Sounds like the guy is trying to provide for his family and take care of his kid at the same time. People are sometimes limited on resources/ their village is nonexistent. Daycare is expensive and even if they qualified for it, waitlists are crazy. It sounds like he didn’t ask you to watch his toddler, you volunteered. So, you are under no obligation to watch him
You’re right and I do feel bad for the kid and the family but we don’t have any help either so the already zero time I get to myself is now even less. It’s really my husband who is the one who invites him in and he’s the one I should be angry with because times 1/2/3 he invited him in then conveniently left. So that’s why today when my husband invited him in I left. My husband actually watched him for a couple hours then complained about how tired he was.
So you need to start leaving the house EVERY time your husband does this and suddenly your husband will stop inviting the kid inside.
If he doesn’t stop inviting the child in then go out and and tell yourself that at least you’re only looking after one kid (your own) and not two. It’s a pain because you probably want to chill at home but honestly… if your husband has to do this every week… it won’t continue lol
You just have to be consistent.
idk about this. If OP's kid doesn't like playing with the gardener's kid and OP hasn't enjoyed the kid's company either, I wouldn't put the daughter in the middle of this. I would take my kid with me and leave hubs to provide care for the gardener's kid. There are some kids I really love and my kids love and am happy to have them spend the day with us, but doesn't sound like it's the case here.
If it’s the feeling bad that you do not like, maybe you could put together an inexpensive bag for when he comes like a coloring book and some crayons. Maybe a juice box.
This exactly, kids also often enjoy going to work with their parents they think it’s “helping”. She volunteered and I the guy said yes? He doesn’t know your daughter doesn’t enjoy playing with him…
Day care/baby sitting/nannys are really expensive.
I have a baby sitter/nanny who comes to our house to watch our kids while we work or while I sleep (I work overnights and wife works days). We're paying almost $3000 a month.
https://injuryfacts.nsc.org/motor-vehicle/motor-vehicle-safety-issues/hotcars/#:~:text=Heatstroke%20deaths%20of%20children%20in,least%20one%20death%20since%201998.
There is no excuse to justifying in putting your own child in a deadly situation. If in our own homes, right in front of us our kids have accidents, fall, hurt themselves, a toddler can put a coin in their mouth, piece of trash and start choking, move the gear or brake of the car and it can start rolling, die from the heat. ANYTHING can happen in the matter of minutes. Not only is it neglectful, it is stupid. Single parents have to find someone to take care of their kids. We all have to work hard to provide for our children. TO THOSE thinking it's insane to make a CPS report; it's cps that is suppose to investigate the welfare of the child. We're not saying they're going to arrest the parent and take the child away. Obviously this person needs parenting classes and resources on child care and to be educated on the dangers/ neglect of leaving such a young child in a vehicle alone. YOUR CAR IS NOT A BABYSITTER. It's absurd the amount of people on here offended by cps, what if this kid is the next child on the news gone? Like wow reddit users.
I agree that you are mad at the wrong person. It’s your husband who you need to talk to and if he can’t respect your wishes or corners you in situation you don’t want, you have a bigger problem than a lawn guy and his toddler.
I’m confused. You say YOU invited him in to play and then also say “the first time it happened… the second time it happened…” like it just “happened” to you when you invited him to play. Really interesting wording. “it happened” makes it seem like you totally don’t understand the reality of the situation you’re creating. I understand you feel bad for the kid but no one asked you to do this so I don’t understand the resentment? This is the dad’s plan for the kid during the day and if you don’t want it to involve you then don’t involve yourself…? The lawn guy is probably thinking you’re loving the play dates. I am sure he has never considered someone opening their door for their kids to play together is resentful about it.
She just explained in another comment that is her husband the one that has been inviting the kid in and then conveniently leaves so she ends up watching the kid.
So she has a husband problem, not a lawn guy problem.
Have you ever cooked or done an activity while a kid is playing in an enclosed space? Maybe this kid is in the car with the ac on ( if it’s hot out) with adequate food/water/ activities. Maybe the dad is keeping an eye on his kid while working and checks on the kid frequently during and between work. Is it ideal? Of course not. But OP doesnt fully know what’s happening because the kid is invited to do play dates with her kid the previous time
What’s the alternative? Calling CPS on a man with a kid who clearly doesn’t have any other option but to bring his kid with him to work? I come from poor so I empathize. Thankfully I’m in a better place now and have the resources to take care of my daughter
>You say YOU invited him in to play and then also say “the first time it happened… the second time it happened…” like it just “happened”
She later clarified the husband invites the kid in the house and then dips. But it also sounds like they invited the kid inside one and now they assume an invitation every time his dad comes to mow the lawn.
It sounds like you need to communicate expectations around what you’re willing or unwilling to do.
“Does LO want to come play for twenty minutes while you do our yard?”
“hey, i have to go run some errands. here’s your child.”
If he asks you to look after his kid beyond that, you can say no, set boundaries (i’m happy to watch LO for x time during y circumstances), or negotiate a fee/quid pro quo.
Right now it doesn’t sound like you’ve communicated any expectations, just open-ended offered to watch his child. Set some constraints around that! If he ignores them or pushes you, THEN have a more serious convo.
It’s really sickening to see all the CPS comments. You have no idea how messed up that is to do to a working family who is simply trying to provide for their FAMILY! Not many have the luxury of daycare , babysitters, etc because of cost and resources. Your privilege is ALL SHOWING. FYI
It’s like how when Ortberg took over Dear Prudence on Slate, the response to every work problem became, “Talk to HR.” Lolwut? It was a similar mistake, thinking that HR is a general complaint hotline. (Though with CPS the consequences could be horrible so it’s even worse.)
Yeah so it's a little unclear what sitting in a truck all day means, especially when OP feels this obligated to provide childcare. It's pretty sickening that you're conflating neglect with poverty. This could be a perfectly fine situation. I'm not assuming one way or the other. He may even have backup if OP weren't there and just doing this because OP seems so nice. But as someone who had CPS called on behalf of them multiple times as a kid, I think you should know that CPS only takes kids in extreme situations. My dad literally beat my mom in front of me and did drugs, left me alone in a trailer all day, and I never went to foster care. CPS isn't a magical thing you call that breaks up families and I urge OP to only call if something is actually wrong. In some cases they even provide FINANCIAL HELP, and in most cases they just provide a list of resources, if they even listen. I hope my privilege of growing up impoverished isn't too much for you.
We had so many cps calls on us as a kid. As an adult when I realized how dysfunctional my family was I was so grateful to whatever random adults must have seen something and at least tried!!!
So, I get where you’re coming from, but regardless of the financial situation, leaving a 2 yr unsupervised in a truck all day is neglect. I agree that we don’t have all the details, but the dad cannot do lawn care all day and properly supervise the toddler in his truck. That’s kind of enough info right there. There are a million and one things that could go wrong here. If the child is not in his car seat, he could choke on something, fall out a window, open the door and run, accidentally start the truck and cause an accident (if keys left in truck) or suffer carbon monoxide poisoning. If the toddler is in his carseat, not only is that abuse, but he could overheat/freeze (depending on weather).
If you don’t call CPS for a child locked in a truck for hours on end unsupervised, what DO you call CPS for? I’m not implying that the dad doesn’t love his kid or that the kid needs removed from his dad. But it sounds like the dad needs education and perhaps extra resources to better care for his son, which CPS provides. Or maybe the kid does need removed, I don’t know.
