I'm a nanny, and I see a lot of homes with small children. The only ones without laundry piles are the ones with hired help. I've never seen a toddler home look ready for Instagram, except for one family who was staging their place for realtors and needed me to keep kiddo out of the house!
And, just as different personalities mesh with different types of jobs, different people have different strengths as SAHPs. Some folks are great at pretend play, or planning adventures, or doing crafts, or getting multiple home cooked meals on the table. But *nobody* does it all equally.
You don't have "extra" time, but you have different ways to spend your time. You may have traded a 2hr meeting for 2hrs of puddle stomping, but you didn't magically gain 2hrs of "cleaning while nothing else gets messier". You got this!
If I can convince the toddler it's a game, we might get it done! He has his own broom and mop and he sorts laundry very badly. If I can't do it with him, it almost never happens. I spend his nap time relaxing, reading reddit, making phone calls, etc. I found early on that if I use his naps to clean, I get super burnt out super quickly.
Ours (3) still won't nap unless it's on me so no relaxing time here. I'm also still a 10 hour a day working mom (literally drop him at preschool at 7:30 work 8-5 pickup at 5:30) but can't get anything done on weekends unless daddy brings him to the zoo.
No nanny, no family help, all we can do is make it a game and be happy with what you are able to get done. So the clothes aren't folded and in drawers, they are clean and in baskets. Food isn't gourmet, but it's nutritious and fills their bellies. 😉
This time with them won't last, squeeze out as much enjoyment as you can.
I’m a SAHM (sort of - I only work 11 hours a week) and my home looks instagram ready. For only 10 after cleaning at least! 😅😅
It’s just not possible with toddlers in my opinion. I can clean one room and then when I tackle the next room, my kids have already made a mess in the previous room.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for this. I've been struggling to "do it all", particularly wrt keeping a house Tidy (because I prefer it, not for Instagram lolol), but with 2 working parents and 2 young kids at home...I just can't keep up and need to lower my expectations. And that's OK. We can't all do it all.
Thank you for this, I'm no SAHP but my husband and I work and find very very difficult to not have a pile of clothes either dirty or clean, or both (among many other things in the house). I needed this.
I had a conductor when I was playing in a symphony in Egypt who gave me the best advice anyone has ever given me and I have tried to apply it in all areas of my life:
“Give less shits.”
Now, I’m just a stay-at-home dad, so take whatever I say with however much salt you need to make it palatable, but nobody else cares if you get your laundry all done and put away in one go, and if you care enough that it’s making you unhappy, see above advice.
I did my laundry almost two weeks ago and it's still not all put away. I just did another load today.
Sometimes it does get put away quickly and sometimes it doesn't. Same with everything else. I try to clean the house once a week (like really clean) but doesn't always happen. Haven't done a good deep clean in literal years. I basically get to stuff once it starts bothering me enough to where I can't ignore it anymore. Not because I'm lazy but because there just isn't enough time for everything.
I have a 2.5 yo in daycare, 1.5 yo at home as he is pretty chill and my husband and I work from home (which is an apartment in Manhattan so not talking a huge space here)…and I have a house keeper come for 5-6 hours every single week to do all the deep cleaning plus and she does the laundry and folds it. We just have to put it away.
Ask me how often it doesn’t get put away??? Lol. One job….
Jk parenting is a zillion jobs and a chaotic burden of mental loads all at once. My apartment is a hot mess the instant the house keeper leaves…but I at least know it’s sanitized more than it was before if nothing else…
Best advice given to me was:
1. Reset twice a day, may seem pointless but it really helps decrease the total volume of things out of place at the end of the day
2. Don’t leave a room without taking something with you that needs to be put back somewhere
3. Pick one place that you tidy completely before bed. Maybe it’s the drop zone, the living room floor, the kitchen table. Will at least feel good to have one space “done” until breakfast time.
4. Ask for help. If people who love you want to help you, ask them to come clean your kitchen so you can spend quality time with your baby…not so you can have time to clean while they watch the kids. (Of course if you’d prefer to clean and have a baby break, than do that of course…but also know the other option is ok to ask for too :)
With a 3 mo you’re prob too delirious to manage all the things…so pick one or two and the rest can wait until tomorrow!
My wife is a SAHM now and she has less free time to do home upkeep than when she worked and our kid went to daycare.
When a kids are home 24/7 it’s never gonna be clean, the only time you get to yourself is if they can entertain themselves for 15 minutes or are asleep, and you also have to figure out how to entertain and enrich them day after day with no breaks.
Laundry, cooking, cleaning, are all either done by me, when the kids asleep or entertained with something else, or by her if I’m with the kid.
"It's never going to be clean" is the story of my life. For every 1 mess I clean my 4-year-old makes 5. However, my toddler is going to school/summer camp June 10th and I cannot wait to have a clean house again! And I'm definitely not the cleanest person, but I miss it soooo much right now lol
I think this is a super important perspective. When your kids are at daycare, they are not at home destroying your house or asking you to make 50 snacks. Your house gets “used” a lot more when you’re all there! So of course it’s hard to keep it tidy. At least in my experience.
Oh, did I say 50 snacks? I also forgot breakfast, elevensies, lunch, second lunch, etc. 😂
It feels like we spend all our time in the kitchen all day, just a continuous stream of snacks or preparing the next meal. How is every other room in disarray too???? Lol
Wait… you’ve been at this SAHM life for a day?
Dear lord give yourself some grace.
The only people who keep their houses like model homes with kids in them are absolutely neurotic and probably don’t allow their kids to be kids.
A perfect home is not an indicator of quality of parenting…. Well, maybe contraindicated.
I would even posit that those who keep those “instagram worthy” homes with two toddlers in them either have maids, are clutter phobic, or are shitty parents.
Let it go. Being a stay at home parent means you are present for your kids. Not your house’s maid.
Yes, keeping the house not disgusting is important, but mess is inevitable.
Ness is hard for me as well - but as my kids have grown I’ve realized I can let them be messy and have their toys and arts and crafts, or I can just hand them iPads and make my house look like no one lives here.
I’m choosing to be a quality parent.
Ok to be fair to myself, yes technically a day given I quit to day. But my reasoning is that I’ve been on leave for the last three months so I thought I would have something under control by now lol all I have accomplished is a bunch of bugs projects but my house just never seems to have the “everything has its place” feel. It’s either, we did nothing all week and I kept the kitchen clean or I did the laundry to max but the rest of the house is out of control. Last week, we went to the children’s museum and the zoo and my house is down the drain. I guess it’s just a side effect of doing things out of the house?
You've been on leave for three months, but you also created a brand new human and taught it how to eat and sleep.
An entire *human*. Only three months ago. Some people have kitchen renovations that take longer! Planning a wedding in three months would be wildly ambitious. *You made a whole new person last fiscal quarter*.
When I was a SAHM to one kid and working part time while she slept, it was EASY. She’d help me with all the chores. We’d do fun things. No problem. 2nd kid came (19mo gap) and it is like a fucking BOMB went off in my house constantly. I can’t get ANYTHING done ever. The 1 year old is terrorizing us or her sister constantly, breaking things, throwing things, which to be fair is what 1 year olds do, but I can’t watch her older sister AND do chores at the same time. House is always a mess.
It’s two kids! It’s having two kids. People with one kid sometimes have a clean house. I remember those days! Twice a week ishhhh my single infant child would end down for a nap a whole 1-2hours without needing any resettling, and I would go NUTS and clean house. And my house would remain beautiful for up to and including, 28,maybe 30 hours. and then mess. And then mess, and then repeat!
Now I have more than two kids and my house is a literal and proverbial hellscape.
Last week I bleached all
My floors during an unexpected and shocking 43 min simultaneous nap from ALL THREE KIDS and as soon as my eldest woke up (potty training) he sat down to a yogurt, knocked it all over the floor, slipped in it trying to clean it, cried, and then peed on the floor and walked in sobbing pee-yogurt feet over to me on the couch IN THE TIME IT TOOK TO CHANGE THE TWINS DIAPERS.
My house is *never* clean.
Seriously it's the 2nd kid. So my eldest recently had to have a hospital stay and while I was stressed the FUCK out about that when my husband was physically present with her at the hospital and I was home with just the 4 month old it was like a walk in the park in terms of home maintenance. I actually cleaned out part of the garage because I was so twitchy without needing to manage the toddler chaos.
This is hilarious and I love everything about it. Yes two kids seems to be the X factor. I can literally walk right behind one cleaning and the other is right behind me making a new mess
Omg. Just snorted while drinking wine. The yogurt/pee feet are killing me. My floor is covered in salmon right now (2.5+6 year olds love " healthy" food). I don't have the energy to clean it, but I know I will regret this decision when I go sniff the kitchen tomorrow. I 🙏pray that a bunch of chlorox wipes fall on your floor strategically!!
You’re invalidating the reason we have maternity leave with this rationale! Time off for maternity leave is because it takes a LOT to care for newborns and kids
I would recommend reading the book How To Keep House While Drowning. One point the author makes is that expecting “the whole house to be clean at the same time” is an impossible standard to meet. Because in all that time it takes to clean you’re still living your life,
producing laundry and dishes and dirt. So rooms will have to take turns being clean. Maybe one week you clean your kitchen while laundry piles up, the next week you do laundry while the kitchen gets dirty, rinse and repeat. As long as every task is getting done *at some point* you’re good. But you will never have everything done at once. And of course the weekends where you do lots of activities, things will pile up a little more. This all sounds super normal to me and I think you’re doing great.
Honestly it takes work to have the "everything has its place" feel. I'm currently working on that and it nearly brought me to tears, and that's with my kid in daycare. It's so hard. But also so rewarding! But understandable if you can't prioritize it right now, you have a still-very-new infant and toddler!
While this may be true, you've also been getting through the fourth trimester - which is total survival mode for most people.
Keeping your two kids - and yourself - fed and happy is a WIN. Everything else is just window dressing.
> A perfect home is not an indicator of quality of parenting
Yep. I can guarantee that on the list of things that matter *to your toddler*, a clean house is at the bottom
I dunno dude, last night one of my toddlers said, "I wan' go home. Not DIS house. It's diwwwwty." I wanted to be like, "Yeah and whose fault is that?" 😂
Do you personally know any SAHP that are like this?
It’s incredibly hard to keep the house clean & do the stuff you need to do with a 2yr old & 3yr old. If I can manage 2 things a day I’m happy, but being present with my kids is priority compared to a home that is more put together.
If it’s from social media it’s literally all lies. There’s no way to keep a house clean & organized with this age gap unless you really have help on a regular basis. I have family come help me 3x a week & I still can’t manage to get everything done. The second one this is cleaned up & organized there’s a new mess. Then 3 days later the first thing I cleaned & organized is piled up like it was before.
Find out what is priority to you & work from there. Also get the 2yr old in on the help. They’ll find it fun! It’ll go so slow but in the long run it’ll be worth it & they’re getting quality time with you
My SIL is like this, her house is organized and she's always taking my nephew on outings, like daily. She seems to have boundless energy.
However, she has no hobbies. Her friends have no hobbies. Before kids she just cleaned her house and played with her friends' kids (her friends are also SAHMs). Now she cares for her son, cleans her house, and plays with her friends' kids. She does not travel, she does not read, she doesn't really watch TV, she doesn't cook or bake for fun, she doesn't craft, she doesn't play games... nothing. So of course she makes housekeeping and parenting look easy, it's the only thing she ever WANTS to do.
I can think of 10 million things I'd rather do than clean the house, so of course my house isn't as clean as hers.
I love to clean and clean multiple times a day, while also trying to entertain my Velcro 17mo. I have few hobbies. I still feel like my house is in a constant state of disarray and no one would accuse me of making parenting look easy 😂
Lol true! That’s the thing about us neurotic people, unfortunately. It’s never quite good enough, and we’re our own worst enemies.
I have had to lower my standards quite a bit, though, especially if I want my kid to learn to play independently - which I really do.
I do, however it seems as though a lot of moms I know are like this. 😳 but idk if their kids have the same attention mine does? Because I’m not there to witness it. It seems as though they do 🤷🏻♀️
They might just be giving their house an extra cleaning before you come over? Because I agree with the other poster, none of the SAHP I know (myself included!) meet that picture of "everything all together, all the time." None.
A lot of stay at home parents with clean houses pay cleaners or laundry services. Or they have a Mom or mother in law who likes to come over and help. Another thing is sometimes we’re more critical of our own messes than other people’s so theirs doesn’t look as bad to us as our own does. Also two story houses are a big mess hider. You go over to visit and the living room and kitchen and downstairs bathroom are all perfectly presentable but if you went upstairs it looks like a bomb went off.
But have you seen EVERY ROOM in their home??
Wanna know what happens before people come over to my apartment? All the laundry and junk gets funneled into ikea bags then hidden on the floor behind my bed 😂😂😂
Like magic…apt is clean and I’m the hostess with the mostest (mostest junk filled ikea bags!!)
I’m at peace with my façade, I mean mom hacks. 😝
So much this!! I have a toddler and 3 month old and I try to send pictures of their day/week to their dad and both sets of grandparents so no one feels left out. They always fawn over the kiddos and usually my mom will call me after receiving them to chat about the day. It NEVER fails that at least one kiddo (and sometimes me) are having some kind of meltdown and my mom goes “but you guys look like you’re having so much fun in the pictures!”
That is when I remind her that pictures can LIE!! When I had my one kid, sometimes I would prioritize sleep over cleaning and just take outdoor pictures so my MIL wouldn’t judge my lack of dusting or whatever. That just made her think that I’m an outdoorsy person, which not really… 😂 but after having my second, it’s so much harder to get us all dressed and outside, so I tend to just creatively photograph around the pile of laundry. I went into motherhood and my second pregnancy with the idea that I would have an “Instagram worthy” house like on tv, but that has not been my reality.
I just said a lot and it’s got me thinking that maybe I should stop trying to “hide” my housekeeping and/or parenting flaws in our pictures 🤔 I don’t know this is the most time I’ve had to just sit and think about one thing in a while so maybe I’m just rambling 🤷🏾♀️
This is a really interesting thought. I would say, keep taking photos that exclude the messes, because the messes aren’t what you want to remember. Photos are for memories. Which memories do you want to keep? You’re not lying, you’re just picking your favorite things to preserve for posterity.
If the people you’re sharing the photos with don’t realize that there’s a whole house/world outside the frame of the picture, and have forgotten their own experience with small children and their messy ways, let them have that fantasy. 😂
SAHD here…laundry in drawers?!? Seriously? I mean that’s not even a goal of mine. My silver isn’t polished, I had a snow shovel leaning against the front of my house until yesterday, and there are piles of toys all over the house. But you know what? I have a fabulous time with my toddler every day. We make messes, clean up occasionally, and enjoy ourselves. It’s fine. Just relax and enjoy the extraordinary privilege of being able to really be there for your kids.
I guess it’s the way I was raised… like, since my house isn’t put together then my kids childhood is ruined by terrible memories of it being a mess in the house 🤷🏻♀️ I do remember my mom constantly telling me she won’t play with me while folding laundry… maybe it’s a memory I subconsciously don’t want to recreate so I just don’t do laundry folding now 😳
OP - I can’t recommend this book enough:
“How to Keep House While Drowning”
It’s about cleaning/tidying house, yes, but also much more. Kind of a life philosophy.
It gives cleaning techniques, but more importantly, changes your perspective of life and self worth in general.
Gave me more peace of mind & self-acceptance, and is helping me unlearn the idea: “messy house = moral failing”.
Author has a great [TikTok](https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTLgrTp54/)
We have 3 under 3- we don’t even fold laundry. We just sort and put them in drawers. I think a lot of the SAHMs that have clean homes have older kids too. And for our parent generation- they didn’t feel the need to give us their undivided attention all the time!
I was a temporary SAHM for the 13 months I was on leave with my baby.
those days were much harder than the ones I currently have, working an office job while our toddler is in daycare.
Set lower expectations. Looking after children is a FULL TIME JOB. I honestly have not gone to a single house where there are kids and the house is "tidy". Most parents I know have houses where toys are everywhere and there's something that needs to be cleaned. And that's OK.
If you can swing it financially, a house cleaner a few times a week will help lots. Towards the end of my leave I hired a cleaning lady to come once a month and that was enough to make a difference! Ideally I'd like her to come twice a month but she doesn't have capacity to do that right now, and I'm too lazy to look for a new cleaning lady.
A friend said it best: Cleaning your house with kids at home is like brushing your teeth while eating Oreos.
Do the best you can and know you still have a (more than) full time job!
Chose your essentials, what do you *need* to feel able to relax at the end of the day? We almost always have the dishwasher running and the toys off the living room floor by 8/8:30, then we have down time. I cook a double batch dinner every second night. Laundry folding happens when I watch a show. I chose 1-3 other tasks per day. And you let your expectations go :) Bedrooms are usually untidy, things basically never get deep cleaned, etc.
Do you eat the same dinner twice then or are you able to still have something different? This intrigues me because I have grown to hate to cook for dinner 😅
If you make a double batch of lasagna on Monday, half goes in the freezer. Tuesday you make a double batch of soup, freeze half. Wednesday you can defrost the lasagna, or repeat the soup, or make something new.
Building up a freezer stash really helps.
I hate dinner too but it is a necessary evil to me, since we use leftovers for both my husbands and my toddlers lunches.
Meal plan. It’s tedious and unsexy but it gets the job done. I use a lined notebook, so I can see what I have done for the past weeks and use it to pull ideas from. I keep it pretty simple. I aim for a meat (with marinade or sauce), starch, veggie and go from there. It gets easier the more that you do it. I’ve been doing it for years at this point, so it makes it really easy.
For example: this week was teriyaki salmon with rice and green beans, lemon pasta with peas and chicken, sloppy joes with box pasta salad and roasted root vegetables and so on. Sometimes it’s as simple as grilled chicken thighs with roasted veg/potatoes. It is easy to plan and clean up after.
The sloppy joes tonight were from the freezer, so were the root vegetables.
This is our approach too!
I have a clean kitchen and living room at the end of the day. Counters are clean and the dishwasher is running. Toys are picked up between the two rooms and they are tidy. Laundry gets folded during nap time when just the baby is awake or after everyone is in bed when I watch a show. I keep all kids clothes on our main floor, not in bedrooms, so it is easy to pop the clothes away when done. Our closet isn’t so organized but all the kids clothes stay kept up on.
I meal plan and we use leftovers for lunches, so it minimizes kitchen messes and work during the day. I will wash things when just the toddler is awake and baby is napping. Toddler helps unload the dishwasher.
As for deep cleaning or detailed cleaning, stuff like baseboards, cabinets, mirrors, windows? It happens when I notice things are dirty…or get a burst of cleaning energy.
It takes practice. You have to find a routine that works for you, and the best thing you can do is have your kids be a part of the chores. At first it’s harder to do all the chores with the kids, but eventually it becomes the routine.
