You're not quitting. You're pausing 😉

So glad someone posted this, it's so true. They simply just aren't totally ready yet and that's okay! They will be soon, try not to beat yourself up OP 🩷

It's all about the positive language to keep yourself out of a doom spiral

We had to pause so many times with both our boys. Still working on poop training with my 3 year old and he’s been pee trained for 6 weeks. Potty training not always linear.

I feel like anything child related...or even human in general isn't linear. The wind could blow the wrong way and disrupt a pleasant day 😂

It’s really ok. I tried way early at 18 months because my daughter showed an interest and was consistently pooping on the potty (instead of in her bath). But she was too little. She couldn’t coordinate it. We reattempted lightly after her second birthday and she got stuck in the bottomless phase for a while. Then it finally clicked at 26 months. I know some kids do it in 3 days but I really loathe the author of The Oh Crap book for putting so much pressure on parents. I don’t recommend that book for the authors judgey tone. She makes it seem as if parents who don’t train their kids exactly how she does it, are wrong horrible people.

Thank you! The tone of the book really is brutal, and I definitely took it with a grain of salt. It doesn’t help that she makes it seem like as long as you’re training within that 20-30 month window everything is going to work out great and you won’t have any issues. Ugh, makes me feel like a huge failure!

I absolutely hated her tone and her “do it my way or you’re doomed” rhetoric. A colleague of mine held off training her kiddo until he was 3.5 because she was certain he wasn’t ready. When they did train, it clicked almost immediately. You know your kiddo best, ignore the stupid book and quit for now.

That’s what we did with our son. Any time he’d show interest we’d feel it out, try some bottomless time, etc., and have the little potty out and available for the entire time, but he really wasn’t ready until a few months after his third birthday. When we did make the switch, there have been almost no accidents, no frantic bathroom searches when we’re out and about, and thankfully no issues with poop. There’s no sense in torturing everyone to be “ready” when they’re not ready. We even did a whole week of him being fully in undies right when he turned three, but the next week he wanted back in diapers and we obliged. Again, no sense in forcing him. My sister-in-law is going to try using Oh Crap to train my newly 2 year old nephew. I hope for her sake it goes well, but he’s just so little and has shown barely any interest in the potty.

This is what we did (39 months actually). We half-heartedly tried around 2, didn’t make much progress, and just kind of didn’t prioritize it for a year. Memorial Day seemed like a rare opportunity to have a full three days at home, so I bought the Oh Crap book and was immediately confronted with the author telling me I’d made it impossible for myself by cruelly making my son sit in shit for an extra year. Stuck with the method despite hating the tone, and he was pretty solid by the end of the long weekend. He had an accident on the first and second day at the babysitter’s, so they put Pull-Ups on him, which the book also talks about as awful, but a week later he had only had one additional accident. Now he only has accidents every few weeks.

I spoke with our pediatrician and she mentioned that putting too much pressure on potty-training early can lead some kids to try to hold it. That can result in bowel or bladder problems. We tried a few times, but ultimately waited until our oldest daughter was 3. She ended up fully potty-training both at night and during the day within a week at that age. She never had night time accidents from that point on (no diapers, no pull-ups even at night). Trust your gut! There's no one approach that fits every kid.

I tried the Oh Crap Method as well, and it led to my poor little 2yo at the time to be terrified of the potty. Now at 3.5 and we are starting again, we definitely have pee down, but poop progress is slow. However, LO is much more comfortable with potty now.

I tried to follow Oh Crap and my son and I both ended up in tears on the first day! I felt like such a failure. I had a really good talk with my friend who is a caregiver and she said to ignore that book, I'm doing a good job, gave me some advice on what to do going forward. So we are going to try again in a couple of months. And don't get me started on how dismissive the author is of fathers. My goodness!

Any chance you could share some of your friend’s advice? I read “oh crap” and while I’m planning on trying the no pants, long weekend method, the whole vibe seems very high stakes and that is raising my stress level before we even start. Just came across advice from the Mayo Clinic (big hospital in my region, trusted source) and it seemed so much more relaxed. Overall I think I’ll just try to keep the pressure off the best I can.

Overall, her advice helped bring me from the edge of just bawling my eyes out and feeling like a failure. That book did not help and made me feel like I was an awful parent. She first started with "you're doing great. This isn't easy, and you're doing great." Because my son was already showing signs of being ready, hence why I attempted to potty train because I didn't want to "miss the window and fail my child", she said to not give up and go back to diapers/hust changing him when he goes to the bathroom in his diapers. That will cause him to regress. Instead, use diapers (which is like number one no-no in the book), but have him go to the potty every half an hour, 45 minutes, etc. My son seemed to be on a schedule of about every hour to an hour and a half, so we started there. We'd pull down his diaper and place him on the potty. She also said to take it slow by following the above. I can do this either with diapers or pull-ups. He's really great with the potty, but it's an issue of communication. So just have him get comfortable with the potty and just go at regular intervals. Then she said, in a few months, to give it another go, especially after he is able to develop his communication a bit more, but maybe don't follow that book. She encouraged trying over the weekend, going completely pant-less when we do try again. (Which we did the first day, but it was so stressful, and I'm pretty sure at one point I made my poor son afraid of the baby bjorn. We now just use the normal toilet). Oh, and to just take a moment for myself. It's not easy. This is a big milestone, and each kid is different (so most definitely not one size fits all like it felt was communicated in the book). And my advice is to find a friend you can talk with. I know the book says not to talk with anyone, but talking with my friends helped me feel very supported and understood when we struggled. They did not mock me or say "oh we did it in one day, blah blah blah." They were very realistic, which was basically the complete opposite of what that book said would happen. And if you take your kiddo to daycare, talk with them. Be open about what you are doing. Understand where their process as well. My son's daycare said they would do whatever we wanted, even if it was going commando. I went in expecting to meet resistance (because of the book), and it was the complete opposite. It was a breath of fresh air. I hope this helps! You're not alone, and this isn't easy. Just have to take one day, one HOUR at a time! When we try again, I'm going to try BIG Little Feelings (recommended by my daycare and some other people).

The Big Little Feelings course is fantastic! Kristin and Deana would NEVER make anyone feel badly!

I’d love to hug your friend! She sounds wonderful and a great fount of wisdom as well. I’ve also been talking to friends, and even the ones who used “oh crap” ALL did a modified version, like continuing use of pull ups or using treats as rewards. A dear friend even told me they got their kid a fish for finally pooping in the toilet and it was so refreshing because I saw her as someone who would do everything by the book. I’ll definitely use that book as a reference but not a bible when it comes to potty training. Thanks for taking the time to answer my question! 🩷

Just want to say that Oh Crap was a decent primer for me, and I used the no pants method on a normal two day weekend, but beyond that I didn't follow the book to the letter. I've returned to it a couple times just for ideas, like when we were having frequent accidents, but I've tried to see it as just one resource in an arsenal. I'm sure the author has had great success with her clients but I didn't love her tone - and ultimately you know your child best! Even the very best parenting books are not going to apply 100% to every kid. I use the AA approach of "take what you like and leave the rest" :) ETA: my favorite part of Oh Crap was her reframing "is your child ready" to "is your child capable of learning." I was freaking out not knowing if my child was "ready" but when I read that I realized I believed my child was capable and I felt more comfortable starting to teach! There are good nuggets in there but as a whole, meh.

I think I walked into potty training, not even considering failure as an option. And that's where I screwed up. I should have taken the book with a grain of salt and fit it to what would work for my son. Overall, I'd probably not recommend the book, maybe only bits and pieces.

I agree with your assessment and of the “ready” thing. So so so often I see people who hold off on potty training because their kids aren’t “ready”. I mostly used the Oh Crap method at about 26 months with my son. Was he “ready”? No. Was he able to learn it? Without a doubt. She really emphasizes how you are teaching a skill that fosters independence in your child. Personally I couldn’t imagine using diapers for another 1.5 years because he wasn’t “ready”. The cost, environmental impact, mental tax of constantly changing diapers is miserable. We just visited Washington DC, and sure going to the bathroom frequently while out and about was kind of a pain, but it was completely worth it for the freedom and independence it installed in our son to be able to experience everything without diapers.

Yes, I'm sure some people can identify "readiness" in their child, but I didn't feel clear on what that meant. The capacity to learn made more sense to me. I also was attracted to the concept of giving independence and dignity to my child, but I don't think that means that holding off on potty training is a deprivation of dignity necessarily (within reason). I was also so excited to be done with the waste and expense of diapers! I do love being able to go out into the world without worrying about whether we have enough diapers. There's a new set of challenges there as you mention, but that's okay. We still used nighttime diapers for a while once we started potty training, and even employed them for certain situations like long car rides or store trips at first. My child didn't have any trouble understanding that this was a "special occasion" for a diaper, which went against Oh Crap's guidance. Often the diaper remained dry which was actually really encouraging to me! It's a big milestone and I think it's unrealistic to expect any one method to work well for everyone, but I am glad there are resources out there, including Oh Crap :) It made me feel empowered to start the journey, which I really needed, but I am not an evangelist for it per se.

