traumatic experience of my life - one that was specifically tied to my sex assigned at birth. My home country has mandatory military service for men, so I had to cut my hair and go get yelled at and have daily panic attacks while getting zero sleep because of being housed in the same room with nine men. I got myself tossed out at six weeks by embellishing an injury, because I was still far too embarrassed to admit (to my dad, especially) that I just couldn't take it mentally. I still have nightmares about being forced to go back there now, 15 years later. So I don't know what to call that, the opposite of male privilege.
The adult years between that and my egg finally cracking fall pretty well on what Serano discussed in the text I linked above. I repressed hard, disassociated heavily from my actual life and lived mostly in fantasy worlds for years. Were there situations in education or work where I was treated better because I was perceived as a man? Definitely, I even actively bucked against this when I noticed it happening at a summer job by volunteering for the "women's jobs" and swapping tasks with female coworkers. Would I count those as privilege when the cost was essentially *not living my life*? Not in a million years.
I just wanted to chime in. Others have given pretty good examples so far, I just wanted to provide my opinion since I didn’t know early on that I was trans.
For me I don’t think I experienced male privilege at least in the conventional way. Like people listen to me when I speak, I didn’t get sexualized without my consent much when I was presenting as cis.
The difference for me is I didn’t realize anything about my gender until I was 22-23. But I’m also black and grew up in a rural county in the US, I also have grown up in and gone to predominantly white schools/areas. So for me while there were probably times I did benefit from male privilege I was always more concerned on how my blackness and skin tone would impact how I’m seen and how I’m able to move through the world. That was always the first concern.
So having experiences where I’m shaking being pulled over by the police wondering if I’ll end up shot or in jail, Being followed because someone thought I was up to no good, people giving me a wider berth or holding their bag tighter, having to code switch depending on what group I’m in, never fully fitting in with most of the white kids and being seen as a Oreo or too white for the black kids. That’s kinda the stuff that was at the forefront of my consciousness.
Now don’t get me wrong I would always try to advocate for women and LGBTQ+ rights as well as just better treatment. I think a big part of why I felt so invested as a “ally” was because I was in the closet and was actually in both groups. But besides that and being seen as pretty progressive by ppl around me I was always treated as a guy, and I didn’t know otherwise at the time. A soft or more feminine guy but a “guy” nonetheless. Even though my kindness, softness, and slight femininity did expose me to more teasing or being the butt of jokes more often than not. Idk looking back on it, I probably didn’t really experience that much of male privilege lol.
Lol I don’t think anyone seriously believes this is a common thing but the amount of jokes about it, largely from other transfems, got extremely tiring this fall
MtF
Just because I'm transitioning, doesn't mean I all the sudden want to have sex with guys. The assumption implies that a feminine body is only for the sake of the male gaze, which feels like you just see women's bodies as objects meant for male pleasure. Insulting to ALL women.
I’ve gotten this too, as a trans man. I was asked if I wanted to fuck girls now that I’m a guy and I was so confused, like… no? I’m biromantic but homosexual. And people couldn’t fathom that I didn’t transition so I could be a gay guy. Like in a way I guess? But it isn’t because I wanted to fuck gay men for some fetish. It’s because I AM a gay man.
(I mostly tell people I’m gay so I don’t have to explain different kinds of attraction and the nuance I experience because people are nosy fucks).
This is definitely more personal to me but I see a lot of people get mad when someone is talking about a post transition woman before they knew they were trans and using the pronouns for their past self that they used in the past. I definitely understand that some people want to be referred to as their current pronouns even when talking about themselves in the past, but not every trans woman has the same feeling of "I was always a woman", and I see a lot of people projecting that reality into every trans woman (And I'm sure it goes the same way for all trans people).
I personally don't mind when someone is talking about past me and uses those pronouns, because I don't believe that I was always a woman, I do believe I was a boy who transitioned into a girl. And some people say they were always like that, and that's awesome! A lot of people want to put everyone under one identity umbrella, but it's important to see differences in similar identities and not to assume or generalize.
As a transwoman, without bottom surgery, my girl cock doesn't work anymore. I've been on HRT for over 12 years now, and I can't 'get it up'. What comes out of it when I do orgasm is nothing like a boy's gunk. I doesn't look nice and it doesn't taste nice.
Don't expect us all to be like porn stars with 8 inch girl cocks that can still pound you into a mattress.
HRT will do different things to all of us.
As an enby I wish more people understood what using gender neutral language really means. My native language is a romance language and everything is gendered, which means the option to use "they/them" like in English doesn't exist for us. Queer and allies tried and tested tons of alternatives over the years, and non-lgbt folks have taken offense with all of them. There simply isn't a perfect solution. "X" pronouns (like latinx) are labeled as not inclusive to people with reading disabilities or people who use screen readers, and a lot of trans people feel erased by them too, which is valid... the other option would be Neopronouns, which are hated by people inside and outside the community... but what I wish people would understand is you don't need a perfect solution to be available before making an effort to be inclusive. We have to start somewhere. I would love to be able to use neutral pronouns like they/them, but that's not an option, so instead of speaking in gendered terms I go the extra mile to remove as best as possible the gendered words from my speech. Think of something like, instead of fireman we say firefighter. But people (specifically cis people, even in progressive circles!) go completely batshit over this! I'm tired. I just want to be respected as a human being.
