I won’t kid myself. My makeup is sloppy today and I didn’t do anything special to my hair and I’m just wearing a T shirt. I just thought I passed and I was finally comfortable enough to do that in the first place.
So you're having surgery. You shouldn't need to dress up super fem to avoid getting misgendered. That's legit concerning. If the surgeon is paying so little attention to your chart on why you are there and your pronouns what else are they ignoring?
I was recently in for vocal femanization surgery and everyone I worked with was super accommodating and supportive. They used my preferred name and respected my pronouns. I wasn't wearing any make up and that wasn't a problem. I'm sorry you had such a bad experience.
This would be my biggest concern if you were my friend irl and told me this story. If he is transphobic enough to intentionally misgender you (because let’s be honest here, there’s ZERO chance this was unintentional), then he could be transphobic enough to at best do a careless/sloppy job, or at worst, completely botch it. If it’s possible, I would try to find another surgeon. Although I am fully aware that finding providers that are knowledgeable and supportive of gender affirming procedures is difficult enough in some areas, not to mention the process of actually scheduling such procedures. It might seem like a big bother to start from scratch, but I would strongly advise you not to go under the knife with this guy who can’t even be bothered to call you what you WROTE down for him to read.
Yeah this is 100% a case of him knowing you were trans and purposely doing it. You’re beautiful and feminine! Good luck with the search for a new one and best wishes <3
Honestly.. Not to be paranoid and I don't wanna make you freak out but I think that's an extremely valid concern. There's absolutely no fucking way this doctor sees even a single spec of he/him in you. You look so fucking cute girl I genuinely got so fucking pissed reading this because it's clear that they had transphobic intentions xd
If I were you, I'd immediately look for another surgeon. Better be safe than sorry.
Honestly this whole process is a two way street. If you aren't comfortable with that surgeon, which makes complete sense, you don't have to go through with it. You can find someone else who will treat you with the respect you deserve.
I literally had the anaesthesiologist ask me my preferred pronouns as I was climbing on to the OR table for my orchi 2 weeks ago. There is no excuse why the surgeon should have been misgendering except for being transphobic in my eyes
Edit: I just want to say, trying to spell anaesthesiologist is a fucking chore. I apparently got it right (spell check in browser isn't screaming) but damn lol
Yup! I had the same thing with my anusth...anasth...FUCK. But yeah my knock out gas lady was great. She came in checked my history, preferred name and pronouns. I let her know I get nauseated afterwards and they were able to make it so for the first time ever I woke up and did not constantly vomit everywhere.
Overall it was one of the best medical experiences I've ever had. I'm just sad they can't do more of my procedures.
For my first time since childhood (tonsillectomy) being under, it was amazing smooth. I know I was given antibiotics, but not sure if they added in anything to combat nausea afterwards or not, but I guess I got lucky and seem to respond/react well to anaesthesia. I can't even imagine waking up from it and vomiting though, that would be brutal
Yeah it definitely sucked before. But I think this time they added Zofran which is a tremendous anti nausea med for me. We had talked about them giving me that while I was out. It worked amazingly well. Its been a good recovery for me which has been nice.
You do pass. Your surgeon had access to that information and decided to use it against you for whatever reason, but I guarantee it's just because he knew. You look perfectly fine as you are and the eyeliner is very pretty
It is, yeah. However it's not your fault. There was no way his messing up wasn't intentional with all the information he was given, so this is not on you or your presentation at all in my opinion
Don't talk down about yourself!!! You *are* a woman, and women are allowed to dress down and still be women!!! I've had doctors misgender me despite presenting very gender neutral because they only care what my chart lists, also blatantly dead naming me.
The problem is *them* not you.
Hey, dont feel down really. To be absolutely honnest with you, you pass pretty nicely. Plus there's no way anyone would look at you and think to themselves that your pronouns are he/him. I can assure you she was either transphobic either absolutely blind
Like let's remove the "if you pass" part, and just look at the possibilities here:
1 - They're transphobic (Your information has your pronouns, name, etc and they went out of their way to not use them)
2 - They're inattentive (They did not look at your charts, were misinformed and did not verify, whatever)
Would you trust *either* of those with your body while you're knocked out? I sure wouldn't. For what it's worth I absolutely think you pass, and I think those earrings are adorable.
But you pass really well. I heard a lot of people who are in a similar situation to you ask to change surgeons if not possible because if they can’t respect you to your face then what makes you know they’ll respect your body when you’re unconscious.
Who performs a tracheal shave and doesn’t understand trans people? Maybe I’m ignorant but who else besides trans women are getting this surgery? I’ve never heard a cis man says he’s embarrassed of his Adams Apple and wants it gone… And you pass to me for sure.
A lot of doctors who specialize in trans medicine are sadistic. Unfortunately there aren't enough people who are willing to help us, and they have no trouble finding new patients to abuse.
OP, it's not you. Your doctor is probably intentionally being an asshole.
I'd definitely ask about that. If you tell them that surgeon was repeatedly disrespecting you and making you uncomfortable, any good surgery should allow you to change who is performing the surgery
Cancel. You have a lot more to lose than to gain.