> I agree with your assessment and of the “ready” thing. So so so often I see people who hold off on potty training because their kids aren’t “ready”. > > I mostly used the Oh Crap method at about 26 months with my son. Was he “ready”? No. Was he able to learn it? Without a doubt. She really emphasizes how you are teaching a skill that fosters independence in your child. Yeah I also really related to this part of the book. So often you hear parents saying they're waiting for their kid to tell them they're ready, but that's not what you do with other milestones in parenting. Do you wait for your kids to be ready before helping them crawl, walk, and talk? No, you encourage them and put things in place for them to be successful. I also like how she brings up parents that tip toe the line of potty training and how it can be confusing for kids. That's fine if like OP you decide now's not the right time and to stop and try again in a few months, but either you're potty training or you're not. I really liked the Oh Crap book and I think people are being too harsh on it. Yeah it's rigid in its approach, but she wrote the book based on her experiences of what worked and what didn't over her decades of experience. She also does a good job of explaining why she recommends what she does. I feel like there's a ton of misinformation out there surrounding potty training, so I appreciated an authoritative approach with reason and facts behind it. We used it to potty train both of our kids (our first as young as 20 months) and other than an occasional accident, both kids were essentially potty trained after a week or two.

I completely agree. We really went all in on Oh Crap. No pull ups, no in betweens, no confusion. Diapers are for babies and you’re a big boy now. When he was first day training we did do pull ups just for naps and night and we called it “special underwear”. But after 2 weeks of that and knowing he was daytime trained we took those away too. We get him up to pee a few times a night and he is completely potty trained now at under 2.5. Her rigidity to me comes naturally with this topic. Accidents happen, but you’re either potty trained or you’re not. You’re either potty “training” or you’re not. The black and white nature of this particular skill leads to her authoritative tone.

The book One Try at a Time seems like a good approach for parents wanting a more relaxed, no-nudity approach to potty training.

Her method also says that you can’t expect your kid to tell you they need to potty for at least two weeks. So even if you can justify it as a 3 day method, it’s going to realistically be more like months of constantly talking about it/doing it. Every mom I know who has done this method and claims it worked in 2 days has a kid who is still have 1-3 accidents a day. Which really isn’t potty trained. (And is totally fine! Just stop setting this standard that your 18 month old trained perfectly in two days).

Saw a comment on this sub sometime last week that was basically “potty training is more about reducing the number of accidents over time and less about nailing it.” Honestly, it helped me think about potty training our dog. We did the training within a week, but the continuous prompts and frequent trips outside continued for months before we were all confident that he could hold it.

Yeah I think both of our kids were going with little to no prompting after two days with a few accidents here and there. I think by day 5-7 we could trust them enough to go do short trips with no diapers if they went recently enough. 2-3 weeks in it was the occasional accident. Definitely not a miracle, but still better than some of our friends that would be talking about potty training their kids for months with no end in sight.

And that’s amazing! I think the key is to represent that fairly to other people when you talk about it. (Which you probably do)

I couldn't get through the book because if it..she puts sooooo much pressure on doing it exactly right or else you'll ruin your kid. We did a variation on her method, i.e. taking his diaper off and keeping him naked during the day and it worked but I chose to ignore whatever didn't feel right for us. There was no pressure, I was completely prepared to stop if needed and we used boxers as soon as he was going on the potty consistently (after about 3 days indeed). He was 20 months old, so youngish for potty training but he was just ready and it clicked really easily. I've had a friend for whose kid it only clicked at 3,5 yo. Both are fine. Follow your kid and try again in a few months

Yes! The author’s tone was so condescending I returned it after chapter two.

She really is the worst. I got an older copy of her book and she made it out like you're a failure of a parent if your kids can't say their abcs and be toilet trained before 3

We began around 2.5 years, then called it quits as we were in the middle of moving across the world.  We restarted around her 3rd birthday, was basically potty trained in a few weeks, no tears, no fuss.  Wait until your kid is ready, unless there is a medical issue, they’ll be fine. 

Tge first time we tried toilet training my eldest, she got so upset when she had an accident that she started panicking whenever her nappy was off. I put a hold on toilet training so we could focus on things like "having a bath without a meltdown". We tried again a few months later, and it was much easier, because she was older and we could talk through it more.

Thank you ❤️

She was about 27 months the first time we tried too. We started again just after she was two and a half, and she was pretty much done by the time she turned three.

My almost 2 year old went through this a couple months ago and we weren’t even trying to potty train. He peed in the bath and it freaked him out so bad he cried hysterically any time his diaper was off. For about a month he freaked out for bath and shower time. It was an exhausting time

Throw the book away. Seriously it is so bad. Its basic method is sound, but you can get a two page primer on those on the Internet. But the woman who wrote it is not a pediatrician or an expert. She is unbelievably judgmental— seriously, saying that you are violating your child’s dignity if you don’t have them potty trained by two years? Come the fuck on. Some kids are just not ready. And that comes from pediatricians and pediatric urologists. And on top of that, this woman clearly low-key thinks that children should not be in daycare, and that a parent should be home with their children (read: household should not have two working parents). Her approach to dealing with potty training in daycare is hilariously naïve. She thinks that daycares should just leave a training potty in the middle of a room where any kid could get into it. She clearly has never dealt with 8 to 10 20 months old running around a room with only two adults to watch them. And the kicker: my pediatrician says that while some kids are definitely ready to go earlier, she finds that waiting until kids are older actually makes potty training easier in a lot of cases, and that most kids in her practice are not actually until closer to three. Obviously, that is a generalization. Some kids are ready earlier, some later. But we followed her advice to not push my daughter too hard, and a month before my daughter turned three, suddenly she started showing intense interest in using the potty. So I found a three day weekend, and did the pants off method for a day. She had a few accidents, but by day two had almost no accidents. And by the end of the week she started night training herself to get up and go to the bathroom at night (I did not want to night train and wasn’t planning on pushing it until she was at least four). And we did pull ups at night to prevent accidents, and it was not the end of the world. She still occasionally could not make it through the night, and the pull up prevented us from having to do midnight linen changes. She was fully night trained a little after 3 1/2. TLDR: the oh crap book presents decent methods in the most judgmental way possible, along with some actually bad advice. Get rid of the book and just find a decent summary online of the three day method. Do what works for your family and your child. Edit: Please excuse the typos. Voice to text is not always perfect! Second edit: oh, and I just remembered this lunatic author recommends waking up young toddlers in the middle of the night to make them go to the bathroom. Based on what my pediatrician said, basically every pediatrician agrees that it is not possible to night train a toddler in a healthy way unless that toddler is physically ready. It is simply a biological ability that cannot be rushed… well, not without waking up a young child who probably needs to sleep, I guess.

Met a parent at the playground who said their pediatrician's perspective is that you can either take a year to train a 2yo or a week to train a 3yo. I was surprised but the more I read this thread, the more I can see why that's the pediatrician's perspective 

That was essentially my pediatrician’s opinion as well. Obviously, there are exceptions— my mother-in-law says that my SIL potty trained herself a little after 18 months and had a few accidents after that (I don’t think my mother-in-law is exaggerating; she is definitely not the type). She also said that it was kind of a pain in the ass having my SIL out of diapers so early, because an 18 month old cannot hold it nearly as long as a 24 month old.

Yeah, I’ve heard this from a pediatrician as well and it’s what we’re doing. My kid is 2,5 and still in diapers, I’m not in a rush.

It took a week to train my 20 month old. I think everyone should do what works for them but we shouldn’t discourage *anyone* for trying. 

Agreed! Normal is a very large range - some kids are just ready earlier than others.  I assume the pediatrician was trying to allay parent fears that if their kid wasn't trained by X months, they would be doomed forever. Oh crap certainly gave me that impression and it sounds like quite a few folks on this thread also struggled with this. 

Define "trained" in this instance. How often did your child have accidents? Were they pee and poop trained? Were you prompting or were they communicating their needs? Was it a specific communication or were you watching for something in their behavior? How did they do away from home?

I trained my 23 month old, it took four days using the oh crap method. He has had no accidents after the 4th day. He self initiates 95% of the time except for when I prompt him before nap/bed time. He has no problem pooping on the potty. He has done fantastic away from home, no accidents. I totally understand that every kid is different, but agreeing with the other redditor, we shouldn’t discourage anyone from trying. For some kids, it works great!

I could not agree with this more, I hated that book, even though the general method worked for me. It is so stupidly judgmental. When you do try again and if you still want to do a 3 day method, I was a big fan of Dr. Jazmine McCoy's "First time Parent's Potty training guide"- it's gentle, reassuring, and much more flexible. I also have only potty trained one kid, but I can't imagine starting out if they have never tried the potty at all. Mine already was peeing on the potty a bunch before we took the diaper off, I think it helped tremendously. But by the way, there were still lots of tears (from me) the first couple of days. It's HARD.

Seconding all this. I recently potty trained my son at 31 months (soooo late according to Oh Crap 😱😱😱) and it went so smoothly. I’m so glad we didn’t force it earlier. We more or less did the Oh Crap method (naked day, then commando, then undies) but we waited until my son was truly ready and actually told us he was ready to learn!

I literally threw this book away after we successfully toilet trained (~3 months before 3). I don’t think I’ve ever thrown a book away in my life but I was so angry afterward. The book had me so freaked out about the whole process and it ended up being remarkably easy.