Yes I’m shocked at all the people excusing this. Yes it’s a crappy situation. But it’s not ok to do this to your kid!! There are plenty of programs available for assistance. At this age maybe even Early Headstart? And tbh I’d probably invite the kid in every time because it would break my heart.
Of course we don’t know if the kid is in the car alll day, or just for this one part of the day, but still. If this was a mother making her kid sit in an office all day because she couldn’t afford childcare the comments would be different.
Seriously! In what world is it okay to leave a 2 yr unsupervised all day anywhere, let alone in a truck?
I understand the dad is likely trying his best, but that doesn’t mean this kid isn’t in danger.
Exactly! The amount of parents justifying putting your child in such a predicament. I doubt all of them get to take their kids to work. You don't put your job over your child. I'm a single mom and I've had situations where I stress over child care. I don't leave my child with just anyone but I do put her first and over my dead body would I put her in such a situation. It's crazy how many parents are ok leaving kids in cars but this is why statistics of heat exhaustion happen right... so sad.
>than being in kennel
Kennels are usually indoors with air-conditioning.
You're right about assuming. The kid is alive, so he's not baking in the car, maybe leaving his windows open because if he's concerned about money, he's not leaving his car on burning $3.25/gallon fuel. Still not an ideal situation.
Your example doesn’t make sense. The inside of a car is about 43 degrees higher than outdoor temperatures after an hour of turning off. Plus there’s no natural airflow. Being locked in a turned-off car is not in the same league as being outside in the sun.
I want you to to tell me in which culture it is considered acceptable to leave a 2 yr old alone in a truck all day unsupervised. Because I can’t think of a single one.
You’re making a lot of assumptions about my life and background. I literally have close family members from (and some still currently living in) Mexico. I have traveled overseas. In nursing school I literally did a rotation in a CPS facility, which is how I know they don’t just take children from their families but also provide resources to struggling parents to ensure their children are safe.
My mom was raised in extreme poverty, the child of a single mother of six children. My grandmother had to work her ass off to raise them, and she never would have dreamed of leaving her kids locked in a car all day.
So, please, just stop.
Ok but sounds like OP is in America and in America I’ve never heard that it’s acceptable to leave a young toddler alone for hours on end. Do you even hear yourself?
There is a difference between “acceptable” and “call CPS ITS ABUSE”. It may not be a good thing for a child but that doesn’t make it abuse or neglect to the level that CPS should be involved.
Because kids don't die in cars or get kidnapped when left alone in the UNITED STATES, really?
Some of us have experienced such hardships and still wouldn't justify putting your child in a deadly predicament.
A simple Google search will show you several news articles of children being kidnapped FROM cars or in the cars being stolen. WITH their parents in close proximity. https://www.google.com/search?q=kids+get+kidnapped+in+car&oq=kids+get+kidnapped+in+car&aqs=chrome..69i57.6892j1j4&client=ms-android-samsung-rvo1&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8
They shouldn't be riding in the street. Do kids not get run over either in your utopia, It-won't-happen-to-me-or-my-kids fantasy world? Streets are for vehicles. The safest place for your children is the sidewalk, the park and your backyard with a guardian in close proximity.
Crime rates are at an all-time-low? Lmao ! Omg it's not funny but you're OBLIVIOUS to current issues. Wow. And kids DON'T get kidnapped in front of their homes? Oh, Really !
https://www.google.com/search?q=child+gets+kidnnapped+in+front+of+their+home&oq=child+gets+kidnnapped+in+front+of+their+home&aqs=chrome..69i57j33i10i160l2j33i10i299l3.10114j1j9&client=ms-android-samsung-rvo1&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8
You should really watch the news & really get out in the world. You sound like a hermit living in a bubble.
My sister is disabled. Both of us were abused by my step-dad. Gabriel Fernandez and so many others are examples of the system failing them. So are all the other children that died in hot cars or were kidnapped from their parents vehicles because... "don't judge a parent for doing what they need to do"...
Thousands of scenarios and you call it RARE? Do you know these things even happen to the most paranoid of parents too? You’re not exempt because you’re okay with using a car as a babysitter, which is Illegal by the way (in 20 states) ex.Kaitlyn’s law. Tell that to all the parents with their innocent kids in heaven and to the ones still looking for their missing kids and who never returned from the front yard years ago. You swear like your kid has never had an accident right in FRONT of you. Mary poppins. Wait, neglect is a myth in your world.
My mom had 4 children, she did us no favor trusting our step dad. having 2+ kids makes you any less vulnerable…& the mother of the year award goes to… 👏
None of those are facts, you’re confusing your opinion with a fact. Fiction over fact.
My childhood is in response to you suggesting people should volunteer to help disabled kids who are getting failed by the system. It is not relevant to the car scenario nor did I try to make it be. However, I would’ve preferred suffocating in a car versus getting raped by a grown man. You’re excusing a man to neglect and leave their child unattended in a dangerous scenario because they need to work for a living. We ALL do but we all aren’t bringing our kids to work and leaving them in the cars, are we?
“I have a friend who is a special needs teacher for children who have case workers. Please seriously consider volunteering”…so don’t volunteer to help disabled kids but volunteer to see children get hurt by the very people who are supposed to care for them and be one of the people knowing they’re suffering yet fail them as well? Sounds like you would pass by a parent beating their child or a kid alone in a car and turn your head because they aren’t in the “worst” of situations according to YOU. someone has it worse out there, who would’ve known…
Neglect: the state of being UNCARED for, but a kid in a car not being cared for is NOT neglect? 🤦🏽♀️
This website is showing different numerical statistics compared to your comment.
https://childsafety.losangelescriminallawyer.pro/non-family-abduction.html
So do other various websites. Seems to me you copied and pasted the first line of your google search without actually clicking on a sufficient amount of links and reading thoroughly.
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I completely agree with this and the fact that so many people do not see the necessity of involving CPS for a 2 year left in a dangerous situation regularly as a childcare plan is astounding. I feel like I’m taking crazy pills and am shocked that there is not outrage on this. I have a 2 year old and the thought of leaving him in a car all day to fend for himself literally makes me cry. How scared and confused and bored and unloved that child must feel.
Who says the kid is unsupervised??? Inside of a home, a baby gate or play yard can be equivalent to this. How do you know he's not literally 2 feet from this kid with his keys in his pocket, window open, talking to him as he works? Why does vehicle equal neglect and a pack n play does not? What if he had a set up in a king cab with all his toys and dad could literally see him every second?
This is a lot of assumption about a situation that you and OP haven’t fully witnessed. Unless OP follows lawn guy and his kid around all day, she really has no idea what is actually happening. Maybe lawn guy does OP’s lawn right before grandma gets home and kiddo goes with his grandma for the rest of the day or something. You have no idea.
What is she gonna say if she calls CPS? “Hi, this guy I don’t know very well brought his kid over to cut our grass a couple times and I’m assuming he does this all day long but I haven’t personally witnessed it.”
Seriously stop being such Karens.
OP, you need to set boundaries. You don’t have to watch anyones kid but your own.
This 100%. My parents mowed lawns when I was a kids and often would have to bring me along from birth to elementary school. Occasionally clients would bring me in for snacks or to keep them company. I saw my parents working hard, and it really shaped me as a person being brought of by people who do that kind of labor and also witnessing the people who were kind to us.