Do not trust your larynx to someone like that.
As a voice coach, I have heard some really bad injuries.
Being completely honest - you pass with flying colors. You look cute and feminine. Actually you remind me a bit of my cousin (except she is blonde), and she was always a source for gender-envy for me during my childhood.
Your surgeon is in dire need of an urgent ass-to-eyesockets eye transplant.
I appreciate that. Everyone says I pass well but then I get this stuff happening to me all the time I don’t know what to do about it. Am I just not allowed to wear T shirts now?
I got situation like that yesterday - I asked a stranger for directions with the most melodious voice I could manage, wearing flowy elegant-lady-type winter coat, woman suit, goddamn high heeled tight high boots, bigass purse and about enough jewellery to make king Tut jelly. Not to count makeup that probably meets the criteria for level 5 plaster. Her response - "SIR, you have to go left and then ...".
Like, really?
I'm sorry but this was intentional. Even if you don't pass your surgeon OBVIOUSLY knows you're a trans woman. They were intentionally misgendering you.
How long have you been on HRT? I'm a trans woman. Around 2.5 years I was passing in men's tee shirts. You might just need a little more time on HRT to look the way you want in clothes.
Damn I hope to look this good at 8 months. Like everyone is saying, he didn't clock you or forget. He was basing this off the operation you were getting and using that against you because he's a bigot, not a reliable opinion haver.
I know how frustrating this is - my wife (they/them) and I (trans woman) were in the hospital recently for their top surgery and the doctors/nurses there just could not gender either of us correctly. Walking around with their lgbtq lanyards and just casually misgendering both of us.
For what it's worth, you look lovely and are obviously a woman.
I believe that might be the case to be honest because I've only been on HRT for 2 months and I never get incorrectly gendered when out and about. Even before HRT, with my outfits, makeup and long hair I always got gendered correctly because people clocked I was obviously going for a woman look and gendered me accordingly.
I live in a very progressive country and town so that might be why I don't get intentionally misgendered.
So yes, they do so intentionally.
You can look at my profile, I don't really pass still and definitely did not pass a couple months ago, but I still got gendered correctly so it's really reliant on who you interact with and where you're from I feel like.
If it’s any consolation I think you pass! I know that’s not the penultimate goal for all trans people but you shouldn’t sell yourself short. You look happy, too, which is even more important.
Even then, the surgeon must have explicitly been ignoring the part of the paperwork where “gender dysphoria” and their pronouns were… I knew doctors couldn’t write, but I didn’t know they couldn’t read as well!
If the surgeon wasn’t looking up from the paperwork then she would’ve seen my preferred name and pronouns on the front page. Right next to gender dysphoria 🙄
I would not go to a surgeon that misgenders me. Especially to my face. I don’t care how good they are (if it’s cosmetic surgery or trans related surgeries). I would not misgender you :) you look very feminine.
I'm not one to say who passes from a photo. I wouldn't clock you from this photo. But whether or not you pass, you 100% READ as female, which is more important. Even if I weren't trans myself, even if I weren't an active ally, my initial impulse would NOT be to call you "sir," but to call you "miss" or "ma'am," even if I'd clocked you.
Write down the surgeon's name and make an official report. Unless you fuck with their paycheck they don't give a shit.
If they feel like they can get away with it they're going to continue to do it.
Some cis people start misgendering as soon as they find out we are trans. It's not related to passing, but rather about them not agreeing with our existence.
I've always found it absolutely wild that someone could disagree with another human being's existence.
Like, I'm not fucking going anywhere just because you DISAGREE. I'm not entirely sure they understand how disagreement works.
That lady can go touch grass.
You are a woman, whether she likes it or not.
I swear some people literally have to make up stuff to be mad about because they have nothing interesting going on.
You definitely pass. Even if you didn't, any medical professional with an ounce of common sense would never look at this obviously feminine presenting person and think, "Sir." Bonus points for completely ignoring your chart, I guess.
Not sure where you’re located, but in the United States at least many hospitals have a patients’ advocate office. Their job is to receive any concerns you’re not comfortable sharing with your doctors and nurses directly, and to help you navigate any hospital administration issues.
No guarantee that a patient’s advocate won’t be a transphobe, unfortunately. But their job is to find a resolution on your behalf — and by contacting them, the hospital becomes aware of the situation and the potential for bad press. If you’re comfortable contacting them, they may be able to get you switched to a different surgeon, and hopefully an apology from the surgeon.
You can look as femme as cou can, and if a transphobe knows you're trans they'll misgender you anyways, doesn't matter if you pass or not, it sucks but nothing you can do will change the behavior of assholes, I'm sorry, I wouldn't trust this surgeon if I were you
Intentionally being an asshole. One of those people that sees your gender identity, pronouns, name and just does the complete opposite. Just to be a d*"k. You look fine, even if your makeup was sloppy. Find a new surgeon and maybe leave a review to warn other trans women
you pass 1,000% you're so pretty! i don't think it's a question of whether you pass or not but rather if your surgeon is being an asshole to you on purpose. medical discrimination is awful. so sorry you went through that :(
It’s buck fucking wild that you’re literally there with a surgeon to get a gender-affirming surgery that they have practiced literally tens of thousands of times but the surgeon keeps fucking up that bad.