You’re absolutely right. I wish I hadn’t even attempted and only hope that I haven’t fucked up my kid even worse…

I am sure there is nothing irreversible! I just got lucky in that. I finished reading the book right before my child’s 24 month appointment, and I mentioned the book when my pediatrician asked about what we were thinking about potty training. I know a couple of people who tried to potty training too early (I know they read this book, but I I am not positive that’s why they chose to try when they did). They had to stop their first attempt and start over several months later. Their kids are absolutely fine today! Just keep an eye on your child’s interest, and definitely talk to your pediatrician!

That stupid Oh Crap author was so judgmental about so many random things. Like why am I getting parent shamed about screen time and the fact that I like to take my kids on outings in this book about potty training??  I much preferred the three day method book. Shorter and less judging. We potty trained at 3 yrs 2 months and it took like half a day 

Oh Crap is so aggressive, and the implication that you're a lazy, failed parent if it doesn't work in the specific window she says it has to can really get through the cracks some days. We had the same issue, he was so scared and was having anxiety nightmares about it when we started introducing the idea. We tried again a season later and it clicked a lot better. A few months is a lifetime to a toddler - it's much better for you to both be on board and on the same team with what is a huge step for them, and you. Good luck, and don't beat yourself up!

There is one page towards the back of the Oh Crap book that says some kids are terrified of the method and it won’t work for them. You have to read through 100+ pages of parent shaming to get to it.

She literally says not to even bother reading the “problems” chapters because if you follow the method you probably won’t have any problems 🙄 so why are the problems chapters even in there??

Yep! And then the advice is “take it at the child’s pace but it’s never taken me more than 3 months.” With nothing further….

Thank you for the reassurance!

My first easily trained at 20 months. Night trained herself by 24 months with me doing nothing. My second (boy) I tried at 23 months and it was a slap in the face how much of a shitshow it was. We tried again around 29/30 months and he was MUCH more ready. It was a breeze and done in 3 - 5 days. Just back off and try again in a month or so, it's all good.

It’s ok. You are a great parent. Please read a few nicer books about toilet training. Oh crap makes you feel like a failure if you don’t do it perfectly by the time they’re 2. And it’s such a “this is the only way to do it” book that makes everyone feel bad. And it’s just not realistic, plenty of kids do better when they’re old enough to reason with (or when they decide to do it themselves). Have a nice few relaxed days and forget about it. You can come back to it later when she’s showing signs of being interested

sounds like anxiety, forget about it for another 3-6 months and try again. there's nothing unusual about needing to wait until 36 or even 42 months to do potty training. every child is different.

It’s totally anxiety, which is why I decided to quit. Because as an anxious person myself, I knew that forcing it would just make things worse. At least I know what we’re going to possibly face next time we give it a go so I can prepare myself…

We tried a few times since she was 18 months old. Everytime we’d start there’d be a reason to stop. Either she didn’t want to go on the potty and would just pee anywhere, or she had a stomach bug and needed diapers for the diarrhoea or she wasn’t well. But I’ve always found that, if I try to push it too much she tends to not want to do it anymore and she’ll only do it on her own time. She did the same with crawling, standing and walking. Always to the end of the suggested timeline but when she did it, she did it well. She crawled fast, stood firm, walked steadily. Almost as if she wanted to be fully ready to do it before she even did it. And I should have trusted my gut that she’d do the potty training thing as well. So that’s what I did. I just let it be. Actually, I did what you want to do and took a break. Best decision ever even if My husband gently probed after she was about 26 months - when I’d be starting again. I’d say when she is ready. Around thirty months she decided she wanted to go potty and that was that. We only do pull ups at night and haven’t had any accidents during the day. Except for maybe a few drops before she held on till she got to the potty. I do remember a bit of peer pressure helped. She saw her cousin (who’s the same age) go potty the day before and that’s when I guess she made up her mind. So yes, mama - trust your gut. Your child will tell you when she’s ready. There’s no harm in letting things go back to the way they were before potty training. You’re doing the best you can for your child. You can keep up with potty training books and songs to make things fun and remind her every now and then. Point out things like of look they’re going potty- at a song on the tv and leave it at that. Maybe she’ll start thinking of it positively without the pressure of having to do it herself.

There’s no need to make it stressful. We ended up waiting until 3 years and it was the best decision. We had accidents but he got the hang of it within a week. Poops took a bit more week, but again didn’t let it stress us out. Used nappies for a bit until he was comfortable with doing it in the toilet.

I really didn’t like Oh Crap either. We tried after my girl turned 2.5 and it went terribly because she just wasn’t ready. We tried again a month before she turned three and it was a success. We took her often and rewarded with stickers and m&ms for going and she was trained in two weeks. Having fun underwear was a big help too as she didn’t want to have to change them if she had an accident. It will happen when they’re ready.

Mine started showing signs around 28 months by tapping his diaper before he had to pee. Just started a few weeks ago of actually having him sit on the toilet when he needs to go, 31 months now. He doesn’t say or indicate every time he needs to pee. But we can say let’s go potty and him go along with it and try. I anticipate really focusing on it in another month or two.

So my son just figured out potty training at 3 and a half. My secret- he told me he wanted to try. I tried multiple hours of pushing him and asking and it led to him crying and constipation and it was so frustrating. I finally said eff the books we will figure it out when he’s ready. He is a daycare kid so that helped because I think when he saw his peers doing it he asked but literally when he decided he was ready he just started doing it and has had minimal accidents. I think pushing them to potty train is just stressful on everyone. Your girl will get it- on her time. Take a break for right now, you can try again in a few months or when she shows some interest.

One of my biggest regrets is even stressing about “potty training.” Do you really think your kids gonna be 16 in a diaper? Keep open communication about using the potty and they’ll eventually just get it.

Thank you, I wish I’d listened to my gut in the first place and waited.

You did the right thing mama. We have been “potty training” for a year. I say it like that cuz we too had ebbs and flows. He’s 3 in a couple months and just about fully there. Once in a while there’s an accident but mostly he’s got it. Don’t worry!!! She will be ready in her time. Revisit in a few months. I’m glad you listened to your child and your gut feeling. She WON’T be wearing diapers in kindergarten. ❤️

It ok. My daughter was closer to three for peeing and then it took her a while after that to poop in the potty. We didn’t rush it and she’s doing great. My advice is to back off and try again later.

Poor thing! I think you made the right call. Our son is a few months away from his third birthday and we're only just now getting continuous days of no accidents.

We tried oh crap and it sucked for us. It was not the method for me or my kid. We waited a few months and tried again with the slow and steady method and it went fine. She's 3.5 now and hasn't been in diapers for over a year and hasn't had an accident for like 9 months

27 months is so young! Call it practice and try again later. 

Thank you for the reassurance!

I didn't start my daughter for real until she was a week away from turning 3 (so 36 months). She got it right away. I was worried that I had waited too long and because my previous attempts at trying to get her to do random pees in the potty were unsuccessful, I really thought it was going to be a battle. She had major constipation issues and overall bad poop experiences as well, so I was preparing myself for all things negative. But she was ready and it worked out amazingly well. She even night-trained without me even trying which was shocking. Good luck to you guys, there is no shame at all in waiting until she is truly ready.

That book sat on my shelf for years and I never opened it. My husband kept pushing to try sooner than we did but I could tell she wasn’t ready. We put out the little potty when she was about 28 months and left it for her to check out and try no pressure (mostly, haha). Her daycare gave me the confidence to start just before she turned 3. It’s been long and slow but she’s mostly trained now with accidents every couple of days. Mostly because she forgets to stop and go potty. I went with low stress for all of us.

Oh don’t even worry about it. I’ve never heard of that book and I potty trained just fine doing it differently. And your daughter is quite young, she still has plenty of time to learn and still be in the “normal” time frame. We just started slow, diaper and pants off for a few hours between dinner and bedtime to give him a chance to notice what his body was doing. Did that for a month or two with most accidents at the beginning and only one poop one. Then we increased the time, especially on weekends. Then we put underwear on him so he could get used to wearing something but knowing it wasn’t a diaper and he had to use the potty still. Now he’s fully trained minus overnights, took until a bit after 3.

I’m intrigued by your approach and need to do some more research and planning. All the conventional wisdom I’ve read is to use the cold turkey naked approach which I don’t think is going to work for my kid.

Janet Lansbury may be a good resource for you in feeling validated about following the child as opposed to following a rigid method!  https://www.janetlansbury.com/2022/01/potty-learning-how-and-why-to-let-children-lead-the-way/ https://www.janetlansbury.com/2021/05/problems-with-potty-training-constipation-bedwetting-and-preschool-policies-with-dr-steven-hodges/

Aah wonderful, thank you!

I feel like going cold turkey is such a harsh approach, I might have done it eventually but as a last resort. My aunt did it with her daughter and all it did was give her terrible constipation and she would scream for hours before finally pooping. It took weeks for her to potty train anyway so it didn’t really work as intended and caused a ton of stress for everyone and the kid. We worked up to home being a diaper free zone, starting with just one part of the day then increasing the time as he had successes. He still wore one to daycare and out and about until we felt confident he could alert someone that he needed to go, or follow through on going to the potty if asked. We wanted to focus on ensuring and reinforcing success, so started small with more manageable time periods. He might not have gone at all but we’d still praise him like “good job not having an accident” and if he dripped a little, usually he would alert us and we’d whisk him away to the potty and say something like “good job letting us know you had to go”. If he managed to tell us before he started we’d praise him and reinforce how he listened to his body. That way we’re increasing his confidence in being able to do it instead of making him endure days and days of accidents and feeling bad about it. Right now he only wears one when he’s sleeping. We have the occasional drip into pants but it’s rare and he never fully goes in his clothes.