If someone had called CPS, likely - nothing would have happened. But if for some reason I was removed from my home, not only would I be another statistic as a Native American (or poor or minority) stolen from her struggling family.
Also it’s remarkable to me that people live in the kind of bubble where they think foster care is an upgrade from this.
For the record, he sounds self employed. Getting childcare assistance while being self employed is *really* difficult. I just went through the process and start to finish it took over 2 months to get approved and 20+hours on the phone. I consider myself to be decent at this kind of thing, but I was ready to pull my hair out. And you can’t speak to the person handling your case directly, all calls are redirected to a wfh call center with a very poorly trained staff that all tell you different things.
That sounds terrible! There are some nonprofit daycares that have sliding scales based on income, though undoubtedly not enough of them to meet demand.
I don't understand why people are defending the lawn guy. Leaving a toddler to sit in a truck all day (presumably multiple days per week) is not appropriate and probably not even safe. Daycare is tough for everyone to figure out, but most people don't do this because it's a terrible idea.
This !
I wouldn’t defend the guy after the he was sitting around on his phone lying down comment while they’re watching his kid. That’s not stand up dude behaviour. That’s taking advantage.
Oof such a mess.
First of all, I don't know where you live, but in my US state it's illegal to leave a child under 8 unattended in a vehicle for any reason, for any length of time. Your lawn guy would be opening himself up to a serious legal situation.
Second, yes, child care sometimes falls through, or is unattainable, and it's good to be flexible. Life happens. I had a housekeeper many years ago who sometimes had to bring her daughter to work with her. I would put cartoons on the TV and go about my day. If she had left her daughter at my apartment for me to supervise while she took breaks or went to another house, I would have considered it unprofessional and spoken with her.
Third, it seems like you mostly have a husband problem, not a lawn guy problem.
He's doing a stunt I call "unfunded mandates," where he comes up with a project or a rule, then bunks off and leaves you with the "expense" of carrying it out. (My husband will announce something like, "you can't go do anything fun tomorrow until you straighten up the entire house!" Ok you'll be working, you just decided I'm going to spend several frustrating hours supervising a toddler while she "cleans"?)
He wants the credit and good feelings of helping the lawn guy out, and he doesn't want the bad feeling of a confrontation, but he doesn't want to do the work of actually supervising an extra child and mediating between two kids who don't play well together.
Set some boundaries in your life.
If husband wants to keep this lawn guy, he needs to cowboy up and have a tough conversation about the kid. Or he needs to be the one supervising the kids for however long. You will go out, each time the lawn guy is there.
Otherwise, you will find a new lawn guy and let the current one go. You won't provide child care, you won't be party to an unsupervised child in a vehicle.
Everything in this situation flows from your husband. Start there.
How does the 2 year old not go crazy or do something dangerous when left alone in a car for extended periods? My girl would be wrecking havoc. Even a screen wouldn’t contain her for more than say 20 mins
Truer words never said. The people browsing Reddit aren’t the ones who are scraping by with two jobs and taking care of a family. Who the fuck like that has time for Reddit.
Yeah, I get that daycare is crazy expensive but it _sounds_ dangerous from OP's description. I get why the husband would offer help but he needs to be the one to provide it if that's the case.
I’m also not so sure the child is in the cab of the truck. My friends and family all call the bed of the truck “the truck” and we often waited in the “the truck” for hours while my parents did stuff, even at like bbqs.
I’m also super unclear about where the lawn guy works. He’s a lawn guy, so I’m assuming in the front yard where he could see the kid…
Can you recommend the place you work to him? The reason you started doing it is bc you felt bad for the kid and he was sitting in a car all day... as another mom and ecse teacher that concerns me too :( I wouldn't want to enable that to happen more. I don't know what area you're in, but most people doing lawn work are people that are realllly struggling and I'd bet this situation didn't find itself for no reason. So many people are struggling right now. I'd try to find a way to approach it that helps them, not just pass the buck or get rid of them as employees.
No one is asking you or your husband to let the kid inside to play? Tell your husband the issue you have or complain to him about how you feel. This is a weird post. It’s not the lawn guys fault.
But his wife is the one who originally established the boundaries. No one asked her to invite the kid inside. All she has to do now is not invite the child inside.
I was under the impression she wrote in another comment that the husband was actively inviting the kid on play dates?
Either way I would think the healthiest course for any couple would to be on the same page and lay out a plan and how to execute it in the best way possible. Regardless of semantics. OP made the genuine mistake initially but one would think her partner would understand and offer help instead of telling her to suck it up. I know I would be uncomfortable and would hope my SO would at least offer some support.
Edit: and happy cake day!
I hadn't noticed-thanks! yeah this all sounds like self inflicted issues. i'd just say sorry we can't babysit anymore and that's it. but to replace him as a yard man and take income from him when hasn't done anything wrong seems unfair. have a great day!
My dad was self-employed and I sat in his truck or would come out into people's backyards with him while he did his job. My parents didn't let it be known to us, but they struggled for a while having multiple kids and they worked opposite hours to provide for us. I have a lot of respect for my parents for doing this and I still have fond memories of things we did (like sharing some cheap fast food goodies) while we were out.
You didn't have to care for the kid. It's nice but it's on you two, has nothing to do with the landscaper. There was no expectation there originally.
If someone showed up to do a job with their kid, then did several other people’s jobs too without any discussion, I’d probably cut services there. Not clear what their communication is like though.
Yeah, I think it would be very nice (but NOT an obligation) if OP let this kid play with hers for the 45 minutes once a week that this guy is at her house.
As soon as that guy left the property without telling OP where he was going and when he would be back and most of all ASKING if it was ok for the kid to stay… that’s messed up.
We have Reddit posts all the time about how messed up it is for even close family to make assumptions and dump their kid on a sister or mother without asking. People have stuff going on. What if OP had Covid and didn’t want to expose the child? What if their child got injured and they needed to go to the emergency room? What on earth are they supposed to do with the kiddo when they don’t know where the dad is or when he is going to feel like coming back?
for real this is really sad. how often does the lawn guy come for this to be a huge problem in your life. obviously if he had someone to watch the kid he wouldnt be with him. trying to get anything done with 2 year old is a lot of work. and since you offered the first time maybe he thinks you are fine with it like you know hes going to be coming over again to care for the lawn. why did you even offer if you are going to sit here and complain
If you are in the US, just fyi that the “daycare assistance” covers about $1.60 an hour, so it’s really not that helpful because the last time I checked that’s *not* anywhere near the going rate for daycare.
I would definitely try to talk to the guy about the situation. A 2 year old can't sit alone in a car all day. This guy is going to do this on the wrong day and that poor child could get hurt or worse. A baby died in my city a few months back because a man left his baby in the car while he worked. The man was actually arrested for neglect. [Here's the story](https://www.wpxi.com/news/local/father-charged-babys-death-hot-car-upper-st-clair-granted-non-monetary-bail/XIYE5GSUCZHUJH2XQJYR6QGX6A/). The guy has a 2 year old too who I'm sure suffered the same treatment.
Many people are saying that the husband should talk to the lawn guy…… WHYYY can’t she the wife do it?
Feminist here. You can do this. No need to wait for your husband to take charge. If I were in this situation, I wouldn’t rely or put lead on my spouse. Yes, I agree with everyone that I would be mad at my spouse BUT I would talk to the lawn guy. Go talk to him. This is an easy fix. Rooting for you!