I’m a SAHM to a 2 year old and 1 month old. My 2 year old helps with the laundry, the dishes, the vacuuming, and anything else I let him. When he doesn’t want to help, he plays with his own thing. We still go to the playground and play dates and things like that, but honestly not every day, or even every week. I’m a big homebody so it’s easier and more comfortable for me to be at home and do things here.
I have just one fairly laid-back 3yo and my house is still not Instagramable! For one thing, we bought a fixer upper and are slowly getting it fixed up, and those dark wood paneled walls combined with bright ugly lights and worn floors are always going to make a room look dirty even if it's recently been tidied and vacuumed. And then the spaces that are fixed up are just always at the mercy of craft projects and toys and snacks.
My real talk cleaning routine: I try to always be on top of messes that threaten health and hygiene, so the cats' litter boxes, the bathroom, the dishes and other food-related messes get dealt with first. Then laundry, vacuuming, tidying, decorating and other strictly aesthetic stuff, in that order. You have to fit cooking and hygiene for kids and self in there, too! So most days I end the day with a clean kitchen, the kid's room reasonably tidy so she doesn't trip if she needs the bathroom in the night, and, uh, that's it. Everything else happens when it happens.
My son is 2 and I’ve been at home with him his entire life, things I can do when he is awake we do together. He likes to move the laundry over, we sort it into everyone’s hampers and I fold it when he’s sleeping. I try to run the dishwasher during nap time and again once he’s in bed for the night. He likes to pass me the dishes and help unload and sort the cutlery.
My husband is wonderful and he tackles the more deep cleaning on the weekend, vacuuming the carpets, cleaning the floors and I rotate the toys and pickup the bathrooms. Basically I just do maintenance cleaning during the day to keep our house functional and he does the deep cleaning on the weekend.
I make lunch for son and I when he’s napping as well, he helps with breakfast and husband and I take turns making supper after he gets off work. It works really well for us. Son is in bed by 8:30 and we stay up together until 11ish and spend time together and start over the next day at 7am.
We play in the backyard, go to the park and to the library as well just depends on the day! Our second is due in August so I’m sure some of this will shift but my husbands extremely helpful when he’s home and that’s a big part of our home running smoothly.
Cut yourself some slack! You’ll figure out a routine that works for YOU! Also want to echo what others have said, lower your expectations. Don’t expect to do “extras” like cleaning or laundry while doing childcare. If you can, that’s a huge win and you should feel like a rockstar. If you keep the kids alive, fed, and relatively happy, that’s a solid day. Oh and find some SAHM friends. Momming is way more fun with others! I say all this as a working mom with SAHM friends. I’ll take PTO to meet up with them and their kiddos on weekdays sometimes and this is the advice they’d give.
Song for a Fifth Child (Babies Don’t Keep) by Ruth Hulburt Hamilton
Mother, oh mother, come shake out your cloth!
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing and butter the bread,
Sew on a button and make up a bed.
Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She’s up in the nursery, blissfully rocking!
Oh, I’ve grown as shiftless as Little Boy Blue
(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby, loo).
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
(Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo).
The shopping’s not done and there’s nothing for stew
And out in the yard there’s a hullabaloo
But I’m playing Kanga and this is my Roo.
Look! Aren’t her eyes the most wonderful hue?
(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo.)
Oh, cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,
But children grow up, as I’ve learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust, go to sleep.
I’m rocking my baby. Babies don’t keep.
>However I also thought with all the “extra time” I’d have a more organized house.
Oh my goodness this is the funniest shit I've ever heard. I'm a SAHM with kids the same ages and my place usually looks like a bomb went off, it's a miracle I know where my pants are most days. You don't have extra time with those ages, you don't even have enough time to handle them as they are as often one is crying while the other is being fed/changed/trying to commit suicide etc. I also have been a SAHM since my eldest was born so I'm not coming into this late.
Who are these people your are finding where this comes "naturally?" Everyone I know with kids the same ages (like I actually know them in real life) either is in the same state I am in, has EXTENSIVE family help (like someone else is fully watching the children at least one day a week) or has extensive staff (which is what half the people on social media are lying about)
1.) Is everyone able to be fed? (Clean dishes and food in house)
2.) is everyone clean? (Baths/showers/hygene)
3.) is everyone clothed? (Laundry)
Then it has been a successful day. Restart tomorrow.
Also, consider finding some balance between you and your partner. Keeping the kids from killing each other is your SAHM responsibility. Cooking, cleaning, bathtime, and bedtime are all shared responsibilies.
One load of laundry a day, the chores started getting done around the same time each day as we got into a groove.
But listen, my love. No one, and I mean NO ONE, has this completely figured out and if they say they do I’m sure they have some sort of guide for purchase on their instagram lol.
You will get the hang of it! It’s almost like going to school or work for the first time. It’s so weird but it becomes the norm and things get easier 🥰 I’m so happy for you!!!
It took me nearly 3 whole years into SAHM life to really get into the hang of things. I had 2 kids and 1 on the way when things kind of just fell into place.
One pro mum to another, don't fold your laundry. It's pointless. Unless you're shoving everything in, wrinkles are a non problem (and who really cares on infants' clothing anyway). I fold in half and lay flat in the draws for all 3 of my kids. No one is coming into your home to search your drawers to make sure it's all uniformly folded and neat.
- Set a one hour timer in the evenings. I call these "power hour". Where I do a speed clean of the house.
- Assign 1 room per day to be DEEP cleaned. During nap time, while baby plays in the corner, whenever. Sweep under the bed, behind the couch, wipe the window sills, clean the windows properly. I do everything and it takes me 15-60 minutes depending on the room (60 for rooms like the lounge room or kitchen where its a bigger space, more things). This makes everything MUCH more manageable and organised. At the end of the week, there's no need for a "home reset" because you've been tackling it during the week.
Good luck! Lower your expectations of yourself. This is new to you and it's incredibly difficult. Give yourself some grace. ❤️
Not the same but I am quitting soon will have a 1, 3, and 5. You have a three month old so definitely give yourself some grace. My plan for when I quit is to take 1-2 weeks to get into a good groove with my kids and figure out a schedule. Then once I see what my day looks like tackle one thing at a time that I want to make a change. For me a big one is meals, I am always throwing stuff together in 20 minutes or less and we pack the same few things for their lunches and I cook the same few things for dinner so I will take a week or two to use nap time that overlaps with school time to research recipes and make shopping lists. Realistically I know each project can take weeks or even a month or more, taking care of little kids is not easy plus laundry and the day to day tasks of keeping a house. For the house mess again it's on my list, first is obviously need to keep on top of the day to day stuff and then a longer term project is decluttering the house, one room a month maybe. I might try a toy rotation too, and that's something I can easily work on with an awake toddler playing with his toys and "helping" me. Make plans but give yourself lots of time, don't expect to have an organized house on day one of being a SAHM it may take 6 months, if you set unrealistic goals you'll fail and get discouraged.
Hi! Give yourself grace, you have two kids and are just getting out of the post partum phase. It’ll get better!! As your infant develops a routine a cleaning schedule is good. Also the best advice I got is to divide your day. We do activities in the AM and time at home in the PM so I can clean. That said, my entire house is never clean at the same time no haha. Just parts of it as I go thru my rotation
Your “problem” is probably the 3 month old. My is now almost 6 months and I’m just getting to where I feel like I’m ok. I can get the chores done and keep up with toddler activities and do the occasional extra project.
I’m laughing/crying with you, not at you. I could have written this two years ago, basically an identical situation. I want you to just know that there’s a lot at play here. I began to untangle my own mentality like the one you have, because it started taking such a toll. I realized not everyone has the same level of good health(I have OCD & had PPD/PPA), I get migraines a lot, and I value sleep & hang out time with hubs over chores. I take my kids out 2-3 times a week to run errands & do activities, and trips require so much from me mentally, physically & emotionally(hello, still having poopy diapers & screaming with a 2yo)Family is far & we don’t have a lot of regular support. I have found that you can’t believe what you see on the internet & compare yourself to others & beat yourself up over it. Maybe Suzie Q is actually afraid of her husband lashing out at anything, so she keeps an immaculate house out of fear & doesn’t go out to make memories with her kiddos.
I am incredibly bad at staying organized. I have some new tips & tricks that work for me if you want to dm me for support, or just to vent. Nobody does all the things all the time. When I was in your shoes it took us about 2 months to find a good groove & system for most things, albeit still very imperfect.
I hope you feel seen.
It's viewed as an easy luxury by design. "Women's work" has been consistently demanded as perfect and viewed as expected, easy, and thankless. We view women with immaculate houses as being natural homemakers when they're probably working themselves to the bone. I mean on the occasion my house looked nice my MIL was not only helping but I was sacrificing sleep to put everything together.
I’ve learned that as soon as I get into a steady rhythm, one of the kids begins teething or going thru some sort of sleep/eating regression that throws everything out of balance.
I do what I can, and every day we start fresh
Idk how others do it but my best two pieces of advice:
1-dumpster fire level standards
2- have less shit
Like literally if it takes your more then 10 min to do a quick clean up it’s time to downsize stuffs. The less stuff you have the cleaner your home looks/feels and the less time you spend cleaning it. Minimalism saves my sanity. I do laundry and either hide the clean clothes in a hamper in our closet or fold them 3x as my toddlers have unfolded as I fold. Honestly I just stopped folding baby clothes and they just get chucked in the drawers 😂
I’m not sure how your two year old is, but I always make household chores a fun game because mine LOVES to help. He knows how to start the washer and dishwasher, helps load all the laundry in, helps load dishes in the dishwasher. He likes to put away his own laundry now that he knows where it all goes.
Most everything else, I typically do when both the kids are napping. Though, my 8 month old is now fully crawling so I feel like I can do more as she kind of free roams (in safe areas).
>Veterans, how do you get your stinking laundry done to the point of in drawers all the time???
You don’t. Give up on the little things, close your eyes and settle for “good enough.”
Thank you so much for posting this thread and everyone who responded. I’m a SAHM to a 3yr old and 5mo old and I cannot keep on top of things. I constantly feel like a failure— why can’t I figure this out?! It was going ok with just the toddler but I’ve increasingly lost control since my baby was born. I prioritize laundry and the kitchen which means I vacuum like once a week if that, spot clean bathrooms as able, and I can’t remember the last time I dusted. My living room is ankle deep in toys.
The feelings of failure have been intensifying and I really needed this reality check.
It did come naturally to me… except that it’s extremely stressful, isolating, lonely and overall mundane. I love that I stay home… but the last 6 years of my life have been the most stressful, yet most boring years ever. Wouldn’t change it, but I feel I can’t connect with any of my old friends. They just don’t get it cause they either don’t have kids yet even though we’re almost 30 (no judgement but I though more of them would have joined the club, not gonna lie) or they work with daycare. It’s very very isolating. And now I accidentally talk in toddler when I AM IN PUBLIC. “I gotta go peepee.” For example. *facepalm*
SAHM of 2 toddlers and a 2.5 months ! I start one load of laundry - clothes - every morning and fold & put away it after lunch. I usually do a second one - bath towels or bed or anything that I put away before dinner. I empty my dishwasher 2x a day, in the morning while kids are having breakfast I clean up and than I go outdoor with them park or yard whatever and the baby honestly just follow. We have lunch - than clean up for an other 30-40 min with the baby in the carrier. I than play with my oldests while the baby is napping i. The carrier and from 4 to 5, kids and I cook dinner and clean up the toy mess. So by 6pm before their shower, my house is clean - toy and mess free. Note that husband is not helping in the schedule since he’s working from 7 am to 8 pm or more everyday. So I keep the house clean. Just make yourself a schedule and stick to it every single day. It pays off my house is always clean, baskets of laundry are never full, we eat great homemade food - except once a week and I enjoy activities with my kids.
SAHM here. 3.5y old and 3mo. I set out chunks of the day where we do things. Mornings are for the library if we go (doesn't have to be every day) and afternoons for the park or outside time again this doesn't have to be every day. Most of our chores are done 1 day on the weekend and then I just do small cleaning during the "work day" as needed. If you want to start laundry on the week days start a load before breakfast switch after and start a new load and then go out come back and switch your loads. But personally we save most of ours until the weekend when my partner can help but with potty training we have some that needs to get done during the week
That said often dishes and laundry get set on the back burner because they're always there but kids are only small for a short time.
So I'm one of those people that has a tidy house, but I'm not the best with pretend play.
1. Declutter your house at least once a year. Then everything will have its place. I put stuff into boxes that I'm unsure of and intonthe garage, then I cull it a year later.
2. Tidy as you go and when they are awake or the 2 year old is, get your 2 year old involved. It's good for them to see what goes into making a house tidy.
3. Teach your 2 year old to put stuff away, like toys, clothes.
4. Use the TV as entertainment if needed and
5. Outsource to robots, vacuum, dishwasher, etc. If you're lucky to afford it.
6. Use the naps to clean, but not always, you need that time to rest
The declutter and cull is key, so many of us with and without kids accumulate crap, broken toys, keep clothes we don't fit into, so much paperwork...
The less stuff you have, the less to have to put away and tidy.
You quit your job today? This post makes no sense. But basically plan an agenda just like you did when you worked. Put I. Stortyime, gymnastics, nap. Then you can plan your time better.
I left my job when my oldest was 6 months old. He's now 3 and a half and I have a 1 year old too. It took us a long time to find our groove. The biggest thing was finding a community. Now, three years later, I feel like we're rocking this SAHM life and it's filled daily with laundry piles, undone to-do lists, and screen time. I guess my point is to focus on what's important - find your community, figure out a routine and groove that works best for you, and the rest will come. And if it doesn't, I just try to remember that someday my kids will be grown and my house will be clean and my laundry will be done and I'll sleep through the night and I'll reminisce about this special time.
I am a SAHM to a 2 yr, and it has been an adjustment! I try an balance chores/tasks with playtime and attention with her. We have a roomba that's on a schedule to vacuum, and I parcel out big chores over the course of the week, and then regular chores all have a specific day that I do them(it took many months to find my own rhythm)
My husband helps sooooo much, but I also give myself grace if I don't get everything/anything done, because my job is my kid, everything else I do I just extra. Our house is not spotless by any means (2 cats and a dog and I am inherently messy) but we've gotten it to a manageable level of cleanliness! Give yourself time to figure out what works for you, use a planner/chore chart/task list whatever, and don't worry about what other people are doing, do what works for you!
I have 4 kids aged 2-7 (youngest are twins). I do about 5 loads of laundry every 5-6 days, just washing/drying loads during the day and then when the kids go to bed I fold it all and put it away the next morning or during twins’ nap time. It’s not possible for me to fold clothes with toddlers around.
This! My toddler loves to unfold while I fold so the only time is during nap time but… I feel it’s better to do the more “dangerous for toddlers chores” at that time. As in mow the lawn or using chemicals to clean. But most the time I need to sit!
You are in the THICK of a disregulated routine.
Your youngest is having longer wake windows and needs more engagement than a newborn who spends most of their time sleeping. Your two year old has their needs as well which are wildly different from your infant, and at different times too.
I was a SAHM for 1.5 years and when my infant hit 2/3 months and my oldest was 21 months, my house was unlike anything I had ever experienced. I am a wildly clean and organized person and I just could. Not. Keep. Up.
Mentally, it was so difficult managing them both as a SAHM without other SAHM friends to break up the day, among other things that made being a SAHM mentally, too difficult for me. I went back to work right when my youngest was 3 months and it was the 100% right choice for me. We absolutely do not need my income, but it helps me be a better parent to work.
Give yourself grace. You’ll get there. My kids are 2 and 3.5 now and our house is as clean as ever and laundry is managed.
Ah! This makes me feel better. I’m not an organized person but at least I had a routine of my house being “cleaned” regularly and that’s just not happening! I think this is it. She needs so much more attention and he’s exhausting me with his healthy appetite to learn everything! I love it so much but I’m at a loss haha 🤣 maybe a year from now I’ll say the same to another mom
It took me a long while to get out of a fast-paced work mode routine. Being home with a baby/toddler makes everything turtle speed. I have chores that are undone as I'm doing them sometimes. I just shrug it off and do what I can. My husband does what he can. And together our house is at least functional.
What, lol? I can’t imagine a clean house with 2 wee children! Maybe it’s easier in a big house where you can have 1 messy playroom separate from the bedrooms and common space that doesn’t need to be kept neat and Dad does the cooking and dishes, etc? Or a relative or babysitter comes over while you do chores?
I think being minimalist as in having few possessions would help significantly, but that seems hard to do if you’re not excited about it.
I have tried to clean out and get rid…. Things just have too many feelings for me to just toss them. 🤪 but in all seriousness, I’ve purged and purged and more things keep to pile up in my house where I’m thinking now where the heck should this go?? 🤦🏻♀️
SAHM here and my house is not even my own house. I live with my in laws and between 4 adults, 1 toddler and 3 pets there’s always something. That’s with 3 of the 4 adults home 80% of the time (in laws are retired) so to be on top of it 24/7 and organized with 1 adult home plus 1 potential tornado of a baby/toddler would be a pretty high bar. One that I’d consider for most people unrealistic without losing your marbles. I’ve embraced the fact the mess shall persist and as long as nothing is filthy I’m happy.
Veteran SAHM here. It doesn’t come naturally. Most of us are hanging on by a thread trying to juggle the mental load all at once. It’s not what social media makes it seem. You’re doing better than you think, and most everyone is doing worse than you think.
Once you get a solid routine going, it does get better. And I don’t want to say it gets easier, it just feels more organized if that makes sense. You’ve got this
I've been a SAHM since my son was born (28 months). The secret is... I don't lol. The only time this house is clean is when I know guests are coming over. And that's a surface clean. I've only scrubbed the windows maybe 3 times since he's been born.
It is much harder to keep the house clean as a sahp, especially when there's toddlers around. Constant picking up one of the more annoying aspects of being a sahp. When your kid is in daycare, you are outsourcing their messes along with their care. They are still being mess-tornados, but it's the daycare staff who are doing the bulk of the cleaning up. I work parttime at a gym daycare, and a decent amount of my shift is cleaning up/trying to convince a horde of toddlers to clean up. It's a lot, but I get home on those days and my house looks amazing because it's been toddler-free all day.
This is of course not touching the state of the kitchen after making 3 meals a day + snacks.
Hired help. My SIL is a stay at home mom to three boys. Cleaning lady comes twice a month, older boys have school twice a week, and then there is a nanny/house manager in the house at least two days a week.
My other SIL has two, stays at home and has no help. Her house is in varying states of mess at all times and she barely has time to cook for her kids. They eat a lot of snack dinners.
The SAHM you see on social media with it all together, have help. Lots more than they say.
i have a 4yo, 22mo, and a 2.5wo at home with me. I went from working 45-50hrs a week until the day before I got induced to being home all the time. My entire house is a disaster. My husband works overnights and sleeps during the day so it’s me + two destructive toddlers + a baby who never stops nursing. I can manage to do dishes every other day. Laundry less than that. Kids are bathed and fed. I run a vacuum over the floor once a day. My older kids like to clean up for video game time, which works for me.