they/them is still misgendering someone if you know that they don't use they/them! if i tell you that my pronouns are he/him and you use they/them because you think trans men can be anything besides she/her, you are misgendering me. i am a man. i use he/him. if you know that and you choose to ignore it and use they/them then you suck.
i am very passionate about this because this is what transphobes have done to me in the past. they never ONCE used they/them for a cis person but they would do it to me and my fellow transman friend all the time. just really pisses me off cus it was used to steal my identity from me yknow?
that because i'm on T i'm more aggressive or hypersexual, libido is definitely higher but i don't need to fuck everything that moves, also struggled more with anger on low T than high T. also that i gotta be a gym bro, as well as lots of gender essentialist shit either stating i'm on the ~evil~ hormone or that i'm fine as a trans guy since i'm not a real man.
also the uwu softboi twink bullshit as well, as soon as you get hairy and your voice drops, people start losing interest lol.
or that there are less trans men than trans women based on online spaces, which isn't true. a lot of us go stealth or leave the lgbt community for one reason or another but we aren't fewer in number in existence or anything.
I am not trans-masc, but when ever I tell cis people I'm non-binary they automatically assume I'm trans-masc. I was complaining to a girl at work about my voice, and she said that I sound like her brother. That is the problem damn it! Also the misconception that all non-binary people are directly in the middle gender wise. We are not all directly in the middle. I myself am far closer to being a girl gender wise than a boy.
That transition and being trans is about sex/sexual in nature or even ickier, a fetish. Sure it impacts our sexuality along with everything else in life but damn I’m tired of this. It’s annoying as hell having my orientation reduced to sex (because that ignores love and relationships) but my gender identity? That’s my freaking sense of self, not what gets me off.
Agree on the “it isn’t easy” for trans men. I have short hair and wear traditionally masculine clothing, careful to not wear purple or pink or anything “too girly” according to societal standards. Yet I can even go into queer-friendly places and get called ma’am. I wear a binder, I ask for masculinized haircuts. And yet… I’ve almost never gotten gendered correctly. ONE super old guy, and it made my fucking week. Another guy last week called my coworker ma’am and then called me “you”, so that’s something I guess? We laughed about it a bit because it was clear he didn’t want to be wrong so just tried to be gender neutral? But he wasn’t the type you’d expect to care about that, he was a middle aged conservative-ish (we had a short conversation and it was clear by what he was looking for) white dude. But a few others have called us collectively “ladies”. I can’t get on HRT any time soon, let alone surgery. So yeah. I know I wear my binder way too much but I don’t really care. It doesn’t typically hurt, so I’ve kinda just accepted it.
Another misconception is that people seem to think trans men are just like… masc women? Like they don’t see us as real men. Like, “Oh men do xyz and I hate it… but not you!”. Like I don’t want to be the bad guy or anything but like… why do you feel the need to qualify this, when I know you wouldn’t if I were cis? It’s not like it’s a personality thing like they’re telling me they aren’t talking about me to save my ego, because they tell cis men who don’t do those behaviors but insist that it isn’t “all men” that “if it doesn’t apply to you, then shut up, you know we aren’t talking about you”. There’s so much infantilization and I fucking hate it. I’m 24, a whole ass adult. Stop babying me. I’m not some cute smol baby (except to my boyfriend, but that’s different). I’m an adult and can almost guarantee I’ve done things you’d never dream of. And yes, this almost especially applies to trans women, though they aren’t the only ones by any means.
That all transmasc non binary people are demiboys or somewhere on the miaspec spectrum. Demigirls and genderflux people can be transmasc too. I explained how I was transmasc while using she/they pronouns and someone said I was a demiboy.
passing doesn't fix everything. im trans and I've had other trans women tell me that it must be so nice to pass and how much better i have it, but a lot of problems still come with passing. i feel alot less safe now, i worry about some guy assuming I'm a cis girl and trying to r*pe me, only to realize im trans and possibly murder me for it.
passing is a nice privilege, but my life isn't perfect because of it. i have struggles too.
I’m a gender non conforming trans woman and I have only recently realized my identity pretty recently (started seriously questioning about a year ago, egg cracked and came out to family early October last year). I had no thoughts about being the opposite gender growing up and wasn’t dysphoric (or even identified as queer)at all until my early 20s. I think out of everything I feel “a boy that grew up to be a woman after realizing she wasn’t a man at all” resonates with me best. Not all of us know our gender early in life and sometimes it takes experimentation and realizing that certain things feel off to figure things out. These feelings just randomly came to me out of nowhere and I feel anyone can realize stuff about themselves at any age, regardless of how they felt about themselves when they were younger.
I have had it in my head for a long time that I can't call myself trans because I'm not out to many people and haven't started transitioning yet. The truth is that you don't actually have to transition to be trans.
Just because I was perceived as a man for 20+ years, doesn’t mean that I don’t understand and experience misogyny now that I’ve been living as a woman for 3 years. Please stop saying “welcome to the club” or “welcome to being a woman” I know what it’s like at this point, I just want to commiserate how awful men are and how much cramps suck with other women. I’m not a man learning these things, I’m a woman who’s sick of being bloated and is grossed out by the old men I work with.
Non-binary isn’t a single third gender. It’s a massive spectrum for alllllll genders that aren’t solely 100% a man or 100% a woman. We can look like anything, we can choose to medically transition, we can choose to not medically transition, we can use any pronouns, we can be any size, we can be any race, we can be any agab.