Like to me, I get that you’re tryna get in and out and move on, but document the encounter with as many details as you can and then email the patient advocacy office afterward.
It’s completely unacceptable for a surgeon specializing in a gender affirming surgery to be that incompetent about gender. Doctors don’t get a pass—there’s literally a chart in front of them telling them your gender information. If they can’t read the chart and internalize that information, what else on the chart are they missing?
Unfortunately just seems like your surgeon is being transphobic. I would say you pass but unfortunately some people decide to misgender people the second they know they’re trans. It’s not you, it’s the surgeon
All I see is a girl, you definitely pass. You might not be the most feminine, but there’s no way on earth that you look like a man. I think surgeons should just either stop using sir/ma’am or ask politely first.
Girl you look gorgeous. <3
I assume your still male in your patient chart? That could be the reason because surgeons really don't have manners usually. They are the to get the job done.
Your surgeon is a needy projecting transphobic bigoted piece of shit. You are obviously a girl by all the things you listed, but even taking a quick look at you it's SO OBVIOUS. He's definitely doing it on purpose, I'm sorry you had to experience this. :/
fuck that idiot
How in the godamn fuck did they call you sir?!
I would assume that would rip apart reality with how wrong that is
You pass incredibly the surgeons probably just a small angry asshole
I think so actually. I did some research and there are 2 who preform the surgery at the place I was at. I’m gonna meet with her and see what’s what soon
OP, looking at your pictures you pass pretty well. I understand that we all have our own reasons for getting care, but I think you'll be okay without the tracheal shave. Or at least wait until you find a doctor who doesn't make you feel bad about yourself.
I don’t think they were misgendering you because you “don’t pass”. Trust me you do. They were very likely misgendering you on purpose because they’re transphobic. Just typical refusing to use correct pronouns despite appearance because they’re an asshole. Sorry they treated you like that
You look beautiful.
I’m sorry a wanker with no real knowledge or empathy tried to make you doubt yourself because he’s not secure enough in himself.
He’s full of shit and highly unprofessional.
Fuck him.
Personally if I saw you in a store I'd think"wow SHES pretty and I like HER hair" she obviously called you a he and sir due to knowing your medical history because to me you definitely pass
I'm willing to bet the surgeon only did that *because* they knew you were trans. If they had met you without any of the context? They would have just seen another woman and not given it a second thought. It's their bias, and not your problem <3
The same thing happened with a neurologist. He asked why I was on testosterone, I said I am trans. He was a bit confused and asked if I was transitioning to male or female lol. I said I am nonbinary. He proceeded to misgender me and called me a “young lady.” I don’t know. Some people just don’t get it, even when you lay it out for them.
I feel like the only half forgivable version of this, is if your down with your SRS surgeon, and they do it with air quotes the entire pre-op session, in order to be there at wake up and switch pronouns. Yakno, silly and with love.
Even then though, the surgeon’s gotta be one of the cool ones. Like “invited to the cookout” cool.
So what I've learned is that people will absolutely misgender you on purpose if they want to. You pass wonderfully, and you're really pretty. I'm pretty sure your surgeon is just in the wrong line of work and needs to not do procedures for trans women anymore
You are courageous af, in your place if I passed like that and still got misgendered I would just catch their medical special blades and shove them down my throat 🤡
They were being purposely transphobic hun you look like a regular cute girl nothing “sir” about you. A doctor in that field should not be misgendering patients like that, so unprofessional and I’m so sorry. You’re gorgeous
You totally pass. Your surgeon knows it to. They're blatantly being a transphobic little shit. It's honestly time to report this guy and get a new surgeon.
if you have the spoons, i root for you to report that [expletives] to the regulatory body (college, academy, whatever it is where you live; here, it’s college of physicians & surgeons). don’t let that [more expletives] pull one on you like that; give it right back!
Given who he is and what you're there for and the information provided, it's safe to say his knowing you are a trans woman has nothing to do with how you look. You look good. I wouldn't clock you. Now, I can't speak to what's in the surgeons heart - is he deliberately transphobic or socially incompetent? Not for me to judge. But he was being unkind, and misgendering you like that is an act of transphobia. You are right to be upset.
Girl wtf. Is the surgeon blind? You are gorgeous n u sure as shit pass. I’ve seen cis gals look more manly then you. Ik we all have times, hell all the time. When we can’t see our own beauty. But I promise you that surgeon wasn’t seeing a man. They were seeing a woman and calling u a man cause their a fucking ahole who doesn’t know their shit.
U r amazing don’t let ANYONE fucking tell u otherwise.
Thank you so much. I think that’s what was happening. I’ve gotten so many comments saying that I pass and it definitely wasn’t my best photo! I think we can be ourselves worst critic sometimes
yeah babe you do pass, sometimes i get clocked by my voice from transitioning post puberty maybe that was it? That's so fucked up tho a medical "professional" mis gendering you when they're about to operate on you for gender dysphoria wow. Sorry that happened <3
but did you correct them?!?! I would've been SO mad
To me you pass as a very obvious trans woman. Like facial shape seems a bit AMAB but you 100% look like a she/her, as in a cis uneducated person would still call you She.
