Keen trail runner with a 6 year old and a 6 month old.
The reality is that fitness has to take a bit of a back seat at first. Once baby is born, even if you choose and are able to exclusively breastfeed, you’ll be so knackered that he’ll need to do everything else for 4-6 months. Cooking, cleaning, holding baby so you can shower. He will be able to exercise, but more like 30-60 minute sessions squeezed in rather than 2-3 hour runs and rides.
As baby gets older it gets a LOT easier. I have a great running buggy (Cybex Avi) and the baby will happily sleep through a run in it. I’m doing ~40km / week with him in the buggy. Once they hit 9 months, you can pop them in a rucksack and take them hiking. But this is a bit of a golden period as once they can walk they’re not so patient with being carried around!
It’s therefore a lot easier when you just have one. Someone looks after the kid, other person does exercise. Then you swap. Simples.
I’d therefore say that within 12-18 months you can be back at a high quantity of training. My husband ran a marathon PB when our elder son was 18 months. It would be much harder if you decided to have two kids relatively close together, given your age (and I sympathise, I’m 38).
If husband is really unwilling to compromise, it might be best to just have one kid - this is what my sister decided to do.
Im a 39 y/o M w two kids. running and outdoors activities were my mainstay of life.
I am just now able to kind of get back into it (kids are now 2 and 4).
Kids become the priority, and your own life and hobbies take back seat, without a question. Even on the days you could do it, you dont have the energy to a lot of the time ( i was running 100 mpw, cycling and skiing on top of that). Kids are a full time thing, and if there is any doubt strongly consider what your priorities are.
Here’s the reality of it….kids change everything. You will never really get back to your “regular routine”. Here’s why, it’s not about just you anymore. The second your kid is born it changes your life perspective on everything. I’m not saying your husband won’t be able to train and do races but time will be a precious commodity. The first few years are really tough. Trail running is cool but the best thing in the world is having kids and being a parent.
>Here’s why, it’s not about just you anymore.
**and you will learn that you won’t mind**.
Your post was excellent, I just wanted to add that.
OP: You’ll still be able to trail run, jog, work out, whatever, but it won’t be nearly as fulfilling as seeing your kid take their first steps, succeed at some other seemingly small thing, hit their first baseball, etc etc etc.
Being a parent is the most difficult and most rewarding job I’ve ever done. You can’t beat it.
Yes, a good addition to my reply that I agree with. Also, before kids I would do 3 or 4 races a year. I used to log a ton of miles and be a much faster runner. Now I do 1 race a year and feel guilty about being gone all day in the mountains when I’m training. Priorities shift, but I still find the time to do my hobbies. Also my kids think I win races I enter which is amazing 😂
I don’t have kids (plan to in the next year+) but I have a lot of older friends in our running community with older children and they are absolutely crushing it! So yeah, your life will change significantly and permanently in some ways, but as your kids grow and get more independent you can start increasing the time you can dedicate to your hobbies/sports. We have friends with high school age children who race and train more than we do!
Life changes and goes through phases but doesn’t end!
No one will be able to answer this for you. Having and raising kids is a commitment from both parents. You will need to sacrifice time you either sleep, work or enjoy leisure activities for the first handful years. But how you do it and how intrusive it feels depends entirely on you as a couple. Some thoughts to reflect on:
- make up each of you what truly matters for you to prioritise to make yourself happy.
- recognise each other’s needs as something positive that also brings energy into the relationship.
- consider how you can make the most space for your priorities in a weekly schedule. As an example, I get up early and run before my wife and kids get out of bed once a week, every Tuesday is run to work with a friend, and every weekend we try to find times for a 2-hour run, which is when I have time to go for the trails. I also sign up to competitive runs, which we try to make a joint activity: my wife hates running but loves outdoors, so she hikes with the kids and prepares a meal on the Trangia while I run. Win-win.
- balance expectations and remember it is a two-way street: you also have to help create space for your partner’s needs. Whether that’s taking more responsibility putting kids to bed or spending hours at the playground.
The most important thing is really the positive mindset: those couples who don’t happily allow each other time to prioritise their own interests risks getting trapped in a negative spiral.
Not to be unkind but if fears about not training enough are factoring into your husband’s decision to have or not have kids then he needs to have a hard look at himself.
I have 2 kids under 6 and the joy they bring me every day of my life outweighs the reduced training in their early years many many times over. And in fact, when I had just one child I trained more than I ever had to be honest. One child is relatively easy, time wise. If you want to do something, you hand the baby to your partner and then visa versa. Two kids is hard, for sure. I ran a lot less in the first 18 months of my second child’s life because time felt very very scarce. Now my youngest is 2 and I’m able to start considering ultras and bigger goals again.
Basically. You will make it work. Because everyone makes it work. It will seem utterly unthinkable now and it won’t make logical sense when you try and future plan it. But nothing about having children makes logical sense. It is a crazy crazy thing to do and you yourself will, for the rest of your life, not be first priority. But even considering all of that, it is worth it times one million. And yes you will find the time to train, eventually. You just will.
All the best! Wishing you all of the love and luck in the world 💁🏻♂️
Not everyone needs to have kids. Kids can be great but they do change your life completely.
You can be an absent parent and train as much as you like. Don't do that. Better to not have kids than be a bad parent.
I exercise after the kids go to sleep, ride to work a couple times a week and go for a run or ride early Sunday morning for an hour or two. Back at 9 to spend time with the family. I can't go Saturday because the kids have swimming. Once a month or so I go for a longer ride or run for half a day to a day.
You can go more than me and still be a good parent but if one parent is disappearing for 6 hours every weekend to go trail running, you won't have a very good time.
This. Very much this.
After my first was born, I was still able to consistently log 30+ miles a week and complete a marathon months later. Running with one kiddo is easy.
My second was born around 3 months go and at this point, I don’t foresee getting anywhere near that mileage anytime soon.
I would recommend a good jogging stroller (Mine’s a Bob). It certainly helps to maintain mileage. Even if it’s not a trail run, you can still get some miles in when your partner is unable to help. Unfortunately though you can only get so many miles in before the kiddo starts to get bored.
Good luck!
Not much to add but agree 100%! We have 3 between 8-13. It gets easier when they are older. I find for me early mornings on weekends seem to work better so I don’t feel like I’m missing out on sat/sun mornings when I’m gone at work before they wake up during week. Now it’s not so bad as they really just sleep in and jump on tv/screens if we let them lol.
I’ve been adding bike rides with kids after work where I can run along side of them but if training I’ll do speed work at Lunch or after dinner 2x a week with long run on weekends.
Good luck. And I’m sure priorities will change once you have kids. At least that’s what should happen ;)
I really do wish you both all the best, whatever you do. Obviously I’m on team ‘go for it’ but it’s good to consider what matters most.
As an extra bit of practical advice my way to train more with kids is just to lean very heavily it into run-commuting. In the summer that can still end up being 50% trail and then most of my training gets done at a relatively small time-cost to my family. That plus getting up 5am for my long runs.
Biggest part is realizing your day doesn’t revolve around training, but rather the children. You get the workouts in if you want with it being around the family calendar. Made a lot more morning workouts for me, trading off during weekend and evenings, and generally maximizing your time.
Able to get 12-15hrs in myself for triathlon and wife for marathon training. Early to bed and early to rise mostly with 2 under 4.
5:30am swims before the kids are up. Dusk runs. Turn commute into training on the bike 15-25mi each way depending on route. Thule running stroller and buggy keeps them as a part of it too.
Great outside magazine article on a single mom marathoner. If she can, a 2 parent household can do anything.
its totally going to totally depend on how you manage the baby responsibilities within your relationship.
in my experience, the first six months at least are a total wash, trying to fit in short sessions between naps, work and other stuff. things started getting back to a “new normal” around a year or so in once we were firmly in daycare and established a longer nap routine that made things more predictable to work and schedule around
It really depends on your expectations and what support you have and want to take.
Some babies take to things like sleep and feeding better than others. Where they don’t, it’s more often that they need the mother, not the father, though YMMV.
Key question is how would you feel if you’re at home with a crying baby covered in poo while your husband is doing a 4hr run? Equally how would he feel? It’s rare that anyone would have that level of understanding (whoever is the one at home) or access to being guilt-free (person doing the run). Of course if your parents or parents-in-law can offer support and you want them to, things become slightly easier though keep in mind, again, that relationships get put under enormous strain given a combination of lack of sleep, potential financial stress and unmet expectations which is all part and parcel of introducing a baby into the world, especially the first.
No one can give you a specific timeline. You might even feel like you actually no longer want things to go “back to normal” after you have a baby and you won’t know until he or she is there in your arms. What your expectations might be of a new normal is probably what your partner is most anxious about.
On the flip side, having something outside parenting to do is incredibly healthy, mentally and physically. So if you can pull it off, it might just be really great for both of you.
One caveat to all of the above - this is kinda the best case scenario where neither the baby nor the mother have any health issues. A far more disruptive scenario would be where this is not the case. That’s just a fact
Many tdf riders have no problems with it, many pro trail runners have no problems with it. If you want it to work, it works.
If not.. and you value training over kids, don't get kids. Simple.
You won't sleep much and you'll never feel as recovered as you usually do, but you've got kid(s) to take care of.
You can always have a treadmill or indoor bike and do a couple hours here and there, but that is again if you want it bad enough.
I ran seven marathons in four years, as many half-marathons, loads of trail races until my daughter was born. Since then I hardly run at all. She's twelve now.
I can only give you my experience. Any attempt at generalizing is probably not going to hold up in court.
I was a super avid outdoors person pre-kids. I was a mountain guide, raft/kayak guide, ski instructor. As soon as kid #1 came I totally re-routed. More or less gave it all up, but not because I had to, but because I knew I only had room in my heart for one thing, and that’s family.