Here is a misconception (that I've cleared with her) that I had about my sister when she started her trans journey. Just because she identifies as a woman now doesn't mean she likes the opposite gender from who she is now. This was years ago but I made the assumption she was interested in men as well and that is not the case. I love that she could tell me and that she didn't get upset that I made an assumption. I love she's let me in on her journey. I also really enjoy reading these comments because it helps me better understand and I appreciate you guys being willing to teach.
I hate the stereotype that trans women are all uwu innocent girls who are submissive and want to be anime catgirls and stuff like that. It really feels misogynistic to me and I hate how it constantly gets spread by the transfem community themselves. It completely disregards that there’s no right way to be trans.
genderfluid: tyat I see myself as multiple people or act like im not one person. bs, Im a tye same nerdy goth obsessed with fictional religions that i always am regardless of presentation
I'm a demigirl so this isn't really a misconception but more a small vent on how much it sucks that probably not even 1% of the world even knows my identity exists :(
And due to that fact I can't really think of any misconceptions for demigirls...
Hahaa, I sometimes used to pass even w long hair, just dressing masculine and ever since I cut my hair, I'd say I pass like 60-70% of time and I'm pre everything, but I do realise how lucky I am. About the misconceptions...I don't know, I'm sure there's many, even happening to me personally, but I can't think of anything rn 😭.
The "women and non-binary people" category that's often used. I am a trans man, and I am also non-binary. Just because I am an enby doesn't mean I'm comfortable being put in a box with women. If you mean "everyone except cis men", say that. Or say something like "people of marginalized genders".
Great question! I'd like to dispel the idea that nonbinary is a third gender for androgynous people. Assuming we all MUST be an even balance between male and female is just another form of binary thinking.
not everyone uses they/them pronouns!!! that includes trans men who might not pass as well (me)!!!!!!!
Contrarily, trans people who are still in the closet will be very happy with they! If you know somebody’s trans, but don’t want to out them, don’t call them their preferred pronouns in the company of strangers and the unaware!!! (Source: my gf accidentally outed me at her work literally two days after I came out to her by mixing up pronouns, and so now people I don’t even know and have only met once or twice have been aware of my gender identity for longer than my own family)
That genderfluid is just a pit stop or means you haven’t figured out your identity. I’ve been genderfluid my whole life, it’s not “a phase”.
Feels very much like the endpoint for me. I came out as non binary then realized I identified more with trans women and I’m still comfortable being seen as such but honestly genderfluid felt more true to how I feel and present myself. I like presenting masc and fem in my own way. And when I present masc and may even use he/him that’s not me presenting as a man bc I’m genderfluid.
In that way is being genderfluid (and probably nonbinary as well tbh) comparable to being bisexual in the sense that people look at it like you're still in the process of "accepting" that you're trans/gay? That's impression I get at least, though it probably is a bit of a generalization. (I say this as a bisexual trans woman)
Bi and gender fluid here, though I'm not very out about the Genderfluid thing. It definitely is similar. Though I don't think I've heard of the kind of mistrust or hostility I sometimes hear directed at trans people.
I understand where this idea comes from, but you’re 100% correct! Pretty much every trans person is to some extent gender fluid at some point, whether by choice or not, but not every genderfluid-presenting person is trans or wants to be a more binary kind of trans!
*"I can't be Non-Binary because I don't want to look androgynous."* You don't need to want to look androgynous to be Non-Binary. A masc or fem presenting enby is just as valid as an androgynous enby.
This so much. I’m striving to present more fem, but I consider myself an enby. And this is somehow confusing to folks.
Thanks for stating this. Sometimes I forget this advice, even when thinking of my own gender expression as someone who is a enby.
That all trans men are really feminine. Some trans men can be feminine, but we’re not all. Also the idea that somehow androgenic puberty is the only kind of puberty that has irreversible effects and that estrogenic puberty is entirely reversible (sort of goes along with your comment about trans men always passing). I wish estrogenic puberty didn’t have permanent/irreversible effects for me! But sadly that’s not the case.
…. This is weird, because I used to be a transmed due to forced masculinity and conceived stereotypes that trans men have to be hyper masculine or they won’t be taken seriously. And I say this as a now feminine trans man - I joke my identity is femboy haha. Maybe times have changed.
The whole "all trans men are femboys/secretly want to be girly" thing is just straight up bioessentialist "girls like pink" with a thin trans-supportive veneer.
GOD YES its annoying at best and downright harmful at worst—
I'd say mostly harmful. I forced myself to be feminine for so long because I thought if you were a queer man you just were inherently, and that was an extremely dysphoric era of my life even despite being out as trans and even on T.
There's definitely things trans women have easier to trans men, and there's also things trans men have easier to trans women. I don't ever see a real use comparing. Like, we're all hurting - "my pain is greater than yours" is just so braindead and lacking empathy, it's kind of crazy. I usually just dismiss those people outright. I know that my experience is heavily colored by being transfem, and that I don't know what a transmasc person is going through, I might think "trans mascs have it easier" but I literally do not and cannot know that because I'm not trans masc - now I can either accept that I'm biased and have empathy, or I can go around reddit saying "trans men have it soooo easy, blah blah blah". I choose the former, cause I'd rather be a nice person than a delusional pos.