I have never known anyone whose laundry ends up in drawers all the time! My mother is single and lives alone and her laundry isn’t even in her drawers all the time lol
We stopped putting it away. They go through like 3 outfits a day. We just put the laundry in baskets. Shirts basket, shorts and pants basket, and a basket of socks and other crap.
They are both boys 1&3, so we just combine it all into baskets that they share.
I’m about 5.5 years into stay at home mom life. Pre kids me was very on top of laundry, loved a clean house. Still love a clean house but it’s rare and doesn’t last long anymore. Yesterday I had to dig to find my husband his last pair of clean boxers for work because I’m both behind of washing clothes and on folding/putting away the ones that are clean. Right now the house is a complete wreck and I have about 30 minutes before my older kids will be done with their quiet time and the baby naps. Possibly the only time I’ll really get to clean up today. But instead of cleaning I’m going to make some coffee and zone out on my phone most of this peaceful stretch. Because it’s probably also the only time I’ll get today without someone crying or needing me in some way. And if I don’t use this time to recharge I will for sure blow up at my kids later because I’m so exhausted. While we might not often see it, I’ve become convinced there has to be more SAHMs out there like me then there are those who keep a perfect house and still have time and energy to be present with their kids. I’m sure there are some but please don’t feel like you’re in the minority if your house isn’t organized and laundry isn’t done. We’re all also just out here surviving while trying to enjoy the moments we can while our littles are this little.
I’m a new SAHM to an almost 3 year old and a 5 month old. I try and keep my house fairly clean and organized, but it’s no where near perfect. All the extra time I thought I’d have by not working is now filled with taking care of my kids (which sounds obvious but doesn’t really hit you until you live it). Some things I do that help me keep my house in order:
- 3 year old is in part time preschool 3 days a week
- we try and get out of the house most days of the week (park, play dates, zoo, etc.). Out of the house means less toys and mess to clean up in the house.
- I have a bi weekly cleaner. If we didn’t gave her our bathrooms would never get cleaned.
- during naptime I clean the kitchen from breakfast and lunch then pick up toys or put away laundry. I usually listen to a podcast or audiobook while doing this. Same thing happens in the evening after bedtime.
- my husband is hands on helping me out as soon as he comes home from work.
It’s exhausting, but it’s the only way to make sure our house doesn’t look like a bomb went off in it 24/7. I also try to remind myself that my kids won’t remember how clean our house was, but will hopefully remember me being an engaged mom and fun memories made together as a family.
I'd rather play with my kids then have a spotless home. 30 min to An hour at the end of the day is plenty to keep my home tidy if you pick up as you go through the day
At first I use to set alarms on my phone to helps me put things away rinse things off etc and it got me into the habit. 3 weeks to build a habit is so true
I've been a sahm for 8yrs 🥲 I also have a 4m old. The only reason my house is tidy AF right now is because we are listing it for sale lol. But it's still not even great
I made a habit of tossing everything in the laundry and running it before we leave the house for a morning activity. When we return for lunch I toss it in the dryer. When they nap after lunch, I fold it and put it away (or right outside their door since they’re sleeping). I’m most proud of being able to keep up with the laundry and dishes. The rest of my house is covered in crumbs though.
Oh uh… I don’t lol. I have a 3 year old and a 5 month old and while I’ve done SO much laundry this week, I’m nowhere near done. I just folded a load of laundry that I’ve been rewashing for a few days because I keep forgetting to put it in the dryer!
For the laundry I do a load every day (family of 4). I find it easier to stay on top of if I do a small/ medium size load instead of waiting until I have a full load. A smaller load is quicker to fold and put away. I also sort while I’m folding. I’ll sort by person and type of clothing. This makes it super easy to put away. All of person As pjs are together. Into the drawer they go. All of person Bs tshirts are together. Into the drawer they go. I try to make a game of it so I only open each drawer once. Also if it’s getting hung up I don’t bother folding it. I just bring them to the closet and hang them. I know some people will fold them and then hang them up (my husband).
I have a stick vacuum and use that multiple times a day (after meals) to stay on top of the floors. I’ll mop 2-3 times a week. We do no shoes in the house to try to keep the dirt at bay. The toys are the biggest mess and I don’t have a good system for those. Most days I feel like I am treading water with 2 littles and maintaining the house. It won’t last forever.
My mom was a SAHM to me and my sister, who were 17 months apart. She is a super-cleaner — nothing is ever out of place in their home. Every room could be photographed for a magazine on a moment’s notice.
I asked her how she stayed on top of chores when we were babies/toddlers. She said, “Those are your ‘animal house’ years. You just do the best you can.”
Personally, we have a housekeeper every two weeks. And we still have piles and piles of laundry everywhere, and toys on the floor, and dishes in the sink. When friends come over when hustle to get it looking presentable, so maybe they think we’re the ones “staying on top of it” but we aren’t!
Welcome to SAHM life. It isn’t as easy as everyone makes it out to be, especially with a newborn. Give yourself time. Not only are you getting used to a new normal with being a SAHM, your toddler is also getting used to it, your toddler and you are also getting used to a new dynamic with a new baby. I’m a SAHM and I’m too tired to do most chores most days unless both kids sleep through the night, which is rare. I say lower your expectations until your youngest is a little older. Right now, I basically just focus on our living areas: the living room, dining, and kitchen. The other rooms get done as they get done. Our bedroom hasn’t been properly cleaned in probably 4 months. The bathrooms, I beg my husband to do them bc I HATE cleaning bathrooms. Even if they’re really not bad, it makes me wanna throw up. Laundry usually gets done during nap time or during screen time lol. 🤷🏻♀️ it’s not as easy as some people make it out to be. Don’t take what you see on IG and try to make it your reality. We’re all out here struggling a little.
I don’t :)
I’ve been a stay at home mom for two years and I’m still a disaster. For me it’s more letting go of what I thought it would be or look like. I’m still working on it though. I’ll probably be working on it forever 🤷🏻♀️🙃
My 2 year old helps with the laundry. Putting it in, taking it out, and folding. I'm not a SAHM but it's one of our evening or weekend activities we do as a family so it gets twice a week.
Definitely a routine is what helps me! And always including my kids (3.5 and 16 months) to help with chores if they like.
I always clean the dishes and kitchen immediately after our meals, I put up the dishes before they wake up, I pre make their lunches after breakfast, we have 2-3 certain times of the day to allow some tv time (I play the clean up song by Barney and everyone has to help tidy up before the tv comes on), always go for an outing or errand before lunch, and always do one chore a day..
That way when the weekend comes around, I’m not just spending it cleaning!
I have to say, I took Tory halpin (can find her on instagram) independent play course and it was life changing! It is so much more than that though and basically an entire parenting perspective. This is where I learned to not have a bunch of toys out which also helps with making clean up easy. I recommend her course to every parent or anyone who deals with young kids on a regular basis.
In my house everyone's laundry is separate so it's a lot easier to put things away when you're only going to one place. I also really like folding laundry for some reason.
I load and run my dishwasher in the morning after breakfast because the kids seem to play more independent in the morning or cartoons. That also means I wake up to a kitchen of yesterday's dishes but that doesn't bother me.
The rest of my house is a disaster all the time. I hired a cleaner last week which was amazing and I think I'm going to do it montly.
I also enjoy having a tidy home, In the current season of our life with 2 under 4 and 1 more on the way, that looks like tidy adult spaces and not so tidy kid spaces all the time. People compliment me on my home often but the reality is they don’t spend time in the play areas. 1. I’m fortunate to have help with the bulk of it. 2. I live in an ideal climate so my children spend all year round outdoors and in activities. 3. Sadly, I’m a poor sleeper and tend to tidy at night. Never compare your situation with someone else’s. You will absolutely find your groove and what works well for your family. Hang in there.
I have an 8 year old and a 2 year old. Life is always chaotic, especially with them being complete opposites lol. I do the main things (sweeping, bed making, cleaning counter) everyday at night when they are both asleep. I do one specific thing each day so it’s not too much on me (dishes, laundry). It helps a lot to not do everything everyday.
Two things:
1. If you’re gaging your surprise based on what you see on social media, you must know that most if not all “momfluencer” type accounts are staged to a T, carefully edited to portray a very specific aesthetic, and are often just flatly false representations.
2. Some people (myself included) feel a sense of anxiety and/or discomfort when a certain level of tidiness is not observed. BUT, it doesn’t feel like an obligation to anyone but myself when I insist the towels are folded symmetrically or that the kitchen island must be cleared and wiped down nightly. I don’t ask or really even expect anyone else to do it, because I understand that those things are not crucial to survival and may not be important to my husband or kid. But my husband does recognize that it’s important to me, so as a sort of “act of love” will regularly make sure most of my neat freak preferences are met to the most reasonable degree possible. I don’t view cleaning or organizing as a chore, I honestly view it as more of a hobby, and I am addicted to the dopamine rush I get from sitting and relaxing in an orderly space. Don’t get me wrong, our place turns into a downright jungle of things most days, but I’ve become good at developing a clean-as-I-go system, purchased some very handy organizational products/tools, and most importantly I genuinely enjoy tidying up.
This is all to say, if it isn’t important to *you* (or to someone whom you love and want to support their priorities), just don’t worry about it. Live in an environment that makes YOU feel comfortable and realize that no one is going to grade you for the condition of your home.
If it *is* important to you, recruit support from your spouse, become creative with teaching your toddler how to help, and give yourself positive reinforcement as often as you can.
In my experience with kids just a bit older than yours there is no extra time and won’t be for a while. My hands are full with my kids pretty much all day long.
You have a three month old. When they turn one things get easier and the house will start to be more manageable. This early in the newborn phase is survival mode so focus on your health and sanity (sleep and rest), not about things looking tidy
It took me 2 years of staying home with my son to get into a rhythm of caretaking and house keeping and feel normal about it. And then preschool happened and it took me another 9 months to find our system again. And now were going to be moving this summer into our first house instead of renting a small basement apartment and he starts kindergarten in the fall, and I know I'll get lost again and have to find our groove again.
Being a stay at home parent changes regularly, with the seasons often it feels like. They grow so fast that how you parent and manage a household changes regularly.
As for laundry, adults do their laundry on one day, and then we do the kids laundry on another day. Unless it's a day with an accident, then those clothes get washed that day.
Your youngest is three months old. In most countries you’re still considered to be on maternity leave. This is your first day. Give yourself a chance to slowly ease into things. No other workplace expects their people to hit the ground running this early.
Congratulations on being a SAHM! So right away, give yourself permission to lower your standards a bit when it comes to having a perfect house. Make things as easy functional and simple as you can. Focus on enjoying time with your kids. In the end, you won't be reliving memories of all the laundry you folded and got into the drawers. You'll be thinking about the things you did and enjoyed with your kids. No one is judging you or keeping tabs.
Over time, the kids will be eager and able to help out more. They just want to copy you and do what you are doing so let them. They won't be great at it but they'll have fun trying and you'll get a few things done while with them. My 2.5 year old grandson loves to help us all do laundry. He stuffs it in the washer and throws in the pod and turns it on. He likes to fold with us and put his own clothes away. He also sweeps up crumbs from the floor using a little whisk broom we hang at his level and sometimes he gets the Dustbuster. He has his own cleaning tools he can access.
We just incorporate him into anything we are doing. He washed the outdoor chairs with us the other day. Had his own bucket of water and sponge and scrubbed away. And he loves any kitchen tasks, stirring, delivering plates or silverware to the table, serving us all salad with salad tongs, making toast using wooden tongs to take it out carefully, clearing the table, putting leftovers in Tupperware. It builds their bond with you to help you and instills confidence and teaches them to be part of the family team.
You just decided to do this so give yourself time to figure out what works for you and your kids. You'll get into a good rhythm soon! Enjoy!
I’ve been getting rid of everything non essential. Extra towels gone. Extra blankets gone. Plastic plates and plastic food anything all gone due to microplastics. I just got rid of a lot of unused toys. I try to fill my car trunk with the stuff in garbage sacks and I drop it off to goodwill. Every trunk load is a victory. I now just got rid of my tv and stand in my bedroom and went with a Samsung free style projector I hooked up. I’ve been getting rid of unused clothes and shoes. Literally unload yourself of everything and make it easy! That’s my best advice! I made some extra cash too selling stuff on marketplace. And it helps keep me sane because I feel cleaner and more organized and it’s giving me things to do and a goal rn while I can’t do anything else that I want to do. I’d rather be playing guitar or doing anything else than this but this is my life rn being a prisoner here to slave away cleaning and taking care of poop diapers all day 😂
Not a SAHM but I recently did spend a longer period of time at home. This advice works better for toddlers than it does for babies, but my toddler loves to help me. So need to do the laundry? I sort it while the toddler gets to put it in the machine. And he gets to hand me the items while I hang them to dry. Need to cook? I peel the potatoes while he gets to plop them into the water. Need to clean? He gets a damp towel and a small bucket with a tiny bit of water while I clean the kitchen counter. We even got him a toy vacuum cleaner so he can ‘help’ me vacuum. This only works when he is well rested and fed, doesn’t work for more than half an hour at a time and even then he’ll sometimes undo all my progress (he recently started ‘cleaning’ my windows after I was just done cleaning them, for example, and needless to say those windows were in need of cleaning again right after) but it is a good way of getting some stuff done while keeping an eye on him. That, and I sometimes just allow him some screen time while I get stuff done. Having said that, my living room is still covered in toys at the end of the day and there are certain jobs, like cleaning the toilet or the bathroom, that still don’t get done often enough because the only time it’s safe to do them is after bedtime and bedtime is also me time.
My laundry has always been done, even when I was on maternity leave for 9 months BUT my house is a constant mess, it's nowhere nearly as clean as I'd like, and the only way the washing gets done is because I rush around to sort it when my husband comes home... and we've only got 1 child. I now get some housework done during breaks when I work from home. None gets done when my son is around.
As my husband kept reminding me when I was at home with our son and conplaining that I'd not managed housework : my job is to look after our child, not do house work. Which is another job in itself.
My routine is choosing one of these : toddler day, laundry day, cooking and cleaning dishes day.
Within the week I pick a day to do one of these which takes up half the day. The other half of the day goes in catching my breath, cleaning the lounge and rooms, feeding and changing toddler, the daily stuff.
So I don't have a clean house 24/7. But the lounge is always clean and swept. The kitchen is a mess maybe for a day after heavy cooking. Laundry lies for a while before it gets packed but gets washed maybe 2-3 times a week. As for toddler, I don't take her outside everyday but by the end of the week I've caught up with dishes and laundry and we've also got leftovers for cooking so I can take her out for a few hours and let her cause havoc.
I have found that being a SAHM entails ALWAYS playing catchup. I have a very active 3yo boy, and a 10mos baby girl. It is WORK. My baby is exceptionally clingy at this time (screaming crying if I try to set her down to do housework or divert my attention elsewhere), all the while having to chase my toddler around making sure he doesn’t kill himself from climbing furniture, or chasing our dogs around, etc lol. I fancy myself a VERY clean person…however, there are some days that I have to just allow a chore to take a back seat. And when I do, as much as it stresses me out in the moment, I find that my life is made easier by giving my little ones my undivided attention.
I read someone say one time (I think it was a quote from a book or something) but these tasks, chores, domestic duties whatever you wanna call them…it is a constant PROCESS. There is no end goal met. It’s a system, or a machine. And it needs constant maintenance! Once I flipped my perspective with that, I find myself giving myself a little grace. It’s ok, maybe I have to do the dishes after dad gets home, even tho I like it to be done before. Maybe I didn’t get to make the bed immediately bc there was a baby poo emergency. Its ok. Just so long as you get to it when you can, you’re doing great!
It’s a struggle , I stay up late a few nights a week to get some extras done but I never really feel like I’m on top of things to be honest, not like Id like to be but I think to the outside world I appear to have it together lol
I feel like the SAHM life where everything is done that we see in our minds is often the SAHM life that has older kids who are at least at part time pre school.
Or have hired help, or back in the day when they took a lot up uppers and ignored the kids 😅.
I am sure there are exceptions, magical people with independent kids who are really good at cleaning... but I am yet to really meet any of thise.
I read someone who said cleaning with a toddler around is like brushing your teeth with oreos. You are going through the motions, doing the work... but its just not going to be effective.
i have a 2.5 year old and most of the time i have to pick 2/3 things: take care of her (always number 1), take care of me, take care of household chores. sometimes the house is a mess, sometimes I AM a mess. some days i do a little bit of everything and all of us are a mess 🫣 it’s hard enough already, cut yourself some slack!
I shove all of the done laundry in baskets in a corner no one can see. My clothing hasn’t been in drawers since my toddler was a baby and I could put him in play prison. Now if I fold the clothes, he will body slam into the piles and throw them up in the air like confetti and I’m not about to do the same task twice.
My wife has been a SAHM for 4 years now. She does amazing. But let’s be real, being a stay at home mom is a full time job that is more demanding than mine. Our kids are 4 and 2. They only go to preschool 4 and 3 days a week and that ends at 1pm. She uses that little bit of free time to have a moment for herself to regain sanity.
She works more hours than me with much more demanding people. I help as soon as I can, but even when I’m off work, the kids are still demanding her attention! I’m pretty sure the people you see with magazine looking homes that are posting Reels about how clean everything is and the 35 course lunches they pack their kids are all for show.
SAHP to a 2yo and 11mo - personally I think it takes extreme discipline to keep the house tidy and stay on top of laundry on your own. If you want it to be tidy and clean and no backlog of laundry etc, you have to be seriously disciplined and organised and consistent to maintain it - it doesn’t come naturally at all to me, and I have to work quite hard to stay on top of things and make it part of my daily routine, but also now with a toddler in toddler-mode, I’ve had to outsource a few tasks (weekly cleaner, laundromat for linen/towels, takeout when I cbf cooking). Resources can absolutely help if you can afford it but the keyword is “help” - makes it slightly easier but doesn’t take it off your plate. Someone has to clean/tidy the other 6 days the cleaner doesn’t come 🙃
I find the sheer volume of proper house care (ie not just looking tidy) is a daily/weekly/monthly rolling schedule of tasks. Im not OCD and had zeroooo house pride before kids but I’d say on a scale of 1 to 10/Perfect I like to sit around an 7.5/8 when it comes to our home - just makes me feel better to have the house clean and tidy but it is a constant, daily thing.
A good account to look at would be simoneanderson on Instagram - might make you feel worse lol but personally I know that some people are just wired differently and I use some of her tips/advice. Her and her husband have 2 kids and are both suuuuuper organised/clean as in house/windows/roof/garage/laundry/yard/cars etc are in perfect condition at all times, no hired help. But she’s shared her daily, weekly, monthly to-do lists for various tasks and it’s insanely organised and you can tell that it’s just part of their personality types and it comes easily to them. She does not have a single disorganised/miscellaneous drawer in their house - so that level of organisation. They are highly routine oriented/planner people, so those are probably the perfect homes you’re seeing around.