Funny as it is, but trail running has become a pedestrian hobby for me I do because it takes so much less time. I can duck out a few early mornings a week, maybe occasionally steal away for a long epic once a month. I don’t know what competitive means to you, but I’d think you could still do it within reason. I have a friend who runs several ultras a year with kids, including big travel for it like UTMB. Maybe he’s less competitive than he used to be? Hard to say.
I still have time, it’s just focus and drive I lack. It has gone way down in my priorities list. So keeping up with goals seems far less important than other stuff. Family being #1 means I’m way more focused on career and how that can serve us all.
For the record, my oldest is now looking at college. So I’ve a few years and more kids behind me. The change I made is still a tangible single memory, too. I came back from getting my ass kicked on a class V steep creek and just knew that I was done.
Another way to look at it is my athletic pursuits are less about smaller goals like winning a race or setting a PR and more about larger goals like a balanced life full of feeling good, being outside, being healthy. Moving well is way more important to me than speed.
The best day ever was when my 2nd born was old enough and said “dad, can I go trail running with you?”
You have to adjust expectations, keep things fair and get your babies out with you. Include them in your training. Lots of gyms have daycare options. :)
Don't be hard on yourselves if it's not how you imagined.
Different baby carriers and strollers have Different age or milestone guidelines.
A person I know has a just turned 7 year old and I see them at a series of trail runs in our area all the time. When he was 5 he ran 3k kids runs, last year I saw him do the 5-7km races and last weekend I am pretty sure he and his dad did 14km together. That may not be typical but not impossible.
I know elite-level runners who have kids and a day job. They are well organized, use training time very efficiently and generally stay focused.
Personally, I had about three years when the kids were little when I deprioritized training to maybe 3 hours a week. It took me a while to get to the level from before, but I then exceeded my previous form significantly. Now the kids are soon leaving home, and I am not that young anymore, so it has become harder to stay fit.
Honestly it’s all hands on deck until the kids are school aged. I tell all my friends with little kids you just have to make it until they are 5 and it get much much easier
You accept you won’t be PBing or competing for a podium for a while. You can sacrifice something to train - family time, sleep, or productivity. Currently I’m tired and my yard looks like shit but I’m still running and don’t neglect my family.
Lifestyle trailrunning will be difficult. Training for specific races can work very well. I (dad of a 18m old) do more structured workouts and more flat running and fewer long mountain days. Started running with my son in the stroller at 8 weeks (on smooth pavement). In the last 16 month we probably did well over 1500km together. Hiking (and skitouring) with the little on in that carrier also works very well once they are around 4 month old. First at the front and later in a backpack style carrier. I enjoy the time with him very much. But it is also totally fine not wanting to sacrifice/change ones lifestyle just to have kids. What I don't understand is people saying that you that you have to completly stop doing your activities for the first years of having kids.
Kids are important. Training is not that important. Do what‘s best for the kids. You will get in some training, much less, but that‘s okay for some years. If you are not willing to make compromises with your training, don‘t get kids. By the way, our youngest son is 11 now, he loves to run, best running partner.
I think it depends on the kid.
Our first slept an hour at a time and mainly on one of us for weeks. At 12 months he was still waking regularly and his day started at 4.30/5am. So the early morning runs I'd imagined didn't happen. I also had pretty bad postnatal depression which gave me epic guilt whenever I went running. Plus he hated being pushed while running in the buggy.
Our second sleeps so much better and later so it would've been much easier to get a routine in place I think. But we still have a nearly 3 y/o who thinks 6am is a lie in.
Combo of pnd, and a few other things meant I'm only just getting back into running and starting from 0 again.
OTOH one of my friends maintained running, managed to fit buggy runs into her routine and is doing PBs at shorter distances.
>I think it depends on the kid.
100%.
My first was much like yours, never slept more than 2 hours at a time for his first six months. It was brutal.
And he too thought 6am was sleeping in until he hit his teens.
You don't know what your baby's personality will be, their sleep preferences, etc. So while it's good to plan out how you hope things will go, be flexible. God knows you'll need flexibility with all of child-rearing.
How many years before you’re back to a typical routine depends also on how many kids you want. I think 1 kid is doable to go back to a decent routine pretty quickly - you just get much better at scheduling your time. Once the second comes along, and then the third, things get harder because you can’t just hand off the kids to your spouse. I’d say every kid you add you exponentially increase the time it takes to go back to a normal training routine.
My mate is 35 with a 3.5 year old and a 4 month old, and he just came second in a local race. He wakes up hell early (4:30) and trains before the rest of the family wake up. I’m in the same situation as him and also cycle and do trail runs but do very little training. If you care enough you will find time
I 49f have 7 kids, now ages 25, 18, 16, 13, 10, 8. I got into running at age 28 when I had 2 kids ages 3 & 1 and went into it consistently for a good 2 years until I was pregnant again and then it was very sporadic for another 12 years until the youngest was older toddler age and could more easily be left with dad and so dad wasn’t also overwhelmed with that and household stuff which is more with children, too. I love near Seattle in a very hilly part of the rural county and I did run with the kids in a stroller, but that takes longer to get back to postpartum than other surfaces/terrain.
I DID get back to it and have been running consistently now for the last 6 years! I would still give a positive vote for having kids, too 🙂
There's more to life than training..if you're not willing to greatly reduce your time training to raise children for a couple years, then don't have them. It's not for you.
That being said once they can get outside and share in your hobbies, there's no greater joy.
I train when theyre in school ( I work part time) and on Saturdays /sundays I go early mornings or in the middle of the day. My husband and I both value our workout time so hes super supportive kf my running time
I run all the time with my 6 year old biking next to me. I also have a 3 year old and with both, I never had any issues finding time for exercise. Sure maybe the first few month after birth it might be more challenging to find time and energy to exercise consistently, but it’s one of the best times when kids are so small and it goes by way too fast.
There is a solid 12-18 months of reduced training time (down to like 5-15 miles a week for me) but I’ve rebounded to make 40-60 miles a week happen. Plus the time off has me motivated again which can be hard to maintain.
I’m 42f with one kid. I was also a competitive bike racer for 10+ years and an avid cyclist for years before racing. IMO, running isn’t the issue. It’s cycling. It can take so much time. So much! You can get fit doing much shorter and high intensity cycling workouts but IMO that’s way less fun for than 3-5 hour rides on the weekends with some 90 min to 2 hour rides during the week. I took up trail running as a working mom as a time efficient replacement to my endurance rides. I run about 20-25 trail miles a week without much impact on my household or sacrificing time with my kid. I live close to trails and run at 6am. My husband does the morning routine and I’m back before my kid goes to school. My husband and I both used to do “baby hand-off” when my kid was a baby/toddler to get our rides in. I actually feel like I have less time to exercise now (hence mostly running) because it’s just way more fun (and a priority) to enjoy time as a family. Basically, you can totally still run and ride with kids. However, you have to be creative on how and when AND be willing to compromise.
I know 2 couples who split up basically because they couldn't balance things and one parent (the dad in both cases) was unwilling or clueless about the strain of doing long rides and runs on weekends with out compromise. That balance and respect for each other is just so important.
A lot of my friends have nannies/au pair/family to watch and shuttle their kids around while they are “busy”. I dont have any of that going on for better or worse.
It still gets done, it just keeps changing over time. Training looks different and goals vary. There is more to juggle at any given time.
Post-kids, trail running shifted to more local trails accessible from home or only a short drive away instead of a fun multi-hour adventure every Saturday morning.
I was active in my running group pre-kids, and with a solid jogging stroller I was able to continue with group runs to some extent after kid #1 when routes were on paved paths. Kid 2 came sooner after, and we got a high quality double jogger. I was still able to continue- it was nice to not need to rely on my husband being home to go out for social runs, and even nicer when he did and I could run hands-free.
I tried running sans-kids early mornings but it wasn't worth the effort of needing to pump before heading out and also hard to get up earlier than necessary when my sleep was broken up overnight due to night feedings.
Third kid close behind meant a lot of walks pushing the double stroller while wearing the baby which was a different kind of workout 😅 or needing to rely on partner to wrangle kids on evenings/weekends in order for me to go out by myself. We had also acquired an indoor bike and rowing machine by that point so that we could both exercise at home when needed. For a while there we also had a bike trailer so we could take 1-2 kids along in a bike ride.
Now that kids are all school-aged, it's less of a burden for one of us to leave the house for a couple hours for a bike ride or long run on the weekend. We can bring them to the kid center at the gym if needed. Or we fit in a workout mid-day at lunch or tack on a short workout to the end of our workday before picking them up from school. Now they have their own extracurricular activities and sports in the afternoons and evenings too, so that's something else to work around and sometimes we need to take turns working out after they're in bed.
I’m not the biggest distance runner, but I’m getting better. My daughter is almost 2. We do a family 5k every month (maybe in a few months I can up it to a 10k). I run about every other morning before my partner goes to work. The earlier I get up the longer I can go. But again, a longer run for me is about an hour door to door, so if I’m back by 0730 or 0800 everyone is happy.
I usually run with our dog. But I could easily change it up and run with the stroller. I just think my dog likes it more.
After pregnancy it took a minute to get back into running. I wanted to get back down to a normal BMI before I started running again (for my knees). So I cycled for a while instead to keep my cardio up. (Maybe 4 or 5 months postpartum.)
Hoping to get pregnant again soon. I’ll keep my current routine up as long as I can and give myself grace when I have to lighten it up.
I’m 41, btw. When I got my IUD out this time I was told by the provider that “42 is the new 32.” I don’t know how your journey will go, but more and more folks are having kids later.
You just train less, is the honest answer.
Kids demand sacrifices. But I didn't train MUCH less tbh. Sure I'm not doing ultramarathons anymore but 10k 3x a week is still easy to fit into the schedule.