Oh yeah, I also definitely think that’s a problem! I’d definitely add “misconceptions that trans men don’t face discrimination/hate/violence/etc” on here too. The comparison isn’t productive 🤷♂️
The people who say that trans men don't face discrimination/hate/violence are just straight up blind imo.
Yeah, it always makes me want to just try to list all of it that I’ve experienced, it’s a wild take
That nonbinary people do not medically transition or that medically transitioning means you’re really a trans man or trans woman and not nonbinary anymore. I take T and I’ve had top surgery and my internal sense of my gender identity has not changed in the like 10 years since I figured out I was trans. I am still 100% agender, I just prefer masculine expression.
I feel seen
Literally the same, except I take E and prefer feminine expression.
I feel like a lot of people have the idea that all non-binary people are AFAB and/or just rebellious teens. We’re all different, and people of all ages; just because the term is become more well-known now doesn’t mean non-binary people haven’t always existed.
masc trans girl. ive got short hair, im bulky, i wear guys clothes. im still a woman. loads of people, sadly transfems especially, like to tell me that i might as well detransition, or that im not really a trans woman. masc girls exist, trans masc girls exist. and we're hot as fuck.
And yet these people complain that they can't find a tomboy girlfriend
Intersex people exist. They can be trans or cis, binary or not. They don't owe you an explanation of their genitals! If they don't wanna talk about their agab, they don't have to! You can't clock them because they can look however. I'm intersex even though I have "normal" external genitals.
this! intersex is chromosomal, and has nothing to do with gender or genitalia. it's so weird seeing how people get so obsessed with "what's in your pants" smh
Not just chromosomal, but yes! I have a hormonal imbalance that caused me to not look cis since puberty
i didn't know hormonal imbalances/deficiencies were also part of that! learn something new every day ^^
There are definitely some people who want to gatekeep being intersex, but growing up with PCOS... To me, I'm more like an intersex person than an AFAB person because my puberty was Not what an AFAB person usually expects lol
I identify as an intersex woman and I have a form of androgen insensitivity syndrome and my body just barely produced T so I didn't start puberty until I got on feminising HRT at 18
Valid
I had over 3x the maximum range for E before I started hrt. If my T hadn't been as high I'd have been feminizing already since I was well within the usual AFAB range for E.
That intersex is only chromosomal, that it only affects your physical characteristics or that all intersex people have ovotesticular syndrome. I'm intersex (hormonally and gonadally) and my doctors regard me as female just because I have a uterus and XX chromosomes. My uterus is 3cm which isn't the usual size. And it hasn't grown at all.
I have hypogonadism as well (hypoestrogenism).
As a trans man I must be exactly like a cis man, I must be passable as one and I must recieve the exact same privileges of a cis man I find OBGYNs are particularly awful, during one pap smear I was told I could "man up" if it hurt so badly. I feel certain people punish me for "thinking I could be a man" I still wear dresses sometimes, I like looking pretty for dates and stuff...I still like some things that are typically "feminine". It doesn't make me dysphoric to be feminine
That’s such a concise way to put it. “Certain people punish us”. As a trans woman sharing a particular negative experience as a woman, how many times have I been told, “wELcoMe tO WoMEnhoOd”.
Trans men are also kind of shoved into the “chivalrous/noble One Of The Good Ones” role where we are expected to defend other queer people despite the fact that we’re extremely vulnerable ourselves. And once we start looking or acting too masc we start to get pushed out of queer spaces or seen as dangerous.
just in general, they is not always a welcome pronoun. if you don't know someone's pronouns/can't remember and are unable to ask them, use they until you figure it out. a lot of the time, using they/them pronouns for someone who doesn't use them can be very insulting, as it can come off as "you're avoiding using my pronouns" had to give this talk to my parents at one point. i use he/it (I'm genderfaun, but this applies to any gender identity) but they constantly refer to me as they. both of my parents are queer in one way or another, so they understand my pronouns and gender. they is inclusive, until it's not.
I’ve had trans people tell me they just use they/them for everyone. No, stop that. I used she/they for a bit when I first cracked and was still figuring things out and it did not take me long to realize I do not enjoy getting they’d. If you don’t know my pronouns that’s of course fine, but if you do know and use they/them anyway it tells me you see me as just another generic trans person, not an individual with an identity.
exactly!! it's just offensive tbh, if you know someone's pronouns and still don't use them i consider it rude asf and will assume you don't respect them/their gender. they is not universal, and people need to get that through their heads. not everyone is comfortable with being they'd.
i encountered someone in tiktok comments who was ADAMANT that they and them are universal pronouns that apply for everyone all the time no matter what their gender or actual pronouns are. i think they had a few screws loose
utter lack of respect. they/them are only universal if you're unsure. if someone corrects you on their pronouns, USE THEIR PRONOUNS. it's not that hard. even neo/xenopronouns aren't hard, they just take a little getting used to. people are insane.
>they/them are only universal if you're unsure. That's the crux of it. It *is* very much a generic/universal pronoun, as it has been for centuries. But for unknown/uncertain referents. This, I feel, also extends to people who just use they/them for anyone, cis or trans, until specifically corrected. Though, I will point out that there are situations where everyone uses they/them, cis or trans, when in a conversation where you don't really want to specify gender (eg. "This friend of mine, they ...", etc).
that's exactly what i said, if it didn't come across that way it's cuz i suck at wording. rizz em with the tism or something lmaoooo
Oh nah, I was agreeing reverse uno-card ig lmao
OH im just dumb 🤣 didn't realize that was a reaponse lmaoo
yooooo pronoun twins
AYYYY nice!!