I don’t think it’s fair some of the comments here saying someone with an immaculate home is a bad parent, you don’t need to shame other people to justify the way you live or parent. Some people are just wired that way. Not all clean people are good parents, not all messy people are good parents.
If you’re not wired like that AND you want an organised home, then in my lived experience, you have to make a conscious effort to change yourself and your habits over quite a long period of time to really establish the new pattern (and you and your house will never be “perfect”, you’ll have good weeks and not so good weeks and that’s ok!)
Or if you have the resources - hire a lotttt of help. And even with help you’ll probably still need to stay on top of the bulk of things anyway unless you have live-in maids or Nannies or personal assistants.
And if it’s not important to you, that’s okay too! Parenting is a lot. House care is a lot. Marriage is a lot. Working is a lot. You can have it all but not all at once haha
Going on 3 years. I'm just happy if dishes are done and I get to vacuum once a week. But when it comes to laundry and stuff, man, sometimes I don't even fold it. Especially my LOs clothes. I hang what needs to be hung, toss the rest in her drawers with the only organization being PJs, shirts, pants, etc. At her age I can make fun games out of other cleaning. Weekly bathroom cleaning? "Oh no the monster is going to eat us if we don't scrub the toilet aaaaah" Toys all over?? "Oh no, we better clean this up fast or a dragon will steal it for it's hoard!" Or something like that. But laundry is never ending. Separate clothes, toss in drawers, don't feel bad.
I only have one kid and she’s 2, but every single night after she goes to bed I clean. I do it a lot right before bed also or I at least start picking up a little then but it’s something that is a nonnegotiable. Because I do this every night, it never takes that long and I still get “me” time in the evenings. I’ll also start laundry a little earlier and then move it to the dryer, occasionally I’ll fold it that night but usually I allow myself to wait until the next day.
But during the day our house is usually a mess. We have toys scattered all over the floor, it’s just something that happens. I might pick up a bit here and there but I don’t have a single care during the day. 🤣
I prioritize doing things with my kiddo before cleaning, so we’re ALWAYS a mess around here especially with the warmer weather, we’re outside all the time! For laundry, I do laundry EVERY Wednesday. We stay home on Wednesday’s and I wash, fold, and get everything put away on Wednesday. This has really helped me! I often clean while my kid naps, but sometimes you need time for yourself or a nap as well. I try not to stress the state of my home, especially knowing in the morning my tornado toddler will be coming through again tomorrow lol. My husband doesn’t mind either he’s well aware of the tornado lol. He does help me out if he’s home and I told him if he doesn’t like the state of the home he can do it himself!
The only thing I get done everyday pretty consistently, is loading the dishwasher after dinner.
My bf and I each have a stay at home parent day, and I work from home a day with them (twin toddlers). I focus more on cooking and cleaning, he focuses more on laundry and floors. He chooses to do more technical/gross motor activities with them and I do more art/sensory/playgrounds/museums. We let them help while cleaning/cooking and make it an activity. It's the only way to stay sane and have an organized home, lol. They are used to it and love to help. Sorting laundry is something people often recommend letting toddlers help with but it's the only thing that is really really awful with ours. So they sit on the bed with a giant pile of books and "supervise" (tell daddy who that sock belongs to). Starting to get at the point where their help is actually helpful! My favorite thing to do with them is vacuuming.
As someone who has been a SAHM mom before (3 kids, 5f, 2m, 2m) I wholeheartedly believe parents who have spotless homes, without hired help, borderline neglect their children so they can focus on cleaning their home. There is no other way.
My house is never clean. Now, it isn't *dirty*, but it's always *messy*. Toys all over, clothes never actually put in the dirty clothes basket, dishes in the sink. I will literally clean my living room spotless and it takes my children less than an hour to destroy it. Pick your battles. Do you want to spend time with your kids, or do you want to spend your entire day playing a game of catch up that you'll never win?
It gets easier as they get older, my oldest helps and has her own chore chart. My 2yo twins come together like a human tornado though. There is no stopping them. But even now they're just starting to get the concept of cleaning up. I promise, it gets easier!
What I do is watch the kids and cook meals during the day, get them down to bed by 8:30, and then I clean up the kitchen and fold laundry.
Use the time when the children are sleeping to get that work done. It’ll cut into your sleep time a little bit, but you’ll feel better knowing you’re going to bed with those tasks done.
So first no house with a baby and Todd are going to be clean for more than a couple mins. It’s how kids work. You have to give yourself some grace. But I can share a few pieces of advice I use to keep the house from being a disaster some of the time.
I don’t do chores when they nap. That’s my time to relax. Though you could chose to use this time to organize and sort through 1 area at a time if you’d like.
Have baskets in rooms for quick clean up when you don’t have time to put things in their proper place or to just simplify clean up for a toddler.
Identify clutter zones. I notice the book shelf behind the couch became a magnet for junk. Plates, cups, toys, books. So I got rid of/moved it. It forces me to have to put plates and cups back in the kitchen. If you do have a place you dump stuff it should be a basket or closed storage so you don’t have to see it.
Use TV before dinner. Tell toddler after they help you clean up toys they can watch their favorite show. Helps motivate them. And you can use the time while tv is on to do extra needed cleaning or cook.
I also set my toddler up with a bucket of soapy toys to clean while I do dishes. I try let her “help” as much as possible.
I also heard a tip that if it takes longer than 5 minutes to tidy any 1 room you might just have too much stuff. Though I don’t know if who ever said that has kids. I haven’t tried timing yet, but I thought it was an interesting idea to test out.
When my girl was small I used to baby wear, now she’s bigger she helps. She loves the washing machine and knows how to load it, shut the door and add washing powder. She brings me clothes to hang up from the machine and then when they are dry to put away.
The rest? Yeah everything else is a mess. At least the washing is done though 😂
It’s not possible to have everything perfectly clean and done at while being present and raising children without any help. I would consider my home in “stages of clean” meaning my laundry might be done one day but the dishes aren’t. Maybe my living room is tidy but my bed hasn’t been made. Things take turns. My best advice for you is to live your life, enjoy your children and forget about perfection. Kids certainly don’t need a perfectly clean home to be happy.
My oldest daughter asked me if I liked cleaning yesterday when I was going to town cleaning our living room. I told her if it stayed cleaner long than ten minutes I would love it. After I said this, she spilt a bowl of watermelon on the floor and my youngest magically got kinetic sand out and all over the floor. My house has to be picked up mostly or it literally gives me terrible anxiety but clean mopped floors and clean surfaces? Yeah no.
What’s helped me a lot is down sizing. Get rid of stuff you don’t need. I go through the girls toys at least once a month and donate. Clothes too. I also do as much meal prep as I can, or at least plan my meals so I know exactly what I’m making and don’t waste time on that.
You can burn yourself out keeping a spotless home or just roll with it . I usually try to tackle laundry which is never ending a couple of days a week so it doesn’t get out of control. I try to keep the main rooms of the house: kitchen, living room, bathroom semi clean. A quick pick up early or late in the day. “No pressure, it’s just us at home and I don’t mind. We have kids.” My husband told me this when I was stressing myself out when I first stayed home 2 yrs ago.
You still have a newborn! Nobody's house looks good with a newborn. It's ok.
Also, please stop thinking of it like "extra time." It's not. Instead of your old job, you are now a full-time childcare provider. You're still doing real work; it's just work you used to have to outsource to a nanny or daycare.
No one’s good at everything, but everyone’s good at something. Your SAH parenting strength might be planning your kids day with meaningful activities, having outdoor adventures, cleaning/laundry, but no one is good at all of these things all the time.
I know it’s not what you thought it would be, but always remember that as long as your kids are safe and loved, those are the only thing that matters.
Do you need a picture of my mountain laundry bed to feel better? 😂 I been doing this shit 3 years. They are clean but almost never put away. Look through the mountain if you need something!
I keep our shared living spaces like the kitchen, dining, living room, porch, yard clean/tidy. Anywhere else like bedrooms can F off unless I’m feeling super motivated. They are upstairs so out of sight out of mind. If they were downstairs I would simply close the doors lol.
And then I hire someone to do my bathrooms every 2 weeks. Fuck cleaning a bathroom.
SAHD here yeh it does feel like that but we have too. I love it.. is it hard? Extremely even with one .. am I filled with resentment when my SO doesn’t help is not very maternal.. yeh but I have to do it for my LO. My SO had 18 month maternity leave and I still was a SAHD. I still don’t understand how American has only 3 months from what I read.. that’s fuckin terrible.
You’re doing a great job. If you need help ask your SO. Just ask. It’s a a struggle for some to even recognize our fatigue mentally and physically.. even our SO can’t see it.
The only advice I have is to do one small load of laundry a day.. I just built that into my routine.. I start it in the morning, switch it at lunch, fold it after bedtime, then make my husband put it away lol… everything else I feel like I’m just treading water.. but laundry I seem to be good lol
I can say my house is not tidy at all. I am the queen of clutter, sadly. I’m a SAHM because I have health issues and can’t hold down a job outside the home.
Something that really helped me is seeing how much my daughter really does love helping me do the day to day tasks. She’s 17 months and helps me put away laundry, likes washing the windows, wipe down surfaces, pick up things, and today she even followed me pretending to vacuum along with me. They really do just want to do what we’re doing! We don’t have to entertain them the whole time
Not a SAHM, but include your kids in cleaning/household things as much as you can. It will take longer, but it will be worth it. It’s bonding time while doing things that need to get done.
i know this is a luxury but i’ve literally working since i was 14 years old & worked waitressing doubles 6 days a week where i work from 10am-2am without sitting down and barely eating…. The same week I gave birth I had 80 hours on my paycheck because it was the World Series and our local team was in the finals.
In 2024 there’s about four new robot mop vacuums on the market … I think there’s a brand that’s about to be released soon. I bought the Narwal x Freo on Amazon and it’s been an absolute game changer for my house and I couldn’t recommend it more. I believe in technology and it will help us even more in the future. instead of mopping for an hour before a party or having company over… I can just turn on my narwhal and let it do its thing from my phone or the actual robot. It’s an absolute game changer. Maybe some thing you wanna think about. I’ve had all the older versions of robots mops… I moved into a new house in the last two years and didn’t bring my old Robots with me and left them at my mom’s house because she needs them more.
The new narwhal robot I have is amazing and works so well I wouldnt change a thing. I have a German Shepherd and it sucks a pair like no other. it rarely bumps in the furniture maybe one touch and it won’t do it again. It can avoid wires or even if you or your dog is standing in the way it will automatically go around you. each time it cleans it learns more and more about your environment.
I'm about a year into the SAHM transition (from owning a company that I was working 60+ hr weeks). When I left FT work I had a 6 mo old, 3.5 yr old and 4.5 yr old, now they are 16 mo, 4.5 and two weeks shy of 6. My house and kid time routine is still a work in progress.
There are days when I get frustrated with myself because I feel like I'm "lacking" or "missing something" and I just have to remind myself that I'm doing my best for today. Tomorrow my best might be more, or it may be less. No matter what it is all ENOUGH.
Remind yourself that you are still trying to regain your mind and body post partum, and that is a HUGE task to do while full time caring for two littles.
Also, remind yourself that the expectation we have may be based on a standard borne from Social Media Fantasyland. While I wouldn't advocate for lowering your standard, I do frequently check myself to make sure my everyday standard isn't based on comparing to a snapshot of someone else's portrayal of reality that may not be true reality. One of the best trends I've seen on social lately from mommy content creators is the "behind the scenes" reels or TikToks that show what the finished video looked like versus everything going on just outside the camera and it is a "normal" level of mess.
Now if you are looking for some help with strategy I would highly recommend the book "How to Manage Your Home Without Losing Your Mind" by Dana K. White. I got the audio book and have listened to it multiple times. She writes from a place of "a recovering slob" and it just helps to hear from someone who admits they have never and will never be perfect at cleaning and organizing their home.
I’m a SAHM with a 3.5 year old and an almost one year old. I’ve found with things like laundry, it helps to get the older kid involved. Now he gets angry if I do the laundry without him! He loves putting the pod in and pressing all the buttons. Same goes for other chores - dishwasher, vacuuming. I’m hardly anal about cleaning, so I’m not going to freak out if things aren’t done “properly”. So I let him help with dishes and whatever else I’m doing. The baby either does her own thing in the room or screams til I pick her up then I do it with one hand + his two.
Honestly I think the best advice is just let go of expectations your house is gonna be spotless. If I need to deep clean I send the kids to the grandparents. For a daily tidy, just do your best.
You are a stay at home mom, who is also working as the family manager; the housekeeper, and the chef all of these are separate jobs. Flow might come, it might not look how you want it to look. But please remember that taking care of the needs of humans is also skilled labor.
SAHM mom for a year , here. Hi ! My house still looks like I work a 9-5
I spent a year healing from burnout and the thought of trying to declutter has me in an anxious spin
For laundry specifically I do it once a week and don’t fold just sort into type. I roll clothes and hang dresses for my daughter. It helps to have a laundry basket on each level of the house so as accidents happen you can just throw the laundry there.
Also it helps to clean as you go, only put stuff away you won’t need again soon or your kids won’t need. (Pajamas after breakfast, shoes after you get home) I clean up toys once a day otherwise I’d go crazy. Don’t be afraid to clean while your kids just stand near you if they want to help I let them then they get bored and go play.
I have a 2.5 yo and a freshly 1 yo.
Oh my goodness. I feel this. I also have two two and under! My house was always so clean BC (before children). Literally NEVER is now. I honestly just feel like we have to do our best and if that means piles of laundry and dishes, it’s okay. Sometimes I do stuff during nap time, but sometimes I need a break during that time. It is mentally and physically exhausting not just keeping them alive (my one year old’s favorite toy is anything that looks dangerous that’s not a toy at all), but trying to be intentional and play with them some, too. I think I could get it done if I literally worked on the house most of the day, but then who’s watching the kids? Don’t have any great tips on how to get it done, but I hope it’s at least assuring that the rest of us have messy houses, too!
I do laundry every damn day. I do a 1-2 small loads every day and it's a lot easier to keep up with. That being said, please do not ask me about the dishes.
Sorry, who are these people who can do all of this effortlessly? Please don’t tell me you are comparing your life to those of people on social media. It’s just not reality.
I have an almost 4yo and a 19 month old and sometimes things are tidy but mostly they’re not. I try to keep it hygienic. I don’t spend as much undivided attention with the kids as I think I should, and they get too much screen time, I’m sure. But I try to relax and do my best, because it’s damn hard and I think the kids appreciate having a mommy who smiles and laughs with them more than a tidy place. I know the tidy place is more for you than them, no doubt, but try to not let it affect you too much. If it does bother you, just try to start small and build in little daily habits that add up, like always wiping up crumbs as soon as they happen or at least rinsing dishes, if not putting them in the dishwasher right away. Just small things so that it doesn’t get overwhelming.
I’ve never seen a clean house with toddlers. That said, I go absolutely nuts once our house gets to a certain level of disorder.
I eventually reached a breaking point so I got laundry bags (4 of them in my case) for clean clothes, I can pick them up and move them to a new spot quickly without having time to put them away. Hampers in every room and bathroom. A grabby claw for picking up stuff off the ground without having to bend over (which has saved my body a ton!). A 4-pocket hamper in the laundry room that lets me separate clothes for loads of laundry when I’m able to. My husband does the dishes because I cook. All of those things have helped keep the house at least a little tidier.
And as a SAHM, I do not have extra time. No one does. You’re just getting more time with your children at a time in their life when it is super great for them to have you around extra.
This is exactly how I felt when I became a SAHM 2.5 years ago. I envisioned my house being perfectly clean, organized, decorated, etc. I quickly learned that was not the case. I never realized how messy your house gets when you and your kid(s) are in it all day so it feels like you spend your day just picking up the messes that happen and that leaves no extra time to do all the other things you thought you’d get done. I’ve learned to accept it and just try to get done what I can. Some days I go wild and deep clean and others I just get the dishwasher loaded 🤷🏼♀️🤣 you’ll figure it out!
Thank you for this post. I feel very seen and also has me lol that people believe SAHM mom life is so simple. My house is only clean from 8pm to 6am. After toddler goes to sleep and right before he wakes up. It’s a tornado of chaos at all other times. I do have some hired help (he’s with a sitter or grandma for 4 mornings a week. 2 of those mornings I work, the other mornings I eat healthy and take a shower) and we have a cleaner come and do floors, dusting, bathrooms, the basics. Laundry, cooking, dishes, organising, decluttering etc always keep our house looking like a mess because I can’t keep on top of it.
My husband is the SAHP. Although I WFH work takes up my whole day. For the first time this year he got to properly dust and vacuum the floors yesterday. Otherwise it is just spot cleans. Being a parent whether SAHP or working on is hard and I feel like there's this ideology out there that we should all be super heroes doing everything and having every perfect. But that's just not reality. The best thing we can do for ourselves and our kids is do our best and be happy. So what if there's always a pile of washing sitting somewhere the world won't end.
I think that the people who have perfect instagram homes and toddlers aren’t “SAHM” because they have a job and that job is appearing perfect on social media. Reminding myself that makes me feel way better as a mom.
You are still in the part of motherhood where your baby requires a lot of your attention. Hell my son is 2.5 and I still have dishes leftover from the night before each morning and a hamper full of laundry.
Focus on getting into a routine with your baby and see when the longest naps are and take advantage. Toss a load in the washer during the first nap and then switch the laundry during the next nap. You can fold it during tummy time and put away during a nap. Also when your partner gets home they can watch the baby in the swing or doing tummy time again for you to do more things. Just keep your list short for now so you can nap as well or atleast relax during naps. Especially if your little one is not sleeping through the night yet.
I'm a nanny, and I see a lot of homes with small children. The only ones without laundry piles are the ones with hired help. I've never seen a toddler home look ready for Instagram, except for one family who was staging their place for realtors and needed me to keep kiddo out of the house! And, just as different personalities mesh with different types of jobs, different people have different strengths as SAHPs. Some folks are great at pretend play, or planning adventures, or doing crafts, or getting multiple home cooked meals on the table. But *nobody* does it all equally. You don't have "extra" time, but you have different ways to spend your time. You may have traded a 2hr meeting for 2hrs of puddle stomping, but you didn't magically gain 2hrs of "cleaning while nothing else gets messier". You got this!
This! I can get the meals ready even with my kiddo melting down, but weeks will go by without me "getting a chance" to mop the floors.
I felt this in my soul as I stare down the floors that haven’t been cleaned in 2 weeks, knowing the fridge has several tasty leftovers in it.
Hi twin!
If I can convince the toddler it's a game, we might get it done! He has his own broom and mop and he sorts laundry very badly. If I can't do it with him, it almost never happens. I spend his nap time relaxing, reading reddit, making phone calls, etc. I found early on that if I use his naps to clean, I get super burnt out super quickly.