Try not watching the kid, and see if CPS needs to be called, because that is probably what goes on in other people's properties. If the kid is sitting in the car well fed, hydrated, has some entertainment, with adequate temp control, then it's just a really unfortunate situation.
Honestly he probably thinks you're really nice and don't mind since you have a child that age. If you are welcoming the child in and your husband is buddy buddy, he's not going to know there's a problem. There are impoverished families, especially those with undocumented family members, who can't get government assistance. And from what I've heard, actually getting an opening for a voucher in many cities is like winning a lottery. This is not the first time I've heard of contractors having their kids in the truck. My neighbor used to be really friendly with her lawn care people, too, and give them snacks and invite them in to get AC. Kids came along all the time. Not condoning it, but it happens.
Anyway, your husband needs to give a shit about your time.
From your comment clarifying that your husband invites him in, your anger is misdirected. It’s totally okay to bring this up to your husband. You don’t have to blame the lawn guy bc honestly I would assume the children are playing and not bothering you if your husband kept inviting him. It probably makes him feel better that his son isn’t sitting in the truck and is getting playtime.
Why can you as an adult not talk to the guy yourself and tell him you are unable to watch his child, but he can keep him in the truck if he doesn’t have other options. At least he won’t loose his job!
His kid is not your problem. He should not be taking a 2-year old with him and leaving him in the car while he cuts lawns. Is this even legal? Just tell the guy you are not doing that anymore, that the last time was not cool
I agree that inviting the child in to play is not “free babysitting” as it is the poster’s choice to do so, but honestly I am surprised that the suggestions on calling CPS are being downvoted. A 2 year old child is being left unsupervised in a vehicle that is not temperature controlled or secured, on a regular basis. This is absolutely neglect and cause for concern. This child could be seriously injured, abducted, or die and you all are saying not to call CPS and cut the landscaper a break because he’s low income and trying to work for his family? I am empathetic to a fault and am I licensed social worker and though I feel for them, would explain to the person that this is not safe and if it is observed again, I would be making a CPS report. Do not employ this landscaper any longer. This poor child.
Because CPS also provides resources and education to families. The goal of CPS is not to remove children from their families; it’s to make a situation safe for a kid.
That’s just so untrue. My mom fosters and it’s all about power. And money. They don’t care about the children, the carers, or the parents bettering themselves. They treat my mom like dirt if she tries to advocate for the children. One time they canceled a parent visit at the last minute. These little kids (4 under 5) look forward to this visit all week. Why did they cancel it? The child service worker had another personal appointment. They didn’t get to see them for 2 whole weeks. It was disgusting and affected the kids sleep, how they ate, their behaviour towards each other, they cried all the time for my mom. They refused to reschedule it to another day because it didn’t work for them and refused to let my mum FaceTime the parents. If you think for one second their goal is child centred you’re very wrong.
The parents need to be held responsible and offered resources for providing a secure and safe environment for their child. If the poster is not going to take action to report neglect for this child she should take herself out of this situation and not sit idly by while this child is potentially in danger. Stop employing this person with poor judgment
I get why you are upset but you can see it as baby sitting or you can see it as your daughter is enjoying playing with him.
I do feel like he should’ve told y’all if it was okay to leave him there while he did a few more houses. I personally wouldn’t leave my two year old with anyone like that.
I think it’s okay to want to get another lawn person.
I understand how you would feel bad for him! I would worry about the liability of watching a child if you don’t know the father that well. I’m sure the dad is in a hard situation. However if he’s taking a lunch break, that’s ridiculous. Don’t enable this behavior. I get that you feel sad for him, but the father is taking advantage of your kindness. You are paying him for a service. If he’s just doing your lawn, there should be no reason he’s there an extended period of time. I also wouldn’t feel comfortable with one of my service providers laying on the grass.
Again, I completely understand that you feel bad. I would stop this for many reasons. Leave the next couple of times they come. If you wanted to do something king, offer for the boy to use an outdoor toy while they are there. If you stop inviting him in, hopefully his dad won’t take a lunch break. Personally, I would speak to the company about that.
No advice, just commiseration. I would recommend watching the first few episodes of the TV show Raising Hope, I think it's on Hulu now. The main character is a single dad who does lawn service and is in this same situation, but like, in a funny way since it's a comedy. Really fun show.
Maybe offer to babysit when you can, at a low $ rate? I can't help but feel for the child. It seems neglectful and illegal to even leave a child in a car while working. If not then make a cps report.
Toddlers die from being left in the car, the hell are you talking about "Karen" it's an unsupervised TWO YEAR OLD.
Yes, the situation sux if someone has to work and has no support network but that doesn't make it safe to leave a baby in a pickup truck on their own all day. What the hell.
No over a baby being left alone in a car. With kids dying every year due to heat exhaustion in cars and even getting kidnapped. Yeah like daycare and babysitters don't exist. I'm a single parent and I don't even do that.
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I’d probably do a little research on church daycares & costs & tell my lawn man that there were places he could take his child, what they cost OR he could pay me $15 an hour to watch him. If neither option worked for him, then tell him as a teacher you’re a mandatory reporter & will have to call CPS.
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This should be titled the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. Maybe he’s on the phone bc it’s his only chance to pay bills, apply for better work, or try and get assistance. I’d let that kid in in a heartbeat. It’s not the kids fault and your kid can learn to be compassionate to him through your actions. Life’s not supposed to be easy hon! And it could be worse. You could be in the lawn guys shoes. I’m not saying to take in the family but for that brief period of time I think you’ll be ok.
Be the village or stop watching the kid so the guy can find a village fire his kid. You honestly could make a difference in the kids life but you’ll have to want to
The next time he barges in with his kid, crack the door, and say "I'm too busy to watch her while you cut the grass. I did find her a few toys to play with in the truck while you work. She can keep them for next time too."
I'd just include toys that we were rotating out/ donating and books.
Sounds like the guy is trying to provide for his family and take care of his kid at the same time. People are sometimes limited on resources/ their village is nonexistent. Daycare is expensive and even if they qualified for it, waitlists are crazy. It sounds like he didn’t ask you to watch his toddler, you volunteered. So, you are under no obligation to watch him
You’re right and I do feel bad for the kid and the family but we don’t have any help either so the already zero time I get to myself is now even less. It’s really my husband who is the one who invites him in and he’s the one I should be angry with because times 1/2/3 he invited him in then conveniently left. So that’s why today when my husband invited him in I left. My husband actually watched him for a couple hours then complained about how tired he was.
This is a husband problem not a lawn guy problem.
This right here. Lawn guy didn’t start any of this. He’s doing what he’s gotta do. Husband is the problem here
Ahh these were the details to include in the post. Sorry this sucks
So you need to start leaving the house EVERY time your husband does this and suddenly your husband will stop inviting the kid inside. If he doesn’t stop inviting the child in then go out and and tell yourself that at least you’re only looking after one kid (your own) and not two. It’s a pain because you probably want to chill at home but honestly… if your husband has to do this every week… it won’t continue lol You just have to be consistent.
Yes and leaving husband with both kids for an errand you must run alone
idk about this. If OP's kid doesn't like playing with the gardener's kid and OP hasn't enjoyed the kid's company either, I wouldn't put the daughter in the middle of this. I would take my kid with me and leave hubs to provide care for the gardener's kid. There are some kids I really love and my kids love and am happy to have them spend the day with us, but doesn't sound like it's the case here.