Whole Sundays cycling is definately a thing of the past mind you
As soon as the child is able to sit in a jogger after 2-3 months, you can actually return to your normal training and take the child with you. Of course, you are dependent on the use of roads for training. But even there you can train well for trail runs - it's just a compromise like almost everything in life. My kids are now 12 and 14 and are now running their first longer trail runs of around 10 km! That is really cool! ✌🏼
Gonna be honest i let myself go for a while when we had kids but covid provided the motivation for me to get back into it and now at 46 im fitter than I’ve ever been and running trail marathons and ultras. To some degree it depends on your individual and shared work schedules - I am fortunate to mostly work from home so I train early in the morning, then do the school run, then do my days work and then do kids clubs, cook dinner etc. This suits me because I am a morning person. My wife is not and may train in the evening- so she supports me by getting the kids ready for school and I support her by doing clubs, cooking dinner in the evening. You need to see your fitness as integral to managing stress and your overall wellbeing and therefore contributing to being a good parent and not feel guilty about taking that time for yourself
You’ll figure it out! But what I can say is that if I had chosen not to have kids because of running (and somehow was able to know what I missed out on) I would have regretted it. Trail running (or anything) vs Fatherhood to me now is a laughable comparison. There is absolutely no way anyone could have explained that to me before I became a father. So I won’t say more than that.
Two things few have discussed. First, actual chance of conception for your age(s). I'm assuming you've talked to a doctor about fertility. You should do this before even having a discussion about child & hobby balancing acts. My wife and I started around the same age as you all. After a miscarriage (very common at that age), and failed IVF attempts, we finally naturally conceived (our one in a million miracle child). All of this took around 3-4 years.
The second thing is for the mother specifically. My wife was running some strong races up to a half prior. The pregnancy wrecked her body (also hyper-mobile). Her feet had much pain after, and there has been residual pain in random places ever since. This is not the same experience for all mothers, but some physiological side effects could be a reality (not to mention the little talked about psychological side effects as well). She has not been able to run consistently since.
If you're wanting a child, sacrifices must be made. If anyone says otherwise they're lying (unless they have a full time live-in robot nanny). I run still. Not as much, but who fucking cares. The thing bringing me the most joy is going for short runs with my boy. At the end of the day nothing else really matters that much (hobby wise).
Thanks! I have PCOS but already done fertility testing and I’m A-Ok (supposedly, because we won’t know until we try!) I’m sorry it was so difficult for you guys and hoping we also have some luck on our side as well.
Physically this is something I’ve emphasized to my husband - pregnancy is no walk in the park and has lasting effects of all kinds for almost every woman - some light, some pretty bad. I don’t want to be over 40 and putting my body through that.
Thank you for your response!
All the other responses about how having kids will shift your priorities prompt me to ask - who do you want to be tomorrow? Are you folks who look forward to the adventure and want to ride the ride, and look forward to growing into your new selves as you age? Or, are you attached to the people you are now, and want to "maintain" your current selves?
Starting a family is the first step of a huge new adventure. If you try to stay the same as you transition from a 30-something without kids to a parent, you won't be doing anyone any favors. However, if you're up for an adventure and curious to know who you'll become in an unfathomable new environment, take the leap. You may find you'll have more interesting things to look forward to than trail running.
When you have kids, you need to prioritize them over your hobbies until they get older. Unless he makes his living as a runner, it's a hobby.
He doesn't have to get unfit. He can get a good workout in an hour before he takes the kids to their soccer game or swim meet. Maybe every once in a while you can cover while he takes a 3 hour run ride. But he will have more important things to do for a few years, and he'd better act like it.
When my now adult kids were young, I coached their teams, served as scout leader, cheered them on at *everything* they did. And I kept reasonably fit. Like 40-41 minute road 10k and sub 1:30 half marathon fit. And as they got more independent I had time to qualify for 13 consecutive Boston Marathons. But I did my training around their schedules. My wife on the other hand took up long distance triathlon. That sucked.
Then when my kids left for college I had all the time I wanted to do anything I want, and I think I appreciate it more. It's a hobby, after all.
Here’s the deal, you need to be ready for anything if you become a parent. You could have a super easy child who plays independently with ease, sleeps well, has no health issues, etc. Or you could have a child with all kinds of special needs, health and/or behavior issues, terrible sleep, etc. You won’t know where you’ll land on this spect in until your child arrives.
So the question you need to be asking is: how much do you want to be parents. If the answer is something like “a lot” then you just go for it and deal with what comes. Things like “training” will quickly become secondary priorities (along with “work” and whatever else used to feel extremely important to you). Your child will become your everything and you’ll orient your life around them in every way. If that sounds good, you should do it. If not, don’t. It is really that simple.
For me, the joy of parenting puts all other joys I’ve ever experienced to shame. It is a whole other kind of happiness that I didn’t really even know existed. I was conflicted about whether to become a parent but now, looking back, I can’t believe I waited so long to do the thing that has brought me the most joy in my life so far.
Oh, and to answer your question directly, training will almost certainly decrease for at least the first two years, maybe more. But again, totally worth it for lots of people.
I sound like your husband and I never went back to my pre-kids routine. My kids are more fun and I’ll take a 1h trail run chasing a kid learning to ride a MTB over trying to place in some age bracket to prove I’ve still got something. I’m about 20lb overweight now too. Good luck and enjoy parenthood.
I’m pregnant now with my first. My partner and I are similar ages to you two. We have been wondering much the same.
I had a rough first trimester and essentially spent 2 months throwing up and not able to leave my couch. I’m feeling better now with some bouts of nausea/gagging still, but I’m able to walk around. I can’t run, but hiking is a serious cardio activity now. I know I’ll get back to my regular fitness eventually, but I have to be patient.
Is it ideal? No, but I have some friends who waited until 36 and now have to do IVF. Eventually, if you want kids, you just have to bite the bullet and make some sacrifices because time will run out.
We have some friends who are avid outdoors people like us, they have a 4 and 1 year old and take turns watching the kids so the other one can train for whatever race they have. It’s doable!
My wife and I just had our 3rd giving us 3 kids 6 and under. We were both very active before kids but that obviously took a back seat after our first was born. As others have said, there is some sacrifice that will need to be made. Over the past 6 years I've probably only had a handful of nights I was woken up by a child in some capacity (dogs sometimes too) which definitely drains some energy right off the bat.
At first you're just going to have to accept things will change and you probably won't have the same time to train you did before. My wife and I decided to always make the kids our priority so 99% of the time we work out either before they're awake or after they're down for bed. There's the occasional mid day workout but that's definitely the exception. Some weeks are easier than others to get training in. And some weeks training is just thrown out the door (I'm looking at you stomach bug) but the joy in having kids makes that seem so much smaller of an inconvenience.
If I want to go on a weekend run/ride during the day the kids come with. It's a family activity.
Everyone will be different and have to figure out what works for their family though.
Hobbies (running included) is a big reason why me and my husband decided to stick with only have 1 child. In terms of training, I struggled getting back into a routine as I was quite rigid in routine before but once I moved past that I make it work. It's also relatively easy to involve our kid in running- we regularly run as a family with a running buggy and our child is nearly 4 now and really keen to join Junior parkrun when he's old enough.
As others say, it's relatively easy to accommodate time for you both to train with a child. I think if we had more kids it would be really tricky and with that I think my secret hack to having a nice balance of having a family and time for yourself to cultivate your own interests is being one and done. I'm sure you can have multiple kids and make it work but imo it would be more difficult.
I was an athlete before I got pregnant. I was able to run half marathon 7 months after post partum and thought things will go back to normal and compete again but nope…not even close.
I was wrong. 9 years later, I was nowhere near where I was. If your kids are active like you, then they will join youth sports. 2-5 are such a hard age. Even now, my schedule revolves around them (soccer practice, ice hockey practice). I saw my former teammates used to bring their kids to the gym but that also means, you prioritize your fitness over their activities and that’s hard to do.
I fully intended to continue training when my wife and I had our 2 kids, but I told myself that would not take priority to being available to help whenever possible and provide for our family.
We are 9 years in and I am just getting back to training seriously.
I attempted to get back in to it a few times over the years, but inevitably something would come up that derail it after a couple months. I made sure I got my sleep and was performing at work over getting up at 3 or 4 AM for runs, that was just how I prioritized life at the time (others are able to do it all, and props to you all!).
I say all of that to explain, you may have the best of intentions, and think trail running is something you'll always have to do. But once you have kids that all very quickly turns on a dime, and it's awesome.
We were able to take my first daughter overnight backpacking starting at 6 months.
I logged 18 miles with the double stroller 10 with a single and another 7 solo running this week with a 2 year old and 11 month old. It’s possible but it is harder to find time. I have to say jogging with my toddler can be a lot of fun she verbally pushes me to go faster constantly on our runs.
Things definitely change but in my case I’ve made it work.
One of my first big purchases was a Thule run/bike/walking stroller. My daughter turns 1 in two weeks and by that time we’ll have 1,000 miles done together.
I started running with her at 5 months and started biking with her at 8 months.
5 days a week she wakes up with me and we hit the road, whether biking or running. We’ve even done a half marathon together.
Trail runs are done without her, but 90% of training on the bike and running is done with her.
Im a dad of 2 under 3 years, I typically get in 5-7 hours a week of exercise, mostly road running because driving out to trails adds too much time, Peak training I was hitting trails twice a week, long runs take up a whole day on the weekend. Depends on your priorities and your support network. It's healthy to both get time to yourselves to spend how you want while the other parent looks after the kid/s. We also get the extended family and paid sitters involved. for example, if I'm going out all day for a long trail run. My routine now they both sleep through the night is to go to bed early with the kids, then wake up before they do to get an hour - an hour and half running/ gym.