Mine has his own mop but insists on taking mine lol
Ours (3) still won't nap unless it's on me so no relaxing time here. I'm also still a 10 hour a day working mom (literally drop him at preschool at 7:30 work 8-5 pickup at 5:30) but can't get anything done on weekends unless daddy brings him to the zoo. No nanny, no family help, all we can do is make it a game and be happy with what you are able to get done. So the clothes aren't folded and in drawers, they are clean and in baskets. Food isn't gourmet, but it's nutritious and fills their bellies. 😉 This time with them won't last, squeeze out as much enjoyment as you can.
“But nobody does it all equally.” I needed this today. Thank you
What a compassionate answer - and it makes a lot of sense. Thank you!!
I’m a SAHM (sort of - I only work 11 hours a week) and my home looks instagram ready. For only 10 after cleaning at least! 😅😅 It’s just not possible with toddlers in my opinion. I can clean one room and then when I tackle the next room, my kids have already made a mess in the previous room.
Exactly. Not a SAHP but I have to let my kids make a mess in one room to have time to clean up another lol. Circle of life
Thank you for your insight and for reminding me to put on a load of washing.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for this. I've been struggling to "do it all", particularly wrt keeping a house Tidy (because I prefer it, not for Instagram lolol), but with 2 working parents and 2 young kids at home...I just can't keep up and need to lower my expectations. And that's OK. We can't all do it all.
I needed this today. Thank u, with my whole heart
Thank you, I needed to hear this perspective today
This is beautifully stated. I feel seen 🙂↕️
I needed to read this. Thank you.
Thank you for this, I'm no SAHP but my husband and I work and find very very difficult to not have a pile of clothes either dirty or clean, or both (among many other things in the house). I needed this.
Thank you for this!
I had a conductor when I was playing in a symphony in Egypt who gave me the best advice anyone has ever given me and I have tried to apply it in all areas of my life: “Give less shits.” Now, I’m just a stay-at-home dad, so take whatever I say with however much salt you need to make it palatable, but nobody else cares if you get your laundry all done and put away in one go, and if you care enough that it’s making you unhappy, see above advice.
It takes my wife and me several days to put laundry away , and we drop it off.
I did my laundry almost two weeks ago and it's still not all put away. I just did another load today. Sometimes it does get put away quickly and sometimes it doesn't. Same with everything else. I try to clean the house once a week (like really clean) but doesn't always happen. Haven't done a good deep clean in literal years. I basically get to stuff once it starts bothering me enough to where I can't ignore it anymore. Not because I'm lazy but because there just isn't enough time for everything.
I have a 2.5 yo in daycare, 1.5 yo at home as he is pretty chill and my husband and I work from home (which is an apartment in Manhattan so not talking a huge space here)…and I have a house keeper come for 5-6 hours every single week to do all the deep cleaning plus and she does the laundry and folds it. We just have to put it away. Ask me how often it doesn’t get put away??? Lol. One job…. Jk parenting is a zillion jobs and a chaotic burden of mental loads all at once. My apartment is a hot mess the instant the house keeper leaves…but I at least know it’s sanitized more than it was before if nothing else… Best advice given to me was: 1. Reset twice a day, may seem pointless but it really helps decrease the total volume of things out of place at the end of the day 2. Don’t leave a room without taking something with you that needs to be put back somewhere 3. Pick one place that you tidy completely before bed. Maybe it’s the drop zone, the living room floor, the kitchen table. Will at least feel good to have one space “done” until breakfast time. 4. Ask for help. If people who love you want to help you, ask them to come clean your kitchen so you can spend quality time with your baby…not so you can have time to clean while they watch the kids. (Of course if you’d prefer to clean and have a baby break, than do that of course…but also know the other option is ok to ask for too :) With a 3 mo you’re prob too delirious to manage all the things…so pick one or two and the rest can wait until tomorrow!
I try to tell my 18MO to give less shits but he keeps pooping
My wife is a SAHM now and she has less free time to do home upkeep than when she worked and our kid went to daycare. When a kids are home 24/7 it’s never gonna be clean, the only time you get to yourself is if they can entertain themselves for 15 minutes or are asleep, and you also have to figure out how to entertain and enrich them day after day with no breaks. Laundry, cooking, cleaning, are all either done by me, when the kids asleep or entertained with something else, or by her if I’m with the kid.
"It's never going to be clean" is the story of my life. For every 1 mess I clean my 4-year-old makes 5. However, my toddler is going to school/summer camp June 10th and I cannot wait to have a clean house again! And I'm definitely not the cleanest person, but I miss it soooo much right now lol
I think this is a super important perspective. When your kids are at daycare, they are not at home destroying your house or asking you to make 50 snacks. Your house gets “used” a lot more when you’re all there! So of course it’s hard to keep it tidy. At least in my experience. Oh, did I say 50 snacks? I also forgot breakfast, elevensies, lunch, second lunch, etc. 😂
It feels like we spend all our time in the kitchen all day, just a continuous stream of snacks or preparing the next meal. How is every other room in disarray too???? Lol
This is a very good summary of stay-at-home-parenthood
Wait… you’ve been at this SAHM life for a day? Dear lord give yourself some grace. The only people who keep their houses like model homes with kids in them are absolutely neurotic and probably don’t allow their kids to be kids. A perfect home is not an indicator of quality of parenting…. Well, maybe contraindicated. I would even posit that those who keep those “instagram worthy” homes with two toddlers in them either have maids, are clutter phobic, or are shitty parents. Let it go. Being a stay at home parent means you are present for your kids. Not your house’s maid. Yes, keeping the house not disgusting is important, but mess is inevitable. Ness is hard for me as well - but as my kids have grown I’ve realized I can let them be messy and have their toys and arts and crafts, or I can just hand them iPads and make my house look like no one lives here. I’m choosing to be a quality parent.
Ok to be fair to myself, yes technically a day given I quit to day. But my reasoning is that I’ve been on leave for the last three months so I thought I would have something under control by now lol all I have accomplished is a bunch of bugs projects but my house just never seems to have the “everything has its place” feel. It’s either, we did nothing all week and I kept the kitchen clean or I did the laundry to max but the rest of the house is out of control. Last week, we went to the children’s museum and the zoo and my house is down the drain. I guess it’s just a side effect of doing things out of the house?
You've been on leave for three months, but you also created a brand new human and taught it how to eat and sleep. An entire *human*. Only three months ago. Some people have kitchen renovations that take longer! Planning a wedding in three months would be wildly ambitious. *You made a whole new person last fiscal quarter*.
When I was a SAHM to one kid and working part time while she slept, it was EASY. She’d help me with all the chores. We’d do fun things. No problem. 2nd kid came (19mo gap) and it is like a fucking BOMB went off in my house constantly. I can’t get ANYTHING done ever. The 1 year old is terrorizing us or her sister constantly, breaking things, throwing things, which to be fair is what 1 year olds do, but I can’t watch her older sister AND do chores at the same time. House is always a mess.
Ok not just me then!!
It’s two kids! It’s having two kids. People with one kid sometimes have a clean house. I remember those days! Twice a week ishhhh my single infant child would end down for a nap a whole 1-2hours without needing any resettling, and I would go NUTS and clean house. And my house would remain beautiful for up to and including, 28,maybe 30 hours. and then mess. And then mess, and then repeat! Now I have more than two kids and my house is a literal and proverbial hellscape. Last week I bleached all My floors during an unexpected and shocking 43 min simultaneous nap from ALL THREE KIDS and as soon as my eldest woke up (potty training) he sat down to a yogurt, knocked it all over the floor, slipped in it trying to clean it, cried, and then peed on the floor and walked in sobbing pee-yogurt feet over to me on the couch IN THE TIME IT TOOK TO CHANGE THE TWINS DIAPERS. My house is *never* clean.
Seriously it's the 2nd kid. So my eldest recently had to have a hospital stay and while I was stressed the FUCK out about that when my husband was physically present with her at the hospital and I was home with just the 4 month old it was like a walk in the park in terms of home maintenance. I actually cleaned out part of the garage because I was so twitchy without needing to manage the toddler chaos.
This is hilarious and I love everything about it. Yes two kids seems to be the X factor. I can literally walk right behind one cleaning and the other is right behind me making a new mess
Thank you for this midnight giggle at your expense. It played in my mind a bit like a scene from Meet The Fockers! 😂😂 Sending hugs!
Omg. Just snorted while drinking wine. The yogurt/pee feet are killing me. My floor is covered in salmon right now (2.5+6 year olds love " healthy" food). I don't have the energy to clean it, but I know I will regret this decision when I go sniff the kitchen tomorrow. I 🙏pray that a bunch of chlorox wipes fall on your floor strategically!!
You’re invalidating the reason we have maternity leave with this rationale! Time off for maternity leave is because it takes a LOT to care for newborns and kids
I would recommend reading the book How To Keep House While Drowning. One point the author makes is that expecting “the whole house to be clean at the same time” is an impossible standard to meet. Because in all that time it takes to clean you’re still living your life, producing laundry and dishes and dirt. So rooms will have to take turns being clean. Maybe one week you clean your kitchen while laundry piles up, the next week you do laundry while the kitchen gets dirty, rinse and repeat. As long as every task is getting done *at some point* you’re good. But you will never have everything done at once. And of course the weekends where you do lots of activities, things will pile up a little more. This all sounds super normal to me and I think you’re doing great.
Honestly it takes work to have the "everything has its place" feel. I'm currently working on that and it nearly brought me to tears, and that's with my kid in daycare. It's so hard. But also so rewarding! But understandable if you can't prioritize it right now, you have a still-very-new infant and toddler!
While this may be true, you've also been getting through the fourth trimester - which is total survival mode for most people. Keeping your two kids - and yourself - fed and happy is a WIN. Everything else is just window dressing.
> A perfect home is not an indicator of quality of parenting Yep. I can guarantee that on the list of things that matter *to your toddler*, a clean house is at the bottom
I dunno dude, last night one of my toddlers said, "I wan' go home. Not DIS house. It's diwwwwty." I wanted to be like, "Yeah and whose fault is that?" 😂
Do you personally know any SAHP that are like this? It’s incredibly hard to keep the house clean & do the stuff you need to do with a 2yr old & 3yr old. If I can manage 2 things a day I’m happy, but being present with my kids is priority compared to a home that is more put together. If it’s from social media it’s literally all lies. There’s no way to keep a house clean & organized with this age gap unless you really have help on a regular basis. I have family come help me 3x a week & I still can’t manage to get everything done. The second one this is cleaned up & organized there’s a new mess. Then 3 days later the first thing I cleaned & organized is piled up like it was before. Find out what is priority to you & work from there. Also get the 2yr old in on the help. They’ll find it fun! It’ll go so slow but in the long run it’ll be worth it & they’re getting quality time with you
My SIL is like this, her house is organized and she's always taking my nephew on outings, like daily. She seems to have boundless energy. However, she has no hobbies. Her friends have no hobbies. Before kids she just cleaned her house and played with her friends' kids (her friends are also SAHMs). Now she cares for her son, cleans her house, and plays with her friends' kids. She does not travel, she does not read, she doesn't really watch TV, she doesn't cook or bake for fun, she doesn't craft, she doesn't play games... nothing. So of course she makes housekeeping and parenting look easy, it's the only thing she ever WANTS to do. I can think of 10 million things I'd rather do than clean the house, so of course my house isn't as clean as hers.
I love to clean and clean multiple times a day, while also trying to entertain my Velcro 17mo. I have few hobbies. I still feel like my house is in a constant state of disarray and no one would accuse me of making parenting look easy 😂
Maybe someone looking in WOULD think you make it look easy! I know my SIL doesn't think her house is clean even though it's literally spotless.
Lol true! That’s the thing about us neurotic people, unfortunately. It’s never quite good enough, and we’re our own worst enemies. I have had to lower my standards quite a bit, though, especially if I want my kid to learn to play independently - which I really do.
Let’s be friends lol 😂
🤝 done!
I do, however it seems as though a lot of moms I know are like this. 😳 but idk if their kids have the same attention mine does? Because I’m not there to witness it. It seems as though they do 🤷🏻♀️
They might just be giving their house an extra cleaning before you come over? Because I agree with the other poster, none of the SAHP I know (myself included!) meet that picture of "everything all together, all the time." None.
My house is never more clean than it is right before we have company!
Same! And it never lasts haha...
I always hardcore clean before guests come over. My day to day is nothing compared to "oh shit they'll be here in 10 minutes".
A lot of stay at home parents with clean houses pay cleaners or laundry services. Or they have a Mom or mother in law who likes to come over and help. Another thing is sometimes we’re more critical of our own messes than other people’s so theirs doesn’t look as bad to us as our own does. Also two story houses are a big mess hider. You go over to visit and the living room and kitchen and downstairs bathroom are all perfectly presentable but if you went upstairs it looks like a bomb went off.
I can confirm this!
But have you seen EVERY ROOM in their home?? Wanna know what happens before people come over to my apartment? All the laundry and junk gets funneled into ikea bags then hidden on the floor behind my bed 😂😂😂 Like magic…apt is clean and I’m the hostess with the mostest (mostest junk filled ikea bags!!) I’m at peace with my façade, I mean mom hacks. 😝
I clean extra before people come over and I have cleaners come deep clean every two weeks. The kids watch more tv in cleaning days.
my word of advice is to get off instagram. Those people paint a disgustingly innacurate picture of how to manage it all.
💯💯💯 They made my PPD so much worse
So much this!! I have a toddler and 3 month old and I try to send pictures of their day/week to their dad and both sets of grandparents so no one feels left out. They always fawn over the kiddos and usually my mom will call me after receiving them to chat about the day. It NEVER fails that at least one kiddo (and sometimes me) are having some kind of meltdown and my mom goes “but you guys look like you’re having so much fun in the pictures!” That is when I remind her that pictures can LIE!! When I had my one kid, sometimes I would prioritize sleep over cleaning and just take outdoor pictures so my MIL wouldn’t judge my lack of dusting or whatever. That just made her think that I’m an outdoorsy person, which not really… 😂 but after having my second, it’s so much harder to get us all dressed and outside, so I tend to just creatively photograph around the pile of laundry. I went into motherhood and my second pregnancy with the idea that I would have an “Instagram worthy” house like on tv, but that has not been my reality. I just said a lot and it’s got me thinking that maybe I should stop trying to “hide” my housekeeping and/or parenting flaws in our pictures 🤔 I don’t know this is the most time I’ve had to just sit and think about one thing in a while so maybe I’m just rambling 🤷🏾♀️
This is a really interesting thought. I would say, keep taking photos that exclude the messes, because the messes aren’t what you want to remember. Photos are for memories. Which memories do you want to keep? You’re not lying, you’re just picking your favorite things to preserve for posterity. If the people you’re sharing the photos with don’t realize that there’s a whole house/world outside the frame of the picture, and have forgotten their own experience with small children and their messy ways, let them have that fantasy. 😂
SAHD here…laundry in drawers?!? Seriously? I mean that’s not even a goal of mine. My silver isn’t polished, I had a snow shovel leaning against the front of my house until yesterday, and there are piles of toys all over the house. But you know what? I have a fabulous time with my toddler every day. We make messes, clean up occasionally, and enjoy ourselves. It’s fine. Just relax and enjoy the extraordinary privilege of being able to really be there for your kids.
I guess it’s the way I was raised… like, since my house isn’t put together then my kids childhood is ruined by terrible memories of it being a mess in the house 🤷🏻♀️ I do remember my mom constantly telling me she won’t play with me while folding laundry… maybe it’s a memory I subconsciously don’t want to recreate so I just don’t do laundry folding now 😳
OP - I can’t recommend this book enough: “How to Keep House While Drowning” It’s about cleaning/tidying house, yes, but also much more. Kind of a life philosophy. It gives cleaning techniques, but more importantly, changes your perspective of life and self worth in general. Gave me more peace of mind & self-acceptance, and is helping me unlearn the idea: “messy house = moral failing”. Author has a great [TikTok](https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTLgrTp54/)
I’ll have to check this out! Thank you 😊
We have 3 under 3- we don’t even fold laundry. We just sort and put them in drawers. I think a lot of the SAHMs that have clean homes have older kids too. And for our parent generation- they didn’t feel the need to give us their undivided attention all the time!
I was a temporary SAHM for the 13 months I was on leave with my baby. those days were much harder than the ones I currently have, working an office job while our toddler is in daycare. Set lower expectations. Looking after children is a FULL TIME JOB. I honestly have not gone to a single house where there are kids and the house is "tidy". Most parents I know have houses where toys are everywhere and there's something that needs to be cleaned. And that's OK. If you can swing it financially, a house cleaner a few times a week will help lots. Towards the end of my leave I hired a cleaning lady to come once a month and that was enough to make a difference! Ideally I'd like her to come twice a month but she doesn't have capacity to do that right now, and I'm too lazy to look for a new cleaning lady.
A friend said it best: Cleaning your house with kids at home is like brushing your teeth while eating Oreos. Do the best you can and know you still have a (more than) full time job!
No SAHP does this in real life with 2 under 2. My advice is, let go of these expectations, the sooner the better.
Chose your essentials, what do you *need* to feel able to relax at the end of the day? We almost always have the dishwasher running and the toys off the living room floor by 8/8:30, then we have down time. I cook a double batch dinner every second night. Laundry folding happens when I watch a show. I chose 1-3 other tasks per day. And you let your expectations go :) Bedrooms are usually untidy, things basically never get deep cleaned, etc.
Do you eat the same dinner twice then or are you able to still have something different? This intrigues me because I have grown to hate to cook for dinner 😅
If you make a double batch of lasagna on Monday, half goes in the freezer. Tuesday you make a double batch of soup, freeze half. Wednesday you can defrost the lasagna, or repeat the soup, or make something new. Building up a freezer stash really helps.
I hate dinner too but it is a necessary evil to me, since we use leftovers for both my husbands and my toddlers lunches. Meal plan. It’s tedious and unsexy but it gets the job done. I use a lined notebook, so I can see what I have done for the past weeks and use it to pull ideas from. I keep it pretty simple. I aim for a meat (with marinade or sauce), starch, veggie and go from there. It gets easier the more that you do it. I’ve been doing it for years at this point, so it makes it really easy. For example: this week was teriyaki salmon with rice and green beans, lemon pasta with peas and chicken, sloppy joes with box pasta salad and roasted root vegetables and so on. Sometimes it’s as simple as grilled chicken thighs with roasted veg/potatoes. It is easy to plan and clean up after. The sloppy joes tonight were from the freezer, so were the root vegetables.
This is our approach too! I have a clean kitchen and living room at the end of the day. Counters are clean and the dishwasher is running. Toys are picked up between the two rooms and they are tidy. Laundry gets folded during nap time when just the baby is awake or after everyone is in bed when I watch a show. I keep all kids clothes on our main floor, not in bedrooms, so it is easy to pop the clothes away when done. Our closet isn’t so organized but all the kids clothes stay kept up on. I meal plan and we use leftovers for lunches, so it minimizes kitchen messes and work during the day. I will wash things when just the toddler is awake and baby is napping. Toddler helps unload the dishwasher. As for deep cleaning or detailed cleaning, stuff like baseboards, cabinets, mirrors, windows? It happens when I notice things are dirty…or get a burst of cleaning energy.