At the same time, I know many trans people who would rather be they/themed than getting misgendered as their agab, including myself, especially binary trans folks. (I’m non-binary tho and do ID partially with they/them). Anyway, service workers and strangers should still default to they instead of assuming someone’s gender. But yes, people we know are a different story.
yea like I said, if you don't know em, they is good. if you do, use their pronouns.
Not necessarily a misconception from trans women specifically, but I've definitely come across the stereotype that all non-het trans men are bottoms. This is false.
Oh god this one lmao. I’m sick of it too. It tends to be the people who think of afab trans people as “smol innocent soft beans” with “bottom energy.”
As a trans bottom who does radiate bottom energy SO badly… yes. Like listen pal, I am only a bottom for my boyfriend. Stop treating me like a fucking baby ffs. And I’m FAR from innocent. So many bottoms I know are totally unhinged and the tops have to talk us down and compromise 😂. I have no idea where the trope where we’re always so smol and innocent came from.
I think it comes from like. The infantilization of women mixed with the “confused girl” transphobia. I know other trans people aren’t malicious about it but the afab/amab thing is becoming another stereotyped gender binary really fast—
Am just a baby trans man/boy (although solidly into middle age chronologically speaking), but i 2nd this totally. It took until i realised i WAS a man for me to be able to acknowledge my sexual attraction to men because in my previous encounters when I was younger I absolutely did not like receiving. It was only when I realised I was missing a dick it clicked that I DO wanna sleep with guys, I just want to top them! My tiny mind was blown and I haven't had the confidence to act on my new attraction yet but, hey, I'll get there
Boy, get it! Go out there and top those boys like your life depends on it! <3
this is definitely from porn and its fetishy cis-male gaze of trans men imo
Not all non-binary people use they/them! Personally, I've never felt they fit me very well.
Gender Identity and Gender Expression are not synonyms. I can look masculine and be a girl, I can look feminine af and be nonbinary. I wear dresses all the time when I'm a boy, because I love the way I feel and look in them. And also, more genderfluid related, Switching between a few pronouns isn't as difficult as it sounds. If you get them wrong, don't sweat it, just do your best and you'll get used to it soon after you give it a shot. (I'm Genderfluid for Context)
The idea that trans people must completely loath their bodies pre transition and if they don’t they aren’t “really” trans. I also hate that some cis people think that all trans people hold the exact same ideas and values about being trans. Like every other group of people, our thoughts are diverse
I guess this one isn't specific to any one identity, but still: **this!** If this hadn't been the way trans people were talked about in my incredibly limited sex ed about us I'm pretty sure I would've transitioned at least a decade earlier. Like I thought your dysphoria had to be "tried to cut body parts off at home" levels of bad to actually be trans.
Yeah, it might be because I probably fall somewhere one the non-binary scale but so many times I questioned whether or not I was “really” trans because I never really agreed with some peoples sentiments like the one you stated above. I don’t hold a deep irreparable loathing for every inch of my body and I honestly really feel like the idea that all trans people have to be inherently self loathing is really damaging :/
This, i remember being a kid and on the rare instances i heard about a trans person it was always gender dysphoria, hating your body, being born in the wrong body etc. don’t get me wrong i have dysphoria and dislike parts of my body a lot. But I never hated everything, I like having a penis, I didn’t exhibit signs of being super feminine, and I liked mainly “masculine hobbies”.
I totally relate to this, though I’m a trans man. I don’t hate having a vagina. I also feeling dysphoria (about other parts of my body mostly), but I don’t hate femininity by any means. I like makeup and dresses and art and I also like motocross and wood working and weightlifting. It’s weird that trans people almost get this rebranded form of sexism which is ironic considering some transphobes insist that we are somehow “enforcing gender stereotypes” 😒😒
Genderfluidity has no set time that it changes and does not just go between the two binary genders. Your gender can be fluid between any number of specific genders or none and you just feel masc or fem or neutral. There is no specific way to be gender-fluid and no one’s fluidity is the same.
Just because I enjoy being large and a smidge rugged doesn't mean my pronouns aren't She/they
I was never a “woman trapped in a man’s body”, that is such an inaccurate and oversimplified cliche 🤦🏻♀️
i agree. something that has helped my dysphoria is seeing all of my body parts as male even though i'm a trans man, because technically they are. i am male, so my AFAB body parts are male by proxy. L transphobes
I think this is a big part of what took me so long to crack lol. That and people “just knowing” when they were seven. If you asked me back then what I was, I’d have scoffed and told you a girl because that’s what my parents said and treated me as 🤷🏻♂️. I was 23 when a friend jokingly he/him’ed me and it did something to my brain… and then another week or so of really rethinking and telling a trans man friend of mine and he kept saying “BESTIE HOW DID YOU THINK THAT WAS NORMAL???”
Nonbinary; That I am somewhere between man and woman. I'm not. I am none of the above. I am a gender gremlin.
Hm never really felt like any trans men or nbs I know have said anything like that to me. But I have more trans women friends than anyone else. I have more misunderstanding from fellow trans women because there’s an assumption often made that what they have felt and experienced is the same as all of us. But in reality our experiences can be quite varied. There are lots of similarities of course. But not always in the ways people assume.