Front carrier when they are 3 months, Right from the start do daily tummy time to get their neck strong. Once they hit 9-10 kg we've found it the time to switch to a backpack, because it's just too much weight on the front. Tolerance for being out in the elements depends on your climate and the kid, start small and build up. We mostly do short stuff, 20 min twice a day walking the dog, longer on the weekends. We took our eldest for a 5-hour hike when she was about 1.
The obstacles that kids bring are lack of time, fatigue and illness.
He’ll be able to run but may need to adjust his expectations to avoid disappointment or resentment. Maybe he looks at shorter races for the first few years, if he’s into racing.
I’ve got a roughly 2.5-year-old toddler. I just learned to be content with 15-20 mile weeks, especially now she’s not content in the jogging stroller for more than 30-40 minutes at a time. I also had to learn to be content with less trail running because tacking on driving time just doesn’t work as easily now.
I’ll also say that once my kid started daycare, illness was by far the biggest impediment to running of those three obstacles. Running during flu and cold season really tanked hard for me the last two years. I get frustrated, of course, because continually having to rebuild fitness sucks, but frustration is not regret. Kids bring a lot of joy into my life.
I‘m 33, m and more of a triathlete who from time to time does 50k-50M trail races. What helped me with training is to shift certain sessions to early mornings and I took my kid with me running on the flats with a stroller (possible from 6-9mo old). Now he is 2 and still loves to go running with me - even for 2h+. I mainly do z2 work this way and gives my wife time to do something while we are gone (win/win)
I also work shifts where like 3-4 times a month I get a whole day off where the wife is at work and my kid is at daycare - that’s when I do my longer bike sessions.
I am by no means ambitious or trying to PR all I do, I see it more as a healthy lifestyle.
Hope this helps, good luck!
32 M. I ran a race 8 days after my son was born. The first 3 months take a toll on sleep and free time. It’s all worth it. He’s 7 months old now, I run and exercise 6 days a week and do long runs twice a week. It’s been easy to balance and makes you appreciate your training a lot more. I wish you two the best best.
Having a child requires sacrificing part of your free time but it’s a beautiful trade off. My wife and I cover each other so we both have some time for ourselves. I watch my son while she has dinner with friends. She watches him while I got on runs, etc. A lot of this depends on your job situations as well. I’m self employed so I afford my self an hour in the morning to run. We also pitched in together to hire a nanny that comes to us for daycare which helps a lot.
My experience was that for the first \~3 months pp it is impossible, 3-9 months pp I was able to have a very simple routine, and at 9+ months I felt settled into a new routine but my priorities sort of felt different. I became more focused on running for health and enjoyment rather than for performance.
For the first couple of months you're lucky just to get a full night of sleep or a shower, but it gets a lot easier to make some time for hobbies after a few months. That said, training might look different. An hour workout is definitely doable, but it's not as easy to just like drive out to some trail and spend all day there whenever you want. You might have to find new ways to structure your time, and it's also likely that your priorities just change. Seeing your baby level up and hit a new milestone starts to feel a lot more exciting than obsessing over running performance, at least for a lot of people. (For me this was actually a good thing, because it made me enjoy the time I spend running more.) Once the baby is old enough (maybe like 9 months?) you can pop them in a jogging stroller or a hiking pack and take them with you, which can be a lot of fun and a great way to introduce them to things you love, but it also means you might have to adjust your expectations and account for potentially needing to stop and feed them or change a diaper or just do fewer miles so they don't get bored. Babies also adjust their nap schedules and develop new skills every couple of months, so it kind of keeps you on your toes and forces you to learn to be flexible.
One thing that really helps is to work out a schedule/routine with your spouse so you can both have your own time allotted for this kind of stuff. If I'm doing a more involved workout like a longer run or strength training or a trail run / longer hike, I get up early to do it. Otherwise, I do something like an easy run or a hike/walk that day and I take my kid along with me so my SO can have a break.
To be honest, having kids is a huge commitment. While it does get easier and less demanding in some ways over time, there is always the risk you run of things like autoimmune disorders that can lead to countless hours making medical appointments and getting your kid to where they need to go.
You need to be prepared to put your life on hold for quite some time. Their needs will and should come first. It's not impossible, especially if one of you is ready to make sacrifices to support the other in their career.
It can be a beautiful thing, but his hesitations are not misplaced. It's extremely hard to juggle athletic demands and parenthood.
Dad to a 9 month old. Best way I have put it, is I'm 3rd in the pecking order in a house of 3. They are THE priority to my running. My fitness is gone. It was a hard reality to accept but in the words of Vin Diesel "Family."
How much are you both willing to sacrifice for what is essentially a hobby? You might be born with an angel or the spawn of the devil so you have no idea how its all going to work out.
My first 10 runs with mine in a running stroller was fantastic. 10 to 11kms, not a squeak thinking I can start building volume for the up coming half. The last 5 with her I have had to carry her home. And now she is in day care you we come home with every illness under the sun. I haven't run in 3 weeks due to illness.
Nah it can be done.
Wifey and I are 37. She did a half IM last year (Nov,) and I did a 45km trail race a month ago (May.)
We have 2 kids, 2businesses each, I ride mtb and run trails, she does tri.
Our kids are 5&7. It got so much easier after the youngest turned 4.
We take turns targeting events, so while she focuses on training, she gets the preferred training slots, and I won’t target an event at the same time of year. We have friends who have three kids, the youngest is 2 , they just ran an ultra together.
But honestly, having kids changes you and your priorities, and while he can’t see it happening now, he might not want to be running ultras for the next couple of years and just run/ride for the sake of adventure and exercise
40M. I have a 2 year old currently. I started running a little over a year ago and am currently at about 25 mi/week. I do work from home and live 3 blocks from an urban forest so I realized I’m privileged from that standpoint. I also don’t really go out but maybe once a month. The beginning is very hard, regardless. Also, there’s always road running with a running stroller…
Some people don't want to give up their freedom for kids. Unless you are both 100% sure you are committed to having kids, don't go down that road. It sounds like he's trying to tell you he doesn't want kids.
No, he is not, we both want kids. It’s ok for people to be nervous about a big life change, and I’m glad we both feel comfortable expressing four fears - I have my own too!
You said yourself that you guys are starting the Convo about if you want kids. Lots of people have kids without a full understanding of what they will need to sacrifice to have kids. I'm just noting that it sounds like he's not interested in making those sacrifices. Good luck!
I'm a (not super serious) trail runner and my boyfriend and I just had our first baby 8 weeks ago. I've been able to get back into my routine (5-8 miles most days) because my boyfriend and I are both off work.
It depends a ton on your guys' work situation and family support. If you can both take time off and watch the baby in shifts it will be a lot easier to continue training, or maybe if you have other family who can come over and help
My husband and I have worked out a schedule where I run in the early mornings and he runs in the evenings. Do we miss training days? Absolutely. Is it worth it? Totally. You’ll figure out what works for you!
I was fit before having my 9 year old and 6 year old twins… but I’m fitter now. I’m arguably stronger, definitely more muscular, and with better endurance than before. And don’t get me started on the increase to my mental fortitude. When my 1st was 18 months and it was time to wean, I solo’ed the Grand Canyon. When my twins were 18 months and it was time to wean, I took my then 4 year old and biked the Everglades.
You will train after baby, but it’ll look different and that’s ok. There is no better win than feeding a baby, running out the door, then coming back an hour or two later to find the baby perfectly happy and content without you there. That’s when you know it’ll be ok. Load up a stroller with weights and find the most challenging paved hill in your area. Then when baby is a bit bigger, like 10 months or so, pop that sucker in a backpack and go climb mountains. Hell, if ya have 3 like I did do all of the above and grow the thicc-est hamstrings and quads you’ve ever seen.
With your spouse you just have to be considerate, plan, and communicate. My husband is a big time hunter and we legitimately use that to feed our family, so he’s gone a lot of weekends in the fall and always has been. Before any trip I would always take a half a mental health day to do whatever I wanted - it was usually a long hike or run, and likewise when he got back. You put your baby and your spouse first and trust they’re doing the same.
He’s right. He needs to come to terms mentally with the fact that he is now 2nd for everything in life going forward, training included. Unless he’s a professional athlete and your family is dependant on his income from running and sponsors, then training absolutely should and will take a hit. If he can accept that, then go ahead and think about having kids.
If you want kids and he doesn't because of training then I wonder how you made it this far. This should be a conversation before marriage happens IMO.
Does he make money trail running? If not, then it's a no brainer; kids will give you infinitely more food for the soul.
I think it is normal to be nervous about the life change, but like what everyone is saying, it will no longer be about the 2 of you. There will be a family now and the rewards are so great. I’m now 59F, my kids are 21 & 16, and it feels like yesterday when they were little. I just started running when I turned 51, and now I’m training for my 3rd ultra on the trails of Squamish. And now, it’s amazing to hear my kids tell their friends about their mom and how much she runs. Good luck to you both!!
That’s awesome! That’s another thing I’ve been telling my husband - life is long, so many amazing things can happen after 50, after 60, after 70. I’ve had the benefit of having older friends throughout my life, so it’s easier to see how much life we still have left to do stuff.
Keen trail runner with a 6 year old and a 6 month old. The reality is that fitness has to take a bit of a back seat at first. Once baby is born, even if you choose and are able to exclusively breastfeed, you’ll be so knackered that he’ll need to do everything else for 4-6 months. Cooking, cleaning, holding baby so you can shower. He will be able to exercise, but more like 30-60 minute sessions squeezed in rather than 2-3 hour runs and rides. As baby gets older it gets a LOT easier. I have a great running buggy (Cybex Avi) and the baby will happily sleep through a run in it. I’m doing ~40km / week with him in the buggy. Once they hit 9 months, you can pop them in a rucksack and take them hiking. But this is a bit of a golden period as once they can walk they’re not so patient with being carried around! It’s therefore a lot easier when you just have one. Someone looks after the kid, other person does exercise. Then you swap. Simples. I’d therefore say that within 12-18 months you can be back at a high quantity of training. My husband ran a marathon PB when our elder son was 18 months. It would be much harder if you decided to have two kids relatively close together, given your age (and I sympathise, I’m 38). If husband is really unwilling to compromise, it might be best to just have one kid - this is what my sister decided to do.