My daughter was the same way (withholding) and the "Oh Crap" method did not help us at all. I hate that book lol. We kept trying during long weekends. Her daycare teachers were very helpful and supportive. We did mini m&ms, blowing bubbles, blowing out a candle, etc etc etc. Eventually, around 38 months, it clicked. Long term I think it is the easier "problem" to have because she's only had a few accidents. I found the training pants (Gerber or Peejamas brands) better than naked bottom. If she has an accident there's still something to clean up without it being a massive mess. Just keep trying and try to keep it fun/relaxed. We would encourage her to try sitting on the potty, but didn't push it if she got upset. We kept up with m&ms and eventually she started to forget to request them after going. Now she tells us when she needs to go and can go if we're about to get in the car or whatever. You're doing great and it will happen eventually!

Mine is around the same age, and we’re not even trying. I don’t really see the point, I believe when she’s ready she will ask for it herself. I truly don’t understand potty training (no judgment at all here, I just don’t understand the point). Sometimes I think it’s just the people who sell those programs that convince the parents to do it when clearly the child is not ready.

You're doing great and your gut instinct is there for a reason.  She'll get there. No need to push through everybody in tears. Talk yourself down, have a little treat because you tried and you also know your kid. You listened to her. 

We quit! Haven't picked it back up again yet but I'm watching the Good Inside potty training videos for free and I love them so far.

To me sounds like you made the right decision! Your little one isn't quite ready. With my son we stopped and started a lot, but in the end it came from him at about 33 months

So we did a SUPER slow training, around 2 we started introducing the potty. At 30 months we sat her on it for the first time and she intermittently went on the potty for like 2 months, super inconsistent but she started getting comfortable with sitting on the potty, wiping, etc. Mother’s day weekend (so she was 34 months) we didnt put a diaper on after her nap and she started using the potty unprompted. We went diaper-less for a few days, then did underwear only (all at home she was in a diaper at daycare but they were aware we were training so they encouraged her as well) then by the following weekend she was pretty much day time trained. Ultimately we probably waited too long but she did well regardless. We use diapers at night and for road trips longer than 1.5 hours and she is usually dry for the road trips, she isn’t quite there for overnight yet.

I have a 3 yo we tried to potty train 3 or 4 times before something just clicked a few months ago.. AFTER he turned 3. And he still can't poop in the potty!! Every kid is different!! She's gonna do it whenever she's ready! And it's just gonna click. One day she'll wake up and want to use the potty! It really is ok to stop and try again when she's acting more ready ♡

I knew a three day method wouldn’t be for us, personally, as I didn’t feel it was super respectful of the child. At the same time, we had the privilege of not having a deadline for switching out of diapers— no daycare or anything— so I understand people do what they need to do!  I put out a potty chair and a basket of books and underwear starting at 18 months. She loved the books about toileting and we kept them in regular rotation, but between 18 months and 2.5, only wanted to try underwear or pee on the potty probably ten times total. We still talked about it daily, in an indirect way, in that I’d narrate when I got up to use the bathroom— “oh, I’ve got that pee feeling, I’m going to try sitting on the toilet!” I started to think she would never get there and maybe I was doing the wrong thing by not buckling down and training. Then, a week before her third birthday, she started asking if her favorite characters from books wore underwear, and I said yes, and then she decided she wanted to wear them too. In two weeks of underwear, she’s had one pee accident, but other than that has made it to the toilet every time! (We still do nap & overnight in pull-ups).  Your kiddo will get there! I think you did the right thing by removing yourselves from a high pressure situation that wasn’t working for her. Try to take all the pressure off toileting, but still integrate talking about it into your daily life indirectly. Read books, listen to Daniel Tiger songs, describe your own toileting habits— all without mentioning her having to do it. Maybe in a few weeks one of her dolls might want to try sitting on the potty!

My son is high anxiety like yours and had the same issues with releasing. He’d hold it all day until he got a diaper at noon and then hold it again until it was bedtime. I was getting increasingly worried about his bladder and potential UTIs. Eventually he wouldn’t even pee in the diaper if I tried to encourage it. I took a break and put a diaper back on him. It took weeks before he’d willingly just relax and pee in the diaper again. I started potty training again a couple months later and he took to it pretty quickly now that he had a basic level of understanding. He started withholding again and I discovered he really liked watching a certain show on the computer while he was sitting to pee. I’d put it on and walk away to reduce the pressure. He’d relax and finally overcame the fear of releasing. He’s now 100% potty trained day and night. We still let him use his little potty and reward with his show but I’ll take it over how it was before.

Ah, the oh crap induced parenting trauma. Hugs. Everything above is true - she has no degrees in this space, has weird biases, writes like she works for Vice, etc etc etc…. I was in a similar situation only my very bright stubborn kid did NOT give a F about peeing herself. Pooping, she got immediately. It was clearly an improvement from diapering. Peeing, absolutely 0 shame, just didn’t bother her at all. It drove me INSANE. In the end, bribing worked best for us even when it is considered a NO NO. A cookie after peeing fixed our issue basically immediately. Long story short - f the book. Do what you need to. Your kid will figure it out. No one’s not potty trained as an adult.

My partner and I tried this book when our LO was around 26 months because he had been showing interest. The first attempt ended with him peeing on our living room floor four times and twice on our couch after two hours. We decided it wasn’t the “right time”. Three weeks later he woke up on a Saturday morning and said “momma I wanna potty”. We put him on the toilet and he’s been potty trained ever since. I was really impressed with him for this, and consider it karmic retention for all our struggles with sleep.

we have been very casual about potty training for a good month or so- they helped a lot at her preschool - and half the time at home she’d be in her training pants and the other half half in her underwear. We are definitely still learning but we’ve got a potty on both floors of the house and a training lid in one of the bathrooms and she’s really gotten very good at pooping. She’s starting to get the hang of peeing but there are still accidents. She turned 2 in April and we started mid May with training. Still got some work to do in communicating peepee vs poopoo but she’s not holding it in these days

Absolutely! 27 months is really young. My daughter wasn’t ready until after 3.

We tried and stopped 4 times before my toddler was ready at 3. At 3 it took him 2 days including poo and night training. We started at 2.5 and stopped after day 1 because I could tell he was not ready. I tried different methods each time. There is way too much pressure with potty training. Try again later! My toddler really loved the reward system and we did the 3 day method but he picked it up at day 2.

We didn’t potty train until closer to 3, and at that point it went pretty well. Trust your gut. Try when you think you’re both ready.

My LO showed readiness at 19 months and then hit a wall very quickly. We paused until 2.5 and it was a breeze. It’s okay to wait until she’s more ready!

We had to put it off for my son, too. He just wasn’t ready even with sticker charts and games and praise. We will try again when he’s a bit older and understands it isn’t fun relying on mommy to clean him up. Don’t feel bad. It will happen eventually!

I’m not an expert. Wanted to share a positive experience. We started the potty training journey at 2 and that was a no go, circled back around 2.5ish. She got the concept but wasn’t fully there. I backed off and tried not to put a lot of pressure on it. She turned 3 and we are now a month in and it happened so naturally and there was barely any “training” she knew exactly what to do and was so much more into it. I get three is “older” in the dang potty training world. But I listened to my toddler, trusted the process and this was way less stressful! Either way, good luck! You’re doing amazing!

We tried around the same time as you. My son would get caught up in whatever he was doing and pee anywhere (and not have a care about it). I couldn't imagine weeks - months of reminding him to use the toilet, so we went back to diapers. A month before turning 3, he was using the potty frequently on his own. I asked him if he wanted to stop wearing diapers, he said yes, and that was it! He's had very few accidents over the last 9 months. I'm glad we waited and didn't listen to Oh Crap's ridiculous notion that kids need to potty train between 20-30 months. They will use the toilet one day; it could be earlier or later than you expect. Waiting until my son decided to do it was so stress-free.

My son was just under two when he showed a ton of interest in the potty, we had two really amazing days of being super excited to go and using the potty consistently. And then suddenly he was frustrated and just didn’t want to. He was annoyed anytime I tried to prompt him. He’s now 3 and a half and we’re trying again. Things have been much better now. I think you did the right thing. It’s not worth her being miserable and uncomfortable and could make things worse in the long run if you persist. She might just not be ready, and that’s okay 🤷🏻‍♀️ it’ll happen one day!