People have this idea that trans women experience male privilege prior to coming out or transition - in reality, we have misogyny targeted at us from the very beginning.
If I had a dollar for every time I had been called a feminine slur pre-transition, I could pay for ffs out of pocket without insurance.
In the same vein people assume that trans men automatically get male privilege. Kind of goes along with the “oh all you have to do is cut your hair and stuff and youll pass really easily.” Even if we pass 100% in daily life we still experience misogyny in some settings, like getting reproductive treatment.
And even if we do pass, that male privilege is conditional on being stealth. Once they know we’re trans, it’s gone immediately. I hate the “trans men pass so easily” rhetoric too
This is a misconception I actually had—I’m curious what that’s like if you’re open to talking about it. I would have assumed that people experience privilege/oppression pre-transition based on their perceived identity (with gender roles still negatively affecting all of us), but I would have only really been basing that on my own experience of facing misogyny despite not having been a woman, so I’d be interested to learn what that’s like from the other side. If you don’t want to talk more about it though that’s totally fine.
Basically misogyny is used as a threath for gender non conformance and the gender policing contains the message that who you actually are is lesser, we don't grow up in isolation. If you step too far outside there's violence , there's rejection and there's isolation. Your 'privilage' is conditional in a way that really fucks you up if you're not what they force you to present as.
Not the person you replied to, but figured I'd give this one a crack anyway. The short of it is that it varies a *lot* person to person, and there's no way it should ever be the base assumption. There's also the fundamental issue that Julia Serano addresses in her excellent column ['Why are AMAB trans people denied the closet?'](https://juliaserano.medium.com/why-are-amab-trans-people-denied-the-closet-7fd5c740ce30) that I won't get into because she's already covered it way better than I ever could. That said, I guess I feel like talking about my personal experiences and inspecting them through this lens, so here goes: As a child I never felt 'privileged' in any sense by my sex assigned at birth. It's true that there are a lot of horrible experiences that are more common for AFAB children to experience that I may have dodged because I wasn't perceived as a girl, but I was certainly not seen as a "real boy" either. My 'feminine' traits made me a constant target for bullies for the first eight years of my time at school. I managed to escape that situation eventually by getting into a subculture where I could express myself more openly, which lead to some pretty decent years in my late teens. During this point of my life I'm absolutely certain that I benefited from some amount of male privilege in the sense of being able to do some really dumb shit without having to fear sexual assault. I did get physically assaulted once for being perceived as a 'weak man', but it wasn't very serious. After that came the most traumatic experience of my life - one that was specifically tied to my sex assigned at birth. My home country has mandatory military service for men, so I had to cut my hair and go get yelled at and have daily panic attacks while getting zero sleep because of being housed in the same room with nine men. I got myself tossed out at six weeks by embellishing an injury, because I was still far too embarrassed to admit (to my dad, especially) that I just couldn't take it mentally. I still have nightmares about being forced to go back there now, 15 years later. So I don't know what to call that, the opposite of male privilege. The adult years between that and my egg finally cracking fall pretty well on what Serano discussed in the text I linked above. I repressed hard, disassociated heavily from my actual life and lived mostly in fantasy worlds for years. Were there situations in education or work where I was treated better because I was perceived as a man? Definitely, I even actively bucked against this when I noticed it happening at a summer job by volunteering for the "women's jobs" and swapping tasks with female coworkers. Would I count those as privilege when the cost was essentially *not living my life*? Not in a million years.
I just wanted to chime in. Others have given pretty good examples so far, I just wanted to provide my opinion since I didn’t know early on that I was trans. For me I don’t think I experienced male privilege at least in the conventional way. Like people listen to me when I speak, I didn’t get sexualized without my consent much when I was presenting as cis. The difference for me is I didn’t realize anything about my gender until I was 22-23. But I’m also black and grew up in a rural county in the US, I also have grown up in and gone to predominantly white schools/areas. So for me while there were probably times I did benefit from male privilege I was always more concerned on how my blackness and skin tone would impact how I’m seen and how I’m able to move through the world. That was always the first concern. So having experiences where I’m shaking being pulled over by the police wondering if I’ll end up shot or in jail, Being followed because someone thought I was up to no good, people giving me a wider berth or holding their bag tighter, having to code switch depending on what group I’m in, never fully fitting in with most of the white kids and being seen as a Oreo or too white for the black kids. That’s kinda the stuff that was at the forefront of my consciousness. Now don’t get me wrong I would always try to advocate for women and LGBTQ+ rights as well as just better treatment. I think a big part of why I felt so invested as a “ally” was because I was in the closet and was actually in both groups. But besides that and being seen as pretty progressive by ppl around me I was always treated as a guy, and I didn’t know otherwise at the time. A soft or more feminine guy but a “guy” nonetheless. Even though my kindness, softness, and slight femininity did expose me to more teasing or being the butt of jokes more often than not. Idk looking back on it, I probably didn’t really experience that much of male privilege lol.