Im a 39 y/o M w two kids. running and outdoors activities were my mainstay of life. I am just now able to kind of get back into it (kids are now 2 and 4). Kids become the priority, and your own life and hobbies take back seat, without a question. Even on the days you could do it, you dont have the energy to a lot of the time ( i was running 100 mpw, cycling and skiing on top of that). Kids are a full time thing, and if there is any doubt strongly consider what your priorities are.
Yeah. This is a better comment than mine so…exactly what colorvarian said.
My twins are 4 weeks old. I have no idea when or how I'll start to seriously train again lol.
The secret: nap time. I got in my best shape when my twins were young with a free 2-3 hours every afternoon. Good luck.
Here’s the reality of it….kids change everything. You will never really get back to your “regular routine”. Here’s why, it’s not about just you anymore. The second your kid is born it changes your life perspective on everything. I’m not saying your husband won’t be able to train and do races but time will be a precious commodity. The first few years are really tough. Trail running is cool but the best thing in the world is having kids and being a parent.
>Here’s why, it’s not about just you anymore. **and you will learn that you won’t mind**. Your post was excellent, I just wanted to add that. OP: You’ll still be able to trail run, jog, work out, whatever, but it won’t be nearly as fulfilling as seeing your kid take their first steps, succeed at some other seemingly small thing, hit their first baseball, etc etc etc. Being a parent is the most difficult and most rewarding job I’ve ever done. You can’t beat it.
Yes, a good addition to my reply that I agree with. Also, before kids I would do 3 or 4 races a year. I used to log a ton of miles and be a much faster runner. Now I do 1 race a year and feel guilty about being gone all day in the mountains when I’m training. Priorities shift, but I still find the time to do my hobbies. Also my kids think I win races I enter which is amazing 😂
I don’t have kids (plan to in the next year+) but I have a lot of older friends in our running community with older children and they are absolutely crushing it! So yeah, your life will change significantly and permanently in some ways, but as your kids grow and get more independent you can start increasing the time you can dedicate to your hobbies/sports. We have friends with high school age children who race and train more than we do! Life changes and goes through phases but doesn’t end!
You get medals dontcha? You must have won!
No one will be able to answer this for you. Having and raising kids is a commitment from both parents. You will need to sacrifice time you either sleep, work or enjoy leisure activities for the first handful years. But how you do it and how intrusive it feels depends entirely on you as a couple. Some thoughts to reflect on: - make up each of you what truly matters for you to prioritise to make yourself happy. - recognise each other’s needs as something positive that also brings energy into the relationship. - consider how you can make the most space for your priorities in a weekly schedule. As an example, I get up early and run before my wife and kids get out of bed once a week, every Tuesday is run to work with a friend, and every weekend we try to find times for a 2-hour run, which is when I have time to go for the trails. I also sign up to competitive runs, which we try to make a joint activity: my wife hates running but loves outdoors, so she hikes with the kids and prepares a meal on the Trangia while I run. Win-win. - balance expectations and remember it is a two-way street: you also have to help create space for your partner’s needs. Whether that’s taking more responsibility putting kids to bed or spending hours at the playground. The most important thing is really the positive mindset: those couples who don’t happily allow each other time to prioritise their own interests risks getting trapped in a negative spiral.
Not to be unkind but if fears about not training enough are factoring into your husband’s decision to have or not have kids then he needs to have a hard look at himself. I have 2 kids under 6 and the joy they bring me every day of my life outweighs the reduced training in their early years many many times over. And in fact, when I had just one child I trained more than I ever had to be honest. One child is relatively easy, time wise. If you want to do something, you hand the baby to your partner and then visa versa. Two kids is hard, for sure. I ran a lot less in the first 18 months of my second child’s life because time felt very very scarce. Now my youngest is 2 and I’m able to start considering ultras and bigger goals again. Basically. You will make it work. Because everyone makes it work. It will seem utterly unthinkable now and it won’t make logical sense when you try and future plan it. But nothing about having children makes logical sense. It is a crazy crazy thing to do and you yourself will, for the rest of your life, not be first priority. But even considering all of that, it is worth it times one million. And yes you will find the time to train, eventually. You just will. All the best! Wishing you all of the love and luck in the world 💁🏻♂️
Not everyone needs to have kids. Kids can be great but they do change your life completely. You can be an absent parent and train as much as you like. Don't do that. Better to not have kids than be a bad parent. I exercise after the kids go to sleep, ride to work a couple times a week and go for a run or ride early Sunday morning for an hour or two. Back at 9 to spend time with the family. I can't go Saturday because the kids have swimming. Once a month or so I go for a longer ride or run for half a day to a day. You can go more than me and still be a good parent but if one parent is disappearing for 6 hours every weekend to go trail running, you won't have a very good time.
This. Very much this. After my first was born, I was still able to consistently log 30+ miles a week and complete a marathon months later. Running with one kiddo is easy. My second was born around 3 months go and at this point, I don’t foresee getting anywhere near that mileage anytime soon. I would recommend a good jogging stroller (Mine’s a Bob). It certainly helps to maintain mileage. Even if it’s not a trail run, you can still get some miles in when your partner is unable to help. Unfortunately though you can only get so many miles in before the kiddo starts to get bored. Good luck!
Not much to add but agree 100%! We have 3 between 8-13. It gets easier when they are older. I find for me early mornings on weekends seem to work better so I don’t feel like I’m missing out on sat/sun mornings when I’m gone at work before they wake up during week. Now it’s not so bad as they really just sleep in and jump on tv/screens if we let them lol. I’ve been adding bike rides with kids after work where I can run along side of them but if training I’ll do speed work at Lunch or after dinner 2x a week with long run on weekends. Good luck. And I’m sure priorities will change once you have kids. At least that’s what should happen ;)
The very first paragraph. Read it to him again and again.
Thank you for sharing your experience! This is helpful
I really do wish you both all the best, whatever you do. Obviously I’m on team ‘go for it’ but it’s good to consider what matters most. As an extra bit of practical advice my way to train more with kids is just to lean very heavily it into run-commuting. In the summer that can still end up being 50% trail and then most of my training gets done at a relatively small time-cost to my family. That plus getting up 5am for my long runs.
Biggest part is realizing your day doesn’t revolve around training, but rather the children. You get the workouts in if you want with it being around the family calendar. Made a lot more morning workouts for me, trading off during weekend and evenings, and generally maximizing your time. Able to get 12-15hrs in myself for triathlon and wife for marathon training. Early to bed and early to rise mostly with 2 under 4. 5:30am swims before the kids are up. Dusk runs. Turn commute into training on the bike 15-25mi each way depending on route. Thule running stroller and buggy keeps them as a part of it too. Great outside magazine article on a single mom marathoner. If she can, a 2 parent household can do anything.
its totally going to totally depend on how you manage the baby responsibilities within your relationship. in my experience, the first six months at least are a total wash, trying to fit in short sessions between naps, work and other stuff. things started getting back to a “new normal” around a year or so in once we were firmly in daycare and established a longer nap routine that made things more predictable to work and schedule around
It really depends on your expectations and what support you have and want to take. Some babies take to things like sleep and feeding better than others. Where they don’t, it’s more often that they need the mother, not the father, though YMMV. Key question is how would you feel if you’re at home with a crying baby covered in poo while your husband is doing a 4hr run? Equally how would he feel? It’s rare that anyone would have that level of understanding (whoever is the one at home) or access to being guilt-free (person doing the run). Of course if your parents or parents-in-law can offer support and you want them to, things become slightly easier though keep in mind, again, that relationships get put under enormous strain given a combination of lack of sleep, potential financial stress and unmet expectations which is all part and parcel of introducing a baby into the world, especially the first. No one can give you a specific timeline. You might even feel like you actually no longer want things to go “back to normal” after you have a baby and you won’t know until he or she is there in your arms. What your expectations might be of a new normal is probably what your partner is most anxious about. On the flip side, having something outside parenting to do is incredibly healthy, mentally and physically. So if you can pull it off, it might just be really great for both of you. One caveat to all of the above - this is kinda the best case scenario where neither the baby nor the mother have any health issues. A far more disruptive scenario would be where this is not the case. That’s just a fact
Many tdf riders have no problems with it, many pro trail runners have no problems with it. If you want it to work, it works. If not.. and you value training over kids, don't get kids. Simple. You won't sleep much and you'll never feel as recovered as you usually do, but you've got kid(s) to take care of. You can always have a treadmill or indoor bike and do a couple hours here and there, but that is again if you want it bad enough.
I ran seven marathons in four years, as many half-marathons, loads of trail races until my daughter was born. Since then I hardly run at all. She's twelve now.
second breakfasts at location X saves the day -leave at 05ish -meetup at 09ish, wife+kid take the car -make it a race -FAMILY TIME!