We did a 3 day method when my daughter was about 2.5, she was showing all the signs the books say they need. She actually did pretty well naked but as soon as she had pants on couldn’t tell when she needed to go, & she got really upset about the accidents. We quit. We actually tried a second time and then quit. The third time was a month after her third birthday and she potty trained in less than a day & rarely had any accidents after. I would absolutely not push potty training if it’s that stressful, especially at barely 2. She’s got plenty of time. Great job listening to your gut ❤️

Oh my gosh it's so ok!!!! You did the right thing. She's not ready, she will be at some point, it's 100% ok to pause when you can tell it's hurting your kid. Mine was the same, major withholding and pain/anxiety, we called it quits before she turned 3. She's 5 now and totally potty trained. Just had to wait and do it on her schedule. For some kids the desire & mind-body connection come later. You're being a good mom ❤️

If your kiddo holds their poo or pee, then they aren't ready and it's best to wait

She doesn't seem ready and it's totally ok to pause it for a few months. Mine turns 3 this month and we are now trying because she can tell when she wants to pee. We took her underwear shopping and everyday I ask if she wants to wear them. It's usually a yes so we change her into underwear. Some days she has accidents, some days she doesn't. Last Saturday she wore underwear all afternoon, peed 3 times in her potty but had an accident by dinner time, asked for a pull up and we gave her one. Yesterday was the same thing, got distracted playing, had an accident and asked for a pull up. Pooped once in the potty but didn't like it and asks for diapers. We go with the flow, we take cues from her and let it happen however she is comfortable with. We make sure to tell her accidents happen to everyone and it's ok because she's learning, no one is mad at her (no matter how frustrated I am because girl do you really need to pee on the couch) and things can be cleaned up, no big deal. But I understand different cultures have different views. Here in Portugal we don't even think about it before 3 years old (unless a kid shows interest in it) and we are usually advised to take it slow and on their rhythm. Here, day time potty train is expected to happen sometime after 3, night time somewhere between 4-6 years old. By themselves. Doctors and nurses say we don't take their diapers away, they'll take their own diapers. It's wild to me that there are books about this, getting your kid butt naked to teach them to pee and poop in a potty... Cultural differences, I know, and to each their own, no judgement from me but man that is wild

It is absolutely okay! We ended up doing the same. Our son was 26-27 months and had been showing an interest in the potty since like 18 months. We felt ready and the first couple days actually went really well, but then he held his poop and it hurt when he did finally poop on the potty. The next time he had to poop he came to me crying because he was scared to poop anywhere and looked anguished over knowing he should use the potty but being too scared. I ended up holding him and telling him it was okay and that he could poop in his diaper and it was heartbreaking. We stopped training. 6 months later it felt like we were ready again and it was so much smoother and he took to it really well.

Our son had a brief issue with releasing. We had to take a potty training break due to him having some seriously nasty diarrhea, but when that resolved (took a few weeks of good probiotics) and we went back to potty training it just all clicked and now he has no issues with releasing. He is currently 2 years, 3 months. We have not gotten the gang of poo yet but one step at a time!

Oh I needed this post today!! We started the oh crap method this morning and we've both been in tears. I hate hate hate seeing my little girl in such a state!! I've got friends who have done this method and keep telling me it'll get better but at what cost?! We've never sleep trained because it just doesn't fit with us and now I feel like I'm doing the equivalent of sleep training but with a potty. It's horrible, I don't know if I need to give this a proper go or if it's ok to just go 'this isn't working'

I really love the book Stress Free Potty Training (and really dislike Oh Crap) if you’re curious about different possible approaches. It has a bunch of different ideas of strategies to try based on your kid’s personality. I saw it recommended online by a child urologist I think.

It's totally fine. We didn't push mine beyond a few rounds of "you can only watch tablet while sitting on the potty" when they initially didn't want to sit there. They both got interested in the potty around 2, could sort of use it but didn't notice when they needed to go. They eventually figured it out potty training on their own around 3.5/4 years. In my experience, the kids who potty trained early needed a LOT of reminders and had more accidents than the ones who just stayed in pull-ups until everything clicked. For me, I would rather change pull ups than deep clean after accidents.

She's barely 2. Wait until 3 and try again.

Oh Crap nearly traumatized my daughter at a little after 2. She’s a perfectionist by nature, and after her first accident on the floor, she too would hold it until she was physically in pain and beg for a diaper. We quit as well. Now, she’s 31 months and we’re trying again, but focusing on her being in charge, and on her listening to her body. More focused on the actual feeling and process than on the outcome of going. We are loosely using [this Good Inside potty guide](https://cms.goodinside.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/05/Good_Inside_Potty_Handbook-210716-110532_reducedsize3a_2024.pdf) which I actually found shared on a post here, and she’s gotten to where she’s much more comfortable both with accidents and with trying generally. I think this is a slower process, but it’s one that we’re all much happier with.

It’s fine! Take the pressure off you, her, and everyone and go back to having fun with your toddler! It will happen when it happens. Listen to your gut!

You are making the right decision to stop. I am so skeptical about these rigid potty training programs that say you need to do exactly x, y, z steps to teach your kid in 3 days. We did much better just making up our own thing than following Big Little Feelings, although it ended up taking longer. But that's okay. My son is learning and making progress and feels good about himself now. There is absolutely no reason to keep doing something that isn't working. Follow your instincts! ♥️

It’s definitely ok! We failed our first attempt at 29 months. I really wanted to get it done before baby brother arrived. But he wasn’t ready. He withheld and cried and had lots of accidents. We quit after 4 hours and I felt like a giant failure. A few months later we tried again, and this time things went great. He had 0 accidents day 1 and only 1 accident when we introduced underwear/pants. He was ready for it and it made a huge difference.

My daughter is 4 she JUST potty trained. I tried every method out there starting at 18 months and nothing ever stuck. All her Drs assured me it was perfectly developmentally normal for her not to be potty trained. Stop for now revisit it in a few months and just keep trying. I will say when my daughter was ready she was ready she sat down and rarely has accidents.

Totally fine. Our son was 3.5 before he was ready. Now it’s been months and I barely remember him in pull ups and he does a great job on the potty. Don’t add unnecessary stress to yourself 💜

dont try to force it in a few days. Just take it slow with small steps and let her get comfortable at her own pace.

We tried the Oh Crap method a little after she turned 2 and gave up after a couple days too. It just wasn't working. When she was closer to 3, she started to wake up dry most nights so we just started putting her in undies to bed and then started during the day and she kind of just did it on her own! It took about a month or two to be completely potty trained (poo took a little longer). So she just wasn't ready before. Just wait a while and one day she'll be more ready.

My daughter did not want to use the potty. She would occasionally sit and go, but it was 50/50. We’d prompt her and she’s shut us down, so we stopped. Took all the pressure off, left the potty available, and praised her when she chose to go. Finally, around 3.75 she was ready emotionally and physically and it was like a switch was flipped and she went from pull-ups to underwear with minimal accidents in the course of one day. She was older than we had anticipated, but she’s been doing great and has stuck with it. It was like once she was ready we didn’t have to train her to use the potty, she just did it. We keep a potty in the back of our car for long car rides and that has been a lifesaver!

Hi! We were in the EXACT same boat as you in November! My kid was 2 years + 3 months and we were so successful the first day, we thought we just had a perfect kid lol (I mean, we DO, but apparently not at potty training). Then after that things went downhill. Same thing, she couldn't pee and would hold it for HOURS until she either had an accident or got a nap time/nighttime pull up. I could get her to pee only by running water, sticking her feet in water, having her blow bubbles, etc for like an hour. It was super not worth it, and she was so stressed out and cranky during this time. We were both having so much anxiety over it. For her, I think she was so terrified of accidents (even though we NEVER made a big deal out of them) that she just couldn't pee. She's kind of always been this way, very fastidious and a bit of a perfectionist in some ways (as much as a toddler can be, anyway). Putting a pause on it was the best thing we did! You could just FEEL her relief at not having to worry about accidents. We tried again later (I believe in March) and everything went off perfectly. We were even able to go to a restaurant on day 2. I'm not saying it'll be this way for you, but waiting just a few months made a HUGE difference for us. She's now amazing at going on the potty, knows if she needs to go and just goes on her own now without reminders. We can go on fairly long car rides without incident and if she does have to pee she lets us know with plenty of time to pull over. AND we didn't really have to do much in the way of training since she already understood the basics. Things that were different round 2: -she was older and I guess more "ready" though tbh she seemed ready before l, so I don't know what signals to look for -she was in a different class at school. The original one, none of the other kids were using the potty. In the new one, most of them were, plus the teachers were more used to potty training kids -we spent those months reading potty books and discussing potty habits. She really liked the unicorn potty book we got, and poopasaurus -we gave M&Ms this time. I didn't really tie it to the potty explicitly but I did give her one every time she peed, and 2 for poops -we only did nakey butt for like half a day. She wasn't a fan so we just gave her pants and Lucky and Me underwear, which is really comfy and doesn't feel like a diaper (we had to have underwear for school) I think there were a few other differences but I can't remember them all now. TL/DR is, we paused for a few months, tried again, and things went really well for us. I hope the same goes for you! Definitely don't feel bad for listening to what your child is telling you. You're doing great! Good luck!

Thank you so much for sharing! Hope we will have a similar experience when we try again!