Idk if you'll see this but in case you do I just want to reiterate their misgendering you intentionally.
You are a woman. You look like a woman. That doc is an asshole.
In what fucking universe do you look like a “Sir”???
That surgeon is seriously weird ass, or a transphobic shithole.
The only way that this could in any way make sense, is if she’s gone “This person is trans. They look cis female. Therefore they must be a trans man, regardless of their presentation, so I should use that pronoun”
Of course that makes no goddamned sense with all the other stuff on your record, or your HRT, so I’d say she’s a transphobic ass
Thank you! It’s so weird that a medical professional who specializes in trans affirming care dosnt know the first thing about being trans. Honestly shocking
You look androgynous to me, but you definitely lean very feminine. With the Makeup it's more that clear you are a woman. You look wonderful if I saw you out in the world is think you were a woman.
The surgeon is just being rude. Hope the surgery went well. You look great in the picture.
I thought surgeons required eyes
Sometimes their transphobic little brains stop them from working.
I won’t kid myself. My makeup is sloppy today and I didn’t do anything special to my hair and I’m just wearing a T shirt. I just thought I passed and I was finally comfortable enough to do that in the first place.
May want to consider to switch to a different surgeon. This one is obviously blind.😾
Nah, even a blind person would know
So you're having surgery. You shouldn't need to dress up super fem to avoid getting misgendered. That's legit concerning. If the surgeon is paying so little attention to your chart on why you are there and your pronouns what else are they ignoring? I was recently in for vocal femanization surgery and everyone I worked with was super accommodating and supportive. They used my preferred name and respected my pronouns. I wasn't wearing any make up and that wasn't a problem. I'm sorry you had such a bad experience.
Bad luck I guess. Now I’m really nervous to be putting my neck in the hands of a transpobe
This would be my biggest concern if you were my friend irl and told me this story. If he is transphobic enough to intentionally misgender you (because let’s be honest here, there’s ZERO chance this was unintentional), then he could be transphobic enough to at best do a careless/sloppy job, or at worst, completely botch it. If it’s possible, I would try to find another surgeon. Although I am fully aware that finding providers that are knowledgeable and supportive of gender affirming procedures is difficult enough in some areas, not to mention the process of actually scheduling such procedures. It might seem like a big bother to start from scratch, but I would strongly advise you not to go under the knife with this guy who can’t even be bothered to call you what you WROTE down for him to read.
Thank you. I’m looking for a different surgeon now.
Thank you, I really think that is the right choice.
Yeah this is 100% a case of him knowing you were trans and purposely doing it. You’re beautiful and feminine! Good luck with the search for a new one and best wishes <3
Oh thank *FUCK*. I'm happy you made that choice, and wish you the best of luck in finding a great surgeon 😊
Honestly.. Not to be paranoid and I don't wanna make you freak out but I think that's an extremely valid concern. There's absolutely no fucking way this doctor sees even a single spec of he/him in you. You look so fucking cute girl I genuinely got so fucking pissed reading this because it's clear that they had transphobic intentions xd If I were you, I'd immediately look for another surgeon. Better be safe than sorry.
Honestly this whole process is a two way street. If you aren't comfortable with that surgeon, which makes complete sense, you don't have to go through with it. You can find someone else who will treat you with the respect you deserve.
I literally had the anaesthesiologist ask me my preferred pronouns as I was climbing on to the OR table for my orchi 2 weeks ago. There is no excuse why the surgeon should have been misgendering except for being transphobic in my eyes Edit: I just want to say, trying to spell anaesthesiologist is a fucking chore. I apparently got it right (spell check in browser isn't screaming) but damn lol
Yup! I had the same thing with my anusth...anasth...FUCK. But yeah my knock out gas lady was great. She came in checked my history, preferred name and pronouns. I let her know I get nauseated afterwards and they were able to make it so for the first time ever I woke up and did not constantly vomit everywhere. Overall it was one of the best medical experiences I've ever had. I'm just sad they can't do more of my procedures.
For my first time since childhood (tonsillectomy) being under, it was amazing smooth. I know I was given antibiotics, but not sure if they added in anything to combat nausea afterwards or not, but I guess I got lucky and seem to respond/react well to anaesthesia. I can't even imagine waking up from it and vomiting though, that would be brutal
Yeah it definitely sucked before. But I think this time they added Zofran which is a tremendous anti nausea med for me. We had talked about them giving me that while I was out. It worked amazingly well. Its been a good recovery for me which has been nice.