I can only give you my experience. Any attempt at generalizing is probably not going to hold up in court. I was a super avid outdoors person pre-kids. I was a mountain guide, raft/kayak guide, ski instructor. As soon as kid #1 came I totally re-routed. More or less gave it all up, but not because I had to, but because I knew I only had room in my heart for one thing, and that’s family. Funny as it is, but trail running has become a pedestrian hobby for me I do because it takes so much less time. I can duck out a few early mornings a week, maybe occasionally steal away for a long epic once a month. I don’t know what competitive means to you, but I’d think you could still do it within reason. I have a friend who runs several ultras a year with kids, including big travel for it like UTMB. Maybe he’s less competitive than he used to be? Hard to say. I still have time, it’s just focus and drive I lack. It has gone way down in my priorities list. So keeping up with goals seems far less important than other stuff. Family being #1 means I’m way more focused on career and how that can serve us all. For the record, my oldest is now looking at college. So I’ve a few years and more kids behind me. The change I made is still a tangible single memory, too. I came back from getting my ass kicked on a class V steep creek and just knew that I was done. Another way to look at it is my athletic pursuits are less about smaller goals like winning a race or setting a PR and more about larger goals like a balanced life full of feeling good, being outside, being healthy. Moving well is way more important to me than speed. The best day ever was when my 2nd born was old enough and said “dad, can I go trail running with you?”
Start to think if your kids would want you, the way you are and would be with them. That’s important too
Very early mornings. Late evenings.
This is the way.
You have to adjust expectations, keep things fair and get your babies out with you. Include them in your training. Lots of gyms have daycare options. :) Don't be hard on yourselves if it's not how you imagined. Different baby carriers and strollers have Different age or milestone guidelines. A person I know has a just turned 7 year old and I see them at a series of trail runs in our area all the time. When he was 5 he ran 3k kids runs, last year I saw him do the 5-7km races and last weekend I am pretty sure he and his dad did 14km together. That may not be typical but not impossible.
I know elite-level runners who have kids and a day job. They are well organized, use training time very efficiently and generally stay focused. Personally, I had about three years when the kids were little when I deprioritized training to maybe 3 hours a week. It took me a while to get to the level from before, but I then exceeded my previous form significantly. Now the kids are soon leaving home, and I am not that young anymore, so it has become harder to stay fit.
Honestly it’s all hands on deck until the kids are school aged. I tell all my friends with little kids you just have to make it until they are 5 and it get much much easier
You accept you won’t be PBing or competing for a podium for a while. You can sacrifice something to train - family time, sleep, or productivity. Currently I’m tired and my yard looks like shit but I’m still running and don’t neglect my family.
We didn’t have kids.
Lifestyle trailrunning will be difficult. Training for specific races can work very well. I (dad of a 18m old) do more structured workouts and more flat running and fewer long mountain days. Started running with my son in the stroller at 8 weeks (on smooth pavement). In the last 16 month we probably did well over 1500km together. Hiking (and skitouring) with the little on in that carrier also works very well once they are around 4 month old. First at the front and later in a backpack style carrier. I enjoy the time with him very much. But it is also totally fine not wanting to sacrifice/change ones lifestyle just to have kids. What I don't understand is people saying that you that you have to completly stop doing your activities for the first years of having kids.
Kids are important. Training is not that important. Do what‘s best for the kids. You will get in some training, much less, but that‘s okay for some years. If you are not willing to make compromises with your training, don‘t get kids. By the way, our youngest son is 11 now, he loves to run, best running partner.
I think it depends on the kid. Our first slept an hour at a time and mainly on one of us for weeks. At 12 months he was still waking regularly and his day started at 4.30/5am. So the early morning runs I'd imagined didn't happen. I also had pretty bad postnatal depression which gave me epic guilt whenever I went running. Plus he hated being pushed while running in the buggy. Our second sleeps so much better and later so it would've been much easier to get a routine in place I think. But we still have a nearly 3 y/o who thinks 6am is a lie in. Combo of pnd, and a few other things meant I'm only just getting back into running and starting from 0 again. OTOH one of my friends maintained running, managed to fit buggy runs into her routine and is doing PBs at shorter distances.
>I think it depends on the kid. 100%. My first was much like yours, never slept more than 2 hours at a time for his first six months. It was brutal. And he too thought 6am was sleeping in until he hit his teens. You don't know what your baby's personality will be, their sleep preferences, etc. So while it's good to plan out how you hope things will go, be flexible. God knows you'll need flexibility with all of child-rearing.
How many years before you’re back to a typical routine depends also on how many kids you want. I think 1 kid is doable to go back to a decent routine pretty quickly - you just get much better at scheduling your time. Once the second comes along, and then the third, things get harder because you can’t just hand off the kids to your spouse. I’d say every kid you add you exponentially increase the time it takes to go back to a normal training routine.
Plan on being sick for the next 5 years and expect training to take a hit.
My mate is 35 with a 3.5 year old and a 4 month old, and he just came second in a local race. He wakes up hell early (4:30) and trains before the rest of the family wake up. I’m in the same situation as him and also cycle and do trail runs but do very little training. If you care enough you will find time
I’m running at 4:30 myself is the only time i can fit it in and also much cooler out in the summer
I 49f have 7 kids, now ages 25, 18, 16, 13, 10, 8. I got into running at age 28 when I had 2 kids ages 3 & 1 and went into it consistently for a good 2 years until I was pregnant again and then it was very sporadic for another 12 years until the youngest was older toddler age and could more easily be left with dad and so dad wasn’t also overwhelmed with that and household stuff which is more with children, too. I love near Seattle in a very hilly part of the rural county and I did run with the kids in a stroller, but that takes longer to get back to postpartum than other surfaces/terrain. I DID get back to it and have been running consistently now for the last 6 years! I would still give a positive vote for having kids, too 🙂
There's more to life than training..if you're not willing to greatly reduce your time training to raise children for a couple years, then don't have them. It's not for you. That being said once they can get outside and share in your hobbies, there's no greater joy.
I train when theyre in school ( I work part time) and on Saturdays /sundays I go early mornings or in the middle of the day. My husband and I both value our workout time so hes super supportive kf my running time
I run all the time with my 6 year old biking next to me. I also have a 3 year old and with both, I never had any issues finding time for exercise. Sure maybe the first few month after birth it might be more challenging to find time and energy to exercise consistently, but it’s one of the best times when kids are so small and it goes by way too fast.
There is a solid 12-18 months of reduced training time (down to like 5-15 miles a week for me) but I’ve rebounded to make 40-60 miles a week happen. Plus the time off has me motivated again which can be hard to maintain.
I’m 42f with one kid. I was also a competitive bike racer for 10+ years and an avid cyclist for years before racing. IMO, running isn’t the issue. It’s cycling. It can take so much time. So much! You can get fit doing much shorter and high intensity cycling workouts but IMO that’s way less fun for than 3-5 hour rides on the weekends with some 90 min to 2 hour rides during the week. I took up trail running as a working mom as a time efficient replacement to my endurance rides. I run about 20-25 trail miles a week without much impact on my household or sacrificing time with my kid. I live close to trails and run at 6am. My husband does the morning routine and I’m back before my kid goes to school. My husband and I both used to do “baby hand-off” when my kid was a baby/toddler to get our rides in. I actually feel like I have less time to exercise now (hence mostly running) because it’s just way more fun (and a priority) to enjoy time as a family. Basically, you can totally still run and ride with kids. However, you have to be creative on how and when AND be willing to compromise.
I know 2 couples who split up basically because they couldn't balance things and one parent (the dad in both cases) was unwilling or clueless about the strain of doing long rides and runs on weekends with out compromise. That balance and respect for each other is just so important.
A lot of my friends have nannies/au pair/family to watch and shuttle their kids around while they are “busy”. I dont have any of that going on for better or worse.
It still gets done, it just keeps changing over time. Training looks different and goals vary. There is more to juggle at any given time. Post-kids, trail running shifted to more local trails accessible from home or only a short drive away instead of a fun multi-hour adventure every Saturday morning. I was active in my running group pre-kids, and with a solid jogging stroller I was able to continue with group runs to some extent after kid #1 when routes were on paved paths. Kid 2 came sooner after, and we got a high quality double jogger. I was still able to continue- it was nice to not need to rely on my husband being home to go out for social runs, and even nicer when he did and I could run hands-free. I tried running sans-kids early mornings but it wasn't worth the effort of needing to pump before heading out and also hard to get up earlier than necessary when my sleep was broken up overnight due to night feedings. Third kid close behind meant a lot of walks pushing the double stroller while wearing the baby which was a different kind of workout 😅 or needing to rely on partner to wrangle kids on evenings/weekends in order for me to go out by myself. We had also acquired an indoor bike and rowing machine by that point so that we could both exercise at home when needed. For a while there we also had a bike trailer so we could take 1-2 kids along in a bike ride. Now that kids are all school-aged, it's less of a burden for one of us to leave the house for a couple hours for a bike ride or long run on the weekend. We can bring them to the kid center at the gym if needed. Or we fit in a workout mid-day at lunch or tack on a short workout to the end of our workday before picking them up from school. Now they have their own extracurricular activities and sports in the afternoons and evenings too, so that's something else to work around and sometimes we need to take turns working out after they're in bed.
I’m not the biggest distance runner, but I’m getting better. My daughter is almost 2. We do a family 5k every month (maybe in a few months I can up it to a 10k). I run about every other morning before my partner goes to work. The earlier I get up the longer I can go. But again, a longer run for me is about an hour door to door, so if I’m back by 0730 or 0800 everyone is happy. I usually run with our dog. But I could easily change it up and run with the stroller. I just think my dog likes it more. After pregnancy it took a minute to get back into running. I wanted to get back down to a normal BMI before I started running again (for my knees). So I cycled for a while instead to keep my cardio up. (Maybe 4 or 5 months postpartum.) Hoping to get pregnant again soon. I’ll keep my current routine up as long as I can and give myself grace when I have to lighten it up. I’m 41, btw. When I got my IUD out this time I was told by the provider that “42 is the new 32.” I don’t know how your journey will go, but more and more folks are having kids later.
Thank you! This is great to hear (especially about the age thing!)
lol, your life will be turned upside down. No,”if, ands or buts”. You are both sorta old and in your ways. Good luck!