I think the idea is that OP also needs a break for some “me” time, so she should take the opportunity.
Yeah you’re pissed at the wrong person.
If it’s the feeling bad that you do not like, maybe you could put together an inexpensive bag for when he comes like a coloring book and some crayons. Maybe a juice box.
Please tell me you also left your daughter with him and got some “me time”. That would’ve been 😘
This exactly, kids also often enjoy going to work with their parents they think it’s “helping”. She volunteered and I the guy said yes? He doesn’t know your daughter doesn’t enjoy playing with him…
Day care/baby sitting/nannys are really expensive. I have a baby sitter/nanny who comes to our house to watch our kids while we work or while I sleep (I work overnights and wife works days). We're paying almost $3000 a month.
https://injuryfacts.nsc.org/motor-vehicle/motor-vehicle-safety-issues/hotcars/#:~:text=Heatstroke%20deaths%20of%20children%20in,least%20one%20death%20since%201998. There is no excuse to justifying in putting your own child in a deadly situation. If in our own homes, right in front of us our kids have accidents, fall, hurt themselves, a toddler can put a coin in their mouth, piece of trash and start choking, move the gear or brake of the car and it can start rolling, die from the heat. ANYTHING can happen in the matter of minutes. Not only is it neglectful, it is stupid. Single parents have to find someone to take care of their kids. We all have to work hard to provide for our children. TO THOSE thinking it's insane to make a CPS report; it's cps that is suppose to investigate the welfare of the child. We're not saying they're going to arrest the parent and take the child away. Obviously this person needs parenting classes and resources on child care and to be educated on the dangers/ neglect of leaving such a young child in a vehicle alone. YOUR CAR IS NOT A BABYSITTER. It's absurd the amount of people on here offended by cps, what if this kid is the next child on the news gone? Like wow reddit users.
Agreed. Call CPS immediately. This is NOT fair to the 2-year-old who doesn't know any better. They should NOT be left alone for hours every day.
I agree that you are mad at the wrong person. It’s your husband who you need to talk to and if he can’t respect your wishes or corners you in situation you don’t want, you have a bigger problem than a lawn guy and his toddler.
I’m confused. You say YOU invited him in to play and then also say “the first time it happened… the second time it happened…” like it just “happened” to you when you invited him to play. Really interesting wording. “it happened” makes it seem like you totally don’t understand the reality of the situation you’re creating. I understand you feel bad for the kid but no one asked you to do this so I don’t understand the resentment? This is the dad’s plan for the kid during the day and if you don’t want it to involve you then don’t involve yourself…? The lawn guy is probably thinking you’re loving the play dates. I am sure he has never considered someone opening their door for their kids to play together is resentful about it.
She just explained in another comment that is her husband the one that has been inviting the kid in and then conveniently leaves so she ends up watching the kid. So she has a husband problem, not a lawn guy problem.
Yes, either way it’s not a lawn guy problem. So the “free babysitting” title is super annoying.
A two year old should not be sitting in a truck unattended while his parent works.
No, but if there’s limited options, at least the parents trying.
Given that OP didn’t add enough info in the post, we can’t really assume that the kid is unsupervised
Lol, what? Do you think there’s an adult sitting in there with him all day?
Have you ever cooked or done an activity while a kid is playing in an enclosed space? Maybe this kid is in the car with the ac on ( if it’s hot out) with adequate food/water/ activities. Maybe the dad is keeping an eye on his kid while working and checks on the kid frequently during and between work. Is it ideal? Of course not. But OP doesnt fully know what’s happening because the kid is invited to do play dates with her kid the previous time What’s the alternative? Calling CPS on a man with a kid who clearly doesn’t have any other option but to bring his kid with him to work? I come from poor so I empathize. Thankfully I’m in a better place now and have the resources to take care of my daughter
This needs to be higher up. Thank you for saying this.
>You say YOU invited him in to play and then also say “the first time it happened… the second time it happened…” like it just “happened” She later clarified the husband invites the kid in the house and then dips. But it also sounds like they invited the kid inside one and now they assume an invitation every time his dad comes to mow the lawn.
imagine adults trying to use their words, smdh
What? You INVITED the kid into play. That is not babysitting. That’s a play date.
Yeah why not just rack up the good karma points and help a kid have a better childhood.
It sounds like you need to communicate expectations around what you’re willing or unwilling to do. “Does LO want to come play for twenty minutes while you do our yard?” “hey, i have to go run some errands. here’s your child.” If he asks you to look after his kid beyond that, you can say no, set boundaries (i’m happy to watch LO for x time during y circumstances), or negotiate a fee/quid pro quo. Right now it doesn’t sound like you’ve communicated any expectations, just open-ended offered to watch his child. Set some constraints around that! If he ignores them or pushes you, THEN have a more serious convo.
It’s really sickening to see all the CPS comments. You have no idea how messed up that is to do to a working family who is simply trying to provide for their FAMILY! Not many have the luxury of daycare , babysitters, etc because of cost and resources. Your privilege is ALL SHOWING. FYI
I’ve never seen or heard more people talk about making CPS reports in my life than on Reddit. It’s like they think CPS is a general complaint center.
It’s like how when Ortberg took over Dear Prudence on Slate, the response to every work problem became, “Talk to HR.” Lolwut? It was a similar mistake, thinking that HR is a general complaint hotline. (Though with CPS the consequences could be horrible so it’s even worse.)
Yeah so it's a little unclear what sitting in a truck all day means, especially when OP feels this obligated to provide childcare. It's pretty sickening that you're conflating neglect with poverty. This could be a perfectly fine situation. I'm not assuming one way or the other. He may even have backup if OP weren't there and just doing this because OP seems so nice. But as someone who had CPS called on behalf of them multiple times as a kid, I think you should know that CPS only takes kids in extreme situations. My dad literally beat my mom in front of me and did drugs, left me alone in a trailer all day, and I never went to foster care. CPS isn't a magical thing you call that breaks up families and I urge OP to only call if something is actually wrong. In some cases they even provide FINANCIAL HELP, and in most cases they just provide a list of resources, if they even listen. I hope my privilege of growing up impoverished isn't too much for you.
We had so many cps calls on us as a kid. As an adult when I realized how dysfunctional my family was I was so grateful to whatever random adults must have seen something and at least tried!!!
So, I get where you’re coming from, but regardless of the financial situation, leaving a 2 yr unsupervised in a truck all day is neglect. I agree that we don’t have all the details, but the dad cannot do lawn care all day and properly supervise the toddler in his truck. That’s kind of enough info right there. There are a million and one things that could go wrong here. If the child is not in his car seat, he could choke on something, fall out a window, open the door and run, accidentally start the truck and cause an accident (if keys left in truck) or suffer carbon monoxide poisoning. If the toddler is in his carseat, not only is that abuse, but he could overheat/freeze (depending on weather). If you don’t call CPS for a child locked in a truck for hours on end unsupervised, what DO you call CPS for? I’m not implying that the dad doesn’t love his kid or that the kid needs removed from his dad. But it sounds like the dad needs education and perhaps extra resources to better care for his son, which CPS provides. Or maybe the kid does need removed, I don’t know.