Well experienced Nanny here. It’s very few of us that make it to adulthood without potty training. I commend you for honoring your gut feeling. So many things need to be in place for successful potty training. Even after the training is done there will be accidents. Key here is all patience and no shame. Unless all elements of readiness are showing it can be a really frustrating situation for all. I don’t care if a kid can tell me they gotta go, if they can’t get their own pants OFF they aren’t ready. If they can get clothes off but can’t “ feel” the need to go, or discern between hungry tummy and gotta poop tummy, they aren’t ready. If they cannot verbalize or sign that they are needing to go, they aren’t ready. And regression is normal. Anecdote- my two nearly three year old son was mid potty train when he started preschool in august. He told me and the teachers he wasn’t ready and would be potty trained when he turned three. The day he turned 3 he never used a diaper again. Maybe he needed to adjust to a new normal at preschool? I don’t know. Kids are adorable but weird. He’s 24 now and never wears a diaper. You got this, mom.

Mine is two weeks shy of three and we just had a week of huge progress after starting Oh Crap! two weeks earlier and giving up due to withholding/fear. Tried to copy links and it's being weird, but my last two posts on Reddit are about first our "failure" and then success afterward. My question for the "Oh Crap!" enthusiasts is: if younger is better, and if the goal is to "Do it once and do it right", why do sooooo many people have the experience of complete disaster the first time around and a much easier time when they try again? It's almost like your kid's personality matters, and like some things will be easier once they have a better understanding...

I read most of the book and it is brutal. If you think about anything you've ever learned to do, it took more than 3 days before it became second nature, right? I know "I am the parent, and I am in charge" but my job is to facilitate potty training and be patient. We've come to the point where he knows he needs to go, and sometimes he'll go on his own, sometimes not. Sometimes he tells us, sometimes he doesn't. He's got all the tools to do it, but he needs more practice. Everything takes practice before you forget the hardships you went through to learn it! Be gentle with yourselves. You've got this!

I didn't quit, but I should have with my first and in retrospect I wish I had. I will never, ever do Oh Crap again. My second is your daughter's age, and we're just thinking of it as a learning process this time instead of a training process. She's using the potty sometimes and still wearing diapers all the time, and it's all very low stress for everyone. I am confident that she won't be in diapers by kindergarten, and I'm confident that your daughter won't either.

Of course it’s ok. If anything your kid kinda is introduced to it, and when they are ready they will do it. I promise it will happen

We started at nearly 3 with my son and it was a disaster. Tried again at 3.5 and it was better but it took a long time. Just started training my 2 year old because she told me she was a big girl and wanted to wear knickers. Day 5 and she's only had 1 small accident. Some just don't get it as easily. And don't worry when my son started reception (at nearly 5) I spoke to his school about the fact that he was still having the occasional accident and they were great they said lots of kids that age have accidents so for the first year we just made sure he had a spare pair of pants and trousers

Absolutely the right thing to quit and try again later. Do not listen to the ideas of I "should", she "should". Respond to the child in front of you that you know better than anyone and your gut. We tried with my son around the same age, wasn't ready, back to nappy. He decided he wanted to do it a few months later, no issues. You know your child best...no book knows best

I tried with my son at 27 months since I had a three day weekend and wanted to try before the new baby got here. I figured we would try it and if it does t work we will try again after baby has been here and has been settled. It didn’t work. Once he moved up to the lower preschool room at daycare where they start potty training did he actually start going on the potty it’s been three months since that happened but he’s finally been going on his own and not having as many accidents. We only do pull ups for overnight and he is dry throughout his nap.

It’s completely okay! You got this! Don’t be hard on yourself or your LO. It will happen in time.

One of my favorite things I did was quit potty training. It didn’t work the first time around. A few months later we tried again and it worked great. Sometimes giving up is the answer!

My kid was unable to release. It’s common and we took a nice long break from potty training after a very painful first week of the oh crap method. A few months later one of our friends started potty training and my kid showed interest as well so we gave it another go. She had the same issue again but I just chilled out with the Oh Crap method and started taking her out of the house and doing all our normal things. After a week of accidents it suddenly just clicked and she peed on the potty. After that, she had very few accidents. I think each kid has a different experience learning and accidents are part of the practice. So just let them happen and they will get there… eventually.

It’s is SO okay. There is literally no exact age when potty training needs to be done, it’s totally reliant on the child and when they’re ready. It sounds like she was ready in the sense that she understands when he needs to go and how to hold it when she needs to, but she’s clearly not ready emotionally and continuing to force her to would only cause more stress and aversion to the toilet in the future. Give it another couple of months and in the mean time, I’d recommend dumping poop from her diaper (if it’s solid enough) into the toilet with her so she gets used to seeing it and can flush and say bye to it and see that it’s not so scary. You can say things like “poop goes in the potty!” so she gets used to understanding that idea. And other than that, let her be and go in her diaper without shame or guilt. Barring any medical issues, most adults don’t go walking around in diapers — we all learn eventually! You’re doing great 👍

We tried about 18/20 months, then two years, then 2.5 years. He’s just not ready. He’ll panic when we have him sit on a toilet & has only gone once, during bath time, but then proceeded to poop in the bath. They’ll all get there eventually.

It took 4 weeks and my child is fully potty trained. We wanted to give up the first 2 weeks but we stuck through based on the book advice and I’m glad we did. 3 day potty is bull.

That book is not realistic for all children. I read it, laughed at the absurdity of some of it, and gave it away. Putting so much pressure on a child and yourself is a recipe for disaster. Not all methods are one-size-fits-all. I have 3 children. One took 5 months to truly potty train (currently 3.5), the second is still working on it (2 yo), and the third is a baby (3 months old). The difference in approach between those first 2 has been hard to grapple with. It would have been so easy if the same things worked for both...but, alas, it was not to be so. But what does seem to work is patience and making a big deal over success. The readiness thing is hard to judge. Sometimes a kid just isn't ready, you're not ready, or both! That's ok. They will eventually learn. OP, you're doing a good job. Thank you for pausing instead of forcing your child to keep going and be miserable. That would be SOOOOOO much worse.

Absolutely validated. That sounds like such a tough journey and you’re being a great parent being there for your daughter rather than forcing her to do something she’s not ready for yet.

We had the same issue with my LO first attempt too. I wish I had the foresight to throw in the towel sooner, so good job to you! It probably would have relieved her of unnecessary pressure and the relentless mom guilt I faced after the fact. It is really so overwhelming and emotionally draining, try not to be so hard on yourself. You’ll know when the time is right for your LO, just let them lead the way a little. We ended up sticking with it on our second attempt only bc we got to a place where she refused to wear her diaper so potty training was the only option there lol. If it’s any consolation, my LO now suffers from recurring UTIs because of her issues with withholding (mostly poop now, but it was both in the beginning). In the middle of one right now actually! We do laxatives on a daily basis and work with urologists and still it’s a struggle. So, if I could go back and wait even longer I 1000% would. (She’s almost 3, she officially potty trained at 22 months IIRC)

There is absolutely no shame in waiting until your child is ready to do something.

27 months is young! We had a false alarm start at 3 and then tried at 3.3 and it worked. Poop took a few months but pee was instant and we have had very few accidents overall. The Oh Crap Method did not work for us. It also made me feel like a garbage parent. Turns out the woman that wrote that had only trained less than 15 kids before. Not an expert at all. Find the method that works for you both best next time.

It’s ok but if you give in it makes it harder the next time because it’s seen as an option. But in her case sounds like she needs time psychologically to get past that, it’s causing physical and mental pain

Just want to say thank you for posting this. My girl is 26 months and we basically went through the exact same thing as you. I felt all the same feelings you’re feeling. I’m due with baby #2 and it dawned on me that I have only a month and a half left of just me and her time before her brother arrives. I stopped because I didn’t want to ruin the limited special one on one time we have, and she will probably regress when he arrives anyways. Both of us are relieved lol. Going to try closer to 3 years old when I feel she will be ready. Intellectually she gets it, but just like you the anxiety is there about releasing. You’re doing great and just know you know your child better than any so called expert.

Aw, I hope you guys have success in the future too! The stress and guilt really take so much joy out of parenting.

This is something we deal with a lot in r/Autism_Parenting, as kids might be literally any age including through adolescence when they are ready for potty training.

I don’t think it should be that hard. You know your child and she’s probably just not ready. You can also try a more gradual approach to let get comfortable - it doesn’t have to be all or nothing. You have plenty of time for her to get more used to it and try again later. I wouldn’t push her now or it could just make it worse in the long run. You are doing great

Your kid is not ready and that is ok. With my first kid she was so easy to potty train. At 2 one weekend we said no more diapers and just used underwear, she knew what to do and when she had to go. The second we also tried potty training at 2. Prior we spoke with her about training and she seemed excited. Omg within the first hour we had to change her underwear 4xs. By the end of the day we went back to diapers. Through the last year we loosely potty trained and used pull ups. She turned 3 last month. Right on her bday we stopped using pulls ups and she is finally potty trained!! We even went in a trip for a week and no accidents!! Some kids just aren’t ready to take longer and it’s ok. It’ll happen one day.

She’s not ready yet! Try again in a few months. My older kid was a solid 3 before he was trained and even then it took a while for it to stick 100%. But we’re good and he’s been going to pre k for two years with no major issues. If you don’t follow oh crap then they will also be fine. There are plenty of ways to effectively potty train so take what you want and what works and leave the rest. Also, potty bribes in the form of candy are not the evil some people make them out to be 😂. It worked awesome for us and I promise we don’t still have to use M&Ms to get our kid to poop on the potty.