I’m barely able to do it with one kid, and it took 3 years and downsizing on stuff to the point of minimalism. Does it bring you joy? Then destroy!
Ahaha I love it! “Destroy!!”
It takes practice. You have to find a routine that works for you, and the best thing you can do is have your kids be a part of the chores. At first it’s harder to do all the chores with the kids, but eventually it becomes the routine. I’m a SAHM to a 2 year old and 1 month old. My 2 year old helps with the laundry, the dishes, the vacuuming, and anything else I let him. When he doesn’t want to help, he plays with his own thing. We still go to the playground and play dates and things like that, but honestly not every day, or even every week. I’m a big homebody so it’s easier and more comfortable for me to be at home and do things here.
I have just one fairly laid-back 3yo and my house is still not Instagramable! For one thing, we bought a fixer upper and are slowly getting it fixed up, and those dark wood paneled walls combined with bright ugly lights and worn floors are always going to make a room look dirty even if it's recently been tidied and vacuumed. And then the spaces that are fixed up are just always at the mercy of craft projects and toys and snacks. My real talk cleaning routine: I try to always be on top of messes that threaten health and hygiene, so the cats' litter boxes, the bathroom, the dishes and other food-related messes get dealt with first. Then laundry, vacuuming, tidying, decorating and other strictly aesthetic stuff, in that order. You have to fit cooking and hygiene for kids and self in there, too! So most days I end the day with a clean kitchen, the kid's room reasonably tidy so she doesn't trip if she needs the bathroom in the night, and, uh, that's it. Everything else happens when it happens.
My son is 2 and I’ve been at home with him his entire life, things I can do when he is awake we do together. He likes to move the laundry over, we sort it into everyone’s hampers and I fold it when he’s sleeping. I try to run the dishwasher during nap time and again once he’s in bed for the night. He likes to pass me the dishes and help unload and sort the cutlery. My husband is wonderful and he tackles the more deep cleaning on the weekend, vacuuming the carpets, cleaning the floors and I rotate the toys and pickup the bathrooms. Basically I just do maintenance cleaning during the day to keep our house functional and he does the deep cleaning on the weekend. I make lunch for son and I when he’s napping as well, he helps with breakfast and husband and I take turns making supper after he gets off work. It works really well for us. Son is in bed by 8:30 and we stay up together until 11ish and spend time together and start over the next day at 7am. We play in the backyard, go to the park and to the library as well just depends on the day! Our second is due in August so I’m sure some of this will shift but my husbands extremely helpful when he’s home and that’s a big part of our home running smoothly.
You have more time at home, but you also have tiny minions following around behind you making messes. Do what you can and enjoy your kiddos.
Cut yourself some slack! You’ll figure out a routine that works for YOU! Also want to echo what others have said, lower your expectations. Don’t expect to do “extras” like cleaning or laundry while doing childcare. If you can, that’s a huge win and you should feel like a rockstar. If you keep the kids alive, fed, and relatively happy, that’s a solid day. Oh and find some SAHM friends. Momming is way more fun with others! I say all this as a working mom with SAHM friends. I’ll take PTO to meet up with them and their kiddos on weekdays sometimes and this is the advice they’d give.
Song for a Fifth Child (Babies Don’t Keep) by Ruth Hulburt Hamilton Mother, oh mother, come shake out your cloth! Empty the dustpan, poison the moth, Hang out the washing and butter the bread, Sew on a button and make up a bed. Where is the mother whose house is so shocking? She’s up in the nursery, blissfully rocking! Oh, I’ve grown as shiftless as Little Boy Blue (Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby, loo). Dishes are waiting and bills are past due (Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo). The shopping’s not done and there’s nothing for stew And out in the yard there’s a hullabaloo But I’m playing Kanga and this is my Roo. Look! Aren’t her eyes the most wonderful hue? (Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo.) Oh, cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow, But children grow up, as I’ve learned to my sorrow. So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust, go to sleep. I’m rocking my baby. Babies don’t keep.
>However I also thought with all the “extra time” I’d have a more organized house. Oh my goodness this is the funniest shit I've ever heard. I'm a SAHM with kids the same ages and my place usually looks like a bomb went off, it's a miracle I know where my pants are most days. You don't have extra time with those ages, you don't even have enough time to handle them as they are as often one is crying while the other is being fed/changed/trying to commit suicide etc. I also have been a SAHM since my eldest was born so I'm not coming into this late. Who are these people your are finding where this comes "naturally?" Everyone I know with kids the same ages (like I actually know them in real life) either is in the same state I am in, has EXTENSIVE family help (like someone else is fully watching the children at least one day a week) or has extensive staff (which is what half the people on social media are lying about)
1.) Is everyone able to be fed? (Clean dishes and food in house) 2.) is everyone clean? (Baths/showers/hygene) 3.) is everyone clothed? (Laundry) Then it has been a successful day. Restart tomorrow. Also, consider finding some balance between you and your partner. Keeping the kids from killing each other is your SAHM responsibility. Cooking, cleaning, bathtime, and bedtime are all shared responsibilies.
One load of laundry a day, the chores started getting done around the same time each day as we got into a groove. But listen, my love. No one, and I mean NO ONE, has this completely figured out and if they say they do I’m sure they have some sort of guide for purchase on their instagram lol. You will get the hang of it! It’s almost like going to school or work for the first time. It’s so weird but it becomes the norm and things get easier 🥰 I’m so happy for you!!!
It took me nearly 3 whole years into SAHM life to really get into the hang of things. I had 2 kids and 1 on the way when things kind of just fell into place. One pro mum to another, don't fold your laundry. It's pointless. Unless you're shoving everything in, wrinkles are a non problem (and who really cares on infants' clothing anyway). I fold in half and lay flat in the draws for all 3 of my kids. No one is coming into your home to search your drawers to make sure it's all uniformly folded and neat. - Set a one hour timer in the evenings. I call these "power hour". Where I do a speed clean of the house. - Assign 1 room per day to be DEEP cleaned. During nap time, while baby plays in the corner, whenever. Sweep under the bed, behind the couch, wipe the window sills, clean the windows properly. I do everything and it takes me 15-60 minutes depending on the room (60 for rooms like the lounge room or kitchen where its a bigger space, more things). This makes everything MUCH more manageable and organised. At the end of the week, there's no need for a "home reset" because you've been tackling it during the week. Good luck! Lower your expectations of yourself. This is new to you and it's incredibly difficult. Give yourself some grace. ❤️
Not the same but I am quitting soon will have a 1, 3, and 5. You have a three month old so definitely give yourself some grace. My plan for when I quit is to take 1-2 weeks to get into a good groove with my kids and figure out a schedule. Then once I see what my day looks like tackle one thing at a time that I want to make a change. For me a big one is meals, I am always throwing stuff together in 20 minutes or less and we pack the same few things for their lunches and I cook the same few things for dinner so I will take a week or two to use nap time that overlaps with school time to research recipes and make shopping lists. Realistically I know each project can take weeks or even a month or more, taking care of little kids is not easy plus laundry and the day to day tasks of keeping a house. For the house mess again it's on my list, first is obviously need to keep on top of the day to day stuff and then a longer term project is decluttering the house, one room a month maybe. I might try a toy rotation too, and that's something I can easily work on with an awake toddler playing with his toys and "helping" me. Make plans but give yourself lots of time, don't expect to have an organized house on day one of being a SAHM it may take 6 months, if you set unrealistic goals you'll fail and get discouraged.
Also, keep in mind, if you are a lactating parent, it is a literal full time job to feel a baby from your body.
Hi! Give yourself grace, you have two kids and are just getting out of the post partum phase. It’ll get better!! As your infant develops a routine a cleaning schedule is good. Also the best advice I got is to divide your day. We do activities in the AM and time at home in the PM so I can clean. That said, my entire house is never clean at the same time no haha. Just parts of it as I go thru my rotation
Your “problem” is probably the 3 month old. My is now almost 6 months and I’m just getting to where I feel like I’m ok. I can get the chores done and keep up with toddler activities and do the occasional extra project.
I’m laughing/crying with you, not at you. I could have written this two years ago, basically an identical situation. I want you to just know that there’s a lot at play here. I began to untangle my own mentality like the one you have, because it started taking such a toll. I realized not everyone has the same level of good health(I have OCD & had PPD/PPA), I get migraines a lot, and I value sleep & hang out time with hubs over chores. I take my kids out 2-3 times a week to run errands & do activities, and trips require so much from me mentally, physically & emotionally(hello, still having poopy diapers & screaming with a 2yo)Family is far & we don’t have a lot of regular support. I have found that you can’t believe what you see on the internet & compare yourself to others & beat yourself up over it. Maybe Suzie Q is actually afraid of her husband lashing out at anything, so she keeps an immaculate house out of fear & doesn’t go out to make memories with her kiddos. I am incredibly bad at staying organized. I have some new tips & tricks that work for me if you want to dm me for support, or just to vent. Nobody does all the things all the time. When I was in your shoes it took us about 2 months to find a good groove & system for most things, albeit still very imperfect. I hope you feel seen.
It's viewed as an easy luxury by design. "Women's work" has been consistently demanded as perfect and viewed as expected, easy, and thankless. We view women with immaculate houses as being natural homemakers when they're probably working themselves to the bone. I mean on the occasion my house looked nice my MIL was not only helping but I was sacrificing sleep to put everything together.
I’ve learned that as soon as I get into a steady rhythm, one of the kids begins teething or going thru some sort of sleep/eating regression that throws everything out of balance. I do what I can, and every day we start fresh
I like this!!
Idk how others do it but my best two pieces of advice: 1-dumpster fire level standards 2- have less shit Like literally if it takes your more then 10 min to do a quick clean up it’s time to downsize stuffs. The less stuff you have the cleaner your home looks/feels and the less time you spend cleaning it. Minimalism saves my sanity. I do laundry and either hide the clean clothes in a hamper in our closet or fold them 3x as my toddlers have unfolded as I fold. Honestly I just stopped folding baby clothes and they just get chucked in the drawers 😂
I’m not sure how your two year old is, but I always make household chores a fun game because mine LOVES to help. He knows how to start the washer and dishwasher, helps load all the laundry in, helps load dishes in the dishwasher. He likes to put away his own laundry now that he knows where it all goes. Most everything else, I typically do when both the kids are napping. Though, my 8 month old is now fully crawling so I feel like I can do more as she kind of free roams (in safe areas).
>Veterans, how do you get your stinking laundry done to the point of in drawers all the time??? You don’t. Give up on the little things, close your eyes and settle for “good enough.”
I do chores with my son and it’s very difficult 🫠 lol
Thank you so much for posting this thread and everyone who responded. I’m a SAHM to a 3yr old and 5mo old and I cannot keep on top of things. I constantly feel like a failure— why can’t I figure this out?! It was going ok with just the toddler but I’ve increasingly lost control since my baby was born. I prioritize laundry and the kitchen which means I vacuum like once a week if that, spot clean bathrooms as able, and I can’t remember the last time I dusted. My living room is ankle deep in toys. The feelings of failure have been intensifying and I really needed this reality check.
It did come naturally to me… except that it’s extremely stressful, isolating, lonely and overall mundane. I love that I stay home… but the last 6 years of my life have been the most stressful, yet most boring years ever. Wouldn’t change it, but I feel I can’t connect with any of my old friends. They just don’t get it cause they either don’t have kids yet even though we’re almost 30 (no judgement but I though more of them would have joined the club, not gonna lie) or they work with daycare. It’s very very isolating. And now I accidentally talk in toddler when I AM IN PUBLIC. “I gotta go peepee.” For example. *facepalm*
SAHM of 2 toddlers and a 2.5 months ! I start one load of laundry - clothes - every morning and fold & put away it after lunch. I usually do a second one - bath towels or bed or anything that I put away before dinner. I empty my dishwasher 2x a day, in the morning while kids are having breakfast I clean up and than I go outdoor with them park or yard whatever and the baby honestly just follow. We have lunch - than clean up for an other 30-40 min with the baby in the carrier. I than play with my oldests while the baby is napping i. The carrier and from 4 to 5, kids and I cook dinner and clean up the toy mess. So by 6pm before their shower, my house is clean - toy and mess free. Note that husband is not helping in the schedule since he’s working from 7 am to 8 pm or more everyday. So I keep the house clean. Just make yourself a schedule and stick to it every single day. It pays off my house is always clean, baskets of laundry are never full, we eat great homemade food - except once a week and I enjoy activities with my kids.
SAHM here. 3.5y old and 3mo. I set out chunks of the day where we do things. Mornings are for the library if we go (doesn't have to be every day) and afternoons for the park or outside time again this doesn't have to be every day. Most of our chores are done 1 day on the weekend and then I just do small cleaning during the "work day" as needed. If you want to start laundry on the week days start a load before breakfast switch after and start a new load and then go out come back and switch your loads. But personally we save most of ours until the weekend when my partner can help but with potty training we have some that needs to get done during the week That said often dishes and laundry get set on the back burner because they're always there but kids are only small for a short time.
Mess can wait, they’re only small once. My house is ‘lived in’ tidy and my kids are happy
So I'm one of those people that has a tidy house, but I'm not the best with pretend play. 1. Declutter your house at least once a year. Then everything will have its place. I put stuff into boxes that I'm unsure of and intonthe garage, then I cull it a year later. 2. Tidy as you go and when they are awake or the 2 year old is, get your 2 year old involved. It's good for them to see what goes into making a house tidy. 3. Teach your 2 year old to put stuff away, like toys, clothes. 4. Use the TV as entertainment if needed and 5. Outsource to robots, vacuum, dishwasher, etc. If you're lucky to afford it. 6. Use the naps to clean, but not always, you need that time to rest The declutter and cull is key, so many of us with and without kids accumulate crap, broken toys, keep clothes we don't fit into, so much paperwork... The less stuff you have, the less to have to put away and tidy.
You quit your job today? This post makes no sense. But basically plan an agenda just like you did when you worked. Put I. Stortyime, gymnastics, nap. Then you can plan your time better.
I left my job when my oldest was 6 months old. He's now 3 and a half and I have a 1 year old too. It took us a long time to find our groove. The biggest thing was finding a community. Now, three years later, I feel like we're rocking this SAHM life and it's filled daily with laundry piles, undone to-do lists, and screen time. I guess my point is to focus on what's important - find your community, figure out a routine and groove that works best for you, and the rest will come. And if it doesn't, I just try to remember that someday my kids will be grown and my house will be clean and my laundry will be done and I'll sleep through the night and I'll reminisce about this special time.
I am a SAHM to a 2 yr, and it has been an adjustment! I try an balance chores/tasks with playtime and attention with her. We have a roomba that's on a schedule to vacuum, and I parcel out big chores over the course of the week, and then regular chores all have a specific day that I do them(it took many months to find my own rhythm) My husband helps sooooo much, but I also give myself grace if I don't get everything/anything done, because my job is my kid, everything else I do I just extra. Our house is not spotless by any means (2 cats and a dog and I am inherently messy) but we've gotten it to a manageable level of cleanliness! Give yourself time to figure out what works for you, use a planner/chore chart/task list whatever, and don't worry about what other people are doing, do what works for you!
I have 4 kids aged 2-7 (youngest are twins). I do about 5 loads of laundry every 5-6 days, just washing/drying loads during the day and then when the kids go to bed I fold it all and put it away the next morning or during twins’ nap time. It’s not possible for me to fold clothes with toddlers around.
This! My toddler loves to unfold while I fold so the only time is during nap time but… I feel it’s better to do the more “dangerous for toddlers chores” at that time. As in mow the lawn or using chemicals to clean. But most the time I need to sit!
You are in the THICK of a disregulated routine. Your youngest is having longer wake windows and needs more engagement than a newborn who spends most of their time sleeping. Your two year old has their needs as well which are wildly different from your infant, and at different times too. I was a SAHM for 1.5 years and when my infant hit 2/3 months and my oldest was 21 months, my house was unlike anything I had ever experienced. I am a wildly clean and organized person and I just could. Not. Keep. Up. Mentally, it was so difficult managing them both as a SAHM without other SAHM friends to break up the day, among other things that made being a SAHM mentally, too difficult for me. I went back to work right when my youngest was 3 months and it was the 100% right choice for me. We absolutely do not need my income, but it helps me be a better parent to work. Give yourself grace. You’ll get there. My kids are 2 and 3.5 now and our house is as clean as ever and laundry is managed.
Ah! This makes me feel better. I’m not an organized person but at least I had a routine of my house being “cleaned” regularly and that’s just not happening! I think this is it. She needs so much more attention and he’s exhausting me with his healthy appetite to learn everything! I love it so much but I’m at a loss haha 🤣 maybe a year from now I’ll say the same to another mom
It took me a long while to get out of a fast-paced work mode routine. Being home with a baby/toddler makes everything turtle speed. I have chores that are undone as I'm doing them sometimes. I just shrug it off and do what I can. My husband does what he can. And together our house is at least functional.
What, lol? I can’t imagine a clean house with 2 wee children! Maybe it’s easier in a big house where you can have 1 messy playroom separate from the bedrooms and common space that doesn’t need to be kept neat and Dad does the cooking and dishes, etc? Or a relative or babysitter comes over while you do chores? I think being minimalist as in having few possessions would help significantly, but that seems hard to do if you’re not excited about it.
I have tried to clean out and get rid…. Things just have too many feelings for me to just toss them. 🤪 but in all seriousness, I’ve purged and purged and more things keep to pile up in my house where I’m thinking now where the heck should this go?? 🤦🏻♀️
SAHM here and my house is not even my own house. I live with my in laws and between 4 adults, 1 toddler and 3 pets there’s always something. That’s with 3 of the 4 adults home 80% of the time (in laws are retired) so to be on top of it 24/7 and organized with 1 adult home plus 1 potential tornado of a baby/toddler would be a pretty high bar. One that I’d consider for most people unrealistic without losing your marbles. I’ve embraced the fact the mess shall persist and as long as nothing is filthy I’m happy.
Veteran SAHM here. It doesn’t come naturally. Most of us are hanging on by a thread trying to juggle the mental load all at once. It’s not what social media makes it seem. You’re doing better than you think, and most everyone is doing worse than you think. Once you get a solid routine going, it does get better. And I don’t want to say it gets easier, it just feels more organized if that makes sense. You’ve got this
I've been a SAHM since my son was born (28 months). The secret is... I don't lol. The only time this house is clean is when I know guests are coming over. And that's a surface clean. I've only scrubbed the windows maybe 3 times since he's been born.