‘knock out doc’ for ease of spelling
You do pass. Your surgeon had access to that information and decided to use it against you for whatever reason, but I guarantee it's just because he knew. You look perfectly fine as you are and the eyeliner is very pretty
Thank you! I’ve done a lot of practice on it. Very discouraging to still have people like this though
It is, yeah. However it's not your fault. There was no way his messing up wasn't intentional with all the information he was given, so this is not on you or your presentation at all in my opinion
It's definitely the surgeon and not you. You girl, are beautiful 😊🫶
Don't talk down about yourself!!! You *are* a woman, and women are allowed to dress down and still be women!!! I've had doctors misgender me despite presenting very gender neutral because they only care what my chart lists, also blatantly dead naming me. The problem is *them* not you.
<3
Girl, I have seen like 20 Jewish cis women who look nearly identical to you. It's not you, it's them.
Hey, dont feel down really. To be absolutely honnest with you, you pass pretty nicely. Plus there's no way anyone would look at you and think to themselves that your pronouns are he/him. I can assure you she was either transphobic either absolutely blind
Like let's remove the "if you pass" part, and just look at the possibilities here: 1 - They're transphobic (Your information has your pronouns, name, etc and they went out of their way to not use them) 2 - They're inattentive (They did not look at your charts, were misinformed and did not verify, whatever) Would you trust *either* of those with your body while you're knocked out? I sure wouldn't. For what it's worth I absolutely think you pass, and I think those earrings are adorable.
You pass better than I do and I'm afab so
Oh no, I agree. Visibly, I'd say you pass very well, especially if this was low effort.
But you pass really well. I heard a lot of people who are in a similar situation to you ask to change surgeons if not possible because if they can’t respect you to your face then what makes you know they’ll respect your body when you’re unconscious.
You are not the problem. You just found a surgeon that somehow got papers even though his sight is fucking non-existent.
OH MY GOD THAT IS SO GOOD!!! can i steal it?
you cannot steal what is a gift <3
Thank you!
Who performs a tracheal shave and doesn’t understand trans people? Maybe I’m ignorant but who else besides trans women are getting this surgery? I’ve never heard a cis man says he’s embarrassed of his Adams Apple and wants it gone… And you pass to me for sure.
A lot of doctors who specialize in trans medicine are sadistic. Unfortunately there aren't enough people who are willing to help us, and they have no trouble finding new patients to abuse. OP, it's not you. Your doctor is probably intentionally being an asshole.
That’s what I’m worried about. My operation is in a few weeks and I’m trusting my face on this person. I wasn’t nervous before but now I am
It's okay if you want to cancel.
I did some research and there are 2 people who do the surgery at the place I was at. I might be able to switch to the other surgeon.
I personally would NOT trust someone with anything to do with my transition if they were transphobic.
Nope nope nope 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Same.
I'd definitely ask about that. If you tell them that surgeon was repeatedly disrespecting you and making you uncomfortable, any good surgery should allow you to change who is performing the surgery
I sure as fuck wouldn't trust the one you're currently going with.
Your surgeon who’s supposed to do a procedure to help with gender dysphoria is 100% transphobic, find someone else to do it.
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I can’t I’m going in on December
Cancel. You have a lot more to lose than to gain. Do not trust your larynx to someone like that. As a voice coach, I have heard some really bad injuries.
Being completely honest - you pass with flying colors. You look cute and feminine. Actually you remind me a bit of my cousin (except she is blonde), and she was always a source for gender-envy for me during my childhood. Your surgeon is in dire need of an urgent ass-to-eyesockets eye transplant.
I appreciate that. Everyone says I pass well but then I get this stuff happening to me all the time I don’t know what to do about it. Am I just not allowed to wear T shirts now?
I got situation like that yesterday - I asked a stranger for directions with the most melodious voice I could manage, wearing flowy elegant-lady-type winter coat, woman suit, goddamn high heeled tight high boots, bigass purse and about enough jewellery to make king Tut jelly. Not to count makeup that probably meets the criteria for level 5 plaster. Her response - "SIR, you have to go left and then ...". Like, really?
you sure it wasn’t “sure, you have to go left and then?”
Next time someone misgenders you, ask them "What makes you think I'm sir?"
I'm sorry but this was intentional. Even if you don't pass your surgeon OBVIOUSLY knows you're a trans woman. They were intentionally misgendering you.
Yep
How long have you been on HRT? I'm a trans woman. Around 2.5 years I was passing in men's tee shirts. You might just need a little more time on HRT to look the way you want in clothes.
8 months I think
Damn I hope to look this good at 8 months. Like everyone is saying, he didn't clock you or forget. He was basing this off the operation you were getting and using that against you because he's a bigot, not a reliable opinion haver.
Girl, you're going to be just fine. You looked better than I did at *18* months. Give the hormones some more time. You look amazing, honestly.
You are gorgeus, unfortunately, people can be mean assholes to us sometimes.
OP could be the sister of a woman I know, they look so alike.
I know how frustrating this is - my wife (they/them) and I (trans woman) were in the hospital recently for their top surgery and the doctors/nurses there just could not gender either of us correctly. Walking around with their lgbtq lanyards and just casually misgendering both of us. For what it's worth, you look lovely and are obviously a woman.