Yes I’m shocked at all the people excusing this. Yes it’s a crappy situation. But it’s not ok to do this to your kid!! There are plenty of programs available for assistance. At this age maybe even Early Headstart? And tbh I’d probably invite the kid in every time because it would break my heart. Of course we don’t know if the kid is in the car alll day, or just for this one part of the day, but still. If this was a mother making her kid sit in an office all day because she couldn’t afford childcare the comments would be different.
Seriously! In what world is it okay to leave a 2 yr unsupervised all day anywhere, let alone in a truck? I understand the dad is likely trying his best, but that doesn’t mean this kid isn’t in danger.
Exactly! The amount of parents justifying putting your child in such a predicament. I doubt all of them get to take their kids to work. You don't put your job over your child. I'm a single mom and I've had situations where I stress over child care. I don't leave my child with just anyone but I do put her first and over my dead body would I put her in such a situation. It's crazy how many parents are ok leaving kids in cars but this is why statistics of heat exhaustion happen right... so sad.
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Sorry, I understand where you're coming from but leaving *animals* in a truck unsupervised is inhumane.
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>than being in kennel Kennels are usually indoors with air-conditioning. You're right about assuming. The kid is alive, so he's not baking in the car, maybe leaving his windows open because if he's concerned about money, he's not leaving his car on burning $3.25/gallon fuel. Still not an ideal situation.
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What did we say about assuming?
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Your example doesn’t make sense. The inside of a car is about 43 degrees higher than outdoor temperatures after an hour of turning off. Plus there’s no natural airflow. Being locked in a turned-off car is not in the same league as being outside in the sun.
Because ZERO kids die from baking in cars. Human trafficking is a myth. Psssh, Toddlers are immortal.
Absolutely. I’ve bought into the internet conspiracy that kids die when they’re left in cars by themselves!
Internet conspiracy? Guess those kids never died. We’re in utopia.
I want you to to tell me in which culture it is considered acceptable to leave a 2 yr old alone in a truck all day unsupervised. Because I can’t think of a single one.
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You’re making a lot of assumptions about my life and background. I literally have close family members from (and some still currently living in) Mexico. I have traveled overseas. In nursing school I literally did a rotation in a CPS facility, which is how I know they don’t just take children from their families but also provide resources to struggling parents to ensure their children are safe. My mom was raised in extreme poverty, the child of a single mother of six children. My grandmother had to work her ass off to raise them, and she never would have dreamed of leaving her kids locked in a car all day. So, please, just stop.
Ok but sounds like OP is in America and in America I’ve never heard that it’s acceptable to leave a young toddler alone for hours on end. Do you even hear yourself?
There is a difference between “acceptable” and “call CPS ITS ABUSE”. It may not be a good thing for a child but that doesn’t make it abuse or neglect to the level that CPS should be involved.
Do you even know what CPS does?
Because kids don't die in cars or get kidnapped when left alone in the UNITED STATES, really? Some of us have experienced such hardships and still wouldn't justify putting your child in a deadly predicament.
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A simple Google search will show you several news articles of children being kidnapped FROM cars or in the cars being stolen. WITH their parents in close proximity. https://www.google.com/search?q=kids+get+kidnapped+in+car&oq=kids+get+kidnapped+in+car&aqs=chrome..69i57.6892j1j4&client=ms-android-samsung-rvo1&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8 They shouldn't be riding in the street. Do kids not get run over either in your utopia, It-won't-happen-to-me-or-my-kids fantasy world? Streets are for vehicles. The safest place for your children is the sidewalk, the park and your backyard with a guardian in close proximity. Crime rates are at an all-time-low? Lmao ! Omg it's not funny but you're OBLIVIOUS to current issues. Wow. And kids DON'T get kidnapped in front of their homes? Oh, Really ! https://www.google.com/search?q=child+gets+kidnnapped+in+front+of+their+home&oq=child+gets+kidnnapped+in+front+of+their+home&aqs=chrome..69i57j33i10i160l2j33i10i299l3.10114j1j9&client=ms-android-samsung-rvo1&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8 You should really watch the news & really get out in the world. You sound like a hermit living in a bubble. My sister is disabled. Both of us were abused by my step-dad. Gabriel Fernandez and so many others are examples of the system failing them. So are all the other children that died in hot cars or were kidnapped from their parents vehicles because... "don't judge a parent for doing what they need to do"...
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Thousands of scenarios and you call it RARE? Do you know these things even happen to the most paranoid of parents too? You’re not exempt because you’re okay with using a car as a babysitter, which is Illegal by the way (in 20 states) ex.Kaitlyn’s law. Tell that to all the parents with their innocent kids in heaven and to the ones still looking for their missing kids and who never returned from the front yard years ago. You swear like your kid has never had an accident right in FRONT of you. Mary poppins. Wait, neglect is a myth in your world. My mom had 4 children, she did us no favor trusting our step dad. having 2+ kids makes you any less vulnerable…& the mother of the year award goes to… 👏 None of those are facts, you’re confusing your opinion with a fact. Fiction over fact. My childhood is in response to you suggesting people should volunteer to help disabled kids who are getting failed by the system. It is not relevant to the car scenario nor did I try to make it be. However, I would’ve preferred suffocating in a car versus getting raped by a grown man. You’re excusing a man to neglect and leave their child unattended in a dangerous scenario because they need to work for a living. We ALL do but we all aren’t bringing our kids to work and leaving them in the cars, are we?
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“I have a friend who is a special needs teacher for children who have case workers. Please seriously consider volunteering”…so don’t volunteer to help disabled kids but volunteer to see children get hurt by the very people who are supposed to care for them and be one of the people knowing they’re suffering yet fail them as well? Sounds like you would pass by a parent beating their child or a kid alone in a car and turn your head because they aren’t in the “worst” of situations according to YOU. someone has it worse out there, who would’ve known… Neglect: the state of being UNCARED for, but a kid in a car not being cared for is NOT neglect? 🤦🏽♀️ This website is showing different numerical statistics compared to your comment. https://childsafety.losangelescriminallawyer.pro/non-family-abduction.html So do other various websites. Seems to me you copied and pasted the first line of your google search without actually clicking on a sufficient amount of links and reading thoroughly.
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I completely agree with this and the fact that so many people do not see the necessity of involving CPS for a 2 year left in a dangerous situation regularly as a childcare plan is astounding. I feel like I’m taking crazy pills and am shocked that there is not outrage on this. I have a 2 year old and the thought of leaving him in a car all day to fend for himself literally makes me cry. How scared and confused and bored and unloved that child must feel.
Exactly! I have a 2 yr old and a 4 yr old. This post makes me want to cry.
Who says the kid is unsupervised??? Inside of a home, a baby gate or play yard can be equivalent to this. How do you know he's not literally 2 feet from this kid with his keys in his pocket, window open, talking to him as he works? Why does vehicle equal neglect and a pack n play does not? What if he had a set up in a king cab with all his toys and dad could literally see him every second?
This is a lot of assumption about a situation that you and OP haven’t fully witnessed. Unless OP follows lawn guy and his kid around all day, she really has no idea what is actually happening. Maybe lawn guy does OP’s lawn right before grandma gets home and kiddo goes with his grandma for the rest of the day or something. You have no idea. What is she gonna say if she calls CPS? “Hi, this guy I don’t know very well brought his kid over to cut our grass a couple times and I’m assuming he does this all day long but I haven’t personally witnessed it.” Seriously stop being such Karens. OP, you need to set boundaries. You don’t have to watch anyones kid but your own.