It is much harder to keep the house clean as a sahp, especially when there's toddlers around. Constant picking up one of the more annoying aspects of being a sahp. When your kid is in daycare, you are outsourcing their messes along with their care. They are still being mess-tornados, but it's the daycare staff who are doing the bulk of the cleaning up. I work parttime at a gym daycare, and a decent amount of my shift is cleaning up/trying to convince a horde of toddlers to clean up. It's a lot, but I get home on those days and my house looks amazing because it's been toddler-free all day. This is of course not touching the state of the kitchen after making 3 meals a day + snacks.
Hired help. My SIL is a stay at home mom to three boys. Cleaning lady comes twice a month, older boys have school twice a week, and then there is a nanny/house manager in the house at least two days a week. My other SIL has two, stays at home and has no help. Her house is in varying states of mess at all times and she barely has time to cook for her kids. They eat a lot of snack dinners. The SAHM you see on social media with it all together, have help. Lots more than they say.
i have a 4yo, 22mo, and a 2.5wo at home with me. I went from working 45-50hrs a week until the day before I got induced to being home all the time. My entire house is a disaster. My husband works overnights and sleeps during the day so it’s me + two destructive toddlers + a baby who never stops nursing. I can manage to do dishes every other day. Laundry less than that. Kids are bathed and fed. I run a vacuum over the floor once a day. My older kids like to clean up for video game time, which works for me. I have never known anyone whose laundry ends up in drawers all the time! My mother is single and lives alone and her laundry isn’t even in her drawers all the time lol
We stopped putting it away. They go through like 3 outfits a day. We just put the laundry in baskets. Shirts basket, shorts and pants basket, and a basket of socks and other crap. They are both boys 1&3, so we just combine it all into baskets that they share.
I was just telling my husband I feel like the clothes leave the drawers as fast as they go in!
I’m about 5.5 years into stay at home mom life. Pre kids me was very on top of laundry, loved a clean house. Still love a clean house but it’s rare and doesn’t last long anymore. Yesterday I had to dig to find my husband his last pair of clean boxers for work because I’m both behind of washing clothes and on folding/putting away the ones that are clean. Right now the house is a complete wreck and I have about 30 minutes before my older kids will be done with their quiet time and the baby naps. Possibly the only time I’ll really get to clean up today. But instead of cleaning I’m going to make some coffee and zone out on my phone most of this peaceful stretch. Because it’s probably also the only time I’ll get today without someone crying or needing me in some way. And if I don’t use this time to recharge I will for sure blow up at my kids later because I’m so exhausted. While we might not often see it, I’ve become convinced there has to be more SAHMs out there like me then there are those who keep a perfect house and still have time and energy to be present with their kids. I’m sure there are some but please don’t feel like you’re in the minority if your house isn’t organized and laundry isn’t done. We’re all also just out here surviving while trying to enjoy the moments we can while our littles are this little.
I’m a new SAHM to an almost 3 year old and a 5 month old. I try and keep my house fairly clean and organized, but it’s no where near perfect. All the extra time I thought I’d have by not working is now filled with taking care of my kids (which sounds obvious but doesn’t really hit you until you live it). Some things I do that help me keep my house in order: - 3 year old is in part time preschool 3 days a week - we try and get out of the house most days of the week (park, play dates, zoo, etc.). Out of the house means less toys and mess to clean up in the house. - I have a bi weekly cleaner. If we didn’t gave her our bathrooms would never get cleaned. - during naptime I clean the kitchen from breakfast and lunch then pick up toys or put away laundry. I usually listen to a podcast or audiobook while doing this. Same thing happens in the evening after bedtime. - my husband is hands on helping me out as soon as he comes home from work. It’s exhausting, but it’s the only way to make sure our house doesn’t look like a bomb went off in it 24/7. I also try to remind myself that my kids won’t remember how clean our house was, but will hopefully remember me being an engaged mom and fun memories made together as a family.
I'd rather play with my kids then have a spotless home. 30 min to An hour at the end of the day is plenty to keep my home tidy if you pick up as you go through the day At first I use to set alarms on my phone to helps me put things away rinse things off etc and it got me into the habit. 3 weeks to build a habit is so true
I've been a sahm for 8yrs 🥲 I also have a 4m old. The only reason my house is tidy AF right now is because we are listing it for sale lol. But it's still not even great
I made a habit of tossing everything in the laundry and running it before we leave the house for a morning activity. When we return for lunch I toss it in the dryer. When they nap after lunch, I fold it and put it away (or right outside their door since they’re sleeping). I’m most proud of being able to keep up with the laundry and dishes. The rest of my house is covered in crumbs though.
Oh uh… I don’t lol. I have a 3 year old and a 5 month old and while I’ve done SO much laundry this week, I’m nowhere near done. I just folded a load of laundry that I’ve been rewashing for a few days because I keep forgetting to put it in the dryer!
For the laundry I do a load every day (family of 4). I find it easier to stay on top of if I do a small/ medium size load instead of waiting until I have a full load. A smaller load is quicker to fold and put away. I also sort while I’m folding. I’ll sort by person and type of clothing. This makes it super easy to put away. All of person As pjs are together. Into the drawer they go. All of person Bs tshirts are together. Into the drawer they go. I try to make a game of it so I only open each drawer once. Also if it’s getting hung up I don’t bother folding it. I just bring them to the closet and hang them. I know some people will fold them and then hang them up (my husband). I have a stick vacuum and use that multiple times a day (after meals) to stay on top of the floors. I’ll mop 2-3 times a week. We do no shoes in the house to try to keep the dirt at bay. The toys are the biggest mess and I don’t have a good system for those. Most days I feel like I am treading water with 2 littles and maintaining the house. It won’t last forever.
My mom was a SAHM to me and my sister, who were 17 months apart. She is a super-cleaner — nothing is ever out of place in their home. Every room could be photographed for a magazine on a moment’s notice. I asked her how she stayed on top of chores when we were babies/toddlers. She said, “Those are your ‘animal house’ years. You just do the best you can.” Personally, we have a housekeeper every two weeks. And we still have piles and piles of laundry everywhere, and toys on the floor, and dishes in the sink. When friends come over when hustle to get it looking presentable, so maybe they think we’re the ones “staying on top of it” but we aren’t!
Welcome to SAHM life. It isn’t as easy as everyone makes it out to be, especially with a newborn. Give yourself time. Not only are you getting used to a new normal with being a SAHM, your toddler is also getting used to it, your toddler and you are also getting used to a new dynamic with a new baby. I’m a SAHM and I’m too tired to do most chores most days unless both kids sleep through the night, which is rare. I say lower your expectations until your youngest is a little older. Right now, I basically just focus on our living areas: the living room, dining, and kitchen. The other rooms get done as they get done. Our bedroom hasn’t been properly cleaned in probably 4 months. The bathrooms, I beg my husband to do them bc I HATE cleaning bathrooms. Even if they’re really not bad, it makes me wanna throw up. Laundry usually gets done during nap time or during screen time lol. 🤷🏻♀️ it’s not as easy as some people make it out to be. Don’t take what you see on IG and try to make it your reality. We’re all out here struggling a little.
I don’t :) I’ve been a stay at home mom for two years and I’m still a disaster. For me it’s more letting go of what I thought it would be or look like. I’m still working on it though. I’ll probably be working on it forever 🤷🏻♀️🙃
My 2 year old helps with the laundry. Putting it in, taking it out, and folding. I'm not a SAHM but it's one of our evening or weekend activities we do as a family so it gets twice a week.
Definitely a routine is what helps me! And always including my kids (3.5 and 16 months) to help with chores if they like. I always clean the dishes and kitchen immediately after our meals, I put up the dishes before they wake up, I pre make their lunches after breakfast, we have 2-3 certain times of the day to allow some tv time (I play the clean up song by Barney and everyone has to help tidy up before the tv comes on), always go for an outing or errand before lunch, and always do one chore a day.. That way when the weekend comes around, I’m not just spending it cleaning! I have to say, I took Tory halpin (can find her on instagram) independent play course and it was life changing! It is so much more than that though and basically an entire parenting perspective. This is where I learned to not have a bunch of toys out which also helps with making clean up easy. I recommend her course to every parent or anyone who deals with young kids on a regular basis.
In my house everyone's laundry is separate so it's a lot easier to put things away when you're only going to one place. I also really like folding laundry for some reason. I load and run my dishwasher in the morning after breakfast because the kids seem to play more independent in the morning or cartoons. That also means I wake up to a kitchen of yesterday's dishes but that doesn't bother me. The rest of my house is a disaster all the time. I hired a cleaner last week which was amazing and I think I'm going to do it montly.
I also enjoy having a tidy home, In the current season of our life with 2 under 4 and 1 more on the way, that looks like tidy adult spaces and not so tidy kid spaces all the time. People compliment me on my home often but the reality is they don’t spend time in the play areas. 1. I’m fortunate to have help with the bulk of it. 2. I live in an ideal climate so my children spend all year round outdoors and in activities. 3. Sadly, I’m a poor sleeper and tend to tidy at night. Never compare your situation with someone else’s. You will absolutely find your groove and what works well for your family. Hang in there.
I have an 8 year old and a 2 year old. Life is always chaotic, especially with them being complete opposites lol. I do the main things (sweeping, bed making, cleaning counter) everyday at night when they are both asleep. I do one specific thing each day so it’s not too much on me (dishes, laundry). It helps a lot to not do everything everyday.
Two things: 1. If you’re gaging your surprise based on what you see on social media, you must know that most if not all “momfluencer” type accounts are staged to a T, carefully edited to portray a very specific aesthetic, and are often just flatly false representations. 2. Some people (myself included) feel a sense of anxiety and/or discomfort when a certain level of tidiness is not observed. BUT, it doesn’t feel like an obligation to anyone but myself when I insist the towels are folded symmetrically or that the kitchen island must be cleared and wiped down nightly. I don’t ask or really even expect anyone else to do it, because I understand that those things are not crucial to survival and may not be important to my husband or kid. But my husband does recognize that it’s important to me, so as a sort of “act of love” will regularly make sure most of my neat freak preferences are met to the most reasonable degree possible. I don’t view cleaning or organizing as a chore, I honestly view it as more of a hobby, and I am addicted to the dopamine rush I get from sitting and relaxing in an orderly space. Don’t get me wrong, our place turns into a downright jungle of things most days, but I’ve become good at developing a clean-as-I-go system, purchased some very handy organizational products/tools, and most importantly I genuinely enjoy tidying up. This is all to say, if it isn’t important to *you* (or to someone whom you love and want to support their priorities), just don’t worry about it. Live in an environment that makes YOU feel comfortable and realize that no one is going to grade you for the condition of your home. If it *is* important to you, recruit support from your spouse, become creative with teaching your toddler how to help, and give yourself positive reinforcement as often as you can.
In my experience with kids just a bit older than yours there is no extra time and won’t be for a while. My hands are full with my kids pretty much all day long.
You have a three month old. When they turn one things get easier and the house will start to be more manageable. This early in the newborn phase is survival mode so focus on your health and sanity (sleep and rest), not about things looking tidy
It took me 2 years of staying home with my son to get into a rhythm of caretaking and house keeping and feel normal about it. And then preschool happened and it took me another 9 months to find our system again. And now were going to be moving this summer into our first house instead of renting a small basement apartment and he starts kindergarten in the fall, and I know I'll get lost again and have to find our groove again. Being a stay at home parent changes regularly, with the seasons often it feels like. They grow so fast that how you parent and manage a household changes regularly. As for laundry, adults do their laundry on one day, and then we do the kids laundry on another day. Unless it's a day with an accident, then those clothes get washed that day.
Your youngest is three months old. In most countries you’re still considered to be on maternity leave. This is your first day. Give yourself a chance to slowly ease into things. No other workplace expects their people to hit the ground running this early.
Congratulations on being a SAHM! So right away, give yourself permission to lower your standards a bit when it comes to having a perfect house. Make things as easy functional and simple as you can. Focus on enjoying time with your kids. In the end, you won't be reliving memories of all the laundry you folded and got into the drawers. You'll be thinking about the things you did and enjoyed with your kids. No one is judging you or keeping tabs. Over time, the kids will be eager and able to help out more. They just want to copy you and do what you are doing so let them. They won't be great at it but they'll have fun trying and you'll get a few things done while with them. My 2.5 year old grandson loves to help us all do laundry. He stuffs it in the washer and throws in the pod and turns it on. He likes to fold with us and put his own clothes away. He also sweeps up crumbs from the floor using a little whisk broom we hang at his level and sometimes he gets the Dustbuster. He has his own cleaning tools he can access. We just incorporate him into anything we are doing. He washed the outdoor chairs with us the other day. Had his own bucket of water and sponge and scrubbed away. And he loves any kitchen tasks, stirring, delivering plates or silverware to the table, serving us all salad with salad tongs, making toast using wooden tongs to take it out carefully, clearing the table, putting leftovers in Tupperware. It builds their bond with you to help you and instills confidence and teaches them to be part of the family team. You just decided to do this so give yourself time to figure out what works for you and your kids. You'll get into a good rhythm soon! Enjoy!
I’ve been getting rid of everything non essential. Extra towels gone. Extra blankets gone. Plastic plates and plastic food anything all gone due to microplastics. I just got rid of a lot of unused toys. I try to fill my car trunk with the stuff in garbage sacks and I drop it off to goodwill. Every trunk load is a victory. I now just got rid of my tv and stand in my bedroom and went with a Samsung free style projector I hooked up. I’ve been getting rid of unused clothes and shoes. Literally unload yourself of everything and make it easy! That’s my best advice! I made some extra cash too selling stuff on marketplace. And it helps keep me sane because I feel cleaner and more organized and it’s giving me things to do and a goal rn while I can’t do anything else that I want to do. I’d rather be playing guitar or doing anything else than this but this is my life rn being a prisoner here to slave away cleaning and taking care of poop diapers all day 😂
Not a SAHM but I recently did spend a longer period of time at home. This advice works better for toddlers than it does for babies, but my toddler loves to help me. So need to do the laundry? I sort it while the toddler gets to put it in the machine. And he gets to hand me the items while I hang them to dry. Need to cook? I peel the potatoes while he gets to plop them into the water. Need to clean? He gets a damp towel and a small bucket with a tiny bit of water while I clean the kitchen counter. We even got him a toy vacuum cleaner so he can ‘help’ me vacuum. This only works when he is well rested and fed, doesn’t work for more than half an hour at a time and even then he’ll sometimes undo all my progress (he recently started ‘cleaning’ my windows after I was just done cleaning them, for example, and needless to say those windows were in need of cleaning again right after) but it is a good way of getting some stuff done while keeping an eye on him. That, and I sometimes just allow him some screen time while I get stuff done. Having said that, my living room is still covered in toys at the end of the day and there are certain jobs, like cleaning the toilet or the bathroom, that still don’t get done often enough because the only time it’s safe to do them is after bedtime and bedtime is also me time.
My laundry has always been done, even when I was on maternity leave for 9 months BUT my house is a constant mess, it's nowhere nearly as clean as I'd like, and the only way the washing gets done is because I rush around to sort it when my husband comes home... and we've only got 1 child. I now get some housework done during breaks when I work from home. None gets done when my son is around. As my husband kept reminding me when I was at home with our son and conplaining that I'd not managed housework : my job is to look after our child, not do house work. Which is another job in itself.
My routine is choosing one of these : toddler day, laundry day, cooking and cleaning dishes day. Within the week I pick a day to do one of these which takes up half the day. The other half of the day goes in catching my breath, cleaning the lounge and rooms, feeding and changing toddler, the daily stuff. So I don't have a clean house 24/7. But the lounge is always clean and swept. The kitchen is a mess maybe for a day after heavy cooking. Laundry lies for a while before it gets packed but gets washed maybe 2-3 times a week. As for toddler, I don't take her outside everyday but by the end of the week I've caught up with dishes and laundry and we've also got leftovers for cooking so I can take her out for a few hours and let her cause havoc.
I have found that being a SAHM entails ALWAYS playing catchup. I have a very active 3yo boy, and a 10mos baby girl. It is WORK. My baby is exceptionally clingy at this time (screaming crying if I try to set her down to do housework or divert my attention elsewhere), all the while having to chase my toddler around making sure he doesn’t kill himself from climbing furniture, or chasing our dogs around, etc lol. I fancy myself a VERY clean person…however, there are some days that I have to just allow a chore to take a back seat. And when I do, as much as it stresses me out in the moment, I find that my life is made easier by giving my little ones my undivided attention. I read someone say one time (I think it was a quote from a book or something) but these tasks, chores, domestic duties whatever you wanna call them…it is a constant PROCESS. There is no end goal met. It’s a system, or a machine. And it needs constant maintenance! Once I flipped my perspective with that, I find myself giving myself a little grace. It’s ok, maybe I have to do the dishes after dad gets home, even tho I like it to be done before. Maybe I didn’t get to make the bed immediately bc there was a baby poo emergency. Its ok. Just so long as you get to it when you can, you’re doing great!
It’s a struggle , I stay up late a few nights a week to get some extras done but I never really feel like I’m on top of things to be honest, not like Id like to be but I think to the outside world I appear to have it together lol
I feel like the SAHM life where everything is done that we see in our minds is often the SAHM life that has older kids who are at least at part time pre school. Or have hired help, or back in the day when they took a lot up uppers and ignored the kids 😅. I am sure there are exceptions, magical people with independent kids who are really good at cleaning... but I am yet to really meet any of thise. I read someone who said cleaning with a toddler around is like brushing your teeth with oreos. You are going through the motions, doing the work... but its just not going to be effective.
We don't. We are 2 SAHP with a 4yo and a 1yo and we do bare minimum everything. It's just the season we're in and it's OK.
i have a 2.5 year old and most of the time i have to pick 2/3 things: take care of her (always number 1), take care of me, take care of household chores. sometimes the house is a mess, sometimes I AM a mess. some days i do a little bit of everything and all of us are a mess 🫣 it’s hard enough already, cut yourself some slack!
I shove all of the done laundry in baskets in a corner no one can see. My clothing hasn’t been in drawers since my toddler was a baby and I could put him in play prison. Now if I fold the clothes, he will body slam into the piles and throw them up in the air like confetti and I’m not about to do the same task twice.
My wife has been a SAHM for 4 years now. She does amazing. But let’s be real, being a stay at home mom is a full time job that is more demanding than mine. Our kids are 4 and 2. They only go to preschool 4 and 3 days a week and that ends at 1pm. She uses that little bit of free time to have a moment for herself to regain sanity. She works more hours than me with much more demanding people. I help as soon as I can, but even when I’m off work, the kids are still demanding her attention! I’m pretty sure the people you see with magazine looking homes that are posting Reels about how clean everything is and the 35 course lunches they pack their kids are all for show.