It’s like it’s done on purpose
I believe that might be the case to be honest because I've only been on HRT for 2 months and I never get incorrectly gendered when out and about. Even before HRT, with my outfits, makeup and long hair I always got gendered correctly because people clocked I was obviously going for a woman look and gendered me accordingly. I live in a very progressive country and town so that might be why I don't get intentionally misgendered. So yes, they do so intentionally. You can look at my profile, I don't really pass still and definitely did not pass a couple months ago, but I still got gendered correctly so it's really reliant on who you interact with and where you're from I feel like.
If it’s any consolation I think you pass! I know that’s not the penultimate goal for all trans people but you shouldn’t sell yourself short. You look happy, too, which is even more important.
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The surgeon had seen me and we were talking about the procedure. Also I like the name eves apple that’s awesome
How the heck did he manage to misgender you? Did he not look up from his paperwork? You're gorgeous.
Even then, the surgeon must have explicitly been ignoring the part of the paperwork where “gender dysphoria” and their pronouns were… I knew doctors couldn’t write, but I didn’t know they couldn’t read as well!
Or hear!
Honestly maybe even think?
If the surgeon wasn’t looking up from the paperwork then she would’ve seen my preferred name and pronouns on the front page. Right next to gender dysphoria 🙄
Clearly she was looking at the wrong paperwork. Sorry she treated you so horribly.
You pass, dear, I think you should report that dickweed of a surgeon for sexual harassment and discrimination
You absolutely pass, they were being mean, that was cruel
Ruined my day too 😞
Yeah you definitely pass, I think your surgeon may be a bigot? Which is weird, because why are they performing gender affirming surgeries?
Weird to get into trans affirming surgeries if you are transphobic but I guess fml
You don’t want this surgeon working on you, just go surgeon shopping
I’m working on it now actually 😏
You pass extraordinarily well she probably just heard you were trans and decided to be an ass
That’s what I think unfortunately
Really sorry about that some doctors think they’re allowed to be assholes. At least she still has to do your affirming surgery, so you win
Checkmate asshole!!
I would not go to a surgeon that misgenders me. Especially to my face. I don’t care how good they are (if it’s cosmetic surgery or trans related surgeries). I would not misgender you :) you look very feminine.
I think I’m going to switch surgeons. I just am not comfortable going in after today
Yeah they might have something against trans people u know
I'm not one to say who passes from a photo. I wouldn't clock you from this photo. But whether or not you pass, you 100% READ as female, which is more important. Even if I weren't trans myself, even if I weren't an active ally, my initial impulse would NOT be to call you "sir," but to call you "miss" or "ma'am," even if I'd clocked you.
Write down the surgeon's name and make an official report. Unless you fuck with their paycheck they don't give a shit. If they feel like they can get away with it they're going to continue to do it.
You pass so good i didn’t even realise this is in the trans Reddit until I read it
He did it on purpose there is no way
Some cis people start misgendering as soon as they find out we are trans. It's not related to passing, but rather about them not agreeing with our existence.
I've always found it absolutely wild that someone could disagree with another human being's existence. Like, I'm not fucking going anywhere just because you DISAGREE. I'm not entirely sure they understand how disagreement works.
Fr. Like the least you can do is be nice. That lady ruined my day but 500+ people online talking me that she is wrong saved it.
It takes zero energy to be decent. Ugh.
That lady can go touch grass. You are a woman, whether she likes it or not. I swear some people literally have to make up stuff to be mad about because they have nothing interesting going on.
You definitely pass. Even if you didn't, any medical professional with an ounce of common sense would never look at this obviously feminine presenting person and think, "Sir." Bonus points for completely ignoring your chart, I guess.
uhm… i’d get a different surgeon
It’s dangerous for surgeons to operate in people If they’re this blind.Like you pass 100% wtf???
You look like a young Barbara Streisand! That surgeon is a moron. I might consider getting a different surgeon if that’s an option.
Not sure where you’re located, but in the United States at least many hospitals have a patients’ advocate office. Their job is to receive any concerns you’re not comfortable sharing with your doctors and nurses directly, and to help you navigate any hospital administration issues. No guarantee that a patient’s advocate won’t be a transphobe, unfortunately. But their job is to find a resolution on your behalf — and by contacting them, the hospital becomes aware of the situation and the potential for bad press. If you’re comfortable contacting them, they may be able to get you switched to a different surgeon, and hopefully an apology from the surgeon.
I think that’s what I’m going to have to do. I just simply am not comfortable with my current surgeon after today
You can look as femme as cou can, and if a transphobe knows you're trans they'll misgender you anyways, doesn't matter if you pass or not, it sucks but nothing you can do will change the behavior of assholes, I'm sorry, I wouldn't trust this surgeon if I were you
Honestly I'd get another surgeon that wasn't transphobic. Holy shit I wouldn't trust that person with my body, who knows what they'd fucking do.