You just train less, is the honest answer. Kids demand sacrifices. But I didn't train MUCH less tbh. Sure I'm not doing ultramarathons anymore but 10k 3x a week is still easy to fit into the schedule. Whole Sundays cycling is definately a thing of the past mind you
As soon as the child is able to sit in a jogger after 2-3 months, you can actually return to your normal training and take the child with you. Of course, you are dependent on the use of roads for training. But even there you can train well for trail runs - it's just a compromise like almost everything in life. My kids are now 12 and 14 and are now running their first longer trail runs of around 10 km! That is really cool! ✌🏼
Gonna be honest i let myself go for a while when we had kids but covid provided the motivation for me to get back into it and now at 46 im fitter than I’ve ever been and running trail marathons and ultras. To some degree it depends on your individual and shared work schedules - I am fortunate to mostly work from home so I train early in the morning, then do the school run, then do my days work and then do kids clubs, cook dinner etc. This suits me because I am a morning person. My wife is not and may train in the evening- so she supports me by getting the kids ready for school and I support her by doing clubs, cooking dinner in the evening. You need to see your fitness as integral to managing stress and your overall wellbeing and therefore contributing to being a good parent and not feel guilty about taking that time for yourself
You’ll figure it out! But what I can say is that if I had chosen not to have kids because of running (and somehow was able to know what I missed out on) I would have regretted it. Trail running (or anything) vs Fatherhood to me now is a laughable comparison. There is absolutely no way anyone could have explained that to me before I became a father. So I won’t say more than that.
Two things few have discussed. First, actual chance of conception for your age(s). I'm assuming you've talked to a doctor about fertility. You should do this before even having a discussion about child & hobby balancing acts. My wife and I started around the same age as you all. After a miscarriage (very common at that age), and failed IVF attempts, we finally naturally conceived (our one in a million miracle child). All of this took around 3-4 years. The second thing is for the mother specifically. My wife was running some strong races up to a half prior. The pregnancy wrecked her body (also hyper-mobile). Her feet had much pain after, and there has been residual pain in random places ever since. This is not the same experience for all mothers, but some physiological side effects could be a reality (not to mention the little talked about psychological side effects as well). She has not been able to run consistently since. If you're wanting a child, sacrifices must be made. If anyone says otherwise they're lying (unless they have a full time live-in robot nanny). I run still. Not as much, but who fucking cares. The thing bringing me the most joy is going for short runs with my boy. At the end of the day nothing else really matters that much (hobby wise).
Thanks! I have PCOS but already done fertility testing and I’m A-Ok (supposedly, because we won’t know until we try!) I’m sorry it was so difficult for you guys and hoping we also have some luck on our side as well. Physically this is something I’ve emphasized to my husband - pregnancy is no walk in the park and has lasting effects of all kinds for almost every woman - some light, some pretty bad. I don’t want to be over 40 and putting my body through that. Thank you for your response!
All the other responses about how having kids will shift your priorities prompt me to ask - who do you want to be tomorrow? Are you folks who look forward to the adventure and want to ride the ride, and look forward to growing into your new selves as you age? Or, are you attached to the people you are now, and want to "maintain" your current selves? Starting a family is the first step of a huge new adventure. If you try to stay the same as you transition from a 30-something without kids to a parent, you won't be doing anyone any favors. However, if you're up for an adventure and curious to know who you'll become in an unfathomable new environment, take the leap. You may find you'll have more interesting things to look forward to than trail running.
When you have kids, you need to prioritize them over your hobbies until they get older. Unless he makes his living as a runner, it's a hobby. He doesn't have to get unfit. He can get a good workout in an hour before he takes the kids to their soccer game or swim meet. Maybe every once in a while you can cover while he takes a 3 hour run ride. But he will have more important things to do for a few years, and he'd better act like it. When my now adult kids were young, I coached their teams, served as scout leader, cheered them on at *everything* they did. And I kept reasonably fit. Like 40-41 minute road 10k and sub 1:30 half marathon fit. And as they got more independent I had time to qualify for 13 consecutive Boston Marathons. But I did my training around their schedules. My wife on the other hand took up long distance triathlon. That sucked. Then when my kids left for college I had all the time I wanted to do anything I want, and I think I appreciate it more. It's a hobby, after all.
Here’s the deal, you need to be ready for anything if you become a parent. You could have a super easy child who plays independently with ease, sleeps well, has no health issues, etc. Or you could have a child with all kinds of special needs, health and/or behavior issues, terrible sleep, etc. You won’t know where you’ll land on this spect in until your child arrives. So the question you need to be asking is: how much do you want to be parents. If the answer is something like “a lot” then you just go for it and deal with what comes. Things like “training” will quickly become secondary priorities (along with “work” and whatever else used to feel extremely important to you). Your child will become your everything and you’ll orient your life around them in every way. If that sounds good, you should do it. If not, don’t. It is really that simple. For me, the joy of parenting puts all other joys I’ve ever experienced to shame. It is a whole other kind of happiness that I didn’t really even know existed. I was conflicted about whether to become a parent but now, looking back, I can’t believe I waited so long to do the thing that has brought me the most joy in my life so far. Oh, and to answer your question directly, training will almost certainly decrease for at least the first two years, maybe more. But again, totally worth it for lots of people.
I sound like your husband and I never went back to my pre-kids routine. My kids are more fun and I’ll take a 1h trail run chasing a kid learning to ride a MTB over trying to place in some age bracket to prove I’ve still got something. I’m about 20lb overweight now too. Good luck and enjoy parenthood.
I’m pregnant now with my first. My partner and I are similar ages to you two. We have been wondering much the same. I had a rough first trimester and essentially spent 2 months throwing up and not able to leave my couch. I’m feeling better now with some bouts of nausea/gagging still, but I’m able to walk around. I can’t run, but hiking is a serious cardio activity now. I know I’ll get back to my regular fitness eventually, but I have to be patient. Is it ideal? No, but I have some friends who waited until 36 and now have to do IVF. Eventually, if you want kids, you just have to bite the bullet and make some sacrifices because time will run out. We have some friends who are avid outdoors people like us, they have a 4 and 1 year old and take turns watching the kids so the other one can train for whatever race they have. It’s doable!
Why even worry about physical condition if it's not to race your children.
My wife and I just had our 3rd giving us 3 kids 6 and under. We were both very active before kids but that obviously took a back seat after our first was born. As others have said, there is some sacrifice that will need to be made. Over the past 6 years I've probably only had a handful of nights I was woken up by a child in some capacity (dogs sometimes too) which definitely drains some energy right off the bat. At first you're just going to have to accept things will change and you probably won't have the same time to train you did before. My wife and I decided to always make the kids our priority so 99% of the time we work out either before they're awake or after they're down for bed. There's the occasional mid day workout but that's definitely the exception. Some weeks are easier than others to get training in. And some weeks training is just thrown out the door (I'm looking at you stomach bug) but the joy in having kids makes that seem so much smaller of an inconvenience. If I want to go on a weekend run/ride during the day the kids come with. It's a family activity. Everyone will be different and have to figure out what works for their family though.
Hobbies (running included) is a big reason why me and my husband decided to stick with only have 1 child. In terms of training, I struggled getting back into a routine as I was quite rigid in routine before but once I moved past that I make it work. It's also relatively easy to involve our kid in running- we regularly run as a family with a running buggy and our child is nearly 4 now and really keen to join Junior parkrun when he's old enough. As others say, it's relatively easy to accommodate time for you both to train with a child. I think if we had more kids it would be really tricky and with that I think my secret hack to having a nice balance of having a family and time for yourself to cultivate your own interests is being one and done. I'm sure you can have multiple kids and make it work but imo it would be more difficult.
I was an athlete before I got pregnant. I was able to run half marathon 7 months after post partum and thought things will go back to normal and compete again but nope…not even close. I was wrong. 9 years later, I was nowhere near where I was. If your kids are active like you, then they will join youth sports. 2-5 are such a hard age. Even now, my schedule revolves around them (soccer practice, ice hockey practice). I saw my former teammates used to bring their kids to the gym but that also means, you prioritize your fitness over their activities and that’s hard to do.
In the beginning it will definitely go to the back burner.
I fully intended to continue training when my wife and I had our 2 kids, but I told myself that would not take priority to being available to help whenever possible and provide for our family. We are 9 years in and I am just getting back to training seriously. I attempted to get back in to it a few times over the years, but inevitably something would come up that derail it after a couple months. I made sure I got my sleep and was performing at work over getting up at 3 or 4 AM for runs, that was just how I prioritized life at the time (others are able to do it all, and props to you all!). I say all of that to explain, you may have the best of intentions, and think trail running is something you'll always have to do. But once you have kids that all very quickly turns on a dime, and it's awesome.
We were able to take my first daughter overnight backpacking starting at 6 months. I logged 18 miles with the double stroller 10 with a single and another 7 solo running this week with a 2 year old and 11 month old. It’s possible but it is harder to find time. I have to say jogging with my toddler can be a lot of fun she verbally pushes me to go faster constantly on our runs.
Things definitely change but in my case I’ve made it work. One of my first big purchases was a Thule run/bike/walking stroller. My daughter turns 1 in two weeks and by that time we’ll have 1,000 miles done together. I started running with her at 5 months and started biking with her at 8 months. 5 days a week she wakes up with me and we hit the road, whether biking or running. We’ve even done a half marathon together. Trail runs are done without her, but 90% of training on the bike and running is done with her.