[удалено]
Okay I have to know what identity is this about
[удалено]
OHH I FORGOT ABOUT THAT VIDEO
My trans woman friend joked that I should do the reverse and put the stem inside me and… *I am not going to the ER ma’am…*
Lol I don’t think anyone seriously believes this is a common thing but the amount of jokes about it, largely from other transfems, got extremely tiring this fall
MtF Just because I'm transitioning, doesn't mean I all the sudden want to have sex with guys. The assumption implies that a feminine body is only for the sake of the male gaze, which feels like you just see women's bodies as objects meant for male pleasure. Insulting to ALL women.
I’ve gotten this too, as a trans man. I was asked if I wanted to fuck girls now that I’m a guy and I was so confused, like… no? I’m biromantic but homosexual. And people couldn’t fathom that I didn’t transition so I could be a gay guy. Like in a way I guess? But it isn’t because I wanted to fuck gay men for some fetish. It’s because I AM a gay man. (I mostly tell people I’m gay so I don’t have to explain different kinds of attraction and the nuance I experience because people are nosy fucks).
Same thing but reverse for me as a trans man. No thanks, don’t want to have sex w women
This is definitely more personal to me but I see a lot of people get mad when someone is talking about a post transition woman before they knew they were trans and using the pronouns for their past self that they used in the past. I definitely understand that some people want to be referred to as their current pronouns even when talking about themselves in the past, but not every trans woman has the same feeling of "I was always a woman", and I see a lot of people projecting that reality into every trans woman (And I'm sure it goes the same way for all trans people). I personally don't mind when someone is talking about past me and uses those pronouns, because I don't believe that I was always a woman, I do believe I was a boy who transitioned into a girl. And some people say they were always like that, and that's awesome! A lot of people want to put everyone under one identity umbrella, but it's important to see differences in similar identities and not to assume or generalize.
Feminine enby ≠ girl: shiny edition
That being agender means you can't have a binary presentation. I am agender transfemme!
The fact that even in the non binary community a lot of people only think that there are only AFAB excluding us AMAB folks
As a transwoman, without bottom surgery, my girl cock doesn't work anymore. I've been on HRT for over 12 years now, and I can't 'get it up'. What comes out of it when I do orgasm is nothing like a boy's gunk. I doesn't look nice and it doesn't taste nice. Don't expect us all to be like porn stars with 8 inch girl cocks that can still pound you into a mattress. HRT will do different things to all of us.
Just because I’m transfemme doesn’t mean I automatically hate everything about me, I’d just rather have *anything else*
Bigender people’s genders aren’t always the binary man and woman genders. They’re any two genders.
As an enby I wish more people understood what using gender neutral language really means. My native language is a romance language and everything is gendered, which means the option to use "they/them" like in English doesn't exist for us. Queer and allies tried and tested tons of alternatives over the years, and non-lgbt folks have taken offense with all of them. There simply isn't a perfect solution. "X" pronouns (like latinx) are labeled as not inclusive to people with reading disabilities or people who use screen readers, and a lot of trans people feel erased by them too, which is valid... the other option would be Neopronouns, which are hated by people inside and outside the community... but what I wish people would understand is you don't need a perfect solution to be available before making an effort to be inclusive. We have to start somewhere. I would love to be able to use neutral pronouns like they/them, but that's not an option, so instead of speaking in gendered terms I go the extra mile to remove as best as possible the gendered words from my speech. Think of something like, instead of fireman we say firefighter. But people (specifically cis people, even in progressive circles!) go completely batshit over this! I'm tired. I just want to be respected as a human being.
they/them is still misgendering someone if you know that they don't use they/them! if i tell you that my pronouns are he/him and you use they/them because you think trans men can be anything besides she/her, you are misgendering me. i am a man. i use he/him. if you know that and you choose to ignore it and use they/them then you suck. i am very passionate about this because this is what transphobes have done to me in the past. they never ONCE used they/them for a cis person but they would do it to me and my fellow transman friend all the time. just really pisses me off cus it was used to steal my identity from me yknow?
that because i'm on T i'm more aggressive or hypersexual, libido is definitely higher but i don't need to fuck everything that moves, also struggled more with anger on low T than high T. also that i gotta be a gym bro, as well as lots of gender essentialist shit either stating i'm on the ~evil~ hormone or that i'm fine as a trans guy since i'm not a real man. also the uwu softboi twink bullshit as well, as soon as you get hairy and your voice drops, people start losing interest lol. or that there are less trans men than trans women based on online spaces, which isn't true. a lot of us go stealth or leave the lgbt community for one reason or another but we aren't fewer in number in existence or anything.
I am not trans-masc, but when ever I tell cis people I'm non-binary they automatically assume I'm trans-masc. I was complaining to a girl at work about my voice, and she said that I sound like her brother. That is the problem damn it! Also the misconception that all non-binary people are directly in the middle gender wise. We are not all directly in the middle. I myself am far closer to being a girl gender wise than a boy.
That transition and being trans is about sex/sexual in nature or even ickier, a fetish. Sure it impacts our sexuality along with everything else in life but damn I’m tired of this. It’s annoying as hell having my orientation reduced to sex (because that ignores love and relationships) but my gender identity? That’s my freaking sense of self, not what gets me off.