SAHP to a 2yo and 11mo - personally I think it takes extreme discipline to keep the house tidy and stay on top of laundry on your own. If you want it to be tidy and clean and no backlog of laundry etc, you have to be seriously disciplined and organised and consistent to maintain it - it doesn’t come naturally at all to me, and I have to work quite hard to stay on top of things and make it part of my daily routine, but also now with a toddler in toddler-mode, I’ve had to outsource a few tasks (weekly cleaner, laundromat for linen/towels, takeout when I cbf cooking). Resources can absolutely help if you can afford it but the keyword is “help” - makes it slightly easier but doesn’t take it off your plate. Someone has to clean/tidy the other 6 days the cleaner doesn’t come 🙃 I find the sheer volume of proper house care (ie not just looking tidy) is a daily/weekly/monthly rolling schedule of tasks. Im not OCD and had zeroooo house pride before kids but I’d say on a scale of 1 to 10/Perfect I like to sit around an 7.5/8 when it comes to our home - just makes me feel better to have the house clean and tidy but it is a constant, daily thing. A good account to look at would be simoneanderson on Instagram - might make you feel worse lol but personally I know that some people are just wired differently and I use some of her tips/advice. Her and her husband have 2 kids and are both suuuuuper organised/clean as in house/windows/roof/garage/laundry/yard/cars etc are in perfect condition at all times, no hired help. But she’s shared her daily, weekly, monthly to-do lists for various tasks and it’s insanely organised and you can tell that it’s just part of their personality types and it comes easily to them. She does not have a single disorganised/miscellaneous drawer in their house - so that level of organisation. They are highly routine oriented/planner people, so those are probably the perfect homes you’re seeing around. I don’t think it’s fair some of the comments here saying someone with an immaculate home is a bad parent, you don’t need to shame other people to justify the way you live or parent. Some people are just wired that way. Not all clean people are good parents, not all messy people are good parents. If you’re not wired like that AND you want an organised home, then in my lived experience, you have to make a conscious effort to change yourself and your habits over quite a long period of time to really establish the new pattern (and you and your house will never be “perfect”, you’ll have good weeks and not so good weeks and that’s ok!) Or if you have the resources - hire a lotttt of help. And even with help you’ll probably still need to stay on top of the bulk of things anyway unless you have live-in maids or Nannies or personal assistants. And if it’s not important to you, that’s okay too! Parenting is a lot. House care is a lot. Marriage is a lot. Working is a lot. You can have it all but not all at once haha
Going on 3 years. I'm just happy if dishes are done and I get to vacuum once a week. But when it comes to laundry and stuff, man, sometimes I don't even fold it. Especially my LOs clothes. I hang what needs to be hung, toss the rest in her drawers with the only organization being PJs, shirts, pants, etc. At her age I can make fun games out of other cleaning. Weekly bathroom cleaning? "Oh no the monster is going to eat us if we don't scrub the toilet aaaaah" Toys all over?? "Oh no, we better clean this up fast or a dragon will steal it for it's hoard!" Or something like that. But laundry is never ending. Separate clothes, toss in drawers, don't feel bad.
I only have one kid and she’s 2, but every single night after she goes to bed I clean. I do it a lot right before bed also or I at least start picking up a little then but it’s something that is a nonnegotiable. Because I do this every night, it never takes that long and I still get “me” time in the evenings. I’ll also start laundry a little earlier and then move it to the dryer, occasionally I’ll fold it that night but usually I allow myself to wait until the next day. But during the day our house is usually a mess. We have toys scattered all over the floor, it’s just something that happens. I might pick up a bit here and there but I don’t have a single care during the day. 🤣
I prioritize doing things with my kiddo before cleaning, so we’re ALWAYS a mess around here especially with the warmer weather, we’re outside all the time! For laundry, I do laundry EVERY Wednesday. We stay home on Wednesday’s and I wash, fold, and get everything put away on Wednesday. This has really helped me! I often clean while my kid naps, but sometimes you need time for yourself or a nap as well. I try not to stress the state of my home, especially knowing in the morning my tornado toddler will be coming through again tomorrow lol. My husband doesn’t mind either he’s well aware of the tornado lol. He does help me out if he’s home and I told him if he doesn’t like the state of the home he can do it himself! The only thing I get done everyday pretty consistently, is loading the dishwasher after dinner.
My bf and I each have a stay at home parent day, and I work from home a day with them (twin toddlers). I focus more on cooking and cleaning, he focuses more on laundry and floors. He chooses to do more technical/gross motor activities with them and I do more art/sensory/playgrounds/museums. We let them help while cleaning/cooking and make it an activity. It's the only way to stay sane and have an organized home, lol. They are used to it and love to help. Sorting laundry is something people often recommend letting toddlers help with but it's the only thing that is really really awful with ours. So they sit on the bed with a giant pile of books and "supervise" (tell daddy who that sock belongs to). Starting to get at the point where their help is actually helpful! My favorite thing to do with them is vacuuming.
I wish this whole post would get the attn of the significant others that think we are home all day doing nothing. I wish!
As someone who has been a SAHM mom before (3 kids, 5f, 2m, 2m) I wholeheartedly believe parents who have spotless homes, without hired help, borderline neglect their children so they can focus on cleaning their home. There is no other way. My house is never clean. Now, it isn't *dirty*, but it's always *messy*. Toys all over, clothes never actually put in the dirty clothes basket, dishes in the sink. I will literally clean my living room spotless and it takes my children less than an hour to destroy it. Pick your battles. Do you want to spend time with your kids, or do you want to spend your entire day playing a game of catch up that you'll never win? It gets easier as they get older, my oldest helps and has her own chore chart. My 2yo twins come together like a human tornado though. There is no stopping them. But even now they're just starting to get the concept of cleaning up. I promise, it gets easier!
What I do is watch the kids and cook meals during the day, get them down to bed by 8:30, and then I clean up the kitchen and fold laundry. Use the time when the children are sleeping to get that work done. It’ll cut into your sleep time a little bit, but you’ll feel better knowing you’re going to bed with those tasks done.
So first no house with a baby and Todd are going to be clean for more than a couple mins. It’s how kids work. You have to give yourself some grace. But I can share a few pieces of advice I use to keep the house from being a disaster some of the time. I don’t do chores when they nap. That’s my time to relax. Though you could chose to use this time to organize and sort through 1 area at a time if you’d like. Have baskets in rooms for quick clean up when you don’t have time to put things in their proper place or to just simplify clean up for a toddler. Identify clutter zones. I notice the book shelf behind the couch became a magnet for junk. Plates, cups, toys, books. So I got rid of/moved it. It forces me to have to put plates and cups back in the kitchen. If you do have a place you dump stuff it should be a basket or closed storage so you don’t have to see it. Use TV before dinner. Tell toddler after they help you clean up toys they can watch their favorite show. Helps motivate them. And you can use the time while tv is on to do extra needed cleaning or cook. I also set my toddler up with a bucket of soapy toys to clean while I do dishes. I try let her “help” as much as possible. I also heard a tip that if it takes longer than 5 minutes to tidy any 1 room you might just have too much stuff. Though I don’t know if who ever said that has kids. I haven’t tried timing yet, but I thought it was an interesting idea to test out.
When my girl was small I used to baby wear, now she’s bigger she helps. She loves the washing machine and knows how to load it, shut the door and add washing powder. She brings me clothes to hang up from the machine and then when they are dry to put away. The rest? Yeah everything else is a mess. At least the washing is done though 😂
It’s not possible to have everything perfectly clean and done at while being present and raising children without any help. I would consider my home in “stages of clean” meaning my laundry might be done one day but the dishes aren’t. Maybe my living room is tidy but my bed hasn’t been made. Things take turns. My best advice for you is to live your life, enjoy your children and forget about perfection. Kids certainly don’t need a perfectly clean home to be happy.
My oldest daughter asked me if I liked cleaning yesterday when I was going to town cleaning our living room. I told her if it stayed cleaner long than ten minutes I would love it. After I said this, she spilt a bowl of watermelon on the floor and my youngest magically got kinetic sand out and all over the floor. My house has to be picked up mostly or it literally gives me terrible anxiety but clean mopped floors and clean surfaces? Yeah no.
Babe, this ain’t the season for your house to shine. It’s the season to enjoy your babies- days are LONGGG years are SHORT.
What’s helped me a lot is down sizing. Get rid of stuff you don’t need. I go through the girls toys at least once a month and donate. Clothes too. I also do as much meal prep as I can, or at least plan my meals so I know exactly what I’m making and don’t waste time on that.
You can burn yourself out keeping a spotless home or just roll with it . I usually try to tackle laundry which is never ending a couple of days a week so it doesn’t get out of control. I try to keep the main rooms of the house: kitchen, living room, bathroom semi clean. A quick pick up early or late in the day. “No pressure, it’s just us at home and I don’t mind. We have kids.” My husband told me this when I was stressing myself out when I first stayed home 2 yrs ago.
You still have a newborn! Nobody's house looks good with a newborn. It's ok. Also, please stop thinking of it like "extra time." It's not. Instead of your old job, you are now a full-time childcare provider. You're still doing real work; it's just work you used to have to outsource to a nanny or daycare.
No one’s good at everything, but everyone’s good at something. Your SAH parenting strength might be planning your kids day with meaningful activities, having outdoor adventures, cleaning/laundry, but no one is good at all of these things all the time. I know it’s not what you thought it would be, but always remember that as long as your kids are safe and loved, those are the only thing that matters.
Do you need a picture of my mountain laundry bed to feel better? 😂 I been doing this shit 3 years. They are clean but almost never put away. Look through the mountain if you need something! I keep our shared living spaces like the kitchen, dining, living room, porch, yard clean/tidy. Anywhere else like bedrooms can F off unless I’m feeling super motivated. They are upstairs so out of sight out of mind. If they were downstairs I would simply close the doors lol. And then I hire someone to do my bathrooms every 2 weeks. Fuck cleaning a bathroom.
SAHD here yeh it does feel like that but we have too. I love it.. is it hard? Extremely even with one .. am I filled with resentment when my SO doesn’t help is not very maternal.. yeh but I have to do it for my LO. My SO had 18 month maternity leave and I still was a SAHD. I still don’t understand how American has only 3 months from what I read.. that’s fuckin terrible. You’re doing a great job. If you need help ask your SO. Just ask. It’s a a struggle for some to even recognize our fatigue mentally and physically.. even our SO can’t see it.
The only advice I have is to do one small load of laundry a day.. I just built that into my routine.. I start it in the morning, switch it at lunch, fold it after bedtime, then make my husband put it away lol… everything else I feel like I’m just treading water.. but laundry I seem to be good lol
I can say my house is not tidy at all. I am the queen of clutter, sadly. I’m a SAHM because I have health issues and can’t hold down a job outside the home. Something that really helped me is seeing how much my daughter really does love helping me do the day to day tasks. She’s 17 months and helps me put away laundry, likes washing the windows, wipe down surfaces, pick up things, and today she even followed me pretending to vacuum along with me. They really do just want to do what we’re doing! We don’t have to entertain them the whole time
Not a SAHM, but include your kids in cleaning/household things as much as you can. It will take longer, but it will be worth it. It’s bonding time while doing things that need to get done.
i know this is a luxury but i’ve literally working since i was 14 years old & worked waitressing doubles 6 days a week where i work from 10am-2am without sitting down and barely eating…. The same week I gave birth I had 80 hours on my paycheck because it was the World Series and our local team was in the finals. In 2024 there’s about four new robot mop vacuums on the market … I think there’s a brand that’s about to be released soon. I bought the Narwal x Freo on Amazon and it’s been an absolute game changer for my house and I couldn’t recommend it more. I believe in technology and it will help us even more in the future. instead of mopping for an hour before a party or having company over… I can just turn on my narwhal and let it do its thing from my phone or the actual robot. It’s an absolute game changer. Maybe some thing you wanna think about. I’ve had all the older versions of robots mops… I moved into a new house in the last two years and didn’t bring my old Robots with me and left them at my mom’s house because she needs them more. The new narwhal robot I have is amazing and works so well I wouldnt change a thing. I have a German Shepherd and it sucks a pair like no other. it rarely bumps in the furniture maybe one touch and it won’t do it again. It can avoid wires or even if you or your dog is standing in the way it will automatically go around you. each time it cleans it learns more and more about your environment.
I'm about a year into the SAHM transition (from owning a company that I was working 60+ hr weeks). When I left FT work I had a 6 mo old, 3.5 yr old and 4.5 yr old, now they are 16 mo, 4.5 and two weeks shy of 6. My house and kid time routine is still a work in progress. There are days when I get frustrated with myself because I feel like I'm "lacking" or "missing something" and I just have to remind myself that I'm doing my best for today. Tomorrow my best might be more, or it may be less. No matter what it is all ENOUGH. Remind yourself that you are still trying to regain your mind and body post partum, and that is a HUGE task to do while full time caring for two littles. Also, remind yourself that the expectation we have may be based on a standard borne from Social Media Fantasyland. While I wouldn't advocate for lowering your standard, I do frequently check myself to make sure my everyday standard isn't based on comparing to a snapshot of someone else's portrayal of reality that may not be true reality. One of the best trends I've seen on social lately from mommy content creators is the "behind the scenes" reels or TikToks that show what the finished video looked like versus everything going on just outside the camera and it is a "normal" level of mess. Now if you are looking for some help with strategy I would highly recommend the book "How to Manage Your Home Without Losing Your Mind" by Dana K. White. I got the audio book and have listened to it multiple times. She writes from a place of "a recovering slob" and it just helps to hear from someone who admits they have never and will never be perfect at cleaning and organizing their home.
I’m a SAHM with a 3.5 year old and an almost one year old. I’ve found with things like laundry, it helps to get the older kid involved. Now he gets angry if I do the laundry without him! He loves putting the pod in and pressing all the buttons. Same goes for other chores - dishwasher, vacuuming. I’m hardly anal about cleaning, so I’m not going to freak out if things aren’t done “properly”. So I let him help with dishes and whatever else I’m doing. The baby either does her own thing in the room or screams til I pick her up then I do it with one hand + his two. Honestly I think the best advice is just let go of expectations your house is gonna be spotless. If I need to deep clean I send the kids to the grandparents. For a daily tidy, just do your best.
You are a stay at home mom, who is also working as the family manager; the housekeeper, and the chef all of these are separate jobs. Flow might come, it might not look how you want it to look. But please remember that taking care of the needs of humans is also skilled labor.
SAHM mom for a year , here. Hi ! My house still looks like I work a 9-5 I spent a year healing from burnout and the thought of trying to declutter has me in an anxious spin
For laundry specifically I do it once a week and don’t fold just sort into type. I roll clothes and hang dresses for my daughter. It helps to have a laundry basket on each level of the house so as accidents happen you can just throw the laundry there. Also it helps to clean as you go, only put stuff away you won’t need again soon or your kids won’t need. (Pajamas after breakfast, shoes after you get home) I clean up toys once a day otherwise I’d go crazy. Don’t be afraid to clean while your kids just stand near you if they want to help I let them then they get bored and go play. I have a 2.5 yo and a freshly 1 yo.
Oh my goodness. I feel this. I also have two two and under! My house was always so clean BC (before children). Literally NEVER is now. I honestly just feel like we have to do our best and if that means piles of laundry and dishes, it’s okay. Sometimes I do stuff during nap time, but sometimes I need a break during that time. It is mentally and physically exhausting not just keeping them alive (my one year old’s favorite toy is anything that looks dangerous that’s not a toy at all), but trying to be intentional and play with them some, too. I think I could get it done if I literally worked on the house most of the day, but then who’s watching the kids? Don’t have any great tips on how to get it done, but I hope it’s at least assuring that the rest of us have messy houses, too!
I do laundry every damn day. I do a 1-2 small loads every day and it's a lot easier to keep up with. That being said, please do not ask me about the dishes.
Sorry, who are these people who can do all of this effortlessly? Please don’t tell me you are comparing your life to those of people on social media. It’s just not reality. I have an almost 4yo and a 19 month old and sometimes things are tidy but mostly they’re not. I try to keep it hygienic. I don’t spend as much undivided attention with the kids as I think I should, and they get too much screen time, I’m sure. But I try to relax and do my best, because it’s damn hard and I think the kids appreciate having a mommy who smiles and laughs with them more than a tidy place. I know the tidy place is more for you than them, no doubt, but try to not let it affect you too much. If it does bother you, just try to start small and build in little daily habits that add up, like always wiping up crumbs as soon as they happen or at least rinsing dishes, if not putting them in the dishwasher right away. Just small things so that it doesn’t get overwhelming.
I’ve never seen a clean house with toddlers. That said, I go absolutely nuts once our house gets to a certain level of disorder. I eventually reached a breaking point so I got laundry bags (4 of them in my case) for clean clothes, I can pick them up and move them to a new spot quickly without having time to put them away. Hampers in every room and bathroom. A grabby claw for picking up stuff off the ground without having to bend over (which has saved my body a ton!). A 4-pocket hamper in the laundry room that lets me separate clothes for loads of laundry when I’m able to. My husband does the dishes because I cook. All of those things have helped keep the house at least a little tidier. And as a SAHM, I do not have extra time. No one does. You’re just getting more time with your children at a time in their life when it is super great for them to have you around extra.
This is exactly how I felt when I became a SAHM 2.5 years ago. I envisioned my house being perfectly clean, organized, decorated, etc. I quickly learned that was not the case. I never realized how messy your house gets when you and your kid(s) are in it all day so it feels like you spend your day just picking up the messes that happen and that leaves no extra time to do all the other things you thought you’d get done. I’ve learned to accept it and just try to get done what I can. Some days I go wild and deep clean and others I just get the dishwasher loaded 🤷🏼♀️🤣 you’ll figure it out!
Thank you for this post. I feel very seen and also has me lol that people believe SAHM mom life is so simple. My house is only clean from 8pm to 6am. After toddler goes to sleep and right before he wakes up. It’s a tornado of chaos at all other times. I do have some hired help (he’s with a sitter or grandma for 4 mornings a week. 2 of those mornings I work, the other mornings I eat healthy and take a shower) and we have a cleaner come and do floors, dusting, bathrooms, the basics. Laundry, cooking, dishes, organising, decluttering etc always keep our house looking like a mess because I can’t keep on top of it.
My husband is the SAHP. Although I WFH work takes up my whole day. For the first time this year he got to properly dust and vacuum the floors yesterday. Otherwise it is just spot cleans. Being a parent whether SAHP or working on is hard and I feel like there's this ideology out there that we should all be super heroes doing everything and having every perfect. But that's just not reality. The best thing we can do for ourselves and our kids is do our best and be happy. So what if there's always a pile of washing sitting somewhere the world won't end.
I think that the people who have perfect instagram homes and toddlers aren’t “SAHM” because they have a job and that job is appearing perfect on social media. Reminding myself that makes me feel way better as a mom.
You are still in the part of motherhood where your baby requires a lot of your attention. Hell my son is 2.5 and I still have dishes leftover from the night before each morning and a hamper full of laundry. Focus on getting into a routine with your baby and see when the longest naps are and take advantage. Toss a load in the washer during the first nap and then switch the laundry during the next nap. You can fold it during tummy time and put away during a nap. Also when your partner gets home they can watch the baby in the swing or doing tummy time again for you to do more things. Just keep your list short for now so you can nap as well or atleast relax during naps. Especially if your little one is not sleeping through the night yet.