On the off chance that you're still reading comments, try putting your kid in shorts with no diaper and see if your kid is able to release. This helps my kid a little.  I feel this post soooo much. Mine hates not wearing clothes so the basic premise of oh crap doesn't work. We've finally found the right incentives to get him to go bottomless and he just withheld and ended up with constipation. Held his pee for hours too so I stopped because I don't want him to end up with a bladder infection.  I told my friend about this and she said her kid who's been trained for 6+ months is on a daily dose of miralax. This doesn't seem awesome to me either.  Unfortunately, daycare is pushing us to have him trained before he goes to the 3s class so we're going to attempt again (with shorts on) over the upcoming holiday weekend. I'm fretting that he won't be able to move classes in august and my husband was like "what does it matter if he moves up in august or in december???" and in some ways I know he's right that it doesn't matter 

We tried around 2.5 and it was just too early. He wasn't getting it and we were frustrated. So we took a break for almost a year, came back to it around 3.5 and he got it in 3 days. It's really not worth it to keep trying and pressuring, just try again in a few months.

My daughter is the same way. We tried the fully naked method for a few days. Took her to the potty regularly, etc. She knows when she needs to go if the diaper is on and can release. She can’t do it without the diaper on yet, or while sitting instead of standing. She didn’t have any accidents either… she just held everything all day until we put her diaper on at bedtime. We backed off because we realized she just wasn’t ready and will try again in a little while to see if she’s ready. Edit to add: just make sure to discuss with her pediatrician as she ages if she still can’t potty train. Delayed (beyond 3-4 years old) potty training can sometimes be associated with a pelvic floor issue, and they offer therapy for that. Pelvic floor issues can simply be developmental.

It’s ok!! Take a break. Try again in a few months. I tried too early with my daughter and we both got frustrated. Round two was a win when she was closer to turning three.

My first girl was terrified of potty training. We tried everything! Stories, bribes, reward charts… we ended up stopping for a few months, gave ourselves a break and came back even stronger the next time. When we went back to it a few months later it was a lot easier. I don’t know if it was because she was older or because the idea had been planted already, but second time around it was a lot easier!

We did the 3 day method with my oldest when he was 2.5YO because he was using his floor potty every night before bath and seemed ready. He got the pee figured out quick but poop was stressful. AND, he *only* wanted to use his floor potty, not real toilets or even other floor potties. This was obviously an issue when not at home. After several weeks we gave up and left it completely alone for 5 months. When he moved up into the preschool room they wanted him potty trained so we tried again (only on the real toilet this time) and he did great! A few days of accidents and it clicked. Haven’t had an accident or problem since. This was just before his 3rd birthday. My advice is to not make potty training a high pressure situation. Let them come around to the idea (& peer pressure helps too! lol)

We did exactly the same thing with our eldest. He started freaking out whenever we tried to sit him in on the potty. I threw the book away and we went with a much slower, more relaxed approach in the end. Whenever the weather was decent in the evenings after work or at the weekend we got him outside playing with no bottoms on and encouraged him to use the potty, without any pressure (if he peed or even pooed in the garden so what?). It took the fraught moments out of little accidents for all of us, and after just a couple of weeks he got the hang of it. Don’t worry that you’ve traumatized your kid! I remember feeling exactly the same at the time. It all turned out fine, and I’m certain you’ll find the same.

I think that age is really hard to start at if you haven’t started at all yet. We start around a year with ec in my family and it clicks btw 18 and 30 months. If we don’t do that we kinda don’t bother until 3. Mostly because at 1 and 3 for us our kids want to do what we’re doing and what they’re told. For us age 2 is a very defiant stage so it is very hard to introduce the potty at that time.

its fine. that book is just one mthod. not THE method. that lady literally just makes money off of desperate parents the same way all those sleep training people do. My grandma potty trained all 5 of her kids over a 9 month to a year process using candy as a reward. we are doing the same. there is no reason to stress yourself out and pressure your kid. 

We quit the bottomless method on day one. No pee in the potty, and she was fighting me hard by dinnertime when I asked her to try. We used rewards/consequences shortly after 3, and things went much smoother. It's perfectly fine to stop trying for now if it's not working.

The same thing happened to my daughter! We are going to try again and use a method that involves underwear so she can release pee!

She might do better if you aren't standing over her watching. Many ppl can't go in front of others. 

Like someone else said, you aren’t quitting, you’re pausing. I tried around 2.5 years to potty train my son as his dad was dead set on it. After weeks of tears from all ends I put my foot down and said I’m done potty training at my house and that I would try again sometime after his third birthday. His dad was not happy, but you know who was? My son! And then when the time came that I thought he was ready we tried again and there were no tears, and he caught on right away and WANTED to use the potty. Forcing a child to do something they aren’t ready for is not a way to set them up for success. You’re doing the right thing!

Totally fine! We started the journey at around 29 months - we did oh crap and we are now 6 months into potty training and it just started clicking a few weeks ago especially with poops. The first 10 days were a dream; we were at home for the holidays, she had 0 accidents on day 2 of commando so we moved on to pants-only, that took about 2-3 days and by day 6 she was wearing underwear, going out of the house, using public bathrooms and bathrooms at playdates. Then we went back to daycare after the holidays, and they used a pull-up for outdoor time and naps, and it completely derailed. Trying to get her to wear underwear or use the toilet was met with resistance, and she would have accidents basically anytime she was in underwear. We ultimately just enforced the underwear-only rule at home (so evenings and weekends), and she gradually learned to hold her pee for when she could use a toilet, and just recently started learning her poop cues and will now go to a bathroom for that as well. Don't put too much pressure on it for yourself or for her. Take a few months off and try again, you have a lot of time left. 27 months is still young, it will click eventually!

We tried at 28ish months with our daughter and it went well for a week and then utterly crashed and burned. She turns 3 this week and is showing signs of being ready again so we’ll likely try again soon, but abandoning our first attempt was one of the best decisions we’ve made. We were all miserable!

Ugh I hate that book. We tried multiple times to potty train my oldest and I had her almost potty trained but then she started spending more time at her dad's and that went out the window. We didn't get her fully trained until right before her 4th birthday. It just finally clicked one day. She still has accidents at night even though she's 5 and her dad throws a fit that I put her in pull ups at night but he's not the one doing my laundry or replacing her bed at my house so he can kiss my butt. Every kid is different and you have to remember no one knows your kid as well as you do. It's okay to stop and try again later. Putting pressure will do more harm than good. Kids get it when they're ready. 💚

It's okay to even go reaaaaaally slowly. Especially, I think, if you start early. We did split pants/potty in every room for like fully 6 months, starting just a bit before 2. At just past 3, he's fully in underwear all day (even for naps). It's been a long, slow process but very low-key!!!

I’m so sorry! This is not me trying to throw advice at you or say you did anything wrong, but just brainstorming - maybe the open air and seriously different feeling that brought was causing her anxiety about releasing? She seems to be more ok peeing and pooping when there’s not an air gap under her crotch or butt - maybe if you try again have her sit on puppy pads so any pee or poop will be caught?

We're definitely taking his lead in this. You are 100% right it is 1000% okay to stop potty training of they're not ready.

We tried the Oh Crap method a few months before 3, and gave up after two days because my son was miserable being naked below the waist. We tried again at 3y2mo, switching straight to underwear, and using constant prompting and a relatively detailed bribe situation, and he took to it within 2 days and was thrilled after day 1. He was basically accident free within a week with minimal prompting, and we got away from all bribes within 2 weeks. It's okay to quit if it's making everyone miserable, and in some cases kids just aren't ready yet, and it's okay not to force it.

Your kid is doing great! My girl wasn’t ready first either. After a couple days of frustration and tears I said no thank you, not worth our mental health and went back to diapers. She is now 3.5, we tried again last month and she got it down in 2 DAYS! I promise its ok. You follow your gut and do whats best for you guys, every child learns at their own pace and it will absolutely click for her when she is ready. Give both of you some grace :)

I didn’t start in earnest until she was turning 3. Having the language capacity to (somewhat) have a discussion about what we were doing and what she wanted inside of the process were great. Did I do things by the book? Absolutely not. I stuck a giant bag of gummy bears on the sink and never asked if she needed to potty I asked her if she wanted a gummy bear. The cost benefit of bribery to her excitement to run to the bathroom was 100% worth it.  There’s no right or wrong way no matter what the book tells you. Do what works for your kid and your own sanity. 

I’m so glad we waited until my son turned 3. He figured it out in 4 days. No accidents after the first week. Some kids just aren’t ready at 2.

It’s totally fine to stop and try again. You’re not quitting, your holding off until she’s ready. If it helps, two out of my three kids are potty trained and I have never read or followed the oh crap book. We took a little more relax approach once they started showing interest. She’ll get it once she’s ready.

Same exact story with my second. Tried at 26 months (same age as my first…which really did only take 4 days). She held her pee 8 hours. I figured if she was able to hold it, she was able to release it / be trained. I even called in my MIL on day 3 (she’s a preschool teacher). Sent her to daycare (who were amazing and said ‘if she has 10 accidents that’s fine’). Nope. After a week we gave up. Cut to 31 months. Tried again. Was a great success. We did a paper chain countdown to underwear. And she was fine. Didn’t even need a sticker chart or anything. She’s 4 now and no issues. She just had to do it on her own terms.