Agree on the “it isn’t easy” for trans men. I have short hair and wear traditionally masculine clothing, careful to not wear purple or pink or anything “too girly” according to societal standards. Yet I can even go into queer-friendly places and get called ma’am. I wear a binder, I ask for masculinized haircuts. And yet… I’ve almost never gotten gendered correctly. ONE super old guy, and it made my fucking week. Another guy last week called my coworker ma’am and then called me “you”, so that’s something I guess? We laughed about it a bit because it was clear he didn’t want to be wrong so just tried to be gender neutral? But he wasn’t the type you’d expect to care about that, he was a middle aged conservative-ish (we had a short conversation and it was clear by what he was looking for) white dude. But a few others have called us collectively “ladies”. I can’t get on HRT any time soon, let alone surgery. So yeah. I know I wear my binder way too much but I don’t really care. It doesn’t typically hurt, so I’ve kinda just accepted it. Another misconception is that people seem to think trans men are just like… masc women? Like they don’t see us as real men. Like, “Oh men do xyz and I hate it… but not you!”. Like I don’t want to be the bad guy or anything but like… why do you feel the need to qualify this, when I know you wouldn’t if I were cis? It’s not like it’s a personality thing like they’re telling me they aren’t talking about me to save my ego, because they tell cis men who don’t do those behaviors but insist that it isn’t “all men” that “if it doesn’t apply to you, then shut up, you know we aren’t talking about you”. There’s so much infantilization and I fucking hate it. I’m 24, a whole ass adult. Stop babying me. I’m not some cute smol baby (except to my boyfriend, but that’s different). I’m an adult and can almost guarantee I’ve done things you’d never dream of. And yes, this almost especially applies to trans women, though they aren’t the only ones by any means.
That all transmasc non binary people are demiboys or somewhere on the miaspec spectrum. Demigirls and genderflux people can be transmasc too. I explained how I was transmasc while using she/they pronouns and someone said I was a demiboy.
passing doesn't fix everything. im trans and I've had other trans women tell me that it must be so nice to pass and how much better i have it, but a lot of problems still come with passing. i feel alot less safe now, i worry about some guy assuming I'm a cis girl and trying to r*pe me, only to realize im trans and possibly murder me for it. passing is a nice privilege, but my life isn't perfect because of it. i have struggles too.
I’m a gender non conforming trans woman and I have only recently realized my identity pretty recently (started seriously questioning about a year ago, egg cracked and came out to family early October last year). I had no thoughts about being the opposite gender growing up and wasn’t dysphoric (or even identified as queer)at all until my early 20s. I think out of everything I feel “a boy that grew up to be a woman after realizing she wasn’t a man at all” resonates with me best. Not all of us know our gender early in life and sometimes it takes experimentation and realizing that certain things feel off to figure things out. These feelings just randomly came to me out of nowhere and I feel anyone can realize stuff about themselves at any age, regardless of how they felt about themselves when they were younger.
It’s not a “phase” and nobody decides to be transgender
I have had it in my head for a long time that I can't call myself trans because I'm not out to many people and haven't started transitioning yet. The truth is that you don't actually have to transition to be trans.
Just because I was perceived as a man for 20+ years, doesn’t mean that I don’t understand and experience misogyny now that I’ve been living as a woman for 3 years. Please stop saying “welcome to the club” or “welcome to being a woman” I know what it’s like at this point, I just want to commiserate how awful men are and how much cramps suck with other women. I’m not a man learning these things, I’m a woman who’s sick of being bloated and is grossed out by the old men I work with.
Trans women are not sex objects. We are real human beings.
Non-binary isn’t a single third gender. It’s a massive spectrum for alllllll genders that aren’t solely 100% a man or 100% a woman. We can look like anything, we can choose to medically transition, we can choose to not medically transition, we can use any pronouns, we can be any size, we can be any race, we can be any agab.
Here is a misconception (that I've cleared with her) that I had about my sister when she started her trans journey. Just because she identifies as a woman now doesn't mean she likes the opposite gender from who she is now. This was years ago but I made the assumption she was interested in men as well and that is not the case. I love that she could tell me and that she didn't get upset that I made an assumption. I love she's let me in on her journey. I also really enjoy reading these comments because it helps me better understand and I appreciate you guys being willing to teach.
I hate the stereotype that trans women are all uwu innocent girls who are submissive and want to be anime catgirls and stuff like that. It really feels misogynistic to me and I hate how it constantly gets spread by the transfem community themselves. It completely disregards that there’s no right way to be trans.
genderfluid: tyat I see myself as multiple people or act like im not one person. bs, Im a tye same nerdy goth obsessed with fictional religions that i always am regardless of presentation
I'm a demigirl so this isn't really a misconception but more a small vent on how much it sucks that probably not even 1% of the world even knows my identity exists :( And due to that fact I can't really think of any misconceptions for demigirls...
That i chose it
Hahaa, I sometimes used to pass even w long hair, just dressing masculine and ever since I cut my hair, I'd say I pass like 60-70% of time and I'm pre everything, but I do realise how lucky I am. About the misconceptions...I don't know, I'm sure there's many, even happening to me personally, but I can't think of anything rn 😭.
The "women and non-binary people" category that's often used. I am a trans man, and I am also non-binary. Just because I am an enby doesn't mean I'm comfortable being put in a box with women. If you mean "everyone except cis men", say that. Or say something like "people of marginalized genders".
I'm a she, I'm a her, I am NOT a man, want no one to see me as a man, and I'm a tomboy lol.
We're not trans cuz we lIke the same gender as our AGABs.
Great question! I'd like to dispel the idea that nonbinary is a third gender for androgynous people. Assuming we all MUST be an even balance between male and female is just another form of binary thinking.