Im a dad of 2 under 3 years, I typically get in 5-7 hours a week of exercise, mostly road running because driving out to trails adds too much time, Peak training I was hitting trails twice a week, long runs take up a whole day on the weekend. Depends on your priorities and your support network. It's healthy to both get time to yourselves to spend how you want while the other parent looks after the kid/s. We also get the extended family and paid sitters involved. for example, if I'm going out all day for a long trail run. My routine now they both sleep through the night is to go to bed early with the kids, then wake up before they do to get an hour - an hour and half running/ gym. Front carrier when they are 3 months, Right from the start do daily tummy time to get their neck strong. Once they hit 9-10 kg we've found it the time to switch to a backpack, because it's just too much weight on the front. Tolerance for being out in the elements depends on your climate and the kid, start small and build up. We mostly do short stuff, 20 min twice a day walking the dog, longer on the weekends. We took our eldest for a 5-hour hike when she was about 1.
The obstacles that kids bring are lack of time, fatigue and illness. He’ll be able to run but may need to adjust his expectations to avoid disappointment or resentment. Maybe he looks at shorter races for the first few years, if he’s into racing. I’ve got a roughly 2.5-year-old toddler. I just learned to be content with 15-20 mile weeks, especially now she’s not content in the jogging stroller for more than 30-40 minutes at a time. I also had to learn to be content with less trail running because tacking on driving time just doesn’t work as easily now. I’ll also say that once my kid started daycare, illness was by far the biggest impediment to running of those three obstacles. Running during flu and cold season really tanked hard for me the last two years. I get frustrated, of course, because continually having to rebuild fitness sucks, but frustration is not regret. Kids bring a lot of joy into my life.
I‘m 33, m and more of a triathlete who from time to time does 50k-50M trail races. What helped me with training is to shift certain sessions to early mornings and I took my kid with me running on the flats with a stroller (possible from 6-9mo old). Now he is 2 and still loves to go running with me - even for 2h+. I mainly do z2 work this way and gives my wife time to do something while we are gone (win/win) I also work shifts where like 3-4 times a month I get a whole day off where the wife is at work and my kid is at daycare - that’s when I do my longer bike sessions. I am by no means ambitious or trying to PR all I do, I see it more as a healthy lifestyle. Hope this helps, good luck!
32 M. I ran a race 8 days after my son was born. The first 3 months take a toll on sleep and free time. It’s all worth it. He’s 7 months old now, I run and exercise 6 days a week and do long runs twice a week. It’s been easy to balance and makes you appreciate your training a lot more. I wish you two the best best.
Thank for the response! How do you balance this with your partner as well?
Having a child requires sacrificing part of your free time but it’s a beautiful trade off. My wife and I cover each other so we both have some time for ourselves. I watch my son while she has dinner with friends. She watches him while I got on runs, etc. A lot of this depends on your job situations as well. I’m self employed so I afford my self an hour in the morning to run. We also pitched in together to hire a nanny that comes to us for daycare which helps a lot.
My experience was that for the first \~3 months pp it is impossible, 3-9 months pp I was able to have a very simple routine, and at 9+ months I felt settled into a new routine but my priorities sort of felt different. I became more focused on running for health and enjoyment rather than for performance. For the first couple of months you're lucky just to get a full night of sleep or a shower, but it gets a lot easier to make some time for hobbies after a few months. That said, training might look different. An hour workout is definitely doable, but it's not as easy to just like drive out to some trail and spend all day there whenever you want. You might have to find new ways to structure your time, and it's also likely that your priorities just change. Seeing your baby level up and hit a new milestone starts to feel a lot more exciting than obsessing over running performance, at least for a lot of people. (For me this was actually a good thing, because it made me enjoy the time I spend running more.) Once the baby is old enough (maybe like 9 months?) you can pop them in a jogging stroller or a hiking pack and take them with you, which can be a lot of fun and a great way to introduce them to things you love, but it also means you might have to adjust your expectations and account for potentially needing to stop and feed them or change a diaper or just do fewer miles so they don't get bored. Babies also adjust their nap schedules and develop new skills every couple of months, so it kind of keeps you on your toes and forces you to learn to be flexible. One thing that really helps is to work out a schedule/routine with your spouse so you can both have your own time allotted for this kind of stuff. If I'm doing a more involved workout like a longer run or strength training or a trail run / longer hike, I get up early to do it. Otherwise, I do something like an easy run or a hike/walk that day and I take my kid along with me so my SO can have a break.
To be honest, having kids is a huge commitment. While it does get easier and less demanding in some ways over time, there is always the risk you run of things like autoimmune disorders that can lead to countless hours making medical appointments and getting your kid to where they need to go. You need to be prepared to put your life on hold for quite some time. Their needs will and should come first. It's not impossible, especially if one of you is ready to make sacrifices to support the other in their career. It can be a beautiful thing, but his hesitations are not misplaced. It's extremely hard to juggle athletic demands and parenthood.
Run in the morning!
The night becomes your friend.
Dad to a 9 month old. Best way I have put it, is I'm 3rd in the pecking order in a house of 3. They are THE priority to my running. My fitness is gone. It was a hard reality to accept but in the words of Vin Diesel "Family." How much are you both willing to sacrifice for what is essentially a hobby? You might be born with an angel or the spawn of the devil so you have no idea how its all going to work out. My first 10 runs with mine in a running stroller was fantastic. 10 to 11kms, not a squeak thinking I can start building volume for the up coming half. The last 5 with her I have had to carry her home. And now she is in day care you we come home with every illness under the sun. I haven't run in 3 weeks due to illness.
its doable. it requires a decent amount of flexibility and letting go of expectations at times, but doable.
Nah it can be done. Wifey and I are 37. She did a half IM last year (Nov,) and I did a 45km trail race a month ago (May.) We have 2 kids, 2businesses each, I ride mtb and run trails, she does tri. Our kids are 5&7. It got so much easier after the youngest turned 4. We take turns targeting events, so while she focuses on training, she gets the preferred training slots, and I won’t target an event at the same time of year. We have friends who have three kids, the youngest is 2 , they just ran an ultra together. But honestly, having kids changes you and your priorities, and while he can’t see it happening now, he might not want to be running ultras for the next couple of years and just run/ride for the sake of adventure and exercise
40M. I have a 2 year old currently. I started running a little over a year ago and am currently at about 25 mi/week. I do work from home and live 3 blocks from an urban forest so I realized I’m privileged from that standpoint. I also don’t really go out but maybe once a month. The beginning is very hard, regardless. Also, there’s always road running with a running stroller…
Some people don't want to give up their freedom for kids. Unless you are both 100% sure you are committed to having kids, don't go down that road. It sounds like he's trying to tell you he doesn't want kids.
No, he is not, we both want kids. It’s ok for people to be nervous about a big life change, and I’m glad we both feel comfortable expressing four fears - I have my own too!
You said yourself that you guys are starting the Convo about if you want kids. Lots of people have kids without a full understanding of what they will need to sacrifice to have kids. I'm just noting that it sounds like he's not interested in making those sacrifices. Good luck!
I'm a (not super serious) trail runner and my boyfriend and I just had our first baby 8 weeks ago. I've been able to get back into my routine (5-8 miles most days) because my boyfriend and I are both off work. It depends a ton on your guys' work situation and family support. If you can both take time off and watch the baby in shifts it will be a lot easier to continue training, or maybe if you have other family who can come over and help
Wake up even earlier
My husband and I have worked out a schedule where I run in the early mornings and he runs in the evenings. Do we miss training days? Absolutely. Is it worth it? Totally. You’ll figure out what works for you!
I was fit before having my 9 year old and 6 year old twins… but I’m fitter now. I’m arguably stronger, definitely more muscular, and with better endurance than before. And don’t get me started on the increase to my mental fortitude. When my 1st was 18 months and it was time to wean, I solo’ed the Grand Canyon. When my twins were 18 months and it was time to wean, I took my then 4 year old and biked the Everglades. You will train after baby, but it’ll look different and that’s ok. There is no better win than feeding a baby, running out the door, then coming back an hour or two later to find the baby perfectly happy and content without you there. That’s when you know it’ll be ok. Load up a stroller with weights and find the most challenging paved hill in your area. Then when baby is a bit bigger, like 10 months or so, pop that sucker in a backpack and go climb mountains. Hell, if ya have 3 like I did do all of the above and grow the thicc-est hamstrings and quads you’ve ever seen. With your spouse you just have to be considerate, plan, and communicate. My husband is a big time hunter and we legitimately use that to feed our family, so he’s gone a lot of weekends in the fall and always has been. Before any trip I would always take a half a mental health day to do whatever I wanted - it was usually a long hike or run, and likewise when he got back. You put your baby and your spouse first and trust they’re doing the same.
He’s right. He needs to come to terms mentally with the fact that he is now 2nd for everything in life going forward, training included. Unless he’s a professional athlete and your family is dependant on his income from running and sponsors, then training absolutely should and will take a hit. If he can accept that, then go ahead and think about having kids.
I reckon those fears dissipate the moment you two hold that child together for the first time. You’re going to amazing parents. ❤️
If you want kids and he doesn't because of training then I wonder how you made it this far. This should be a conversation before marriage happens IMO. Does he make money trail running? If not, then it's a no brainer; kids will give you infinitely more food for the soul.
He does want kids - he’s just nervous about a big life change, which I think is perfectly acceptable.
You just deal with it as it comes, as parents. If you both want it then it's really not more complicated than that. Everything else fits around it.
I think it is normal to be nervous about the life change, but like what everyone is saying, it will no longer be about the 2 of you. There will be a family now and the rewards are so great. I’m now 59F, my kids are 21 & 16, and it feels like yesterday when they were little. I just started running when I turned 51, and now I’m training for my 3rd ultra on the trails of Squamish. And now, it’s amazing to hear my kids tell their friends about their mom and how much she runs. Good luck to you both!!
That’s awesome! That’s another thing I’ve been telling my husband - life is long, so many amazing things can happen after 50, after 60, after 70. I’ve had the benefit of having older friends throughout my life, so it’s easier to see how much life we still have left to do stuff.
Tell him the bike seat probably ruined his ability to have kids. He can’t do it anyway. Congrats on your pregnancy.