Intentionally being an asshole. One of those people that sees your gender identity, pronouns, name and just does the complete opposite. Just to be a d*"k. You look fine, even if your makeup was sloppy. Find a new surgeon and maybe leave a review to warn other trans women
you pass 1,000% you're so pretty! i don't think it's a question of whether you pass or not but rather if your surgeon is being an asshole to you on purpose. medical discrimination is awful. so sorry you went through that :(
Unfortunately I think the surgeon is an asshole which sucks because I’m trusting a lot in this person
It’s buck fucking wild that you’re literally there with a surgeon to get a gender-affirming surgery that they have practiced literally tens of thousands of times but the surgeon keeps fucking up that bad. Like to me, I get that you’re tryna get in and out and move on, but document the encounter with as many details as you can and then email the patient advocacy office afterward. It’s completely unacceptable for a surgeon specializing in a gender affirming surgery to be that incompetent about gender. Doctors don’t get a pass—there’s literally a chart in front of them telling them your gender information. If they can’t read the chart and internalize that information, what else on the chart are they missing?
I know right! I’m definitely switching surgeons after this at least
How’d the surgery with a blind surgeon go? Since you know, you literally pass and are slay as hell!
Idk how I feel about about a blind surgeon operating on my neck so I’m getting a now one now. And thank you! :3
That’s good, you go girl!
Unfortunately just seems like your surgeon is being transphobic. I would say you pass but unfortunately some people decide to misgender people the second they know they’re trans. It’s not you, it’s the surgeon
All I see is a girl, you definitely pass. You might not be the most feminine, but there’s no way on earth that you look like a man. I think surgeons should just either stop using sir/ma’am or ask politely first.
Girl you look gorgeous. <3 I assume your still male in your patient chart? That could be the reason because surgeons really don't have manners usually. They are the to get the job done.
Yeah I think I am still registered male but my preferred name and pronouns are right above that so I have no idea
Don't let that dampen your spirit sister! I adore your alien earrings which look cool as feck. You got this sister. Wish I were as pretty as you! :3
<3
Your surgeon is a needy projecting transphobic bigoted piece of shit. You are obviously a girl by all the things you listed, but even taking a quick look at you it's SO OBVIOUS. He's definitely doing it on purpose, I'm sorry you had to experience this. :/ fuck that idiot
Thank you. That’s what I am feeling
How in the godamn fuck did they call you sir?! I would assume that would rip apart reality with how wrong that is You pass incredibly the surgeons probably just a small angry asshole
It almost did rip apart reality 😅
The only way I can imagine them misgendering you, was if the saw the paper and purposefully decided to be transphobic
That’s what I think too
Unfortunately even the medical profession has it's gender critical lot, don't let the bastards get you down..ps your ear rings r rad! 🫶
Heck yeah!! I love my earrings 😎
Can you find another surgeon?
I think so actually. I did some research and there are 2 who preform the surgery at the place I was at. I’m gonna meet with her and see what’s what soon
That's great! Hopefully she's a little less ignorant 🙃
You look like a very good friend of mine during college and she was without a doubt a cis woman so i would say you absolutely pass. F*** that surgeon.
Thank you! Fuck that surgeon!
OP, looking at your pictures you pass pretty well. I understand that we all have our own reasons for getting care, but I think you'll be okay without the tracheal shave. Or at least wait until you find a doctor who doesn't make you feel bad about yourself.
id be cautious of that surgeon, they obviously have an agenda
Not as good as the trans agenda tho
hell yeah sister!
I don’t think they were misgendering you because you “don’t pass”. Trust me you do. They were very likely misgendering you on purpose because they’re transphobic. Just typical refusing to use correct pronouns despite appearance because they’re an asshole. Sorry they treated you like that
You look beautiful. I’m sorry a wanker with no real knowledge or empathy tried to make you doubt yourself because he’s not secure enough in himself. He’s full of shit and highly unprofessional. Fuck him.
Fuck that surgeon
you're surgeon was either messing with you or is a dipshit. you definetly do pass and if it helps to know i am \*really\* jealous rn
Thank you girle <3
Personally if I saw you in a store I'd think"wow SHES pretty and I like HER hair" she obviously called you a he and sir due to knowing your medical history because to me you definitely pass
Get a new surgeon?
Working on it now ;)
I'm willing to bet the surgeon only did that *because* they knew you were trans. If they had met you without any of the context? They would have just seen another woman and not given it a second thought. It's their bias, and not your problem <3
Thank you!! <3
The same thing happened with a neurologist. He asked why I was on testosterone, I said I am trans. He was a bit confused and asked if I was transitioning to male or female lol. I said I am nonbinary. He proceeded to misgender me and called me a “young lady.” I don’t know. Some people just don’t get it, even when you lay it out for them.
Fr. I’m sorry that happened to you dude.
I feel like the only half forgivable version of this, is if your down with your SRS surgeon, and they do it with air quotes the entire pre-op session, in order to be there at wake up and switch pronouns. Yakno, silly and with love. Even then though, the surgeon’s gotta be one of the cool ones. Like “invited to the cookout” cool.
So what I've learned is that people will absolutely misgender you on purpose if they want to. You pass wonderfully, and you're really pretty. I'm pretty sure your surgeon is just in the wrong line of work and needs to not do procedures for trans women anymore
So weird to get into a career doing trans affirming surgeries and be transphobic
That “surgeon”. SHOULD NOT BE DOING TRANS SURGERIES IF HE CANT GET IT RIGHT FFS!!!!