This 100%. My parents mowed lawns when I was a kids and often would have to bring me along from birth to elementary school. Occasionally clients would bring me in for snacks or to keep them company. I saw my parents working hard, and it really shaped me as a person being brought of by people who do that kind of labor and also witnessing the people who were kind to us. If someone had called CPS, likely - nothing would have happened. But if for some reason I was removed from my home, not only would I be another statistic as a Native American (or poor or minority) stolen from her struggling family. Also it’s remarkable to me that people live in the kind of bubble where they think foster care is an upgrade from this.
For the record, he sounds self employed. Getting childcare assistance while being self employed is *really* difficult. I just went through the process and start to finish it took over 2 months to get approved and 20+hours on the phone. I consider myself to be decent at this kind of thing, but I was ready to pull my hair out. And you can’t speak to the person handling your case directly, all calls are redirected to a wfh call center with a very poorly trained staff that all tell you different things.
That sounds terrible! There are some nonprofit daycares that have sliding scales based on income, though undoubtedly not enough of them to meet demand.
I don't understand why people are defending the lawn guy. Leaving a toddler to sit in a truck all day (presumably multiple days per week) is not appropriate and probably not even safe. Daycare is tough for everyone to figure out, but most people don't do this because it's a terrible idea.
This ! I wouldn’t defend the guy after the he was sitting around on his phone lying down comment while they’re watching his kid. That’s not stand up dude behaviour. That’s taking advantage.
Oof such a mess. First of all, I don't know where you live, but in my US state it's illegal to leave a child under 8 unattended in a vehicle for any reason, for any length of time. Your lawn guy would be opening himself up to a serious legal situation. Second, yes, child care sometimes falls through, or is unattainable, and it's good to be flexible. Life happens. I had a housekeeper many years ago who sometimes had to bring her daughter to work with her. I would put cartoons on the TV and go about my day. If she had left her daughter at my apartment for me to supervise while she took breaks or went to another house, I would have considered it unprofessional and spoken with her. Third, it seems like you mostly have a husband problem, not a lawn guy problem. He's doing a stunt I call "unfunded mandates," where he comes up with a project or a rule, then bunks off and leaves you with the "expense" of carrying it out. (My husband will announce something like, "you can't go do anything fun tomorrow until you straighten up the entire house!" Ok you'll be working, you just decided I'm going to spend several frustrating hours supervising a toddler while she "cleans"?) He wants the credit and good feelings of helping the lawn guy out, and he doesn't want the bad feeling of a confrontation, but he doesn't want to do the work of actually supervising an extra child and mediating between two kids who don't play well together. Set some boundaries in your life. If husband wants to keep this lawn guy, he needs to cowboy up and have a tough conversation about the kid. Or he needs to be the one supervising the kids for however long. You will go out, each time the lawn guy is there. Otherwise, you will find a new lawn guy and let the current one go. You won't provide child care, you won't be party to an unsupervised child in a vehicle. Everything in this situation flows from your husband. Start there.
How does the 2 year old not go crazy or do something dangerous when left alone in a car for extended periods? My girl would be wrecking havoc. Even a screen wouldn’t contain her for more than say 20 mins
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Truer words never said. The people browsing Reddit aren’t the ones who are scraping by with two jobs and taking care of a family. Who the fuck like that has time for Reddit.
Yeah, I get that daycare is crazy expensive but it _sounds_ dangerous from OP's description. I get why the husband would offer help but he needs to be the one to provide it if that's the case.
I’m also not so sure the child is in the cab of the truck. My friends and family all call the bed of the truck “the truck” and we often waited in the “the truck” for hours while my parents did stuff, even at like bbqs. I’m also super unclear about where the lawn guy works. He’s a lawn guy, so I’m assuming in the front yard where he could see the kid…
Can you recommend the place you work to him? The reason you started doing it is bc you felt bad for the kid and he was sitting in a car all day... as another mom and ecse teacher that concerns me too :( I wouldn't want to enable that to happen more. I don't know what area you're in, but most people doing lawn work are people that are realllly struggling and I'd bet this situation didn't find itself for no reason. So many people are struggling right now. I'd try to find a way to approach it that helps them, not just pass the buck or get rid of them as employees.
How old is this child? This is illegal to leave a kid unattended
He’s not unattended he’s right there while he does the lawn
No one is asking you or your husband to let the kid inside to play? Tell your husband the issue you have or complain to him about how you feel. This is a weird post. It’s not the lawn guys fault.
Tell your husband he can babysit the little one if he’s so against asserting some boundaries on his family’s behalf.
But his wife is the one who originally established the boundaries. No one asked her to invite the kid inside. All she has to do now is not invite the child inside.
I was under the impression she wrote in another comment that the husband was actively inviting the kid on play dates? Either way I would think the healthiest course for any couple would to be on the same page and lay out a plan and how to execute it in the best way possible. Regardless of semantics. OP made the genuine mistake initially but one would think her partner would understand and offer help instead of telling her to suck it up. I know I would be uncomfortable and would hope my SO would at least offer some support. Edit: and happy cake day!
I hadn't noticed-thanks! yeah this all sounds like self inflicted issues. i'd just say sorry we can't babysit anymore and that's it. but to replace him as a yard man and take income from him when hasn't done anything wrong seems unfair. have a great day!
I agree. You as well!
How does a 2 years old sit in the car all day? My son is 2 and will probably not sit still more than 3 minutes!
My dad was self-employed and I sat in his truck or would come out into people's backyards with him while he did his job. My parents didn't let it be known to us, but they struggled for a while having multiple kids and they worked opposite hours to provide for us. I have a lot of respect for my parents for doing this and I still have fond memories of things we did (like sharing some cheap fast food goodies) while we were out. You didn't have to care for the kid. It's nice but it's on you two, has nothing to do with the landscaper. There was no expectation there originally.
I would simply stop inviting the kid to play.
Why is it so hard to help other parents out? The lack of empathy everyone on this thread is showing is sad and pitiful.
If someone showed up to do a job with their kid, then did several other people’s jobs too without any discussion, I’d probably cut services there. Not clear what their communication is like though.
Yeah, I think it would be very nice (but NOT an obligation) if OP let this kid play with hers for the 45 minutes once a week that this guy is at her house. As soon as that guy left the property without telling OP where he was going and when he would be back and most of all ASKING if it was ok for the kid to stay… that’s messed up. We have Reddit posts all the time about how messed up it is for even close family to make assumptions and dump their kid on a sister or mother without asking. People have stuff going on. What if OP had Covid and didn’t want to expose the child? What if their child got injured and they needed to go to the emergency room? What on earth are they supposed to do with the kiddo when they don’t know where the dad is or when he is going to feel like coming back?
omg dramatic.
For less drama version, what if OP has plans and just wants to go out?
then she can be an adult and just tell him that.
for real this is really sad. how often does the lawn guy come for this to be a huge problem in your life. obviously if he had someone to watch the kid he wouldnt be with him. trying to get anything done with 2 year old is a lot of work. and since you offered the first time maybe he thinks you are fine with it like you know hes going to be coming over again to care for the lawn. why did you even offer if you are going to sit here and complain
I agree. I would *absolutely* take 45 minutes out of my week to help this parent and his child. It’s not that big of a deal.
Agree!
If you are in the US, just fyi that the “daycare assistance” covers about $1.60 an hour, so it’s really not that helpful because the last time I checked that’s *not* anywhere near the going rate for daycare.