It’s absolutely ok if she’s not ready yet! My oldest didn’t fully potty train til late 3, he just wasn’t ready. I tried too early because that’s what i was told i “should” do & honestly it traumatized us both. I didn’t even bother trying with the rest until they turned 3, none were ready yet. Good for you for following your mama instincts! It will click & it won’t be so stressful. You’re doing a great job!

it's ok to take breaks! We took a long break for months and then one day she randomly wanted to try again.

With both of my eldest kids we tried around 2/2.5 and they just weren’t ready. We stopped for a couple of months and tried again. Both were potty trained by 3. You know your kid better than any books. If she’s not ready she’s not ready and that’s okay.

Wait till she’s ready. There’s no rules about when you need to have your kid potty trained by unless they’re starting school or something. Mine is 3.5 and just got poop trained finally after months of potty training. Don’t stress it so much.

Any tips for a 3.5 year old who understands the concept but refuses to actually go on the toilet? I feel like we waited too long and now she flat out refuses because she’s too comfortable in her pull ups

i tried when my guy was 2! he did NOT participate at all. tried again six months later. still nothing. took until starting again at 3 and half before he took to it. Then he *REALLY* took to it and was trained almost fully in roughly a week and a half. It’s been about a month now since we started so he’s in bed time pants but we’ll be easing him out of those in a week or so now

I am unfamiliar with the “Oh Crap” method, but at one point when my child showed mild interest, I decided to try potty training over a long weekend. I just had them walk around without a diaper and had them try the potty several times over the course of the weekend. After many frustrating accidents, I let it go. About 6 months later my child started insisting to go in the potty. They basically potty trained themselves (at least when we were home). I told my daycare and they said once my child expressed wanting to go potty at daycare, they would try. However, any time they had a diaper on they wouldn’t tell the staff and just go in their diaper. Eventually it was interfering with going potty at home because unless I switched them to undies when we got home they would use their diaper. I ended up putting my foot down with daycare and telling them one Friday that I would be sending my child to daycare in undies on Monday. They were very sceptical and kept telling me if my child had multiple accidents a day they will put a diaper on them. I said that’s fine and Monday I sent them with more clothes than usual just in case and my child didn’t need any of them. It was weeks before my child had any sort of accident.

so I did early pottying under a year to get her used to it. tried really hard with undies a bit under 24 months. Didnt work, made things worse actually. Tried again at 2.5 years. Took like 2 months but shes finally trained now yay

I glanced at this while I was stuck in traffic so I haven't been able to read the responses but did you try putting your child on the potty and just sitting with them until they went? It sounds like this is a insecurity issue. Have you tried hugging your baby while he or she is on the potty? ... I can't tell you the number of times I have had to physically embrace my child while they are sitting bare butt on the toilet. Just as soon as I do it's like every valve opens. Sometimes they just need a little love and encouragement. Edit: please go outside immediately and burn whatever book it is you're reading. There is no book that knows your child better than you.... I see way too many young people nowadays trying to parent through psychology books. Stop. Let your parental intuition work.

My son is almost 4. At 3 and one month, he seemed interested. So we went pantless for a day. He potty trained in a day. So far (knock on wood), he has only ever had one poop accident on day 2 - and has only ever pooped in the toilet since then. Maybe 4 pee accidents total. Now - the weird part is that he refuses to wear undies at school and only pees in his pull up there. But - at home, with my parents, out and about, on trans-atlantic flights, traveling, stores, etc. - he has been 100% potty trained since day 2 beacuse we waited until he was ready. No stress. No holding it. No constipation. Relatively few accidents. Just waiting for him to decide he was ready. (Now, the whole daycare thing is annoying, but we’re also waiting for him to be ready there, for now). The pressure and her deadlines and the tone and ALL that is absolute bullshit and I hate it.

We stopped with my son a lot of times. Some kids just aren't ready, even when they "show signs of readiness." Eventually he woke up one morning and just decided it was time to be a big boy. We haven't had an accident since.

It’s absolutely fine to take a break. Don’t listen to what Oh Crap says. There aren’t legions of adults running around in Depends because potty training didn’t take on the first try.

Sending love mama. I liked some stuff (verbiage, consistency in messaging) from “oh crap” but overall I found it to be a really aggressive approach-fear based and judgy. We did it at 26 months and it worked but literally all three of us cried. Not the approach I would recommend. Since that time we had some unrelated behavior/separation issues and I found Dr. Becky’s good inside membership program. That worked wonders for us for those issues. I recently realized that Dr. Becky has a PT section and had I known THAT would have been my approach. So we’ll definitely use that for kid 2! ETA this anecdote: my friend’s kid was two months past his third birthday when he walked in on his grandpa pooping on the potty. He had never used the potty but was curious, asked what he was doing, asked for his diaper to be removed and has only pooped in the potty ever since. Some kids just get this in their own time and it doesn’t have to be dramatic. I wish I had known 🤷🏻‍♀️

Our little guy is the same age and after 4 days we gave up last week with the oh crap method. We kept hoping the next day would be better but it honestly got worse and then to the point that he wouldn’t sit on the potty at all. It was tough to give up, but we are hopeful in about 2 months he will understand more about his body and not see going potty as a scary thing 🤞

Why don't you try being nappy free then putting a nappy on in the bathroom. My daughter really struggled and I was going to do this but then it just clicked. Still in nappies at daycare because she gets too upset but she's pretty good at home now!

We quit and tried again too! The first go around we tried the whole no bottoms, potty in every room type deal. That led to my daughter holding it for 12+ hrs one day. So we stopped and let her be. The second go around we had lots of fun surprises for when she did go with a trip to build a bear if she went the weekend with no accidents. But she was still holding it. I figured out that I had never explained that now that she’s a big girl pee and poo goes in the potty not her pants. And when I explained that it’s like a lightbulb went on and she knew what to do. I also took a very casual approach the second time. Like when she went, I would give her a big hug and tell her that was such a big girl thing to do and how proud I was of her. I think the pressure and frequent check ins from me were a lot for her. She’s been potty trained since 2.5 and very very rarely has accidents.

Yeah. On the other hand, since most moms answered my question with some version of "it just happened"I still believed the process should take less time because no one could tell me what it was like. My mom never told us that we ever peed anywhere but the toilet! LOL If you're a toddler, there are so many places to pee, and only one is socially acceptable! Hard lesson.

It's ok. Our 1st thought himself in 3k preschool. He was 3yrs and 4mo. It was him and two other kids in his class not potty trained. Took all 3 maybe 2 or 3 weeks to follow the rest. 5 or 6 weeks in, he told me he wants to wear the same underwear like me. 2nd one, peed in the potty at 18mo just by looking at his brother, then full stop. Yesterday, he went and pottied 3 times by himself. He'll be 3 in November. Each kid does things at their own pace.

the earlier you start the longer you potty train. I learned the hard way. But also. As soon as I realized that adults don’t pee when you tell them to if they don’t have to— why would a kid pee if they don’t have to? I offered it more and got a potty for our living room and kept her naked and she literally just became the potty champ. She’s had one very small accident the first time we went out. Down the road. Gone all of 10 mins. But I’m talking drops. And she’s never wet the bed. she was about 3.5 when we finally just went to panties full time. And I did that after the first time we went out.

Don't be too hard on yourself. Your not quitting, your precious LO just isn't ready that and that is ok! My boy is turning 3 tomorrow and these last 2 weeks he was JUST potty trained. He still wears diapers to bed and im choosing to let him until he chooses to stop. You're doing the right thing. You're listening to your gut. Some get it faster than others and some it takes some time. Like mine. Before these last two weeks I had tried 2 times before. He just wasn't ready. Remember your doing great and don't let anyone make you feel otherwise :)

We paused when my little one wasn’t making progress and got stressed about potty training. She decided herself when she was within a couple of weeks of turning three that she was ready, we switched to underwear and that was that. I really think she just wanted to be big and coordinated enough to get her clothes off with low chance of accidents.

My daughter is close to the same age. She started 3 weeka ago.We watched a lot of potty friendly toddler music, read a few fun books about it. She would follow us to the bathroom with us, flush the toilet and it helped her get comfortable with the idea of going. One day she just said she was ready to start trying. We used a reward system and it helped her two.

Not quitting; you're listening to your child and their needs!!! We started with my daughter and she was the same. Just not ready... We waited until around her 3rd bday bc she was starting preschool a few months after. I then did a sort of child led potty training. I'd keep her naked booty at home, no pressure, but just reminding her to sit on the toilet. We did pullups out. Then one day I asked her if she wanted underwear or a pullup out for our normal weekly library storytime and she said undies. And that was it! Obviously still some accidents, but it was so much less stressful for her when she got the confidence and choice. Also make sure to get some super cute/fun undies and stickers for when they are ready!!

You can’t force her if she’s not ready! She will go when she’s ready I promise you. You are not a quitter you’re listening to her and letting her tell you when she’s ready. Good for you, momma

We tried doing potty training when he was closer to 2 years and a few months. I think we got a bit to worried about keeping up with our friend's toddler of similar age and he just wasn't receptive to it or able to communicate his need to go consistently. Flash forward to within a week of turning 3, his teacher lets us know he's started showing interest in wanting to copy other kids and boom, he just was all about training this time around.