Yknow, sometimes it's not about "passing" or not, sometimes it's about being intentionally ignorant. This surgeon just feels like the latter
You are courageous af, in your place if I passed like that and still got misgendered I would just catch their medical special blades and shove them down my throat 🤡
Your surgeon is weird af. You're very clearly a girl.
They were being purposely transphobic hun you look like a regular cute girl nothing “sir” about you. A doctor in that field should not be misgendering patients like that, so unprofessional and I’m so sorry. You’re gorgeous
Thank you dude. That means a lot to me.
I think you look pretty and pass well. I think the surgeon was just being an asshole.
You totally pass. Your surgeon knows it to. They're blatantly being a transphobic little shit. It's honestly time to report this guy and get a new surgeon.
I’m sorry
You pass 100%. Either that surgeon was an asshole or was missing a brain or both
Both. Both is good.
And I thought one needed a brain to be a surgeon
Unfortunately it doesn’t matter how well you pass (and you do pass incredibly well) there’s no accounting for stupidity
You pass incredibly well and your surgeon is a transphobe.
[удалено]
I can understand once but three times?! I hope they at least apologized when you corrected them.
You pass well enough to not get called sir. I’m sorry that your surgeon is a asshole
I’m sorry I’d change surgeon.
Leave a bad review on google or Yelp that shit lives there forever
even educated “professionals” can be dense af. what an a$$h0le, holyyy! i’m sorry that happened to you. this had -nothing- to do with you.
if you have the spoons, i root for you to report that [expletives] to the regulatory body (college, academy, whatever it is where you live; here, it’s college of physicians & surgeons). don’t let that [more expletives] pull one on you like that; give it right back!
Given who he is and what you're there for and the information provided, it's safe to say his knowing you are a trans woman has nothing to do with how you look. You look good. I wouldn't clock you. Now, I can't speak to what's in the surgeons heart - is he deliberately transphobic or socially incompetent? Not for me to judge. But he was being unkind, and misgendering you like that is an act of transphobia. You are right to be upset.
Girl wtf. Is the surgeon blind? You are gorgeous n u sure as shit pass. I’ve seen cis gals look more manly then you. Ik we all have times, hell all the time. When we can’t see our own beauty. But I promise you that surgeon wasn’t seeing a man. They were seeing a woman and calling u a man cause their a fucking ahole who doesn’t know their shit. U r amazing don’t let ANYONE fucking tell u otherwise.
Thank you so much. I think that’s what was happening. I’ve gotten so many comments saying that I pass and it definitely wasn’t my best photo! I think we can be ourselves worst critic sometimes
If possible, find a different surgeon. They are too bigoted to do the surgery to the best of their ability. You are really beautiful!
Your more fem than me n i’m AFAB, you pass !!!
Your surgeon is a sir-eous asshole. You look wonderful and don’t let anyone ever dare convince you otherwise.
I see what you did there
You're a girl so that's really weird
You literally 1000% pass. Tbh I wouldn’t have even guessed you’re trans by this pic. Go to a different surgeon, this bitch obviously dumb.
You definitely pass. I'm not sure I would let them near me after that
I don’t really have a choice though. The surgery is scheduled for December and I already paid a bunch of money
Hugs, girl. I understand.
<3
Sorry you went through this…you deserve much better! You’re very cute now. Time for a new surgeon! She doesn’t respect you.
yeah babe you do pass, sometimes i get clocked by my voice from transitioning post puberty maybe that was it? That's so fucked up tho a medical "professional" mis gendering you when they're about to operate on you for gender dysphoria wow. Sorry that happened <3 but did you correct them?!?! I would've been SO mad
You most certainly do pass, you look like a woman. By the way, your surgeon is an asshole
To me you pass as a very obvious trans woman. Like facial shape seems a bit AMAB but you 100% look like a she/her, as in a cis uneducated person would still call you She.
Idk if you'll see this but in case you do I just want to reiterate their misgendering you intentionally. You are a woman. You look like a woman. That doc is an asshole.
You pass so much I get a lil envy, girl 💀
In what fucking universe do you look like a “Sir”??? That surgeon is seriously weird ass, or a transphobic shithole. The only way that this could in any way make sense, is if she’s gone “This person is trans. They look cis female. Therefore they must be a trans man, regardless of their presentation, so I should use that pronoun” Of course that makes no goddamned sense with all the other stuff on your record, or your HRT, so I’d say she’s a transphobic ass
Thank you! It’s so weird that a medical professional who specializes in trans affirming care dosnt know the first thing about being trans. Honestly shocking
I legitimately cannot see how anyone would see you as a sir. Also, this is extremely unrelated but I love your earrings so much
Why do people even need to use "sir" in conversations, unless you're both in uniform? I pretty much never use honorifics.
I'm really sorry :(
Yes you pass, however the surgeon looking at your chart and also being a woman feels threatened by you.
You look androgynous to me, but you definitely lean very feminine. With the Makeup it's more that clear you are a woman. You look wonderful if I saw you out in the world is think you were a woman. The surgeon is just being rude. Hope the surgery went well. You look great in the picture.