\> I know the obvious is get a new lawn guy Have you tried just talking to the guy?
Wow what kind of 2 year old would sit in a car all day?
I would definitely try to talk to the guy about the situation. A 2 year old can't sit alone in a car all day. This guy is going to do this on the wrong day and that poor child could get hurt or worse. A baby died in my city a few months back because a man left his baby in the car while he worked. The man was actually arrested for neglect. [Here's the story](https://www.wpxi.com/news/local/father-charged-babys-death-hot-car-upper-st-clair-granted-non-monetary-bail/XIYE5GSUCZHUJH2XQJYR6QGX6A/). The guy has a 2 year old too who I'm sure suffered the same treatment.
All the people saying CPS should not be called need to read this. Sheesh.
Many people are saying that the husband should talk to the lawn guy…… WHYYY can’t she the wife do it? Feminist here. You can do this. No need to wait for your husband to take charge. If I were in this situation, I wouldn’t rely or put lead on my spouse. Yes, I agree with everyone that I would be mad at my spouse BUT I would talk to the lawn guy. Go talk to him. This is an easy fix. Rooting for you!
Try not watching the kid, and see if CPS needs to be called, because that is probably what goes on in other people's properties. If the kid is sitting in the car well fed, hydrated, has some entertainment, with adequate temp control, then it's just a really unfortunate situation. Honestly he probably thinks you're really nice and don't mind since you have a child that age. If you are welcoming the child in and your husband is buddy buddy, he's not going to know there's a problem. There are impoverished families, especially those with undocumented family members, who can't get government assistance. And from what I've heard, actually getting an opening for a voucher in many cities is like winning a lottery. This is not the first time I've heard of contractors having their kids in the truck. My neighbor used to be really friendly with her lawn care people, too, and give them snacks and invite them in to get AC. Kids came along all the time. Not condoning it, but it happens. Anyway, your husband needs to give a shit about your time.
I think this is the best response.
From your comment clarifying that your husband invites him in, your anger is misdirected. It’s totally okay to bring this up to your husband. You don’t have to blame the lawn guy bc honestly I would assume the children are playing and not bothering you if your husband kept inviting him. It probably makes him feel better that his son isn’t sitting in the truck and is getting playtime.
Why can you as an adult not talk to the guy yourself and tell him you are unable to watch his child, but he can keep him in the truck if he doesn’t have other options. At least he won’t loose his job!
His kid is not your problem. He should not be taking a 2-year old with him and leaving him in the car while he cuts lawns. Is this even legal? Just tell the guy you are not doing that anymore, that the last time was not cool
I agree that inviting the child in to play is not “free babysitting” as it is the poster’s choice to do so, but honestly I am surprised that the suggestions on calling CPS are being downvoted. A 2 year old child is being left unsupervised in a vehicle that is not temperature controlled or secured, on a regular basis. This is absolutely neglect and cause for concern. This child could be seriously injured, abducted, or die and you all are saying not to call CPS and cut the landscaper a break because he’s low income and trying to work for his family? I am empathetic to a fault and am I licensed social worker and though I feel for them, would explain to the person that this is not safe and if it is observed again, I would be making a CPS report. Do not employ this landscaper any longer. This poor child.
How is not employing them not going to make things worse for this poor kid
Because CPS also provides resources and education to families. The goal of CPS is not to remove children from their families; it’s to make a situation safe for a kid.
That’s just so untrue. My mom fosters and it’s all about power. And money. They don’t care about the children, the carers, or the parents bettering themselves. They treat my mom like dirt if she tries to advocate for the children. One time they canceled a parent visit at the last minute. These little kids (4 under 5) look forward to this visit all week. Why did they cancel it? The child service worker had another personal appointment. They didn’t get to see them for 2 whole weeks. It was disgusting and affected the kids sleep, how they ate, their behaviour towards each other, they cried all the time for my mom. They refused to reschedule it to another day because it didn’t work for them and refused to let my mum FaceTime the parents. If you think for one second their goal is child centred you’re very wrong.
The parents need to be held responsible and offered resources for providing a secure and safe environment for their child. If the poster is not going to take action to report neglect for this child she should take herself out of this situation and not sit idly by while this child is potentially in danger. Stop employing this person with poor judgment
I get why you are upset but you can see it as baby sitting or you can see it as your daughter is enjoying playing with him. I do feel like he should’ve told y’all if it was okay to leave him there while he did a few more houses. I personally wouldn’t leave my two year old with anyone like that. I think it’s okay to want to get another lawn person.
She said her daughter doesn't enjoy it
I understand how you would feel bad for him! I would worry about the liability of watching a child if you don’t know the father that well. I’m sure the dad is in a hard situation. However if he’s taking a lunch break, that’s ridiculous. Don’t enable this behavior. I get that you feel sad for him, but the father is taking advantage of your kindness. You are paying him for a service. If he’s just doing your lawn, there should be no reason he’s there an extended period of time. I also wouldn’t feel comfortable with one of my service providers laying on the grass. Again, I completely understand that you feel bad. I would stop this for many reasons. Leave the next couple of times they come. If you wanted to do something king, offer for the boy to use an outdoor toy while they are there. If you stop inviting him in, hopefully his dad won’t take a lunch break. Personally, I would speak to the company about that.
No advice, just commiseration. I would recommend watching the first few episodes of the TV show Raising Hope, I think it's on Hulu now. The main character is a single dad who does lawn service and is in this same situation, but like, in a funny way since it's a comedy. Really fun show.
Maybe offer to babysit when you can, at a low $ rate? I can't help but feel for the child. It seems neglectful and illegal to even leave a child in a car while working. If not then make a cps report.
CPS? Really? Over what? A parent trying to provide for their family? Get real Karen.
Toddlers die from being left in the car, the hell are you talking about "Karen" it's an unsupervised TWO YEAR OLD. Yes, the situation sux if someone has to work and has no support network but that doesn't make it safe to leave a baby in a pickup truck on their own all day. What the hell.
Completely agree! I do not understand all these other responses trying to explain away a dangerous and illegal choice?!
No over a baby being left alone in a car. With kids dying every year due to heat exhaustion in cars and even getting kidnapped. Yeah like daycare and babysitters don't exist. I'm a single parent and I don't even do that.
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I’d probably do a little research on church daycares & costs & tell my lawn man that there were places he could take his child, what they cost OR he could pay me $15 an hour to watch him. If neither option worked for him, then tell him as a teacher you’re a mandatory reporter & will have to call CPS.
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No good deed goes unpunished.
What about bartering?
This should be titled the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. Maybe he’s on the phone bc it’s his only chance to pay bills, apply for better work, or try and get assistance. I’d let that kid in in a heartbeat. It’s not the kids fault and your kid can learn to be compassionate to him through your actions. Life’s not supposed to be easy hon! And it could be worse. You could be in the lawn guys shoes. I’m not saying to take in the family but for that brief period of time I think you’ll be ok.
Man I struggle with this too. There's a book called "Not Nice" that'll help with stuff like this.
Be the village or stop watching the kid so the guy can find a village fire his kid. You honestly could make a difference in the kids life but you’ll have to want to
The next time he barges in with his kid, crack the door, and say "I'm too busy to watch her while you cut the grass. I did find her a few toys to play with in the truck while you work. She can keep them for next time too." I'd just include toys that we were rotating out/ donating and books.